“Take cover!” I shouted as I ducked behind the overturned table. Pillow missiles hit the area Twilight and I had been standing in just moments before, sending plumes of feathers into the air.

“Help!” Twilight shouted fearfully. I had dodged into cover, but Twilight had rolled right out into open ground. I saw Unity train his dual cannons on her. I darted out of cover rapidly, tackling Twilight and flying out of the way right as a barrage of throw pillows peppered the bookshelves behind us. As Unity’s mech paused for a re-up I pushed Twilight towards the table. She took the hint and ducked behind it fearfully.

“Amateurs...” I muttered to myself. Ok, we should rush him while he’s reloading. The quickest way to eradicate the threat would be to disable the weapons. I’m going for him Twi! Gimme some cover!”

“Y-yes sir!” She shouted nervously. I turned to face Unity right as I heard the *chink* that signified his finished reload.

“Crap, lost my opening.” I groaned. I stood up and charged at him anyway. The throw pillow onslaught immediately started up once more, but a purple barrier flew up in between me and the oncoming cushiony assault. The pillows slammed into the magic barrier with stunning force, quickly scarring the shield with cracks. The twin pillow rocket launchers twisted and focused on Twilight’s table cover as the cannons continued firing right at me.

“Eeep!!” Twilight cried as the table was rocked with pillowy explosions. The field protecting me vanished in the same moment, leaving me vulnerable to the throw pillow rounds being fired at me. I ducked and rolled right before the first pillow smacked into me. Unity’s reaction was faster than I expected though, and I was hit before I could stand back up.

“W-whoa!” I shouted as the rounds pummeled my chest, sending me skidding away from the mech. Twilight and I were both pinned now, me against the floor by pillows slamming into my chest and Twilight behind the table as it was bombarded by pillow missiles. Hope was lost, and defeat seemed to be upon us. Then there was a flicker of movement at the top of the stairs and I couldn’t help but smile.

“Geronimo!” Spike shouted as he leapt off of the stairs and fell onto the cockpit of Unity’s pillow mech. Unity’s sight was suddenly blocked by the little dragon’s body, and his shots began to go wide. I leapt up off the floor as the barrage of throw pillows began to miss, and charged at the mech. I tackled it and forced it to the ground. I had to fight against it’s surprisingly strong frame to force it down, but I did it. Twilight ran over and sealed the weapons with little barriers, causing the shots trying to be fired to build up and jam the weapons.

“Victory!” I shouted victoriously as Spike crawled off of the cockpit. Unity was sitting there, bouncing and giggling. I grinned at him. “Good job kid, you almost beat us!”

“He he! Pway!”

“Speaking of which, what was that Spike?! Jumping off the stairs!?” Twilight reprimanded her assistant.

“Aww c’mon Twilight, lighten up! If it wasn’t for me you would still be behind that table!” Spike retorted light-heartedly.

“Yeah Twilight, lighten up! It was just a bit of fun. When did you even get here Spike?” I laughed as I picked up Unity out of his quickly collapsing mech.

“Well, I was still asleep before I woke up to Twilight squealing. When I came out here I saw that thing and decided to help you guys out!”

“Well thanks Spike, you saved me from being beat by my own son!”

“Heh heh, no problem Sharky! I can’t believe you guys let me sleep until almost lunchtime though.”

“It’s lunchtime!?!?” I shouted and jumped to my feet. I then ran towards the door, throwing it open and running out before anypony could say anything else.

“... Whoa, what was that about?” Spike scratched his head in confusion.

“Ugh, he’s going to visit a friend for lunch...” Twilight sighed angrily. She had hoped to talk to Sharky a bit after they played.

“... Then why’d he take Unity?”

“... Uh oh.”

-----------------------------------------------

“Ok son, wanna meet a dragon?” I asked the giggling infant in my arms as I dashed towards the mountain.

“Pway!” He giggled.

“Yes yes, you can play with the dragon.”

“No! Pway wif daddy!” He shouted with a surprisingly well-developed speech skill.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be there too! ... Wow, you’ve developed relatively fast, haven’t you?” I hadn’t really noticed it, but Unity was much bigger than when we had first met. He was much bigger, almost big enough to take up my whole forearm. His wings looked like they’d soon be able to support his weight. Even his horns had grown a little.

“Chirp!” My robin screeched in my ear.

