Oh look, Luna's chariot. I thought to myself. then I did a mental double take. FUCK, LUNA'S CHARIOT!!! One of the ponies pulling it waved me over.

I was shaking in fear as I boarded the chariot. Why did Luna want me? Better yet, how did she know about me? I asked the ponies pulling the chariot these questions, but they didn't know either.

"Can you at least tell me how YOU knew how to find me?" I asked them.

"We were told you'd be something like we'd never seen. We were told to look in Ponyville, and look. Here you are, a freak." One of the ponies said gruffly. I was a bit insulted by the word freak. I'd heard monster before, but the way this pony said freak made me want to hit him. Is that bad? After I boarded the chariot, we took off into the fading light. These ponies weren't by any means fast, so it took a little while before we even got near Canterlot. It was completely dark by the time we arrived at the castle. I stepped off the chariot and onto a balcony. One of the ponies gave me directions to Luna's chambers.

"And DON'T waste time getting there!" He warned. the chariot then flew away and left me on the balcony... alone... in the dark... buck... I took off into the castle, desperately running from imagined monsters. I followed the pony's directions to the letter, desperate to find another living being to disperse my fear. I got further and further into the castle, going top speed as I tore through the halls. Were it day, or had I some company, I might have stopped to realize how HUGE the place was, or how beautiful the decorations were, but no, I was terrified of the monsters of my imagination. Eventually, I reached two gigantic doors, black as space, but with little dots of light on it. My fear lessened as it was replaced with nervousness. I tried to examine the dots on the door to calm myself. They resembled stars, and I could actually pick out constellations. Little Dipper, Big Dipper, Leo, etc. Something was wrong with them though, it's like they were slightly off.

"If thou would stop examining our door and enter, we would greatly appreciate it." A voice boomed from the other side. I nearly jumped out of my skin in shock. I gulped down my trepidation and pushed the door open. It didn't work, and I facepalmed myself as I realized it was a "pull" door. I heard laughter from the other side, and it gave me courage as I realized... She was a PONY. WTF did I have to fear from a pony? You know, except for the fact that she was the equivalent of a godess... Buck... I pulled the door open, and stepped onto the moon. Yeah, you read that right. Luna's bedroom, is the MOON. She was sitting on her haunches in front of a huge bed.

Huh, a bed on the moon. I thought to myself. I looked at Luna, and she stared right back at me. She was examining me, I could tell.

"So... uh... Why did you call me here?" I asked. She didn't answer for a little while. She continued examining me. When she was done, she looked into my eyes.

"We hath summoned you here to ensure you are not a threat to our denizens." She said it with such authority. I wouldn't have had to hear the guard call her a princess to know what she was. She was still staring at me.

"So, how do you plan to determine whether or not I'm a threat?" I asked. She gave me a scary look.

"Simple, we fight you." She stated simply. I just about crapped my pants.

"I'm sorry, WHAT?" I asked. There is NO way I heard that right.

"We will fight you." She said simply.

"Right... That's what I thought you said that." Eeyup. I'm asleep. I know it. I balled up my fist and punched myself in the face. Hard. Again. Eeyup, blood. Again. Not dreaming, Fuck.

"Well, art thou ready to commence sparring?" Luna asked, still sitting on her haunches. I guess punching myself in the face didn't bug her.

"Yeah, about that..." I turned around and pushed the doors open, preparing to run. Outside the room were hundreds of ponies in dark armor.

"As thou can see, escape is not an option." She stated calmly. Damn, her calmness is throwing me off. I looked at her, then back to the soliders, debating which was the greater threat. I sighed and let the door close.

"Well, I would fight you, but I don't hit girls.... Or mares, in this case." I tried to weasel my way out of this. Luna nodded her head.

"Chivalry, commendable. We could become male temporarily to make this easier on thou." She offered.

"No, no, no, no. The last thing I need in my mind is an image of male you." I struggled to find a way out, but none presented themselves. I sighed. "Fine, I will fight you, but no magic! I have none of my own." I said. She nodded again.

