Revengeance of a Solar Princess

By Silvertie

– 03 –

Back In The Saddle

The Cleanup Crew ♦ “Celery Stick” ♦ She’s Not Coming Home ♦ Game Plan

“Howdy all,” Applejack said as she breezed through the front door of the Apple Family farmhouse.

“Welcome back,” Granny Smith said cheerfully from the kitchen. “How did that poor mare do?”

“She’ll live,” Applejack said, sitting down at the dinner table, watching Granny Smith work her magic with the ladle. “Although, word is she’s a bit... uncooperative. And nopony can identify her.”

“Mmm,” Granny Smith said, nodding. “Everypony gets a lil’ cranky when they’re sore, give ‘er time. Ain’t that true, Mac?”

Big Macintosh, despite being as big as his name implied, seemed to have a singular knack for moving soundlessly through the farmhouse, avoiding every squeaky floorboard and treading so softly you could hear a pin drop.

And yet, Granny Smith, half-deaf at times, always seemed to know when her grandson was trying to blend into the background. Applejack spared the doorway a glance and saw Big Mac, who moved from where he’d been standing to sit down at the table as well.

“Eeyup,” Macintosh conceded, and leaving it there, as he was wont to do.

“I was talkin’ to the girls,” Applejack said, “and we figure she’s got somethin’ to hide, like how or why she got those cuts. Like she ain’t exactly an angel.”

“And you’re wondering if we should have not taken her to the hospital like she asked?” Granny Smith asked, tasting the mixture in the pot.

“Yeah,” Applejack said.

“Way I figger it,” Granny Smith said, adding a pinch of flour to the mix, “Unless one o’ you two’ve been takin’ a medical degree behind my back, she woulda passed on, for sure. Better she be alive and able to complain about th’ raw hand she got dealt, rather than dead, right?”

“I know,” Applejack said. “I just-”

There was a faint crashing sound. Applejack stopped, ears twitching. Granny Smith and Big Mac just looked at her.

“You okay there?” Macintosh said.

“Heard somethin’,” Applejack said, getting up and leaving the kitchen, walking into the living room. She walked up to the window, and pushed the curtains aside to look outside. The sun was setting, bathing the farm in orange half-light. From here, Applejack had a view of the main road to the farm, as well as their barn, which sat not far from the house.

The doors to the barn were hanging ajar, wood splintered where the padlock had sat, and equine shapes were moving about in the dark, concealed and disguised by the shadows afforded by the barn’s interior. Applejack’s eyes went wide, and she pulled her hat onto her head tighter as she galloped for the door, indignation bubbling up inside her. She stepped onto the front porch, and opened her mouth to hail the strangers with a demand for an explanation.

She froze as something whistled clean past her face, and with a whud, hit the doorframe. She looked around slowly, and saw a long rod of metal-tipped wood quivering in the doorframe.

She stepped back quickly, seeing the second stranger moving to brandish something hoof-mounted, and slammed the door shut just as something punched through the living room window with a smash of glass.

“Whut in the hay is goin’ on?” Granny Smith shouted.

“Mac!” Applejack shouted, lunging forward to lock the door. “Git Granny and Applebloom into th’ cellar, and lock the door!”

Mac didn’t respond audibly, but there were heavy hoofsteps and Granny started making indistinct noises as Mac started ushering their grandmother into the cellar. Applejack turned away from the front door, and ran for the stairs, taking them two at a time and running to Applebloom’s room.

She threw the door open, and the filly looked up from the math homework she was puzzling over.

“What’s up?” Applebloom asked.

“Trouble,” Applejack said quicky, pointing. “Get in the cellar, quick. Stay away from th’ windows, okay? Do as Mac says.”

“But-” Applebloom protested, before going silent when she saw Applejack’s face, and the undisguised panic written there. Applebloom nodded, dropped her pencil and ran for it, Applejack watching her go for a moment, before turning around and going the opposite way, headed for the window at the end of the hallway.

On the ground below, she could see the ponies approaching the farmhouse for what they really were, between the shadow of the barn and the house proper – they were the guardsponies that she’d seen touching down at the hospital earlier.

One of them spotted her, and Applejack pulled her head back quickly as a bolt flew skywards, punching into and penetrating the wall around the window. This was all linked to that unicorn, wasn’t it? And they weren’t here to talk, either, given how they weren’t even hailing her before shooting... Applejack backed up, and reared up, grabbing a pull-string in the ceiling. With a creak, the panel swung down, deploying a steep staircase, and Applejack threw herself up the stairs into the attic.

Up here, the world was one of stacked boxes and dust, lit by a small window through which the sun was visible, shafts of sunlight marked by dustmotes. Applejack didn’t come up here often, but today, she knew what she was looking for.

She made a beeline for a pile of boxes that, by unspoken assent, didn’t get thrown out or sorted. Ever. Old dresses, photo albums, keepsakes from lives since passed. Applejack carefully stepped around the pile of belongings, and approached a box that seemed like it was sitting out of place, hidden at the back of the pile. Resting on top of the box’s contents was a slightly-faded wedding photo featuring a large-set stallion of dark red, and a slender mare of yellow, smiling at the camera.

