Five Star Service – Reader Q&A

By Five Stars of Manehattan
Special to the New York Life and Manehattan Post magazines
May 18 issues

Dear readers:

This is not going to be a regular article, but rather, a Q&A session where I answer reader questions the two magazines and I have received via letters over the past several months.

Consider it an intermission of sorts. At the insistence of Platinum and some others, I am going to be taking a break from my writing and my duties as a trainer after I send this out for publication. There are some old friends I need to catch up with, and I’ve decided that now is the time to do so. I will be heading out for what I like to think is a well-deserved vacation, and there will likely be a six week gap before my next article.

But first… here are the questions and letters we’ve decided to share. Some are supportive, some not, some are thoughtful, some downright hateful. But they’re certainly representative of the spectrum of opinions that are out there.

This seems a good one to start with:

Hi Five Stars. I’m not a gentleman or client, I’m a woman doing a thesis on the differences in our cultures for my master’s degree in anthropology. So I’d like to ask: Besides the more… physical aspects of humanity, what are other things that you find interesting about our species? Any of our music, literature, films, cultures, religions, history—the good and the bad—things like that?

—A Grad Student

Wow. Where to begin? Humans are all at once an amazing and exasperating race to me. I could spend hours trying to answer this, but here I’ll keep it brief:

First, the good: What I find the most incredible about humanity is that a species that so lacks in both magic and harmony nonetheless made the climb to intelligence and civilization, never mind your inability to control the weather. Lacking magic, you invented your own, lacking harmony, you came up with some very clever systems of incentives and social structures to get along at least well enough to advance. Your technology is miraculous and in some ways surpasses our magic, the sheer diversity and variety of your cultures are amazing, and I love some of your movies and music—the first time I saw Lord of the Rings I was enrapt; the first time I heard Ode to Joy I cried. With regards to the former, your action films are at times a very guilty pleasure for me, seeing muscular males in battle, fighting for their homes and each other. I love strong male role models—we don’t have enough of them in our own entertainment media but your movies have them in spades. I also love evocative music, and it amazes me how well you’ve mated them up in your movie soundtracks. I could listen to some of them all day.

Sexually, you’re far more accepting of certain orientations than ponies are, at least in more developed cultures, which is both surprising and welcome to me. Chiefly, you don’t have the stigma we do of being born out of herdlock (“misborn”) or being a colt-cuddler (gay).

But with the good also comes the bad. Despite being more accepting of gay males, you’re sexually far more repressed than we, and it shows in many ways. Fear of nudity (why?) Shaming of those who don’t conform to sexual standards (Though I grant ponies are guilty of this too). Emphasizing abstinence over education on one hoof; what I see as efforts by some of your females to muzzle and in effect geld your males on the other. I’ll have more to say on that later, but what I’m referring to here is the way your females sometimes seem to hold your males to impossible standards and then berate them for not meeting them.

Then there’s the truly ugly. Your violent history. The constant strife and conflict among your nations and ideologies. The deliberate breeding and subsequent slaughter of animals for meat—I get that you’re omnivores, but that’s a hard thing for a pony to understand or accept. The use of religion as a means to attack or resist change… or to justify murder on a mass scale. The development and use of truly horrific weapons. Barbaric customs of certain cultures like female circumcision or keeping of women as property. The reflexive attacks on those who think or suggest different, automatically assuming the worst about them. There’s too much talking—or shouting—and not enough listening, from what I’ve seen and heard.

If there’s one thing I do NOT like about humans, it’s how you magnify your differences far above and beyond what circumstances call for, and how readily you turn it into hate, conflict and sometimes outright war. This is not to say Equestrians haven’t fought wars, we have, but… with nothing close to the intensity or frequency you have.

Now all that said, I agree with Princess Twilight Sparkle that the good and potential good of humanity far outweighs the bad, and I’m very glad we found you. Our races need each other, and I think that as species, we’re natural partners that will complement each other quite well. We’re catalysts for each other’s development; in truth I think our culture was starting to stagnate before humanity came along. Bottom line—there’s a lot we can learn from and do for each other, and despite the upheaval that humans have brought, I think they’re the best things that could have happened to us.

What exactly are your training methods? How do you… condition, shall we say, new Gentlemen? Furthermore, did you get all of your experience purely from your past experiences?

