“I’m sooo hooorny-y-y!” Pinkie Pie cried, twitching in her seat.

“Ugh,” Twilight said. “Listen, Pinkie. We’ve been over all this before. That’s why we’re here. We’re all horny.”

“Oh, it’s simply awful,” whined Rarity. “I can’t get a thing done in my shop.”

“I’m hotter than a johnnycake in July,” Applejack said.

“This. Sucks. So. Much,” Rainbow Dash cursed.

“I’m so embarrassed,” squeaked Fluttershy.

“Fluttershy,” said Twilight, “you don’t have to be embarrassed. It’s not your fault. It’s perfectly natural. All mares go through the same thing.”

“Natural schmatural,” Dash said. “What I want to know is what we’re going to do about it!”

“It’s this stupid, podunk, hill-billy redneck shitberg,” Applejack said. “Oh, don’t you give me that look. This place is ridiculous and I’m fed up. You know how few stallions there are in this town? It’s like something out of the dark ages.”

Twilight placed a hoof on her face and sighed. She jotted down a few notes on a scrap of paper. “OK,” she said. “What about Mr. Breezy?”

“Gelded,” Applejack said. “Last fall. Remember that earthquake? His fan shop looked like a bull had run through an Italian restaurant.”

“Really?” Twilight asked. “Well, what about Mr. Cake?”

“Mrs. Cake,” Pinkie Pie said. “She’s got the whole Sugarcube Corner boarded up like Fort Trots. I can’t even get in to feed Gummy. She keeps pointing the shotgun at me.”

“Hmm. Blues?”

Fluttershy coughed and then spoke up, “I saw the Flower Trio chasing him through a meadow. They cornered him in a woodshed.”

Twilight screamed in frustration. “OK, so what about... what about... what about Big Macintosh?”

“Now wait just a minute...,” Applejack said.

“He got hurt,” Rarity said. “Bruised ribs. He’s always the first casualty of rutting season.”

“Well, listen,” Twilight started to get angry. “I’m out of ideas. If any one of you has any ideas, I’m all ears.”

There was silence as all the other ponies looked each other in the eyes. “Well...,” Applejack finally said.

“Yes?”

“Seems ta me the problem is that there just aren’t enough stallions in Ponyville to be servicin’ all the ladies.”

“Uh huh.”

“So then, why don’t we just go somewhere that has a lot of fellas? Like Manehattan? They’ve got like four million stallions or something. I don’t even know if it’s rutting season up there yet. Maybe we could beat the rush.”

The commuter train pulled into Prance Central Station, having been dragged there by a heaving, sweaty team of stallions. It was really more of a terminal than a station, technically, as this was where the line ended. Rarity tried briefly to talk to the pullers as she exited the train, but all six of the friends were soon caught up in the hustle and bustle of the busy crowd.

They found a little space where they could congregate to talk one last time before they all went about their important business.

“Alright,” Twilight said. “Does everyone know the name of the hotel and where it is?” Everybody nodded. “OK, it’s nine in the morning now. We’ve got the rooms for one night, and then the train leaves tomorrow morning at eleven. That should be enough time, right?”

“Oh, certainly,” Rarity said.

“Not a problem,” AJ said.

“This. Sucks.” Rainbow Dash said.

“We shouldn’t have come,” Pinkie Pie said.

“Alright,” Twilight said. “If there isn’t anything else...”

Fluttershy squeaked. “Should we meet up at the hotel tonight?” she asked.

“Um, no,” Twlight said. “If we’re lucky we’re going to be bringing our... dates... back to our rooms.”

“Oh,” Fluttershy said. “OK. So, um, are we really splitting up?”

“That will probably improve our chances of... you know... dates,” Twilight said.

“OK,” Fluttershy said. “But um...”

“Yes?”

“Isn’t... um...”

“What?”

“Isn’t Manehattan a little bit... dangerous? I mean, there are so many ponies around here...and I heard they have crime here. I wouldn’t want to see any crime.”

“We shouldn’t have come,” Pinkie Pie said. “I told you all we shouldn’t have come.”

“Pinkie,” Twilight said. “Stop it. We heard it all on the train. Fluttershy, Manehattan is perfectly safe. Millions of ponies pass through here every year and...”

“Manehattan will chew you up and spit you out,” Pinkie said, an unusually sober look on her face. “I was here once. When I was a filly. I was attending a convention for Future Rock Farmers of Equestria. I stayed in the hotel, just like they said. But then all the other colts and fillies wanted to go out for a drink. ‘Just for fun’ they said. ‘It’s right across the street’ they said. Oh ho ho. They don’t tell you what happens in this town once the sun goes down. They don’t tell you about the pimps or the debutantes or what happens to the alligators that get flushed into the sewer...”

“Dang it, Pinkie, stop it,” Twilight said. “You’re scaring Fluttershy.”

“Yeah,” Applejack said. “Don’t you listen to her none, Fluttershy. I’ve been here before too, and it was perfectly fine. And I was just a little thing, not even with a cutie mark yet.”

“That’s right,” Rarity said. “This city is perfectly safe.”

“OK,” Fluttershy said.

“As long as you don’t go to the wrong neighborhoods,” Rarity added.

“What?” Fluttershy squeaked.

“This is stupid,” Rainbow Dash said. “Why do they even have crime? They should do something about it. This sucks.”

“Alright, alright, ALRIGHT!” Twilight screamed. A hundred different ponies turned to look at her but none of them lost their stride. They turned back around and went about their business; it was just another freak in freak city. Twilight was breathing heavily. Her face was flushed. She felt like she was about to burst into flames. “OK, OK. I can’t take this any more. I’m going to go and find myself a nice fat, long, hard date. Pinkie? You don’t like this city, you can wait here for the next train to Ponyville. Fluttershy? If you’re scared, you can take a cab straight to the hotel any time you want and lock yourself alone in your room if you really want. Rainbow Dash? You know what, I don’t even care any more. I’ll see you all here tomorrow. I’m sick of looking at you girls right now. I need some date.” They all watched her grumble as she walked off. They turned to look each other in the eye, then they all left separately to go about their business.

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