The Wheel and the Butterfly
A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga
Part 11 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Distractions
Chapter 97 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Group Therapy

“Oh! New faces!” Pinkie said cheerfully as she bounded into Amber’s classroom wearing her pink and white striped shirt, jean-shorts, and a pair of high top sneakers. “Hi everyone, I’m Pinkie—”

Dan stopped at the doorway of the classroom as his eyes drifted across the occupants. “What-the-HELL?!” he said in a demanding tone as looked over a pair of couples sitting already sitting in desks at the front of the class.

“—Pie…?” Pinkie finished in a confused tone as she glanced back at Dan.

From her seat in front of the classroom, Amber looked up at Dan. She still wore an eyepatch over her left eye. “Uh, welcome back Dan… Pinkie, Elise and Chris. Have a seat. I was just explaining the whole ‘Pirate Buddies’ thing…” Amber frowned. “Which I see only Chris is doing today.”

Dan glanced at Amber. “Pinkie and my eyes healed up… Now would you kindly explain WHAT-THE-HELL?!” Dan reiterated as he motioned to the couples in front.

Chris walked up behind Dan. “Dan, what’s… oh… oh my…” Chris uttered as he looked over the head of the much shorter man.

Pinkie rapidly shook her head as she looked across the new faces. “Huh? What? What’s wrong?” she asked in a confused tone. “I didn’t even get to start getting to know everyone! I have so many handshakes to give out!” Pinkie giggled. “I’ve been practicing!”

Elise stepped past Dan and into the room. “Uh… hi, Jennifer. Hi, Jason,” she said in a somewhat concerned tone. “It’s been a while…”

“Uh… hey Elise,” a man with short, poofy hair, wearing a short-sleeved, dark grey collared shirt and khakis said.

A woman with shoulder-length, sandy-brown hair, glasses, a pink shirt, and blue jeans sitting next to the man nodded politely. “Elise, Chris,” she greeted. “… Dan…” she said as she narrowed her eyes.

“OOOOOoooooh,” Pinkie uttered. “Jennifer and Jason as in the couple that used to live next to you before you scared them off with cockroaches.”

“Wait,” Amber said. “You know each other?! Oh dear…”

“ME?!” Dan cried as he turned towards Pinkie and motioned to himself. “They were the ones that left! I was looking forward to having them as neighbors until they next-door abandoned me!” Dan cried.

Jennifer shot Dan an icy glare. “You were going to launch flaming logs into our apartment!”

“Were!” Dan stressed. “In this case meaning, ‘never did’! You’re mad at me for a hypothetical attack that never happened because someone”—Dan shot a glare at Chris—“couldn’t be bothered to show up with logs and gasoline!”

Chris folded his arms and looked down at Dan. “You’re getting mad at me for not helping you do something that you would have regretted had you actually done it,” Chris announced flatly.

Dan held up an accusatory index finger and pointed it at Chris. “Hindsight is not an excuse for laziness, Chris!”

Jason, likewise, shot Dan an angry look. “You also unleashed a swarm of cockroaches on our apartment!”

“Alright, first off,” Dan began, “a group of cockroaches is not called a ‘swarm’, it’s called an intrusion! Second off, that was an accident!”

Jennifer stood up from her desk. “Well, it wasn’t going to be first time around!” she declared.

“Again with the being angry over things I only tried to do!” Dan said in an irritable tone. “Geez, next you’ll be mad because I almost started a nuclear holocaust!”

There was a brief pause followed by a chorus of confused and alarmed “WHAT!?”s from the classroom.

“SEE!” Dan exclaimed as he threw his hands out in frustration.

“Uh, Dan?” Elise said. “Ixnay ethay uclearnay olocausthay.”

Pinkie walked up to Dan and placed her hand on his chest. “Daaaaan~,” she began in a maternal tone, “don’t you think you’re being just a tad meaner than you need to be?”

“Why is everything my fault today?!” Dan cried. “They were the ones who were too nice and made me think they were cannibals!”

