New York Life Chief Editor’s Note:

Well, hard as it is to believe, this is it, folks. The final article. It’s certainly a bittersweet thing to bring down the curtain on this yearlong series, though our detractors will be unhappy to know that both we and Five Stars reserve the right to publish special bonus articles when the whim strikes her or she feels there’s something she needs to address.

Not going to say much this time, as we already pretty much said all we needed to in the Chief Editor’s note of the last article. We enter the holidays with full hearts and a clear conscience, knowing we fought a good fight and did a good thing, telling a story that needed to be told and finding plenty of friendship in the process. I can’t say I really understood why ponies put such a high premium on that until I visited Equestria myself, but now that I have… I say this with perfect sincerity: friendship truly is magic, and something humanity can learn from our Tellusian neighbors.

So no matter what you mark on either side of the portal, whether it be Christmas here on Earth, or Hearth’s Warming Eve on Tellus, Happy Holidays, and may they be full of food and friends, family and friendship.

—Kalido Tenna, Chief Editor, New York Life Magazine

Manehattan Post’s Owner’s Note:

I share sentiments with Kalido, who became my good friend as well over the past year along with most of the New York Life staff. Though I hesitate to call what we fought against our detractors a war, there were times it felt like that given the battles we faced. Victory was hard won, but all the more sweet for it, and this final Q&A is just the punctuation mark on this whole affair. I feel very blessed and grateful for all I have, and if nothing else, for as often as this year threatened to take things away, whether it was my magazine or my beloved David, it drove home how precious friendship and love truly is…

And what it can inspire to achieve. We not only survived everything from the HERD group to this idiot SJW crowd, we thrived, thwarting a Chrysalis plot in the process and gaining a multitude of friends and new readers as a bonus. G4M itself reaps the benefits, of course, through new clients and recruits, opening new branch offices and expanding their reach to more and more mares.

I am no longer a client, but that’s because I have my man now; the Gentleman I fell in love with will within a few short months be my husband. I’m spending the holidays with him and his family in an undisclosed location, and for it I fully intend to make this a Hearth’s Warming to remember.

—Hot Topic, Manehattan Post Magazine

And that, more than anything is what G4M is all about, Hot Topic. I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to see the two of you happy, especially for as long as I’ve known Scoop as one of the five original Gentlemen. I remember he wondered early on if he would end up falling for one of his clients, and if that would be a good thing or a bad thing. He’s got his answer now, and couldn’t be more content for it.

And for that reason, I think this is as good a question as any to open this final Q&A session with:

Dear Five Stars,

I must admit that I have been very moved by your story and the stories of your friends and lovers. However, there is something that troubles me; a fact of life that can’t be ignored in the face of this new kind of relationship. That fact being that Humans and Ponies cannot produce offspring together.

I am not trying to be contrary, but the fact remains that however emotionally and physically compatible men and mares may be, there is currently no means by which they can have natural biological children together. I realize this is one of the draws for mares to Gentlemen, but therein lies the problem. Forgive an extreme example, but if every human and every pony were to take a mate of the opposite species, within one generation both humanity and ponykind would be extinct, no matter how much the couples loved each other.

I know that such a scenario is rather farfetched, but it is something to be considered. The preservation of both our societies takes precedence over our own needs and desires, especially if those desires are not productive. If it happens that some few find benefit and betterment from such couplings, then so be it, but is it something that should be encouraged and enshrined by all? So I suppose this is more a question to all at Gentlemen for Mares. What are your thoughts on this?

Well, yes. Taken to an extreme where both sides exclusively mated with each other so there was no more reproduction within our own races at all, that would lead to extinction of the species. But do you really think that’s likely? And do you truly think that’s grounds to oppose all interspecies relationships?

I’d remind you as well that sex and rutting is for more than reproduction. It’s a means of cementing bonds, both between individuals and races, and those of us who’ve experienced it know what a truly powerful thing it is, to break boundaries like that.

Further, there are plenty of humans and ponies who don’t ever reproduce already for whatever reason, whether it’s being gay or simply having no opportunities to. And even for those who do, there’s often many relationships entered and abandoned (like me) before finally settling down to start a family. Were those relationships wasted or wrong just because they didn’t produce offspring?

As for the subject of human/pony foals… well, I find it hard to believe that Terran science and Tellurian magic working together can’t one day find a way to make it happen. It may be a few years (or decades!) off, but I think you can be reasonably sure it will come to pass eventually. In the meantime… you seem to forget that part of the reason G4M exists is that because for too many mares, there simply are no available stallions whether or not they want to be part of a herd or just have a coltfriend.

Such mares aren’t going to be having foals, anyway. G4M offers them the male company they so often yearn for but can’t have, and as a side bonus, herd stallions are now taking their mares a lot less for granted given the new competition from men. They’ve had to ‘up their game’, in the words of at least one Gentleman, meaning that existing herds and stallions are made better for them.

That’s my ideal, anyway. Unfortunately, sometimes the exact opposite happens, as the next letter will show.

Dear Five Stars.

I’ve found myself in a bit of a relationship crisis and after reading your articles, I feel like you’re the only one who can help me put things in perspective. I’m a human male who’s been married to a mare for the past two years. At first everything was fine, but lately I feel as though I’m being pushed aside.

It all started when my wife began insisting that we bring another mare into our herd; an old friend that she had known since she was a filly. I was hesitant at first, but because I knew how important large families were to pony culture, I eventually agreed. I tried my best to embrace the new relationship but almost immediately after the ceremony, it became apparent that our new addition had no interest in forming any kind of a relationship with me. My wife assures me that her friend will eventually warm up to me, but after nearly five months of cold shoulders and snide remarks I just don’t think that’s ever going to happen.

Now they’ve started talking about having foals, and though it hasn’t been said outright, I’m pretty sure that they’re thinking about bringing another stallion into the herd to give them what I can’t. I feel like I’m about to be replaced, but I’m too afraid to say something. Being in a herd means so much to my wife and so does having foals of her own and I don’t want to go back to being alone and miserable the way I used to be before I met her.

Please tell me what you think I should do?

—Trapped

This letter made me very sad when I first read it. I know I’m only getting one side of the story here, but I can’t believe that a human man who gave up so much to marry a mare is now being treated as a replaceable commodity. I’ve criticized stallions who do that; there is really no excuse for a mare acting that way.

A lot of humans—not all, but a lot—have issues with trying to fit in with pony herd structure, and I’ve known a few who quit one after they found themselves with the same problem that Red Pepper had in my third herd: they can’t split themselves emotionally; they’re a one-mate pony/person.

Trying to force pony social norms on a human who isn’t comfortable is a recipe for said human’s misery (though I quickly point out the same holds true in reverse), and you shouldn’t ever feel pressured to do something you don’t like, particularly where your input is not being listened to.

I hesitate to offer advice other than the standard one: talk to them. Make clear you’re unhappy and worry you’re being replaced or eased out. It may well be your fears are borne of anxiety and misplaced; it may well be they’re willing to listen.

And if they’re not? Then I would simply say, leave. There is no reason you have to stay in an unhappy situation. Believe me, I know how hard it is to leave a herd you’ve invested so much time and emotional energy into, but ultimately, if it’s not working for you or you’re not getting out of it what you put in, that’s the surest sign it’s time to move on. I wish you luck, and remember there are plenty of mares out there who will happily give you an exclusive relationship if that’s what you wish.

