The Wheel and the Butterfly
A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga
Part 5 Pinkie Vs. Balance
Chapter 28 Pinkie Vs. Obstacle Course

“Balance, huh?” Elise mused into the phone. “I think I can help you there. There’s a new military style obstacle course that opened in Pasadena. I’ve been wanting to go there with Chris for a while now. We should all go!”

“Oooo! Oooo! Will there be running? And jumping? And climbing? And…” Pinkie replied excitedly.

Elise smiled. “Yes, Pinkie. And they have multiple courses. We can spend the entire day there!”

“Sounds awesome-possum! We’ll get ready.”

“Great! Chris and I will be there in about an hour!”

“See you soon! Bye-bye!” Pinkie said excitedly.

Elise terminated the call.

Elise exited the bedroom, walked down the hall and into the living room. “Chris! Get changed into workout gear, we’re heading to an obstacle course with Dan and Pinkie.”

Chris looked away from the T.V. with a frown. He had managed to surround himself with an assortment of cakes, cupcakes, and muffins. “But I was going to sit here all day and eat all the baked goods Pinkie had given us while watching T.V.!” he whined.

Elise simply gave him a disappointed look.

Chris sighed, “I’ll go get my Owls workout t-shirt…”

Dan sighed from the couch, “So what bizarre, asinine task did you just recruit us into?”

“Elise is taking us to a military styley obstacly coursey thingy!” Pinkie responded with a huge grin.

“You signed us up for boot camp? Pass.” Dan said, waving has hand about dismissively.

Pinkie’s sad, pleading eyes and quivering lips returned. “Dan, you have to come! It’s the only way to ensure fun levels will be at max!”

“Well, Max can go die in a fire,” Dan said flatly. “I’m staying here.”

Pinkie tapped an index finger against her chin with a “Hmmmmmmmm…” A sly grin spread across her face. She scooched up against Dan and put an arm around his shoulders, then pushed an index finger against him and started lightly twirling it against his chest. “I’ll buy us something nice if you go out…” she purred, fluttering her eyelashes.

Dan met her big, blue eyes with beady green ones. “You are not going to be able to just bribe me with another action figure here.”

Pinkie’s grin widened and she stood up. “Oh, I was thinking bigger this time…” Pinkie walked over to her Laptop, pushed a few buttons, and turned the screen to face Dan.

Dan’s jaw dropped. “A brand new video game console system?! AWESOME…” Dan shook his head to clear it. “I mean, NO! No way. You can’t just appeal to me with rampant consumer whorism!”

Pinkie maintained her smile and looked up to the ceiling, tapping her chin a few more times. “I was also thinking we could upgrade the T.V. We could really use a high-definition flat screen.” Pinkie looked back at Dan, her smile widening. “Don’tcha think?”

“Ghaaaa!” Dan felt the strength of his resolve fade away on its deathbed, its final will and testament leaving everything to his desire to watch high definition T.V. and trounce his roomie at video games. Dan exhaled and hung his head, murmuring a soft. “Fine. I’ll go change into my camo shorts and sneakers.”

Pinkie clapped her hands together excitedly. “Yay!”

“Stupid, lousy, roommate having unlimited amounts of money…” Dan mumbled.

‘Knock, Knock’

The door slowly opened to reveal the two apartment occupants, covered in bandages, Band-Aids, and a few fresh burns.

“OH MY GOSH, WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO YOU TWO?!” Elise exclaimed.

Dan sighed. “Mr. Mumbles scratched my face up again and shot me with radioactive eye beams.”

“And I threw myself against a brick wall for two minutes straight trying to do a flip off of it,” Pinkie answered cheerfully.

“WHAT?!”

Chris put a sweatband-clad hand on his wife’s shoulder. “Remember how we discussed not asking what happened to Dan and Pinkie anymore?” he reminded.

Elise hung her head and sighed. She looked back up and she asked, “Don’t you two think you’re better off resting and healing then running around today?”

“No way!” Pinkie insisted. “My life has been marked with a distinct absence of awesome backflips off roofs since I got here! This will not stand!”

