The Wheel and the Butterfly
A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga
Part 15 … Vs. …
Dan Vs. The Magic Manor

Dan sat in the driver’s side of his red hatchback, keeping his eyes focused on the road while his left hand held the steering wheel tightly and he motioned out vigorously with his right. His free hand moved up, down and every-which-way as he carried on an animated conversation with the person next to him. He wore what he almost always wore: a black t-shirt that said with word ‘JERK’ in big, bold white letters, jeans, and black boots.

Pinkie Pie sat in the passenger side and kept her eyes focused on Dan as she kept both hands free to motion vigorously as she carried on her half of the animated conversation. She wore something new: a short-sleeved, buttoned green shirt covered in an abstract floral pattern of brighter greens, blues, and yellows, a dark green pleated skirt that stopped just above her knees, and a pair of black sneakers. A set of three large, colorful bracelets surrounded her left wrist and a bit of her forearm.

Pinkie flashed Dan an unsure look as palm trees and nice, multistory houses passed by her window. “Are you sure this will be a nice, quick visit to the Maniac Mansion or whatever?”

“Of course!” Dan said in a somewhat irritated tone. “And it’s the ‘Magic Manor’,” Dan corrected. “We just walk up to the guard, say the magic words, go inside, track down that fake magician twerp, I get Magnifico the Malcontent to cough up his secrets, and we’re out!”

Pinkie giggled to herself at Dan calling anyone ‘malcontent’, but said nothing.

“Anyhow,” Dan continued as he flailed his right hand about, “I’m surprised you’re not excited to see the Magic Manor. It’s filled with rooms full of magic junk, like top hats and ogres making wands, walls adorned with random and goofy nonsense, and trap-filled hallways.” Dan took his eyes off the road to briefly stare up as he rubbed his chin with a thumb and a forefinger. “Just imagine Hogwarts, a T.G.I.F. and the Temple of Doom somehow had a lovechild together… that’s what the Magic Manor would look like,” Dan said as he looked back down at the road.

Pinkie giggled once more. “Hehehe… Well, how can I be excited when you just described the place in such funderful detail?”

“But it’s got magic, gaudy junk!” Dan protested. “I figured you’d be jumping up and down on your seat like a preschooler to see this ridiculous place!”

Pinkie shrugged. “Erm… I kinda come from the ‘magical land of Equestria’?” Pinkie reminded in a tone that half-suggested she was asking Dan if he remembered. “I mean… this sounds like some bizarre, theme park version of being home again.” Pinkie smirked. “Not sure there’s a ton to be excited about.”

Dan paused briefly and thought about this.

Dan held fast to a grey-bearded middle-aged man’s suspenders. In addition to the suspenders, the man wore a wide-brimmed straw hat, buttoned-up white shirt, and a red kerchief.

“You call this the ‘California Experience’?!” Dan shouted angrily as he shook the man by his suspenders. “You don’t even have a place to simulate getting mugged!”

“Dan!” Chris called from behind him. “When they say the ‘California Experience’, they mean the old mission days! Not modern day California!”

Dan let go of the suspenders of the confused and slightly scared-looking man, who hit the ground with an “Oof!”

Dan turned to look at Chris. “Well, then they should have said so! We could have avoided this whole embarrassing situation!”

Chris sighed. “It is pretty embarrassing…”

Dan nodded. “Yeah! For them alright! Luring unsuspecting people to their public demonstrations under false pretense of recreating life in the big city.” Dan raised a hand up to his brows and scanned his eyes over the various areas set up, including a blacksmith in front of a covered wagon, a pottery-making area, and a man that appeared to be wearing brown monk’s robes. “Now where is the quarantine house, I wonder? I want to see how accurate the pseudomembrane on the diphtheria victim’s tonsil’s looks…”

A woman with long blond hair that went down past her shoulders, wearing a pink sweater over a white blouse, and a long, dark-salmon colored skirt walked up. She smiled, though her eyes and facial expressions showed she was anything but happy. “Sir, can you please leave the school grounds before I have to call the police?”

“HEY!” Dan cried. He pointed over his shoulder with a thumb at Chris. “My friend here pays taxes and his taxes pay for these ridiculously inaccurate school programs! And as he’s my minion, I have just as much right to be here as anyone!” Dan scanned the area with annoyance. “It’s not like any of these kids have paid a dime to be here!”

“I see your point,” Dan said to Pinkie. “Anyhow, this magic stuff is a bunch of hogwash…”

Pinkie narrowed her eyes and gave Dan a look she almost never used, a look that suggested she couldn’t believe what the other person had just said. “You don’t believe in magic?” she asked dryly.