"We were expecting that. Dost thou take us for a cheat?" I shook my head.

"I don't want to fight you Princess." I tried. She then looked pissed off.

"Oh for the love of.... FIGHT ME!!" She commanded in Royal Canterlot voice. I flinched.

"Ok, ok calm down. OK then Luna, lets do this." I assumed a ready position. Luna stood up and charged me. Time seemed to slow down.

Ok Sharky, THINK. I can't lose, but I'm not going to hurt the princess either. I guess that means a lot of dodging and blocking. You've definately got the weight advantage this time, you haven't absorbed any pegasus magic, and she's WAY smaller than the manticore. And uh, for some reason gravity seems to be normal here, so... I sighed inwardly. This was gonna suck. I waited until she had reached me with her charge, then jumped to the left and pushed her side as she came by. It wasn't meant to hurt her, but I did succeed in gaining some distance from her. She turned to look at me, the started circling slowly. I waited, I wasn't going to attack first, that's how you make mistakes. She eventually stopped circling and charged me again. I realized she wouldn't fall for the same trick twice, so I didn't jump away from her charge this time. When she got close, she stopped her charge like I expected, and started swinging with her forelegs. I was unprepared for the first swing, and it caught me square in the chest. The wind was knocked out of me, but I managed to jump out of her range to her left side. I then dashed behind her and jumped on her back, where I causually sat down like I would while riding an earth horse. She immediately started bucking, but I tightened my grip with my les and held on. It would have been easier if I coul hold on to her mane, but my hands passed right through it. Eventually she tried to fall on her back, but I rolled off her side before she did. She ended up taking most of the damage from the fall herself, but she landed on my ankle as well. I got up and saw that she was flailing her limbs to try and get back up. I took advantage of her position and grabbed one of her forelegs in each hand. I then sat on her middle and leaned back so that my upper body pinned her back legs. She couldn't move. She struggled some more, but she knew it was over.

"We conceed. Thou hath bested us." She said sadly. I was happy.

"Yes, I win!" I cheered. Then I thought. "Oh buck, I won..." Crap, I just royally screwed that up, no pun intended. "You're going to send me back now aren't you?" I asked, terror plain in my voice.

"Now why would we do that?" She asked. I thought for a second.

"Wasn't I supposed to lose so I wasn't a threat?"

"Neigh, thou were supposed to not strike us, which thou did not." She explained. "Winning has made this all the more amazing." She continued. "In fact, we would like to make thou a proposal." I released her and jumped off of her midsection.

"What kind of proposal?" I asked cautiously. Luna stood up and smiled.

"We hath heard of thou's heroic defeat of the manticore, and would like to employ you as a royal knight." She said simply. I was stunned.

"Y-y-you want to what?" I stuttered. She gave an exasperated sigh.

"We would like to--"

"No, I heard you." I interrupted. "But wouldn't that mean I'd have to stay here at Canterlot all the time?" She snorted.

"No, thou misunderstands, we don't want you to be a guard, we would like you to be a... how is the best way to say this... Ah, monster hunter." My mouth dropped. "Thou will stay in Ponyville until we summon you, then thou shall find and slay whatever beast it is we send you after, and return to Ponyville." She finished.

"You want me to KILL?!" I shouted in disbelief. "I'm sorry, but I can't hunt down and kill things for you!" Luna gave me a burning glare.

"What art thou, a manner of small fowl?" She asked.

"I'm sorry, what?" I asked. She sighed.

"How did Celestia put it again... Oh yes, art thou chicken?" She taunted. I narrowed my eyes.

"What did you just call me?" If there was one name I hated, it was chicken.

"We have challenged thine bravery by calling thou a chicken." She said simply. "Hundreds of ponies across Equestria do this for us every DAY. If a creature half thou's size can do this, why not thou?" She continued glaring at me. Dang it, I'm not ok with killing, but NOPONY calls me chicken.

"You're ON Luna!" I shouted at her. She smiled.

"Good, then we shall return you to Ponyville where thou shall await our summons."