“Daaaan~,” Pinkie continued in the same tone, “what have we talked about in regards to attacking people who we only think are up to no good?”

Dan sighed before speaking, “Always make sure someone is really a cannibal or life insurance salesman before besieging them with insects or medieval weaponry.”

Pinkie nodded and smiled. “That’s right!” Her expression turned serious again. “Now what should you do now?”

“Be nicer?” Dan suggested.

Pinkie smiled. “Aaaaaaand~?”

Dan grumbled something incoherent under his breath.

“Daaaaan~?”

“I’ll apologize, alright!” Dan cried.

Pinkie beamed.

Elise and Chris exchanged a quick glance and smiled at each other, satisfied that Pinkie, currently, had the situation well in hand. They quickly took their seats.

Dan turned towards Jennifer and Jason and motioned to Pinkie. “Look, my conscience clearly thinks I owe you an apology, so I’m sorry I assumed you two were cannibals and tried to drive you out of your apartment,” he said with the most earnest tone he could muster.

Jennifer turned to Jason and the two exchanged a quick shrug.

Amber looked at Pinkie with a small look of surprise before the hints of a smile began to appear on her face. Huh, guess there’s a bit more to these two than I thought… maybe I should give their questionnaires another read… or skim, at least…

Jennifer turned back to Dan. “We moved to a nice apartment complex in Pomona, so I guess it worked out.” She turned to Pinkie Pie with a smile and extended a hand. “Hi, I’m Jennifer. Pinkie, was it?”

Pinkie grinned and enthusiastically took Jennifer’s hand in her own and began to shake it vigorously. “Yepper! Pinkamena Diane Pie! But you can call me Pinkie Pie, or even just Pinkie!”

Jason sat up and extended his hand. “Hi, I’m Jason,” he said with a smile.

“Hi! I’m Pinkie!” Pinkie said as she continued to shake Jennifer’s hand in her right hand and took Jason’s hand in her left. She, likewise, began enthusiastically shaking Jason’s hand up and down. “Pinkamena Diane Pie! But you can call me Pinkie Pie, or even just Pinkie!”

Dan rolled his eyes. “You said that already, Goofball. Also, you can give them both their hands back.”

“Whoop! Hehehe… sorry!” Pinkie said as she let go of Jennifer’s and Jason’s hands.

“Oh, it’s alright,” Jennifer said cheerfully.

Amber walked up to Pinkie and Jennifer and placed her hands on each girl’s shoulders. “Well, now that you’re all introduced, perhaps you’d like to meet the other couple that will attending group with you,” Amber said with a smile as she motioned to the other couple. First, a woman with long, wavy, reddish-brown hair, wearing round, brown tinted glasses, a beaded necklace, a purple dress, and loose-fitting, light-brown trousers. Next, a man with grey hair tied in a ponytail, a long grey beard wearing square glasses, a brown vest over a yellow button-up shirt, and grey trousers held up by a pair of brown suspenders.

The woman and man stood up and the woman extended her hand to Pinkie. “Namaste, I’m Jean Goodhill, and this is my soulmate, Flynn Goodhill,” Jean said as she motioned to the man standing next to her.

Pinkie took Jean’s hand and gave it a brief, firm shake and quickly repeated the action with Flynn.

“Namaste,” Flynn said with a soft smile.

Pinkie giggle. “Hehe… you two talk funny…” She suddenly frowned. “Wait… Goodhill?” Pinkie turned towards Dan. “Dan, this is like a room full of people who are all mad at you!”

Elise looked at Chris with concern. “Wait, seriously?”

Chris sighed out a “Yep.” He continued, “It’s like some sort of 'Couples Dan’s Run Afoul of Convention.”

Elise turned towards the rest of the group as her concerned look evolved into a worried one. “Oh, this won’t end well…”

Amber’s mouth practically unhinged and hung open. She turned to Dan. “Don’t tell me you’ve met the Goodhills as well!”

“Only in that they stole my child!” Dan cried.

“What?” Amber exclaimed. “Stole?”