Applejack pushed the box of her parents’ keepsakes aside, and revealed a small panel in the floor, which she jabbed with a hoof. With a soft click, the panel popped up, and Applejack flipped it aside on soft hinges, revealing a small cavity under the floor. Inside, lay a long, slightly-curved, dark-red laquered wooden rod, and a second, tightly-rolled double-scroll bound with a leather belt, inside a plastic bag.

Applejack ignored the bag, and reached into the hole, touching the wooden stick on the end. She pulled her hoof back, and the object followed, clinging to her hoof as if glued. The object was pulled out of the cavity, and Applejack put it in her mouth as she closed the cavity again, and ran down the stairs, bending her head to get the object through the doorway properly. She touched hoof on the landing just as there was a rattle of metal, and she looked up to see the armored guardsponies standing at the other end, faces inscrutable behind intimidating grey-steel visors, crossbows loaded but not at the ready.

Applejack took a deep breath, and reared up onto her hind legs, taking the curved stick in her hooves above her head, where it stayed, defying all conventional physics. She pulled.

To the left went the majority of the rod. To the right, a section of the rod one and a half hooves long. There was a quiet rasp of steel on steel as bright, polished steel followed her right hoof, a continuous arc of steel linking the two segments of wood until that, too, ran out. She slowly lowered her hooves, one hoof holding the sheath and the other holding an elegant blade that glittered slightly in the light.

The two guardsponies regarded her for a moment, then as one, raised crossbows. They fired simultaneously as Applejack ran forward, moving awkwardly in a bipedal position, before dropping to her haunches and leaning backwards. Her hooves skittered over the wooden floor as she slid forward, and the pair of bolts flew overhead. She pushed herself upwards and resumed running, and the two guardsponies stepped backwards smartly, retreating down the stairs a bit as Applejack swung her blade with a hoof.

The blade sung through the air and made a dull thup as it bit into the banister, missing the guardsponies. Applejack staggered to a halt as the blade stuck fast, and abandoned the sheath to grip her blade with two hooves and tug, which freed it, allowing Applejack to launch a diagonal strike at the guardsponies, this time with a lot more control.

The blade hit hard resistance, and Applejack grunted as one of the pegasi held his hoof up, a long, purple-tinted spike of a blade extending from under the crossbow and his foreleg’s armor. She watched as the other guardspony followed suit, and she swallowed nervously.

She took a step back as the guardspony closest her on the stairs stabbed at her hindleg, which she moved, causing her balance to falter. In response, she skipped forward and around the strike, heart pounding as she jumped down several stairs on just two legs, and delivered a vertical slash.

The guardspony had to retreat and raise his hoofblade to block the strike, and the fight got closer to the ground. Applejack swatted at the guardspony with the blade, waving it about in the confined space to threaten her opponent, and causing the enemy duo to retreat to the main hallway, where they had more space.

Applejack didn’t relent, and before long, she was standing at the foot of the stairs. The two guardsponies were moving stiffly, responding to her attacks with stiff, mechanical movements that Applejack was fairly certain a competent swordspony could beat by simply attacking faster. Unfortunately, Applejack was far from competent; with nothing under her belt save for some half-hearted practice from when she’d found it, she was effectively guessing.

On the other hoof, that had worked so far. Applejack stepped forward, and the battle started properly. The guardsponies lunged in with their blades, swinging and jabbing at the apple farmer. She responded by swinging her longer blade to keep them out of range, and roughly parrying the attacks that got close enough. She recalled diagrams from the scroll, and took a chance by swinging her blade in much the same manner. The change in attacks took her opponents by surprise, and one of them was slow to parry, his crossbow instead taking the brunt of her strike. With a snap, the crossbow’s arm was sheared off, and Applejack blinked, astounded at how sharp the blade was.

She swung again at the guardspony she had just attacked, and drove him and his friend back into the lounge, where again, there was more space. As Applejack passed the doorway, she saw Granny Smith’s rocking chair sitting nearby, her favorite pillows sitting in exactly the places that Granny liked to support her back. Applejack apologized silently, and with the backside of the blade, scooped up one of the pillows and flicked it at the de-crossbowed guardspony.

Like a spring, the guardspony slashed at the pillow with his blade, and it exploded into white down, filling the air with feathers. Enough feathers that he didn’t see Applejack step in, and swing hard with her sword.

Applejack felt slight resistance as she did so, and she halted her swing, adjusting her footing, certain that she’d misjudged the distance between them and missed, preparing her blade to block or deflect the next attack.

There wasn’t one. With a heavy thunk, she felt something hit the floor and roll towards her. As the feathers cleared, she saw her opponent, now considerably shorter and sans head; the stump that remained flickered and sparked as it oozed red fluids. Applejack swallowed and looked down, fearing what she’d see.

She wasn’t disappointed. The guardspony’s head rested at her hooves, and Applejack was stunned for a moment.

I killed somepony.

Then, she was snapped out of her revierie when the other guardspony attacked; she threw her blade around, parrying the strike, and instinctively putting much more into the parry than seemed wise. The pair both twisted around with the force of the deflection, and Applejack extended a hindleg, pushing herself upwards. She spun, and obeying her body’s instinct, did what came naturally, extending the other one rearwards.

It hit the guardspony cleanly in the side of the head, a perfect roundhouse, and with a thunderous crash, the guardspony flew sideways, leaving the ground and hitting the already-partially-broken window, going through it just barely, landing on the windowsill and kicking as he fell out on the other side of it.

