Login

The Wheel and the Butterfly A Dan X Pinkie Pie Saga

by Justice3442

Chapter 169: Guest Holiday Special: Dan Vs. Danville

Previous Chapter Next Chapter

Author's Notes:

Special thanks to MythrilMoth who brings us the holiday gift of a crossover to our crossover fanfic.

Enjoy

"Won't this be great?" Pinkie asked excitedly, bouncing up and down in her economy-class seat. Far below, the Midwest passed by in a green and brown blur, broken only by the tops of puffy clouds.

"Sure, great. We're in a flying death trap, thousands of miles from our apartment and God knows how many miles above ground. The bakery is probably going straight to Satan's sock drawer as we speak, and why are we on this stupid airplane again?"

"Actually, how are you on this airplane?" Chris wondered. "I thought for sure you'd be on every no-fly list from here to Germany."

"You'd be surprised how easy it is for an unstable, deranged psychopath to get aboard a commercial airliner," Elise said.

"And WHY were you so keen on bringing the goofball and me along on this..." Dan made air quotes with his fingers. "Vacation?"

"Well...because...Pinkie's my best friend, and...I guess I thought the two of you deserved a vacation! I mean, everybody needs a vacation, right?"

"I know I do," Chris said.

"Chrisses don't get vacations," Dan said.

"They do when they're married to Elises," Elise retorted.

"Oh, cheer up, Dan! Isn't this like, your world's big holiday season?"

"Yes!" Dan said. "And I love Christmas! But..." His eyes softened. "I was...sort of hoping to spend it alone, just the two of us...you know, some nice hundred-proof eggnog...that slinky little Santa dress..."

Pinkie giggled. "Well...I did bring the dress..."

"Wait. Pinkie bought a sexy Santa dress?" Chris asked. "Isn't that like, against your preservation-of-the-image-of-Santa thing?"

"No, it's not!" Dan insisted. "And besides, shut up." He sighed. "So where exactly are we going, anyway?"

Elise and Pinkie shared a look and giggled. "I think you'll like it," Elise said.

"This...bodes...poorly."

"This is your captain speaking," the PA speakers said. "Our ETA is in two hours. I have the latest weather report from our destination. A warm front has settled in over the Tri-State Area, so you can expect sunny skies and temps in the mid-70s. It may not be a white Christmas, but at least the terminal won't be snowed in." He laughed.

"Well, that's...nice?" Chris ventured.

A while later, the plane landed. The two couples gathered up their carry-ons and joined the queue of passengers waiting to disembark. As they entered the airport, a sign greeted them overhead:

WELCOME TO DANVILLE AIRPORT

Now Losing 87% Less Of Your Luggage!

Dan's eyes widened. "Danville? We're...we're in a place called Danville?"

Pinkie giggled. "Yep!"

Dan stared at the sign. "Huh. Well...I guess any place named Danville must be awesome."

Had anybody looked out the window, they would have seen a baggage cart being hit by a random green ray from the sky, causing dozens of suitcases to explode. A singed sexy Santa dress fluttered sadly to the ground, its cheerful red charred black.

When the group reached the baggage claim, there was a distinct lack of baggage to claim. A crowd of confused, irate passengers had gathered around them.

A harried airport official rushed up, addressing the crowd through a megaphone. "May I have your attention please," he said. "We apologize for the inconvenience, but one of our baggage carts was just hit by a random green ray from the sky. I'm afraid most of your luggage didn't survive. Please understand that the airline cannot be held accountable for property losses due to random green rays from the sky. Thank you for using Danville Airport, and have a nice stay."

"Our...our stuff's gone? All our stuff?" Chris asked.

Pinkie's eyes welled with tears. "Even...even my sexy Santa dress?"

Dan's hands tightened into fists. His teeth began to grind. His left eye twitched.

"Oh no, here it comes," Pinkie said, covering her ears.

Dan threw back his head, thrust his trembling fists into the air, and screamed...

"DAAAAAAAAAANVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLE!!!!!"

"Look, this...this isn't a total disaster," Pinkie said. "I've got my handbag, so...so we've got all the money we need...we can replace everything we lost...even the Santa dress..."

"Yeah," Elise said. "I never pack anything I can't replace when I fly commercial. It's the law of the jungle."

Dan grumbled. "It's...the principle of the thing..."

"But, Dan...it's not like Danville has control over random green rays from the sky," Chris said. "I mean, they're green rays...from the sky...and they're random..." He trailed off. "How sad is it that this doesn't even seem weird to me?"

"And at least Mr. Mumbles is safe and sound back home," Pinkie said.

* * * * *

Mr. Mumbles cringed as D.H. flailed around, letting out a strangled yowl as she was forced to dodge a falling body. A dish of warm, moist cat food went flying through the air and landed with a wet plop in the corner.