"WAIT! I have a few questions first!" I yelled. She sighed, but let me speak. "Ok, how did you know about me, what will I be fighting and where, and do I get paid?" I felt that last question was a little selfish, but come on, I don't wanna kill things for nothing.

"We read Twilight's letters to our sister about you, various creatures plauging various towns across Equestria, and yes, handsomely." She finished. Then a green flame shot out of her horn and I was gone. "If you survive..." She mumbled to the now empty moon. A gurad opened the door.

"How did he manage to beat you, Princess?" He asked with disbelief.

"Simple, we went easy on him."

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Oh man, a letter at this hour?! Spike thought to himself. The incoming letter had woken him up. Geez, this is a big one. His stomach tensed and he gave a gigantic belch.

*BLEEEEEEEEH* (You know thats what burps sound like, don't give me that look.)

Sharky flew out of his mouth in a spout of green fire.

"WHOA! THAT WAS AWESOME!!!" I yelled when I hit the ground. "Spike! Do you have any idea what that's like?!" Spike gave me a funny look.

"No, I can honestly say I don't know what it's like to be sent like a letter." Spike said simply. He sounded like he was in some pain.

"Are you alright Spike?" I asked.

"No, this hurts almost as much as the time Discord attacked and Celestia made me--"

"Oh, I'm sorry!" I interrupted him. "Can I do anything to help?"

"Nah, don't worry about it, it'll pass here soon." He then stumbled to his bed, clutching his stomach. I wanted to tell Twilight about what had just happened, but she was already asleep. So, I curled up in my corner next to the bookshelves. It was really hard for me to fall asleep.

"BUCK IT!" I shouted. there was no way I was going to sleep without telling Twilight about this. I limped to her bed (my ankle still hurt.) and gave her a gentle shake. No response. I shook her more vigerously. No response. I pulled her covers off. She kicked me, then took them back without waking up. I then got an idea. I tried the trick I had used to wake my dog back on Earth up with. I leaned down, and blew in her ear. She started giggling and her ear twitched a lot. Her eyes fluttered open and she looked at me.

"Oh, heh, this is that dream." She mumbled. I stood up and gave her a confused look.

"What dream?" Her eyes shot all the way open and her pupils shrank.

"OH SHARKY!!" She yelled. "YOU'RE ALIVE!!!" She jumped off her bed and hug-tackled me. It threw me off balance and I fell off the little ledge her bed is on. Twilight never let go the whole way down, so I landed on my back with her on my stomach.

"Yes, I'm alive, so are you and so is Spike." I said sarcastically. "Now that we've established the obvious... Wait, why wouldn't I be alive?"

"I couldn't scry you!" She sobbed. "The only things I can't scry are dead things!" She continued crying.

"Well can't I have just been out of range?" I asked. She stopped crying for a moment.

"Well... I guess it's possible if you managed to go as far as Canterlot and then come back in one night... You didn't go to Canterlot did you?" She sounded worried now. I thought for a moment.

"Well... yes, I did. I was summoned by Princess Luna." Her eyes shrank again.

"W-w-what d-did she w-want?" She stuttered nervously. Odd.

"She wanted to make sure I wasn't a threat." When I said that Twilight smiled and almost started laughing.

"How bad did she beat you?" She giggled, then she thought for a second and looked worried. "You aren't hurt that bad are you?!" She questioned desperately.

"Nah, I'm not hurt that bad, just took a hoof to the chest and a Luna to the ankle. Actually... I won." I grinned at her. She gasped in disbelief.

"YOU DID WHAT!?" She yelled. I grinned.

"She even gave me a job!" I cheered. Now Twilight looked really horrified.

"W-w-w-w-what j-j-j-job???!" She stuttered.

"MONSTER HUNTER!!!" I cheered. Then Twilight fainted. I cursed myself for stressing her out, but let it go. There was nothing I could do about it now. I was too tired from the day and my fight with Luna to move, so I just slept there with Twilight on top of me.

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How many of you saw that coming, none? Good. That means I'm doing my job right.