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The Wheel and the Butterfly A Dan X Pinkie Pie Saga

by Justice3442

Chapter 2: Part 1 Pinkie Vs. Van Nuys: Chapter 1 Dan Vs. Mugger

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The Wheel and the Butterfly



A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga



Part 1 Pinkie Vs. Van Nuys



Chapter 1 Dan Vs. Mugger

-oooooo-

The large man turned back to his prey briefly. “Stay there,” he commanded.

Pinkie wasn’t sure if she was up to getting very far on her new legs. Anyhow, part of her wanted to see how this played out.

“Listen, buddy,” The large man walked within inches of the smaller, angry man and stood tall just to help point out he stood a good foot or more taller than his opponent, “I think you better move on. This ain’t your business.”

The shorter man grinned. “And I think you better stop, drop and, roll, pal.”

The smell of burning fabric caught the large man’s attention as he looked down to see a hip flask that had some of its contents spilled onto him, a lighter which had IGNITED said contents, and the important fact that his clothing was, in fact, on fire.

His tough guy act evaporated in an instant as his voice gave way to panicked screaming and flailing at his fiery clothing.

“Listen, buddy. Maybe you didn’t hear me, I said STOP..” The angry man threw a right hook that caught the large, failing man right on the jaw. “..DROP..” He followed with a well-placed kick to the man’s knee that caused him to lose his footing and hit the ground hard. “..And ROLL!” The angry man launched a flurry of kicks to the larger man’s gut. The would-be mugger dropped a small box from his pocket and fled into the street, a run cut short by a blue sedan rounding the corner and slamming into him.

The driver’s door flew open, and a tall, lanky, man in flip-flops, khakis, and an unbuttoned orange shirt over a blue shirt quickly emerged. “Oh my gosh, oh my GOSH! Don’t tell me I hit another cyclist!”

“Niiiiiiice assist, Chris!” the man in the ‘JERK’ t-shirt called at the driver.

“Dan, I can’t keep going out with you like this if it means vehicular manslaughter.”

Relax, Chris,” Dan responded, putting his arm around his much larger friend and pointing an assertive finger at him. “You just took out a mugger fleeing the scene of an attempted crime. We’re pretty much heroes here.”

Chris expression visibly brightened. “Really?”

Pinkie just stared at the scene, her brain trying desperately to catch up with what she just witnessed.

“Hey, he dropped loot.” Dan bent down to pick up the small box the man left. He opened it up to reveal a handful of small cylindrical objects.

“Dan, you don’t smoke. In fact, you lecture on and on about how cigarettes are just a tool to keep”--Chris raised his hands for some air quotes--“‘the moron population down’.”

“Listen, if you defeat someone, you’re supposed to eat their heart to absorb their power, and since I’m not a cannibal…”

Dan put one of the cigarettes to his mouth and lit the tip with his golden zippo lighter. As the small flame lit his face against the gloom of the rainy night, Pinkie couldn't help but think to herself that Dan looked pretty cool.

Dan took a puff and his face went green as he let loose a hacking cough that brought him to his knees. Pinkie stumbled over to help him up as Dan tossed the cigarette angrily on the ground. “HE TRIED TO POISON ME!” Dan leaned on Pinkie as he delivered a few well-placed kicks into the large man’s gut who softly grunted in reply.

“Dan, you lit the wrong end,” Chris replied flatly.

Dan regained his footing. “CHRIS, WHY DID YOU LET ME SMOKE THIS!? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?!”

Chris rolled his eyes. Before Dan could continue his tirade, a high pitched voice interrupted his vitriol.

“THAT WAS AAAAMAAAAAZING!” Pinkie Pie threw her arms around Dan’s neck and embraced him tightly, “THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUSOMUCH!” She stood a good few inches above the rather short man, and he found her grip surprisingly strong.

Dan’s face turned red as he struggled to breathe. “Chris, help! This girl is obviously part of some dastardly trap to kill me!”

“I’m pretty sure she’s just thanking you.”

Pinkie’s grip loosened.

“That’s EXACTLY what she WANTS you to think,” Dan said leveling an accusing finger at Chris.

“And thank YOU, too!” Pinkie threw her arms around Chris’s torso, and he smiled, enjoying the very rare occasion of one of Dan’s revenge schemes doing some good for a change.

