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The Wheel and the Butterfly A Dan X Pinkie Pie Saga

by Justice3442

Chapter 143: Part 14 Pinkie Vs. N.A.R.F.: Chapter 126 D.H. Vs. Obstacle Course

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The Wheel and the Butterfly
A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga
Part 14 Pinkie Vs. N.A.R.F.
Chapter 126 D.H. Vs. Obstacle Course

-ooooooo-

Dan and Pinkie peered down a corridor that went down and around the sides of the large, cavernous underground area the group was in. A pair of large, circular saw blades were the first pair of obstacles down the passage, the blades being pushed by metal arms that spun them from their centers as they emerged from narrow slits in the walls. They spun rapidly as they slid into the open hallway. Next, a set of flame jets shot from the ceiling, then the walls, then the floor all a few moments apart from each other in a rhythm. After that, two sets of large spiked metal pistons shot forth from the walls and collide before retracting again. After that, part of the floor appeared to be missing, forcing anyone who traveled through the route to leap over a hole in the ground where the tips of long, metal spikes glinted as they shot up from the darkness below.

The two continued to squint down what appeared to be a lengthy walk of death and dismemberment, noticing sets of the obstacles repeating as far as they could see.

Dan looked up at the trio of men high above the group. “Are you serious!? You’re going to make us walk through this!?”

Balthazar nodded. “Yes, while carrying a tray of your baked goods!”

“There are people here who can’t even do that if nothing is going on around them! A group of limbless chimpanzees has a better chance of getting through this than our entire group!”

Duuuuuude,” Crunchy uttered. “That image is totally harshing the vibe.”

Pinkie sighed as she slumped her shoulders. “What’s worse is that’s not even close to the saddest thing Dan has come up with.”

Balthazar folded his arms across his chest. “I’m sorry, but that’s the test.”

Dan glared up at Balthazar before he looked back at Pinkie. “… Do I still get to paint your nails if most everyone lives?” he asked as he motioned out to the deadly medley of devices that lined the way.

Pretty sure I’m going to be beside myself with grief if someone dies while trying to help me,” Pinkie replied. “Omn…”

“Well, you have twenty digits total… what if we split it up based on how many people survive?”

“Dan! No!” Pinkie cried.

Dan sighed and turned back to the group briefly before turning back to Pinkie. “But many of our friends are ridiculously clumsy—”

“And how!” D.H. cried.

Dan continued, “—and the rest are lucky they aren’t dead yet! Like mouthy teen over there! Especially mouthy teen!”

“Oh, come on!” Gibson cried. “I have a family that loves and cares about me! Can’t you maybe humor the idea of me living through this for their sake?!”

Dan scowled at Gibson and turned to Pinkie. “Now he’s flaunting the fact that he has a family that loves and cares about him! Are you sure I have to make sure he lives?”

“Yes, Dan! Everybody!”

“But—”

Ev-ree-bu-dee!” Pinkie stressed.

Dan folded his arms looked away and grumbled irritably to himself.

“I’m not sure what the big deal is,” Elise said. “This looks pretty tame… I don’t even think anyone would have to do any back-flips or anything to get through this.”

Sarge nodded in agreement. “Just like the obstacle courses back in Salvation Armed Forces camp… except with more fire and a much higher chance of being crushed to death.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Yeah, terrific, thanks… I’m sure it’ll be no problem for all the people with two left feet in this group.” He turned and looked at D.H., who was staring down the course intently.

“And just what the heck are you looking at?!” Dan demanded.

D.H. grinned as she looked at Dan with her crooked eyes. “Everything!” she answered.

Dan rolled his eyes as Pinkie broke into laughter.

While a few group members remained relatively relaxed and at ease despite the idea that they’d soon be traipsing through a hallway through of dangerous and deadly looking items, many more still seemed tense and uncomfortable with the idea.

“You guys will be fine!” Elise insisted.

“Uh… honey? Most of us aren’t as quite as agile as you…”

“Don’t worry!” Elise said as she placed a hand on Chris’s shoulder. “You’ve got this!”

“You know, I don’t think I do…” Chris replied.

Elise smiled. “Come on! You hang out with Dan all the time and you hardly get hospitalized at all!”

“Compared to what?!” Chris cried.

“Dan’s victims!” Elise said with a grin.