Applejack landed on the ground, leg outstretched as she supported herself with her spare hooves, blade held aloft in her right hoof as she looked up at her handiwork. As the guardspony’s head rose above the windowsill, trying to reorient itself, she pushed forward, returning to two hooves as she threw herself forward, shoulder first and through the window.

There was a second clatter of metal as the full-body strike hit the guardspony squarely in the chest. This time, the stiff pony had more stability, and the strike merely pushed him backwards down the steps. Applejack landed on the ground and rolled to her hooves, rearing up once more and holding her blade in front of her in a two-hooved grip, just like she’d seen on the scroll, as she raised an eyebrow, an unspoken challenge.

The guardspony still didn’t say anything, and simply raised his hoof, the collapsed blade re-extending itself. Applejack lowered her head, and sprung forward, spinning as she did. The guardspony responded in kind, swinging with his blade, and the two flashed past each other in the open, framed by the setting sun on the horizon.

Applejack landed on a haunch for stability, her blade low and still held in two hooves. She twisted her grip, and saw a rime of blood along the cutting edge. She looked back, and saw the guardspony trying to turn around.

He was having difficulty, as he had a vicious cut that cut clean through his shoulder and peytral, as well as his hoof-blade, which Applejack had managed to cut clean off through the foreleg itself. The blade landed point-first in the dirt, and the guardspony fell over awkwardly, face-first.

Applejack turned her blade around, and sunk it into the dirt, point first, as she hunched over, clinging to the hilt the blade as she panted, sweat running down her face. She reached up, and pulled her hat off for a moment, feeling her heart beating at a million miles an hour and breathing deeply.

She felt like throwing up at the thought of the two ponies she’d just killed. She felt like... like...

Like somepony was standing right behind her.

She opened her mouth and started to turn around, just as an iron-plated hoof reached around her neck, and pulled. She gagged as she was pulled up and backwards, hooves slipping off her blade as she reached for the leg around her throat and pulled at it to no avail. She twisted her head around, and saw nothing but the guardspony’s visor, felt the guardspony’s awkward gait as he choked her with his one good foreleg, the other a raw stump that he used as a crutch.

Applejack realized she was in trouble, when she finally found purchase on the leg around her neck, and pulled, to no effect. She might as well have been trying to bend steel with her bare hooves, with how solid his grip was. The grip tightened, and Applejack choked, feeling pressure in her head as the edges of her vision grew darker, her heart beating frantically and her lungs aching as she struggled and kicked to try and free herself.

Eventually, her hooves grew weak, and they slid off the leg around her throat, going limp as Applejack’s eyes bugged out. Her life flashed before her eyes, and she thought of her friends, a tear welling up in her eye.

Then, there was a sudden jolt, and a loud WHANG. The grip around her throat lessened, and the chokehold was released, allowing Applejack to suck in a breath of air. She fell forward and rolled onto her side, sucking in air as she watched something miraculous play out.

The grievously-wounded guardspony was also on his side, holding up his amputated hoof to ward off the wood-splitting axe that was now floating above him in a golden haze of magic. It slammed down on him, beating his limbs out of the way, before hooking itself under the helmet and pulling upwards.

Applejack’s urge to throw up redoubled itself as she saw a face that looked a lot worse than anything Applejack could have done to it, missing skin, and indeed, most of a face. The mouth was working soundlessly as the splitting axe slammed down once more, the quasi-blunt axehead pulverizing bone and flesh as it hit the ground on the other side of the guardspony’s skull with a squelch. Only then did the guardspony finally go still, and as Applejack sucked in deep breaths, he didn’t get up again.

Then, a familiar pony stepped into her field of view; her white coat was spotted with blood, her baby-blue hospital gown had a liberal splash of sanguine across it, and she was plus a couple of bandoliers of crossbow bolts and a crossbow since she’d last seen her, but there was no mistaking the white unicorn that Applejack had saved. The unicorn dropped the axe, and turned to face Applejack, with one purple eye and one eye covered by a square, white medical gauze eyepatch.

“Dearest Applejack,” Celestia said calmly, extending a hoof to the downed earth pony, “Generally, when somepony says “no hospital”, they mean “no hospital”.”

♦   ☼   ♦

The crossbow rested on the dinner table, unloaded, as a mug of tea was placed in front of Celestia, who had divested herself of her hospital gown, and with a bit of water, cleaned up fairly well.

Opposite her was Applejack and to her sides, Big Macontosh and Granny Smith, who was returning to her seat, having given Celestia her mug of tea. Celestia carefully took a sip of it, feeling the warm fluid invigorate her, and tasting the barest hint of apples. And she expected no less from the Apple Family.

Applebloom was absent, having been carried past the worst of the fighting, and told to go round up the other Elements of Harmony. A time-consuming errand that had been used to get Applebloom out of the house while the guardspony corpses were moved into the barn and hidden, the mess in the Apple house cleaned up.

Applejack fidgeted as Celestia drank, and put the mug down carefully. “How is it?” she asked quietly.

“Very pleasant,” Celestia said, nodding. “Thank you for your hospitality.”

“It’s the least we could do,” Applejack said. “If you hadn’t shown up...”

