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The Wheel and the Butterfly A Dan X Pinkie Pie Saga

by Justice3442

Chapter 55: Part 7.5 Pinkie Vs. Virginity: Chapter 47 Dan Vs. Science

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The Wheel and the Butterfly



A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga



Part 7.5 Pinkie Vs. Virginity



Chapter 47 Dan Vs. Science

*****
Author’s notes: The below is a little spicier than usual, but still ‘teen’.

Response to the last chapter was positive all around, so I’m just going to shut up and stop worrying. ^_^;;

Splitting this into two or more parts as it’s turning out to be longer than anticipated (as usual).

*****

Pinkie scornfully looked up at the words floating in the sky above her. “Geez! Tell the whole world, why dontcha?” She shouted.

You said that already.

Pinkie folded her arms and rolled her eyes. “Chapter breaks, D’uh!”

Of course, how silly of me…Anyhow, we’re on chapter 47 of this thing, not including prologues and epilogues. I mean, you should have known what was going to happen…

“Oooh…leave me alone.” Pinkie said with a sullen look as she folded her arms and turned away.

Uh…I sort of…can’t…

Pinkie sighed. “Fine, maybe you can at least give me some advice.”

Erm…that’s kinda cheating, isn’t it?

“Oh, come on! It’s the least you can do after the chapters and chapters of ship teasing and near kisses…” Pinkie argued.

Well…you can always just…go back, it really wasn’t that big of a deal.

Pinkie inhaled huge volume of air. “NOT A BIG DEAL?! I COMPLETELY ruined the moment.”

You know, maybe it was for the best. I mean, you can have a heck of a lot better moment than making your move because of Desperado’s lengthy, kinda bizarre sex scene…

“See!” Pinkie exclaimed. “I have no idea what I’m doing!”

You seemed to have a pretty good idea of it in the bakery a couple instalments back…

“I got swept up in the moment, alright!” Pinkie reasoned.

Also, that whole water tower thing over Pembroke was hecka romantic…for you two, at least…That would have been a good time.

“No way!” Pinkie insisted, throwing her arms out to her sides as she continued arguing with the sky above her. “I still had dance-monster blood on my clothes!” She added.

Well…I doubt that would have mattered for very long…

Also, it was pretty cold out there!” Pinkie added. “Even with the huge fire below.” Pinkie paused. “I’d sorta like to not have complaints after all of this…”

Fair enough. Uh…look, this is getting a tad self-indulgent, so why don’t you ask one of your friends for advice?

“Who did you have in mind?” Pinkie asked raising an eyebrow.

Rarity.

“Huh? Why her, specifically?”

Think about what would happen if you asked your other friends, for a second.

“Oh, uhh…well Spike is out, obviously.”

Obviously.

“Dashie would probably just suggest I just go for it.”

Go on…

“The conversation would likely be more embarrassing for Fluttershy than me…”

Heh, definitely.

“Hmmm…Do you think Applejack would tell me to wait until I was married?”

She might…I mean, if anypony would…I’m sure she’d at least suggest you not rush things…

“Yeah…uh…Twilight would probably break out charts and graph and turn the whole thing into some sort of skeeve science presentation…”

HehehehHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…No, I take it back, you should totally ask Twilight.

No way!” Pinkie exclaimed. “I want to make this romantic, and not have my first time be broken down into some sort of mathematical equation.”

Hehe, alright. So, Rarity. Oh, you should also aimlessly shuffle around for several minutes before calling Elise to have her pick you up.

“Uh, why?” Pinkie asked.

Because I couldn’t figure out how I was going to get the timing right for a scene coming up, otherwise…

“Oh…Okay…sure…”

<*>

“…SO, factoring in California’s weather forecast and Pinkie’s and your likely pheromone levels, when cross checked with both of your work schedules and predictive meal schedules; your best time to act is actually in a little over three weeks from now.”

“Sparkler?” Dan called out from behind the palms he had buried his face in.

