The Wheel and the Butterfly
A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga
Part 12 Dan Vs. Couples
Part 12 Prologue

Jason pensively looked over Pinkie as she approached the van and made a quick, silent prayer that she wouldn’t see through what, to him, seemed like a hastily put together plan. Alright, so the fake beard is probably enough for her not to recognize me, but the van clearly has a fresh coat of white paint on it, and it’s not like we did a terribly great job with all these stickers… there’s no way she’s going to…

Pinkie bounded up to the driver’s side window with a smile. “One prototype double-sided ice cream cone please!”

“Uhhh… suuuure…” Jason responded as he smiled nervously. He turned back into a van and flashed a look that screamed ‘Help me!’ to the trio hiding below the windows in the back.

Jennifer, Flynn, and Jean all exchanged confused glances. Flynn quickly grabbed two large waffle cones, stared down at a number of containers of ice cream on the floor. He looked back at Jason and mouthed ‘What flavor?’

Jason turned back to Pinkie. “Uh… What flavor would you like… miss?”

Pinkie continued to smile. “Surprise me! And of course, I mean ‘pick a flavor for me’, please don’t bleach my skin or dye my hair yellow!”

Jason merely stared at Pinkie blankly as Flynn quickly filled the waffle cones with a pink scoop of ice cream each. He looked down at the two cones in his hand, unsure what to do with them until Jennifer motioned for him to hand them over. Flynn complied and Jennifer quickly inserted each pointy end into a red rubber band and wrapped the band around the ice cream. She carefully passed the unwieldy food item forward to Flynn who passed it to Jason.

Jean remained motionless as she held fast the bottle and rag in her hands. However, she whispered, “Tell her it’s all natural!” to Jason as he was handed the cone.

Jason raised an eyebrow at Jean before he carefully passed the doubled ended cone to Pinkie who took it in a dainty, pink-fingernail-polished hand. “There you go, it’s all natural!”

Pinkie gasped. “I LOVE all natural!”

Pinkie examined the cone carefully and giggled to herself. “Hehehe… Impractical!” she declared. To Jason’s amazement, Pinkie began twirling the double-ended cone in her fingers as she stuck out her tongue and allowed the ice cream on both ends to brush up against each end as she spun the cones around and around.

Soon Pinkie was finished with the ice cream and quickly devoured both cones. “Iwt’s gwood, but…” Pinkie continued to chew down with an unsure expression on her face. She spat out the red rubber band into her palm, grabbed it with her thumb and forefinger, and then held out the slobbery piece of rubber for Jason. “Hehe… You might want to work on sticking the cones together with something edible.”

Jason held his palm under the rubber band allowing Pinkie to drop the saliva-covered item into it. He quickly lobbed it over his shoulder back into the van, accidentally hitting Flynn in the forehead.

“Ooo! Can I get a cherry flavored Popsicle, too?” Pinkie asked happily.

“Uh, sure…” Jason said. “But first we’d— I MEAN I’D like to ask you a few questions, if that’s okay...” Jason said nervously. She’s not going to do it… who ever heard of an ice cream man running around asking questions?

“Okie-dokie-lokie!” Pinkie said cheerfully.

Jason gave Pinkie a blank look before quickly producing a pen and clipboard.

“Uh… Question number 1: On a scale from one to ten, how satisfied are you with your current relationship?”

“Oh gee… that’s a toughie…” Pinkie said as she tapped an index finger against her cheek thoughtfully. “Am I allowed to go over ten?”

Jason glanced back into the van with an inquisitive expression. Jean simply shrugged in a ‘Sure, why not?’ fashion.

Jason turned back towards Pinkie. “Yeah, sure…”

Pinkie smiled. “Then I’m ‘infunity’ satisfied with my current relationship!”

“Uhhh…”

“That’s like infinity, but also fun!”

“Riiight…” Jason continued. “Does your boyfriend ever get physically violent with you?”