Dan flung his right hand out and up to the car ceiling. “Not real magic like from fairies, werewolves, or colorful, talking ponies even, but stage magic like Magnifico the Malignant uses! I managed to figure out and expose of all of Magnifico’s bogus song and dance last time we met, except…”

Pinkie giggled. “Except when he stole your underwear!”

Dan sighed. “Yeah, except that… As strange as that was, I just assumed that was some bogus trick too, until I started teleporting things with my mind…” Dan said, trailing off as he stared down the winding road.

Dan drove the hatchback down one more turn around a well-manicured estate. Suddenly the couple beheld a sight that stood out greatly from the palatial Southern California building around it: a stone building complete with high, rectangular windows separated by stone pillars, a red-shingled pointed roof that was cone-shaped in places, giving the appearance of towers attached to the large structure, and large wooden double doors that stood in front of a wooden drawbridge. In front of the three-story tall manor was a pathway that bent halfway towards the house at a slightly curved right angle. Warped and slightly barren deciduous trees stood tall, surrounded by the odd high hedge, and a gentle sloping lawn was on both sides of the walkway.

Pinkie giggled. “It’s like a tiny, baby castle!” She narrowed her eyes slightly and raised her hands to her chest level, pointing her fingers downward and wiggling them slightly. “Except it’s all daaaark~ and spooooky~!”

Dan rolled his eyes as he slowly pulled the car up to the sidewalk. “Yeah, it’s mysterious alright…” he said in a sardonic tone.

“Anyhow,” Pinkie said as she unbuckled her seatbelt, “it’s a shame Elise said ‘no’ to coming with us.” Pinkie stepped out of the car and stared out at the Magic Manor.

Dan likewise exited the vehicle. “If you recall, she actually screamed and locked herself in the bathroom before she began hysterically sobbing to herself.” Dan held up an index finger. “We perceived it as a ‘no’.”

The two walked onto the sidewalk and down past a chest-high stone wall to a large, metal, gold-colored gate. The posts of the gate resembled golden spears that poked up past the top arc. Either side of the gate was adorned with a large, cursive ‘M’ surrounded by a circle.

As Dan and Pinkie walked up to the gate, it automatically opened and they stepped past it onto the walkway.

Dan frowned as he took a closer look at the manor. A large, bald man dressed in a black suit stood in front of the door. “Great. It’s the same muscle bound idiot that was guarding the place the last time I had to thrash Magnifico!”

Pinkie frowned slightly as glanced at Dan. “I thought you weren’t going to thrash anyone.”

Dan shrugged. “It depends on how easily Magnifico coughs up his secrets!”

Pinkie pursed her lips slightly and thought briefly about this. “Fair enough… Should we get disguises?”

Dan waved a hand about dismissively. “Nah, that can be plan ‘b’ if the magic words don’t work and we can’t strong arm our way past him.”

Pinkie cocked an eyebrow. “Did strong arming work last time?”

“Well, no…” Dan admitted. His mouth opened into a devilish grin. “But I’ve gotten a lot better at punching hard since then.” His lips opened wider as a slightly mad look came over his features. “Plus, I have a secret weapon.”

“Oh… okie-dokie-lokie!” Pinkie said cheerfully.

“Alright, just follow my lead,” Dan said as he began walking onto the wide drawbridge that sat suspended over a moat. Pinkie followed close behind as the two made their way up the walkway. The guard eyed them suspiciously as they approached, wrinkling his brow and narrowing his eyes with every step Dan and Pinkie took closer.

“What’re the magic words?” the large man asked in a deep voice as Dan approached.

Dan leaned his head up and lifted a hand to shield the sound of his voice. “My, your blue eyes look striking in the moonlight.”

The guard frowned heavily. “That’s not the magic words no more.”

“What?!” Dan cried. “When did this happen?!”

“Some guys dressed as magicians came in lookin’ for a piece of jewelry or somethin’ a while back. They messed with a bunch of rooms and disrupted one of our member’s shows. I think they even let a cat loose in a room full of doves, or somethin’.”

Dan grinned. “Oh, sounds terrible and, more importantly, like absolutely nothing to do with me.”

The large man’s suspicious look increased as he cocked an eyebrow at Dan. “Yeah, well… you shoulda known all that if yer a member.”

“Oh,” Dan said, “well there’s a perfectly logical explanation for that.” He pulled back his right hand back along his side and clenched his fingers into a fist. “And it’s right here in my hand!”

Pinkie gulped and took a step back behind Dan.

The man sighed and rolled his eyes. “Ya’ don’t need to go through an act, we’re all magicians here.”

“MAGIC, GLOWING HAND!” Dan cried as he pulled his hand back and thrust it into the large man’s torso.

