The Wheel and the Butterfly

A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga

Part 6 Pinkie & Dan Vs. Camping

Chapter 33 Pinkie Vs. Road Trip

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Rules about lyrics utterly destroyed this chapter. So, definitely read it from here.

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“Do you think we drove into an alternate dimension while we were asleep?” Pinkie whispered to Chris, leaning over.

Chris pondered this. “It would explain a lot.” He whispered motioning to the two sitting in the front of the car.

“Yeah…I mean…they seem to be getting along…” Pinkie mused. “…Without injuring anyone.” She added.

Chris shrugged. “It’s happened on occasion…”

“Still…can we take that risk that Dan and Elise just decided to have a friendly conversation about their favorite movies?”

“Yeah…I see what you mean...” Chris said, carefully eyeing the two up front. “Maybe we can test them?”

Pinkie pondered this as a smile slowly creped across her face like a spider across a floor. “Follow my lead.”

Quietly, Pinkie began to sing. “One million buckets of oats on the wall, one million buckets of oats.”

Chris grinned wide and joined in the singing.

“You take one down, pass it around, nine-hundred-ninety-nine-thousand-nine-hundred-ninety-nine buckets of oats on the waaaall!”

“Chris! Pinkie! No!” Elise exclaimed.

Dan turned towards the back seat, his face red with rage. “I WILL COME BACK THERE AND I WILL CUT OPEN YOU TWO AND STRANGLE YOU BOTH…”—Dan crossed his arms in front of him and leveraged angry index fingers at Chris and Pinkie—“...WITH EACH OTHERS ENTRAILS!”

Pinkie and Chris exchanged huge grins and announced. “It’s them.” In unison.

Mr. Mumbles yawned as Pinkie began stroking her. Mr. Mumbles purred in response.

Elise chuckled as Dan put on a sullen expression and turned back in his seat.

“So…umm…How did I end up in the back seat?” Chris asked, afraid he already knew the answer.

“We chloroformed the both of you because you were being insufferable.” Dan answered.

Chris frowned. “Not cool!” He declared.

“Oooooh, mystery solved.” Pinkie said simply.

Chris looked over to her. “You’re not even a little upset about this?” He asked, throwing his forearms out, palms up.

Pinkie smiled and raised her hands into a shrug. “I’m pretty used to it by now. As long as I wake up in the car next to Dan or in the apartment, I don’t mind.” Her smile grew as she placed her hands on the side of the car seat in front of her and peaked around it to look at Dan. “I’ve even been knocked out in the car and woke up in the bed a few times.”

Dan blushed slightly.

“Now, who do you suppose carried me up all those stairs and all the way into the apartment?” Pinkie purred as her smile changed into a sly grin.

Dan crossed his arms and stared out into the darkening expanse of tree and fence lined asphalt. “You’re heavy.” He replied simply.

“Awww…” Elise uttered from the driver seat.

“Don’t encourage her!” Dan wined agitatedly, looking at Elise.

“What? I think it’s sweet!” Elise said. “I drag Chris to the bed when I knock him out, sometimes, too…”

Chris frowned. “Well, as nice as it is to wake up in a soft bed wondering what the heck happened as opposed to the floor, I think I’d prefer to not be knocked out at all!”

“Chris,” Pinkie began, putting a hand on the tall man’s shoulder and leaning over, “sometimes people just need some quiet time and chloroform is an easy-peasy, if toxic, way of getting that!”

“Yeah, Chris!” Dan insisted with a toothy grin. “What are you suggesting? That I hit Pinkie over the head to knock her out? That would just be barbaric!”

“But, I..!” Chris protested before he sighed. “I’ll just be quiet now…”

Elise chuckled.

Pinkie giggled and sat back in her seat. “How long were we out?”

“About four hours.” Elise replied.

“Oh, well…that would explain why I have to use the bathroom really, really bad!” Pinkie said with a slightly pained look, crossing her legs.

Chris’s stomached made a churning sound. “Yeah, me too.” He said meekly.

“It’s what you two get for eating so much!” Dan replied.

Pinkie pouted. “You said I could! Also, how was I to know you’d chloroform me?”

Dan turned back to fix his roomie with an evil grin. “Didn’t your Pinkie Sense warn you?”

Pinkie shook her head. “I don’t have one for imminent chloroforming.”

“Don’t worry.” Elise said. “We’re almost to Salt Lake. We’ll stop there and grab dinner.” She said as the trees and concrete barriers gave way slightly to buildings that lined the side of the interstate.

