The Wheel and the Butterfly

A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga

Part 6 Pinkie & Dan Vs. Camping

Chapter 35 Pinkie Vs. Elise’s Parents

****

Chris plodded behind his wife as the two hiked through a snowy woods full of pine and fir trees that towered overhead, heavy boots trudging through two feet of snow as the two continued their trek to nowhere in particular. Sunlight still proved to be abundant despite the conditions and visibility was not an issue. Though, the snow and black, large, full duffle bags the two were carrying made the journey an arduous one.

Chris’s normal attire was slightly modified. He wore a long sleeved white shirt, his normal short sleeved blue shirt over it, and an orange, puffy vest over that.

Elise had opted to wear something that blended with surroundings a bit better. She wore a green, camouflage coat that remained unzipped, exposing a tight black shirt underneath, and vertical belts going down her shoulders to another belt around her waist. On her belts were an assortment of pouches, canisters, and a square metal handle sticking out of one of the pouches positioned high against her chest on the left. Black, fingerless gloves covered her hands. Finally, grey pants with large, full side pockets began at her waist, under her belt, and continued down, ending at a pair of black combat boots.

Elise stared down at a gun shaped device with a small screen that showed bluish outlines of trees with the occasionally orange/red dot inside the silhouette against a darker blue background. From the screen, the device extended out several inches in a round barrel about three inches in diameter, with a hole at the front.

“Huff…Any bears yet?” Chris asked.

“Not yet.” Elise responded, continuing to stare down at her device.

Chris sighed. “A bear would be good. Less walking for us.”

“If they’re domesticated.” Elise added.

Chris smiled and shook his head. “Doesn’t matter, I speak bear.” He added. “Can we rest a bit? Hiking this terrain might be in my blood, or at least one sixteenth of it, but hauling all this stuff isn’t.”

Elise looked up from her thermal sensor and looked at their surroundings. “Hmmmmm, alright. Sure. This seems like a good spot.” Elise said, unzipping her duffle bag and putting the thermal sensor inside. She fished around inside her bag and pulled out a white, foot long cylinder that ended in a round protrusion at one end, and a small spike at the other.

“Hey! Do I get a lightsaber, too?” Chris joked from a rock that jutted about a foot out of the snow and proved large enough to serve as a suitable seat with a large fir tree serving as a back rest.

Elise grinned at him. “It’s cool, but it’s not that cool.” She responded as she pressed a button on the side of the cylinder. The spike extended out a few feet at the end of a thin, metal poll. Elise thrust the spike into the ground, pushed the same button that had caused the spike to extend, and pushed the cylinder down until only the round protrusion was peeking up out of the snow.

“What is it?” Chris enquired.

“It’s a proximity sensor. It’ll let us know if anything comes this way.” Elise explained.

“You mean, ‘anyone’.” Chris said flatly.

“Yeah, that’s what I said…” Elise began, stopping herself as she processed her own response.

Crud.

“Erm, no!” Elise insisted with a nervous grin. “Uh…I’m interested in seeing if any large animals come buy…like a bear or moose…”

“Uh-huh.” Chris answered, his face a blank slate. “So how armed and dangerous is the terrorist that might kill us all?” He asked.

Elise shook her head. “It’s not a terrorist, it’s a cannibal serial murdererDANGIT!”

Chris narrowed his eyes, “Oh, well…that’s disconcerting.” Chris raised an eyebrow. “So you were okay with bringing your husband, best friend, and ummm…Dan out into the Canadian wilderness where we could all potentially be murdered and eaten?”

“Chris, don’t move!” Elise commanded as she dropped her duffle bag.

Chris’s eyes went wide and he froze his body on the spot.

In a flash of movement, Elise snatched the metal handle out of the pouch on her chest revealing a short, spade shaped blade at the end. She quickly threw the knife.

Chris heard a ‘thock’ from a few inches above his head as the knife impacted the tree he was sitting against. The bottom half of a neatly sliced pinecone fell from above and landed in his lap.

“Uhhh…” Chris glanced up at the small knife handle sticking out of the tree.

Elise smiled and walked over to Chris. “See? You’re perfectly safe.”

Chris returned his eyes to their previously narrowed state. “Alright, what about Dan and Pinkie?”