‘Paff.’

The man looked down at Dan with an irritated expression, Dan’s fist lightly pressed against his torso. “Were ya supposed to do somethin’?”

“Gah! It didn’t work!” Dan cried.

The larger man cocked an eyebrow. “Performance anxiety issues?”

Pinkie looked up at the larger man. “This usually never happens to him! Really!”

“SHUT UP!” Dan cried as he pulled his hand back. “Let me try again!” He sent his fist sailing forward once again. “Shazzam!”

‘Paff.’

The large man scrunched his lips to one side of his face. “Say, don’t I know you from somewhere?”

“NO!” Dan cried. “Burning finger!”

‘Paff.’

The large man sighed. “Would it help if I turned around?”

“GAH!” Dan cried as he raised his hands up to the top of his head and clutched at his hair. “This isn’t working!”

Pinkie gave Dan a small smile and patted Dan’s shoulder lightly. “It’s alright, I’m sure this sort of thing happens to lots of guys!”

Dan turned to Pinkie and snarled angrily at her, “Grarrarh!”

Pinkie retracted her hand and grinned at Dan pensively.

“Oh that is IT!” Dan cried. “It’s secret weapon time!”

“This your big finisher or somthin’?” The large man asked.

Dan smirked. “Trust me, this one will knock you dead.” He took a few steps and pointed at the large man. “Pinkie! Take him out!”

There was a brief pause as no one did anything.

Pinkie motioned to herself. “What?!” she cried in surprise. “I’m your secret weapon?!”

Dan furrowed his brow as he turned towards Pinkie. “What!? You thrash guys for me all the time!”

“Yeah, regular sized guys, who also mean you harm!” Pinkie motioned to the large man. “The last time I tried to attack someone this big I got smacked in the head with a bell and went sleepy-times for a while! Not fun!”

Dan sighed.

The large man’s eyes narrowed. “Wait, were you trying to attack me back there?”

“Hold on a second!” Dan said holding up an index finger. “This barely concerns you!” He turned towards Pinkie. “What the heck, Goofball!? I thought you had my back!”

“Dan, he’s not even doing anything!” Pinkie cried as she motioned to the large man.

“Oh, come on!” Dan whined. “At least give it the old college try!”

Pinkie placed her hands on her hips. “I’m sure we can figure something out without resorting to violence! Or at least violence that won’t likely mean more bruises and bumps for us!”

Dan sighed. “If only I can figure out what triggers my Falcon Punch ability…”

“Hey!” Pinkie cried. “There’s a phrase you didn’t try!”

Dan shrugged. “Phrases had nothing to do with it the other times it worked…”

Pinkie raised an eyebrow. “Then why did you—”

Dan placed a figure over Pinkie’s lips. “Just quiet your adorably kissable mouth for a second and let me think about this…”

“Can you two leave now? Yer kinda trespassing.”

“Just a second,” Dan said as he rubbed his chin. He suddenly raised an index finger in an ‘ah-ha’ fashion. “I got it!”

“Yay!” Pinkie said clapping her hands together.

“Every time I used the ability you were either in danger or injured!”

“Uh… yay?” Pinkie said notably less enthusiastically with a notably less enthusiastic clap to match. “Erm… I guess I need to put myself into peril now?”

Dan frowned. “But I don’t like it when you’re in peril!”

Pinkie breathed a sigh of relief.

Dan smiled. “Maybe it also works if you’re being verbally assaulted as opposed to the regular kind!”

Pinkie hummed thoughtfully to herself as she tapped an index finger against her chin and stared up into open air. “I guess it’s worth a shot.”

“Listen!” The large man said harshly. “I think you two should leave before I make you leave!”

Dan nodded. “Good, but now try it with more insults.”

Pinkie shook her head. “I don’t know, Dan. Can’t we just figure out when and where Magnifico the Magnificent’s next show will be at and ask him then?”

“Awww,” Dan said in a mildly whiny tone, “but I drove all the way here!”

Pinkie gave a slight shrug with her shoulders. “Yeah, but it was like… what… a five-minute drive?”

The large man spoke up again, “At least one of you has half a brain. I’d listen to the girl if I were you, bub.”

Dan cocked an eyebrow. “Did you just pay my girlfriend a backhanded compliment?”

The large man shrugged with his shoulders. “It was more of a half-subtle insult.”

Dan suddenly brought his right fist up to his chest and clutched his left hand around it, cracking his knuckles. His mouth opened revealing a toothy smile of devilish intent. “Even better.”

Dan shifted his weight back, pulled his fist back, and thrust it forward once again.

There was a red flash.

