The Wandering Physicist Adventures

by WanderingPhysicist

First published 25th of February, 2012

Scientist, nerd, mystery. Ponyville's newest resident has a lot of secrets to share with new friend

FAQ for this story: FiM Fic version and GDoc version (constantly updated and edited)

The Wandering Physicist is a mysterious traveller who just arrived in Ponyville. After establishing himself in the video game shop, he begins his encounters with the denizens of Ponyville. This sets off many ongoing adventures with his new friends. With a constant stream of visitors from around Equestria, friendship, family, twists and turns and legions of nerds are on the horizon.

Setting: Approximately a year after the end of the series.

Character References: On tumblr - On Deviant Art - Warning: Contains spoilers and peanut products.

To new readers: These were written as an ongoing serial. The individual story does not necessarily carry chapter to chapter, but the continuing story and events carry over. Feel free to skip around the chapters without losing too much continuity. If you do not wish to start at the beginning, Crossroads is a good starting location as it lays down the groundwork most of what follow.

As this was a serial, there is a cast list at the top of each chapter allowing the you to read only those with characters you are interested in. The main characters listed are those that appear in the majority of the chapters.

Arcs:
TWP vs the World: The Game Arc - A Trixie Situation to Final Boss - Trixie is on the run from some nasty elements in her family. Ponyville is placed in gaming illusions to force TWP to turn Trixie over.
The Physicist's Wife Arc - The Physicist's Wife to Confessions - Fluttershy gets injured and thinks she is married to The Wandering Physicist. She spends a month living with her love, but what do her friends think of the new Mrs Wanderer?
Adventures in Neighpon - Turning Neighponese to Tomodachi Sketch - The Wandering Physicists takes his friends on a trip to Neighpon. A series of interconnected adventures take place leading to love, fortune, action and a giant alicorn plushie.

Prequel to The Master Game
Prequel to Starlight Chronicles

A New Challenger Appears

Main Characters: The Wandering Physicist (TWP)
Cameos: Fluttershy
Original Write Date: September 24, 2011 (The day I got excited and made something)

He arrives in Ponyville pulling a small cart of belongings, enjoying the cool summer afternoon.

Like the (in)famous Doctor Whooves, he is a Time Lord. Unlike The Doctor, he did not see the need to travel through time and space after he arrived in Equestria and had his first encounter with the Neightendo Entertainment System. From that point on, he was a little distracted. Just a little. Before the age when most future Time Lords are exposed to The Untempered Schism as part of earning their cutie mark, he had already earned his Cutie Mark thanks to a marathon session of Super Mare-io World. Since the mark is shaped like is 16-bit power block, other ponies say that he is meant to be a great programmer or game designer. He knows otherwise. He knows what he was truly meant to do. And it involves a controller in his hooves. While the rest of his people fought and died in The Last Great Time War, he was camping in line for a Neightendo Wii. Twice. He is that dedicated to his craft.

He wanders from place to place, seeing all of the sights, playing all of the games. Now, he is in Ponyville to start a new chapter in his life. The only things he has with him is his collection of games, systems, and all of his collectables. No wardrobe. (He is a pony, what does he need more than one set of clothes for?) No furniture. (He does have his electronics, but he does not need anything to put them on.) And no money. (Hello! Time Lord!) He is looking for something. He does not know what, but he has wandered here for a reason.

He finds a safe place to park his cart until he could find a place to stay and starts looking around town. He is not used to cities and towns in Equestria Proper, having spent a lot of time traveling Neighpon. Canterlot, Manehatton and Fillydelphia are all too busy; Southern Coltifornia, with its chief city of Los Arion, is too awesome for him; and Sacramaneto is a hole in the purest definition of the word. Other towns are the right level of ‘small’, but they are not ‘busy’ enough. Ponyville seems to have the right small town feel with plenty going on. There is a fashion boutique, a library inside of a tree, a large apple orchard, a thriving bakery, a bustling marketplace full of interesting vendors, including a store specializing in just quills and sofas, a vast forest, and an exceptionally friendly mailpony in need of corrective laser surgery.

And then it catches his eye. He knows what he was looking for.

A yellow pegasus with long pink hair is walking a family of ducks through a the corner of town. She is passing by a shop when he noticed her. He charges full steam right at her. She lets out a small ‘meep’ and tries to hide. He aptly dodges the cowering mare and presses his face up against the store’s display window. Once she realizes she is in no danger, the pegesus lets out a big sigh and continues on her path. The stallion drools a little over the display.

‘Mother 2....’ The stallion says to nopony in particular, staring at a video game with its console. ‘The greatest game ever made. Released outside of Neighpon as Equestriabound. Took me too long to get a readable copy of the sequel, but it is soooo worth it. I must have that game!’

The ponies watching the stallion back away a few extra steps, and the yellow pegasus, again frightened, disappears.

The stallion takes no notice of all of this and enters the shop. The shop is filled with all sorts of gaming history, from old Neightendo systems to modern Playstation. The odd stallion takes it all in as he approaches the shopkeeper.

‘May I help you?’

‘Mother 2. How much?’

‘Sir?’

‘Mother 2?’ He receives a confused stare in return. ‘Equestriabound, if you use the translated title.’

‘Oh. The display. That is not for sell.’ The unusual pony glared at the shopkeeper. ‘Uh... I know it is not a rare game... but it is a part of the store. I can’t easily part with it.’

‘A part of the store, eh?’ The odd stallion thinks for a moment. ‘I’ll be right back.’

The strange pony runs from the store, across the street to the nearby bank. After making sure nopony is looking, the stallion turns to an ATM. An odd buzz is heard. The stallion turns back around, holding a large number of bits. He quickly returns to the game store before anypony can observe him carefully. He drops all of the bits on the counter unceremoniously. ‘I’ll take it!’

The shopkeeper stares at the pile of bits in shock. ‘Take what?’

‘The store. You said the game was a part of it, so I’ll take the whole to get the part.’

‘But... but... wha... huh!?’

‘Is that too much or not enough? I can never tell. This whole “money” thing is still a little odd to me.’

The shopkeeper stares at the stallion, agape. After doing some quick math, the clerk realizes how much money the peculiar pony gave him. He quickly pushes all of the bits into a very large bag. The clerk gets out a piece of paper and quickly writes out a makeshift contract.

‘No! That is plenty. Absolutely plenty.’ I can buy a palace to rival Celestia’s with this much! ‘Um... Here. Sign this and the store is yours.’

The strange stallion places his hoofprint on the contract. The shopkeeper grins and rolls it up.

‘I’ll take care of this on my way out of town’ and to a well-earned, permanent vacation. ‘I hope you don’t mind starting work right away.’

The shop’s new owner has already hooked a Super Neightendo up to a television and places Equestriabound into the slot. ‘Oh. I am set.’

‘I can see that.. Anyway! I will be on my way.’ The shopkeeper puts on a hat and starts heading out of the door, then he stops. ‘Oh! I forgot to ask, but since I know the authorities will, what is your name.’

The mysterious stallion looks over his shoulder and smirks. ‘They call me, The Wandering Physicist.’

Author's Notes:

TWP's Timeline: His first appearance in Ponyville. Fluttershy is the first main character he encounters.

Pest Control

Main Characters: TWP, CMC, Rarity, Applejack
Cameos: Pinkie Pie, Derpy Hooves
Original Write Date: October 1, 2011

The Cutie Mark Crusaders are gathered at Carousel Boutique. It is Rarity’s day to watch her sister, and she has locked them out of her idea room for some private time. The young fillies sit around a computer waiting for it to boot up. Sweetie Belle is at the keyboard.

‘Why are we doing this at my house again?’ Sweetie Belle asks.

‘Because Applejack said it would cost too much t’ run the tubes t’ our farm,’ Apple Bloom says.

‘And my dad says that the internet is a tool of the liberal devils out to take our civil liberties and our guns and impose Zebra Law on us,’ Scootaloo replies.

The other two look at their friend and scoot away a little. The computer finishes booting up. The three young fillies stare at the screen wondering what to do next.

‘So what now?’ Appleboom asks.

‘Maybe Rarity has something that can help us...’ Sweetie Belle says, opening folders randomly.

‘What is that!’ Scootaloo says, pushing in front of the screen. ‘What is “ya-o-i?” Open it! It must be important if it is hidden this much.’

Sweetie Belle opens the folder. It is full of images, text files, videos and digital comics. She picks one of the comics and opens it. Instantly, Scootaloo and Apple Bloom turn as white as their friend and cover their eyes.

‘Close it! Close it now!’ Scootaloos screams.

Sweetie Belle closes the file and turns her head to one side. ‘Why were those two male unicorns touching horns?’

‘Sweetie Belle... Those weren’ their horns.’ Apple Bloom starts. She pauses for a second. ‘And Ah ain’t explainin’ the rest t’ ya.’

‘That was horrible!’ Scootaloo thinks for a moment. ‘Let’s try one of those Googles I have heard about!’

‘There is only one Google.’ Sweetie Belle corrects.

‘What are you? A Wikipedia?’

Sweetie Belle grumbles and opens a browser. She goes to the Google front page. The doodle is an 8-bit image of a green pony with sword fighting monsters across a rocky landscape spelling out ‘Google’. It is captioned ‘25th Anniversary of Legend of Celestia’.

‘What should we search for?’

‘Uh... Cool!’

‘And amazing talent!’

‘And awesome ponies!’

‘And best cutie marks!’

Sweetie Belle types in the suggestions. Scootaloo pushes in again and presses ‘Feeling Lucky’ before Sweetie Belle can search.

‘Hey!’

‘What? We want to find our cutie marks fast, right? And I am feeling lucky!’

Sweetie Belle pushes her way back as the page loads. It is a video of some sort.

‘Hello everyone, I’m Electron Jim, and welcome to some more Super Mare-io Bros ROM hacks,’ the video’s host declares.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders watch the video for a few moments with growing excitement.

‘CUTIE MARK CRUSADER LET’S PLAYER! YAY!’

In his bed, The Wandering Physicist bolts upright in a cold sweat.

‘I just had the worst nightmare.’

Several hours later, The Wandering Physicist mans his shop, the newly-rechristened The Power Block. He is quite tired from a very rattling dream he had that morning. He could not get back to sleep so he decided to open shop early. Fortunately, it is a slow weekend with no major launches scheduled, and he is able to just take it easy. Very easy. Just three small customers...

The Cutie Mark Crusaders have been scouring the store looking for the perfect game to try to LP. They showed up early and the groggy store owner let them in. Despite hours of looking, they have yet to find a game to their liking. Surprisingly, they have kept their tempers and have not fought once. Well, not too vocally and physically.

‘We should totally get this one! Look! The hero looks just like Rainbow Dash!’

‘But that is a racing game. And racing games are booooring.’ Sweetie Belle complains. ‘Besides, it is my allowance.’ She pauses to think. ‘Why couldn’t you get any money from your families too?’

‘Ah asked, but mah sister said Ah had t’ get a job if Ah wanted money.’

‘And my dad said that video games are brainwashing tools that the Neighponese are using to take over Equestria so they can take all of our tax money and give it to their godless emperor.’

Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom are fairly certain their friend just said something incredibly wrong but choose not to correct her. They go back to looking at games. Apple Bloom spots something higher up. She tries hard to see what it is. Scootaloo notices Apple Bloom and starts looking, too. Seconds later, Sweetie Belle joins in.

‘What do you think is up there?’ asks Scootaloo.

‘Our destiny.’ Apple Bloom replies. ‘Now give me a boost.’

‘Shouldn’t we get the clerk to help us?’ Sweetie Belle asks.

Apple Bloom looks over and sees The Wandering Physicist sleeping at the counter. ‘He seems busy. Now help me up!’

The other ponies come over and Apple Bloom starts trying to climb them. The others shout as their faces get stepped on. Apple Bloom keeps looking, but she still cannot quite see what see is looking for.

‘Ah need t’ get higher.’

‘We can’t get any higher.’

‘What if ya try stackin’ y’all?’

‘Why don’t you try standing higher?’

‘Fine.’

Apple Bloom tries standing with just her hind legs on the backs of her friends, but the action upsets their balance. She can almost reach the game if she can just keep her footing... At that moment, a big yawn fills the shop as The Wandering Physicist wakes. He sees the potentially dangerous situation unfolding.

‘What the frak!’

The Wandering Physicist dashes around the counter and runs toward the now teetering Apple Bloom. He reaches the tower right when Apple Bloom falls. He catches her on his back as he safely pushes the other two away from the displays. He dumps her unceremoniously by her friends.

‘Drat. Almost had it.’

‘Just what the heck were you thinking?’ The Wandering Physicist growls, turning to the three young fillies. The Wandering Physicist does not like to admit it, but he has a horrible temper. Once he gets set off, you have to hope that your deity of choice exists and is in a caring mood.

‘Ah jus’ thought...’ Apple Bloom starts.

‘No, you’re wrong. You weren’t thinking. Did any of you even think to ask me for help?’

‘Told you,’ Sweetie Belle says, shoving Apple Bloom.

‘Shut up! You could have broken something very valuable and very expensive. Since I highly doubt you have a way of paying for it yourselves, I am sure you parents would be as pissed as I am to have to pay for what I would assume would be your millionth mistake.’ The Cutie Mark Crusaders are getting a little scared at this point. ‘If you try doing something like that in here again, I’ll save your parents the trouble and take care of you myself!’ The Cutie Mark Crusaders’ eyes grow wide in fear. The Wandering Physicist trots back to his post, still visibly upset. He turns back slightly. ‘Oh and they wouldn’t find your bodies.’

At the last idle, angry threat, the Cutie Mark Crusaders scream and run out of the shop, nearly hitting an arriving mailpony. They keep running and screaming, disappearing out of sight long before disappearing out of sound. The mailpony watches as the girls run away before continuing with her business at the shop.

‘You shouldn’t let your temper get the better of you, Chief,’ the walleyed mailpony says, setting a stack of packages to the counter.

‘Sorry, D-Squared. I just freak when it comes to protecting the older, rarer games.’

Derpy Hooves holds a clipboard out to The Wandering Physicist. ‘Hoofprint here.’ The Wandering Physicist prints the document. ‘And do you have my game?’

The Wandering Physicist gets out a copy of Mass Effect 2. ‘Want the guide?’

The Wandering Physicist and Derpy laugh heavily at the question, the in-joke being that she was a genius at RPGs and could probably beat the game in her sleep. After the laugh, Derpy takes the game under her wing and heads out. The Wandering Physicist yawns, stretches and starts putting away the packages.

Later in the day, The Wandering Physicist has nearly fallen asleep again and is resting his chin on the counter. After the encounter with the Cutie Mark Crusaders and the delivery from Derpy, only a few more customers came to the shop. He considers closing early to take an early dinner and going back to bed when the shop door slams open. An orange mare with a blonde mane stands in the doorway looking furious. She marches over to The Wandering Physicist.

‘Ah need t’ speak with the manager,’ the new pony demands.

‘Yo,’ The Wandering Physicist replies.

‘Well, one o’ yer employees was very mean t’ mah little sister earlier.’

‘I can assure you that whatever was said was completely justified and your sister just needs better supervision or better parenting in order to fit into society as a decent pony.’

‘Why you... Wait. Y’all were the one that was mean t’ her aren’t you?’

‘I don’t give them hell. I just tell them the truth and they think it is hell. ... Trupony said that.’

‘Ah don’ care ‘bout yer fancy quotes from ponies Ah ain’t never heard o’. Ya threatened mah sister and Ah aim t’ correct that mistake o’ yours.’

The Wandering Physicist groans as he finally stands up again. ‘Did you happen to get the full story? Like why she was in trouble in the first place?’

‘Uh, no. But y’all threatened mah...’

‘Blah, blah blah. Did she tell you that she was standing on her friends while reaching for a rare game? And that they were about to fall on a display containing discontinued, therefore rare and expensive, consoles? Did she?’

‘Well, no, but...‘

‘I know you are well-meaning and that I did lose my temper more than I should have, but would you rather have had to pay for hundreds of bits of damage to replace the damaged or destroyed items?’

‘Well, that woulda been a big hit t’ the farm’s expenses... but she is mah sister, so Ah should be the one t’ punish her if she causes trouble.’

‘I agree. I really overstepped my bounds. Please accept my apology.’ The Wandering Physicist bows a little.

Applejack is confused at the generally conciliatory nature of the stallion. ‘Ah don’ know what y’all are tryin’ t’ pull, but Ah ain’t buyin’ it.’

‘And that is your right as a free pony.’ The Wandering Physicist smiles and bows again.

Applejack backs, away getting a little nervous. ‘Ya ain’t gonna t’ mention wantin’ t’ make cupcakes now, are ya?’

‘Oh! I haven’t eaten all day. Those would be good.’ The Wandering Physicist looks up and starts drooling a little.

Applejack is even more confused by this odd pony. ‘Okay. Fine. Ah won’ be reportin’ what ya did t’ no authorities, but Ah still don’ trust ya!’ Applejack starts leaving the shop. ‘Ah got mah eye on ya!’

The Wandering Physicist checks something on his computer and smirks. ‘Oh. Tell Big Mac that his preorder comes in next week.’

‘Consarn it!’

It is the early evening. The Wandering Physicist has some pizza on his counter from an impromptu Super Smash Ponies tournament with the comic shop owner, Marvel Crystal, and any unfortunate pony who wandered in and dared challenge them. He is still playing and snacking when the shop door opens again.

‘Oh dear. This place is dreadfully tacky.’

The Wandering Physicist pauses and looks over to see a well-groomed white unicorn with a pristine purple mane staring at the displays disdainfully. ‘That “tackiness” is what my customers expect. You can’t really make space mare-ines look too classy.’

‘Hmm... I see your point. They can’t really make them with necks, too, it seems.’

‘Ugh. They locked in one design twenty years ago, and it has stuck ever since.’

‘My word!’

‘Tell me about it. Anyway, how may I help you and do you want some pizza?’

Rarity leans in and sniffs. ‘Eh... no thanks. I am here to talk to you about an incident that occurred at your store earlier.’

The Wandering Physicist groans. ‘Great another concerned sister.’

‘Ah. So you met Applejack.’ Rarity looks around the store. ‘Your store seems to be intact still... Anyway, I heard a really disturbing tale. One that caused my sister to rush home and hide in her room all day. She is still cowering under her bed and refuses to come out. This leaves me with but one course of action.’

The Wandering Physicist grimaces a little. The prospect of being blasted by unicorn magic does not appeal to him. He closes his eyes and prepares for the worst. To his surprise, he is not hit by magic. Instead, he is grabbed by the hooves.

‘Please tell me how you got her to behave!’ Rarity pleads. ‘I have never had this quiet a day since she was born! Please tell me! I must know! I need this peace and serenity to last forever!’

Outside, a pink pony randomly shouts ‘FOREVEEEEEEEER!’ as she walks past the store.

The Wandering Physicist backs away a couple steps. ‘I didn’t do anything special. I just yelled a lot.’

‘Hmm... That is normally ineffectual against her. Could it be the contents of your yelling that carried weight?’

The Wandering Physicist nervously laughs. ‘Nothing more than your average death threat.’

‘And that actually worked?’

‘I guess so.’

‘Hmm... I will have to give it another shot. Thank you, good sir.’

‘No problem, madam.’

‘Ooo! Another pony with manners. It is a pleasure to meet you, mister...’

‘They call me The Wandering Physicist, I don’t kn...’

‘Hmm... Unique and mysterious. I like it, despite it being a bit of a mouthful.’

‘I’ll have to work on that.’

‘You may call me Rarity, or Lady Rarity if you prefer.’

‘It is a pleasure, Miss Rarity.’

‘Hmm... I guess that will do too.’ Rarity starts leaving the shop. ‘If you ever need some help making your store more... upscale in the design department, I’ll be glad to help.’

‘Thanks. Peace.’

Rarity takes her leave of the store and returns home, taking a second to recoil in horror at a bespectacled stallion wearing a Pony Arcade t-shirt exiting the comic shop. The Wandering Physicist takes a moment to check the street for any other approaching ponies before returning inside and locking the doors.

‘I don’t know what happened today, but it happened.’

Author's Notes:

TWP's Timeline: First encounter with the CMC, Applejack and Rarity.

Fun fact: As will be revealed in about 70 chapters, he had met Pinkie Pie before this chapter when she came and greeted his arrival to Ponyville. You'll read a bit about that encounter in the next chapter.

Gaming is Magic

Main Characters: TWP, Twilight Sparkle
Cameos: The Doctor (10)
Original Write Date: September 28, 2011

It is an average day in Ponyville. The town is alive with activity. That is, all of the town except for one small section that caters to a few niche shops. There is one that exclusively sells non-web-based comics. There is one that exclusively sells items imported from Neighpon. Then there is the video game shop run by a very odd pony. One whose name does not fit with his profession in an odd twist to ponydom. The Wandering Physicist is just chilling in his shop playing a game of Legend of Celestia: The Wind Waker.

Despite, or probably because it is off the beaten path, a rather well-recognized pony approaches The Power Block. The lavender pony has never been in this part of town, despite her friends’ insistence that she would enjoy it. Their most talked about shop is the video game shop. Twilight Sparkle takes a deep breath and enters the shop.

‘Welcome to Dracula and Wolfpony’s Used Game Emporium,’ The Wandering Physicist says without looking up.

‘What?’ Twilight turns around to see if she entered the right shop.

‘Ah. Sorry. Bit of a gaming joke there.’

‘Oh. Okay.’ Twilight gets out a quill and writes something down on a piece of parchment.

‘I recognize you. You are the filly who runs the library. I am surprised you didn’t come sooner.’

‘What?’ Twilight blushes and hides behind her notes a little.

‘Sorry. Again. Another nerd thing.’

Why does he seem to think I am a nerd? Twilight looks at The Wandering Physicist in a confused manner. He is staring into space and seems to be counting to himself.

‘Whoa. I think this is the whole set,’ the stallion says to himself.

‘Again, I am confused.’

‘Oh! You’re a little famous, but I guess you are used to it, being an Element of Harmony and princess and all.’

‘How do you know all of that?’

‘I have my ways.’ The Wandering Physicist smirks. He then glances to one side and nods towards a magazine rack.

Twilight gets the hint and takes out the magazine on display. She opens it up and immediately sees an ad for a new game: ‘The Elements of Harmony 2: Discord Edition.’

‘Oh, please,’ Twilight groans as she rolls her eyes and starts reading the magazine.

There are a few moments of awkward silence between the two ponies. Twilight looks up from the magazine and looks at The Wandering Physicist. The Wandering Physicist stares back. Their eyes meet, and both blush slightly.

‘Oh! Right! Customer service. I am still getting used to that. So, uh, how may I help you?’

‘Um, right. Uh... Introductions! Yes. I am Twilight Sparkle. I am the personal student of Princess Celestia. I have been tasked with learning about the magic of friendship. I currently live in the library in town where I do my studies.’

The Wandering Physicist taps the magazine again.

Twilight blushes again. ‘Right.’

‘... Oh! My turn I guess.’ The Wandering Physicist poses slightly. ‘They call me The Wandering Physicist... I am not sure why. I also call myself The Wandering Physicist... I still don’t know why.’

Twilight laughs while writing this down. ‘Has anypony ever told you you are really weird?’

‘They never really stop,’ the stallion replies slightly proudly. ‘So... What brings you here?’

‘I, uh, want to do a friendship report on you,’ Twilight says nervously. The Wandering Physicist raises an eyebrow. Twilight nervously stammers, ‘You see! We, the other Elements and I, were all over at Pinkie’s, that is my friend Pinkie Pie, like in the game, and, uh, she had this game where you would dance and the game would dance with you. We all had such a fun time that I figured that I would write a report on the game. That is when the others insisted that I came here.’

‘Ah yes. Pinkie. Easiest Kinect sell ever. Just had to show her Dance Central and she makes a sound like she is having a heart attack.’

‘I know what you mean,’ Twilight says, remembering the first time she met Pinkie and the loud gasp her future friend greeted her with. ‘Anyway, what can you tell me about video games and how they relate to friendship?’

‘Hmm, that is a tricky question. As best as I can say... I feel as though there is a game out there for everyone. And that game is Professor Layton.’

Twilight giggles at the comment. The door to the shop bursts open, and a light brown pony with a dark brown mane looks in.

‘Don’t I know you from somewhere?’ the strange pony asks The Wandering Physicist.

‘Nope,’ the other strange pony replies.

‘Very well then.’

The strange pony leaves, flashing his hourglass-shaped cutie mark briefly before closing the door.

‘His game is Timesplitters.’ The Wandering Physicist whispers.

Twilight openly laughs at that joke. She writes some more. ‘What do you think my game would be?’

‘I’d have to get to know you better before I could tell.’

The princess turns bright red and almost drops her quill, which is amazing given that she was holding it by magic. ‘Um, well, uh, er... Oh! You have apparently met all of my friends. What do they like?’

The Wandering Physicist laughs a little. ‘Well, we know what Pinkie likes. Hmm... Well... Let’s see. I recommended Bejeweled to Rarity since it can easily fit in her busy schedule and focuses on gem collecting.’

‘Sounds like her.’

‘Uh... Fluttershy came in the other day and got a couple games. She insisted they were for her rabbit, but I think Pokemon was for her. She also stared at Assassin’s Creed for the longest time before picking it up. She was very insistent that the game was for her rabbit.’

‘Oh my! That one sounds violent.’

The Wandering Physicist makes a sheepish face. ‘It does have a lot of killing, but it is not as graphic as it sounds. I’d say the violence balances the crazy philosophy and theology in equal proportions.’

‘Interesting...’ Twilight muses as she scribbles some notes.

‘Who else... That Big Mac fellow is a large fan of FPS games. Although... He did pick up a copy of Harvest Moon the other day, and he not-so-secretly dropped it off at a certain apple vender’s stall.’

‘Huh. I heard about your encounter with the CMC... with conflicting results.’

The Wandering Physicist once again attempts to avoid his visitor’s glare. ‘Heh, heh. That was a fun day.’

‘I see...’ Twilight starts writing something again and mutters to herself, ‘Clinically insane.’

‘I’ll have you know I have never been to a clinic.’

The alicorn panics, and her quill and notes fall out of the air.

The Wandering Physicist laughs. ‘No worries. Now... What else do you want to hear about?’

Twilight lifts her notes again. ‘Um, what were you playing when I came in?’

‘It was one of my favorites. Wind Waker.‘

The Wandering Physicist nods Twilight over and unpauses his game. She comes over to where he is sitting, and he starts to explain the game. Twilight takes notes on the game but quickly stops as she gets drawn into the game. The two ponies chat about the game and others as the stallion plays. After a while, The Wandering Physicist notices the time and starts shutting down.

Twilight is confused. ‘Why are you stopping? Aren’t you going to get all of the Triumph Forks?’

‘I will, but it is almost two-thirty. I get a bit of after-school rush.’ The Wandering Physicist starts going around the store setting up games and displays. ‘You are free to leave. It gets pretty busy.’

‘I don’t mind. Besides, it sounds like you might need a hoof.’

‘Okay... But if any of them asks you a question about a game that you can’t answer just grab me.’

‘Gotcha.’

The Wandering Physicist finishes his prep work with as a pair of young colts enter. They are talking about a game Twilight has never heard of, but she has only been exposed to gaming for a few hours and writes it off. The Wandering Physicist listens in on the conversation and stifles laughs at some of the comments. The colts ignore the two clerks and go about their business. Slowly, the shop fills with more young ponies and their numbers ebb and flow throughout the day. Twilight has some difficulty handling questions about the games, but The Wandering Physicist helps her out enough so she is eventually able to handle them on her own. Twilight is pretty impressed with the speed and skill that The Wandering Physicist answers all of the gaming questions presented him. He chats with the various colts and fillies that just want to chat and is able to convince others why or why not they should get a certain game regardless of system and age of the console. Eventually, the crowds die down and it is only the two ponies are left. Twilight sits by the counter, tired from the compact few hours of rushed work. The Wandering Physicist is reorganizing games in a section labeled ‘Genesis.’

‘You do this every day?’ Twilight says with a bit of a sigh.

‘Only if I remember to get up.’ The Wandering Physicist laughs a bit.

Twilight laughs too, not really sure if that was a joke even after spending the day getting to know this stallion who openly describes himself as ‘weird.’ She sighs again and writes more notes for her future Friendship Report. Suddenly, the door to the shop bursts open, and the odd pony from earlier in the day looks in again.

‘Do you have any quantum flux inhibitors?’

‘Back by the 2600s. Ten bits each.’

‘Thanks, mate.’

The pony tosses a bag of bits towards The Wandering Physicist as he heads to the back. Twilight watches the odd pony as The Wandering Physicist takes the bits to the register. The odd pony comes out of the back and heads to the door.

‘Thanks again. Allons-y!’

The pony runs out once more. Twilight writes a few more notes then puts away her notes.

‘I think I have enough notes for a good report.’

‘I am glad to have helped.’

‘Um... There is one last thing I have to ask you,’ Twilight states nervously. ‘Do, do you have another copy of the game you were showing me?’

The Wandering Physicist laughs. ‘Of course. I’ll get you one and a system to play it on too.’

The stallion goes to the back to get a console. An odd whirring noise is heard briefly. Twilight goes over to a shelf and tries to find the game. The Wandering Physicist comes out of the back and notices Twilight looking for the game. He quietly sneaks beside her and starts looking too. Twilight turns slightly to keep looking. There is a new object just to her side. She looks again and jumps to the side while letting out a loud yelp. The Wandering Physicist just looks at her and laughs.

‘Here is the console for you.’ The Wandering Physicist leans in close. ‘I may have modified it a little for you.’ He winks, then turns deadly serious. ‘Don’t tell anyone.’

Twilight levitates the box from The Wandering Physicist’s back. ‘Neightendo Wii. How much do I owe you?’

The Wandering Physicist finds the game and pulls it off the shelf. ‘On the house. Consider it payment for the help today and not a bribe for a good report.’

‘Are you sure about this?’ Twilight asks as she puts the game and console in her bag.

The Wandering Physicist shrugs. ‘It was a used system anyway. It is not like the company will get the money, and that is more important in the long run.’

‘If you insist... It is a very nice gift. Thank you.’ Twilight bows.

‘The game is fifty bits though.’ Twilight looks up at The Wandering Physicist, shocked. ‘Just kidding.’

The two new friends laugh as they head out of the shop.

‘Have a good evening.’

‘Back at you. Don’t spend the whole night gaming.’

‘Same to you, Mr Wanderer.’

The Wandering Physicist waves as Twilight heads back to the library after the long day. ‘I need a nickname or something shorter for others to remember.’

Another pony comes out of the comic shop next door.

The Wandering Physicist nods down the street. ‘Hey. Guess who hung out with Twilight Sparkle all day.’

The other pony does not even look back. ‘Pics or it didn’t happen.’

The Wandering Physicist laughs and heads back inside for the night.

Author's Notes:

TWP's Timeline: First known encounter with Twilight Sparkle. First time his heart went 'pitter patter' with excitement.

Fun fact: This was the second TWP story I wrote. I had an idea for the CMC chapter, but not all of the details. Originally, there were a few lines between pony TWP and human TWP (me, the author) about bringing up events that hadn't happened yet. Those have all disappeared in the dusts of time since posting here.

The Royal Treatment

Main Characters: TWP, Luna/Selene, Twilight
Cameos: None
Original Write Date 10/02/2011

A mysterious pony is flying over Equestria. It is a routine the pony tends to do every so often, visiting all of the different lands of Equestria. This night, it is traveling to Ponyville, something it has not done in a long time. Something is different this trip. The visitor is used to seeing one light on in Ponyville at this time of night. The lone light of the solitary night owl (no pun intended) studying away in her library home. This night, a second building is lit up. The pony is confused.

The traveling pony lands on a roof between the two buildings. It listens with its amazing hearing. Both the library and the strange building have similar music playing. It is an odd music. While it sounds like it was very electronic, something like what kids call chiptone these days, the music is well-orchestrated and has many layers. The pony starts really enjoying the music until it is broken by a loud expletive.

Following the expletives and knowing they are not coming from the occupant of the library, the traveler arrives at an odd shop. The second floor lights are on and the enjoyable music and vile swearing are both coming from the same source. The pony flies up to the window and secretly peeks in. A brownish pony with a black mane and wearing black-rimmed glasses is playing what looks to be an old video game featuring a pony in green swinging a sword. He is wearing a headset and appears to be talking to someone on the other end in between unreasonably loud swearing every time his avatar takes a hit. A glance around the room shows that it is full of gaming paraphernalia and items imported from Neighpon. This intrigues the mysterious pony more.

The traveler once more takes to the sky and starts flying toward Canterlot. It had a plan in mind, and Princess Luna was ready to get to the bottom of finding out who that odd, new pony was.

The next morning, Luna has returned to Ponyville. Instead of sneaking through the down at night, she enters the town the same way any visiting pony would, by walking down the street. Normally, a princess walking down the street in broad daylight would be met with countless stares, endless whispers and rows upon rows of bowing. But Luna came prepared. She is wearing a gift from another odd pony who frequents Ponyville. The gift is a perception filter, a device that causes anypony looking at the wearer to see an illusion that the wearer wishes. Luna had two such devices, one disguised as a pair of glasses and another disguised as a necklace. She wore both in order to fully mask her presence from even the most clever and observant ponies unless they were trying especially hard to see her. Luna chose to enter town as a pegasus with similar features and colors as her normal midnight blue alicorn self. It is the perfect disguise for a princess who wants to be in the middle of all of the action without any wise viewer knowing about it. She can even attend the Grand Galloping Gala without even her sister or The Elements of Harmony knowing.

Luna makes her way towards the shop she found last night. It is located in a very interesting section of town. Mayor Mare once referred to it ‘the nerd district’. Luna did not know if it was meant as an insult, but she took it as a compliment, knowing that those commonly called ‘nerds’ and ‘geeks’ were more responsible for the advancement of pony technology and culture in her thousand-year absence than all other groups combined. Luna easily finds the shop in question once more and is not surprised that is a video game shop. She also notes the nearby indie music shop for a future visit. Given the hour of her late night ops the previous night, Luna checks to make sure the shop was open. Indeed it is. Adjusting her perception filters, Luna enters the shop.

The shop is full of video games of all sorts. Luna gets a little excited to see some rarer titles she heard about. She also notices an entire section of consoles that look like they were made during her banishment. The odd pony she observed last night is at the counter playing a different game than before and fortunately not swearing this time.

‘Excuse me, shopkeep,’ Luna starts.

The Wandering Physicist glances over towards Luna out of the corner of his eye, not even looking through his glasses. ‘Hey, Princess Luna.’

The Wandering Physicist and Luna immediately freeze. There is nopony else in the store to hear what was said. Luna is immediately terrified that her disguise has failed and that all of Ponyville knows of her presence. The prospect of Twilight Sparkle knowing, thus freaking out, as the kids these days say, and telling Celestia is not something Luna wants. The Wandering Physicist is simply shocked that such an important pony was in his shop.

Luna turns bright red in embarrassment. ‘Princess Luna? That is a nice compliment, but I am just a pegasus named Selene.’

‘You do know that once a perception filter is broken, the observer can see through your disguise.’

Luna’s eyes dart. ‘I knew that.’

‘So, uh, Miss Selene, how may I help you?’

‘To be perfectly honest, I am here for you.’

‘Whatever Applejack said is a lie! I am innocent! Rarity and Twilight will vouch for me.’

Luna is taken aback. ‘I haven’t seen Applejack recently... What are you talking about?’

The Wandering Physicist’s eyes dart now. ‘Nothing.’

‘Hm. Anyway, I had heard about this shop and its interesting owner, and I felt that I must investigate.’

‘Is Miss Selene going to report me to Princess Luna as Miss Sparkle did to Princess Celestia?’

‘She really tells her everything...’ Luna grumbles. ‘Just observing you is fine for me, mister...’

‘They call me The Wandering Physicist, I...’ he starts.

‘Why?’ Luna asks.

The Wandering Physicist is a little dumbstruck that he is unable to finish his line. After a second, he just snorts. ‘ Because I haven’t come up with a short nickname yet. Happy?’

‘Oh! Sorry. Did I ruin a line of yours?’ Luna blushes. ‘It has been some time since a handsome stallion paid me any attention.’

The Wandering Physicist blushes bright red and looks away. ‘Um, well, then you should be okay with a normal stallion like me giving you attention.’

The pair laugh at the weak joke. They stand there for a moment like a pair of foals not knowing what to say. Suddenly, The Wandering Physicist’s stomach growls.

‘Heh, heh. Sorry about that. I just got up and I haven’t eaten yet.’

‘But it is almost noon.’

‘That early?’

Luna does not know if The Wandering Physicist making a joke and is a little surprised.

‘Well, uh, as my intent was to get to know you, how about I treat you to lunch?’ Luna offers.

‘Sounds good. Where?’

‘Wherever you would like.’

The Wandering Physicist smirks. ‘Anywhere?’

Luna narrows her eyes. ‘Why? What do you have in mind?’

The Wandering Physicist laughs a bit. ‘To answer your questions with questions: can you teleport and how far?’

Southern Coltifornia. The Wandering Physicist and Luna/Selene are in line at a fast food restaurant. Selene is glaring at the menu.

‘A garden burger place? Really? We travelled all of those kilometers for a garden burger place?’

‘Trust me. In-n-Out makes the best garden burgers. Ever. Of all time. I would know.’

‘Really? I have the greatest pony chefs in the world at the castle, and you say they will be outclassed by common fast food?’

‘Best thing you will eat in a thousand years. Trust me. I’m a physicist. I know everything.’ The Wandering Physicist says adjusting an imaginary collar.

Selene considers sending The Wandering Physicist to the moon for the cheap shot, but it is their turn to order.

‘Yeah... I’ll take a Double-Double combo.’ The Wandering Physicist says right away.

‘Okay. And for you ma’am?’

‘Uh... I’ve never eaten here before...’ Luna smirks as she thinks she has come up with a plan to show this pony who is boss. ‘I’ll have what he’s having.’

The Wandering Physicist picks up on the challenge. ‘In that case...’ He turns to the cashier. ‘Animal-style.’

‘Is... that okay ma’am?’

‘Sure.’

‘Neapolitan shake too.’

‘Uh...’

‘Bring it!’

The cashier rings up the order. Luna pays, and the pair find a place to sit. The Wandering Physicist spins in his chair a bit as he waits for the food.

‘You are truly the most interesting pony I have met.’

‘And I don’t even drink hard cider.’

Selene raises an eyebrow at the comment. The Wandering Physicist laughs to himself. Their number is called and the stallion gets the meal. The pegasus eyes it suspiciously. The Wandering Physicist is already drinking his shake.

‘This better be as good as you claim it is.’

Selene leans in and starts taking a bite...

Back at The Power Block, The Wandering Physicist looks up preorders for a customer. Selene is laying behind the counter moaning. The customer gets his information and leaves.

‘I told you not to go back for thirds.’

‘But it was sooooooo good. We are so getting one of those in Canterlot.’

‘Told you that you would like it.’

Selene moans and stands. ‘So, uh...’ She begins. ‘Would you mind an extra set of hooves around the shop today? I can prove to be quite handy with an abacus.’

‘Commaredore 64s are over there.’ The Wandering Physicist replies, instinctively. Selene just stares back. ‘Oh. Sorry. Default reaction when someone mentions old tech. Well, that or bust out my Chromebook.’

‘You really are an interesting one.’

Selene, takes a place by the counter to make her observations. Unlike when Twilight Sparkle visited the store, it is a relatively slow day. Perhaps because of that, The Wandering Physicist sets up an Atari 2600 on the main display, and an impromptu tournament of the available popular and two-player games is born, punctuated by The Wandering Physicist demonstrating Adventure, Pitfall, and even ET. The crowd gets engrossed enough with the tournament and demonstrations that they fail to notice Selene slipping out to raise the moon around dusk. After night settles in, the small crowd leaves and The Wandering Physicist begins cleaning.

‘That was quite a fun day.’ The Wandering Physicist says as he shuts down the system.

‘Very interesting indeed.’

‘Hey, since you treated me earlier, how about I take you out to dinner?’

‘That would be nice. Just give me a moment to freshen up.’

‘No prob. It is right in back there.’

Selene enters a door but fails to see the marking on it. She lets out a loud scream as she darts out of the 18+ section. She is bright red. The Wandering Physicist notices and starts laughing.

‘I would have thought by your age you would be used to seeing stuff like that by now.’

‘Ha. Ha.’ Selene growls a bit as she finds the right door to go through.

The Wandering Physicist goes back to picking up the display. Glancing outside, he sees a familiar face approaching. Twilight Sparkle nears the shop. The Wandering Physicist waves and opens the door for her.

‘Twilight Sparkle, what brings your here?’

‘I just stopped by to... Holy crow! Is that game what I think it is?’ She asks, noticing the ET cartridge in the Atari. ‘I thought that Celestia collected all of them and had them buried in the deserts past buffalo territory.’

‘That is just an old mares tale.’

‘So was Nightmare Moon and Sonic Rainbooms, but I saw both.’

‘Anyway, you were saying?’

‘Right. I wanted to cash in our little bet.’

The Wandering Physicist groans. ‘You got lucky. Aquamentus used hacks in that first battle.’

‘You’re just jealous that I learned second quest better than you did.’ Twilight rubs her ears a bit. ‘I also learned to turn Skype down when you are losing.’

‘What? I was a total gentleman. That is total bulls...’

Twilight shoves a hoof in The Wandering Physicist’s mouth and shakes her head.

‘Oh. Who have we here?’ Selene says from across the room, glaring slightly at Twilight.

The Wandering Physicist looks from Luna to Twilight. He knows a potentially dangerous situation when he sees one. ‘Selene, this is Twilight Sparkle. Twilight Sparkle, Selene.’

Twilight takes a moment to analyze Selene. Fortunately for Luna, the other alicorn cannot see through her disguise. ‘It is a pleasure, Miss Selene.’

Luna is well-acquainted with Twilight Sparkle from their past adventures, beginning with Luna’s return as Nightmare Moon. ‘Likewise, Princess Sparkle.’ Selene trot over to The Wandering Physicist. ‘I hate to be rude, but we had plans.’

Twilight steps back for a moment, embarrassed, but she decides to stand her ground. ‘Actually, the reason I came here is because Mr Wanderer owes me a dinner for losing a bet.’

‘Mr Wanderer?’

Twilight gets a little defensive. ‘What? It is shorter than his full name, and it still has a hint of mystery to it.’

The Wandering Physicist blushes. ‘You like a little mystery?’

Twilight blushes too. ‘I love a good mystery. I could spend a lot of time with one.’

Selene growls at the pair. ‘If you don’t mind me intruding, our mutual friend also owes me dinner tonight as well.’

Twilight glares back. ‘I am sorry to disappoint, but he owed me for longer.’

‘Age before beauty then, Princess Sparkle,’ Selene sneers.

Twilight growls at Selene and her mane starts getting a hint of red. The taller pony stands over the shorter one smugly. Behind the perception filter, The Wandering Physicist can see Luna charging a spell on her horn. The Wandering Physicist’s potentially dangerous situation is now a full-on thermonuclear war. Time Lord may be the masters of all of time and space, but they still have no clue how to handle the subject of women.

‘How about this!’ The Wandering Physicist quickly interjects. ‘Since I both owe you dinner, I treat you both tonight? It may not be as private as we would like, but it would give us all plenty of time to clear the air and enjoy each others company.’

Twilight’s mane returns to its normal color. ‘I can agree to that.’

Luna stands down under her disguise. ‘As can I.’

The Wandering Physicist lets out a sigh of relief, but he knows the trouble is far from over.

Dinner goes as smooth as one would expect. Selene and Twilight keep trying to one-up each other for The Wandering Physicist’s attention. Knowing that no matter what action he takes would lead to his death, the stallion went with the middle road option and tried to balance his favor. This would either lead to a quick death or allow him to live long enough to escape for a short while. Somehow, the two mares are satisfied enough not kill The Wandering Physicist yet, but they still seem ready to go at it at the drop of a hat. Fortunately, The Hat-less Physicist does not wear hats. Unfortunately, his companions do not seem to care.

Outside of the restaurant after dinner, the three ponies are milling about. The two mares are on either side of The Wandering Physicist.

‘So...’ The Nervous Physicist starts.

‘So, Miss Selene, it is getting late. You probably want to start heading off before you get too tired.’

‘Actually, Princess Sparkle, I am good to go all night if I have to.’ Selene winks towards The Wandering Physicist. ‘All night.’

The Wandering Physicist takes a step back from Selene and right into Twilight. The intense glare he receives causes him to duck a little to try and hide. Twilight sighs then softens a little.

‘Want to come over to my place and play some games? I am not too far from here and it would be a nice way to share a mutual interest.’ Twilight suggests.

‘Hmm. If we are going to do that, we should go back to The Wandering Physicist’s place.’ Selene counters.

‘Why is that?’

‘Well, he naturally has more selection, thus it would have more multiplayer games. You seem more like a single player person.’

Twilight gets into Luna’s face. ‘What do you mean by that? Are you saying I don’t have any multiplayer experience?’

Luna smirks. ‘If the horseshoe fits.’

‘At least I won’t play multiplayer with just anypony that walks past.’

‘What did you say!’ Luna starts preparing a spell to banish Twilight to the moon for a thousand years.

‘Uh... Excuse me...’ The Wandering Physicist interrupts.

‘What!’ Both mares snap at once.

Slinking away once again, The Wandering Physicist says, ‘I don’t mind hosting both of you.’ Selene laughs. ‘But I think Twilight should pick the first game since it was her idea.’ Twilight laughs back.

Having reset the nuclear clock back to two minutes to midnight, The Wandering Physicist sighs and starts leading the group back to the shop.

Like dinner, the intended night of friendly gaming is another battlefield. Twilight and Selene both battle each other fiercely. When they are against each other, they only focus on the other, leaving The Wandering Physicist to pick up the pieces. When they are on the same team, the situation depended on whether you can target your teammates. If they can target each other, they eliminate each other endlessly throughout the match, leaving the Wandering Physicist to clean up the mess. If they cannot target each other, not even the gods of gaming themselves could stop them in the endless battle to one-up the other.

As the night wears on, Twilight loses her energy. The Wandering Physicist notices this as his own energy starts to fade. As for Luna, the tales of the near limitless energy of the Princess of the Night have been basically proven. At the end of a round, Twilight lets out a big yawn.

‘I second that feeling.’ The Wandering Physicist moans.

‘But it is only just past midnight! I am not done pwning you n00bs!’ Selene protests.

‘Selene, give it a rest. We’re all tired.’ Twilight adds.

Selene sits back in a huff. ‘Fine.’

Twilight gets up and stretches. ‘I guess I should be going.’ She turns to The Wandering Physicist. ‘I will be seeing you around.’

Twilight leans up close to The Wandering Physicist. She nuzzles his cheek, then, to the shock of all three ponies, she touches her horn against his forehead for a bit longer than a passing, accidental touch. Selene’s jaw drops to the floor and she makes an expression like she was smashed in the face with an anvil. The Wandering Physicist freezes in place. Twilight is blushing full red as she backs away. She takes a deep breath, gives The Wandering Physicist a friendly smile, and quickly leaves before she dies of embarrassment.

After The Wandering Physicist unfreezes, he very nervously looks over at Selene. She calms enough to regain her composure. Luna uses her magic to remove her perception filters, letting her normal appearance out in public for the first time since she got up in the morning. She take a breath and looks at The Wandering Physicist and smiles.

‘So, shall we retire?’

‘Uh... I don’t mind taking the couch. You can have my bed.’

‘Aww. Are you afraid of older women?’ Luna giggles.

‘I am not as young as I may look.’

Luna raises an eyebrow. She smiles again. ‘You are indeed interesting, good sir. Have a pleasant night.’

Luna retires to the bedroom in the back. The Wandering Physicist gives a big sigh and starts trying to get comfortable.

Morning light fills The Wandering Physicist’s gaming room. He is passed out on the couch, his left side is hanging off. Seemingly holding his right side on the couch, Luna is sleeping with her head on his chest. He stirs a little and tries turning over and accidentally kisses the princess on the cheek. He wakes, notices what he has done and promptly falls off the couch. Luna yawns and stretches.

‘Well, it looks like you know the proper way to wake a sleeping princess,’ Luna giggles.

The Wandering Physicist stammers nonsense as Luna picks herself up.

‘It was quite the pleasure getting to know you.’

The stallion nods in response.

‘Oh. And I believe I have an answer to one of your conundrums.’

‘Just one of them?’ The Wandering Physicist asks. ‘What is it?’

‘I think you’ll get it when it comes to you, James.’

The Wandering Physicist looks at Luna, confused. Luna just giggles once more and teleports away. The Wandering Physicist looks around to try to figure out what just happened. He looks at the clock, sees it is still morning then lays down again and sighs.

Author's Notes:

Current TWP love triangle: Twilight vs Luna

Sad fact: The love triangle (and future complexity) was not intended. It accidentally happened in Gaming is Magic and sort of spiraled out of control for most of the series. Sorry.

Level Up

Main Characters: TWP, Twilight, Luna/Selene, Fluttershy, The Awesome and Magnificent Maxie, Derpy, Rip Chord, Dream Maker
Cameos: Lucas Grainsborough, Coal Tale, Droll Tale, Marvel Crystal, Diamond Crystal, Kaeko Umaku, Jonathan Colton, Ruby Dart, The Doctor (10), Spike, Applejack, Pinkie
Original Write Date: October 8, 2011

The Wandering Physicist is currently with a pony he never thought would be a customer at his store. Applejack is gift-hunting for her sister and ended up at the local gaming store. Unfortunately for The Wandering Physicist, it is a pretty busy time for him, but he happily engages the rare customer.

‘Sooooo, Applejack, how may I help you?’ The Wandering Physicist asks.

‘Oh no. Yer not tryin’ yer trick sells tricks on me. Ah’m wise t’ yer tricks.’

The Wandering Physicist laughs. ‘Just trying to be of service to you.’

‘Yer tryin’ t’ WHAT me?’ Applejack accuses.

‘I am trying to help you,’ The Wandering Physicist moans. ‘Get your mind out of the gutter.’

‘In that case, Ah’m looking fer a game fer mah sister.’ Applejack glares at The Wandering Physicist. ‘And Ah don’ want some violent game that would pollute her mind.’

‘Hmm... What systems do you own?’

‘Let’s see... We have one o’ them thingies where ya wave the controller around.’ The Wandering Physicist nods at the poor description of a Wii. ‘Uh... Big Mac has one o’ them Box thingies.’

‘Right. I see him on Live all the time.’

‘Excuse me?’

‘We play games online together some times.’

Applejack thinks. ‘Huh. So they are more like tubes...’ The Wandering Physicist stifles a laugh as poorly as he normally does. Applejack glares. ‘Anyway... Big Mac also got me one of them handheld thingies with two screens. Ah only use it when Ah have downtime in the orchard.’

‘Ah! Good. I think I know a game she might like...’ The Wandering Physicist goes over to a rack of games and picks one off. ‘Here you go. You might have to give up your DS to her, but that would be a small price to pay.’

Applejack is a little incredulous about the title. ‘Human Crossing? Ah don’ know... sounds a little weird. What’s it about?’

‘You play as a pony who just moved to a small town filled with weird-looking creatures. You just go around town planting flowers, picking fruit, and playing with your neighbors. Basically, it is a more open-ended version of Harvest Moon with a cartoony feel.’

‘Like Harvest Moon eh...’ Applejack seriously ponders the game.

The Wandering Physicist smirks a bit. ‘If you are looking for a more challenging twist on Harvest Moon, I have Rune Factory where you fight monsters and have them work on your farm for you.’

‘That would be mighty convenient.’ Applejack looks around to make sure no pony is listening. ‘Can Ah get a copy o’ that too? Fer, uh, research o’ course.’ She purses her lips and looks around nervously.

The Wandering Physicist gets a copy of Rune Factory. He starts ringing Applejack up at the counter. When he is done, he puts an advert into her bag.

‘What was that ya jus’ put in there?’

‘Oh. It is just a flyer for an upcoming festival we’re having in the neighborhood. There will be game tournaments hosted by me and the tabletop store. The music store has arranged some surprise guests. And all of the stores will be having sales. I figured I’d give you one since Big Mac hasn’t replied to my emails, and he might want to enter the Halo tourney.’

‘Huh. Ah’ll pass on the information to him.’ Applejack starts leaving, but she turns back a step. ‘Good t’ see ya actually doin’ somethin’ nice fer the children instead o’ jus’ scarin’ them.’

The Wandering Physicist smiles and shrugs. ‘We all have our off days.’

Applejack gives the stallion a confused look, then leaves the shop shaking her head. The Wandering Physicist sits back behind the counter and sighs. The increase in visitors recently in the lead-up to the festival has really overworked him. In addition, he has to manage all of the arrangements for the video game tournaments. Some scripts he wrote for online registration help on on front, but he still has to go through the physical applications. Making matters worse, he has yet to hear from two key members of a potential team he is setting up for a tournament.

As if on cue, one of his potential allies enters the shop. Selene looks like your average pegasus. She is dark blue with a lighter blue mane and a crescent-moon-shaped cutie mark. She has a pair of wide glasses and a simple necklace that she wears everywhere. None of the other patrons seem to notice her and the ones that do do not pay her special attention. She spots The Wandering Physicist and prances over with a smile.

‘Good afternoon, James!’

In an effort to have a simpler name for people to call him by, Selene gave The Wandering Physicist the nickname ‘James’. She really seems to enjoy the name, and The Wandering Physicist was happy to make her happy.

‘Afternoon, Miss Selene.’

‘The shop is really busy today.’

‘It is all of the buildup to the festival. Lots of shoppers and people registering for the various tourneys.’

‘Oh! Thanks for reminding me. That is why I am here today.’

The Wandering Physicist is very incredulous. ‘Really. I would never have guessed.’ He says, heavy on the sarcasm.

‘James...’ Selene scowls.

The Wandering Physicist mouths, ‘Lu-na’, causing Luna/Selene to back off. Unknown to everypony except The Wandering Physicist, Selene is really Princess Luna in disguise. Her glasses and necklace are really perception filters that make magnificent Luna appear as the normal Selene. The Wandering Physicist is the only one who has thus far broken her disguise.

‘Sorry,’ Selene apologizes.

‘Think nothing of it. Just sign these forms and you’ll be all set,’ The Wandering Physicist replies, pulling out a set of clipboards from under the counter.

Selene reads over the clipboards. ‘You filled them out for me already.’

‘Right. Just need your hoofprint.’

‘How did you know I was signing up for Super Smash Ponies and Mare-io Kart?’

‘Last Thursday when you swore at Twilight and last Tuesday when you got Twilight to swear at you.’

Selene smirks. ‘Good times.’ Luna prints two of the clipboards and turns to a third. ‘What is this?’

The Wandering Physicist grins. ‘I am putting a little team together for the TF2 tourney. I just need two more members. I was hoping to get you and Twilight to round out the team.’

Selene scowls again. ‘Work with Twilight...’

The Wandering Physicist mouths ‘Lu-na’ again. She growls and looks back at the clipboard.

‘Who else is on the team?’

‘I got Derpy for Spy. I have never seen her get below plus ten when she plays Spy.’

‘Damn.’

‘Exactly. It took a lot of doing, but I got Fluttershy as Heavy. She is invincible.’

‘Wait. She plays?’

‘She claims she is her rabbit Angel. Even her whole profile is set to look like it is Angel playing. Not to mention her natural shyness and quietness keeps her from really being heard so she can sneak by without saying a word or having it heard.’

Selene thinks. ‘Wait. She’s the Terror of Dustbowl!’ The Wandering Physicist nods. ‘But... she totally decimated me last time I played...’ Luna sighs. ‘How did you get her to agree to come out? She is so shy.’

The Wandering Physicist shakes his head. ‘It took a lot of work convincing her to agree to play publicly. ... I had to make all sorts of promises to her.’

‘What sort of promises?’ Luna glares.

‘All sorts,’ The Wandering Physicist sighs.

Selene’s glare intensifies, and she nods slightly toward the 18+ door.

‘What? No! Grow up, will you?’

Selene growls again at the age comment.

‘Anyway. I was going to be backing Fluttershy up as a medic. We are pretty much unstoppable. If you join as Soldier or Demoman and Twilight as Sniper, I am sure our team can win.’

Selene ponders joining the team. ‘Hmm.... All sorts of things?’

‘Dear Princess Celestia, You’ll never guess who came to my shop today!’ The Wandering Physicist says, mocking Twilight Sparkle.

Selene scowls and prints the roster. ‘I will make you owe me something.’

The Wandering Physicist sighs. ‘I know.’ He notices a pony approaching the store. ‘Uh oh.’

Selene turns to see Twilight Sparkle entering the store with her friend Pinkie Pie. Pinkie is literally bouncing as she enters the store. Selene glares at her rival as she comes directly to the counter with her friend. Twilight just scoffs at Selene. Pinkie is either oblivious to or does not care about her friend’s rivalry. The Wandering Physicist just watches as Pinkie bounces in front of him.

‘Hi! Remember me? You sold me that dancing game!’

‘I remember you quite well, Pinkie. How may I help you?’

‘We are here to enter some tournaments, Mr Wanderer. Pinkie insisted on coming when I told her what games you were hosting.’ Twilight answers for her overly hopped-up (literally, too) friend.

‘Right! I want to play Rock Band and the dancing game and the singing game and everything else that is partytastic!’

‘You’re going to need four for Rock Band. Do you have a group?’ The Wandering Physicist says while getting out all of the proper paperwork for Pinkie.

‘We certain-deediliy do!’ Pinke says as she finally stops bouncing to fill out the forms.

‘I can see you will be busy for a bit,’ Selene says, picking up The Wandering Physicist’s customized Chromebook from the counter. ‘I hope you don’t mind me helping out with the store while you help this fine young lady and Twilight.’

Twilight shoots a quick glare at Selene before turning back to The Wandering Physicist. ‘Um, yes, we have a team of four. Pinkie, myself, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack.’

‘Wait. What? I just told Applejack about the festival this afternoon.’

‘We talked to her about it on our way here.’ Twilight starts.

‘She was all “Ah just heard ‘bout the thing.” and I was like ‘You have to join our band! It will be so fun!’ and she was...’ Pinkie says before Twilight stops her.

‘We were able to talk her into joining our group,’ Twilight finishes. ‘There are also some games I would like to sign up for. I would have emailed,’ -- she blushes a bit -- ‘but I felt more like coming in to see you.’

The Wandering Physicist smiles back as he gets out some forms for Twilight. ‘Just need your hoofprint.’

Twilight looks at the forms. ‘These are all filled out already.’ She scans them more closely. She looks up at The Wandering Physicist through narrow eyes. ‘Selene signed up for these too, didn’t she?’ Before The Wandering Physicist can answer, Twilight slams her hooves on the forms. ‘It. Is. On.’

Pinkie slams her hooves on the counter too. ‘Right! ... What are were talking about?’

‘Girl things.’ The Wandering Physicist answers. ‘You done with your forms?’

‘Yep indeedy!’

The Wandering Physicist looks over the papers. ‘Looks good. Can’t wait to see you at the competition.’

‘Okie Dokie Loki!’

Pinkie bounces out of the store. Once Pinkie is gone, The Wandering Physicist finally stops his head from bouncing with her. Twilight stays back in the store, glaring at Luna.

‘Mr Wanderer...’

‘Miss Sparkle?’

‘Would you like some extra help with the event? I am quite good at organizing.’ Twilight’s Winter Wrap Up All-Team Organizer vest materializes around her.

The Wandering Physicist nods and gets out of Twilight’s way. He backs away and just watches as both of the rivals for his attention take over his shop. Outside, the owner of the used book store, a dark red unicorn with a red mane, waves The Wandering Physicist out to discuss more festival preparations.

The days pass and the festival comes around. All the shops are showing off their wares. There are a pair of stages where The Wandering Physicist is hosting the various video game tournaments and Dream Maker, the owner of the tabletop shop, is hosting various tabletop games. The indie music shop owner, Rip Chord aka MC RC, has samples of various artists playing over some of the speakers spread around the district. There is even a Pokemon tournament going on where the players find and challenge the gym leaders and other trainers to earn enough badges to make it to the finals. Hundreds of ponies have turned out from all over Ponyville and the surrounding area to see the what is going on.

The Wandering Physicist is on stage wrapping up an event. He is wearing a headset mic. ‘Let’s hear it for Team Grainsborough and their killer New Mare-io Wii run.’ A light gray unicorn with a brown mane bows next to three of his friends. ‘They pick up a used game of their choice from my store and ... What was it?’ Another pony motions towards a shop. ‘Right. And a free translated graphic novel from Neighponese Imports. Thanks, everypony, for watching. We’ll take a short break while we set up for the Halo team tournament. Back in a few.’

The Wandering Physicist heads backstage. He immediately collapses by the nearest chair and reaches for a bottle of water just out of reach. A kind hoof pushes the water towards him. He quickly pulls it to him and starts drinking.

‘Are you sure you don’t need any help? You have been up since yesterday,’ Selene says, sitting next to her friend.

‘M mmm mm mmmmm mmmm.’ The Wandering Physicist mumbles while drinking. He stops to take a breath. ‘Besides, how do you know? Are you stalking me? Maybe watching my dreams?’

Selene’s eyes dart. ‘No. Not at all.’

Another pony approaches. ‘Leave him alone, Selene. He has been up since yesterday.’ Twilight states.

‘Are you stalking him?’ Selene accuses.

‘What are you talking about? I have been helping set up, unlike some ponies who were conveniently out of town.’

‘Mmm mm mm mm,’ The Wandering Physicist finishes drinking, ‘game.’

The two mares stare at The Wandering Physicist as he he goes back to laying on the ground. He lets out a large, fake snore that cause both of them to roll their eyes.

Twilight turns to Selene. ‘Anyway, what are you doing back here? Event staff only.’

Selene taps a badge around her neck. ‘VIP guest. It seems somepony thinks I am special enough to have around.’

The Wandering Physicist snorts and and gasps. He sits straight up. ‘I’m awake!’

There is a sharp ‘eep’ and a crash. The group looks over to see that a yellow pegasus with a pink mane has attempted to hide in a pile of chairs and tables but got herself stuck in the furniture. The Wandering Physicist and Twilight go to help their friend free.

‘Sorry about that. I didn’t know you were there.’ The Wandering Physicist apologizes.

‘Oh, it is fine. I shouldn’t have been sneaking up on you.’ Fluttershy apologizes back.

‘I wouldn’t say “sneaking”,’ a new voice chimes in, ‘more like “skulking”.’

A grey pegasus and a brown pony enter the backstage area.

Derpy waves at her friends. ‘Hi! I hope you don’t mind, but I brought my friend with me. His name is The Doctor. Doctor, this is Twilight, Fluttershy, new person, and Chief.’ ‘Chief’ is Derpy’s nickname for The Wandering Physicist.

‘It is a pleasure to meet all of you.’ The Doctor says with a bow.

‘Likewise, Doctor.’ The Wandering Physicist replies. ‘Now that we’re all here, team meeting time.’

‘We are not going to cheat, are we?’ Fluttershy worries. ‘I mean, you are the one who organized everything.’

‘No worries. I have the stages set to a random number generator and Droll Tale will be on hoof to pick a stage if we get a repeat.’

‘Ugh. He is so annoying,’ Twilight says with a facehoof.

‘All right. Enough troll bashing, we should only have about ten minutes before I have to...’ The Wandering Physicist half dozes off again. Selene taps him. ‘Cheeseburger!’

There is another crash as Fluttershy tries diving under the chairs again.

Twilight facehoofs again. ‘This is going to be a long day.’

After the Halo team tournament changed to the solo tournament, The Wandering Physicist is almost out of energy. The last two competitors are in a heated battle. The crowd has a clearly defined favorite and is cheering him on. Suddenly, there is a loud explosion in the game and The Wandering Physicist is wake from his stupor. The audience is clearly upset and is booing the winner.

‘Bow before The Awesome and Magnificent Maximilian!’ the winner declares, triumphantly. The unicorn uses his magic to create some harmless fireworks in celebration.

The Wandering Physicist yawns. ‘That will do.’

‘The Awesome and Magnificent Maxie does not care what you think.’

‘Well, I am the one hosting this thing. So...’

The fireworks stop.

‘Anyway, congratulations on your win. You get two free months of Playstation Plus...’ All of the Halo players look at The Wandering Physicist, then at the consoles, then back to The Wandering Physicist. ‘Or Gold. Whatever. Thank you to everypony for playing.’

‘Let this be a warning to all who challenge the Awesome and Magnificent Maxie!’

‘Right...’ The Wandering Physicist covers his mic. ‘You can leave the stage now.’ Maxie turns his nose up and leaves. ‘Okay! So we’ll be setting up for the TF2 round robin in a bit, but first we have something special planned.’

Dream Maker and several other ponies enter the stage.

‘That is right,’ Dream Maker starts. ‘Once the tournament is finished on my stage, I’ll be DMing a Dungeons and Dragons game being played by The Wandering Physicist of The Power Block’ -- The Wandering Physicist bows -- ‘Diamond Crystal representing Marvel Crystal of Marvelous Comics and Collectables’ -- a light blue pony with striped purple and blue mane bows -- ‘Coal Tale of Coal’s Tales’ -- he takes a bow -- ‘Rip Chord of The Chaos Theater’ -- an all black pegasus with a black mane nods -- ‘Ruby Dart of Ponyville Programming’ -- a yellow unicorn with a red mane nods -- ‘and Kaeko Umaku of Neighponese Imports’ -- a silver pegasus with a blonde mane bows. ‘Can they survive the campaign? Find out soon.’

The audience applauds or stomps in support of the hosts. Dream waves and heads back to the tabletop area. The other shopkeepers head backstage. They all stand around. The Wandering Physicist sways a bit with his eyes closed.

‘How is the festival going for the rest of you?’ Kaeko asks. ‘I am doing well, but I’d like to have a bit of time to check my shop before the game.’

‘Gettin’ a ton of guests wanting to hear or buy the albums I have been playin’,’ Rip answers. ‘It is hard keepin’ the secret under wraps.’

‘It is hard keeping Droll in line, but what else is new?’ Coal says. ‘I am making good sells. Pretty good considering the popularity of the library,’ glances at The Dozing Physicist, ‘or a certain pony that runs it.’

‘The husband and I are always doing good business.’ Diamond says. ‘It is good to see new faces, though.’

The Wandering Physicist snores.

‘Yo. I think he has the right idea. Who’s coverin’ his shop anyway?’ Rip asks.

‘We combined shops for the festival since I didn’t want my place getting too cluttered,’ Ruby answers. ‘His friends Selene and Twilight Sparkle have been... Is “helping” the right word?’

‘Speaking of not helping, have any of you also run into that Maxie that was just on stage?’ Coal asks.

‘Hells yeah,’ Rip replies. ‘He went through my shop then started complainin’ that I didn’t have any “good” music. I asked what he liked and he started up with all of the mainstream artists that I clearly don’t carry. I mean, they’re good ‘n all, but...’

‘He was unimpressed that I did not carry any Naruto,’ Kaeko scowls.

‘Should we have the Enforcers keep an eye on him?’ Ruby asks.

‘Move faster, Pokey!’ The Wandering Physicist blurts. Everypony stares at him. ‘What were we talking about?’

‘Just wondering if we should watch a disruptive pony.’ Coal answers.

‘Is it your brother?’

‘No, but...’

‘Is this pony breaking any rules?’

‘Well, no, but...’

‘If the pony is not breaking rules, I don’t think we should be so quick to judge.’

‘Hmm. Give it time. You’ll come around.’

A stage hand looks backstage. ‘Almost ready for you.’

‘I guess it is time to do this. Ready, kids?’ Diamond says.

Rip nods toward Ruby and Kaeko. ‘With them around, I’ll put on my robe and wizard hat.’

Diamond rolls her eyes. Kaeko groans. Coal backs away. Ruby swears under her breath. The Wandering Physicist finds a bottle of water and starts drinking.

‘This anypony’s?’ The Wandering Physicist asks after finishing the water.

The others sigh and wait until they are called out once more.

On the night of the first day, the festival is winding down, but the party is still going on. The tabletop stage has been converted to a music stage where Rip Chord’s special guest turns out to be Jonathan Colton. JoColt is playing a small concert while the last gaming tournament is finishing up. It is the last round of the Mare-io Kart Wii tournament. Fourth place has already been mathematically eliminated and is holding back from the main three. Twilight currently leads with Selene right on her tail. For some reason, Maximilian seems to be waiting for something. The Wandering Physicist is too busy singing along to all of the songs to comment on the race. Suddenly, there is an explosion on-screen, followed by Twilight and Selene yelling, the audience booing and Maximilian laughing.

‘Silly foals! Tremble before the might of the Awesome and Magnificent Maxie!’

‘That was total bulls...’ Selene yells before getting cut off by a firework.

‘Motherf...’ Firework. ‘...king blue shells,’ Twilight spits out.

‘...the future soon. I never seen it quite so clear. When my heart is breaking...’

‘Mr Wanderer!’

‘James!’

‘What? Oh!’ The Wandering Physicist takes notice of the game. ‘Congratulations to...’

‘The Awesome and Magnificient Maxie wins again!’ Maxie declares.

‘Way to go. You win the complete Mare-io Kart figure and toy collection.’ The Wandering Physicist pauses to think. ‘Damn. That is pretty fancy.’ He notices Twilight and Selene charging spells. ‘Anyway! Good job winning, keep up the good work, and get off the stage if you want to live.’

The Wandering Physicist hurries Maxie off the stage as Twilight and Selene run up.

‘I’ll kill him. I am going to kill him,’ Selene says unusually calmly.

‘I am so getting Celestia to banish him and have him thrown in a dungeon in the place he is banished to.’ Twilight growls.

‘You have my support,’ her rival adds.

‘Not to sound like I wasn’t paying attention to both of you, but what did he do?’