Pinkie and Chris glanced at each other and gave a quick “Yay!” in unison.

“Wait…an entire lake made out of salt?” Pinkie asked. “That sounds kinda…super irresponsible. Do people just walk around drunk on salt all the time?”

The other car occupants went quiet.

“Yeah, I’m not even going to touch that one.” Dan said.

“Touch what?” Pinkie asked in a confused tone, raising an eyebrow.

“Nothing. Shut up.” Dan replied. “Great Salt Lake is just a really big lake that has a lot of salt in it.”

“Ooooh.” Pinkie replied. “Sounds…umm…salty?” Pinkie offered.

“Here guys, I’ll pull over at the next exit, and we’ll figure out a place to eat.”

*soon*

Dan grinned a toothy smile full of sharp teeth. “Hey, we found a Lenny’s.”

Pinkie giggled. “No way!” She said with a smile.

“Eyup.” Dan replied.

The color drained from Elise’s face.

“Ooooh! Sounds great. I could really go for a super grand slam with an extra side of bacon.” Chris said hungrily.

“No, please no!” Elise pleaded. “Anything but…”

*-ooooo-*

Dan laughed maniacally from the driver’s seat as Pinkie suffered from a giggle fit in the passenger seat.

Chris and Elise sat in the back. Mr. Mumbles curled on Elise’s lap. Chris had a slightly concerned look on his face. Elise had her face buried in both palms.

“Hahahaha…Did you see their…pffft…faces?!” Dan asked.

“Hehehehe…KABOOM!” Pinkie shouted jumping in her seat as much as the seatbelt would allow and flinging her hands in the air, smacking them against the car ceiling. “Syrup, EVERYWHERE!”

“It could have been worse.” Chris said softly to his wife.

Elise removed a hand and glanced at Chris with a raised eyebrow. “How could it have been worse?!”

“Well…we got under the table before they set off the syrup bomb…” Chris offered. “Oh! And nothing got set on fire.” Chris added.

Elise sighed quietly, one hand still covering half her face. “That…kinda actually is a plus in this case, isn’t it?”

Chris shrugged. “It’s all relative with these two.”

“Hehehe…”Pinkie slowly gained a foothold over her giggles and turned to face Chris. “So! What should we sing next?”

“Pinkie, if you begin another round of obnoxious singing, I will crash this car on the passenger’s side.” Dan threatened.

Elise removed the hand from her face and looked up with a worried expression.

“Is that a dare, or a doubley-doggy-darey?!” Pinkie asked, giving her roomie a mischievous grin.

“Do you really want to find out?” Dan responded in a threatening tone.

Pinkie’s grin widened. “I know a song that’ll get on your nerves, Get on your nerves, get on…EEEEEP!” Pinkie exclaimed as Dan pulled the car to the right and the concrete barrier suddenly got substantially closer.

“AH!” Chris said in alarm, leaning over to wrap protective arms around his wife.

“Dan, could you NOT crash our car?” Elise asked in a demanding tone.

“What! It’s not my fault you decided to sit behind her. And you’re buckled in! You’d, probably, live.” Dan insisted.

“Mr. Mumbles isn’t.” Elise pointed out.

“Merow.” Mr. Mumbles mewed sadly from Elise’s lap.

Dan gave an exasperated sigh. “FINE!” He glanced at Pinkie with eyes narrowed into slits. “Just pick something that doesn’t make me want to murder you.”

Pinkie paused with an “Hmmmmm…” and a smile slowly spread across her face. Softly, she began to sing.

"♫"
"♫"

Elise and Chris smiled and joined in.
♫

Dan’s grumpy expression slowly softened until he was grinning.

"♫"

Dan suddenly joined in the singing, claiming a line from the song.
"♫"

The other occupants of the car smile’s widened as the opted to become Dan’s background singers.
"♫"

Dan chimed in.
"♫"
"♫"

*a few minutes later.”

"♫"Dan sung.

"♫" His passengers replied.

"♫" Everyone sang.

[i"♫" Elise sung in a high pitch.

"♫" Chris responded in a much lower pitch

"♫" Elise sung.

"♫" Chris sang.

The smiling occupants of the car once again joined voices.
"♫"

"♫"
"♫"
"♫"

"♫"Dan sang, bobbing his head to side to side with the rhythm.

Everyone else in the car threw out their hands towards Dan.
"♫"
“"♫"

"♫" Pinkie sang, imitating a piano.

Dan continued. "♫"

Bismillah "♫" "♫" Chris and Elise answered.