"Mreowwwr," Mr. Mumbles sighed, before padding over to the spilt food and gobbling it up.

Hey, it may be floor food, but it's gourmet floor food.

* * * * *

"Look, let's just...let's just go to the hotel and get checked in," Elise said. "Then we can go shopping, get new stuff to replace our old stuff, and...have a good vacation, alright?"

Dan took a deep breath. "Fine," he hissed. "I guess...since it's Christmas...I won't swear vengeance on Danville. Mostly because I really like that name. But if I find out whoever's responsible for that random green ray from the sky, then SO HELP ME...!"

"Yeah, I'm with you on that," Pinkie said. "What kind of jerk fires random green rays from the sky?"

* * * * *

"CURSE YOU, PERRY THE PLATYPUUUUUUUUUUS!!"

The top floor of Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated exploded in a tremendous fireball—once again—as the latest evil creation of Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, the Suitcase-Explode-inator, suffered the fate of all Inators at the webbed hands of secret agent Perry the Platypus.

Said agent coasted across the city on a custom parachute, landing in a suburban backyard with a single big tree. With ease born of long practice, the parachute and the fedora he wore disappeared, and he lay like a motionless turquoise brick on the lawn.

"Oh, there you are, Perry!" a boy with a triangle-shaped head said. "Wow, and we haven't even gotten started yet!"

"Well, at least Perry won't miss out on this one," a second boy with green hair said in a British accent.

"Ktktktktktktktktktkt," Perry said.

* * * * *

"Hmm..." The clerk at the front desk said, studying his computer. "Well, I do show a reservation for Pearson, but..."

"But?" Elise asked warily.

"We, uhh...we seem to have double-booked," the clerk said. "It says here you reserved two rooms, but..."

"Oh no," Dan said. "Do NOT tell me—"

"We, uhh...only have one room available..."

Dan reached over the counter and grabbed the clerk by the front of his shirt. He leaned forward and exhaled a cloud of putrid breath into his face that stank of hot sauce and rancid meatloaf. "If you like your face in the shape it's in presently, you'll check. Again."

The clerk broke out in a nervous sweat. "Sir, I'm sorry, but it...it's not my fault..."

Dan's chest began to heave. "Our luggage...was just destroyed...by a random green ray from the sky...and my girlfriend's sexy Santa dress...which I hadn't even gotten to see her WEAR YET....died a terrible death. This city is already on thin ice, pal, so if you don't fix this, I don't care how awesome the name Danville is, I swear by God and Baby Jesus I will burn this city to the ground, starting with YOUR. DESK!"

"What seems to be the problem here?"

The hotel manager walked up, a frown on his face, his pencil-thin, waxed mustache twitching.

"Sir, we reserved two rooms over a month ago, and your clerk here tells us there's been a mistake and one of our rooms was double-booked," Elise said.

The manager looked at the clerk. "How can we have a double booking when there are seventeen rooms available?"

"Seventeen rooms?" Chris asked. "But he said—"

The manager walked behind the desk and examined the clerk's computer. "Well this isn't right," he said. He typed away at the keyboard, brow creasing. "I know for a fact we don't have this many bookings..." He picked up the phone and pressed a button. "Cheryl? How many rooms are open right now? ...that's what I thought. The front desk computer shows one open room and a double booking..."

The computer let out a loud *blip!* and burst into flames.

"...nevermind, Cheryl, I think we just found the problem." He sighed. "Sorry about this, folks. If you'll follow me, I'll finish checking you in and issue your keys in my office. Grady, get a fire extinguisher and deal with this, then call Cheryl back and tell her the front desk is down."

Dan, Pinkie, Chris, and Elise followed the manager to his office, pointedly ignoring the frantic young clerk as he fought the small bonfire that threatened to consume the front desk.

"I really hope he gets that put out before it sets off the sprinklers," the manager said. "The carpet in the lobby is really expensive..."

* * * * *

Isabella Garcia-Shapiro walked into the back yard of the Flynn-Fletcher household, wearing a red and green dress and a glitter-encrusted red bow instead of her usual wardrobe. She skipped merrily over to Phineas Flynn, her longtime friend and crush. "Hey Phineas! Whatcha dooooooooin'?"

"Oh, hey Isabella!" Phineas didn't look up from his clipboard. "Ferb and I are building the world's largest flying Christmas tree!"

Isabella tilted her head. "Wouldn't that be the world's only flying Christmas tree?"

"Well...yeah...but that doesn't mean it won't be the largest!"

"Hmm. Good point." Isabella looked around. "Except I don't see any Christmas trees, flying or otherwise."