Twilight and Selene stare at The Wandering Physicist, look at each other, and back at the stallion. ‘Blue shell.’ They say in unison.

‘Oooo!’ Pause. ‘Which one of you was in first?’

‘I was!’ They say at once. ‘What? No you weren’t! I was leading! Stop copying me!’

The two mares growl and butt heads. The Wandering Physicist starts backing away. The two mares notice and turn their attention to him.

‘Uh... You wouldn’t hit a pony with glasses, would you?’ Twilight levitates the glasses from The Wandering Physicist’s face. ‘Oh snap.’

The stallion darts backstage to keep the inevitable earful he will get out of public. After they are gone, a certain pink pony comes out on stage.

‘Rock Band party! All night!’ Pinkie declares as she pulls a Rock Band guitar out of nowhere.

The next day brings changes to the festival. Most notably, The Wandering Physicist is wide awake after getting ‘plenty’ of sleep when Twilight and Selene were done yelling at him for ignoring them. He would have gotten better sleep if he was allowed to use his own bed and not give it up to a certain visiting princess. There is also renewed energy in the Pokemon League after rumors spread about a mysterious ‘Gym Leader Hayate’ who was very easy to defeat and about a certain animal-loving pegasus who is the league champion. There is also a lot of talk about ‘the Awesome and Magnificent Maxie’ dominating games and being a showboat about it.

The finals for the Team Fortress 2 tournament coming to a close. Team Wanderer is dominating. The teams are having a big shootout at the last control point. The defending team is doing a good job of camping at the control point. Fluttershy is giving her monitor her infamous Stare, which is doing a good job of unnerving any opponent who happens to look her way. The rest of her team is equally intense.

‘You set, Derpy?’ Selene whispers into her headset.

‘Roger,’ Derpy replies.

One of the defenders decloaks and backstabs an ‘ally’. At the same time, another defender is taken down by a headshot.

‘Booya! Who is your god now!’ Selene declares triumphantly.

Team Wanderer rushes the point and is able to get enough players on it before the opposing team can regroup. The match ends in total victory.

‘YAHOO! WE DID IT! WE WON! WE ARE THE GREATEST!’ Fluttershy declares, jumping up and down in her seat.

The rest of the team take a breath and start congratulating each other and the other team. They are able to get Fluttershy to calm down and join in the sharing of respect. The announcers, Rip Chord and Droll Tale, come out to congratulate the teams.

‘That was a great game! Real balls to the wall action!’ Rip says.

‘I like popsicles!’ Droll declares.

‘Ya have been just the greatest cohost in ever,’ Rip says, rolling his eyes.

‘Shoo be doo, shoo shoo be doo,’ Droll sings.

There is a crash as Rip starts strangling Droll, and they fall off the stage. Enforcers rush to pull them apart. The Wandering Physicist picks up a dropped headset mic.

‘Ho damn! Thought that was never going to end.’ The Wandering Physicist states. ‘Anyway! Since it would be a gyp to give the host a prize, I had something special in mind in case we won. Once I get back to my shop, I’ll be giving away a free app download of your choice for the next hour to all visitors. See you there.’

The Wandering Physicist gives the mic to an Enforcer as he rejoins his team. They start heading off the stage and back to The Power Block. At the end of the stage exit, Maximilian is waiting. Fluttershy hides from the stranger behind The Wandering Physicist.

‘Way to go on the win. The Awesome and Magnificent Maxie would have helped you get it sooner though,’ Maxie greets.

‘What do you want?’ Twilight says, glaring.

‘I just wanted to tell you that I cannot wait for our match in the Brawl tourney. Ours to Selene.’

Selene just scoffs and turns away. Maxie smirks and starts leaving. He stops and turns back a bit.

‘Oh. And I’ll be seeing you around too, Madam Champion.’

Fluttershy just lets out a sharp squeak and hides even more. Twilight and Selene glare at Maxie as he finally leaves. The Wandering Physicist sighs and starts walking away very slowly, since he is dragging Fluttershy.

‘That guy is a real ass!’ Selene declares.

‘I bet I can find a spell to make him one, too,’ Twilight adds. She turns to Selene. ‘Hey, one of us has to take him down. Deal?’

‘Deal.’

‘I’m in, too!’ Derpy declares.

‘Excellent! We should be enough to take him down.’

The three mares high hoof.

‘I’m going back to the shop and getting some food,’ The Wandering Physicist says, walking away. ‘Y’all are free to join me if you want. ... It might take me a bit to get back there, though.’

‘Sorry,’ Fluttershy apologizes as she gets up. ‘He just gives me a chill.’

‘He really seems familiar to me... I wonder from where...’ Twilight ponders.

‘Food first. Stranger bashing later,’ The Wandering Physicist says, continuing on.

A large group has formed backstage on the video gaming stage. They have all surrounded The Wandering Physicist, and they are angry. He is standing firm against them.

‘No. No rules are being broken. We cannot eject him without a cause,’ The Wandering Physicist avers.

‘What about Wheaton’s Law? Our unwritten Rule Zero?’ Dream Maker counters.

‘We have hundreds of overcharged ponies competing in tough, direct challenges. It is natural for some to be overzealous.’

‘It is plain rude is what is is.’ Selene snorts.

‘ “Who is your god now?” That wasn’t even five hours ago.’

‘That is beside the point.’

‘He is not just being a showboat. He is being a disruptive element. He has been annoying visitors to our shops,’ Coal Tale adds.

‘He strangled me for no good reason!’ Droll Tale also adds.

‘That was Rip, and you deserved it.’ Coal corrects.

‘Heh, heh. Yeah,’ Rip laughs.

‘I was using Snake and he beat me in the final round!’ Derpy complains.

‘All right, everypony. Calm down. I understand your complaints, but come on, the festival is almost over. We just have the last few rounds of the Pokemon league to finish on my end. I am sure we can end this without too much of a disruption.’

Kaeko goes over to The Wandering Physicist. ‘You have been the only one to resist taking action because he has not directly infuriated you in someway. If you do not stand with your friends now, we might not be quick to stand with you in the future.’

Kaeko turns and leaves. Most of the other ponies look back at The Wandering Physicist and follow too. Only Twilight, Selene and Derpy stay.

‘Sorry to lose my cool, Chief, but sensei is right,’ Derpy says.

The Wandering Physicist sighs. ‘I know. Letting it slide for this long has been tough, but I would rather not blight the show by losing my temper.’

Selene puts a hoof on The Wandering Physicist’s shoulder. ‘There are ways to fight without getting angry. I am sure if the time comes, you will think of something.’

The Wandering Physicist sighs again. ‘Let’s get the others. It is time for some E4 challenges.’

The final game of the Pokemon league is being played. Champion Fluttershy is defending against the last challenger, Maximilian. She is carefully picking her moves in hopes that...

‘Ha! I win! The Awesome and Magnificent Maxie is the greatest pony in all of Equestria!’

Maxie start creating more fireworks and laughing in celebration. At her seat, Fluttershy calmly closes her game, gets up and gallops away crying. She passes by The Wandering Physicist who is doing his best impression of her Stare focused on Maxie. In the audience, the other shop owners murmur and look at The Wandering Physicist. The other Pokemon masters, Twilight, Selene, Spike, and Derpy, watch their one friend leave then look over to see their other friend, silently seething. With a deliberate calmness, The Wandering Physicist gets up and walks over to the still-celebrating Maxie.

‘Very good on the win. You are the only one to make it that far and thus our new champion.’

‘The Awesome and Magnificent Maxie knew he would win. He will be a great and merciful champion to you all.’

‘Yes, yes... You did well, but I notice something amiss.’

‘Oh? And what is that? I followed all of the rules.’

‘I believe you are missing a badge.’ The Wandering Physicist shrugs. ‘I know it is not needed to get this far, but, you know, gotta catch ‘em all.’

‘What? Oh, you mean Gym Leader Hayate? I heard he was basically giving the badges away,’ Maxie scoffs. ‘I heard that nopony has even seen him. I don’t want to fight an opponent I cannot see.’

A small badge is tossed to the stage. Maxie looks from the badge up to The Wandering Physicist’s hoof, still extended from tossing the badge.

‘Really? I am the champion. You are the one everypony beat. You think you can take me?’

‘In my sleep, which, according to my friends, is apparently more aggressive than I normally play.’

‘Pfft. I don’t care. What is one more trinket to me?’

‘Then why don’t we make it interesting. One badge and bragging rights versus your title,’ Maxie scoffs again. ‘Unless you don’t think you can take the one trainer everypony else beat.’

‘Hmm.... Bring it on, as they say.’

‘Excellent!’ The Wandering Physicist turns to the back. ‘Let’s set up over here!’

A small team of Enforcers come out and start reconnecting the equipment. Rip Chord quickly gallops away.

‘What is going on?’ Maxie asks.

‘Oh, right. I was working on a special setup for the final round, but it got started before we could hook everything up. This will allow us to see the battle on the main screen without revealing our moves or our whole team.’

The Wandering Physicist puts his game cartridge into a device set in front of him. Maxie pauses for a moment then does the same. The device is activated and the game starts up. Rip returns with Jonathan Colton, quickly gets him a guitar, and hooks it up. Jonathan Colton starts playing some battle music. The first two Pokemon appear: a Lucario for The Wandering Physicist and a Victini for Maxie. The players input their moves. “Lucario used Focus Blast. It is super effective!” Victini is revealed to be a Zoroark and goes down.

‘What?! How did you know I had a Zoroark?’

‘Just a guess.’

Maxie sends out his next Pokemon, a Hydreigon. The players pick their actions. Their attacks hit. Lucario’s Illusion fails and it is revealed to be a Zoroark.

‘What the?’

‘I never said I didn’t have one too.’

They put in their next actions. Zoroark is switched for another Lucario, which takes the hit. Maxie growls.

The Wandering Physicist turns to the crowd. ‘Who wants to see Aura Sphere!’

The audience cheers, and the players put in their actions. Lucario uses Aura Sphere and takes out the Hydreigon. Maxie growls louder and sends out his next Pokemon, Blaziken.

‘Ha! Blaze Kick, go!’

Blaziken takes out Lucario in one hit, causing Maxie to cheer and the crowd to boo. The Wandering Physicist sends out an Empoleon. Maxie sneers again. The actions are put in. Empoleon takes a hit, but it wipes out the Blaziken. Maxie seethes and sends out Electross.

‘Ah. Looks like I am at a disadvantage. Dang,’ The Wandering Physicist taunts.

The players put in their actions. Empoleon takes a Zap Cannon and faints. A Salamenace comes out. Maxie grimaces for a second but readies an attack. The Salamenace goes down after being revealed to be Zoroark again.

‘Oh no. We are all tied up. Whatever shall I do?’ The Wandering Physicist chides.

‘Will you be serious?’

‘I am always serious, and don’t call me Shirley.’

The audience has a laugh as another Salamenace is sent out.

‘Maxie, did you know Electross is a lamprey?

‘What of it?’

‘Well, lamprey suck nutrients from their prey. Want to know what this one sucks?’

Maxie rolls his eyes. ‘What?’

‘Draco Meteor!’

The crowd cheers as the move is input. Salamenace is paralyzed by Zap Cannon, but it takes out the Electross. Maxie just scoffs and sends out Kingdra.

‘Oh dear. What have I there?’

‘A pretty good play since that has moves that are times four effective against two of my last team.’

‘And why are you revealing that?’

‘You showed me you Victini, good pick by the way. I thought I’d return the favor and show you my lone legendary. B-T-dubs, she is about twenty percent cooler than Victini.’

From the clouds, a cyan pegasus shouts a complaint. The Wandering Physicist sends out a Sky Forme Shaymin, causing a murmur in the audience. Maxie ponders his next move.

‘If you switch, I get a free hit on your Victini. If you don’t,’ he enters a command, ‘you get hit by Seed Flare. Your poison.’

Maxie inputs the action. His Pokemon takes the hit. He just grumbles and sends out Victini, his last Pokemon.

‘Damn. I don’t have anything that would do any good. Oh sigh.’ The Wandering Physicist taunts again.

He just puts in a command and takes the powerful V-Create attack. The Wandering Physicist feigns despair and sends out his last Pokemon, a level one Rattata. Those in the audience that know what is coming cheer. Maxie does not seem to get what is coming his way.

‘Really? That is it? That is your last resort? I can squash you in one hit!’

‘I doubt that is possible. You can concede now if you don’t want to be humiliated.’

‘You are really arrogant.’

‘I know.’

They input their commands. Victini roasts Rattata, but “Focus Sash keeps Rattata from fainting.”

‘What!’

Rattata uses Endeavor and takes Victini down to one HP too.

‘Last move, Maxie. Make it count.’

They put in their actions. “Rattata uses Sucker Punch. It is super effective!” The last HP is taken from Victini. Maxie screams in rage. The audience cheers.

‘In your face, Space Coyote!’

‘Space Coyote?’ Selene wonders.

The special game setup is turned off. Maxie quickly removes his cartridge. The Enforcers start breaking down the stage.

‘You have not heard the last of the Awesome and Magnificent Maxie!’

Maxie casts a smoke spell and gallops away using the spell as cover. He trips of a fallen cart wheel on his way out of town.

‘Oh! That is who he reminds me of!’ Twilight says.

The audience keeps cheering the victory. The other Pokemon masters on stage cheer too. The Wandering Physicist turns to the crowd and waves. Suddenly, he is tackled from the side. Fluttershy has glomped on to him.

‘You did it! You beat that big meanie! You are the greatest!’

Fluttershy gives The Wandering Physicist a big kiss on the cheek. He blushes while Twilight’s and Selene’s jaws drop. Once Fluttershy realizes what she just did, she instantly turns bright red and gallops away stage as Dream Maker and a red pony with a blue mane, Marvel Crystal, come on stage.

‘Way to go! That was an epic victory,’ Marvel says, slapping The Wandering Physicist on the back and knocking him to the ground.

Dream Maker helps The Wandering Physicist back up. ‘That was a great way to end the last tournament of the festival.’

‘I’d say you won some award, but I think Fluttershy already gave it to you.’ Marvel says, getting cheers from the audience.

‘Oh geez. She is never going to come near me again,’ The Wandering Physicist moans.

‘Look on the bright side, you can finally get some sleep.’ Dream Maker turns to the audience. ‘This pony has only slept six hours in the past three days.’

The audience cheers again.

‘That is a lie and you know it! It is more like five point seven hours.’ There are more cheers. Twilight tries calculating point seven hours in her head.

‘That will do. Take one last bow, then GET SOME REST!’ Marvel urges.

‘Whatevs.’ The Wandering Physicist turns to the audience. ‘Thank you for watching. We should be setting up a free play area for the rest of the festival, and the shops will be open for a while longer. Catch ya ‘round!’

The Wandering Physicist waves to the audience and heads backstage to cheers. The rest of his friends are waiting for him, even a highly embarrassed Fluttershy. They all congratulate him on winning the game.

‘You were great out there, Mr Wanderer.’

‘Marvelous, James. Marvelous.’

‘I knew you could take him, Chief.’

The Wandering Physicist sways a little and snores. His friends laugh. Suddenly, The Doctor pops in.

‘Molecular waveguides.’

‘By the Genesis display. Third shelf up.’ The Wandering Physicist says in his sleep.

‘Thanks, mate.’

The Doctor gallops out, leaving several confused ponies and a Slowly Collapsing Physicist.

Days later, The Wandering Physicist is working in his shop. He is getting the usual flow of customers. His Pokemon League and Team Fortress 2 awards are over the counter. He sighs contentedly as he watches over his shop. A new customer enters the shop. The pony approaches the main counter and sets down a wrapped box.

‘Why Miss Applejack, what can I do for you?’

‘Ah was there when ya took down that dern showboatin’ stallion. Ya really gave ‘im what he deserved.’

‘Thank you. That was the last act before I would have taken his horn and done something I cannot say in polite company.’

‘Ah understand where yer comin’ from. Anyway, it was a good thing ya did fer the neighborhood. This here is a little token of mah appreciation.’

The Wandering Physicist opens the box to reveal a pie. ‘Wow. Thanks. You really didn’t have to.’

‘Well, it is also mah way t’ finally be welcomin’ ya t’ Ponyville. The town is better fer havin’ ya.’ The mare blushes. ‘Sorry fer bein’ so mean t’ ya.’

The Wandering Physicist does a hoof pump. ‘I am credit to team!’

‘Heh, heh. Twi was right. Yer a weird one, but yer a fun one.’

‘That was the nicest thing someone has said to me all day. So, uh, like your hat in return.’

Applejack smiles, nods and leaves the shop. She looks back as she is leaving and get a wink from The Wandering Physicist. She continues out, blushing. The Wandering Physicist goes back to enjoying the day.

Author's Notes:

Fun Fact: Most of the Pokemon seen in the battle are my favorites. It was really tough coming up with teams that used ones I liked. I know neither of the teams are really tournament worthy, but I wanted to have fun with it. Also, I have played Pokemon in my sleep before. On several occasions.

Story timeline: First speaking appearance of Pinkie. First cameo of Rainbow Dash. Applejack and TWP make peace. Watch out for her.

Day Off to Work

Main Characters: TWP, Sweetie Belle, Rarity
Cameos: Derpy, Applejack
Original Write Date: October 14, 2011
Rewrite Date: February 28, 2012

The Wandering Physicist has a long day ahead of him. After the festival, he determined he needed an assistant and has set about hiring one. Round one, the application process, is done. He has two piles of applications in front of him, one for full-time work and one for part-time work. He closed The Power Block for the day so he will have enough time to go through them properly. He stares at the piles of papers. He then opens up Equestria Daily on his computer to check the news, even though their Twitter shows no new news in the past ten minutes. In a building full of video games, he looks for a distraction and finds it coming up the street. Rarity with her sister Sweetie Belle in tow come up to the shop. Rarity takes one look at the ‘Sorry. We’re Closed’ sign, looks in at The Wandering Physicist, then knocks on the door. He quickly leaves his counter and work and lets the sisters in.

‘So sorry to intrude,’ Rarity says, 'but I have a small favor to ask of you.’

The Wandering Physicist raises an eyebrow. ‘What is it?’

‘Our parents left Sweetie Belle with me for the day, but I have some errands to run that may be too tedious for my precious sister, thus I need a sitter for her. Since I have some to run around here, you were the first pony to pop into my head.’

The Wandering Physicist looks down at Sweetie Belle. ‘Uh... Couldn’t Applejack or the chicken’s family watch her instead?’

Rarity rubs the back of her head sheepishly. ‘Sweet Apple Acres is too far out of the way, and Scootaloo’s father.... just plain scares me.’

The Wandering Physicist thinks back for a moment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Before the festival. The Wandering Physicist and Dream Maker are meeting with the Mayor and a dark orange pegasus.

‘You are impeding our first amendment rights! We demand our right to protest this travesty!’ Scootaloo’s dad shouts.

The mayor sighs. ‘We have been over this already. Due to the limited access to that area of the city, you would be directly impacting access to the event. Not to mention we have a direct sanctions from Princesses Luna and Sparkle themselves to prevent your group from protesting the event.’

Scootaloo's dad stomps the ground in rage. ‘You have not heard the last of Westburro Church!’ He shoves his way out of the room. ‘Communists!’
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Wandering Physicist sighs. ‘I see what you mean.’

Rarity busts out the doe eyes. ‘Pleeeeeease! I will repay you.’

The Wandering Physicist groans. ‘Fine. I doubt she will cause too much trouble.’

‘Excellent! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I’ll be back to pick her up this evening.’

Rarity starts leaving, but Sweetie Belle grabs her leg.

‘Please don’t leave me!’ Sweetie Belle begs. ‘Can’t I just stay at the clubhouse? You let me go there all the time.’

Rarity laughs. ‘Sweetie, you know I can’t trust you on your own, especially after that last incident.’

‘But I’ll be good this time! Besides, his mane grew back,’ the young filly argues.

‘Now Sweetie!’ Rarity frowns down at her sister. ‘It will only be a little while, and Mr Wanderer will take good care of you. When I get back, we will do anything you wish! (As long as I don’t get too dirty.)’

Sweetie Belle sits on the floor in a huff. ‘Fine.’

Rarity gives her sister a kiss on the head, bows slightly to The Wandering Physicist and leaves. He locks the door after Rarity and goes back to his work. He picks up the first application and looks at the name: ‘Snails’. He stares at the name for several seconds. He sets the application down and the ‘Maybe’ pile is born. He picks up the next application and looks at the name: ‘Selene’. He stares at the application and a cold sweat forms. The ‘I have to consider her or I will be killed’ pile is born.

The Wandering Physicist sighs and looks up. ‘Yo. Sweetie Belle. Can I ask you a question?’

‘Was that it?’ Sweetie Belle counters.

The Wandering Physicist gets out a drink from under the counter. ‘Very funny. Anyway, what shopping does your sister have in this area? She doesn’t seem like the type that reads comics or listens to indie music.’

Sweetie Belle thinks. ‘I think she is on her monthly “ya-oi” run.’

The Wandering Physicist spits out his drink, fortunately away from his electronics.

Sweetie Bell looks up innocently. ‘What is ‘ya-oi’ anyway?’

The Wandering Physicist buries his head in his hooves. ‘Stop saying that word!’ He moans to himself. ‘I can never look at her again.’

Sweetie Belle looks over at The Wandering Physicist, confused. She sighs and starts picking at nothing on the ground. The Wandering Physicist recovers and picks up the next application: ‘Cutie Mark Crusaders’. He quickly opens a drawer. A light shines out, and The Wandering Physicist shoves the application inside, banishing it to another dimension.

Sweetie Bell looks up. ‘What was that?’

‘Nothing!’ He thinks. ‘Hey. Want me to set up a console or something? I have every game you can think of.’

Sweetie Belle shrugs. ‘Sure. I guess.’

‘Excellent! Let’s see if we can find something you like.’

The Wandering Physicist has gotten through half his piles. There are a few more ‘Maybes’. Sweetie Belle is lazily playing Mare-io Kart. Both moan out of boredom.

‘Kid, never grow up. Work sucks.’ The Wandering Physicist moans.

Sweetie Belle whines. ‘But if I don’t grow up, I won’t get my cutie mark. And I want my cutie mark!’

‘If you are that desperate, I have a hotplate you can sit on.’

Sweetie Belle gasps in horror.

‘Oh, I am just joking.’

There is a tap at the door. An overloaded Derpy waves to get in. A strange buzzing comes from under the counter and the door opens. Derpy brings in a large number of boxes and sets them on the counter.

‘How is the search going?’ Derpy asks.

‘Miserable.’ The Wandering Physicist sighs. ‘Are you sure you don’t want to change professions?’

Derpy pretends to think. ‘Hmmmm..... Nope! I love what I do. Plus, I get to go on plenty of adventures with The Doctor! Those are really fun, but I am not supposed to talk to anypony about them.’

‘If you’re not supposed to talk about them, how can you tell us that much?’ Sweetie Belle asks.

Derpy looks over at Sweetie Belle. ‘Cute kid. Who’s the dad?’

Sweetie Belle gags. ‘Eeew! Gross!’

‘Rarity asked me to watch her for the day,’ The Wandering Physicist explains.

Derpy nods. ‘Ah. On one of her restock runs. It is always fun handling the fancy materials she orders.’

‘Dumb fabric,’ Sweetie Belle mumbles to herself.

‘Just be careful with some of her more personal orders,’ The Wandering Physicist shudders.

Derpy giggles. ‘I’ve seen those packages from J-List.’

The Wandering Physicist moans and slams his head to the counter. Derpy laughs. Sweetie Belle opens her mouth to ask a question.

The Wandering Physicist does not look up. ‘Don’t say that word!’

Sweetie Belle crosses her forelegs. ‘Dumb adults.’ She pouts.

‘Anyway, I have a busy day ahead of me. See you around.’ Derpy says with a wave to her friends.

Derpy leaves the shop. The Wandering Physicist looks up. He picks up the next application, looks at it and puts it in the ‘I have to consider her or I will be killed’ pile.

The Wandering Physicist looks over the shop. ‘Sweetie Belle, are you getting hungry?’

Sweetie Bell shrugs. ‘I guess.’

‘Good. Let’s get out of here. I think I know just the place.’

A while later, The Wandering Physicist and Sweetie Belle are back from lunch, having made a quick stop at Neighponese Imports. In exchange for confirming Rarity’s shopping habits and a very loud, painful yell, the pair has stocked up on Neighponese snacks and manga. Sweetie Belle snacks on her new favorite food, Pocky, and reads a manga she got as a gift. The Wandering Physicist finishes up the applications.

‘I don’t get this. Why does she keep going if she is so sick?’ Sweetie Belle asks from her comic.

‘That is one of the beautiful things about Full Moon! Mistuki gets to live her dream of being a singer. She gets to see what life would be like if she were able to earn her cutie mark and fulfill her destiny.’ The Wandering Physicist answers without looking up from his work.

‘I guess that is a good story... And I really like her mane!’

The Wandering Physicist finishes the last application and sighs. He goes to his computer and, ignoring the latest story updates on EqD, he selects about a dozen names from a list and runs a script that sends out an automated message to all applicants about their application status. He stops to stare at the remaining dozen names and sighs again.

‘Well, that is done. I guess I can open up for a bit.’

The Wandering Physicist goes to the door, unlocks it, and flips the sign around so it now reads ‘Sorry, We’re Open.’ As soon as he does this he gets a visitor.

‘We meet again, Mr Purple,’ The Wandering Physicist grins.

‘What?’ Applejack is confused. ‘Ah am neither a “mister” nor “purple”.’

‘Nerd joke. ... Obscure nerd joke.’

‘Ah hope Ah never figure out even half the thin’s ya say.’

‘Applejack!' Sweetie Belle cheers. 'Is Apple Bloom with you?’

‘Sorry, sugar cube. Ah jus’ came by t’ see how y’all were doin’ with Rarity out o’ town and all.’ Applejack replies.

The Wandering Physicist is shocked. ‘Wait. What?’

‘Y’all didn’ know? Shoot. Ah would have thought Rarity woulda told ya since she stopped by mah farm on her way t’ Manehatten. Wanted t’ pick up some apples fer the road.’

The Wandering Physicist starts pacing. ‘No, no, no. This can’t be. She didn’t mention anything about going that far. I didn’t get any warning. I am not prepared for this. I mean, she even said that your place was... in the completely opposite direction of Manehatten.’

The Wandering Physicist turns back to Applejack. She is covering her mouth to hide her snickering.

‘Ah’m jus’ messin’ with ya.’ Applejack laughs. ‘When she stopped by mah cart and mentioned ya were watchin’ Sweetie Belle, Ah guess Ah got the Pinkie Pie prank bug and had t’ mess with ya.’

The Wandering Physicist smiles and shakes his head. ‘Oh, you’re a tricky one. With Pinkie, you see it coming, but with you...’

‘Heh, heh. Guess Element o’ Honesty can throw ponies off sometimes, but Ah can have fun, too.’

The Wandering Physicist grins evilly. ‘Just so you know. I will get you back.’

Applejack starts leaving. ‘Bring it.’

The two laugh. Sweetie Belle goes back to her comic. The Wandering Physicist sits next to her and starts playing the video games they left out.

Evening. The Wandering Physicist is still playing the game. Sweetie Belle is really enjoying her comic, and her face is covered in Pocky remains. There is a light knock on the door as Rarity enters.

‘Heeellooo! I am back.’ Rarity cheers.

Rarity is grabbed around the neck in a hug.

‘Oh thank Sagan! The nightmare can end,’ The Wandering Physicist greets.

Sweetie Belle starts packing up her things. ‘Hey!’

The Wandering Physicist frees Rarity. ‘Just joking. It has been... a day.’

Rarity is confused. ‘Was it at least a good day?’

The Wandering Physicist and Sweetie Belle look at each other then back at Rarity.

‘It has been a day.’ Sweetie Belle replies.

‘Also, she is addicted to Pocky now.’ The Wandering Physicist pulls Rarity aside. ‘Seriously. She needs help. She is up to three packs a day.’

‘Hey!’ Sweetie Belle protests.

The Wandering Physicist smiles back. ‘Just messing with you.’ He turns to Rarity. ‘She has been pretty good all day long. No real trouble.’ His eyes dart. ‘Keep her away from chopsticks.’

Rarity laughs. ‘I’ll keep that in mind. Come along, Sweetie Belle.’

Sweetie Belle gets her pack and goes over to Rarity.

‘What do we say?’ Rarity says.

Sweetie Belle bows. ‘Thank you for watching me, Mr Wanderer.’

Rarity bows too. ‘Yes, thank you. I owe you for being a good guardian.’

‘Aw, it was not problem.' The Wandering Physicist shrugs.

‘No, no. A lady always repays her debt. I’ll be in touch.’

The Wandering Physicist nods. ‘I’ll look forward to seeing you again.’

The two adults bow a little to each other and Rarity and Sweetie Belle leave the shop. The Wandering Physicist looks around and checks the time. He stretches a bit and heads upstairs to his living area to make some dinner and put on some tea.

Author's Notes:

To date, this is the only story to get rewritten. It was originally done in a completely different style. Most of the original is intact with this version, but this is the only one I have modified and kept up to date.

Story events: Started a series of jokes about Rarity's proclivities. At the time, she was my least favorite of the main cast. Around chapter 70, I start trying to reverse the damage done over the course of the series. In the sequels, she is treated with the respect she deserves.

Tea with The Doctor

Main Characters: TWP, The Doctor (10)
Cameos: None
Original Write Date: October 16, 2011

It is a dark night in Ponyville. An odd whooshing sound fills a back alley, and a blue box materializes out of nowhere. A light brown pony steps out and drags himself to a nearby door. He trudges in, goes up a set of stairs and sits down at a table.

‘I could really use a cup of tea.’

A cup of tea slides up to him almost instantly.

‘I put a pot on as soon as I saw you dropping Derpy off across town.’

‘Thanks, mate.’

The Wandering Physicist sits opposite The Doctor. Both have a cup of tea.

‘How have things been, Theta?’

The Doctor sighs. ‘I am just getting in a lot of trouble.’

‘Cybers?’

‘Worse.’

‘Daleks?’

‘Worse.’

‘Ah. Derpy. She is an enigmatic one. The brains of Twilight. The randomness of Pinkie. The caring of Fluttershy. Like some sort of Elements Voltron.’

‘Interesting how you go straight to the Elements.’

‘They’re some of my best customers.’

‘I’ve seen the way Twilight looks at you. She wants what you’re selling.’

‘I can say the same to you about how Derpy speaks of you.’

‘Heh, heh. Don’t be daft.’

‘A mysterious pony in a brown overcoat that can whisk you through time and space. What is not to love?’

‘Is the overcoat a bit much?’

‘At least it is not as pompous as a fez.’

‘I agree with you there.’

The two take a drink of their tea.

‘That Selene lady likes you as well.’

The Wandering Physicist sighs. ‘Ugh. Tell me about it.’

‘All right. I will. She comes in here at least once a week and makes googly eyes at you while pretending to help you with your shop.’

‘You don’t have to take everything I say literally.’

‘Yes, and The Doctor never lies.’

‘At least it seems you haven’t figured out who she really is.’

The Doctor thinks. ‘You know. She does seem familiar. Is she River in disguise?’

‘Nope.’

‘Don’t tell me she is Romana.’

‘Dear Sagan, no. You know how she was back at the academy. Come on. Think. What does she look like?’

‘Let’s see... Dark blue body and light blue hair.’

‘Right. Go on.’

‘A pair of wings...’

‘Uh huh. What else? Think out of the corner of your eye.’

The Doctor closes his eyes to think. ‘There is the moon cutie mark and... a large h.... No! It can’t be.’

‘Yep.’

‘And I thought you were playing with fire leading Twilight along.’

‘At least I am seeing someone closer to my own age.’

‘Please, I am closer to her age than you are.’

‘Just because I don’t travel all over the universe for centuries at a time, doesn’t mean I haven’t seen my share of amazing things.’

‘Right. All of your video adventures. Beat any good bosses lately?’

‘Hey! I have seen the world. I still have my Type 90.’

‘Well, aren’t you fancy? Where were you during the war?’

‘Dude! Did you see the Wii? It has a controller that makes your movements happen in game! I had to be first in line! ... Twice!’

The Doctor facehoofs and shakes his head. ‘Now I know why you tried touching the Untempered Schism. You’re one of the ones that went completely bonkers.’

The Wandering Physicist drinks his tea. ‘That wasn’t why.’

‘Oh?’

‘Ever wonder about the name I chose?’

‘Which? You have a different one depending who you ask.’

‘What profession do you know that has the undying urge to try new things? To experiment and learn new things? To want to touch two bare wires to the tongue to see if they carry a live current?’

The Doctor thinks. ‘That name really fits now that you say it.’ Pauses. ‘Also, the Schism would have scattered your atoms across time and space.’

‘Wouldn’t that be cool?’

‘No. No, it wouldn’t.’

‘Come on. Haven’t you ever just wanted to reach out and touch it? Know what it feels like, what is smells like, what it tastes like?’

‘I think I was right. You are completely bonkers.’

‘I never said I wasn’t.’

The pair drink their tea. The Wandering Physicist gets up and gets a box of biscuits. He also refills their tea.

‘How’s the hunt for a companion going?’ The Doctor asks.

‘I am looking for an assistant, not a companion.’

‘Assistant, companion, partner. Whatever.’

‘Anyway, the “hunt” is okay. I’ll be meeting with the applicants starting tomorrow.’ He sips his tea. ‘Most just wanted to hang out and play games. I barely got a dozen good applicants, and two of them are only because they would kill me otherwise.’

The Doctor laughs. ‘I don’t think that is one disaster even I can save you from.’

‘I think I have found a way to let them down easy without using up too many regenerations.’

‘Best of luck, mate.’

‘Hopefully, one will let me look like you so I can steal Derpy...’

‘Hey! Derpy is my companion! No stealies!’

‘I’ll give you Luna.’

The Doctor raises a hoof in argument, then stops. ‘Hmm. I’ll think about it.’

‘So, where did you just get back from?’

‘A wonderful planet! Mountains made of pure gemstones, singing trees, skies that light up all colors throughout the day... giant robotic spiders that spit fire controlled by a madman that wanted to turn the planet’s inhabitants into his personal army of mindless slaves.’

‘Sounds nice.’

‘It was once your face was safe from being eaten off by a horde of angry villagers.’

‘Naturally.’

The pair finish off their tea. The doctor gets up.

‘Well, I should be heading out. I want to get some rest before figuring out my next adventure.’

The Wandering Physicist thinks. ‘What is it that you do around town? I haven’t quite figured it out.’

‘I pose as a clockmaker. Or maybe I am a handyman. I could possibly be the town doctor since most ponies you ever see are nurses. Who really knows.’

The Wandering Physicist glares. ‘Want a job at a video game shop? We have flexible hours.’

‘I’ll have to pass.’

The pair head to the door. The Doctor bows and takes his leave. The Wandering Physicist starts cleaning up. The odd whooshing sound returns and goes away. The Wandering Physicist stretches and heads to bed.

Interview with a Pony

Main Characters: TWP, Lucas, Twilight, Luna/Selene, Droll, Angel Bunny, Snails
Cameos: Diamond Crystal
Original Write Date: 10/16/2011

The Power Block, Ponyville’s lone video game store, is once again closed, but for a very important reason. The Wandering Physicist, the store’s owner and lone operator, is looking for an assistant. After weeding out a number of applications, the remaining applicants are gathered in the store for the final interview.

The Wandering Physicist looks out over the dozen applicants in his shop, two of which are pretty conspicuous. Twilight Sparkle, the town’s librarian and princess, is sitting by the counter waiting for her turn. Also, Selene, secretly Princess Luna, is attracting a lot of attention to herself due to her impressive presence. Another interesting applicant is Snails, a young unicorn colt, who does not seem to be all there. He is currently conversing with Droll Tale, the brother of the local indie/used/self-published bookstore owner. There are also a few more young ponies and a couple older ones. A younger, light gray unicorn colt with a brown mane called Lucas Grainbourough is looking very nervous. The most unusual applicant is a small rabbit, Fluttershy’s rabbit friend Angel Bunny. He is currently looking annoyed at another applicant he is playing a handheld game against.

The Wandering Physicist sighs. ‘All right. First applicant, you’re up.’

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question 1: What is your favorite game?

Snails:

‘In Sonic, you go really fast!’

Droll:

‘FarmVille is the greatest game ever made. ... Forever.’

Angel:

Angel mimes shooting a gun.

‘Halo?’

Angel shakes his head and mimes again.

‘Call of Cutie?’

Angel stomps his foot and mimes once more.

‘Gears?’

Angel shakes his head ‘yes’ and sits down in a huff.

Lucas:

‘I know it is weird, but I love Touhorse.’

Selene:

‘I’ve been playing a lot of Sins of a Solar Empire a lot recently. For some reason, that game really speaks to me.’

‘Really.’ The Wandering Physicist says, heavy on the sarcasm.

Luna glares. ‘Majora’s Mask is pretty cool too.’

Twilight:

‘Wow. Tough question. You introduced me to Legend of Celestia first, but the Mare-io series is great too...’ Twilight taps her hoof on her chin while she thinks. ‘Well, to be perfectly honest, I have been really enjoying the Uncharted games recently.’

Question 2: Who is your favorite character?

Snails:

‘I like Yoshi. He’s pretty.’

Droll:

‘Tingle! Kooloo Limpah!’

Angel:

Angel motions with his paws.

‘Cream the Rabbit?’

Angel facepaws and gestures again.

‘Namingway?’

Angel shakes his head and tries doing an imitation of the character.

‘Peppy Hare?’

Angel glares and points to a nearby game.

‘Oh! Marcus Fenix. Why didn’t you say so?’

Angel’s glare intensifies.

Lucas:

‘I hate that question.’

‘Why is that?’

‘Well, everyone assumes it is one of the two characters they think I was named after. Just because I have a video gamey sounding name and a cutie mark of Final Fantasy crystal, they think I was born to play video games.’

‘That’s what it means in my case. Besides, I just want to know your favorite character. It doesn’t matter who it is.’

‘Oh. Right. Sorry. I’m a big fan of Ayla from Chrono Trigger.’

‘Cavemare all in furs, eh?’

‘Yeah... I mean!’

The Wandering Physicist laughs.

Selene:

‘For some reason, I really relate to the Golbez character in the Final Fantasy IV games.’

The Wandering Physicist tries really hard not to comment.

Twilight:

‘I think Gordon Freepony is pretty cool.’

‘Hmm. That is an interesting choice.’

Twilight blushes. ‘I like a good physicist.’

The Wandering Physicist blushes too.

Question 3: What is your favorite type of game?

Snails:

‘I like 3D platformers.’

Droll:

‘Rhythm games!’ Droll gets up and starts dancing.

Angel:

Angel clearly mimes First Person Shooters.

Lucas:
‘My friends tease me for it, but I like NRPGs. I just think they make RPGs more fun and colorful in Neighpon.’

Selene:

‘Sandbox crime is fun. It feels good to play the villain sometimes.’

The Wandering Physicist just nods.

‘Final Fantasy games are good too since you always play as a persecuted youth fighting against an ancient, evil empire.’

‘Huh. I never noticed that.’ The Wandering Physicist once again says with a thick layer of sarcasm.

Twilight:

‘RTS. They are so fun to organize everything.’ Twilight giggles.

Question 4: What is your favorite type of food?

Snails:

‘I like PopTarts!’

Droll:

‘Are you asking me out?’

‘Yes,’ The Wandering Physicist replies angrily. ‘We’re going to have cupcakes!’

Angel:

Angel mimes carrots.

‘Ah! Long pointies. Very tasty.’

Angel starts developing an eye twitch.

Lucas:

‘I don’t know. I am really eclectic. I am usually game for anything.’

Selene:

Luna blushes. ‘Are you asking me out?’

The Wandering Physicist blushes. ‘What? I just want to, uh, know in case it comes up.’

‘Oh. Well. I like Istallion.’ Luna winks. ‘You know, the food of romance.’

The Wandering Physicist quickly looks around for a possible escape route if she tries jumping him.

Twilight:

Twilight blushes. ‘Are you asking me out?’

The Wandering Physicist blushes. ‘What? I just want to, uh, know in case it comes up.’

‘Oh. Well. I would be happy with whatever you like.’

The Wandering Physicist blushes more and tries hiding behind his notebook.

Question 5: What do you think of the video game industry?

Snails:

‘They make games.’

The Wandering Physicist waits for Snails to possibly finish, but the young colt just scratches his nose. The stallion sighs.

Droll:

‘They come into your house at night and steel your teeth.’

The Wandering Physicist rubs his temples. ‘What do they want with your teeth?’

‘No, no. They don’t take them. They cover them in metal, thus steeling them.’

The Wandering Physicist lets out a loud moan.

Angel:

Angel does a number of complicated arm movements, then gets his whole body involved with backflips and even sparklers. He ends in a complicated pose.

‘Well, I don’t care what you say, ActiBlizzard is still a dick company.’

Angel’s jaw drops. He jumps down from his chair, kicks the door open, and stomps out.

The Wandering Physicist gives chase.

‘What? I diss a company you like and you march off in a huff? Come on!’

Angel stomps out of the store and makes a gesture that would have had more impact if he had fingers.

‘Damn it! I lost my front runner.’ The Wandering Physicist turns back to the rest of the applicants. ‘Next!’

Lucas:

‘Yeah... I am a huge Neighponese game fan so I am not the right person to ask about this... Oh wait! I think DRM policies are a joke. They cause more piracy than they prevent and make sharing games with friends a pain. Stupid DRM.’

Selene:

‘We need more indie developers to crush the established companies and bring the industry back to innovating and put more unique games on the market. They would be able to drive down prices, level the playing field, increase competition, unite the lands, efficiently devise a simpler, fairer tax plan, end the reign of spoiled nobles, bring peace with our neighbors, and rule over night and day justly!’

Luna ends with a grand flourish, complete with patriotic music being subtly played from nowhere. The Wandering Physicist stares back in shock. Luna catches herself, looks away and looks ashamed.

‘I mean, go indie developers. Whoo.’

Twilight:

‘Oh! I read a book on this!’

‘Dear Sagan.’ The Wandering Physicist groans to himself.

Twilight clears her throat. ‘The gaming industry is represented truly by three real prime players: the Neighponese developers, the Equestria Proper developers and the independent developers. There are also developers in other places like Canidia, but they are too similar to the two major entities, the Neighponese or Equestrians, to be counted separately. The two major entities have a major battle between them where both see their style of game making as the “right” way and the other as being somehow wrong. The critics seem to buy into that philosophy and both sides of the debate fail to realize that they are making games for their people and not necessarily for everyone. Only Neightendo seems to want to make games universally fun. On the other hand, the indie developers are always coming out with new and innovative games. Even if their core concept is not original, the stories and gameplay are extremely fun. Not to mention that it gives innovators a chance to share their creative talents, even if it is not a lucrative field.’

The Wandering Physicist snorts and jolts up. ‘I’m awake!’ Twilight glares deeply at him. ‘Oh come on! What is your opinion and not just what you read in a book or on Kotaku.’

‘Hmph! Fine. The console and PC gaming market are basically the same thing only with more freedom and customization on the PC. The handheld market is getting a threat from the mobile market, but let’s be honest, mobiles are not gaming platforms.’ Twilight turns her nose up. ‘Happy?’

‘Very. That was more what I wanted.’

Question 6: If I were to wear a hat, what kind would I wear?

Snails:

‘Fezzes are cooool.’

Droll:

‘One of those big fruit hats. Yummy.’

Lucas:

‘I don’t know. Ball cap maybe?’

Selene:

‘I like you without a hat.’ Luna winks.

Twilight:

‘That... is more of a question Rarity is best suited to answer. Sorry.’

Question 7: How many lights do you see?

Snails:

‘There are FOUR lights!’

Droll:

‘Five. Definitely five lights.’

Lucas:

‘Trick question. There are none directly in front of me.’

Selene:

Luna just smiles coyly, gets up, and turns off the room’s light. After a few seconds, there is a loud crash. A whirring sound is heard and the lights turn on. The Wandering Physicist is pinned to his desk by Luna.

‘I preferred off.’ Luna winks.

‘Eep!’

Twilight:

Twilight looks around the room and counts. ‘There are exactly two. Both CFLs.’

Question 8: Pepsi or Coke?

Snails:

‘Uh..... I like Crystal Pepsi.’

Droll:

‘Root beer!’

The Wandering Physicist resists killing Droll using happy thoughts of a Thomas Kemper.

Lucas:

‘Cherry Pepsi is the best.’

Selene:

Luna gets a wicked look on her face. She uses a spell to materialize a Brony Cola out of nowhere. She shakes it up and sprays it all over her. The Wandering Physicist falls out of his seat.

Twilight:

‘I enjoy a good Brony Cola on occasion.’

The Wandering Physicist turns bright red.

Question 9: How do you make a pocket-sized dimensional shifter out of a fused quantum regulator, two strands of dark matter tape, a neutronium shell fragment, and a paper clip?

Snails:

‘You use the dark matter tape to attach the neutronium to the regulator’s positron induction intake and use the paper clip to manually adjust the EM flux gate.’

The Wandering Physicist stares at Snails. He then checks a notebook, looks up at Snails, and back to the notebook. ‘If you can tell me how you knew that, the job is yours.’

‘Knew what?’

The Wandering Physicist facehoofs and points to the door.

Droll:

‘Pizza rolls,’ Droll says in a deadly serious face.

Lucas:

‘Build a what with a who?’

Selene:

‘Oh! That is a Minecraft thing, right?’

Twilight:

Twilight pulls a dictionary out of her pack. ‘I know you made half of those words up just now.’

Question 10: If you get this position, how likely are you to kill me and usurp my title?

Droll:

‘I already did.’

‘Then how am I still alive, genius?’

‘Because you’re a hologram.’

The Wandering Physicist facehooves. ‘Really? How can you tell?’

‘Because I am a hologram too.’

‘Sooo... If I beat you with a baseball bat, you won’t actually get hurt?’

The Wandering Physicist picks up a baseball bat.

‘Uh...’

Droll runs out of the room before The Wandering Physicist can catch him.

‘Stop him! He must die!’

Droll escapes the shop before anypony can react. The Wandering Physicist follows him out of the door.

‘I’ll get you yet!’

‘No you won’t,’ Diamond Crystal, one of the owners of the comic shop next door, says as she comes out of her shop with a package. ‘We have all tried.’

‘I know, but he expects us to say it.’

Both store owners sigh and return to what they were doing.

Lucas:

‘If I strike you down, you will no doubt come back stronger than before.’

Selene:

‘It wouldn’t be the first time I tried something like that.’ Luna laughs evilly.

The Wandering Physicist cowers under his desk.

‘I am joking!’

Twilight:

‘What? Why would I want to do that? I would never do that!’

‘Are you willing to take an oath to that?’

‘I’ll do you one better. I’ll Pinkie Pie Swear.’ Twilight clears her throat. She mimes the actions as she says them. ‘Cross my heart, hope to fly. Stick a cupcake in my... Ah!’ She screams as she accidentally shoves a hoof into her eye.

‘Are you okay!’

Twilight rubs her face. ‘I’m fine. It is not like that is the first time that happened...’

Question 11: If you were trapped on the moon for one thousand years, what three games would you take with you?

Lucas:

Lucas thinks. ‘Hmm... Chrono Trigger, Final Fantasy VI and Super Mare-io World.’

The Wandering Physicist stares at Lucas. ‘I want to have your foals.’

Lucas looks around nervously and shifts in his seat.

Selene:

‘I hate you so much right now.’

The Wandering Physicist laughs evilly.

Twilight:

‘Hmm... That would be a good question for Luna...’

The Wandering Physicist laughs evilly while Twilight thinks.

‘I don’t know. Command and Conquer, for one. Maybe Tales of Symphonia. I really like Presea’s voice actress for some reason.’ Twilight thinks some more and gets a crafty grin.

‘Steam does not count as a game.’

‘What the f...’

Question 12: What is your opinion on used games?

Lucas:

‘They are a necessary evil. The gamer doesn’t want to always pay full price for an old game that may not have a Platinum addition yet. The publishers’ way of dealing with the problem has been offensive to the player. If there were more of a focus on digital distribution or cloud gaming, then the used game market might not be that dangerous of an issue for publishers and developers.’

Selene:

‘I’m chill with them... if it is a big publisher or big developer or an older system. You don’t want to hurt the smaller weaker, little sister developers and keep them from taking their rightful place as equals.’

The Wandering Physicist pauses. ‘Have you tried talking to your sister about all of your unresolved feelings?’

Luna looks ashamed. ‘I can’t go near her without her offering me a banana...’

‘Do I even want to know what that means?’

Luna shakes her head and a single tear falls.

Twilight:

‘Hmm... While they are good for the consumer, the sell does not help the developer or publisher. That might cause them to add content that is only available at sell time or single-use codes that would discourage players from buying used.’

‘You’ve been reading my blog, haven’t you?’

‘You gave me a modded Wii with all of the Legend of Celestia games preloaded. How is that not supporting the used game industry?’

‘How much did I charge you?’

