The Wheel and the Butterfly

A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga

Part 8 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Ordinary Week

Chapter 55: Dr. Jerk & Party Hard Vs. Terrifi-Guy

*****

“Ah, come on!” Dan wined. “I need this ASAP! We’re paying you good money to get this done!”

A man with a brown beard, in a blue jumpsuit and a red baseball cap sighed. “I can appreciate you’re in major trouble here…”

“Who’s in trouble?” Dan replied. “I just want to beat up a superhero with a giant robot!”

Mechanic Mike sighed. “Now calm down, Dan...”

“YOU WILL ADDRESS ME AS DR. JERK WHILE I’M IN COSTUME!” Dan demanded, having donned a black eye mask, utility belt, boots, blue cape, blue gloves, and kneepads over his usual getup.

“Alright, Dr. Jerk. But to even modify one of my existing machines is going to take time, and I’m just one man! Especially if you need me to add…” Mike paused as he pulled up a clipboard, “…Pressurized pistons, missiles, and Gatling-guns.”

Dan narrowed his eyes at Mike. “You left out all the lasers.”

“Dan…”

“DR. JERK!”

“Dr. Jerk, I don’t have access to lasers.”

“WHAT KIND OF CAR MECHANIC, WHO BUILDS GIANT ROBOT CARS TO FIGHT IN ARENAS AGAINST OTHER GIANT ROBOT CARS, ARE YOU?!” Dan roared.

“One who hasn’t had to add Gatling guns or lasers to his machines because they’re against regulations.” Mike replied.

Dan sighed heavily.

“Why didn’t you come to me immediately, anyhow?” Mike enquired.

Dan motioned out to Pinkie who was wearing her black and pink ‘PARTY HARD’ outfit in addition to a black eye mask. “We had plans yesterday that mostly involved making lactose-free pudding, wrestling in lactose-free pudding, and watching anime!” He explained. He turned to Pinkie. “Back me up here, Party Hard.”

Pinkie held up a hand as she continued to talk on her phone. “Oh, it’s super nerdy.” She said into the phone with a grin. “We watched some Big O last night and he wants it based off the robot in that! Mostly, I just thinks he wants the nifty read out you get when the robot starts up”

“ARE YOU TELLING ELISE?! HOW DARE YOU SHARE OUR DIABOLICAL PLAN WITH OUTSIDERS!?”

Pinkie turned to Dan as she put her hand over her smartphone’s microphone. “Just a second, Dr. Jerk, she’s laughing...”

“THIS IS A SERIOUS BREACH OF YOUR POSITION AS FEMME FATALE SIDEKICK.”

Pinkie placed a slim index finger with black nail polish up to Dan’s mouth and continued talking into the phone. “Well, of course you get to test drive it, silly!”

“What!? NO! I don’t even want her touching…”

Pinkie pulled the phone down and covered the microphone again. “Good news, Dr. Jerk! Dancing Shadow thinks she can provided the weapons, even some of the lasers, and get it done in a jiffy!”

“…the thromibulator.” Dan amended quickly. “She needs to leave that someone who knows that’s apparently a real thing that exists, like Mechanic Mike.”

“Alright, Dancing Shadow! Bye-bye!” Pinkie terminated the call and looked at Dan. “You know, Mechanic Mike really needs his own supervillain name. It seems like everyone else has one or something that’ll do in a pinch.”

“Oh!” Dan stated. “How about…The Mechanic!”

“I like it!” Pinkie declared.

“Uh…that’s kinda on the nose, don’t you think?” Mike replied.

“Okay then…Greasy Mike!” Dan suggested.

“I like it!” Pinkie declared.

“Hmmm…well…it would match my workshop, but I want to hide my identity, don’t I?”

“He makes a good point...” Pinkie replied, motioning out to Mike.

“Oh! I got it!” Mike said enthusiastically. He motioned out in front of him as if what he was saying was on a large billboard in front of everyone. “The Lubricator!”

Dan and Pinkie winced.

“I hate it!” Pinkie declared.