“Gah! What the--” I turned to see my robin perched on my shoulder. “What the... when the heck did you get here?!”

“Cheep cheep.”

“... Don’t do that. If you’re here, Fang’s probably close by too...” I started searching around for my loyal pet, but I couldn’t see him anywhere. Come to think of it, I hadn’t seen him this morning either.

I wonder what Fang does while he’s not with me. Huh, according to what Applejack told me that answer might be Winnona... Oh god why. He’s still just a puppy!! ... Mentally. Maybe I should stop him... Well, I guess I can’t really STOP him. I’ll have to settle for a talk. The talk. I never thought I’d have that talk with a wolf. Least of all before I have it with my son.

Oh yeah, Unity’s growth. My robin had distracted me.

Well, I guess I already knew that ponies develop faster than humans since they’re fully grown at 14. Let’s see... that’s 2/3 of a human male’s development time, so assuming that math applies to all stages of development he... still shouldn’t be able to talk. Least of all talk in sentences. Also shouldn’t he be moving on to semi-solid foods before he can talk? ... Unless drinking the bottle counts... Also, why does he never need diapers? Oh geez, I’m gonna kill myself trying to make sense of this. I’m just gonna-- OH SHIT MOUNTAIN!

I was so absorbed in my own thoughts that I hadn’t even seen the oncoming mountainside. I quickly moved Unity out of harm’s way before lightly bumping into the rocky wall. Luckily I had slowed down a little the moment I realized it was there.

“Ow. Well, we’re here. Now... how the hell was I planning on getting you up the mountain?” I stood and thought for awhile before I had an idea. “Hey, if you can talk, can you crawl?” I placed him on the ground and waited for a moment. As if he had understood my request, Unity pushed up with his little limbs and took a few unsteady lurches forward. Soon he had a rhythm down and was crawling at a decent pace.

“Fun, fun!” He laughed.

“Oh dear god I’ve introduced you to a form of motion that you can achieve yourself... Whyyyyy did I do that?!” I smacked myself in the head. “Ugh, well, I’ll pay for that later I’m sure. For now, another test.” I picked Unity back up and held him up to the side of the mountain. I quickly prepared myself to catch him just in case, then let go. Sure enough he stuck to the mountain and crawled around just as happily as before.

“Yay! Cwal!” He tried to say ‘crawl’ but his speech wasn’t quite advanced enough for it yet. At least I didn’t have to worry about him being too overly advanced.

“Whew, good. Now, can you head that way? I’ll be right behind you. Just in case. Also because I’m going to the same place, but just in case as well.” Unity was gone by the time I said ‘way’. I sighed and started up the mountain right behind him.

-------------------------------------

Unity got tired about halfway up the mountain and we stopped for him to rest. Admittedly, I had been needing a little break myself. Rock climbing up a mountain with no gear wasn’t easy. He didn’t need long before we could start climbing again, much to my dismay. Soon we were at Esmerelda’s cave and I scooped up Unity from the ledge to carry him in.

“Esmerelda! I’m here for luuuunch!” I shouted into her cave. It smelled vaguely like cooked meat near her den.

“Oh! Sharky! You’re early dear!”

“Oh, I’m sorry! Do you need me to come again later?”

“Oh no, it’s as good a time to come as any I suppose...” Esmerelda giggled a little after she spoke. It was a strange laugh, almost like she thought she had said something wrong. I walked in to see Esmerelda in dragon form standing over a pile of well-cooked meat.

“... What’s that?”

“It’s lunch of course!”

“... Please tell me you didn’t--”

“Of course not! This is a deer from the forest. I swooped down to see if he knew where I could find some wild vegetables for lunch. The poor thing must’ve had a heart attack when he saw me because he dropped dead on the spot.”

“Oh, well that gets rid of a lot of qualms I may have had after eating this.” Esmerelda squinted and stared at me intently.

“What’s that?”

“What’s what?”

“The thing you’re holding.”

“Oh! Esmerelda, meet my son, Unity!”

“You... brought an infant.”

“Yeah! Isn’t he adorable?”

“... *sigh* I suppose I wasn’t really in the mood today anyway...”

“What mood?”

“Nothing, nothing. Let me see the little darling.” I held out Unity towards her as she stretched her neck to get closer to us. She gave him a curious stare for a moment. “He’s... adorable yes.... but... and forgive me for this, what exactly is he?”