“Yes, Dan? Do you have a question about my model?” Twilight asked from the other side of the mirror, charts of various colors and types surround her, all neatly displayed on a collection of easels “…If you look at chart ‘B’ along the X-Axis,” Twilight motions out to a large line chart labeled ‘PSR over time; a black and a pink line dip down and ascends up at various points, both eventually sloping up and meeting at a point towards the end of the sheet of paper, “You’ll see that both of you will be at peak sensual receptiveness, or PSR, for short…”

“Twilight?” Dan called, moving his hands and leveling angry, twitching eyes at the Alicorn. “I am going to go to my mad scientist neighbor downstairs and ask if I can borrow his lightning gun, which is a tangible thing that actually exists and shoots lightning, REAL LIGHTNING! And he will give it to me because Pinkie and I are such” – Dan air quotes – “‘great sports’ about all his experiments, and then I will come back here and I will shoot you through this magic, two-way, dimensional mirror system and I won’t stop shooting until I know you’re dead and Pinkie will be very sad until I explain to her what you just told me, and then she’ll understand why I had to kill you, and then everything will be fine again and I’ll never have to hear the phrase ‘maximal sexual receptiveness’ again.”

Peak sensual receptiveness!” Twilight corrected. “Besides,” Twilight added chuckling slightly, “you can’t just fire lightning at the mirror and expect it to show up here!” Twilight insisted. “I was going to use magic to send energy over there!” She informed. “You’d probably just destroy the mirror and hurt yourself!” She reasoned.

ULG! I hate you! I HATE YOU SO MUCH! I wish I could HATE you to death!” Dan said, fuming angrily at the purple alicorn.

“Dan, you should calm down! I didn’t anticipate you’d actually ask me for help! All this anger is throwing off my calc…” Twilight paused with a confused expression, her ears flopped down as she examined the angry man on the other side of the mirror. “What are you doing?”

Dan’s face was bright red as he grimaced and quivered. A vein began to appear on his forehead. “I’m trying to concentrate my hate really hard so you’ll DIE!” Dan explained through clenched teeth.

Twilight sighed. “Dan, that’s not going to work. You need magic to get things past the mirror, not previously unknown, latent psychic ability.”

Dan paused. “Do you actually know if psychic energy can’t pass through the mirror?”

“Well…No.” Twilight admitted, glancing up for a second, her ears perking back up. She looked back at Dan. “But…logically…”

“Logic nothing! I’m going back to HATING YOU TO DEATH!” Dan resumed his quivering, red faced rage; directing it all at Twilight Sparkle across the vast, winding multiverse.

“Dan, stop!” Twilight pleaded. “You look like you’re about to pop a blood vessel, and that will really throw off my calculations!”

“WHY DO YOU EVEN HAVE ALL THIS?!” Dan demanded motioning out to the mirror. “I just asked if you had a great idea to sweep Pinkie off her feet!” Dan paused for a moment, and leveled an angry index finger at Twilight. “Do you all have another bet going?”

Twilight blushed and grinned sheepishly. “Uh…maybe?”

<*>

“I still think this is stupid!” Dan exclaimed.

Sitting down on the edge of the bed next to Dan, a red, floral shirted and denim short wearing Pinkie shoots Dan a small, imploring look. “Come on, Dan, they’re my best friends!” Pinkie said motioning to the mirror.

Through the mirror, Pinkie’s friends sat in Twilight’s library, staring back at the two on the bed.

Dan rolled his eyes. “Oh, alright…”

“Twilight…Rarity…Dashie…Fluttershy…A.J….Spike?” Pinkie said tentatively.

Pinkie’s friends drew closer to the mirror, wide eyed with anticipation. “Yes?” They asked in unison.

“Uh…well…this is hard kinda hard to say…but Dan and I are…” Pinkie trailed off as she struggled to inform her friends of the big development in her life.

“You got hitched.” Applejack suggested.

Fluttershy gasped. “Oh my!”

Dan and Pinkie looked at each other. “What?!” They looked back at Applejack. “WHAT?!”

