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The Wheel and the Butterfly A Dan X Pinkie Pie Saga

by Justice3442

Chapter 145: Part 14 Pinkie Vs. N.A.R.F.: Chapter 128 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Bakery Rush part 2

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The Wheel and the Butterfly
A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga
Part 14 Pinkie Vs. N.A.R.F.
Chapter 128 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Bakery Rush part 2

-ooooooo-

For a brief moment after Pinkie’s nervous exclamation filled the air, no one moved or said anything, and many held their breath. The perfect stillness was soon interrupted by the man that Pinkie was serving as he reached into his pocket. Before he could fish anything out however, Dan was behind him. The man felt surprisingly strong hands dig into his shoulders. The color drained from his face as he looked up into a face that was staring back at him the way one might stare at an unwelcome fly that had just landed on something they were eating.

The man with the thin nose spoke up, “I was just… uh…”

“Going to sit there so I don’t have to thrash you?” Dan suggested.

The man gulped. “Yeah, that…”

The bakers, their friends, and people still at tables all collectively looked up at the trio of three men who stared back with grim expressions on their faces, in Melchior’s case this simply being his default expression.

Everything went silent once more. Those at the tables nervously waited for instructions, their number now severely reduced after their interactions with the group around them severely affected their number. The bakers tensed and waited as well, each one having already known that coming here could very well mean fighting their way out.

Everyone waited for something to break the silence.

They didn’t have to wait long.

As if it were something she did professionally, Pinkie murdered the silence as she nonchalantly asked, “Can I have a glass of milk?”

Everyone paused and stared at her with wide eyes.

Pinkie glanced from side to side. She continued, “I mean… I just spent the last few hours eating cookies.” She giggled, “Hehehe… I mean, I’ve got to wash it down with something!”

“Ninja!” Melchior cried out.

Becky and Ninja Dave both flinched as they looked up at the hooded figure. Everyone, including the other two members of N.A.R.F.’s high council, paused and stared at Melchior.

Silence once again fell as everyone awaited the cloaked figure’s response. Even with seemingly having a slant towards following the rules, everyone had noticed Melchior had been oddly forgiving, even inviting of the rule bending that allowed Pinkie to participate without fear of attack up until this point. However, with Pinkie out of cookies, it seemed the loophole that had kept her safe had come to an end.

Ninja Dave swallowed. “Yes, sir?” he replied.

To everyone’s great surprise, Melchior leaned his face down enough that a set of yellow eyes peeked out from underneath the shadows. “Fetch your customer a glass of milk.”

The tension quickly left the room as a wave of relieved sighs were uttered and those that had been holding their breath continued breathing.

Ninja Dave rushed for kitchen area of the complex.

Caspar smirked and raised an eyebrow. “You probably could have argued to have her killed, and unleashed all kinds of chaos down there. Why’d you let her get away with needing a simple glass of milk?”

Melchior opened his lips, revealing a smile full of yellowing and twisted teeth. “Because it amused me to do so.”

Caspar sighed. “Typical…”

Balthazar chuckled. “I think it was the right choice. I mean, who ever heard of denying someone milk if they’re having cookies outside a milk commercial? That would just be evil.”

Below things slowly returned to the chaos they had been before the disruption.

The man with the thin nose looked up at Dan. “Ca…can you let go of my shoulders now? I think they’re bruising…”

“Do you promise not to assault my girlfriend?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“Sure!” Dan said with a devilish grin. “You can either say ‘yes’ or I can tear your arms out of your sockets and beat you with them before you bleed to death!”

Pinkie giggled and pinched Dan’s cheek. “You’re so cute when you’re being defensive of me!”

“I promise not to assault your girlfriend!” the thin-nosed man said hastily.

Dan nodded. “You’ve made a wise choice in which you get to keep your limbs…”

The thin-nosed man breathed a sigh of relief.

“For now…” Dan added cryptically.

“Wait, what?” The man asked. “But what—”

Pinkie gasped. “Puppets!”

The man shifted his attention back to Pinkie. “What?”

“I’ll explain the menu through puppets!” she cried.

“… WHAT?!”