Flynn narrowed his eyes at Dan. “We legally adopted Dennis.”

Jean put a hand on Flynn’s shoulder. “Now Flynn, that’s all in the past. This is an excellent chance to start fresh with Dan.”

Dan shrugged. “You want to start fresh? Here’s something to start with: why can’t you just say husband like a non-granola-munching, love-bead-wearing human being?!” Dan demanded.

From behind her brown-tinted glasses, Jean narrowed her eyes at Dan. “Flynn and I believe the archaic words, ‘husband’ and ‘wife’ are insufficient for describing the bond we share,” Jean said as she reached out for her soulmate’s hand and gave it a firm squeeze.

Dan narrowed his eyes. “Right, because a husband is someone whose last name you’d have to take as your own and you might end up going to couple’s therapy with! While a soulmate is someone you get along with so well in magic, rule-free, love-fest land that neither of those things could ever happen,” Dan said sarcastically. He narrowed his eyes at Jean. “Oh wait, THEY SO, TOTALLY, DID!” he cried as he threw his arms into the air.

Flynn spoke up, “Actually, ‘Goodhill’ is Jean’s maiden name.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Sssssshhoooockiiiing,” he said.

“Dan,” Amber said in a chastising tone, “please be seated. You’re not here to pass judgment on the other couples.”

Dan raised a palm up and glanced at the ceiling. “Right, because that’s your job.”

“Hey!” Amber said in a protesting tone. “I’m offering my services as a professionally trained social psychologist!”

“Oh, so it’s the insides of our heads you want to unravel and study, hmm?!” Dan cried. “Break out the tinfoil and make some hats, guys! Amber wants to brain scan us.”

“Brain scan!” Amber said in an irritated, protesting tone. “Now wait just a— PINKIE! PUT THOSE AWAY!”

Pinkie’s lip quivered as a few dozen, well crafted, tinfoil hats sat in front of her on her desk. “But I never have a chance to break out the mind scan blocking, tinfoil hats! I even had my friend Rarity help me make them so they’d look good!”

“No one is going scan anyone else’s brain here!” Amber said.

“Are you sure?” Pinkie asked. She picked up a top hat made out of tinfoil. “‘Cause I even have hats if people want to upgrade to pro!”

“What… what does that even mean?!” Amber asked.

Pinkie shook her head. “I have no idea! But it’s free!”

“Amber?” Jean said softly. “If I may try an alternative approach?”

Amber forced a smile as her eye began to twitch. She discreetly walked over to her desk and retrieved her red stress ball.

Dan quieted down as he examined Amber’s actions. Hmmm… so we’re not the only ones who’ve been getting under her skin…

Jean placed her palms together at chest level and turned towards Dan. “I’m sensing some hostility here. Now, we’re all here because we have something to work on as couples—”

“US?!” Dan cried as he motioned to himself and Pinkie. “We were tricked into coming, and are only participating in this ridiculous farce because there’s a chance Pinkie and I might go from a perfect couple to a ‘cutesy, obnoxious to be around let alone even put eyes upon’ couple!”

Pinkie shuttered. “Yeah, talk about fate worse than death!” she zipped over to Elise, placed her palms on the maroon haired girl’s desk, and looked deeply into Elise’s purple eyes. “Elise, if that happens you’ll have to kill Dan—”

“DONE!” Elise said.

“—and me!”

Elise winced. “Both of you? Are you sure?”

“Do you want to hang out with a couple that calls each other ‘snukikins’ all the time?” Pinkie asked.

“Uh… fair enough,” Elise replied.

“Besides,” Pinkie added, “if you only killed Dan I’d probably go insane and try to kill you and Chris in some sort of gruesome bakery torture session!”

Flynn leaned in close to his wife. “Is it just me, or does this seemingly sweet-looking girl have some dark, deep-seated emotional issues?”

Jean nodded in agreement, “clearly, being in a relationship with Dan has corrupted her…”

“You know, Pinkie,” Amber began, “becoming too loving of a couple wasn’t exactly what I was trying to address with you and Dan. It’s just important that neither of you find the other smothering.”

