The Wheel and the Butterfly

A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga

Part 2 Dan Vs. Pinkie Pie

Chapter 12 Dan Vs. Regret

Dan panted heavily, sweat dripping down his face as he sped his car towards nowhere in particular.

He didn’t know where he was going, only that his apartment was far too close.

To what very little credit he was owed, he had quickly put out the fire with an extinguisher, seeing that there was absolutely no need to seek further vengeance on Pinkie.

He had won.

Utterly.

Completely.

It was written all over her face. Not once in his life had a scheme crushed its target so thoroughly.

He desperately tried to push the thought of the streaming tears, hair gone flat, and catatonic stare fixed on the spot where the photo album had once been before he turned it into a smouldering ruin of itself.

For maybe the first time in his life, Dan was conflicted over the results of one of his vengeance plots come to fruition.

Alright, she did targeted one of the few things I loved, but she obviously meant well, in that stupid, ditsy way of hers...And it’s not like she did any damage a car-wash wouldn’t fix.

Dan sped on in his still bedazzled hatchback. His mind a turmoil of conflicting emotion, a deep pit starting to form in his stomach.

Dan hit a bump with his car, causing the small vehicle to jump slightly and hit the ground with a thump.

Dan made a small curse to the unkempt roads of Van Nuys, but stopped when he heard an unfamiliar sound from his glove compartment.

Dan opened his glove compartment, then slammed on his brakes, his car screeching to a halt in the empty street.

The pit in Dan’s stomach grew to a black hole that quickly sucked his heart, body, and soul into an event horizon.

He stared down at the framed picture Pinkie had taken of him screaming at her in front of his apartment. It was a gaudy, pink frame that obnoxiously read “Best Friends Forever” in a flowery cursive at the bottom.

Salt water dripped onto the picture, an offering from the man who had never shed a tear for another person in his life, especially one who he himself had caused harm to.

Dan gently placed the picture on top of a bag on his passenger seat.

He knew what he needed to do.

…but he couldn’t do it without help.

Dan took his foot off the brake, got his bearings, and drove his car with a newfound sense of purpose and determination.

This was going to hurt.

Probably a lot.

But it couldn’t possibly compare to the feeling in his chest…

***

Chris sat silently on the couch, watching TV, A tub of ice cream piled high with whipped cream sitting on the coffee table in front of him.

Elise had left both ice-cream and the can of whipped cream out as a peace offering for Chris, a peace offering that Chris wordlessly collected before sitting down.

Elise sat pensively at the table. Ice-cream was a good first step, but she doubted it suddenly made up for the all the secrets and exposing of Chris to dangerous materials he had mostly passively endured for all these years, let alone her recent spying on him.

She sighed and made a mental note to stock up on bacon and cookies, hoping the sugary and fatty snacks could buy enough goodwill with Chris so that he’d at least talk things out with her. Normally she’d be the one to instigate conversation, but given the circumstances, she felt it was better to let Chris let her know when he was ready to talk.

She glanced back towards the flickering lights of the living room.

Chris was possibly the only stable thing in her life. The same traits the made him a pushover also made him a dependable friend and husband. He could be poisoned, arrested, forced to dance until his ankle broke...exchanged for a favor from Dan just after his ankle broke, and still come back…

Elise’s chest tightened. Please don’t let me lose Chris. He’s probably the only guy on this planet who’d put up with my job…and he’s the only person who actually cares about me.

Tears began to well up behind Elise’s eyes, the thought of her husband leaving her devastating.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door.

Who can it be at this hour?

She walked out of the kitchen and exchanged a confused a glance with Chris, whose glance was noticeable more perturbed.

Chris opened the door slowly, revealing a familiar short man holding a worn, paper bag.

“May I come in?” Dan asked.

Chris and Elise looked at each other with even more confused looks on their faces. Their thoughts playing out exactly the same way.

Dan never knocks… Ever. And he certainly doesn’t politely ask permission to come in.

“Imposter?” Elise asked her husband.

Chris squinted at Dan in the dark. “Only if he’s had some plastic surgery to make himself look more like Dan…and rolled around in Dan’s dirty clothes to get the scent right.”

Dan’s eyes narrowed.

“Ooooh…Robot!” Elise suggested.

Chris snapped his fingers, turned, and pointed with the same hand to Elise. “Love, it!”

“I’ll get my metal detector!” Elise said with a hint of enthusiasm.