“Dan’s expecting a serial killer...” Elise glanced to the side briefly, “…or evil spirit, just by virtue of us going camping.”

“Well…that sounds about right for Dan, but what about Pinkie?”

“Did you see the chainsaw she packed?”

Chris nodded.

“Let’s just say she didn’t bring that because she has fantasies of becoming a lumberjack.” Elise said, motioning out with a hand. “Also, I sort of got the impression she’s dealt with a fair share of dangerous situations even before she met Dan.”

Chris put on a concern frown. “Okay, suddenly I’m less concerned about the serial killer getting us and more concerned about Dan and Pinkie…”

Elise smiled and walked over to Chris, sitting on his lap and wrapping her arms around his shoulders. “Don’t worry. You and I will finish getting some proximity sensors in place, a few cameras…” Elise reached up and pulled her knife out of the tree. “…and we’ll have plenty of warning before Dan and Pinkie go out and hack someone to pieces.”

Chris raised his eyebrow. “You mean before someone hacks them to pieces.” He corrected.

Elise’s expression went blank as she stared at Chris.

“…You don’t mean before someone hacks them to pieces…” He said with a worried expression.

Elise smiled again and hopped off Chris’s lap, holding her hand out to Chris.

Chris accepted it with a smile and Elise pulled him to his feet.

Elise walked back to her duffle bag, picked it up, unzipped it, took out the thermal sensor, and turned it on. She frowned as she observed a bright orange and red rectangular shape move behind the blue trees on the screen.

“Uh-oh.” Elise uttered, lowering the sensor and staring out past the trees.

“What?” Chris asked, a slight tone of panic entering his voice. “Is it the killer?”

Elise shook her head. “Worse! We need to get back to the cabin on the double.”

**
“GHAH!” Dan shouted as a snowball collided with his face. A green jacket and thick, black gloves added to his standard attire of a black ‘JERK’ shirt and jeans, and his black shoes replaced by large, black boots.

He quickly ducked behind a crude looking snow wall and wiped the white, cold substance off his face.

“What part of, ‘Cover me!’ Did you not understand?” He asked irritably, looking down at a black sweater wearing, Mr. Mumbles.

“Meow!” Mr. Mumbles replied, rolling onto her back and exposing her belly.

“Awww,”Dan uttered, bending down to stroke the sweater clad cat, “who could stay mad at that face?”

“Dan, you do realize a snowball fight means throwing snowballs, riiiight~?” A feminine voice called out in a cheerful, sing-song, mocking tone.

“SUCK SNOW, PINK GIRL!” Dan shouted, grabbing a nearby snowball and blindly flinging it over his snow wall.

Dan heard the sounds of the snowball impacting more snow.

“Golly, why did I even build a snow fortress?” Pinkie responded with a giggle.

“C’mon!” Dan shouted back. “It’s hardly a fortress!”

“It’s got two stories, it has windows, and a parapet.” Pinkie counted. “It doesn’t get more snow fortressy than that!”

“Look! You can’t spell “fortress” without…uh… ‘tres’.” Dan responded, looking down at Mr. Mumble with a shrug.

“Oh! You mean one of these?” Pinkie responded.

Dan cocked his head as he heard the sound of a string instrument being played. He decided to venture a look to see Pinkie; clad in a bright pink parka, jeans, and light pink snow boots; dangling her feet off the edge of the snow fortress as she sat between two large blocks of snow, holding a string instrument that looked very much like a stout guitar.

“What the heck is that?!” Dan exclaimed.

“D’uh!” Pinkie responded. “It’s a tres! Of course I can’t have a fortress without a tres!” Pinkie responded, plucking at the strings a few times. “It’s in the name!”

“Merow?” Mr. Mumbles said.

Dan looked down at the cat with a shrug. “I don’t know!” He insisted. “I thought I made it up!”

“Meow!”

“Oh, right!” Dan quickly bent down to pick up a snowball, and stood up and flung it in a Pinkie Pieish direction.

Pinkie traced the snowballs trajectory as it sailed far over her head. She looked down at Dan. “Seriously? I’m right here. I didn’t even move or duck for cover, or anything!”

“GRAHHHH!” Dan became a flurry of motion as he picked up snowball after snowball and flung them at the pink haired girl sitting atop her two-story snow structure.