Dan turned to Amber and leveled an angry index finger at her. “The only smothering Pinkie and I would do to each other would involve pillows…”

A wave of gasps escaped many of the couple’s mouths.

Pinkie giggled. “Or chocolate…maybe frosting… Oooo! Oooo! Or chocolate frosting!” Pinkie’s gaze went distant as a happy smile spread across her face. “Hmmm… chocolate frosting…”

Dan shot Pinkie a wry grin. “Well, I guess I know what we’re doing tonight…”

Amber rolled her one visible eye. “Alright, you two. Why don’t you have a seat and we can finally get started.”

“Fine, fine,” Dan said as he and Pinkie sat in a couple desks in between Chris and Jean. Dan leaned over and looked at the Goodhills. “Speaking of my 'estranged against his will' adopted son, how is Dennis?”

Jean frowned. “He’s actually part of the reason we’re here.”

“Hey!” Flynn said in a protesting tone. “Don’t tell him that!”

“Flynn,” Jean replied softly, “we’d have to discuss this in front of him anyhow, and we’re trying to get started here. We might as well be open with everyone.”

Dan smiled wickedly. “Don’t tell me Dennis has already sworn vengeance on your marriage. Awwww, they grow up so fast…”

Amber narrowed her eyes at Dan. “Dan! If you can’t behave yourself I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

“Oh,” Dan said as he stood up. “Can I go now?”

“SIT DOWN!” Amber shouted.

“FINE!” Dan shouted as he crossed his arms, put on a sullen expression, and sat back down.

Amber turned back to Jean. “Please continue, Jean.”

“Well, Flynn and I disagree whether Dr. Davis Segal’s child lead method of parenting is still appropriate for a child with Dennis’s temperament…”

Elise leaned over to Chris. “Do you know what she’s talking about?” she whispered.

Chris nodded. “It’s sorta where you let the child decide how he or she wants to be raised.”

Elise furrowed her brow. “Ooookaaay…” Her eyes went wide with realization. “Didn’t you say Dennis was basically a smaller version of Dan?”

“Well, replace the word ‘basically’ with ‘exactly’ and that about sums it up.”

Elise smacked her palm against her face. “Lovely…”

Dan looked over at Jean. “I told you both that building a child’s self-esteem was dangerous! But would you listen, noOoOoOoOo…”

Amber scowled at Dan once more. “Dan, please be quiet! You’re being disrespect—”

“It’s alright,” Jean interrupted. “This is a safe place and I believe Dan should feel free to express himself.”

Amber, Chris, and Elise all knit their brows. “Really?” they cried in unison.

Jean nodded. “Yes. Group is about individuals coming together and supporting each other to the best of their ability. It would be wrong of me to completely disregard what Dan has to say.”

Amber rolled her one visible eye. “Your funeral,” she uttered.

“HA!” Dan cried as he quickly pumped his fist up and down. “Score!”

“See, Dan!” Pinkie said cheerfully. “There’s good things about couple’s therapy.”

Jean turned to Amber. “Amber, your aura seems very dark today. Perhaps you’d like to take some time to relax? Join me in some breathing exercises?”

“I’m fine, Jean,” Amber growled out as she gave her stress ball a quick squeeze.

“Are you sure?” Jean continued. “I can always brew you some nice, loose leaf, herbal tea.”

“The tea I have is fine, Jean,” Amber replied in a slightly irritated tone.

Dan’s eyes darted back and forth between the two women as he interlaced his fingers together and raised his hands to conceal a wicked smile. He leaned in closer to Pinkie and whispered, “Don’t look now, but it looks like we have a new ager's battle brewing.”

Pinkie obediently covered her eyes. “You think?” she replied.

“Trust me,” Dan said. “I can smell an impending breakdown a mile away. Watch and learn.”

“Yay! Education time!” Pinkie said. “Wait… you told me to not look…”

Jean and Amber paused their conversation and stared at Pinkie.