Twilight pauses. ‘Well, um, you di...’ She sits back in a huff. ‘Shut up.’

~~~~~~~~

At the end of the interview, Luna sits in her seat smiling. She is still dripping a little from her stunt earlier. The Wandering Physicist goes over his notes.

‘Soo... Is that the last question?’

‘Well, I do have one more...’ The Wandering Physicist looks up. Luna beams at him. ‘Did you really think you could pull this off?’

Luna is a little shocked. ‘What do you mean?’

‘Luna. Come on. Do you really think you can pretend to be a normal pegasus working in a shop and still guard the night and keep this whole thing a secret from your sister?’

‘Well, I, um...’

‘You and I both know that the only person less subtle than her is sitting across from you. Would you really want her popping in to visit you at work?’

‘I never thought about that.’

‘Not to mention that Twilight, Derpy and many others in this town are quite clever, and you run a chance of them seeing through your disguise.’

Luna sighs. ‘You’re right.’

‘That doesn’t mean you still can’t visit as often as you normally do.’

Luna smiles again.’ That’s right!’ There is a pause between them. ‘Plus, I have to help you get sturdier furniture.’ Luna winks.

‘Eep.’

Twilight shifts in her seat nervously. She had not been interviewed since she got into Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, and she felt like this interview went just as well, only with no Sonic Rainboom to save the day. To make matters worse, the seat and floor around her are very sticky, like they were soaked in soda recently. The Wandering Physicist looks up from his notes. He opens his mouth to talk.

‘Please don’t ban me from the store forever! I didn’t meant to offend you! Please don’t hate me!’ Twilight drops to the ground and begs.

‘Uh... Do you really want to get sticky? ... Sorry.’ That didn’t come out right... Don’t think ‘That’s what she said.’

‘Oh. Sorry. Heh, heh.’ Twilight pulls herself from the ground and grimaces as her hind legs are now sticky.

‘Anyway. I have but one last important question for you...’

Oh no. Oh no! OH NO!

‘Do you...’

Okay. So far so good.

‘really think that...’

Oh no! I answered something wrong!

‘this is the right move for you?’

S#!T! He doesn’t like me anymore! Twilight bursts out crying, seemingly for no reason. ‘My life is ruined! I can’t believe I have been so dumb and naive! Stupid Twilight! Now, you’re going to end up crazy and alone and surrounded by cats!’

‘Uh....’

‘I should just borrow those comics Rarity keeps trying to loan me and get it over with!’

This time, The Wandering Physicist is the one that screams. He screams loud enough to get Twilight to stop her sobbing and make the remaining applicants outside question whether or not they really want the job.

‘Twilight, you know what that word means, right?’

‘You mean ya...’

‘Never! Say! It! Again! And if you even so much as touch one of those comics, I will make whatever misguided fantasy you were just in happen for real. Got it?’

Twilight nods, no longer sad but a little scared.

‘Now, as I was trying to ask, do you think it is really a good idea for you to do this now? Do you really think it is a good move to give up your role as a princess and come work in some dingy shop just ‘cause you like a guy?’

‘I never thought about that...’

‘It is very nice to know that you are willing to join me on this crazy adventure, but I don’t want you to give up on your original dreams just because you think it would be fun to work in game shop. I am certain you have a better destiny out there. I will always be there for you no matter what, but I don’t think you are the right person to run this shop at this time.’ The Wandering Physicist closes his notebook as he finishes reading a small script he wrote inside of it. She is so going to see through me...

Twilight thinks about what was just said to her. After much careful consideration, more consideration than The Wandering Physicist would have liked if he expected to survive, Twilight gets a very happy (or in The Wandering Physicist’s interpretation a very I-am-going-to-kill-you-because-I-am-a-woman-and-that-is-what-we-do) smile.

‘Okie Doki... uh... Loki!’ Twilight says, channeling Pinkie Pie.

The alicorn hops out of the seat, getting her hooves sticky. She grumbles and casts a spell to desticky herself. She walks over to The Wandering Physicist.

‘You are a great friend for thinking of me and reminding me of why I am here. Thank you!’

Twilight leans in and kisses The Wandering Physicist on the cheek, but he is so nervous that he falls from the chair.

‘You know, you really need some sturdier furniture. Maybe I can help you find some!’

The Wandering Physicist falls again as he tries getting back up.

The day has been long. The Wandering Physicist is tired from all of the interviews. Lucas is tired from all of the waiting. He is also scared and confused since the floor is very sticky and wet from soda and tears. The interview is over, and both ponies are ready to call it a day. The Wandering Physicist collects his notes and sets them on the desk. He leans back in his chair, which gives a creak from all of the stress put on it this past day.

‘Sounds like you need a stronger chair.’

The Wandering Physicist groans. Lucas starts leaving.

‘So, uh, you’ll be in contact with us?’

The Wandering Physicist moans.

‘Okay...’

Lucas steps out of the office.

‘Yo. Lucas.’

Lucas turns back. ‘Yes?’

‘You hungry? I know a great Neighponese place. My treat.’

‘Uh... Sure?’

Back at The Power Block, The Wandering Physicist and Lucas are playing games in his lounge. Both are sporting full bellies.

‘Sir, once again, thanks for the great meal. It was amazing.’

‘Yeah. Soba is a lot better fresh like that. Same with most foods, actually.’

‘And how we got there...’

‘That will be one of the things we cover at orientation tomorrow morning.’

‘What?’

‘Trying to tell you that you’re in. You got the job.’

‘Sweet! I promise you I’ll do a great job!’

‘You better after I tell you what all of your duties will entail.’

Lucas groans. ‘Ugh. Right.’ There is a pause. ‘Morning, huh?’

‘Yeah. I think we’ll start early, like around noon or so.’

‘Wait. What?’

‘Too early? We can bump it to noon-thirty if that is better.’

‘Uh... No, noon is fine.’

‘Great! PS: You just got pwned.’

There is an explosion on screen. Lucas moans and redoubles his playing efforts. The Wandering Physicist smirks and wonders what the future will hold with his new apprentice.

Author's Notes:

TWP Timeline: Lucas cameoed in Level Up.

Story events: This was the first of a few 'interview' style stories where the general question is presented and the characters react. It is not a style that easily comes up easily, but it is fun to do.

Rage of a Time Lord

Main Characters: TWP, The Doctor (10), Twilight, Lucas, Rainbow Dash, Applejack
Cameos: Fluttershy, Rarity, Pinkie, Spike, Luna, Derpy
Original Write Date: 10/20/2011

The Power Block is experiencing an afternoon rush, but The Wandering Physicist and his assistant Lucas are easily handling things. The Wandering Physicist takes some boxes to the back. Suddenly, he quickly dashes out and looks around. Lucas stops talking with a customer to watch his boss.

The Wandering Physicist turns to the rest of the store. ‘Excuse me everypony! The shop has to close early today! If you are planning on purchasing something, just bring it to Lucas and you can get it at, oh, sixty percent off, but only ponies in the store right now. Don’t even think of calling your friends.’

The Wandering Physicist gallops into his office. He pulls a mobile in a holster onto his left foreleg with a headset in his ear and gets a small cylindrical object out of the desk. He gallops out through the store. He tosses the cylindrical object to Lucas.

‘Lucas, when you are done here, follow me to the Everfree and use the “key” to lock up!’

‘Gotcha, Boss.’

‘And move your flank as fast as possible!’ The Wandering Physicist manipulates his mobile briefly. ‘Hello? Twilight? Listen, I am going to be galloping past your place in a moment. Get as many of the Elements of Harmony with you as you can and follow me! No time for questions! Just do it!’

The Wandering Physicist charges through town. He does his best to dodge everypony in his way. He intentionally plows through Droll Tale as he passes. A small scooter being driven by an orange pegasus pulling a wagon with a white unicorn and a yellow earth pony swerves into his path. He ducks between the scooter and wagon as they almost hit him.

‘COOL!’ The Cutie Mark Crusaders cheer as The Wandering Physicist barely misses them and Scootaloo drives them right into a wall.

The Wandering Physicist keeps galloping with a purpose. He heads right past the library where Twilight Sparkle has been able to gather her friends Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash.

‘Mr Wanderer, what is...’

The Wandering Physicist just keeps galloping.

‘Uh... After him!’

The three mares give chase, with Rainbow Dash the only one to barely catch up to The Determined Physicist.

‘Hey! What is going on? What are you getting us into, Jimmy?’ Rainbow Dash uses a more casual version of the nickname Luna gave The Wandering Physicist.

‘Something bad is about to happen. Something very bad.’ The Wandering Physicist nods towards a quickly approaching forest. ‘See that smoke? A friend of mine in in trouble.’

‘I hear ya!’

Rainbow Dash takes off at a full speed, barely edging ahead of The Wandering Physicist. At the edge of the Everfree Forest, a small blue, police box is standing. A foul smoke is coming from an unseen port and a cloister bell is chiming quite loudly. The Wandering Physicist lowers his head and just plows through the front door. The box is a lot bigger on the inside than on the outside. The Panicking Physicist sees The Doctor laying on the center console. He quickly scoops The Doctor onto his back and carries him out of the box.

Rainbow Dash pokes her head in the box. ‘Whoa! What is going on here?’

The Wandering Physicist pulls The Doctor’s tie off with his teeth and tosses it to Rainbow Dash. ‘Try not to breathe the smoke! Very noxious! Derpy is somewhere in there. Find her as quickly as possible. There are a lot of rooms, and I need someone with a lot of speed to find her.’

‘Great. What has Derpy gotten herself into this time?’ Rainbow Dash mumbles as she wraps her muzzle and takes off into the box.

Twilight, Pinkie, and Lucas catch up. Lucas is panting like crazy.

‘Twilight, Pinkie. Inside you’ll find a console. Start pulling levers and pushing buttons until the smoke stops or the sound stops. If you stop both, I will take you to the best dinner you will ever have in three galaxies! Be careful of the smoke.’

‘Roger!’ Pinkie salutes and darts into the box. A loud ‘COOL!’ comes from the box.

‘Mr Wanderer...’

‘Twilight, this is no time to talk. I need you to do this and fast!’

Twilight never heard The Wandering Physicist talk this way. She thinks for a second then rushes to help Pinkie.

‘Lucas, go on ahead and find Fluttershy. We are going to need a comfortable bed and a lot of tea. If she is not home, use the “key”.’

Lucas sighs, catches his breath and starts galloping ahead of his boss. The Wandering Physicist follows Lucas as fast as he can with his passenger. Shortly into the journey, Applejack gallops up besides the pair. She pushes in and takes some of The Doctor’s load.

‘Twi said y’all needed help. What’s goin’ on here? Is he okay?’

‘He’ll be fine. Lucas and Fluttershy should be getting everything ready to help care for him.’

Suddenly, there is a loud cough from their backs.

‘Der... Derpy.’

‘She’s fine. I have Miss Dash searching your TARDIS for her.’

‘No. She’s not there.’

‘What?’

‘I lost her, James. I lost her...’

The Doctor passes out again. The Wandering Physicist pushes harder as he and Applejack come into view of Fluttershy’s cottage.

The Wandering Physicist sits by The Doctor’s bed. He is scanning The Doctor using the cylindrical device he and Lucas were passing around. There is a steaming pot of tea on the nightstand by them. Outside, the other ponies are looking in and quietly spreading rumors about what is going on. The Wandering Physicist sighs.

‘Because it is a FAQ, he is fine, just needs some time to rest.’ There is a slight pause. ‘Come on, Theta...’

The Doctor coughs violently and wakes up. ‘Where am I?’

‘Fluttershy’s cottage. It was the closest place to where you landed. You are beat up pretty bad, but I’ve been giving infusions of tannins, too. You also have a number of small bruises and some light internal injuries, but your hearts are fine.’

‘How can you tell?’

The Wandering Physicist holds up his devise. ‘More advanced sonic. It was a gift.’

The Doctor tries to move. ‘We have to get back. Derpy is in trouble.’

‘You’re not going anywhere right now. We’ll get her back tomorrow when you’re in better shape.’

‘We can’t. I blew out my time coil crossing my timeline just to get here. My TARDIS will take days to heal herself.’

‘We have my TARDIS. I’ll replace the time coil, and yours will be better sooner than expected, too.’ The Wandering Physicist steps out of the room. ‘Lucas! We need a time coil from the stockroom.’ He tosses his sonic to his apprentice who catches it with his magic. ‘You’ll need to use setting thirty-seven among others to get in. Bring it to The Doctor’s TARDIS. No big rush this time.’

‘Got it, boss.’

Lucas makes his way through the others and heads out. The Doctor falls back into the bed.

‘Derpy... I left her there. I can’t believe I left her...’

‘You’ve said enough for now. Get some rest. We can talk about it tomorrow.’

The Wandering Physicist walks out of the room and closes the door behind him. Everypony else just stares at him, either expecting him or one of the others to talk first. Rainbow Dash is the first to do something by jabbing Twilight sharply. Twilight glares at Rainbow Dash, who motions for her to speak. She opens her mouth to talk but is instantly cut off.

‘I am certain you have a lot of questions. I promise you I will answer everything I can, but there is a lot I will not be able to answer.’

‘How about just starting by telling us what is going on?’ Twilight asks.

‘Hmm... Start with the hardest part first... Okay.’ The Wandering Physicist sits and leans against the door. ‘Simply put, The Doctor and I are not from this planet.’ Pinkie Pie lets out a huge gasp. ‘We are a race that travels across time and space as protectors and explorers. Whereas The Doctor prefers traveling, I am more sedentary.’

‘Judging by the gut, I can believe you.’ Rainbow Dash quips. Twilight jabs her friend. ‘What? Just sayin’.’

‘As I was saying, I prefer to stay around my friends while The Doctor prefers to travel with his friends. He currently travels with Derpy. Apparently, they got separated on their last trip, and he basically punched a hole in time to come get me.’

‘Wait a tick. How in the heck do y’all travel in time? And why do y’all look like us if ya ain’t from ‘round here?’ Applejack asks.

‘Well, we were here first. To be fair, it is more that you look like us.’

‘Oh! That makes total sense.’ Pinkie says. Everypony stares at her. ‘Wait. No, it doesn’t.’

‘Just chalk it up to galactic coincidence. The fact that we can change our appearance helps, too. Helps us blend in.’

‘So you can change what you look like? Why pick earth pony? Why not something awesome, like a pegasus!’ Rainbow Dash says. All of her friends, even Fluttershy, roll their eyes.

‘It is... complicated. Anyway, question time is over for now. I have to get to The Doctor’s TARDIS.’ He turns to Fluttershy. ‘Can you take care of things here? Just make sure he stays in bed until morning.’

‘Yes sir.’ Fluttershy answers.

‘Ah will help too, Fluttershy. Jus’ in case he tries somethin’ stupid.’ Applejack volunteers.

‘Excellent. I’ll see you in the morning.’

The Wandering Physicist leaves the cottage, closely followed by the other three ponies. He heads straight to the TARDIS without saying a word. The normally talkative Pinkie is eerily quiet when she notices the determination on The Wandering Physicist’s face and all of the concern shown by Twilight’s expression. They get to the box. Lucas is not there yet. The Wandering Physicist stares at the box for a moment, then pushes the door open. He takes a few steps in. Despite all of the ruckus earlier, it looks undamaged. A large shadow passes over the area. There is a loud thump as the Princess of the Night lands on the TARDIS.

‘Princess Luna!’ Twilight exclaims. She bows slightly while her friends just wave casually.

Luna looks over the situation, greatly confused. When she sees The Wandering Physicist and the TARDIS, she realizes something major is going on. ‘I spent a lot of time working with the weather teams to have wonderful weather for this night, but I found a foul smoke polluting my night. When I traced it, this is where it led. Can one of you explain what is going on?’

‘Well, Mr Wanderer there can explain better, but this is what I understand...’ Twilight begins.

While Twilight and her friends bring Luna up to speed, The Wandering Physicist goes over the consoles on the TARDIS. He finds one of the readouts and starts analyzing what little data it shows him.

‘What were you two doing...’ He pauses. ‘You know exactly which two of you I mean.’ Pause. ‘I never understand why the rest of them do what they do.’ Pause, then laughter. ‘Me too.’

The Wandering Physicist laughs to himself a bit more before he notices that he is being watched.

‘I think he went full Pinkie Pie...’ Rainbow Dash says.

‘Actually, I do believe he is on to something,’ Luna states. ‘I can feel a slight psychic presence resonating with my horn.’

Twilight focuses a bit and her horn glows. ‘I think I can feel it too.’

The Wandering Physicist leans towards the console. ‘I think they are on to us.’

As if to break the awkwardness, Lucas gallops up right on cue. He calmly enters the TARDIS and hands over the sonic and another small device.

‘Here you go. Can I go to bed now? I mean, after I am done with this heart attack.’

‘Thanks. You need your rest so we can do what we need to tomorrow.’

Lucas groans and starts heading back to his place. The Wandering Physicist takes the sonic and time coil and starts going to work under the TARDIS console.

‘Yes, I know this won’t fix you, but it will help you heal faster.’ Pause. ‘I always keep a spare stock just in case.’ Pause. ‘She runs quite nicely still. She should be in range if you want to ask her.’ Pause. ‘It was like that when I got her!’ The Wandering Physicist finishes the repair then runs the sonic over the console. ‘There. Shaved about three days off of your repair time.’ The TARDIS powers up and lights the room. ‘I guess you’re going to thank me later.’

The Wandering Physicist runs his sonic over the display and checks the readout. He starts inputting commands. The other ponies enter further and start really getting a good look at the TARDIS for the first time.

‘How can this be so much bigger on the inside?’ Luna ponders.

‘Dimensionally transcendental, silly. Duh.’ Pinkie answers.

Everypony stares at Pinkie, wondering how she knows that. The Wandering Physicist pops up from under the console again.

‘Okay! I am going to need a transphasic inductor, a neutrino flow capacitor, about two kilometers of conducting cable, and a large crystal of some sort, preferably purple. Oh! And a box of Jammy Dodgers.’

‘I love Jammy Dodgers!’ Pinkie chimes in.

‘Mr Wanderer, I think you have done enough for now.’ Twilight starts. ‘You should take a break. Maybe get some food.’

‘No time. We have to get all of the info we can if we are going to help The Doctor, and the first step is getting the TARDIS going. Now, where’re my Jammy Dodgers?’

‘Oh! My turn to help!’ Pinkie squeals.

Before Pinkie can run off, Rainbow Dash lands on her tail. Rainbow Dash shakes her head ‘no’ to Pinkie’s disapproving look. She looks over at Twilight who nods and charges a spell. She sneaks behind The Wandering Physicist and touches her horn against his head. The magic surrounds him, and he starts getting woozy.

‘Dude... Not cool...’

The Sleeping Physicist falls over. Twilight lifts him with her magic.

‘Let’s get back to the library. We can try to figure out what is going on there,’ Luna suggests.

‘Dash, catch up to Lucas. He seems to have some sort of understanding. Probably from his work with Mr Wanderer,’ Twilight says.

Rainbow Dash salutes and flies out. A loud scream followed by a ‘nooooo!’ is heard as Rainbow Dash finds her quarry. The others carry The Sleeping Physicist out of the TARDIS and close the door, which seems to lock on its own. As the others go ahead catching up a little, Twilight hangs back and ponders the situation.

The Wandering Physicist awakes in a strange bed. It is still dark out. He moans a little and tries getting up, but he cannot move. He tries struggling a little then gives up. He looks around at his surroundings then gets really red with embarrassment when he realizes he is in Twilight’s bed. He hears voices coming from the next room and can tell that it is Twilight and her friends discussing the situation. He figures that that The Doctor must also be under a sleep spell or guarded by a certain rabbit since he can hear Fluttershy, barely, and Applejack too. After the talking stops, the door opens and somepony enters. Since he hears no footfalls, The Wandering Physicist guesses it is either Rainbow Dash or Fluttershy.

‘Oh hey. You’re awake.’

‘... Miss Dash. ... Oh! I can talk!’

‘Heh, heh. Yeah. Twilight’s spell does a number on the nervous system. Just lay back and sleep.’ Rainbow Dash lands on the alcove next to the bed. ‘If you don’t, I’m here to make sure you do.’

‘I rather be out there getting ready.’

‘Whatevs.’ She pauses. ‘Hey. What is time travel like?’

‘I’m surprised you don’t know. I’ve seen you reach speeds above forty meters per second.’

‘What?’

The Wandering Physicist laughs. ‘Never mind. Time travel is interesting. You can see places you only imagined from reading a book... You can read, right?’

‘Watch it,’ Rainbow Dash glares while The Wandering Physicist laughs. ‘Wait. Are you saying I could go back and teach myself how to do a Rainboom?’

‘Oh, hell, no! You cannot change history.’

‘Why not? If I know how to do it early, The Wonderbolts would be sure to hire me.’

‘But if you joined them before Twilight came to Ponyville, who would be the Element of Loyalty to help fight Nightmare Moon?’

‘Duh. I would of, course.’

‘But The Wonderbolts weren’t in town for the Summer Sun Festival, so you wouldn’t have been here.’

‘But, I would have, I mean, me fast, and ... arg!’ Rainbow Dash holds her head as if in pain. ‘You win this round.’

The Wandering Physicist laughs again. Both of the ponies settle down and start trying going to sleep.

‘Want to know if you ever make it into The Wonderbolts?’

Rainbow Dash is instantly awake. She starts shaking The Wandering Physicist. ‘What! Tell me! Tell me now!’

The Wandering Physicist lets out a snore. Rainbow Dash snorts and goes back to the alcove.

The Wandering Physicist reawakes to a bright light. He reaches for his sonic to turn it off before he realizes that it does not have the range to reach the sun nor does he have his sonic. He settles for a mild curse to Celestia instead. He tries getting up again but finds he still cannot move. This time, it is because a certain cyan pegasus is laying across him. He groans and tries moving again. The door opens and very slow, nervous hooffalls come up to the bed. The Wandering Physicist leans over and waves at the approaching Twilight. She has a very concerned look on her face.

‘You may not have guessed it, but this is the first time I’ve slept in a filly’s bed,’ The Wandering Physicist says with a bit of a smile.

Twilight sighs, but otherwise does not seem to react. She just continues her approach.

‘Uh... I also think this is the first time either of the two ponies in this bed have gotten up before noon this month,’ The Wandering Physicist tries joking.

Twilight snorts lightly and stops by the bed. She sits by the bed and stares at The Wandering Physicist. He smiles sheepishly. Rainbow Dash snores.

‘Care to get me my glasses?’

‘You don’t need them.’

‘Uh... All the better to see you with?’

Twilight groans and levitates the glasses over and puts them on The Wandering Physicist’s face. He grins at her. She just glares back. He drops the ruse and sighs.

‘Fine. What do you want to know?’ The Wandering Physicist groans.

‘Why? Why did you keep this from us? From me of all ponies? Why!’

Rainbow Dash does not seem to stir from the outburst.

‘You know how parents can’t tell their kids everything without shattering their hopes? Or how sometimes, just sometimes you have to not tell the whole truth with a friend? Or maybe you have to give a misleading point of view that while true comes off as a hurtful lie?’

Twilight levitates Rainbow Dash off of the bed and climbs up. The Wandering Physicist sits to face her. ‘Are you trying to tell me it was for my own good? You lied to all of us to protect some stupid secret that there are time traveling alien ponies everywhere?’

‘Just two, actually. The Doctor and myself. … He, at least, has a good excuse.’

‘Why should I believe anything you say right now? Why should I believe anything you have ever said?’

‘Twilight... how long have we known each other? Have I ever lied?’ Twilight shakes her head ‘no’. ‘Have I ever done anything without there being a good reason for it?’ Twilight shakes her head ‘no’. ‘And, this is probably the most important, have I ever given you an answer to a question that while true was incomplete or missing key information?’ Twilight looks up at The Wandering Physicist with a few tears in her eyes. ‘First rule with physics is that not all things are certain and are open to interpretation.’

‘... We never asked specific details, and you only gave a broad answers... You knew what we were asking and how to not answer by answering.’

‘I am a horrible pony. What can I say?’

‘No! Don’t say that! You are are a good pony! Others just... need to get to know you better...’

The Wandering Physicist puts a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. ‘You don’t have to be this forgiving, but thank you.’

‘Can you promise me that you won’t keep something like this from me again?’

‘No, but I can promise to keep secrets like this with you.’

Twilight smiles for the first time that day. ‘I guess that is a start.’

‘Pfft! Get a room you, two!’ The pair on the bed look over to see Rainbow Dash watching them. She looks back and forth between them. ‘What? It is your fault for leaving me here if you wanted privacy.’

‘Yeah. I am never telling you,’ The Wandering Physicist says as he hops out of bed.

‘What! No!’ Rainbow Dash dives to The Wandering Physicist’s hooves. ‘You have to tell me! I’ll do anything!’

‘Anything?’

‘What are you two talking about?’

‘You know how fast you fly to do a Rainboom?’

‘Uh... yeah?’

‘Think you can maintain that speed all of the way to Canterlot and back?’ The Wandering Physicist grins evilly.

‘Uh...’

Everypony is gathered in Golden Oaks Library. Luna returned to Canterlot to report the situation her sister. Lucas hangs off to the side, still tired from his running the night before. The Doctor, relatively recovered, joins them. The table in the center of the room has a large pile of garden burgers and hay fries. Everypony is eating while discussing the situation. Rainbow Dash is passed out at the door, seemingly having several heart attacks simultaneously.

‘Are you sure it is okay to leave her like that?’ Fluttershy asks.

‘She “volunteered” to get us this. It is not our fault she is such a good friend,’ The Wandering Physicist replies. He picks up a burger and bites. ‘Oh! I am so glad we have one of them at least that close to here.’

‘Is this the super awesome delicious meal that you promised us! Because if it isn’t, I don’t see how it can get much better!’ Pinkie chimes in before burying her head in a pile of hay fries.

‘Now, a lady isn’t one to complain, but if there is food better than this, you are a hateful pony for holding out on us,’ Rarity says. Pinkie reaches to take a burger from near Rarity. Rarity stomps hard on Pinkie’s hoof. ‘Mine!’

‘As amazin’ as this here food is, Ah believe we gathered here fer a reason,’ Applejack says before returning to her apple shake.

‘Indeed!’ The Doctor adds before taking a big bite. ‘Oh divine! Right! Derpy and I were just traveling around going to places of interest. I thought it would be enjoyable to give her a bit of history.’

‘Oh geez. Where’d you go?’ The Wandering Physicist moans.

The Doctor looks around nervously then says, right before drinking his shake, ‘Battle of the Bassen Rift.’

‘What!’

‘That is an outrage!’ Pinkie joins in. ‘Why is that an outrage?’

‘Fifth Dalek-Cyber War. The Battle of the Bassen Rift is the site of the final conflict. It was so brutal to both sides that they declared peace rather than letting the fight continue.’ The Wandering Historian answers.

‘I thought we would be safe watching the peace process! I didn’t know it would get out of hoof!’

‘How did it get out of hoof, Doctor?’ Twilight asks.

‘Well, we landed all nice. We exited, and I was explaining the historical and cultural significance of the peace that follows. Suddenly we were the target! Like they had waited for just that moment to start attacking that specific spot! Both sides too! We ran. Well, I ran and she flew. I made it back to the TARDIS, but there was a large explosion and we were separated. I don’t know which side, but I think it was the Daleks, started targeting the TARDIS directly. I panicked and had her go straight to you.’ The Doctor puts hooves to his temples and shakes his head. ‘I left her. I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t want to leave Derpy, but I couldn’t lose the TARDIS.’

‘Don’t worry, Doctor. You did the right thing. I have trouble asking for help, too.’

‘Are y’all sure y’all can help her? Sounds like ya got yerself a pretty dangerous situation there.’

‘Simple. You take the elegant solution and go back before they left and tell them not to go.’

‘And blow up half the universe when the time streams cross. Is that really elegant, Miss Rarity?’ The Doctor retorts.

‘Two questions,’ The Wandering Physicist states raising a hoof. ‘1) How do we know it is exactly half? B) Which half are we talking about? And three...’

‘No, we are not going to test that. You were told that countless times at the academy.’

‘I was still a kid. I hadn’t turned two hundred yet. Besides, it would be pretty awesome explosion to watch.’

‘I would have thought you would have grown out of such childish fancies when you reached three hundred.’

‘I would have thought you would have stopped visiting every tyrant in history and pressing flank by the time you reached seven hundred.’

‘I did grow out of it by seven hundred. ... I just replaced it with making funny faces behind their backs by seven fifty...’

‘Then which tyrant’s back are you looking at now?’

‘BOYS!’ Twilight shouts. ‘Derpy is in trouble somewhere in time and space, and you two are bickering like a pair of colts in kindergarten.’

‘But he started it!’ both Time Lords protest.

‘Wait a tick. How old are y’all?’

‘Oh. I am only somewhere around three hundred, give or take a decade. Still pretty young. Still haven’t had my first regeneration yet.’ The Wandering Physicist states proudly.

‘Punk kid.’ The Doctor snorts. ‘I’m around nine hundred and this is my tenth face. Feels like a lot longer, though.’

All of the girls are shocked at the ages, even the near immortal alicorn. Pinkie does some quick math in the air.

‘I am going to need to order A LOT more candles before your next birthdays.’

‘Dear lord, no.’ The Doctor says with a facehoof.

‘November fourteenth.’ The Wandering Physicist presses a button on his mobile. ‘I just sent you my Amazon wishlist.’ He looks around at everypony. ‘All of you.’

Twilight facehoofs too. ‘Over a dozen times my age and still acts like a child.’

‘I’m more than a dozen!’ The Doctor protests.

‘I think she means her beau, deary.’ Rarity interjects. Everypony snaps their attention to Rarity. ‘Oh, were we not supposed to mention it? Oopsie.’

An awkward silence fills the room. Suddenly, Spike pops up from the middle of the pile of food.

‘I’ve been listening in and in order to distract you from me eating all of this delicious food, I thought you were in the middle of planning to save Derpy from some cyber-somethings.’ Everypony looks at Spike now. ‘Uh... Gotta go!’

Spike disappears back into the pile of food. The Doctor and The Wandering Physicist slump back and think.

‘We have to go back there...’

‘And it has to be some point after I left...’

‘But not too soon or we could be caught in the bombardment.’

‘And we have to send them some sort of message.’

‘How about a party!’ All of Pinkies friends moan.

‘Hmm... Might be the wrong message.’

‘I’m thinking fireworks.’

‘What is it with physicists and explosions?’

‘The essence of physics is to throw something at something else and watch what comes off.’

‘Just like Mardi Gras.’ Lucas mumbles. He is instantly aware of six mares, including one still dying on the ground, glaring at him with all of the hate in the world.

‘Mr Wanderer, how expendable is your assistant?’

‘Miss Sparkle, how expendable is yours?’

The mares calm down their attack and return to planning the rescue.
…

After a short time, a plan is worked out. Rainbow Dash has recovered enough to join in the eating and planning. Also, the pile of burgers is virtually gone. Spike has taken over being passed out after his binge eating.

‘So... I guess that is it. Dash and Applejack help me with sabotage,’ The Doctor says.

‘While Twilight and Lucas help me with piloting,’ The Wandering Physicist says. ‘It will be tricky if we are to get the timing right.’

‘And the rest of us will prepare a super awesome victory-and-welcome-home-Derpy party for when you return!’ Pinkie cheers.

The Wandering Physicist and The Doctor do not say anything in order not to spoil the mood.

‘So, uh, who wants to finish off the last burger before we go?’ The Wandering Physicist offers.

Lucas starts reaching for it, but a fork gets embedded in his hoof before he can get it.

‘Oops. Sorry.’ Fluttershy apologizes. ‘Let me help you.’ She takes Lucas’ hoof to bandage it and casually slides the burger to herself. ‘Oh! Did anyone else want that?’

All of Fluttershy’s friends shake their heads and back away.

‘Are you sure Discord doesn’t run that place?’ Twilight whispers to The Wandering Physicist.

Rainbow Dash zooms through a very high-tech area. She tosses out many small boxes. She blasts past a thing that looks like a pepper pot as she enters a door that leads to an area that looks like a TARDIS. The doors close and disappear, leaving a very confused pepper pot thing.

In another high-tech area, The Doctor is working his sonic under a panel. A robotic-looking pony approaches.

‘Assimilate!’

‘Assimilate this!’ BUCK!

Applejack kicks the robotic pony’s head clean off. The Doctor slides out from under the panel.

‘That should do it.’ He notices the headless robot. ‘Did I miss something?’

On an alien planet, The Wandering Physicist, Twilight Sparkle and Lucas Grainsborough are fleeing from the pepper pot things. The pepper pots are firing lasers which the two mages are deflecting with magic shields.

‘Exterminate!’ the pepper pots shriek.

‘Boss! If we get back! I quit!’ Lucas yells.

‘I’ll take that under advisement,’ The Wandering Physicist laughs.

‘Mr Wanderer, all of the ponies in your species are CRAZY!’ Twilight shouts, getting more laughter in return.

A streak passes by and the pepper pots are blown out of the sky by a rainbow explosion. They fall to the ground, confused and shouting. The Doctor and Applejack leap in front of the group as an explosion sends a mass of robot ponies flying. Rainbow Dash loops back and lands by the group.

‘I knew I would find you if I tried hard enough. Didn’t I, Applejack?’ The Doctor brags.

‘Y’all got lost fer five minutes before Ah dragged ya this way.’

‘But I did find them.’

Applejack rolls her eyes.

‘Looks like everyone is here. Shall we, Doctor?’

‘Allons-y!’

The Doctor and The Wandering Physicist draw their sonics and wave them around at the gathering forces. The pepper pots and robotic ponies are seemingly driven back while the normal ponies group together. The Doctor and The Wandering Physicist gets items out of their packs and start building something that looks like a cabinet.

‘Uh, prof, do we have a plan?’ Rainbow Dash asks.

‘Not a one!’ The Doctor assures as he puts a pair of monitors in the cabinet.

‘Mr Wanderer, how about you?’ Twilight asks.

‘Wha?’ Thump! The Wandering Carpenter bangs his head on the cabinet as he finishes hooking up the monitor. ‘Son of a... OW!’

‘That’s it. I seriously quit.’ Lucas tries walking away, but a pepper pot’s laser weapon takes aim. ‘Never mind.’

‘Monitors?’ The Wandering Physicist asks, rubbing a sore spot on his head.

‘Check. Incentive?’ The Doctor asks.

‘Booyaka!’ The Wandering Physicist responds while holding up his mobile.

Lucas facehoofs. ‘You made an app for this situation?’

‘Open platform and you can load your app to your device with no need for permissions.’ The Wandering Physicist raises a hoof to the air. ‘Take that, Apple!’

‘Excuse me?’ Applejack questions.

The Doctor turns on the monitors. A large, white version of the pepper pot things appears on one. A robot pony with a black casing on its head with a brain exposed appears on the other monitor. The two creatures are confused and start shouting at each other. A loud whistle cuts through the noise.

‘Excuse me?’ The Doctor begins. ‘Mind if I cut in?’

The creatures on screen scan what they are seeing.

‘You are The Doctor!’ The white pepper pot shouts.

‘Yes. And you are the Supreme Dalek. Nice to see you on the front lines for once.’ The Doctor turns to the other monitor. ‘And you are the Cyber Controller. Good to see everyone here. Now, we have a very important matter to discuss. I came by here earlier and was very rudely attacked. By both parties! That was just rude.’

‘This mindless chatter is irrelevant.’ The Cyber Controller states.

‘It is not “irrelevant”!’ The Doctor shouts. ‘You see, in your completely senseless attack, I lost track of my companion. We need you to help find her or we will be very cross. If we get cross, bad things will happen. Now, have you seen a grey pegasus in the past... How long?’

The Wandering Physicist checks his mobile. ‘According to my TARDIS, about ten hours since you left.’

‘Really? Only ten? Impressive.’

‘Type 90... with some customization, but that goes without saying.’

‘Right.’ The Doctor turns back to the monitors. ‘So, past ten hours. Where is my friend? Oh! and if you say she has been assimilated or exterminated... well... Wanderer.’

The Wandering Physicist presses a button on his mobile. Two huge explosions light up the sky.

‘Those were your fourth fleets. I have five more for the Daleks and eight more for the Cyberponies. Think hard,’ The Wandering Physicist threatens.

‘We have no record of a grey pegasus,’ the Supreme Dalek states.

‘Our databases concur.’

‘Wrong answer. Wanderer.’

Two more explosions light up more of the sky.

‘Wait! One of our Cyber Leaders recorded visual record of a grey pegasus flying towards the Dalek lines around the timestamp in question. We have no records after that.’

‘Wrong! Wrong!’ the Supreme Dalek shouts. ‘The one in question left the battlefield! No Dalek has claimed the honor of exterminating a grey pegasus this day!’

The Daleks and Cyberponies resume arguing among themselves. The Doctor starts getting more and more annoyed.

‘Silence!’ The Doctor snaps. ‘I don’t care which of you saw her last I want to know where she is now! I don’t care if I have to tear you apart bolt by bolt and extract the information manually. I want to find my friend.’

The Dalek and Cyberpony stop and scan The Doctor some more.

‘That is an idle threat,’ the Dalek Emperor states. ‘The Doctor would never endanger his companions. We would exterminate all of your companions before you could even harm us critically.’

The Doctor seethes. He is about to speak when The Wandering Physicist pushes forward.

‘Hi. I don’t think you know me. I am The Wandering Physicist. Fellow Time Lord. Don’t bother searching your histories for me. I barely made an impact with most of the things I have done.’ Pause. ‘Now, I know you have a history with The Doctor. You can push each others’ buttons with ease. As I can yours.’ He waves his mobile in front of the screen. ‘Now, I know about you, but you don’t know about me. Since we don’t have a history, you don’t know that I am a generally honest person. Sure, I may bend the truth on occasion, but I never flat-out lie. Never. So know this: you will find my friend or the hundreds of thousands of Daleks and Cybers here today will just be the start. Got it?’ There is no response. He glances over his shoulder. ‘Prepare to duck.’ He turns back. ‘GOT IT!’

A button is pressed and more explosions occur. The explosions are close enough so that debris starts raining in the area. A few Daleks and Cyberponies are taken out by the debris. On the monitors, the Supreme Dalek and Cyber Controller actually seem to display worry despite their expressionless features.

‘A grey pegasus was spotted southwest of your current location two of your hours ago,’ a Dalek blurts from behind the leader.

The Supreme Dalek quickly turns and exterminates the subordinate. It quickly turns back. ‘We, we had just found that out. I-I-I was about to report.’

The Enraged Physicist’s glare causes the Supreme Dalek to back away. ‘And where is she now?’

‘We, we, do not know! We are not deceiving you!’

The Furious Physicist glances over at the Cyber Controller. ‘And you?’

‘Our databases show no data! No data!’

Another section of sky lights up behind The Deadly Physicist. ‘Listen! I don’t care what you have to do! You can make peace across the universe and combine all of your sensor information for all I care! YOU! WILL! FIND! MY! FRIEND!’

The Supreme Dalek and Cyber Controller process the threat. A hoof hovers dangerously close to a mobile for their liking.

‘Cyber patrols have detected a grey pegasus approaching from near the Dalek encampment. Five hundred meters and closing.’

‘All Daleks have been informed not to exterminate and are leaving the area.’

‘All Cyber Legions are evacuating.’

The Daleks in the area back off and fly into space. The Cyberponies all put a hoof in front of their chests, and they are transmatted back to their ships.

‘We have made peace and are leaving the area,’ the Cyber Controller states.

‘We have fulfilled our part of the bargain,’ the Supreme Dalek adds. ‘Now fulfill your promise.’

‘I promised nothing except your destruction,’ The Murderous Physicist growls.

The two screens go blank as all of the ships start leaving orbit. The Frightening Physicist sits on the ground and sighs. He drops his mobile next to him. All his friends behind him are too scared to approach. Twilight finally gets up the nerve to step forward, when she is interrupted by a small figure flying up. Derpy is slowly making her way towards the remaining beings on the planet. Rainbow Dash quickly intercepts her friend and helps her down. Derpy is covered in cuts and burns and her left foreleg looks broken.

‘Hey, Doctor. I am back.’

The Doctor rushes over to the wounded Derpy and gives her a big hug. ‘Don’t worry, Derpy. I have you.’

The Drained Physicist gets up and starts walking away. ‘Great to have you back, D-Squared. If anypony needs me, I’ll be in the TARDIS when you are ready to leave.’

The Tired Physicist starts wandering back to his TARDIS.

‘What is wrong with Chief?’ Derpy asks.

‘He’s just had a long day. We all have. Come on. Let’s go home.’

The Doctor and Rainbow Dash carry Derpy back to the TARDIS as the group leaves. Twilight stops for a moment then goes back to pick up The Wandering Physicist’s mobile before rejoining the group.

The next few days are busy. After returning to Ponyville, The Depressed Physicist seals himself in the living area above his store. Pinkie throws a massive party to celebrate the return of Derpy, but she is deflated when she hears about The Depressed Physicist’s mood. Lucas continues to run the store in the absence of his boss. All of his friends try to talk to him, but The Depressed Physicist does not even answer his door when they come around. Even Twilight’s and Luna’s most powerful spells cannot penetrate the barrier he seals himself behind. After a week, Twilight is really distraught about her friend’s situation. The Depressed Physicist’s mobile has become a common accessory wherever she goes.

Twilight is at The Power Block talking with Lucas. She looks as if she has not slept much recently.

‘How can you let him stay up there! You’re his friend! We should be trying to help him!’

‘I know you are supposed to be the one studying friendship, but I also heard about the Smarty Pants incident.’

Twilight teleports herself onto the counter so she can stare down at Lucas. ‘That has nothing to do with this!’ She teleports herself down. ‘I just want to help my friend. That is all.’

‘Princess Sparkle, I appreciate your concern, but Boss... He is an odd one, as you know. If he needs some time to himself, he needs time to himself. It is best to let him be.’

‘Best?! BEST!? How do you know that is best? Did you ask him!?’

‘You are scaring my customers. Leave now or I will be forced to contact law enforcement, princess.’

Twilight comes very close to bursting into flames before she storms out of the shop. She takes a couple moments to shout a few disgruntled groans as she exits. Lucas moans and goes back to work.

On the opposite side of the town, The Doctor is working on his TARDIS. He is currently working under the flooring. Above him, Twilight is pacing.

‘ “Best to let him be”? “Best to let him be”? What sort of friend is that? How can he say such a thing? It makes me want to scream!’ Twilight screams loud enough to set off the cloister bell as well as scare away all of the animals around Fluttershy’s cottage and cause some apples to fall at Sweet Apple Acres.

‘Are you quite finished? I’d like to have my hearing last at least another nine hundred years before it gets wonky.’ The Doctor looks up to see a face of pure rage, something he had not seen in a week, staring down at him. ‘On the other hoof, I am free to talk.’ He lifts himself on to the main deck. ‘So what do you want to talk about?’ Twilight’s developing eye twitch is enough of an answer. ‘Ah. Right. What do you want to know about him?’

‘How can he be like this! Just locking himself away like this! It is so frustrating!’

‘He has been like this for as long as I can remember. Ever since we were in the academy together.’

‘Wait. I thought you were his elder?’

‘I travel a lot more than he does. I’ve experienced more time, but we were mates at the academy. Anyway. He was far from as popular as he seems to be these days. A lot fewer mates, and I doubt anyone as close as he is with you, Selene and Lucas.’

Twilight is shocked. ‘That long without friends?’

The Doctor shakes his head. ‘That long without close friends. The constant torment by The Master didn’t help much either. A few of us that tried to help, myself and Romana to name only two of barely more, but he always seemed to be more happy when he was by himself. It was like he was looking for the right person to share himself with but was too shy and thus unable to make the connection. He seemed very alone despite the constant smile on his face... No close friends... That is something that fills me with dread.’

‘I can’t imagine my life without friends since I came to Ponyville.’

‘I doubt any of us can.’ Twilight looks confused. ‘See, there are points in space and time that are beacons. They can be beacons for good or evil, for tangible or intangible things, for ideas, inventions, emotions and much more. Ponyville is a beacon of friendship. All who are drawn here come because they are, at some level, looking for friendship. Take Trixie, for example.’

‘But she was just a boastful showmare! She didn’t want anything more than to get attention and make other ponies look foalish.’

‘She wanted to find a place where ponies would be impressed with her magic and be drawn in to her. After her show, did anypony even bother asking her why she was here? Or at least anypony you know? She would have had to have gone through some level of red tape and paperwork to set up her stage and cart in the town.’

‘Well, no, nopony I know talked with her outside of the show... But she interacted with Snips and Snails a lot!’

‘They were just drawn in by her flashiness. How can we say anything different about Rarity’s fashion shows? You befriended her despite her attention-hogging personality. And what about her return? Yes, she was seeking revenge, but she left seeking redemption. She left with a renewed feeling of friendship.’

‘You have a point...’

‘Right. We all came here looking for friendship on some level. Never forget that. Never let that fact out of your mind. As long as you have that in mind, you will always do what is right.’

Twilight ponders what The Doctor has said. She quickly charges a spell and teleports away. Seconds later, she comes walking out of one of the back rooms soaking wet.

‘Looks like you found one of the pools. By the way, I wouldn’t recommend trying to teleport in here.’

‘Thanks for the warning!’

Twilight leaves the TARDIS and teleports again.

Twilight materializes back at The Power Block. She is right outside the entrance to the second floor living area.

‘Hey! I thought I told you to leave!’ Lucas snaps from his vantage point. A look that would have sent Nightmare Moon back to the moon for another thousand years while permanently freezing Discord in stone causes Lucas to completely drop the subject forever.

Twilight goes up to the door and knocks as loudly as she dares. ‘Mr Wanderer... It is me again. I am sorry I haven’t been back since a couple days ago, but this time I am staying. I am not going to leave until you come out again. No matter what you do, I will wait right here.’

Twilight sits down and leans against the door. She gets out The Missing Physicist’s mobile and clutches it to her chest. She tries using her magic to get a clue to the barrier, but all of her spells fail. She sighs and waits. After what feels like forever but is really only a couple minutes, she hears a sonic screwdriver activate and the door unlocks. Twilight is instantly up and through the door. The door reseals itself after she is through.

The apartment is dark despite it being the middle of the afternoon. Twilight looks around desperately. Nothing looks as if it has even been thought about in the past week. Twilight eventually sees a small crack in the bedroom door.

‘Mr Wanderer?’

She spots him on his bed, facing away from the door. She cannot tell if he is alive since she see no movement, not even breathing. She steels herself and dares to climb up next to him.

‘I am sorry if I am intruding, but I will not leave your side.’

Getting no response, she lays away from him and sighs. Suddenly, a foreleg goes around her midsection.Twilight is shocked. She is even more shocked when another foreleg goes under her and the two lock her in a tight grip. The feeling of a muzzle strikes between her wings. Twilight sighs contently and pats the hooves that are around her.

Another shock hits Twilight. It is slightly noticeable at first, but then it becomes clear. She can hear The Crying Physicist bawling his eyes out. Twilight tries to resist, crying too, but she gives in and starts crying too.

The pair cry together for hours. Eventually, The Silent Physicist stops, but the silence between him and Twilight continues. The silent laying eventually turns into sleeping. Twilight quickly loses track of time. When she reawakens, she is certain it is the next day. She shifts a little, and The Wandering Physicist does not seem to react. Suddenly, she is squeezed again.

‘Confound you ponies.’

‘Huh?’

‘You know how to ruin a perfectly good bad mood.’

Twilight nervously laughs a little. ‘We are good at that, I guess.’

The Wandering Physicist moans and buries his face into Twilight’s back. ‘I hate it. I hate it so much. Why does it have to be this way?’

‘What does? What is wrong?’

‘Just... Nothing. Thank you for being here.’

The Wandering Physicist eases back a bit. The heavy silence returns. Twilight takes a deep breath and bites her lip.

‘I... I went to ask The Doctor about you.’

‘Ugh. And what did ol’ Theta Sigma have to say?’

‘Who?’

‘Just a nickname from the academy. Go on.’

‘Right. He talked about your academy years.... Lots of really sad and lonely stuff. Sounded very familiar...’

‘I am sorry I worried you. It is all fine. You get used to it after a while...’

‘But you shouldn’t be used to it! It is not right! You should have lots of friends. You need a, uh, mate!’

‘I need to what?!?’

‘A mate! A!’ Twilight groans. ‘Stallions...’

‘It is not just that, Twilight. You saw how I was. All of that needless anger and hate. Just too much anger...’

‘We all get mad sometimes.’

‘I threatened two races with genocide and meant it! That is not just mad.... That is....’ The Wandering Physicist starts trying to hold back tears again. ‘Having that inside you is so tough. We try and control it, but....’ Pause. ‘There is no surprise when you leave us in the end. It is always our fault.’ Tears start to flow. ‘I drive them away, and it is all my fault!’

‘Wanderer... I will never leave you... You have a lot to learn about friendship...’

The Wandering Physicist moans. He thinks for a moment. ‘Well... I don’t really feel like going anywhere right now. Now, if only I had a good teacher...’

Twilight laughs. ‘Hmm... Well, the first lesson is to never be afraid to share your true feelings with a good friend. Hint. Hint.’

‘Yeah. Yeah.’ The Wandering Physicist stomach growls. ‘I think one of my true feelings just shared itself...’

The two friends start laughing.

Author's Notes:

Fun fact: 40 m/s ~= 88 mph.

TWP Timeline: First time he slept in a mare's bed. First time he sleeps in Twilight's bed and the first time she sleeps in his. *winkwinknudgenudgesaynomore*

Story Event: This is the first and one of the few to dive into TWP's past. I am intentionally not covering his backstory since it would be a lot of depression and loneliness (which is basically what all of the stories about his mental state are about). I tend to draw his personality and certain events in his life from my own experiences. I try not to make them too personal, but some stuff slips through. That is why I highly appreciate everyone who takes the time to read my stories. Thank you.

Post Twilight Time Edit:
That garden burgers and planning scene. Then over two years later...

Crossroads

Main Characters: TWP, Twilight, Rarity, Pinkie, Lucas, Tsukiyo Rei/Princess Fullmoon
Cameos: Spike, Sweetie Belle, Coal, Queen Luna
Original Write Date: October 23, 2011

A massive thunderstorm rages over Ponyville. A scheduled rain from the Equestrian weather teams is mixing with a storm that blew in from the Everfree Forest. To protect the town, the electricity has been turned off while the weather teams fix the weather. Except for one building. A certain two-story shop has the entire second floor lit up. Despite being a lightning rod, the building seems to have a shield of some sort that deflects the lightning harmlessly back into the clouds.

Inside the building, a small party is going on. The Wandering Physicist has gathered a number of his friends together to beat the storm. Thanks to Pinkie Pie, his meager supply of mostly nerdy snacks has been supplemented with many delicious treats. Pinkie’s pet alligator Gummy is sitting on the table in the middle of the treats. Rarity has set up shop in an empty corner so she can finish some work started before the storm hit. Her sister is currently playing games with The Hosting Physicist, Spike and Lucas. The last guest, Twilight Sparkle, reads a book while her pet owl watches over the room.

‘Thank you again, Mr Wanderer. I have no idea how I would have finished this order in time if you hadn’t come along.’ Rarity says while magically manipulating several objects and using her sewing machine all at once.

‘It is my pleasure. It would have been boring not having somepony to play with during the storm,’ The Wandering Physicist replies.

‘Yeah... It is hard finding someone to play with sometimes...’ Sweetie Belle grumbles.

Rarity starts going through her supplies. ‘Oh Sweetie Belle, you see your friends all the time. Just this morning you three...’ Rarity stops. ‘I can’t find the imported silk from Draconia! Of all of the worst things to happen! This! Is! The!’

‘I think I have some in the TARDIS. Follow me.’ The Wandering Physicist interrupts.

The stallion steps out of the game. He leads Rarity to a random closet and leads them in.

‘I have more cookies if you want them!’ Pinkie says as she brings out a large tray of cookies.

‘We’re going to have enough leftovers to open up a baked goods section once the storm is over,’ Lucas says. He takes an offered cookie. ‘At least leftover cookies are better than the CDi.’

The Wandering Physicist pops his head out of the TARDIS. ‘Probably would play better on a CDi than most of the games, too.’

‘He does have a point.’ Twilight adds.

‘Which one?’ Spike asks.

‘Both.’ Twilight turns to Pinkie Pie. ‘I think you can go easy on the cooking now.’

‘Aw! But we only have three cakes and a couple hundred cookies. What if more ponies show up?’

Twilight looks around the room. ‘I am pretty sure that this is everyone Mr Wanderer knows.’

‘But what if somepony he doesn’t know shows up! What a whole bunch of someponies show up!’ Pinkie stands on her hind legs and waves her forelegs in the air. Twilight just stares at her friend. Pinkie settles down. ‘You haven’t thrown many parties, have you?’

‘I remember trying once...’

‘Well, you just need more practice. Good thing Auntie Pinkie Pie is here to help.’

Pinkie tries patting Twilight on the head, but she slams her hoof down on Twilight’s horn. Both scream in pain.

‘You okay?’ Lucas asks. ‘First aid is in the bathroom.’

‘I know where it is.’ Twilight says while rubbing her sore horn.

‘I bet you do,’ Lucas mumbles to himself.

Twilight shoots a quick glare at Lucas. She uses a spell to levitate a bandage out of the bathroom. ‘Pinkie?’

Pinkie holds up her hoof and Twilight wraps it to stop the bleeding. The Wandering Physicist and Rarity come out of the TARDIS. The unicorn levitates a roll of fabric with her magic.

‘Well, it is not Draconian silk, but it will have to do.’

‘That fabric comes from sentient spiders that spend decades cultivating their silk to be even a fraction of the quality of that small roll.’

‘Hmm... Well, I guess it will do,’ Rarity comments as she gets back to work.

The Wandering Physicist looks around the room. ‘I know this is weird coming from me, but I can get used to this.’

Suddenly, there is a loud thump against one of the walls. Everypony, and Spike, stop what they are doing and look around.

‘Was that a lightning strike?’ Lucas asks.

‘No way. Even if we were hit, the shields would have absorbed it,’ The Confused Physicist answers.

‘Could it be one of the weather team?’ Sweetie Belle asks from hiding under the couch.

‘Can’t be. They wouldn’t be in this area of town,’ Twilight answers.

‘HIC! Then what the - HIC! - was it?’ Pinkie giggles then hiccups at her clever way of wording the question.

The Investigating Physicist opens a window. ‘Came from out here.’

The Curious Physicist looks around as much as he can without letting in too much rain. The shield around the shop deflects another bolt of lightning. He looks down and sees something white moving. It stops near the back door. He pulls his head in and closes the window.

‘Twilight, get the med kit. Lucas, you’re with me. The rest of you, clear off the couch. We have incoming.’

The two males head downstairs. Twilight gets the med kit from the bathroom. She runs right into Pinkie as she returns.

‘HIC!’

‘Ack!’

‘Told you somepony - HIC! - would come!’

‘Pinkie, this isn’t the time. Somepony could be really hurt out there.’ Twilight turns to Spike. ‘Get some towels from the hall closet. They are going to be pretty soaked when they return.’

Spike salutes and gets the towels. He and Rarity lay them out on the couch and keep several spares off to the side. The Wandering Physicist and Lucas return carrying a small, white pegasus with a short, light blue mane and a cutie mark of a full moon on a dark field. They carry her to the couch and lay her down. Rarity lays a towel over the pegasus. Spike hands a towel to the two stallions, but only Lucas takes one. The Wandering Physicist goes right to the pegasus. Twilight levitates a towel over the him without him noticing it. The Wandering Medic places a hoof on the pegasus’ forehead.

‘She is fine. Just knocked herself for a loop,’ The Concerned Physicist says. He starts going through the med kit to find something.

‘How does he know that?’ Sweetie Belle asks her sister.

‘He’s, well, let’s see... He’s really smart, I guess you could say,’ Rarity answers.

The Wandering Physicist gets a small device out of the med kit and attaches it to the pegasus’ head. It lights up blue for a couple seconds then turns green. He takes the device off and returns it to the kit. The pegasus moans and puts a hoof to her head. When she opens her eyes, she blushes at the face very close to hers.

‘Otoosan?’ the pegasus whispers. She looks around at all of the strange faces looking at her.

‘Hi! HIC!’ Pinkie greets.

The pegasus cocks her head to the side. ‘Nani? Doko?’

‘What did she say?’ Sweetie Belle asks.

‘Shh!’ The Wandering Physicist hisses. He looks at the pegasus. ‘Ponyville desu. Genki desu ka?’

‘I-iye.’ She rubs her head. ‘Atama itai. Ponyville ka?’

‘Come on. What is she saying?’ Sweetie Belle pleads.

‘Sounds like Neighponese.’ Twilight responds. ‘Spike, did we remember to bring my Simple Neighponese to Equestrian Translation Guide like we always do?’

‘Wait. You were serious about that?’

‘Spiiiike!’

‘Hmph. This calls for a lady’s touch.’ Rarity goes over to the pegasus. ‘Excuse me miss, by any chance do you happen to speak Equestrian Common Tongue? It would be ever so convenient if we are to assist you.’

‘What are you saying?’ The pegasus says.

‘See,’ Rarity gloats. ‘Sometimes all you have to do is ask.’

‘Huh? How can I understand you? I never learned Common. Wait! Can you understand me?’

‘It is okay,’ The Wandering Linguist reassures. ‘We have a way of understanding other languages psychically. It just takes a few moments to kick in unless you have travelled with us a bit.’

‘So, wait. Why didn’t I understand right away? I travelled with you,’ Twilight protests.

The Wandering Casanova looks at Twilight, adjusts his glasses, looks away and coughs. ‘Jealousy.’

‘What!’ Twilight glares at the TARDIS. ‘Why you little...’

‘Twilight, it is not little. It is huge!’ Pinkie says, waving her forelegs in the air.

Twilight glares her friend down.

The Wandering Physicist sighs and turns back to the pegasus. ‘Are you sure you are okay? The storm outside is a pretty bad one.’

‘Storm? What storm? It was a clear day last time I checked.’

‘Hmm. Can you tell me what you remember before you awoke here?’

‘I was flying through Shibuya, heading to the capital on royal business. There was a shimmering wall, but I thought nothing of it. After passing through it, I apparently found your wall. When I awoke, you were all staring at me.’

‘What does “Shibuya” mean?’ Sweetie Belle asks. ‘Is it like...’

‘Don’t say it!’ The Wandering Physicist and Rarity shout at the young filly. They look at each other, then away in embarrassment.

‘Wait. If you were on royal business, I can contact the princess, and we’ll be able to help you better.’ Twilight says. ‘Spike! Take a letter.’

‘What? Princess? She’s too young. Don’t you mean the queen?’ The pegasus ponders.

Twilight freezes. ‘Queen? What queen?’

‘You don’t know the queen, but you live in Equestria proper? I thought you would know Queen Luna very well.’

‘Queen Luna!’ everypony stammers. The pegasus looks confused.

‘Interesting...’ The Thinking Physicist puts a hoof to his face as he thinks. ‘Pretend we are completely daft and tell us why there is a Queen Luna as if we are children. ... as if we all are children.’

The pegasus sits up. She looks around at the group. Except for The Wandering Physicist, they all look confused, shocked or upset at what she has been saying.

‘Well, it all goes back to over a thousand years ago. Princesses Luna and Celestia were battling the villainous Discord.’

‘Ooo! I remember him!’ Pinkie interrupts.

‘In the battle, Discord mortally wounded Celestia. With her last bit of strength, she and Luna defeated Discord once and for all. Celestia died soon afterwards.’ Twilight faints. ‘Since that day, Queen Luna has ruled over the New Lunar Republic as a fair and kind ruler.’

‘Princess Celestia...’ Twilight moans from the floor.

‘It seems we have a dimensional traveler on our hooves...’ The Wandering Physicist says to himself. He looks back at the pegasus. ‘You see, in our history, Luna and Celestia used the Elements of Harmony to seal Discord in stone for over a thousand years. He was recently reformed him by the current Elements, three of whom are here now, one being Princess Twilight Sparkle. Princesses Celestia and Luna are co-rulers of Equestria.’

The pegasus scans the room. Her eyes go wide when she sees Twilight, but she looks away quickly enough for it to go unnoticed. ‘Three Elements? I only see one here.’ She points to Pinkie. ‘The Element of Laughter who greeted me when I awoke.’

‘I’m famous in both worlds! Cool!’ Pinkie squeals.

‘Seems the Elements have different masters where she is from.’ The Wandering Physicist notes.

‘All of this talk of other Equestrias is nice and all, but we are missing the key question: who is your Element of Generosity?’ Rarity inquires.’

‘Oh, Prince Blueblood, of course.’

‘What!’ Rarity snaps. ‘That unrefined piece of donkey manure!’

‘I would ask you not to talk about the prince in such a manner. He is a tireless helper of the poor and downtrodden. Just last month, I worked side by side with him on relief efforts for a recent tsunami that hit a nearby region.’

‘Excuse me for a moment,’ Rarity says while stepping towards the exit. ‘I am afraid I must do something unladylike.’

Everypony watches Rarity leave. After a short silence, the loudest expletive anypony has ever heard rings out all over Ponyville. Rarity returns huffing and red-cheeked. She magics a towel off the pile and starts drying herself off.

‘There. I am feeling better.’

‘Ooo! Ooo! Miss pegasus! Call on me next!’ Pinkie shouts, waving her hoof in the air.

‘Very well...’

‘Okay. If I am still my Element and Rarity’s prince...’

‘That-that-that...’ Rarity covers Sweetie Belle’s ears. ‘That flankhole is not my prince!’

Pinkie frowns at Rarity a little. ‘Anyway... Since Twilight is a little fainty right now, who is the Element of Magic?’

‘Her?’ The pegasus thinks. ‘She is the most popular pony in the whole Republic.’

‘Really?’ Twilight leans up a bit.

‘Yes. She is graceful and elegant. She has a million friends. She is the master of countless magics and is the queen’s personal apprentice.’

‘Go on.’ Twilight gets up and beams.

‘You are right to be excited. The Great and Powerful Trixie is the greatest magician to have ever lived.’

Twilight’s face goes from excitement to confusion to anger to blind fury. Having seen this reaction once before, Pinkie quickly runs to the window and throws it open.

‘Quick! Out here!’

The Wandering Physicist looks at Lucas and the pair quickly lift Twilight and get her out the window. Lucas uses his magic to keep her from falling. Twilight bursts into fire for a brief moment then lets it go in a very exasperated sigh. She comes back in and Spike quickly brings her a towel.

‘What is the use?’ Twilight sighs while drying off. ‘At least she isn’t the Element of Magic in our world.’

‘I assume that is you?’ The pegasus asks.

‘Big crown thingy and everything,’ Twilight sighs.

‘Oh my. I am honored to have met you all.’ The pegasus looks around again. ‘I assume one of the stallions is the other element, given the white unicorn’s outburst earlier.’

The two stallions have to restrain Rarity from getting at the pegasus. They carry her into the TARDIS and return without her a moment later.

‘She is having a bit of a time out.’ The Wandering Physicist says before anypony can ask. The TARDIS doors burst open. ‘Or not.’

Rarity storms out. She heads right to the pegasus. ‘I will have you know, I am our Element of Generosity, and I am showing it off by not dragging your flank outside to teach you a lesson.’

The pegasus glares at Rarity before turning her attention back to The Wandering Physicist. ‘As fun as it is to discuss alternate realities, I would really like to return to mine. I have important business to do. If you will return my pack and point me toward the rift or whatever that will send me home.’

‘We have a couple problems there...’ The Wandering Physicist starts. ‘First, you did not have a pack when we found you. Second, I have no clue how to send you back.’

‘What! I need my pack! I desperately need it!’ The pegasus grabs The Wandering Physicist and starts shaking him.

‘We’ll get right on it,’ The Wandering Physicist reassures the pegasus. ‘But first, let’s get us calmed down. I think there are some high emotions right now, and we should rest and wait for the storm to ease. I promise we will find your pack.’

The pegasus wraps around The Wandering Physicist’s neck in a hug. ‘Thank you so much. You are so wonderful.’ She realizes she is hugging a complete stranger. ‘Oh sorry. I shouldn’t be so familiar.’

‘No problem. Happens all of the time.’

Twilight nod and glares. ‘It does.’

‘Whee!’ Pinkie tackles The Wandering Physicist in a random hug.

Twilight sighs and goes over to the pegasus. ‘Sorry for being rude earlier. I am Twilight Sparkle, by the way.’ She extends a hoof.

The pegasus tenses up at the introduction. She looks at the hoof then at Twilight and bows. ‘It is a pleasure to meet you, Twilight Sparkle. I am Tsukiyo Rei, royal regent to Neighpon.’

Twilight does not know what to do. She retracts her hoof and bows slightly too. ‘Uh, nice to meet you Tsukiyo.’ Twilight starts motioning around the room. ‘These are my friends Spike,’

‘Hello!’ Spike waves.

‘Rarity and her sister Sweetie Belle,’

Rarity just turns her nose up.

‘Nice to meet you.’ Sweetie Belle says.

‘You seem to know Pinkie...’

Pinkie smiles and waves.

‘Lucas Grainsborough,’

Lucas bows. ‘Tsukiyo-san.’

‘and last is The Wandering Physicist.’ He bows.

Rei looks at The Bowing Physicist. ‘You don’t know why they call you that, do you?’

‘Nope.’

‘You don’t know why you call yourself that too, right?’

‘Right.’

‘Neat! Thank you all for the hospitality. I apologize for intruding.’

‘Think nothing of it.’ The Wandering Host replies. ‘But for now, you should have one of Pinkie’s delicious cookies and rest a bit.’

‘Arigato.’

Pinkie brings over the tray of cookies and everypony takes one.

The storm has subsided. There are no more lightning strikes. Three groups of ponies leave The Power Block as Spike and Sweetie Belle watch them go. Rarity had ‘generously’ volunteered to watch the shop, but a quick zinger from Rei convinced her otherwise. After a quick look around the second floor windows, the groups head different directions.

Twilight searches the ground around a back alley while Rei frantically searches rooftops for her missing pack.

‘Rei, sorry about getting your name wrong earlier.’

‘No big,’ Rei says, darting from building to building.

‘Do you mind if I ask more questions about where you are from?’

‘Go ahead. I’ll answer as best I can as long as that psychic thingy keeps working.’

‘Well, I have to know, what did you mean by “New Lunar Republic” earlier?’

‘That is the name of our nation. Uh... How do I explain it...’ Rei thinks. ‘What you likely call the Kingdom of Equestria, we would call the New Lunar Republic. Queen Luna reorganized the nation as a republican form of government after she put down a rebellion in our past. She has always been a champion for the rights and freedoms of all ponies. Not to mention she and the king are such a lovely couple!’

‘Interesting...’ Twilight starts thinking of more questions to ask.

Not too far from the shop, The Wandering Physicist is scanning the air with his sonic while Pinkie is digging around for the missing pack. Pinkie’s mane has washed out to become completely flat.

‘Hmm... These readings are... odd.’

‘Readings? I don’t see a book.’

‘What? Nothing. Just looking for the pack.’

‘Well, the pack wouldn’t be in the sky, silly. Although she is a pegasus... Hmm...’

The Wandering Physicist scans the sky again. He quickly checks the readings.

‘Pinkie, what do you think this means?’

‘Hmm... If I could see what you were looking at, I would say...’ Pinkie thinks hard. ‘I’d say they make no sense!’

‘Exactly!’ The Wandering Physicist starts walking away. ‘Come along, Pie. We have some shopping to do.’

Rarity and Lucas are searching around the main streets near the shop. They are using their magic to try to detect the missing pack. Rarity is wearing her slicker and boots and has two umbrellas just in case.

‘Miss Rarity, what do you think of Rei?’

‘I am trying not to,’ Rarity sneers.

‘You don’t think she is alluring? Mysterious? ... Pretty?’

‘My, my,’ Rarity laughs. ‘Sounds like our little Lucas has gotten himself a little crush.’

Lucas blushes. ‘What? Well, maybe. Sure. ... And I am almost as old as you are!’

Rarity laughs. ‘It is all fine. I won’t tell anyone.’

‘Like you did for Twilight before we saved Derpy.’

Rarity’s eyes dart. ‘That was the burgers talking. They had an evil grip on my mind.’

‘Boss says that they might be putting in a store here in Ponyville.’

Rarity picks Lucas up and holds him against a wall. ‘What! When is this happening! I must have more of their burgers! I demand a Double Double animal style!’

Lucas starts looking for an escape from the crazed mare pinning him to the wall. ‘Um, er... Hey! Isn’t that the pack?’

Lucas points in a random direction. Rarity looks. He just happens to point at a small pack with a chrysanthemum emblem embroidered on it. The pack is hanging from a roof.

‘Oh. There it is.’ Rarity starts levitating the pack down.

‘I’ll signal the others.’ Lucas casts a spell that causes a burst of light to trail to him and Rarity.

There is a crash of thunder and Rarity’s spell breaks, spilling the pack all over the ground. The two unicorns quickly start using their magic to refill the pack. Most of the objects are usual items like a money pouch and makeup. There is a small ledger with Luna’s crest on it. What gets the attention of the two unicorns is a sealed, gold locket. It has another crest on it.

‘Is that crest what I think it is?’ Rarity asks.

‘As a certified Neighponophile, I am pretty certain it is,’ Lucas answers.

‘Here they are!’ Twilight calls toward the sky.

Rarity returns the locket to the pack as Rei swoops down. She quickly takes the pack and searches through it. She gets a huge smile then immediately hugs Rarity and Lucas together.

‘Thank you so much! I love you both a lot right now! I can never repay you!’

‘Heh, heh. All in the day’s work.’ Rarity says, trying to break free.

‘So happy...’ Lucas sighs.

‘Come on. Let’s get back to the shop and dry off. We’ll meet up with Mr Wanderer and Pinkie there,’ Twilight suggests.

‘That sounds like a great idea,’ Rarity agrees, breaking free. ‘A nice warm shower would be great now.’

Rei lets go of Lucas and heads back to the shop with Twilight and Rarity. Lucas just sits in the street smiling. A sharp whistle snaps him out of the spell.

‘Lover boy! Get back here!’ Rarity snaps. She realizes what she just said. ‘Oops. Sorry.’

The Wandering Physicist and Pinkie approach one of the closed shops. A small light is seen within. Getting closer, the light is revealed to be Coal Tale holding a flashlight in his mouth as he reads. The Wandering Physicist knocks on the door. Coal sets down his book and light and lets the pair in.

‘Thanks, Coal.’

‘What are you doing out in this storm?’

‘I need to find a book. You’re the only one who would have it in stock.’

‘Have you thought about asking your librarian friend?’

‘Indy published book by Dr John Smith.’

Coal sighs and nods towards the back of the shop. He goes back to his book while The Wandering Physicist heads off to look. Pinkie gives Coal an odd look.

‘You know, you are an unicorn.’

Coal sets down the light. ‘Bad things happen to objects I use my magic on. Thus, I only use it on my brother.’

‘Where is he? He is usually so wacky!’

Coal groans. ‘He is hiding under his bed. He is a little afraid of storms. Fortunately, we’ll have plenty of fresh water to clean any of his “little messes”.’

Pinkie looks even more confused. Suddenly, her mane poofs back to normal, spraying water everywhere.

Coal wipes water from his face. ‘Thank you. I am sure my books really enjoyed getting a shower.’

‘That is good! They look a little dusty.’

Coal thinks about using a spell on Pinkie, but The Reading Physicist returns from the back carrying a book.

‘Thanks mate.’ The Wandering Physicist tosses some bits on the table and starts leaving.

‘Guess I’ll catch you aroundy!’ Pinkie bounces after her friend.

Coal just groans, locks the door and goes back to reading.

Back at the shop, all of the ponies are celebrating the return of Rei’s pack. She is extremely happy to have her belongings back. The Wandering Physicist is off to one side reading the book he bought. Rarity has been in the shower since she returned. Rei has her ledger out and is going through it.

The Wandering Physicist sighs. ‘I hate to dampen the good feelings, but I don’t think there is a way to get you back to your world, Rei.’

Rei moans a little. ‘I figured as much. Fortunately, Queen Luna issued orders in case something like this occurs.’

‘That sounds like something very odd to plan for,’ Twilight comments, ‘but I have to appreciate her thoroughness.’

Spike moans from where he sits.

‘Ah! Here we go.’ Rei gets a disk out of her ledger. ‘This should have instructions for this situation. I don’t really know what they are since I could not play it when I tried.’

The Wandering Physicist takes the disk and scans it with his sonic. ‘Seems like the last few bits are intentionally corrupted. I can fix that.’

The Wandering Physicist starts cycling through sonic settings to repair the disk. Rarity comes out of the shower. She magically wraps a towel around her mane.

‘Well, it is not the spa, but it will do for now.’ She notices The Wandering Physicist working. ‘Ooo. What is going on here?’

The Wandering Physicist holds up the disk. ‘Movie time... I think.’

The disk is inserted into The Wandering Physicist’s PS3. An image appears on the screen showing the New Lunar Republic’s banner. It is replaced by an older-looking Luna.

‘If you are viewing this, then you have found The Doctor or The Wandering Physicist of this universe,’ the video Luna states. ‘They are your key to returning to our home. They should be able to acclimatize you to your new surroundings while they look for a solution. If no solution can be found, they can help you find a new place in this new world. If you are stuck in a new world, I implore you to find my counterpart or counterparts and give them as much information about where you are from and advise them on some of the policies we have implemented for a better tomorrow. Thank you and good luck in your journey.’

The disk stops playing and automatically ejects. Rei looks sad. The others are upset with the situation too. Twilight puts a foreleg around the pegasus.

‘Don’t worry. We’ll help you in every way possible. Who knows, we might even find a way to get you back home.’

‘Thank you, Twilight.’ Rei leans into her new friend for a moment then goes back to her bag and gets out the locket. She looks at it and sighs.

The others watch their new friend and wonder what she is doing. Rarity goes over to Lucas and pokes him. He looks at her. She nods towards Rei. He shakes his head. She rolls her eyes and steps forward.

‘Pardon me, Miss Rei,’ Rarity begins. ‘We noticed that when we found your bag. It appears to have a crest of...’

‘The Neighponese royal family. Correct. I am the last of the royal family, thanks to a major earthquake when I was a foal. This locket is the only thing I have to remember them by. It is said to contain their photos, but I have been unable to open it. Queen Luna took pity on me and had her attendants stationed in Neighpon take care of me. Technically, I am also known as Duchess Full Moon.’

The other ponies are taken aback. The sudden revelation comes as a big shock. Lucas is embarrassed to be attracted to a royal. Rarity is embarrassed to have gotten into yet another tiff with nobility. Pinkie is upset that she did not have time to prepare more regal treats. The Wandering Physicist is the only one to react calmly.

‘This day is turning out to to be more and more exciting,’ The Wandering Physicist says. ‘Twilight, you will have to get in touch with the other princesses and tell them about this. They should be able to help.’ Twilight nods. ‘Tsukiyo-san, you are free to stay here as long as you need. I can stay in my ship.’

‘Thank you, sir.’ Rei sighs.

‘Excuse me!’ Pinkie raises a foreleg again.

‘Yes, Pinkie. Go ahead and party.’

‘Yay!’

Pinkie shoots streamers from out of nowhere. She instantly starts trying to revive the party to raise Rei’s spirits. While the other ponies are cheering up, The Wandering Physicist slips into his TARDIS and locks the door. He gets out his sonic and looks at it. He goes over to his center console. His TARDIS is more high tech and looks more computerized compared to The Doctor’s more organic themes. He goes to a spot on the console that looks like an outlet and plugs his sonic in. After a second, a holographic version of the older Luna springs to life. The Wandering Physicist sits to watch the recording.

‘Ah, my beloved James. So good to see you again.’ The hologram greets. ‘It has only been mere moments since we were last together but as I record this, it feels like centuries... again. I wonder which face you are wearing wherever you are. As you may have guessed, the one calling herself Tsukiyo Rei is not really who she says she is and by now, you know she is trapped in whatever dimension she ended up in.’ She sighs. ‘You have always been there for me. You were there to comfort me when I lost my sister. You stood with me when we raised a revolution and saved my people from oppression. We mourned together when that unspeakable horror stuck down the Elements of Harmony, including my rival for your affections and your true love, Twilight Sparkle.’ The Wandering Physicist feels his stomach drop. ‘This time, I am afraid we lost something more dear. It devastated us when we heard the news from The Doctor, but we knew it had to happen if it were a Fixed Point in Time. We tried to remain detached, but you know us. We did everything right to prepare for this day. I know the whole family will be crushed once it finally comes.’ She goes silent briefly and wipes away some tears. ‘Please take good care of Rei, Princess Full Moon, our daughter. I know you will do a great job no matter what reality you are in. Thank you and I love you, my husband.’

The recording stops. The Wandering Physicist calmly removes the sonic from the outlet and goes to the door of the TARDIS. He takes several deep breaths to steel himself and goes out. He looks over his friends enjoying themselves once more and wonders what to do with his secret information.

Author's Notes:

Fun Fact: Rei was originally conceived to be a rival for TWP's affection. My first idea was somepony from another country (hence he being from Neighpon), but that would have been solved by an airship ticket or TARDIS ride. My next idea was adding a time travel element, making her be from the past. (Technically, Rei is from approximately 20 years in the future from this point in time.) Again, this is solvable with time travel. The final result was Rei's origins as they are seen here. In order to make that work properly, I had to remove the romantic rival element. Not that much of a loss seeing what she will become.

The elements of her birth parents plays an important part to who she is and why she feels a connection to TWP when they first meet. It is just one of those added complications to add to her character. The issue of Rei's family is one of her driving motivations through the entire series.

Bonus: I did an Ask TWP art inspired by the opening scene. There is a certain mint green unicorn of future plot importance hinted in that scene.

Insufferable

Main Characters: TWP, Octavia, Vinyl Scratch, Luna, Twilight, Rei
Cameos: Celestia
Original Write Date: October 24, 2011

Octavia is a very proper mare. Her mane is always well-groomed. Her coat is always perfectly shiny. Her bow tie is always on straight and perfectly cool. Her double bass is always well-maintained and in the finest condition and definitely not a cello. Her cello was left home for this concert since it was not needed. Everything about her rang perfection and she expected nothing but perfection in return. This night, she is not getting what she expected.

She is giving a regularly-scheduled concert with her normal quartet. It is a very special night since the princesses and their special guests are in the audience. One of the guests is somepony Octavia had seen before. Unfortunately, another guest is being disruptive. After playing with a handheld device (with Princess Celestia joining in and playing too), he is currently sleeping. Octavia’s anger is not just hers. It seems as though the other guests, Princesses Luna and Sparkle and a white pegasus, are also upset at the sleeping stallion. She makes note of those facts so she can complain in the next Night Court. She finishes her set, takes her bow and quickly glares towards the still sleeping offender. The fact that his glasses are almost falling off just adds to Octavia’s ire.

Back at the palace, The Wandering Physicist is checking websites on his laptop. He is enjoying laying on the really comfortable palace beds. They are almost as good as those in the TARDIS. There is a knock at the door.

‘Enter.’

The door opens, and Twilight Sparkle enters the room. She is looking a little annoyed. She gets more annoyed when The Wandering Physicist just smiles at her. She snorts as he makes room on the bed for her.

The Wandering Physicist, Twilight Sparkle and their new friend Tsukiyo Rei are in Canterlot to report an unusual occurrence. Rei is not really from this reality. She is from a parallel reality and stuck here. At the recorded suggestion of the parallel world’s Queen Luna, they are in Canterlot to inform the princesses about the situation. The Wandering Physicist tried getting out of this duty, but the only other dimensional expert, The Doctor, was conveniently off-planet at the moment. While in Canterlot, the princesses are treating their special guests to all of the finest culture Canterlot can offer. The group has just returned from a special concert. The Wandering Physicist slept through most of it.

After what she feels is a long enough glare, Twilight finally gets on the bed next to her friend. She immediately renews the glare.

‘Just because it wasn’t Paul and Storm...’

‘Arr!’ /* Excited Arr! */

Twilight develops an eye twitch. ‘...does not mean you could behave like that.’

‘Ah come on! You know Celestia would love Paul and Storm.’

‘That is not the point.’ Twilight hisses. ‘The point is to do something with a little culture.’

‘Arr.’ /* Dejected Arr! */ He frowns, then looks up and smiles. ‘In-N-Out should be open still. I bet we can get some of the guards to take us to the fly-through.’

Even the temptation of the greatest food on the planet can not calm Twilight down. ‘Listen. If you promise to behave yourself, I promise to do something very special for you when we return to Ponyville.’

The Wandering Physicist pretends to think for a moment. ‘Hmm. Nope!’

‘Yeah... I knew that was a stupid thing to say the moment it left my mouth.’ Twilight sighs and lays down on the bed. ‘What is the latest on EqD?’

‘Bah. The editor-in-chief is going on about Trixie again. Nothing new.’

Twilight moans and rolls on the bed. She bumps into The Wandering Physicist’s side. After a brief bit of embarrassment, she sighs and settles in. She jumps a bit when there is a knock at the door.

‘It’s open.’

Twilight quickly picks herself up as a young pegasus enters. She flops herself down on the bed in front of Twilight and The Wandering Physicist. Twilight grumbles. The Surfing Physicist sets his laptop on the new pony’s wings.

‘I’m bored,’ Rei moans.

‘This is the worst computer table ever.’