“And I want to go home with a new video game system,” Dan added.

Chris grinned slightly. “She bribed you again, huh?”

Dan widened his eyes and threw his hands out. “She sweetened the pot with a new T.V!” he cried as he motioned to himself. “I’m not made of stone!”

“Alright, alright. Just…let me know if you need to stop at any time, Pinkie,” Elise said.

“Aye, aye!” Pinkie responded with a salute.

“Hey! What about me?” Dan asked.

“You can just sit in a heap of pain until we’re done,” Elise responded.

“…bonnacon…” Dan mumbled.

Elise punched him in the arm.

“Ow! What was that for?!” Dan asked as he rubbed his arm

“Dan, Cryptozoology is a hobby of mine. I know what a bonnacon is!” Elise replied, crossing her arms over her blue tank top.

“Really? That’s kinda cool, actually,” Dan admitted.

“What’s a Bonnacon? It sounds like ‘bacon,” Chris stated.

“Believe me, you don’t want to know,” Elise said, putting a hand on her husband’s bare arm.

Pinkie went wide-eyed and trembled a bit, “I’ve seen one before…there was fiery dung everywhere!”

“Uh, I don’t think Bonnacons actually exist, Pinkie,” Elise said.

“Maybe not where you’re from!” Pinkie insisted.

“Hey! I have a sudden urge to avoid this weird conversation!” Chris stated. “Let’s go get that obstacle course!” Chris said, swinging a fist in an arc in front of his chest.

Pinkie looked at Dan excitedly. “Race ya to the car!”

“Uh, I’m good…”

Pinkie bolted out the door, sprinted across the walkway, and jumped onto the stair railing. She immediately lost her footing, fell against the railing with a loud ‘clang’, and slid down the rest of the way until the railing curved and she flew face first into the hood of Chris and Elise’s blue sedan.

“Owie…” Pinkie uttered painfully.

Chris’s and Elise’s jaws dropped.

Dan shrugged and walked towards the stairs. “You win.”

A tall, muscular man with short black hair, wearing a black tanktop, camo pants, and combat boots approached the group. “Hi! I’m Chet, the manager of this bodacious obstacle course! Who’s ready to get fit, hip, and ripped in a fun and exciting way?” he asked.

“Ooo! Me! ME!” Pinkie exclaimed, raising her hand and jumping up and down excitedly.

“Whoa, there little lady! You already looked like you’ve been through a warzone! Are you sure you’re up for this?” Chet asked, warily eyeing the bruised and bandaged Pinkie Pie.

“No pain, no gain!” Pinkie said with a big grin.

Dan lightly poked Pinkie’s left shoulder, causing her teeth to clench and body to tremor from head to toe.

“What did you gain from that?” he asked.

Elise swatted the back of Dan’s head.

“Ow!” Dan exclaimed.

“What did you gain from that?” Elise asked.

Dan rubbed the back of his head. “Nothing. I already knew you were Lilith incarnate.”

“Why you little…”

Chet put a big, muscly hand each on a shoulder of Dan and Elise. “Love the enthusiasm, but let’s save it for the course!”

Dan swatted Chet’s hand off him. “Get your cold meat hook offa me!”

Chet paused, staring at Dan for a moment, then put on a smile. “Now, what’s going to be the name of this rocking team?”

“Team let’s go to the mall already,” Dan suggested irritably.

“Team let’s go home and get something to eat,” Chris suggested hungrily.

“Team Awesome Sauce!” Pinkie suggested excitedly.

“I second, ‘Team Awesome Sauce!” Elise said enthusiastically.

Chet grinned. “‘Team Awesome Sauce’, it is,” he replied, writing it down on a clip board. “Alright, girls, you get first run.”

Pinkie smiled wide and bounded off to the obstacle course.

Elise quickly followed.

“Dangit, Chris! You undermined the two party system! You don’t throw your hat into the ring against your own party! It splits the vote!”

“Sorry, Dan. I was never very good at politics.”