“You know, sometimes I wonder why I give you two the time of day…” Dan uttered.

Chris and Elise breathed a sigh of relief, and motioned for Dan to come in.

Dan entered just far enough for Chris to shut the door behind him, saying nothing.

Chris moved a little in front of his friend, not sure how he should be reacting to the uncharacteristically withdrawn Dan. Usually Dan would have stormed in and simply explained his business.

Usually revenge.

Hmmmm…

“Hey Dan,” Chris said, trying to coax a response from his friend. “Still seeking revenge on Pinkie?”

Dan looked up at his much taller friend. “No,” he said simply.

“Ahhh, so you’ve given up then?”

“No,” Dan said again.

Chris mulled Dan’s answer for a moment and realized this could only mean one thing. Chris’s eyes narrowed into tiny slits. “What did you do?” he asked firmly.

Dan swallowed, and mentally prepared himself for what was going to follow. He reached into the bag and pulled out a charred and melted photo album.

Chris’s voice exploded in anger, “DAN! HOW COULD YOU?! PINKIE WORKED VERY HARD ON THAT! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW IT’LL MAKE HER FEEL WHEN SHE SEES WHAT YOU DONE!?”

“Shealreadydid…” Dan said, barely audible.

Chris’s face hardened. “What?”

“I said, ‘She already did.’”

The trio went silent, save the huffing and puffing of Chris’s building anger.

Elise’s eyes went wide as she inhaled and exhaled a large volume of air audibly. “Dan…please tell me you didn’t…”

Dan said nothing and broke eye contact.

Chris turned his head to face his wife, “What?” He said with a knitted brow.

“He…”—Elise swallowed—“…he burnt it in front of her.”

The next thing Dan felt was a haymaker to his left cheek, followed by a mirror on the wall that his head smashed against as he toppled backwards, then the floor as it began raining glass shards around him. Next thing he knew, his feet were off the ground and he was staring at Chris on an even plane, his usually placid friend having contorted his face into a look of rage that Dan wasn’t sure he could even manage.

Chris began to violently shake Dan by the shirt collar.

“YOU MISERABLE EXCUSE FOR A SUB-HUMAN BEING! HOW COULD YOU?! HOW COULD YOU?! ALL SHE EVER TRIED TO DO WAS BE YOUR FRIEND! YOU JUST COULDN’T LET IT GO, COULD YOU!? YOU’VE GONE TOO FAR THIS TIME, DAN! WAY TOO FAR!”

“Iknnnow.” Dan choked out.

“WHAT?!” Chris stopped shaking Dan and pulled him within inches of his face.

“I said, ‘I know’,” Dan said, looking his friend in the eye.

Chris continued to hold Dan up for a second as he breathed a few cool down huffs, then gently lowed Dan until Dan’s feet where once more on solid ground.

Glass crunched under Dan’s shoes. “I…” Dan looked off to the side, replaying the painful memory in his mind, “…I saw it in her eyes…no, it was more like her entire body shut down. I don’t…”—Dan started to breathe a little heavier, his heart began pounding faster—“I don’t know the reaction I expected, or even the one I wanted. But I know it wasn’t that.”

Dan looked down at the floor, his broken, shattered reflection staring back at him from a hundred different angles. “I think…I think it made me hate myself….if only just a little.”

Chris and Elise stared at Dan not sure what to do or say at this point.

Dan looked up from the shattered, reflective glass on the floor as if coming back to the waking world. Dragging his palm over his face, he added, “I feel like I just broke a butterfly upon a wheel.”

Chris knitted his brow in surprise. “Dan, I didn’t know you listened to Coldplay.”

“…what the heck is that? That sounds like a very unpleasant fetish,” Dan said, trying to processes the unfamiliar word.

“They’re a band, Dan.”

“What?! Chris you really are a simple creature aren’t you?”

Chris leveled a glare at Dan, regretful wasn’t quite enough to get him back in his good books.

Dan caught the expression and calmed his tone. “It’s from a Pope’s satire.” Dan explained, “Alexander medieval guy, or something…”

“Dan, you’re bleeding.” Elise pointed out.

He felt the sharp pain on the back of his head, noticing it for the first time. He pulled his hand back to reveal a palm covered in blood.

“I’ll be fine.” He answered.

Elise shook her head, “Not if we don’t stop the bleeding, you won’t.”