“Don’t mind her,” Dan said. “She just randomly exclaims things sometimes."

“It’s true!” Pinkie cried. “Puma!” she added.

“Take you hand off your eyes, Goofball,” Dan said.

Pinkie did as asked. “Okie-dokie-lokie!”

“Now,” Dan said as he turned to Jean, “you were telling me about how that stupid children-raising advice you were using wasn’t working?”

“Walrus!” Pinkie cried.

“Uhhh…” Jean shot a confused glance at Pinkie and then turned to Dan. “Well, Dennis expresses himself in unusual ways, but I believe it’s our duty as parents to help him actualize his full potential as an individual.”

Dan nodded and looked towards Flynn. “And you think this is hogwash, because…?”

Jean narrowed her eyes at Dan. “‘Hogwash’ seems a little strong…”

Dan continued to talk to Flynn, “Does it, Flynn?”

“Well…” Flynn said considering this. “… I used to believe wholeheartedly in Dr. Segal’s teachings, but Dennis seems like he could do with some more… boundaries.”

Dan nodded. “His kennel is too large?”

“Uh… Dennis doesn’t have a kennel,” Flynn informed.

Dan rolled his eyes. “Alright, Mr. Pedantic. His ‘cage’, then!”

Jean sighed and looked at her soulmate. “Flynn, you know testing limits is an important part of a child’s development.”

“Dennis has a juvenile rap sheet, for crying out loud!” Flynn retorted.

Dan chuckled. “Ahhh… that takes me back…” he said wistfully. “Still, it sounds like this ‘child lead’ garbage is just that. Trash that should be burned!”

“Well, I wouldn’t say ‘garbage’…” Flynn replied. “But—”

“Oh!” Jean said defensively. “Is ‘hogwash’ is okay?”

“Hmmm…” Pinkie hummed to herself. “Warthog?”

Amber sighed to herself and glanced over at Pinkie. “Pinkie, what are you doing?”

Pinkie smiled. “I imagined myself a light reconnaissance vehicle! And now I’m trying to figure out what animal it looks like!”

“Uh… right…” Amber said in a confused tone.

“Pinkie,” Dan said, “stop making up fake animal names so we can continue talking about how Jean’s parenting views are completely bogus.”

Jean pulled her face into a tight frown. “I don’t think my child raising views are exactly appropriate conversation for couple’s therapy.”

“Well honey,” Flynn spoke up, “I mean… they are part of the reason why we’re here.”

Jean rolled her eyes. “I see, now that you have someone who agrees with you, you want to talk about this.”

“Hey!” Dan cried. “I thought this was a ‘safe zone’ where everybody’s opinion mattered.” Dan raised a palm up to the ceiling and turned to Amber. “I mean, that’s what she just said, right?”

The small hints of a grin appeared on Amber’s face. “That’s true, Jean. If Flynn has issues, this is exactly where he should voice them.”

Jean shot Amber an icy scowl.

Amber turned to Flynn. “Flynn? You may continue.”

“Well, Dennis has a tendency to make mischief… which often involves the police. It seems a lighter touch with the boy may not be what’s called for.”

Jean folded her arms. “Why don’t you just come out and say it? You think we should just lock up Dennis! Throw away values and outlooks we’ve had for years all because things have gotten a little tough!”

Flynn narrowed his eyes at his soulmate. “NOW who’s being extreme?”

“I didn’t say ‘extreme’,” Jean declared. “I said ‘a little strong’.”

Flynn rolled his eyes. “Right, your subtle way of using softer words to ultimately get what you want without seeming like you’re trying to manipulate people.”

“Manipulate!?” Jean cried. “How dare you! No one is as accommodating to letting others be themselves as I am!”

“Or so you like everyone to believe!” Flynn shot back.

The couple began to entrench themselves in a bitter argument, dredging up behaviors that irked, annoyed, and plain irritated each other and firing them off like an angry, almost weaponized game of tit-for-tat.

Jason and Jennifer looked at the bickering couple next to them with a pair of concerned looks.