“Uh... Part pony, dragon, gryffin, bat, goat... You know what? I’m not so sure what he is exactly either. I think the proper term is draconequus.”

“... How exactly was he bo--”

“Long story involving complicated magic theories and strange circumstances.”

“Right, I suppose I should expect no less from a son of yours. He does look awfully familiar though... almost like I’ve seen something like him before.”

“Don’t think about it too hard.”

“... Ok, I won’t. Can he eat meat? I didn’t really expect to be feeding a little...er one today.”

“No, he’s not quite ready for solid food yet. He is part dragon though, so what do you feed young dragons?”

“Typically we crush a gem and feed them the leftover powder and shards.”

“Well, do you mind?” I gestured towards her pile of gems. She smiled warmly.

“I’d be happy to share! You got them for me after all!” She lumbered over to the pile of gems and searched through it for awhile. She picked out a rather large emerald and crushed it in her talons. She then poured out the dust into a small pile next to the meat. “Ok, come here and eat.” She ordered.

“As you command.” I threw her a mock salute and laughed. Luckily she was my friend, otherwise the order might have upset me. The only pony qualified to order me to do anything was Luna. I sat Unity down in front of the gem dust and took a seat next to him. He fell face-first into the gem dust. For a second I was worried that he had lost his balance and fallen accidentally, but when I lifted his head his jaw was working furiously.

“Ha ha ha! He has quite an appetite, huh?” Esmerelda questioned me with a laugh. I gave her a wolfish grin as I let Unity get back to eating.

“Hand over some of that venison and I’ll show you where he gets it from!”

-------------------------------------------------

“Well, did you enjoy it?” Esmerelda asked with anticipation as I choked down the last bit of venison. It was absolutely horrible. It was dry, burnt, unevenly cooked, and not seasoned. I forced myself to smile at her.

“Of course I did! It was great Esmerelda. Dear fucking god that was the worst shit ever.”

“Oh hush Steven. Sharky liked it!”

“Yeah, it was delicious... Well, I tried to stop this oncoming disaster. Just remember that.”

“Hmph, see Steven? Here, have some more Sharky!” Esmerelda pushed another large pile of meat to me. “I’m so glad you liked it! I worked really hard, this is the first time I’ve ever cooked food! Normally I just eat it raw.”

“I would never have guessed.” I grinned at her before forcing myself to eat the next heap of venison. At least Unity was enjoying himself. He was on his third or fourth crushed gem and was loving it. The meal was entirely gross, but I certainly didn't want to hurt Esmerelda's feelings by saying so.

"Don't eat too fast dear, you'll hurt yourself!" Esmerelda warned. I slowed down just a bit to respond and choked on a particularly burnt bit of food.

"Yes ma'am." I then went back to eating just as fast as I had before. Luckily I had learned a trick as a kid to eat nasty food. Just don't breath through your nose and eat fast. You can't taste a thing. I soon finished the second pile and stood up.

"Oh, need more already Sharky?" Esmerelda asked quickly. I jumped in fear and quickly moved to the cave mouth. I looked out and pointed at the sun.

"Oh my gosh, that time already?! Sorry Esmerelda, that sounds delightful but I have to go meet my friends for tea! Time to go Unity!" I ran back to Unity and grabbed him. He whined as I took him away from his gem dust, but that didn't last long. A few sudden *crack*s sounded off from the gem pile. Three figures that looked just like me walked out from behind the pile.

"W-what the..." Esmerelda gasped in shock.

"Yes, master." The three figures shouted at once. I squinted at them to find that they were all golems made out of gems. Unity waved at them.

"Yum!" He squealed in delight. The golems all walked over to us and stood there silently.

"Sharky... what's going on?" Esmerelda asked.

"... Oh yeah, did I not mention that my son is a chaos god incarnate and can manipulate reality to his will? Well, he is. Bye!" I handed Unity to the golems. "Have them follow me son."

"Daddy!"

"Yes, master."

"Dear Celestia that's creepy. At least these aren't trying to kill me. Onward!" With that I vaulted over the edge of the ridge next to Esmerelda's cave and latched onto the mountain below it. I quickly started my climb down with the golems in close pursuit. The carried Unity as if he were a precious treasure. Which, he was. Esmerelda shook her head clear.