“It’s perfect!” Pinkie cried. “Who doesn’t love puppets?”

The man frowned. “I actually have a phobia of puppets!”

Pinkie’s eyes widened. “So I’d be helping you understand the menu and face your fears?!” She smiled widely. “Wow! Talk about killing two birds with one hacksaw!”

“I… why would anyone—”

“Oh, Saaaaarge~!” Pinkie sang out.

From a few tables over Sarge looked up. “Hey, Pinkie. I’ll be with you in just a few moments,” he said before looking back at the person he was helping.

A woman with shoulder-length brown hair and a blue button-up blouse sat at the table in front of Sarge and looked over the massive pile of cupcakes and muffins set in front of her. A few were clearly two halves of different baked goods that had been placed together, and one was even composed out of four quarters taken from separate muffins and cupcakes.

“Now are you sure there’s nothing else I can get for you?” Sarge asked.

The woman simply stared at all the food at her with wide eyes. “Na-no…” she stammered out. “I can’t… I can’t think of anything else…”

Sarge smiled and nodded. “Alright, well just tell me if you need anything.”

The woman slowly reached for a lemon cupcake. “… Maybe an insulin shot?” she uttered to herself.

Sarge walked over to Pinkie. “Alright Pinkie, what can I help you with?”

Pinkie motioned to the man at the table. “I keep trying to explain our menu options through song, rap, interpretive dance, and improvisational theater—”

Sarge nodded. “As you do.”

“—but nothing seems to work! So, I want to put on a puppet show for this man to explain our menu options! That way he’ll finally understand all our menu options and get over his irrational fear of puppets.”

Sarge looked at the thin-nosed man quizzically. “You’re afraid of puppets?”

The man nodded. “Ever since I was a child.”

Sarge stared at Pinkie and blinked a few times. “So let me get this straight… you’ve tried to explain all our menu items to this man multiple times in a different way each time, but none of them have worked. So, your latest idea is to explain them using something that he’s terrified of in the hopes that he will somehow remember everything on our menu and get over his lifelong phobia?!”

The man exhaled a sigh of relief.

Pinkie nodded her head up and down. “Uh-huh!” she said happily.

Sarge smiled. “It’s brilliant!” he cried.

The man inhaled a panicked-sounding gulp of air.

“I know, right?!” Pinkie replied with a dazzling smile. Pinkie looked around the dining area again. “Hey, Chris!” Pinkie called out. “Do you want to get in on this puppet action?”

Uh… I’m still waiting for the girl I was helping to come back,” Chris explained.

Pinkie scrunched her brow slightly. “But you’ve been standing there for like an hour…”

Chris shrugged. “I guess she’s really taking her time in figuring out how to bug me with cupcakes.”

A short, derisive “HAH!” was heard from up the stairs.

Chris, Pinkie, and Sarge looked up to see Elise walking down back towards the lower areas, wiping her palms against each other as she did.

“Yeah, you don’t have to worry about her anymore,” Elise said.

Pinkie and Chris’s faces went pale.

“Elise!” Chris cried. “What did you do to that girl?!” he asked in a slightly panicked tone.

Pinkie joined in with Chris’s concerned tone. “You didn’t do the worst possible thing you can do to someone, did you?!”

Elise began to speak, “Well I—”

Chris gulped.

Pinkie continued, “I mean… peanut butter in their underwear?! That just has to feel so weird!”

Sarge cringed and shivered slightly.

Chris lifted an eyebrow. “Actually, I was thinking Elise killed that woman.”

Pinkie’s eyes went wide. “Oh wait, that’s much, much worse!”

Elise waved her hands in front of her. “No, no, no! Nothing like that! I just sent her on a nice trip where she gets to pick fresh bananas until she can affor—I mean decides to go home!”

Pinkie grinned. “Well that sounds nice!”

Chris folded his arms across his chest. “You knocked her out and placed her on a cargo ship bound for a South American country, didn’t you?”

“I…” Elise paused briefly. “… Yes, I absolutely did that.”

“Who doesn’t enjoy a good boat ride?” Pinkie exclaimed.

