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The Wheel and the Butterfly A Dan X Pinkie Pie Saga

by Justice3442

Chapter 151: Part 15 Pinkamena Vs. Dan*:Chapter 132 Pinkie Vs. Monologue

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The Wheel and the Butterfly
A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga
Part 15 Pinkamena Vs. Dan*
Chapter 132 Pinkie Vs. Monologue

-ooooooo-

“One,” Dan* said, his voice echoing slightly in the large, mostly empty area. He leaned forward and hit a button on a large camcorder in front of him, a device almost like a VCR with a lens, microphone, and handle attached. He then hit another button which caused the side of the device to open. He pulled out a VCR tape and held it up.

“Oh, The Beautiful and Charming Trixie~!” Dan* sang out.

There was the sound of a wooden chair scraping as Trixie sat up from a table at which Sunset Shimmer, Fairy Girl, and Helen all sat. Trixie approached Dan* with a smile on her face, her high heels clicking against concrete as she practically sashayed up to Dan*.

Dan* held up the tape. “Would you do me a favor and magic this back over the apartment with you know who?”

Trixie nodded as she grabbed the tape. “The Grrrrrrreat and Powerful Trixie shall make another special performance just for you,” she said with a wink.

Dan* smiled wide at her. “Fantastic.”

Trixie turned back towards the table and walked away, Fairy Girl also stood up as she approached.

Coughcough… It was ‘Code Geass’, you idiot.”

Dan* turned towards the bruised and battered man hanging from his wrists. “Pardon?”

Dan looked up with a scowl. “Pinkie’s reference she was making… it was ‘Code Geass’, you i-dee-ot!”

Dan* walked up to Dan with a smile on his face. “I’d say that was interesting, but I really don’t care.”

Dan chuckled. “You should…”

Dan* closed his eyes, smiled and shook his head. “Oh, Dan, Dan, Dan”—Dan* opened his eyes. “I don’t need to watch the same shows as you two to figure you two out! I’ve already done my homework there!” Dan* gave Dan a smug smile. “The truth is you two are actually pretty predictable! Something gets on your bad side and you spring to action, dragging as many of your friends along as you can! And it’s that reaction that I’m counting on.” Dan*’s smile turned dark. “That energetic girlfriend of yours is going to lead all your friends right here, and then all the people you two have run afoul of will tear them apart.” Dan* leaned in closer, his dark grin turning sadistic. “And you know what the best part is?”

Dan shot his double an irritated look. “You’re saving Pinkie for last and you’re going to try to kill her in front of me.”

“I’ve saved your girlfriend for last and—” Dan*’s sadistic smile faded a bit at Dan’s words, but he recovered it slightly as he replied, “Alright, so maybe I’m not getting much points for originality there, but it doesn’t change the fact it’s going to happen.”

“Oh come off it,” Dan said. “Do you really think for a moment I’d just be talking like this if I thought any of this would work in your favor in the slightest? If you do, you really don’t know me well at all.”

Dan* frowned. There was a brief popping noise as Trixie and Fairy Girl disappeared from the room. Dan* glanced behind himself briefly before turning back to Dan. “I will admit, you’re taking the inevitable untimely end of everyone you care about or love much better than what I would have thought.”

THAT’S BECAUSE IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN, YOU MORON!” Dan glanced to his side briefly. “I’m sure most of my other friends are predictable enough that you’ve mapped out what they’re going to do, but you can’t predict Pinkie Pie! She is the most random thing I’ve ever met! Possibly that ever existed!”

Dan* motioned to the large camcorder, smile returning. “Well I just had a lovely exchange with the lady, not that you’d know…”

Pfft… Amateur hour guess work, anyone could have figured out what she could have said.”

“Oh Danny boy, I know you spend a lot of your time with the girl. Almost all of it, in fact! But what makes you think you can get into her head the way I’ve gotten into yours… and hers?”

Dan’s lips began to raise into a dark smile. “You’re asking the wrong question…”

Dan* raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

Dan nodded as his lips parted, revealing a mouth full of pointed teeth. “You should have asked how I knew what reference Pinkie was making.”

Dan*’s eyes widened slightly as realization set in. He couldn’t… was he actually following the conversation? Well, he does spend a lot of time with the girl, and he only had to fill in the pieces from her end of the conversation. I suppose that wouldn’t be too difficult from his position…

Dan*’s smug smile returned. “Alright, so you knew what she was going to say, I still know she’s going to lead your friends right here.”