“Well, that’s true, but we’ve never had to go through some sort of deadly obstacle course!” Chris paused and added, “On foot, that is…”

Dan nodded. “Yeah, they don’t mess around at the DMV…”

Pinkie spoke up. “You know, I just kind of consider life with Dan a deadly obstacle course!” Pinkie smiled and placed an arm on Chris’s free shoulder, motioning out to the hallway with her other hand. “Just think of this hallway of death as a metaphor for life with Dan! Omn…

“Uh… what?” Chris replied in confusion.

Pinkie continued, “The deadly saws represent all the times Dan tries to bite you, the flame jets represents being caught in a building that Dan unexpectedly set fire to, and the pits of spike represents a dumpster full of medical waste you have to avoid falling into as you scale the walls of a hospital!”

Chris frowned. “Well, what about the crushing pistons?”

“Oh! Those are just regular traffic accidents! I mean… do you know how many people die each year from a simple car crash?! It’s crazy!”

“Alright, well now I’m just scared of life in general…” Chris uttered.

Amber looked out into the obstacle course. “Yeah… I’m not feeling this whole journey through spikey, fiery death hallway either…”

Dan sighed. “Geez, you are such a downer nowadays! You actually make me miss old, fake-happy Amber!”

Amber scowled at Dan. “Well, I wasn’t in near-constant danger for my life back then!”

“Yeah,” Wally spoke up, “I’m not too enthused about this whole situation either…”

“Oh, the second half of the misery pair is upset?” Dan cried. “Color me ssssssssssshhhhhhocked!”

“Oooh!” Caspar said from high above the group as he watched with the other two council members of NARF. “That sounds like an interesting color…”

“I know!” Pinkie cried enthusiastically. “I’ll sing a song about making it through the deadly obstacle course! That’ll lift everyone’s spirits.”

Amber spoke up, “Assuming no one becomes a spirit…”

Crunchy smiled. “I bet some tunes would really help the group’s vibe.”

Dan frowned. “I think I would rather just fling myself into the saws, thank—”

Pinkie suddenly broke into song.

Oooo, when you’re jumping past those saws,
And avoiding those crushy things and their spiky jaws,
Just sing yourself a happy tune,
And it will scare away the gloom!
Sure that fire is very hot
And if you miss a step it’s a painful drop!
But if you just sing away your woes,
I’m sure you won’t lose any toes!
‘Cause, Life’s a journey of peril and pain!
So, just sing and dance when you’re feeling the strain!
When all you see are skies that are gray,
Just trick yourself into thinking everything’s okay!”

Dan scowled at Pinkie. “Going to fling myself to my death, no—”

Pinkie zipped up to Wally and smiled wide. “Now you try it!”

Wally frowned. “You want me to sing?”

Pinkie nodded. “While you go through the obstacle course!”

“But I don’t even have a tray of cupcakes, or anything…” Wally said.

Crunchy walked up with a tray loaded with baked goods. “Gotcha covered, other boss man.”

Wally grabbed the tray and looked down at it in dismay. “Swell…” he uttered.

Pinkie beamed wide. “Start singing~!” she sung out.

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

Wally apprehensively looked up at the saws spinning in front of him. “Uh…when you’re jumping past those saws…” He waited for the saws to retract then jumped past them. “And avoiding those crushy things and their…” Wally frowned. “The ‘crushy things’ aren’t next. It’s the flame jets…” he said, trailing off as a jet of fire shot from the ceiling.

Pinkie smiled. “It’s fine! Just go with the flow of the music!”

Uh… alright…” Wally continued singing as he edged forward. “… spiky jaws,”

He stared at the fire as the different jets fired off in rhythm, he took another half-step forward. “Just sing yourself a…”

There was a brief spark from one of the flame jet nozzles.

‘FWOOOOOSH!’

The ceiling jet fired off right in front of Wally’s face.

“…And there go my eyebrows… and the cupcakes,” he said as a waft of black smoke drifted up from his singed eyebrows and the now very burnt baked goods on his tray.

Pinkie frowned. “I think you were just a bit off key….”

“Well… I don’t do much singing,” Wally admitted sheepishly as he pulled off his glasses and gave them a wipe down with his handkerchief.

“I’ll go next!” D.H. cried happily as she walked up with a tray.

Dan sighed heavily. “So much for me getting to paint Pinkie’s nails.”

“Uh, Dan?” Chris said. “That also means D.H. would die and leave a widower and motherless child.”

Dan scowled at Chris and folded his arms across his chest. “Sounds to me like someone has their priorities screwed up!”