‘POW!’

“AAAAAAAHHH!”

Pinkie and Dan poked their heads over the side of the drawbridge just in time to witness the large man fall into the moat with a ‘splash!’

“NO ONE INSULTS, OR EVEN HALF-INSULTS MY GIRLFRIEND!” Dan shouted angrily.

Pinkie turned and grinned at Dan. “You know there’s something very attractive about you defending me like that.”

From below them, the man surfaced and began sputtering as he struggled in the water.

Pinkie looked down with a touch of concern. “You know… even if it was probably just a little~ overkill.”

Dan turned and smiled. “I’ll keep that in mind.” He motioned towards the manor. “Now let’s go,” he said as he rose to his feet. “We have a phony-baloney magician to interrogate for possible real magic secrets.”

“Okie-dokie-lo—”

“GrRrRrRrRrRCHRCHRCHRCHRCHRCH!”

Pinkie was cut off as she heard a low growl that ended in a gravely rumble. She looked down to see an alligator poke its head out of the surface of the water.

Pinkie giggled. “Hehehe… It’s like a big version of Gummy!”

The large man screamed and began swimming away from the alligator as fast as his large, muscular arms would take him.

Pinkie suddenly frowned and stood up, turning towards Dan. “Wait… those are like… magic, just-for-show alligators, right?”

Dan shrugged and waved a hand about dismissively. “Yeah, sure… whatever… Let’s just find Magnifico the unpleasant-word-that-begins-with-‘M’ and strangle some secrets out of him.”

Dan opened one of the large wooden doors and motioned for Pinkie to come inside. She smiled at him as she stepped past the doors and Dan followed, the door closing behind him.

The two found themselves in a long hallway lined by wood grain walls adorned with wall lamps, old pictures of magicians, and wooden doors with brass knobs. The ceiling was similarly wood grain with visible wooden supports down every few yards. The floor was covered with a long, light green carpet lined with a yellow border.

Dan walked past Pinkie, bee-lining for a wooden bookcase down the hall. He scanned the red and blue colored books as he picked out the single green book amongst them. He smiled to himself as he reached and placed his fingers on the book. “Let’s see if they’ve had time to change this!” Dan tilted the book slightly and let go as he heard a satisfying ‘click’. The book slid back into place and soon the entire bookcase slid down the wall, revealing another wood grain hall behind it.

Pinkie giggled giddily to herself. “Alright, I know I said I wouldn’t get excited, but this is kinda cool! We’re really walking around in some sort of magician’s guild secret base!”

“Don’t get too excited,” Dan said as his mildly grumpy expression returned and he and Pinkie resumed walking. “These magic nerds aren’t hiding anything mythical, just a pile of ill-gotten gains they’ve stolen during magic shows.”

“Still, it’s got seeeecret passages and stuff!” Pinkie said as she waved her fingers about again. “Not to mention it’s a little exciting to be sneaking around where we’re not wanted.” She suddenly frowned. “You don’t think they’d try to blast us with one of their metal wands and car battery dealy, do you?”

“Why not?” Dan asked. “I would. Guess you’ll just have to get over your bout of Pacifismpox if one of them pulls a wand on us.”

Pinkie giggled and shrugged. “It’s different if they’re actually trying to hurt us.”

Dan stopped and held an arm out as he peered down a stone stairwell. The wooden walls had come to an abrupt end as they hit the stairs, and stonewalls led all the way down along the stairs into flickering light.

Dan turned towards Pinkie. “Alright, don’t touch the walls. Chris almost gave himself a few fancy arrow piercings on his face last time we were here.”

Pinkie smiled and gave a small salute as she followed Dan down the stairwell. Soon the pair stood in a wide room, the floors tiled with large capital letters that faced every which way and the stone walls lined with the odd torch to keep light in the underground area.

Dan motioned to the floor covered in letters. “Alright, just spell out ‘magic’ with your feet as you walk.” He narrowed his eyes as he added, “And remember it’s spelled with a ‘g’.”

“Well, d’uuuuuh!” Pinkie cried as Dan leapt from letter to letter. She stepped onto an ‘M’ and then an ‘A’. “I mean, I’m not a complete moron!” She said as she stepped onto a ‘G’. She continued to speak as she jumped to an ‘I’. “Give me some—AAAHHH!” Pinkie threw her arms up and uttered a startled cry as she stepped on a ‘K’ and the tile crumbled from underneath her.

Dan’s hand quickly shot out as he grabbed ahold of Pinkie’s wrist. He fell to his knees as Pinkie’s weight pulled him downward, but he held on tight to both Pinkie’s wrist and the tile below him.

