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The Wheel and the Butterfly A Dan X Pinkie Pie Saga

by Justice3442

Chapter 206: Part 18 Dan, Pinkie, & Ash Vs. Deadites: Chapter 169 and one half : Applejack Vs. Mini-Applejacks

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Part 17 Dan, Pinkie, & Ash Vs. Deadites: Chapter 165.5: Applejack Vs. Mini-Applejacks


On paper, it had been a good plan, at least some voice somewhere in Ashley William’s head had told him as much. There were the step-by-step instructions that were to take the group from point ‘a’ to point ‘b’, where point ‘a’ was the imminent threat of complete world destruction based on an evil undead apocalypse and ‘b’ was hot sex with a kick-ass southern belle, getting roaringly drunk with said southern belle, oh… and maybe getting a liiiiiiiiitle-lot-a-bit-high during the process.

You know, the process of getting Laid.

There was just one problem, though.

The piece of paper was on fire. It had been on fire since the word “go”. Probably before the word “go”, someone had soaked the piece of paper in gasoline long ago and then a maniac with a Zippo lighter came up and lit it before anyone could even say the word “go” and that maniac had been cheerleaded to do that the ENTIRE time but what looked like pure essence of cheerleader!

Also, it was kind of a… thing… that the piece of paper had been hand delivered from some magic Terminator, but-the-show-with-the-chick-one. Because of this, the paper was apparently extra flammable.

Oh, and also nothing was written down. That was Ash’s bad, actually. The plan was the equivalent to a bad trip (in almost every sense of the word) he had begun sometime in college, and it simply went on and on and he had just regurgitated a particularly vivid hallucination that was unnervingly real and involved a mirror, a bunch of tiny hims, some technically-misspoke-but-close-enough-Damn-it, an undead-evil version of himself, oh… and a medieval uprising against that dead that he had led with some basic mechanical skills and a Chem 101 book.

In hindsight it was incredibly unlikely that this was going to work out in anything other than a complete and utter shit-show, hosted by his fucked-up life, directed by himself, with special guest stars some angry fuck-mook, his maniacally happy and insane girlfriend, and their fucked up from the Terminator future but also magic daughter who was every bit as angry, hot, and psychotic as the pair of them.

“Oh, Satan have mercy!” A tiny female voice rang out as a frantic battle cry was heard. “She’s getting back up!”

Oh! A VERY special guest star, the hot piece of southern pie-ass he had mentioned. There was a brief discussion of who would be stupid enough to lose their cool and break a mirror in a convoluted plan to make an evil clone and kill it. Ash had no desire to live that again, he didn’t even want to live THIS again. Captain ANGRY pants was apparently also just spite and magic and one of the pint-sized psychos was enough! His far-hotter-than-he-deserved girlfriend had been told “no” by everyone present before she got a word out. Their future-River-from-Firefly spawn was seemingly unkillable and taken out of the running, so that left… oh yeah, there was another guy. Forgot about him. His deal was apparently… being hungry all the time, and having a wife possessed by the Necronomicon.

From personal experience, Ash knew this had a 50/50 chance of ending in dismemberment for the wife and a 100-percent chance of ending in lots of dismemberment for lots of people in general.

“Oh, God!” said the poor bastard, Ash remembered his name was ‘Chris’, who was not prepared for today. “There’s just so many little squashed bodies everywhere!”

Right, so while everyone was trying to convince hungry-hungry husband to take one for the team, his give-no-fucks girlfriend had walked off to the nearest bathroom, RIPPED OFF an above-sink mounted mirror along with a fair amount of drywall, came back with it while Danny-boy had just about convinced his friend Chris to deal with the dark nasties for TWO fictional Scooby snacks which Chris KNEW were fictional, but somehow increasing the number of the totally fake thing made him and Pinkie, the ultimate cheerleader, “super-dee-duper-excited”. However before hot-terminator could help increase the number of fake-things to three, AJ dropped the mirror while making heavy eye contact with her own reflection.

Ash SWORE he could see the Applejack on the other side of the mirror whimper.