Pinkie looked about as snowballs flew all around her, hitting her fortress, the blue sedan, the cabin, the ground, some trees, a squirrel, some birds, and pretty much everything but her.

Pinkie scrunched her eyebrows together. “Dan, do you need glasses? I’m actually kinda worried for you at this point.”

“SHUT UP!” Dan responded angrily.

Pinkie frowned. “Aww, did I make you upset?” Pinkie shimmied of her perch and landed in the snow below, setting the Tres against the wall of her snow fortress “I’m sorry.” She said earnestly. “Here! I’ll give you a free shot!”

“I DON’T NEED YOUR PITY!” Dan shouted as Pinkie approached. “…also I just threw all my snowballs.” He added as he walked around to the front of the his wall, crossing his arms and giving a sullen look to a tree that stood a few feet away from him to his left.

“Awww, well…we can do something else that’s fun!” Pinkie said as she approached Dan. “We can go sledding, or make snow angels, or go snowshoeing or…”

Dan squinted into the distance behind Pinkie as she closed the distance to a few feet between them. “What’s that? Dan asked, pointing behind her.

“Huh?” Pinkie turned, exposing the back of her cutie mark adorned parka to Dan. “I don’t see any”—Pinkie felt a tug at her parka and shirt and something very cold press against her bare back and travel all the way down her spine—“EEEEEEEEK!”

“I LIED!” Dan said triumphantly.

“So cold!” Pinkie declared as she quickly untucked her shirt from her jeans and allowed the large snowball to fall to the ground.

“War is cold, Pinkie.” Dan retorted. He squinted and pointed again. “What’s that?”

“Dan, how stupid do you think I am?” Pinkie asked with a knitted brow.

“Uhh…how honest of an answer do you want here?” Dan asked. “But seriously, something’s coming.”

Pinkie’s ears perked up as she heard the sound of a large engine approaching. She turned as a large, white RV approached the cabin and frowned as she felt something cold and snowy impact and explode against the back of her head.

Pinkie turned to Dan and shot him a glare.

“What?” Dan asked. “There really was something this time!”

“Oh, you are so going to get it, mister.” Pinkie declare, tensing her body back in a pounce position.

“Huh.” Dan said looking up at the RV. “I think that’s Elise’s pareGHA!”

Dan felt the impact of a body throwing itself against him, followed by the snow wall behind him that he flew up and over, then the snowy ground on the other side, and finally the same body that was thrown against him as Pinkie landed on top of him.

Pinkie giggled as she reached for loose clumps of snow and threw them point blank Dan’s face.

“You little sneak! I’ll”--Dan spit some now out of his mouth—“get you for this!” he declared, grabbing his own loose clumps of snow and flinging them up at Pinkie and flailing his legs about. Dan’s boot kicked deep into his makeshift wall.

Pinkie felt a tremble in her rear. “Uh-oh…”She muttered looking behind her as Dan’s snow wall collapsed and buried the two snow warriors.

A hand with pink nail polish on it stuck out of the snow pile and twitched a couple times. Soon, the snow rose and fell away as Dan and Pinkie stood to their feet, grumbling and giggling to themselves respectively.

“Hehehehe…Dan, I’m sorry, but that wall was terrible!” Pinkie stated, as she brushed snow off herself.

“Give me a break! I live in Southern California!” Dan pointed out, also brushing snow off himself. “It only snows in trite Christmas movies or if a super villain is trying to freeze the city…”

The two turned as the RV engine cut, the RV parked in front of the cabin, next to Pinkie’s tall snow fortress.

Dan and Pinkie looked through the large windshield of the RV to see a man with grey thinning hair, a mustache, and a red polo shirt under a large, brown, bomber jacket; a slender woman with blond hair with grey streaks in it, and a green shirt under a form fitting black trench coat.

Pinkie turned to Dan. “Serial killers?” She asked with a raised eyebrow.

Dan chuckled. “Worse. Elise’s parents.”

“Oooo! I’ve never met them before! This is going to be so much fun!” Pinkie said excitedly.

*

“So, that’s the woman who can bear to share a roof with Dan.” The man commented.

“Don, be nice.” The woman responded. “Elise has had nothin’ but good things to say about Pinkie.”