Of course. Experience comes by doing. Practicing. That’s why I and my fellow trainers use sex itself to teach our recruits how to please a mare, and why a gentleman spends many months in training. Nobody, human or pony, is going to get rutting right the first time; it’s simply not something you can just read in a book and expect to be good at (in fact, for as unrealistic as some romance books make it, I strongly advise AGAINST getting sex tips from them!)

As for conditioning… well, part of it is in bedroom, part of it is in the gym. We have some purely physical trainers amongst our staff as well. A Gentleman must meet certain strength and stamina requirements before he’s pronounced fit to serve. We believe that hard bodies equals hard… well, you know.

Sex may be natural, but being good at it must be learned. Humans and ponies are perfectly compatible, but it takes some time and training to really understand how each other’s body works and how best to proceed in the bedroom (though to be sure, the same holds true for any relationship regardless of species). But once you do… needless to say, a whole new world opens up, not unlike the portal between Earth and Tellus.

What do you regret most about your past?

Oh, I have plenty of potential regrets, mostly of paths not taken. I could very easily be the mother of Cayenne’s foals or the right-hoof mare of Rising Star if things had turned out just a little differently… and occasionally I wonder what would have happened if they had. But potential is all they are. I wouldn’t trade this life for anything. In that sense, I can’t regret my choices or what woe has occasionally befallen me, for in the end, they led to somewhere far better. I’m happy in my life now, and I couldn’t say that for a long time.

I will say I do have some real regrets regarding certain ponies and people. Chief among them prospective gentlemen I lost because I misread, or bedded when they weren’t well and truly ready, scaring them off or even hurting them emotionally. I’m a little too aggressive sometimes and it’s gotten me in trouble; I’ve also antagonized some coworkers I didn’t need to and ended up on less-than-stellar terms with.

I guess my bottom line is that I know I’m not perfect, but I can’t regret where I’ve been or the things I’ve done… because without them, I wouldn’t have gotten here. Ultimately, this is where I belong. This is what makes me happy.

I really don’t get why you’re so big on our guys. They’re all a bunch of jerks who just want one thing then dump you when they get it! Of course they’d go for girls who give it to them, even if they had four legs!

Of course they want one thing. They’re male. It’s in their nature and that is not in itself wrong.

The urge to procreate is always there, as is the need to feel good both physically and about ourselves, seek validation of our identities as males or females. That’s not something they should be made to feel bad about, and trying to shame them for simply looking appreciatively at a girl or wanting to ‘get their rocks off’ is wrong.

Now I know there are some bad apples out there—I’ve met one or two myself (as you’ll find out later). But human men are far from the ‘bunch of jerks’ you claim; I’ve met many—I daresay the strong majority, in fact—who just wanted to be treated well and appreciated for their efforts and for being male. When they came to the Equestria, many men found that for the first time, they were, and then reciprocated.

This is where our reversed gender roles come into play. Our mares are like your males in that they often struggle to get attention from the opposite sex and have to work harder to obtain it. Given that, it’s no wonder man and mare take to each other so readily—they’ve discovered they can get what they want from each other, for mutual fun and benefit.

I don’t get it. You say you’re not into mares, but you’ve been with them on multiple occasions. Sure you don’t prefer them instead?

Positive. But just because I don’t prefer them doesn’t mean I can’t on occasion enjoy them.

Remember that intra-mare relationships are normal among ponies because stallions are so few. Stallions or no, we still need companionship and help during our heats; if we stuck exclusively to males we’d be hard up quite frequently. That’s not healthy, whether in heat or out of it. I’d also note that with one or two exceptions, the mares I’ve been with were my herdmates or when I was in season… or under the influence of a potion. Given the choice I’ll take a male every time, but for so many mares, that choice just isn’t there.

And speaking of potions…

Any idea where a guy could get his paws on some of those boosters you took?

By Celestia, did you not read the previous article? You don’t WANT those boosters. They’ll give you and your partner the best night of your life, then very possibly end it. They’ll let you fly and then rip off your wings to leave you plummeting back to earth, and you’ll hit the ground hard, perhaps fatally. Is addiction and death really worth it to you?

Now if you want to try the legal booster potions, I think those are currently only available on our side of the portal. You’ll have to come here to try them, but be careful. There’s often no telling how humans react to magic they haven’t experienced before.