“Oh! Oh! I know.” Rainbow Dash said, flapping herself up and down as she held a forehoof aloft. “Eloping!”

Fluttershy gasped. “Oh my!”

“That’s stupid! YOU’RE STUPID!” Dan exclaimed. “Why would we need to elope?! We live in our own apartment together!”

“Oooh, yeah…” Rainbow replied, rubbing a forehoof over her chin.

“Pregnant!” Twilight suggested.

Dan and Pinkie exchanged worried looks between each other and turned back to the mirror. “WHAT?!

Fluttershy gasped. “Oh my!”

“Darling, did you forget to take your pills?” Rarity asked.

“Wait…what pills?” Dan asked, knitting his brow.

Pinkie blushed a luminescent shade of red.
“Never you mind…” She said to Dan.
She looked at Fluttershy. “Stop it.” She said simply.
She turned to Rarity. “No, I didn’t.” She informed.
She turned to Twilight. “Heck no!”

There was a pause as the ponies all put on contemplative looks, many of them tapping hoofs against their chins, somehow all being sucked into a guessing game without provocation.

“You’ve both started a sadomasochistic relationship where Dan wears a vinyl suit that completely covers his body and begs Pinkie to dehumanize him and hit him with a whip while she demands he call her ‘Queen’.” Pinkie suggested.

“WHAT?!” Everypony (plus one dragon) on the other side of the mirror exclaimed.

Fluttershy put a foreleg up to her head and, stood up on her hind legs, and fell backwards, fainting.

“Wait…” Dan said looking over at Pinkie. “Why would you make one up yourself?”

Pinkie giggled and shrugged. “It looked like fun!” She exclaimed.

“Uh…you’re in love?” Spike suggested.

“Oooo! Oooo! Yes! That one!” Pinkie responded happily pointing back at Spike.

The ponies exploded into fits of laughter, except Fluttershy, who merely twitched an upright back leg in response.

Dan sighed.

Pinkie’s smile dropped. “Uh…why is everypony laughing?”

“Heheh…Sorry, dear, but it was just so obvious for such a long time!” Rarity exclaimed.

Pinkie sighed and hung her head. “Yeah…I know…”

“I told you this was a stupid idea!” Dan reminded irritably from the bed.

“Awww,” Pinkie patted one of Dan’s hands, “but it was so much fun telling them…”

“For you maybe…” Dan grumbled.

Rarity grinned wide. “So! When was the big confession?”

Dan looked over Rarity suspiciously.

“Two days after my birthday!” Pinkie exclaimed exuberantly.

Rarity’s smile fell slightly. “Oh past it…how nice…congratulations.” She offered.

“Heh, guess you won the big bet, then, huh A.J?” Spike said to the orange earth pony.

SPIKE!” Twilight shouted.

“Ooops…sorry…” Spike offered sheepishly.

Dan and Pinkie exchanged glances again and stared at the occupants of the mirror, with interrogative eyes.

“…You all placed bets on when we’d confess to eachother, didn’t you?” Dan asked, lacing his words with lethal poison.

The colorful collection of ponies and baby dragon offered up nervous grins to the question.

Pinkie’s eyes darted over the group, she quickly picked out the weak link and went in for the kill. “Applejack? Is that true?”

“Er…well… sorta…” Applejack began as she struggled for an answer.

Pinkie pressed on. “And by ‘sorta’ you mean, ‘yes’?” Pinkie suggested.

Applejack looked down and put a forehoof up to her hat, lowering it over her eyes. “Uh, Twilight? Care to explain? She’s cracking me faster than a whip at a rodeo competition.”

Twilight sighed. “Technically, there were and are multiple betting pools. Applejack just won the biggest pool, in regards to when a confession would occur. She picked after Pinkie’s birthday…everypony else picked some time before that…” She explained.

Rainbow Dash folded her forelegs against her chest and sighed as she continued to hover. “I lost almost all the bets weeks ago…”

Pinkie smirked at Rarity. “You picked my birthday, didn’t you?”