“Y’all ain’t no axe murderer, are ya?” Granny Smith asked bluntly, placing a mug of tea in front of herself, Big Mac, and Applejack. “Y’all ain’t no criminal? ‘Cos I appreciate y’ comin’ in and savin’ Applejack from those guardsponies, even by cuttin’ em fierce with an axe, but I don’t take kindly to no criminals under this roof, am I clear?”

Celestia smiled as she tried to suppress the image of Granny Smith throwing her out of the apple household with her bare hooves. “No, Granny Smith. I am no criminal.”

“Good,” Granny Smith said simply. “Applejack here was concerned y’all might be of the criminal type since the Guard were after y’all.”

Applejack choked on her tea, turning bright red as Celestia looked at her with her one good eye.

“Is that so, Applejack?” she asked, good-naturedly.

“It was just some conjecture between me and the girls,” Applejack said quickly. “Didn’t mean nothin’ by it, honest.”

“Of course I believe you,” Celestia said. “Why wouldn’t I trust the Element of Honesty?”

“Okay, now that’s startin’ to weird me out,” Applejack said quickly, pointing a hoof at Celestia. “How in the hay do y’all know my name?”

“I was going to wait until your friends got here,” Celestia said, “But I suppose... What would you say if I said I was actually Princess Celestia?”

This time, it was Macintosh who choked, spraying tea into a fine mist across the table. Applejack just blinked slowly, and Granny Smith didn’t seem to react at all, just wiping the tea off her own face.

“I’d say that’s a lotta hooey,” Applejack said slowly. “I might owe y’ my life and all, but that ain’t a ticket to gettin’ me to believe that tall a tale.”

“It is a very tall tale,” Celestia said calmly. “I wouldn’t be surprised if it was hard to swallow with evidence, much less without.”

“I mean,” Applejack said, “Y’all are probably aware that I’ve met th’ princess once or three, all personal-like. She’s got wings and all, and wouldn’t hurt a fly. And she certainly wouldn’t run about covered in blood. Hay, she wouldn’t even have been injured like you were; ‘cordin’ to Twi – you know, the Princess of Magic – Alicorns are near immortal-like, with a... a...”

“Healing factor?” Celestia supplied, taking another drink of her tea.

“Yeah, a healin’ factor,” Applejack confirmed. “She said that if you cut an alicorn, they’d heal it back up lickety-split, good as new. And y’all were pretty far from “good as new”, if y’ don’t mind me sayin’.”

“Of course,” Celestia conceded. “That is a good argument, and a lot of evidence to speak against my claim.”

“So,” Applejack pressed. “Y’all ain’t Celestia. So who are you?”

“Call me Celly,” Celestia said, “All my friends do. It’s short for “Celery Stick”, my full name, and what everypony assumes I must eat nothing but to maintain my slender form.”

Applejack narrowed her eyes, and Celestia shrugged, snout in her mug of tea.

“What?” Celestia asked.

“Are y’ sure y’all are tellin’ the truth there?” Applejack asked, suspicious.

“Of course I am,” Celestia lied. “Clearly, I am not Celestia, and so you have pressured me into telling the truth.”

Applejack opened her mouth, and yelped as there was a thwack. She rubbed her head as Granny Smith bounced a wooden ladle up and down in her hoof, eyeing her granddaughter pointedly.

“Manners, missy,” Granny Smith said, before smiling and turning to Celestia. “So, Miss Celly, would you like to stay for dinner?”

“I would love to stay for dinner,” Celestia said, “But, depending on what happens next, I may need to depart in short order.”

Right on cue, there was a clattering noise from outside, the sound of running hooves, and the door creaked open as a number of ponies entered the house.

“Ah’m back!” Applebloom called out, a little breathless, bouncing into the kitchen. “Ah gave Scoots’ mum that letter and she said Ah could have a sleepover with Scoots! Can Ah go? Can Ah?”

“Yeah, sure,” Applejack said, nodding. “Go pack your bags, ‘Bloom, and stay safe, okay?”

There was a loud-pitched sound that was vaguely identifiable as an excited squeal of joy, and the sound of hooves as a small filly ran up stairs at top speed.

“Applejack,” Rarity called out. “We passed by the hospital, and there was just the most awful scene,” she went on, voice growing louder as she slowly walked towards the kitchen. “There were guardsponies everywhere, and you remember those guardsponies we saw going in? It turns out that they were all killed! By that mare you saved, who is actually supposed to be-” Rarity rounded the corner, and saw Celestia sitting at the dinner table, holding a mug of tea between her hooves. “-a changeling!” Rarity shrieked, making to bolt and having no luck when her friends inadvertantly blocked her way trying to follow her into the kitchen.

“Calm down, Rare!” Applejack exclaimed, holding up hooves as the rest of her friends saw Celestia and started to try and follow Rarity’s lead or get the first shot in variously. “It’s okay! She’s no changeling!” Applejack paused and looked back at Celestia. “Y’all ain’t a changeling and haven’t told us or nothin’, have you?”

“Don’t be silly, Applejack,” Celestia said, shaking her head. “I am not a changeling. And I’m sure that if you ask somepony if they’re a changeling and they are, they can’t say no, because it’s a rule and stuff.”

The panic subsided as everypony began to scratch their heads.

“That... doesn’t make sense,” Rarity argued half-heartedly.

