"Alright, that finishes your examination Esmerelda."

"That... was nothing like I'd hoped..."

"Oh, well I'm sorry. Maybe I can preform a... deeper search later. Bye!" Esmerelda blinked a few times as I left her cave.

"... Did... Did he just come on to me? Oh, he's getting away! Wait!" I stopped mid-stride and turned back to her.

"Yeeees?"

"Ummm... Would you mind too terribly joining me for lunch tomorrow?"

"Oh, sure I'll join you for lunch! Gotta go, bye! Keep trying, but trust me, you will get no dickings from this guy." I leaned out over the ledge and let myself fall forward. I grabbed the side of the mountain as I fell, and started climbing down.

"Next time... next time, for sure."

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After about another two hours of climbing, I was finally on my way back to Ponyville. Which was great, because it was starting to get late. I was on my way to Fluttershy's house, and wen I got there, I was suprised to see Twilight, RD, and Rarity in the house along with Fluttershy. They appeared to be having a heated argument, but I couldn't tell what it was about. They were whispering and talking over one another, so all I heard was a small jumble of noise. Oh, and gravity appeared to be reversed in the house. They were all sitting on the ceiling alongside upside down furniture and very confused looking animals.

Nothing strange here.

"Hi girls!" They all turned towards me in suprise, but smiled when they saw me. Twilight waved me over, so I walked in only to get sucked right up to the ceiling. I smacked my head pretty hard on a pot that was above me, but other than a minor pain I was fine. I flipped myself around to stand up on the ceiling and walked over to them.

"Hey Sharky! Could you talk with us for a minute?" RD asked. I walked past them.

"In a minute. I've been waiting to see somepony..." I walked right into Fluttershy's bedroom and fell back down to the ground. Which was covered in peanut butter. I landed face first in it and got most of my front covered in it as I landed. "I see somepony has been having fun. Little fucking twerp. I outta wring his neck..." I pushed myself up out of the peanut butter and walked over to Unity's crib. I looked down at him to see his eyes gently fluttering open before slowly closing again. He was almost asleep. I smiled down at his peaceful form and patted his head softly with the back of my hand. The front was covered in peanut butter. "Daddy's finally home again..." I whispered to him. A smile smile grew on his face as he closed his eyes peacefully.

"Whoa!" One of the girls whisper-shouted in the other room. I heard a few light bumps as they all hit the ground. I flinched slightly and had to refrain from giggling. I walked back to the main room and saw the girls all lying in a suprised pile. For some reason, the furniture all landed back down perfectly.

"Wow, what happened to you?" Twilight grunted as she tried to extract herself from her friends. I was still covered in peanut butter.

"What happened to you?" I countered. Twilight nodded respectfully.

"Touche."

"W-would you mind helping us?" Fluttershy mumbled from the bottom of the pile of mares. I laughed and walked over to them. I pulled them all off of each other and set them down.

"Ugh, what is that on your hands dear?! It will take me forever to get this out of my coat!" Rarity complained.

"Quit whining, at least you aren't still in a pile."

"I'm not whining, I'm complaining. If you want whining, I'd be happy to give it to you."

"Please, go ahead."

"Alright, just remember you asked for it... This stuff is sticky! My head hurts! I'm going to have to wash myself for hours! It smells funny! Plus I still have blood in my coat!" I closed my eyes and nodded as Rarity wailed on. After about a solid minute, she seemed to notice I wasn't annoyed in the slightest. The rest of the girls all uncovered their ears as she stopped. "Do you wish for me to continue?" Rarity asked shakily. Obviously she wasn't used to getting the reaction I was giving her.

"Do your worst, I used to babysit for a family with six little girls. You couldn't phase me." Rarity seemed taken back for a moment. The rest of the girls all seemed shocked that I hadn't even bothered to cover my ears. "Now, if the peanut butter is really a problem, you could ask for help with it instead of 'complaining'." I pointed out calmly.

"... O-ok... Could you help me wash out the peanut butter?"

"Sure. Let's get to the bathroom. I need to wash it off of myself too."

"Alright dear..." Rarity followed me to the bathroom in a daze. I grinned as I realized she was shocked that I was immune to one of her most powerful weapons. I took her to the shower and stepped in. Rarity stayed behind confusedly.

"Well? Get in here." I ordered. A light blush spread across Rarity's face and she stepped into the shower with me. I turned on the water and it rained down on us, cold as ice.

"Oh my! C-cold!" Rarity exclaimed. She quickly balled herself up against my legs and shivered. I laughed a little.

"Calm down, it'll warm up in a second."

"S-shouldn't you have let it w-warm up f-first!?"

"Nnope. We'll be fine. See? It's already getting warm." It wasn't really, the water in Fluttershy's shower didn't get very hot. Rarity was getting used to the cold though, so she fell for the power of persuasion.

"I s-suppose it is... getting hotter in here..." The blush on her face spread even more.