“Mechanic Mike, that CAN’T be your supervillain name. That is the worse supervillain name anyone has ever suggested ever.” Dan replied.

Mike looked towards Pinkie who nodded in agreement with Dan. “It’s pretty bad.”

“Hey! I got it! The Rack!” Dan suggested.

Pinkie gasped. “I love it!”

Mike stroked his beard thoughtfully for a second. “Good thinking, thematic and sinister sounding.” He responded enthusiastically.

“Good, now that you have a supervillain name that’s not objectively horrible in every way imaginable, Party Hard and I have to go on our horrible crime spree of carnage!”

Pinkie stared at her phone with a little bit of concern. “Can we commit our horrible crime spree of carnage on the way to work? We’re running late.”

Dan pulled out his own phone and looked at it. “Oh, shoot! Is it that time already?” Dan started walking away. “Come along, Party Hard. We shall…go over the speed limit and drive through yellow lights. MuHahahahahaha!”

“Yay!” Pinkie exclaimed bounding on after Dan.

***

Pinkie and Dan rushed up to the bakery. The ‘Grand Opening’ and ‘Now Hiring’ signs having been replaced with signs such as, ‘If you get hit with a cupcake, we will give you half dozen, free!’, and ‘Find a piece of clothing in your food and we’ll give you a dozen free muffins or cupcakes of your choice!’

“Sweet!” Dan declared as he walked into the bakery. “We made it on time!”

“And you annoyed people on the road with all your honking!” Pinkie added cheerfully.

“I know!” Dan replied. “I was born to be a supervillain.”

“Hey Dan, Hey Pinkie.” Wally said, as the two made their way through the crowded bakery dining area.

“Dan and Pinkie are no more!” Dr. Jerk announced dramatically. “At least…not until we change…” Dan added.

“Oh…uh, is there a convention in town, or something?” Wally asked, looking over the masks and costumes Dan and Pinkie where wearing.

“We’re warring with a superhero!” Pinkie informed, cheerful as ever.

“Oh my.” Wally replied. “Sounds dangerous.”

“Naw.” Dan said, waving a gloved hand about dismissively. “We know his weakness, he’s a pretty big pushover.”

Pinkie nodded. “We already took him out twice yesterday!”

“Enough backstory!” Dan declared. “PEOPLE OF WALLY’S EMPORIUM OF CUPCAKE AND MUFFINS! I, DR. JERK, am taking OVER this small, but successfully, bakery!” Dan announced. “…until my shift is over.” He added. “While I’m here I will berate the employees and scream at customers!”

“So uhhh…business as usual, brah?” Crunchy asked from the register.

“YOU WILL ADDRESS ME AS DR. JERK, MINION!”

“Uh, sure Dr. Jerk, sir. Also, we’re running low on Rainbow cupcakes.”

“Come along, Party Hard! We must return to the kitchen of wickedness to create evil baked goods!”

Pinkie grinned. “Oooo! Oooo! We can put frowny faces on them and stuff with frosting!”

“Good thinking! We shall torment the unsuspecting populace with our glowers and grimaces delivered by cupcakes!” Dan announced

“Hey Dan, Hey Pink…” Chris sighed heavily as his two friends entered the kitchen. “Why are you two dressed like that?”

“Terrifi-Guy is out for blood!” Pinkie replied cheerfully.

“WHAT?! You’re fighting Terrifi-Guy again?! Dan! He wanted to throw us into the Null Dimension last time we got involved with him!”

“It’s okay Chris.” Pinkie assured. “Now I’m pretty sure he just wants to kill us!” Pinkie paused as she considered this. “…Or would that be worse?..” She said, glancing at the ceiling.

“Not to worry, Chris-boy!” Dan added. “For he is hecka lame!”

Pinkie nodded. “He’s 0 for 2 at this point...”

“Wait, seriously?” Chris asked.

“A little hot sauce goes a looong way.” Dan added.

“Well, I guess so long as he doesn’t…”

“DR. JERK! I HAVE COME TO SETTLE THE SCORE WITH YOU!” A booming voice called from the Bakery Dining area.