"I suppose I really shouldn't be surprised..." She mumbled to herself. She looked down at the pile of meat she had cooked with a smile. She let out a small jet of flame and reduced it to a pile of ash. "Hee hee, I can't believe he pretended to like that. Well, that proves it, he really does like me!" She continued to giggle happily to herself as she curled her body around her eggs.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

"Now how in the name of Celestia am I going to keep these things from being seen?" I pondered out loud as I looked at the gem golems. They reflected light of every color and sparkled like gigantic rainbows that moved. "Yeah, there's no fucking way."

"Daddy, you said pway!" Unity reminded me. I groaned.

"C'mon guy! Let me deal with these things first. We have to keep them from being seen!"

"Then no see!" The sun disappeared from the sky, throwing the world into darkness. The moon didn't appear, and there were no stars in the sky. Even the faint light from my axe and the materia in my hand didn't glow.

"Oh dear sweet baby Jesus, change it back, change it back!" The light flooded back into the world just as fast as it had disappeared. "Don't do that!" I shouted. Unity flinched in the arms of the golems and started to tear up.

"Hostility detected, beginning defense protocol."

"Oh shut the fuck up. Don't even! I will crush you all if you try to come at me!"

"Superior power recognized. Begging for life mode engaged."

"That's what I thought! Well... That was much easier to deal with than I thought." The golems had carefully placed Unity on the ground and were now grovelling in front of me. "Look son, I know you were just trying to help, and that's great! You're too strong for your own good though, so I need you to try not to use your power too much."

"N-no pway?" He whimpered.

"No, you can play, just don't do anything super big. That thing you made this morning was ok, but sending the world into darkness is not."

"... Pway?"

"... I'll explain this again when you're older. For now I need to get these golems somewhere safe..."

"Life spared, ceasing begging mode. Imprinting on new master." The golems rose back up and stood next to Unity again. They stared at me for a while and then moved to stand next to me.

"... Right. Well, I suppose we can take them to Fluttershy's house for now."

"Path to Fluttershy's house charted. Beginning travel to designated destination." The golems turned and started walking in the direction of Fluttershy's house.

"Wait! Uhh... Here, take Unity and take very good care of him. I'll be back tonight after I complete my appointments. I expect that house to be clean, the animals fed, and any other chores you can do without damaging something."

"Orders accepted master." One of the golems stepped forward and took Unity carefully. They then walked away with my son.

"... I don't think most parents have magic babysitters made out of gems... or do they? I know they don't on Earth, but here that could actually be a thing..." I shook my head clear of my distracting thoughts and started walking to town.

Looked like it was going to be another average day for me.

-----------------------------------------------------

All of the girls had gathered at the Boutique. The tea was prepared and already cooling on the table. Small snacks were laid out, and the only thing missing was Sharky. Everypony except RD was staring hopefully at the door. RD was twiddling her hooves nervously as she waited. She had been wanting to say something the whole time, but wasn't quite sure how to tell her friends. Finally she took a deep breath.

"Girls, I'm quitting the competition." She finally announced. Instantly all the eyes in the room locked onto her.

"Y... You're giving up?!" Twilight asked with victory in her voice. RD snorted.

"Hay no. But this contest is ridiculous. Scootaloo gave me some advice--"

"You're taking love advice from your daughter dear?" Rarity questioned with a teasing smile.

"Well, not normally, but she was right. She told me to be honest... I think she's right." The girls were silent for a moment.

"... T-that's actually p-pretty smart..." Fluttershy mumbled. RD nodded.

"That's what I thought too. Look, the fact is that Sharky will never figure it out on his own. I'm just going to tell him the truth about how I feel."

"... M-me too..." Fluttershy agreed. Her friends gave her a look of suprise. The idea of their timid friend confessing love directly seemed outlandish. Then Rarity sighed.

"I must agree. It is the only way to get through that thick skull of his. I practically begged for him in that shower the other day and he didn't notice a thing." Her friends gave her a quizzical stare. "... What? Don't look at me like that! He was just so close to me, and his hands felt amazing... Ehm, it was a moment of weakness."

"... Right. Well... I'm quitting too. You're right, this is the only logical solution to Sharky's thick headedness." Twilight agreed. The girls all let out a long sigh as the sensation of weight lifting off of them took over them.