“Get WRECKED ya obnoxious varmints!” Applejack yelled as she hammered a makeshift wall of office furniture. Really, it has become more of a weird, modern castle wall for tiny versions of Ash’s girlfriend who were also stripped to their underwear because AJ has somehow sorted out that this would get messy and had stripped to her skivvies before the tiny hers pulled themselves out and ran SCREAMING from the shattered mirror as she started… uh…

Ash searched for the correct mental image as the office chair shattered into sheets of twisted metal and plastic as little hot AJs were scattered across the room. The survivors vainly fought back with makeshift ballistas made from rubber bands, thumbtacks, and paperclips, but such thing amount to attempted murder by a million pin-pricks.

Right… right.. that was it… It was like those cartoons where they fill a wooden bucket full of grapes and squish them with their feet, except it was little sexy blonde bombshells, broken glass, and just… so much screaming for mercy.

But that was the past and this is now when the survivors had managed to pull off enough Bugs Bunny level shenanigans on AJ that they bought enough time to make a fortress and defend it.

And as Ash watched one of the tiny babes let out a death scream as she flew past his face and glanced at the OTHER people here… Let’s see… Designation ‘L’ or Elle’s eyes were wide open and she had this disconnected, slack-jawed smile as this was simultaneously unbelievable and also what happens to her every day of her life. Chris had covered his eyes rather than watch the carnage. Pinkie Pie had placed both hands on either side of her head as if “not listening” to what she was seeing would somehow eliminate whatever existential crises she was going through from watching a half-naked Applejack crush, kill, and destroy micro-versions of herself with pure spite and swagger.

Oh… and that tiny man child, Danny boy? His eyes were wide as they soaked in every ounce of carnage and he had coupled both hands over his mouth, yet there was no doubt that they were both covering a smile bigger and eviler than anything Ash had seen from the hordes of possessed bodies, some of them loved ones, that had tried to kill him time and time again.

Ash finally watched the tiny version of his sex-on-fire woman hit the ground, her tiny neck snapping on impact. His girl, the full-sized model, had CLEARLY come to fuck shit up and paint the walls red, and she was all out of fucks.

Applejack took a moment as tiny-pin pricks fired from rubber bands pierced her skin, not even flinching as the tiny darts began to decorate even her most sensitive bits. Ouch, that one looked like it hit a nipple… She looked down and picked up two sword-length pieces of the twisted mirror and squeezed the ends tightly despite the bits of glass that pierced her palms and caused them to bleed. Feet bleeding, hands bleeding, this barely clothed and ripped as HELL woman strolled into the center of the fortress where the bombardments ceased.

“Su-surrender!” one of the tiny AJs cried. “We gotcha rights where we want you!”

“We sure as shootin’-shit don’t!” Another one added.

“Shhh! The important thing is we’ve got her completely surrounded.

AJ gave out smirk that Ash had only seen a few times when they were deep, DEEP, in their chemicals and she was riding him like a bronco she was about to break. “The only think Ah’m surrounded by is fear and dead mees!” she declared as she held her jagged metal glass-swords parallel to the sides of her body and perpendicular to the ground. “But Ah’ve got good news! Y’all see, there’s no longer any reason to wonder where yer GOD is! ‘Cause she’s right here!” The smirk suddenly turned into a grin so evil Ash thought it might give Dan’s a run for its money. “And she’s fresh outta mercy…” she added in a near whisper.

And in an impressive show of coordination, strength, and just pure good ol’ fashion, grit, Applejack spun in place and extended her ‘blades’ turning herself and everything around her into the world’s most brutal blender.

Suddenly there was a burst of… steam? Some sort of pressure based make-shift system to shout out… uh… a tape measure that had been sharpened and bent to pierce Applejack’s arm meats. It was quickly retracted, carrying with it one LAST mirco-Applejack that had created some sort of grappling hood harness and two razor blades. “THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!” it screamed as it impacted, rolled across AJ’s ample blood splattered chest and thrust the sharp edges directly into her exposed jublees.

Calmly, Applejack flicked away the “weapons” and grasped the final her in her palm. It swallowed hard as it got a very close look at the devil smile and the pearly whites behind it. “Ya shoulda went for the head,” Applejack said as she tilted her head back, raised the tiny her above her mouth, and let it drop into her waiting throat.

“AH HATE THE ME WHO’S INTO THIIIIIIIIIIIIIS”
—‘GULP’!

For a moment, everything was quiet.

Chris took a deep breath and let it out. “Well… that was… uh… a little intense.”

Elle nodded. “Too bad it’s over.”

Chris raised an eyebrow. “You meant, ‘thank God’, right?”