Rei groans.

The Wandering Physicist looks at Twilight. ‘Also, your horn is interfering with my wifi.’

Twilight groans too. ‘Well, there is only so much we can do in Canterlot at this hour.’

‘Told you I should have brought a Wii.’

‘Yeah, like you need more ways to embarrass me in front of the princesses.’

‘Your queen seemed to be fine with it,’ Rei chimes in.

‘Princess. Princess Celestia,’ Twilight corrects.

‘Although... My queen was upset, so I had to be mad too.’ Rei adds.

‘Princess! We have princesses! What don’t you get about that yet?’ Twilight snaps at Rei. Rei giggles. ‘Oh. Funny.’ She turns to The Chuckling Physicist. ‘It is like you two are related or something.’

The Wandering Physicist misses typing and accidentally punches Rei in the back. Known only to The Wandering Physicist, Rei’s parents are really her reality’s versions of The Wandering Physicist and Luna. And now he has just given his alternate reality kid her first spanking. Twilight laughs at the accident.

‘Ow! What the frak was that for!’ Rei complains.

‘How the frak do you know the word frak?’

Rei rolls her eyes. ‘Pul-ease. I have been around all of you speaking Equestrian for almost a week now. It wasn’t that hard to pick up.’

‘Wait a minute. You learned a new language in a week?’ Twilight is shocked.

Rei shrugs. ‘It was easier than Zebra.’

‘Zebra!’ Twilight is aghast.

Rei just shrugs and goes back to being a table.

‘I know something we can do.’ The Devious Physicist says, looking up from his Twitter feed.

Twilight knows that look. ‘I’ll inform the guards to go easy on you in advance.’

‘It is nothing like that.’

‘How come I get the feeling that isn’t the whole truth?’

‘No! It is perfectly peaceful. We just get a bunch of supplies and a tent and head on over to Celestia Park.’

Twilight facehoofs. ‘We are not joining Occupy Canterlot.’

‘That’s what you said when I tried starting Occupy Ponyville.’

‘You are a time traveling alien! If anything, you are in the one percent!’

‘I am a time traveling alien. I am not in any percentile.’

‘Yeah! He is out of this world!’ Rei adds.

The Wandering Physicist and Rei laugh at the joke. He lifts his computer in time as she falls off the bed laughing. Twilight snorts at them. After the laughter dies, Rei remains laying on the floor. She stares out of the window.

‘You know, we had a space program on my planet.’

‘We have a bit of one here, too.’ Twilight says.

‘No. I mean a BIG space program. Lots of ponies living in space. The queen even visited the moon once.’

Twilight falls off the bed, and The Wandering Physicist laughs hysterically. Rei looks at both of them, confused.

Twilight pulls herself up. ‘That is not funny!’ She snaps.

‘No! It is hilarious!’

‘I don’t get it...’

‘Let’s just say that Luna visited the moon once in our universe too.’

‘Oh? How did she find it?’ Rei asks.

‘Not that pleasant,’ comes a voice from the window.

The friends turn to see Princess Luna entering through the window. The Wandering Physicist is able to control his laughter to a point. A glare from Luna brings it down to an over-sized grin. Rei quickly gets up and bows to Luna. Luna rolls her eyes at the act.

‘Princess! What brings you here at this hour?’ Twilight asks.

‘We’re out of bananas if that is what you’re here for.’ The Wandering Physicist says.

Luna grimaces. ‘I am here to remind you about our meeting in the morning and to advise you to get some sleep as not to miss it.’ The last part was directed at a certain stallion. ‘If you would kindly unseal the door, I will take my leave in a more conventional manner.’

‘Door’s not locked,’ The Wandering Physicist replies. ‘And my sonic is...’ He looks around him. ‘Odd. It was next to me when Rei got here.’

The other ponies look around the room and Twilight finds it next to her. Rei starts laughing.

‘Twilight flank-soniced the door!’

Twilight replaces the sonic on the bed and The Wandering Physicist opens the door.

‘I take my leave now. I look forward to seeing you in the morning.’ Luna sighs. ‘Before I go to bed..’ She mumbles to herself.

‘Goodnight, princess!’ Rei cheers.

‘Goodnight, princess,’ Twilight bows.

‘I hope your night is serene.’ The Wandering Troublemaker smirks.

Luna stops to shudder then leaves. Rei snickers again.

‘I hope my flank isn’t as big as yours when I am your age.’

‘I am only six years older than you!’ Twilight roars.

‘Calm down before you reach level forty,’ The Wandering Pokè Master sighs.

‘Well, I, for one, am going to take the princess’ advice,’ Twilight states.

Twilight gets up. She fails her anger roll and goes over to The Wandering Physicist. She gives him a goodnight nuzzle despite her leftover ire. He returns the nuzzle.

‘Sleep well.’

‘Actually sleep,’ Twilight replies.

Twilight just nods at Rei and leaves. Rei gets up and stretches her wings.

‘I’ll be seeing you too. I’ll be on MK7 if you get bored.’ Rei starts leaving. ‘You know, as weird as this sounds, I would not be unhappy if you two were my parents.’

Rei smiles and leaves. The Wandering Physicist is shocked at what he just heard. He sighs under the weight of the information he carries and returns to his computing.

The next night, Octavia is groomed to perfection. She sports her best and coolest bow tie. A regal air surrounds her. Everything about her says ‘I am better than you and you know it’ in the loudest Royal Canterlot voice known to ponykind. Night Court will not know what hit it.

The pony Octavia is with, on the other hand, is not as well-groomed as she would like. Her friend Vinyl Scratch has nothing to do this night and thought it would be awesome to tag along with her friend. Vinyl knows that Octavia is a regular at Night Court, and the show entertains her more than the various music they hear (and debate) together. Vinyl is wearing her trademark sunglasses and her trademark big grin known to annoy Octavia the most.

Octavia is in line for the open court segment of the night where anypony can bring a matter to one of the princesses. Despite Princess Luna’s popularity, her open court has shorter lines and tends to get more direct results. Octavia takes advantage of this to put forward motions she knows are of importance to all ponies, despite the failure of her petitions to banish both rap and country music to the moon for a thousand years. The pony before Octavia finishes, and she moves up to take her place before the princess. Vinyl gets out a secret bag of popcorn to watch the show.

‘Octavia!’ Luna greets with a hint of sarcasm. ‘What brings you back here this week?’

‘Dear princess, a great injustice has befallen me,’ Octavia says, bowing.

Luna rolls her eyes. ‘What is it this time?’

‘There was a major disruption at my last performance.’

The princess groans. ‘Is this like the time with the school trip?’

‘Those ungrateful brats cared less for music than they did for unleashing ancient evils upon us!’

‘Evil, my flank...’ the pony behind Octavia scoffs.

‘Not only are you talking about two different school trips but when you addressed the trip in question, I am sure you scared a number of young foals from getting music-related cutie marks.’

‘They had to be taught a lesson about manners!’ Octavia shouts, losing a bit too much of her composure. Vinyl snickers from the audience. Octavia calms her anger and readjusts her bow tie.

Luna audibly groans this time, much to Vinyl’s enjoyment. ‘Children do not normally sit still though a classical performance, but they do enjoy the experience.’ Octavia snorts. ‘Very well. Miss Octavia, what disruption are you bringing to my attention this time? I am sure your mane was in perfect order so it was not a stray strand.’

The whole court laughs at the current patron, but she just dismisses them as foul common ponies with no class. Octavia takes a few deep breaths before beginning.

‘This is a matter I believe your highness had noticed as well.’ Octavia begins. ‘For, you see, this disruption was within your royal delegation.’ Luna facehoofs, not caring about protocol at this point. ‘Ah! I see you know of the perpetrator in question. All I ask is for his identity, and I will teach that foal a lesson, with your blessing.’

‘Just this one time I will allow you to do what you wish.’ Octavia silently hoof pumps inside. ‘But if you wish his identity, all you need do is turn around.’

Octavia is aghast. She turns to see the offending stallion stand right behind her. Vinyl practically chokes on her popcorn as she laughs at the look on Octavia’s face. The offending stallion steps up as Octavia falls back in shock.

‘What is it, James?’ Luna sighs.

‘We’re out of hot water,’ The Dripping, Towel-Wrapped Physicist says.

Luna rubs her temples in frustration. ‘And this is important for Night Court why?’

The Wandering Physicist shrugs. ‘I just wanted to cut to the highest in the chain of command, and you’re my favorite princess.’

The audience, minus Octavia, lets out a collective ‘aw’ at the last statement.

Luna controls her anger. ‘That is not a matter for royal consideration.’

‘How about if I suggest heating up that large pool in that nearby courtyard as a large bath?’

‘That is a fountain containing a statue of my sister!’

‘So...’

‘No! Are you quite finished embarrassing both yourself and this once esteemed institution!’

‘Almost. I just need to point out that I found a Wii, and there may have been a mishap with the big TV...’

‘Out! Just out! I will deal with you after my duties are finished!’ Luna yells at a level just short of her Royal Canterlot voice.

The Insufferable Physicist smiles and happily leaves the court. Luna takes a short recess to calm herself down. Octavia stews over the outrage that she has just witnessed. Not only did that offensive stallion insult the princess and mock the whole concept of open court, but he was the one who fell asleep at her performance! Justice must be served.

Vinyl goes over her friend. ‘Best. Night Court. Ever.’

‘How can you say such a thing!’ Octavia cannot contain her ire. ‘That awful stallion disrespected the princess and - worst of all - me!’

‘Calm down, Tavi.’ Vinyl starts escorting her friend out of the court. ‘We just found out he is a guest staying at the royal palace. It would not be wise to start a fight with him.’

‘Vinyl, please. Fighting is so beneath me and my stature.’ Octavia regains her attitude. ‘I am merely going to present him with a reasoned opinion that he is sure to find acceptable and justly administered.’

‘To the pony called James. Kiss my flank. Love, Tavi,’ Vinyl mocks.

‘You are so childish,’ Octavia says with a hair flip.

Octavia makes her way out of the court as Vinyl holds the door for her friend. She scans the hallway for the offensive stallion and finds him planted just outside as if he were a dog waiting for his master. His wide (and somewhat handsome) grin and kind eyes do nothing to abate Octavia’s anger.

‘Hi!’ The Wandering Physicist greets.

‘Sup!’ Vinyl replies.

‘Not much. You?’

‘Same. Loved your performance in there.’

‘Heh, heh. I really didn’t mean to upset Luna that much. I violate Wheaton’s Law when I’m in a place that I really don’t want to be in.’

‘I hear that.’

‘Do you two know each other?’ Octavia grumbles.

‘Right! James, this is Octavia. Tavi, this is The Wandering Physicist, aka James,’ Vinyl introduces.

‘I know DJ Pon3 from her visits to MC RC’s theatre near mine,’ The Wandering Physicist explains.

‘How is Rip?’ Vinyl asks.

‘Doin’ good. Rolling ones but doing good.’

‘I have to sit in on your game again some time.’

‘Word.’

The Wandering Physicist and Vinyl start reaching up to brohoof. Octavia’s eyes go wide, and she slaps them apart before they touch.

‘No!’ Octavia shouts. ‘No friendships! Not with that jerk!’

‘Vinyl isn’t a jerk.’ The Wandering Physicist protests.

Octavia turns to him, red-faced. ‘I meant you! You are an uneducated, classless cad! You have insulted a lot of honor today and I will be the one that enacts vengeance!’

The Wandering Physicist raises an eyebrow. ‘So... You are challenging me?’

‘Yes! Is your skull thick too?’

The Wandering Physicist pulls out a DS. ‘Okay! Standard six vs six battle. I’ll go easy and not use any ubers. You can use whatever you wish, but I will stomp you.’

Octavia is taken aback. ‘What, what are you talking about?’

‘Tavi, he is challenging you to a Pokemon battle. You know, a game.’

‘Such, such a thing is beneath me.’

‘Aw!’ The Wandering Physicist complains. ‘How can fun be beneath you?’

‘Fun is not beneath me!’ Octavia fumes. ‘When I said challenge, I meant something more high class, such as a debate or using instruments.’

‘Ah! I know! I just need to find a fourth and a copy of Rock Band, and we can go all night long.’ The Wandering Physicist covers his mouth. ‘I didn’t really break the big TV.’

‘I do not wish to partake in your electronic entertainment. I want a real instrument.’

‘Come on. I am trying to meet you halfway here.’

‘Hmpf! You are a classless brute! I see I was wasting my time trying to educate one as thick-headed as you. I take my leave!’ Octavia starts walking away. ‘Come along, Vinyl.’

Vinyl shrugs. ‘Sorry, bro.’

‘Meh. It is okay. Even the best of us have days when our fillyfriends overreact.’ Octavia stops in her tracks over what she just heard. ‘Besides, I should know better than to pick on young fillies.’

At the last jab, Octavia turns around. She screams in rage as she jumps The Insulting Physicist. Vinyl tries desperately to separate her friends. A whistle is blown and palace guards start rushing in.

In an unused conference room in a secluded wing of the palace, a small group of ponies have gathered. One of them is Princess Luna flanked by two of her guards. The guard with the eye patch is giving everypony a fierce glare. Another is Vinyl Scratch, looking a little beat up and missing her trademark sunglasses. Next is Octavia looking a little beat as well, her perfect mane and cool bow tie ruined. Her face is buried in her hooves as she contemplates the scandalous stories that will be spread about her now. Last is The Very Beaten and Bit Physicist. He has a small grin as he fixes Vinyl’s sunglasses. Luna is flying just off the ground as she scowls at the three ponies in front of her. She is trying her hardest not to revert to becoming Nightmare Moon again. Needless to say, she is in full Royal Canterlot mode.

‘FIRST THOU DISRUPT OUR COURT THEN THOU DARED START A BRAWL OVER A PETTY ARGUMENT! WE SHOULD HAVE THEE IN THE STOCKADE FOR A YEAR FOR THIS!’

‘I am so sorry,’ Octavia meekly squeaks.

‘SILENCE!’ Luna actually blows the group backwards a centimeter or two with that last shout. ‘THOU ART THE MOST ANNOYING PEST WE HAVE EVER ENCOUNTERED!’

‘And she knows me and everything,’ The Snide Physicist adds proudly.

A magic blast sends him into the far wall. The sunglasses are caught in the air and magically repaired by Luna before she returns them to Vinyl. The princess lands and start pacing. She takes a deep breath and forces Royal Canterlot mode off. Octavia starts crying a little.

‘Miss Scratch, since you are not one of the offending...’

‘-- or dying --’ The Injured Physicist interjects.

Luna growls. ‘Since you are not one of the offending party and actually tried to break up the conflict, I would like to know what you believe was the cause?’

‘Well, to be perfectly honest, it was just their personalities, from what I could tell.’

‘Miss Stick-Up-the-Flank and Mr Everything-is-a-Joke you mean?’

‘I know some good one-liners about eating foals if you are talking about me,’ The Offensive Physicist proves.

‘To be fair to him, at least,’ Vinyl adds, ‘he did offer what sounded like a fair reconciliation.’ She looks over at Octavia. ‘Somepony was just too stubborn to accept it.’

Octavia is instantly back to normal. ‘Reconciliation? He said we should play video games! How common and droll is that!’

‘I happen to enjoy playing games with my sister. Those are some of the most fun times we have together,’ Luna shoots.

Octavia winces. ‘I’m sorry.’

Luna sighs. ‘I still have court for a few more hours. I will think of an appropriate punishment then.’

‘I’ve already been blasted by magic after a little filly beat me up!’ The Wandering Physicist protests.

Luna smiles. ‘Then you can take a lot of punishment, you’re saying?’

‘Eep.’

Luna laughs and turns to leave. ‘Guards, I want you to wait outside. No pony in or out without my direct order. Understood?’

The guards salute and follow the princess out. The door locks behind them. Octavia looks worried for her future. The Wandering Physicist rejoins the other two ponies. After a second, he snickers. Then, he starts laughing harder. Vinyl joins in. Their laughs echo around the room. Octavia stares at them in shock.

‘You! Shall not! Pass!’ The Wandering Physicist mimes striking a staff to the ground.

Vinyl falls over laughing. ‘Brilliant! So true!’

‘How can you two laugh at a time like this! The princess is probably devising a million punishments right now. We’ll be lucky if she just has us tied up an thrown in a dungeon.’

‘The way she was looking at Jimmy here, I think she would have him tied down, but not in a dungeon.’ Vinyl jokes.

‘I’m not one to kiss and tell, but I won’t say she hasn’t tried.’

‘You dog, you.’ Vinyl and The Wandering Physicist high hoof.

‘Are you two insane!’ Octavia shouts.

The Wandering Physicist and Vinyl stare at Octavia for a moment.

‘So, did you read today’s Pony Arcade?’ The Wandering Physicist asks Vinyl.

Octavia lets out a very primal scream of rage. ‘My life is ruined! My reputation is ruined! The princess is going to banish me! I’ll be sent to some backwater hole whose taste in music is somehow worse than country! Oh my Celestia! They will be into techno country dubstep! I should just end my life now and get it over with!’

‘Tavi. Calm down. It is not that bad.’ Vinyl motions to her friend. ‘Come on. Come over here and chat with us.’

Octavia gives Vinyl her best ‘you should be paying attention to me~~~~~!’ look then turns away. Vinyl groans and goes over to her friend. They sit with their backs to The Wandering Physicist. Vinyl puts a foreleg around Octavia’s shoulder. Octavia leans into her friend.

‘Thank you, Vinyl,’ Octavia sighs. ‘Am I an important pony?’

‘The most important,’ Vinyl comforts.

‘I don’t want to go to prison.’ Octavia moans.

‘Don’t worry.’

Octavia sighs contently.

‘On day one, I will show everypony you are my bitch and they would have to go through me to get your fine flank.’

Octavia calmly sits up, turns to her friend and yells, ‘I HATE YOU!’

Vinyl falls over from the yell. Fortunately, her years of DJ-ing have made her ears near-invulnerable to loud noises.

‘Wow. I haven’t been outside of a couple-fight in a while. I forgot how fun they were to watch, too.’ The Wandering Physicist observes.

‘We are not a couple!’ Octavia snaps.

Vinyl shrugs. ‘Tavi, it kinda looks like we are given how much we do together, and the way we act.’

Octavia gets up, only to go stand, on her hind legs no less, in a corner. She hangs her head.

‘Great. My career was ruined before I met that uncivilized oaf. No wonder I was asked to be a spokesmare for all of those groups...’

The Wandering Physicist turns to Vinyl and mouths ‘really?’ Vinyl shrugs and nods.

‘Just one humiliation after another...’

Octavia raises a hoof and swings it at the wall. Before she hits, she is stopped. She looks over and sees The Wandering Physicist holding her hoof. He is treating her quite gently despite the almost dire situation.

‘No. You are a wonderful musician. If you damage your hooves, you will lose all that makes you special.’

Octavia stares at The Wandering Physicist and blushes a little. She pulls away from him. ‘Whatever.’

‘Don’t you go all bi-curious on me now,’ Vinyl taunts.

Octavia turns away in a huff. The Wandering Physicist shrugs and finds a nice wall to lay against.

‘Whatcha thinking, Jim?’ Vinyl asks.

‘I was going to try resting until Luna returns. I don’t want to be too tired if she is going to tie me up.’

Vinyl laughs again. ‘Sounds like a plan.’

The Wandering Physicist lays against the wall. Vinyl finds a spot on the floor and lays down too. Octavia looks at the others. Vinyl pats a spot next to her and gets the brush-off. Octavia just moans and leans against a corner.

The Wandering Physicist wakes to a very angry face staring into his. It is not Luna’s as he expected. Nor is it Octavia’s as he might have guessed. It was Twilight Sparkle’s and she looked to be about level thirty-nine and needed only a few more experience points to go full Rapidash.

‘Whatever I did, I promise you I was asleep,’ The Guilty-Until-Proven-Innocent Physicist pleads.

Suddenly, a foreleg goes around The Wandering Physicist’s neck. He sighs in relief when he sees it is white, not dark grey. A small moan is then heard and a pair of dark grey forelegs are stretched in front of his face. He goes deathly pale when he realizes the situation he is in.

‘Okay. I have no idea how this happened. Seriously.’ He tries one last time.

There is a small ‘eep,’ and his face is smashed into the ground.

‘Pervert!’ Octavia declares.

A very amused chuckle and a very annoyed groan are heard from the doorway. Octavia quickly collects herself from what she hopes looked like a murder in self defense and not in cold blood to see both princesses and Celestia’s prize student standing in the room. She looks around for Vinyl in hopes that her friend will back her up and finds her wrapped around Octavia’s recent equusicide. Before Octavia can make it a double murder - in self defense of course - a sharp ‘ahem’ is heard.

‘I believe my sister has something she would like to say,’ Celestia says with a jab to her sister.

Luna jumps for a moment, looks away a bit and says, ‘I am sorry for forgetting you in here last night. I was just so tired after court that it slipped my mind.’

‘Are, are we still in trouble?’ Octavia stammers.

‘I would say...’ Luna starts.

‘No. I think you have been through enough,’ Celestia finishes. ‘Now! Who wants waffles!’

The Dead Physicist meekly raises a hoof.

The Wandering Physicist and his friends are joining the princesses for a light breakfast. His head is bandaged. He sits between Twilight and Rei in order to mitigate any more embarrassment. Octavia is making sure to stay as far away from the stallion as she can. Vinyl is trying to cheer her friend up. Rei giggles at all of the rumors that have been circulating. Luna is staring at her breakfast and sighing about everything. The only pony that does not seem frazzled by the previous night’s events is Celestia.

‘So, Miss Octavia, Miss Scratch,’ Celestia begins, ‘how was your first stay at the castle?’

Octavia attempts to drink but spits her juice across the table at the question.

‘It was pretty fun,’ Vinyl answers. ‘The bed was bit lumpy, though.’

‘I didn’t do anything!’ The Defensive Physicist shouts.

‘Duh. It was all Tavi.’

Octavia sprays another glass of juice across the royal dining table.

‘Oh really?’ Celestia asks. ‘What happened?’

‘Well, it was cold. She was shivering and found the most obvious source of heat. I just sniped the spot by the wall for the most heat.’ Vinyl chuckles.

Octavia buries her face in embarrassment. The Wandering Physicist dodges Twilight’s glare, then Luna’s and ends up staring at the ornate and well-crafted ceiling that was seemingly too advanced a design for the age of the building. He makes a mental note to check it out when he got back to his TARDIS. Rei’s childish snickering continues at his side.

‘It seems our Mr. Wanderer is good at creating disruptions outside of the court room,’ Celestia chuckles.

‘You have no idea...’ The Wandering Physicist muses while admiring the intricate detail on the individually carved pegasi that seem to dance around the ceiling.

‘Hmm, I’ll just have to do something about that.’

The Wandering Physicist sighs. ‘Well, I hear the Sea of Tranquility is nice this time of year.’

Luna’s horn flashes for a second, and The Wandering Physicist is psychically kicked under the table. The psychic kick goes well with the physical jab from Twilight.

‘Actually, I believe you have imparted enough wisdom about the situation you were called here for. You are free to leave at your discretion.’

‘Yes! I’m free!’ The Excited Physicist jumps up and double hoof pumps, knowing full well that Luna and Twilight would give him hell later.

‘As for you, little Octavia, I have heard from my sister that your name appears quite regularly in her court records. I think you should pay back the state for all of the time you take up.’

Octavia has recovered enough of herself from the embarrassment earlier. ‘Forgive me, princess, but I seem to have left my cheque book in my other tie.’

‘Actually, I was thinking you could give music lessons at local schools. Wouldn’t that be nice?’

‘Extremely,’ Octavia groans.

‘You can start with South Canterlot Fundamental. First year.’ Luna adds with a devious smile.

‘That is...’ Octavia says in horror.

‘That is right. The class you so rudely insulted in your last encounter.’ Luna says with an evil laugh.

‘Awesome!’ Vinyl cheers. ‘What do I get?’

‘They will approve your marriage license,’ The Wandering Physicist jokes.

A whole bowl of the finest fruit in Equestria flies across the tables from Octavia’s location straight to The Wandering Physicist’s face.

After quickly showering and packing, The Wandering Physicist is ready to leave. He waits in the main foyer for Twilight to be ready. Rei is staying behind because there is still more she can tell the princesses. A set of doors open, and a pair of ponies walk out. Octavia and Vinyl are having another of their petty squabbles.

‘I don’t care if that mare is one of the royal guards and I somehow inspired her. I still found what she said insulting,’ Octavia complains.

‘Tavi... You just have to accept your public image for what it is.’

‘Hmpf. I prefer the image I crafted for myself.’

‘Then you should be seen with a pony like me more than Vinyl,’ The Wandering Physicist interjects. ‘Or at least some other stallion.’

Octavia shoots The Wandering Physicist a glare then turns away. She starts heading out of the palace. Vinyl follows her friend, stopping long enough to brohoof with The Wandering Physicist. Right before the mares leave, a whistle stops them.

‘Octavia, I look forward to seeing you again.’

Octavia thinks. ‘Hmm. As do I.’

‘Besides, you still owe me a game of Rock Band.’

Octavia thinks for a moment, adjusts her bow tie to maximum cool, fixes her mane, turns to The Wandering Physicist and flashes the perfect smile because, damn it, she is.

Author's Notes:

Story Event: First chapter to take more than one day to write.

TWP Timeline: His first encounter with Octavia.

A Day of Wandering

Main Characters: TWP, Lucas, Pinkie, Rarity, Twilight, Cheerilee, Apple Bloom, Fluttershy, Octavia, Rainbow Dash, Luna
Cameos: Spike, Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle
Original Write Date: October 28, 2011

The Wandering Physicist is up bright and early around midday. He comes down from his second story home ready to work, his laptop, mobile and hoofhelds ready. Fortunately, Lucas has opened The Power Block, Ponyville’s finest and only video game store, and is at the main counter. The Wandering Physicist goes over and sets up his computer. He surveys the empty store.

‘Morning rush?’ he asks.

‘Nonexistent.’ Lucas answers.

‘Midday rush?’

‘You’re seeing it.’

‘Excellent! Want to play some CoD?’

‘Boss... You need a break.’

‘I just had a break. I went to Canterlot. It was fun. There was lots of yelling.’

‘Yes, you told me but if you want to play a FPS, then something is wrong.’

‘I am perfectly fine.’

‘You also haven’t left the store since you got back.’

‘But it has been so gloomy outside! Who would want to go out in this weather?’

Lucas looks out at the sunny day. Dozens of ponies are seen on the streets, even in this out of the way district. He turns back to see his boss shaking a hoof at the sun.

‘Go away, you bastard!’ The Threatening Cosmologist shouts.

Lucas facehoofs. ‘Boss, you are acting crazier than usual. Is everything fine?’

‘How is my threatening the sun crazier than usual? That sounds pretty normal for me.’

Lucas looks around nervously and steps back. ‘Did... did you and Twilight break up?’

‘You’re fired,’ The Wandering Physicist says without looking up.

Lucas sighs. ‘Boss, you need a break. You have been cooped up in here for the past four days. Get out and see the town!’

The Wandering Physicist wraps his forelegs around his laptop. ‘But I don’t wanna.’

Lucas scowls. He goes into the back office and returns holding a small cartridge with his magic.

‘My original Mother 3 cart! You wouldn’t...’

‘You know what my magic can do,’ Lucas threatens. ‘Get out of the shop, or else.’

The Wandering Physicist frowns. He packs up all of his electronics and heads to the door. Lucas sighs and sets down the cartridge. He goes back to the counter and watches his boss head out. He sees The Camping Physicist sitting outside using his laptop. He runs to the door and throws it open.

‘You have to go further! Get out of here!’

‘But I will be out of range of the wi-fi...’

‘Go!’

The Wandering Physicist pouts and packs up again.

The Wandering Physicist is wandering through Ponyville looking for a place to hang out for the day. As he goes down the street, he sees two familiar faces approaching.

‘Mr Hayate James Wanderer!’ Pinkie Pie greets.

‘Such marvelous timing. We were just on our way to see you and Lucas.’ Rarity joins in.

‘You’re early. Kinect Raving Rabbids doesn’t come out for another week.’

Pinkie gasps.

‘Of all of the worst things to happen! This! Is! The! ... Wait. I don’t care about that.’

‘Oh. How can I help you then?’

‘We’re here to invite you to a party!’ Pinkie beams.

‘Oh...’ The Wandering Physicist replies, not sounding very enthused. Pinkie frowns at his reaction.

‘Actually, darling, the party is just part of the deal,’ Rarity corrects. ‘Did you happen to receive my missives I’ve been sending you this past week?’

‘Oh yeah. Those were so funny,’ The Wandering Physicist laughs. ‘We have them posted in the shop as a gag.’

Rarity’s jaw drops.

‘Oh.....’ The Wandering Physicist realizes. ‘They weren’t jokes.’

‘Nopey lopey!’

‘You see, you two are really invited to a fashion show,’ Rarity explains.

‘And the title...’

‘Ah yes,’ Rarity starts. ‘You see after your little excursion to save Derpy and that incident with that... interesting pegasus, I was inspired!’ She poses dramatically. ‘The innate mystery of beings from another world brought out my muse and thus my “It Came From Another Planet” fashion line was borne!’ She poses extra dramatically and adds magical effects as well.

Everypony in the area is staring at Rarity. The spell is broken when somepony mumbles ‘I think I have that DVD.’ and gets some laughs from the other ponies in earshot.

Rarity collects herself. ‘So, um, would we be seeing you at the show tomorrow?’

‘Oh, well, um, err... I don’t have anything to wear?’

‘I will be happy to supply a fine suit to the guest of honor.’

‘Great... Fine. I’ll see you then.’

‘Wait!’ Pinkie interrupts. ‘What about my parties?’

‘Right...’ Pinkie, again, is a little upset at the less than enthusiastic reaction.

‘Yes, you simply must come to them,’ Rarity insists.

‘Them?’

‘Right!’ Pinkie is again chipper. ‘We have the pre-show party tonight, the post-show party tomorrow, followed by the post-post-show party, then the after-party. That is the cool one.’

The Wandering Physicist is a little incredulous about all of the parties, but extremely sad eyes from Pinkie cause him to sigh.

‘Fine. I’ll be there.’

‘Great! I look forward to seeing you there!’ Pinkie starts bouncing down the street.

‘As do I.’ Rarity hurries on to catch her friend.

The Wandering Physicist sighs and continues his hunt for a place to hang out.

The Wandering Physicist is going through the town looking for an open wi-fi signal. Unfortunately, Ruby Dart, the owner of the local computer shop, did too good a job setting up the wireless network for the town, and The Wandering Hacker is too lazy to even brute-force her passwords. He is now heading to the most logical place where he would find an internet connection: the library.

The Wandering Physicist goes inside the library. He immediately regrets it as a small herd of foals run past him.

‘Get back here!’ Spike yells as he chases the foals. ‘It is almost story time.’

The Wandering Physicist is about to wander back outside when a pair of mares approach. One is Twilight Sparkle. The other he recognizes as the school teacher Cheerilee.

‘Mr Wanderer! So good to see you here.’ Twilight greets. ‘Would you like to help us out today?’

‘Sorry, but I think I left my net gun back at the shop.’

‘Oh, Mr Wanderer.’ Cheerilee laughs. ‘I heard you were a funny one, and I see it is true.’

The Wandering Physicist and Twilight decide to not tell Cheerilee that he was not joking.

‘I am sorry I don’t know you too well, but video games are not really good for developing minds,’ Cheerilee says.

‘Actually, studies have shown that gaming is good for all sorts of mental development...’ The Wandering Physicist starts as he prepares to beat Cheerilee with facts and the largest book he can find.

‘Anyway,’ Twilight says as she magically removes a large atlas from The Wandering Debater’s reach, ‘I am hosting a story time today for the all of the students in the preschool and kindergarten. Would you like to help?’

Cheerilee adds, ‘We already have some volunteers, but...’

‘CUTIE MARK CRUSADER FOAL WRANGLERS! YAY!’ The Cutie Mark Crusaders yell as they run through the library faster than they should.

‘Did I say net gun? I meant taser.’

‘Oh, you’re really silly, Mr Wanderer,’ Cheerilee assumes. ‘Here. We’ll find you a room and get you set up.’

Cheerilee goes off to find a room in the library to set up. Spike comes running back through the room being chased by foals.

‘Ah! Save me, Twilight!’
‘CUTIE MARK CRUSADER DRAGON SAVERS! YAY!’ The Cutie Mark Crusaders yell as they run after Spike.

‘I really should be going... I just needed an internet connection,’ The Wandering Physicist explains.

‘Please!’ Twilight begs. ‘It is only for one story.’

‘I don’t know...’

‘I’ll tell Lucas where you are,’ Twilight threatens.

‘So! One story, eh!’ The Wandering Physicist says, looking out over a group of young foals.

The foals stare back at The Wandering Physicist.

‘My dad says that you have never kissed a girl and never will,’ A small brown earth pony filly says.

‘Chocolate Sprinkle, right?’ The filly nods. ‘Well, your dad once had an “experimental phase” in high school. Ask him about it.’ He looks at a young unicorn colt. ‘Ask his dad too. He was there to, uh, “lend a hoof”.’ If only I can use the TARDIS to get revenge on the people that made fun of me in high school...

The foals murmur amongst themselves.

‘Okay! Story!’ The Wandering Physicist interrupts before awkward questions start flying. ‘So what do you want to hear? The Occupy Canterlot press release? The proposed New Lunar Republic constitution? Something I found on like called online “Cupcakes”? Maybe...’

‘This book here!’ Apple Bloom says as she enters with a book on her head.

The Wandering Physicist takes the book and looks it over as Apple Bloom takes a seat.

‘You’re free to go.’

‘Twilight wants me t’ keep an eye on ya. Fer some reason she doesn’ entirely trust ya.’

‘Smart filly...’ The Wandering Physicist groans as he looks the book over. ‘ “The Ugly Duckling”, eh? I think we can have some fun with this.’

Twilight and Cheerilee have gathered the students in the main hall of the library. They are doing a headcount before sending them home.

‘That is all of them, except for the group with Mr Wanderer,’ Cheerilee says.

‘We should go get them before they drive each other insane.’ Twilight replies.

Cheerilee laughs, still not knowing that Twilight is not joking. They go to the room where The Wandering Physicist is set up. They open the door to a fairly calm scene.

‘Okay! What was the lesson of the story?’ The Wandering Physicist asks.

‘To be an unique and special individual!’ The class replies.

Twilight is a little surprised that the foals were not taught a misleading or corrupted version of the story. Then The Wandering Physicist asks his next question.

‘Good. And why was the ugly duckling teased?’

A small pegasus colt raises a hoof. ‘Because the other ducklings were following a misguided and outdated social philosophy imposed on them by the corrupt media, conservative government figures and an uncaring education system!’

Twilight and Cheerilee are shocked.

‘Correct! And what happened to them?’

Apple Bloom shoots a hoof up. ‘The ugly ducklin’ rose t’ become a powerful innovator and was able t’ buy an’ sell the ducklin’s that made fun o’ him. He was then able t’ reverse the stigmata of bein’ unique and special that conservative conformists are tryin’ t’ use t’ bend us t’ their will.’

‘Excellent Apple Bloom! So class, what should you do?’

‘Be unique and special!’

‘Why?’

‘Otherwise we are corporate and political drones!’

‘What else should you do?’

‘Don’t trust whitey!’

‘Splendid!’ The Wandering Physicist notices two aghast mares at the door. ‘Looks like it is time to go.’

‘AW!’ The class moans.

‘It is okay. Remember to ask your teacher for that list of informative websites I emailed her.’ The Wandering Physicist smiles at the shocked Cheerilee.

‘Yay!’ The class cheers as they run out the door.

‘Well, that was an... unique interpretation of the story,’ Cheerilee says.

‘I’m free to speak to your class anytime,’ The Wandering Lecturer offers.

‘Oh. Uh. I’ll think about that,’ Cheerilee dodges.

‘CUTIE MARK CRUSADER OCCUPY PONYVILLE! YAY!’ is heard from out of the room.

‘Oh. That cannot be good,’ Cheerilee moans as she turns around and runs from the room. ‘Girls! Wait!’

The Wandering Physicist laughs. ‘That was a lot more fun than I expected.’

‘How can you mess up such a simple story!’ Twilight shouts.

‘They started asking questions. I just filled in the answers with examples from the real world. Kids are quite an astute force of nature when you encourage and challenge them.’

‘Don’t trust whitey?’ Twilight fumes.

‘Oh. Right. Eh heh heh...’

Twilight magically slams the door and screams of fear and pain are heard inside.

The Wandering Physicist is sitting at a table in the middle of a park. He is covered in small bandages and bruises. After a brief stint in the clinic, followed by a large donation to the National Association of Free Clinics because everypony should support them until universal healthcare is available to all ponies, The Wandering Physicist found the safest, quietest place in town to rest and go online to do business. He was able to use the tethering feature from his mobile to get a signal for his laptop and has been working for the past few hours. He finally lets out a sigh and closes the laptop. On the other side of the table, Fluttershy is staring at him. He screams and falls off the table.

‘Ow! That hurt,’ he moans from the ground.

‘I’m sorry.’ Fluttershy apologizes from under the table where she hid from scream. ‘I shouldn’t have scared you.’

‘Nah. It is cool. It was just surprising seeing you suddenly there.’

Fluttershy comes out from under the table. ‘Actually... I was there for the past couple hours...’

‘Seriously? You should have said something.’

‘Oh no! You looked so busy. I didn’t want to interrupt.’

‘We IM-ed for thirty minutes!’

Fluttershy squeaks and hides under the table again.

‘Sorry. Sorry. Just been a long day.’

‘I’m sorry. How did you get hurt?’

‘Never make fun of Celestia in front of Twilight.’

‘Oh dear,’ Fluttershy laughs. ‘I am surprised you got off that easy.’ She offers a hoof to help.

‘Thanks, but I can barely move. I think my back went out when I fell.’

‘Oh. Let me help you.’ Fluttershy rolls The Paralyzed Physicist over and presses down hard on his back. She ignores his scream. ‘Calm down. I am a professional.’

‘Professional animal care!’

‘Ponies are animals too.’ A loud pop is heard. ‘Oopsie. I can fix that.’

‘No! I am fine!’

The Wandering Physicist tries breaking free, but he cannot get up from under Fluttershy. She tumbles over him, and they fall down a small hill and roll to the bottom. The Wandering Physicist lands on top of Fluttershy. They are staring right into the other’s face.

‘Oh dear.’ Fluttershy blushes and tries curling into a ball.

‘Sorry!’ The Wandering Physicist leaps back but stops and gets a pained look on his face from his back.

The Wandering Physicist helps Fluttershy up and they head back to the table in silence. At the table, The Wandering Physicist starts packing up his things.

‘So...’ The Wandering Physicist says.

‘I wish you kissed me...’ Fluttershy utters barely audibly, her cheeks turning bright red.

‘What was that?’ The Wandering Physicist asks.

‘.....’ Fluttershy squeaks in what scientists can barely define as speech.

‘Anyway... I was going to ask why you were waiting for me earlier.’

‘Oh! Um, well, Rarity is having a party tonight and I was hoping you would be my plus one...’ Fluttershy whispers out.

‘Hmm... We have a problem there,’ -- Fluttershy gives a sad squeak -- ‘since I am invited too.’

Fluttershy perks up. ‘Really?’

‘Yep!’

‘Oh good!’ Fluttershy beams at The Wandering Physicist.

‘Hey, since it is getting on in time, want to head over with me now?’ The Wandering Physicist raises a foreleg.

Fluttershy blushes and accepts the offer. They start walking off together.

‘Oo. My neck still hurts.’

‘Want me to help you with that?’

‘No thanks! I’ll be fine.’

The Wandering Physicist rubs his neck a little and continues on with Fluttershy.

At the pre-show party, The Wandering Physicist is sitting off to one side, trying to hide himself as much as possible until he can make a logical escape. He is not one for large parties like this, especially with its the limited selection of non-alcoholic drinks. He moans to himself as he waits for Rarity see him to prove he actually showed. The wondrously loud techno music will be stuck in his head for the next week.

‘Ugh. At least it isn’t rap,’ The Grumbling Physicist says as he works on his soda.

‘The DJ is not crass enough to play that garbage,’ A pony within earshot (about one meter given the volume of the music) comments.

‘Well, I shouldn’t be one to talk since I enjoy chiptone.’

‘You disgust me.’

The Wandering Physicist looks over at the mystery pony. The pony looks back. They both are shocked. ‘You!’ The Wandering Physicist and Octavia shout in unison.

‘Wanna come back to my place for some Rock Band?’ The Wandering Physicist offers.

‘Tasteless cad.’ Octavia shoots as she clumsily takes a seat next to The Wandering Physicist.

‘Party enough already?’

‘I’m not as think as you drunk I am.’ Octavia laughs. ‘I’m saving myself for the real party tomorrow after the show.’

‘Ugh. You going to that too?’ The Wandering Physicist moans.

‘Please. Like I would find myself at something as boring at that,’ Octavia counters. ‘I’m just hitting all of the parties as a friend of the band.’ She takes a drink, then it hits her. ‘Are you here for the show?’ She starts snickering.

The Wandering Physicist sighs. ‘Special guest of Rarity.’

Octavia laughs. ‘No wonder you are here. Whatcha drinking? I’ll help you make it through the show.’

‘I don’t drink.’

‘Blasphemy!’

The Wandering Physicist moans and goes back to his soda. Octavia frowns at her empty drink, gets up, then returns moments later with a pair of cups.

‘On me. It doesn’t have any booze, but it will still put hair on your chest. Your very soft and warm and cuddly chest...’ Octavia stares at The Wandering Physicist in a way and for length of time to make him really uncomfortable. She catches herself and slaps him. ‘Pervert!’

The Wandering Physicist rubs his overstressed neck. ‘And that is why fillies should not be allowed to drink.’

The combination of alcohol and her oversensitivity causes Octavia to snap. She punches the Wandering Physicist as hard as she can across the jaw and screams, ‘You ASS!’

All The Wandering Physicist can do is stare at the wall. Literally. ‘Ow.’ He squeaks at a volume that would impress Fluttershy.

‘Hmph. Stupid flankhat,’ Octavia scoffs as she goes back to her drink. ‘You can look back now.’

‘I can’t.’

‘Good to see you finally have some manners.’

‘No, I mean I literally can’t.’

‘Oh no.’ Octavia starts looking for a good place to hide the body.

‘Uh... If I can get a little help, I think I can make it back to my place.’

‘Oh. Um.’ Octavia reaches over and snaps The Wandering Physicist’s neck back to face her.

They stare at each other for an extended moment. She does not know what to say as her eyes drift toward his lips. He tries his hardest not to scream in pain.

‘Thank you,’ The Wandering Physicist squeaks. He gets up and starts slowly heading out. ‘If you see Rarity, tell her what happened. Peace.’

Octavia watches The Wandering Physicist leaving. If she was not certain that he was in pain, she would have thought he was just trying too show off his flank to her. Not that she was watching that part of him or anything.

The Wandering Physicist finally heads home after a day of wandering. He takes his sweet time and enjoys the walk, mostly because of a number of serious traumas he experienced during the day. He was makes extra notes in his head to fire Lucas several times the next day for either having his mobile off, partying too hard, or being drunk and therefore not helping him in his hour of need.

A shadow shoots by overheard. It comes back a second later. Rainbow Dash drops down and hovers in the air by The Wandering Physicist.

‘Hey, Jim. What’s up?’ Rainbow Dash asks.

‘Oh. Not much. How about you, Miss Dash?’

‘Same. Just heading home from Rarity’s party. Had to get out before she asked me to actually come to the show tomorrow.’

‘Want to be my plus one?’

Rainbow Dash starts flying upside down as she rolls over laughing. ‘So she roped you in, eh? Prepare to be bored out of your skull!’

‘I’m guest of honor.’

Rainbow Dash stops in midair. ‘What!’ She starts pouting. ‘I’ve never been her guest of honor...’

‘You were a model for her.’

‘Yeah, but... I just like to be a guest of honor sometimes.’

‘Well, at the rate I am going, you can have my ticket since I probably won’t make it home in time for the show.’

‘I thought there was something up. Need a lift?’ Rainbow Dash offers.

‘Can you go easy on the back?’

Rainbow Dash thinks. ‘I don’t think I can even lift you easily on my own. How about I find Twilight and have her use her magic?’

‘No! She’ll ask questions...’

‘Oooh!’ Rainbow Dash laughs. ‘What did you say to her this time?’

‘Did you see Scootaloo today?’

‘Yeah. She was trying to join the... Oh.’ Rainbow Dash thinks. ‘I would have thought that time-traveling aliens were in the one percent.’

‘We’re not.’

‘Good to have you on our side!’ Rainbow Dash looks around to make sure nopony is looking. ‘Do we get the reforms we want?’

‘Spoilers.’

Rainbow Dash snorts.

‘Miss Dash, how much physics do you know?’

‘Not as much as you or Twilight.’ Or any at all.

‘Well, if an object is traveling at a high enough momentum, it can use the extra energy to lift objects heavier than it.’ If I totally bastardize the science to my own ends....

Rainbow Dash thinks. ‘I think I got ya. Hold on.’

The pegasus shoots high into the sky, loops around and shoots to the ground. She levels off with the street and takes aim. She slips under The Wandering Physicist who grabs on at the right moment. Their speed is slowed, but she is able to carry him.

‘All right! I’ll get you back home in ten seconds flat!’

‘Or you can take your time if you don’t want to have your mane dyed green.’

Rainbow Dash just laughs and shoots towards The Power Block.

Moans fill The Power Block. The Wandering Physicist lays on his bed with his legs stretched in every direction. His back has never felt so good nor hurt as much at the same time. He is trying to not even think lest it cause his nerves to receive an electrical impulse as regulated via his spinal column. He does not even care that somepony has just broken in and is potentially going through all of his possessions.

The mysterious pony is being very quiet for a burglar, and The Wandering Physicist appreciates that. For some reason, the mysterious pony is even locking all of the doors behind it. If he survives the night, The Wandering Physicist makes a mental note to send this burglar a thank-you card. The burglar is even careful not to disturb The Wandering Physicist as it goes through his room. The burglar is so kind as to give him a kiss on the cheek.

‘Hello, sweetie,’ Luna says as she sits next to the bed.

‘Oh, Luna. Did you scare away the burglar?’

‘Burglar? That was me. I saw your house was open, and I didn’t want you to get hurt or lose anything.’

‘How did you know my house was open? Were you trying to break in or something?’

Luna hides a small burglar’s kit behind her tiara. ‘No. Why would I do that?’ She looks at her sprawled out friend. ‘Are you okay?’

‘Perfectly. Nothing a complete spinal replacement wouldn’t fix.’

‘Okay!’ Luna starts charging a spell. ‘How did this happen?’

‘Well, first Twilight found out I taught some schoolfoals about the New Lunar Republic.’

Luna moans and rolls her eyes. ‘I’ll look forward to all of the outraged letters.’

The Wandering Physicist laughs. ‘Then Fluttershy ambushed me in the park. She is very sneaky.’ Luna laughs. ‘Then I found out that Octavia has a mean right hook.’

Luna laughs even harder. ‘Twice in one week? For a time traveler, you don’t see things coming too well.’

‘What are you doing back there?’ The Wandering Physicist ask, trying to turn.

‘Almost finished. You might feel a slight tingle.’

Luna’s horn glows with powerful magics. An aura surrounds The Wandering Physicist’s body. Luna touches her horn to his back and the magic flows into his body. The aura pulses the rushes into him.

‘Better?’ Luna asks.

The Wandering Physicist goes so tense he starts shaking. He emits a high-pitched whine.

‘Oh, right! Pain relief spell. I always forget that.’

Luna charges another spell and engulfs The Wandering Physicist again. He lets out a massive sigh and goes completely limp.

‘Sorry...’ Luna hangs her head.

‘It is okay. It is not like you had a thousand plus years to practice.’

A bolt of lightning sparks from Luna’s horn and shocks The Wandering Physicist’s sensitive back. ‘Quiet, youngster.’

The Wandering Physicist rolls into a ball. ‘I wonder if that is what regeneration feels like.’

‘Technically speaking, I used a spell to cause your nervous system to completely reset, so that is sort of like a regeneration.’

‘Not what I meant.’

‘I know.’

Luna carefully steps onto the bed and wraps herself around The Wandering Physicist in a big hug.

‘Have I ever told you that you are so huggable?’ Luna coos.

‘Perfect way to end the day,’ The Wandering Physicist says as he drifts off to sleep.

Author's Notes:

TWP Timeline: First time Fluttershy shows feelings towards TWP. First encounter with Cheerilee. First time he fires Lucas.

Current TWP Love Triangle: Twilight vs Luna (vs Fluttershy)

Fun fact: Video games have shown little to no influence on gamers' violent thoughts. Gaming has also found applications in Alzheimer's treatment and physical therapy. In the US, the SCOTUS ruled 7-2 that video games can receive 1st Amendment protections. For more about the positive effects of gaming consult your local Steam Sale.

Free Press

Main Characters: TWP, Lucas, Twilight, Rarity, Fluttershy
Cameos: Spike, Rachel Meadow, Rei, Rainbow Dash, Octavia, Luna/Selene
Original Write Date: October 29, 2011

The Wandering Physicist awakes to the smell of breakfast cooking. This immediately tips him off that two things that have gone terribly wrong. First, somepony is in his house without his permission. Second, he is up in time for breakfast. He looks around for Luna, who he last felt wrapped around him in a huge hug. All he finds is a small note informing him that she had to return to her normal duties. Armed with his sonic screwdriver, he heads out to face whatever danger awaits.

‘Bwah!’ The Wandering Physicist yells as he jumps into the living room waving his sonic around threateningly.

Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Octavia stare back at The Wandering Physicist. A scared Fluttershy peeks out from the kitchen. Everypony just stares for a moment before a loud sizzling comes from the kitchen.

‘My waffles!’ Fluttershy shouts and rushes to the kitchen.

‘Uh... ‘sup?’ The Wandering Physicist says.

‘See, I told you he was fine,’ Rarity says to Twilight.

Twilight rolls her eyes. ‘Luna came by my place last night and told me she healed you. I-I am sorry for what I did,’ She apologizes.

‘Please. She gave the finishing blow,’ The Wandering Physicist says pointing to Octavia.

‘Come on! That filly! She is so scrawny,’ Rainbow Dash taunts.

Octavia scoffs at the ruffian. ‘I was worried about you after I saw you off last night. When I got here to enquire as to your state, Princess Sparkle was already waiting.’

Fluttershy flies out of the kitchen carrying a plate full of waffles and sets them on the table.

‘All right! Food’s on!’ Rainbow Dash says as she darts to the table.

‘WAIT!’ Fluttershy commands as she locks eyes on her friend. Rainbow Dash backs away slowly. Fluttershy turns to the waffles and gives them a dusting of powdered sugar. ‘Ready~!’ She sings.

‘Uh... Who’s idea was the meal?’ The Wandering Physicist asks.

‘Oh!’ Fluttershy shrinks away a little. ‘When I saw everypony here so early, I figured that we’d all be pretty hungry. Please don’t be mad at me.’

‘Personally, I think it is a marvelous idea,’ Rarity says, levitating a plate with some waffles to herself. ‘Fluttershy, I think you have outdone yourself once again.’

The Wandering Physicist thinks. ‘So y’all came because you were worried about my injuries from yesterday?’ Everypony nods. ‘And Lucas just let you in without asking?’ Everypony nods again. ‘Hmm...’
…

The Wandering Physicist comes downstairs ready for work. He is carrying a waffle in his mouth.

‘You’re fired,’ he says as he goes behind the counter to check on Lucas.

‘Yes sir,’ Lucas says as he goes over their recent receipts on the computer.

The Wandering Physicist calls up the receipt file on the Chromebook. ‘There are still some waffles upstairs if you want some.’ He finishes the last of his waffle. ‘I hate to think this, but Fluttershy might be a better chef than Pinkie.’

A loud ‘NOOOOOOO!’ is heard off in the distance.

Lucas finishes his work and heads to get some waffles. As he starts heading upstairs, he encounters Rarity on the way down.

‘Oh, Lucas, good timing. Just come by my shop when you’re ready for your fitting.’

‘Yes, ma’am.’

Rarity heads over to the counter. The Wandering Physicist continues to pore over his work. ‘Ahem.’ The stallion scowls at the screen as he tries to figure out how many copies of a game he has to order. ‘Ahem!’ The Wandering Physicist switches gears and starts checking his Twitter and news feeds. ‘AHEM!’ Rarity slams a hoof on the counter.

‘Do you need something, Rarity?’

‘Oh, me. Nothing really.’ The Wandering Physicist scowls. ‘Oh fine. I need you to come in for your fitting.’

‘Uh, no time. There is nopony to watch the shop then.’

‘I thought that is why you hired Lucas,’ Rarity replies, nodding to the returning unicorn.

‘Lucas, you’re fired.’ The Wandering Physicist grins at Rarity.

Rarity snorts. She magically grabs The Wandering Physicist by the ear and drags him out of the store. Lucas just munches on his waffle as he returns to work.

Octavia peeks in the shop. She tries sneaking to the Rock Band section, but she is the only one in the shop. After looking over the game for a bit, she turns to Lucas.

‘Shopkeeper, do you have one of these for the cello?’

The Wandering Physicist is at Carousel Boutique getting measured. He is wearing a relatively fancy suit that Rarity is marking up.

‘You really don’t have to do this,’ The Uncomfortable Physicist complains.

‘Nonsense!’ Rarity insists. ‘I have paid you back for your foalsitting services only with free meals. If I were to do the same for this, I’d be paying for all of your meals for the next year.’

‘I like that plan!’

Rarity measures around The Wandering Physicist’s stomach. ‘Hmpf. I bet you would.’

The fashionista finishes her measurements and magics the suit off of The Wandering Physicist.

‘Now, this will only take a moment. It seems like you were built for this suit already.’

TARDIS~~ The Wandering Physicist thinks.

‘Feel free to look at any of my magazines while you wait.’

Rarity heads to the back of the shop, working as she goes. The Wandering Physicist sighs and looks around. He flips through the magazines, but they are all fashion or celebrity gossip. He sighs again then notices a notebook. He shrugs and decides to take a peek. Immediately, his face is drained of color. He slams the notebook closed and runs across the room from it. Rarity comes back for just a moment.

‘Excuse me, but...’ Rarity notices The Terrified Physicist.

The Scared Physicist just looks from Rarity to the notebook to Rarity again.

‘Oooh...’ Rarity realizes. ‘Well, uh, ahem. Those are just some sketches of... various ponies’, er, physiques and, uh.... some, uh, educated guesses on what they may look like.’

The Freaked Physicist lets out a whine.

Rarity thinks fast. ‘Since, uh, you have come across them, would you mind, um... posing for a few...’ she chooses her words carefully, ‘anatomy poses? Purely for speculative sketch theory, of course.’

‘No.’ The Nervous Physicist squeaks.

‘Oh, grow up. Big Mac was game.’ Rarity blushes. ‘Boy, was he game.’ She notices her customer trying to sneak out. ‘Fine! You don’t have to.’ She smirks. ‘It allows me to use my imagination more.’

Rarity winks and returns to her work. The Disturbed Physicist whines again.

The Wandering Physicist returns to his shop with a box with his new suit on his back. He is a little down from his discovery of Rarity’s notebook.

‘Yo, boss!’

Lucas comes trotting up with a bit of a smile. The Wandering Physicist looks at his apprentice, groans and looks away.

‘What? Are you still irked about earlier?’ Lucas asks.

‘It is... Never mind.’ The Wandering Physicist answers. ‘Besides, what are you doing here?’

‘Oh. Miss Selene showed up and is watching the shop, so I am getting my fitting out of the way.’

‘That is good. Just a piece of advice: don’t look in her notebook. Trust me.’

‘Okay.... Are you sure you’re fine?’

‘I-I just can’t look you in the eye for a while.’

‘Okay...’

‘See you around!’ The Wandering Physicist says trotting away. Since he is not looking at Lucas, he runs straight into another pony.

Back at The Power Block, The Wandering Physicist finds a midnight blue pegasus sitting at the counter messing around on the computer. He enters the shop and crosses to his office. The pegasus smiles broadly at him. When he returns, he sits by the pegasus and rests his head on her shoulder.

‘Hey cuddles!’ Selene greets.

‘Can you send Rarity to the moon or sun or something?’

‘There, there. What did she do?’

The Wandering Physicist looks towards the 18+ section then back to the shop. ‘I found her notebook.’

Selene giggles. ‘Was everything to the right scale?’

‘I am so telling your sister on you.’ The Wandering Physicist looks over and gives Selene a kiss on the cheek. ‘What brings you here in disguise?’

The pegasus sighs. ‘I have official business in Trottingham. I just wanted to stop by to say “hi”. My guards are waiting outside of town for me.’

‘Thanks for coming by, and thanks for last night too.’

‘Did Twilight come by?’

‘Yep, but Fluttershy brought breakfast.’ The Wandering Physicist drools a little. ‘Waffles...’

‘Yet another combatant on the battlefield...’ Selene gets up. ‘Anyway, I should be going since you are back.’

Selene gives The Wandering Physicist a kiss on the cheek and leaves the shop.

Lucas has returned to the shop. He and The Wandering Physicist are both looking at the ceiling and in different directions.

‘You’re fired.’

‘What did I do?’

‘You looked in the notebook.’

‘Shut up.’

The Wandering Physicist moans. ‘I feel like I went from the Harem End to the Bad End.’

‘I never even got to set a flag with Rei.’

The Wandering Physicist thinks for a moment what it would be like to have Lucas as a son-in-law, and he approves. The pair sigh. There is a pause between them.

‘So... did she ask you to...’

‘Yep.’

‘Did y...’

‘Nope!’

‘Did she mention...’

‘Eeyup.’

‘Are you off apples, too?’

‘Most definitely.’

The pair sigh again. There is another pause.

‘Want to close shop early so we can get ready for the show?’

Lucas taps on the door as he quickly leaves the store. The Wandering Physicist locks the door with his sonic then heads upstairs.

Hours pass, things happen and The Wandering Physicist ends up at one of the many parties after Rarity’s fashion show. He is camping in a secluded area, just trying not to get noticed too much. He wishes Octavia would find him again so he could have somepony to talk to and tease. He moans and tries balancing his soda on his nose. There is a bright flash. The Wandering Physicist looks around to see a pony with a camera wearing a press badge.

‘Looks like you’re enjoying the party,’ The pony comments as he checks the quality of the picture.

‘It’s just soda and I am bored.’

‘The guest of honor? Bored?’ The pony nods around him. ‘This should all be for you, man! Get out there and live a little.’

‘Hmm.... No thanks. I’d call it a early night, too, but I promised a friend I’d stick around.’

‘The pink one, the white one or Rarity?’

‘Ya stalking me or something? I know the security.’ The Wandering Physicist nods towards a large, red earth pony standing by the door.

‘Sorry. Just very observant.’ The pony sits down. ‘In fact, I have been observing you for a while.’

‘Right. Stalker.’

‘I am with the press, and I know a story when I see it.’

‘And I am a story?’

‘According to my research, you pretty much came to Ponyville out of nowhere, bought your store and embedded yourself in the community. I even noticed that you recently returned from Canterlot where you stayed at the royal palace itself. Nopony really knows who you are or where you come from.’

The Wandering Physicist sets down his drink and glares at the so-called reporter. He calmly gets out his mobile and starts going through some files.

‘Out of nowhere? Really?’ The Wandering Physicist starts showing his files. ‘Lease agreement for when I spent a few months in Neighpon. Here is the ticket for my trips to and from there too. My apartment in Canida when I worked QA for Ubisoft. My W2 with them as well. And.... various rental agreements from my years in Southern Coltifornia. All with the same name and information for my store here in Ponyville. Apparently, your research isn’t as good as you think.’

‘Would you mind providing physical records for me?’

‘Only if you have a court order and a real press pass.’

‘I am real press.’

‘That is last year’s EqD press badge. You can tell because they changed their hologram slightly and added a QR to take you straight to the reporter’s or photographer’s archives. Is that enough proof or do you want me to call foul?’

The pony laughs. ‘You’re a smart one. Fine. I give up. Enjoy the rest of the party.’

The false reporter walks off, possibly to find his next victim. Lucas finds his boss and comes over.

‘Who was that?’ Lucas asks.

‘Trouble.’ The Wandering Physicist presses a button on his mobile. ‘I sent out his photo and our exchange to everypony. We’ll have to keep our eye out for him.’

The next day, The Wandering Physicist and Lucas are back at work. The shop owner is showing off a Super Neightendo to some colts while his assistant works at the computer. The Wandering Physicist finishes his demo as the colts have to leave. He goes over to the main counter.

‘Great seeing the kids take an interest in the classics.’

‘We might have a problem,’ Lucas says. He turns the monitor so his boss can see. ‘Check it out. He works for Rupert Murloc.’

The Wandering Physicist sighs. ‘Duh. I should have known. At least we have him on the community watch list.’

‘I am forwarding this along right now.’

A commotion is heard outside. The gamers look out to see Twilight Sparkle and her assistant Spike approaching. Spike appears to be carrying a brick.

‘Spike! Calm down! It was just a stupid story! It is not even true!’ Twilight pleads.

‘This is for Rarity! It is a matter of honor!’ Spike replies.

Spike throws the brick, but Twilight catches it with her magic. The Wandering Physicist and Lucas come out of the store.

‘What’s up?’ the Wandering Physicist asks.

‘You’re cruisin’ for a bruisin’ is what is up!’ Spike says as he charges The Wandering Physicist.

The baby dragon is stopped as the stallion holds him at leg’s length. He looks from the dragon to Twilight and shrugs.

‘Here.’ Twilight levitates over a newspaper. She opens it for The Wandering Physicist and Lucas to read. ‘For some reason, Spike likes to read that tabloid tripe. There is a very... frustrating article in this issue.’

‘The Casanova of Ponyville,’ Lucas reads. ‘Got a pretty good picture of you in here, boss.’

‘From what I can tell,’ Twilight begins, ‘it is mostly speculation about so-called “late night rendezvous” that were really pretty innocent events. It has stuff like our getting together to play games with Selene, Rarity taking you out as payment for watching Sweetie Belle, our trip to Canterlot and your “imprisonment” while there.’

The Wandering Physicist laughs. ‘That was fun.’ Twilight growls. ‘Hmm. Looks like that is the pony who harassed me at the party last night. No wonder he seemed keen on goading me into doing something.’

‘He harassed you at one of the parties? Isn’t that illegal?’ Twilight asks.

‘Meh. It would be my word against his. I should have just asked Big Mac to take him out back.’

‘Maybe you can get him to print a retraction,’ Lucas suggests.

‘We’re talking tabloid here. I doubt “retraction” is in their vocabulary,’ The Wandering Physicist says. ‘Besides, I am not known for being the most diplomatic pony when I am irked.’

‘We should at least do something,’ Twilight says. ‘He does say some pretty nasty things about all of us. I can have everypony at the library in a moment so we can discuss this.’

‘Do we have to?’ The Wandering Physicist moans.

‘We’re going now,’ Twilight states as she turn back to leave.

Spike snorts a bit of flame at The Wandering Physicist and runs after Twilight. The stallion moans again and follows too. Lucas makes a sound of a whip cracking.

‘You’re fired.’

‘I’ll be in the store.’

‘Mr Wanderer, we’re losing you!’ Twilight calls back.

A small group has gathered at Twilight’s library. Of all of the ponies named in the tabloid, only Rarity and Fluttershy were available. Rainbow Dash, Derpy Hooves, and Selene are nowhere to be found, and Octavia is hungover at Vinyl Scratch’s place. Rarity is the only other pony in the group who has seen the article. Fluttershy is reading it and getting redder and redder as she goes on.

‘This simply cannot stand! That ruffian must stand for his crime! And to think he made it past security,’ Rarity rants as she paces around the library.

‘We just have to organize a formal complaint. I am sure his editor will listen to us in a reasonable manner,’ Twilight suggests.

‘Darling, you obviously have no experience working with unruly members of the press. They only respond to action!’

‘I could go back and find his father. I have plenty of relatively harmless radioactive isotopes that would leave him sterile,’ The Treacherous Physicist suggests.

‘What! Are you suggesting that we kill him?’

‘No. Nothing of the sort. He would just be erased from existence, and we’d all be having tea and biscuits right now instead.’

‘I don’t think that is the answer...’ Fluttershy says.

‘Thank you, Fluttershy.’

‘Well, can we have tea and biscuits anyway? I skipped lunch.’

Twilight groans.

‘Fluttershy, seriously. This is your big chance to get back at all of the tabloid paparazzi that harassed you during your modeling career. We’d get a chance to teach them not to mess with you,’ Rarity begs.

‘I don’t think that is a good idea...’ Fluttershy tries avoiding eye contact with her friend.

‘Are you kidding me! They treated you like some sort of object back then, and this article makes us look like some kind of common tramp.’

‘Please stop yelling at me,’ Fluttershy squeaks.

Rarity snorts and starts pacing again. ‘Me! The beautiful Rarity! Equated to the common streetwalkers that normally grace those pages.’

‘Uh, Rarity, you are not the only...’ Twilight starts.

‘I mean, I am too much a lady of class and elegance to be on the same pages as that gutter trash. My clients will see that and think I am just some sort of floozy slut! My career is ruined!’

‘Rarity!’ Twilight snaps. ‘Think real hard. There are other ponies mentioned in there besides you. Do you want to choose those words when you make only it about you?’

Rarity just stares back at Twilight. ‘A lady never goes back on what she says. I wouldn’t want to end up like those stinky ingrates that are camped out at that park. Hmpf! They are just being ungrateful.’

‘So first you insult your friends, then you make fun of ponies asking for real change. Really showing your Element of Generosity there.’

‘Don’t tell me you are on their side. They are a nuisance.’

‘They have a legitimate grievance. They just want to hold the right ponies responsible for the financial crisis and even the playing field so we don’t have to pay for the luxuries of the rich and nobility.’

‘Hmpf. I should have expected as much coming from you, seeing how you live in a tree, or don’t you think I recognize the leader of Occupy Ponyville, Twinkle Dusk.’

‘Geez, Rarity. I would have expected better from you, Miss Generosity.’

‘I will not stand here and be insulted.’ Rarity turns and starts leaving. ‘Come along, Fluttershy.’

‘I live in a tree too,’ Fluttershy glares.

Rarity is taken aback. She turns her nose up at her friends and marches out. Twilight and Fluttershy look like they want to scream.

‘The nerve of her!’ Twilight fumes.

‘With all of her “attention to detail”, she failed to notice that I am Twinkle Dusk.’ Fluttershy huffs.

‘That is you?‘

Fluttershy is instantly timid again. ‘Uh... yeah...’

‘That is so cool! I love the work you have been doing to organize everything!’

‘Uh... Thanks... Please don’t tell anypony...’

‘Double Pinkie Pie Swear All the Way Across the Sky!’ Twilight swears.

‘What does it mean?’

Both of the mares suddenly realize that The Wandering Physicist has seen this whole episode. He stares at the two of them.

‘If you were dressed as Zero Suit Samus,’ The Wandering Physicist nods to Twilight, ‘ and you were dressed as Aerith,’ he nods to Fluttershy, ‘that would be be the only way I could possibly be more attracted to the two of you right now.’

Both of the mares blush deeply.

‘Geez. Y-y-you’re a pervert.’ Twilight stutters.

‘You think I am that pretty?’ Fluttershy says in a barely audible volume.

The Wandering Physicist just smiles back at both of the mares.

‘Anyway...’ Twilight says, hoping to steer the conversation back to the original topic, ‘what should we do about the article?’

‘I believe Fluttershy had an idea before the fun started.’

Fluttershy looks away. ‘Well.... It is not that good of an idea... but...’

The Wandering Physicist is talking on his mobile. Twilight and Fluttershy watch and listen to the conversation.

‘Great! Excellent. I can’t wait to work with you. Thank you very much.’ The Wandering Physicist hangs up and turns to the others. ‘That was none other than Seth himself. He likes the idea, and the local Ponyville editor will be in touch with me.’

‘Awesome!’ Fluttershy beams.

‘That was a very good idea, Fluttershy,’ Twilight congratulates. ‘I hope it works.’

The Wandering Physicist checks his mobile. ‘Given circulation and pageviews, I am pretty sure it will.’ He stretches a bit. ‘I should be getting back to the shop. It has been a long day.’

‘Yes, and I need to get back to my animals,’ Fluttershy adds.

‘All right. Glad we were able to come up with something. Um... Sorry about losing it earlier,’ Twilight apologizes.

The Wandering Physicist puts a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. ‘Friends are allowed to have political differences. It is just in how they deal with them.’

‘I know, but...’

‘Don’t trust whitey.’

Twilight has a bit of a tic then sighs. ‘I see what you mean. I’ll do my best to make peace.’

‘That is all I ask.’

The Wandering Physicist and Fluttershy bow to their friend and leave. Outside, they start to head their opposite directions.

‘Um...’ Fluttershy mumbles.

‘Yes?’

‘Do you really think I am as pretty as Aerith?’ the nervous mare whispers.

The Wandering Physicist just smiles back at his friend and winks. Fluttershy smiles too. They split and head back to their homes.

A scream is heard across Ponyville: ‘HE THINKS I AM THAT PRETTY!’ The Wandering Physicist just smiles as a yellow blur does aerial feats that would put Rainbow Dash to shame.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Wandering Physicist is sitting in his office. His desk has been moved out of the way and a light brown earth pony mare with a short brown mane and glasses is sitting across from him. Both of them adjust their mics that are hanging around their necks.
TWP: Whole thing is going to be free online, right? Creative commons and all of that?
RM: Always. That is how we do business.
TWP: Awesome. No wonder I love you guys.

The mare gets a signal from behind the camera.
RM: Oh. We’re on. Turns to the camera. I am Rachel Meadow with Equestria Daily’s Ponyville branch. I am here with The Wandering Physicist of The Power Block, Ponyville’s sole video game shop. He is the subject of this week’s Local Voices segment where we feature community leaders from around Equestria. Turns to The Wandering Physicist. It is so good to have you on. I have been wanting this since your festival last month.
TWP: Better late than never. I am honored to be on.
RM: I am honored to have you. I’m going to start with some background before we get into the real meat.
TWP: Sounds fun.
RM: So to start, what is up with the name?
TWP: Laughs. Doesn’t quite fit with the profession, huh? Meadow nods her head. Well, I am a trained physicist with PhDs in cosmology, temporal mechanics and quantum dynamics. Meadow looks shocked. As for the wandering part, I spent most of my time after getting my degrees seeing as much of Equestria as I could. I’ve been to a number of neighboring nations as well. But since I came to Ponyville, I felt at home. Meadow is still agape. But as you can probably tell, my cutie mark is very gaming related, and that is where I find myself always returning.
RM: Well, uh, that is very informative.
TWP: Sorry. I tend to ramble.
RM: It’s fine. Looks over her notes. So we have origins down... Ah! I haven’t really had an update from Marvel, but it was really fun. Is another one in the works?
TWP: Laughs. Great question. Short answer is yes. The long answer is that we will work on another one when there is time.
RM: Hmm?
TWP: Well, we have the holiday season followed by post-holiday season. Then, there are all sorts of cons and shows all of us want to go to. Marvel and DC mentioned wanting a bigger role as has Kaeko. I am more than willing to scale back my part. Rip has some connections, but we still would need time to book more acts. It was just pure luck that we got Colton. But, I am sure we will have another one sometime.
RM: Excellent. I will definitely cover it.
TWP: We like getting good press from good pressponies.
RM: After the festival, you personally made a bit of a name for yourself. That was followed by your very unique hiring process. I myself gave it a look and thought the questions you asked on the application were very interesting. You seem to have gotten a pretty positive reputation in town. Were you aware of that?
TWP: A couple days ago, my assistant had to kick me out of the store since I tend to coop myself up. I honestly don’t know where the goodwill comes from, but I appreciate it. I don’t really have an ear open for that sort of talk.
RM: I am surprised you were not aware. We conducted a secret poll, knowing you are a fan of us, to see what others thought of you.
TWP: Yeah. Ruby left me a note in the script telling me not to peek. Meadow looks shocked. I didn’t, so no worries. Looks at the camera. Try again, Ruby!
RM: According to our results, more than seventy percent of the town has heard of you and almost all of them have a favorable opinion of you.
TWP: Yeah... I can think of a few that might be a bit put off. A certain dark orange pegasus for one. And Cheerilee after I helped out with a book reading...
RM: What happened there?
TWP: Let’s just say, I read the right story, but I told the wrong one. Looks at the camera. If you’re watching, I would love to make it up somehow.
RM: Yes, we found that you do have a reputation for being a troublemaker too. There was an event not too long ago at Night Court...
TWP: Laughs. That was fun. Laughs again.
RM: I really have to know why you did that.
TWP: It is a long and complicated story. Pauses. Private one, too. Pauses. Oh, and the rumor of Nightmare Moon’s reappearance are false. Very close to true, but false.
RM: Laughs. And if the princess is watching this?
TWP: Grins. We’ve worked it out already.We’re cool.
RM: Interesting. Checks through her notes. Give me a moment... Let’s see... Ah! I hope you don’t mind getting political for a bit, but you have been seen associating with the Occupy movement here in Ponyville. You are one of the few community figures to really show open support for it.
TWP: I am just doing what I feel is right. Every voice should be allowed to be heard. This feels like the right voice. Given your reporting, I think you would agree with me.
RM: That is true... Have you considered organizing like-minded community and business members to support the protests?
TWP: I think that is a bit of a leading question...
RM: I am sorry. I withdraw it.
TWP: Even though I support the group, I refuse to try an coerce any of my friends. If they are at all interested, I recommend reading what “Twinkle Dusk” has written on the subject. That pony makes some good arguments on why we should support the movement.
RM: That is good reading for those interested. Weighs all of the pros and cons quite well. Checks her notes. You have also made some interesting arguments on your blog about various subjects. Would you mind going over some of them?
TWP: Shoot.
RM: You have made statements along the line that Princess Celestia is not entirely truthful with her subjects.
TWP: Shrugs. Simple deduction. The whole Nightmare Moon incident a while, back for example. Before then, it was not open knowledge that the myths were true, the true age of our rulers and that Princess Luna even existed. Masking over a thousand years of history as myth is not just misleading but plain rude. Pause. Oh. And don’t get me started on Discord.
RM: It is all there on your site... Finds her next note. You also have some pretty interesting words on the gaming industry. Not to mention really harsh words about technology policy.
TWP: Laughs. At this rate, you’re going to have a lot of links in the show notes.
RM: Reading her notes. I think you’re right. Now... I have one last question. Probably the one question most of our viewers tuned in to hear. It seems you got a bit of unusual press in a... ‘less than reputable’ paper recently.
TWP: Ugh... I think I know what you are going to ask.
RM: Laughs. Since you seem to know, you know I am not asking for myself.
TWP: Sighs. I know.
RM: So... are you single?
TWP: I hope I can answer this without getting too flayed... The easy answer is that I have a lot of very close female friends, none of who I would trade for anything in the world. If I were to choose one...
RM: That doesn’t really answer the question.
TWP: I am afraid that question cannot really be answered at this time. ... Not without that being the last question I ever answer.
RM: Laughs. So at least they got the headline correct.
TWP: Sighs. The only thing they got correct...
RM: Laughs. Thank you for your time. This has be a blast.
TWP: Have to do it again sometime.

Meadow and The Wandering Physicist shake hooves.
RM: Turns to the camera. To learn more about our guest or visit his website, check out the show notes. Thank you for watching.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Wandering Physicist removes the microphone and lets out a big breath. The camerapony starts packing away his equipment. Meadow leans over.

‘I really mean it. You are fun to chat with,’ She says.

‘Well, you know where to find me,’ The Wandering Physicist replies. ‘Keep up your great work. I love your reporting.’

‘Thank you.’

The Wandering Physicist looks around the room. Off to one side, Twilight is watching. She looks like she has something on her mind but is trying to be impassive about it. Outside, various customers are looking into the office. Lucas is at the counter. He and the customers watching give The Wandering Physicist positive reactions. The journalists finish packing up and returning the office to normal. The Wandering Physicist and Meadow give one last brohoof as she leaves. They close the door, leaving the stallion alone with Twilight.

‘Now,’ The Wandering Physicist starts, ‘if you weren’t satisfied with that answer, I have something in the TARDIS that will explain why I said what I did.’

The stallion heads towards the door, but Twilight cuts him off.

‘I’ll go with you.’ She smiles. ‘I wouldn’t want you running off.’

The Wandering Physicist sighs and sits down. ‘You know the walls are relatively soundproof. I can take it.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘No, but I’m not going to stop you.’

‘I just want to know one thing. Who was that pony giving the interview?’

‘Come again?’

‘You were courteous, not snide. You avoided long and rambling rants about minutia. You completely ignored a perfect chance to argue for the things you believe and dodged most of the Celestia question. Not to mention, you stared at her mane way too much. You were not yourself.’

‘Twilight, have you ever given an interview to the press?’

‘No, but I was always had the marks in public speaking.’

‘Okay. Imagine your first time speaking in public but instead of a self-introduction to all of your friends or future friends, you have to sell countless strangers on the fact that you are not completely loony and they totally need to convert to your religion that involves ingesting live parasprites.’

‘Well... but...’

‘Politics is all about making crazy seem normal. Once they are used to normal, give them crazy and they will call it normal.‘

Twilight thinks. ‘Are you writing a blog entry right now?’

The Wandering Physicist hides his mobile. ‘Maybe.’

Twilight laughs. ‘Come on. I’ll take you to dinner. My treat.’

‘If you don’t mind, I would like to bring Fluttershy too since it was her idea. She would probably like to know how it went.’

‘I thought she was in...’ Twilight scans the room. ‘Where did she go?’

‘She hid upstairs as soon as ponies started coming into the store.’

‘She knew that was going to be here, right?’

‘Yep.’

‘And that you were going to be open still, right?’

‘Yep.’

Twilight sighs. ‘Let’s go get her.’

The Wandering Physicist starts going for the door, but Twilight holds it closed.

‘If you were to choose one?’

‘I, uh, left my answer in the TARDIS. Let me get it. Alone.’

Twilight groans and lets him exit the room. They head upstairs to get Fluttershy.

The Wandering Physicist is heading back to the store. He is in a pretty good mood after getting treated to dinner by Twilight. They and Fluttershy spent the whole time talking about the interview and speculating on the outcome. Then the emails started pouring in. A quick script or two allows them to sort the emails between legitimate comments and inquiries about who the fillyfriends could be. Both Twilight and Fluttershy turned bright red after seeing some of the emails. The Wandering Physicist is a little worried about everypony knowing about him now, but he does not care since he is feeling pretty... Is that a rainbow tail sticking out from behind a crate?

The Wandering Physicist knows how to handle potential pranksters. He finds a hanging pot over the crate, draws his sonic, takes aim and CRASH!

‘Sneak attack hug!’ is screamed into The Wandering Physicist’s ears as something crashes on top of him.

From behind her cover, Rainbow Dash is rolling with laughter. The Wandering Physicist gasps for air as a white pegasus strangles him in a hug.

‘Oh man! We got you good!’ Rainbow Dash laughs.

‘Did ya miss me!’ Rei sings into The Wandering Physicist’s ears.

‘Deaf! Air! Dying!’ The Wandering Physicist croaks.

‘Oops!’

Rei lets The Wandering Physicist up. Rainbow Dash comes out of hiding.

‘Oh man! She has that “night cloak” thing, and you didn’t see her! You should have seen your face! It was all “ack!” ’ Rainbow Dash mocks.

‘Miss Dash, where were you? We’ve been looking for you for the past few days,’ The Wandering Physicist forces out between breaths.

‘Oh yeah. That.’ Rainbow Dash looks sheepish. ‘Well, the princesses called me up for a special mission. I guess I sort of forgot to tell anypony.’

‘She was showing me around Equestria,’ Rei adds. ‘It was really fun!’

‘So you ignored all of our calls and messages for days?’

‘Uh...’

‘Hey!’ Rei interrupts. ‘She was working for the princesses and helping me. Don’t you give her any lip about ignoring you!’ She huffs and poses a little. ‘She had more important things to do.’

‘I’m sorry, Miss Dash,’ The Wandering Physicist apologizes. ‘We just had a few busy days.’

‘It’s all good,’ Rainbow Dash says. ‘We all saw the lie sheet and watched your interview.’ She pulls The Wandering Physicist aside. ‘If you could choose one, it is Twi, right?’

The Wandering Physicist breaks free of Rainbow Dash. He turns to Rei. ‘Welcome back. I hope our universe is treating you well.’

‘I am having fun. So wanna know why I am back? Do ya?’ Rei replies.

‘Shoot.’

‘I am going to be watching you!’

‘What?’

‘Well, after I was done reporting to the princesses, they said I could go anywhere and do anything for them.’ Rei explains. ‘Since my Luna said that you would help me, I chose to come back to be with you.’

‘Yeah, and after that huge flap with that trashy article, Luna sent her a message telling her to keep an eye on you for her. She’s like Twilight but instead of friendship, she is reporting on you.’

The Wandering Physicist facehoofs and swears a lot under his breath. He looks up at Rei. ‘You don’t have some crazy OCD, do you?’

‘Uh... no?’

‘Dude. She only did that once. Once!’ Rainbow Dash interjects.

‘Very well. Lucas will be glad to see you again.’ The Wandering Physicist turns to Rainbow Dash. ‘Great to see you again. Better check in with Twilight and the others before you head back to your house.’

‘Will do! See ya ‘round!’ Rainbow Dash flies off.

Rei hops on The Wandering Physicist’s back. ‘Ponyback ride home!’ She points the way.

The Wandering Physicist moans and starts carrying his passenger back home. He sighs as his problems with ponies reporting on him continue.

Author's Notes:

Story Event: This is the last time that real world politics play a role in the plot. It is also when Rei becomes a permanent part of the cast. This is the first appearance of Rarity's notebooks.

Though I had them fight, I never intended Rarity and Twilight to break their friendship. It is stupid for friends to ruin a wonderful friendship over petty political squabbles.

Also, if he could choose one... It becomes pretty clear.

Our Party

Main Characters: TWP, Pinkie, The Doctor (10), Twilight, Lucas, Rei
Cameos: Luna/Selene, Mrs Cake, Fluttershy, Rarity, Dream Maker, Coal, Rip, Ruby Dart, Vinyl, Octavia, Derpy, Kaeko, Marvel Crystal, Oatmeal
Original Write Date: November 1, 2011

The Wandering Physicist tries to work the counter at The Power Block. Ever since Rei joined the staff, the store feels a lot more cluttered. Thankfully, she is young and easily distracted by simple errands carefully crafted to take the several hours they usually ended up taking. Unfortunately, it is another energetic pony that is distracting The Wandering Physicist today.

‘Mr Hayate Wanderer James! Guess what!’ Pinkie Pie chirps as she bounces next to the counter.

‘You found a new way to rearrange my pseudonyms?’

‘No, silly. There are only six ways to do that, and I used all of those already. It is something more superly awesomely better than that.’

‘Did you find a penny?’

Pinkie gasps. ‘No! But that would be great too!’

‘What then?’

‘It is almost your birthday!’ Pinkie shouts. Somehow streamers and confetti shoot out from around her.

‘Yes. It is.’ The Wandering Physicist sighs.

Pinkie frowns. ‘Aren’t you excited? I mean, it is your birthday.’

‘Meh.’

‘Is it because you are so old?’

‘Age has nothing to do with it. I just feel “meh” around my birthdays.’

‘But you get presents and a cake and,’ she poses dramatically, especially for Pinkie, ‘A PARTY!’

