"Where the hell is Celestia at this time?" Zaanne complained as we tore through the sky, Scootaloo by turning her scooter into some fireball and me by rocket jumping. "You'd think she could spend maybe five minutes to come and handle her own town's problem?"

"Well," i said, "if everyone here is apparently lesbian or bisexual, then perhaps they have Molestia for their leader."

"Who's that?!" Scootaloo yelled over the high winds.

"Don't worry about it!" We hit the ground not too far from the correct mountain, about half a mile from it's base.

I bounded through the trees like Tarzan while Scoots just rode through. Luckily we weren't currently on fire, so no trees were harmed in the making of this trip.

I only then realized we had no plan after this, nor did anybody expect to use one. The dragons apparently left the town to go find where the inhabitants went, which meant they'd be raiding Canterlot soon. I shrugged that off easily, safe knowing there's two princesses there.

"So," Scootaloo began, "you talk a lot about how many lesbians there are around here, so what are you?"

"Gabriel's definantly a lesbian," Zaanne chirped. He laughed.

"Shut up Zaanne. I can't say I'm entirely straight, but I'm not gay, or bi... Ship, what other sexualities are there?"

~well there's transsexuals, but i feel it should be just a gender, and there's pansexual, which is like bisexual, but adding transsexuals.~

A.D.D. threw me off. "Too many words. Hey what chances do you guys think Rayden has with Rainbow Dash? Isn't she only into mares?" I skidded under a branch and sprang over a squirrel, who i most likely gave a heart attack to. "Sorry Mr. Squirrel!" Thanks to Zaanne's amazing TARDIS work, i could hear every pretty word that colorful little rodent had to say.

"Well technically she's bi-curious," Ship informed. Before Scootaloo could ask what that meant, he answered her.

We trekked up the mountain, this particular one having no train to take you up like a good little mountain should. Scootaloo and I hopped from ledge to ledge, getting closer to the supposed cave entrance. Again, I can take no credit for being able to scale that dumb rock. The crystal kept my energy at full, and the hot chocolate made it even stronger. Luckily, I wasn't afraid of heights.

After three ledges crumbling under my hooves and two on scoots' scooter, we made it to a flat walkway, nearly a football feild's length above the land. Sure enough, a large, gaping hole made an appearence to me about twelve feet away. I had just began to wonder if this was the correct one, and some inside explosions and an annoying voice ecgoing throughout the cave ascertained it.

"That was Rainbow!" Scootaloo yelled.

I found that pretty obvious, and the two (four counting Ship and Zaanne) hurried through to help them out. The cave was 100% cave, with stalagmites and stalagtites, occasional water dripping, along with it being pitch black. Our necklaces were the only light for a while, until we entered a large cubic room.

"EXPLODE!!!" An maniacle shreak of glee bounced off the walls, and just that command happened. It was like a pyromaniac got ahold of the world's most intense fireworks.

The light blinded me momentarily. By the time i could see properly, Scootaloo was gone, and Little Blue cackled with insane delight. "Hello, little pony!" He hissed at me and walked towards me, far too slowly for his obvious needs. "You were the one who tried to fight the humans, no?"

"Actually, the dragons did most of the damage to them, and to eachother. Also, I'm not very small by pony standards, i look to be nearing fully growth in Equestrian terms."

To my left was a beated down duo of blue ponies, one with a rainbow of hair color and the other with simple shades of red. "Hey Ray, hi Rainbow. You having fun cuddling?"

The last blast that Blue apparently set off left Rayden flying straight into Rainbow's chest, knocking them to the floor. The weapon staff rolled away into the corner, back to the green tree branch mode.

Rayden rolled off her quickly, sitting up and blushing deeply. Not showing much obviously positive personality, as usual, he appeared to be either terrified or embarrassed. Rainbow copied his flushed cheeks, but I could quickly assume she was pissed. What i couldn't guess is who she was pissed at.

"Aw, you guys look so cute!" Zaanne teased. "C'mon, what were her eyes like Ray? A glowing pollinated sunset?"

Ray didn't speak fast enough, but the other did. "What about my eyes?!"

"Your eyes are fine, Rainbow Dash." Rayden stood. "There's not a single problem with them, so long as I'm concerned."

"Can you die now?!" The blue lizard impatiently spat electrified... stuff to a floor spike and hissed. "I'm bored!"

"Well, isn't that for you to decide?" I walked to him and spread my wings, just 'cause. "Go on, kill me. I can't say I won't fight back though."

He laughed creepily and jolted after me. His first hit was too fast for me to react, and he raked my chest with his claws. Immediately after, he flipped upside down and bucked me backwards, cartwheeling a good distance. The force behind it wasn't very strong, but it was enough to keep me from whacking him with a hoof.

My chest stung, but i appeared physically undamaged when I looked down.