Wide eyed and slightly stunned, Pinkie looked down and gulped as she noticed she couldn’t see anything below her.

Dan made an irritated grunt as he pulled Pinkie up onto the ‘C’ tile he was standing on. “How come everyone I know is a complete imbecile!?”

As Pinkie was raised, she reached out for the tile Dan was standing on and helped pull herself up. She slowly got herself up onto her knees as Dan stood up, trying to give as Pinkie as much room as he could without stepping onto a different tile.

Pinkie looked down the ‘C’ tile and stared at it briefly. “Ooooooo! You said ‘Magic’!” she said before she raised to her feet on the rather crowded tile the two shared.

Dan just shook his head. “Come on already! Hopefully Magnifico is appraising all the jewelry he and his cronies stole down here. And we can corner him unawares.”

Pinkie smiled. “Just one thing.”

Dan let out an exasperated sigh. “Oh, what is it this—?”

Dan was suddenly cut off as moist lips were pressed against his and pink, slender hands were placed on either side of his face. He got over his initial surprise and closed his eyes, leaning up into the kiss slightly as he enjoyed the feeling of Pinkie’s lips against her tongue playfully darting in and out of his mouth. He wrapped his arms around Pinkie’s midsection as he returned the kiss, the tension in his body slowly fading as he felt Pinkie similarly relax.

Pinkie slowly broke the kiss and leaned her head down further. The locks of curls in front of her face lightly brushed the top of Dan’s head as she pressed her forehead against his and smiled warmly.

“Thanks for saving me from myself,” she said, punctuating the sentence with a gentle giggle.

Dan smiled back and reached his hands up to the pair on his cheeks. “It’s what I’m here for.” Dan’s expression suddenly turned a touch more serious as he removed Pinkie’s hands from his cheeks. “Now come on! We have a mascara-wearing pretty boy to thrash.”

Pinkie motioned out in front of her. “Lead the way!” she said cheerfully.

Dan leapt off the tile onto a wide stone staircase with a wooden banister that flanked either side. Up several steps was a large, plain wooden set of double doors as the stairway split upwards and away from the door. Dan took a few steps forward as Pinkie jumped onto the stairs behind him.

Dan slowly pushed open the doors and peered inside, grinning to himself at what he saw.

A man with wavy, shoulder-length, brown hair and eyes surrounded by black eye-liner sat at a table piled high with gold jewelry and watches. Almost as much jewelry that was on the table seemed to be on the man himself, except he obviously preferred wearing silver. His hands were covered in silver rings with various gemstones set in the center of the odd ring here or there, multiple silver bracelets surrounded each of his thin wrists, and his neck and bare, well-built chest were crisscrossed with an assortment of silver necklaces. A black leather jacket sat on his shoulders, the sleeves ending in a grey flame motif, and a black belt held up cleanly pressed slacks over a pair of black shoes.

Dan suddenly threw open the doors causing the man to jump slightly and drop the golden necklace he was examining with a jeweler’s loupe. Both necklace and tool fell to the pile with a jingle.

“Hello, Magnifico the Moronic,” Dan said as his lips opened up onto a toothy, wicked grin. “It’s been a spell.”

“YOU!” Magnifico cried as he reached his right hand into his jacket. No sooner has he produced a wand then Pinkie was practically on top of him. Thrusting her right fist into Magnifico’s face with a ‘POW!’ as Magnifico reeled back and shot a bolt of energy into the air. Pinkie quickly snatched the wand from Magnifico’s hands and pulled hard, ripping the rod from a set of wires hidden up the man’s jacket.

Magnifico fell to the ground and began to convulse as he screamed in agony. “AHHHHHHHHHH!”

“Wow…” Dan uttered. “That was some punch,” he uttered as he looked down at the writhing magician.

“I didn’t hit him that hard!” Pinkie cried as she threw her arms to the side.

Still convulsing and screaming, Magnifico threw open his jacket revealing a metal box with a plastic knob on it. He quickly turned the knob to the left. With a ‘click’, Magnifico stopped convulsing, stopped screaming, and settled for panting heavily as he slowly rose to his hands and knees. His chest puffed in and out as he tried to catch his breath and sweat dripped from his brow to the floor.

Dan smiled. “Weeeelll… that was fun!”

In a flash Magnifico was on his feet. He placed his right palm up, inches away from Pinkie’s face as he cried, “SLEEP!”

Pinkie sniffed the air. “Hmmm… chloroformy!” she said cheerfully.

“Uhh…” Magnifico uttered as he stared at the still-conscious woman.

Dan grinned. “Pinkie’s developed a bit of an immunity to chloroform,” he said as he motioned to Pinkie. “It takes a lot of the stuff to even make her sleepy.” Dan shook his head. “That pathetic little nozzle under your sleeve just isn’t going to do anything.”