Somehow even more streamers and confetti shoot from nowhere. Lucas growls and goes to the back of the shop to get a broom.

‘I don’t really want a party.’

Pinkie’s jaw literally drops to the ground. ‘No party!’

‘I’m just not a party pony.’ Pinkie nearly has a heart attack. ‘I prefer a nice, small get-together with my friends where we can just hang out and play games and stuff. Ya know, something simple.’

Pinkie is shocked. ‘W-well, that doesn’t mean I can’t still throw you a party you’d like with a cake and treats and candy.’

‘I don’t eat candy.’

The statement is too much for Pinkie. Her mane loses all bounce and falls flat. Her face contorts horrifically. She starts twitching and foams at the mouth a bit, then falls over.

‘Oh crap. Lucas! Call a medic!’
…

Pinkie awakes to the sound of a EKG. She looks around to see EMTs and The Panicked Physicist looking over her.

‘Wha, what happened?’ Pinkie stutters.

‘Best we can tell is that you had a stroke,’ an EMT answers. ‘We’ll have to take you back to the hospital to run some tests.’

‘Last thing I remember was you saying you don’t like candy.’

‘Oh no,’ The Wandering Physicist corrects. ‘I like it fine. I am just not too much of a fan of solid sugars. That is why I don’t eat candy.’

A loud, steady beep is heard as Pinkie’s EKG flatlines again.

Pinkie once again awakes to the sound of her EKG. This time, she is not in the shop but in a bed, and there is an oxygen mask over her face. She moans and tries moving, but she can only turn her head enough to see The Concerned Physicist sitting next to her.

‘Shh. You’re fine. You’re at the hospital. Everything is fine now.’

‘What happened?’

‘The doctors thought you came down with a slight case of death, but what do they know? A little Time Lord medicine, and you’re as good as new. I mean, you only had one heart to reboot.’

The Wandering Physicist smiles. Pinkie just stares back.

‘How...’ She starts.

‘Shock would be my guess.’ The Wandering Physicist runs a hoof through Pinkie’s still-deflated mane. ‘I must have an outlook that is too different than yours.’

Pinkie removes the oxygen. ‘But I was able handle The Grand Galloping Gala fine, and those ponies are stuck-up jerks.’

‘Yeah, but they are not me.’ Pinkie looks confused. ‘See, those ponies still came to the party, so at some level there was a connection between you and them, even if the lines are crossed. Me... I’m... Let’s just say that Twilight could probably explain it better.’

‘What about your party?’

The Wandering Physicist smiles. ‘If you really want to throw me one, I am sure it will be perfect no matter what you do.’ He kisses Pinkie on the forehead. ‘Now, get some rest. Lucas and Rei have distracted the doctors long enough.’

The Wandering Physicist gives Pinkie one last smile and slips out of the room. Pinkie watches him go. She sighs and stares at the ceiling.

Back at Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie is pacing in her room. The doctors discharged her after all of her tests came back clear. Pinkie immediately went home and locked herself in her room to ponder the recent events. She is currently consulting with her most trusted general, Gummy. The small alligator just stares blankly at his owner as she goes back and forth in front of him.

‘What is it with him? He is just so... Arg! Why can’t I stop thinking about him? What pony doesn’t like a party! Or candy! He is just so... frustrating!’

Pinkie stomps her hooves on the floor. Gummy just blinks one eye at a time and creaks his mouth open a little.

‘You’re right! This does call for a closer inspection! I must stalk my prey to find out everything about him I can and then we’ll see who has the last laugh!’

There is a knock on the door. Pinkie answers it to see Cup Cake standing there.

‘Pinkie, would you mind keeping it down? It is really late, and you had a pretty stressful day.’

‘I am sorry, Mrs Cake. I’ll be quieter.’

‘Thanks.’ Cup Cake turns to leave. ‘Oh, and Carrot and I think it is really sweet to see you found a colt that you are smitten with.’

‘What? I am not smitten with him. I am just obsessed with every fiber of his very being.’

Cup Cake laughs. ‘Oh, you sound just like Carrot and me at your age.’ She keeps laughing as she leaves the room.

Pinkie looks confused as she returns to her room. ‘What did she mean by that?’

Gummy just tilts his head to the side.

‘You’re right! I almost forgot that we have some spying to do.’ Pinkie makes a real sneaky face. ‘Real quiet like.’ She starts laughing evilly.

There is a loud thump on the floor. ‘Shut up!’ is shouted up. Pinkie hides from the loud sound and keeps laughing, only quieter.

The Wandering Physicist is entering some data into his computer. He looks away to get the next set of numbers. When he turns back, there is a wall of long pink hair hanging in front of the screen. He looks up to see Pinkie and Gummy hanging from the ceiling. They are wearing all black and have trioculars over their faces. He screams and runs away.

‘Drat! He found us.’

There is a thump next to Pinkie. She looks over and sees Rei standing next to her upside down.

‘Hi! This is fun!’

Pinkie screams and drops from the ceiling.

The Wandering Physicist is in the stockroom doing inventory. He is making notes in his Chromebook as he goes from box to box. Suddenly, he comes across a box he does not recognize. It has ‘Orange’ written across it in big letters. Nothing happens when he gives it a tap so he opens it very cautiously. Inside, Pinkie looks up at him. She and Gummy are wearing stealth suits and bandanas and are sitting in the box. A literal exclamation point appears over her head and the alert sound from Metal Gear Solid is heard. The Wandering Physicist just closes the box and walks away.

‘Lucas! You’re on inventory or you’re fired again!’

The Wandering Physicist is heading back to The Power Block after a visit to Neighponese Imports. He is giggling at a manga he has in his hoof. He looks up at his store as he nears it. Pinkie is crouching above the door, wearing a white cloak. The Wandering Physicist turns and walks away, wondering what Twilight or Fluttershy are doing for dinner.

Pinkie is back in her room. She is digging through her closet.

‘How does he do it?’ She complains to Gummy. ‘How does he see through my disguises? Ah! He’ll never spot me in this!’

Pinkie goes into her closet to get dressed. There is a knock on her door. Cup Cake looks in then enters.

‘Pinkie...?’

‘In here, Mrs Cake!’

‘Um, what are you...’ Pinkie comes out of her closet in her new disguise. ‘Oh. You are Batmare now.’

‘Not subtle enough?’ Pinkie asks.

‘Oh yes. Very subtle.’

‘Great! I don’t know when I’ll be back. Toodles!’

Pinkie goes to the window and starts climbing out. Cup Cake catches Pinkie before she fully exits.

‘Pinkie, I think you are going about this the wrong way.’

‘But, if I go out the front door, ponies will see me, and how else am I going to find out anything about James Hayate Wanderer?’

‘Who?’ The older mare shakes her head. ‘Never mind. Have you just tried talking to this stallion you are, uh, seeing?’ And by seeing I mean stalking.

‘Uh, duh. And that put me in the hospital. Do you want me to take that risk again?’

‘Well, no.. but...’

‘Good. Now will you let go? You are close to activating my Bat Shark Repellent.’

‘How about instead of asking him you ask his friends about your James Haya-whatever?’

Pinkie climbs back into the building. She thinks for a moment. ‘That is just crazy enough to work!’

Or just sane enough for you to think it is crazy. Cup Cake thinks.

‘Thank you, Mrs Cake! You are the bestest at giving super advice!’

‘Anytime dear. You ca... should always come to me first.’ Cup Cake sighs as she is leaving. ‘Don’t forget to comb your mane. It could get messy if you keep it straight like that.’

Pinkie sits on her bed and thinks. She gets out a batarang and starts throwing it around the room and back to herself.

‘Hmm.... Who should I ask first?’

Gummy catches the batarang on one of its loops around the room.

Pinkie sits in Lucas’ apartment. It is filled with anime and Neighponese merchandise. Lucas sits across from the mare.

‘You want to know about Boss, eh?’ Lucas thinks. ‘Well, you know he is a Time Lord. He is very odd but fun. He is a little particular about the way things are done, but I guess that is to be understood.’

‘But what about him? What does he like?’ Pinkie asks.

‘Like? I don’t know. Normal nerd stuff. Gaming, obviously. He seems to enjoy just messing around on his computer all day. That is what he tends to do when Rei and I are running the store. Well, that or play games with the customers.’

‘And he is happy just being left alone like that?‘

‘I don’t think he is alone. He is active on his favorite social networks, and he comes out when he gets bored.’

‘Hmm....’

‘If you really want the scoop, Twilight probably knows him better than anypony.’

Rei is flying upside down as she thinks. Pinkie trots alongside the pegasus.

‘Mr Wanderer, eh? He’s a very good boss. It is almost as fun working for him as for Queen Luna.’

‘I meant, what is he like as a pony?’

Rei flips back to normal. ‘Oh. In that case... He likes big meals but almost never snacks. He isn’t the best talker while eating, but he is a pretty fun cook. He always make the best meals. Hey! Want to get something to eat? I am hungry for some reason.’

‘Since you mentioned it, does he have any favorite foods?’

‘Pineapple. Definitely pineapple. And potatoes. Pineapples, potatoes and pizza. The three Ps. ... Sushi too, but that is hard to get without “going out” for it. ... I mean use the...’

‘I get it.’

‘If you really want to know what he likes to eat, ask Twilight. They go out a lot.’ Rei flips upside down again. ‘By the way, I like your mane this way. Ever think of dying it grey?’

Pinkie is playing Zombie Dice with Dream Maker in his shop. Other patrons are watching the close game unfolding.

‘Plays a mean avenger, I’ll give him that. But I know that is not what you are asking. Let’s see.’

Dream makes his roll. He thinks about what he is going to say and his next move.

‘While he is very good solo, he prefers to stick with the party. He likes not being the center of attention. Built his whole character so that I couldn’t make campaigns about him easily.’

‘But that is his character. What about him?’

‘The thing about DnD... You put a bit of yourself in your characters. Like, I am sure you would make a good chaotic good bard. Very high charisma.’

‘Uh... thank you?’

‘Another thing, he likes playing with the same people more than finding new groups. Might be why he tries bringing Twilight when he can.’

Pinkie makes her roll. Dream and a number of the onlookers moan when they see she won the game.

Coal looks up from behind his book at the patron of his store. ‘Books on parties are in non-fiction,’ he says before returning to his book.

‘What? No. I asked you about Jimmy James Wanderer.’

‘What about him?’

‘What can you tell me about him?’

Coal thinks. ‘Very odd sense of humor. Very bad puns. Very annoying at times. … And no, I am not talking about you, Droll.’

Droll sulks and goes back to where he popped up.

‘Anything else?’

‘Tweets a lot. Seems a little lonely, but he also seems to enjoy it when I get one up on him.’

‘Lonely?’

‘Maybe a bit. He does pick up when Twilight and Fluttershy are on, though. Very social with them.’

The Chaos Theater is closed while the stage is being set up in the theater portion of the building. Rip Chord and Vinyl Scratch are guiding the workers. Pinkie is standing off to the side watching them.

‘Wanderer, eh? Very odd taste in music.’ Rip says.

‘How so?’

‘Well, he will listen to whatever I offer him, but he seems to like music more on a song-by-song basis than by groups or artists. Don’t get me wrong, he likes groups and artists, but he tends to pick one song from an album rather than a whole album.’

‘That says a lot,’ Vinyl adds.

‘Really?’

‘Yeah. Music is like people. All individual and all that. Each song is its own being with its own soul. It is pretty trippy to think about.’

‘So... if that analogy holds, then Mr Hayate likes individuals more than groups.’

‘Right on, sister!’ Vinyl grins at Pinkie.

‘Thanks... I think that helped.’

‘Cool. Hey, you’re looking seriously metal. Love it.’

Pinkie half smiles and chuckles as she leaves the shop.

Derpy is flying her mail route for the day. Pinkie is tagging alongside. Derpy seems lost in thought despite carrying a large number of packages on her back.

‘Chief is smart.’

‘I know that already.’

‘No, I mean real smart. Not fake smart like other ponies that like showing off their smarts, but Chief does too some times... so does The Doctor. Must be a species thing!’

Pinkie sighs.

‘You don’t get it?’

‘I guess not.’ Pinkie growls.

‘By real smart, I mean that he doesn’t use big word just to look smart or confuse anypony. Not to mention, his honesty. He says the right thing. For good or bad, it is right. Although, I think he tells Twilight more than he tells the rest of us.’

Pinkie stops to think then starts going back.

‘Why are you asking? Are you interested in him or something?’

Not hearing an answer, Derpy looks around. She does not find Pinkie so she just shrugs and goes back to her route.

Kaeko guards her wall of Neighponese snacks from Pinkie. She is even on her hind legs with wings fully extended for maximum coverage. Pinkie is desperately trying to see what is being hidden as she listens to Kaeko’s advice.

‘Wanderer-san? He is a very interesting one. I have never seen a stallion so devoted to cartoons for fillies before.’

‘Uh huh. That is great. Is that chocolate! No, I mean, but sort of thing does he li... What is Ranume?’

‘It is Ramune. Are you asking about his likes?’

‘Sure. Whatever. Is Pocky really as good as everypony says?’

‘Hmm... Interesting question. He does tend to go for a random assortment of series, but most do have one underlaying theme to them.’

Pinkie has a whole box of Pocky in her mouth. ‘Whith ith?’

‘How did you... Never mind. Wanderer-san enjoys stories with an underlying romantic tone or at least ones where close friendships are formed. I had to stop stocking Toradora! merchandise openly since he would constantly try to hug it.’

Pinkie tries talking while she finishes eating the Pocky.

‘Uh... Yes?’

Pinkie looks a little pensive then starts walking away.

‘Wait! I couldn’t understand you.’

‘It is okay. I think I know what the answer is anyway.’

Kaeko sighs and stands down her guard. She turns to find all of the candies and biscuits eaten from the shelf. ‘How the hell?’

Pinkie stands on the modeling stand in Rarity’s sewing room while her friend tries different patterns on her.

‘Hmm... I think with your current manestyle I’d go with darker colors... Avoid reds, though. They might make you look a little crazy.’

‘Uh, Rarity, what about my problem?’

‘Yes, Mr Wanderer. Trying to get into that head is like asking Fluttershy to express herself. It can be done, but you might not like the result.’

‘Well, I just want to throw him a party that will make him happy.’

‘In that case, know these two things. One, even if you are in charge and you have it at your place, he will still feel like a host and might not let himself go as much as you would hope. And two, he will be happy with whatever you do for him. It doesn’t have to be perfect.’

‘But it does have to be perfect! That is why I asked you for help in the first place!’

Rarity backs away a bit. ‘Maybe you should give it a rest a little. Just a smidgen.’

Pinkie sighs. ‘Whatever.’

Pinkie starts leaving the boutique.

‘Wait!’

‘Yes?’

‘Will Twilight be there?’

Recently, Rarity and Twilight had a bit of a falling out over political differences. After two failed attempts by both of them to honestly patch things up, they had resigned to not speaking to each for a short while and had just recently come back to relatively good terms.

Pinkie rolls her eyes and growls, ‘Uh duh! She is one of his best friends!’

Pinkie storms out of the shop.

‘Oh dear. I better warn the others that she is in a bad mood.’

Pinkie is slumped over a counter at another store. Next to her, a red earth pony with a blue mane is working the cash register.

‘Sorry kiddo,’ Marvel Crystal says. ‘I wish I could help more.’

‘It is fine.’ Pinkie moans.

‘It is not fine. If it were fine, you would be in the back reading a stack of comics and laughing like crazy like you always do when you come in here.’

‘I just don’t feel like it.’

‘Let me share a little secret. Stallions are simple creatures. You might be making it more complex than it is.’

‘But every time I try making it simple, it just gets more complicated.’

‘Okay. Here is a hint: he is a nerd. He likes nerdy things.’

‘I know that already.’

‘Then hint number two is, and I hope you don’t kill me for saying this but, look at why you smile all of the time. Remember what you told me about how you got your cutie mark.’

‘You want me to rebuild Equestria for his birthday?’

Marvel laughs. ‘Maybe not that far but as somepony who has been married for almost as long as your mentors, we would all say that a good first step is finding something in common.’

‘I’m finding too much... That’s the problem...’ Pinkie mumbles to herself s she trots away.

Ruby Dart is doing her best to ignore Pinkie’s attempts to use Fluttershy’s Stare on her. She just keeps trying to find a hardware problem in her client’s computer.

‘Will you stop doing that? If something goes wrong, I am charging you to pay for it.’

‘Just give me what I want and I’ll be gone.’

‘Okay, Miss Pie, I cannot hack into his search records and if I could, it would be illegal.’

Pinkie tries the Stare again.

‘Stop that! I am very busy.’

‘Not until you give me what I w....’ Pinkie’s tail shakes violently. ‘Twitch-a-twitch!’

‘Are you just faking to...’

A screw drops from a display case. Ruby barely dashes over to save a laptop from crashing to the ground.

‘I guess you are lucky I am here.’ Pinkie gloats.

‘Listen! I cannot tell you his search habits or any of his private business, but I can tell you that he likes things simple... if a little sloppy and seemingly disorganized. I can tell by his coding.’

‘I knew all of that already.’ Pinkie’s tail shakes again, and she rushes to catch the other end of the display.

‘If you are looking for something new, I am the wrong pony to ask,’ Ruby replies as she fixes the display. ‘Twilight or Lucas would be the ones to talk to. But if you want something they probably don’t know, ask The Doctor. He is the only one I see going in there as often as those two.’

‘Thank you!’ Pinkie’s ears flop over her face. ‘Um... I would avoid going outside for a while.’

‘Why?’

Pinkie looks at Ruby then leaves the store. She looks around the street then darts across right before Rei chases Droll past at high speeds.

‘Get back here and die, you insolent whelp!’

The Doctor is in a bit of a mess. He is in an alien jungle trying to unravel vines that are wrapped around him. He hears a noise and looks up to see Pinkie looking up at him. He is hanging upside down.

‘Hi!’

‘Oh, hello Pinkie. Lovely seeing you here.’

‘I need you to tell me about Mr Wanderer James Hayate.’

‘I’d love to Miss Pie but as you can see, I am in a bit of a bind.’ The Doctor struggles with the vines for a moment. ‘Would you mind giving me my sonic? It should be somewhere at your hooves.’

Pinkie looks around and finds the sonic. She lifts it up to him, and he takes it in his mouth.

‘Mow Pinfie. Whak wou’d ‘ou ‘ike to gnow?’

Pinkie sighs, takes a deep breath and says, ‘I am trying to throw him a party for his birthday, but he didn’t seem too thrilled with the idea of a super awesomely classic Pinkie Pie party, so I am trying to find out what sort of party he would like, but I keep asking everypony what they know about him, and they keep bringing me to very meany not nice feelings that I don’t want to feel even though I am getting a pretty good idea of what sort of party he would enjoy, and I really want to know something about him that would make him genuinely smile, and everypony keeps saying ask Twilight or Fluttershy, but I get really jealous when I think about them for some reason, and so you are my last hope!’

Pinkie finally stops for a breath. The Doctor activates his sonic and drops to the ground. He brushes the dirt off his overcoat as he stands up.

‘Well, that is simple, Pie. Just be yourself. He really enjoys when ponies are being honest with him, even if it is bad news.’

‘But... I am really myself... my true...’ Pinkie looks as if she is about to cry.

‘That is not the real you and you know it. And don’t worry about Twilight and Fluttershy. They will perfectly understand everything you are feeling.’ The Doctor gives Pinkie a comforting pat on the shoulder. ‘Hmm. I should write this one down for the next time I have to give it.’

‘Thank you, Doctor. I think I am finally ready to see my friends now.’

Pinkie Pie prances off into the jungle.

‘Be careful out there! There are many dangerous....’

The Doctor is whipped back up into the trees by vines again.

Pinkie sits in Fluttershy’s cottage. Both are not talking. Fluttershy is nervous since this is the quietest that she has ever seen Pinkie.

After summoning a lot of courage, ‘Is, is everything all right?’ Fluttershy finally asks.

‘It is... complicated.’

Fluttershy gets a wicked grin and rides her new wave of courage. She pats Pinkie on the head. ‘There, there. Just tell Auntie Fluttershy all about it.’

Pinkie looks up at her friend a little angrily at that response. Fluttershy instantly curls up in a ball where she sits. Pinkie looks down again and sighs.

‘I want to throw a party for Mr Hayate James Wanderer, Esquire, but I didn’t know what he likes and when I asked other ponies, they make him sound sad and lonely.’

‘Oh...’ Fluttershy looks around nervously as she tries to think of the right thing to say. ‘Well, he is really very shy. It... leads to certain feelings. Especially if you don’t have a good outlet or the colts at flight school make fun of you for being gangly or if a certain bunny acts very rude when you are trying to give him a bath or...’ She catches herself. ‘Sorry. I got a little off topic there.’

‘Is that why you are good friends? Because you have that in common?’

‘Oh yes! We are both more open on the internet because of the relative anonymity. It really helps.’

‘But you come to parties all of the time! Just last week...’

‘Yes, but I am more social just around my friends. I tend to be a bit of a wallflower still...’ Fluttershy tries giving a comforting smile.

‘Hmm.... What is his favorite music?’ Pinkie says with a weak smile.

‘Music? I don’t know. He always sings random songs when they pop into his head,’ Twilight answers.

‘Favorite cake? And don’t tell me they are lies, like Flutters did. I know they are real.’

Twilight giggles at the reference. ‘I don’t know. He doesn’t really get desserts when we go out. I know he loves brownies.’

Pinkie is shocked. ‘Brownies! But those aren’t cupcakes!’

‘Pinkie, you don’t get like that when Applejack bakes a pie.’

‘I know, but she is weird. I mean, pies! Silly AJ.’

Twilight gives her friend a concerned look. ‘Are you okay? You have been running all over town a lot recently, and your mane hasn’t returned to normal since your accident.’

‘Oh, uh, this’ Pinkie starts running her hooves through her mane. ‘I, uh, just have a lot on my mind. I am trying to figure out the perfect party for...’

‘You said that when you got here.’

‘Sorry.’

Twilight goes over to her friend. ‘Pinkie, speaking for the one pony you probably did not ask but probably should have, get some rest and don’t worry about it. He would much rather a small party with a happy Pinkie than a huge party with a stressed Pinkie.’

‘I know... I’ll get some rest. Thanks Twilight.’

‘What are friends for? In fact, I’ll send you an email later with a list of things he likes if that will help.’

‘It most indeedily will.’

Pinkie starts exiting the library, but she stops and gasps a bigger gasp than she has ever done before.

‘OH! MY! PIZZA!’ Pinkie runs back and grabs Twilight. ‘What does he want for a gift! I totally forgot that!’

Twilight laughs and calms her friend down. ‘I’ll include a link to his wishlists too.’

The big day comes around, and it is time for Pinkie to put her party plan into practice. The Power Block is closed for the day while Pinkie throws the private party there. The Wandering Birthday Colt grumbled a bit because she started setting up so early and he wanted to have a special sale for the day, but he was convinced to reschedule the sale. All of his friends are stopping by to hang out for a bit. There are a myriad of systems hooked up, and most ponies are playing some game or another while movies play on the main screen. There is a large array of snacks on the main counter, ranging from homemade traditional birthday treats to all of Kaeko’s recently restocked imported snacks, bought at double price to make up for Pinkie’s last visit. Even Selene and The Doctor are in town and joining in the fun.

After getting his flank handed to him at Rockband by Octavia, The Wandering Physicist is heading upstairs to check on Pinkie. As he nears the kitchen, he hears singing. He peeks his head in to see Pinkie working on some baked goods while she sings.
♪
This was a triumph.
I'm making a note here:
HUGE SUCCESS.
It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.

Pinkie Pie Science.
We do what we must because we can.
For the good of all of us
Except the ones who are dead.

But there's no sense crying over every mistake.
You just keep on trying till you run out of cupcakes.
And the baking gets done and you make great fun.
For the people who are still alive.

I'm not even angry.
I'm being so sincere right now.
Even though you broke my heart and killed me.
And tore me to pieces.
And threw every piece into a fire.
As they burned it hurt because
I was so happy for you!

Now these pieces of fruit make a beautiful pie.
And we're out of baking, we're releasing on time.
So I'm GLaD I got burned.
Think of all the things we learned
For the people who are still alive.

Go ahead and leave me.
I think I prefer to stay inside.
Maybe you'll find someone else to help you.
Maybe Twilight Sparkle...
THAT WAS A JOKE. Haha. FAT CHANCE.
Anyway, this cupcake is great.
It's so delicious and moist.

Look at me still talking when there's cooking to do.
When I look out there it makes me glad I'm not you.
I've experiments to run there is cooking to be done
On the people who are still alive

And believe me I am still alive.
I'm doing science and I'm still alive.
I feel FANTASTIC and I'm still alive.
While you're dying I'll be still alive.
And when you're dead I will be still alive.

Still alive
Still alive
♬

The Wandering Physicist stands in awe of the song. He does not know what to make of it. He is a little scared and starts backing away, right into Twilight.

‘What’s going on up here?’ Twilight asks.

‘I was just checking if Pinkie needed any help.’

‘Oh no. It is your birthday. No work.’

‘Actually, I am fairly certain she needs help.’

‘Then why are you backing away?’

‘Because I want to keep as much blood in me as possible.’

‘What?’

The Scared Physicist heads back down to calm down a little. Twilight soon follows after seeing what Pinkie was doing, a little confused.

‘I don’t get it. What was she doing?’ Twilight insists.

‘She was singing a weird song. It was... unnerving.’

‘She sings weird songs all of the time. Have you heard the one she had for Zecora?’

‘She crossed baking with Still Alive.’

Twilight’s eyes go wide, but she shakes it off. ‘No. Pinkie is probably pretty worn out from all of the effort she put into planning it,’ she presses right into The Wandering Physicist’s face, ‘and you of all ponies have no right to complain. Got it!’

Just then, Pinkie comes down with more treats.

‘Who wants cupcakes!’

With Pinkie’s mane still limp and her huge grin, she looks a lot scarier than she should. Most ponies either take one or wave her past. She sets the tray by The Wandering Physicist and Twilight, who are standing at the counter. The Wandering Physicist looks from Pinkie to the cupcake then back. Something hits him.

‘Oh my Sagan! Where’s Lucas!’

‘Right here, boss!’ Lucas waves from a Mare-io Kart race.

‘That’s go... Where’s Rei!’

‘Hi!’ gets chirped from beside The Wandering Physicist’s head. He looks up to see Rei eating a cupcake upside down while upside down.

‘How the frak do you do that?’ Twilight asks.

‘Magic!’ Rei says as she walks off.

Pinkie starts getting nervous. ‘Mr... uh... whatever, is everything okay?’

‘He heard you singing upstairs a bit ago.’ Twilight interrupts.

‘What? That?’ Pinkie laughs nervously. ‘I-I was listening to the music everypony said you liked. I guess the tune got stuck in my head.’ She laughs again. ‘Not really the best song to make into a baking song.’

The Wandering Physicist hurriedly shakes his head ‘no’.

‘It is okay, Pinkie. He is sorry.’ Twilight jabs The Wandering Physicist. ‘Right?’

‘Very sorry. The sorriest.’

Pinkie starts choking up a little. ‘I’m sorry too. I messed up. I-I-I must have gotten something wrong. Oatmeal was right. I wasn’t able to throw you the perfect party.’

‘Sorry for giving you that impression just now, but this party is great. I’ve loving it.’ The Wandering Physicist says.

‘R-really?’

‘Yeah. You did a great job. Best party pony ever.’

Pinkie smiles at the compliment. Twilight is deep in thought.

‘Oatmeal? Who is Oatmeal?’ Twilight asks.

‘You know... Oatmeal,’ Pinkie replies. ‘I mentioned him before.’ Twilight looks confused. ‘You know... he’s crazy.’

It hits Twilight where she heard Pinkie mention ‘Oatmeal’ before.

‘Wait. So Oatmeal is a...’

‘Yeah. He is an invisible pony, but he talks to me about things. Why?’

Twilight turns to The Wandering Physicist. ‘Please tell me there is....’

The Wandering Physicist’s nervous glances answers Twilight before she can finish. Pinkie starts looking between them in shock.

‘But, he is real! We talk all the time! I’ve known him since I was an itty-bitty little-wittle Twinkie-Pinkie.’

‘Pinkie, maybe you should...’ Twilight starts.

‘No! I am not crazy! Just... STOP!’ Pinkie shouts.

A burst of energy emanates form Pinkie. Time literally stops for the party. Pinkie looks around in horror then runs out of the shop. After a moment, three of the party-goers moan and shake their heads.

‘Feels like I was sent back to the moon,’ Luna moans.

‘What happened? Did everything go timey-wimey for a moment there?’ The Doctor looks around. ‘Oh. Never mind.’

The Wandering Physicist stumbles behind the counter and gets out his sonic. He starts stumbling to the door. ‘I’ll be right back, maybe. Someone make sure Rei is okay.’

Luna and The Doctor look to see the white pegaus moaning on the ground with her legs sticking straight up where she fell from the ceiling.

‘Atama itai...’

‘She seems fine. Where are you going , Ja..?’ The Doctor sighs when he notices The Wandering Physicist gone. ‘I’ll stay here. Care to check if it is just us?’ He sighs again when he notices Luna is already gone.

Pinkie is running as fast as she can. She does not know where yet, but she is running. Nopony is getting in her way or stopping her, but she does not notice that they are all frozen. Tears are streaming down her face. Suddenly, a dark shape passes over her. The Wandering Physicist skids to a stop in a dramatic fashion. He raises a hoof to stop Pinkie, but he immediately falls over.

‘Holy cow! You are fast!’ He pants.

‘What do you want?’ Pinkie stomps in front of The Wandering Physicist’s nose. ‘Haven’t you done enough to me today?’

‘Pinkie. Please wait.’ The Wandering Physicist climbs to his feet. ‘I am really sorry. It is just that when somepony mentions an invisible pony that has been talking to them since they were a foal, that legitimately freaks out that pony’s friends.’

‘But he is real!’ Pinkie stomps a hoof, causing a bit of a earthquake.

‘I know he is real, but he is not a pony!’

Pinkie backs off. ‘Y-you, you can see him? Nopony else has ever been able to see him.’

‘Well, I can’t really see him per se, but... what is that!’

The Wandering Physicist points at nothing, not fooling Pinkie at all. He draws his sonic and activates it. Slowly, a small troll becomes coherent, floating next to Pinkie’s head. She screams and hides behind The Wandering Physicist.

‘What is that?’

‘Well, you know the story of Rumpelstiltskin?’

‘Yeah..’

‘Absolutely nothing like that.’

‘Blasted pony! I was having a great life feeding off of her energies. Between the two of you, I could have become immortal and ruled this planet.’ Oatmeal the troll snarls.

‘So what? I was going to be the dessert after you abused poor Pinkie here?’ The Wandering Physicist guesses.

‘I can see into you deeper than you think. She is barely an after-dinner mint compared to you.’

‘Hmm. I get it. A being that feeds on negative emotions. Well! Element of Laughter time!’ The Wandering Physicist pushes Pinkie in front of him. ‘Time to get magic necklace thingy on his flank.’

Pinkie looks up at the troll then to the ground. ‘I can’t.’

‘But, Element of Laughter. Party time. Smiles. Uh, awesome party, great job!’ The Wandering Physicist puts on a big smile.

Pinkie looks at The Wandering Physicist and back down. She has not felt this bad since Discord. ‘No. I just can’t. Not after this week. Not after what I learned.’

The Wandering Physicist looks confused. ‘But.... Party. Cupcakes. Good times.’

Pinkie shakes her head. ‘I was faking. Like you were.’

The Wandering Physicist’s eyes dart. ‘Nopony knows that.’

‘I know that!’ Oatmeal interjects.

‘Nopony asked you!’ The Wandering Physicist shoots. ‘And what sort of name is “Oatmeal” anyway?’

‘It means “one who eats the hearts and souls of weak ponyfolk” in my people’s tongue.’

The Wandering Physicist tries hiding behind Pinkie more. ‘Element blasty time now.’ She just frowns and starts crying. ‘Please talk to me. How do we get your smile back?’

‘Was it ever really there to begin with?’

‘Rainboom explode! Make happy! Party! Birth of Equestria!’

‘I looked you up. I found out about your past and personality. I heard a lot of things that I had heard before. ... Before...’

‘When? Before what?’

‘Before Dashie. They were all about me. I heard the words about you, but they sounded like they were talking about me.’ Pinkie starts sobbing. ‘The loneliness! The fear! The anger! The shyness! The wanting to belong, if just for one moment. They were talking about me! They didn’t know it, but they were talking about me.’

Pinkie grabs The Wandering Physicist in a hug. The tears seem never ending, from both of them.

‘I can finish you off now,’ Oatmeal offers. ‘You will never have to feel that way ever again.’

‘It is tempting,’ Pinkie sobs. ‘Too tempting. Make it stop!’

‘I wish I could, but you are the only one that can do it.’

‘I can’t!’

‘Yes you can! Look at me!’ Pinkie looks into The Crying Physicist’s eyes. ‘I know you can do this. Trust me. I have been where you are. I have felt what you feel. There was somepony who I really felt a connection with. One I really wanted to hug and say it was going to be okay. But I couldn’t. They weren’t real. You and I are real. You can do what you first felt when you learned about me. Do it! I am ready for anyt...’

The Wandering Physicist is cut off when Pinkie’s lips touch his. The rest of the world disappears around them. They do not notice that Oatmeal howls in pain and disappears in a blinding flash. They do not notice that time returns to normal around them. They do not notice all of the comments about them.

‘About time she found somepony she likes.’

‘Wait. I thought he was with Twilight Sparkle. Does that mean I still have a chance?’

‘D’awwwww!’

‘Wait. I thought she was with Twilight Sparkle. Does that mean I still have a chance?’

‘I wish I had hands.’

‘Wait. I thought he was with Lucas. Does that mean I still have a chance?’

‘Ew! Gay!’

‘Ugh. They would probably have some crazy blonde pegasus as a foal.’

The pair finally break the kiss. They stare into each other’s eyes.

‘Would you believe that was my first real kiss?’ The Wandering Physicist asks.

‘Right now, I would believe anything you tell me,’ Pinkie replies.

‘Feeling better?’

‘Never felt better.’

The Wandering Physicist and Pinkie kiss one more time before they get up to return to the party.

Back at The Power Block, everypony is back on their hooves. They do not know what happened, but they feel like they were just smashed in the head by a slice of lemon wrapped around a gold brick. The party returns to normal with everypony barely noticing anything strange or out of place. Everypony just assumes that Rei is unconscious because she finally fell from the ceiling. They are half correct. The Doctor and Luna are keeping silent about the whole event. The Wandering Physicist and Pinkie return to the party.

‘Where have you been?’ Twilight demands. ‘I don’t care if it is part of your name. You don’t just wander off in the middle of your birthday party.’

The Wandering Physicist smiles at Pinkie. ‘We get getting Kisses.’

Pinkie goes from bright pink to bright red. The Wandering Physicist laughs and pulls a bag of candy out of nowhere.

‘Pinkie wanted some for a special treat, and, well, I, heh, heh, you know me.’

Twilight growls and magically drags The Wandering Physicist away for one of her trademark lectures. Pinkie just laughs at her friends and goes back to the party.

At the end of the night, The Wandering Physicist is thanking all of his guests for coming. They all thank him for a wonderful time. Throughout the shop, Pinkie, Twilight, Fluttershy, Selene, and Lucas are cleaning up. Rei is still passed out where she has been since time stopped. The last of the guests are leaving. Octavia and Vinyl are heading out.

‘No more Rock Band. Please,’ The Wandering Physicist begs.

‘I thought as much,’ Octavia scoffs. ‘That teaches you a lesson to fall asle... Quit faking sleeping!’

The Wandering Physicist snorts. ‘Wha? Where am I?’

Vinyl laughs as her friend growls.

‘Great time, yo.’

Vinyl puts out a hoof, and all three brohoof. The Wandering Physicist and Vinyl look at Octavia.

Octavia blushes. ‘What? I wanted to join in too. Shut up!’

Octavia walks off followed by a snickering Vinyl. Derpy flies out over the host. The Doctor follows her out.

‘See ya ’round, Chief!’ Derpy salutes.

‘Where to this time?’ The Wandering Physicist asks.

‘I was thinking of Wexnal IV. I hear there is a jungle there with living trees. Should be fun.’

‘Watch out for vines.’

‘I’ll pass that along to Derpy. She has a way of getting caught in those things.’

The Doctor waves as he makes his way to his TARDIS. Lucas stretches in his area of the shop.

‘I think that is good enough for now,’ Lucas says. ‘Rei and I can finish it in the morning.’

‘It would be rude of a host not to clean up her mess,’ Pinkie chimes in.

‘I think I have a spell for this,’ Twilight volunteers.

‘EMP!’ The Cautious Physicist shouts.

‘Emp? What is emp?’ Fluttershy asks.

‘I am Twilight Sparkle! Fear my laser horn!’ Twilight casts a spell that cleans up a lot of the remaining mess in a flash. She giggles at her work and the reference.

Lucas lowers a shield he cast around himself. Fluttershy comes out of hiding. Selene makes sure her perception filters are intact. Rei still lays where she has been. The Wandering Physicist just sighs and scans the room with his sonic.

‘Looks like everything is intact.’ He wags the sonic at Twilight. ‘Be careful with your magic.’

Twilight giggles again. ‘Yes. I just wanted to have some more fun.’

‘Only you can think giving the birthday colt a lecture and then destroying his livelihood is fun,’ Selene goads.

Twilight snorts at Selene. Selene glares back. They get into a staring contest. While they are fighting, Fluttershy goes over to The Wandering Physicist.

‘I had a fun time. Sorry I wasn’t too social.’

‘It is okay. You just don’t hangout with the weirdos I hangout with too often.’ Pause. ‘Keep it that way.’

Fluttershy laughs. She gives The Wandering Physicist a hug and a peck on the cheek. She exits the shop and flies away happy. Lucas follows Fluttershy out and just waves since he will see his boss the next day. Twilight and Selene finish their spat and exit the shop.

‘Pinkie really knows how to throw a good party,’ Twilight states. ‘She put a lot of work personalizing it for you.’ She glares. ‘Make sure you thank her profusely.’

The Wandering Physicist laughs. ‘I think I can find a way.’

‘Since I was unable to do so tonight,’ Selene starts, ‘I will have to give you your birthday spanking some other time. How old are you again?’

‘Eep.’

Twilight gives Selene a small growl. She pushes Selene out of the way. She blushes for what she is about to do and gives The Surprised Physicist a quick kiss on the lips. Selene growls, pushes Twilight away and gives The Shocked Physicist a longer kiss. Twilight magically shoves Selene out of the way and gives The Stupefied Physicist an equally long kiss. Selene tackles Twilight from the kiss, and the two start brawling outside of the shop. The Irked Physicist growls and gives a whistle. The mares fail to stop their fight until a splash of water drops over them. The Wandering Physicist waves at Lucas who continues back to his home.

Twilight blows her soaking bangs out of her eyes. ‘Sorry.’

Selene shakes the water from her wings. ‘Me too. Sorry.’

‘Now behave on your ways home.’

The mares groan and head their separate ways with Selene flying off and changing back to Luna on the way. The Wandering Physicist goes back into the shop to the waiting Pinkie Pie and still-out Rei.

‘Do you need help with her?’ Pinkie offers.

‘Nah. She knows where her room is once she want to stop acting out.’

‘I’m not acting out,’ is mumbled.

‘I should be hitting the hay, too. It has been an eventful day,’ The Tired Physicist says as he stretches a bit.

‘Yeah... Me too. Maybe now I can get my mane to poof again.’

‘Aw, but I think it is really cute like this.’

Pinkie blushes. ‘Really?’

‘He’s lying,’ is mumbled followed by an ‘ouch!’ as The Irked Parent gives his alternate universe daughter a small kick.

‘I should be going,’ Pinkie says as she goes to the door. ‘More parties to get ready.’

‘Have fun!’ Rei cheers as she gets The Choking Physicist in a headlock.

‘Rest well. I’ll see you soon I hope.’ The Vulcan Physicist says as he hits a pressure point on Rei’s neck, causing her to faint.

Pinkie laughs and heads out the door. The Wandering Physicist locks it with his sonic as he drags Rei upstairs to her room. After dropping her in her room, The Exhausted Physicist heads straight to his bed and climbs in. A second after he turns the lights out, there is a click and a charging sound as trioculars are activated. The Terrified Physicist’s eyes shoot open, and long pink hair drops in front of him. The trioculars go out, and a mass drops to the bed.

‘A kiss for how many years again?’

Author's Notes:

Current TWP Love Triangle: Twilight vs Luna vs Pinkie (vs Fluttershy vs Octavia)

TWP Timeline: First kiss (with Pinkie). First kiss with Twilight. First kiss with Luna.

Story Event: First birthday I celebrated since finding MLP. Expect more introspective chapters like this.

I know it seems very uncharacteristically Pinkie for her to get so sad and depressed but at the time I wrote this, Party of One was my favorite episode (shortly to be replaced by Lesson Zero). If you really look at her behavior in the series, you can tell that inwardly she is very lonely and uses her parties to be social and relate to others. She just couldn't stand seeing somepony so lonely and that made her introspective and feel lonely as well. Fortunately, she and TWP found a friend who is willing to do anything to cheer the other up. Their entire friendship and relationship is built around that.

Also (and probably most importantly), this is the first chapter where TWP is not the main character. Pinkie gets that first too.

Filling Time

Main Characters: Rei, TWP, Twilight
Cameos: Spike, Derpy, Rainbow Dash, Kaeko
Original Write Date: November 4, 2011

Tsukiyo Rei is bored. She is bored, bored, bored, BORED! She is laying on her bed staring at the ceiling trying to figure out how to turn her whole room upside down. She knows it must be possible since the room just appeared one day after she arrived to this dimension. She knows it has to do with that weird closet that is bigger on the inside. Maybe Lucas knows how. He has magic.

Rei stops to think about Lucas a bit. He is an odd pony. His unicorn magic is different from other unicorns. He can cast a large number of small spells, but he does not specialize in any one magic. He also knows a lot about Rei’s homeland, although it is from video games and cartoons. Rei laughs at how goofy Lucas can be. If only she were a little older, she would totally kidnap him and make him date her without it looking creepy. Maybe tomorrow.

Rei hears the back entrance open and shut. Given the time of day, she knows it is not Mr Wanderer or Lucas since they would be busy working. There are no plans for any guests to come over. Rei does not have that many friends in town yet since she is still a little nervous around other ponies her age in this universe. She listens closely. She hears footfalls so she knows it is not Fluttershy or Selene since they are fellow pegasi and light on their feet. She knows it is not Pinkie Pie since her hooves squeak when she walks. Rei must find out how that works!

Rei quickly flies out of her room and loops around the building to find the best ambush position. The intruder enters the living room, and Rei shoots in through the window. She grabs the intruder as they tumble across the floor.

Rei strikes a ninja pose. ‘In the name of the moon, I will punish you!’

‘What the heck is your problem!’ a prone Twilight Sparkle shouts.

Twilight is this dimension’s Element of Magic. For a while, Rei thought Twilight was dating Mr Wanderer. They used to spend a lot of time together until recently. Rumor has it that Mr Wanderer and Pinkie Pie were making out in the middle of the town. When Twilight heard the rumor, she was quite upset. She had a very loud fight that Rei was not allowed to watch. Rei bets it would have been fun. Rei has not seen either Twilight or Pinkie since that day. Twilight must not be mad any more.

‘Oh! Hi!’ Rei beams. She offers a hoof to help Twilight up.

Twilight takes the hoof and dusts herself off. She gives Rei her most upset glare.

‘It is good to see you again.’ Rei bows a little. ‘How can I help you, ojoo-sama!’

Twilight sighs at Rei. ‘I was just here to return...’ She cocks her head to one side. ‘Why are you acting like you are trying to distract me?’

Rei stops spinning in circles along her azimuthal axis while waving her limbs wildly. ‘Uh... Because.. if you, uh... Can I stay and watch this time?’

Twilight snaps around to see The Wandering Physicist behind her. He does not look as upset as Twilight does at this moment, but Rei knows that he does not have to look the part for the fun to begin.

Without looking away from Twilight, The Wandering Physicist replies, ‘If you promise not to come out, I’ll show you how to rotate your room later.’

Rei’s eyes go wide with excitement. She instantly rushes into her room. She is too excited to do anything thing but sit on her bed and wait for Mr Wanderer to call her. She gets less excited when she hears the TARDIS powering up. Her excitement goes to nil once the TARDIS sounds finally disappear. She just lays on her bed and starts working on the most sad rejection face she can possibly muster.

There is a tap on Rei’s door. ‘Rei. Dinner.’ Rei bolts up, then swears as she hits her head. Out of boredom, she had found a way of wedging herself under her bed, but she had stopped when she got stuck and found she had no exit strategy. There must be some political implication. She wiggles her way out and heads out of her room.

‘Hi!’ Pinkie greets as Rei exits her room. Pinkie is the only pony Rei knows who likes fun as much if not more than she does. Rei wonders if Pinkie’s pegasus twin Surprise exists in this dimension too.

‘Hi!’ Rei replies as she wonders if Twilight is using a very cool new spell. ‘Where’s Twilight?’ she asks in hopes of revealing the disguise.

‘She had to go back to the library after our little talk.’ The Wandering Physicist replies as he sets out some bento on the table. ‘We finally worked everything out. Took long enough...’

‘We went to the moon!’ In order to talk with Twilight in a calm and rational manner, The Wandering Physicist took her to some place where she could not teleport away from easily: the moon.

‘Cool!’ Rei get excited then instantly pouts. ‘Why don’t you take me cool places?’

‘I took you to Akihabara a few days ago for the launch of that CD you wanted.’

‘Yeah, but... hmpf!’ Rei crosses her forelegs and looks away to pout more.

A bento is placed in front of her. She looks down at it. She tries really hard not to smile at the rice pattern made to look like her. The hair is even made out of rice dyed blue, and OMG! The cutest red tomatoes for her eyes.

‘Itadakimasu!’ Rei cheers as she starts digging in.

‘We also went...’ The Wandering Physicist cuts Pinkie off with a hoof to the mouth and shake of the head. Since Twilight was not convinced by The Wandering Physicist’s and Pinkie’s calm and rational arguments, they also took Twilight to the moment when time was frozen. Seeing what her friends went through was enough to convince her. The Wandering Physicist releases Pinkie.

‘Poor Oatmeal. He was crazy.’ Pinkie laments when free. Twilight was so upset that she cast a spell on Oatmeal the troll. The spell was amplified when it broke the time seal. The troll was blasted so hard he was mysteriously teleported away.

Rei looks up with rice covering her face. ‘Does this mean everything is cool again?’

The Wandering Physicist sighs. ‘Cool enough. It will take time to regain all of that trust again.’

‘Twilight is a smarty, friendy pony. She will be back to normal in no time!’ Pinkie reassures. ‘She isn’t the Element of Friendship for nothing!’

‘I thought she was the Element of Magic.’ Rei says as she glares at a tempura broccoli as if that would make it go away somehow.

‘But friendship IS magic, silly!’ Pinkie replies with a big smile.

‘Speaking of which, Rei, you need to get out more,’ The Wandering Physicist adds.

Both Rei and Pinkie look up from eating and stare at The Wandering Physicist in shock. A large mass of nori drops from Pinkie’s face.

‘What!’ The Wandering Physicist protects. ‘Just because I am one way doesn’t mean she is, too. I mean, she is a white pegasus version of you, Pinkie.’

‘But I am not blonde!’ Rei interjects, confusing the others. Apparently, Surprise does not exist.

‘She spends all of her time with me and Lucas. She needs friends her own age.’

‘You’re right!’ Pinkie agrees. ‘Lucas is close, but you’re not only old enough to be her father, you are old enough to be her great-great-great-great-great grandfather!’

The Wandering Physicist rubs his temple in frustration. ‘Thank you, Pinkie.’

‘No problem!’ Pinkie returns to munching her nori.

Rei sighs and contemplates what horrors await her.

The next day, Rei finds herself sitting in the middle of the library while Twilight goes about her business.

‘Making new friends, huh,’ Twilight says as she marches past reading a book. ‘Well, I know some ponies who could use my notes better than you.’

Rei groans at the less-than-subtle dig at her caretaker.

‘Anyway,’ -- Twilight levitates a roll of parchment over to Rei -- ‘here are my notes on the subject.’

‘This doesn’t seem that bad,’ Rei says, looking over the parchment.

‘Those are only the ones she has edited for publishing,’ Spike comments as he enters with a large pile of scrolls in his arms. ‘Here are the rest that still have to be quadruple-checked for spelling, grammar, footnotes, and have an index made for them.’

‘Don’t forget the bibliography!’ Twilight beams as she levitates a large scroll to Rei.

Rei lets out a terrible moan as she surveys the amount of reading.

‘Tell me about it,’ Spike agrees.

‘Don’t worry. All of the books I reference are in stock and both of us are here to help if needed. In fact, I would be honored to help you make new friends,’ Twilight offers.

‘This better not be some crazy friendship report scheme again.’

‘Spiiiike! You know me better than that.’

‘So it is a crazy scheme,’ Spike starts, walking away. ‘I’ll warn Celestia.’

Twilight growls as Spike heads back to the study. Rei pokes at the stack of papers with a hoof.

‘Do you have this on .pdf?’

Rei is insanely bored with Twilight’s friendship lesson. While Twilight is going on, the filly puts the finishing touches on her papier-mache tribute to world peace. It is currently taking the form of a giant blob of wet paper and glue. Also, the glue tastes horrible!

‘...and that brings me to what I like to call Element of Friendship number Forty-Three B. Rei, are you getting this down?’

‘Perfectly.’

‘Then why don’t I hear...’ Twilight turns around and sees the art project. Her jaw drops and her face goes paler than Rei. ‘My... my... n, n, notes!’

Rei’s mobile rings and instantly comes on. ‘Rei! What did you do!’ is shouted out by The Wandering Physicist.

Twilight snatches the mobile with her magic. ‘Your idiot daughter destroyed all of my notes on friendship!’

‘For a nerd, she doesn’t know much about scanners!’ Rei shouts. She glares at Twilight. ‘I scanned everything before I did anything to them. Twice. With links between the documents.’ She turns away in a huff. ‘Not that either of you don’t mind jumping to conclusions.’

Twilight stares at the upset Rei. ‘I’ll call you back.’ She deactivates the mobile. ‘Rei, I know you meant well, but you have a lot to learn about...’

Twilight shouts and ducks as a tribute to world peace flies at her head. There is a crash as a white pegasus flies through a window. Twilight sighs and activates the mobile again.

‘We have a bit of a problem...’

Rei is flying as fast as she can. She does not know where to yet, but she is going to get there no matter what. She sees a cloud in front of her, takes aim and BAM! She flies head first into the cyan pegasus who was sleeping on it.

‘Hey! What is the big deal!’ Rainbow Dash yells.

‘Sorry. I was just...’ Rei looks away, sad.

‘You’re Jimmy’s kid! Sorry about yelling at you.’

‘I am not his kid,’ Rei scowls.

‘Right. Sorry. What’s bugging ya, squirt?’

‘Twilight yelled at me after I tried helping her out.’

‘That is not very nice. What did you do for her?’

‘I scanned all of her notes about friendship and turned the scrap into a sculpture for her.’

‘You turned Twilight’s notes... into a sculpture.’

‘Yeah...’

‘And you made it out alive?’ Rei looks confused. ‘She once literally tried biting my head off when I used one of her notebooks as a coaster, when she was the one forcing me to use a coaster in the first place.’

‘That’s not very nice.’

‘No, it wasn’t. I should have known better.’

‘Wait. What?’

‘Personal property, kid. Gotta learn to respect it.’

‘But, I’m a princess! I am better than that!’ Rei argues, invoking her position from her homeworld. Well, she was really a duchess by title, but... shut up! This is her story, and she will tell it how she wants.

‘Kid, here you’re not a...’

‘Get down!’ Rei dives into the cloud knowing white-on-white will conceal her. ‘I’m not here.’

Rainbow Dash looks around. She sees The Wandering Physicist walking up with his magic soundy thingy scanning the sky. He stops when he finds Rainbow Dash.

‘Hey, Jimmy! Looking for something?’ Rainbow Dash greets.

‘Yes. I seem to have lost Rei. Have you seen her?’

Rei bites Rainbow Dash’s leg before the older pegasus can reply. ‘Not at this time. Is she in trouble for something? Like biting somepony in the leg?’

The Wandering Physicist sighs. ‘No. Not yet. If you see her, tell her that Twilight and I want to talk with her. Just talk. No yelling will be involved.’

‘Will do!’

The Wandering Physicist and Rainbow Dash wave to each other before he heads away. Rainbow Dash turns back to her cloud and growls. A sullen Rei looks out.

‘I am sorry. I panicked.’

‘You should have let me do the talking before jumping to conclusions.’

Rei winces as her words are turned back on her. ‘I know...’

‘I am pretty sure those two are tired of fighting after these past few days, so you will probably just get that talking to.’ Rainbow Dash remembers the last time Twilight lectured her. ‘Boy, will you get a talking too.’

‘I... I’ll be going now.’ Rei starts flying away at a slower speed.

‘Don’t worry about it! It will all be fine,’ Rainbow Dash calls after Rei.

After much wandering of the skies, Rei is tired and hungry and wishes she had not left her purse and/or mobile at Twilight’s so she would get some food. The stalking of the wild lunch is going pretty poorly as it seems other ponies have caught most of the prey in the lunch’s natural habitat of the park. Rei will have to ask the mayor to impose stricter sanctions on the hunting of lunches if she is to get what she desired. Suddenly, the hunter spots its prey. Rei charges forward, leaps and catches the elusive meal and more.

‘Icky!’ Derpy complains as she pulls her hoof from Rei’s mouth.

‘Gomen nasai,’ Rei apologizes with a small bow. ‘I guess my stomach got the better of me.’

‘You should have just asked. I always have plenty of muffins to spare.’

‘Mommy. Who is that?’ a small unicorn filly asks.

‘She lives with one of mommy’s friends.’ Derpy motions to Rei. ‘Dinky, this is Rei. Rei, Dinky.’

‘Wait. How can you be her mom if...’

‘Don’t tell me you don’t understand how genetics work.’

‘Well, no, but yes, but ... HUH?!’

Derpy holds up another muffin. ‘Here. Have another one, and we can chat.’

Rei remains in the park after her nice lunch with Derpy and her daughter. Rei is convinced that Derpy can eat her weight in muffins and unlocked the achievement for that several times in her life. She is also still eternally confused on how a pegasus can have a unicorn for a daughter. A daughter....

‘I wish I had parents...’ Rei says to herself as she picks at a blade of grass in order to keep from crying. Now she really wishes she had her purse so she could hold the last keepsake they left her. Sometimes, she can almost hear them calling her...

‘Rei! Rei!’

‘Where are you, Rei!’

Rei looks up. Somepony was actually calling her name. She looks around for the source then immediately looks for a place to hide when she sees The Wandering Physicist and Twilight walking up. Without much time to think, Rei takes to the skies again.

‘Gotcha!’ Twilight casts a spell and catches Rei by the tail with her magic.

Rei resists as hard as she can and breaks Twilight’s grip. A silver pegasus cuts Rei off.

‘Come with us, dozo,’ Kaeko commands.

Rei sighs and lands. The Wandering Physicist and Twilight gallop over. They look at her sternly then sigh.

‘We’re going back to the library,’ The Wandering Physicist says.

‘We’re just going to talk,’ Twilight assures.

Rei stares at the ground and nods. The group of ponies walk away.

Back at the library, Rei is getting a lecture by Twilight on responsibility, friendship and why a flat tax is doomed to fail. Off to the side, The Napping Physicist and Kaeko are waiting their turns to speak.

‘...and that is why Governor Prairie was completely wrong for running on that platform,’ Twilight concludes. ‘Mr Wanderer, Miss Umaku, anything you would like to add?’

Kaeko shakes her head. She gives The Wandering Physicist a small nudge.

‘Waffles!’ The Wandering Physicist look around and once again finds the glare that had been missing from his life until just the day before. ‘What were we talking about?’

‘I was just telling Rei about the dangers of a wasted youth,’ Twilight growls.

‘Using examples from your own life, right?’

Twilight’s horn glows for a moment and a lightning bolt strikes The Punished Physicist’s rear.

‘Ow!’ The Electrocuted Physicist leaps into the air. ‘Sorry.’ He turns to Rei. ‘Rei, listen. I just want what is best for you. I don’t want you cooped up in your room all day for no good reason.’

‘Then let me help in the shop more.’ Rei pleads.

‘I also don’t want you in the shop. You have too much energy.’

‘I can behave!’

‘You made changes to Twilight’s notes without asking her. You then destroyed her notes. You then glued that mess to the wall after throwing it at her head. You broke one of her windows. You accidentally attacked Rainbow Dash then bit her. And you stole a muffin from Derpy without asking her. Can you really behave?’

‘You started a fight with Princess Luna! Not to mention all of the mean things you have done to Twilight!’

‘And I have gotten punished for all of those things.’

‘Plus, he didn’t do them all in less than half a day,’ Twilight grumbles.

The Wandering Physicist points at Twilight. ‘Exactly. You need ponies your age to play with. That is why I asked Twilight to talk to you today. If she can get over her social phobias, anypony can.’

‘What about you?’ Rei asks.

‘I’m outside while the sun is out, aren’t I?’

Twilight facehoofs.

Rei looks down as she tries to come up with another excuse. ‘What is Umaku-san doing here? I didn’t do anything to her.’

‘I am here because Wanderer-san asked me to be.’ Kaeko says. ‘I was around your age when my family moved to Equestria, so I know what it is like being a foreigner here and being scared to make new friends.’

‘I-I-I’m not scared! I am Fullmoon! Duchess of Neighpon. I can make friends with anypony I want.’

Kaeko calmly walks over to Rei and sits down. Rei tries avoiding eye contact, but Kaeko is persistent. When contact is finally made, Rei looks down meekly and sits too. This is NOT the way to treat a princess.

‘What is she..?’ Twilight asks.

‘Shh! This is how she convinced me to take her to Comiket in the TARDIS in winter.’

‘Do all pegasi have The Stare?’

The Wandering Physicist nudges Twilight. She looks over and is locked into his eyes. She leans closer and closer until... CHU! Twilight instantly realizes she just kissed a stallion she was ready to send to the moon just twenty-four hours prior. (Technically, he did go to the moon but not the way Twilight intended.) The Wandering Physicist just smirks.

‘How? But...’

‘Some of us have it. Some don’t.’

Twilight opens her mouth to lecture The Manipulative Physicist, but she is stopped by a tackle-hug.

‘I am so sorry!’ A sobbing Rei says. ‘I was scared of meeting new ponies. Please teach me to be a good friend so I may have lots of them like you.’

Twilight just pats the lonely Rei on the head and gets up.

Rei is so nervous the butterflies in her stomach have butterflies in their stomachs and those butterflies are vomiting. After coming up with that lovely image, Rei starts wondering what butterflies actually taste like. She is sure they are crunchy, but they also look tender. Rei shakes her head. That is not important right now.

‘They are not as tasty as they look. Some are even poisonous.’ The Wandering Physicist comments from beside Rei. How did he know! He then gives a yawn followed by a snort. ‘Where am I!’

Other older ponies looks over and murmur before turning back to their children who all appear to be about Rei’s age. Most of the younger ponies are heading inside a large auditorium structure. A number of them greet each other and head in together.

‘Do I really have to do this?’ Rei asks.

‘Just do what Twilight taught you and you’ll do fine.’

‘But... I finished all of my schooling back home. I don’t think they can teach me anything new...’

‘Doesn’t matter to me what grades you get. I just want you to make some friends and be happy.’

The nervous pegasus kicks at the ground a bit. ‘I am not sure I can do this, Mr Wanderer.’

Rei looks over at The Sleeping Physicist. He looks very peaceful. She will really regret having to wake him. Fortunately, he takes care of that himself.

‘Van candy!’ The Creepy Physicist shouts randomly as he wakes. Shocked stares and a wide avoidance radius soon follows. A magenta unicorn walks through the empty area without a care.

‘Wanderer~~~!’

‘Rei, you’ll be fine. All you have to do is take that first step.’

‘But!’

‘No “buts”. I’ll tell you what my father told me before I was taken to the academy on my planet. “Son, I am going to bed now. Keep it the... censored down and get some censored sleep!” ... We had a complicated relationshi....’ The Wandering Physicist trails off as he falls asleep again.

Rei laughs at her mentor’s goofy behavior. She gives him a small nuzzle on the cheek.

‘You’d make a great dad.’

Rei turns back to the building, readies herself, and marches forward. She is ready for whatever challenge faces her, but are they ready for her? Dun-dun-dun-DUN! Dun-dun-dun. Dun-dun...

No, the Star Wars theme would be better here, Rei concludes.

Author's Notes:

Fun fact: This chapter was literally created as a filler chapter between ideas. Surprisingly, the 'going to school' conclusion is the center of a lot of Rei's future events.

Story Timeline: First cameo of Stormy, added after his real first chapter.

Like a Lady

Main Characters: Rarity, Rei, Strawberry Soufflé/Stormy, Twilight
Cameos: TWP, TWP’s beard, Lucas, CMC, Silver Spoon
Original Write Date: November 16, 2011

Rarity and Rei are at a fancy restaurant as payment for Rei watching Sweetie Belle recently. They have just ordered. Rei takes in everything.

‘It is so good going out with a conversationalist,’ Rarity states, sipping her water. ‘Everypony I dine with seems either too shy or immature to hold a conversation for more than a minute.’

‘Thanks for having me,’ Rei replies. ‘I didn’t know I was going to get this good a deal.’

‘It is the minimum, uh, payment I have with Mr Wanderer.’

‘This is the minimum? I’d love to see what the max is.’ Rei looks around. ‘Heck, even the appetizers are great.’

Rei leans forward and bites a flower from the centerpiece. Rarity stares in shock.

‘Rei, dear, that is the centerpiece.’

Rei swallows. ‘Sorry. I am not used to places that have utensils other than chopsticks.’

‘How do you...’ Rarity shakes off the thought of chopsticks. She pauses to drink. ‘Anyway, thank you for watching my sister. I just get backlogged so easily, especially with all of the paperwork.’

‘It was my pleasure. I had a lot of fun. She isn’t as energetic as you said she was. We barely did half of the things I wanted to do.’

Rarity laughs. ‘So the rumors of your energy are true.’

‘Your sister is very curious, but I couldn’t believe she didn’t know what yaoi is.’

Rarity resists spitting her drink across the table. ‘Excuse me?’

‘Yeah, I couldn’t believe it either. So I taught her all about it as well as yuri and joso and futanari and...’

Rarity would have gone white if that was not her natural coat color. ‘Um... Rei... Sweetie is, was, a little too young to know what those things are. They were going to be explained to her when she was old enough.’

Rei grimaces. ‘Oops. Sorry.’

Rarity sighs. ‘N-no problem. She is back with our parents now. They get to deal with any of her further questions.’ Of course when she says where she learned those terms...

The waiter arrives, putting Rarity’s worries to rest. He sets a plate with a delicate arrangement in front of Rarity.

‘The house special, truffles over imported alfalfa with a side of roast tomatoes.’

‘This looks divine as always.’

The waiter nods to Rarity. He then sets a large bowl of greens in front of Rei. ‘And, sigh, the Queen for a Day All You Can Eat Salad.’

‘I hope you have round two in the back, because I am starved! Itadakimasu!’

Rei shoves her muzzle in the bowl and starts eating. Rarity is horrified. The waiter sighs and turns to leave, but Rarity grabs him.

‘Get me something strong to drink.’ A ‘thunk’ is heard as Rei’s muzzle hits the bottom of the bowl. ‘Make it a double.’ Burp. ‘Hurry.’

Midday. Rarity is heading to The Power Block to have a word with Rei’s guardian. She wears stylishly large sunglasses to hide the fact that she just woke up and is still a little light sensitive from her way of coping with Rei’s behavior the night before. Luckily, the shop is empty except for the pony she came to see. She goes right up to the counter to confront The Wandering Physicist. He is playing a handheld device.

‘Mr Wanderer, I must speak to you about Rei.’

The Wandering Physicist closes his game. ‘I’ll get my cheque book.’ He starts looking under the counter.

‘No, no. It is nothing like that. It is just that she has no class. She is very unladylike.’

The Wandering Physicist gets out a pen. ‘So... One hundred bits?’

‘She told Sweetie Belle about the topics we have been avoiding with her.’

The Wandering Physicist winces. ‘That won’t turn out well.’
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Currently at the Cutie Mark Crusader club house, Sweetie Belle is trying to convince her friends about her latest idea for earning their cutie marks.

‘Ah don’ know. That sounds a mite iffy,’ Apple Bloom protests.

‘Yeah. Besides, my dad says that it will lead to ponies wanting to marry box turtles or their video games or something really weird,’ Scootaloo adds.

‘We just have to try it once. Didn’t we say we were going to try everything?’

‘Ah guess.... Sweetie Belle, you go first since it was your idea.’

‘Fine, but one of you has to join in, too.’

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo look at each other. They both quickly shoot a hoof up to touch their nose. Scootaloo is faster, but she accidentally knocks herself in the head and falls over.

‘Ha! You’re up, Scootaloo.’

Scootaloo picks herself up. ‘Fine.’

Apple Bloom backs away, leaving Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo in the middle of the club house.

‘Cutie Mark Crusader Yuri. Yay?’ they say as they nervously lean in.

The pair quickly kiss then back away.

‘Eew!’ Apple Bloom shouts.

‘Is there anything back there?’ Sweetie Belle asks, too scared to look.

‘No.’ Apple Bloom answers.

‘Oh thank Celestia.’ Sweetie Belle breathes a sigh of relief.

‘I don’t know. I sort of liked it.’ Scootaloo blushes.

Both of her friends stare at Scootaloo in shock.

Scootaloo smiles at Apple Bloom. ‘Okay! Your turn to test it, Apple Bloom.’

Apple Bloom turns white.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

‘So as is the case with an uncivilized pony, I offer my services in teaching Rei in what it means to be an upstanding lady in modern society. Does that sound fair?’ Rarity offers.

The Wandering Physicist signs the cheque. ‘Great. Whatever. Here is one-fifty. You’ll know it when you need it.’ He slides the cheque to Rarity.

Rarity looks confused, especially since the cheque is dated for several days in the future. She shrugs and puts in in her bag. ‘Very well. I have no pending orders. Tell Rei to come by my place tomorrow after school for her first lesson.’ Pop music is heard. ‘Ooo! My phone. Excuse me.’ She levitates her mobile to her ear. ‘Heeellooo~~! Oh Applejack! So good to hear from you. ... She what? ... She what! ... SHE WHAT! ... Well, I can assure you that I told her no such thing. In fact, I know exactly which pony you should talk to about this...’ The upset unicorn turns to glare at The Wandering Physicist but finds Lucas there in his place.

‘Please don’t hurt me,’ Lucas begs.

The sound of a TARDIS dematerializing is heard from upstairs.

Rarity growls and lifts her mobile back to her ear. ‘I’ll have to get back to you about it. ... Yeah. It was her. I am working on that problem. Bye.’ She hangs up her mobile and replaces it in her bag. She turns to Lucas. ‘Tell your employer to expect Applejack to come calling soon.’

Lucas nods in reply. Rarity turns on her heels and marches out with her head held high.

The next morning Rarity is awakened early by a rapping on the door. She moans as she climbs out of bed and shuffles down stairs. She moves her eyeshade over her horn and ties a robe around her by the time she reaches the front door. After a large and unladylike yawn, she opens the door with as much of a smile as she can muster. Outside, she is greeted by the smiling face of her former classmate Cheerilee.

‘Cheerilee.’ Yawn. ‘What are you doing here?’ Rarity asks.

‘I was just coming to see if you needed any help getting ready for your first lesson, fellow teacher,’ Cheerilee replies.

‘Excuse me?’

‘Your special after school program.’ Rarity returns a blank stare. ‘On how to be a proper lady. You have a number of eager young fillies ready to learn.’

Rarity thinks for a moment. ‘Wait. That should have just been a one-on-one lesson. Not a whole class.’

‘But the mayor loved your idea so much that she quickly approved your class. So many parents signed their fillies up so fast, including your own.’

Rarity groans, knowing exactly the reason why Sweetie Belle was signed up.

‘So.... Do you want any pointers before I head off?’ Cheerilee offers. ‘I know some of my colleagues at the high school are willing to help too.’

‘Thank you. Right now, I just need some coffee.’

‘Okay. I’ll make sure to have the schoolhouse cleaned up for when you arrive this afternoon.’ Cheerilee starts prancing away. ‘See you later, fellow educator!’

Rarity forces a smile and waves. She quickly rushes back upstairs. She had turned her mobile off early in the morning due to an annoyingly large number of emails and text messages interrupting her beauty sleep. She quickly scans over the messages. Most of them are announcing students joining her new class or about the basics of hosting an after school program. The key one she is looking for is the very first one received.

‘Rarity. Sorry. This got little away from me. TWP. PS: The three hundred I gave you yesterday should cover it.’ the message reads.

‘That bastard.’ Rarity growls.

She then realizes something that she just saw. She gets out the cheque from the day before. It is identical except the amount is now three hundred bits. Rarity ponders how it could have changed as she heads back down to the kitchen to make herself the largest espresso she dares.

Rarity looks over her class in the minutes before she is required to start. There is an unusual gamut of ages sitting in the small schoolhouse. At one side, the Cutie Mark Crusaders are sitting together, obviously sentenced to this fate by their parents, given the furious messages filling Rarity’s voicemail. Scootaloo is even sporting a large shiner that she claims is from running into a tree as she chased Apple Bloom, but Applejack’s testimony does not match. Behind them are classmates Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara, obviously there to show their classmates that they are the better ladies. Next to them are four middle-school fillies. Most seem to know each other. Filling out the class are five older students from the high school. Front and center of them is the queen herself, Rei. She is beaming the biggest smile, obviously hiding some dastardly plot. At the back of that group is a magenta unicorn colt. He looks more bored than out of place. Outside, Cheerilee taps on the door and waves happily. Rarity forces another smile as she knows she has her work cut out for her.

‘Um... Yes. Welcome to a special set of lessons on how to be a proper lady. You are all either here by choice’ -- some of the fillies look proud -- ‘or your parents felt you could use some refinement.’ Sweetie Belle cringes while Rei beams brighter, somehow literally. ‘Uh, I am sure we will all get to know each other over time, uh, which, I guess, brings us to the topic I wanted to cover first: the proper lady’s greeting. Miss Tsukiyo, will you assist me?’

‘Right on!’ Rei leaps up. She is immediately smacked in the head with a ruler Rarity is levitating. ‘Ow! WTF yo!’ She is smacked again.

‘You really want to know?’ Rarity says down to Rei. ‘First, your reaction was unrefined. A lady does not shout “right on” and go flying about the room when called upon. Second, a lady does not swear nor does she utter the pretense of swearing. Last, a lady would never ever use a masculine participle.’

‘How did you...’

‘A lady pays attention to every detail, Miss Tsukiyo.’ Rarity places the ruler behind her ear in a quick draw position. ‘Now, if you will be so kind as to pick yourself up, shall we begin again?’

‘Hai, ojoosama,’ Rei grumbles.

‘Now, Miss Tsukiyo, we are just doing a simple greeting. Do you think you can handle that?’

‘Hai, ojoosama,’ Rei moans again, barely dodging another ruler swipe.

Rarity smirks. She gives Rei a slight bow. ‘It is a pleasure to meet you.’

‘Sup.’ SLAP. ‘OW!’ Rei holds her sore muzzle. ‘I think that drew blood...’

Rarity giggles to herself. This is going to be fun. She turns to the horrified class. ‘A lady always responds gently and subtly. She does not greet even a stranger in an impersonal manner. She always shows respect.’

Rei raises a hand. ‘May I see a nurse? I taste pennies, and I think my eyes match Derpy’s.’

The class laughs. Rarity growls and instantly everypony is quiet.

‘You will not tease her henceforth. It is not nice to make fun of how somepony was born or of a condition they were cursed with. A lady treats everypony equally. Understood, Miss Tsukiyo.’

‘But you’re the one that made me all derpy just now.’

‘Do you really want to get into this now? When your guardian left your fate in my hooves?’

Rei grumbles and sits back. This is not fun anymore, and she is going to tell Wanderer-san and Luna-hime about it. She will show Miss Stuffypants. Oh crap! She is looking this way!

‘So do you understand what you have to do, class?’ Rarity asks.

‘Yes, Miss Rarity.’

‘Good. Then get to it.’ This should eat up the rest of the time.

The class gets up and starts milling about, practicing their proper greetings with each other. Rei looks around confused for a moment then leaps into action. Rarity sighs as she plans her next move.

Much to Rarity’s surprise and relief, the exercise of practicing proper greetings lasted the entire lesson period, with only a minimal amount of bloodshed. She will have to find a softer implement by the next lesson. The fillies were now practicing their proper goodbyes as they leave the classroom. Conveniently, the colt is one of the last to leave. Rarity catches him as he is about to leave.

‘Excuse me, Mister...’ Rarity begins.

‘Soufflé. Strawberry Soufflé.’ He grimaces. ‘Thank you so much for ending before Rei could get to me. I already can’t live down my name and appearance. I heard the suffix she was using. I... Just thank you.’

Rarity thinks for a moment. Rei was using her Neighponese suffixes in place of ‘miss.’ Rarity was fine with it since they designate a form of respect. She thinks a bit harder then has to stifle a laugh as she gets it.

‘I see you get it.’ Sou-san groans.

Rarity gets a handle on her giggles. ‘Sorry. Is there something different you would wish to be called?’

‘Well, online I go by Stormageddon, Dark Lord of All.’

Rarity is a little shocked. ‘I think Stormy will do nicely.’

‘Um, thanks? I don’t know. I have never had a nickname before. ... Or talked to a filly for this long.’

‘Oh, uh, sorry. I meant to talk to you about why you are in this class...’

‘I did not sign up on my own. I’ll have you know that.’

‘Oh?’

‘Well, you saw Scoots’ eye, right?’ Rarity nods. ‘Our fathers are friends. My dad is more of a psychological bent. So when this class came along, he knew just how to treat his magenta son with a baking special talent. Not that being sous chef is much better, dad...’ Stormy grumbles.

‘I am sorry to hear that. So you mean you are not...’

‘What? No? That is a pretty rude thing to ask.’

‘Again, sorry. I didn’t mean to offend. I would never make fun of a way any pony is born.’

‘Whatever.’ Stormy starts leaving.

‘Stormy...’ Rarity calls after him.

‘Yes?’

‘Since you are stuck in the class for the long haul, I will try to make it easy on you and have more gender-neutral lessons.’

Stormy thinks. ‘Thanks. I guess. See ya next time.’

Rarity sighs once more before collecting her things and wondering if this is really a good idea.

A couple days later, Rarity is setting up for her next lesson. Once again, the fillies have segregated themselves by age and gender, with Stormy in a virtual nopony’s land in a back corner. Rei is glaring at Rarity as if she is trying to make the unicorn explode with her mind. Rarity sighs as she consults her etiquette guides one last time before starting. Suddenly, there is a quick knock on the door. The class looks over to see The Wandering Physicist enter the room.

‘Sorry to interrupt,’ The Intruding Physicist starts. ‘Just needed to drop something off real quick. I am Rei’s guardian, just so you know. Stop by The Power Block anytime to tell me all about how good friends you are with her.’ Rei moans a little in embarrassment. ‘Anyway, Rarity, Rei told me about her treatment last lesson, and I would be lying if I said it didn’t remind me of how we first met. I would be upset if you struck her with a ruler again.’

‘I am sorry,’ Rarity apologizes.

‘Think nothing of it. In fact, that is why I got you this.’ The Wandering Physicist sets a sack of oranges on the table.

‘What is this?’ Rarity asks.

‘They don’t leave a mark...’ Scootaloo mumbles.

The few that get what the statement grimace.

‘Anyway.... I should be heading off,’ The Wandering Physicist says. ‘I might make a stop by foal services on the way...’ He waves to the class. ‘Remember, come by my shop to tell me all about how great Rei is and how many friends she has.’

Rei growls as she munches an orange. ‘I hate you so much.’

The next couple of lessons go about as well as they can. The majority of the fillies behave and try to learn. Stormy shows as much or more progress than the fillies, and they start opening up to him more. Rei still causes a modicum of trouble, but it is more due to cultural clashes between Rarity’s Equestrian etiquette and Rei’s Neighponese etiquette. Eventually, the lesson Rarity has been dreading most arrives, the day on the cheque The Wandering Physicist wrote for her. Unfortunately, the day of the class is on a weekend so she has to fend for herself. To play it as safe as possible, she has scheduled the day’s lesson to be held in the park. What sort of damage can be done at the park?

Rarity leads her class out to the center of the park. She and Sweetie Belle are carrying a number of baskets. The class gathers in a clearing and wait for Rarity to begin. Rarity sets out the baskets in front of her.

‘Now, class, today’s lesson will be about...’

‘Frisbee!’

Rei shoots off in a white-and-blue streak before Rarity can react. The rest of class watch as the pegasus disappears. Rarity sighs and shakes her head.

‘As I was about to say, we are going to have an afternoon social here in the park.’ Rarity levitates a piece of paper to each of the baskets. ‘In your assigned groups, you will set up a proper picnic and demonstrate all of the proper behaviors we have learned so far.’ The class starts looking over the assigned groups. ‘I tried to split you into groups that would best challenge your social skills. Now, you have to be careful since this is china imported from...’

‘Incoming!’

Rei comes flying in and crashes through all of the baskets and straight into Rarity, sending both of them tumbling in the mud.

‘Sorry,’ Rei moans as she tries to figure out what happened.

Rarity wipes the mud from her face. She looks around to assess the damage. Her spa treatment is totally undone. Her hair is a wreck. Her picnics are completely ruined and most of her expensive china is shattered. Her worst enemy is prone in front of her pretending to look apologetic. Rarity steams as she holds back a scream.

‘I’d run if I were you,’ Sweetie Belle warns.

Rei looks around. All of the knives suddenly shoot up from the ruined baskets. Rarity is literally ready to shoot daggers.

‘Shimata.’

Rei takes off flying as fast as she can with Rarity and her mass of knives in tow. Rei yelps loudly as a precision knife shoots past the tip of her wing. It is like Rarity makes a living in a profession that requires an eye for detail and precise handling of sharp objects. Rei barely dodges another pair of knives that embed themselves into a tree. Rei sees the perfect escape. She takes aim and shoots under a park table as knives embed themselves above her. The family at the table panics and flees as well. Rei aims for the next table but takes another knife to the wing, slicing through several pinions. A quick look back confirms that Rarity is both still there and down to her last two knives. Rei turns back just in time to plow right into an oncoming table. It gets a cheap shot in on her, flips over and pins her to the ground. Rarity steps up to Rei.

‘Do you have any idea how much trouble you caused?’ Rarity growls.

‘About fifty meters worth?’ Rei nervously laughs as she looks over the trail leading up her predicament.

Rarity shakes and gives a shrill shriek. She takes aim with her weapons, and they take flight. They stop centimeters from Rei’s head. The Wandering Physicist and Twilight rush up.

‘Rarity! You could have seriously hurt her!’ Twilight says as she helps Rei from under her entrapment.

‘I see she put the five hundred bits I gave you to good use,’ The Wandering Physicist comments.

‘What?’ Rarity pulls the cheque out to see the figure has changed. ‘How did you...?’

The Wandering Physicist smirks. ‘I’ll take her from here. I saw enough of it to know it was her fault. She won’t mind being grounded for the rest of the week, outside of school and your lessons of course.’

‘Literally grounded if she wants her wings to heal,’ Twilight says, surveying Rei’s wounds.

The Wandering Physicist pushes Rei forward. ‘Rei, what do you say?’

Rei looks at Rarity. ‘You’re psycho.’ A sack of oranges hits her in the back of the head. ‘I mean, I am sorry. I’ll work hard to pay the money back.’

‘Hmph. See that you do.’ Rarity turns her nose up and starts leaving. ‘... and I think it would be best if I didn’t see you for a while.’

‘See you on Mon-OW!’ Rei calls before The Wandering Physicist drags her away by the ear.

Twilight catches up to her friend. Rarity’s face is mixture of depression and fury, and she is not doing a good job of hiding it.

‘If you want, we can relocate to the library. We have the space for it,’ Twilight offers. ‘I have been reading up on Canterlot high culture and proper etiquette, if that will help.’

Rarity sighs. ‘I would love to have a friend’s help right now.’

‘I am sorry about the china. I am sure Mr Wanderer will do his best to help replace them.’

‘I know he will. I am just beginning to think that filly is a lost cause. How do you put up with her as often as you do?’

‘She behaves when Mr Wanderer is around. Otherwise, we just leave her alone or with Lucas or Kaeko. She gets along fine with them.’

‘Is it a Neighponese thing? I have tried to meet her halfway. Most of the concepts are the same.’

‘I think she is just acting out because she doesn’t want to be where she is.’ Twilight laughs. ‘I’d say she was like her father, if she and Mr Wanderer were related.’

Rarity sighs heavily. ‘It is more like she thinks that is a way to get friends.’ She shakes her head. ‘Like you said, if they were related, I’d say she was as lonely as her father.’

Twilight moans a little at the statement. The pair return to the class. They find Stormy leading the rest in cleaning up the mess Rei made.

‘I thought you only had fillies in your class. Who is he?’ Twilight asks.

‘Him? He is my best student,’ Rarity replies, beaming ear-to-ear.

A week passes. Despite the failure of the last trip, Rarity has arranged another field trip for the class. She triple-checked with The Wandering Physicist for any warnings from the future and cross-referenced with Pinkie Pie to make sure all was clear on the Pinkie Sense front as well. With a clear forecast, Rarity leads the class to her shop where she has prepared a special display for them. Before them stand a number of dresses and other outfits. A number of the fillies ‘ooo’ and ‘aw’ over them. Rarity takes the compliments in stride.

‘Since our last field trip was so spectacularly ruined’ -- Rarity makes note to glare especially hard at Rei -- ‘I have set up a special test to see what we have learned so far.’ She stands beside the display. ‘Before you stand a number of ensembles. Only a couple are ones for a proper lady. You each will get one try to find them all.’ A ruler levitates behind her ear. ‘Be warned. There will be consequences for wrong answers.’

Most of the class gulp and step back for fear of being the first to get a wrong guess. Sweetie Belle shoots forward and raises a hoof.

‘I know!’ She chimes in.

‘Very good, but it would be cheating for you to answer,’ Rarity replies. ‘It is good to see my fashion lessons are finally taking hold.’

‘Ah!’ Sweetie Belle complains as she collapses to the ground in a huff.

‘That one!’ Rei shouts as she points at an outfit. The ruler is swift and accurate. ‘OW! Come on!’

Rarity levitates the outfit out to the class. ‘And what made you pick this one?’

‘Well, look at it.’ Rei replies. ‘It has a cool pointy hat. It is starry and swirly, and the bells are awesome!’