Rarity blushed, continuing her nervous grin. “Well, I thought it would be so romantic.”

Pinkie giggled and reached for the hand of her quietly fuming boyfriend. “Well, it would have been, but Dan suffered some sort of crisis of conscious.”

“Don’t tell them that!” Dan demanded angrily at Pinkie, motioning towards the mirror as he interlaced his fingers with hers regardless.

“Uh…sorry about that…” Twilight said meekly.

Dan shot the purple alicorn an irritated glance, but waved his hand dismissively. “Forget it Sparkles. You already apologized, I told you to die painfully in a fire,” Dan paused, “which I can’t help but noticed you haven’t done yet, by the way…”

“Uh, I don’t think you actually said that.” Twilight replied.

“Oh well…maybe I just thought it really hard…” Dan replied as he glanced away for a second and rubbed his chin. “Anyhow, your little quip made me have a revelation of sorts and I actually did a few things without thinking of myself for a change…”

Fluttershy suddenly shot back up to her feet. “You did?” The yellow pegasus exclaimed. “Dan I’m so proud of you! This is such a big step from you! How did it make you feel?” She asked with curious, eager eyes and ears pointed towards the ceiling.

“Uh…nice…I guess.” Dan offered. His expression quickly changed to a glower leveled at the ponies in the mirror. “But only when I do it for Pinkie, otherwise it feels weird and icky!” He explained.

Pinkie giggled and leaned over to plant a quick peck on Dan’s cheek. “Good enough for me.” She cooed.

The five mares all “Awww…”ed in response.

Dan looked at Applejack. “Wait…you gave me advice that would have caused you to lose the bet?!” Dan asked surprised.

Applejack looked up and placed her hat back in its place. “Shoot Partner, it was just money! What I said was the right thing to do. I’m not gonna meddle in your affairs just for a pile of bits.” Applejack explained. The orange earth pony smiled. “In fact, we all swore we wouldn’t manipulate you two specifically for our own gains. That wouldn’t exactly be fair, now would it?”

The other mares nodded in agreement.

“Aww, you guys are such great friends!” Pinkie declared joyfully. Her smile dropped slightly. “But I probably could have done with a liiittle manipulation to move things along a bit faster…” Pinkie admitted, trailing off at the end.

“Truth be told, it was pretty cute to watch you go on and on about Dan without you figuring out how you felt, dearie.” Rarity explained with a titter and smile.

“Though, some of your stories were pretty scary…” Fluttershy added.

Pinkie blushed slightly at the two mares as she grinned nervously.

Dan sighed. “You’re all lucky things worked out so well otherwise I’d be figuring how to club you all to death through dimensions.”

The mares and dragon all chuckled in response.

“What are the other bets, anyways?” Dan asked.

The group stopped their chuckling and went back to looking nervous.

“Dan! Let them have their fun!” Pinkie asked.

“But…” Dan began to protest.

Pinkie reached over and grabbed Dan’s other hand. “I’m just happy they’re still having fun with me, even if I’m not exactly there to provide it in pony.” Pinkie looked at Dan with large, sky-blue pleading eyes and stuck her lower lip out in a pout. “Let them have this, for me…pleeeease?”

Dan sighed and rolled his eyes. “Oh, alright.”

Pinkie smiled and leaned in to plant a big, loving kiss on Dan’s lips.

There was a few gasps from the couple’s otherworldly audience.

Dan and Pinkie broke lip contact to stare at the mares on the other side of the mirror.

“Oh, what do you idiots want now?!” Dan asked irritably.

“Uh…Nothing!” Twilight declared with a nervous grin. “We’re…fine…” Twilight stressed complete with unconvincing grin.

Spike rolled his eyes. “They want to know when your first kiss was.” He explained.

Dan buried his face in his palm and grumbled to himself.

Pinkie grinned. “The same night Dan and I confessed.” She answered.