“Well your ignorance means we have to do the stupid obstacle course! We could have deadlocked the whole judicial system and filibustered the executive branch!” Dan explained, vigorously motioning with both hands.

“…Dan I’m not sure you fully grasp the three branch system.”

“I understand beating you with tree branches!”

Chris sighed and looked over the obstacle course. “This is like high school gym all over again.”

Dan tapped an index finger against his chin, and stared out at the course. “I remember it differently, somehow.”

The two watched as Elise expertly ran and stepped over taut ropes, logs, climbed nets, walls, and blazed across the course. Then, they looked back at the start of the course to see Pinkie expertly tripping over every taut rope she came across.

“Well…At least she has spirit.” Chris remarked.

“She’s going to become a spirit at this rate.” Dan countered.

“At least this seems safer than…whatever the heck she was doing earlier today,” Chris replied.

“Yeah, but she’s so bad at it. She’s just going to want to try something else! Then she’ll get seriously injured. And guess who’s going to have to take care of her?”

Chris frowned as he put on a ponderous expression. “Me?”

“WHAT?! Of course not. ME you i!” Dan said angrily. “She’s going to break all her limbs and I’m the one who’s going to have nurse her back to health, cook all her meals, feed her, pour juice for her, bake her cookies, cupcakes and all the other things she likes to eat, play her favorite music, watch her favorite movies with her, wash her, tuck her in at night, and read her a bedtime story.” Dan shook his head with an exasperated exhale. “Horrible, just…horrible.”

Chris raised an eyebrow, “Wow…you’ve umm…really put a lot of thought into this.”

“Look, we have to crush her will to continue!” Dan insisted forcefully.

“That seems…kind of mean.”

“Chris, sometimes if you care about someone very much, you have to completely destroy their ego so they stop being so stupid,” Dan explained.

Chris narrowed his eyes. “Yes, I can see how that’s a personal mantra of yours.”

“Waaaaah!”

Chris and Dan turned in time to witness Pinkie tripping on a horizontal log placed on the ground. She fell hard onto the logs in front of her. She quickly rose to her feet, announced “I’m up!” and proceeded to trip on the next log, repeating the process.

Chris paused. “Alright, I’m in. What do we do?”

“Simple, we go out there, and we kick her butt.”

“Dan! I am not going to assault Pinkie!” Chris insisted.

“Nice pun, buddy. But I meant kick her butt at the obstacle course.”

“But I suck at obstacle courses,” Chris complained.

“Well, just…suck less than her. Should be pretty easy.”

Chet walked up to the two guys. “Looks like your friend is going to take a while, there.” He said, motioning behind him with a thumb. “Why don’t you two bros get started? Elise is already onto the second course! She nailed the first one and set a new record!”

Dan looked up at Chris. “Ready?”

Chris gulped. “As I’ll ever be.”

“That’s the attitude we like to see out here!” Chet said with a smile. “Crapy Denim! Seize the day!”

Dan’s eye twitched.

“Now, go, go, go, go, go!” Chet commanded.

Dan ran to the beginning of the course and started placing his feet as he dodged the taut, tripping hazard ropes.

Chris quickly followed and began gingerly stepping over ropes while throwing his hands out to his sides in a desperate attempt to maintain balance.

It wasn’t long before Dan caught up to Pinkie as she struggled to scale a wall with a rope.

“Hey, Pinkie.” Dan called out has he grabbed his rope and began climbing. “Doing alright?”

From about halfway up the wall, Pinkie responded, “I am a leaf on the wind, watch as I—WHAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Pinkie lost her footing and slid down the rope still holding it. She quickly got reacquainted with the ground.

“…soar.” Pinkie said, rubbing her bruised and cut body. “Ow! Ow!” Pinkie shook her friction-burned palms and blew on them.

Dan scaled the wall, and looked down at his roomie. “Well…see you at the finish line.”

Pinkie determinedly grabbed the rope, cringing as her hands made contact. She lifted herself up, placed her feet on the rope, bit into it with her mouth, and began scaling the wall by alternating climbing and biting the rope.