“Uh… that seems like it’s getting out of hand…” Jennifer mused.

“Yeah, no kidding,” Jason agreed.

“I’ll handle it!” Dan said happily. He glanced up at Amber who had simply been quietly observing the Goodhills. “They’re starting to monopolize group time a bit, don’t you think?” A small, devilish smile crept onto Dan’s face like a hairy black spider slowly making its way across a ceiling. “Maybe you should lead them in some breathing exercises?”

Amber’s eye widened slightly, and she found herself grinning. “Flynn? Jean?” Amber interrupted. “Maybe a brief break is in order. I could brew some nice chamomile tea and lead us all in some meditation.”

Jean broke off her argument with Flynn and scowled up at Amber.

“Oooo!” Pinkie cried excitedly, “That way we can all get in touch with our inner frat boys!”

Elise looked over to her bubbly friend. “Uh, Pinkie? Are you feeling okay? You’ve got a very weird… uh… how should I put this?” Elise asked as she glanced at Chris.

Chris raised an eyebrow. “Channeling crazy dead people?”

Elise nodded. “Yeah! That! You’ve got this crazy, random, ‘I have no idea where this girl is getting all this stuff from but she shows no signs of stopping’ thing going on today. Are you feeling okay?”

“Sorry,” Pinkie offered, “it’s just… this desk is so confining and I hate it!” she whined.

“Huh,” Elise uttered. “Maybe we can just find you a nice, regular—”

“That’s okay, Amber,” Jean hissed out, interrupting the other conversation that was taking place. “I think your aura is a little dingy today for you to be leading meditation.”

“DINGY?!” Amber cried. “Well your aura looks to be the same color of sasquatch flop!”

“Oooo! Sasquatch!” Pinkie cried. “That’s a good animal!”

“And it actually exists,” Dan added.

Jean stood up and angrily scowled at Amber. “No one makes fun of the color of my aura!”

“Just making an observation,” Amber insisted.

“Well maybe you should stop before someone makes you a double Pirate buddy,” Jean said in a threatening tone.

“Double Pirate buddy?!” Chris said excitedly. “How does that work?”

“Chris!” Elise cried. “You shouldn’t…”

Dan quickly hopped out of the desk and punched Chris in his unpatched eye.

“OW!” Chris cried.

Elise sighed, “Never mind…”

Pinkie enthusiastically bounded over to Chris and handed him another eyepatch.

“Yay!” Chris cried as he placed the second patch over his eye. He suddenly frowned. “Elise, as awesome as this is, I think you’re driving us home.”

Elise rolled her eyes. “Obviously.”

Amber and Jean continued, paying no mind to the activity of the other couples.

Amber narrowed her eye at Jean. “Hey! If you think a lifetime of pacifism and vegetarian diet is enough for you to take on this,” Amber said as she motioned to her own body, “then let’s go.”

“Don’t think I won’t!” Jean cried.

Flynn rolled his eyes. “Jean, sit down honey. You’re a pacifist.”

Jean refocused her glare towards her soulmate. “Oh don’t you start on that!”

“You’re the one who’s concerned about going back on our values!” Flynn retorted.

Jean emitted a low, angry growl. “Grrrr…Oh, that is—”

“HEY! I HAVE A GOOD IDEA!” Chris cried as he quickly stood up. “Let’s let another couple discuss their issues!”

Pinkie looked up at Chris. “But I was learning so much!” she protested.

“Yeah,” Dan piped up. “And we were making such great progress here! A really breakdown—uh… breakthrough…”

Amber glanced down at Dan and Pinkie with a suspicious look then walked back to her chair in front of the group and sat down.

Jean, likewise sat back in her chair as she avoided eye contact with Flynn and Amber.

Jennifer put a comforting hand on her husband’s arm. “Go ahead honey, this is why we’re here.”

Jason sighed, “Oh… alright. You see… I have… anger issues.”

“Oh! You mean like you sometimes see the mailman delivered a letter to the wrong house and you get so angry you try to go out and pummel him senseless?”