"♫" Pinkie pleaded from the front seat, placing her palms flat against each other, putting her hands under her chin, and turning and facing the couple with a grin.

Chris reached his hands over and placed them on Dan’s shoulders. "♫"

"♫"Pinkie responded, feigning struggling to get one of Chris’s arms off Dan.

"♫"Chris and Elise responded.

"♫" Dan sang.

"♫" The other three responded.

"♫"

"♫"

"♫"

The four joined their voices again.

"♫"
"♫"

"♫" Dan sang, attempting to feign distress through his smile.

Everyone sang in unison again.
“"♫""♫"

The four mimicked the sound of a guitar as they all began a round of vigorous head banging. Pinkie’s long hair flew in all directions from the passenger seat.

"♫"
"♫"
"♫"
"♫"
"♫"

*soon*

"♫" Dan sang quietly.
"♫"

"♫"His backup singers responded.

“Crushshshshshs…” Pinkie said, mimicking a gong.

The four broke out into guffaws, chuckles, giggles, and laughter.

Dan smiled. “Alright, my turn.” He grinned mischievously. “I know a great driving song.”

Still smiling, Chris piped up. “Uh-oh. Should we be worried? That tone tells me we should be worried.”

Pinkie giggled. “Probably.” She answered.

"♫" Dan sang, his mischievous face starting to go full evil.

Pinkie joined him on the next line, looking over with an equally evil grin.

"♫"
"♫"
"♫"

Dan’s evil smile widened until he was grinning malevolently with every muscle on his face.

Pinkie’s looked much the same.

Dan pressed down on the accelerator and continued his grim duet with Pinkie as Chris and Elise exchanged nervous grins from the back.

"♫"
"♫"
"♫"
"♫"

*Later…*

“I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts” Chris and Pinkie sang.

“Gah! LAME!” Dan declared.

Pinkie paused as Chris continued singing.
“There they are, all standing in a row”

She smiled at Dan. “Cheer up, it’ll be your turn soon enough.”

“Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head”

Dan sighed. “Yeah, I guess…”

*Later still…*

"♫" Elise sang softly.

Chris joined in.
"♫"

“Also, LAME!” Dan protested.

"♫"

Pinkie shushed him. “I like it. Don’t worry, I’ll pick something cool for my song.”

"♫"

“You better!” Dan stressed.

*hours of driving and singing later*

Chris yawned as Dan continued cutting through the dark night with the bright headlights of the car.

Elise had scooted over to the middle seat and was fast asleep leaning against her husband with her arms wrapped around one of his.

Pinkie had leaned her seat back and was likewise snoozing away as Mr. Mumbles laid curled on her lap.

“Hey Dan, pull over at the next exit, will you? We've hit the halfway point already.”

“Pfft… You lightweight sissies, it’s barely after one!” Dan exclaimed

“We don’t all stay up until we can hear the birds chirping, Dan.”

“What?!” Dan protested. “They’re soothing!”

“Look, I have to drive tomorrow, too, and I kinda would like something resembling a full night’s sleep in a bed before I get behind the wheel.

“Weenie.” Dan responded.

Pinkie yawned from the seat next to Dan. “Dan, just find us the niceeest hotel you can find.” Pinkie said, eyes barely opening in a half awake state. “My treat.”

“But they just named this stupid city after the state it’s in!” Dan protested. “I don’t want to encourage such laziness!”

Pinkie opened her eyes a bit more and batted her eyelids at her roomie. “Please, Dan?”

Dan sighed. “Oh, alright…” He said in an irritated tone of voice. “…stupid Idaho Falls…” He muttered.

Chris smirked. “Oh, I see. You call me names, but you’ll listen to her!”

Pinkie giggled softly.

Dan paused. “She outranks you.”

Chris’s smirk transformed into a frown. “Outranks me? In what?”

“The Dan Army, of course.” Dan replied.

“What?!” Chris exclaimed. “I’ve been pretty much the entire Dan Army until you met Pinkie!” He insisted.

Dan smiled as he drove the car onto an off-ramp. “Not quite, Mr. Mumbles joined before Pinkie, and she outranks you, too.”

Mr. Mumbles mewed softly from Pinkie’s lap.

“Oh, come on!” Chris protested. “Mr. Mumbles is a cat!”

“That’s Lieutenant Mr. Mumbles to you!” Dan responded. “And you’ll salute when addressing her…and me…and Pinkie.”

“Hehehe…” Pinkie responded softly.

Chris narrowed his eyes and continued frowning. “What’s my rank?”