Chris soon caught up as well, and tried to catch his breath.

“Hey…huff…Pinkie…huff. Doing okay…there?”

“III FIII,” was all Pinkie could get out through a mouth full of rope.

“What?” Chris asked, raising an eyebrow.

Pinkie wrapped her limbs around the rope tightly and removed her mouth. “I said, ‘I’m fine.’” She bit back down on the rope and continued to climb.

“Wow…that can’t possibly be sanitary.”

“Chris! Stop lollygagging over there,” Dan called out. “You are the worst lollygagger I’ve ever seen!”

Pinkie removed her mouth from around the rope, “Hehe, ‘lollygagger’…WAAAAAAAAAAH!”

‘THUMP’

Chris frowned, fighting the desire to help Pinkie across the course. No, wait. If I help her she’ll just keep trying and then end up in the hospital…or worse.

Chris grabbed his rope and painstakingly climbed his way up.

Pinkie’s eye twitched, her teeth gritted, and with a look of determination, she reached up and grabbed the rope with hands and teeth, and began her ascent again.

Dan stepped his way through a series of tires and made it to the end of the course. He crossed his arms and looked on impatiently as Chris struggled through the remaining obstacles, tripping on one of the final tires and collapsing at the end.

“Well…you’re terrible,” Dan commented as Chris slowly rose to his feet, “but she’s worse, at least.”

“Dan…I…huff, puff….I’m not sure I can do another one of these.”

Dan threw his arms out to his sides. “You have to! Pinkie’s just going to keep on hurting herself! And I have to drive all the way to Arizona every time we run out of Everclear…Which happens with surprising frequency.”

“Why don’t you just buy rubbing alcohol?”

Dan put on a dumb expression, raised one hand, and moved his fingers up and down in a mocking, blabbering-on manner. “Menahamenahalcohol.”

Chris sighed.

Dan walked over to Chris and elbowed him in the ribs lightly. “Quick! She’s almost here! Act natural.”

“Dan, we’re not doing anything wrong, except for maybe not helping her.”

“Yes, good. Use that!”

Pinkie trudged through the last yards of tires, tripping near the end and collapsing into a heap of rubber. She clutched at the ground and slowly crawled towards the two men.

“How’d I…huff…do?” Pinkie asked as she stood up and attempted to catch her breath.

Dan and Chris looked over Pinkie’s new attire.

“You’re wearing a tire,” Dan informed.

Pinkie’s lower lip quivered and she looked down at the new fashion statement around her stomach. “I’m wearing a tire!” She declared sadly. She struggled to push it off, lost her footing, and fell to the ground with a startled yelp. “Erm… Dan? Could you be a dear and help pull this stupid thing offa me?”

Dan sighed and bent down to help his roommate. “You’re hopeless without me!” Dan grunted as he pulled on the tire.

“I’m working on it!” Pinkie insisted as she pushed on the tire.

The tire flew off with a pop as Dan tumbled backwards. The trio watched the tire roll off a few feet away then catch flame for no particular reason.

…

…As you do.

“Why does everything keep doing that?!” Pinkie demanded in a shrill tone.

“So…” Dan began rising to his feet, holding out his hands to help Pinkie up. “How was your first obstacle course?”

Pinkie took Dan's hands, stood up, and laboriously forced a smile onto her face. “Ga-great!” she said stammered. “I re-really think I’m getting the hang of this!”

Dan folded his arms across his chest and crinkled his brow slightly.

Pinkie sighed and looked at Dan with big, sad, blue eyes as her lips quivered. “I hated it. I hated it so much! But it’s over now, and we…”

Chet walked up to the trio, “Alright guys! Good hustle out there! Now onto round two!”

Pinkie’s eyes went wide. “Can I at least wait until the burning sensation in my…everything goes away?” She pleaded.

“Love the burn!” Chet replied.

“Don’t tell her what to love!” Dan shot back angrily.

Chris eyed Chet suspiciously.