The next trick for him was shooting electricity. "Hey green guy! Ima firin' mah lazah!" He opened his mouth, and thunder shook the cave and broke stalactites off the roof, smashing into the ground. The main portion of the lightning fused into a beam of pulsating light, firing just for me.

"Charge!" Zaanne yelled, so I did. Dumb, maybe, but if the lightning beam killed me, i figured I might as well make sure it leaves me medium rare.

Something burnt, i could smell it, but i was too blinded and deafened by the thunder and lightning to see what happened. The weird thing was that it wasn't me, but i figured beforehand the crystal would block the majority electric attack. After realizing I was fireproof, then getting struck by Little Green's electricity, Ship most likely created an immunity to the ability.

Nearly at full speed now, i stabbed my hoof at wherever the source of the light was. Unfortunantly, that source was a dragon's mouth. The only reason why I still have a hand today is because he didn't see that coming.

"Fire!" And just like that, he inflated like a dumb, blue balloon, puffing green smoke out of his nose.

"MPHHH!!!" He rolled downhill into a spike, and i witnessed that cartoony thing where someone farts out of a room like a balloon after it's supposed to just be popped first hand... Or hoof.

One moment of silence later, I moved to pick up the weapon staff. "Catch." I tossed it back to Rayden and sat next to him to take a breath.

"Thanks." It transformed into a ring, which i noticed was the same one from earth, and he put it on his wing.

I realized Rainbow was pissed at me. "Good for you to show up, alien!"

"You have a problem with aliens?"

She sprang to her feet and stomped to me. "Truthfully, i don't care if you're from a different planet, galaxy, or universe. The town has now been completely evacuated because you couldn't move your stupid fights outside of Equestria! Don't you have, like, some other planet for you to ruin?"

"Nope, Earth has already been ruined. It's been ruined ever since colonization began. Doesn't help that the humans there seem to be devolving back to apes."

She pinned me to the wall and glared into my eyes. "Well, i belive i told you to not get Scootaloo hurt as well. So, where is she?"

Taking a quick look around her evil stare, there was, in fact, one less Scootaloo than before. "If I were to guess, she's be with Apple Bloom. And if that dragon were still with Apple Bloom, I'm sure she would have been much more hurt." I slid from Rainbow's pin and looked about the room. "I know i got a lucky shot, being energy-proof, but really, you two had almost ten minutes to take one dragon down. Was he really that hard?"

Ray was watching RD, obviously upset by her anger. "The lazers he shot explode on contact with anything." He gestured a hoof to where i was before he fired. The ground was ashen, and the wall behind it had become a column of crumbling rubble.

Letting that sink in, I looked at my chest. "Okay, Ship, how'd i live that one?"

"The crystal converts it's own energy to create a layer of defence on your body. When you get attacked, you deplete energy, but you can also withstand fairly powerful hits. Granted, it only sheilds your body, not your center of gravity. Explosions will still give you a knock back."

"And if my energy reaches 0%, my magic heart stops." I sighed abit. "My mana and health bar are the same thing in this occasion. Zaanne, can you direct me to where Scootaloo is?"

"Why yes i can, please follow the path directed before you." The floor under me drew a line of sparkly orange dust, like a quest tracker. It was the same thing as the aura power, only I couldn't see it through any of the walls. "By the way, brilliant work blowing up that lil' smurf shit with fire."

"I try to make a nice show. Like right now. Ship, can you change me back to a human?" The path led into a seperate tunnel in the shadowy corner of the room, which is when i realized the entire cave was glowing vividly. The hole was human sized.

"45% left, would you like a weapon to go with that?" Ship asked as my body began to glow, changing shape and the fur morphing back into cloth. Within seconds, I was back to being the green haired human.

"Sure. I belive Zaanne designed a keyblade for me. Though it's the most cliche magic weapon in history, minus deity weapons, mind summoning up one for me?"

The air within my hand heated up, and flames shot out. When they died, the sweetest stick of metal in history glowed in my hand. If you haven't seen a keyblade before, take the word "key", and "blade", and use your imagination. Mine was mainly forest green, belive it or not. The hilt was big enough for me to hold it with one or two hands, covered in leather for a good grip. The guard of a regular sword appeared more like the head of a weird key, curved backwards into celadon flame designs, making the entire key's handle.

For the blade part, it was nearly three and a half feet long, with a blue and yellow stripe running down the middle of the prismic shaft. Instead of a regular sharpened edges of a sword, it was dulled, more like a stick. The area that would have the grooves for keys definantly was not for an average bedroom. It looked more like a snowflake, strangely enough, with tiny versions of the crystal for each tip of the flake. That rounded about a foot in diameter.