Chris turned and stared at Pinkie. “Uh… Pinkie? I don’t think—”

Pinkie covered her ears and smiled as she began to sing “Oh, la la la la la la la…” over and over again.

The people sitting at the tables around the group all tensed and looked on nervously.

“Huh…” Sarge uttered. “That’s almost the same way the Salvation Armed Forces deals with people who attempt to switch the colored tags to save on items.”

Chris cocked an eyebrow at Sarge. “That also seems a bit extreme...”

Sarge gave Chris a serious look. “Those color tags are all carefully considered before applied to each item! Could you imagine if there were too many glasses, or shirts even with the same color tag?! It’d be complete anarchy!”

“… Fair enough,” Chris replied. He turned back towards Elise. “Still, you didn’t need to ship her to a developing nation!”

“What?!” Elise protested. “She abused you with baked goods, so I shipped her off to toil in a banana farm to think about her actions. Was that so bad?”

Chris nodded. “Kind of, yeah…”

Ninja Dave suddenly popped up holding a glass of milk. “Hey!

Ah!” Chris cried in alarm as he jumped slightly.

“I have your milk,” Ninja Dave said as he passed the glass to Pinkie.

Pinkie smiled as she grasped the glass. “Yay, safety milk! Now I won’t be murdered!” she declared. She tilted her head back and took a big gulp. Pinkie lowered her glass and smiled, her upper lip now sporting a moist, white milk mustache. She turned back to the man she was still attempting to help. “Guess I’ll just milk that drink for a bit,” she said with a giggle.

Uh…hehe?” the man replied nervously.

Ninja Dave walked out of the dining area and back to the water cooler, where Becky continued to stand and idly watch the mayhem in the dining area unfold.

“Well that was close,” Becky said with a smile.

Heh, yeah…” Dave said. “Thank goodness Pinkie is a quick thinker.”

Becky nodded. “Yeah, and thank goodness nothing else bad can possibly—”

Dave quickly placed a palm over Becky’s mouth.

“Don’t… say… anything!” Ninja Dave said in a serious tone as he slowly removed his hand. As Ninja Dave moved his hand he noticed a smirk on Becky’s face.

Becky chuckled. “Gotcha.”

Uh… Pinkie,” Elise said. “Looks like you’re starting to bleed through your bandages a bit.”

Pinkie looked at the bandages on her arms. Red blotches had begun to surface.

“Oopsie!” Pinkie said cheerfully. “Looks like I need to change my bandages!”

The man once again breathed a sigh of relief.

“Gee,” Sarge said, “if only there was a way for you to change your bandages and make a puppet at the same time...”

Pinkie gasped. “Sarge! You’re a genius! That’s exactly what I’ll do!”

The thin-nosed man looked at Pinkie with a frightened expression. “How would… How is that even going to work?”

“I have no idea,” Pinkie said cheerfully, “but I’m going to find out!”

Chris frowned. “I uh… I think I’ll just check to see if anyone else needs my help.” Chris turned to a man at a nearby table. “Hey. Anything I can get you?”

“… Please don’t send me to South America…” the man replied in a worried tone.

-ooo-

A woman with long brown hair wearing a black and white vertically striped blouse and black shorts briefly scanned the dining area. “Uh... Excuse me?” she called as her eyes settled on the person she was looking for. “Are you the manager of these two?” she asked as she motioned to D.H. and Crunchy who were standing behind her.

Dan walked up to the table the woman was sitting at, noting his underlings still weren’t wearing shirts. “‘Manager’ suggests they should be treated like people,” he replied. “I like to think of myself as more of a zookeeper or kennel operator.”

“… Is that why they’re in their underwear?” the woman asked.

Dan tilted his head to look past the table. He looked over Crunchy, D.H., their bare legs, D.H.’s grey panties, Crunchy’s white briefs and nodded. “Yes, I see what the problem is… I’ll handle this.” Dan placed his hand up to his mouth and cleared his throat. “WHY AREN’T YOU TWO WEARING PANTS?!” he demanded angrily.

From a few tables over, Gibson poked his head up.

D.H. gave Dan a blank stare. “I don’t usually wear pants. I wear a skirt.”

“WELL WHY AREN’T YOU WEARING IT?!”