“Elise, we don’t have time…”

Elise was gone and back in a flash, with some clean towels, dressing pads, gauze, and some antibiotic ointment.

“That was fast.” Chris commented.

Elise moved behind Dan to clean the wound and gave her husband a little smile. “Yeah…I have medical supplies hidden all over the house in case an enemy agent breaks in and shoots you and I have to field dress the wound on the spot.”

“Awhh…” Chris said, a touch of pleasantness returning to his voice. It was a sweet if somewhat morbid thought from his wife.

“Ooow, be careful with that! It really stings.”

“Not as bad as Everclear, I’m sure,” Chris said in an admonishment tone.

Dan fixed a glare at the wall to his side, not needing another reminder that he treated Pinkie Pie poorly.

Elise began to wrap gauze around Dan’s head.

“I need to fix this.” Dan said, looking at his best and possibly only friend with pleading in his eyes.

“Dan, I’m not sure you can fix this,” Chris responded.

“Well, I have to try. I’ve never done anything halfway in my life,” Dan said with a determined voice standing straight. “And I’m not about to start…”

Chris thought about this for a second. Well, he’s nothing if not resolute. He even tracked down all his stuff after he got back from Siberia. Even every single one of those throw pillows…

“…But I need your help.” Dan turned his head to Elise, and looked at her for perhaps the first time without a hint of dislike. “Both of yours.”

Chris thought this over for a second.

Elise didn’t. “We’re with you Dan,” She said as she finished up her bandaging and placing a hand on the shorter man’s shoulder. She turned and walked to her husband, looked down at his hands and took them both in hers. Slowly she looked up to face the man she loved. “Right?”

Chris smiled warmly at his wife. “Right.” he answered.

Dan snapped into action mode. “Good!” He turned to Elise, grabbed her hands, and dumped a wad full of crinkled bills and loose change into her palms.

“…Dan did you just hand me money?” Elise asked in disbelief.

Chris also gawked at the small pile of small bills and change. It was hard enough to get Dan to pay for his own meals while out, and nigh-impossible to get money back once it had been loaned to him. The idea that he would willingly hand either of them some of his own money was nearly unfathomable.

“Yeah,” Dan answered. “Sorry it isn’t more, I need some for what Chris and I are going to do.”

Chris and Elise exchanged glances, back to being unsure if it was really Dan standing in front of them.

“Elise, I need you to go buy party supplies.” Dan began as he paced back and forth, delivering his commands. “Just pretend you’re throwing a party for an elementary school student.”

“Dan,” Elise began, “I don’t think…” She felt a large hand on her shoulder.

“No, he’s pretty much spot on,” Chris assured.

“Then I need you to sneak into my apartment and quietly set up. Think you can handle that?”

Elise’s eye’s narrowed. “Dan, I can pull this job off in my sleep with a bullet wound…” Elise thought for a second. “In fact, I’ve pulled off worse jobs in my sleep with a bullet wound.”

Chris looked down at his wife, “You told me you had the flu... a really, really, BAD flu.”

Elise’s heart skipped a beat and she looked up at her husband. “I know…and…I’m sorry.”

Chris’s smile returned, “It’s OK, darling. I forgive you.” Chris wrapped his arms around his red-haired wife, looked deep into her blue eyes, bent down towards his wife and pursed his lips.

Elise wrapped her arms around her husband’s tall frame and met his gaze. She leaned up and…

Dan cleared his throat loudly. “Save this touchy, feely garbage for when you’re watching rom-coms together. We’ve got a war to win.”

The two turned back to Dan, arms still wrapped tightly around each-other.

“Dan, you can’t fight a war looking like that.” Elise said, slowly removing her arms from her husband.

Dan looked down at his clothing, then looked back up? “Whaaat?” He asked with some slight annoyance.

“You’ve got blood all over the back of your shirt.”

“Elise, we don’t have time for your pedantic obsession with fashion,” Dan said, fixing an angry stare at Elise and crossing his arms.

“Hold up.” It was Chris’s time to run off.

“Chris! Come back here, moonlight is burning!” Dan insisted.

“In a second.” Was the response from down the house.

There was the sound of running water, and Chris returned with a wet towel and a clean, black 'JERK' t-shirt.

“Chris, where did you even—Gah... Unhand me woma—MPHhmmg.”

Elise had quickly grabbed the bottom of Dan’s shirt and pulled it up over his head.

Dan turned with an annoyed glare, but before he could get an angry word out, Chris was behind him with the towel, rubbing the caked blood off his back.