“Oh, she will,” Dan replied, “but there’s no way you’ll be able to handle her. If you only knew how Pinkie acted when she gets really mad you’d know better than to antagonize her. I mean… I get you figured out she’s crazy and all, but she’s homicidally insane when she’s really mad.”

Dan* rolled his eyes. “Yes, yes, I’m sure she can be quite the firecracker when pushed far enough.”

“See, it’s comments like that which make it clear to me you’re a walking corpse at this point,” Dan said in an oddly conversational tone, despite the fact he was hanging from his wrists by a pair of metal shackles bolted to the wall behind him. “You seem to think Pinkie is going to show up ‘much angrier than usual’ when it’s much more likely she’s going to cut you open and start showing you the color of your insides. I mean, if Beaumont & Fletcher are correct and ‘The fool that willingly provokes a woman has made himself another evil angel, and a new hell to which all other torments are mere pastimes,’ then you’re the king of the idiots and you’ve basically raised the devil herself to introduce a new world of pain and misery that you can scarcely imagine.”

From behind Dan*, Sunset Shimmer sneezed.

Dan* went quiet, unused to Dan upping him when it came to conversations between the two of them.

Dan knitted his brow, catching Dan*’s silence. “It’s from Cupid’s Revenge… It’s a play from the 1600’s, you ignoramus.”

“Wait,” Sunset’s voice called out quickly followed by the sounds of leather soles hitting concrete, “are you guys talking Jacobean tragedy plays over there?”

The barest hints of a frown emerged on Dan*’s face before his smile returned. He shifted his body slightly and watched as Sunset walked up to him and Dan. “Dan here was just trying to compare my situation with Pinkie to a play of some sort.”

Sunset nodded. “‘Cupid’s Revenge’, I heard.”

“SEE?!” Dan said. “At least someone around here has picked up a book or two!”

Sunset chuckled to herself. “Shame he never stole the identity of a literature major, right?”

Dan* cleared his throat.

Sunset held up her palms. “Alright, you’re trying to lord your inevitable victory over him, I get it. I’ll just go back and try to strike up a conversation with the dull waitress…”

“HEY!” Helen protested.

“What?!” Sunset cried as she walked back over to the table. “You’re boring!”

Dan* watched as Sunset left, then turned back towards Dan. “So, you’re hanging there chatting with me because you’re simply waiting for your girlfriend who will supposedly be much angrier than I could imagine to show up, brutally murder me, and rescue you?”

Dan shook his head. “No, I mean… Okay, if I just waited here, I’m sure that’s what would happen, but I figured I’ll probably just get out of these restraints and beat you into a bloody stain pretty soon here.”

Dan* looked at Dan with surprise before his mouth began to pull open into a small smile, and then a toothy grin as chuckles turned to full blown laughter. “HehhehAhHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

“And what, pray tell, is so funny?”

“You had me going there for a bit with the whole, ‘my girlfriend is more dangerous than you think’ bit, but I know you have to be bluffing! You can’t really believe you can escape whenever it suits you. I’ve thought of everything! Everything! What makes you so sure there’s something I left out?”

Dan continued to grin wickedly. “Well, that’s because there’s something else I’m guessing you didn’t know.” He looked up at his restraints. “Especially if you thought I couldn’t get out of these.”

Dan* rolled his eyes. “If you’re referring to your double jointed thumb, I’m quite aware of it and how you were able to escape the shackles you were placed in when you first visited the Magic Manor.”

“Oh no, something far more impressive than that. Two things in fact.”

“Well, this has been a conversation full of surprises, so go ahead… Impress me.”

Dan’s eyes narrowed, making his already devilish grin even darker. “Two things… First: I know you put a bomb in my TV.”

Dan*’s smile left once more at Dan’s comment, Dan once again showing he had been tracking events much better than Dan* had anticipated.

“Second: It seems something about Pinkie being in danger makes it so I do this.” Dan’s fist suddenly started glowing red. Dan suddenly reached out for the chains that held up his shackles.

Dan*’s smug expression was suddenly buried under an avalanche of surprise, awe, and finally fear as Dan wrapped his fingers around the chains and squeezed his hands. The chains cracked and broke almost as if they were made of brittle plastic as opposed to metal.

Dan dropped the short distance to the ground, grunting a “Hup…” before he raised his still glowing fists. His eyebrows raised slightly adding a bit of a crazed look to his wicked grin.

Dan* took a step back from the deranged-looking man.