“Yes! Yes! YES!” Rarity exclaimed thrusting a triumphant hoof into the air. She looked from side to side as she realized all eyes had shifted to her. “Uh…ahem…” Rarity placed a hoof to her face as she pretended to clear her throat. “congratulations?” Rarity offered embarrassedly looking from face to face.

“HeheheHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Pinkie began laughing uncontrollably, loosening her grip on Dan to throw herself back on the bed as she chortled and kicked her bare, pink nail polished feet up and down over the edge.

Her laughter was soon joined by the occupants of the library.

Dan sighed and removed the hand from his face. He looked over his curly, pink haired love as she continued her unbridled laughter on the bed. He allowed himself a smile and chuckled softly to himself.

>*<

“This is totally a bet thing and you’re meddling so you’ll win, you dirty, rotten cheater, you!” Dan accused.

“Wait a minute!” Twilight protested. “Okay, yes…I may have calculated all of this out so I could win a bet, but I’m telling you this for your own good, too!” Twilight insisted.

“Sparkler, for the last several nights in a row, Pinkie and I have been too exhausted to do much else except eat some dinner and pass out together. I can’t possibly imagine a stupider suggestion than us awkwardly holding each other for hours as we share the bed and uncomfortably pretend we’re falling asleep being for our ‘own good’.” Dan countered, placing air quotes around ‘own good’.

“No, you see, I factored that in!” Twilight declared. “Now, if you look over to figure ‘E’,” Twilight motioned over to a bar chart labeled ‘Tension Buildup’ that had a series of thick, rectangular lines that shot up from the bottom of a sheet of paper and steadily climbed towards the end of the chart, “You’ll see that these nights of near contact continually feed your pheromone levels and…”

“Sparkler, did you break out the same stupid charts and stuff for the orange, flying horse?” Dan asked cocking an eyebrow.

“You mean Flash Sentry?” Twilight asked. “Why, yes, actually!” Twilight responded cheerily.

“And did he actually go for any of it?”

“Actually, he erm…seduced me in the middle of my explanation…” Twilight responded as her wings slowly began to raise.

Dan rolled his eyes, “Ah, throwing all caution to the wind and turning a blind eye to science as he made love to you, no doubt, on top of one of your ridiculous charts.” He shook his head. “It must have been better than you could have imagined.” He added sarcastically.

Twilight sighed wistfully and looked up towards the ceiling. “It certainly was…” She mused, her wings continuing to extend towards their limits.

Dan paused. “Wow, and here I thought I was making that all up! You two dweebs actually did do the deed surrounded by some of these bizarre and perverse charts?” He whistled. “You two must have gotten some pretty nasty paper cuts.

Twilight’s wings reached their full span. “Yeah, but it was worth it!” Twilight declared happily.

Dan merely blink in replied.

ACK!” Twilight declared as her face turned bright red, her wings retracting towards her body; it finally dawning on her what she was saying and who she was talking to. “WHY AM I TELLING YOU ALL THIS?!”

“Uh…”

In a flash of purple, the mirror went blank, replaced by a high pitched tone; a message that read ‘PLEASE STAND BY’ in bright, white bold letters in front of a series of circles, lines, numbers; and a line drawing of a proud looking buffalo wearing a feathered headdress.

*

Twilight lowered her head, ears, and exhaled slowly, allowing the hot, flushed feeling to leave her face. She took a few calming breaths and trotted across the library floor and knocked on a wooden door with a round, metal handle. “Spike? I’m coming in!”

“Okay!” The baby dragon replied.

As a purple glow surrounded the door knob and the door swung open.

“You can come out, now.” Twilight offered cheerfully.

Spike grinned from his bubble bath and continued to scrub his back with a large brush. “Naw, I’m good.” Spike paused and gave Twilight a concerned look. “Uh, Twilight? You’re bleeding.” Spike said pointing towards his own nose.

Twilight eyes widened slightly as she looked at the dragon. She wiped a foreleg under her nose and examined it. A small streak of red blood sat atop her purple fur.