Chris sighed “…hunt you down and start a fight in a public.” He finished.

Dan and Pinkie quickly exited the kitchen.

“Uh, dude? You have to wait in line.” Crunchy explained to the tall superhero in front of him.

“Step aside, hippy! This is official superhero business!”

“Sir, the people behind you have been waiting a long time. Can your business wait?” Crunchy asked, as Dan and Pinkie emerged behind him.

“Yeah!” An angry voice called from behind Terrifi-Guy.

“I FOUND A SOCK! I DEMAND FREE MUFFINS!” Another called out.

“Get out of the way, you tight wearing lunatic!” Another added.

Terrifi-Guy turned. “Citizens! I have come to free you from the tyranny of Dr. Jerk! Don’t any of you care?!”

The crowd went silent.

“…”

‘Cough, Cough’

“No?” Someone offered.

Terrifi-Guy glowered angrily at the people in line.

“Oh! You used the door this time!” Pinkie stated joyfully. “That deserves a star!”

Pinkie pulled out a sheet of golden star stickers, and placed one on Terrifi-Guys chest.

“PARTY HARD! DON’T SHARE YOUR PRECIOUS STARS WITH THE SUPERHERO WE’RE WARRING WITH!” Dan shouted.

“But, I’m rewarding good behavior!” Pinkie whined in reply.

“Supervillians don’t reward good behavior!” Dan insisted. “Instead you should have kicked him in the shins for even bothering us with his presence!”

“But…there’s a counter in the way!” Pinkie protested.

“LISTEN, Party Hard Girl…” Terrifi-Guy began.

Pinkie frowned at Terrifi-Guy. “No! It’s just ‘Party Hard’! I mean…it’s pretty obvious I’m a girl!”

Crunchy nodded. “She’s got you there, brah.”

“It’s super obvious!” Someone in the crowd added.

“What, are you stupid or something?!” Someone else added.

“LOOK! I’m a superhero and I demand respect!” Terrifi-Guy shouted at the crowd.

“No one cares, man!” Someone replied. “No one!” They added.

“Hey, Loser-Dude.” Dan called out. “Can this wait? I’m supposed to be making evil cupcakes and would rather deal with you tomorrow.”

“IT’S TERRIFI-GUY!” The superhero shot back, wheeling to face Dan. “And Justice doesn’t take rainchecks!”

“AHHH! WATCH OUT!” D.H. shouted, as she clumsily tripped over her own feet.

Pinkie quickly opened an umbrella in front of Dan, Crunchy, and her, as a cascade of bright red cupcakes flew into it and Terrifi-Guy.

“AH! HOT!” Terrifi-Guy exclaimed as he collapsed on the floor.

Dan peaked out from behind the umbrella. “No, apparently ‘Justice’ just writhes in agony on the ground, trying to remove spicy cupcakes from his personage.”

“WHY WOULD YOU EVEN MAKE THESE?!” Terrifi-Guy exclaimed from the ground.

“What!” Pinkie protested, picking off a smashed cupcake from her umbrella and shoving the entire thing into her mouth. “Therwe Gwood!” She insisted through a mouthful of cupcake.

“Oh no!” D.H. exclaimed. “I hit you with like…three cupcakes! That’s…18 free spicy cupcakes!”

“Oh, that’s okay, D.H.” Pinkie said. “You don’t have to…”

Dan put his hand on Pinkie’s shoulder. “Wait…I want to see where this goes.”

Terrifi-Guy grabbed the counter and pulled himself to his feet, as D.H. returned with two large bakery boxes.

“AHHHH!” D.H. tripped again, sending the boxes and their contents directly into Terrifi-Guy.

“WHY?!”

“Oh no! I did it again…Let’s see…6 times 18…Shoot! I don’t think we have that many spicy cupcakes…OH! Wait here.” She requested.

Terrifi-Guy moaned in reply.

Dan and Pinkie watched with bemusement as D.H. ran off, and returned with a bottle of hot sauce.