Sunset walked back up from the table, an inquisitive look on her face. “Huh, that was impressive. She glanced at Dan*. “So I guess this is where you crush his spirit by showing you had a plan for that little trick?”

Dan* chuckled slightly before uttering a slightly worried sounding, “Run…”

Sunset frowned. “Oh… you had…” Sunset trailed off slightly as she looked at Dan, her calm and curious expression quickly changing to a worried one. “…you had no idea he could do that…”

-ooo-

Pinkie stood on the walkway in front of her and Dan’s apartment. She stared out into open air with a determined look on her face, her clothing still singed and slightly tattered as small, red dribbles ran down her bare legs and arms, and a somewhat larger flow of blood ran from Pinkie’s forehead, the exact point of the wound hidden under Pinkie’s now straight hair which almost completely covered the right side of her face. The blood trickled down and around Pinkie’s nose, over her lips, and finally down her chin, coming off in small drops.

Pinkie seemed to pay her injuries no mind as began speaking to no one in particular. “Pinkie Pie’s Journal. June uh… something… two-thousand… something…: Exploded TV in the parking lot this afternoon, bomb hidden inside. This suburb is afraid of me. I have seen its…”

“Pinkie!” a masculine voice called out.

“WHAT?!” Pinkie cried in a shrill voice. She looked down to see a tall, middle-aged man with wild, white hair that shot out in all directions. The man wore a white lab coat over a grey sweater, black slacks, and black boots looked up at Pinkie past a pair of round glasses.

“Are you alright?” he asked. “I heard an explosion that I didn’t cause!”

“I’M MONOLOGUING!” Pinkie snapped.

“Oh! Sorry! I completely understand! Please continue…”

Pinkie resumed her staring off into space as continued talking to no one in particular. “… I have seen its true façade. The sidewalks are…”

“Uh, Pinkie?”

“WHAT IS IT NOW?!” Pinkie shrieked as she looked down.

“Uh, well… It’s just that the word ‘façade’ sort of suggests something that’s not real or covering anything, so…”

“I DON’T CARE!” Pinkie snapped.

“Well, I mean…” The man in the lab coat motioned to himself. “I’ve monologued a few times in my day and…”

“I’M FINE DOING IT BY MYSELF, ALRIGHT?!”

The man held up his hands in a defensive position. “Alright, alright… just… just trying to help.”

“WELL YOU CAN HELP BY KEEPING QUIET!” Pinkie screamed out.

The man obediently shut his mouth and simply stared up at Pinkie.

“The sidewalks are extended walkways and the walkways lead up to offices and quiet, gated communities with strict noise regulations. The accumulated tedium of all the work and chores will weigh on the spirits of these suburbanites and all the nine-to-fivers and children will look up and shout…”

“Hey, Pinkie!” another masculine voice called out.

Pinkie uttered a frustrated “GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!” before retreating back to the apartment briefly. She soon exited carrying a black folding chair which she quickly lobbed at the owner of the offending voice.

‘THWACK!’

“GAH!” Chris called out as the chair collided with him, knocking him to the ground.

“Oh my gosh!” Elise called out as she exited her and Chris’s blue sedan. “Pinkie, did you just throw a chair at Chris?!”

“I WAS MONOLOUGING!” Pinkie screeched angrily.

Chris put a hand up to his head as he woozily raised to a sitting position. “Sa…Soooaaarry…Pa… Pinkie… ” Chris said. He looked up at Pinkie from the ground and quickly averted his gaze uttering a flustered “Whoaaaa!” as he did.

Elise glanced down at Chris then up at Pinkie, focusing her eyes on Pinkie’s torn skirt. “Pinkie, are you wearing anything under your skirt?!”

Pinkie scowled down at Elise. “A magician stole my panties twice, then got mace all over them!”

Elise’s eyes suddenly went wide. “They can… magicians can do that?” she asked in a somewhat frightened tone as she lowered herself behind the open car door.

“Wait, when was this?” Chris asked as he stood to his feet.

“I DON’T MEASURE TIME IN REGARDS TO WHEN ARTICLES OF MY CLOTHING GET MAGICALLY HIJACKED AND COVERED IN BURNING CHEMICALS!” Pinkie snapped.

“Well… I mean… was this just now?” Chris asked.

“NO! IT WAS BACK WHEN DAN AND I VISITED THE MAGIC MANOR!”

With a relieved look, Elise remerged from behind the door of the blue sedan.

“So...” Chris continued, “… you could have replaced them since then?”