Next up, a slightly snarky letter from a fan who isn’t obliged to observe editorial niceties:

Dear Five Stars and other members of Gentlemen for Mares,

You’re probably a bit tired of hearing this now that the major commotions are mostly blown over, but here’s yet another person who appreciates the work you do. The work of the Gentlemen, and the affection and motivation they receive from their clients and in turn both spread around even to those outside the work, is what keeps souls alive and well.

The haters of the initiative can pucker up and kiss my white rear end, because you don’t fool even yourselves with the fake moral talk you use as excuses… and if you do believe that “Harmony”, religion, or the “good traditions” of your choice are justification to attack these people that are only trying to make the world better for their clients, you’re seriously lunatics that deserve to be labeled D-Class and exported for the foundations that keep us safe from the most dangerous paranormal artifacts, beings or phenomena with your bodies and souls. And I mean that literally.

And I’m not forgetting about you guys at G4M who work behind the scenes, so to speak: your work isn’t nearly as flashy or attention-grabbing, but you’re also the ones who make it happen and keep the company standing. My applause also goes to you!

Thank you very much! Believe me, we never get tired of hearing appreciation for all the vitriol and occasional outright violence we’ve had to endure. Being told stuff like this keeps us all going and in good spirits, knowing that there are plenty of people out there who support us.

Now, there are two questions I have:

1. This is mostly to Platinum and the other “board executives”: is there any way a human male can work for you outside the role of a Gentleman?

I could answer myself, but it sounds like this is a question for you, Platinum!

Thank you, Five Stars. The short answer is yes. You can. We have need for human doctors, physical trainers, bartenders, secretaries, legal assistants… basically, anything and everything that you can think of involved with running a bar/nightclub/business. We do have a few men even now who are on the payroll without being Gentleman; some are already married and others just have no interest in mares. A shame, but we no longer have any need to try to convince such individuals to become full-fledged Gentleman.

Like you did with me, Platinum? —“The Doctor”

You and many others, back when we had to be very creative about our recruiting, yes. And do you regret it, Doctor?

No, I guess not!

And there you are. But back to the question at hoof, we advertise our non-Gentleman openings in the local papers, and arrangements are being made with the New York Life to post our job opportunities in their pages as well. Among other things, we’re going to need some ‘web developers’ soon to set up our webpages and ‘apps’ on the new Equestrian internet, and will pay well for them. Be looking for such openings in the next several months. In the meantime, back to you, Five Stars!

Thank you, Platinum. And here’s his other question:

2. This is for all Trainers, Handlers and Gentlemen who feel willing to answer: what is the most downright bizarre situation you’ve ever faced while at work, the kind that makes you think “ooookay, I’m just gonna walk quietly to that corner, and after I’m past it I’m gonna sprint the heck away from here and forget I’ve ever seen/heard this”, that does NOT involve sex or intimacy?

Love,

“Solid State”

Well, then. Given some of the stories he’s told me about his past life, this sounds like a question for The Attorney himself!

Hah! You WOULD pick me to answer this question, Five Stars. I’ve certainly had my share of weirdness in my work, both before and during my time at G4M. And to any Tellusian readers who scoff at that, allow me to say this: your society has yet to scratch the surface of what Earth has to offer in terms of weirdness.

If we’re talking about the most bizarre experience I’ve had period, it was most likely the time I cross-examined a parakeet in court. And no, I am not joking. It proved integral to the case, actually. More so because the parakeet knew a few words, and those few related to the case in question. It didn’t stop me from craving a stiff drink after all was said and done, though!

Now, if you’re talking about G4M-related stuff or just being in Equestria in general? Well, I daresay I had pretty much that reaction when Five Stars first suggested the idea of Gentlemen to me. And after that? One of my earlier clients was a unicorn mare (no, NOT Vinyl Scratch!) who wanted to, well, magically enhance me, in a manner I was categorically not comfortable with. Five Stars said many chapters ago that there was a Gentleman who had a client who wanted to give them a second phallus? Well, that was me. Now stop laughing, Judy!

Needless to say, I broke that date off and we refunded the money. She did try again with a more willing Gentleman later.

That she did! And man, you don’t know what you missed, ‘Nicky’! —Freefall

No, I’m pretty sure I do, ‘Freebie’. You go for the crazy stuff, but me? At this point, I just want a well-grounded mare with a good heart and mind. And here at the end of my G4M duties, I think I’ve finally found one!

I think you have too, Attorney! And I look forward to seeing where it may go. I do miss the relationship we used to have, but we agreed to break it off about a year back so we could each concentrate more readily on our particular jobs. We were right for each other then, but… I wouldn’t say we so much outgrew each other as had simply gotten everything out of each other we could and were ready to move on. But I’ll always love you, and I wish you nothing but the best.

The feeling is mutual, Five Stars, believe me. I’m going to miss you when I go back home, and I know Judy will too. We do expect a visit someday! —The Attorney

Promise, Mister Carpenter! But moving on… we had several questions submitted along these lines:

I don’t get it. Would someone please explain to me why Gentlemen willingly sign up or stay on for this now that it’s all out in the open and they know about the overwhelmingly negative reaction they’ll get for it? Don’t they see they’re being used as tools to impose patriarchal values on mare-oriented Equestrian society that will simply export their home world’s toxic masculinity to Tellus?

—A Woke College Woman

I get way too many letters along these lines, and most of them I just roll my eyes at. I still cannot fathom that anyone or pony actually believes this garbage, but as at least one Gentleman reminds me, there’s no disbelieving a true believer.

Allow me, Five Stars. Please, I want to answer this one.

I had more to say, but very well, take it away, Striker. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you not to hold back!

Well, Miss ‘Woke’, let’s examine your statement line by line — or not. The fact is I don’t need a degree in Critical Theory to state the blindingly obvious; you have never in your entire miserable existence stood for anything. You have never known the fear of losing your job, your livelihood, your reputation, for the things you believe in — much less feared for your very life. Indeed people of your ilk need never fear consequences of any kind for your college professor-approved, anti-social mantra of hatred against men masquerading as the enlightened views of John Locke, Jean Jacques Rousseau, and Adam Smith. All your talk of ‘oppression’ is worthless without sacrifice.

You speak of patriarchal values like a child being denied sweets. What privileges do I as a man enjoy that you as a woman do not? The privilege to be told I’m the reason for everything being a disaster because I’m not being taxed to pay for your tampons? My only privilege is to stand here and be lectured by degenerate, dumpster fire thots like you on how my ability to do the job better than you is oppression! Listen love, if you’re going to play with the boys you’re going to meet their standards, just like the ponies do.

What’s that? You weren’t aware Equestria’s greatest warrior was a female who kicked everyone else’s ass instead of taxing others to kick it for them? Would you care if I told you? Of course not. We both know you don’t honestly believe a single word of this digital bollocks you just rattled off. You just want free shite. And you think telling Equestrians that if they treat their stallions like slaves you’ll be able to bring your non-workers to revolution? Don’t make me laugh!

Frankly Miss Woke, after four years of unhappy uni experience including two insane girlfriends who bought into your twisted perversion of equality, I have zero patience for people like you, so I’m just going to tell you bluntly to pull your head from your fat arse and remove yourself from your echo chambers filled with friends and social media that only reinforce what you want to hear. The only thing toxic here is your bloody inability to think for yourself or see how badly you’ve been brainwashed into believing this bullshit, as my Ami friends like to say. You call yourselves ‘tolerant’ and yet all you do is judge people on the basis of skin color and gender while accusing them of being automatically racist or sexist for it. Far as I’m concerned, the evil and intolerant ones are you, so sod off and kiss my black, Brit fanny.