Dan recoiled from the wet towel. “Ambush! I knew you two would force me into your twisted bedroom fantas—”

Chris rolled his eyes and handed Dan the clean, black shirt.

Dan shot him a glare and snatched the shirt out of Chris’s outstretched hand, quickly putting it on.

“Do you know how many of those things you’ve left here?” Chris asked, mild annoyance in his voice.

“No!” Dan said earnestly. “How many?”

“Dan,” Elise interrupted. “Your plan?” Elise reminded.

“Right!” Dan said, focus returning to his voice. Dan turned to his friend “Chris, you’re with me.” Dan marched to the door, swung it open, and stepped into the night.

“Where are we going?”

Dan held up a small, pink camera, illuminated from the light of the house. “To fix something, for a change.”

“…You stole her camera, too?” Chris said in disbelief.

“I’LL GIVE IT BACK!”

Dan leaned against the counter in the fluorescently lit department store.

“Niiiiice work getting them to rush the photos after hours, buddy,” Dan said with a smile. “Things almost got ugly.”

“Well, I just thought telling the truth and appealing to her sense of compassion would net better results than threatening her with a sledgehammer,” Chris said dryly.

“Who’d of thought we’d find the one department store worker who hasn’t yet had her sense of compassion crushed under weeks and weeks of thankless toil?” Dan said, extending his arms and turning his palms upward.

Chris rolled his eyes. “Did you find everything else?”

Dan held up a plastic bag, “One new photo album, extra girly looking, and enough stickers, bedazzling jewels, and glitter pens to send a slumber-party of female pre-teens into a squealing, craft fuelled frenzy.”

A dark olive complexioned woman with a pleasant look on her face walked up from behind the counter and placed a fat envelope in between the two friends. “Here you go!” She said cheerfully.

“It’s a abouMPMph phmmm…” Chris cupped a hand over Dan’s mouth.

“Thank you,” Chris said, “this will mean a lot to our friend.” Chris looked down at Dan and released his hand. “Won’t it, Dan?” Chris said in a “shouldn’t you be saying something” tone.

“Yeah…thanks,” Dan said, grabbing the large envelope.

The photo center worker smiled. “Sure! Good luck with your friend.”

Dan winced. “Yeah…I’ll need it…”

Dan held an ice-pack against his swollen cheek. “Chris, not every page needs a king’s ransom of fake, plastic jewels,” he declared as he and Chris pored over the photo album at Ninja Dave’s, a small pile of cookies sitting to either side of them.

“What! They’re very pretty. And I’m getting better at making shapes.”

“You are such a child…hand me that glitter pen…NO the lavender one. It’s like you have the artistic skills of a third grader.”

Chris looked down at their handiwork, an explosion of bedazzling jewels, stickers of hearts, stars, and rainbows, and glitter ink. “Sure, Dan,” he answered simply.

“Does ‘friends’ have one or two ‘N’s in it?” Dan asked Chris, Dan concentrated on writing something.

“How can you not know how to spell the word ‘friends’,” Chris said in mild irritation.

Dan looked up into space. “It’s never come up before…” he said trailing off.

“…One ‘N’, F-R-I-E-N-D-S.” Chris said, feeling a little sorry for Dan.

Dan concentrated on his writing for a second then looked up. “You only knew that because of the sitcom, didn’t you?” He asked with a mild accusatory tone.

Chris put back on an annoyed look. Well, that didn’t last long. “You can’t prove that!” Chris shot back.

Dan shook his head. “Never mind.” He held up a page. “What do you think?”

Chris squinted at it, examining it carefully. “Needs more rainbows.” He critiqued.

“Nuts to your rainbows. Can’t you see the pink, sparkly hearts are better in every way possible?” Dan motioned to the collection of stickers as if his statement was self-evident.

“They’re not better in having more colors.” Chris retorted. “Nothing is.” He added strongly.

“Ulg,” Dan uttered, turning the page. “Hand me the pink glitter pen.”

“You always start with the Pink glitter pen.” Chris said, reluctantly handing it over. He discreetly pushed a red glitter pen closer to Dan, “I think you’ll find the red makes a much bolder statement.”

“No,” Dan said, brushing the red pen off the table completely. “I like pink, it’s just like….” Dan trailed off deciding he was just going to let the sentence linger and hopefully die before Chris thought anything of it.