“One of the guys here said he didn’t like it, so I took it off!” D.H. replied.

From a few tables over, Gibson continued to stare at D.H.’s half naked body.

Dan sighed and turned to Crunchy. “Let me guess, someone said they didn’t like your pants too?”

Crunchy shook his head. “I was just hot.”

Dan raised an eyebrow. “So you decided to just strip to your underwear?!” he cried.

Crunchy motioned to D.H. “She wasn’t wearing her skirt! I figured with it being hot and all everyone would be taking off their clothes soon.”

“Uh…” the woman sitting at the table uttered. “This is making me uncomfortable…”

Crunchy and D.H. looked at the woman and frowned.

“I’m sorry, brah,” Crunchy said. “Would it help if we helped take off your shorts so we all match?”

From a few tables over, Gibson began to gawk and perspire.

“What?” the woman responded.

Dan nodded. “Yes, you two should absolutely take off her shorts.”

The woman quickly stood up with a nervous expression on her face. “I’m leaving!”

D.H. frowned. “But we haven’t even got you something else to eat, or taken your shorts off even!”

From a few tables over, Amber smacked Gibson.

“No need!” the woman said hastily as she walked off. “I’m fine! Thanks.”

D.H. frowned. “Well that didn’t seem to go well…”

Dan smiled. “Oh, I don’t know. I think you two should find someone else to half-naked harass—uh, help.”

D.H. and Crunchy’s faces lit up. “Really?!” they asked in unison.

Dan nodded and pointed to another table. “Go stand uncomfortably close to that guy and try to help him.”

D.H. and Crunchy saluted. “Aye, aye!”

-ooo-

The thin-nosed man sat at his table with a nervous expression on his face. Fearing that any moment, his pink-haired server would pop up with—

Pinkie suddenly popped next to the man, holding what appeared to be a skull covered with a tattered paper bag that was held in place with brownish-red stained bandages with sharp teeth glued over the regular teeth. One of the empty eye sockets stared out blankly from under the coverings of wrappings and torn paper.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

“Do you like it?” Pinkie asked with a grin. “I made it out of a shredded paper bag, some of my used bandages I just changed, and a skull I found in one of those spiky pit thingies from the obstacle coursey!”

“Why would… why would you make the puppet extra scary?” the man asked.

D’uuuuuuh! So you can see how extra harmless puppets are even when they’re scary-looking!” Pinkie paused and added. “I mean… most puppets, that is! On this puppet all the teeth are real shark teeth!” She giggled. “I mean if I clamped down on your arm with this puppet, all the razor sharp, serrated edges would probably sink right in!”

The man stared at Pinkie in horror. “Where did you even…”

Pinkie suddenly thrust the puppet right up against the man’s face. She shushed him with it as he sat petrified of the puppet and its gaping maw full of deadly teeth.

Only silence now…” Pinkie whispered out eerily as she worked the puppets mouth up and down.

The man gave out a tiny whimper.

“What do you need me to do?” Sarge asked.

“Glad you asked!” Pinkie said with a smile. “I could only find the one skull, so I figured you can do the voice!”

“Sounds like a plan!” Sarge said.

Pinkie nodded and motioned to the thin-nosed man. “We want to make extra certain this man understand that things that seem scary are harmless! So I need you to yell our menu options as loud as you can!”

Sarge nodded. “I can absolutely do that.”

“I don’t…” the man said in a scared voice. “I don’t like this id—”

Pinkie worked the mouth of the skull up and down as Sarge leaned down next to the man and began belting out menu options at top volume from the other side of him. CHOCOLATE MUFFINS! BANANA NUT MUFFINS! CHOCOLATE MADNESS CUPCAKES! RAINBOW CUPCAKES!”

Tears streamed from the man’s face as he stared at the puppet with a horrified expression on his face. He uttered a series of pitiful whimpers.

Pinkie frowned. “Alright, so this isn’t working.” She turned to Sarge. “Feed the puppet a cupcake! Maybe that’ll help convey how yummy our food is!”