Yeah, I’m black and I’m British and I’m a proud Gentleman who greatly enjoys his time with mares. So let me put this in more exacting terms from my home country: kiss my ebon arse, you bloody wanker.

—“Striker”

A little harsh, but you should have heard the applause he garnered when he read it aloud! “Striker” came to us over a year ago after being chased off not just his collegiate football team but his very college by an ex-girlfriend’s false accusation. That there was no evidence didn’t matter; he was given no opportunity to defend himself. The accusation alone ruined his collegiate career and any chance to turn professional. I can’t claim credit for recruiting him, but it was amazing the change that came over him and how much happier he came to be once he arrived.

The biggest thing with him was, he had to learn to trust again and come to see that mares weren’t women, as he has much the same issues as the Attorney had with them after being betrayed. He actually runs some of our physical training programs now for newer Gentlemen, something I think he enjoys a little too much at times, but aside from Judy, who he’s quite protective of along with many of our Gentlemen, he still doesn’t trust or think highly of most women.

Now let’s get a different perspective on a similar but more politely-asked question:

This question is for newer Gentlemen: why did you join, after all the protests, violence, and threats of violence? Weren’t you worried that you’re making yourselves and the mares you might serve a target?

I’ll let a freshly trained Gentleman from our new Hoofington branch office answer this one.

When you say freshly trained, Five Stars, I didn’t think you’d go for someone as fresh as me! Imagine my surprise when I received a letter in my mailbox at work asking for my input on a question in your final Q&A! I’m glad you’re still thinking of us over in little old Hoofington. Come by more often when you can, Silky misses her senpai!

And now I have to get “senpai” defined. Oh, that’s what it means? Sorry, I’m a little rusty on my Neighponese, but tell her I’ll be back after the holidays!

No need to apologize. You’re already years ahead of the average Tellusian when it comes to human terminology. Just keep in mind that we’ll continue to use the odd term on you girls when we can; it’s too amusing to watch you ponies trying to figure out what we’re saying sometimes. And we love you all for it.

So, let’s touch upon that first question: Long story short, I joined Gentleman for Mares shortly after I lost my job in Hoofington. I won’t go into too many details, but after deciding to wander on over to a bar with some friends of mine, I ended up being offered a job as a Gentleman from the mare who would soon become my immediate boss. I took up her offer, finding it rather appealing. I was hesitant at first—I hadn’t given the idea of being intimate with a mare much thought at the time—but after looking past the different levels of hair, the difference in our gaits, and other outer appearances… in the end we’re all just mammals, and as Five Stars has illustrated in previous stories, we are quite compatible. I can attest to this claim after having my own share of experiences with mares, too.

Aside from my sudden unemployment driving me to take the job, I liked the idea of being able to give comfort to mares who needed it. It was around the time that I was offered a job that I also started dating a lovely mare I had known previously for some time. She only helped cement my decision with her support. Like me, she saw the positives of being able to provide company to lonely mares. This job, while it has only begun for me, has provided me with a chance to offer unique services while also allowing me to meet wonderful folks, be it pony or otherwise.

Well said. On a side note, I’ve received several sneering letters claiming we take advantage of the unemployed and emotionally vulnerable. To them, I ask the same question I once did The Attorney: would you rather we poached men from existing relationships and jobs? We prefer the single and unemployed, yes, because they’re able to commit to us, because we can help them and they can help us in the process. How is that a bad thing?

Nor do I, obviously. You’re not tearing any relationships apart, and it’s not like Gentleman for Mares was holding a gun to our heads and forcing us to take on the job. It’s ultimately the choice of the Gentleman.

And to anyone claiming Gentleman for Mares is trying to brainwash us into hating women, let me just clear the air and assure you that’s not true. I’m still friends with the female humans in my life. I might be an outlier here, but I’ve even managed to stay friends with my former girlfriend after we stopped dating each other. She herself has been supportive of my new job as well.

Now, as for the risks, and why they didn’t deter me? Well, I suppose part of that is due to me not really giving such issues much thought. I’m sure the average Tellusian or human doesn’t worry too much about the day-to-day activities of a company like Gentleman for Mares. I feel that I shouldn’t let the words and actions of others dictate what I do with my life. Unless you work with us, of course. Those who obsess and try to undo our company are among a small, but loud, minority. The vast majority of people are simply too busy with their own daily lives to worry too much about us.

Sure, there’s a risk of me getting beaten in an alley by some angry mob, but keep in mind: there’s at least three—if not a couple dozen—mares at Hoofington who would be very, very cross if I were to be attacked. It can be a bit annoying to be coddled…

Another endlessly endearing quality of human males to mares is that they think that they’re the ones who are supposed to keep and protect females, and they’re endlessly surprised in turn that our instincts as mares are to do the same for them. So the end result is, we stand up for each other, both as friends and as lovers.

Like I said, coddled… but it’s nice to be cared about. I think it’s more of a cultural thing that many of us are adjusting to, in the end. Anyway, if you folks who are looking to pick a fight with a Gentleman feel lucky, just keep in mind that there’s at least three mares who have served for the Equestrian Army here in Hoofington, not to mention a talented flight performer, as well as a former politician who has extensive knowledge of the legal system under her belt. And again, this is just Hoofington we’re talking about. I’d hate to see what the bigger cities like Manehattan have to offer angry protesters who decide to go violent.

Oh yeah, one more thing about Hoofington: we also have a dragon security officer, and he knows Kung Fu. His words, not mine.

I’ve met him. I also hear he’s got a passion for Kung Fu movies… and has come up with something he calls “Fist of the Dragon Flame”? We still have our dragon security guards here as well, and have to say, one in particular has been a very good big brother to Judy.

Ah… yeah, he was rather proud of that martial arts move of his. Not so much for Silky, our boss, though. Thankfully, the snow has covered up most of the damage to the front lawn right now. It’s nice to see that he has an appreciation for Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan’s early works, though!

Anyway, to those of you who might be concerned about the impact of our business, don’t fret too much. Gentleman for Mares is not trying to topple Equestrian society. While we do often joke at our headquarters in Hoofington about Platinum Corona having a secret agenda to overthrow the government, I know deep down our benevolent, fearless leader is just a big softie who loves all of us dearly.

She does indeed! And if I am, I’m trying to conquer it with kindness, not armies. Though to be fair, this organization would make a fine secret society for the purpose of building the latter…

And does that make me your High Priestess or Chancellor, Platinum?

Of course! Every Evil Queen should have a few underlings, darling. We’ll even see if we can get Lady Rarity to help you look the part!

Sadly, I’m pretty sure she’d do it, too! Maybe we’ll try that for the next Nightmare Night party we hold…

If that’s the case, then I suppose I’m a proud servant of Platinum’s new world order as well!

To wrap things up for this question, just remember this: in the end, all we’re looking to do is help others fulfil a simple, yet very important, need. If giving something as wonderful as friendship, happiness, and possibly even love, to another is considered to be bad, then I guess I’m evil.

Though, if I’m evil, then Five Stars is downright villainous.