‘Buzzzzzzzzzzz…’

Whhhaaaa…!

‘SPLAT!’

The group looked on as D.H. tripped, flinging cupcakes all over the saws as she landed face first on the solid stone ground. The cupcakes seemed to explode on the blades, flinging frosting and bits of cupcakes everywhere.

Dan wiped frosting from off his face. “If you were going to make a mess, couldn’t you at least have died in process so you don’t get the chance to do it again!?”

Pinkie turned to Dan puffed out her lower lip. She whimpered softly.

“What?!” Dan cried. “Do you really think she’s going to make it through all of that?!” He motioned down the obstacle course.

“Wow…” Ninja Dave uttered as he stood off a bit from the group. “She didn’t even make it to the first obstacle.”

D.H. picked herself off the ground as she rubbed her forehead. “I just don’t know what—”

BuzzzzzzzzzzzZChzchzchzchzchzch…’

Sparks began to fly from the saws arms as they retracted the blades. The spinning slowed as the arms reached the walls. Small wafts of acrid smoke drifted up as the blades and arms stopped entirely.

“Huh… well that was fortunate,” Becky muttered.

Dan blew a dismissive gust of air. “Pffft… So she klutzed her way into taking out the first obstacle! She’s still going to be crispy-style as soon as she hits the flames!”

“Oh my gosh, Dan!” Pinkie exclaimed. “You can’t just talk about your friends that way!”

“Well, it’s true!” Dan insisted as he motioned out to D.H. “Even without the hallway of painful death, you know she’s a statistic waiting to happen!”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be fine!” D.H. insisted.

Maybe I should help you get across,” Pinkie suggested.

Dan’s eyes went wide. “WHAT?! Pinkie, I know you’re out of your mind, but that’s crazy even for you! …And that’s saying something…”

“I don’t want anything bad to happen to her!” Pinkie cried as he motioned out to D.H.

“Yeah, well I don’t want anything bad to happen to you!”

Pinkie smiled at Dan. “Don’t worry! This looks like a cinch! I’ll get her across easy-peasy!”

“But… your safety!” Dan cried. “I mean… painting your nails is going to be far less fun if your digits aren’t attached to your body!”

“I’m sure I’ll have all my fingers and toesies by the end of this!” Pinkie said. “I just need to make sure everyone gets across okay.”

Dan scowled at Pinkie. “You’re still the most selfish person I’ve ever met!” he cried.

“What do I do?” Wally called from in front of the flame jets.

“You stand there and think about what you’ve done, mister!” Pinkie snapped.

Uhh… and that is?” Wally asked.

“Murder!” Pinkie said sternly.

Wally furrowed his brow. “I haven’t killed anyone…” He paused and quietly added, “… that you know of,” under his breath.

“You murdered that tune!” Pinkie cried. “Omn…

Wally frowned. “Will you help me across later, at least?”

“Maybe if you’re good!” Pinkie replied. She turned to D.H. and held out an outstretched hand. “Let’s go!”

D.H. smiled and grabbed ahold of Pinkie’s hand.

“Oh, wait!” D.H. cried. “I need another tray!”

“Got ya covered, brah!” Crunchy said as he placed another prepared tray in D.H.’s hand.

Pinkie and D.H. smiled at each other and began singing.

“Oooo, when you’re jumping past those saws,”

“And avoiding those crushy things and their spiky jaws,”

“Just sing yourself a happy tune…”

From the safety of outside the obstacle course, Ninja Dave turned to Becky. “Pretty wild, huh?”

Becky nodded and smiled. “I’m just happy you get to stay out of harm’s way.”

I need another cookie!” Pinkie called out. “I got scared at a flame jet and threw my old one at it, and now it’s all burnt and ashy!

And I need a new tray of cupcakes and muffins!” D.H. added. “I tripped again!”

Becky and Dave turned towards the obstacle course with perturbed looks on their faces.

Ninja Dave spoke up, “You just had to tempt fate!”

“I’m sorry,” Becky said. “I really should have learned from the last time…”

Ninja Dave begrudgingly walked over towards the entrance of the obstacle course.

Dan erupted into angry shouting as he walked past the broken saws and up to Pinkie, D.H., and Wally, “I THOUGHT THE WHOLE POINT OF YOUR STUPID SONG WAS SO THAT YOU DIDN’T GET SCARED!”