"Oh, it hasn't been delivered yet," Phineas said. "Which gives us plenty of time to work on the VTL base ring for the trunk. Of course, we won't actually be able to build the ring until we've sized the trunk and measured the circumference of the tree...wouldn't want the turbines raining pine needles all over the Tri-State Area!" He chuckled.

"Sooo...anything I can do to help?" Isabella asked.

"I'm glad you asked!" Phineas said. "I need you, Isabella! More than any man has ever needed any woman in the history of the entire world! I've been a fool to not realize it before now! Come, come with me! We'll leave this place, leave the world behind! Just you and me, together forever, an adventure of love!"

"Oh, Phineas!"

"...bella? Isabella, are you okay?" Isabella blinked; Phineas was waving a hand in her face.

"Huh? What?"

"You kinda spaced out there for a minute," Phineas said, concern on his face. "Did you get all that?"

"Oh, uh...sorry. Could you...repeat that?"

"Sure," Phineas said. "I need you on ornament duty. We're gonna need about four thousand ornaments of various types, shapes, sizes, and colors. There's a big pile of materials over in the corner there, and lots of paint and glitter."

Isabella looked over to the size of materials that dwarfed the house. "Huh. How did I miss that?" She shrugged. "Four thousand, you say? Guess I'd better call in some help..." She blinked. "Hey, who's doing the lights?"

Phineas grinned. "Who do you think?" After a pause, he added, "Me. I'm doing—"

"Yeah, I got it."

"Okay. Cool."

* * * * *

"Huh," Dan said, staring in dismay at the clothes rack before him. "No JERK shirts. Not a single JERK shirt to be found anywhere."

Pinkie walked over, carrying a pile of long-sleeved red shirts with green Christmas trees on the front and "MERRY XMAS" spelled out in gold glitter. "How about this instead? It wouldn't kill you to wear something other than black for once."

Dan was about to retort angrily, but took in the pleading look in Pinkie's blue eyes, and the Christmasyness of the shirts, and sighed. "You know...you're probably right. I mean...you wear a different outfit every single day and you're more alive than anybody I've ever known ever, so..." With a shrug, he accepted the pile of shirts from Pinkie. "So, any luck on the Santa dress?"

Pinkie blew on her curly hair in annoyance. "I'm gonna have to go to another store," she said. "But I did find a lot of neat stuff!"

Dan looked at the large pile of clothes Chris was carrying. "Yes. Yes you did." He shook his head. "Just let me grab some pants, then Chris can schlep all this stuff to the rental car..."

"Why am I...carrying...your girlfriend's clothes?" Chris wheezed.

"Because you're the Chris," Dan replied. "Besides, Elise isn't as much of a shopaholic as Pinkie."

Elise walked up carrying seven dresses, ten pairs of pants, sixteen shirts, and assorted underwear. "I'll get shoes at the next store," she said.

"Well, let's get going!" Pinkie said cheerfully, thrusting an arm in the air.

* * * * *

Once Phineas, Ferb, and Isabella were all distracted, Perry slipped around to the side of the house and opened the secret entrance to his lair, donning his fedora as he did so. Fifteen seconds later, he was in front of his monitor. His lair had been decorated with holly and garland, and had a cheerful Christmas tree in the corner.

Major Monogram's visage appeared on the screen. He was wearing a Santa hat along with his Nehru jacket. "Good afternoon, Agent P! Sorry to call you in again after you've already thwarted Doofenshmirtz today, but we have a special assignment for you."

Agent P saluted.

"You've been selected for another inter-agency co-op mission," Major Monogram said. "Since, you know, you're so good at them."

The monitor flickered, and Major Monogram's face was replaced with a pulsing blue line. "Greetings, Agent P. One of my agents, codename Dancing Shadow, has just arrived in your city. You are to rendezvous with Dancing Shadow in the hotel bar at the Povenmire Arms Hotel at exactly twenty-two hundred hours tonight. You will be briefed on your mission at this time."

The blue line disappeared and was replaced by Major Monogram. "It really burns my toast when people hijack my monitor like that," Major Monogram muttered. "Well, you have your assignment. Good luck, Agent P. Monogram out."

* * * * *

Having finished their shopping (and searched three stores before finding a replacement for Pinkie's Santa dress), the two couples returned to the hotel to stow their purchases, then headed down to the hotel restaurant for dinner.

"Chez Platypus?" Chris asked as he looked at the restaurant's awning. "What, is this an Australian restaurant?"

"Apparently, there was a very popular and trendy restaurant in Danville called Chez Platypus during the summer," Elise said. "It appeared and disappeared literally on the same night, then reopened someplace else. Then this hotel bought the rights to the name and...here we are."

"Huh," Chris said.

"Why do you even know something like that?" Dan asked.

"What? I like to keep up with restaurant trends," Elise said.