‘This, Miss Tsukiyo, is my friend Twilight’s old Nightmare Night costume. I can see where your head truly lays if you think a costume is proper attire.’

The class laughs at Rei who sits down in a huff. They start analyzing the outfits again. Apple Bloom and Scootaloo push forward.

‘That one! The one with the galoshes,’ Apple Bloom says.

‘No! The one that looks like armor!’ Scootaloo guesses.

Slap. ‘Ow!’ Slap. ‘Ow!’ Rarity corrects with her ruler.

‘Told you,’ Sweetie Belle mumbles.

‘Those... travesties are rejected Grand Galloping Gala outfits designed by your respective idols. I kept them as a reminder of what truly horrible fashion sense can be unleashed on the world.’ Rarity scowls at the outfits. ‘Seriously. A drunken Discord could come up with something with better fashion sense in his worst nightmare.’

‘But, the armor is twenty percent cooler than the rest,’ Scootaloo pouts.

‘Excuse me, Miss Rarity,’ Silver Spoon butts in. ‘I know which one correct.’ She points at a dress. ‘That one.’ Slap. ‘OW! My lawyer will hear about that!’

‘One of my best friends is a princess. Try me,’ Rarity replies as she brings the dress out. ‘Now, why did you pick this one, Miss Spoon?’

‘It is looks like something a princess would wear. It is so pink and frilly.’

‘Hmm. Technically, it is something a princess wore, but that was originally ruined as well. I just fixed this up since it seemed like a waste. Still, it too was designed for Nightmare Night.’

The rest of the class look even harder at the dresses. Even though a number of the obvious wrong answers are eliminated, the last dress seemed correct to most. From the back, Stormy casually raises a hoof.

‘Mr Stormy? Would you like guess?’

‘Yeah. That is one of them,’ Stormy points to Rarity’s Gala dress.

‘What? How did you know?’

‘It efficiently mixes form and function while blending elegance with the right amount of flash so as not to stand out.’ The fillies stare at the lone colt who seems to know more than he should. ‘... Also, it seems to be missing a slipper.’

Rarity blushes. ‘Yes, well, there was an incident and it was lost.’ She moves the dress to one side. ‘Now, who else wants to try?’

Rarity is heading to The Power Block. She has no idea why she was summoned, but she has been promised a reward. She enters the shop and sees the owner at the counter as usual. However, the box with him is unusual.

‘Ah! Rarity! Your order arrived today,’ The Wandering Physicist cheers.

‘Order? What order?’ Rarity asks. She notices something different. ‘Wait. Are you growing a beard?’

The Wandering Physicist smooths his goatee. ‘Yeah. Twilight usually makes me shave, but she is visiting her parents in Canterlot this week.’

‘She just left two days ago.’

‘I hope to go full Star Swirl by the time she gets back.’

‘Who?’

‘Somepony I used to hang with. He’s crazy.’

Rarity gives The Wandering Physicist a queer look. ‘I am beginning to think the same thing.’

The Wandering Physicist stares blankly. ‘Anyway, your replacement china for the ones ruined the other day. A little pegasus had to call in a few favors to get them.’

Rarity opens the box and levitates a dish out. She gasps and almost drops the dish.

‘Are these what I think they are?’

‘Same design as at the palace. Well, some are the same as the thousand-year-old ones that they use now. Some are.... of slightly more recent construction.’

‘Slightly more recent?’ The Wandering Physicist mimes a whooshing sound. ‘Ah. You really like using that thing, don’t you?’

‘Not as much as it seems.’

Rarity gives the china a closer look. ‘Hmm. What did the little imp have to do to procure these?’

‘You notice she has not been around recently.’

‘Thank Celestia for that.’

‘Luna, actually. She is working off the cost as Luna’s personal assistant while Twilight is away too. It is always good to have travel buddies.’

‘Seems the only way to get her to be responsible for something is to force it upon her.’

‘She can’t be that bad.’

‘Hmpf. She might be smart and likable in some regard, but it seems her main modus operandi is sheerly to torture the nearest authority figure for the minor attention it garners from her classmates.’

‘I have never gotten a complaint from any of her other teachers.’

‘Probably because she is much more passive in normal circumstances.’

Some game cases are set on the counter. The Wandering Physicist and Rarity look over to see Stormy. He is currently looking for his bit pouch.

‘Mister Stormy,’ Rarity greets.

‘Ah, Mister Soufflé,’ The Wandering Physicist says.

‘How did you...’

‘You have a membership card with us. Not to mention you registered for the CoD tourney, Stormageddon.’

‘Hmm. Right.’

‘Now, what were you saying about Rei?’

‘Just that she is pretty laid back at school. She tries to get attention, but most of our classmates ignore her and the teachers are better at controlling unruly students... No offense, Miss Rarity.’

‘None taken,’ Rarity replies.

‘Does she have many friends? That was the main reason I signed her up,’ The Wandering Physicist asks.

‘She has about as many as I do.’

‘Uh...’

‘That means she has none,’ Rarity whispers. ‘Sorry, Stormy.’

‘Meh.’

The Wandering Physicist sighs. Sounds like her father at that age...

‘Sorry, Mr Wanderer. That was what you asked for, right?’ Stormy says.

‘Yeah. Thanks. It is good to know that there is at least one of her classmates looking out for her.’

‘What? No. Um,’ Stormy stutters. ‘We’re just in a couple classes and then with Miss Rarity. I mean... I don’t think if she even notices me.’

‘Tell me about it,’ Lucas mumbles to himself as he comes out of the back. ‘Sorry to interrupt, boss, but inventory is done.’

‘Thanks, Lucas. Mind helping Miss Rarity with her package?’

‘That is just code for you got too many dishes for you to carry,’ Lucas laughs as he lifts the package with his magic.

‘Thanks. And here you go.’ The Wandering Physicist slides the games to Stormy in a bag.

‘But I didn’t pay for these yet.’

‘They’re used so the money wouldn’t go to the developer anyway. Plus, you gave me some good insight.’

Rarity smirks. ‘Ha. What more would you expect from my best student?’ She turns to leave. ‘Now come along, Lucas. I have more errands to run before I head home.’

Lucas moans as he follows Rarity out of the shop.

Rarity packs up after her most recent class. It has been a successful one. The students are doing well. Rei is even behaving herself, probably from exhaustion from all of the work Luna put her through. The lessons appear ready to draw to a close, and Rarity is in the midst of devising a proper final exam. After most of the students have left, Stormy approaches Rarity.

‘I might not be coming to classes any more,’ he says rather bluntly.

Rarity is shocked. ‘I am surprised to hear that. May I ask why?’

‘It is because of you,’ Rarity blushes deeply. ‘It is nothing like that. You have given me the courage to stand up to my father. I’ve applied to a baking job in Fillydelphia. I have an interview for it next week. I’m leaving whether or not I get it.’

‘I am very sad to see you go, but it sounds like you are adamant about leaving. I know you will be missed.’

‘Thank you, Miss Rarity.’

Stormy bows and takes his leave. Rarity sighs sadly but returns to her work.

Later that night, Rarity returns home after doing some shopping. She is all ready to make a fantastic dinner for herself. As she nears her home, she hears shouting and the distinct sounds of Ponyville’s finest making an arrest. She sets her shopping at her porch and decides to get on the gossip train early. She makes her way over to the location of the shouting. As she nears, she picks up her pace. Outside a house, a dark blue unicorn is being escorted away by the Ponyville police. He is shouting all sorts of obscenities and racial epithets at the officers and the pony he was in conflict with. At the residence, an EMT is tending to Stormy. The colt nods at Rarity as she rushes over.

‘It’s cool. She’s a friend,’ Stormy tells the EMT to let her near.

‘What happened here?’ Rarity demands.

‘Well, I got into telling my dad off as I told you earlier.’ Stormy answers. ‘Things got a little heated and well, this happened.’

‘Are you okay?’

‘Meh.’

‘His right foreleg is broken and he has a pretty nasty crack on his horn,’ The EMT explains. ‘I am surprised he hasn’t passed out from the pain.’

‘But he has an important job interview out of town that is coming up. Will be able to make it?’

‘Since his dad will be in jail and he has no other relatives in the town, he’ll be lucky if we let him out of the hospital any time soon.’

‘It is fine, Miss Rarity,’ Stormy gives a weak grin. ‘I can take care of myself. I can be strong for you, too.’

The EMT pushes Rarity back. ‘Sorry. We have to get him to the hospital now. You can see him in the morning during regular visiting hours.’

The EMT helps Stormy onto a stretcher and a pair of pegasi fly him away. Rarity sadly watches her new friend leave again. Then she gets an idea and takes off galloping.

‘I’m coming! I’m coming!’ Twilight shouts as she heads downstairs to answer the door.

Twilight opens the door, and Rarity bursts in and grabs Twilight.

‘Help me, Twilight Sparkle! You are my only hope!’ Rarity pleads.

Twilight giggles at the inadvertent reference. ‘It is a little late, but I am always there for a friend.’ She levitates a tape measure over. ‘There you go.’ She giggles at her joke.

‘If this is supposed to be a joke, we are not amused.’

‘Sorry. I have been waiting to do that to you for a long time.’ Twilight smiles as Rarity growls. ‘Now, how can I help you?’

‘This is for a friend. It seems he has something wrong with his horn, and he needs it for a very important opportunity soon.’

‘Did “this friend” use their horn for a purpose it wasn’t intended for?’

‘No, he...’

‘Did he put it somewhere it was not supposed to go?’

‘No, what happened...’

‘Was the horn overly-used and now is chaffed?’

‘Twilight! I never thought you would be so crude!’

‘Sorry. Rainbow was over last night and we watched a lot of the standup comedy she likes. It has been a little stuck in my head since then.’ Twilight has one last laugh. ‘Sorry. What can I help you with?’

Before Twilight can make another poorly-timed joke, Rarity blurts out the problem. ‘One of the students in my class was leaving town soon for a job interview and when he confronted his father about it, he got his horn cracked in the ensuing conflict. He needs his horn to help with his special talent to get the job. I need some way to help get his horn repaired quickly.’

Twilight is caught off guard. ‘A cracked horn is pretty serious. There might be spells out there to repair one, but you are talking about using magic on a magic object. There are bound to be risks. Natural healing is best.’

‘The cure need not be magical. For all I care, it can be homeopathic mumbo jumbo as long as he is better faster,’ Rarity begs.

‘I’ll see what I can find in my books but if you are really desperate for crazy remedies, you should ask Zecora or Mr Wanderer.’

‘Of course! I’ll go consult them right away!’ Rarity grabs Twilight in a big hug. ‘You are the best friend anypony could wish for.’

‘When you see Mr Wanderer, tell him to shave that damn thing off.’

Rarity laughs. ‘Will do.’

Rarity rushes back out of the library and on to her next friend. Twilight sighs and starts going to her books. Owlowiscious flies down to help.

‘Owlowiscious, it looks like it will be a long night.’

There is a loud pounding at the back door of The Power Block. The Very Unhappy Physicist stomps down the stairs to answer the door.

‘This better be important!’ He shouts. ‘I am in the middle of precious bonding time with my kid!’

He throws the door open to see the extremely frazzled Rarity.

‘This better be good. I am busy pwning n00bs.’

Rarity is shocked with what she sees. ‘Beard!’

Instead of the relatively small goatee from a few days ago, The Bearded Physicist now has a massive beard. Rarity is certain it makes up the majority of his mass. She is so transfixed by the beard that she cannot maintain eye contact. It is so slovenly yet appealing. It goes against everything she knows about fashion and good taste, but she must learn its secrets.

‘Did Twilight send you here about that? Well, you can tell her I am not shaving until she apologizes to it.’ The Wandering Beard states.

‘No, it is not... beard...’

‘Right. I went from JoColt to full-on Galifianakis since you last saw it.’ The Bearded Beard says. He then sighs. ‘Fine. You can do what you want. Just be gentle.’

Rarity looks at the face behind the beard then reaches out with a hoof. She gently taps the beard, quickly retracting. She reaches out again and gets a good feel. She giggles wildly and starts rubbing her horn up and down the beard.

‘Wooo! This feels so good!’ Rarity cheers.

‘Rarity. Public.’

‘What?’ Rarity realizes what she is doing. She blushes. ‘Oh. Sorry. I got a little away from myself.’

Beard Beard Beard sighs. ‘Now, how can I help you?’

‘Right. There was an unfortunate incident earlier, and my student Stormy received a crack on his horn. Twilight is looking for a way to help with the healing process from her end, but she also suggested asking you for assistance.’

‘A cracked horn, eh?’ Rarity is drawn in again as The Wandering Physicist strokes his beard. ‘Best thing I can suggest is keeping it wrapped and monitoring the healing process carefully.’

‘Isn’t there anything you can do with your advanced science?’

‘Off the top of my head, all of the things I can do or give you could seriously damage more than just his horn.’

‘Please. There must be something. His future depends on it.’

‘I’ll see what I can do. I’ll see you in the morning with an answer.’

‘Thank you, good sir. You are a class act.’ Rarity gives a small bow. She then buries her muzzle in the beard and breathes deeply. She exhales in ecstasy. ‘Ah yeah. That’s the stuff.’

Rarity trots away in a daze as the beard shakes itself in disapproval, causing The Wandering Physicist’s head to move too.

The next morning, Rarity and Twilight are waiting outside of the hospital. They are trying to stay warm.

‘Where is he?’ Rarity complains. ‘He said he would meet us in the morning.’

‘Are you sure he said that?’ Twilight asks.

‘I have no reason to mislead you. He clearly stated that he would be here in the morning.’

‘Normal morning or his morning?’

‘I don’t follow.’

‘Well, he normally gets up around noon, give or take a hour,’ Twilight explains.

‘Ooh... We might have a bit of a wait.’ Rarity pouts a little. ‘And I wanted to get me a piece of that beard again.’

Twilight gives Rarity a look that is a fair combination of confused and disgusted. Just then, Rei flies up and lands next to the mares.

‘Sorry I am late. No worries. He got your messages,’ Rei greets.

‘Did he tell you anything that could help?’ Rarity asks.

‘Yeah. He said to give Twilight this.’ Rei pulls a small package from under her wing and gives it to Twilight. ‘Well, he didn’t really say it, but the note on it said to give it to you.’

‘Did he have any instructions on what it is?’ Twilight asks.

‘No... All he really said was, “Shut the f...” OW!’ Rei holds the side of her head and glares at Rarity.

‘What? I didn’t do anything,’ Rarity defends.

‘I know. That just happens when I try swearing. Thanks a lot.’

‘So some of my teaching is getting through to you!’ Rarity poses with her forelegs in the air. ‘I am the best teacher ever!’

Rei just growls at Rarity. Twilight looks over the package.

‘Whatever this is, we should get it to Stormy quickly.’ Twilight states.

‘I’ll go inform the doctor.’ Rarity heads into the hospital.

The other two follow with Twilight examining the package as carefully as she can. Inside, she finds a small jar and a stack of notecards.

‘Don’t play with the wheelchairs,’ Twilight says as she looks over the notecards.

Rei climbs down from a wheelchair she found. ‘You’re no fun.’ The top note card is levitated over to her. ‘Wanderer-san is no fun.’

Rarity motions for them to follow as a doctor leads them to Stormy’s room.

‘Mr Soufflé seems to be doing fine. We set his leg and wrapped his horn,’ The doctor explains. ‘We gave him some pain medication, and he has been resting since then.’

The doctor opens the door to the room, revealing Stormy laying in bed. The colt is quickly turning his bedside lamp on and off. He looks over at the visitors.

‘Doc, get me a book or something. I am so bored,’ Stormy moans.

‘You should be sleeping.’

‘Too bored. Can’t I go home?’

‘Between your injuries and your young age, we cannot allow it. Besides, you have visitors.’

Stormy looks. ‘Oh. Welcome Miss Rarity, Tsukiyo-san, and, uh...’

‘Twilight Sparkle. We met briefly after the picnic incident,’ Twilight greets.

‘Right. Sexy librarian. That totally works for me.’ Twilight blushes. ‘So what brings you by my miserable existence?’

‘We hopefully have a way to aid in your convalescence,’ Rarity explains. ‘Mr Wanderer has access to various remedies that should speed you to a quick recovery.’

‘As your doctor, I cannot recommend this treatment without any direct medical evidence.’ A notecard levitates in front of him. ‘Hmm. Interesting if true.’

Twilight shrugs. ‘I find what he has to say convincing.’

Stormy looks at Rarity. ‘Miss Rarity, do you trust this treatment?’

Rarity thinks. ‘I may not know Mr Wanderer as well as Twilight or Rei, but I know him well enough that I would trust whatever treatment he recommends.’ She pauses. ‘Also, his beard is one spoken of in legends.’

Twilight and Rei facehoof.

Stormy shrugs. ‘Works for me.’

‘Excellent!’ Rarity cheers.

‘You won’t live to regret this,’ Twilight says. Everypony turns to her in shock. ‘What? The card said I should say that.’

‘I think you should share those cards with us before you continue,’ the doctor advises.

Twilight sighs. ‘Fine.’ She clears her throat. ‘Special treatment for horn repair. Contents: one jar of special treatment. Do not store in temperatures above 32C. Side effects include but are not limited to: EM sensitivity, weakened magic, magical outbursts, phantom horn syndrome and pregnancy. Read to Stormy - “You always wanted to be a father.” ’

‘This guy is sane, right?’

‘Imitate me as best as possible and say - “Trust me. I’m a doctor.” ’

‘Doctor of what!’

‘Reply to Stormy - “Never you mind!” ’

‘Wow. He really prepared,’ Rarity muses.

‘You don’t know the half of it.’ Twilight and Rei moan. They look at each other, then Twilight turns back to the cards.

‘Anyway... Carefully unwrap the horn. Take a small amount on the hoof. Do not use any other means of application. Read to Stormy - “This will only hurt a bit.” Apply treatment. Pause for effect. “And by a bit I mean a lot.” Hmm. Must burn or something. Rewrap horn. Read to Stormy - “In eleven months, think of me when you have to pick out a name.” ’ Twilight sighs. ‘Anyway, it just goes on to say that it advances the healing process by about a week. This is definitely far more effective and far less risky than anything I found.’

‘You’re not the one that is going to get knocked up by some odd ointment,’ Stormy complains.

‘Hmm... After hearing that, are you sure you want to proceed?’ the doctor asks.

Stormy looks down as he thinks. He lets out a big sigh.

‘Screw it. My life is already messed up. A little pain is nothing if it means I can get better even a week faster.’

‘Okay. I’ll get a nurse in here to give you the treatment.’

‘Actually, doc. I’d like it if Miss Rarity did it. If it is going to burn like hell, I want somepony I know who will be gentle applying it.’

‘If you insist...’

‘I’d be happy to help my friend,’ Rarity states. She takes the jar of ointment. ‘I promise to be as gentle as can be. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we should have some privacy to keep his masculinity intact.’

The other ponies leave the room with Rei looking back to try to get a good look. The door is closed. After a few seconds, a loud yell is heard from the room.

‘Son of a bitch! That burns!’

Twilight and the doctor sigh while Rei moans. She will just have to find some other entertainment for today.

A few days later, Stormy is still in the hospital. He is unable to convince the doctor to allow him to go home since he is still an unemployed minor and thus unable to support himself. Rarity had the class make him a gift basket, and Rei even brought him a free game from The Power Block, so he is not too bored. Currently, he is just laying in bed and moaning at the ceiling. The door to his room opens and the doctor, Rarity and a police officer enter.

‘This is the worst birthday party ever,’ Stormy says as he sees the group.

‘Actually, Mr Soufflé, we have some bad news for you,’ the doctor says. ‘You’re going to be let go.’

‘About damn time.’

‘It is not as good as it sounds,’ the officer says. ‘Your father’s political group has raised his bail and are threatening to sue if you are not released into his custody.’

Stormy collapses back into his bed. ‘Ah fu...’

‘Language, mister!’ Rarity yells.

‘Foal services has a good case against your father.’

‘Good.’

‘But we still have the problem with your release. If you had any sort of apprenticeship or employment...’

‘I know. I am screwed. Can’t you just put me in a foster home or something?’

‘Mister Stormy, I have a better idea, if you will listen,’ Rarity offers. Stormy moans and looks at her. ‘Since I am not old enough to take you in as foster foal and you have no relatives nearby, I offer you an apprenticeship at Carousel Boutique.’

‘Uh... baking pony, not sewing pony. Not to mention I still have months until my horn is healed even with that week shaved off. Literally shaved off since it still burns.’

‘You do know my apprenticeship requires you to be on call at my whim, thus necessitating you to stay at my residence.’

‘The most gorgeous pony in town offers you a room. Take it, son,’ the officer adds.

Rarity escorts Stormy to Carousel Boutique. They are going slow since he is using a crutch.

‘I know you are still convalescing, but I will still have to assign you work just so that we can maintain the apprenticeship. I hope you are good at filing and filling out requisition forms.’

‘Oh yeah. My cutie mark isn’t really a soufflé. It is a filing cabinet for the ERS. I have just been faking it the whole time.’

‘Careful, Mister Stormy. Today is still a lesson day. In fact, it is the final. You are still being graded.’

Stormy groans. ‘I knew this was too good to be true.’

The pair arrive at Carousel Boutique, and Rarity starts opening the door.

‘Do not fret. I have something special planned.’

Rarity opens the door fully, revealing a party underway. The whole class is dressed in finery and having a very genteel time. Stormy is a little shocked. Suddenly, the CMC rush forward.

‘May we show you to your seat, mister guest of honor.’ The CMC beam their widest smile at Stormy.

He does not reply and just lets the CMC do as they wish. The other fillies smile and give Stormy warm wishes. He is eventually seated at the center table. He looks around at the going-ons.

‘What is all of this?’ Stormy asks.

‘Oh, I figured the best way to really test our cultured behavior was with the most refined party we could muster. Even Pinkie Pie is getting into the spirit.’ Rarity points out Pinkie, who is dressed as an uniformed caterer as she serves the guests. Stormy notices one pony missing from the proceedings.

‘And Rei is..?’

‘Oh her?’ Rarity grins sheepishly. ‘Well, she was going to fail anyway, so I just pawned her off to the catering staff. I think she is having more fun that way.’

‘Okaerinasaimase, goshujinsama!’ Rei shouts as she flies over to Stormy’s table and bows.

Stormy blushes bright red at seeing Rei dressed as a maid. Rarity looks the colt over.

‘Have you ever considered a beard?’ Rarity asks.

Author's Notes:

Story Timeline: First appearance of Stormy. Stormy is taken in by Rarity. Rei meets Stormy.

Current TWP's Beard Love Triangle: Rarity

Number of times Stormy cracked his horn: 1

Origins

Main Characters: Discord, Luna, Celestia, Queen Luna, The Doctor (10) (RoH), Pinkie (RoH), Twilight (RoH), James Sparkle, TWP, Twilight
Cameos: Rainbow Dash (RoH), Lucas (RoH), Derpy (RoH)
Original Write Date: November 6, 2011

When physicists talk about other dimensions, they mean literal physical dimensions like x,y,z,t. A layman hears that term, they think alternate realities. They think of a vast multiverse where every little change means something different. If that were true, then 99.99999999% (rounded down) of the universes would differ from their nearby neighbors by only one electron, neutrino, photon in a different location. True alternate realities are boring. But the layman did get something right. Poetic, artistically-licensed alternate universes would be pretty freaking rad.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sun shines bright over Equestria. A young white alicorn filly flies over the land enjoying the beautiful day. She loves the feel of the wind through her long pink mane on a warm summer day. She is especially fond of the wide grasslands that seem to go on like oceans of green. Nothing can interrupt.... What is that strange noise? It is like somepony is gasping quite hoarsely.

Celestia lands to look for the source of the strange noise. She thinks she sees a blue shape in the distance and gallops towards it, but it vanishes. Celestia looks around, confused. She stretches her wings and prepares to fly off once more.

‘Wait. Help,’ a strange voice croaks.

Celestia looks around once more. She sees movement in the tall grass and gallops. She draws near the source of the sounds and movement and comes to a screeching halt. Before her lays a beast like she has never seen before. It appears larger than Celestia’s father and looks like a mixed-up jumble of creatures from various dragons to a manticore to even a pony-like head. Celestia is certain this creature will only bring trouble.

‘Tia! Where are you, Tia!’

Celestia turns to see her younger sister Luna flying around. She knows her sister’s unusually high curiosity would bring her to the creature, and her unnatural empathy would make her want to help that thing. Celestia knows she has to just bite the bullet.

‘Down here, Lulu,’ Celestia calls up.

Luna lands near her sister. She starts troting up.

‘I’ve been looking everywhere for you. Where were y.... Whoa! What is that! He looks cool!’

‘Stay back!’ Celestia commands. ‘It could be dangerous.’

‘Help...’ the creature wheezes.

‘Tia! We have to help!’

‘We don’t even know what it is. It could be trying to trick us.’

‘Trick us or not, I will not let him suffer like this.’

Luna starts trying to cast a magic spell, but it fails. Celestia sighs.

‘You’re too weak still. Let me help.’

The sisters cast the healing spell together. The healing aura fills the creature, and its breathing becomes more regular. After a moment, a low chuckle starts coming from it. Celestia backs up, shielding Luna with a wing. The creature starts rising up as its laughter gets louder. It rises to its full height, which is indeed taller than the father of the two alicorns, and laughs a joyous, yet terrifying, laugh.

‘Oh glorious of days!’ The creature cheers. He smiles down at the ponies with one elongated canine tooth gleaming in the sun. ‘I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.’

The two ponies cower, not knowing what to do next. The creature goes down to the two ponies.

‘How can I ever thank you?’ the creature asks.

‘Not eating us would be nice,’ Luna squeaks, hiding under her sister’s wing.

The creature is taken aback. ‘Perish the thought! I would never harm my saviors.’ He snaps his fingers and a flower appears in his other hand. ‘How about a pretty flower for a pretty filly?’

‘I like flowers!’ Luna cheers as she pushes free of her sister.

‘Luna, wait! It could be poisonous. He could be trying to trick you,’ Celestia warns.

‘Aw! I am hurt. Does this look like a face that would trick you?’ The creature grins in a way Celestia can only describe as evilly.

‘I’ll take it first...’ Celestia says as she goes up to the flower.

Celestia examines the flower carefully. It looks like an ordinary blue flower. It has a pretty, sweet aroma that draws Celestia in. She puts her nose in and breathes deeply. Achoo! Suddenly, the sun goes down, and day switches to night. Achoo! The sun returns to it’s original position. The creature rolls on the ground, roaring in laughter.

‘What did you do to me!’ Celestia demands. She sneezes again, and it goes dark again.

Luna starts laughing too.

‘It is not funny!’ Celestia sheiks. Achoo!

‘No!’ Luna laughs. ‘It is hilarious!’ Luna turns to the creature. ‘Do me next!’

‘Achoo! You will do no such thi... Achoo!’

‘Lighten up.’ The creature ruffles Celestia’s hair. ‘It was only a simple trick with the pollen.’ He blows the flower into the wind, spreading its seeds everywhere. ‘I am sure there is a simple cure if you say the magic words.’

‘Please!’ Celestia growls.

The creature snaps his fingers and another flower appears. A quick sniff, and Celestia returns to normal. She still snarls at the creature.

‘Aw. I wanted to have some fun too.’ Luna sulks.

‘Don’t feel bad, Wittle Woona. I, the great Discord, have a feeling we will have a lot of fun together,’ Discord says with another wicked grin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Discord and Luna are the best of friends. They have spent years having fun together. Discord takes great delight playing pranks and causing chaos, all to get Luna to laugh and smile. Celestia is frustrated with the couple since she is the one always stuck cleaning up their mess. She is the one that tends to the earth ponies, the unicorns and the pegasi, when one of Discord’s pranks get out of hand. Celestia hates Discord for the things he does. She hates him more for being so close to her sister.

‘Discord!’ Celestia yells outside of Discord’s ‘meager’ ten story tower. He does not want to outshine the ‘true’ rulers of Equestria.

‘You rang?’ Discord asks as he leans out a window.

‘We need to talk!’

‘If you want to talk, why are you shouting?’

Celestia growls and takes flight. She goes to the window where Discord was to find nothing.

‘What are you doing up there?’ Discord asks from a lower window.

‘Can you be serious for once in your life?’

‘If I did that, then where would the fun in living be?’

Celestia teleports into the tower behind Discord.

‘Thank you for knocking and asking politely to come in.’

‘I have no time for your games. Were you in the northern lands yesterday?’

‘I may have been. This is a big world, and that requires a lot of chaos.’

‘Why did you change all of the polar bears black?’

‘They are not all black. Some have stripes. Oh! You should see what I did to the ponies on that eastern continent. I call them “zebra”. Pretty catchy, no? Anyway, the only reason some bears ended up with solid colors is because I started getting lazy and hungry.’

‘Is that why you and Luna were out all night? Again!’

‘Chillax, big sis. It is all good. I was a perfect gentleman.’

‘Enough! I don’t want to hear of it.’

‘Good. Because a gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell.’

‘You are no gentlepony.’

Discord squeals. ‘It is true! Wanna hear how many times we did it?’

Celestia stomps a hoof down. It cracks the stone under it. She has a very powerful magic spell charging on her horn.

Discord taps Celestia’s horn and instantly dispells the magic. ‘Calm down, big sis. It was only a joke.’

‘Quit calling me that.’

‘Fine, Celestia,’ Discord moans.

‘I am sick and tired of always cleaning up your mess. Stop with all of your bloody chaos!’

Celestia glares up at Discord. Discord glares back down. He smirks and stands back. He holds up a hand and a glass appears filled with what seems to be a brown milk. He drinks the glass and tosses the liquid out the window where it explodes violently.

‘No,’ Discord replies. ‘For, you see, the universe is made by chaos. You and your sister may think you control the stars and the solar and lunar cycles, but those are governed by underlying mechanics that are even beyond the control of the god of chaos myself. Any perceived change in the cycle is merely an illusion. The universe was born out of imperfection and imbalance. Stars and planets popping up out of little pockets of nothing just because there was enough something there. A chaotic imperfection, if you will. The mere fact that you dare think you have any true power over your precious sun is more laughable than an entire lifetime of chaos I can create.’

Celestia stands at her full height. ‘I am tired of your nonsense. Our parents left us this land to rule for ourselves. You can either assist us and join our order, or you can continue the path you are on.’

Discord pretends to think. ‘I think... I’ll take the fun path.’ He smirks with his one over-sized fang glinting.

‘So be it. My order will stand against your chaos.’ Celestia starts leaving. ‘And since you chose that path, I forbid you from seeing my sister. I will do all in my power to prevent your unholy relationship.’

Celestia flies from the tower leaving a scowling Discord.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Luna flies over Equestria overseeing her beloved night. Once again, nopony is out enjoying all of the hard work she puts into making every night perfect. Luna sighs and wishes there were some way to make everypony appreciate the night as much as she does.

Luna vainly looks around desperately for the off pony that could possibly be out. Instead, she finds a fire sending ugly smoke into her pristine night. She quickly rushes to the source to try and quench the flame. She readies a spell to cause a rainstorm to put out the fire, but she notices something interesting. ‘Hello beautiful’ and a large arrow is burning on the ground. Luna follows the arrow to find Discord waiting by a lake.

‘Discord!’ Luna swoops down and embraces Discord. ‘It has been forever!’

‘Not quite forever, but your sister tries her darnedest.’

‘Yeah... She is a meanie sometimes...’

Luna pouts a little, but Discord lifts her head and smiles, erasing all her worries until...

‘Oh my stars! The fire!’

‘Oh dear! A fire! Too bad this freak snowstorm will ruin it.’

Discord snaps his fingers. A gale picks up and the fire is instantly erased. A light snowfall starts coming down from the heavens.

‘A mid-summer ice skating, my dear?’

Discord bows and touches a toe to the lake, freezing it instantly. Luna giggles. She puts her hoof in his claw, and they take to the ice.

‘It is wonderful to see you again, Discord. We used to have so much fun together.’

‘Yes, spreading chaos is a pretty fun task, I must admit. But when you are around, the fun is doubled.’

‘Sometimes, I don’t think Tia knows the meaning of the word “fun”. It is always protocol this, and Royal Canterlot voice that. It is so boring!’

‘Come, dear. She has to keep up appearances. I mean, the beloved sun goddess who rules over the day cannot be seen doing anything as exciting as eating a chili dog.’

Luna sighs. ‘Beloved sun goddess... Some nights I just wish...’

Discord gasps. ‘Don’t ever think that. You nights are beautiful. You just have to give the ponies time to realize their splendor. I am sure that in a thousand years’ time there will be whole celebrations dedicated to your nights.’

‘You really think so?’

Discord smiles down at Luna. ‘Would I lie to a face as beautiful as yours?’

Luna blushes. Discord starts leaning in for a kiss. Luna responds by leaning up. The enraptured couple fails to notice a star going out. Suddenly, there is a loud crack, and the ice shatters. A magical force field surrounds Luna and pulls her away. She is pulled right next to Celestia’s side.

‘I warned you, demon! Stay away from my sister!’ Celestia shouts.

‘It has been over a hundred years, Celestia! She can make her own decisions now. She can buy her own insurance and everything!’

‘Tia! Please! Stop this fighting! He wasn’t trying to hurt me!’ Luna pleads.

‘I know that, but did you even stop to think about anypony else?’ Celestia turns to the still smoldering fire. ‘All of the crops are ruined by the fire and snow. How many ponies must suffer just for one pathetic attempt at a romantic gesture?’

‘If it means that I can see my beloved Luna for just one moment more, I will tear my way through your whole army and reshape your entire kingdom for that chance!’ Discord roars.

Celestia turns to her sister. ‘Luna, you see what violence he is capable of? Is this truly a being that would have your best interests at heart?’

‘But...’ He is the only one who loves my nights as much as I...

‘But nothing!’ Celestia snaps. ‘We are leaving. If I ever see the two of you together again, I swear to our parents that it will be the last time.’

Celestia flies away with Luna still in tow. Luna screams to be let free as they fade into the distance. Discord is left fuming by the lake.

‘That is the way you wish to play, is it Celestia? So be it. You may not have known this, but I have ended entire races for love before, and I will do it again if need be. Mark my words! Luna will be mine to cherish! You cannot stop the purest form of chaos and that is true love!’

Celestia meets with some ministers about new plans for expanding the capital of Canterlot. Suddenly, there is a tapping on the wall. Celestia gets on guard, and her guards get ready for anything as well. A hole is blown out of the wall, and Celestia and her guards ready powerful magics. Unfortunately, they have to duck as the main doors to the hall come flying at them.

‘Here’s Johnny!’ Discord calls as he strides calmly into the hall.

The pegasus guards immediately charge and the unicorn retainers fire their spells. Discord calmly walks through the spells. With just a touch of a claw, all of the color is drained from the attacking pegasi. The pegasi instantly turn on each other.

Discord looks down at the unicorns. ‘Run.’

The guards do not need anymore warning, and they bolt, color draining from them as they flee. Outside, a star goes out in the night sky. Discord turns to the furious Celestia. He just smirks at the powerful alicorn.

‘Please tell the lovely lady Luna that I am here for our date.’

‘I will never let you near her. Leave now and I will spare you.’

‘You spare me? Ha! That is so funny I forgot to laugh.’ Flowers and candies appear in Discords arms. ‘Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a wonderful woman to woo.’

A blast of magic vaporizes the flowers and candy.

‘Y U no like me?’ Discord pouts. ‘Is it because I oppose your feeble attempts at imposing your brand of order? No... It is something deeper.’ He walks through another powerful magic blast and runs a claw down Celestia’s cheek. ‘Is it because I have a relationship that you will never have with your sister?’

Discord is thrown across the hall with the strongest magic he has ever felt. Smoke rises from him, and he actually bleeds from a small gash on his torso.

‘You would think I hit a nerve with that.’

Celestia raises a golden yellow tiara to her head. ‘This ends here, Discord. I will see to that.’

‘Ooo! A magic hat. I have one of those too.’ Discord snaps his fingers and a paper crown reading ‘Home of the Whopper’ appears on his head. ‘Mine’s better.’

‘While you have been spreading chaos, I have been preparing,’ Celestia states. ‘I have forged these crowns,’ a onyx black tiara rests by Celestia’s throne, ‘from powerful magics specifically to counter chaos. With these six Elements of Harmony, loyalty, honesty, generosity, kindness, laughter and friendship, we will banish you from the land.’

‘Who is “we”? I only see one of you.’

‘Luna will be here shortly.’

‘Good. Because we are getting late for our dinner reservations.’

Celestia channels a blast of magic through the tiara and sends Discord across the hall again. One of his legs is turned to stone. He snarls and removes the spell encasing him. At that moment, Luna enters the hall from behind the throne. She looks terrified.

‘Tia! What is going on? Everypony is turning on each other. It is pandemonium out there.’ She looks back terrified. ‘I think I even saw a star...’

‘I’ll give you three guesses as to the cause,’ Celestia snarls as she moves between Discord and Luna.

Luna frantically looks between Discord and her sister. ‘Discord! What is going on here?’

‘I promised to do anything and everything to be with you. This is the first thing that came to mind.’

‘You are making innocent ponies hurt each other! Stop it!’

‘I did no such thing!’ Discord is taken aback. ‘I just awoke them to the truth and gave them a little introspection. How they cope is their own accord.’

‘Please end it before something really bad happens! I beg you!’ Luna pleads.

Discord sneers at Celestia. ‘At least she knows the magic words.’

Discord snaps his fingers. A blinding flash brings all of the fighting ponies back to normal. Celestia levitates the black tiara to Luna.

‘What is this?’ Luna asks.

‘A powerful defensive magic,’ Celestia explains. ‘With it we can seal Discord away forever and Equestria can finally be at peace.’

‘But it is Discord...’

‘And you have seen what he is capable of today. He is willing to make innocent ponies suffer in some perverted expression of his so-called love. He is dangerous, Luna!’

Luna cowers away from her sister.

‘Come now, Celestia. You are scaring the poor girl.’ Discord begins to advance. ‘Just let us be in peace, and I am sure all of this will blow over. One day, we will all get a beer and laugh about how silly some of us were acting, Celestia.’

Discord’s advance is stopped by a shot of magic at his feet. He looks to see a crying Luna readying another spell.

‘Please stop.’ Luna cries. ‘Just stop! I don’t want to see any more suffering.’

‘But, Luna, my dear...’

‘No Discord. I don’t want to see you again. You, you are bad. You only use your chaos for bad these days. You never use it for fun anymore.’

‘I would devote myself to fun and good and joy if I could be with you.’

‘I would like to believe you, Discord. I really would, but....’ Luna sobs. ‘Just go! This hurts enough already!’

Celestia stands with her sister. ‘You heard her. You got off lucky.’

‘So be it.’ Discord snarls.

Discord starts walking out of the hall. Distinct sobs can be heard coming from him. Celestia comforts her sister. Discord stops. A ball of magic forms in his hand. He quickly turns and throws it at the princesses.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now, several things could happen here. Discord could hit Celestia, Luna or nothing at all. One or the other of the sisters could valiantly save the other. Discord could even realize his folly and stop the attack himself. There are countless possible outcomes. Let us assume that Discord did try to stop his attack, but it was too late. Celestia throws herself in front of her sister and takes the mortal blow. Discord is shocked and disgusted by his actions. He freely surrenders himself to the princesses and their Elements of Harmony. Celestia dies and Luna is left on her own. That is one version of the story. You can have your own version if you wish. Let us see where this version takes us a thousand years down the line.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The city of Ponyville is under attack! Alien invaders have landed in a strange saucer-shaped craft. They attacked swiftly and seized the city before the New Lunar Republic defense force could stop them. The defense force has sealed the town and is holding off other invaders in orbit, but the foothold is already there. The Daleks have landed.

In the city, a small resistance is fighting back. The unicorn Lucas Grainsborough uses his magic to blast a patrolling Dalek. He quickly takes cover as a hail of laser fire destroys his vantage point. The pegasus Derpy Hooves draws some fire with her complex aerial skills. Both ponies make their escape to a safe location, for now. The Daleks approach the hiding place. The ponies clutch each other and pray. Suddenly, a rainbow-colored explosion bursts across the city. The Daleks stop for a moment. They turn and head towards the explosion.

‘Rainbow Dash!’ Twilight Sparkle cries as a legion of Daleks descend on her friend.

Twilight uses a spell to cut a line through the Dalek attackers to help her friends, but it is too late. Several Dalek lasers strike Rainbow Dash midair, sending the pegasus to the ground, her Element of Loyalty shattering on the ground. Twilight roars and erupts with magical energy around her. Behind a magical shield cast by Queen Luna, The Wandering Physicist is trying to console a crying Pinkie Pie. Aside, The Doctor is working on some complicated device.

‘Hurry up, Doctor!’ Luna shouts. ‘Or else we will be down to just one Element of Harmony.’

‘I am working as fast as I can!’ The Doctor shouts back. ‘These things take time.’

‘Twilight! Get back here!’ The Wandering Physicist yells.

‘I can do this, James.’ Twilight says as magical energies flow into her.

Twilight glows with magic. Her eyes and crown shine with an eerie light. Bolts of magic shoot down all of the Daleks around her as she moves on the saucer. Her horn pulses as she prepares a final spell. Suddenly, a laser shot passes through Twilight. Her spell is instantly diffused, and the rush of energy pushes everything back.

‘TWILIGHT!’ The Wandering Physicist cries as he rushes to his fallen friend.

‘James! Get back here!’ The Doctor yells.

The Wandering Physicist rushed through the advancing Daleks and their endless laser fire. He reaches the fallen Twilight and holds her up. The Daleks close in on them.

‘Twilight! I am here! Don’t leave me, Twilight!’

The Wandering Physicist sobs as he holds Twilight’s body to him. He looks up in anger and turns on the Dalek closest to him. Several shots pass through him, and he falls to the ground.

‘James!’ Luna cries.

‘He will regenerate,’ The Doctor assures. ‘We will stop them.’

The Daleks turn and close on Luna, The Doctor and Pinkie. From behind them, an insane laugh is heard. The Wandering Physicist stands as his body starts glowing.

‘Stupid bloody Daleks,’ The Regenerating Physicist growls. ‘You forgot one of the most important rules: double tap.’

A Dalek turns to the threat, but is instantly destroyed in a blast of energy. The other Daleks start backing away. The energy surrounding The Wandering Physicist starts causing him to change and mutate. His body elongates and becomes scaly. His hooves become claws like those found on various beasts of the world from dragon to manticore. His head twists and grows. A pair of mismatched horns grow from his head, and one of his teeth becomes an elongated fang.

‘Discord,’ Luna hisses.

‘Discord, you say?’ Discord muses. ‘I like that name. I think in the Dalek language it means... DEATH!’

Discord rips the dome off the Dalek nearest to him. He throws it through another Dalek. He punches a hole through the top of another Dalek dome. The Dalek shell becomes encased in electricity. The electricity arcs from Dalek to Dalek. They scream in pain as they are electrocuted to death.

‘James! Stop this now!’ The Doctor commands.

Discord pulls his claw from the Dalek and points it into the sky. A burst of energy shoots into the air. Discord stares at the sky. Tears start falling from his face.

‘It is over, Theta. It is all over,’ Discord says.

‘James. What is over?’

‘The Daleks. They are gone. They wont hurt us anymore.’

‘James, no, Discord, how could you? How could you do such a thing?’ The Doctor asks.

‘They killed her, Theta. They killed her. I couldn’t control myself. They should have killed me instead. I would have preferred they kill me instead of her. I would have given all of my lives for her.’

‘Discord... You didn’t have to...’

‘Mr... Wanderer...’

Discord and The Doctor look down and see the dying body of Twilight still breathing. Discord lifts her up and embraces her.

‘Twilight. I am so sorry, Twilight. This never should have happened. I failed you.’

‘We... we were to become one.’

‘Yes. Yes, we were. Now we cannot. I am no longer the one you loved.’

Twilight reaches up and touches Discord’s face. ‘You are still in there. You just have to...’

Twilight passes out as her breathing weakens. Discord cries in rage. Surrounding buildings crumble at the cry.

‘James! Listen to me!’ The Doctor snaps. ‘There is still a way to save you both. Just think about it! Think about it really hard!’

Discord looks down at Twilight then to The Doctor. He nods in agreement. Discord starts channeling all of his energy within him. His body starts glowing in regeneration energies once more.

‘James...’ Twilight wheezes.

‘Twilight. This will hurt a bit.’

‘Are... we... going... to... be... one..?’ Twilight gasps.

Discord just nods. He raises Twilight up to him, and they kiss. Twilight becomes engulfed in the regeneration energies as well. The energy passes from Discord to Twilight. The pair fall to the ground. Discord passes out as Twilight starts to regenerate herself.

‘What did he do?’ Luna asks as she draws near.

‘He transferred his remaining regenerations and a good deal of his consciousness to Twilight’s body. It is a very dangerous process. They probably won’t live,’ The Doctor explains.

‘What will happen to Twilight?’ Pinkie croaks as she hold back her tears. ‘Will she still be Twilight?’

‘We’ll have to wait and see.’

‘... And Discord?’ Luna asks as she looks over her former lover from both her distant and recent past.

‘You know what must be done to him.’

‘Can’t we kill him now? Save the past some suffering?’

‘We cannot change the past. Not one line! Without Discord, who knows what horrors you may have witnessed in the new timeline you create.’

‘I guess you’re right...’

‘Ugh... What hit me?’ a male voice says.

The trio look over to see a light brown alicorn with long purple hair and a pink highlight rubbing his face.

‘Glasses... where are my... No, don’t need them any more.’ The new alicorn says. ‘My head...’ He rubs higher. ‘Huh. I’m a unicorn. That’s new.’

‘That is not all.’ The Doctor points at the wings on the alicorn’s side.

‘Oh. That is different too.’

Pinkie slowly moves in close. ‘Are, are you still.... Who are you?’

‘If you are asking if I am Mr James Hayate Wanderer or Twilight Sparkle, I am both. There was a bit of a rearranging of things in the transfer, but most of who we were are still intact in here somewhere.’ He looks over at Discord. ‘We gave him some of Twilight’s rationality too in hopes that it will stabilize him enough to function with some sanity instead of just blind rage and chaos.’

Pinkie’s eyes start swelling with tears again. She locks the alicorn in a hug. ‘Mr Wandering Twilight!’

A very tired Lucas and Derpy arrive on the scene. Derpy takes one look around the battlefield and quickly empties the contents of her stomach behind the nearest pile of rubble.

‘Good timing.’ The Doctor says. ‘Lucas, I need help moving Discord here to my TARDIS. I have lots of work that needs to be finished.’

Lucas moans and starts lifting Discord with his magic. He and The Doctor start heading off. Derpy collects her self enough to pass out in her pile of mess. Luna looks at her changed friend.

‘I am sorry that I am Discord. If I had known I would be the...’

Luna shakes her head. ‘No. You are not Discord. You are James, and you are Twilight. You are my best friend and my biggest rival. Discord was a twisted shell that abused you to get its ends. It will take time, but I am sure we will get to know each other again.’

Pinkie chokes back a tear. ‘Speaking of which, what do we call you now?’

‘Hmm... I am no longer The Wandering Physicist, nor am I Discord or Twilight Sparkle.’

‘Why don’t we just use “James” still? It is pretty easy to remember,’ Luna suggests.

‘Right! James Sparkle!’ Pinkie cheers. ‘That is what you would have been called now anyway.’

‘No, I wouldn’t ha... Yeah. You’re right,’ James agrees.

‘James Sparkle. Future king of the New Lunar Republic.’ Luna giggles.

‘Uh no. Future Mr James Sparkle-Pie.’ Pinkie corrects.

‘Uh girls... I really hate to interrupt...’

The mares stop their fantasies and notice that James is watching as the New Lunar Republican army slowly enters the area. All of the ponies moan at the thought of the tough times that lay ahead for them. In the stars above, one light goes out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Wandering Physicist is on the grounds of the royal palace in Canterlot once more. A formal dinner is being held for all of the mayors and city leaders from across Equestria. Since the mayor of Ponyville is sick, Twilight Sparkle has been sent instead. Not wanting to go alone, Twilight dragged The Wandering Physicist with her. In the time before the dinner, The Wandering Physicist is taking time to see the palace. He comes across a secluded manor that has a pair of guards posted outside of it. Above the manor is a large sign with Discord’s face on it.

‘Hello, Discord,’ The Wandering Physicist mumbles.

The guards snap their attention to The Wandering Physicist as he just stares at the sign. Another pony approaches.

‘Mr Wanderer, it is almost time. We should get going,’ Twilight says as she comes closer. After getting no response, she looks at the sign too. ‘I still can’t believe Celestia had us reform him and didn’t have his statue smashed or sealed in a vault.’

‘That would have been cruel. She is above that.’’

‘He would have deserved it.’

‘Would he have?’

‘Don’t make this a political thing. I don’t want any of your Celestia-bashing tonight.’

‘We’re going to have deal with at some point. Was he as evil as you claim?’

‘You had to have been around for the chaos he caused.’

‘Chaos is not evil. Chaos is a natural part of the universe. And don’t tell me the buffalo ballerinas were not funny.’

‘Well, just a little, but he turned me and friends against each other.’

‘Or did he just expose the self doubt that existed within you?’ The Wandering Physicist holds a hoof up as Twilight starts to argue. ‘I talked with the others about it. I heard their versions of the story and what they saw. Fluttershy and Applejack admit what happened to them were caused by internal feelings. It takes some prodding...’

‘I guess you are right. Not to mention what you and Pinkie showed me at your birthday.’

‘Most importantly, you did seem to learn a lesson about friendship from the whole experience too.’

‘I know you are trying to get me to say something good about him, but I still have too many negative feelings toward the whole experience.’

‘Random. Misleading. Manipulative. Taught you a lesson about friendship. Did things just for the lols. Really gets under your skin.’

Twilight scowls. ‘Discord...’

‘I was talking about myself. Who mentioned Discord?’

Twilight groans. ‘Fine, but Discord doesn’t look as good in a suit as you.’

‘I don’t know... Can you imagine him in a giant bow tie?’

Twilight giggles. ‘You’re right. Silver polyester and a bow tie. Maybe a fez. Rarity would flip.’ She giggles some more then kisses The Wandering Physicist’s cheek. ‘Take your time, but not too much, okay?’

The Wandering Physicist smiles and watches his friend leave.

‘Do you love her?’ a voice says from The Wandering Physicist’s shoulder.

‘What do you think?’ he replies. He turns and looks at Discord again.

‘You have to tell her.’ Discord sighs, ‘I missed my chance last time.’

‘Is any of what you showed me true?’

‘Does it have to be to have meaning?’

‘Are the Daleks really coming?’

‘In my time, they were here by now. It seems your Equestria is free from that fate so far.’

‘I have to go now.’ The Wandering Physicist turns and starts walking away.

‘You better tell her or I will find a way to tell her for you!’ Discord taunts.

The Wandering Physicist looks back. He grins smugly. ‘What makes you think she doesn’t already know?’

Discord is hard to write for! There! I said it! And for those who think Discord didn’t teach the Mane6 a lesson or that he is truly gone, read this.

So after I got the awesome Pinkie Still Alive idea, I got another idea: what if The Wandering Physicist was Discord? Pretty much all of these scenes and the commentary from the narrator poured into my head at that instant. Don’t get me wrong. There are better artists that created better Discord origins and better Discord ships. This story was just his origin within this universe. Well, within two universes.

The bulk of the story takes place in the collective past between the main universe and Rei’s home universe. The last two scenes are end result of the different paths. As Rei said in her origin story, Luna and James would go on to marry and have their daughter. It was really tough coming up with a way for Pinkie to be the only survivor. I really did not want to write any other on screen deaths for any of the other Elements (especially Fluttershy), but Dash’s seemed like a good idea at the time. I still hated writing that scene. Any of the writers who produce grim, dark, and sad stories have my appreciation for being able to write that material and keep food down.

Author's Notes:

Story Timeline: First appearance of the Rebirth of Harmony universe.

Story Events: SO! This chapter was a lot about the origins of Discord, the Elements and my Rebirth of Harmony side story. Events seen in this chapter have repercussions throughout the rest of the series. It was also one of my favorite to write. I really love the idea behind it and the mixing of the two versions of Equestria.

Story Notes: Thanks to Keep Calm and Flutter On, Discord is no longer in the statue for the final scene. That changed it from an awkward psychic conversation to what we have now. Definitely turned out for the better.

Also, as the second narration scene states, this is a way things could have happened. This is obviously not the way they happened in the canon universe. This story is not the origin of Discord. It is the origin of the Return of Harmony universe.

Obnoxious and Annoying

Main Characters: TWP, Twilight, The Great and Powerful Trixie, Rei, Maxie, Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow Dash
Cameos: Steven Magnet
Original Write Date: November 7,2011

The Wandering Physicist and Twilight are enjoying a nice day out at the park. Both are completely in their element. He is using his mobile with tethering and is working on his laptop. She is buried in a book. Anypony walking by would see the perfect couple. Overhead, Rei is zipping around like crazy. Nopony would guess that in an alternate reality the fused souls of two of the most introverted ponies would father the most hyperactive pegasus after Surprise of Cloudsdale.

The Wandering Physicist adjusts the ball cap he is wearing for maximum sun blockage. Twilight negotiated him down from a full biker helmet. With his hat in place, he raises a hoof to the air with a piece of candy on the end. Rei zooms past and takes the candy without touching him. The watching ponies clap at the trick.

‘Stop that,’ Twilight says. ‘Too much sugar is bad for her.’

‘She’ll be fine,’ The Wandering Physicist assures. ‘Plus, this is good training for the circus.’

‘You’re not selling her to the circus.’

‘Awwww!’ The Wandering Physicist and Rei moans in unison.

Twilight sighs and goes back to her book. Rei zooms off to fly around again. The Wandering Physicist hits a key on his computer and sits back.

‘There. Posted the pics from our trip.’

‘Pics?’ Twilight asks. ‘We were only there overnight.’

The Wandering Physicist cackles. Twilight sighs, gets up and goes around to see the pictures. Her eyes instantly go wide.

‘You mooned Discord!’ The Wandering Physicist goes to the next pic. ‘What the hell are you doing there!’

‘Looks like they are bringing sexy back,’ Rei comments from over Twilight’s shoulder.

‘That is Discord! The god of chaos and Equestria’s worst enemy!’

‘Yeah. And he is bringing sexy back too, apparently.’

Twilight groans at Rei. She turns back to The Smirking Physicist. ‘Who took those?’

The Wandering Physicist goes to the next picture that shows him and Discord wearing the guards’ helmets, and they and a guard making funny faces. Twilight facehoofs. The next picture comes up. Rei falls to the ground laughing. Twilight looks up. The Wandering Physicist and Celestia are making funny faces next to Discord while wearing the guards’ helmets.

‘I hate you so much,’ Twilight growls.

‘The feeling is mutual,’ A boastful voice says from behind the group.

They turn to see two light blue unicorns. One is a stallion. He is posing dramatically and magically making his cape flap in the wind. The other is a very bored-looking mare who is using her magic to file her hooves. Rei recognizes the mare. Her eyes go wide, and she shoots into the sky. Everypony just thinks Rei is acting normal.

‘Can we get this over with? The Great and Powerful Trixie has better things to do,’ Trixie states.

‘It will be over soon enough.’ Maxie points a hoof at The Wandering Physicist. ‘You will pay for the insult you unfairly levied against The Awesome and Magnificent Maxie.’

‘No time. Busy.’ The Wandering Physicist turns back to his computer.

Maxie stomps the ground. ‘You can’t do that! That is not fair. Trixe, tell him that is not fair.’

‘Maxie, just play your stupid game and be done with it.’

‘Fine. Mr Hayate!’ Maxie declares.

‘That is Hayate-san if you want to get technical,’ The Wandering Physicist corrects.

‘Whatever. I challenge you to another game battle. This time The Awesome and Magnificent Maxie will not lose!’

‘Ugh. Fine. If it will shut you up.’

The Wandering Physicist closes his laptop and gets his pack with all of his hoofhelds in it. He goes over to challenge Maxie. Trixie comes over and sits across from Twilight.

‘Are you here for another magic duel too, Trixie?’ Twilight asks, glaring at her once-rival.

‘Pul-ease. The Great and Apologetic Trixie would never stoop to something as mundane as this. Not that that oaf would listen.’

‘Oh.’ Twilight is surprised.

‘Don’t think you are getting off easy,’ Trixie hurriedly says. ‘When Trixie finally one-ups you, it will be spectacular.’ She turns her nose up.

Twilight groans and goes back to her reading.

‘Your Ursa Minor trick is a popular part of my act.’

Twilight drops her book. ‘What?’

Trixie looks over. ‘I have been incorporating more illusion stories into my act. Told properly, of course. Your vanquishing of the Ursa Minor is one of my more popular stories.’

‘Well, uh, thank you?’ Twilight replies and goes back to her book.

Trixie smirks. ‘My story also has more hits on YouTube than the original video of your act.’

Twilight slams her book closed. ‘What!’

Trixie laughs. ‘Jealous much?’

Twilight blushes. ‘N-no. It is just that I didn’t know there was a video of me.’

There is a loud crack of thunder from above as Rei shoots back to the ground. She stops just above Trixie.

‘OH! MY! LUNA!’ Rei stammers. ‘You are The Great and Powerful Trixie!’

‘Guilty~~~!’ Trixie sings. Twilight rolls her eyes.

Rei squeals so hard that she could shatter glass across town. She starts dancing and doing tricks all across the sky.

‘I have that effect on some ponies,’ Trixie says to Twilight smugly.

Twilight sighs. ‘She is not from around here, so she doesn’t know your reputation.’

‘So she is from somewhere that appreciates class.’

‘Actually...’ Twilight raises hoof to lecture then stops. ‘Never mind. It is a long story.’

Rei comes back. She is pushing a mint-green unicorn she just happened to find. The unicorn is holding a camera.

‘I must have a picture!’ Rei begs.

‘Anything for a fan,’ Trixie readies a dramatic pose.

Before Twilight can escape, Rei catches her. ‘With both of you.’

Twilight moans and joins the shot. Rei slows down her excitement enough to stop for the picture. The majority of her face is an over-sized grin. The unicorn gives the camera back then flees for her life. Rei squeals again at the picture.

‘Why didn’t you get that excited when you met me?’ Twilight complains.

Rei calms down. ‘Sorry. Trixie was the only one of you I hadn’t met yet back home, and I am a huge fan of her work.’

‘Yes, I am amazing,’ Trixie brags.

‘Hmpf. I really don’t see why she would have been chosen instead of me.’

‘Um... Well...’ Rei says, looking away from Twilight and remembering her history lessons. ‘Nothing! Besides, you two are alike. You are both masters of magic. You both even have magic-themed special talents.’

‘Yeah, but my magic is practical magic. Real spells with real effects.’

‘And my illusions don’t have any real effects? Tell that to all of the amazed fans that come to my shows.’

‘But I can actually change physical objects. You only do tricks.’

‘Hey!’ Rei snaps. ‘Illusions! Tricks are something a whore does for money!’ Twilight stares back in shock. ‘... or cocaine.’

Twilight and Trixie are shocked at what they heard. Both shake it off.

‘Um... Anyway...’ Trixie starts. ‘My illusions bring joy to many. Sure, there is no direct physical change, but the emotional changes are real. A good mood can change the world.’ Rei nods besides Trixie.

‘Fine. But what about my friends? You publicly humiliated them for the sake of your act. Twice!’

‘My act has changed now. I would make amends if I could.’

‘Ooo!’ Rei disappears off into the sky.

‘I don’t like the looks of that...’ Twilight sighs.

‘Trixie! Make him be nice to me!’ Maxie moans as he comes over. ‘I want to win at least one game!’

The Wandering Physicist happily trots over and sits by Twilight.

‘You mean you made me travel all the way out here, and you couldn’t even win one game! Didn’t you have a plan in that empty shell you call a skull!’

‘Yes...’

‘What was it, I shudder to ask.’

‘I was going to beat him then gloat about it.’

Trixie facehoofs. ‘This is why your side of the family is never invited to the reunions. ... that and other, obvious reasons,’ She hisses.

Twilight turns to ask The Wandering Physicist a question. ‘Forty-seven to zero. Didn’t even lose a single Pokemon this time.’ He beams.

Trixie sighs. ‘Well, it looks like our business is done here. We should be leaving.’

‘Wait! What about apologizing to my friends?’

‘I guess we will have to make peace another time.’

‘Make peace? Is that even possible?’ The Wandering Physicist asks.

‘I am sure my friends would love to get an apology,’ Twilight answers.

‘But would they listen? Applejack is very sensible, but Rainbow Dash is very stubborn and Rarity... Well, she just about bit my head off when I suggested getting Mongrelian barbecue after the last time I watched her sister.’

Twilight sighs. ‘You have a point.’

‘Look who I found!’ Rei sings as she drags Rainbow Dash and her cloud and Tank to the park. The Wandering Physicist laughs. Twilight facehoofs. Trixie grimaces. ‘When I told her that Trixie was here to apologize, she just could not resist the opportunity to make peace.’

‘Hmm. Well. I guess that is a good thing,’ Trixie stutters. ‘Let me begin by saying...’

‘Can it, Trixie. I don’t want to hear no phony baloney fake apology from you,’ Rainbow Dash says from her cloud. Tank nods beside his master.

‘Dash, she really means it.’ Twilight says.

‘Not you too, Twilight. I thought you of all ponies would be too smart to fall for that.’

‘I knew this was a bad idea...’ Trixie sulks.

‘Whatevs. I’m out.’

Rainbow Dash turns to fly away, but she is faced with the scariest thing she has seen in her life. Chrysalis, Discord, Nightmare Moon and Fluttershy’s Stare can not compare to a furious Rei. Electricity crackles around the small pegasus.

‘You will get down there, and you will listen to Trixie’s apology!’ Rei yells. ‘You will do so sincerely, and you will treat it with as much respect as if it came from one of your dearest friends! GOT IT!’

All Rainbow Dash can do is ‘eep’ and nod to as the smaller pegasus forces her to the ground. The rest of the group watch in awe as Rainbow Dash is humbled.

Twilight jabs The Wandering Physicist. ‘You taught her that, didn’t you?’

That night, there is a small get-together at Twilight’s library. Applejack and Rarity have joined Twilight, Rei, Trixie and Rainbow Dash for an apology-and-gab session. Without much effort, thanks to Rainbow Dash’s still shattered nerves, Rei was able to convince the other two mares to listen to what Trixie had to say. After the fences were mended, the ladies stuck around to chat and get to know each other. Despite Trixie’s brash and arrogant exterior, they all found at least some small thing to relate to her about.

Rarity examines Trixie’s cape. ‘I am simply in love with the stitching. So fine and intricate. And the subtle glow-in-the-dark thread accenting the stars. Perfection!’

‘Do go on,’ Trixie pauses. ‘I mean it. Continue.’

‘Ah don’ care fer all that froo-froo sewin’ stuff,’ Applejack starts, ‘but anypony who can handle all the roadside repair hassles y’all have t’ go through is okay in mah book.’

Trixie sighs. ‘Being handy with a hammer is just one of the annoyances of not having a team of pegasi to pull your wagon for you, but good help is so hard to find these days.’

‘Enough talk about fashion and hardware!’ Rainbow Dash interrupts. ‘Did you really open for the Wonderbolts!’

‘Well, to be perfectly honest, we just performed at the same event several hours apart. But I assure you that The Great and Powerful Trixie had the audience perfectly warmed up for the main show.’

‘So awesome!’

Rei gives big yawn and stretches from where she is laying.

‘Aw. Looks like the little one is plumb tuckered out.’ Applejack laughs.

‘About time,’ Twilight says. ‘She’s been flying around like crazy all day.’

‘You should just give her a ton of sugar and let her crash a hour later.’ Everypony looks at Rarity. ‘What? That is what I do when I have to look after Sweetie Belle and her friends. Beats having them cause even half of the trouble they normally do.’

‘So that’s why Applebloom’s dental bills are so high! Ah’ll be havin’ t’ talk t’ ya about that later.’

Twilight nudges Rei. ‘Come on, Rei. Time for you to go home.’

‘But I don’t -- yawn -- na.’

‘I promised Mr Wanderer you would make it back at a good hour.’

‘Fine,’ Rei pouts. ‘But I didn’t get a chance to get a Trixie poster or something.’

‘Come by my wagon in the morning and I’ll make sure you get something extra special,’ Trixie offers.

Rei nods and heads out the door. She stretches her wings and prepares to take off.

‘So... you want some cool Trixie merch, eh?’

Rei spins around. ‘Who’s there!’

Maxie steps out of the shadows. ‘As her cousin, I have the hookup that can’t be beat.’

‘Hmm.... You are the one you has a grudge against Wanderer-san... But he kicked your flank! So I guess you’re a push over.’

Maxie snorts. ‘Well, hmm. If you don’t want the sweet deal...’

‘No, no! I want it. Gimme!’

Maxie laughs. ‘Then just come with me.’

The hangout at Twilight’s is turning into a sleepover, and she is setting up sleeping areas for her guests. Trixie insists that Twilight’s offer of a spare bed was more than gracious and accepts. Rarity’s rejection of sharing his bed has left Spike feeling upset. The others are spread around the free space in Twilight’s bedroom.

‘There we go,’ Twilight says as she lays out a makeshift bed for Applejack.

‘Thanks, sug’.’

‘I, for one, think this night has gone much more swimmingly than our last sleepover,’ Rarity states.

‘With the kid reinin’ in the fightin’ and no natural disaster outside, Ah’d have t’ agree.’

‘Whatevs. I still think I had the best scary story. Special effects shouldn’t count.’

‘The Great and Powerful Trixie is just a natural showmare. Me not having the best story would be like you not flying really fast.’

‘I guess...’

Twilight’s mobile rings next to her bed, and she answers.

‘Hello? Oh hi, Mr Wanderer! ... No, Rei isn’t still here. She left hours ago. ... What do you mean, she still hasn’t returned? Hello?’

The door to Twilight bedroom bursts open.

‘Search party, go!’ The Panicking Physicist commands. ‘You five, thanks for volunteering.’

‘Hold on! We agreed to no such thing!’ Rarity shoots back.

‘If Sweetie Belle disappeared mysteriously, would you just sit on your flank and do nothing?’

Rarity thinks for a moment. ‘For the children!’

‘Ah’m all fer helpin’ y’all, but do we have any clue where t’ start lookin’?’

‘She did want to get some souvenirs from Trixie. Maybe she went to her wagon,’ Twilight suggests.

‘My wagon?’ Trixie ponders. Her eyes narrow. ‘Maxie.’

The group is heading to the edge of town where Trixie parked her wagon. The Wandering Physicist has his sonic out and is scanning the area.

‘What is that thing and how can you stand the racket it makes?’ Trixie asks.

‘It is my sonic,’ The Wandering Physicist answers. He turns and holds it to Trixie’s face. ‘And don’t dis the sonic.’

Trixie backs down.

‘So who’s this Maxie fella y’all are talkin’ about?’ Applejack asks.

‘He thinks he is my rival since I kicked his flank back at the festival,’ The Wandering Physicist explains.

‘So he’s the jerk ya sent home cryin’ like Twilight did t’...’ Trixie glares at Applejack. ‘Eh heh heh.’

The Wandering Physicist growls to himself. ‘He’s back to get his revenge. If he has hurt Rei...’

‘He’s harmless for the most part,’ Trixie adds. ‘He is my idiot cousin. He practically begged me to come with him since he was scared of facing you alone. (Thank Luna that his daddy thought he was just being a child.) He thought I would want to fight Twilight again.’

Rainbow Dash cuts Trixie off. ‘If you dare mess with Twilight...’

‘I’m not here for revenge, Miss Dash.’

‘Hmpf.’

‘Are we near the wagon yet? My coat is fashionable and worth showing off, but I am ready to go to bed now.’

‘I think it should be...’ Trixie looks around.

‘We passed where it was parked about thirty meters back,’ The Wandering Physicist answers. ‘I’ve been following where it has been pulled since then.’

‘Wait. Where have we been following it to?’ Twilight asks.

The Wandering Physicist stops outside of a forest. ‘Here. This is where the trail ends.’

‘The Everfree Forest!’ everypony except The Wandering Physicist exclaim.

‘There appears to be three paths. I guess teams of two?’ The Wandering Physicist turns to see the mares standing back a bit. ‘Oh, what now?’

‘Mr Wanderer,’ Twilight starts, ‘The Everfree Forest is a pretty scary place in the daylight. At night...’

‘I have it on good authority that some of you here traversed this forest at night before. At Eternal Night.’

The rest of the group still looks a little nervous about entering. Trixie notices something about the way Twilight is looking at The Wandering Physicist, then her crowd reading instincts kick in and a wicked plan is hatched.

‘The Great and Powerful Trixie is not afraid. I am at your side, Mr Wanderer.’

‘Shoot. If Trixie can grow a backbone, Ah can t’.’

‘We are all with you, dear. It is just a little unnerving.’

‘Yeah! We ain’t scared of nothing.’

‘Thanks.’ The Wandering Physicist turns back to the forest. ‘Three paths, three groups. Since 3G is crap in there, thanks ET&T, we will have to use your magic to signal the groups.’

‘That sounds like a very good plan. I...’ Twilight starts.

‘I would like to go with Mr Wanderer, if that is okay,’ Trixie volunteers.

‘I am not sure that is a good idea...’ Twilight worries. ‘Neither of you have much experience in here.’

‘Well, between his sonic thingy and my knowledge of my cousin, we should do fine.’

‘I don’t...’

‘No worries, Twilight! I’ll have your back,’ Rainbow Dash boasts.

‘Hmm. I guess that leave us then,’ Rarity says to Applejack.

‘Heck, we’re not that bad o’ a pair when we try,’ Applejack assures.

‘Great. If you find the wagon, send up some magic flashy thing to let the rest of us know.’

‘Got it!’ All of the mages say at once. After a beat, ‘Jinx! Buy me a Coke!’ Trixie chimes in. She laughs proudly at herself as the other two glare.

‘Hmpf. Let’s just do this. Rei could be in trouble,’ Twilight huffs as she marches into the forest.

Most ponies think that unicorns are the only ponies with magic. They would be wrong. Earth ponies and pegasi have magic powers too. For instance, Rainbow Dash can create rainbows when she flies and Fluttershy can talk to animals. Rei’s special magic was her ‘night cloak.’ No! ‘Night armor.’ No! ‘Moon Armor.’ Yeah! That sounds cool. Moon Armor. With her Moon Armor, Rei could remain hidden indefinitely at night despite being bright white.

Currently, she is using this power to wait in ambush for that big meanie Maxie. He has her trapped in Trixie’s wagon (which is so cool!) and is taking her to some unknown location. Rei is also currently reading a book Trixie left hiding in a box under her bed for some reason. It was not as good quality as the comics in the hidden section of Kaeko’s shop or the games in Wanderer-san’s 18+ section, but it was entertaining nonetheless.

‘Oh please. Like that line would even work. Let alone get him that far,’ Rei scoffs. She makes a mental not to drop hints to Lucas or Stormy to try that line.

The wagon comes to a stop with a sudden jerk. Rei drops from the ceiling, bounces off Trixie’s small bed and lands hard on the floor. Moon armor sucks at protecting against injury. The door to the wagon opens, and Meanie McJerkington looks in.

Maxie looks at the book on the floor. ‘Aren’t you a little young for that stuff?’

‘Closest you’ll ever get.’ Rei gets up. ‘Why’d ya stop? Getting tired?’

Rei aims and shoots for the door. She is instantly caught be Maxie’s magic.

‘Not in the least.’ Maxie retorts. He plucks several feathers from Rei’s wings. ‘There. That should be enough to make him worry.’

Maxie scatters the feathers behind him. He seals the door behind him. The cart starts moving but not in a normal way.

‘Better hold on.’ Maxie says from outside. ‘This will get a little wild.’

Twilight uses her magic to light and scan the forest while Rainbow Dash flies overhead. They have yet to see any sign of the wagon.

‘Gah! Why does that filly have to cause so much trouble!’ Twilight growls.

‘Come on, Twilight. We all had a wild streak when we were that age.’

‘That was only a few years ago for us, and I never had a wild streak!’

‘Really? Could have fooled me.’

‘What does that mean?’

Rainbow Dash swoops down. ‘Ya know, I’m a wild one, but the quiet ones always do the wildest things. ... Except Fluttershy. She never does anything crazy, like fight a bear or something.’

‘Ugh. That is just a stereotype.’

Rainbow Dash shrugs and flies back up. After a moment of silence, she speaks up again.

‘I am surprised you let your guy go with Trixie like that.’

‘First, he is not “my guy”. Second, what do you mean by that?’

‘You know she wants to get back at you, and you let them go off into the forest alone together. We all know the next fireworks she shoots off will be... well, you know.’

Twilight blushes. ‘That, that would never happen. I-I-I mean, he is quite dense when it comes to that. Quite dense...’

Rainbow Dash laughs. ‘Don’t say I didn’t warn you.’

Twilight growls, then starts worrying about what Trixie could be up to.

The Great and Powerful Trixie is getting tired of the search. She swears to make Maxie suffer for this annoyance. At least she was able to make Twilight jealous by spending some private time with her coltfriend. Too bad he is too focused to notice. Trixie sighs and looks over at her escort. The Shivering Physicist seems to be falling prey to this late fall weather.

Trixie sighs again. ‘Here. Come closer. Take some of my cape.’

The Freezing Physicist slows down, and Trixie levitates part of her cape over him to share some warmth.

‘Thanks, but hat...’ The brim of Trixie’s hat is poking him in the face.

‘Oh!’ Trixie levitates her hat on to his head as well. ‘You really should have brought a coat. The Great and Powerful Trixie’s cape is not designed for two ponies.’

‘When somepony you care about is potentially in danger, you don’t really stop to think about grabbing a coat.’

‘Right...’

After a moment of silence, The Less-Cold Physicist breaks the ice.

‘Did any of the others have any funny stories about me?’

‘Excuse me?’

‘You were spending the night with several of my friends and none of our adventures came up? I must be losing my touch.’

‘They were more interested in their extra-special guest,’ Trixie gloats.

‘Well, it seems like your idiot cousin has a bit of a lead on us. Regale me.’

If Rei could rate that book, it would be a ‘C’ or ‘C+’ at best. The plot was weak. The action was mediocre and barely accomplished the job it promised. The characters were well-developed and entertaining, though. She will definitely have to recommend some better reading once Trixie saves her. Squee! Trixie will save her! So awesome!

Suddenly, the cart jolts to a stop again, once again dropping Rei from the ceiling. There is a high-pitched scream and then silence. The forest outside is eerily silent as well.

‘Mr Jerkface? Did you perhaps die or something equally gruesome?’ Rei calls.

There is no response. Rei actually gets a little scared. She creeps to a nearby window and peeks out. A strange shape passes by the window.

‘Evil bird! Tricky bird! Evil tricky bird!’ Rei sheiks.

Rei scrambles back across the wagon. She slams into the opposite wall. The wagon starts rocking back and forth then it starts rolling again. Rei gives a small ‘eep’ and tries hiding somewhere safe.

The Wandering Physicist and Trixie are making their way together down their path. They are laughing at Trixie’s stories.

‘...and then, when he realized he wasn’t really a dog, let’s just say he found the exit very quickly.’

The Wandering Physicist laughs. ‘Must have been a fun night.’

‘Some are...’ Trixie looks down.

‘Traveling town to town is hard.’

‘Hmpf. What would you know?’

‘And the first part of my name is?’

‘Right...’ Trixie pauses. ‘Do you ever miss wandering? Seeing new places?’

The Wandering Physicist thinks. ‘I still travel a lot. Seeing lots of places. I am glad I found a place to come back to. Very glad.’

Trixie looks at The Wandering Physicist then back away. ‘I don’t think I could ever find a place to just settle down.’

‘You just have to find somewhere or somepony that makes you very happy. Then it all becomes just a little clearer.’

‘For now, I am happy right here.’ Trixie leans into The Wandering Physicist.

The Wandering Physicist looks down at Trixie suspiciously. Suddenly, a purple flash streaks into the air and bursts.

‘That was Rarity! Come on!’ The Wandering Physicist takes off running.

‘But...’ Trixie seems disappointed, but she sighs and gives chase.

Trixie is the last to catch up with the rest of the group. The Wandering Physicist is running all over the path scanning with his sonic. The others are searching for clues as well, with Rainbow Dash serving as their eyes in the sky. Twilight levitates Trixie’s hat back to her.

‘Here. I didn’t want it to get dirty with him running around like this.’

‘Thank you. I am glad he didn’t run off with my cape as well.’

Rainbow Dash is instantly back on the ground. ‘What was he doing in your cape?’ She nudges Twilight.

‘Do you see a jacket on him? I couldn’t let him freeze so I was sharing it with him.’

‘Sharing it with him how?’ Rainbow Dash prods.

‘If you are implying The Great and Powerful Trixie was doing something unseemly, just go out and say it.’

Rarity comes over. ‘Just ignore Rainbow Dash, dear. She gets that way anytime we ladies spend more than ten seconds alone with a gentlepony. I never hear the end of it when all of the young stallions need suits for prom season.’

‘Bow chicka bow wow!’ Rainbow Dash taunts.

‘Shoot. She didn’ even know the birds and the bees ‘til recently,’ Applejack adds.

‘What! That’s not true! Who told you!’

All of the mares laugh at Rainbow Dash’s reaction. The Wandering Physicist starts climbing off the path.

‘This way.’

‘Mr Wanderer, wait.’ Twilight says. ‘Are you sure?’

‘There are some residual magic energies heading in this direction. I think he hurt Rei just as a diversion. ... A pointless diversion...’

Twilight teleports in front of The Wandering Physicist. ‘Mr Wanderer, calm down. It was only a few feathers. It is not like he really injured her permanently. She’ll be fine when we find her.’

‘If anything, he is just trying to get under your skin,’ Trixie adds. ‘He wouldn’t do any real harm to her... maybe.’

‘Still... If anything happens to her...’

‘May I be so bold to ask why you are getting so upset?’ Rarity asks. ‘I know I would face the fiercest dragon for my sister, but you look like you are ready to burn the forest to the ground just for a tiny hint to her whereabouts.’

‘It’s... complicated,’ The Wandering Physicist says before running off into the forest.

‘Wait up!’ Twilight gives chase.

The rest of the group watches them leave then slowly follow.

‘Y’all ain’t never seen ‘im get real upset before, have ya?’ Rarity shakes her head. ‘Let’s jus’ say that when he is mad ‘bout somethin’ done t’ one o’ his friends, even the princesses themselves ain’t safe.’

‘Yeah. It is real scary.’ Rainbow Dash adds. ‘Celestia help anypony who does something to harm Twilight. I doubt he would even give them an option of mercy.’

The group shudders at the thought of what would happen in that scenario. The thought just adds to the fears generated by the forest.

Trixie’s wagon is laying on its side after an unceremonious conclusion to its wild ride. The wagon itself is in good shape, but the contents are scattered about. Rei is laying on a pile of Trixie’s souvenir robes, wands and posters. She shrieks again when she notices something very much not a wand near her head. This time, Rei’s path of retreat takes her through the sideways door and into a tree. In the epic battle between tree and skull, tree wins and unconsciousness is Rei’s prize. This game sucks.

With The Wandering Physicist in the lead, the dangerous creatures in the forest know not to interfere with the group. The group is stepping relatively lightly as they look for any hint to the wagon’s location.

‘Uh, James, are ya sure this is the right direction?’ Applejack asks.

‘Positive.’

‘How can y’all be sure? We ain’t seen no sign of anything since you started this direction.’

‘Watch your step.’

Applejack shouts as she trips over something and land face first in the mud. She screams again as the object she tripped over is revealed to be the stone body of Maxie.

‘Well, I always suspected he was a stoner,’ Trixie quips. After getting groans: ‘What? That was funny.’

‘Okay. We have a cockatrice in the area,’ Twilight warns. ‘This is definitely not good.’

‘Is there a way to un, uh, unstone him?’ Rarity asks.

‘I should be able to find a spell or some cure in my library,’ Twilight answers. ‘But we would have to get him there first.’

‘So unlessen we find that wagon, Rarity will be the one hauling ‘im outa here.’

‘And what makes you assume I will be the one doing the heavy lifting?’

‘Well, ya were able t’ carry Tom ‘round purdy well,’ Applejack laughs.

‘Never. Mention. That name. Again.’

‘Ex-coltfriend, I assume,’ Trixie says.

‘Somethin’ like that,’ Applejack laughs.

Rarity growls at her friend.

‘I think I found the wagon...’ The Wandering Physicist says looking down a small cliff.

Before the others can come over, The Daredevil Physicist jumps onto the slope and slides down. The others come over and look down the steep slope.

‘Wait up!’ Rainbow Dash shouts and shoots down the cliff.

‘Well! Let’s get climbin’!’ Applejack pulls a rope out of her pack and starts affixing it to a tree.

‘Applejack, do you carry rope with you everywhere?’ Twilight asks as she lifts off.

‘Why? Is that a problem?’

The friends just groan and start climbing down. Twilight flies down the cliff. Rarity hangs back a little.

‘Applejack... I am asking for friend, but do they make that sort of concealable rope in a nylon or some other nonabrasive material?’

Applejack gives Rarity a questioning look. Rarity backs away and starts climbing down after their friends.

At the bottom of the cliff, The Investigating Physicist is climbing over the wagon. There is no sign of Rei in the area. Twilight is examining some tracks around the wagon. Applejack reaches the bottom of the cliff and pulls the rope. It quickly slides down the cliff and recoils itself.

‘Ha! Pony vs Wild ain’t got nothin’ on me.’

‘Would you mind lending us some of that rope to get this upright again?’ Trixie asks.

‘No prob, sug’. Just give me a sec.’

Applejack, Trixie, and Rainbow Dash start rigging the wagon. Both The Wandering Detective and Twilight look up from their investigations. Somehow, Twilight is wearing a deerstalker hat.

‘Upon closer inspection, I am certain these are not manticore tracks.’

‘No blood... and a massive dent in that tree.’

‘What does that mean, Mr Wanderer?’

‘That somepony has a much thicker skull than I gave her credit for.’

‘Really? You gave her far too little credit.’ There is a bit of a long pause. ‘Couldn’t you have just...’

‘I am at the bottom of a pit in the middle of the night with no coat. As soon as I get back, I am going to travel back in time to tell me to use my magic powers to solve this. I don’t care that causality will get ripped a new one. I am freezing!’

The loud crash of a wagon coming upright interrupts the investigation. Trixie is quickly inside to survey the damage. The others peek their heads in as well.

‘Dear me. Just give me five minutes and I’ll have this looking better than new again,’ Rarity offers.