—Mr. Natural

Why, thank you, Mister Natural. According to many letters I’ve received I’m the most evil creature who ever lived, and in an odd way I take that as a compliment. I believe it was Firefly who once noted that a pony is defined not just by their friends, but by their enemies. And if mine are the pony HERD traditionalists or the human SJW crowd, then I consider that all the evidence I need that I’m doing the right thing, just for angering all the right individuals.

Now that you know why new Gentleman are still joining, here’s a question regarding those leaving:

Dear Five Stars: You talk all the time about why Gentlemen sign up. But what about the opposite question? Do Gentlemen ever leave the company and if so, why?

Sure. More often than I would like, in fact, for a variety of reasons. Some, like The Attorney, are simply ready to complete their two-year contract, collect their completion bonus and move on, and though sorry to see them go, we wish them well for it. Others burn out on the job entirely and realize they simply can’t do it anymore.

We know the warning signs of that and do our best to help them well before a crisis, but especially earlier on, we didn’t always. That’s one of the reasons we offer so much time off and plenty of counseling. There have even been a few cases where Gentlemen have been fired for various malfeasance which I will not go into, except to say we’ve gotten much better at screening candidates over time.

But the most common reason Gentleman leave is a far happier one for both sides. And that I will leave to a recently departed Gentleman to explain.

Quite true, Five Stars! But don’t hit me with the shovel too soon; I’m not dead yet!

Thanks to recently seeing (and laughing hysterically) at Monty Python and the Holy Grail, I actually get that reference! Not dead, perhaps, but we did wonder if you’d fallen ill when you announced your intention to settle down with your favorite client! But I do have to say, she’s perfect for you. I met her just once at your wedding, and it struck me she was every bit as carefree and confident as you—to say nothing of enjoying sex and intimacy as much as you. Opposites attract, but I guess sometimes it takes a like mind to make a soulmate!

Heh! Well I’m the last guy you could accuse of not enjoying what I do. I’ve always been of the mind that life is all about reaching the next great adventure. For me that path led me to the military and eventually Equestria. Maybe I’m more a man of the Paleolithic era, but I’ve always felt more comfortable on the move, looking for the next buffalo. Little did I expect to meet and get the chance to befriend one someday!

I enjoyed myself as a Gentleman — sometimes a bit too much for my own good as my handler and the healer that rebuilt my hip can attest —but like with every other stage in life there comes the next big step. For me, that step was marriage. Thing is, while some folks see us Gentleman as mere tools to satisfy the immediate need of some ‘John’, as those who solicit escorts back on Earth are called, we’re expected that in the process of getting to know our clients, some of us will eventually grow past the point of being able to treat our relationship as simple business.

For me, it happened when I met the wildest, craziest, most awesome mare a guy could ever ask for! Though few ponies around town could have ever guessed this side of her existed. You ever meet someone and just knew that not only was he/she the one for you, but that somehow you were both ready? That was certainly the case with Roseluck, who gave me permission to give her name in print to show solidarity.

As an aside, she’s the best wife ever! For you guys out there reading this, don’t give up on finding the right one. It’s worth it.

Anyway, Roseluck and I met as Gentleman and client for a pretty memorable night. It wasn’t a case of two lonely virgins meeting up as some readers have uncharitably suggested human/pony relations are all about. We’d both been through many significant others, stories of the ‘one who got away’, sadness, regret, and of course immense satisfaction at being good at what we do.

I’m surprised by very little after seeing much of Earth and traveling to another dimension, but to meet my equal under the circumstances we met each other under? Life is full of surprises, I’ve learned, and I’d have it no other way.

There was trepidation about what challenges the future might hold and nostalgia for the old ways that crept into our minds; that told us we couldn’t change. There were doubts that we could even function as a matched pair when ponies are so accustomed to living in herds. In the end, we confronted and overcame those challenges, and still continue to work at our marriage after being wed for just over a year.

I’d always hoped to marry one day, and so we did. I find the notion of science one day allowing for the rearing of foals to be intriguing. Could such a miracle even be possible? What would this mean for our two species going forward? Given the seeming impossibility of our very meeting is anything truly impossible? Regardless, I will take pride in seeing my adopted son from Caleponia grow up to be a fine stallion one day. Another day, another great adventure awaits us all.

—Richard “Stuntman” Eckhart, AKA “Dad”

Thank you, Richard. Those are very healthy and upbeat attitudes you have. I was sorry to see you leave but equally happy to see you find the contentment you so richly earned, finding and making happy the perfect mare for you in the process.

Another satisfied customer turns into another happy mare for life, and I’d point out to the earlier questioner that you’ve also demonstrated that you can still have foals without having foals. There are many orphaned griffins and Caleponian ponies following the Cloven War that need a new family, and I think it’s wonderful you two have decided to be one of them. I wish you two all the happiness in both worlds, and look forward to meeting your adopted son!

Shifting subjects again, here’s a letter that brings up something I’ve been accused of repeatedly, and not without some justification:

Dear Five Stars and other members of Gentlemen for Mares

Though it has been awhile since I’ve read some of your articles, and I do applaud you for the content itself, I do have one concern about the articles you and your co-workers have been printing. That concern being the lack of positivity for human women.

Now, don’t get me wrong or judge me too quickly for this question. I’m not accusing you of bigotry towards our female counterparts, but please know it has been awhile since I have read any of your articles involving interactions between yourself and a human woman.

Now I understand your concerns regarding how some women treat their partners badly, but given that many of the Gentlemen you’ve been working with recall unhappily their experiences with their past Exes, they could be presenting you with a skewed picture.

So what I’m asking is this: have you dealt with any human women that have been supportive of your work, or have approached you during your travels to say that they agree with you? That they disapprove of young women treating their boyfriends like a piece of trash?

A good and well-written letter, one that asks some polite but pointed questions. Let me answer each one in turn.

To be sure, I’ve met or befriended a few women both inside and outside of G4M business. It just strikes me whenever I do meet a new one how strong our gender reversals are, as I constantly see behavior I’d expect in stallions from them—expecting to be worshipped but not having to repay the attention they receive. That seems especially true among the younger set, I’ve also noted.

I can’t help but worry I’ve been getting a skewed picture as you suggest, but the truth of the matter is, most of our Gentlemen are uniformly down on women. You know The Attorney’s story. Striker was likewise betrayed. Others never even had a girlfriend before they came here, enduring constant rejection. Now, in fairness, since we don’t recruit Gentlemen who are in existing relationships, that means we get a higher proportion from broken ones, divorcees, etc.—in other words, people who might have issues with the opposite sex due to past experiences.

Are there good women out there? I’m sure there are plenty. Judy is growing into one before our eyes. The problem, as another Gentleman now reading over my shoulder reminds me, is that the bad ones wield outsized influence over human society and have made certain parts of it utterly intolerable for them.

To answer your last question, I’m happy to say that yes, we do have women working for G4M. Some of our schedulers and secretaries are women now, as some mares have an easier time making appointments through them than other ponies, perhaps worried less about being judged for wanting to hire to a Gentleman. It goes without saying that such women know full well what we do here, and are fine with it. I’ll offer one the chance to comment here:

Thank you, Five Stars. My story is pretty simple: I moved to Equestria a year ago, liking the idea of an equine world for as much horseback riding as I used to do, seeking inspiration for my art hobby. I’m a secretary by trade and have worked for various clients, and enjoying the setting of Manehattan with all its nearby attractions, I quickly fell in love with it, finding it a cleaner, less-coarse version of New York.