"Hey, as long as we don't have to actually eat platypus," Pinkie said.

"I'm not even sure platypus is edible," Dan said. "Heck, I'm not even sure what platypus is. Is it a beaver with a duck's face, or a duck that mutated into a beaver? I mean, come on!"

"All I know about them is that they don't do much," Chris said.

The restaurant turned out to be a fusion of French and Australian cuisine, and the food tasted just about exactly how that sounds. Still, the two couples made the best of the evening—and a bottle and a half of wine—and tried to put the stress of the day behind them.

Late that evening, in the privacy of their own room, Pinkie modeled her new Santa dress for Dan. It was even slinkier than the old one.

"Looks like you're on the naughty list," Pinkie said seductively as she straddled Dan. "Ho ho ho..."

* * * * *

Phineas looked up at the giant Christmas tree which dominated most of the backyard. He tilted his head thoughtfully. "It's...okay and all, but...it's still missing something..." He looked to the base of the tree, which had been firmly anchored to a massive VTL platform. "Ferb? How's our launch window looking?"

"We should have it ready to go by noon tomorrow," Ferb said.

"Hmm...too bad Mom and Dad are gonna miss it," Phineas said. "Oh well, at least they'll be back in time for Christmas Eve. Hey Isabella, do you think you and the Fireside Girls can come back tomorrow morning and make another few hundred ornaments?"

Isabella looked over the severely dwindled pile of assorted junk and the dozens of empty paint buckets lying around the lawn. "I dunno, Phineas. We're running a little low here, and some of us have stuff to do. I mean, tomorrow's the 23rd..."

"Riiiight," Phineas said. He shrugged. "Oh well. I'll see if I can round up some extra tinsel or something. Have you heard anything from Buford and Baljeet?"

"Oh, they're out carolling," Isabella said.

Outside, they heard the sounds of dozens of voices raised in song. Phineas looked to Isabella, then Ferb, then nodded to the gates. They raced out into the streets...

Buford and Baljeet stood at the head of a marching throng of carollers, at least a hundred strong, who were roaming the streets singing Christmas carols. "Wow. Those two sure do love Christmas carols," Phineas said.

"Too bad Perry isn't here to enjoy this," Ferb commented.

"Yeah. Hey, where IS Perry?"

* * * * *

Agent P sat on a stool at the hotel bar, a virgin martini in front of him. He checked his watch. It was almost ten.

A woman dressed all in black, with a scarlet scarf wrapped around the lower half of her face, appeared on the stool beside him. He hadn't seen her enter...she'd simply suddenly existed. She regarded him calmly. "Agent P?" she asked.

"Ktktktktktktktkt." Agent P gestured at his drink.

"No thanks, I have to keep this brief." She withdrew a folder from her black outfit and laid it on the bar. "A terrorist codenamed 'Santa Slay' has made a threat against the Tri-State Area. He specializes in Christmas-themed terror attacks and habitually strikes on December 23. Why specifically December 23 is a mystery. The higher-ups learned of your impressive track record in protecting the Tri-State Area from threats and requested your assistance in stopping Santa Slay before he destroys Christmas for an unsuspecting Danville."

Agent P opened the folder, perusing the documents within. As he reached a large photograph, his eyes widened.

"You see now why I agreed to this team-up. Santa Slay is serious business." Dancing Shadow stood. "Meet me on the roof of the hotel at nine in the morning."

Agent P saluted. Dancing Shadow melted into the dimly lit corner of the bar and vanished.

* * * * *

It was eight in the morning on December 23rd, and Candace Flynn was already up to her extremely long neck in frustration.

"But Mom, I'm telling you, it's huge! Like, bigger than the house huge! And it's in the backyard, and I don't know—well, okay, yes, but—but it's—but Moooooom!"

Candace groaned. "Yeah Mom. Love you too. See you tonight." With a sigh of frustration, she stomped into the backyard and looked up at the monstrous Christmas tree.

As usual, the boys were going to go unbusted.

"Hey Candace!" Phineas said as he walked past, holding armfuls of white and gold garland. "What do you think of the tree?"

"I think you and Ferb should be busted," Candace said.

"Oh. Well. That's cool, I guess, but what do you think of the tree?"

Candace looked up at the tree, at all its garland and tinsel and colorful ornaments. At the huge yellow star at the top. She smiled. "Okay, I admit...it's a pretty good tree." She sighed. "Need any help?"

"Actually, if you could back the crane truck in here and operate the lift while I string up the garland, that'd be great."

"What, you don't have a jetpack for that?"

"Out of fuel."

Candace sighed. "Gimme the keys..." She looked around. "Hey, where's Perry?"

"He's been gone a lot lately," Phineas mused. "Maybe he doesn't like pine trees..."