Do you find it annoying, saddening, or a combination of both that humans against this form of mingling are primarily against it because they consider ponies in general to be lesser life forms? It’s kind of ironic given some ponies object for the exact same reason except aiming the insult at us. Although, most ponies disagree due to the “comfort horse” stigma, correct?

I think maddening is the word I would use. Almost invariably, when I meet a new human, the first thing I have to do is help them see us as something other than beasts. I can’t say this enough—we’re not animals. I don’t like the presumption that we are or are somehow beneath you because we walk on four legs and don’t wear clothes; that the simple fact we look like small horses from your world somehow makes us as unintelligent as one.

If you want to go that route, you look like hairless apes to us, and we don’t have any intelligent primates in our world. By this logic, we should look down on humans as beneath us for the same reasons—though as you noted… to be fair, some do. I wouldn’t say it’s ironic so much as expected—everyone wants to believe their side superior, after all.

So I’ll say here what I always tell such humans when I’m trying to recruit them: Look past the superficial similarities to your world’s horses. Can you seriously consider a race of ponies who walk, talk, think, a race that fought wars and has harnessed magic, a race who built cities and carved their civilization out of a magical wilderness in the face of monsters, dragons, and rival races, as mere beasts? We’re proud of our accomplishments as a species. We don’t appreciate being called animals or savages any more than you.

How many species have you fooled around with? What can you tell us about those experiences?

I have been with species other than humans, but you will forgive me if I decline to elaborate for now. The reason is that there will be an entire article devoted to such an encounter and attempt at an interspecies relationship later. I’d rather answer this question then.

My mare left me for a Gentleman and I blame YOU! She started seeing one behind my back and ended up leaving me for a human! What are we supposed to do? Stallions can’t compete with human fingers!

I don’t know your situation, but I can promise you this much—your mare didn’t leave you because of fingers. I can just about guarantee she left you because she was treated by said Gentleman far better than you treated her. She left you because she realized she could have something better; that she could be with a partner who worshipped her, who would treat and fete her, who could make her feel good physically and feel good about herself. That has nothing to do with fingers or even with Gentlemen, but everything to do with taking her for granted and not seeing to her needs.

Here are some questions to ask yourself: How often did you rut her? Did you ever ask her what she wanted, or simply tell her what you did? Did you ever ask her if she was satisfied or see to her needs? Did you just expect her to be there on your terms and do the things you wanted to? Did you care about her and her pleasure, or only your own?

Again, I don’t know your situation, but I’m pretty sure you’ll find the reasons for her departure in the answer to those questions.

But just to prove that’s not a strictly pony phenomenon…

Thanks to perverts like you pushing pony sex, my boyfriend left me for a MARE! Said she was better than me in bed and dumped me for a fucking HORSE! How fucking sick and twisted can you get? And you’re actually ENCOURAGING this? Stick to your own kind and stop poaching our men!

Two things: First of all, ponies are NOT your world’s horses, and being referred to as one is just as offensive to us as if we called you apes or monkeys. And second, they are not ‘yours’. Just like I told the stallion in the previous letter, if he left you, you can be sure he left you for what he saw as something better—such as a more mutual and satisfying relationship?

Because they’re so starved of it, mares appreciate and reciprocate male attention more than human women, I’ve noticed, and the reverse seems to hold true as well—a lot of human men like the simple fact that their efforts are appreciated, that they don’t have jump through ridiculous cultural hoops and meet impossible standards to land a lady. So I’ll be blunt: our stallions can learn a few things from human men, and I daresay more than a few human women can learn from our mares how to treat and keep a male.

Now, I can sympathize with being let go for being a ‘bad lay’. That can be on either party (or both), but it’s a mistake to automatically assume your partner was at fault. So see my previous reply and ask yourself the following: Did you take him for granted? Was your relationship mutual or one-sided, where everything was on your terms? Did you show him respect, or only demand it for yourself and nitpick every little thing he did? That’s a very common refrain I’ve heard from human males.

And as a follow-up…

What do you hope stallions learn from Gentlemen?

Stallions could learn a lot from human males, chief among them how to treat mares better and not take them for granted. Yes, there are some men out there who are just as bad, but human males generally have to at least make a modicum of effort to woo their ladies and present themselves well; prove themselves worthy. Stallions do not, being so few, and it goes to their heads that they don’t have to put out or try—that mares will come to them. No longer.