“I’m pretty sure it’s true,” Celestia said around her tea. “You just have to ask them “Are you a changeling”, and they have to say yes if they are.”

“Well?” Pinkie asked. “Celly, are you a changeling?”

“Yes,” Celestia said, deadpan as she put down the mug. The kitchen went into a frosty silence, before Celestia wrinkled up half of her face and smiled. “Gotcha,” she said quietly, before going cross-eyed and frowning. “Oh, ponyfeathers. You didn’t see me wink.”

“So... you’re not a changeling?” Rainbow Dash asked, trying to catch up.

“No, I am not a changeling,” Celestia sighed, pushing her eyepatch up and rubbing her eye gingerly. “I wouldn’t be joking about it if I was. I’m just as equine as the next pony, assuming they are also not a changeling.”

“Is this why you wanted us to come over?” Fluttershy asked. “I think this is why you wanted us to come over.”

“She claims she’s “Celly”,” Applejack said. “Which is what her friends call her, short for “Celery Stick”.”

“Excuse me, everypony,” Granny Smith piped up. “Can I just point out that this kitchen is too durn small for eight ponies to be standin’ about and jawin’ in like y’ are?!”

Everypony blinked, and Applejack nodded slowly. “Alright, girls, let’s take this to th’ lounge, shall we?

♦   ☼   ♦

“Alright, “Celly”,” Rainbow Dash said, once they were all seated. “I think you’ve got a story to tell, and it doesn’t seem like a short one. Care to tell us the truth?”

Celestia nodded. “As you’ve all astutely guessed, my name is not actually Celery Stick.” Celestia wrinkled her snout a little. “I would feel sorry for anypony who was named after that horrid piece of diet foliage.”

“Alright, so who are you, then?” Rarity asked. “You claim you’re not a changeling, and you claim that you’re not Celery Stick...”

“I am none other than Princess Celestia of Equestria,” Celestia declared without fanfare or pomp. “And at present, former regent of the sun.”

“Not this again!” Applejack exclaimed, as everypony else went silent, jaws agape.

“Then tell me, Applejack,” Celestia said. “Who might I be? You can tell I’m lying when I claim to be somepony called “Celery Stick”, what if I said I was Changeling Queen Chrysalis in disguise?”

Applejack shook her head. “I can tell you ain’t Chrysalis.”

“Then why am I not Celestia like I claim to be?”

“Because...” Applejack hunched over, thinking. “Because...”

“If you take away my crown,” Celestia said, “If you take away my alicornhood, what do you think is left? A mortal who can die. A mortal who almost did.”

“But-” Applejack sighed. “How? Why? There’s nothing to back y’ story up!”

“And, I suspect there never will be,” Celestia sighed. “I ask you to just trust in me, much like you asked Twilight to trust in you.”

Applejack fell silent, and nopony spoke until Pinkie Pie nudged Rainbow Dash and Rarity in the shoulders.

“You owe me twenty bits each,” Pinkie said, grinning. “I guessed “Princess Celestia in Disguise”.”

“This doesn’t count,” Rainbow argued. “She just said she looks like this because somepony took away her alicornhood. That’s not a disguise, that’s like the opposite of a disguise!”

“She’s definitely not a Sparkle dealer,” Pinkie sang in a sing-song voice, “And she’s no changeling...”

Rarity groaned. “She’s got a point. I’ll pay you tomorrow, my purse is at the Boutique.”

“You can pay me now,” Pinkie suggested, poking Rarity in the chest with a familiar purse. Rarity boggled.

“Pinkie! What are you doing with my purse?”

“I thought you might need it,” Pinkie said. “Also, I needed your Marester Card to buy things with.” Rarity’s jaw dropped, and Pinkie grinned, dismissing it with a wave of her hoof. “I’m kidding, kidding, sheesh,” Pinkie assured. “You know I’d not ever go through somepony’s wallet without asking first. Unless they lost it and I needed to know who to return it to, of course, because it would be irresponsible to keep a wallet I just found without making an effort to give it back, right? That reminds me of this time I found somepony’s wallet and it had like, three hundred bits in notes in it and I was so tempted to just take the money, but then I decided not to and I felt so good about giving it back, and then the owner was really happy he got the money back because it was money for the orphanage which he’d accidentally lost on the way there and he was really distraught because he fundraised for it for like weeks and it made all the little fillies and colts so happy they all did a dance and sung-”

Applejack’s hoof plugged Pinkie’s mouth as the pink mare continued to try and talk despite it. Applejack looked at Celestia and nodded.

“Okay, so Twi can just corroborate your story, then?” Applejack asked.

“She can’t corroborate anything,” Celestia said quietly. “She’s dead.”

Even Pinkie shut up at that, and Applejack sagged, eyes watering.

“You’re bucking with us,” Rainbow said, disbelievingly. “This is just a bad joke.”

“I wish it was,” Celestia said. “She’s... gone. Just...” Celestia drew a line across her neck with a hoof, staring at the carpet. “Gone.”

Nopony really knew what to say to that. Except fluttershy, who decided to press on.

“Is that how you got, the, um,” Fluttershy indicated her eye. “You know?”

“More or less,” Celestia said. “The same pony. Tinkertoy.”