Elle just flashed Chris a dazzling smile. “Sure! She deserves some credit!”

Pinkie frowned heavily. “Wait, everything I’ve seen and read has told me God is a ‘he’!” She snapped her fingers. “No, wait, except that movie where Batman and that guy that was trapped on Mars are ANGELS and have to save the world with a Zebra, El Mariachi’s wife, Oooo-ooo and finally Jay and Silly Bob!”

Dan threw his hands up in the air. “How did you just misremember half a dozen movies in a single sentence?!”

Pinkie grasped the sides of her head hard. “I don’t even understand all the things I do! WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME?!”

Dan’s lips contorted briefly. “Touché.”

Chris thought for a moment. “You know, I always considered God above genders? I mean… not really a ‘he’ or ‘she’ but I don’t know… How about ‘zee’?”

Elle clapped her hands excitedly. “I LOVE it!”

Dan angrily tossed his hands in the air. “You’ve won me over. I’ve given up on pronouns. Good job, everyone! God is a Zee now.”

Who has two thumbs, is sick of all this, but one of those thumbs is a chain-saw hand? “Hey! Butt-munchers!” Ash called out.

“We’re not going to dignify responding to ‘butt-munchers’,” Dan mumbled.

“Yes um’?” Pinkie and Elle replied in unison.

“Uh, yeah?” Chris chimed in.

Dan let out a heavy sigh. “Friggin’ clan mates…”

Ash motioned to Applejack. “There’s a sequel to that fucked up scene.”

“Okay, but we were TALKING!” Dan replied irritably.

Pinkie shrugged. “Eh, it’s fine. It had started to get more than a little self-indulgent.”

As if on cue, Applejack’s face seemingly turned green and she began to lose her footing. With speed that surprised even himself, Ash caught his blood-splattered angel who finally showed an ounce of fear as she uttered. “Hey, Darling… I don’t feel so good…”

“Hang in there, baby,” Ash said as he held Applejack tightly. “I Gwwwaaaahhhrrrrgghhhhgaaa”—

Unfortunately for Ash, this tender moment was suddenly interrupted by a hand that came out from between Applejack’s chest and was now pushing against his face and getting touchy-feely with all its various holes.

So, you know… business as usual.

A second hand emerged and wrapped itself around his neck as his girlfriend’s face, though eviler but only a tiny bit, somehow pushed itself out from between those perfect breasts. Which, you know, might be super-hot if he was into breath play and he had established a safe word with BAD-AJ. The doppelganger continued its ascent upwards as if Applejack’s cleavage was hiding an escalator. She held Ash up by his neck and began to squeeze hard as he struggled to breathe and clenched tightly against the arm holding him up. As he began to black out, he took a glance down at his severed hand which had been replaced with a chain-saw many, many years ago…

Did Ash have it in him to slash up yet ANOTHER girlfriend?

To answer that question, Ash let his hands go slack and clenched his neck muscles as he started the chainsaw with one swift motion and SLASHED it across the fake AJ’s rock-hard abs.

There was a scream as Ash was hurled into the mostly useless peanut gallery who seemed to try to catch him with all their faces.

Blood splattered, and just having a whole another version of herself escape from her chest, Applejack coughed and managed a weak. “Who…?”

Standing triumphantly over her other self, evil-AJ grinned wickedly. “Well… you made it clear yer one bad apple, but I’m rotten to the core.”

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Ya, no. We’re not doing this. Darling, boom-stick me.”

With his good hand, Ash reached through the mess of limbs, grabbed hold of his trusty shotgun, and slid it across the messy floor into the waiting hands of AJ. With machine-like precision, she pumped it and pointed the barrel directly at her ‘evil’ self’s chest.

It’s eyes went wide. “No, wait!”

Applejack seemingly hesitated, but then simply aimed her barrel higher. “Eeeeeeeenoooope!”

‘BLAM!’

After the ringing in everyone’s ears cleared as they took note of the bits of brain and skull that now decorated everything, the now-headless AJ stood upright for a moment, somehow managed to raise both hands and give everyone the present of two rare, endangered birds, then collapsed into a heap as blood squirted out its neck stump.

With a chuffed expression on her face, Applejack stood up, raised the smoking barrel to her lips, and blew the smoke away.