“Alright, I’m gonna give you dudes a few minutes’ breather and then I want you all to show me just what lean, mean, obstacle course running machines you can be!” Chet said as he flexed his muscles. He walked off towards the advanced courses.

Pinkie dropper her head with a small sigh and let her arms dangle in front of her. “This bites,” she declared.

“So…” Dan began. “Shall we burn the obstacle course down?”

Pinkie looked up at Dan with a frown. “We can’t do that! Elise is having so much fun!”

“Pffft, forget Elise,” Dan said with a dismissive wave of his hand.

“NEVER!” Pinkie replied resolutely.

Dan raised his palms up to face level and quickly flicked them forward. “Fine! But are we at least done with this stupid balance thing?” Dan asked.

Pinkie look at Dan with a face packed with resolve. “No way! I just need to find that one thing that’s going to help me sort out my balance.”

Dan put a comforting arm around Pinkie’s shoulders. “Hey. You’ll get it eventually. It just takes time.”

Pinkie shook her head. “If life has taught me anything it’s that you just need to find that one thing you’re good at and then everything will magically fall into place!” Pinkie insisted.

“Uhh…” Dan trailed off, unsure of how to respond.

“Hey, Dan,” Chris said as he rubbed his chin, his eyes following Chet into the distance. “Does Chet remind you of anyone?”

“Yes,” Dan replied, “he reminds me of every musclebound idiot who’s obsessed with physical activity.”

“Well…yeah. But doesn’t he seem pretty much exactly like Chad from the gym, just with different colored hair?”

Dan pondered this. “You know, you’re right, Chris!”

“Who’s Chad?” Pinkie asked.

“You know that big, metal paperweight I have?”

Pinkie raised an eyebrow at Dan. “Chad is a paperweight?” Pinkie pondered this for a moment. “I guess that explains why your paperweight has a face,” she said, tapping an index finger against her chin and looking up into the sky.

“Well, he is now! But he used to be a robot. An evil robot who captured Chris and Elise and forced them to exercise to power an army of other evil, muscled robots including Chad.” Dan looked at Chris. “I saved them, of course.”

Chris sighed. “Yes, Dan. You only remind us every chance you get. Look, what if Chet is an evil robot?”

Dan shrugged. “Well, let’s kill him and find out!”

“Dan, we can’t just kill people before we figure out if they’re evil robots or not,” Chris responded.

“Awww! Come on!” Dan cried. “We could be in danger here!” he turned to Pinkie. “Back me up here, roomie.”

Pinkie crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. “No, Dan. We’re not going to kill people just because they remind us of evil robots.”

Dan thought for a second. “Well…if we prove he’s a robot, then can we kill him?”

Pinkie closed her eyes and nodded. “That would be acceptable.”

“And THEN will you help me burn down the obstacle course?”

Pinkie narrowed her eyes into narrow slits. “Don’t be ridiculous…OF COURSE I’ll help you burn down the obstacle course! I HATE it.”

“Huh?” Chris said in a surprised tone. “But you said—”

Pinkie interrupted him, “Elise is potentially running around so she can be captured by robots and forced into robot powering servitude. Burning this place down would practically be a public service!”

Dan smiled and raised a hand to playfully ruffle the hair on his taller roommate’s head. “You’re learning so well!”

Pinkie cocked her head slightly with a smile. “Aren’t I?”

“Guys,” Chris spoke up. “I’m not sure if burning this place down is such a hot idea.”

Pinkie giggled. “Hehe, ‘hot’.”

“What is it with you and puns?” Dan asked Chris with a raised eyebrow.

“Oh yeah.” Pinkie piped up. “I just remembered that Elise said there’s enough courses here to keep us busy the entire day.”

Chris paused. “…So? How do we figure out if Chet is a robot?”

“Oh!” Dan spoke up. “His hand was really cold when he touched my shoulder earlier!”

“Well…that’s pointing towards robot, but not really solid proof,” Chris stated.

“Oh, come on!” Dan whined.

Pinkie pulled out a giant, novelty sized, ‘U’ shaped, magnet. “We can see if this sticks to him!”