“Great, we’re thanked. Can you move along? We’re kinda busy…”

“Ohmygosh, OHMYGOSH that guy was all gonna grab me, and then fwoosh!” Pinkie spread her hands out and wiggled her new fingers to simulate fire. “Then you were like pow,” Pinkie threw a punch in the air for effect, “right in his face! And then snap,” Pinkie kicked her leg out, “Right to the knee, and-WHAAA.” Pinkie lost her footing and fell strait to the ground.

Chris and Dan watched this display with very different expressions. Chris had a blank look focused on the girl, while Dan looked increasingly annoyed.

As quickly as she had fallen, Pinkie stood back up. “I’m ooookaaaay!” she assured.

“Dan, did you set that man on fire?”

Dan giggled to himself. “Heheh, yeah…”

“Since when do you carry a hip flask?” Chris asked pointing to the flask that Dan had shoved back into his pocket.

“Since I needed some fuel on me to quickly start fires! Keep up, will you?”

“Don’t tell me there’s gasoline in that thing.”

“What am I, psychotic?”

Chris opened his mouth to answer, than thought better of it.

“It’s Everclear.” Dan turned to face Pinkie. “Well it’s been weird, erm…”

“Oh my gosh! I’m being sooo rude! My name is Pinkamena Diane Pie! But you can call me Pinkie!” Pinkie smiled from ear to ear.

“Riiiiight…” Dan leaned in closer to Chris and moved his hand in close so only Chris could hear: “What kind of stupid name is that?”

Chris ignored Dan and extended his hand. “Hi! I’m Chris.”

Pinkie tentatively extended her hand, looked at it, then grabbed Chris’s hand and gave it a vigorous shake.

“Daaan, would you like to introduce yourself to the nice la-OW!” Chris yelped as Dan threw a quick punch into his arm.

“You talk to me like a child, I punchy you!”

Pinkie giggled. “Dan, was it?” Pinkie extended her hand.

Dan looked down at her hand, glared, and spat in it.

“DAN! That is not how we make friends!”

“WHAT DID I JU…” much to both Chris’s and Dan’s surprise, Pinkie then spat in her own hand and quickly reached for Dan’s and gave it a good shake.

“Does this mean we’re extra, SUPER, special friends!?” she said with a smile.

Eww! Gross! Unsanitary! UNHAND ME, WENCH!” Dan yelled as he tried to pry his hand free of Pinkie's very moist grasp.

The signs of a smile quickly entered into Chris’s face and gave way to uproarious laughter.

Dan whirled around to face Chris. “And you! Stop encouraging her!”

Pinkie giggled. “You two are really funny.”

Dan glared at her. “Well Pinkie,” Dan said, his voice laced with venom, “it’s been weird and gross, but we need to get going, and…”

“Go? Go…right…” Pinkie started to pout, looked down, and played with her skirt hem absent mindedly as rain pelted her.

Dan just glared, not sure how to react.

Chris broke the silence, “Hey, Pinkie. How about I give you a ride somewhere?”

Pinkie’s eyes lit up “Really, really?! That would be amazing!”

WHAT?! No way! Uh-uh there’s no way that...” Dan quickly found a hand covering his mouth as Chris dragged him off to the side.

“Ouch!” Chris pulled his hand away and gave it a shake. “You bit me!”

“That’s what you get for manhandling me, you ape. And before you say something, no, she is NOT coming with us.”

“Okay, first: it’s my car; if I want to give her a ride, I will.”

“TREACHERY! THIS WILL NOT STAND!”

Second: For once after dozens, if not hundreds, of schemes, I actually feel really good about what happened. And you’re not going to take that away from me.”

Dan went silent, folded his arms and looked to the side.

Third: I can’t in good conscience just leave her to wander the streets of Van Nuys to be picked up by the next mugger-potential rapist that happens upon her.”

Dan attempted another tactic, whining to get his way, “But she’s all huggy, and loud, and icky…”

Fourth: it’s pouring rain and I don’t want to be out here getting drenched as we put out your stupid flyers.”

“The noble war on the apostrophe must continue!”

“Can’t it wait ‘till its daylight and not pouring rain?”