Don raised an eyebrow at the woman sitting across from him and motioned out to the girl in pink outside. “Sure, but she’s still crazy enough to actually want to share an apartment with that maniac. There’s got to be something wrong with her.” He insisted.

“Well, you have a point there…” The woman admitted. “Oh! She’s waving! Quick, Don! Smiles! Wave!”

Don and the woman plastered on fake smiles and waved out towards Pinkie as Dan fixed the couple in the RV with a quizzical look.

The doors to the RV cab opened and Elise’s parents stepped out, brown pants and black snow boots finished the man’s ensemble; jeans and white ugg boots finished the woman’s. The side of the RV opened as well, and a muscular man with close cropped, blonde hair, a light blue polo shirt under a leather coat, grey cargo pants, and large brown boots stepped out.

“Huh, they brought dreamboat.” Dan commented.

“Dreamboat?” Pinkie asked.

“Er…I mean Colby. Ex-boyfriend of Elise.” Dan explained.

“Oh well…that’s…” Pinkie knitted her brow slightly, “strange…but the more the merrier!” Pinkie said excitedly.

Dan sighed. “We’re about ten times more likely to be attacked by a serial killer, now.”

“Oh? What makes you say that?” Pinkie asked.

Dan motioned out to the group in front of the RV. “The last time we were all together, we were attacked by The Hockey-Masked Maniac.” Dan frowned. “I’d start checking radio stations if they went this far.”

“That’s okay! We’re well prepared for any chain-saw wielding maniacs!” Pinkie insisted with a smile. “I’m going to go say, ‘Hi’!” She declared.

Dan rolled his eyes. “Yes, you do that. Have fun.”

Pinkie cupped her hands together and brought them up to her face with a huge smile that made an audible ‘squee’ as her lips pulled to their limits. She quickly bounded over through the snow to the group that had exited the RV.

“Hi! I’m Pinkie Pie!” She announced holding out a hand.

“Uh…Don.” Don said, taking the hand as Pinkie started giving his a vigorous shake.

The woman extended her hand with a smile. Pinkie happily extended her other arm crisscross over her other arm and took the woman’s hand in hers and started shaking it as well.

“I’m Elise.” The woman responded.

“Oh? But that’s Elise’s name!” Pinkie exclaimed in a surprised tone.

“That’s because she was named after me.” Elise Sr. explained. “She’s a junior, and I’m Elise Senior.”

“Oh! I had no idea!” Pinkie responded. “May I call you Senior?”

“No you may not.” Elise Sr. replied simply.

“Oh. Alright then.” Pinkie responded cheerfully.

“Uh, Pinkie? Could we have our hands back?” Don enquired as Pinkie continued shaking his and Elise Sr.’s hands.

“Oops! Hehehe, sorry!” Pinkie said with a smile, letting go of their hands. She extended a hand out to Colby who took it in his hand and started giving it a firm shake.

“I’m Colby” He said with a large smile. “Former astronaut, current medical school student. Juuust about to wrap up my Ph.D.”

“Uhh…cool beans.” Pinkie responded.

“Colby.” Don said with a raised eyebrow, “Maybe the lady would like her hand back?”

“Oh, but it’s so cold! I’m just warming it up for her.” Colby insisted.

“That’s okay!” Pinkie exclaimed nervously. “It’s fine!” She announced, retracting her hand and placing it behind her back. “I’m fine!” She insisted.

“Hmmm, yes, you sure are.” Colby said with a wink.

“Errmmm….”Pinkie recoiled at the wink and turned to Don and Elise Sr. “Thank you so much for letting us stay in your cabin! I’ve had so much fun today out here in the snow and pelting Dan with snowballs! Oh, I just know we’re all going to have a blast together! There’s so much more I haven’t even done out here! Like snow angels, and tree climbing, and sleddin…”

“Yes, I’m sure you and Dan will have a wonderful time together.” Elise Sr. said.

“Uh…right…sure…” Pinkie responded, her smile dropping slightly.

“So, Pinkie.” Don began. “I understand you moved into Dan’s apartment with him.”

Pinkie’s smile returned. “Yep! He’s my bestest, best buddy in the whole wide world!” She stated.

Don smiled darkly. “What was wrong? Where all the gutters occupied when you needed a place to stay?”