Pinkie giggled and batted at the air playfully. “Oh, stop you!” She placed a hand on her hip and flicked an index finger out from her other hand, pointing at Dan. “And don’t think I missed that magic pun, mister. Someone is getting extra smoochees tonight for that one!”

Dan grinned. “Well… it was a pretty good one…”

With a rather vexed look, Magnifico sat back down in his chair, staring up at Dan with one irritated-looking eye as he held his left over the other one. “What the heck do you want? You already embarrassed me in front of a crowd of people. Don’t tell me you wanted an audience with Magnifico the Magnificent just to injure and insult him.”

Dan smiled. “Nope, this is a Dan-Pie official investigation.” Dan tilted his head slightly as he looked up and raised a palm. “The injury and insults are just a nice perk.”

“Fine, assuming you still don’t care about magicians freeing people from the heavy burdens of their shiny metal knick-knacks, what do you want?”

Pinkie suddenly took a step in front of Magnifico, leveling an index finger inches from his face. “WE WANT ANSWERS!” she cried.

Magnifico held his hands up in front of him defensively. “Uh… alright… To what?”

Pinkie shrugged and smiled. “I don’t know! That just sounded really cool in my head!”

Dan narrowed his eyes. “We want to know how you teleport stuff.”

“Oh, right!” Pinkie cried as she pointed to Dan. “That!”

Magnifico cocked an eye at Dan. “You’re joking… You figured out my other secrets…” Magnifico stood up and flicked his left hand about in a circular gesture, causing Pinkie to glance at it. With a quick motion from his right, Pinkie’s bracelets were gone.

“Hey!” Pinkie cried as she stared at her now bare wrist.

Magnifico put his right hand straight in the air and leaned to his left, pointing his left hand downward and creating a straight, vertical line with his arms. He soon stood upright again and flicked out his left hand, producing a blue, striped bracelet. He then flicked out his right hand producing a red, polka-dotted bracelet. Finally, he brought both bracelets and hands up to his face, obscuring it slightly before tilting his hands forward revealing a third bracelet, this one green with a wavy line going down the center.

“… Don’t tell me you’re having trouble with this one.”

“Ooooooo!” Pinkie uttered in an impressed tone as she clapped her hands together. Magnifico gave a bow as he held out Pinkie’s bracelets, which she graciously retrieved and placed back on her left wrist and arm.

“No! Not that!” Dan cried. “I mean how you stole my underwear that one time! You were nowhere near close enough to me to get your hands down my pants... thank God.”

“Oh that…” Magnifico said trailing off. He tilted his head and smiled darkly. “Well, a magician can’t go around giving up his secrets.”

Dan folded his arms over his chest. “Don’t be coy. You’re already strapped up to a car battery. I don’t think you want to test how far we’ll go to get a straight answer from you.”

Magnifico’s eyeliner framed eyes went wide. “Er well… I suppose a magician can make the odd exception here or there.” Magnifico smiled and waved his fingers about. “I reached across the fourth dimension to steal your adorable kitty boxers that day!” he declared in a dramatic tone.

Pinkie turned to Dan. “You have adorable kitty boxers?!” she cried with an excited smile. A smile that soon fled as an unexpectedly serious expression came across her face. “Why wasn’t I informed?!” she said in a slightly demanding tone.

Dan rolled his eyes then folded his arms across his chest as he turned back to Magnifico. “That’s just something you made up to steal jewelry!”

“I…” Magnifico paused. “Alright, it’s also something I say when I steal jewelry, but that doesn’t mean it’s not real.” Magnifico smiled. “And unless you believe, you’re never going to be able to use the powers the fourth dimension grants.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Oh, I believe alright. I’ve been to your stupid fourth dimension!”

Magnifico looked at Dan in disbelief. “You’ve… you’ve been there?”

Pinkie nodded her head up and down. “Yep! We got kidnapped by these evil, shadowy thingies and had to fight our way out!”

Magnifico narrowed his mascara-framed eyes. “You’re trying to play Magnifico for a fool!”

Dan flashed Magnifico a devilish grin. “You mean a bigger fool than I think you are! I already know you’re a phony.”

Magnifico folded his arms across his chest. “And yet here you are.”

Dan frowned slightly. “Well, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t know something, would I?”

Magnifico paused. “I suppose you have a point… Alright, I’ll humor that you believe…” Magnifico raised his hands in front of him. “Once one gets the hang of the fourth dimension—” Magnifco smiled as he reached into his right sleeve with his left hand and produced a frilly pair of pink panties. “—grabbing things is as easy as pulling them from thin air.”