Dan mumbled a few obscenities under his breath and answered, “Fine, but let me finish up here.”

Chris smiled and waved to Pinkie as Dan approached her.

“SO! What are we going to do first?! Huh? Huh? Oh, I just know we’re going to be the bestest of friends for ever, and EVER, and…”

“You talk too much,” Dan said coldly.

“Oh, I’m sorry! I know I tend to ramble, and it annoys some ponies, and I should really learn…”

Dan raised an eyebrow at 'ponies'. “You’re in my way, pink girl,” he answered in lieu of addressing the strange turn of phrase.

“Oh, I…” Pinkie shifted over allowing Dan to approach the pole she had been standing in front of.

Dan pulled out a now rather crinkled sheet of paper and a staple gun and affixed it to the pole. He smiled, admiring his handy work.

“So, ummm…Dan….”

Dan turned to face Pinkie and moved his face within inches of hers, causing Pinkie to shift back a half step. “I don’t like you.”

“Oh well, I’m sure when you get to know me we’ll be great friends,” Pinkie insisted with an anxious smile.

“I already have ONE minion.” Dan motioned to Chris who had entered the car “I don’t need another.”

Dan kept walking.

“ONE minio…I mean friend?! No WAY! I can never have enough friends!”

Dan turned on his heels. “LISTEN! I’m sure this shtick tricks plenty of other saps, but…”

Dan was interrupted by a horn honking.

“Dan! Leave the poor girl alone! We need to get her out of the rain.”

“GAHHHH!” Dan yelled in frustration and trudged towards to the car.

Pinkie grabbed her bag and simply stood around looking pensive.

Before Chris could react, Dan poured the rest of his Everclear onto the unconscious man.

“Oh dear,” Chris uttered as Dan gleefully sparked his lighter and set the unconscious man on fire... again. The recently motionless man suddenly woke up, screaming in pain. He fled into the night, despite the shooting pain in his broken and damaged body.

Pinkie simply stared in disbelief, and muttered, “Sooo cool,” to herself.

Dan looked back at Pinkie and scowled. “ARE YOU COMING OR NOT?!”

Pinkie smiled hard enough to make a tiny squee sound and bounded to the car, falling once on the way over, and quickly picking herself back up.

“Seriously?” Dan asked from the passenger seat as he buckled up. “She can’t even walk right,” he said, angrily motioning to the girl outside.

“Dan, did you have to set that man on fire…AGAIN?!”

Dan chuckled to himself, “Hehe, yeah… anyhow, I already told you, we’re doing a service here.”

Chris said nothing and watched Pinkie through his side view mirror.

“Dan…ummm…I don’t think she knows how to open car doors,” Chris said in a tone of genuine surprise.

“What? Seriously?!” Dan looked out the window to see a perplexed Pinkie Pie staring at one of the car doors. “This is unbelievable!”

Dan quickly undid his seatbelt and exited the car. He walked over to the driver side backseat door, shoved Pinkie back a few feet, and then opened the door.

“Ooooooooooh,” Pinkie uttered as if she had just achieved some sort of enlightenment watching Dan open the car door with his hand.

“GET IN THERE!” Dan yelled as he roughly pushed Pinkie into the back seat.

Pinkie hit a stack of papers face first, spreading the mass across the back seat.

“AND DON’T MESS THOSE UP! THEY’RE PART OF AN IMPORTANT AGENDA AGAINST THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE!”

Pinkie sat upright and quickly tried to fix the pile of papers she had just messed up with her face, or rather, the pile Dan had messed up with her face, though the distinction was lost on her at this point.

Chris shot his friend a look that said, 'Really? You really just pushed a girl like that?' as Dan reentered the car and buckled up.

Dan shot him a look that just screamed 'mind your own damn business.'

Pinkie finished straightening the papers she could reach and sprang upright in the seat. "I'm up!" she announced to the men in front.

Dan sighed and shook his head as Chris started the car and continued forward.

It's going to be a loooong night.

Author's Notes:

Revised Revised edition.

Next Chapter: Part 1 Pinkie Vs. Van Nuys: Chapter 2 Pinkie Vs. Seatbelt Estimated time remaining: 50 Hours, 46 Minutes
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