Pinkie’s smile leapt for cover as her eyes went wide. “Uhhh…”

“Don, be nice.” Elise Sr. chided.

“Heh, just kidding!” Don said with a closed eye smile, giving Pinkie a playful slap on her shoulder.

“Heh, sure…” Pinkie said, forcing a weak smile. She turned to Colby.

“Astronaut, huh? You know I’ve been to the moon.”

The trio stared at her blankly.

“Well, not this moon…you see…”

-

Dan watched the spectacle unfold with a bemused expression.

He turned as he heard the sounds of snow being trodden through as Chris and Elise emerged from the tree line.

“Chris! Elise!” Dan called with a smile. “You’re missing the show!”

The couple made their way to Dan and dropped their duffle bags.

Elise sighed as she looked towards the RV and raised her fingerless gloved palm to her face. “Oh no…”

“Oh yes!” Dan replied with a smile.

Chris matched Elise’s sigh and face palm, “And they brought Colby, swell.”

“I know!” Dan said. “It’s like some sort of Dismemberfest reunion out here with special guest star Pinkie Pie!”

“Well, at least Pinkie is making friends.” Elise mused sadly.

Dan snickered. “Don’t be too sure. She may look happy, but she’s not having a good time out there.” Dan said motioning out to the group by the RV.

“Huh?” Chris said, glancing at the bubbly girl with pink, curly hair. “How can you tell?”

Dan pointed at Pinkie’s right hand that she had placed behind her back. Pinkie held it in a claw like manner, the fingers tensed and bent inwards. It seemed to twitch and the fingers would spasm with just about every syllable the three talking to her would utter.

“Oh dear, that can’t be good.” Elise murmured.

“Yeah, Pinkie does that whenever a guy starts hitting on her, or someone is talking down to her.” Dan examined the group in front of him carefully. “By the looks of things, both are taking place.”

“Wow, it’s like she’s channeling all her rage and frustration just into that one hand.” Chris commented.

“Yep! I call it the ‘fury claw’!” Dan replied with a smile. “Soon Pinkie’s going to walk over here and tell my how much of a horrible-bad experience this all was…”

-

“….Aaaaaand you’re all making the face at me people make when I talk about where I’m from, so I’m going to stop talking now.” Pinkie said cheerfully.

Don, Elise Sr. and Colby all looked at Pinkie with a concerned and confused expression.

“Oh, hey!” Don said. “It’s Junior! Hello Junior!” He called out.

“DON’T CALL ME ‘JUNIOR’!” Elise yelled back.

“But, it’s your name, dear!” Elise Sr. replied.

Don give Pinkie a forced smile. “Well Pinkie, it’s been weird, but we should really go talk to our daughter.”

Pinkie returned the forced smile. “Don’t let me keep you.”

“We won’t.” Don said, the smile dropping as he turned towards Elise.

Pinkie sighed.

“Well, looks like it’s just you and me.” Colby said with a large, sparkling white grin.

Pinkie flinched and looked up at him with a crooked nervous smile. “Would you excuse me? I have to go over there…”Pinkie said motioning towards Dan with her head, “…and spank Dan…because of…reasons!” She offered, forcing her smile to widen.

Colby’s smile remained. “That’s alright.” He winked. “See you around.”

Pinkie turned and clutched her right hand to her chest with her left. “Yeah…sure…”

-

“Hello, Junior.” Don said happily, followed by a sigh. “Hello Chris.”

“Uh…Hi Don…Elise…” Chris offered weekly.

“What are you two doing here?!” Elise demanded.

“Surprise!” Don said with a smile. “We thought it would be fun if we joined you all! The more the merrier, right?”

“Did you have to bring Colby?” Elise asked.

“Oh, Junior, you know Colby is like a second son to us!” Elise Sr. answered.

Don paused. “Wait…second?”

Elise Sr. sighed, “Yes, Don. Ben is our son.”

“Who?”

“You know, skinny, long haired guy that lives with us and plays a lot of video games?” Elise Sr. reminded.

“Oh right!” Don said, raising a palm to his chest and dropping his fist into it with a light ‘smack’. “Ken isn’t really the camping type.” Don explained.

Elise raised an eyebrow, “You mean, ‘Ben’.”