* * * * *

Dan and Pinkie met Chris at the hotel's breakfast bar. "Where's Elise?" Pinkie asked.

"Said she had some last-minute shopping to do," Chris said around a mouthful of bacon. "You guys should really try this frittata."

"So what are we gonna do today?" Pinkie asked.

"Oh, well...I heard on the radio that there's supposed to be some kind of big Christmas event in town around noon," Chris said. "Didn't say what the event is, though. Or even where."

"Well...we've got some time to kill," Pinkie said. "We could just maybe wander around town, see the sights...you know, vacationy stuff?"

Dan shrugged. "I...guess? I'm not really one for aimless wandering, but..."

"So," Chris asked Pinkie as he drowned a stack of French toast in syrup, "how did you spend the holidays...back home?"

"Back home in California?" Pinkie asked, tilting her head.

"He means back home in magical pony land," Dan clarified.

"Oh! Well, there was this one time my friends and I starred in Canterlot's big Hearth's Warming Eve pageant..."

* * * * *

Agent P met Dancing Shadow on the roof of the hotel at one minute before nine.

"I've received new intel," Dancing Shadow said. "During the night, Santa Slay seized control of a building with unusual architecture. Specifically, the floors belonging to one Heinz Doofenshmirtz..."

Agent P's eyes widened.

"According to intel, the structure of the building is particularly suited to any of a number of potential mass terror attacks—Agent P? Where are you going? ...you have a rocketpack? Hey! Wait up!"

* * * * *

Ferb put away his blowtorch and removed his welding mask, giving Phineas a thumbs-up.

"Wow, we're ready to go already? It's not even ten o'clock yet!"

"So let me get this straight," Candace said. "You're just gonna fly this ginormous Christmas tree all over Danville?"

"That's the plan," Phineas said.

"And...there'll be cell phones and video cameras and news crews all over the place, so there'll be...lots and lots of video evidence!" Candace clapped her hands. "What are we waiting for? Let's get this show on the road! Or...in the air..."

"I just wish Perry was here," Phineas said. "He would've really loved this..."

* * * * *

The retractable roof of Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated crumpled inward, and Agent P landed in a pool of light in the center of the floor, wary and alert. The edges of the room were cloaked in shadow, dangerous shadow where anything could be lurking.

Dancing Shadow arrived less than a minute later. She looked around. "Seems quiet enough. Maybe...too quiet..."

"Ah, Perry the Platypus!" a grating voice called from the shadows. "How completely unexpected! And by that I mean HELP ME, PERRY THE PLATYPUS!"

Agent P hit the roof lever, retracting the roof as far as it would go in its damaged state and shedding precious sunlight on the rest of the laboratory floor.

A brick fireplace with a fake fire had been erected in the back of the room. A stocking had been hung by the chimney with care...and stuffed with Dr. Doofenshmirtz.

Dancing Shadow's eyes narrowed. "Santa Slay is here alright."

"Ho ho ho, how right you are!" a menacingly jolly voice boomed.

The sound of sleigh bells filled the air, and a flurry of snow blew in from seemingly nowhere. The door to the lab flew open, and in walked a large, round man in a red velvet suit with white fur trim and shiny black boots. A bushy white beard obscured the lower half of his face, and his sparkling eyes twinkled merrily above a round, ruddy nose.

In his hands, he held a bazooka shaped like a candy cane.

"I see two naughty secret agents who deserve lumps of coal in their stockings," Santa Slay said. "But I'm afraid I'm fresh out of coal. So I'll just have to give you DEATH!" He took aim with his bazooka...

Dancing Shadow sprang into action, flipping across the floor. With a deft stroke of her ninjato, she sliced the bazooka in half.

"Clever...clever," Santa Slay said. "But if you think that's all it takes to defeat me, you'd better think again. I see you when you're sleeping, I know when you're awake...and I have a thousand drones hovering over Danville, ready to release a fine mist of mistletoe. Not the kissing kind...the deadly poison, in particulate form."

Dancing Shadow gasped. "You monster!"

"You know, I thought Santa Claus was supposed to be a nice guy, but you're a real jerk," Doofenshmirtz said.

Agent P leapt across the room, kicking Santa Slay in the face. With a twist of his ankle, he sank his poisonous ankle barb into the jolly fat terrorist's rosy cheek, then paddle-kicked him into the wall. Flipping across the room, he produced a small saw from his hat and cut Doof free of the stocking trap.

Santa Slay twitched and spasmed in agony. "You...little...!"

"Wow, that guy really can't take a kick to the face," Doof said as he rubbed feeling back into his arms.

"Nice use of your poisonous ankle barb, Agent P," Dancing Shadow said. "And here I had my doubts about working with a platypus."

"You poisoned him?" Doof asked. "You never poison me!"