If I could boil down the difference, it would be as follows: stallions define their malehood by how many mares want to give them pleasure; human men tend to define their malehood by how good they are at giving a mare pleasure. There are certainly exceptions to this, but as a general rule it holds.

So which one do YOU think the average mare—or woman—would prefer?

How do you think the whole of Equestrian society will go on, after the humans? How do you think Equestria (and Earth) will look like X years from now?

Well, there’s no doubt a difference between what I hope it will look like and what it WILL look like, but I’ll give you my admittedly idealistic vision. I see far more integrated societies, Tellus magic and human technologies slowly intertwining until both are used alongside each other and exist fully in both worlds. I see us as catalysts for change in each other’s society and culture, and our races accomplishing more together than we could ever had separately. I see our societies slowly merging, eventually becoming one.

And above all else, I see the day that Gentleman for Mares is no longer necessary because it’s as normal and natural for a human to be with a pony as it is to take a mate within our own races. I just hope I live to see it.

What do you think of stallion/woman relationships? There are a few of them out there, and they could use some support as well.

To be honest, I struggle with this one a bit. On the one hoof, I know it would be very hypocritical for me to say stallions can’t do that, but on the other… I still have this ingrained reaction to say that if a stallion is with a human woman, that’s one less available for mares, and we need every stallion we can get. That’s programmed into me as a mare, unfortunately. It honestly surprises me that human women might prefer stallions over men given my experiences with both; I know most human women prefer monogamous relationships and wouldn’t put up with being treated as just one of the herd.

Granted, Aces Up and Double Down admitted in their letter they’ve bedded human women, but that actually doesn’t surprise me—those two are pretty much human males in their preferences and the way they treat their ladies anyway (which is usually a good thing); if they feted a human girl like they did me that one night, I’ve no doubt they’d “score”, potion or no. If their mares are fine with it, I suppose that’s that, but still… I’d be lying if I said it didn’t on some level bother me.

I’ll override my misgivings and say I support interspecies relationships in general. I’ve heard of everything from human/griffin relationships to dragon/pony pairings. Compatibility questions aside, if it’s loving and consensual, I don’t see any problem with it. If you want to enter into such a relationship, more power to you. Ultimately, such pairings help bring our societies closer together.

Have you ever considered finding one man to settle down with permanently, or has permanency run out of second chances?

Honestly? I’d consider it with a man at this point, but not a stallion. I’m too soured on the latter now. Too many bad experiences and broken herds, several of which I have yet to talk about. There’s certainly one or two gentlemen I wouldn’t mind forming a more permanent relationship with, however… and may yet. And on a related note…

Have you ever considered having foals? And wouldn’t you need a herd to do so?

Of course I have. That’s a biological imperative for many mares (or ‘biological clock’ as I’ve heard humans refer to it), a very strong instinct we all have. And had things turned out a little differently with Cayenne or with Aces Up and Double Down, I might well have had them.

But now… I just don’t think foals are in my future. I don’t really have any interest in settling down with a stallion, and in many ways consider G4M my herd and my Gentlemen my foals. In some ways, I am raising them, after all!

What kind of qualities do you look for in a prospective Gentleman? And on a side note, do you live in Fillydelphia? I recently visited a bookstore there and swear I saw you working there.

I’ve never lived in Fillydelphia or worked at a bookstore, sorry. Working as a florist at the Shemareaton Manehattan is as close as I’ve come. You’re not the only one to ask, though. From what others have said, it sounds like there may be a unicorn mare working there that looks a lot like me. But she’s not me, and I’m sure she’s getting tired of being asked.

As for the qualities we look for in a Gentleman… we don’t really have a checklist, if that’s what you mean. For some mares, male, human, and breathing is enough, but for us… you need to be single and available to start—we don’t poach men from their families or existing relationships. We don’t require perfect physical specimens, but at least a modicum of good looks and you can be sure you’re going to ‘get ripped’ (a human term for having a chiseled physique) by the time our trainers, both physical and sexual, are through with you. We also don’t discriminate on the basis of age as some mares (like Rising Star) go for older Gentlemen, but needless to say, you do need to be able to perform.