“Huh…” Twilight squinted at the small amount of blood. “I wonder…” Twilight waved her hoof dismissing the notion. “Naw, couldn’t be…” She said, staring off into open space.

“Uh…everything okay, Twilight?” Spike asked.

Twilight smiled. “Everything’s fine!” She assured. “Uh…Spike?”

The bubbles shifted and the water sloshed as Spike leaned his arms on the edge of the tub and rested his head on them “Yes, Twilight?”

“What would you say to a short trip to Canterlot in a bit?”

Spike chuckled. “You work enough free time into your latest checklist to meet up with tall, orange, and handsome?” He asked with a knowing smile

Twilight blushed. “I may be just a bit ahead of schedule…” she offered.

*

Dan sighed for about the dozenth time of the day as he paced in front of the TV.

Alright, Danny boy, Sparkler was a bust...a disturbing, nightmare inducing bust. That’s okay, just get someone else to help you…

Dan stopped pacing to tap a finger against his chin and stare at the ceiling.

…Wow…uhhh…my options are either Chris, his wife, more useless ponies, Wally, that…cross eyed girl who works at the bakery, or a filthy hippy…

That is really, really grim…

Dan sighed again.

Chris it is…

Dan pulled out his smartphone and rapidly dialed a number.

-

Chris and Elise heard the sound of two phones simultaneously ringing. Chris held a spray bottle and looked over towards his wife to find she was mirroring a quizzical expression as she looked up from her copy of Quantum Physics and You: Stop Looking and Start Bending Reality.

The two reached for their phones as they continued to lock eyes with eachother. Simultaneously, they hit the green ‘Answer’ buttons on their respective screens.

“Dan?” Chris asked into his phone.
“Pinkie?” Elise asked into her phone.

“Chris!” Dan answered back. “Look, I need to come pick you up.”
“Elise!” Pinkie answered back. “Apparently I need you to come pick me up.”

Chris and Elise continued to stare at each other as they found surprise mirrored back at them from the other’s face.

“Uh…sure Dan. I’ll be right here.”
“Uh…sure Pinkie. I’ll be right there.”

“You better be! Or you’re on what’s-her-name and hippy watching duty for the next week!” Dan responded irritably.
“Thanks, Elise! I’ll see you soon for…whatever it is I end up needing!” Pinkie responded cheerfully.

Dan terminated his call with Chris.
Pinkie terminated her call with Elise.

“Now…” Pinkie said as she walked up the apartment stairs. “I need something convincing to tell...”
“…Pinkie so she doesn’t suspect anything when…”
“…I need to get back into the apartment and spend some time alone with Rarity…”
“…as I figure out something to sweep her off her feet tonight…”

With little more a few feet between them, Dan opened the apartment door revealing Pinkie on the other side.
There was a brief pause as the two simply stared at each other.

“Pinkie, I…”
“Dan, I…”
“…Had a horrendously bad, and painful, experience in the bath since I saw you last…”
“…Need to count my previously unknown, hidden, large, and dangerous collection of…”
“…and now have to go on a private vengeance run against bath salts.”
“…poisonous vipers to see if I have room for one more in the apartment.”

“Wait, What?” The two said in unison. “No, never mind. That’s fine!” The two insisted to eachother, smiling and waving dismissive hands. “So! See you tonight?” The couple asked each other. “Great! See you then! Love ya!” The two quickly leaned forward and planted a small kiss on eachother’s lips and quickly swapped places. Pinkie closing the door to the apartment behind her.

The two leaned against the apartment door and chuckled mischievously to themselves.

“(S)he suspects nothing!” The two declared to themselves.

Dan smiled to himself as he walked away from the door and down the apartment walkway.

Pinkie smiled to herself as she bounded into the bedroom.

Next Chapter: Part 7.5 Pinkie Vs. Virginity: Chapter 48 Pinkie Vs. Menstrual Cycles Estimated time remaining: 37 Hours, 29 Minutes
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