"Well, I guess technically the competition ended like I promised Sharky..." Twilight thought to herself. Just then there was a loud knocking at the door. All the girls jumped in suprise.

"Poor dear isn't even able to control his strength completely..." Rarity muttered. All the girls ran over to the door and sat down in front of it. Rarity slowly opened the door with magic, revealling their hero.

---------------------------------------------------------------

I stood there in slight suprise to see all the girls lined up in front of the door.

"Uhhh... Hey guys. Ready for tea?" Twilight nodded.

"Yes, we're ready. We have something to tell you first though." The other girls nodded timidly. Twilight gulped and closed her eyes tightly. "We all love you." She stated firmly.

"Well of course, I lo--"

"As m-more than f-friends..." Fluttershy added.

"Well yeah, we're more like best frien--"

"Don't even go there dude. We wanna be your marefriends. Not bestfriends, not friends, we wanna be with you." RD continued.

"Yeah, sure. Let's just get to the--"

"We're quite serious Sharky. We love you, and we're tired of you not noticing it." Rarity cut me off.

"... Are there cameras near here? Hidden somewhere?" I started looking around in confusion. Twilight sighed angrily.

"That... is... IT!" A purple aura enveloped me and pulled me into the house. The door slammed behind me and I was held down against the floor. The girls surrounded me.

"OH SHIT WHERE THE FUCK DID I PUT MY RAPE WHISTLE?! G-girls?!" I stuttered nervously. My brain was failing to find a logical explanation for what was happening. I started absorbing Twilight's magic as fast as I could just in case this was heading somewhere dangerous.

"You aren't going anywhere until you get this!" RD explained.

"We love you!" They shouted together. My brain was now doing flips in my head still working to deny the truth that was evident even to me. My vision went blurry as my mind went into emergency shut down mode. Then I felt something against my lips. I was being kissed. My vision snapped back to normal and my eyes went wide in disbelief. The kiss was ended and RD backed away from my head.

"You getting it now champ?" She smiled at me. The other girls glared at her. "What? Almost everypony here has had a turn but me!"

"What about me dear?! I want a kiss too!" Rarity complained. The other girls grudgingly allowed her to step towards me and lean down to kiss me too. I was confused beyond the point of coherent speech, so stopping her was beyond my capabilities. Rarity's lips made contact with mine. She kissed much differently than the others. Her tounge slid into my mouth and wrapped around mine, pulling it back into her mouth. Then I blacked out.

----

"Huh uh! No way you're getting to get away from us that easy!" Twilight snorted angrily. My body was soaked and she was holding an empty bucket.

"That's right! You've gotta end this Sharky!" RD stomped righteously.

"W-whaddya mean?"

"She means you need to tell us who you like!" Rarity explained.

"Yes, p-please Sharky... We're tired of waiting..." Fluttershy even had some strength in her voice. They all paused and anxiously waited for my response. With some silence finally available, my mind finally made sense of everything that happened. All of the girls' actions, the showers, the dates, the talks, the very awkward human-ish transformations, everything. As I thought and realized what had happened, I started to become angry. These girls had been taking advantage of my obliviousness almost the whole time I had known them!

"You.... you..." I seethed. They all leaned in eagerly. "Jerks!" I shouted. The all fell back in suprise. "What the heck were you thinking?! You all shoulda freaking told me this more then a month ago!!!" They all lowered their heads in shame. I took a few deep breaths and managed to calm myself down. I looked at them all softly. "You all have been waiting a long time though... I suppose it's time I finally give you guys what you've been wanting..." I slowly gazed over each of them, weighing my feelings for them and thinking about what our lives could be like together.

"... Well?" RD asked after I had thought for a few minutes. I sighed heavily.

"Well, I can't choose. You're all wonderful. I couldn't ever choose one of you. To be entirely honest, I think you should go find somepony else. You know, a pony maybe."

"... Hay no." RD stated firmly. She was clearly leaving no room for argument. "We've waited too bucking long for you to do that! Don't you even dare to try that!" I flinched.

"Worth a shot. Well... I can't choose... I honestly can't. I don't know what any of you would be like as a marefriend. All things considered, I find you all equally appealing."

"Well, that settles it then." Fluttershy spoke up with astonishing strength in her voice. "You have to get to know what we'd be like as marefriends."