“Wha…what?” Jason asked in a surprised tone. “Uh… noo…”

The Goodhills turned and leveled knowing, unamused looks at Dan.

“What?!” Dan said in a protesting tone. “The mailman has one job! If he’s giving me letters that should go to my neighbors, then who knows where my angry letters to Michael Bay end up! And after I work so hard on them, too!”

“He does!” Pinkie asserted. “He really does!”

“…and that’s why you’ll need intestinal surgery to get your eyes back,” Dan said as he dictated from a sheet of lined paper. He looked up at Pinkie who had wrapped her arms around her as she quivered on the couple’s easy chair with a forced, twisted smile on her face. “How was that?” Dan asked.

“Uh… ga…good…” Pinkie offered as she laboriously raised her hand and formed a thumbs up.

“You don’t think it’s too soft handed?”

“Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!” Pinkie replied as she waved her hands back and forth in front of her.

Dan glanced over the letter again. “I mean… I can always add more details about perforating his lungs with a cheese grater”

“NO!” Pinkie cried. “What you have is terrifying enough…” she insisted.

Dan cocked an eyebrow at Pinkie. “Are you sure?”

Pinkie nodded her head up and down. “I’m sure he’ll get the message that you didn’t like the Transformers movies.”

“WHAT?! Michael Bay did those?!” Dan cried. He looked down at his list and frowned. “I better get more paper.”

Pinkie stared off into the distance as she whimpered.

Chris turned his double-eyepatched face towards his friend. “Dan, it’s probably a different mail-person entirely who delivers mail to Michael Bay.”

Jennifer raised an eyebrow at Pinkie. “Jason has never physically assaulted the mailman… or mailwoman.”

Jason spoke up, “I have written angry letters to Michael Bay, however…”

“I know, right!” Dan cried. “I mean… how can you not?!”

“Okay,” Pinkie continued, “so if it’s not that… have you gotten so angry you instead of tipping a waiter you flogged them with a sock full of quarters?”

Jason and Jennifer quickly exchanged mildly confused, very concerned looks.

“No,” Jason answered.

“Got so mad at a traffic light you sawed through it with a hacksaw?” Pinkie suggested.

“Uh, well… I do have issues with this one traffic light, but no…”

“Unleashed a stolen Lynx on an elementary school?”

“I wasn’t angry there, for the record,” Dan declared. “I just needed somewhere to put the Lynx and those children looked like they could use more exercise,” he explained.

“Wow…” Jason exclaimed. “No.”

“Assaulted a mime with gazpacho?”

“Why would… why would someone actually attack a mime?” Jason asked. “I mean… I know people joke about that stuff, but—”

“Actually, I was angry at the soup,” Dan clarified. “The mime just happened to be a nice bonus.”

Jennifer spoke up, “Jason doesn’t lash out violently. He tends to raise his voice a lot and lock himself in the bathroom for hours on end until his anger subsides.”

Pinkie blew a dismissive gust of air. “Pffft…Booooring!” Pinkie announced. “Hey! I have an idea! Who wants to hear about Dan and my attempt at doing things not as a couple?”

Chris raised his hand. “I do!”

Elise looked past her husband towards Pinkie. “I actually do have some morbid curiosity regarding how that turned out.”

Pinkie grinned wide and looked up at Amber.

Amber looked back at Pinkie with a slightly unsure expression followed by her quickly glancing at the ceiling and shrugging. “Well, I guess that’s why you two are here, and it’ll be good to listen to your first bit of progress…”

“Yay!” Pinkie cried. “Okay, so first Dan and I decided who would terrorize the Lenny’s grand reopening, and who would berate a pet shop employee for not giving us correct change!”

“WHAT?!” Amber cried in a concerned tone. She curled her hands around her stress ball until her knuckles turned white and attempted to mentally steel herself for the oncoming onslaught of potentially violent activities that would be described to her.

Author's Notes:

Thanks to Tired Old Man again for what turned out to be a rough bit of correction this time around.