Sarge placed the strawberry cupcake into the maw of the puppet and Pinkie immediately worked its mouth up and down with an audible “Om-nom nom nom nom!” Pink cake, light pink frosting, and bright red filling and merged into one messy, gooey glob of red in the puppet’s fanged mouth.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

-ooo-

A woman with shoulder-length black hair and a tight red vest looked at Amber, who stared back at her with a somewhat-detached smile.

Please stop staring…” the woman pleaded.

“You know the price for that,” Gibson said as he stood next to the woman.

The woman frowned. “But… you’re like… eighteen…”

Gibson sighed. “Sixteen…”

“Wow, now this is super creepy… I really don’t want to give you my number now…”

Gibson shrugged. “Alright, but its more questions from Amber…”

Amber leaned forward. “Do you ever feel you have trouble with commitment?”

“ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT! YOU CAN HAVE MY STUPID NUMBER!” the woman cried. She quickly pulled out a pen and a paper and began jotting something down.

Dan paused as he noticed the commotion and stared Gibson and Amber. “Are you two using Amber’s creepy Stepford smile to extort girls into coughing up their numbers to Gibson?”

“Well…” Gibson said trailing off slightly. “I mean, it’s working, so…”

“Not that I care,” Dan said as he looked at Amber, “but why are you helping him?”

Amber shrugged, theame smile still plastered on her face. “I guess it’s better than Gibson making puppy dog faces at me all the time.”

Awww,” Gibson said in a protesting tone, “but I’m so good at puppy dog faces!”

Amber folded her arms across her chest and broke her smile as she gave Gibson a sideways glance. “That’s debatable.”

“Fine, whatever,” Dan replied. “What about all the people here that weren’t pretty girls?”

Wally spoke up, “I kept trying to help people, but they all ran off screaming.”

Chris raised his hand. “Ditto…”

“Alright,” Dan replied, “So I guess that just leaves…”

-ooo-

“Please… make it stop…” the thin-nosed man said as he covered his eyes and quietly sobbed to himself.

Pinkie sighed and tossed the red frosting and goo-covered skull behind her. This was shortly followed by a ‘Thud!’ as it hit a table and a woman screamed and ran out of the dining area.

Pinkie began listing items off on her fingers. “Alright, puppets, opera, Noh theatre, and puppet opera didn’t work…” She smiled. “However, I have a good feeling about the next one! Just one question…”

Uh… yes?” The man replied nervously.

“Do you ‘like’ or do you ‘love’ yodeling?”

Erm… neither?”

Pinkie gasped. “You mean you adore it?!” Pinkie beamed. “Let me just get my accordion!” She pulled an accordion from her hair.

The man stared at Pinkie in disbelief. “Ho...how did you—”

“Oh Crunchy~!” she called out.

Still merely wearing a purple vest over his bare chest, underwear, and his socks and sandals, Crunchy stepped up as a man behind him ran out of the dining area screaming “NO PANTS!”

“Yeah, brah?”

“Do you know how to play the accordion?” Pinkie asked with a grin. “‘Cause I have no idea how to work it with my weird, floppy human fingers.”

Crunchy shook his head. “No, but I’ve always wanted to try!”

“That’s good enough for me!” Pinkie paused and took a tiny sip of her milk and sat it back down again. “Sarge!” she called out.

“Yes, sir?” Sarge asked.

“Ring your bell randomly.”

Sarge nodded. “Sir, yes sir!” He reached into his pocket and pulled out his bell.

The man at the table stared at Pinkie. “How did… How where you even carrying that?”

Pinkie quickly produced her skull puppet and placed it gets the man’s face. “No more questions,” she said as she worked the puppets mouth up and down.

“WHERE DID YOU GET THAT FROM?!” The man cried. “YOU THREW IT AWAY!”

“I SAID ‘NO MORE QUESTIONS’!” Pinkie cried through the puppet. “IT’S YODELING TIME! And a one, and a two, and a—”

“I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!” the man with the thin-nose cried. He jumped to his feet and bolted out of the dining area and into the obstacle course.

“WAIT!” Pinkie cried. “There’s still spikes and—“

Shiiickck!

“AAAAAAHHHHHH!”