“Wait…do you just carry that around with you wherever you go?” Chris asked in disbelief.

“Nopers!” Pinkie replied. “Only when I need to check for robots…or like… stick myself to a car for chasing purposes,” Pinkie explained.

“But…where do you even KEEP that giant thing?!” Chris asked.

Pinkie motioned to her rolled up, denim shorts. “I have pockets!” she pointed out.

“But…” Chris felt Dan reach up and place a hand on his shoulder.

“I’ve learned it’s just best not to ask too many questions when it comes to Pinkie,” Dan said. “Your head will hurt far less.”

“Okay, fine! We have a giant magnet somehow. How do we take on Chet if he’s, in fact, an evil robot?” Chris inquired.

Dan pondered this. “Does Elise carry any weapons in the car?”

“Normally, no,” Chris replied. “She carries them on her. However, she had to leave them all in the trunk because she’s wearing a tank top and sweat pants without pockets.”

Dan excitedly rubbed his hands together. “Alright, let’s check the trunk and see what we got.”

The trio made their way to the car. Chris unlocked and opened the trunk, revealing an arsenal of mediaeval weaponry and modern firearms.

Dan paused briefly as he stared at the weapons cache before him. “…Elise walks around with all this stuff on her personage, and you were hassling Pinkie Pie about the magnet?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah… well… I should really just learn to stop asking questions,” Chris admitted.

“I’m proud of you, Chris,” Dan said as he put a hand on Chris’s back. “This is a big step for you.”

“Ooo! Shiny!” Pinkie said, looking into the trunk.

“I call battle-axe!” Dan said, grabbing a double bladed battle axe that was roughly as big as him.

“Mace, please!” Pinkie said.

Chris handed Pinkie a metal shaft with a medicine ball sized spiked end.

Pinkie grabbed onto it and quickly fell to the ground with an “oof” as Chris let go of the heavy item.

Chris looked back to the trunk and rubbed his chin, weighing his options. “I think I’ll take the Claymore.” Chris reached down and pulled out a large, five foot long sword.

Dan helped Pinkie to her feet.

With a determined “Grrrrrrr…” Pinkie raised the giant mace and rested the shaft on top of her right shoulder.

“Alright, everyone ready?” Dan asked as he pulled the battle axe close to him with both hands.

Pinkie held raised her magnet with a free hand and Chris raised his sword high into the sky. “Ready!” The two declared in unison.

“Alright. Let’s go see what Chet is really made out of.” Dan announced with an evil, toothy grin.

“Great hustle, Elise!” Chet exclaimed. “That’s another record! Just one more course and you’ll be the record holder for the entire compound!”

Elise gave herself a little fist pump. “Yes! Oh, hey Chet? Have you seen my husband and two friends? Are they still way back there?”

“Oh yeah.” Chet said. “I think they may still need to start on course two! Why don’t you get started on the final course and I’ll check up on them.”

Elise smiled. “Sounds like a Plan, Chet!” She quickly ran off towards the final course.

Chet turned. “Now, where can those three have ran off…”

‘CLANK!’

Chet stared down at the giant magnet now affixed to his torso.

“Get him!”

Chet looked up to see a trio of angry, and more importantly, armed individuals rapidly approaching him.

“No wait!” Chet cried as he placed his hands in front of him. “There’s a perfectly reasonable—”

With a wide, horizontal swing. Dan buried the axe into Chet’s upper arm. It sliced into the arm a few inches showering the area with sparks and leaving a large tear that contained recently cut wires and exposed pumps and pistons.

“Why you tiny meat-bag-zzzzURK!” Chet was interrupted as Chris trust a several foot long blade through Chet’s chest.

Chet reached out to nab his two attackers, but stopped as he heard a shrill cry.

“Ayiyiiyiyiyiyi!”

Chet looking up just in time to see a pink haired girl lift a giant, spiked mace off her shoulder and bring it down on his head with a loud ‘CRUNCH’.

Chet collapsed to the ground, revealing a large concave dent where the top of his head used to be.