Chris responded by taking a bite out of one of his cookies. He paused. “I can’t believe you actually bought me cookies for a change.”

“Yeah well…” Dan trailed off, “I wanted you to be able to focus…and…” Dan struggled for an excuse,”…you get drowsy when you’re not eating.”

Chris took another bite. “Trraue” he said through a moth-full of cookie. Chris swallowed. “This has been the most fun I’ve had with you in a long time,” Chris admitted. “Can you crush a poor, innocent girl's dreams every night?”

Dan turned his palms upright and stared down at the sparkly, pink stains on them from his constant use of the pen.

“I really hope not.”

Heart racing, forehead covered in sweat, Dan entered the still lit apartment he had fled hours before.

She’s still here, good.

Dan stared at the back of the, now somehow, straight haired girl.

Uh oh... I don’t think she’s moved from that spot…I don’t think she’s moved at all!

Dan gulped and slowly walked towards Pinkie Pie.

Oh God… What if… What if she has like a melty face…? Or when you find out the monster is just a head full of teeth…? Oh please don’t have a melty face, of please, oh please, oh please…

Dan turned to face his potential horror movie monster come to life, but Pinkie just had a regular face.

A face that didn’t look like it had moved a muscle since he left.

WHY COULDN’T IT HAVE BEEN THE MELTY FACE?!

“Hi, Dan,” Pinkie said eerily, causing Dan to jump back a few feet. “Did you come back because you realized you could destroy more of my things in front of me? I think I ran out of tears a few hours back, but I can fake distress, still.”

“No, I…”

Pinkie turned to face him, and cocked her head to an uncomfortable looking angle. “Oh I got it.” For a brief second, her eyes went wide and her teeth began violently grinding as a corner of her lips pulled to the side. “You’ve come to use my body, then murder me. I mean…that’s probably what you saved me from anyway, you might as well be the one to continue...”

Dan’s expression broke into wide eyed shock with the force of a shattering window. Wow is she dark when she’s upset.

“Pinkie, I need you to come with me.”

“Oh, good idea. I’ll be easier to dispose of out in the wilderness….”

Dan’s skin began to crawl. “No! I just need you to come to my apartment.”

Pinkie’s head suddenly cocked into another uncomfortable looking angle as her eyes, teeth, and mouth repeated the pattern from before. “You’re going to dissolve my corpse in the bathtub…” she offered.

“NO, I!..” Dan let out an exasperated sigh and dragged a palm across his face. How come doing the right thing has to be so hard!?

“Look, I know I don’t deserve this, but I need you to trust me.”

Pinkie’s head returned to its full, upright position and she blinked her blue eyes that still sat framed with the bandage in pink hair, though the hair was straight this time.

“Okay, Dan.” What have I got to lose?

“SURPRISE!” Elise and Chris shouted, showering Pinkie with streamers.

Pinkie quietly looked around the apartment, streamers, balloons…even Elise and Chris were wearing party hats. They even put one around Mr. Mumbles who greeted Pinkie with a “Meow.”

“…Murder party?” Pinkie asked, turning back to Dan.

“No, apology party,” Dan assured. “A murder party should have more…”

Elise elbowed Dan in the ribs, cutting his sentence short. “Dan! Aren’t you forgetting something?”

“Ah, right.” He handed a mass of pink wrapping paper with yellow and blue balloons on it to Pinkie who looked it over questioningly.

Pinkie opened her mouth to speak.

“If you say ’bomb’, so help me, I’m going to…” Dan caught himself, and calmed his tone. “Please just open it?” he pleaded with a tiny, hopeful smile.

Pinkie quickly shredded the paper and her eyes went wide as she opened up her new photo album to reveal the most beautiful display of fake plastic jewels, tacky stickers, and colorful glitter plastered photos she had ever seen.

Dan quickly threw an arm around Pinkie’s shoulders. “Hey Pinkie”

Pinkie looked up.

“Smile.”

The camera went off just in time to catch a dazzling smile from Pinkie as her hair went curly with a feeeeee!

Still with his arm wrapped around Pinkie’s shoulder, Dan turned the camera so they could both see the photo he had just taken of the two smiling away under their matching bandages around their heads. Quite possibly the first photo of Dan smiling without faking it in existence.

Dan pointed to a gaudy, pink picture frame, with ‘best friends forever’ written on it, sitting on the crate he used as his coffee table. “I think this will look even better in there.”