“I’VE BEEN BUSY SINCE THEN!” Pinkie cried. “LOOK, IS THIS STUPID LINE OF QUESTIONING GOING TO CONTINUE, OR DO I NEED TO GET ANOTHER CHAIR?!”

Chris frowned as a slightly worried expression crossed his face. “Uh… I’ll be quiet…”

“GOOD!” Pinkie cried. She continued staring off into the open space in front of the apartment walkway. "… GAH!” Pinkie cried. “I LOST MY PLACE!”

“Just start all over!” The man in the lab coat said. “It’s what I do when I get interrupted mid-monologue.”

“You know what? I think I will!” Pinkie said. She cleared her throat. “Pinkie Pie’s Journal. June uh… something… two-thousand… something—”

“Pinkie, it’s...” Chris trailed off as Pinkie quickly stormed back into the apartment and reappeared with another folding chair. “… Whoa! Whoa! Never mind! Forget I said anything…”

Pinkie glared down at Chris, but opted to toss the chair back into the apartment before continuing, “Exploded TV in the parking lot this afternoon, bomb hidden inside. This suburb is afraid of me. I have seen its true façade. The sidewalks are extended walkways and the walkways lead up to offices and quiet, gated communities with strict noise regulations. The accumulated tedium of all the work and chores will weigh on the spirits of these suburbanites and all the nine-to-fivers and children will look up and cry ‘Entertain us!’... and I'll whisper, ‘Noper.’”

Silence suddenly descended as Pinkie finished. For a while, no one said anything.

Uh… Are you done?” Chris asked.

“Yes!” Pinkie said as she looked down.

The man in the lab coat clapped his hand in approval. “Not bad. What’s the occasion?”

“Someone kidnapped Dan,” Pinkie said. “And I’m going to find the man responsible and stab him a whole bunch of times.”

“WHAT?!” Chris and Elise cried.

The man in the lab coat simply nodded. “Sounds like you’ve got your evening all planned out.”

Her lips suddenly spread towards the sides of her face as she put on a dark smile as she began walking towards the stairs. “Yep! Now let’s track down Dan’s insufferable doppelganger so I can perform violence on him!”

“Pinkie,” Elise cried, “you never mentioned you were planning on stabbing anyone!”

“Or that Dan was kidnapped by uh… other Dan,” Chris added.

“Well now you know!” Pinkie said as she started walking down the stairs. “Consider yourself informed! Now let’s go!”

“Whoa!” Elise said. “I think a few details are in order like… why are you bleeding and why are your clothes such a mess?!”

“Because Dan’s stupid look alike put a bomb in Dan’s TV!” Pinkie said as she descended the last few steps onto the sidewalk.

“Ah, so that’s what exploded,” the man in the labcoat said simply.

“Can we go now?!” Pinkie snapped. “We’ve got a busy schedule of preparing for, and then inflicting a roaring rampage of vengeance!”

“Shouldn’t we just skip to looking for Dan?” Chris asked.

Elise spoke up. “I’m fine with taking our time, actually.”

Chris turned towards Elise with a worried expression.

“What?” Elise protested. “I’m sure Dan will be fine.”

Pinkie spoke up, “Not-Dan said something about me showing up with all of Dan and my friends, so he’s probably not going to kill Dan until we show up.”

Elise scrunched her lips up slightly. “Shouldn’t we not play right into his hands then?”

Pinkie furrowed her brow. “OR you can stop being such a wet blanket and we can go out there and stab some not-my-boyfriend face!”

Elise scowled at Pinkie. “You did not just call me a wet blanket!”

“All I’m saying is someone here is being the screen door on the submarine that is me enacting justice!”

Elise gritted her teeth as one of the corners of her lips pulled up into a small sneer. “You know what, fine.

“Great! Now let’s go!” Pinkie said.

Chris frowned. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

“What?” Pinkie snapped. “I made my big speech, I have my knife—” Pinkie patted her handbag –“what else could I possibly need?”

Chris’s face went red. “Well… uh… I mean…”

Elise spoke up. “Shouldn’t you maybe change into something a little less scorched and ripped… or at least put something on under your skirt?”

“THERE’S NO TIME!” Pinkie cried as she flung her hands up into the air. “My vengeance will not be delayed over a simple matter of clothing!”

The man in the lab coat raised an eyebrow as he looked at Elise. “How exactly do you know Pinkie?”

Elise shot him an indignant look. “I’m her best friend.”