Agent P shrugged helplessly.

Dancing Shadow sighed as she tied up Santa Slay. "Well, that takes care of the mastermind, but that leaves the drones...if I know my master terrorists, they're on a timer, and we don't have much time to stop them." She frowned. "We'll need a way to hunt down the drones..."

"Why not just use Agent P's rocket car?" Doof suggested.

"You have a rocket car?" Dancing Shadow asked.

Agent P pulled a remote out of...somewhere...and pushed a button.

"I...assume that means it's on its way." Dancing Shadow sighed. "That just leaves a way to render the drones harmless without dispersing the toxin..." She clenched her fists. "If only I had access to my tech!"

Agent P looked up at Doof. Doof looked back at him. "What? Oh...you want me to help you save Christmas?"

Agent P nodded.

Doof tapped his chin. "Do I get a fedora?"

Agent P rolled his eyes, walked over to Santa Slay, stole his red Santa hat, and handed it to Doof.

Doof shrugged. "Close enough." He put on the Santa hat. "So, what do you need me to do?"

"I dunno, fill a prescription?" Dancing Shadow asked. "Seriously, I don't see how a pharmacist is supposed to help in this situation."

"Ah...actually, I'm an evil scientist, not a pharmacist..."

Dancing Shadow blinked. "You're evil?" She turned to Agent P. "He's evil?"

Agent P held up a hand and made a "more-or-less" gesture.

"Hey! I may be evil, but I'm not a jerk," Doof said. "If you need to fry some deadly drones before they ruin Christmas by...you know...killing everyone in Danville...I'm sure I can whip up an Inator for that."

Dancing Shadow tilted her head. "Alright. Let's get to work..."

* * * * *

"So, where do we sit on this thing?" Candace asked, looking at the giant tree's lift platform and finding a distinct lack of seating. Or seat belts.

"Oh, we're not riding the tree," Phineas said. "We'll be controlling it by remote." He walked over to the only large bare patch of grass in the yard and stepped on a hidden switch. The lawn opened up, and a hot air balloon shaped like a platypus wearing a Santa suit sprang up into the yard. "We'll be following behind it in this."

Candace shrugged. "Yeah, okay, whatever. Let's go."

"We need to wait for—"

"Hi Phineas! Wow, the tree looks great!"

"A Perry the Santapus balloon? Really?"

"Hey Isabella, hey Buford! Where's Baljeet?"

"He had stuff to do."

"Aww...oh well. I'm sure he'll see the tree, wherever he is." Phineas opened the side of the balloon's basket. "Get in, everybody!"

Once Isabella, Buford, and Candace were in the balloon, Ferb got in. Phineas got in last, closing the basket and securing the fasteners. "Safety vests on, everybody! Let's get a little altitude before we launch the tree."

A jet of flames from the burner raised the balloon above the level of the surrounding rooftops. Once it was airborne, Ferb fired up the powerful VTL turbines on the tree. Slowly, laboriously, the tree lifted into the air, wobbling at first. Then, with one massive push of air, it rose up into the sky. Every light on the tree lit up at once.

"And we're go!" Phineas said. "Let's spread some holiday cheer!"

The mighty Christmas tree coasted toward the heart of Danville, followed closely by its escort balloon.

* * * * *

Dan, Pinkie, and Chris had been roaming the streets of Danville for the better part of an hour. The decorations were nice, but nothing Dan and Chris hadn't seen on dozens of buildings across many Christmases.

Pinkie, of course, was ooh'ing and aah'ing and whee'ing at every single gold ribbon, string of garland, display of lights, and gaudy tree everywhere.

"So where's this big amazing Christmas event supposed to be?" Dan asked, growing bored with the repetetive Christmas decorations. As much as he enjoyed Christmas, the same lights, ribbons, wreaths, and fake snow over and over again got boring, especially when he'd already walked a good fifteen city blocks.

"Still don't know," Chris said. "I tried asking around, but people just keep saying stuff about a triangle head kid and rollercoasters."

"Oooh, a Christmasy rollercoaster? That sounds like fun!" Pinkie said.

"A rollercoaster..." Dan frowned. "I don't trust rollercoasters. Especially not if they're built very quickly, with no time for proper testing and engineering certi...fi...cations..." He trailed off as his gaze drifted upward. His jaw dropped. "...huh."

"What is it?" Chris asked. He followed Dan's gaze. "Whoa."

Pinkie looked up and gasped. "That...is way better than a rollercoaster."

People all around them were looking up into the sky as a giant Christmas tree flew over the city. A hot air balloon shaped like a platypus followed behind it.

"That. Is. Awesome," Dan declared. His brow furrowed. "Don't quite get the balloon, though. This town has one bizarre platypus fetish."