“Here you go, Mr. Shouty! I brought you a bottle of hot sauce you canWHOOPS!” D.H. exclaimed as the bottle slipped out of her hand and landed on Terrifi-Guy, shattering on impact.

“AHHHHHHHHH! YOU’D THINK I WOULD HAVE SAW THAT COMING, BUT I DIDN’T AND IT BUUUURRRRRNS!”

“Nice work, girl-whose-name-I-don’t-know!” Dan said. “I think you just earned yourself a supervillain name!”

“Oooo! Oooo! How aboooout… Dark Horse!” Pinkie suggested.

“Hey! Good thinking, Party Hard!” Dan responded.

D.H. beamed. “I was helpful!” She exclaimed

“Hey, dudes, can I have a supervillain name, too?” Crunchy asked.

Dan glowered angrily at the hippy. “You didn’t DO anything!”

“Oh, right…observe…” Crunchy produced a bottle of hot sauce and briefly motioned to it with his free hand before dropping it over the counter and onto Terrifi-Guy.

‘Shatter’

“WHY DOES EVERYONE CARRY BOTTLES OF HOT SAUCE AROUND WITH THEM!?”

Dan grinned evilly. “Alright, dirty hippy, you’ve earned yourself a supervillain name…Oh! How about… ‘The Eco-Terrorist’.”

Crunchy paused. “Duuuuuuuuuuuude! That is a BOSS supervillain name!”

Pinkie nodded up and down vigorously. “It is pretty cool!” She added.

“WHY HASN’T ANYONE HELPED ME YET?!”

Dan glanced over the counter. “Are you still here?! Look, we have a business to run…and torment…mostly torment, and you’re holding up the line!” Dan turned to Pinkie. “Party Hard? The door if, you please. Dark Horse…”

D.H. clapped her hands excitedly. “Yay, acknowledgement!”

“…The Eco-Terrorist. Help me drag this loiterer out into the street.”

“Aye, Aye, Captain Dr. Jerk, Sir!” Crunchy responded with a salute.

“Wheeeee!” Pinkie enthusiastically bounded towards the bakery entrance as Dan, Crunchy, and D.H. dragged the hapless bulk of the cupcake covered, hot sauce soaked superhero behind them.

Pinkie grinned wide as she held open the door for the trio who picked up and heaved the superhero into the parking lot.

‘THUMP’

Terrifi-Guy mumbled incoherently to himself as he wiped glass shards and hot sauce from his face. “I’LL GET YOU FOR THIS, DR. JERK!” Terrifi-Guy began to shout. “IF IT’S THE LAST…” His eyes went wide as he heard a familiar sound.

He turned to see Dan grinning wildly as he rapidly pumped the handle to a super soaker.

Dan leveled the hot sauce loaded weapon at Terrifi-Guy. “I see you’re a bit hot and bothered by all this. This should cool you off…” Dan pulled the trigger, releasing a steady stream of hot sauce into the large superhero. “…Or not, since the gun is full of hot sauce…”

“WHY IS MY WEAKNESS SO EASILY EXPLOITABLE!?” Terrifi-Guy bemoaned loudly as he received another dose of hot sauce.

Pinkie giggled. “That was some quality supervillain dialogue, Dr. Jerk.” She commented.

Dan reached for her hand as the two turned back into the bakery. “I know, right! We’re so good at this!” He turned towards the crowd in the bakery. “PATRONS OF THE BAKERY!” He announced dramatically. “YOUR HERO HAS BEEN VANQUISHED! NOW YOU WILL ALL SUFFER THE WRATH OF DR. JERK AND PARTY HARD! MuHahahahahaha!”

“…”

“Hey everyone, Dr. Jerk defeated that loudmouth guy in tights who was holding up the line!” Someone exclaimed.

“Let’s all praise Dr. Jerk and NOT that goofy looking superhero.” Someone added.

Terrifi-Guy looked up with a pout. “Goofy looking..?” He murmured as the bakery erupted in cheers.

Terrifi-Guy continued wiping hot sauce from off of himself. “Maybe…maybe it’s time to consider a new approach…” He muttered thoughtfully.