Pinkie and those around her cringed as the sickly sound of flesh and bone meeting metal was heard accompanied by a pained scream.

“Pinkie!” Dan cried as he walked up. “Did you just drive that man to putting his life in danger over suffering your presence?!”

Pinkie puffed out her lower lip. “I didn’t mean—

“I am so in love with you!” Dan declared with a smile.

Uh…. Glad you’re happy?” Pinkie said in an unsure tone.

“Enough!” Balthazar cried.

The group stopped and looked up at the trio of council members who still sat high above them.

“Are we done with your stupid test?” Dan asked

Balthazar narrowed his eyes at Dan. “That test was supposed to deplete you all of both food to serve and the will to continue! It was supposed to test your breaking point and see how you all coped under pressure! Instead you all either drove the people you were serving off with your obvious insanities—”

Amber raised an index finger. “In my defense, I was purposefully unnerving people since they were clearly trying to be a nuisance.”

“—and the people you didn’t scare away had their very massive and specific orders completed so well they actually tried to eat them in the hopes they’d finish and be able to try again…”

Dan smiled smugly up at the trio of old council members. “You might want to teach your minions the value of quitting while they’re ahead… or behind in this case, but not so behind they have to be hospitalized.”

“Also, one of our participants has gone missing,” Balthazar added.

Elise chuckled. “You might want to check somewhere between here and Ecuador...” she said darkly.

Dan glanced up at the ceiling and raised a palm up. “So we beat your ridiculous Kobayashi Maru test by out-crazying everyone! Are we done yet?”

Balthazar narrowed his eyes. “I’m not finished.”

Dan sighed heavily.

“You got through our obstacle course by breaking everything in it!”

Dan pointed an accusatory index finger. “Hey, next time equip your hall of death with stuff that doesn’t break when cupcakes are thrown at or if it’s hit with a butt!”

Balthazar continued, “The bears you were supposed to get past ended up getting loose and terrorizing all of us.”

“It’s not our fault this whole place doesn’t have any fences!”

“He has a point,” Caspar said as he motioned out to Dan.

Balthazar turned and placed a finger up to his lips. “SHHHHHHH!” He continued, “One of you got mauled by every wildcat we let loose.”

“But they were all so fluffy!” Pinkie protested.

“… yet still managed to survive.”

“So, I won, right?” Pinkie asked.

Balthazar, Caspar, and Melchior all smiled.

“Your team has crushed almost every test set before you!” Balthazar announced. “Congratulations! You’re all members of N.A.R.F.!”

The group erupted into smiles and cheers. Even Ninja Dave and Becky approached to congratulate the team.

Gibson raised his hand. “Can I get a gun?” he called out.

Caspar shrugged. “I don’t see why not.”

“WHAT?! No!” Amber cried.

Pinkie wrapped her arms around Dan and began rubbing a bandaged-covered cheek against one of his stubble-covered ones. “We did it! I can eat at restaurants without fear of being murdered again!”

Dan hugged Pinkie back and smiled to himself. “Was there ever any doubt? I mean, I am pretty gre—”

Pinkie interrupted Dan by giggling to herself. “Hehehehenarf…”

“Wait…” Wally said, “what about the math test?”

Dan scowled at Wally. “I ought to have you keelhauled!”

Chris spoke up, “Don’t you need a boat for that?”

Dan folded his arms across his chest. “I’m sure a car works just as well… better even.”

Becky spoke up. “Uh, I think that’s just basically running someone over, dude.”

Melchior spoke up. “Actually, your group did amazingly well there, too. Although some of you did rather poorly, four of you scored quite high.”

Dan looked around his group with a confused expression. “Wait… four?! Almost everyone here was either suffering through that stupid thing or is so stupid, they have trouble figuring out which shoe goes on what foot! How did four people here do well?!”

Melchior raised a weathered index finger and pointed. “The half-naked one scored perfectly.”

Crunchy smiled to himself. “I knew all I had to do was believe.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “He’s talking about D.H., nimrod. Which is somehow harder to believe but true.”

“Oh,” Crunchy replied, “that makes a lot more sense since I didn’t believe in myself… like… at all…

“Yay!” D.H. cried. “Go quantum mechanics!”