“Sorry!” Pinkie exclaimed. “It’s just that the flame jets are a lot scarier in person… erflame-jetson!”

Ninja Dave and Crunchy made their way past the broken saws, carrying a Tupperware container full of cookies and a fresh tray of baked goods respectively. Dave handed Pinkie another cookie. “Be careful with these, we’re starting to get low.”

Crunchy sniffed the air and crinkled his brow slightly. “Hey, does anyone else smell something strange?” he asked.

Dan cocked an eyebrow at Crunchy. “You mean besides burnt muffins and shame!?

Wally sniffed the air. “Oh, that can’t be good.”

Dave sniffed the air too. “It smells like the gas the flame jets use…”

The group looked over to the flame jets, where it appeared the nozzle for each had been perfectly blocked by a singed cupcake or muffin.

“Oh… well that’s convenient!” Pinkie said.

“Sure!” Dan said. “Assuming those burnt baked goods stay in place…”

Dave sighed heavily. “Why’d you have to go and say that…”

The group watched with almost panicked expressions as one of the muffins began to crumble away from the nozzle.

“EVERYONE GET BEHIND SOMETHING BIG AND SOLID!” Pinkie cried.

Everyone quickly dove behind Wally.

“Hey!” Wally protested as he turned to face the group that huddled around him, using him as a human blast shield. “That’s just unki—”

‘FWOOOOOOOSSSSHCHCHCHC!’

Fire suddenly exploded out from the area behind Wally, quickly engulfing the area and flames and dissipating in one blazing hot, flickering bright instance.

Wally frowned heavily as smoke wafted up from his backside. “I am hurt on quite a number of levels…” he uttered.

Ninja Dave turned to Dan. “You just had to tempt fate!”

Dan scowled back at Dave. “Well how was I supposed to know fate was listening?!”

“FATE IS ALWAYS LISTENING!” Dave cried.

Pinkie Pie poked her pink curly hair peaked head out past Wally’s portly pudge and pointed at the flame jet nozzles. “Ooooo! They’re all melty now!”

Crunchy sniffed the air. “And the there’s no more gas!”

Wally spoke up. “Uh… I don’t mean to be a bother, but I don’t suppose anyone has a spare set of clothes I could borrow… The backside of what I’m wearing is kind of burnt to a crisp.”

The group quickly looked amongst themselves.

Dan looked up at Wally. “Yeah, even if we did, none of us are that fat.”

“Hey!” Wally protested.

Pinkie Pie giggled. “You’re a pudgy porker of a portly proprietor, alright!”

Wally sighed heavily and muttered under his breath, “I’m going to lace your next paychecks with C4…”

“What?” Dan and Pinkie said simultaneously.

“Nothing…” Wally said.

“You there,” Melchior cried, “the tubby one!”

“NOT YOU TOO!” Wally cried.

Yess,” Melchior hissed out, “me too… I demand you cover yourself at once! Your burnt back flab is making me nauseous!”

“But no one has anything that’ll fit me!”

Melchior frowned. “Well, I suppose I have some robes that would at least cover you up… Might be a tight fit…”

Wally leaned his head back and peered at his singed backside. “Well, beggars can’t be choosers.”

“Great!” Pinkie cried. “While Wally wraps his wiggly-jiggly self—”

Wally sighed heavily.

“—we can continue walking down the hallway of woe!” Pinkie said cheerfully.

D.H. grabbed the tray from Crunchy as she and Pinkie walked off towards the spiky pistons.

The two approached within a few feet of the space where the heavy metal objects met. The pistons each made a hissing noise followed by a loud crunch as they collided.

PSSSSSSSHHHCRRRRRCHHHH…

“Be careful… be careful…” Pinkie uttered. “We have to time it just right…”

D.H. smiled. “Oh, it’ll be fine so long as I don’t trip—WHAAAA!

“OH, COME ON!” Ninja Dave cried.

Dan looked on in surprise. “Even I’m amazed she tripped while standing still.”

PSSSSSSSHHHCRRRRRCHHHH…

Pinkie quickly reached out and grabbed D.H., pulling her back before the spiked pistons could close on her and crush her flat. As D.H. was yanked back, she pivoted her body, and ‘smack’ed one of the large metal cylinders with the side of her rear hard. The large metal item shook with the impact.

Pinkie gave D.H. a concerned look. “Are you okay?”