Enjoying myself immensely, I extended my initial stay twice, then three times, then started looking for work, finding myself before long at the doorstep of a newly renovated nightclub who said they were looking to hire secretaries and accountants. They actually weren’t looking for human workers, but Platinum Corona was kind enough to grant me an interview anyway, though she did it behind closed doors and made absolutely sure I understood what G4M did and what I would be doing. Which I categorically did not on either score to start!

I was shocked, to say the least, to learn what business this new club and company was in. But she offered me the chance to talk to both the Gentlemen and their trainers, asking me to decide for myself if they were being coerced or mistreated. So I did, speaking with everyone from The Attorney to Freefall, and all gave me the same answer—they had volunteered and, after some occasionally shaky moments, they were fine with it and even glad to do it.

I don’t have much interest in men myself—personal preference, there (just ask my marefriend!). But that doesn’t mean I’m a man-hating third-wave feminist, or we all are. They’re just a very loud and hateful minority; the rest of us want nothing to do with these people and would happily treat men well. Myself, I appreciate what these guys do, and even enjoy hanging out with them. They’re good men, in a place that allows them to be good men. And having seen both sides of the portal, I’m sorry to say that they’re right—they get treated a lot better here than back home… though I’ll admit I was given cause to wonder how true that was during the worst of the HERD harassment.

I’ll sign my name with an alias, not because I’m ashamed of what I do, but because I like my privacy.

—‘Amy’

Thank you, Amy. I do apologize if I’ve come across as overly down on woman myself at times. You’re a good friend, and I daresay the boys like you a lot. Though to be honest, I think part of it might have more to do with the fact that you act more like an Equestrian mare than a human woman most of the time! That’s not an insult, needless to say.

It wasn’t taken as one, believe me!

Still good to hear! Moving on…

This is sort of a general question, but I figure that there are some out there, like me, who are probably wondering the same thing by now. Is G4M open for personal advice? Is that even an option? Not relationship counseling, but one-on-one coaching. Or is the G4M process some sort of trade secret?

The reason I ask is because not all of us want to be Gentlemen, and not all of us can be. I can’t admit to being the greatest stallion around, but I still try my hardest. But trying isn’t always enough and sometimes you get burned because you still just weren’t good enough. So after my last failed marefriend I’m looking for advice. I want to do better but there is more in the specifics than “pay attention to her,” “show her you care,” and all the other tidbits anypony can tell you. I want to make sure that I am doing the best I can and not just fumbling around, hoping it will all eventually click.

I’m assuming the writer of this question is a stallion, even though it’s not fully clear the term was used literally as opposed to figuratively. I’m not entirely certain simply because the problem described sounds something more like a man would say, where a girlfriend is holding him to impossible standards and then blaming him for not meeting them.

Whatever the answer, I can at least say this: at this point, we do offer Gentlemen-style training to those who just want to know how to properly treat mares both in the bedroom and out, but for those not becoming Gentlemen, whether human or pony, they do have to pay for it. It’s becoming a surprising bit of side business for us now.

Whether you’re a man or stallion, I am very pleased to hear that you’re trying, at least, and keep in mind that it’s actually fairly normal for initial relationships to not work out for one reason or another. I forget where I heard this, but you generally need a few adolescent relationships before you can have a mature one; you learn and you grow from the former as the groundwork for eventually finding the latter.

So as long as you’re learning and trying, I’m sure you’ll be fine in the long run. If you want to take our training, you’re more than welcome to. You can contact our Manehattan Headquarters for information on those programs.

Hi Five Stars, I’d first of all like to thank you for taking an opportunity to let readers directly contact you, despite the media. I’d like to ask what you thought of human entertainment. What are some common tropes you’ve noticed? Have you ever read the Diary of Anne Frank? If so, how did that book make you feel?

Well, after getting ‘trope’ defined for me, the most common ones I’ve seen off the top of my head are the ‘damsel-in-distress’ and the ‘evil-and-greedy-executive’ ones. The former I get, the latter I find overused and unfair. No, I have not read that book; I’m afraid my human reading list is quite backlogged at the moment, but I’ve enjoyed mysteries and human romance novels as well as the odd fantasy or legal drama.

A Gentleman has told me what the book is about, and it sounds quite depressing. Since, as a rule, I try not to make myself unhappy, I’ll probably give it a pass, sorry. I’m sure it’s a compelling tale even more so because it’s true, but I don’t need to read it to know of that particular time in human history or the horrific evils committed. We were told about them ad nauseum by Canterlot newspapers when the portal first opened, and I simply don’t care to revisit them.

Speaking of which… I’m getting a curious number of oddly specific questions about my personal likes and interests, whether I like or have liked this or that. For the most part I’m going to leave such questions off since I could very easily get bogged down in them all and they don’t really pertain to G4M. This question was such an example, but I indulged it. Here’s another I will as well, simply because of who it addresses:

Dear Five Stars:
As we all know, Princess Twilight is a natural book worm with a huge passion for learning. Since you seem to be on good terms with her and people who know her, I was wondering if you’d be able to help a researcher out, and forward a book recommendation to her from Earth: “Into That Darkness”. By Gita Sereny, takes a close examination of things like morality, responsibility, conscience, and the way human brains can try to justify horrible actions.

Well, despite meeting her a few times, I can’t say I’m really anything more than an acquaintance of the Princess. But I do know she follows these articles now, so you can expect she’ll read your recommendation here!

From: An Open Heart
Dear Five Stars,

Please allow me to say that since discovering your articles, I have become an avid reader, and eagerly anticipate your next release. The story you tell is inspiring, touching, and genuine. The things you have been willing to endure to tell it speak highly of you as an individual, and for all of pony-kind.

You, and G4M are doing a wonderful thing; providing mares with the care, and attention which seems to be so much harder to find than it should be. But men are not the only ones who can provide that affection. Is there a place with your employer for human women who also want to help ponies find the happiness they deserve? For the women whose hearts go out to the lonely, and despondent, no matter whether they be stallion or mare?

Why thank you! But you don’t need G4M for that! You just do it. You want to help somepony, you simply find them and do so, and trust me, you won’t have to look long before you find them. I did that myself a lot in Las Pegasus, and some of my fondest memories come from it.

If you’re obliquely asking if you could become a female version of a gentleman, that’s something we’d have to discuss, simply because I’m really not sure there’d be many requests for one given the ready availability of mares to a stallion.

An interesting thought, Five Stars. I could see there might be some stallions who want to try women but are afraid to approach them alone; who might be more comfortable with an experienced partner and an evening we arrange for them. We’ll have to bounce that idea around a bit. —Platinum

Very well, then. Stand by!

Dear Five Stars—I’d greatly appreciate if you passed on my respects to Aces Up and Double Down. When it comes to myself and the people I care about, I live by a few simple policies: if they or myself are being threatened or harmed in any way, make it stop by either removing their will to continue doing so, or remove their ability. Do this using any means needed. Same goes for combat. Never start a fight, but always finish it. Never throw the first punch, but, if a second is needed, make sure the other person can’t come up for a third. I’m glad that there are stallions like this in Equestria.

I will do so quite happily. I received this letter and a few other similar ones in enough time that I could give it to them for comment, so here it is:

Thank you very much! For all the hate mail we’ve received, we’ve gotten a few letters of support as well, often along these lines.

Our philosophy is actually quite simple: if you mess with our friends or family, you’re messing with us. If you threaten them, expect a hind hoof crammed up your tail and if, Celestia forbid, you hurt them… well. The HERD crowd learned what happens.