“Wait, as in Doctor, Inventor-of-things Tinkertoy?” Rainbow asked.

“Yes,” Celestia confirmed. “Do you know of him?”

“Sorta,” Rainbow rubbed the back of her mane. “There was a Daring Do book where he crashed an airship in the middle of the Amarezonian forest and Daring had to rescue him...” Rainbow trailed off. “It was alright... he didn’t seem like the villain type, you know?”

“I didn’t pick him for the villain type,” Celestia agreed. “But apparently he never got over me putting a ban on nuclear sciences for the purpose of energy generation almost a whole decade ago, and blames me for sabotaging his demonstration to fabricate a reason to ban it.”

“And this decade-old grudge has led to...” Rarity swallowed. “Murder? And a coup d’etat?”

Applejack bit her lip. “This is matchin’ up with her story,” she conceded.

“A coup d’etat?” Rainbow countered. “Come on, those things just don’t happen in one day, and we’d hear about it, wouldn’t we? There’d be fighting and everything...”

“We took the Princess-” Applejack began.

“Call me Celestia, please,” Celestia corrected.

“-Celestia to the hospital, right? And then we saw those guardsponies arrive?”

“Yeah,” Rainbow nodded, then her eyes went wide, and she looked at Rarity. “Oh pony. Didn’t you say something killed them all?”

“They weren’t wishin’ her well, I figure,” Applejack said sourly. “And the reason I called y’all here is because two of ‘em musta split off to come here and make sure none of us could accidentally say nothin’ about her. By which I mean they almost came and killed me and my kin. For no reason.”

“Whoa, whoa,” Rainbow held up two hooves. “That’s a bit of a leap. Celestia killing four ponies – that’s sort of plausible; I mean, what if they’re right, and she’s just a changeling pulling the wool over our eyes right now, no offense? I’d sooner believe that than our own Royal Guard just going out to silence ponies by deep-sixing them.”

“Proof’s out in the barn under the tarp,” Applejack said. “Two guardsponies, heavy armor like we saw go into the hospital. Really dead, and they aren’t carrying diplomacy tools.”

“And I will point out that they aren’t technically alive,” Celestia added. “I’ve had to deal with five of them today, not counting the two that attacked Applejack – they are not living creatures, under the uniform spell, they’re corpses animated by some sort of mechanical substitute. Applejack noticed when she- I failed to destroy the head or spine of one attacking her. I cut off a leg and delivered a severe cut to the chest, but it still found enough strength to choke Applejack one-legged and resist her efforts to free herself.”

“Whoa,” Rainbow said. “Wait. Five? That would make seven guardsponies when we saw six go into the hospital?”

“I barely avoided their initial assault earlier today,” Celestia said. “Two of them. One took a trip off the balcony, and the other was beheaded. They eliminated my personal guards and attacked me in my own quarters.”

Applejack counted. “That means you killed five of the six that had a go at you in the hospital.”

“One of them was not undead,” Celestia said. “I didn’t kill him. I couldn’t bring myself to do it.”

“Well, they found four dead bodies,” Rarity said.

Applejack’s eyes narrowed. “You didn’t kill him. But somethin’ happened and you didn’t exactly do much to stop him dyin’, did you?”

Celestia nodded slowly. “I felt it was what he deserved. His betrayal enabled much of what has happened today, and who knows how much else besides. He died at the hooves of one of his undead subordinates, who I believe have replaced anypony who would have remained loyal to the crown.”

“They didn’t seem that clever to me,” Applejack agreed.

“Applejack!” Granny Smith’s voice rang out. “What time is it?”

Applejack checked the clock, and looked at Rarity. “Behind you is a radio,” she said. “Would you turn it on for me? Crank it up high so Granny can hear it.”

Rarity nodded, and obliged, turning the knob on a headstone-shaped wooden box that glowed with internal light as it powered up

“-and you’ve got me, DJ Cardinal, bringing you the Donut Joe’s News Segment. The sad saga just keeps unfolding for poor Octavia, who has recently suffered a relapse in her drug addiction, caught using on camera by paparazzi,” a self-identified DJ Cardinal said.

“What’s so important with the radio?” Rainbow asked.

“Granny likes to listen to radio K-PON for the evening news segment,” Applejack explained. “She likes to keep informed, and her eyes ain’t so good for readin’ the newspaper.”

“K-PON?” Celestia grumbled. “I swear, they push the boundaries on journalistic freedom sometimes, they really do. And the music they play is just... odd.”

“Not a fan?” Rarity asked.

“More like I’m concerned,” Celestia said. “Somehow they keep getting inside the castle, and “report” about things that they shouldn’t. Like Luna’s... spree during the wedding.”

“Whoa, I remember hearin’ about that,” Applejack said, chuckling, and stopping when Celestia wasn’t. “Wait, that actually happened?”

Celestia nodded. “Twenty six changelings dead outright, another eight with critical injuries. Five juggernaut-class changelings, and if rumors are true, she took on and beat senseless Chrysalis’ champion himself. The point is, nopony knew except me and Luna. We even paid every witness a handsome sum to never speak of it again, and placed them under very telling spells to make sure they kept their end of the bargain and didn’t. And they hadn’t.”

“And somehow they still found out,” Applejack mused.