"We need to follow that tree," Pinkie declared. "We need to follow that tree all day."

"Oh...kay..." Chris said slowly. "I mean, yeah, it's...amazing...I mean...a flying Christmas tree, you just don't see that every day. Or every Christmas. But...follow it all day?"

Pinkie got right in Chris's face. "That tree has all the answers to life, the universe, happiness, and what's really in the special sauce," she said seriously. "We are going to follow that tree and all its wisdom, because it's going to lead us to the true meaning of Christmas." She took a step back. "Besides, it's sparkly!" She flashed a wide, beaming grin.

"I'm with Goofball," Dan said. "I kinda wanna know what's up with that tree. Whoever's in that balloon must be the ones controlling it. That person, or persons, have the true spirit of Christmas, and I for one would love to meet them."

Chris sighed. "Okay then...let's follow that tree." He tilted his head. "Gotta admit, I'm a little curious myself..."

* * * * *

"Looks like they're loving the tree, Ferb," Phineas said as he watched the crowds below. "Initiate phase two!"

Ferb flipped a toggle on the tree's remote. Several speakers flipped out from hidden panels around the base of the lift platform and began blaring "Jingle Bells".

* * * * *

Dancing Shadow studied the screen on the makeshift radar tracker she'd cobbled together. "Alright...I'm picking up a lot of stationary radar contacts, as well as one that's moving slowly through midtown." She looked over at Doof. "How's it coming?"

"Al...most...DONE!" Doof hefted a wide-barreled technological doohickey proudly. "BEHOLD, Perry the Platypus! And...female secret agent to whom I have not been introduced...nothing? Really? Okay. Anyway, BEHOLD! My SNOW-INATOR! This device will turn whatever it hits into a flurry of harmless winter precipitation!"

Dancing Shadow raised an eyebrow. "Seriously?"

"What?" Doof asked. "Well, I mean, I could have just made a portable Disintegrator-inator, but I figured why not go for something a little more holiday-themed?"

Dancing Shadow shrugged. "Alright. But does it work?"

Doof pointed it at the broken remains of Santa Slay's stocking trap and fired. With a POOMF, it dissolved into a pile of snow.

"Okay then. Let's go." With that, Dancing Shadow, Agent P, and Doof piled into Agent P's rocket car and took off, leaving behind a seemingly unconscious Santa Slay, lying in a puddle of his own drool.

* * * * *

"Is it me, or is it a little crowded up here today?" Buford asked.

All around the tree and the balloon, dozens of drones hovered in the sky, shaped like brightly colored Christmas presents.

"Must be some kind of Secret Santa thing," Phineas said. "Ferb, better be careful. We don't want to knock any of these drones off course."

* * * * *

Agent P's rocket car weaved through a dozen shiny drones. Doof had already turned over a dozen drones into fine, powdery snow.

"We need to find a way to knock these drones off course," Dancing Shadow said. "Hunting them down one by one will take too long."

"And you didn't think of that before we left, Miss Secret Agent Who Won't Even Introduce Herself?"

Agent P held up a remote.

"What's this?" Dancing Shadow asked. She took the remote and studied it. "This...this is the master control for Santa Slay's drones! We can use this to gather all the drones in one place, take them out all at once!" She frowned. "But we'll need some kind of beacon...a radar signal they can home in on..."

"How about that?" Doof asked, pointing across the city.

Dancing Shadow followed his abnormally long finger and gasped. "What the?"

Agent P winced.

The enormous flying Christmas tree that Phineas and Ferb had worked so hard on was heading right toward them.

Dancing Shadow narrowed her eyes. "So...Santa Slay had one last surprise in his sack of evil presents. Okay...we'll just round up all the drones, get them to converge on that giant flying tree of death, and..."

* * * * *

"Uhh, Phineas?" Isabella asked, worry in her voice. "All those present drones are kind of...converging on the tree..."

"Well, it is a Christmas tree," Ferb said. "I mean, where else would you expect to find a bunch of presents?"

"I'm backing us off a bit," Phineas said. "Man, I wonder who let all these drones loose."

"Probably that pharmacist and that ninja in that rocket car," Buford said.

* * * * *

"Hey, look! There's Christmas presents flying toward the giant tree!"

"Wow, they really went all out on this thing," Chris said.

Dan smiled. "Now see, this is the kind of thing I like to see. Look at everybody! They're so happy and cheerful..."

* * * * *

Agent P hid behind Dancing Shadow, pushing her toward the controls of the rocket car.

"What is it, Agent P?" She looked at the balloon flying behind the tree, noticing its distinctive platypus shape.

Doof noticed it too. "A Santapus balloon?"

Dancing Shadow noticed the kids flying the balloon. She looked down at Agent P. "Cover story?"