Ponies still tell us all the time that it’s wrong or ‘inharmonious’ of us to deal with such matters ourselves and in such a direct fashion, but to us, we’d be lesser ponies if we didn’t. We are what we are and don’t apologize for it to anyone, least of all those who thought they could fuck with us, to use the human term. —Aces Up

What my brother said. I guess Five Stars is right that in tastes and attitude, we’re human men at heart, but we don’t consider that a bad thing regardless of what these oddball protesters say. Then again, we’ve never cared what others think of us outside of our boss and family. Bottom line is, we live life on our terms as much as possible and strive to help others do the same; we’re lucky that after our wild and at least slightly misspent youth, we’ve found a way to keep doing that even as we tend our herd and raise our family, so needless to say… thank you, Five Stars, and Rising Star for forgiving the worst mistake of our lives. —Double Down

You’re welcome. And indeed you have. Never thought I’d say this as recently as a year ago, but I wish more stallions were like you two. To use a human term, you two have balls of solid steel and don’t hesitate to use them, either figuratively or literally. No greater a friend, no more implacable an enemy than these two, folks. As humans say, don’t fuck with them, or you will quickly and sorely regret it.

Dear Five Stars.

I have been curious on how much of not just ponies, but other races, from your world have seen some of the media and entertainment (namely music and movies) from our world.

I personally enjoy sci-fi and action movies and, while they tend to be really bloody sometimes, I also think I should mention the slasher genre of horror movies.

As for music: I have heard amazing music from pony artists like Coloratura, but I have to say I like the genres of Hard Rock and Heavy Metal, especially that band that dresses as monsters *coughLordicough*. Have you or any of your friends seen or, as strange as it sounds, enjoyed the movies and music from Earth?

Ah. So just a general question about personal likes or dislikes of human media? How refreshing! And something I’ll be happy to answer.

Movies… let’s see… I do greatly enjoy human fantasy series as a rule. Lord of the Rings you already know about. Raiders of the Lost Ark was just recently released in Equestria and the G4M mares went as a group to watch it at the behest of our Gentlemen, who called it a must-see. And I have to say it was, even if I found the villains a bit corny and the action completely over-the-top at times… but a fun ride for it. I likewise love many of your voice-acted ‘CGI’ films like Frozen or Kung Fu Panda both for the gorgeous spectacle and the themes of friendship, to say nothing of songs that rival anything Harmony ever produced.

(“Tellus has Harmony. But Earth has Disney!” Judy points out when she reads that.)

I’ve also seen the Harry Potter movies, but in all honesty they’re not my favorite simply because the premise is a little ridiculous, never mind the depiction of magic being incorrect and even occasionally insulting.

Overall, there were too many distasteful characters and themes in them for me, ranging from Harry’s overly-evil aunt and uncle to a Ministry of Magic that seemed, well, rather despotic even before evil took it over, between illegal trials, draconian laws and enslaved/suppressed subjects, to say nothing of outright propaganda and a propensity for both punishment of the innocent and forcibly wiping ‘muggle’ memories—something that’s a felony in Equestria. The movies had great spectacle, and that the books they were based on have apparently sparked great interest in reading among children is a very good thing. But nevertheless, this is not a society that should be emulated, nor is that how magic works.

Aside from fantasy, I immensely enjoy action and war stories as I’ve mentioned before, finding them a very guilty pleasure. I’ve seen the 300 movies and loved them even if ‘they make hash of history’ as The Attorney himself told me; the idea of great warrior males fighting for their lands, women and nation is just a huge turn-on to me even if I can’t bear the sight of them falling in battle. After seeing that video Shaun showed me the first night he was in Equestria, I also made it a point to get and watch a copy of Battle of Britain so I could understand the context of the song he played for me better.

I guess the point I’m making here is, our own war movies don’t really compare, though I’m very much looking forward to Rise of Firefly, and not just because I have a role in it. As it’s being produced in part by a famous human movie company, that means it should get the same treatment—gritty and authentic—and indeed, to that end, they’re using period accents, uniforms and weapons, having all the extras train and live as soldiers did then. The leads are likewise putting themselves through Tartarus itself, engaging in brutal training regimens of their own to ready themselves for their roles, and thus ensure they can fly and fight just as their historical counterparts did.

But there’s a third class of movie I enjoy most of all, best showcased in films like the Star Trek and Captain America series. Though ‘science fiction’ and the superhero genres are certainly interesting and unique to me—basically just alternate forms of fantasy in my view—what most attracts me to those movies (aside from chiseled males!) are the simple themes of camaraderie and friendship, such as between a Captain and his crew, or a leader and his soldiers.

I cried at the ending of the third Captain America movie for all the broken friendships, yet was equally moved to tears by the enormous sacrifice the hero was willing to make to save his oldest and dearest friend. Shows like that alone convince me that humanity’s potential is vast and their capacity for friendship enormous, and that the opening of the portal was a great boon for us both.

Music? Well, it’s a mixture. The sheer number of movie and music genres humanity has can be daunting. I enjoy classical—I believe I mentioned I cried the first time I heard Ode to Joy—but once that article with Shaun was out and some Gentleman recognized the source of the Aces in Exile song he played for me, they started having me listen to other songs and albums by the same group. Some are a little too ‘metal’ for me, but others I really do like. Never been one for ‘wub’, which this isn’t far removed from, but the themes of the music, often heroic ones that celebrate great men and battles, resonate with me. Equestrian songs just don’t compare.

But getting back on topic…

Dear Five Stars,

I just wanted to write to you and thank you on behalf of the Gentleman for Mares Hoofington Branch for your visit earlier this year. I think it’s fair to say that everyone enjoyed having you visit our humble little establishment earlier this autumn.

You’ll be happy to know that we’ve managed to avoid all the drama that’s been going on at the Manehattan and Las Pegasus branches. As I’m sure you already know, we have taken your advice and hired some full-time security, though. Just in case. There’s been only a couple small protests, and they’ve been mostly civil. I suppose that’s a nice silver lining to have!

Either way, we’ve been doing well for ourselves, and our rookie Gentlemen are shaping into very promising individuals! So, thanks for keeping our little place a secret for the couple of months since your visit! Your little sister headquarters appreciates it!

I also want to thank you personally for helping me deal with my own issues, which I’m sure you recall. I’m still coming to terms with being unable to ever have foals of my own, but my Gentleman and the mares at work have been there for me. I appreciated your kindness during your visit, being a shoulder to lean on while I was bawling like a school filly who was dumped at the local dance by her coltfriend. You made a good point: it’s never too late to start over, something you have done repeatedly over the years. Those were very trying times for me, but I’m past the lowest points now, I think.

So, I suppose it’s only right that I ask a question of you: What is the most important thing a herd can do for its members? What makes a herd the thing that it is? I’m sure you have a novel’s worth of things to say on the idea, but is there anything you think stands above all else?

Much love, Silver Spanner, G4M Hoofington Branch

You’re very welcome, Silver. My heart went out to you when you told us what happened that day, and I’m just grateful that we were there to help you.

You’re right in that I could author another thirty articles on that question alone, but if I could boil it down to a single thing that all herds should do (and why so many fail), it would be this: treat all members equally, by which I mean give them the same status and stature; the same amount of attention and affection. No lead mares, no favored mates. That doesn’t mean each member can’t have different roles or preferences, much as my third herd did, just that favorites aren’t played.