Many more dents and holes here added to his robotic body as the three combatants hacked, sliced, and smashed his body with their weapons.

“Huff…Puff…Alright…I think we got him,” Chris said, dropping his sword.

Dan and Pinkie continued to take a few more swings with their weapons.

Dan also worked on catching his breath. “Great… huff… now get… puff… the gasoline… Chris.”

Pinkie uttered a few more frustrated cries and swung her mace onto Chet’s shattered, metal torso a few more times.

Chris paused. “I didn’t bring any gasoline.”

A toothy grin appeared on Dan’s face. “What do you mean, you brought a car full of the stuff.”

Chris’s shoulders dropped and he sighed. “I’ll get the hose…”

With one last burst of energy, Elise sprinted to the end of the final course. Slightly winded, she bent down started to catch her breath. “How’d I do, Chet?”

There was no answer.

Elise looked up to discover that all of the courses, including the course she had just finished, were at least partially engulfed in flames.

Elise’s eyes went wide as she scanned the surroundings for the rest of her group. She spotted the back of the short, man with short, black hair, and the woman with long, pink, curly hair standing next to the blue sedan they had all arrived in. The two were staring out into the flames as Pinkie produced a few sharpened sticks and a bag of marshmallows. Chris was sitting down on the grass next to them, having a coughing fit.

“Okay. Now it reminds me of high school gym,” Dan commented.

“DAAAAAAAAAAAAAN! PINKIEEEEEEEEE!” Elise roared.

Dan and Pinkie flinched like two children who had just been caught by their parents doing something they weren’t supposed to do. They turned to Elise, fake, innocent grins hastily plastered onto their face.

“WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED HERE?!” Elise demanded.

“Uh, it burnt down,” Dan offered.

“Because of an… accident... that happened,” Pinkie added.

“That made it…burn down,” Dan continued.

“Well, I can see that it’s burnt! What I want to know is; How’d it get burned?!”

Dan paused. “How did what get burned?”

“THE OBSTACLE COURSE! How’d it get burned?! HOW’DITGETBURNED?!”

“Elise, wildfires happen all the time in California!” Dan explained. “It’s just nature’s way of resetting things when something grows out of control.”

“Oh, please!” Elise said in an exasperated tone. “There was nothing natural about this!”

“Exactly!” Dan said, raising an index finger. “Hence why nature had it destroyed. We should all be happy that Mother Nature’s wrath was satisfied with claiming just this one giant obstacle course compound.”

Elise closed her eyes, made a frustrated “Graaaaaah!”, and clutched at her hair. As she was getting nowhere in record time with Dan, she moved to an easier target.

“Pinkie?!” Elise said in a commanding tone. “Did you help burn down the obstacle course?!”

Pinkie nervously looked from side to side as the side of her mouth pulled into a pensive grimace. “Well… I… erm… that is to say… that...” Pinkie held up the bag of marshmallows in front of her. “… Marshmallow?” she asked as she forced a pensive grin on her face.

Elise closed the distance between the two girls to a handful of inches and stared Pinkie down with, large, angry, violet eyes. “Did you or did you not help burn down the obstacle course? Tell the truth!”

Pinkie’s eyes increased the speed of their nervous looking back and forth. “Chris syphoned the gas we used from the car!” she blurted out.

“WHAT?! CHRIS!”

“Heeeey…cough…no snitching!” Chris said from his spot on the ground.

“I can’t believe the three of you!” Elise stated, rubbing the tips of her fingers against her temples. “I can’t believe Chet let you three do this!” Elise paused and looked around. “Wait? Where’s Chet?!”

“Oh! Well, he’s in the trunk!” Pinkie explained.

“WHAT?! Don’t tell me you three knocked him out and threw him into the trunk!”

“What are we, savages?!” Dan asked angrily. “We dismembered him and threw him into the trunk!” he corrected.

“YOU DID WHAT?!” Elise exclaimed, completely shocked.

Dan shrugged. “Go big or go home.”