Agent P nodded.

"Really bad for you if they see you up here?"

"Ktktktktktktktkt."

"Got it." Dancing Shadow checked her radar. "We're almost there...almost...that's the last of them!"

A massive pile of shiny, colorful drones sat underneath the flying Christmas tree.

"Okay, do it now!" Dancing Shadow said.

Doof grinned. "Let it snow, let it snow, let it SNOW!" He pulled the trigger...

* * * * *

"Hey, what's up with that rocket car?" Chris asked. "It's firing...a green ray of some sort at the giant tree..."

"Green ray?" Pinkie asked. "A green ray? From the sky?"

"A green ray...from the sky..." Dan said, grinding his teeth and narrowing his eyes.

Suddenly, the giant Christmas tree and all the shiny present drones that had just taken roost under it exploded into a giant cloud of snow, which spread out and fell in drifts and flurries on the crowd below.

"It's...it's snowing?" Chris asked.

Pinkie gasped. "Oh my gosh! It's a Christmas miracle!"

Dan gaped. "Huh. That green ray must've been...a snow machine of some sort...that somebody built for this..." His eyes began to mist over. "Absolutely amazing display of Christmas cheer!"

The snow continued to fall, and all around them, people sang.

Pinkie clung tightly to Dan, smiling broadly up at the drifting snow. "I think I really like Christmas," she said.

* * * * *

"Ferb? We didn't add a 'turn into snow' feature to the tree, did we?"

Ferb shook his head.

Phineas looked down at the people below, who were holding hands and singing in the snow. "Oh well. We didn't plan it, but I gotta admit, it's a pretty good finale! And, you know, it saves us a lot of time cleaning up."

"Yes. Yes it does."

Candace sighed. "Merry Christmas, kids."

* * * * *

The rocket car coasted to a landing at Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated, and its passengers disembarked. "Nice working with you, Agent P. If I'm ever back in Danville, I'll look you up."

Agent P gave Dancing Shadow a salute.

"Heeeey...didn't you leave that Santa jerk tied up?" Doof asked.

Dancing Shadow looked to the spot where they had left Santa Slay. All she found was a pile of drool and a Christmas card. She carefully picked it up and opened it. "You foiled my plans this time, but I'll see you again this time next year, Merry Christmas, hope you die horribly, Santa Slay." She sighed. "Can't say I'm surprised. Oh well." She stretched. "Guess I'd better get back to my vacation."

Agent P jumped into his rocket car and, with a final wave, took off.

"Thanks for helping us save Christmas...and a whole lot of lives," Dancing Shadow said to Doofenshmirtz. "You may be an evil scientist, but you're okay in my book."

"Aww, shucks," Doof said. "You're not bad yourself...you know, for a secret agent. Whose name I still don't know."

Dancing Shadow laughed. "Merry Christmas, Dr. Doofenshmirtz. And a happy new year." With that, she left as mysteriously as she'd arrived.

"Wow. Still no name?" Doof sighed and looked around at the mess. "Oh well. At least this isn't as bad as what I usually have to clean up after a visit from Perry the Platypus..."

* * * * *

The snow had long since stopped falling when Elise caught up with Chris, Dan, and Pinkie outside the hotel. "Hey guys," she said. "What'd I miss?"

"You missed this really amazing flying Christmas tree that turned into snow and snowed all over Danville!" Pinkie said.

"No, I saw that," Elise said. "I just meant, did you guys do anything fun today?"

Chris smiled. "Yes. Yes we did."

* * * * *

With the balloon safely stowed away, Buford and Isabella said their goodbyes and went home.

Candace looked around the yard, then sighed. "Come on, boys...I'll make us some hot cocoa and we can watch some holiday specials on TV."

"Sounds good to me," Phineas said. "Oh, there you are Perry!"

Perry, covered in melting snow, sat under the tree, doing his best impression of a turquoise brick.

After all...he's only a platypus.

They don't do much.

Not even on Christmas.

* * * * *

Night had fallen.

In just an hour, it would be Christmas Eve.

Doofenshmirtz, in his cap and pajamas, was about to settle down for a long winter's nap, when there rose such a clatter from his front door.

Grumbling, he answered the door. A short, pasty-skinned man with green eyes and messy black hair stood there.

"You blew up our luggage, you jerk," the man said. He kicked Doof in the shin, then stormed off.

Doof closed the door. "Huh. Well. That was random."

His door flew open again. "No. No it wasn't!" the angry little man hissed, before slamming the door behind him.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Next Chapter: Part 16 … Vs. …: Chapter 148 Chris Vs. Golden Times Gone Past Estimated time remaining: 9 Hours, 7 Minutes
Return to Story Description

Login

Facebook
Login with
Facebook:
FiMFetch