‘Just getting it out of this ravine would be enough to make me happy.’

Rainbow Dash spots something that causes her to giggle. She points it out to Applejack who starts giggling too.

‘Ah guess it gets lonely out on the road.’

Trixie slams the door. ‘That is none of your business! Begone!’

Applejack and Rainbow Dash run off snickering. Rarity goes over to Trixie.

‘Never mind those two. They have absolutely no class.’

‘Trixie heartily agrees.’

‘Speaking for a friend... What model is that and does it come in other sizes?’

Trixie growls and starts chasing the other three while shooting magic bolts at them. Twilight holds up a small scale.

‘What is this?’

The Shivering Physicist, now in a deerstalker hat, looks it over. ‘Elementary, Twilight. A clue.’

‘I know that, but...’ Twilight looks around, but The Freezing Physicist is over by Trixie’s wagon.

‘Trixie, I am just going to borrow a blanket for a....’ He slams the door and walks away. ‘Never mind.’

This game is getting worse. First, that tree got a lucky shot in on her. Then something very pointy dragged her for a while which was fun except for all of the mud. Now, she is all wet and something smells like wet pony. Rei wishes she was just kidnapped again.

‘This sucks,’ Rei moans.

‘I’m sorry, deary, but this is the only way to get you cleaned up after that dreadful crash and the gruesome beast,’ a strange voice says.

Rei opens her eyes to see a large purple river dragon. She screams, takes off and a second tree gets a cheap shot on her. The river dragon sighs and tends to Rei.

‘Oh dear. Not again.’

A gout of flame chases three ponies across a river embankment. They scream in terror as a large red lizard chases them.

‘A salamander! Really! What is wrong with this forest!’ Twilight yells.

‘Too warm! Too, too warm!’ The Roasting Physicist cries.

‘Why didn’t I stay with my wagon!’ Trixie shouts.

‘Never fear! Dash is here!’ Rainbow Dash calls from above. ‘Hiya!’

Rainbow Dash shoots down from the sky doing a drop kick maneuver. The salamander turns and shoots fire at her. She passes straight through and right into the river. Smoke rises from her mane when she surfaces. She swims to shore to catch her breath. The three grounded ponies take cover behind a boulder.

‘Please tell me you know some anti-fire spell,’ Trixie asks Twilight.

‘Gee. I left it in my other robe and wizard hat,’ Twilight shoots back.

Trixie smirks. Twilight blushes when she realizes what she accidentally implied. A gout of flame bursts around the boulder.

‘Fire bad!’ The Burning Physicist notes.

The mares look at the stallion and sigh.

‘If you can distract it, I’ll cool it off.’ Twilight says to Trixie.

‘Distractions are my thing.’ Trixie replies.

Trixie starts readying a spell and steps out from cover. The salamander roars at her.

‘You dare challenge The Great and Powerful Trixie and her animal familiar?’

A louder roar is heard. Behind Trixie, a spectral bear steps forward. Its coat looks like the night sky, and it stands taller than all of the trees on the riverbank. The salamander backs off as the ursa minor approaches.

‘An ursa! Watch out, Trixie!’

‘Wait! No!’

Rainbow Dash flies forward and passes right through the ursa. As she tries to figure out what happened, she crashes right into a tree. The salamander turns on the defenseless unicorn before it. It starts readying another gout of fire. Trixie is tackled into the river as the fire shoots forth. Twilight comes from behind the rock and casts a spell that wraps the salamander’s maw in ice. She then uses her telekinesis to throw the salamander into the river. The Soaking Physicist helps Trixie to shore. She growls as she uses her telekinesis to wring out her hat and cape.

‘Thanks. I really wanted a moonlight dip,’ Trixie scowls.

‘Better soaking then cooking,’ The Dripping Physicist replies. He is visibly shaking from the water and cold.

Trixie sighs and puts her cape over The Hypothermic Physicist. ‘Here. It is not much, but it is better than nothing.’

Twilight tends to Rainbow Dash. ‘I hope we find Rei soon before he kills himself.’

The Wandering Physicist shivers, sneezes and falls over. ‘I’m fine. I don’t have a fever at all.’

Without warning, the salamander bursts from the river. The ice shatters from its maw as it readies yet more fire. Suddenly, the water turns frothy, and the salamander is thrown deep into the forest by a powerful tail flap. The purple river dragon comes out of the water and approaches the group.

‘Steven!’ Twilight calls.

‘Twilight Sparkle! So good to see you again,’ Steven calls back.

‘You know him?!’ Trixie exclaims.

‘He helped us in our journey to unite the Elements of Harmony the first time,’ Twilight explains.

‘Is the lovely Miss Rarity with you?’ Steven asks.

‘Well, she was a while back, but we had to split up.’

‘Oh drat. Then I guess you are here for that little filly who came by earlier.’

‘Y-y-you’ve seen her?’ The Frozen Physicist asks.

‘Why yes! She is resting right now with a nasty bump to the head. I had to save her from that beasty, too.’

Twilight facehoofs. ‘Sounds like her.’

‘I can take you to her right now if you want,’ Steven offers.

‘That would be great! He is freezing. We have been out all night, and I still have to cure an idiot who went up against a cockatrice.’

‘Oh dear stars! Sounds like you have a busy night. Hurry and come with me and I’ll have you on your way in no time.’

Steven picks up The Wandering Physicist and motions to the others to follow. Rainbow Dash comes to from her stunt.

‘Did I win?’

At the edge of the Everfree Forest, Steven is waving goodbye to his pony friends. The group has reunited and have Rei with them. The Wandering Physicist has been placed in Trixie’s wagon and wrapped in blankets. Rei is sleeping in the wagon with her alternate-universe father. Rainbow Dash is sleeping on top of the wagon. Maxie is strapped to the back of the wagon.

‘If you ever need help again, don’t be afraid to ask,’ Steven calls back.

‘We will! Thanks again!’ Twilight waves.

‘Wow. This adventure will make for a good story for my act,’ Trixie comments.

‘Yes, because that is more important than helping your friends,’ Rainbow Dash groans.

‘Oh. And that too.’

‘Ah, for one, am jus’ glad t’ have everyone safe and sound. ... Except stone boy over there.’

‘I’ll find a way to free him in the morning,’ Twilight says. ‘Oh! Unless you want me to free him now.’ She adds for Trixie.

‘Let him wait. It would be good punishment.’

‘Do we even have to free him?’ is asked from the wagon. ‘Discord could use a pet.’

‘Just go to sleep. You need rest,’ Twilight calls back. She sighs. ‘How long ago were we about to go to bed?’

‘Ah think we are all gonna need a day off after t’night.’

The four awake mares all moan in agreement.

Noontime. Outside the library, Trixie is saying her goodbyes to her new friends. Maxie is holding back since he is strapped to Trixie’s wagon. Rei is doing excited loops all over town to show off her new, signed and officially licensed Great and Powerful Trixie cape and hat. Trixie shakes hooves with all of her friends.

‘I am truly sorry for all of the trouble we caused,’ Trixie apologizes.

‘Shoot. Ah had fun. Even the forest part.’

‘Indeed. It was quite an adventure.’

‘Yeah. That was a lot of trouble,’ Rainbow Dash says. Her friends glare at her. ‘What? It was.’

‘Anyway. It was nice getting to know you,’ Twilight says to Trixie.

‘Likewise,’ Trixie replies. ‘And I think found a good reason to come back to visit again.’

Trixie goes over and kisses The Still-Half-Asleep Physicist on the cheek. Most of the others are surprised. Rainbow Dash laughs.

‘Ha! Told ya! Five bits,’ she says, extending a hoof to Twilight.

‘If you are trying to do what I think you are doing, it is not going to work,’ The Wandering Physicist states.

Trixie blushes. ‘For a time, that was a thought. I admit it. But, I believe I found somepony else who truly understands the hardships of being on your own for long periods of time.’ She winks and spins around. ‘Trixie will be in touch.’

Trixie boards her wagon and gives it a tap. It starts moving away slowly.

‘The Great and Powerful Trixie bids you adieu!’

Several fireworks go off around the wagon and ends in a large flash of smoke. The wagon is not a lot further away than Trixie expects.

‘Hey! Hurry up, idiot!’ She shouts to the front of the wagon.

‘But you are so heavy!’

A white lightning bolt drops from the sky and kicks Maxie in the head.

‘Don’t you dare speak ill of The Great and Powerful Trixie!’ Rei commands.

‘I’m sorry.’

Maxie picks himself up and continues down the path. The adults just sigh at Rei’s action.

Author's Notes:

Current TWP Lov- LOL! Just kidding!

TWP Timeline: First encounter with Trixie.

Human Nature

Main Characters: Lyra, TWP, Bon Bon, Rei
Cameos: None
Original Write Date: November 10, 2011

Lyra Heartstrings is a professional. She does not need the fancy bow ties that a certain fiddle player needs to look like an expert. In fact, Lyra was so good, she is a pro at two things. The most obvious is her artistic nature expressed by her musical cutie mark of a lyre, symbolizing the lyrical nature of her heart and the joy she feels sharing music with others. The second, less obvious, expertise is more subtle. Some ponies call it a hobby. Some call it lunacy. Lyra just calls it human hunting.

Current subject: The Wandering Physicist. Status: Likely human. Description: Earth pony. Average height, average build. Brown coat. Black mane and tail. Black glasses. Cutie mark: A smaller, distorted version of himself. Weird. Profession: Owner and operator of the local video game store. Associates: Lucas Grainborough (not human), Twilight Sparkle (not human - maybe), Rei Tsukiyo (possible human), Pinkie Pie (possible human), and more. Current location: Shopping. Begin log.

Lyra is watching a possible human. She is hiding on the side of a building watching it. It appears to be a male earth pony. He would be considered attractive if Lyra were into stallions. She does not argue the way she was born. In fact, she is quite happy with it. More importantly, her subject is providing excellent data.

The Wandering Physicist stares at a food display at the market. He does not know what to get for dinner. Knowing that Rei will eat just about anything that is put in front of her at dinner time, once necessitating the emergency removal of a fork from her stomach (which did nothing to abate her hunger), makes the task much simpler. He sighs and goes up to the vendor to make his purchase.

Lyra quickly jots down the size and quantity of all of the potatoes being purchased. Nopony can eat that many potatoes! Although, he might just like them. The quantity of apples consumed by the Apple family threw Lyra off at first, but they proved to be ‘normal’. More investigation is still needed there. The target starts moving, and the chase continues.

The chase ends when the target reaches his home. For some reason, humans dislike random ponies entering their houses as much as ponies do, so Lyra goes home instead. Back at home, Lyra goes over her notes in her small music room. All of them seemed to point to the target as possibly being a pony, but she knows there is something more. Her elaborate flowcharts connecting him to the parasprite invasion and the loss of her precious cake proves he was also involved in the rise of Discord over a thousand years ago, albeit an alternate universe version of him. There is just one piece missing.

‘Where the hell does Twilight Sparkle fit into this?’ Lyra ponders aloud. ‘I’ve known her since... AHA! She must be investigating him for Celestia! It is so obvious now!’

At that moment, Lyra’s wife Bon Bon walks into the room. ‘Lyra, honey. When are you coming to din... Who are you stalking this time?’

‘I am not stalking anypony. I am helping the princess stop an alien invasion.’

Bon Bon facehoofs and moans. ‘Dear, there are no such thing as humans. You just have to accept that.’

‘But! But! Hands!’

Bon Bon sighs. ‘Okay, Lyra. You win. Come to dinner and you can tell me all about your new theory.’

Current subject: The Wandering Physicist. Personal Information: Unchanged. Current location: Downtown Ponyville. Possibly heading to Sugarcube Corner or the library. Hopefully Sugarcube Corner. Note: If he is heading to Sugarcube Corner, get Bon Bon a special treat as apology for calling her crazy for not believing me again. Double note: Might have to take notes on Pinkie Pie too.

Lyra follows The Wandering Physicist through town. He seems to be out to visit one of his friends. In a personal situation, he might let down his guard and reveal his human form. Hopefully, he will go somewhere with food since Lyra is skipping lunch for matters of national security.

Without warning, the target goes down a side alley. Lyra follows as surreptitiously as she can. She presses herself against a wall and peeks around the corner. The target is not there. Lyra enters the alley and looks around. She stops to ponder the events as somepony sneaks up on her.

‘You know, I don’t care too much for being followed.’

Lyra spins around to see her target. He is pointing some kind of weird cylinder with a crystal on the end at her. Obviously an anti-pony ray developed by humans. Fortunately, Lyra has prepared herself for all sorts of anti-pony rays and brings a spell to mind just in case.

Thinking on her hooves, Lyra scoffs, ‘Ha! You have fallen for one of the most classic blunders!’

‘We are not in Haysia nor are you Sicilian.’ The Irked Physicist replies. ‘I arranged for you to follow me here so I could ask you why you have been stalking me for the past few days.’ Pauses. ‘I am certain that the local police force would like to know too.’ He nods at a blue police box at the end of the alley.

Lyra raises an accusatory hoof. ‘Ha! I knew he was one of you!’

The Intrigued Physicist raises an eyebrow. ‘What does that mean?’

‘Oh no. You won’t use your human mind tricks on me. I’m to smart for that.’

‘I am not a human. Seriously, just look at me.’ He spins around. ‘All pony.’

‘That is just what a human would say.’

‘Okay. Fine. Whatever. Just stop stalking me. Or else.’

‘I’ll only stop once I am convinced you are not a human. It is for the safety of all Equestria!’

‘Listen. I know a Doctor. He can “help” you...’

Lyra strikes a defensive posture. ‘I know more about you than you know, Mr Strawberry.’

‘I just said... What do you mean by that?’

‘What do you think I mean by that?’

‘I think you don’t know what you are talking about and are in for a world of trouble if you even get one hint of the truth.’ The Wandering Physicist snarls as he turns to leave.

‘So, you are human!’ Lyra accuses.

‘And you are a psychopath!’

Rei is the middle of a lecture on the potential meanings of obscure cutie marks. She would rather be playing DDR back home. Neighpon is always nice this time of year. All of the lovely snow covering Horseshu... Making snow pegasi in the castle courtyard... Your guardian bursting in your classroom unannounced... Wait. What!?

‘Hey, everypony!’ The Wandering Physicist greets. ‘Uh, I am here for Rei. I am her guardian. You might know me from the video game shop. I think I have seen a few of you. I know you are all friends with Rei, and I would love for you to come to my shop, you know, the gaming shop, and tell me, her guardian, all about all of the fun things you do with her, Rei, but that isn’t what is important right now. Anyway! Rei! I need your help. There is somepony I need you to stalk. I think she is your music teacher... so it might be a little weird.’

The normally hyper Rei is frozen from embarrassment. Everypony is either looking at her or her guardian and giggling and whispering to each other. Stormy is facehooving from his seat behind Rei.

‘Well, are you coming?’ The Embarrassing Physicist asks.

The Power Block is getting its normal business for the late afternoon. The shop is in an odd area of town with a distinct traffic. Bon Bon feels a little out of place, but it has a lot of fascinating shops that she sometimes visits. She waves to some ponies she knows who are coming out of Neighponese Imports. She makes her way to the video game shop. She has never come to this shop before. She enters, not knowing what she will find, and looks for a clerk. She finds a grey unicorn.

‘Excuse me, I am looking for The Wandering Physicist.’ Bon Bon says to Lucas.

‘Boss? Up at the counter,’ Lucas nods to The Wandering Physicist.

Bon Bon goes over to the counter. The Wandering Physicist finishes with a customer and turns to the visitor.

‘How can I help you?’ He asks.

‘Yes, um, my name is Bon Bon. I am looking for The Wandering Physicist.’

‘Most of my friends call me Mr Wanderer or James.’

‘Right, uh, James, I am here because of my wife Lyra...’

‘You married her? I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,’ The Wandering Physicist cringes.

‘Ah... So you two have met...’ Bon Bon sighs.

‘She has been following me for a while. I ran into her... personally earlier today.’

Bon Bon sighs. ‘Ugh. I had a feeling I would be too late, but that is not important. I came here to...’

Suddenly, Rei enters the store and starts heading towards the residence upstairs.

‘The crazy stalker lady is outside.’ She points to Lyra obviously staring into the window. ‘I’m going to get a juice box and then go back to stalking her.’

The Wandering Physicist and Bon Bon watch the pegasus head upstairs. They look out at Lyra, who has her face pressed on the shop front. Seconds later, Rei drops down and hovers over Lyra while drinking her juice. Bon Bon turns back to The Wandering Physicist.

‘You have somepony following my wife...’ She fumes.

‘To be fair, I am fairly certain that my ward there is being watched too,’ The Defensive Physicist counters. ‘... And she started it.’

‘Anyway...’ Bon Bon sighs. ‘I came to invite you to dinner in hopes to clear everything up. I am sure we can talk about this in a rational manner. Lyra usually gives up once she is given a strong talking-to, and your words would be a boon since she is really adamant this time.’

‘Hmm... That sounds fair. What time should Rei and I arrive?’

‘Rei? Oh! Her.’ Bon Bon glances out the window and Rei waves. ‘Come around seven. I’ll make sure to set her a place, too.’ She leaves a note with her address on it.

‘Great. We’ll look forward to it.’

Bon Bon leaves the store. She stops outside to grab Lyra’s ear in her teeth and drag her away. Rei waves as they leave.

Back at their house, Bon Bon is preparing the meal for her dinner party while Lyra pouts nearby.

‘I can’t believe you willingly would invite a dangerous monster into our house!’ Lyra complains. ‘The Wandering Physicist is a pain, too.’

‘They seemed like perfectly fine ponies to me.’ Bon Bon sighs. ‘They may be a little odd, but that is why I invited them. They will convince you they are normal’ She turns and glares at her wife. ‘You will behave and listen to them since you are not listening to me this time. They are not some mythical beast from your nightmares. Got it?’

Lyra frowns and turns away. There is a knock on the door. Bon Bon keeps up with her cooking, and Lyra gets the clue. She moans and gets up to answer the door. Outside, The Wandering Physicist and Rei are waiting. He has a small box on his back.

‘Hi!’ Rei chirps.

‘Hey,’ The Wandering Physicist greets.

Lyra sighs. ‘Come on in.’

The pair enter the house. Rei’s head snaps in every direction as she takes everything in. Lyra goes to a sofa and sits down, but not like normal ponies do. She crosses her forelegs in front of her as she watches the guests. Rei’s eyes go wide, and she immediately tries to mimic Lyra’s odd pose in a nearby chair. Bon Bon comes out of the kitchen to greet the guests.

‘James, Rei. Good to see you again,’ Bon Bon greets.

‘Uh, thanks for having us,’ The Wandering Physicist replies.

‘It will be good to get somepony else’s cooking for a change,’ Rei beams.

The Wandering Physicist growls a bit at Rei. ‘Anyway, we brought you a little something.’

The stallion takes the box from his back and gives it to Bon Bon. She takes it to a table and starts opening it. A number small confectionary balls are inside.

‘It is mochi!’ Rei chimes in. ‘I made it myself.’

‘Why, thank you, Rei,’ Bon Bon thanks. ‘Isn’t that nice, Lyra?’

‘I guess so...’ Lyra replies scanning them. ‘Mochi’ is obviously some sort of bizarre human snack used to turn ponies into drones to work their underground sugar mi... and Bon Bon just ate one.

‘Sooooo gooooood.’ Bon Bon swoons. ‘I just couldn’t resist. I almost never get a chance to make them for my shop. Whenever I do, I almost always have so few leftover that Lyra gobbles them up before I get a chance to.’

‘I have never had them before in my life,’ Lyra retorts.

‘I made hundreds for last year’s Luna Festival. You couldn’t stop eating them. You wrote a song about it.’

‘Nope. Don’t remember.’ Lyra turns away from her obvious lie as she resists the urge hum the tune.

Bon Bon snorts at her wife but still sits next to her on the sofa. ‘There are still a few minutes before everything will be ready. James, why don’t you tell us more about yourself? Where are you from originally?’

‘I have lived in many places, but I see myself as being from SoColt at heart.’

‘SoColt?’ Bon Bon asks.

‘It is a region from the human planet,’ Lyra answers casually, getting a growl in return from Bon Bon.

‘Southern Coltifornia. Such a fun area,’ The Wandering Physicist explains.

‘I’m from Neighpon!’ Rei throws out.

‘Wow. You traveled far to get here.’ Bon Bon is amazed. ‘Why did you end up in a small town like Ponyville?’

‘Video games,’ The Wandering Physicist states plainly.

‘Dimensional vor-OW! I mean, royal business for Princess Luna,’ Rei answers after getting a sharp jab to her gut.

‘Royal business? Interesting.’ Bon Bon is impressed and ignoring the slip.

‘What was that about dimensional vortexes?’ Lyra asks.

‘Nopony said “dimensional vortexes.” Right, Rei?’ The Covering Physicist glares.

Before Rei can reply, a timer goes off in the kitchen.

‘Oh! Dinner’s ready.’ Bon Bon gets up. ‘Lyra, will you help with the table?’

‘But? Grr...’ Lyra sighs. She turns to the guests. ‘I will expose you by the time this night is through.’

Lyra leads the guests to the dining room before going to help Bon Bon with the meal.

The dinner goes smoothly. Only a few Rei slips for The Wandering Physicist to cover up, and a couple of leading questions from Lyra for Bon Bon to glare back into submission. Afterwards, the group has gathered in the living room again and are enjoying Rei’s mochi.

‘Best mochi ever,’ Lyra says as she stuffs several into her mouth at once.

‘I must get the recipe.’ Bon bon adds.

‘Sorry. Secret imperial recipe.’ Rei giggles.

Lyra swallows. ‘Whatever the recipe, they are simply out of the world.’

The Wandering Physicist rolls his eyes. ‘Thank you for the wonderful evening, ladies,’ he thanks with a bow to the hosts. ‘Um, it is a bit embarrassing, but mind if I use the washroom before we head off?’

‘Oh, uh, down the hall. First door,’ Bon Bon answers.

The Wandering Physicist bows again and exits.

‘So, Rei. Where are you really fr-OW!’ Lyra is jabbed by Bon Bon.

The Wandering Physicist finishes and steps out of the washroom. He looks around a bit and notices a door cracked open. Curiosity wins over good manners, and he takes a peek.

‘WHAT THE FRAK!’

Bon Bon moans. ‘You left your study open.’

‘Oh crap.’

Lyra runs to head off the issue, but The Furious Physicist bowls her over on his way back. He drops a set of photos on the cowering unicorn.

‘Does she know?’ He fumes.

‘Well, uh, my research proves she is not human.’

A hoof comes down near Lyra’s head. ‘Does. She. Know.’

‘... No.’ Lyra squeaks.

‘Following me, I can let go. Following Rei, well, she was messing with you from the start.’

‘Damn right!’ Rei cheers.

‘Shut up!’

Rei hides.

The Pissed Physicist turns back to Lyra. ‘I was having fun with you until now. Hell, I was even thinking of messing with you a bit more, but now...’ He marches to the door. ‘Rei, you’re going straight home.’

‘But...’

‘Rei!’

‘Eep. Yes sir.’

‘I am going to make a stop on the way home. Lyra, if you think I am upset, I am sure Twilight will be really angry,’ He pauses. ‘As will Lucas, Kaeko, Droll, and everypony else I meet on the way.’

‘Wait! Mr James!’ Bon Bon pleads. ‘Lyra didn’t mean any harm. She just gets a little carried away. At least give her a chance to make up for it.’

The Angry Physicist looks over at Lyra. ‘How many have you followed in this town alone?’

Lyra looks down. ‘About three dozen...’

‘Three dozen!’ Bon Bon shrieks.

‘And how many know you followed them? Counting me and Rei.’

Lyra winces painfully. ‘... Two...’

The Vengeful Physicist growls. He gets out his mobile and starts entering commands. ‘You have twenty-four hours to tell everypony. See me at my shop when you are done. I’ll know if you succeeded. Rei, we’re leaving.’

The Grumbling Physicist walks out as calmly as he can followed by a very nervous Rei. Lyra looks over at Bon Bon but gets none of the support she was hoping for.

‘I’d get started now. Sounds like you have a lot of work ahead of you,’ Bon Bon seethes, controlling her anger as best she can.

Lyra just nods and steps outside. The door is slammed behind her. Lyra starts on her task after wincing at the loud scream from the house and the obvious sobbing that follows.

It is past dark when Lyra finally reaches The Power Block after the end of a long day. The shop is still open with the two operators at the counter playing a game on a nearby system. Lyra feels lucky there are no customers. Her body is sore from where some ponies actually hit her, and her mind and emotions are shattered from the near-endless yelling throughout the day. She gently pushes the door to the shop open.

‘Look! No hands!’ Lucas jokes as he operates the controller with his magic.

Lyra winces at the joke.

‘Ah, come on. Thought you’d like that one.’

‘Lucas, can you handle closing?’ The Wandering Physicist asks. ‘Lyra, follow me.’

‘You don’t want me to apologize?’ Lyra asks.

‘Life’s too short to be mad about something in the past. I mean, I can count the number of grudges I hold on one hand,’ Lucas replies.

Lyra winces again. The Wandering Physicist nods to her and leads her upstairs. Rei is in the kitchen cooking.

‘Konbanwa, Heartstrings-san!’ Rei waves.

Lyra waves back as The Wandering Physicist stops in front of an odd closet.

‘How do you feel?’ The Wandering Physicist asks.

Lyra looks at The Wandering Physicist. She just bites her lip, shakes her head, and hold back the tears.

‘I thought so. Follow me.’ The Wandering Physicist turns to open the closet. ‘Rei. Stay out here.’

‘Aw!’

The Wandering Physicist enters the closet. Lyra follows, stops, looks back out, then goes in.

‘This is....’

‘Bigger on the inside. Yep.’

The doors close, and the TARDIS starts powering up.

‘What is this?’ Lyra is even more confused how she should feel.

‘This is my time machine,’ The Wandering Physicist explains. ‘See, I am a time traveller from another planet. Rei is from an alternate dimension where she is royalty. Are you getting all of this?’

Lyra just nods.

‘Good. Because you can tell nopony about it. It is a secret I have only shared with my closest friends, the Elements of Harmony, and the princesses.’

‘I understand.’

The Wandering Physicist stops the TARDIS. ‘Good. Now. Which pony do you think you upset the most with your revelation?’

Lyra grimaces as she remembers the day’s events. Twilight Sparkle was furious, but she eventually calmed down after Spike convinced her not to ask Celestia to banish Lyra to the moon permanently. Fluttershy probably will never leave her house again. Pinkie Pie surprisingly gave her a cupcake and laughed it off, having somehow known about the stalking the whole time. Derpy was equally understanding, if a little cross. Lyra settles on the Apple family since the pinpoint bruises from bucked apples were still hurt after several hours. She opens her mouth to answer.

‘The correct answer is her,’ The Wandering Physicist says as he opens the doors to reveal Bon Bon laying on her bed crying.

Lyra is frozen in the TARDIS. She just stares at her wife, not knowing what to do. The Wandering Physicist gives Lyra a nudge.

‘I may not know a lot about relationships, but I find an apology is a good start.’

Lyra nods and starts to leave.

‘Oh! And find a new hobby. Humans are just big, dumb, hairless apes with no sense of style. Total waste of time.’

Lyra laughs to herself and exits the TARDIS.

A few days later, Lyra and Bon Bon are out on a reconciliation picnic date in the park. Lyra still gets upset glares from the ponies she followed, but she is doing her best to ignore them. The couple are having a very peaceful time until a white streak with blue tint passes by.

‘Get back here!’ The Wandering Physicist yells as he chases the streak. ‘Wait until I get my hands on you!’

Lyra bolts upright. ‘Hands!’

‘Sit down, dear,’ Bon Bon sighs.

Lyra stands for a moment then sits back down. She and Bon Bon watch the chase unfolding in front of them.
Current subject: The Wandering Physicist. Status: Time Lord. NOT human. Description: Earth pony. Average height, average build. Brown coat. Black mane and tail. Black glasses. Cutie mark: A smaller, distorted version of himself. Still weird. Profession: Owner and operator of the local video game store. Associates: Lucas Grainborough (pony), Twilight Sparkle (pony - maybe), Rei Tsukiyo (pony?), Pinkie Pie (pony... maybe), and more. Current location: In the park chasing Rei. End log.

Author's Notes:

TWP Timeline: First true encounter with Lyra.

Story Timeline: TWP confirmed as not human. Hints at having met them before. Lyra hints at knowing TWP from some other event.

Fun fact: Outside of TWP and his love life, Lyra and Bon Bon have the rockiest relationship in the series.

Holiday Cheer

Main Characters: TWP, Trixie, Derpy
Cameos: Twilight, Pinkie, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, Lucas, Rei, Luna/Selene, Braeburn, Carrot Top, Celestia/Amy, Stormy, Rarity’s parents, Twilight’s parents, Coal, Seth - Trixie’s brother, Mr & Mrs Cake, The Doctor (10)
Original Write Date: 12/4/2011

The Wandering Physicist is depressed. He is currently laying on the main counter of The Power Block watching the near empty store The only other ponies in the store are Rei and Lucas, but they are on their way out.

‘Step out that door, and you are not coming back in,’ The Depressed Physicist moans.

‘Aw, cheer up, Boss,’ Lucas assures. ‘It is just through the holiday.’

‘I’m seeing the princess!’ Rei cheers as she flies around the room.

‘She does know that Luna is mad that she failed Rarity’s class, right?’ Lucas asks.

‘Luna is more upset that I was the one to tell her and not Rei,’ The Upset Physicist sighs. ‘Even more so since Rei was supposed to report to her about the class and never did.’

‘Ouch,’ Lucas winces.

‘Princess!’ Rei cheers as she flies upside down and backwards.

The Wandering Physicist swears and holds out a hoof to Lucas. ‘Just make sure she is going in the right direction when you split, okay?’

Lucas returns the brohoof. ‘You going to be okay without us?’

‘Hell no. I’m going to be miserable. Haven’t you been listening?’

‘We’ll check in every day, won’t we Rei?’

‘P! R! I! Uh... お! 姫! 様! Princess!’

The Wandering Physicist shakes his head. ‘Luna is going to tear her a new one.’

Ponyville library is experiencing a rare event: it is being closed. Twilight and Spike have locked up the library, the last thing to do on Twilight’s ‘Checklist of everything we need to do before going home to visit my parents for the holiday checklist’ and the first thing to do on Twilight’s ‘Checklist of everything we need to do on the trip to Canterlot for the trip home to see my parents for the holiday checklist’. Outside of the library, The Wandering Physicist is seeing Twilight off as Lucas and Spike wait and exchange assistant stories. Rei is still in her own little delusion.

‘Please don’t get too lonely without us,’ Twilight says. ‘I don’t like how you get when you are like that.’

‘You just want another excuse to spend a weekend in my bed with me,’ The Pouting Physicist replies. ‘That is all I am good for to you.’

Twilight sighs. ‘You know that is not true. Besides, you know you are free to come with us.’

‘Yeah. Stuck between having to explain to your parents why somepony the square of their daughter’s age wants to see her and having to explain why Rei is still an uncontrollable hell beast to Luna is really appealing. Although... I would give me a chance to tease Octy again...’

‘Ugh. She is going to beat you to death with her cello one day.’

‘Double bass.’

‘What?’

The Wandering Physicist laughs. ‘Never mind.’

Twilight sighs again. ‘I think maybe your staying here is a good thing.’

‘Don’t forget to say “hi” to Discord for me.’

‘Nope. Not going to happen,’ Twilight replies without a beat.

The Wandering Physicist sighs. ‘Fine, but at least check in on Rei when you visit the castle. And bring this.’ He holds up a sack of oranges. Twilight facehoofs. ‘Ah. So you think Luna has some already. I know Celestia has bananas...’

Twilight shakes her head. ‘What are we going to do with you?’

The Wandering Physicist holds up the sack of oranges again. Twilight laughs. He sets down the sack, and they lean in and kiss. Lucas starts timing it on his mobile.

Twilight breaks the kiss. ‘We should be going before it gets too late.’

‘Have a safe journey.’

Twilight gives one last kiss before joining the rest of the party and checking off a few more items from her checklist.

The Downtrodden Physicist is at Sugarcube Corner watching Pinkie packing for her holiday trip to see her family. Gummy sits in the mouth of the party cannon.

‘This sucks! Everypony is going away. I am going to be so bored!’

‘Aww! It is not going to be for that long.’ Pinkie reassures. ‘You can always come with.’

‘To a rock farm?’ The Wandering Technophile groans. ‘I bet they have horrible 3G.’

‘Don’t be such a Grumpy McGrumperson,’ Pinkie teases. ‘I would love you to come.’

‘Eh... That’s okay.’

‘No, no, no. I don’t think you get it. I would love you to come with me.’

The Wandering Physicist laughs. ‘I think I get you just fine. I would love you to stay with me. We can have s’mores.’

Pinkie dives across the room and tackles The Wandering Physicist in a large kiss. Gummy just watches and blinks. Pinkie eventually breaks the kiss.

‘So, that is a yes?’

‘No, silly. I just...’ Pinkie blushes. ‘I just wanted to make you feel better about missing us.’

The Wandering Physicist laughs. ‘We’ll have to work out a less public system just in case somepony is watching.’

Pinkie giggles. ‘Aw, but okay!’

The Wandering Physicist gets up to leave. ‘Remember, if things get too boring, I am just a TARDIS away.’

Pinkie giggles. ‘Okie doki loki!’

The Wandering Physicist exits the room and heads back downstairs. In the main shop, the Cakes are setting out a fresh batch of baked goods. They wave to The Wandering Physicist over the small crowd. Their children, Pumpkin and Pound, are fascinated by the crowds in the store.

‘Mr Wanderer. Good to see you,’ Carrot Cake greets.

‘Uh, yeah. I was just saying “bye” so...’ The Socially Awkward Physicist says, trying to get out of socializing.

Cup Cake sets a box in front of The Wandering Physicist. ‘Here. Just a little something for taking good care of Pinkie this past month.’

‘Hey, uh, no prob. She is sweet, and we all get down sometimes. Just got to have good friends.’

Carrot Cake laughs. ‘We understand. Enjoy your holiday cake.’

The Wandering Physicist sighs and picks up the box. ‘Yeah. With who?’

‘I don’t follow, sir.’

‘Oh, uh, well, you probably know I am not from around here and pretty much all of my friends are heading out of town.’

‘Hate to hear that. Give us a call sometime and you can come over for dinner,’ Cup Cake offers.

‘Uh, thanks? I’ll keep that in mind.’ The Nervous Physicist gives an awkward smile. ‘Well, uh, see ya ‘round.’

The Wandering Physicist tries to exit as fast as he can without looking too uncomfortable.

‘Are you sure you don’t want any cake?’ The Wandering Physicist offers with a big smile.

‘Oh, no thank you,’ Fluttershy politely declines. ‘It will make me feel heavy, and that is not good for flying.’

‘I’ll TARDIS you there. We take a week or month to hang out, and I’ll have you there in a couple hours. Sound good?’

Fluttershy tries to work out how they can spend a month together but still arrive in a couple hours.

‘Time machine.’

‘Oh! Right! I forgot.’ Fluttershy looks ashamed.

‘It is okay.’

Fluttershy smiles in relief. The Wandering Physicist sighs.

‘I just wish everypony wasn’t all leaving at once. Even all of my friends around my shop have left by now.’

‘I’m sorry. If I had known, I would have stayed longer, but Rainbow wanted to leave today so...’

‘Nah. Don’t worry. Just have a good time with your family back home. Don’t worry about me.’

Fluttershy gives her friend a concerned look, then she looks up in shock.

‘Oh my pizza! I almost forgot!’

Fluttershy dashes into her house and returns with a package.

‘Here. Remember not to open it until the holiday.’ She giggles.

‘Thank you. You are the sweetest.’ The Wandering Physicist puts the package with his cake. Before Fluttershy can ask, he says, ‘Don’t worry. I got you something too. I never reveal my cards early on the holidays.’

‘Oh, you didn’t have to get me any...’ Bonk! A hoof to the head cuts Fluttershy off. ‘I mean, I really look forward to seeing what you got me. Should I take it...’ Bonk.

‘Time machine.’

‘Oh! Right! I forgot.’

The Wandering Physicist laughs and that make Fluttershy laugh. Fluttershy stops laughing. She looks around nervously and starts leaning close...

‘You ready yet, Fluttershy?’ is asked from above.

Fluttershy freezes. She is too far forward to retract, but she has not gotten the kiss she desires.

‘Hey, Dash,’ The Wandering Physicist greets.

‘ ‘Sup, Jim,’ Rainbow Dash replies. ‘Better hurry and kiss her before she gets too embarrassed.’

Fluttershy squeaks nervously. The Wandering Physicist laughs. He leans in and kisses Fluttershy. She feels like she is flying. The kiss is finally broken when Fluttershy flies out of reach.

‘Oops. Sorry,’ Fluttershy says as she returns to ground to get her bags. ‘I’ll see you when I get back.’

‘I’ll expect to hear from both of you,’ The Wandering Physicist replies.

‘No prob, Jimmy. Have a great holiday!’ Rainbow Dash waves while dragging Fluttershy away.

The Wandering Physicist sighs as waves as his friends leave.

At Carousel Boutique, a pair of coaches are being loaded as The Wandering Physicist arrives. He watches the coach drivers for the moment before he is noticed. A magenta unicorn approaches.

‘Mr Wanderer, good to see ya.’ Stormy extends a hoof.

The Wandering Physicist returns the brohoof. ‘Stormy. How’s it going?’

‘Can’t complain.’

‘You’re heading out too?’

‘Hey! Who do we have here! One of your friends, Stormy?’ A white stallion greets. A playful hoof to the back knocks Stormy down as soon as he gets close.

‘I’m The Wandering Physicist, sir.’ The Wandering Physicist greets. ‘I am guessing you are Rarity’s dad.’

‘Oh! So you’re the James that Rarity told us about.’ Rarity’s dad takes The Wandering Physicist’s hoof and gives it a hearty shake. ‘Great to finally meet you.’ He turn back. ‘Hun! It is Rarity’s friend James!’

A pale lavender unicorn comes up. ‘Oh, James! Rarity has told us all about you. You are certainly are as dashing as she said.’

‘I thought you had a beard.’

‘Give me a few days,’ The Wandering Physicist laughs.

‘If you are here to see Rarity, she and Sweetie Belle are bringing her bags down now,’ Rarity’s dad states.

The Wandering Physicist grimaces. ‘I pity the poor soul who has to load it.’

Stormy groans. ‘I should be half as buff as Big Macintosh given all of the work she makes me do.’

Rarity’s dad gives Stormy another slap to the back, sending him to the ground again. ‘It is okay, kid. You’ll grow into your body soon enough. We should get out the pigskin and have a go of it. You like hoofball, James?’

‘I’m a bit of a Galaxy fan, but I usually just cheer for a good game. Pretty awesome that Neighpon won the woman’s cup. They needed something to lift the spirits again.’

‘Galaxy?’ Stormy snorts. ‘Sounders and Arsenal for the win.’

‘Uh, I was talking real hoofball, boys.’

‘So were we.’ The Wandering Physicist and Stormy brohoof.

Before Rarity’s dad can argue, Rarity’s mom butts in. ‘So, James, are you traveling this holiday?’

The Wandering Physicist sighs. ‘No. I don’t have anywhere to go. Where are you going? I thought you were Ponyville natives.’

‘Oh, we go out to see the relatives then find somewhere warm and fun to vacation for the rest of the holiday. Rarity always knows the best places to stay. And so fashionable too. She really is the most.’

‘She even did a good job convincing Stormy’s relatives to let him visit, too,’ Rarity’s dad adds.

‘Telling them my dad went through three lawyers before he decided to defend himself and then was convicted and is still facing charges of threatening a judge probably helped, too.’

‘Wait. If your dad is in jail and you are going to see...’

‘They’re my mom’s relatives. I haven’t seen them since I last saw her.’

The Wandering Physicist winces. ‘Sorry for bringing that up.

‘Whatevs.’

There is a loud crash as Rarity and Sweetie Belle deposit a mass of luggage by the coaches.

‘There. That is the last of it,’ Rarity states. ‘And be quick about loading it. I don’t wish to be late for our first appointments.’

‘Yeah!’ Sweetie Belle adds.

Rarity looks over to where everypony has gathered. ‘James! What a delight! Come to see me off?’

The group relocates to Rarity’s location.

‘I seem to be doing that with everypony today.’

‘He really is a mensch,’ Rarity’s mom laughs.

‘Mother!’ Rarity shrieks. ‘Not in front of my friends.’

‘What? Are you still embarrassed about your foreponies? I thought you grew out of that.’

Rarity grimaces and shudders. ‘What my mom meant to say is...’ She notices The Wandering Physicist’s grin. ‘I am not going to live this down, am I?’ Her mobile buzzes. ‘And you texted all of my friends too, didn’t you?’ The mobile buzzes more. ‘Shut up, Rainbow Dash!’

The Giggly Physicist does not speak since he is holding back his laughter.

Rarity sighs. ‘I am so taking back your gift now.’

‘And I have to get you seven more,’ The Laughing Physicist squeaks out, holding back the laugh.

Rarity stamps a hoof and turns her nose up, ‘Good day to you, sir.’

‘Come on. You know I am just foolin’.’

Rarity sighs. ‘Well, it is a season of forgiveness.’

Rarity’s mom leans over to Stormy. ‘Is this a schtick they have?’

Rarity holds back her comments while The Wandering Physicist starts giggling again. The last piece of luggage is placed on the coach, and the driver goes to the group.

‘All set,’ he gasps. ‘Let’s go before I pass out.’

‘Come on, girls! Let’s see the family!’ Rarity’s dad cheers.

Sweetie Belle cheers and climbs onto the coach. Rarity’s parents shake hooves with The Wandering Physicist and follow. Stormy brohoofs one last time and heads to his coach. Rarity gives The Wandering Physicist a small hug.

‘Don’t fret. We’ll be swapping holiday stories in no time.’

Rarity climbs into her coach, and the coaches head off. The Wandering Physicist waves after them.

‘Mazel tov!’

One of the coaches stops. The Wandering Physicist runs for his life as Rarity starts chasing him.

The Battered Physicist is still nursing his wounds from when Rarity caught him in the lobby of the train station. He is waiting to see one last friend off. He checks his mobile while he waits. He looks up and sees a smiling yellow earth pony really close to his personal space.

‘Howdy!’ The earth pony greets.

‘BWAH!’ The Startled Physicist shouts.

‘Is that some alien greetin’ or are ya jus’ bein’ weird again?’ Applejack grumbles.

The Panicked Physicist catches his breath. ‘Sorry. You just took me by surprise. Wassup?’

‘Huh. That sounds more like you,’ Applejack retorts.

‘Did you get Discorded again?’

‘What? No, it has been,’ -- there is a loud crash -- ‘a busy day.’ Applejack sighs.

Behind the group, Big Macintosh is placing bags back on a luggage cart while Apple Bloom tries helping and Granny Smith shouts at him. From the pattern of the bags, a young yellow filly must have either been riding the cart or trying for her luggage handler cutie mark. Both with no or less success.

‘Anyway, Jimmy, this here is mah cousin Braeburn. Braeburn, Jimmy. Braeburn was here visitin’ before we all headed out on our trip.’

‘Hey,’ The Wandering Physicist extends a brohoof.

‘Howdy!’ Braeburn starts shaking the hoof vigorously. ‘Great to meet ya! We don’t get many aliens in AAAAPPLEOOSA! ... Well, except for the little grey ones, but they ain’t that fun.’

The Wandering Physicist turns to Applejack. ‘What part of not telling anypony don’t you get?’

‘Ah ain’t breakin’ the Element of Honesty. Besides, Ah just told him yer from Southern Coltifornia, and he assumed the rest.’

‘Ugh. So I can chalk it up to all of the paint chips he ate as a foal.’ And a bit of stereotyping...

‘I was raised on good old-fashioned Apple Family Apples,’ Braeburn protests.

‘Ooookay. I am never eating apples again. I want my brain to remain intact.’

‘Why you ungrateful little...’

Applejack quickly steps between her cousin and her friend. ‘Whoa! Hold on now. He’s jus’ jokin’. Ain’t ya, Jimmy?’

‘Indeed I am, Mr Purple.’ Applejack growls at the nickname she got stuck with from The Crazy Gamer. ‘Anyway, are you sure you can’t stay? I’ll get Rei and Lucas to help me pitch in during harvest season.’

‘Sorry, Jimmy. It is Apple Family tradition t’ get together fer the holidays, and this year it is with our relatives in...’

‘AAAAPPLEANTA!’ Braeburn finishes for Applejack.

Applejack groans at her growing headache. ‘Thanks, Braeburn.’

‘Happy to help!’

‘Appleanta...’ The Pondering Physicist thinks. ‘Nope. No teams I care to make fun of.’

‘Y’all got a problem with the Braves?’ The cousins glare at the alien.

‘No. I don’t really follow basketball.’

‘Pfft. Nerd.’

‘Mr Purple.’

Braeburn looks back and forth between Applejack and The Wandering Physicist, who is checking his mobile again. ‘Do you two have a thing for each other?’

Applejack blushes. ‘What! Ah never!’

The Laughing Physicist falls off the the bench holding his sides. His laughter fills the train station and can be heard outside as well.

‘He, uh, likes mah friend Pinkie,’ Applejack stutters. ‘He really ain’t int’ good ol’ fashioned country girls like me.’ The Hiccuping Physicist is trying to catch his breath from the laughter. ‘ ‘Sides, Ah perfer a higher class o’ gentleman.’

‘Oh man! That was the best pick-me-up all day.’ The Calming Physicist puts a hoof on Braeburn’s shoulder. ‘You, sir, must be the town comedian since you know how to lift spirits so well.’

‘Actually, I am the ambadastor to the buffalo.’

‘ “Ambadastor!” Ha! He even talks like Caboose.’ The Wandering Physicist turns to Applejack. ‘Can I keep him?’

Applejack gets ready to deliver the lecture of a lifetime to The Obnoxious Physicist.

‘Uh, AJ.’

‘Not now, Big Mac!’

‘But the train’s boardin’ and Granny Smith already went ahead.’

Applejack glares at The Wandering Physicist. ‘Ya got lucky.’

He laughs and goes over to Apple Bloom. ‘Stay out of trouble, kid.’

‘Ah’ll try.’

‘Remember what I taught you.’

‘Don’ trust whitey!’

The Wandering Occupier and Apple Bloom exchange a small brohoof while Applejack silently fumes. He then brohoofs Big Macintosh and gets another overzealous hoofshake from Braeburn. Applejack comes over, still sporting a grumpy look. The Wandering Physicist leans in close with his muzzle by the side of Applejack’s face that her family cannot see.

‘Told you I would get you back for that Rarity joke, Mr Purple,’ The Infuriating Physicist whispers.

Applejack goes from orange to red in a combination of anger and embarrassment. She marches past her family and straight onto the train. The family shrugs and follows.

‘Ah thought he was with Fluttershy,’ Apple Bloom says to Big Macintosh as they board.

‘Well...’

The Wandering Physicist laughs again and starts heading back to his shop.

At The Power Block, The Wandering Physicist is still laughing about the prank he pulled on Applejack and finding out Rarity’s religion. He sets his cake, gift from Fluttershy and sack of oranges on the counter as he resumes his normal station. He looks around the store and sees it emptier than when he left. His content smile is instantly replaced by an intense frown. He checks his mobile for any messages but sees none.

‘I hate the holidays.’

The next day, The Depressed Physicist is still pretty much where he was when he returned from the train station. All of his friends, with Big Macintosh answering for Applejack, have reported that they made it home fine. He also received a report of the return of Nightmare Moon from Rei, followed immediately with offers to make Rei the first non-princess to visit the moon from Luna. Without anypony to talk to, though, he is moping around the shop, hoping that anypony would show up. He is so wrapped in feeling miserable that he does not immediately notice the grey hoof waving in front of his face.

‘Hey, Chief. You there?’ Derpy asks.

‘Wha? Oh. Hey D-Squared.’

‘Are you okay?’ Derpy looks where The Wandering Physicist was staring. ‘Or are you just undressing Shepard?’

‘Sorry. I just haven’t had anyone to talk to in,’ -- checks his mobile -- ‘almost twenty-four hours.’

‘Sheesh! Chief, you’re coming with me right now.’ Derpy grabs The Wandering Physicist’s foreleg and pulls.

‘I’m good. Besides, you’re on duty.’

‘You’re the last stop on my route today. Everypony else is gone for a while.’

‘Dirty traitors.’

‘Come on. We’ll stop by the office so I can check out then you’re coming over for dinner.’

‘Arg! You are sounding like the Cakes.’

‘Oh, are you seeing them instead? I won’t interfere.’

‘No. They just told me to give them a call.’ Pauses. ‘By the way, want some holiday cake?’

The Wandering Physicist slides a half-eaten cake over to Derpy. There are no utensils and his hoofs are clean of chocolate. Derpy frowns at the obvious bite marks.

‘I’m good. Come on. Let’s get going. I am sure Dinky would love to meet you.’

A DS is pulled out. ‘First to eliminate four of...’

Derpy cuts The Pokè Master off with a growl. ‘Fine. But the offer stands. I want to see you for dinner soon.’

The Moping Physicist moans loudly. Derpy growls again and leaves. The Pouting Physicist frowns at the door before resuming his nothing.

In an odd change of pace, The Wandering Physicist is out of the shop the next day. He is out of supplies and needs to go shopping. He would normally be collecting stares from the busy market place for wearing a bathrobe and Panama hat shopping, but most of the stalls are empty. He is currently glaring at the selection of produce at one of the few open shops.

‘Don’t you have anything edible? Like potatoes? Or onions? Or pineapple? Or garlic?’

‘Sorry,’ the shopkeeper, a yellow earth pony with an orange mane, replies. ‘I am in short supply right now. I normally have a limited stock while everypony is out of town, but I assure you that these are of the highest quality. I specially grew all of these vegetables just for this season in my private hothouse.’

The Wandering Physicist moans. This is the only stall with food. The shopkeeper looks her customer over.

‘You’re Derpy’s friend, aren’t you? The Wanderer or something like that?’

‘How did you know?’

‘Well, I think I recognize that doctor she is always running around with. You are the only other pony she ever mentions.’

‘Are you a sister or..?’

‘What? No. Just friends.’

‘Sorry. What with Dinky and all...’

‘Hey! You know what! You should come over for dinner tonight! That would make her happy.’

The Wandering Physicist groans. ‘She put you up to this, didn’t she?’

‘No. Why?’

‘Bah. She came by my shop and asked me yesterday.’

‘Good! Then she is expecting you. If you help me pack everything away, we can go now.’ She starts removing the signs from her stall. ‘Oh! By the way, I am Carrot Top.’

The Eating Physicist swallows. ‘Charmed.’

Carrot Top stares. ‘What did you just do?’

The Digesting Physicist wipes some stems from his goatee. ‘Nothing. Just helping you pack everything away.’

Carrot Top looks at her stall. ‘You ate all of my radishes!’

‘Key to a healthy urethra: radishes.’

Carrot Top does not know whether to be confused or disgusted. ‘Just, just don’t eat anything else until we are at Derpy’s.’

‘Sorry. Here.’ He tosses a bag of bits on the stall. ‘I didn’t see the price, but I assume that is close to double.’

Carrot Top gives The Wandering Physicist a confused look, but she takes the money, and they finish packing up the stall.

The next morning, The Stuffed Physicist is sleeping off the large meal at Derpy’s house. He had no idea that muffins could be made into both casserole and cake forms. Nor did he know that unicorns younger than Sweetie Belle could be as inquisitive and thoughtful as Twilight. All he knows is that sleep is amazing.

There is a loud crash outside followed by swearing. The Drowsy Physicist gets out of bed and looks out a window. Some genius is trying to park a large wagon alongside his building. ... Wait. That is not right.

The Wandering Physicist rushes downstairs, throwing a coat over the bathrobe he is still wearing from the day before. The wagon is alongside the building not facing any major pathways, but it is still being parked for no reason.

‘Hey! You can’t park here!’ He starts running around the side of the wagon. ‘No se puede aparcar aquí! あなたがここに駐車することはできません’

‘The Great and Powerful Trixie can park it wherever she wants,’ is shouted back. Trixie comes around from the front of the wagon. ‘Wait. That didn’t come out right.’

‘Trixie?’ Trixie clears her throat, expecting more. ‘Oh right. ‘Trixie, what the frak are you doing here?’

Trixie scowls. ‘Have you forgotten your manners in the... What in Celestia’s beard? I mean, what in Celestia’s name have you beard? No, I mean,’ -- takes a breath -- ‘Beard! Damn it!’

The Bearded Physicist fluffs his forming beard. ‘It isn’t that big yet.’

‘I can see it growing right now!’ Trixie turns away. ‘Shave it off or I am not coming in.’

‘Okay. See ya.’

The Wandering Beard turns and reenters the shop.

‘Are you going to...’

‘Nope!’

Trixie snorts. ‘Trixie has to do what Trixie has to do...’

The Shaven Physicist is nursing an eye twitch as he drinks a cup of tea. Trixie is busying herself in all of the kitchen cabinets.

‘Don’t you have any breakfast foods? How do you expect me to live like this?’ Trixie complains. ‘You don’t even have coffee.’

‘I don’t drink coffee, nor does Rei. If you want something to eat, Rei should have left some cereal.’

‘Yes, I found a half-eaten box.’

‘There you go.’

Trixie turns and levitates the box to the table. ‘No, it is literally half-eaten.’

‘At least she is getting some fiber...’ The Groggy Physicist mumbles as he examines the box. He groans. ‘I don’t have time for this. I should be in bed.’

‘It is almost ten. We should be out greeting the day. I’ve been pulling a wagon for the last three hours, and I have more energy than you.’

The Grumpy Physicist heads to his room. ‘Why are you even here?’

‘Somepony is snippy.’

‘I haven’t had a good couple of days. You can probably tell by the fact your biggest fan isn’t here kissing your hooves.’

‘Yes, where is my adoring public?’

The Wandering Physicist just groans and closes the door behind him.

Several hours of loud daytime television and obnoxious laughing later, The Extremely Irked Physicist comes out of his room. Trixie is laying on the couch watching television. She does not seem to know or care that she is imposing. She looks up at her host.

‘Care for some cake I found? It is quite divine.’

‘You know I didn’t use any utensils to eat that right.’

Trixie giggles as she takes another bite. ‘So it is like an indirect kiss?’

‘If you put it that way, yes, indirectly.’ Trixie giggles more. ‘With Twilight too if you wish to extrapolate a bit.’

Trixie stops eating. She looks down at the cake. She uses her magic to throw it out the open window. ‘Disgusting bunch of carbs and fat. It is going to go straight to Trixie’s hips.’

‘It looks like it will have friends.’

‘My, my, my. I have not seen attitude like this since the first time I met Rainbow Dash.’

‘Ugh.’ The Annoyed Physicist chugs the rest of the tea he left out. ‘Why are you here?’

‘I am between shows and felt like stopping by to see my friends. You happen to be on the way to my next booking.’

‘Why are you here?’

‘Well, uh, last time I parked in the middle of town, I ended up having to shop for a new wagon. You are enough off the beaten path, I figured it was safe.’

‘Yeah...’ The Wandering Physicist pulls out his sonic and points it at the television. It instantly changes to a game’s loading screen. ‘I am going to play Skyrim for the next few hours. Then after dinner, I am going play Skyward Sword until I go to sleep. If you want to tell me the truth anytime before then, I will find a pause button.’

The Wandering Physicist plops on the couch right in front of Trixie’s nose. She ‘eep’s, growls and settles in to watch him play.

Trixie is actually enjoying watching the game. She has made herself comfortable once more as she snacks on treats she found in Rei’s room. The Wandering Physicist set up Rei’s room for Trixie to use. Somehow, it looks just like the inside of Trixie’s wagon complete with the ‘special reading material’ under the bed. Trixie has a small laugh to herself.

‘I have two questions for you.’

‘Shoot.’

‘Does Twilight have a system that can play this game?’

‘Yeah...’

‘Then do you have a copy of it I can get for her?’

The Wandering Physicist sets down his controller. ‘Are you saying that you want to get a game that features killing dragons for somepony that has a dragon for a close, personal friend?’

Trixie giggles. ‘It would be so wicked.’

‘If you were really serious about getting Twilight or her friends a real gift, get them something from your travels. I am sure they would love it.’

‘Y-you really think so?’

‘Well, the fact that you actually got them something selflessly would be a big surprise, but it would be something nice to do.’

Trixie looks down. ‘I-I never thought of that.’

‘Which part?’

‘Listen! I am known to be a great gift giver! My travels and stature allows me to procure the finest spirits when gifts are required.’

The Wandering Physicist rolls his eyes. ‘The Sloppy and Drunk Trixie.’

‘It is tradition! The kids get our parents liquors while we receive money in return. Usually only eighty proof or above will go over, but sixty gets accepted if the bottle is large enough or it is high enough quality.’

‘Wow. You really have the system worked out. Booze and money and adjectives everywhere.’

‘It is not what you are making it out to be. Sure, we all have grandiose titles, and my two would be considered modest by some of my elders, and the spirits do flow freely, but we are a normal family like every other one you can name.’

‘Yeah. All magicians and poor sports. I’d love to see family game night.’

‘We are performers. Entertainers. Experts of illusion.’

‘Fine. So your imaginary friends are “real”. Still doesn’t change the fact that half of the members of your family I have met would not have even gotten this far with me.’

‘Ugh. Maxie. Forget about him. His whole side of the family are dirty people. Stupid, dirty people. I am getting sick just talking about them.’

‘Ooo. The touchy and painful subject. Wait until Twitter hears your great and powerful dirty secret.’

‘Ha, ha, ha. Every family has its issues. I can’t be the only one in the room with family problems.’

The Wandering Physicist glares and gets up. ‘This is over.’ He heads over to his TARDIS. ‘Sorry for everything I said.’

‘Don’t be a spoilsport. This was just getting fun.’ Trixie laughs smugly as she lays down again. ‘I thought for sure we were building towards,’ -- imitates a male voice -- ‘ “well you have a stallion in every city,” ’ -- back to her normal voice -- ‘and I would reply, “yeah, well, you are trying to nail my rival,” and we’d laugh.’

‘You know what, forget everything. Just do what you want. I had a nice thing going before you showed up.’

Trixie is shocked. ‘When I showed up, you looked miserable, and I have seen ursas with less facial hair. Don’t tell me that was a “nice thing”. I have seen that face before, and it is not a “nice thing!” You should be thanking me for showing up and saving you!’

‘You just randomly come to town and butt into my life and pretend to know what is going on? I have a well thought out system for my depression that works. When somepony interferes, that only makes it worse. Big freaking hero you are.’

‘You have a system for depression? This town is worse than I thought. Everypony here should be quarantined until Celestia can wipe this blight from the planet. The amount of crazy in the world would drop by ninety percent. From just removing this building and the library too!’

The Furious Physicist forces down his anger. ‘Whatever. Just whatever. Do what you want. I’m going to get some dinner then crash. Just try to keep it down when I get back.’

The Wandering Physicist enters the TARDIS and slams the door. Trixie rushes to the doors and opens them to find a closet.

‘Where are you...’

The TARDIS powers up and leaves. All that remain are the closet doors where it normally is parked. Trixie stares in disbelief. She screams as loud as she can and slams the door.

‘Every time, Trixie! Every single time!’

Trixie marches to her guest room, slams the door behind her and screams again.

The Wandering Physicist is trying to sleep off his fight with Trixie. They did not speak when he returned. They have been avoiding each other. The Wandering Physicist is tossing and turning in his sleep. At least he hopes it is sleep.

There is a flash outside of his bedroom door. After a gentle knock, Twilight peeks her head in.

‘Mr Wanderer?’ Twilight asks.

The Startled Physicist awakes with a jolt. ‘What the?’

‘Shh. I just teleported in real quick to see you.’

‘How did you...’

‘Shh. Let’s just let our bodies do the talking...’

Twilight goes over to the bed and climbs in. She locks The Surprised Physicist in a deep kiss and pushes him back. She get him to his back and starts reaching down his... Suddenly, he sits up and shoves Twilight across the room. She slams into the wall hard. The Angry Physicist draws his sonic and aims it at her. Twilight dissolves into Trixie as her illusion is undone.

‘What the serious f...’

Trixie starts crying. ‘How did you know?’ She sobs.

‘How didn’t I know! First, you reek of alcohol. Second, Twilight would never leave her family in the middle of a visit. Finally, she would never, NEVER do what you tried to do!’ He sets down his sonic and tries collecting himself. ‘What made you think this was a good idea? ... Besides the booze!’

‘I’m sorry. I just thought...’

‘No. Never mind.’ He takes a deep breath. ‘Listen. We had a bit of a fight earlier. You just did something utterly retarded. Let’s just try to get some sleep. Cool our heads. We can go somewhere nice and public for breakfast and just work everything out.’

Trixie just nods. ‘Okay.’

Trixie picks herself up and heads to the door.

‘Trixie. Listen, I am sorry about the harsh words earlier... and now... Sorry... Just sorry... I can’t think of anything better.’

Trixie nods and sighs as she leaves the room.

Once more, The Wandering Physicist is woken up by loud sound from his shop. This time it is knocking. He swears loudly at the noise, and that seems to work. Seconds later, a text message reveals that it is Derpy out front. He swears again and gets up.

Outside of the main entrance, Derpy and Carrot Top are carrying a passed out Trixie. Derpy waves as The Wandering Physicist rushes to open the door. The mares carry Trixie into the shop and lay her down.

‘Wh-what happened?’ The Confused Physicist asks.

‘I found her sleeping in my stall this morning,’ Carrot Top explains. ‘I think she was out with Berry Punch last night, given her random mumblings.’

‘You’re going to have to forgive me for not knowing every pony in town.’

‘Berry is a bit of a party animal. Not like Pinkie, but she has a bit of bad reputation since we were in school,’ Carrot Top replies.

‘She knows to stop when buzzed. Trixie here...’ Derpy adds.

‘And why did you bring Trixie back here? Your stall is across town.’

‘It is not that far!’ Carrot Top complains. ‘I was going to take her to Derpy’s, but she kept saying your name along with words I am certain Dinky is too young to hear so I asked Derpy to show me to your place.’

‘She fell asleep along the way here, Chief.’ Derpy adds. ‘She just needs a warm bed and time to rest to work the alcohol out of her system. Protein would be good too if she wakes up.’

‘Fine. Just toss her in her wagon. If it is too cold, push it into the middle of the street and light it up.’

‘Whoa! Chief! Where is that coming from?’

‘Last night, she... Never mind. It is personal.’

‘She... tried doing things. Right?’ Carrot Top blushes.

The Wandering Physicist winces. ‘How did you know?’

Carrot Top looks away. ‘It-it took me several minutes to finally contact Derpy when I found her.’

All the awake ponies awkwardly look away from each other. There is a loud snort, and Trixie looks up.

‘Where am I? Who are all of you? ‘ She focuses on Carrot Top. ‘What is wrong with your hair?’

‘Nothing is wrong with my hair.’

‘No, no. Let me fix it.’

Trixie’s horn glows for a moment and POOF! Carrot Top’s hair is turned bright green. Trixie immediately falls asleep again.

‘I second the wagon idea,’ Carrot Top grumbles.

‘We’ll fix it... again,’ Derpy assures.

The Wandering Physicist winces for several seconds. ‘Frak. Okay. If you help me get her upstairs, I’ll take care of her.’ He turns to Carrot Top. ‘And if you don’t ask how, I will undo that spell.’

‘Will it hurt? I mean, you’re not a unicorn...’

‘Only side effect is temporary deafness at the worst.’

‘Ooo! I know somepony who is getting a special carrot cake for the holiday this year.’

‘Is it me!’ Derpy cheers.

Carrot Top sighs. ‘You always get special carrot cakes.’

‘Woo hoo!’ Derpy does a small flip. ‘Carrot cake and carrot muffins!’

‘Uh... more important problem?’ The Wandering Physicist interrupts.

‘Right! Onward to muffins!’

Derpy lifts Trixie by her forelegs and drags her upstairs.

Trixie wakes to the smell of coffee. She opens her eyes and instantly screams as a smaller version of The Wandering Physicist is the first thing she sees.

The Gaming Physicist pauses his game. ‘About time you woke up, you take up a lot of couch space.’

Trixie tries backing up, but she falls off the couch. Her eyes lock on the cutie mark of her host.

‘Miss Pervert. There is coffee for you.’ The Wandering Physicist motions to the kitchen. ‘Picked it up this morning. Just finished brewing.’

Trixie looks to the kitchen and sees a steaming mug, literally, with her name on it. It also has her face on it, and she recognizes it as her personal mug from her wagon. She gets up and examines drink.

‘What is this?’ Trixie asks after a quick sip.

‘Freshly roasted java cappuccino. The only coffee I’ll allow in my house.’ The Wandering Foodie answers as he downs his cup.

‘How did you get fresh java?’

‘Tell me why you are here and I’ll tell you my secret.’

‘I told you already. I was...’

‘Lying.’

‘Hmpf. Ass.’

‘Oh, and I fixed Carrot Top’s hair for you.’

‘Who?’

‘The pony whose stall you borrowed last night and whose hair you transformed this morning.’

‘Oh! You mean Golden Harvest. Berryshine told me about her last night.’

The Wandering Physicist shakes his head at Trixie. ‘Those are nowhere near right. It would be like calling you The Beautiful and Stunning Lulamoon.’

Trixie thinks for a moment. ‘Do you have a copyright on that name?’

‘Creative Commons.’

‘Yes!’

‘Noncommercial.’

‘You suck.’ Trixie drinks her coffee. ‘Nectar of the gods, rejuvenate me.’

‘Why did you pass out drunk in a stranger’s market stall?’

‘Who are you? My mother?’

‘I have a strand of your hair, a sonic, a mobile and an app for that. I can get her private number on the line in ten seconds flat. Try me.’

Trixie stares into her coffee. ‘After what I did to you that I just wanted to erase all memory of my stupidity. Then you woke me up and reminded me.’ Her frown intensifies. ‘Do you have a setting on that thing that can erase memories?’

‘How far back do you want to go?’

Trixie scowls. ‘Sixteen years. When I got my cutie mark. Just to be a normal young unicorn again back in magic kindergarten.’

‘I’ve heard only bad thi...’

‘Canterlot magic kindergarten are different from Manehattan ones. Especially private schools.’

‘You were rich?’

‘What do you mean “were”?’ Trixie scoffs. ‘We’re the number one illusory entertainment family in the whole world. Five generations, two still active... minus my cousins.’

‘How come illusory entertainment sounds like something involving se...’

‘It is not! Seven major court battles proves it is not!’

‘After last night...’

‘You are never going to let that go, are you?’

‘You disguised yourself as one of my best friends and tried doing things to me! You are lucky I let you back in here after that.’

Trixie forces back tears. ‘I am so sorry about that. Please believe me.’

The Wandering Physicist sighs. ‘It was late. You were drunk and lonely. We don’t have to claim it was anything else.’

‘Thank you.’ Trixie takes a long sip of her drink. ‘I don’t have romantic feelings for you. You can be assured of that.’

‘I know.’

Both ponies sit in silence for a moment.

‘I could have been home right now,’ Trixie sighs. ‘I have just spent so much time on the road...’

‘Nope.’

Trixie growls. ‘Fine. I hate them! I hate the Manehattan attitude. I hate the elite behavior. I hate the politics. I hate it all! It is all games to them. ... Especially her... Real life is the illusion in the family of illusions...’

‘Yet you are a great traveler.’

‘We all are, but it is all an act to them. Literally! I can get as many sold-out bookings as they do, but I am also willing to play small venues like Ponyville. The big city and professionally-schooled unicorns don’t come to our shows, but a Twilight Sparkle in Ponyville would. If she saw even ten minutes of the shows my family performs... A rampaging ursa would be a fitting disturbance.’

‘In our first meeting, you summoned an illusory one and last night you assumed the guise of one of my friends. That reeks of powerful magic.’

‘And a real ursa could easily behead a fake Twilight. Even if it is my mom behind the illusion,’ Trixie snorts then sighs. ‘At least my younger brother is spared the illusion of illusions.’

‘Not a performer?’

‘No, he got into music. I have some of his music in my wagon. I’ll get it for you.’

Trixie goes into Rei’s room and returns with a CD. The Wandering Physicist is a little surprised.

‘What? Your little trick? Please,’ Trixie rolls her eyes. ‘I was the one who called my family out for using illusions instead of maintaining simple coat and mane care. Some of them just hired ponies to do it for them.’

‘For one with an elevated opinion of herself, you seem to have a very critical eye towards others.’

‘You have to in that household. Canterlot nobility has nothing on Manehattan elites. The nobility will just look down their nose and tease you until they eventually get bored. The elites are sharks. One drop of blood, and you are destroyed.’

‘That is a myth.’

‘What?’

‘Sharks need more than one drop to go into a frenzy. Myth.’

‘Whatever.’ Trixie finishes her coffee. ‘Well, that is a lot of my baggage. What about you? What are you hiding behind your SoColt surfer attitude?’

The Wandering Physicist shrugs. ‘Well, I did make that deal. Come with me.’

The Wandering Physicist leads Trixie to an unassuming closet.

‘Right. This. I am still baffled how this trick works, especially since it is on the outside wall.’

The Wandering Physicist smirks. ‘You just need the right key.’

The doors are unlocked and pushed open to reveal the TARDIS. Trixie’s jaw hits the floor. She pokes her head in then pulls it out. She takes a couple steps in then backs right out.

‘This, this, this is...’

‘This is why I cannot have too many close friends. Very few ponies know the inner workings of my ship and now you cannot tell anypony what you have seen or else you will end up playing cards with Nightmare Moon a hundred years before your great-grandfather was even a sperm cell. Understand?’

‘So, time and space?’ Trixie stakes the TARDIS in. ‘Can we...’

‘You cannot visit your younger self. Big explosion.’

‘How can you live with such a thing? The potential knowledge would crush even the princesses.’

The Wandering Physicist looks around his ship. ‘And it destroyed my people...’

‘What?’

‘Me and a mate are the last. He fought his way through the war that ended our race. I was in line for a Wii.’

‘But all of your friends...’

‘Were jerks! My mate, he was the only one who was ever nice to me.’

‘But your family...’

‘We’re not big on family where I am from. Well, not all of us. Besides, I have a new family now. One that actually loves me back. Lucas, Rei, Twilight, Pinkie and even Coal a little, even if he is a daft pony from Canida. Whenever I get down, I just think of them and smile.’ The Wandering Physicist lets out a big sigh. ‘I miss them terribly, Trixie. Terribly.’

‘Time and space!’

‘This isn’t a toy.’ The Wandering Physicist scolds. ‘I can’t just fly around willy-nilly. That is how I was able to stay safe all of these years.’

‘If I were you, I would find a red suit by this evening and make a lot of ponies happy.’

The Wandering Physicist presses a button, and the suit Trixie was imagining lowers from the ceiling.

‘That is for later,’ he says with a smirk. ‘Now, we should get ready for dinner. Derpy and Carrot Top are expecting us.’

‘Dinner? How late is it?’

‘Mid-afternoon, but I know how you young fillies like to take your time getting ready.’

‘What does that mean? I am only a couple years older than Twilight. We’re about the same age.’

The Wandering Physicist goes over to Trixie and looks her in the eye. ‘Multiply that by a little over ten.’

Trixie stares into The Wandering Physicist’s eyes. ‘Oh wow. The things you have seen...’

‘Dinner in a few hours. Let’s get ready.’

‘Okay... But I have to get at least one story for my act.’

‘Noncommercial.’

‘Damn you to hell!’

The Wandering Physicist and Trixie are parked on the couch watching a movie after their dinner with their new acquaintances. They are a little tired from some after-dinner errands The Wandering Physicist had to run. Trixie is still wearing her red fur hat from their adventure.

‘Ooooo! Fuuuudge!!’ the movie broadcasts in surround sound.

The two ponies laugh at the scene. Trixie laughs a bit longer and smiles at her host.

‘I had a great time. Thanks for allowing me to join you.’

‘Glad you liked it. Operations like those go better when you have a stooge running interference.’

‘Hmpf. Glad I could be of some use.’

‘Besides, you haven’t asked your question yet.’

‘Oh? I have a question for you? What is it? Was that it?’

‘You know exactly what you want to ask.’

Trixie looks ashamed. ‘Well, you already gave me an idea of something nice to get Twilight and her friends for all of help they gave me last time I was here. I know what you would want the most, but we saw her when we were in Canterlot a bit ago.’

‘Trixie....’

‘Anyway, may I borrow your spaceship to make a delivery?’

The Wandering Physicist feigns surprise. ‘Oh? Where to?’

At a high-rise apartment in Manehattan, a late holiday party is turning into an all-nighter. Off in one of the many guest rooms, a light blue unicorn stallion with a dark silver mane is holding a pillow over his head to try and get some sleep.

‘You know that won’t work. Not when they are on their fifth bottle.’

The stallion bolts up to see Trixie standing at the foot of the bed. She smiles and holds her forelegs up. The stallion crawls across the bed and embraces Trixie.

‘Trix! I haven’t seen you in forever!’ The stallion starts crying. ‘Where have you been?’

Trixie fights back tears of her own. ‘Oh, here and there. I am currently between acts and in Ponyville now.’

‘What are you doing here? When did you get back?’

‘I am not staying long. I just came to see you. Don’t tell the family I was here, okay?’ Trixie pauses for a moment. ‘Unless it is mom alone...’

‘Yeah. Anything for you.’ He squeezes his sister tight. ‘It is just so good seeing you.’

‘Anything for my favorite brother.’

There is a bit of a crash, and The Wandering Physicist falls out of a wardrobe.

‘Sorry about that.’ He says as he picks himself up. ‘Just got a little worked up myself.’

‘Who is...’

‘You know the song Pull My Cart?’ Trixie gets a nod in return. ‘Well, I am great and powerful, you know.’

‘Um, hey. I listened to some of your stuff. Really good.’ The Wandering Physicist mumbles.

‘Thanks, man.’

‘Yeah, so I passed it along to some of my friends, and they’ll help you get published and get you out of some of the bum contracts you’re in.’

‘What? Who..?’

‘Shh.’

‘Also, while you are in town, I know some devs who would like your sound too. Stop by...’ -- tosses some business cards on the bed -- ‘Atari, Rockstar or Take Two and just mention The Wandering Physicist, and they should be cool.’

‘Yeah. Thanks, man. Who...’

The Wandering Physicist winks. ‘Just a friend.’ He turns to Trixie. ‘Take as long as you need.’ He goes back to the wardrobe. ‘And don’t think this is your gift. I have something special for you.’

The wardrobe closes. Trixie laughs at her friend.

‘Who is he and what is he doing to my wardrobe?’ Trixie’s brother asks.

The Wandering Physicist pops out again. ‘Did I mention: time machine?’

The Wandering Physicist is curled up in bed. He is finally getting a chance to...

‘Chief! Wake up! The Dal... ACK!’

Derpy starts coughing up the pillow that was shoved down her throat. The Wandering Physicist rolls over to try and go back to sleep.

‘Told you that wouldn’.... ACK!’

Trixie starts coughing up the pillow that was thrown with precision aim down her throat.

‘Well, happy holidays to you too!’

‘I’ll celebrate later. Just give me some time to sleep. ... and my pillows back.’

Trixie rolls her eyes. ‘Oh for the love of... There is only one pony that can get him out of bed.’

Trixie picks up The Wandering Physicist’s mobile, finds the number she is looking for, and dials.

Twilight is bouncing around her parent’s house in a state of pure glee. She does not even notice that her mobile is ringing. It appears she and her family were in the middle of opening their gifts.

‘Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes!’

‘I thought she got over doing that?’ Night Light says as he covers his ears.

‘Hey. Don’t look at me,’ Spike responds while covering his ears.

‘Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes!’

‘Dear, calm down!’ Twilight Velvet looks over the gifts. ‘What did she get to excite her so much?’

Spike starts digging through the gifts. ‘I have no id...’ He stops as he sees a large basket of gems. The card on the basket reads: ‘To: Spike. From: TWP’.

‘Great. I think we lost him too,’ Mr. Sparkle muses.

‘Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes!’

‘And somepony find a volume control for her!’

Twilight’s parents continue to try to calm their daughter down. They fail to notice a small box with an open locket inside. The locket is heart-shaped. On one side, there is a picture of Twilight and The Wandering Physicist together. The other side has an etching: ‘To Twilight Sparkle, The real Want-It, Need-It Spell’.

‘Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes!’

In another part of Canterlot, the princesses are having a much smaller gift exchange since it is just the two of them... and a hyperactive pegasus guest of Princess Luna. Having successfully distracted Rei with faux royal regalia from the princesses and a new (and unreleased) Vita from The Wandering Physicist, the princesses can finally exchange gifts with each other. Luna eyes the banana print-wrapped gift with some trepidation. Celestia watches while wearing her new hoof-stitched starry cloak and giggles at her sister’s reaction.

‘What is the matter, little sister? Don’t you like bananas?’ Celestia giggles.

Luna groans and starts opening the gift. ‘Must everything be a joke with you, sister?’

The younger princess opens the gift and reveals a simple phoenix doll. Her eyes go wide, and she starts tearing up. Celestia gives her sister a gentle nuzzle.

‘I remembered how much you loved the one from our foalhood. I would have fixed up the original, but I don’t remember where it disappeared to.’

‘Do... do you think Philomena would mind a visitor later?’

Celestia’s eye instantly twitches. ‘Now I remember what happened to that doll.’

Outside of a window, Discord and Philomena fly past, chased by royal guards.

‘Oh! Oh!’ Rei drops from above. ‘That reminds me! Wanderer-san asked me to say “hi!” to the him for him!’

Celestia imagines how Discord and the hyperactive filly before her would behave together. She instantly looms over Rei in the guise of Solar Flare, sun goddess of destruction.

‘You are never going near that fiend! Ever!’

Rei learns true fear for the first time in her life. She also remembers something that could easily diffuse the situation.

‘Be-arr-b!’

Rei zooms off to get something from her room. Celestia snorts at the thought of Discord. Luna plays with her doll gleefully.

‘I wonder why he didn’t come to see me when he was free again,’ Luna ponders.

‘Because Twilight Sparkle is still alive in this universe,’ Rei replies as she happily trots into the room.

Rei instantly freezes where she is with her wings and tail sticking straight out. Celestia and Luna stare at her in shock.

‘Uh... I mean... BEHOLD!’ Rei shouts in her best Royal Canterlot Voice and holds up a small package.

Both princesses are shocked at the large voice from the small filly.

‘I never knew we sounded like that.’ Luna readjusts her tiara and necklace back into position.

‘What!’ Celestia yells.

Rei sets the gift in front of Luna. ‘Wanderer-san told me to give it to you when your sister was around.’

Luna gets the eye twitch now. ‘How thoughtful of him...’

‘So he’s her secret boyfriend she has been sneaking off to see without me knowing!’ Luna scowls at her sister. Celestia smiles back. ‘What did he get her?’

Rei beams while Luna scowls. ‘Well, it is really from both of us. We had it custom made just for Luna.’ Luna opens the box. ‘It is a broach with the seal of The New Lunar Republic of my world. I made sure the design was perfect, and he had it custom forged for you.’

‘How... thoughtful of him,’ Luna smiles as she levitates the broach out of the box to examine it.

‘That was very sweet of him.’ Celestia nudges her sister. ‘Remember to thank him properly when you sneak out again.’

‘What? Yes! I will.’ Luna puts the broach with her phoenix doll. She smiles at both gifts.

There is a knock on the door and one of the unicorn attendants steps in.

‘Princess Twilight Sparkle, is here to see you.’

‘Send her in.’ Celestia replies.

Twilight bounces in after being pushed in the right direction by Spike.

‘Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes!’

In rural Canida near the Equestrian border, Coal Tale is enjoying his holiday by reading all the new books he received. The day is also a lot quieter than he hoped.

‘Coal!’ a voice calls from another room in the house. ‘Get your brother and come down here for some brunch.’

Coal grumbles and gets up. He leaves his room and knocks on Droll’s door.

‘Idiot. Time for brunch.’

There is no answer. Coal opens the door and looks in. The general disarray is normal for Droll, but the one clean spot with a small note is very conspicuous. Coal reads the note and gets a large grin. He picks it up to show his family. The note reads: ‘He won’t bother you for 24hr. You’re welcome. TWP.’

Pinkie is sleeping late after staying up finishing preparations for the holiday party later that day. Everything is peaceful until Pinkie wakes up right on cue to begin the party. Only one problem.

‘Bats! Bats on my face!’

The holiday card drops from her face and lands in her lap. She giggles at her silliness and picks up the card.

‘First, I added a few more settings to your cannon and upgraded your artillery with some more special effects.’

Pinkie checks out her party cannon. She notices new settings. One has a fir tree and lights on it. The other has a heart on it. She can barely contain a giddy squeal when she notices the heart has ‘PP + TWP’ inside it.

‘Second, I got you some special fireworks.’

Pinkie looks around and notice a small pile of a dozen bottle rockets. All of them have interesting names. On top is another note: ‘Try one out.’ There is a string going to a rocket aimed out the window. It is labeled: ‘How Equestria was Made’. Pinkie giggles and sets it off. The rocket shoots into the sky and explodes. A beautiful rainbow spreads over the Pie family farm. Pinkie gets the most joyful grin on her face as she quickly turns back to the card to see what else she is getting.

‘Last, you were too distracted by the rainbow to take in the whole field, weren’t you?’

Pinkie rushes back to the window and shoves her head out. The rest of her family is outside trying to figure out what happened.

‘Pinkamena Diane Pie! What’s goin’ on!’ Pinkie’s father shouts.

Pinkie scans the field. All of the rocks have been rearranged to look like her. The image is positioned such that it looks like the ends of the rainbow are coming from Pinkie’s hooves. Pinkie starts jumping up and down in the window.

‘Look at the field! Look at the field!’ Pinkie points as she almost falls out of the window.

The family looks where Pinkie is pointing and all laugh or smile at what they see. Pinkie makes a mad dash outside to join her family.

‘I knew you would like it. XOXO. TWP.’

Rarity’s family is enjoying a nice, warm, sunny day on a Floridoe beach. Rarity’s mom takes a large, fruity drink from a waiter and goes back to watching her husband and youngest daughter playing. Rarity takes an equally fancy drink and goes back to watching the waiter.

‘Those Gentiles can make great drinks, even if they charge a bit much.’

‘Yes. Drinks. Very tasty. Very. Tasty.’

Rarity’s mom smacks her daughter in the back of the head. ‘You already have two great men in your life, and you act like they are a couple of schlubs.’

‘Mother!’

‘Sure, that Stormy is still a boychick, but you could do worse.’

‘How I conduct my romantic affairs is none of your business.’

‘What, you’re still holding out for a prince or something? Believe you me, princes are more trouble than they’re worth. Your father there has more chutzpah than all of them put together.’ She starts sipping her drink. ‘Not to mention he’s bigger... you know.’

‘MOTHER!’ Rarity stands so quickly she spills her drink.

‘Rarity, calm down before everypony thinks you’re meshuggeneh.’

‘I will not sit here and be talked to like this, mother. I am going back to my room.’

Rarity starts marching away.

‘Oy! Again with the “own room” deal. You do plan on seeing your family sometime, right?’

‘I will join you for dinner, if that is what you are asking.’

‘Great! We know this amazing Panda restaurant you just have to try.’

Rarity stops and shudders. Can’t you stop being a walking stereotype for one moment! she shouts in her head before turning back and smiling. ‘Sounds nice.’

Rarity marches into the hotel and goes straight for the elevator. Once she reaches her floor, she heads right to her room and prepares to let out the scream of a lifetime (or afternoon for those that know her personally). She opens the door and is crushed by a roll of fabric. Before she can complain, she looks around the room and sees it filled with the finest fabrics she knows as well as some that are completely alien to her. That is when she notices a note taped to the door.

‘Hope this makes up for the days I missed. TWP. PS: Don’t go near the green with red lining if you have a benzene allergy.’

Rarity squeals with delight and starts rubbing herself on all of the fabrics, avoiding the green with red lining.

Stormy is with his family for the first time in years. He is using boredom to hide his nervousness. All of the attention being paid to him is a little unnerving. Since he has been absent for so many years, his gift haul is relatively small compared to his cousins. Towards the end of the gift exchange, Stormy’s grandmother and aunt approach him with a small stack of old books.

‘Uh, Stormy. We have something, um, special for you,’ his grandmother says.

‘We know your special talent is baking, just like your mothers. We have been saving these since...’ His aunt starts to explain.

‘These are your mother’s notebooks and all of her recipes.’

Stormy takes the notebooks and starts flipping through them. ‘My mother’s...’
~~~~~~~~~~~~

