A/N: MLP belongs to Hasbro. This is my HiE fic. This is a self-insert, so the character will be me. I will change the character’s name from my own, of course. I, obviously, am a brony. However, my character will have no prior knowledge of MLP.

Chapter 1

Another day, home from school. I stepped off the bus, grabbed the mail from the mailbox, and walked down my driveway to my front door. I’m an average thirteen-year old dude with dirty blonde hair and hazel eyes. But when I opened the door to step into the house, I instead walked off the edge into a deep black abyss. I fell, and kept falling for what seemed like an eternity. Screaming was pointless, so, I adjusted my backpack, pulled out my IPod from my pocket, and started listening to Land of Confusion by Disturbed. I slipped it back into my pocket, and took up a comfortable position, and tried to sleep while I fell through the blackness.

I woke up slowly. My IPod is set on song loop, so Disturbed still rang in my head. As feeling came back into my skin, I realized I was leaning against a tree in a grassy field. I also realized, to my annoyance, I was being poked repeatedly in the leg. I didn’t get up yet; I simply waited to see if I could hear if the person poking me said anything. My hand was already in my pocket with my IPod, so I paused the song.

I heard a high-pitched female voice say “What is it? What is it? Is it dead?”

No, but you will be if you don’t stop poking me.

“Fluttershy, what is it? Don’t you know all the animals in Equestria?”

Fluttershy? Equestria? Were the hell did I wake up?

I heard a small, timid voice, female as well say “Oh, um… I guess, but… I’ve never seen anything like it.”

The next voice had a southern drawl to it. “Well, whatever it is, can somepony tell me how the thing ended up on mah farm in the first place?”

Doesn’t she mean ‘someone’?

The next voice sounded like a British woman. “Well, whatever it is, it looks absolutely dreadful! Look at what it’s wearing!”

I was wearing my navy blue winter coat unzipped, with blue jeans and a black tee shirt that read ‘Aperture Laboratories’, from the Portal game series.

I don’t look that bad, do I?

I decided to risk it and open one eye. I was covered in twigs and dirt. I looked to my left and right, and saw rows of apple trees, an apple farm. I looked at who was speaking, and I almost screamed at what I saw. Ponies. Six colorful, talking ponies, two with horns, two with wings, one wearing a Stetson hat, that, fortunately for me, all had their backs turned to me at the moment. I calmed myself, and decided to invite them to interact with me. I got up slowly, yawning to get their attention. I pretended I didn’t notice them, and I looked down and realized I was napping in the sun. I brushed some dirt off, and sat back down on the shady side of the tree. I pulled out my IPod and played the Portal theme song, Still Alive. I started humming the tune, and hoped one of them would take the bait. I wanted to time my scare to freak out these painted show-ponies as much as possible.

After about a minute, the one with the Stetson hat walked in front of me. It lowered its head so it was at eye level with me. It waved its hoof in front of my face. The other five walked over as well. Now’s my chance. I held up my hand and caught her hoof. I pulled out one earbud and spoke in a calm, yet obviously annoyed tone.

“You do realize that is incredibly rude, and not an effective tool for first introductions?”

The pony’s eyes bulged, and she ripped her hoof out of my grasp and stumbled backwards. I stood up, and realized the ponies’ heads came up to my sternum, and I’m five feet seven inches tall. I crossed my arms, and looked over the six of them, and they all looked back with fear.

I grinned, and said “Wow. You should see the looks on your faces.”

That seemed to break some of the tension, and the pink one bounced (literally) up to me and grinned.

“Hi! I’m Pinkie Pie, what’s your name?  I know everypony in Ponyville! *GASP* I don’t know you, so you must be new-”

She was in my face at this point, standing on her back legs to be eye level with me, and I placed both hands on her shoulders and held her at arm’s length.

“Slow. Down. PLEASE.” I said.

I released her, and saw a black mound under a bush. I crouched down, and pulled out my backpack. I slung it on my shoulders, and I changed the song to Moves Like Jagger. I nodded my head to the beat, and walked back to the group of ponies.