“The lowest. You’re ‘the Chris’.” Dan replied.

“That’s not even a real rank.” Chris responded.

“That’s just how low it is!” Dan retorted.

“HeheHahahaha!” Pinkie said, her giggled giving way to full laughter.

Chris put on a sullen look. “Okay, what’s Pinkie’s rank?”

“Uhhh…” Dan glanced to the side for a second. “Commodore.” He answered.

“Commodore is a navy rank, Dan.” Chris said flatly.

“Uhh…” Dan trailed off.

Pinkie turned her body to look at Chris and announced. “The Dan Army has its own special ranking system!” She insisted.

“Hey! No tag teaming!” Chris objected.

Dan grinned at his roommate. “See Chris? This is the sort of stuff you’d know if you had ever managed to rise in the ranks.”

Chris crossed his arms. “Alright then, how does one raise up in the ranks of the Dan Army?”

“You can do my bidding with less whining and protesting, for starters…oh, and be more handsome…or at least less goofy looking.”

“Heeey!” Chris protested.

“Don’t worry, honey.” Elise spoke up, softly. “You’re still number one in the Elise Special Forces.” She assured, tightening her grip slightly.

“Awww…” Pinkie uttered with a small smile.

“Stop encouraging insubordination!” Dan whined. “Otherwise, I might have to demote you to rear admiral.

Chris smiled. “Rear admiral is higher than commodore.”

“Not in the Dan Army, it’s not!” Dan insisted forcefully.

“Hmmmmm, the Dan Army could use some flow charts, or something...” Pinkie mused.

Dan pulled the car into a parking lot.

“There, that looks pretty big.” Dan said, motioning out to a large, four story tall hotel with a large entrance and porte-cochère jutting out of the center. “We’ll probably get a nice view of the stupid river when it’s light.”

“Ooo, Fancy and Smancy!” Pinkie commented.

“Alright, Commodore, mustache Mr. Mumbles.” Dan ordered.

“Aye, aye…uh…Dan.” Pinkie responded with a happy smile and salute.

Dan exited the car, threw the keys in the back seat, closed the driver side door, walked to the passenger side, opened the door for Pinkie, and leaned down to unbuckle her seatbelt for her as the recently mustached Mr. Mumbles jumped off her lap and onto Dan’s shoulder.

Pinkie giggled and brushed some of her hair from the side of her face as Dan stood back up. Pinkie bent down to grab her pink bag and looked up to see Dan holding out a hand for her. Pinkie smiled wide enough to make an audible squee sounds as she took the hand and Dan helped her to her feat.

“My, such the gentleman.” Pinkie cooed as she planted a peck on Dan’s cheek.

Dan smiled at her and turned to Chris. “Get the luggage, Chris.” He paused as his teeth emerged from his smile. “Oh, and get the bags, too.”

“Hey!” Chris and Elise said and unison.

Dan turn and ran towards the hotel shouting, “Oh no! The Elise Special Forces are attacking! Protect your commander and Lieutenant with your life, Commodore.”

Pinkie pointed a finger to herself and put on a ‘Who, me?’ expression. “Wait! How am I going to pay for our rooms if I’m taken prisoner?”

Dan stopped and turned, his toothy grin and the silver case he was holding glinting under a parking lot light.

Pinkie laughed and gave chase. “You JERK! I won that money fairsees and squaresees!”

“The Dan Army thanks you for your contributions!” Dan shouted as the automatic doors opened for him and he ran into the hotel, Pinkie sprinting after him.

Chris sighed, but suddenly felt a gentle hand on his chest. He looked down to see his wife smiling up at him with big, violet eyes.

“Let them have their fun. I think grabbing a couple suitcases is a small price to pay for a fancy hotel room and a view of the river.” Elise reasoned.

Chris smiled down at her, rubbing the back of his head. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

The two sat up and exited the car as Elise grabbed the keys.

“Hey, Chris?” Elise said as the two made their way to the trunk of the car.

“Hmmm?” He responded.

“Do me a favor and just stay ‘the Chris’ in the Dan Army. I’d prefer if you didn’t explode syrup over any restaurants.” Elise stated.

Chris smiled. “Of course, sweetie.” His smile dropped slightly. “I doubt I could keep up with those two, anyway.”

Elise leaned up to give her husband a quick kiss on the cheek. “I doubt anyone could.”

Author's Notes:

I Know a Song that Will Get on Your Nerves suggested by user [url=ttp://www.fimfiction.net/user/Clemerl]Clemerl