“But that’s enough about Octavia for now,” the voice on the radio continued. “We’re gonna have to take a change in tone for this next bit of news... a little bird tells me that earlier today, Princess Celestia was assaulted in her quarters today by bona-fide assassins disguised as her own royal guard. How does somepony get that close? Hay, how does Celestia get jumped in her own room and nobody hears about it? That’s what I wanted to know, so our bird did a little more poking about, and there was an awful lack of security on palace grounds today – wouldn’t have been hard for assassins to get across if they knew it was just a skeleton crew.

“Now, not saying it was an inside job,” Card defended. “But then again... not saying it wasn’t. Lack of guards, and the fact that we haven’t heard anything... I know our dear Princess beat the two that jumped her in her room with a very big sword, but what exactly happened after that, who knows? There could have been more, probably should be – not to toot our national pride horn, but I’m fairly sure our dear Celestia rates more than just two would-be assassins.

“Now, I know what you’re thinking – they could be changelings. Not much of a leap to say we’re not their favorite people these days, I’d say, and not much of a leap to see them trying to put a dagger in our Princesses’ collective backs. But, Celestia, classy lady that she is, threw one of her assailants off her tower. That’s a huge fall, and last I checked? Changelings can fly. Unless we’re talking strange changelings that can’t fly and don’t have any way of disguising themselves like they normally do... well. I don’t think it was a changeling, way that guy landed.

“To make matters worse, Princess Luna and Princess Twilight Sparkle have also gone quiet – not uncommon for those two, they never were the most sociable of princesses, am I right? But it is an awful coincidence, and it’s like my Gryphonic third uncle says, “There’s no such thing a coincidence”.

“Long story short?” Cardinal concluded. “Strange and worrying news from the capitol. Keep an ear to the ground if you can, and a weather eye. In the meantime, gonna kick off the all-night house party with some sick beats from Stalliongrad House Mafia from their new record “SHASTA”, keep an eye out for it in record shops if that’s your thing.”

Everypony was looking at Celestia, who seemed just as surprised.

“Looks like y’ got a peeping tom problem,” Applejack hazarded.

“That’s like the opposite of a problem!” Pinkie cheered. “Now everypony knows the truth!”

“They would, if anypony paid any attention to K-PON,” Celestia sighed. “Half the “exclusive” stories they report are... probably true, but there’s never any proof to back it up, and it’s a case of K-PON’s word versus the word of the news subjects’.”

“So, in short, nopony’s going to believe DJ Cardinal?” Rainbow asked.

“Not quickly enough,” Celestia said. “And the way things are going, I wouldn’t be surprised if Radio K-PON fell off the airwaves entirely, or we get a new DJ who’s “filling in for Cardinal while he’s on holiday” and an official statement from the castle by tomorrow morning.”

“Still,” Rainbow said, “If we move quick, we can shut this Tinkertoy down before he can consolidate power, right?” Rainbow punched a hoof into the frog of her other hoof. “He won’t even have a chance to get the royal cushion warm!”

“He’s planned this out,” Celestia said quietly. “He’s got the Royal Guard under his hoof; either as those mechanized corpses or as traitors. It’ll be me versus an entire army. Tactical suicide.”

“You mean us versus an entire army,” Applejack said.

“For Twilight,” Fluttershy added.

“No,” Celestia shook her head. “You girls are... you’re wonderful. You’ve saved the world. But you can’t fight. At best, I’d be distracted trying to make sure you stay safe. At worst, you die trying, along with me. We’re not going to just run in and start an attack tonight, especially not in my condition.”

“Then what do we do?” Rarity asked. “Wait for Tinkertoy to just march into Ponyville and silence us, too? We all know too much, we were all there when you went into the hospital.”

“What do we do?” Celestia looked at everypony, dead serious. “I’ll tell you what we do. We have dinner. I’m starving.”

Just as Celestia said that, Granny Smith poked her head around the doorway.

“Soup’s on, everypony!” she said. “Hope y’all brought an appetite! Plenty for everypony!”

Everypony got up, stretching, and rhubarbed thanks as they walked towards the kitchen. Celestia brought up the rear, walking next to Rarity, and leaned her head down a little.

“We eat,” Celestia said. “Then we plan to escape Equestria and come back when we’re ready to make Tinkertoy pay.”

♦   ☼   ♦

“So, like I was saying,” Celestia said, sitting back in her chair. “We’re not attacking Canterlot and Tinkertoy directly.”

The Apple family kitchen was now empty and quiet, save for Celestia and the Elements of Harmony, Mac and Granny Smith having retired for the night.

“Then what are we doing?” Rainbow asked. “Rarity’s right – I don’t wanna just sit here in Ponyville and wait for a crossbow bolt in the night.”

“I’m going to run south,” Celestia said simply. “It’s me he’s after. If I make some noise on the way, he will likely forget about you.”

“Like, out to Dodge Junction?” Applejack asked.

“Further,” Celestia said. “I’m going to go where I know Tinkertoy doesn’t have any eyes or assets.”

“Only thing south of Dodge is the badlands,” Rainbow muttered. “Belt of dusty, hot desert, and a whole wall of mountain at the end of it.” The pegasus rubbed the back of her head. “I forget what’s past that. Geography class was a long time ago, and, I... uh, slept through most of it.”