“Oh, ALL the TIME!” Pinkie exclaimed.

Jason’s eyes widened. “Really? Does he hit you?”

“Uh… sure?” Pinkie said in confused tone. “I mean… only after I’ve hit him… but I don’t see what that has to do with us getting violent together…”

Jason turned back into the car with a confused expression. A trio of equally confused expressions met his gaze. He turned back to Pinkie. “Uh… ‘violent together’?”

Pinkie nodded her head up and down vigorously. “Uh-huh! Like the time we beat up a city full of weird, almost mutant-like dancers together, or the time we fought a supervillain, or even the time we beat up a bouncer at a nightclub because he wouldn’t let Dan in!”

“Uh…”

“The BEST part about that last one is we didn’t even want to go into the nightclub!” Pinkie informed with a smile. “We got confused and thought we were in line for tacos.”

“Uhhh… okay… Moving along, does your boyfriend ever yell at you?”

“Of course!” Pinkie said happily.

“Uh right…” Jason jotted something down on his clipboard. He looked back up with a knitted brow. “You don’t seem too bothered by that.”

Pinkie shrugged. “Dan yells at everyone, and everything just about! It’s sorta his thing… I mean… getting mad about that would sort of be like being mad at a crippled person because they can’t walk! Even I know that’s bad!”

“Uh… er… okay… next question—“

“Is this going to take a while?” Pinkie asked. “I mean, I just told Dan I was going to get some ice cream and get him a Popsicle. Just ‘cause he yells a lot doesn’t mean I want to give him a reason to.”

Jason darted his eyes back and forth as he quickly thought of a response. “If you answer all the questions the ice cream is free!” he said hastily.

Pinkie frowned. “Are you trying to kidnap me?”

The color drained from Jason’s face. “Wha… NO! Why would you even suggest such a thing?!” he asked as he waved his hands in front of him.

“Well, it’s just the last van that showed up with a hastily applied paint job also offered free sweets and the person in that tried to kidnap me! Dan was so angry he wouldn’t let me use my phone for a few hours afterwards!”

“Can I have my phone back now?” Pinkie asked.

Dan looked up from the T.V. long enough to shoot Pinkie an angry glare. “No!”

“Oh… alrigh then…” Pinkie said as a pout made its way onto her face.

*Later*

Pinkie leaned her head down on Dan’s lap and smiled up at him with a large, toothy grin. “Can I have my phone back now?”

Dan looked down at Pinkie in irritation. “NO!”

Pinkie blew an angry gust of air up at the lock of curls that hung in front of her head. “Fine!” she huffed out as she raised herself back to her feet and walked away.

*Later still*

“Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!”

“Hehehehe…” Dan giggled as Pinkie buried her face in his neck and peppered it with a number of kisses.

“Hey DaAaAaAaAn~?” Pinkie cooed out sweetly.

“Hehehe… What is it, Goofball?”

“Can I have my phone back noOoOoOoOw~?”

“Uhhh… hmmm…” Dan stared up at the ceiling and pondered this. “No,” he said flatly.

Pinkie sighed. “Oh… okay…” She giggled to herself and placed her face against Dan’s neck once more. Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!”

*And finally*

“Wow…” Pinkie uttered as she clutched a bed sheet against her bare body, the white cover hugged her shapely frame as she breathed in and out. “Huff… puff… That was… That was AMAZERING!”

Dan put his hands behind his head and laid back on a pillow as he grinned wide with a self-content smile. “Yeah, I’m pretty awesome…” he said.

“Sooo…” Pinkie began as she smiled at Dan. “… can I have my phone back now?”

Dan maintained his smile as he rolled his eyes. “Alright, fine.”

“Yay!” Pinkie said as she leaned down and reached down for something on the floor. She came back up with Dan’s jeans, searched the pockets, and pulled out a smartphone. She quickly hit the screen a few times and put the phone up to her ear.

A voice answered from the phone.