“HAH!” Dan cried. “There’s no way those are mine!”

“Erm,” Pinkie spoke up, “does it feel drafty in here or…” Her eyes went wide and she quickly turned, pulling the waistband of her skirt out as she looked down. She let out a little “Eek!” as her face turned beet red. She quickly turned around again and delivered a quick punch to Magnifico’s face in one swift movement. She quickly snatched the pink panties from his hand as he went tumbling to the ground. “I’M WEARING A SKIRT, YOU JERK!”

Dan raised an eyebrow. “Well, hello new attitude regarding the virtues of wearing clothing. I don’t think we’ve met.”

Pinkie raised an eyebrow and pulled one side of her lips up a slight sneer. “Ehhh… I’m picking up the subtle nuances of not wanting creeps who steal from people to see what I look like naked!”

Magnifico sprawled sideways on the floor and supported his head with one of his hands as he let his elbow rest on the floor. He looked up and smirked. “Speaking of which, it’s nice to know that the carpet matches the drapes.”

Pinkie’s face turned a luminescent shade of red as she quickly placed her hands over the front of her skirt and stared down at Magnifico with a rageful expression. She lifted one hand and balled it into a fist as if intending to strike with it, but never got the chance. A quiet, literally luminescent red glow appeared around Dan’s foot.

‘POW!’

“AAACHHK!” Magnifico uttered a pained grunt as Dan’s blow sent him across the room into a pile of golden jewelry.

‘CRASHINGLE!’

“HEY!” Dan cried as a surprised smile crossed his face. “I did that with my foot!”

Pinkie beamed. “You’re doing it!” she cried as she quickly lifted one leg then the other as she replaced her panties. “You’re channeling the powers of the shadowy-blue place!”

Magnifico groaned from the pile of jewelry.

Dan walked up to Magnifico and lifted him up by his jacket. The jewelry that covered him as well as the jewelry he was wearing clinked and tinkled as he rose from it.. “Now how do I teleport stuff?”

“You’re asking me?!” Magnifico asked in surprise before he broke into a small coughing fit. “Cough… cough… You just… cough… harnessed pure magical energy to strike me, and you can’t teleport things?!”

“Well, I can do that whenever Pinkie’s in danger… or someone hurts her… or insults her…” Dan paused again and glanced up. “…or peeps on her, it seems…” He refocused his attention on Magnifico. “I haven’t quite worked out teleporting.”

Magnifico sighed. “You just… cough… you just imagine what you want to teleport with your mind’s eye—”

“I’ve done that!” Dan cried. “Do you know how many turkey sandwiches I’ve tried to teleport?!”

“Let me finish!” Magnifico snapped as he raised back to his feet with no small effort, cradling his abdomen with his left arm. “You imagine what you want and clear your mind,” Magnifico said as he gestured to the sides of his head with both hands. “Then you imagine yourself pulling it through the fourth dimension.”

Dan furrowed his brow at Magnifico and closed his eyes taking a deep breath.

“That’s good!” Pinkie cried. “Now imagine thin-sliced turkey meat, sandwiched in-between two mayo covered slices of a hoagie ro—”

The wrinkles on Dan’s forehead increased. “I know what a turkey sandwich looks like, Goofball!”

The room went silent as Dan continued concentrating.

“…”

“…”

“…”

After a bit of silence, Magnifico spoke up, “Performance anxiety issues?”

“SHUT UP!” Dan cried.

Pinkie sighed. “Yeah, it’s been happening with more frequency as of late…”

Dan began to utter a low, agitated growl like a dog that was warning something to keep its distance.

“Huh,” Magnifico said. “Well, you know, when you get older—”

“WOULD YOU TWO KINDLY SHUT THE HECK UP!?” Dan roared as he opened his veiny red eyes up and gave Pinkie and Magnifico with utter rage. “I’M TRYING TO CONCEN—”

With an unceremonious ‘pop’, a slice of turkey meat appeared above the table and plopped down onto the pile of jewelry.

“You did it!” Pinkie cried excitedly. “Sorta…”

“Yes!” Dan cried as he pumped a fist into the air. “Score another one for Dan! Take that the known laws of the universe!”

“Eh, it’s a start,” Magnifico said in an unimpressed tone.

Dan scowled at him. “You will not dull my triumph!”

Pinkie spoke up. “Hey, if you have to visualize what you’re trying to take, how come you knew how to take my underwear?” Pinkie’s cheeks turned slightly red as she looked down. “The shiny jewelry isn’t like… reflecting what’s under my skirt is it?”