Pinkie asked “Why are you nodding your head?”

I pulled out an earbud and held it up. “I’m listening to music.”

“Where’s the music coming from?” I pulled out my IPod and showed it to her. “This teensy thing?”

I nodded, and went to my song menu. The white unicorn spoke next. “Excuse me, dearie, but we never caught your name.”

“I never said it.”

“Well, could you tell us?”

I looked up, and said “I don’t trust you yet.”

The unicorn looked offended.

The lavender unicorn walked up and said “How about a trade? Our names for yours?”

I decided I might as well go with it, and said “Fine.”

The unicorn looked pleased. “I’m Twilight Sparkle. That’s Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Fluttershy, and you already met Pinkie Pie.”

She listed, pointing her hoof at each one of them as she went. Fluttershy was cowering behind Applejack, and Rainbow Dash appeared to be sizing me up.

“I’m Jacob.”

Rarity spoke up. “Well, Jacob, may I ask: What are you wearing?”

I looked at her and stated simply “Tee shirt and jeans. Why?”

“Why does your shirt read ‘Aperture Laboratories’?”

“It’s from a game called Portal.”

Rarity appeared satisfied for the moment.

Twilight asked “How did you get here? And what are you?”

“I’m a human. As for how I got here, hell if I know.”

They visibly winced at my curse word. Then Rainbow dashed (Har, har. Pun) up to me and put her face close to mine.

“Are you a spy?” She pressed.

I stepped around her, but she put herself in front of me again.

“You’re persistent, I’ll give you that.”

Rainbow appeared to swell with pride, and smiled, and backed up placing a hoof on her chest and tilting her head up, closing her eyes in mock superiority. “I’m also the fastest flyer in Equestria! I’ve never been beaten, NEVER!”

She was so caught up in her speech, she didn’t notice that I had already snuck past her and joined the group.

I stated “You suck at interrogating.”

She looked back, and her jaw dropped. She then looked furious that something had outdone her in some way. She dropped to the ground, and walked over to the group, muttering something under her breath.

“Guess we should go back to Ponyville.” Twilight said.

As we walked back, I noticed Pinkie glancing occasionally at me and my pocket.

I got closer to her, and said “Did you want to listen?”

Pinkie looked up and nodded, beaming. I took out one earbud and paused the song. I put the earbud in her ear, and put on Party Rock Anthem, I thought it fitting for the party-loving pony. She started to nod her head to the beat, and then began to walk with it, too. I did the same.

We reached the town called Ponyville within the hour. I saw neat rows of houses and a town square surrounding a city hall. There were ponies walking around and buying from stands, while pegasi were moving clouds up above. We went down the path to the town, and as we were walking through town, ponies were giving me looks of disgust, fear, and hate. Some just stared out of curiosity. I bent down slightly and whispered to Twilight.

“Where am I going to stay, tonight?” “

Well, you can stay at the library with me, or you can stay with Fluttershy at her cottage.”

I looked over at Fluttershy and whispered “Mind if I stay at your place tonight?”

Fluttershy looked at me, and nodded, smiling at the thought of getting to learn about a new creature. I responded to Twilight “Cottage.” She nodded, and stopped. I looked up, and saw that we’ve stopped in front of a house built into a tree, which I found fascinating.

We walked in, and Twilight called out “SPIIIIKE!”

A few seconds later, a baby dragon with purple and green scales came down the stairs.

“Yes Twili…” He stopped when he saw me.

I nodded at him and said “Sup.”

He rubbed his eyes, and when I didn’t disappear, he looked at Twilight, and said the most intelligible “Uhhh…” She rolled her eyes and smiled.

“That’s Jacob. He’s going to be around for a while.”

Spike deadpanned and said “Oooookaaaay….” I looked at the clock and noticed it was around six in the evening.

“Hey, Fluttershy, shouldn’t we be getting back to your house?”

Fluttershy looked at the clock and said “Oh, yes! I hope Angel isn’t mad that I’m late…” We said our goodbyes and walked out the door, the sun setting on the horizon.