Pinkie hugged him hard enough to cause him to dwell on how many vertebrae this friendship was going to cost him.

She put her mouth close to his ear. “Thanks for coming back for me,” she whispered.

“Well, I couldn’t just leave you like that, could I?”

Pinkie held Dan at arm’s length and smiled with wide eyes. “It’s a good thing, too! A little bit more time and I might have decided to use your vital organs as confectionary ingredients.”

Dan laughed nervously, not at all convinced Pinkie had just made a joke.

Pinkie turned to Chris and Elise. “And you two helped as well?” Pinkie said smiling.

“I set up the decorations,” Elise said with a smile.

“And I helped bedazzle your photo album,” Chris said proudly.

Dan examined his completely decorated apartment. “Don’t tell me I gave you enough for all this?”

“I…sort of felt guilty about tonight and contributed a bit.”

“That’s Okay, Elise. I forgive you,” Dan said.

“Not for you.” Elise declared. “Her!” She said nodding at Pinkie Pie.

“Your food was that bad, eh?” Dan suggested.

Chris stepped up. “We kind of had a meltdown in front of Pinkie.”

“Really?” Dan said lifting an eyebrow and the corner of his mouth.

“The melty-est!” Pinkie said with a giggle. “But you two are okay, now..?” Pinkie asked, equal parts hope and worry.

Chris reached for his wife’s hand. “Yeah.” He looked down at Elise as a happy, warm feeling ran through his body. “I think we are.”

Elise looked up to her husband’s loving eyes, the two gazing at each other for what seemed like an eternity, finally closing the…

“YOU TWO KNOCK THAT OFF RIGHT NOW, WE’LL HAVE NONE OF THAT KISSY CRUD IN THE HOUSE OF DAN!”

Elise and Chris continued to hold hands, but shot Dan a wry grin.

“Who’s ready to conga? Pinkie asked.

“Oh! Me! Me!” Chris said, enthusiastically raising his hand.

“Count me out,” Dan said grumpily.

Pinkie shot him a sly grin. “Daaaaan,” she cooed, “I require ten conga laps from you, as part of your ‘apology party’.”

“But…”

“No ‘but’s!” Pinkie insisted as she maneuvered herself in front of Dan and grabbed his hands. She placed them on her waist.

“This is making me uncomfortable!” Dan declared, darting eyes from side to side.

Elise wasted no time in placing her own hands on Dan’s waist.

Dan gritted his teeth. “I warn you, I bite…”

Chris grabbed his wife by the waist. Elise smiled, enjoying the feeling of her husband’s hands on her body.

“Aaaand here we go!” Pinkie announced cheerfully.

Dan stopped and listened to the song playing

Chris had bought a few CDs up from his and Elise’s car, and Chris had dredged up Dan’s CD player out of the filth to play a couple.

“Chris, what is this?” Dan asked.

Chris smiled “It’s Coldplay.” Chris listened for a second, “Paradise.”

Dan paused and listened to the lyrics.

“I hate it, and I hate you for sullying the inside of my walls with it.”

“Love ya too, buddy.” Chris replied with a smile.

“I think it’s great!” Pinkie chimed in.

Dan made a dismissive-disgusted sound.

“Whatever, I’m going to try some of the swill Elise made.”

“Ooh!” Pinkie said excitedly, and rushed to try some strawberry lemonade as well.

Dan poured Pinkie a glass, then himself one. He took a sip. “Hey, Elise. There’s this thing called “sugar”,” Dan said, contorted his face at the tartness of the drink. "Perchance you've heard tale of it? You can by it by the pound at this place called 'stores'."

Pinkie, likewise, was making a fish face.

Elise shot Dan an annoyed look, “Sorry, I thought the strawberries would add more sweetness…”

Dan made a disgusted sigh and dug a bag full of sugar out of a cupboard.

“Allow me!” Pinkie mixed a few heaping spoonfuls of sugar with a spoon into both cups and stirred them vigorously.

Dan shot a quick suspicious look at Pinkie then took a sip. The drink was sublime. He quickly downed the whole thing to the delight of Pinkie.

Chris walked over to Elise. “Hey Elise.”

“Yeah, Chris?” Elise asked, the serious tone in her husband’s voice worrying her.

“When you bring work home, can it stay in the shed from now on?” Chris asked, diplomatically.

Elise smiled wide and warmly and took her husband’s hands. “Of course, dear.”

Chris smiled to match his wife’s.