Magnifico chuckled. “Oh, it’s not that.” He smiled wide and wickedly. “When one gets used to the fourth dimension you can take objects by reaching out with your senses and feeling the objects.”

“Ew…” Dan and Pinkie said simultaneously as they shifted uncomfortably.

“I wouldn’t be so quick to dismiss it,” Magnifico said. “It’s a powerful ability when one gets the hang of it. With enough practice, one can move objects much larger and heavier than simply articles of clothing.” Magnifico’s already wide grin grew even wider. “You can even move yourself...”

Pinkie and Dan suddenly tensed and stared at Magnifico.

Magnifico frowned. “Admittedly, that would have been an excellent time to teleport away if I could actually do that.”

“HAH!” Dan cried derisively. “Looks like you’re still a phony even if you have access to some real magic!”

Magnifico smirked and quickly pulled a pair of blue boxers with a happy-looking grey kitty pattern on the front.

Pinkie gasped. “They do exist.”

Dan smirked. “Jokes on you, I put on a bunch of pairs of underwear in case you tried the same trick again.” His smile widened. “And I sprayed them all with pepper-spray in case you got your filthy hands on them!”

“GAH!” Magnifico cried as he felt a burning sensation in his fingers. He quickly dropped the boxers and began blowing on his hands. “How can you even stand that?!”

“A lifetime of getting used to being maced,” Dan replied.

Magnifico narrowed his eyes and waved his hands about. “Abra… cadabra!” he said as he produced a familiar pair of pink panties.

Pinkie quickly turned and pulled on the waistband of her skirt again. She turned and narrowed her eyes. “Hit him again, Dan!”

Dan quickly shifted his weight back, pulled back his right fist, and then thrust it into Magnifico’s abdomen. There was no glowing flash, but Magnifico felt the impact into his already injured torso just the same. Dan quickly snatched the panties out of Magnifico’s hands before the magician doubled over in pain, falling to the floor again.

Magnifico simply moaned from the ground.

Dan held Pinkie’s panties out. “Here,” he said simply.

Pinkie stared at the panties briefly. “The ones Magnifico’s hands have been over twice? The second time with mace-covered fingers? No thanks. You keep them.”

Dan looked down at the pink panties, shrugged, and then stuffed them into a pocket. “Alright, I guess… Let’s go.”

“Awww…” Pinkie said in an uncharacteristically disappointed tone, “you don’t want to stick around and beat more secrets out of Mr. Magic Pants-Stealer over here?”

Dan raised a hand to his chin and rubbed it with a thumb and forefinger as he looked up thoughtfully. “Tempting, but I think we got what we need from him. Let’s go before you end up naked.” Dan walked out of the room back onto the stone steps. Pinkie soon followed.

“You knoooow~,” Pinkie cooed as her hands quickly found themselves around Dan’s chest as she rested her head against the back of his, “I don’t think I’d mind being naked if you did the undressing.”

“You sultry little minx,” Dan said in a surprised tone as he smiled and raised his hands to Pinkie’s arms. “What brought this up?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Pinkie said as she playfully nuzzled the back of Dan’s head, “something about you saving me and beating up people to defend my honor is pretty hot, actually…” she purred out as she smiled. A smile that quickly turned into a frown. “Let’s just try to find a magic shower to get all the pepper-spray off you first.”

Dan chuckled. “Alright fair enough, I suppose we can run around the Magic Manor a bit more until we’re privy to one of their secret privies.”

Magnifico watched with a pained expression on his face as Dan and Pinkie left the jewelry room and walked off into the manor.

He crawled back to his chair and climbed his way back on top of it, exhaling slowly in a half moan as he sat down.

Magnifico reached into his jacket and pulled out a rectangular phone. He pressed the screen a few times. Then lifted the phone up to his ear as a voice on the other end began speaking to him.

“… Yes it’s Magnifico the Magnificent,” Magnifico said into his phone. “Guess who just paid me a visit,” He added cryptically. He nodded as he continued speaking to the person on the other line. “Yes, it was him… The girl too…”

Magnifico paused as the person on the other line spoke some more to him.

“… Alright, about that… I think we might need to reevaluate the situation. He just showed himself to be much more than capable than I would have dreamed… Yes, I know he can be deceptively resourceful, but this was something else entirely…”

Magnifico sighed and placed a palm over his eyes as the voice continued. “… Fine, tonight then… just… don’t say I didn’t warn you…”

“…”

“… No, I’ll be there,” Magnifico answered as he parted his fingers, revealing an eye from underneath the shadows of his palm. “If anything he just reinforced the reasons I need to take him out. The girl, too… Just keep a close eye on him once you have him… He’s possibly much more dangerous than even you have imagined.”