Above all else, remember that we’re ponies (and now people), with individual desires and needs. We’re not interchangeable or disposable, and we do suffer when we don’t get attention or feel like we’re being replaced, as a previous letter writer noted. Air issues and put problems in the open; don’t pretend they don’t exist. Even stallions and mares who can’t give foals can still contribute to a herd, and they shouldn’t ever just be thrown away.

And now, to save, if not the best, certainly the most unexpected letter I’ve received for last! Instead of breaking it up as I’ve done some earlier letters, I’m going to present it full before I respond.

Hello Five Stars,

If you’ve actually gotten to read this, thank you! You are truly a brave and wonderful mare, and I applaud you for, as my boyfriend would likely put it, having some real ‘cojones’. I’ve been following your articles for some time now, and reading your words and learning about what you’ve gone through has given me the courage to say this:

I am a changeling.

There. I said it. I’m looking at the sentence right now, even as I continue writing, and I cannot believe I put this on ink and paper. I’m tempted to burn up this whole letter, but I know now that if I do, I’ll never be able to do this again.

So yeah, I’m a changeling. Believe it or not, it’s true.

Each of us changelings is an individual, just like any pony, griffin, diamond dog, zebra, etc. We have our own dreams, likes, dislikes, talents, and we only wish to live our lives as best as we can. There are some things I cannot share with you about our life, namely out of respect for those who perhaps don’t want Equestria knowing too much about them. However, I will stand by what I have stated so far. We can feel, and we can hurt. We can laugh, mourn, fear, and most importantly, we can love. We have a different way of seeing love, but we still cherish it.

I am what some would call an ‘Independent’. I am a changeling who lives alone, and I’m going to leave it at that. That’s part of the reason I never included a return address on my letter. I have recently fallen for a young human. Not just any human, either, but a Gentleman. He’s a wonderful, loving man who makes me smile, laugh, and he gives me something to look forward to outside of the daily monotony that has been my life for several years now. I want to make him realize how much he’s come to mean to me, and let him know that he can trust me and feel comfortable with me. Call it cheesy, but sometimes it hurts when I think of how much I care for him. Maybe I’m desperate, or maybe humans have a weird effect on us Tellusians. I do not know, but I do know that I love him.

So, that brings me to my current dilemma. Should I reveal my secret? Do I stay quiet, and let him live a life free of this secret that could cast a dark cloud over our relationship?

I trust him, Five Stars. I really do. He may be a Gentleman, but his love for me is something stronger than just wanting to show me a good night and provide companionship. He’s joked about us buying a house together a few times, even saying that if we ever formed a herd, I’d be the head mare. But… everytime I hear him say such things, I cannot help but feel a hint of hope to his words, mixed in with the mirth he’s always exuding.

Five Stars, I know that you may not trust me. You have little reason to, honestly. Still, please believe me when I say I love this man. What should I do? If you have even a scrap of concern for me and others who may be in my situation, please lend me some advice. I’m afraid that if I don’t do something soon, I’m going to end up making the wrong choice later and risk losing him. Anything would be greatly appreciated.Thank you.

A Torn and Distraught Fan of Yours

Wow. Just… wow.

I have to admit, I had no idea what to do or say after first reading this. Part of me wanted to try and offer advice, another part wanted to immediately warn the Royal Guard to see if they could identify the source of this letter, suddenly worrying that it might be one of my own Gentleman being tricked into loving a creature that was only using it. The trauma of the Changeling attack on Canterlot and learning more recently what happened to Scoop still holds sway over many of us, after all.

Upon reading this, I consulted with Platinum and Hot Topic. The former said she knew ‘only anecdotally’ of Changelings, but had heard of at least one ‘independent’ in the Crystal Kingdom who could be trusted.

She cautiously advised me to answer the letter openly, but in the end it was Hot Topic that swayed me, reminding me that Changelings were anything but monolithic and had indeed helped her during her search for Scoop, providing protection and information that ultimately led to both him and many captured humans, being held in pods harvested for love by Chrysalis’ hive. And I also remember that I in fact knew two Changelings myself back in my Las Pegasus days without even realizing it, and they were quite friendly and pleasant, doing what they needed to to survive. I can’t help but wonder now what became of them, how they’re getting along in a world where they’re now mistrusted if not occasionally outright hunted.

I appreciate the courage it took to write this letter, so I will do my best to answer and offer good advice for the sake of the man in question if nothing else. I do not wish to see one hurt, ever, and I will trust that in the end, neither do you.

I believe I understand the dilemma you face. You need his love not just emotionally, but to physically survive, and you’re terrified that if you reveal your true nature to him, that love will be withdrawn and you will suffer and starve. But if you truly love him back, and his feelings for you are as strong as you say? Then I must ask that for both your sake and his, that you reveal yourself. If you truly do love him, then trust him. Trust in the love you share.

Love requires openness and acceptance between partners, and lacking it, that love becomes tainted and impure. You may will find that his love for you becomes even stronger afterwards for it, now that he knows your greatest secret and that you saw fit to reveal it to him. That would be the ultimate act of love and trust, and who then knows where it might lead? Perhaps the day can come when Changelings can walk openly among us.

Never happen? Remember it did for thestrals, though the process wasn’t instant. If there is to be rapprochement between our races, it will start as G4M did—with a few brave individuals willing to be pioneers. You don’t have to be one yourself, but I truly feel that coming out to your human lover is the right thing to do in the long run. It may cause some consternation at first, and he may even react badly at first, just as Nicholas did. But if he truly loves and wants you, as Nicholas did with me… that, in the end, trumps all.

I wish you luck and if you do decide to take this advice, I will be curious to know how it went. So please write again, anonymously if you must. I’ll be looking for it.

And with that, we ring down the curtain on this long run of articles. Feels a little odd that I’m finishing this article before the last one was completed, but I wanted to have a clear head to focus on the story of me and Nick, which I was finding a surprisingly tough and emotional chore to write. Not because the story was unpleasant or sparked bad memories, but because, in an odd way, I’ve been afraid I couldn’t do the tale due credit and showcase him as he deserved to be. He was my first Gentleman, and in many ways still my favorite and most loved, even for all the other notable ones I’ve found.

I don’t see a need to say my full goodbyes here since I will do so in the final full article, which will actually appear before this one even though I’ll finish it last. So for now, all I’ll say is… it’s been one hay of a ride, folks, and I do find it quite bittersweet that it’s coming to an end. All good things must, as they say, but the warm heart, heartfelt reunions and many pleasant memories they’ve brought me will long linger. I look forward to the future now, whatever it may hold, doing the job I love for the company I helped build. Maybe my new fame won’t last, but considering I can’t go out without a disguise and/or bodyguards now, maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing and I could go back to regular recruiting again?

Guess we’ll see in time! Take care, folks. Enjoy the holidays, whatever one you celebrate, and if you happen to end up in Las Pegasus for New Years, don’t expect to keep your shirt on!

Heh. Never did get out there. Should probably make it a point to do so before I leave, since I’d love to see how my poker and observational skills match up against card sharks like Aces Up and Double Down!

Anyway, this is Nicholas speaking now. I’m adding this after you’ve already finished the Q&A and departed for parts unknown, Five Stars, so I’d just like to say again—you succeeded with that article about the two of us! You ‘showcased’ me just fine; I couldn’t be happier with your portrayal of me and events between us. It was the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, and in the end, a defense attorney can’t ask for any more than that!