Chortling, Ash got up, strode confidently over the lifeless corpse, took Applejack’s waist in one arm and said with a smirk, “Give me some sugar, baby.”

And in front of God, whatever gender zee may be, and everyone present Ash and Applejack smacked blood soaked lips against each other as they kissed passionately.

“Yay! A happy ending!” Pinkie declared as she and Elle applauded.

Chris’s eyes lit up. “Does that mean…?”

“Hey, idiots!” Dan screamed.

Ash and Applejack parted and smiled quietly to each other. Ash looked deep into his lover’s eyes, “We don’t need to dignify ‘idiots’ with a respo—"

‘KAAAAAFWWWWWOOOOSH!’

A beam of light exploded upwards from the buildings center and rock and rubble collapsed from the sky, falling back down to the California streets and making a terrible day somewhat fatal for many of the remaining vehicles and palm trees in the immediate vicinity.

Dan simply motioned out the window. “The APOCALYPSE is still going on as scheduled! Maybe someone, oughta, I don’t know, GET ON THAT!”

Chris inhaled sharply. “Is that someone ‘us’?”

Elle cocked her head to the side. “Is it ever not?”

Chris looked down at the mess of weapons, bent down, and came back up with 9mm pistol. “Bring it.”

Pinkie shrugged. “You knooooooow… sometimes it’s Twilight and her friends, which includes me, who save the world, and sometimes it’s Sunset Shimmer and HER friends, and sometimes they’re the SAME friends. But NEVER the Dazzlings and their family… yet. Oooh, oooh…. And there’s this like… version of the time-traveling phone booth guy who’s like… a buncha guy—”

“Okay, everyone shut up, now,” Dan ordered. “That whole thing felt like it took a year or two. It’s Dan time.”

Elle raised a finger to speak. “Okay, so should we—”

“Shut up, it’s DAN TIME! We’re doing it the DAN way now!”

Ash frowned. “Does the Dan way require me to come up with another plan?”

“No,” Dan answered coldly.

Ash visibly relaxed. “Oh, thank God.”

Dan reached out his hands as his eyes rolled back in his head and flashed red, a red that seemingly began to take up into and consume everything around it.

“Get in losers,” Dan said. “We’re saving the planet.” Dan clenched down on his teeth hard and grinned manically to himself. “With guns, grit, and pure-magical spite!”

“YAY!” Pinkie draped an arm across Dan’s shoulder. “My favorite kind!” she said before the two enjoyed a quick-actually-not-quick-at-all-but-uncomfrotably-long-moist-and-loud-kiss.

Ash frowned. “Do we all need to get in on the hug for this to—”

“Oh, stop yer belly-aching and get in on the group-gore hug!” Applejack said as she, Elle, and Chris all wrapped their arms around Dan and Pinkie.

Ash sighed and also added his arms to the mix.

“Yay! A cornucopia of love!” Pinkie shouted.

“I asked for none of this!” Dan exclaimed.

Pinkie smiled knowingly at Dan. “Oh, I think we both know you did.”

Dan let out a sigh. “I did… and it somehow makes me even MORE angry!” he cried as his red aura tore through its surroundings as the atoms that met up everything began to simply fall apart. “FINE then!” He growled. “New plan, everyone! Fuck shit up and don’t die!”

And with a pop that felt like a world crumbling to an end, Dan, Pinkie, Chris, Elle, Ash, and Applejack were gone.

And exploded onto the stage of the literal apocalypse a second later.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BSfpoSrCGsQ

Author's Notes:

You heard right, unless you WEREN'T tuned into THIS CHANNEL 24/7 because we just don't know how to stop! So, Dan & Pinkie fans, if you want clued in to the latest these two maniacs are doing and all the other crazy stuff I'm working on you best check out my Patreon page, and join up for a meager fee so you can grab my ear pretty much any time of day/night! If we get enough of you, Tired Old Man and I will keep pumping out the systematic sounds to keep you live! So toss a Dollar our way and get on Discord and we'll figure out some rewards to keep EVERYONE happy (yeah, what's up there is gonna change quite a bit, but we've got biiiiig plans!)

And if I won't catch you in the club well...

Catch you in comments!

Next Chapter: Part 18 Dan, Pinkie, & Ash Vs. Deadites: Chapter 170 : Dan Vs. Deadite Butt Molecules Estimated time remaining: 1 Hour, 21 Minutes
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