“THAT IS NOT AN APPROPRIATE USE OF THAT PHRASE!” She tried to process what Dan had just said to her and how much trouble her husband, Pinkie, and to a lesser extent, Dan now might be in. “Okay…here’s what we do. We find Chet’s car, load his corpse into the trunk, and then we drive that to a garbage dump where we’ll—”

Chris spoke up, “Elise. Maybe you should see Chet first.” Chris stood up and opened the trunk to the car.

Elise breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank you merciful God!”

“Oh yeah. Chet is a robot.” Pinkie remarked, glancing at the sky and rubbing her chin. “I guess we should have told you that first.”

Elise slowly gained control of her breathing. “… So why is he in the trunk?”

“Oooo!” Pinkie spoke up. “I have a friend who’s going to completely geek out when she sees a real life, dead robot!”

“Alright, fine… but did you three have to burn down all the courses?!”

“I think you know that we did,” Dan said.

Pinkie and Chris nodded somberly in agreement.

“But…But I had just beat the record on all of them!” Elise explained, flinging out her arms to the sky.

“You should be thanking us, then,” Dan explained.

Elise’s eyes narrowed. “How you figure that?”

“Now no one will be able to take your record away from you,” Dan argued.

Elise’s eyebrows furrowed. She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger.

Pinkie sighed. “I still need to work on my balance!” she declared squeakily.

“Can we figure out something that Elise isn’t good at?” Dan suggested.

Elise smirked. “Sorry, Dan. I’m incredibly fit and agile thanks to constant training and on the job working out. There’s probably nothing we can go to that I wouldn’t be good at.”

“Oh, hey! We should go ice skating!” Chris said.

Elise frowned. “Except that.”

“No!” Dan said. “That’s an abysmal idea!”

“You said you wanted something that Elise wasn’t good at, and she’s a terrible ice-skater!” Chris insisted.

“Hey!” Elise protested.

“What? You are!” Chris reminded.

Elise sulked. “Okay, but you don’t need to tell everybody!”

“When I said that, I meant something I’m also not terrible at,” Dan qualified.

Pinkie piped up. “Besides, Chris! It’s sunny, warm, and bright! Where are we going to find ice?”

“Uh, Pinkie? You do know there are indoor ice-skating rinks, right?” Chris asked.

“WHAT?!” Pinkie exclaimed shrilly. She turned to Dan and lifted the short man up to her face level by grabbing onto the collar of his shirt and raising him up. “WHY WASN’T I INFORMED?!” she demanded angrily.

“Pinkie…you’re hurting me,” Dan said meekly.

Pinkie shook Dan a few times and stared him directly in the eyes. “TELL ME!”

“Ummm… er… It never came up in casual conversation?” he offered with a nervous smile.

Pinkie’s eyes widened and she let go of her grip, allowing Dan to collapse to the ground. “Oh…I suppose it hasn’t…”

Dan grumbled as he picked himself off the ground.

Chris smiled. “I say, we vote on it.”

“I vote we just go to the mall already!” Dan said.

“I vote we go home and get something to eat before anything else gets destroyed,” Elise said.

“I vote that we grab a change of clothing, grab some food, and go ice skating,” Chris said.

“Yay!” Pinkie said, “I vote that thing that Chris said!” she said excitedly.

“Dang it, Elise!” Dan shouted.

Elise offered Dan a shrug. “What!? How was I supposed to know he’d change his vote and attach ‘grab some food’ to his bill.”

“You’d make a terrible vizier, Elise!”

“Dan, there are no viziers in a democracy,” Elise said.

Dan put on a dumb expression, raised one hand, and moved his fingers up and down in a mocking, blabbering-on manner. “Menahamenahademocracy.”

Chris happily opened the driver’s door to the car and sat down.

Pinkie also opened one of the back doors to the car and sat down, giddily bouncing on her seat in excitement.

Dan and Elise shared a sigh and slowly climbed into the car with grumpy expressions on the faces as they contemplated what was likely to be an embarrassing and painful continuation to the day for them.

Author's Notes:

Revised!