However, we also received another letter late, after your Q&A was written. Or more precisely, I did. Though the Q&A is complete, I’ve asked Platinum and the two newspaper editors to let me amend a response to the end of this article. The letter is from a dear friend of mine, a friend and former courtroom rival who was also the original inspiration for me to become an attorney.

—”The Attorney”

Dear ‘Nicholas’:

I have to admit, when I wondered what you were doing these past several years, I scarcely imagined an occupation such as this! Though I did not follow the articles right away, I eventually had my curiosity roused as to why a New York magazine had come under heavy fire, and why we were seeing some protests against them even here, a continent away. I made some inquiries, and managed to secure copies of the articles, as well as a subscription to the online magazine. ‘Twas a fascinating, if somewhat more detailed than necessary treatise on our interdimensional neighbors.

Onto the subject at hand; the moment Five Stars mentioned a Gentleman by the name of ‘The Attorney’ I somehow knew it was you. Mind, I denied it for some time until the next article confirmed my suspicions. While I applaud you for actually getting paid for doing legal work (the number of cases you’ve taken pro bono astounds me) the fact remains that you then turned to a very different occupation, and for the life of me, I fail to understand why. With your legal expertise, you could have easily secured a job in Equestria, regardless of your legal standing on Earth.

More concerning than that is the news that you apparently have a romantic interest in a mare. I will not pretend to understand such an attraction, but that is not my main worry here. Not to put too fine a point on it, old friend, but you have had horrible luck with women unless they are several years your junior. Might I ask what has possessed you to pursue romance again, when the last woman you entrusted your heart to ripped it out? I do not mean to offend, but I would not wish to see you wounded again. I read the trial transcripts, ‘Nick’, and I am very concerned that history might repeat itself.

I know your luck means that things usually work out for you in the end, but there are some chances I would be wary of taking. I hope to hear back from you soon.

Sincerely,
[redacted]

It’s good to know you care, old friend, and I’m glad to hear from you. I’ve removed your signature and title since anyone with Google could look you up quite easily. Heck, there are times when I wonder why Five Stars concealed some names in her articles, since people like you are good at drawing logical conclusions even from scarce evidence.

As to your concerns… while it’s true that I possess a great deal of legal expertise, getting another job here in Equestria isn’t that simple. First off, the Equestrians do perform background checks, and they are quite thorough. While some background information they ask for doesn’t apply to me (Cutie Mark, whether I changed my name after receiving it, etc.), my getting disbarred on Earth would have been a huge red flag to any law firms, and would probably have gotten me bucked right out the door without even a hoofshake. Until I clean my record on Earth, I’m not liable to get any legal work aside from cutting through red tape for businesses. And we both know that’s more your style than mine; it took me a long time to get everything ironed out for G4M, as the articles showed!

With regards to my romantic life… I never thought I’d say this to you, but it’s not any of your business. The mare in question and I have agreed we’re rather perfect for each other, and that’s that. You will no doubt meet her in due course, when she’s ready to reveal herself. I thank you for your concern, and appreciate the honesty, but this is one time where I don’t feel it’s necessary. She’s not going to be another ‘Dollie’. I don’t think anypony in Tellus is capable of being like her.

And that’s it right there. That’s why I and so many other men fell for mares as opposed to women, because mares weren’t women and we didn’t see them as that she-devil I originally fell for. Like as happened with so many other men, Five Stars got around my mental blocks to piece back together my broken heart, and I’ll forever love her for it.

In fact, my friend… you should give mares a try yourself! I can think of one in particular who would love to meet you, given her interest in legal dramas. She’s smart and beautiful, generous beyond belief, has an eye for detail like you, and if you think a mare can’t turn a human head, wait until you see her!

—“The Attorney”

PS: Sorry to steal your spotlight here at the end, Five Stars, but I thought this was something worth sharing. He’s my friend, and his attitude is very similar to others I’ve heard, so in answering him, I answer the others as well. And besides, even when I was still in practice I never missed a chance to tease him publicly! So why should I stop now?

I think I can safely speak for Five Stars when I say she would more than approve, “Nick.” Like her, I very much look forward to seeing how things develop between you and your final client, and please keep in touch in the months and years ahead! You and Judy will be missed, not just by Five Stars but by all of us. And if you ever need assistance, either here or on Earth, just let us know.

As Five Stars has already departed, I guess the final word falls to me, then. I’ve been content, for the most part, to let Five Stars reap the fame and glory of this series, and it’s been well-earned. Gentleman for Mares would not have come into being without her, and she would not have been in the right place at the right time had it not been for all her experiences, all her friends and lovers, both made and lost over the years. They forged her into the pony she became, and she has said both in these pages and to me personally that she regrets little about her life and what brought her to this point, save her treatment of Miral.

She is one of the finest mares I’ve ever met, one who has touched many lives and continues to do so. Her still-growing legacy is in not just the G4M company, but in every mare who has found love and companionship who lacked it before, in every stallion who realized he could do better for these articles, and for every man who came to us through not just her, but all recruiters now.

She was my catalyst, my selected agent to bring about change to Equestrian society, and I no longer think it premature to say that change has been realized. What she and G4M have brought about cannot be undone, no matter how badly the neighsayers may wish it.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have my own holiday plans, as do many of our Gentlemen. Five Stars left days ago, and she may yet choose to detail her trip in a bonus article. But that I leave to her. She has earned her leave, and it’s a testament to all she’s done for us that we can now operate without issue in her absence. Where is she? As always, you won’t know until she says so herself.

Until then… on behalf of Five Stars, the entire G4M staff, the mares they serve and myself, this is Platinum Corona, founder of Gentleman for Mares… signing off!

It’s the end of an era, folks, but one I daresay I’m ready to see end. It’s time to stamp my first ever story on fimfiction complete and move on to bigger if not always better things. It’s been a rewarding work to say the least, despite all the trouble I had getting readers for it to start--a problem most of my works have had.

Three and a half years. 28 chapters. 225,000 words, and all over a bit character in the original G4M. Firesight, you’ve done right by her, and I hope, right by the entire verse in the process. But I couldn’t have done without everyone who worked on this story over the years. So a huge shout-out to fellow G4Mverse writers Denim_Blue, Leo_Archon and AJ_Aficionado for prereading most of the last half of this and contributing entire answers to this final Q&A! Thanks as well goes to SilentWoodFire for being such a faithful prereader on all my works, and of course to Super Kami Guru Demon Eyes Laharl, father of the Gentlemanverse and creator of Five Stars. The greatest compliment a writer can ever be paid is the simple fact that his work inspires others, and his did so in very fine fashion!

With the completion of my first-ever fimfiction story, I’m also setting up a Patreon account for myself. So, on the occasion of its completion, if you care to express your appreciation for this work monetarily, I certainly won’t object! We fanfiction writers live off feedback, but an occasional dollar or two goes far as well! If you’d like to contribute, simply go here and click the “Become a Patreon” button:

I don’t have anything to offer for various contributions yet, but they’ll come in time; either special commissioned works or exclusive short storeies. This is entirely optional, of course, but invited and appreciated like all feedback. So if you enjoy my work, feel free drop in a dime.

Fare thee well, Five Star Service. You taught me much, and I hope, gave a lot of other people enjoyment as well. This will not be my last entry in the verse, and a sequel to this very story is planned, but it’s time to move on to other projects for now. Until we meet again, folks, I hope you’ve enjoyed the ride!