We don’t really have a formal recruiting agency per se, our handlers and trainers just kind of stay on the lookout for any man who might make a good Gentleman. Myself, I tend to look for more down-on-their-luck males like I said before, since I tend to think that they’ll be more amenable to the job and end up more compassionate and doting to the mares they service because they remember what it was like to be low.

And yes, I find such males easier to bed. I won’t lie about that. It hasn’t always worked out that way, but more often than not it does.

Got any tips for a guy with a unicorn marefriend? I’m worried that only sticking to horn play as my best move might make me come off as one note.

My advice is very simple: ask her what she likes. Treat her as a mare and individual, not just a unicorn or sex partner. Be her mate and companion. Regardless of race, to paraphrase a human song that’s rather popular in Equestria at the moment… that’s what a girl wants, what a girl needs…

Would it be possible for a, well, colt-cuddler to hire a Gentleman? I’m only asking for a friend!!!

—a friend of a friend

Well. Can’t say I expected this question!

I have known some colt-cuddlers (gay stallions) over the years, one in particular that I remember quite fondly. I do not wish to give your friend false hope, as that is something we would have to discuss internally and see if any Gentlemen would be willing to take on such a client—I know there are a few that swing both ways. There would also be the question of what kind of date he would be able to give you, given the difficulties involved with a same-sex couple being seen in public. That’s something I understand gay humans can generally do now, but here in Equestria… not yet, unfortunately. That is another positive influence I hope humans have on us over time, undoing that particular stigma.

So the short answer is: not currently. But in response to your question, I have brought the possibility up with Platinum. That is something she will have to decide in tandem with our Gentlemen. I don’t have your return address, so please have your friend write me directly and we’ll see if anything can be arranged.

How do you sleep at night, knowing you’re teaching men to be whores and sell themselves to alien horses for a few bits?

I sleep quite soundly, because selling sex doesn’t have the same stigma it does for humans. We’re selling a service to answer a need of many mares—a need for male companionship in which sex just plays a part. If you ask our Gentlemen whether they enjoy their work, you’ll get a resounding yes. If you ask our clients if they enjoy the company of Gentlemen, they will also answer in the affirmative. So, it’s win-win for all. They’re happy, more mares are happy, and I’m happy for training them. Why should I lose sleep over any of that?

What is your proudest accomplishment as a trainer?

My proudest accomplishment is receiving letters like this:

Ms. Stars, this isn’t a question. This is me thanking you from the bottom of my heart. I used to be a GFM client, and yes, I went to your company for all the reasons you’ve stated, loneliness for the most part.

I admit that at first I hated myself for using your services. I thought I’d sunken to an absolute low to have to resort to ‘human comfort horses’. That was until one of your Gentlemen showed me the most wonderful night of my life. He made me feel whole again… and perhaps broaden my views of where I could find love. And now, I’m getting married to a wonderful man next spring. If you see [redacted], tell him thank you for giving Songbird the confidence to fly again. It’s not my name, but he’ll know who.

Also thank you, because I believe he said, “A stubborn, star-butted mare got me into this life!” I can only guess who that was.

—A soaring songbird

Getting letters like these warms my heart and reminds me of why I do what I do. I’m helping make mares (and men) happy; helping them to find the companionship and love so many never do.

Yes, I know the Gentleman in question, and yes, a certain ‘stubborn, star-butted mare’ did recruit him—though from what I recall, HE was the more stubborn one at first. He was tough nut to crack, but I eventually did so… though he never did quite lose his sassy wit. Regardless, I will pass your message along… and might well ask for the whole story from him.

That’s from a satisfied customer. To be sure, I also get letters like this one:

I am a mare, but I will never be a Gentleman for Mares supporter. For I was on vacation and seduced by a gentlemen named [redacted].

He lied to me, tried to addict me to sex with him, make me fall in love with him. And in the end I’m sad to say I did, but thankfully one of his equally-addicted clients gave him away.

I will never forgive him for that. He was a deceiver who just wanted to make me dependent on him for sex and love, turn me into a paying client so he’d have his bits and fun.

I hate him for it. He and your entire organization deserve nothing but the greatest contempt and should be shunned by all mares. I will spread the name of this deceiver far and wide to make sure nopony is ever hurt by him again.

—SS

Hate mail doesn’t usually get a rise out of me. But this one did.