The two closed the distance between them until their warm bodies were touching.

Elise let her arms drift up around her husband’s neck.

Chris wrapped his arms around his wife’s shoulders.

Pinkie’s face beamed as she looked at the happy couple, inches away from kissing.

Dan stood next to Pinkie and began to protest, “WHAT DID I…”

Pinkie threw a punch into Dan’s arm without turning or shifting from the spot.

Dan toppled over onto the floor with loud 'THUD!'.

Chris’s and Elise’s lips met in a passionate kiss as Pinkie let out a squeal of delight.

“Meow”

Dan stood up holding Mr. Mumbles, party hat still firmly attached around the cat’s head.

“Mr. Mumbles requires more cake!” Dan announced.

Chris broke the kiss and looked over to the cat, frowning. “But it’s the last piece!” He protested.

“Meow.”

“Chris, I’m sorry…”—Pinkie grabbed a small paper plate with cake on it and placed it on the nearby counter— “but we have a kitty-cat here in desperate need of some cake,” she insisted.

Dan sat down Mr. Mumbles on the counter, who happily bounded to the cake and began eating it while purring away.

Elise patted her husband on the chest. “It’s fine. You can have ice cream when we get back.”

Chris met his wife’s gaze. “Actually…I think I’ve had enough sweets for one night.”

“You two mind taking the mushy show on the road? Some of us are trying to eat.” Dan motioned to his cat, who looked up with a face covered in frosting and offered a “Meow.”

Elise and Chris walked to the door, hand in hand.

“You behave yourself now,” Chris commanded.

“Don’t worry, Chris! I will,” Pinkie answered cheerfully with a wave.

“I was talking to DAN,” Chris stressed.

Elise embraced Pinkie whose smile grew wide with the token of affection.

“We should go clothes shopping some time,” Elise offered.

Chris collapsed to the floor in a heap.

“Alone,” Elise added.

Chris sat back up and breathed a sigh of relief.

The group said their goodbyes as the couple made its way outside.

Once the two were off the stairs, Dan closed the door and turned to see a pensive looking Pinkie Pie fiddling with the hem of her shirt.

“Hey, Dan…”she began, “…I…I know I have my own apartment, but…what I mean is…”

“The couch is yours,” Dan said simply.

Pinkie’s eyes and pupils grew to an impossible size. “P….PERMANENTLY?!” she asked excitedly.

Dan stared at her blankly, unable to say no. “Sure,” he said with a smile, adding, “best friend forever.”

'CRACK!'

Dan’s next thought was regarding spines and the hope that their importance had been greatly exaggerated.

“Meow”

Dan glanced at his cat, her face now completely covered in frosting. He scratched his bandages, pondering having a roommate, especially given the cramped living quarters the two would be sharing.

“I guess we better clean up….” He said, trailing off.

Pinkie took a quick glance behind Dan’s head. Her eyes went wide as she dashed off.

“Pinkie?” Dan called out.

In a flash, she was back. Bandages and rags in one hand, Everclear in the other.

“You’re bleeding, Dan.” Pinkie said, concern giving way to an eerie smile.

Dan felt the back of his head, it was just a trickle, but he had disturbed the cut a little.

“Uhhh…it’s nothing!” Dan insisted. “It’ll stop on its own!”

Pinkie placed the bottle of Everclear on Dan’s foosball table and slowly approached him.

“No, Dan,” she insisted, a mad smile slowly conquering its way across her face. “It must be cleaned and sterilized, IMMEDIATELY.” Pinkie’s head cocked to the side, and the side of her mouth twisted up to reveal a mouth of smiling teeth that violently grinded against each other for a split second.

“Oh ummm….” Dan tried to think of an excuse out. “Chris forgot his cruddy CDs, I’ll just…” Dan reached for the door, but Pinkie was there in an instant, slamming an open palm in between him and his escape. A mad glint in her eyes.

Dan let out a little “Eeep” as Pinkie grabbed him by the hand…

“I hope they’ll be OK.” Elise mentioned.

There was some mad laughter, some painful screaming, more laughter, more screaming, some whining…

“Dan?” Elise said, recognizing the tortured voice.

...the sound of a startled cat, Dan moaning “WHY!?”, some giggling, MORE whining, the sound of something crashing…

Chris just shook his head, “They’ll be fine.”

“…”

“It’s the rest of us I’m worried about.”

Author's Notes:

Revised!