“Yes, there’s a man lying out in the street in front of Casa Paradiso,” Pinkie said into the phone. “He’s been pretty severely beaten with a baseball bat and he’s just been laying there for a few hours… so I mean… You should probably send an ambulance…”

Dan grinned wickedly. “Or a Hearse,” he suggested.

“Yeah, or a Hearse…” Pinkie said into the phone. She paused and covered the phone with a hand as she looked back at Dan. “What’s a Hearse?”

Jason stared back at Pinkie with a terrified expression, the color having long fled his face in a desperate attempt to get as far away from the girl as possible.

“…And that’s the story of how Dan beat up a leprechaun with a baseball bat on St. Patrick’s Day!” Pinkie said cheerfully. She paused and stared up at the sky briefly with a ponderous expression. “Or maybe that was the story of how Dan beat up the ‘Free Candy’ man and left him unconscious on the street for a few hours to teach him a lesson… They’re both pretty similar…” Pinkie mused.

‘SLAM!’

Pinkie and Jason both flinched slightly as they heard a door slam. They looked up towards the apartment complex to see Dan glowering down at them. “PINKIE!” Dan yelled out. “WHAT THE HECK IS TAKING YOU SO LONG?! HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO PURCHASE ICE—” Dan scowled down at the van with the crude paint job and hastily applied stickers then looked back at Pinkie. “Is someone trying to kidnap you again?”

“Uh… Maaaaybeeee~?” Pinkie offered with a pensive grin. She paused as she felt a pinchy sensation in her knee. “YES!” Pinkie cried out in alarm as her eyes went wide.

The door to the van suddenly flew open and Jean lunged at Pinkie with a rag.

Pinkie attempted to dive away, but Jason quickly threw his arm out and wrapped it around Pinkie’s neck.

“PINKIE!” Dan cried as he broke into a sprint down the apartment walkway.

“DAN! HELP!” Pinkie cried as she struggled in Jason’s grasp. Jean quickly placed her chloroform soaked rag up to Pinkie’s mouth and nose. Soon Pinkie’s eyes began to close as her struggling lessened, quickly stopping altogether.

“Oh, you are DEAD, hippy girl!” Dan cried as he made his way down the apartment stairs.

“GET HER IN THE VAN, QUICK!” Jean cried.

Jennifer and Flynn quickly emerged and helped haul Pinkie’s limp body into the van.

“DRIVE! DRIVE!” Jean cried.

“AAAAH!” Jason cried out in alarm as he hit the gas petal.

‘THUD!’

Jason looked out the window with a terrified expression. Dan was staring right back at him, having made his way to the driver side window. Dan latched on tight as the van sped down the street.

“I’M GOING TO RIP OFF THAT BEARD AND MAKE YOU EAT IT!” Dan shouted furiously as he held onto the car door tight with one hand and reached in with the other. He stared at Jason with focused, rageful eyes as he snagged the man’s fake beard.

Jason quickly jerked his head back as Dan held on tight. With a loud ‘Rrriiip!’ the beard tore away from Jason.

“YOU!” Dan cried. “Whoa… WHAAAA…” Dan quickly lost his footing on the van's door and slid to the pavement below with a ‘Thud!’ from his body and an “OOF!” from the man himself. He rolled across the pavement as assorted rocks on the ground scraped at his skin and tore at his clothes. He finally came to a stop upside down in the middle of the street facing the van as it sped away.

Dan sighed. “They took off the license plate… Of course… they’d take off the license plate…” Laboriously, Dan forced himself to his feet as blood trickled from his forehead and a number of fresh gashes on his body. “GAH!” he cried as one of his legs almost immediately gave out on him. He quickly steadied himself and took another look at the van as it sped off. His eyes narrowed to tiny slits. The side of his mouth pulled open into a furious grimace.

IT

IS

ON!

Dan balled his hands into fists, threw his arms into the air, and shouted at the heavens.