Melchior continued, “The pink-haired one scored high as well…”

“WHAT?!” Dan cried. “I love her, but it all she did was draw oddly morbid pictures of ponies being killed by her math problems and suffer a mental breakdown!”

Caspar held up Pinkie’s test. It was completely covered in drawings, squiggles, and random scrawls. “The numbers don’t lie!” he said with a smile on his face. He turned the sheet and glanced at it. “And there’s a simply stirring bit of narrative going on here as well!”

Pinkie smiled at Dan. “See! I have a nice set of brains on me.”

“Really?!” Dan cried. “That mess has all the right answers?!”

Melchior and Balthazar stared at each other and turned back to Dan.

Balthazar motioned to Caspar. “We’re kind of trusting Caspar here,” he admitted. “He’s the only one who can make heads or tails of that thing…”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Fine, if Pinkie and D.H. somehow managed to randomly scrawl their way to a high score, I guess I can accept that—”

“Hey!” Gibson protested. “I scored high, too!”

Dan wheeled on Gibson, accusing index finger at the ready. “YOU SHUT YOUR DANG KNOW-IT-ALL TEENAGED MOUTH!” He turned back to the trio of old men. “Who else did well?”

Melchior shuffled through tests then looked up as he settled on one. “The one named ‘Chris’ had a perfect score.”

“WHAT?!” Dan cried in disbelief.

“I did?” Chris asked in surprise.

Elise quickly elbowed him in the ribs.

OW!” Chris exclaimed. His eyes went wide with realization. “Oh! I mean, ‘I did!’”

Dan narrowed his eyes. “How did you pass that test?! You used to throw up in during high school precalculus tests!

“Well, you know what they say, Dan…” Chris began with a smug expression on his face. “Behind every great man, there’s a great woman with multiple PhD’s and who is also a master of sleight-of-hand.”

Elise chuckled nervously.

“FINE! Whatever!” Dan cried. “We’re members now. Can we get whatever celebration or ceremony stuff out of the way so we can go home? ‘Cause this has taken like forever and I have nails to paint!”

Melchior held up a hand. “There’s just one more thing that needs to be taken care of.”

“Oh, come on!” Dan cried.

Pinkie cupped her hands around her mouth. “BOOOOO!

“See!” Dan cried as he motioned to Pinkie. “Even Pinkie wants to go home! And she loves pretty much everything.”

Elise chuckled. “Yeah… Even you.”

Dan scowled at Elise. “Who led his team to total victory over the deadly tests?”

Elise frowned. “Don’t act smug. You were willing to sacrifice a few people going into this!”

“And yet they all lived!” Dan exclaimed. “Can’t I get some acknowledgement here?!”

Without warning, Pinkie placed a hand on either side of Dan’s head and pressed her lips against his.

MMMMuah!

“Nice work, sir!” Sarge said as he saluted.

“You go, boss man!” Crunchy exclaimed.

“Hurray, Dan!” D.H. cried.

Dan smiled as Pinkie parted her lips and rubbed her nose against his affectionately.

“That’s more like it!” Dan said happily.

Caspar held up his hands. “Look, just one tiny thing and we can wrap this up.”

Dan and Pinkie let out an exasperated sigh. “Fine!” the both huffed out.

Lights high above the three council members suddenly switched off, obscuring them in darkness. Another light turned on lighting the area behind them, where a familiar woman with blond hair and Southern California-tanned skin stood tall wearing a light blue waitress outfit. She rested her palms on the top of a katana with a white braid over the handle and a white scabbard.

“Hello Pink girl,” the woman said with a wicked grin.

Pinkie face lit up. “Oh! Hiya, Helen! How’s it go—”

Helen pointed her katana at Pinkie. “Let’s finish this.”

Pinkie sighed and hung her head. “Ah, nerts…”

Author's Notes:

Thanks again to Tired Old Man for his corrections and comments that help me fix up the story here or there, especially on this chapter.

Next Chapter: Part 14 Pinkie Vs. N.A.R.F.: Chapter 129 Pinkie Vs. Helen Estimated time remaining: 16 Hours, 34 Minutes
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