"Bow chicka bow wow. See, I told you so. Now, lemme see where you got peanut butter on you..." Rarity nervously held out a foreleg as the water soaked into us. Her mane was already un-curling and her coat was getting soaked. I picked up Fluttershy's shampoo and used it to quickly clean what little peanut butter was left on my hands. After that, I applied it generously on the element of generosity's leg. I rubbed it gently until all the peanut butter washed off of her coat. "Anywhere else?" Rarity had closed her eyes and was smiling lightly.

"Hmm? Oh... uhh... I think I have some on my back..." She turned around so that her tail was towards me and I could see her back. I couldn't see anything, so I moved my hand towards her back and started weaving my hand through her coat to see if I could find some.

"I'm not seeing any..." I mumbled to her. Rarity turned her head quickly.

"Really?" She blurted as her back scraped against my arm. Which I hadn't washed the peanut butter off of yet. The peanut butter from my arm got smeared all over her back. "Oops..." She mumbled.

"Ugh... Oh well, might as well just clean it off while we're here anyway..." I applied some more shampoo to Rarity's back and started rubbing the peanut butter out of her coat again. Since she had actually rubbed the peanut butter deeper into her coat by rubbing my arm, I had to put a decent amount of pressure onto my rubbing to actually get it out. "I'm not hurting you am I?" I asked cautiously as I rubbed Rarity's back.

"Hmm? Oh no... that's nice..." Rarity's head was tilted slightly to the side and she appeared to be just fine. I finally managed to get all of the peanut butter out of her coat after about six minutes of scrubbing. I then quickly washed off both of my arms up to my shoulders to keep from getting her dirty again.

"Ok, anywhere else?"

"Oh... uhh... Oh! I still have those spots of blood all over my belly. Would you mind...?"

"Sure, I'll help you. I'mma give you more than blood spots if this isn't over soon..." Rarity somehow gracefully managed to roll onto her back in front of me. Her head was close to the wall that had the showerhead on it, so now only her lower body was getting wet from the falling water. She held all her hooves apart, totally exposing her belly... and other places. I coughed and turned my head to look away for a moment as I composed myself. I could feel a small blush creeping across my face.

"Is something the matter dear?" Rarity asked teasingly from below me. I shook my head and turned back to her. Because she was now so close to the ground, I had to place one of my knees on both sides of her and sit to reach her belly. Which held my lower body right over hers. Damn moments like those make me regret the metal crotchplate. The blood that had been on her belly was now dried and brown. When I scrubbed it, it stuck stubbornly to the coat and took quite awhile to get off.

"Heh heh, this is too funny... Damn, these spots are annoying." I mumbled to myself. I was rubbing Rarity's belly as firmly as I dared, but luckily she didn't seem to mind my force. Her eyes were closed and her tounge lolled out of her mouth slightly. I did my best to avoid the spots lower on her body, but eventually they were the only ones left. I could feel a deep warm blush on my face as I rubbed dangerously low on Rarity.

"Please, be thorough there... I woudn't want you to miss anything..." Rarity practically whispered. I nodded quietly and steeled my resolve to just get this done. The longer I scrubbed, Rarity started doing this odd twitching thing. Her ears fluttered slightly and her breath came out in short gasps. I didn't really know what to think, so I just went back to work. I was finally on the lowest spots after about 20 solid minutes of cleaning. Rarity's eyes were fluttering and she was letting out small whines when I finally cleaned off the last spot.

"Ok Rarity, all clean!" I announced proudly as I pulled my hands away with cat-like speed. Rarity's eyes flew open and she looked kind of scared.

"No! No no no! I can't be clean already!"

"Uhh... is that a bad thing?" Rarity closed her eyes again and sighed.

"No, I suppose it isn't. It was nice while it lasted though..."

"Well ok. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to clean myself now."

"Oh... umm... You know, since you helped me, I could help you..."

"Nah. I'll be fine."

"Oh but I insist darling! It wouldn't be polite to not return a favor! Especially between such good friends like us!"

"Uhh... I dunno... I mean... like I explained, humans are much different than ponies... it might not be the same kinda thing if you washed me."

"Oh please dear, don't be such a foal about it. It's just... one friend helping another..." She slowly dragged a hoof across my chest as she spoke, leaving a line in the small layer of peanut butter covering me. She lifted her hoof and showed me the lump of peanut butter on it. "Besides, you can hardly expect me to believe you can get this all off of yourself as quickly as somepony else could..."

"Well... you make a good point... I suppose... If you really say there's nothing to worry about..."

"Of course there isn't dear. Now, just lay back and let me straighten you right up..." I shifted myself around and adjusted Rarity a little so that she sat on top of me in one of the few spots that was peanut butter free. Luckily some metal plating was still seperating us. In retrospect, I had no idea why I wore it in the shower, but I was glad I did. Otherwise I might have disturbed Rarity with... yeah. Rarity set to work on me, and I tried to make myself relax...

Bad idea.