D.H. turned and looked at the cylinders with wide eyes. “Yeah Pinkie, I just don’t know what—”

CHHHHHCHHHHCHHHHCHHHHHH…

D.H. and Pinkie paused as the usual smooth action of the cylinder returning to its position in the wall was replaced by a laborious stop-and-go trip as the sound of metal grinding on metal was heard. Halfway to the wall, the cylinder stopped as acrid smelling smoke began to seep out from the wall.

“Whoops!” D.H. said. “My bad…”

Pinkie pointed at the now motionless cylinder. “Did you just break that with your butt?!”

“Uhhh… maybe?” D.H. offered as she too stared at now half broken trap.

PSSSSSSSSSHHH…

Pinkie and D.H. leapt back as the other cylinder shot forward from its position.

“Quick,” Pinkie cried, “try hitting this one with your butt!”

“Like this?” D.H. asked as she shifted her hips and hit her posterior against the other cylinder with a loud smack! Much like its counterpart across from it, the metal piston vibrated from the impact, it too made a sound like metal grinding on metal as it attempt to retract and soon stopped entirely as smoke poured from the mechanics that moved the heavy object back and forth.

CHHHHHCHHHHCHHHHCHHHHHH…

Pinkie’s eyes went wide as she looked over the two damaged pistons. “How are you even doing that?!” she cried.

“Maybe there’s something about the consistency and structure of my rear-end that vibrates at just the right frequency so that it sends an unexpectedly powerful reverberation through the device and misaligns the gears or other mechanical pieces that drive it!”

Pinkie gave D.H. a blank stare.

D.H. sighed heavily. “I bet my butt is somehow really hard and solid like it’s made out of iron, or something, and that’s how it breaks things…”

Oooooooo!” Pinkie exclaimed. “That makes so much sense!” She gasped as her eyes flew open wide. “That’s it!” Pinkie cried as she turned back to the group. “That’s how we’re going to get through the obstacle course! We’re going to break stuff with D.H.’s butt and have her fling cupcakes at everything!”

“Hurray!” D.H. cried. “I’m useful!”

“…What about the deep, dark pits full of spikes?” Gibson called out.

Pinkie paused and thought about this. “… Don’t fall into the pits, guys!” she said.

The rest of the group cautiously walked into the obstacle course, ducking and shimmying past broken traps as they made their way through the hallway.

“Well, that’s new…” Caspar said. “No one’s thought to break the obstacle course as they go through it…”

Balthazar sighed heavily. “Do you two have any idea how much it’s going to cost to fix this whole thing?!” he asked as he motioned out to the group.

A malicious-looking grin spread across Melchior’s face. “It matters not…”

Balthazar shot Melchior a glare. “Easy for you to say, you don’t have to balance the local chapter’s budget…”

Melchior ignored him. “This group is very clever. I wonder how they fair against the next challenge…” he said in a sinister sing-song tone. “They’ve done well, but the final task has broken even the strongest of groups.” Melchior broke into a gravely, harsh sounding laugh. “HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa…”

From below, Pinkie joined in. “BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…!

Melchior stopped and looked down at Pinkie. “No, stop that!” he commanded as he pointed a withered index finger at her. “You’re not allowed to laugh evilly!”

“But—!” Pinkie began to protest.

Melchior shot Pinkie a stern glare, or at least, that’s what Pinkie assumed as she looked up at his hooded face.

Pinkie sighed. “Fiiiine!

Melchior resumed he laughter. “HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa—”

“Can I have that robe now?”

Melchior looked up at Wally, his lips tightened in annoyance. “Couldn’t you have waited just a little bit longer?”

“Sorry, just feeling a little exposed is all…”

“Fine, fine…” Melchior uttered as he begrudgingly got up from his chair. “But you have to embrace the darkness…”

Wally frowned. “That sounds like an awful big commitment for some robes to cover myself up.”

“Can you at least hold hands with the darkness?” Melchior asked.

Wally thought about this. “Alright, sure…”

“Good, gooood… heheheheheheAHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa…

Wally paused and began laughing as well. “HAHAHAHAHAHAHA—

Melchior scowled at him. “No! Stop laughing! Only I get to laugh maniacally!”

Author's Notes:

Thanks to Rootbeer Dew hor partially inspiring how the obstacle course was dealt with.

Next Chapter: Part 14 Pinkie Vs. N.A.R.F.: Chapter 127 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Bakery Rush Estimated time remaining: 17 Hours, 15 Minutes
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