The man’s eyes widened. “Oh! Excuse me, I didn’t know I was talking to the Elise!” He smiled and extended his hand. “Dr. Jean Splice at your service.”

Elise’s expression softened as she took Jean’s hand. “You’re Dan and Pinkie’s neighbor? I’ve heard so much about you, Dr. Splice!”

“Please, call me ‘Jean’,” Jean insisted. “And likewise…” Jean retracted his hand. “Sorry for my rude question earlier, I just assumed anyone who was a friend of Pinkie would be used to seeing her with one or several articles of clothing missing.”

Elise paused and thought about this. “Ooooh! That make sense… I guess Pinkie is a little better about keeping clothing on her when she’s away from home.”

“Wow,” Pinkie exclaimed. “Well this is a boring conversation that has nothing to do with us leaving! How about everyone shut up and we get in the car already!”

Chris looked down at Pinkie with a touch of concern. “Pinkie, I know you want to get a move on regarding saving Dan...”

“Also, murder!” Pinkie said.

“Uh… right… Well, you do seem to be bleeding an awful lot from your head, and…”

“I DON’T HAVE TIME TO BLEED!” Pinkie cried.

Elise’s eyes widened as she took a close look at Pinkie’s face. “Uh… Be that as it may, you do seem to have a pretty nasty head wound…” Elise reached her hand out towards Pinkie’s forehead. “Let me just…”

Pinkie swatted the hand away. “I’m fine!”

Elise narrowed her eyes slightly. “Pinkie, at least let me stop the bleeding.”

“We’re wasting time, let’s just—”

Elise reached out again, and Pinkie once again swatted the hand away. Elise then reached out with the other hand, which Pinkie also swatted out. Soon the women were engaged in a brief, but frenzied slapping match as Elise continuously reached out and Pinkie slapped her hands away. The match soon came to an end when Elise successfully slipped a hand past Pinkie’s defenses.

Pinkie scrunched up her nose and glared up at Elise as Elise moved Pinkie’s hair out of the way, revealing a thin piece of plastic that stuck out of Pinkie’s forehead about a half-inch.

“OH MY GOSH!” Elise exclaimed.

Pinkie sighed. “This is why I didn’t want to show you! I knew you’d make a big deal out of it!”

“Pinkie, we need to take you to the hospital!” Elise cried.

“BUT I HAVE STABBING TO DO!” Pinkie screeched as she held her palms up and curled her fingers. “And hospitals are for squares!”

Chris spoke up, “You know you can’t enact vengeance if you pass out from blood loss.”

Pinkie’s shoulders slumped as she put on a sullen look. “Fine, take me to the lame hospital… But as soon as we’re done there it’s vengeance time!”

Elise glanced over at Chris and smiled. “Good thinking.”

Chris smiled back. “Years of working with Dan.”

Elise turned towards Jean, a smile still on her face. “Would you like to come with us Jean?”

“Oh… I wouldn’t want to impose...” Jean replied.

“Pinkie doesn’t mind!” Elise insisted. “Do you Pinkie?”

“I DON’T CARE!” Pinkie cried shrilly. “I JUST WANT TO GO!”

Elise motioned to Pinkie. “There you go! You can help us rescue Dan and tell us about all your fascinating experiments!”

Chris shuddered. “… You mean like all the mutated animals that have attacked the bakery?”

Elise turned to Chris and nodded. “Yes! All of those!” She turned back to Jean and gave him a sly grin. “You know, I’ve dabbled with DNA a little myself.”

Really…” Jean said in an interested, almost purring tone. “I’d love to hear more...”

“GREAT!” Pinkie cried. “Everyone’s coming! NOW LET’S GO!” Pinkie cried as she walked up to the front passenger’s side of the car and sat down.

Chris frowned. “Uh… Pinkie? That’s Elise’s…”

“JUST SHUT UP AND GET IN THE CAR!” Pinkie snapped.

“It’s fine,” Elise said. “I don’t mind sitting in the back with Jean.”

Chris’s eyes widened slightly as he looked at Elise, then at Jean, then back to Elise. “Uh… right… ok—OW!” Chris was suddenly cut off as a black sneaker bounced off the side of his head.

“WHAT PART OF ‘GET IN THE CAR’ DID YOU NOT UNDERSTAND!?”

Next Chapter: Part 15 Pinkamena Vs. Dan*: Chapter 133 Dan Vs. Escape Estimated time remaining: 14 Hours, 42 Minutes
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