“Him, too!” Don responded.

-

Pinkie quickly walked up to Dan.

“So? Did you have fun?” Dan asked with a knowing grin.

“No!” Pinkie exclaimed as she approached. “They’re all like…the most self-centered people I’ve ever met in my life! It was horrible-bad!” She explained. “And I’ve met actual evil beings who wanted to capture or kill me and all my friends!” She added. “Oh! Almost forgot.”

Pinkie walked up to the side of Dan and began lightly swatting his rear.

“Uhh, What the heck do you think you’re doing?!” Dan demanded

‘Swat, swat, swat’

“I’m spanking you, obviously!”

‘Swat, swat, swat’

“Obviously!” Dan replied in an irritated tone. “Why are you spanking me?!”

‘Swat, swat, swat’

“I told Colby I would to get away from him.”

‘Swat, swat, swat’

Dan sighed. “And this was the best you could come up with?!”

‘Swat, swat, swat’

“I panicked, okay?!” Pinkie said, gesturing wildly with her free hand.

‘Swat, swat, swat’

“Could you maybe…stop?” Dan asked with a raised eyebrow.

‘Swat, swat, swat’

“I don’t want him to come over and talk to me some more!” Pinkie insisted.

“Oh Pinkie, Dan,” Elise Sr. called out “could you two stop…whatever it is you two are doing and clear out that big snow fort in front of the Cabin? It’s going to block our view of the tree line.”

“It’s a snow FORTRESS!” Dan insisted.

Pinkie stopped her spanking to give Dan a sly grin.

“What! You had a tres and everything!” Dan said, catching the expression.

Pinkie looked up to Elise Sr. with a smile. “Don’t worry, Senior. We’ll take care of it!”

“Don’t call me ‘Senior’!” Elise Sr. exclaimed, narrowing her eyes.

Elise began laughing. “See! Not so fun, is it?”

“Oh! I can help!” Colby shouted at Pinkie.

“No, no, no, no, no, no, no!” Pinkie insisted waving her hands in front of her. “No.” She added forcefully. “Dan and I will get this cleared out in a jiffy!”

Pinkie turned to Dan and whispered. “I have an idea!” She said with a smile

“Oh?” Dan asked with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m thinkin’…plan ‘E’.” Pinkie said with a smile that had suddenly gone rather dark.

An evil grin crept across Dan’s face like black smoke slowly wafting into an empty room. “Sounds good to me.”

The two made their way to the cabin, Pinkie grabbing her string instrument on the way.

“Well…those two make a strange couple.” Elise Sr. stated.

Elise sighed. “They’re not quite a couple. They seem to be stuck in some sort of bizarre stage between best friends and romance that manifests in some maddening display of property damage and snuggling.” She stressed with a slight sneer.

“Elise, I think you’re focusing on the wrong thing here…” Chris said.

“Whatever, just so long as that pink hussy keeps her hands off Colby…” Don began.

Elise rolled her eyes. “I don’t think Colby’s her type, dad.”

Elise Sr. shot her daughter a look. “Too mentally stable?”

Without warning, the cabin door flew open revealing Pinkie and Dan smiling wide. A lit lighter in Dan’s hand, and a lit stick of dynamite in Pinkie’s.

“FIRE IN THE HOLE!” Pinkie shouted as she tossed the lit explosive into her snow fortress.

Dan quickly closed the cabin door.

‘KABOOOM’

The snow fortress exploded out, covering everyone and everything with a thick layer of snow.

The cabin door slowly opened to the sound of maniacal laughter and loud, happy laughter.

“Hahahahehehe…Sorry!” Pinkie said to the crowd outside. “Nothing like some TNT to break the ice! Hehehehe…Get it?” She asked as she looked across the snow covered group.

The group wiped away snow from their faces to fix Pinkie with a glower.

Pinkie frowned. “Uhhh…I’ll just brew us all some nice tea, okay?” She stated. “Come on, Dan.”

Dan narrowed his eyes at her. “I hate teaGHK.” Dan uttered as he found Pinkie pulling him back into the cabin by the collar on his shirt.

“Too bad, you’re helping anyway!” She informed, as she closed the cabin door.

Elise looked back to her mom. “Pretty much, yeah.”