“Arcadia,” Celestia said. “Across the badlands, through Tekiku, the valley of death, lies a fertile land that Equestria does not control. Our border ends at the foot of the mountains, and our Guard dares not patrol much further than that.”

“So, what’s in Arcadia?” Rarity asked. “Wouldn’t it be better to travel East and get help from the Gryphon Kingdom?”

“The Gryphons likely won’t help,” Celestia said. “Or more accurately, something will stop them helping. They’re the obvious choice for extraterritorial help.” Celestia leaned forward. “No, I’m going to ask the one nation that Tinkertoy and Brass would never have thought I’d ask for help. The Changelings. Hive Chrysalis.”

Everypony just blinked once. Rainbow raised a hoof.

“Yes, Rainbow?” Celestia asked.

“Okay, Princess,” Rainbow said slowly. “I know there are plans that are so crazy they might just work, but this makes them look rational by comparison. Why would they help us?”

“Because I know what they want,” Celestia said. “And I’m going to negotiate a deal. They help me deal with Tinkertoy’s ponies, and they get the run of Equestria.”

“You’re signing over Equestria to those two-faced varmints?” Applejack asked. “The ones that attacked and almost took Canterlot?”

“They need food,” Celestia said. “I’m giving them a chance to ally with me and get that food without fear of reprisal, that the Guard will kick down their doors and end their operations.”

“And what if they don’t wanna play ball?” Rainbow asked.

“Then I’m back where I started, only I’ve had a chance to catch a breather and prepare,” Celestia said. “The difference between Plan A and Plan B is how much or how little I delegate violence.”

“I don’t like this plan,” Rainbow said. “What about the Crystal Empire? The Gryphon Kingdoms? Hay,” Rainbow gesticulated. “The Argenite Reaches, aren’t you like, friends with a dragon king? We have more friends in those places alone than the changelings! Especially Hive Chrysalis, who, if you recall,” Rainbow added, “we just beat up in a battle a few years back!”

“Of course they’re our natural allies,” Celestia sighed. “But Brass knows that, and he was batting for Tinkertoy for a long time. They’ve likely made plans to make sure that we can’t get any help from them. A few cases of blackmail would be all it took to make sure they stayed out of our civil war.”

Everypony fell silent, until Fluttershy broke it.

“So, changelings,” Fluttershy said quietly.

“I read a lot about plans so crazy they might just work,” Rainbow said, “But I think this tops it. We’re going to ask for help against this new enemy from our most recent enemy?”

“If you put it like that,” Celestia said, “It does make it sound like a less reliable plan. Unfortunately, it is the most reliable plan I have access to at this point in time.”

“Why-” Rainbow blurted out, before Applejack stood up.

“Come on, Rainbow,” she said. “Celestia’s made a call, and it’s her life on the line.”

“But Twilight-”

“But nothin’,” Applejack countered. “I’m sure she wants revenge for Twi just as much as any of us.” Applejack looked around. “Probably more. She’s older than any of us by a long stretch, and probably a darn sight more experienced. She knows how to swing a sword better than any of us, to boot,” Applejack added. “When we can teach Celestia a thing or two about takin’ back an entire country, and it’s our lives on the line, then I reckon we got grounds to tell her what’s what.”

Rainbow sat back in her seat and sucked on her cheek in silence for a moment, before nodding.

“Fine,” she groused. “But for the record, I still think this is a dumb idea.”

“Duly noted,” Applejack said, getting up, and turning to Celestia. “If y’all don’t have anywhere else you’d rather sleep, I’ll go set up the spare room.”

“Speaking of sleep!” Pinkie yawned. “I dunno about you guys, but this party pony is about ready for a slumber party of one!”

“Why are you tired?” Rarity asked. “You didn’t even do anything today.”

“That’s discriminatory,” Pinkie accused.

“You were lounging about on the sofa in my sewing room and talking my ear off about the community of Dusk Gulch or something!” Rarity countered.

“Oh yeah,” Pinkie nodded. “That’s right. Did you know they have a ban on all wheat and wheat byproducts? I don’t even get that, that’s crazy, but-”

Everypony recognized the warning signs of Pinkie starting another multi-hour, mono-sided discussion, which was the cue for everypony to get up and began talking at once about how Pinkie was right and now seemed like a good time for sleep, all while excusing themselves as swiftly and as politely as they could, to the tune of Pinkie’s continued digression about the Dusk Gulch community and a dog park that nopony was allowed to even approach, apparently.

Celestia watched them go, nodding and thanking them as they wished her luck on her journey and pledged their support should she ever need it. It wasn’t long before she was standing alone in the room, staring into space as she felt her heart quicken.

She was going on a new adventure. Just like the old days. Only this time, it was to overthrow a tyrant that had taken away her world. She tilted her head to the side in thought. Just like the old days.

“Got the spare room ready,” Applejack said.

“Hm?” Celestia asked, breaking her stare into space. “Oh, sleep. I had forgotten. It’s been a long time since I actually needed to sleep this frequently.”

“...this frequently?” Applejack asked.

“Dearest Applejack,” Celestia said, turning around and putting a hoof on the shorter mare’s shoulder. “Let me tell you a short tale of how much paperwork the Equestrian government requires one princess to authorize in a given day, and how fortunate they are that as an alicorn, the princess only needs a night’s sleep a week, at a stretch.”

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