I know the Gentleman in question, and I find it very hard to believe he did what you said—he’s one of the nicest, most compassionate humans I’ve known, even among Gentlemen. So hard, in fact, that I asked him what the real story was. Know what he told me?

That he spent the better part of a week with you, trying to help you. That your friends all but threw him at you. That he felt sorry for you for being ‘misborn’, for the loneliness and low confidence you suffered for it and that he thought he could help you as he’d helped other mares in the past. That he did so out of the goodness of his heart, not out of any desire to make you a paying client.

He admitted he ‘fucked up big time’ with you by not saying he was a Gentleman up front, but you apparently made that nearly impossible by making it clear you hated them for being a comfort horse like your sire. I am sorry you carry the stigma of being misborn; it’s an ugly label I would love to see permanently retired. But you’re wrong to take it out on a man who tried to help you, Gentleman or no. You want a boy or coltfriend, that’s not the way to get one.

In any event, I VERY strongly advise you against revealing his name. We can’t legally stop you, but it’s not our lawyers you’d have to worry about. You hurt him in any way, you will answer to me, his handler (speaking from experience, you do NOT want to piss her off), and the many mares he’s helped over the years, ranging from traveling magicians to multiple celebrities. Consider yourself warned.

And speaking of one of those celebrities… here’s her perspective on the Gentleman in question:

Dear Ms. Five Stars—

I have followed your articles with great interest ever since their inception. Your story thus far is one that many mares can relate to, and I, for all my glitz and glamor, am no different.

In truth, it was only a few months ago that I had the most wonderful experience with a most special Gentleman, who went by the name of [redacted]. His fee was well-earned that night; truly no stallion had ever treated me so royally as he! But what particularly gratifies me is that I was able to help HIM in turn—he confided in me about a personal issue, and I did my best to talk him through it. That made our encounter mutual and far more special to me for it, allowing me to indulge my more… generous impulses and feel that I had helped him in turn.

Gentlemen remain somewhat unpopular in my hometown and amongst some of my friends because of a certain… incident… you’re no doubt aware of, but you will find no stronger supporter of them and what you do then me. In truth, I am rather envious of you—getting to train human stallions on the finer points of lovemaking to help lonely mares is a noble undertaking indeed!—and would offer what support a humble Ponyville fashion designer may.

I understand you likely cannot reveal my fine Gentleman’s identity, but I will insist, my dear, that you publish my name with this letter. For I am proud to call myself a Gentleman for Mares client, and look forward to using your services in the future—particularly if I could arrange a return visit from my favorite Gentleman!

—Lady Rarity, owner and founder, Carousel Boutique Fashions and Philanthropy

(PS: Regardless of whether I see that fine Gentleman again, please tell him I would VERY much like to know if things worked out for him with regards to the issue we discussed!)

Wow. For once, I really don’t know what to say. Coming from a pony as renowned and well-regarded as you, this is high compliment indeed, Lady Rarity! I know the Gentleman in question will be very gratified to hear his praises sung by you… as am I.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I promise to pass along your message, and let him answer you himself. The life of a Gentleman has its highs and lows, but receiving missives like this is certainly among the former!

And that wraps up this session, and what marks roughly the one-third point of my articles. I have plenty more stories yet to tell, but I’m going to wait a bit before doing so. At Platinum Corona’s direct orders, I am taking a break both from the writing and G4M. In fact, I’m leaving for the train station shortly.

Where am I going? All I’ll say is that by the time this article is run, I’ll already be there. I have some old friends to see, and a lot of time to catch up on with them.

So in parting, I’d like to express my gratitude to both my human and pony readers for following these articles, and say thanks for all the thought-provoking questions and commentary. But now it’s time for this mare to put down her quill (okay, stylus) and take a well-deserved vacation. I’ll see you all in six weeks! Until then, take care and be well.

—Five Stars of Manehattan

Fives Stars is taking a break, and so am I, to keep a promise to myself. There is an adult anthropomorphic novel I've finished but have left languishing for over a year; it's sat long enough and it's high time to self-publish. I'm going to take a month to concentrate on getting it out before returning to this and Turnabout Storm. If I'm feeling particularly bold, I may share the e-book link with folks when it's finally out there.

Fear not, both Five Stars and I will return. Thanks very much for following the story!

--Firesight