If you have not played Kingdom Hearts, or never had a giant metal key hit you in the head, it might seem like a weird thing to use as a weapon. I realized it was the stupidest weapon to use for myself as soon as i became too weak to stand up.

My chest burned immediately, like my insides desides to explode for no reason. I dropped the keyblade and fell to my knees, suddenly gasping for air. When i let go, i could breathe again, but my hand was steaming and raw.

My hearing and vision buzzed together for a second, but i could make out Rayden trotting to my aid. "Gabriel!" He yelled.

I sat back and closed my eyes, letting my body recover. "I'm an idiot, if you couldn't tell."

"What happened?" He asked.

"The keyblade has the ability to lock or unlock people's hearts, but it attaches to your heart to be soul bound or something." I opened my eyes to see how many Raydens there still were. How i could still think didn't make sense to me. "It most likely thought i was a heartless, which it gives supernatural damage to, trying to unlock a heart that isn't really there."

Rainbow stood far back, stunned at just me becoming human. Don't they see that every day?

Zaanne groaned. "So, since your heart's gone, you can't use the keyblade? If you already knew that, why would you ask me to make a keyblade for you?!"

"Because, i think there's a way to fix that." I pulled the necklace off my neck and observed the shining crystal hanging on some leather. Such a little object to bring up so much trouble. Looking at the crystals on the weapon, it was obvious they weren't glowing with life. At the pommel was the thing that may or may not be helpful; a little golden ring, almost like the ones on curtains that never actually keep your curtains up.

Setting the necklace to the ring, I waited. There wasn't a way to untie the leather, but it got the right idea. With a very fast flicker, the leather fused into the ring, changing into one string attached to the bottom of the keyblade.

I grasped the hilt, letting the warmth of the crystal wash over me again. Picking it up, the crystals glowed with new power. "You can't have a keyblade without a keychain."

~how does this make any sense whatsoever?~ Ship asked in my head.

~It doesn't.~ was my answer. ~The closest thing to logic on this is that i gave an artificial keyblade an artificial heart. What percent do I have?~

~after creating a new weapon, it sucking your energy, and you synching the keyblade to the crystal, you individually have 27% remaining. Scootaloo has 86% and Zaanne still has almost 100% somehow.~

~because I'm conservative, and nobody lets me out to play!~

The new keyblade felt comfortable in my hand, lighter than a longsword but heavier than a katana. There was still a tugging sensation, like the blade was still wanting a real heart to lock or unlock, but not fully wanting to cooperate with me to do so.

I forgot another important thing. "Didn't each keychain for a keyblade give it a new name?"

Ship dug into some video game knowledge, something i could actually make use of, and cited, "Keychains are used to alter the keyblade's abilities, stays and even it's appearance within the Kingdom Hearts game series."

"Have you even played Kingdom Hearts?" Zaanne asked.

"Once, when i was nearly six, i played through a few areas. The images are fuzzy, but that dream involved me boiling in fire as some juggling stick man tossed me like a burning salad."

"Rainbow snuck closer to me and observed the human body. "So, you're just a monkey who can talk?"

"Yep. Rayden, wanna show her your human form as well?"

"Sure, change time, Ship." I poked his shoulder with the keyblade, attaching ship's power to him (don't ask how that makes sense). With that, Ray became consumed in green fire, growing to become slightly taller than Zaanne and I.

When the flames died, the redhead was back, with a neat look considering he had time to change clothes on earth. It was basic but nice, a loose, scarlet collared shirt, possibly Tommy Hilfigure (great choice), untucked over some well fit jeans. The weapon staff changed into a sword, which i could only see the grip of because it hung onto his back by a leather sheath.

And, again, some flaming red hair gleamed in the dim light, making him strangely as anime-looking as me. "Really man, what gel do you use?"

"None, why?"

"... No reason."

Rainbow stared up and down Rayden. "Wait, if you could change Ray into a pony and human, can you make me human?"

I looked at the keyblade and tisked. "Oh, sorry, I'm almost out of power. Maybe some other time?"

She frowned, which I figure is a sign of dissapointment, but continued speculating Ray. "When are we gonna go find Applebloom?"

I completely forgot she had been taken hostage. "Right now, let's go!" I ran down the glowing path and yelled behind me, "stop oogling at his body!"

The pegasus watched me run for a moment before galloping after, getting quickly ahead. "Humans are so slow!"

Ray was next to me within a minute, pacing as the cave grew larger. He didn't say anything, but his eyes were definantly focused on something in front of us, though the only thing i could see was the glowing path, Rainbow's backside and dimly glowing walls. Zaanne laughed, RD flew, Ray sprinted, and I skipped, all the way deeper into the mountain.

Author's Notes:

Kingdom Hearts spoilers (do not own, all Kingdom Hearts based content is by Square Enix and Disney, please support official release. (Or not, I'm not your mom, i can't tell you what to do))