At Ponyville Medical, a dark purple unicorn is resting in her bed. There is a brief flash of light in the room, and Stormy steps into the room. The resting mare stirs in her bed.

‘Who is there?’ the unicorn, Raspberry Soufflé, asks as she sits up.

‘Uh.... hey?’ Stormy replies.

There are a pair of thuds from behind Stormy coming from obvious facehooves.

‘Strawberry?’ Raspberry spots Stormy. ‘Oh! It is you Strawberry!’ She waves Stormy over. ‘Come here! I am so glad to see you!’

‘It is good to see you, too, mom.’

‘Look at you. All grown up.’ Raspberry takes in her son. ‘My boy grows up to be such a handsome young stallion.’ She eyes him. ‘That beard is a bit ridiculous though. Don’t tell me you are growing it to impress some mare.’

‘She is my boss...’

‘Oh no. No, no, no. When you get back to your time or whatever, you tell her that your mom won’t let you grow another beard for a few more years. Not until you are old enough.’

Stormy is confused. ‘Okay. How did you know I am from another time?’ A swear is heard in the darkness behind him. ‘Aren’t you the least bit curious how I got here?’

‘Strawberry, if you are here, now, like this, I know with even more certainty what I have known for a while now. Something I have known since long before I met your father. I am just glad to see my beautiful boy one last time before I leave you.’

Stormy cannot force back tears.

Raspberry sighs, ‘Strawberry. Sit with me for a moment.’

Stormy goes over and does what he is told.

‘Strawberry. I don’t know what he told you after I saw you last. I don’t know what he will tell you after I go. I don’t want to know so don’t bother opening your mouth. I have known what has been happening to me for a long time now. I really wanted to tell you not to worry and just be honest with you, but I was afraid you wouldn’t understand. Whatever miracle or spell or scientific advance that allows you to be here gives me that chance. I can see you become a fine young stallion. You are probably real upset that I had to leave you, especially with how he is, but know that all of our time together have been the best years of my life. And, when I pass, I will be happy because of seeing my most favorite pony in the whole world one last time.’

Stormy cannot fight it any longer. He breaks down crying where he sits. Raspberry motions him to her, and she holds him while they cry together.

‘Strawberry, I love you so much.’

‘I love you too, mommy.’

They continue hugging for several more moments.

‘You are the greatest son ever.’

‘I guess...’

‘It is true. Don’t let anypony tell you different.‘ Raspberry lets him go a second. ‘He did that to you.’ She eyes the cast on his horn and growls. ‘Don’t feel bad. A crack or two just makes magic more fun. Makes baking exciting.’ She points out some small, healed-over cracks on her horn.

‘Mom...’

‘What? You came all this way to worry about me. Why can’t I take ten seconds to worry about you?’

‘Mom...’

‘Uh... Stormy? We should get going.’

Stormy and Raspberry look to see Trixie standing in the room.

‘Is this the mare?’ Raspberry asks. ‘She is cu~ute.’ Trixie blushes. ‘Ditch the beard.’

‘Mom!’

‘She’s right.’

‘Trixie!’

Stormy growls. Trixie and Raspberry laugh at the young stallion.

‘Strawberry.’ Raspberry motions him in again. They hug again. ‘I love my little colt so much. You made me so happy.’

‘I love you too, mom. Forever. ... Happy holidays.’

‘Happy holidays, Strawberry.’ Raspberry looks up, past Trixie and right to the TARDIS. ‘Thank you for this special moment.’
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stormy is clutching the notebooks tight and crying. His grandmother and aunt are comforting him.

‘Best gift ever.’ He mumbles. ‘Thank you, Wanderer. Thank you mom.’

Octavia is experiencing what can only be described as pure bliss. She is getting a chance to catch up on her sleep before a very high-paying royal holiday concert. The night before, she and Vinyl had an early gift exchange where she got several very nice albums for her collection. Best of all, Vinyl has a booking out of Canterlot so she is several kilometers away and thus unable to bother Octavia for at least a day. Octavia smiles to herself as she rolls over in her Coltifornia King sized bed. Her muzzle slams right into something hard.

Octavia opens her eyes and growls at whatever potential prank Vinyl left for her to find. She instead finds an instrument case approximately the size of a cello. Further investigation proves that it does indeed contain a cello. There is a simple card in the case with the instrument.

‘Happy holidays, Octy. Hope you like your specially commissioned Stradivarius. It will authenticate if you have it checked. Peace, TWP.’

Octavia laughs and starts looking over her new instrument. Then she notices writing on the back of the card.

‘PS: What does such a small filly like you need with such a large bed?’

Octavia sighs and resolves to find The Wandering Physicist an expert and discreet proctologist to help her remove this fine instrument when she shares it with him.

Holidays with the Apple family are crazy disorganized and guaranteed to be messy. Something Applejack’s unicorn friends would have nightmares about for years to come. Still, the Apple family found a way to make it work with the minimum of injuries and calling the local fire department once in the last five years. This year is going like clockwork with all of the eager young foals like Apple Bloom doing all of the legwork while the older ponies handle the cooking and festivities. Applejack is currently helping one of her cousins slice apples for one of the countless apple dishes being made for the big dinner. Apple Bloom enters the kitchen with a small box on her head.

‘Applejack! Ah found another gift fer you!’

‘That’s all good, but Ah’m kinda busy right now.’

‘But Applejack, Ah found it in our room, and it wasn’ there earlier.’

‘Apple Bloom, are ya sure it wasn’t there befer and ya jus’ fergot t’ bring it out earlier?’

‘No! It jus’ appeared all magical like! Ah’d know if Ah saw it befer since it has such perdy purple wrappin’.’

Applejack is shocked. She misses an apple with her apple slicer and leaves a small dent on the cutting board. She quickly finds the nearest idle cousin.

‘Golden Delicious. Take over fer me fer a sec.’

Applejack and her sister step out of the room for a moment to find a quiet spot. Then Applejack takes a moment to examine the package more carefully.

‘What do ya think it is?’ Apple Bloom asks.

‘Ah don’ know. It could be anything.’

Applejack unwraps the package to reveal a box with a card taped to it: ‘For those long days in the field. I know it is not an Apple but trust me, this is better.’ Applejack lifts the card to reveal the words Galaxy Player. She shrugs and opens the box. Inside, she finds a device that looks like a mobile, but she can tell it is not.

‘What is it? Turn it on!’ Apple Bloom cheers excitedly.

‘Hold yer horses. Ah still figurin’ this thin’ out.’

‘What is t’ figure out? Jus’ turn it on.’

Apple Bloom presses a button on the side and the device springs to life. Applejack is a little surprised at the startup sequence. After startup is complete, a video starts playing. The back of a chair is seen. It turns to reveal The Wandering Physicist.

‘Oh brother.’

` “Oh brother,” indeed, Mr Purple.`

‘How’d ya do that? Are ya spyin’ on me?’

`No, I am not spying on you. This is an automated message. I assume you have not used a device like this, as evidenced by your archaic mobile.`

‘What is wrong with mah mobile?’

`That is not important right now. Anyway, I made and installed this tutorial program to teach you how to use the various features of your new Galaxy Player. It is predominantly a music and video player, but it has so many other uses if you delve into it. I really hope you like it.`

‘Cool! Ya finally got a music player!’ Apple Bloom cheers. ‘Too bad all o’ yer music is on cassette still...’

‘Hey! Those are classic mixes made by yours truly!’ Applejack looks at the music player. ‘Although, Ah have had mah eye on one o’ these...’

`Very good, Mr Purple! I am glad you like this. I also included a memory card full of music you may enjoy. ... Don’t ask how I got it, Element of Honesty. Just know that it was all legal. Trust me.` The Wandering Physicist grins and his eyes dart for a moment. `Stop recording, Lucas.`

The video stops, and the normal screen is shown. Applejack stares at the device, not knowing what to do next.

‘Come on, big sis! Ya have t’ show it t’ everypony!’

‘Yeah... Comin’.’

Applejack gets up and follows her sister out as Apple Bloom starts telling everypony she sees about Applejack’s new device.

Ness Grainsborough is getting ready to head out to his family’s holiday party. He is finding the red ball cap that looks best on him. His wife, Paula, enters their bedroom to check up on him.

‘We have to leave in a few minutes. Hurry up.’ Paula nags.

‘I’ll be ready. I’ll be ready.’

Paula moans and goes out to their living room. Her daughter is busy fussing over a flower arrangement.

‘Earth. Stop that. Go get your brother,’ Paula says as she levitates the flowers away from her kid.

‘But you need more baby’s-breath for balance! Balance!’

‘Earth! It is perfect. Get your brother.’

The younger pink unicorn frowns and gets up. She heads down the hall and goes right into a room. Neighponese pop music is playing.

‘Lucas, time to go... What are you doing!’

Lucas turns to his sister. His horn is glowing, and he has his back to the door. He looks very embarrassed.

Earth grimaces. ‘Geez! I knew you liked that group, but not that much!’

‘It is not what you think!’ Lucas quickly stands up. ‘I was just reading the book boss got me. He got them all to sign it since there are too many to sign the CD.’

‘Whatever, lover boy,’ Earth laughs. ‘Does this mean you are no longer interested in that pegasus you keep emailing me about?’

‘... Shut up, sis.’

Earth laughs again. ‘Just hurry up. Oh! And rip me a copy of the CD. I want to show off a prerelease album to my friends.’

Fluttershy is taking a break from the family tradition of singing songs all holiday to rest her voice a little. She is finally returning some of her gifts to her room, cherishing them because of who they are from. With her new Draconic phrasebook and fancy new Dovahkiin helmet, she is happily trotting to her room in Cloudsdale. She is humming one of the songs she found in the book. At her room, she sees a small note attached to the door.

‘To the Dovahkiin.’ Fluttershy giggles. ‘Do you know how hard it is to tape a note to a cloud? Answer: Not as hard as filling a room with flowers while distracted by your beautiful singing.’

Fluttershy pushes the door open to find her room filled with flowers, complete with a familiar yellow and pink mosaic. She calmly sets down her book, closes the door and trots in the other direction.

‘Fluttershy? Where are you going?’ is asked as she passes the family room. A white pegasus with a blonde mane looks out at Fluttershy.

‘Oh. I’m just going out for a moment. I’ll be right back. Please don’t go in my room.’

Fluttershy silently leaves and closes door behind her. She waves politely at the passing neighbors. After a few deep breaths, she lets out an excited squeal and shoots off into the air. She starts doing complex aerial tricks while laughing and cheering happily. All of the pegasi in the city stop and watch what they think is a yellow and pink application for the Wonderbolts. All of the pegasi except one.
…

Rainbow Dash is passed out in her home, something her parents are used to given her sleep habits. This time she is not asleep. She has fainted. In her hooves is an autographed photo. It is of herself, albeit a bit older version of herself, dressed as a Wonderbolt. The autographed reads: ‘To Rainbow Dash. Hang in there and keep training. Rainbow Dash. PS: Time travel is SO AWESOME!’ Rainbow Dash’s leg twitches as Fluttershy does a series of complex loops outside her window.

The Wandering Physicist, Trixie, Derpy and Dinky are sitting around his living room. Derpy is opening her gift. Trixie is on her third cup of coffee. The Wandering Physicist is busy playing with the very long scarf Fluttershy made for him. Sitting across the room from him, Dinky is playing with the other end of the scarf.

‘I can’t believe she made you something that long,’ Trixie comments. ‘Doesn’t she know how big an average pony is?’

‘I think it is cool. Four meters of fun!’

‘Aha!’ Derpy cheers as she holds up her gift. ‘Finally got through all of that.’

There is a large pile of wrapping paper around Derpy.

‘Don’t forget to clean up after you’re done,’ The Wandering Physicist teases.

‘You’re the one who had to hide simple DVDs so well.’

‘What did you get, mommy?’

‘Yet’s see.’ Derpy looks over the DVD box. ‘Inspector Spacetime. What is this?’

The Wandering Physicist smiles. ‘It is a fun little show from Trottingham. It is about a time-traveling detective and his partner and their crazy adventures fighting monsters from another planet.’

‘Why does that sound so familiar?’

‘Hello!’ The Doctor greets as he stumbles in. ‘Sorry I am late. I had some trouble parking. First I found some nutter parked in my spot already.’ Trixie glares. ‘Then I couldn’t get the right time thanks to some chronometric distortions in the area and... You were out all night delivering gifts to all of your fillyfriends, weren’t you? Love the scarf, by the way.’

‘Great of you to come, Theta.’ The Wandering Physicist laughs as he tosses a package to The Doctor.

‘What is this?’

‘Three times my age, and he doesn’t get it.’ The Wandering Physicist throws his forelegs up, tugging the scarf and pulling Dinky off her seat. ‘Seriously, D-Squared, why do you hang out with him?’

‘That was fun!’ Dinky cheers.

The Doctor examines the package. ‘Doesn’t seem to be volatile. A clue to disappearing homeless ponies in the area leading to a secret underground Cyber facility?’

The Wandering Physicist facehoofs.

‘You open it, genius,’ Trixie groans.

‘Right. You don’t have to be great and powerful to know that.’

The Doctor sits to open his gift just as a bolt of magic misses his head. He removes the wrapping and opens the box. He holds the contents up.

‘A fez and a bow tie. ... James, you shouldn’t have.’

‘It was no big deal.’

‘No, I really mean it.’

‘I think they look cool,’ Derpy comments.

‘That makes one of us,’ Trixie rolls her eyes. ‘Him wearing those would be like Wanderer wearing a beard.’

‘I like Chief in a beard.’ ‘HA!’ ‘Makes him look rugged.’

‘Ugh. I think we should agree to disagree.’

The Doctor is checking out his new clothing in the nearest reflective surface. ‘Was this all you called me for? Not that I am complaining. Fun little diversion.’

The Wandering Physicist and Derpy exchange looks. ‘Plan 3-α?’

‘Nah. Θ-10.’

‘What are you...’

Before The Doctor can react, Derpy has him in the air. The Wandering Physicist whips his scarf off and wraps The Doctor’s legs. Trixie uses her magic to snatch The Doctor’s sonic. Adding insult to injury, Dinky comes over and sticks a bow on the hogtied Time Lord’s head.

‘What is the meaning of this? Did The Master get to you?’

‘Sorry, Theta. This is for your own good.’

‘We’re taking you to a holiday party!’ Derpy smiles. ‘The Cakes are willing to host all of my friends who have stayed behind. There is going to be Carrot Top and Berry and Cheerilee and Rose and Junebug and...’

‘That is enough, D-Squared.’ The Wandering Physicist looks around. ‘Everypony ready? Nopony has to make before we go?’

‘You’ll never get me to talk! The TARDIS is safe! You’ll never get your hooves on her.’

The Wandering Physicist checks his mobile. ‘According to mine, yours is just three blocks away. Come on. You’ll have fun.’

‘You can’t do this to me! I have rig...’

Trixie puts the fez over The Doctor’s muzzle as she starts heading out. The Wandering Physicist and Derpy lift The Doctor up and carry him out while Dinky follows her mom.

Back after the party, The Wandering Physicist is gaming the rest of the holiday away while Trixie watches. She is on her seventh coffee.

‘Trixie.’

‘Yes?’

‘You were with me all night, and you saw me all day, right?’

‘Yeah? Why?’

‘Then how did that gift get on your bed?’

Trixie sits up with some surprise. She quickly runs to her room and returns with a small box.

‘Now, you’re just being cocky.’

‘I thought you weren’t interested in me that way.’

‘Funny.’ Trixie looks over the box. ‘Given what I have seen, this is going to be very touching to me or give you lots of laughs.’ The Wandering Physicist grins. ‘But it is guaranteed to outclass anything I could give you.’

Trixie opens the box and levitates out a set of keys. She looks from the keys to The Wandering Physicist and back a couple times.

‘Miss Sparkle is going to be very jealous of me.’

‘Funny. Check the note below the keys.’

‘It appears to be an address.’

‘That is your new apartment here in Ponyville. You have a place to stay whenever you’re in the area. Someplace where you can park your wagon.’

‘Is it furnished?’

‘I am not made of money.’

‘I have estimated that you spent at least three hundred bits on all of your gifts so far, so either the used game business is booming or you are dealing in goods other than what you advertise.’

‘Or we can check it out tomorrow and let you judge it for yourself. ... How long are you planning on staying, anyway?’

‘I should be on the road the day after tomorrow to make sure I have plenty of time to set up for my next show.’

‘Well, it has been... fun. Too bad you won’t see the others before you leave.’

‘Thank you.’ Trixie stares at The Wandering Physicist for a moment. ‘That face you had. That is why.’

‘My face? I thought you said...’

‘No. That miserable face you had. I said I saw it before.’

‘I remember. Where was that?’

‘In my mirror. A week ago. And everyday until the day I arrived at your shop. I just felt so lonely from being on the road for so long. I just wanted a friendly face who knows the pain of traveling on your own for long periods. I was so excited to see everypony again. But when I saw you...’

‘You were shocked by my miserable mood too.’

‘Right. I was happy to see a friend, but I could not bear seeing you like that. When you resisted my efforts to cheer you up, I just got really frustrated. I am glad to see you are feeling better now.’

‘You have been fun. You had boundary issues for a bit but once you started relaxing, I had a blast. And now you have a place to stay next time you’re in town. Some place to park your wagon.’

‘I still owe you a gift for at least letting me stay here.’

‘Nah. We’re good.’

‘The Great and Powerful Trixie pays all of her debts in full.’

Trixie creeps over to The Wandering Physicist. Before he can react, she uses her magic to pin him down. She leans in and whispers something into his ear.

‘And that would work?’

‘If she is anything like me, yes.’

‘So... follow the opposite of you advise then?’

‘Watch it there, smarty pants.’

Trixie lets The Wandering Physicist up, and they return to gaming the night away.

‘SURPRISE!’

The Mostly Asleep Physicist just stands in the doorway to his bedroom and stares at his friends. Stares as well as he can through closed eyes. He is in his bathrobe and scarf, which trails back to the bed. All the friends in attendance are in good spirits and smiling at their friend. There is a noticeable space around Pinkie since she is wearing a sprig of mistletoe over her head. Fluttershy smiles a extra bit at the sight of the scarf.

‘Can I have ONE day this week where I can sleep to a sensible hour? Like noon!’

Twilight steps forward. ‘Mr Wanderer, we just wanted to thank you for...’

‘Twilight, Imma let you finish, but...’

The Wandering Physicist stops mid-sentence while pointing a hoof at Twilight. Everypony just stares at him.

‘I think he fell asleep again,’ Rainbow Dash comments.

‘Wanderer!’ Twilight shouts.

‘Waffles!’ is shouted back. He shakes off the sleep and ‘looks’ at Twilight. ‘Wassup?’

Twilight facehoofs and shakes her head.
...

The Wandering Physicist is making the rounds catching up with his friends by sitting on his couch and drinking a combination of Mountain Dew and jasmine tea to aid in the awakening process. He is currently chatting with Lucas.

‘...so that is why I had to encode a temporal lock on the CD.’

‘Thanks. Now my sister thinks her little brother is a pervert and incompetent,’ Lucas sighs.

‘I can fire you if that helps.’

‘How will that hel... It would help her... Thanks, boss.’

‘I’ll call her tomorrow and explain it. ... At a sensible hour.’

‘I’ll warn her to expect a call in the afternoon sometime.’

Applejack steps up to the conversation.

‘Howdy, y’all. Did y’all have a good holiday?’

‘It was pretty good. Got to catch up with the family,’ Lucas answers. ‘Catch you around.’ He leaves to join the party.

‘That’s super.’ Applejack changes her focus. ‘And ya?’ A beep comes from under her hat. She takes her hat off and looks at her mobile device. ‘Did y‘all jus’ email me yer answer?’

‘A lot happened. That was the easiest way to tell everypony.’

Applejack studies her device. ‘So y’all had another Trixie encounter, eh? T’ bad she had t’ leave.’

‘She’ll be back.’

‘Ah can tell.’ She looks up from her device. ‘Ah like this here device, jus’ so ya know.’

The Wandering Physicist checks his mobile. ‘You needed to access the camera tutorial three times. Really?’

‘How’d ya know that! Ah mean, no, Ah didn’t’ Applejack purses her lips and her eyes dart.

The Wandering Physicist laughs. ‘It is okay. I am glad you like it.’

‘Thank ya kindly. Oh! Ah made a video fer ya. Now, how do Ah send it?’

‘Tutorial seven for attaching a file to an email or nine for bluetooth basics.’

Applejack just stares at the device. ‘How ‘bout if Ah just play it fer ya?’

She gives The Wandering Physicist the device, and he calls up the video.

` “How do ya tell if this thin’s recordin’?” Applejack asks.`

` “Here. Let me do it.” Apple Bloom says as she takes the device.`

` Applejack sits in front of the camera. “Howdy, uh, James. Ah, uh, just wanted t’ make a video t’ thank ya for this, er, device and, uh, show ya Ah could use it proper like. Ah really appreciate it. Yer a good friend.” Applejack blushes a bit from nerves.`

` “Awww! Now say how much ya like him!” `

` “Apple Bloom turn it off now! Yer embarrassing me.” `

` “Did Ah get mah cinom-, cinea-, cinnamon, camera-usin’ cutie mark fer helpin’ ya!” `

The video stops. The Wandering Physicist is trying not to laugh, but he is impressed. Applejack is embarrassed from the video.

‘Don’ say nothin’,’ She threatens. She gets out a hat like hers and shoves it on The Wandering Physicist’s head. ‘Here’ Got ya a Apple family hat as thanks. … Not that Ah think yer one o’ us or... Shoot. Ah think Ah hear Twi callin’ me.’

Applejack hurries off before she gets even more embarrassed.
…

Rarity and Stormy are chatting with The Wandering Physicist. He is enjoying a fresh cupcake.

‘This is so good!’ The Wandering Physicist moans. ‘Don’t tell Pinkie, but these are the best cupcakes in the world.’

Stormy laughs. ‘That is just what she said. Thank you.’

‘No prob.’

‘No. I really mean it. Thank you for everything.’

‘Anything for a friend.’

The Wandering Physicist and Stormy shake hooves. The Wandering Physicist smiles at Rarity.

‘Did you have a nice holiday? How was the mishpocha?’

Rarity growls. ‘You make me kvetch.’

The Wandering Physicist laughs. ‘Day eight, right? Aren’t you not allowed to travel?’

Rarity opens her mouth to start shouting, but Stormy stops her.

‘Very well. I can be the better pony.’ Rarity levitates a box over. ‘I assume your measurements are still the same.’

‘I have a bit longer neck. Needed a bigger scarf just to cover it.’

Rarity growls again. ‘It is just something nice for you to wear around work. Bring your shop a little class.’

‘This is great. I’m getting verkle...’

Rarity shoves another cupcake in The Wandering Physicist’s mouth before storming off.
...

Pinkie breaks an extended kiss with The Wandering Physicist.

‘Yeah. Very subtle.’

‘What? This isn’t just for show.’

Applejack walks past with a cup of punch. She strays a little too close to Pinkie. Pinkie instantly spins around and traps Applejack in a lip lock, and the punch is spilled over the floor. When Applejack is finally released, she stares at Pinkie in shock for a moment before running off in embarrassment. Pinkie turns back to The Wandering Physicist and smiles.

‘You’re cleaning that up.’

Pinkie frowns. She turns to get a rag and gets a face full of Rei.

‘Me next!’ Rei grins.
...

‘James, I would like you to meet my friend Amy.’ Selene introduces a white unicorn standing with her. ‘She was heading this way, and I invited her to come with me.’

‘Hi! So nice to meet you.’ Amy greets.

The Wandering Physicist rubs his head. ‘Really? You went this route? How did I know the big reveal wouldn’t go the way I wanted?’

‘James. Not so loud,’ Selene hisses.

‘Oh. He is perfectly justified,’ Amy states. ‘Besides, he knows I won’t visit as often as his good friend Selene.’

‘I guess you are right.’ Selene smiles at The Wandering Physicist. ‘I really liked the broach. I... would have gone with a less sensitive subject matter, but I have to give it to myself for coming up with such an inspiring design.’

‘Don’t get that big of an ego. It is not that impressive.’ Amy rolls her eyes.

‘It represents all free ponies. Not some constant reminder of who is in charge.’

‘Then why don’t we change the crest to something we all can agree on? Something we all like. Like a banana. You like bananas, don’t you Selene?’

Selene stands by The Facehoofing Physicist. ‘I prefer oranges, right James?’

‘You know. I just thought you would enjoy your gift like a normal pony. Hold it up to the moonlight some night and catch the right angle in the crystal. That was the message I was trying to send.’

Both of the disguised princesses stare at The Wandering Cryptographer in surprise.

‘Are you saying you...’ Selene starts to ask.

‘Yes.’

‘Then do you know about...’ Amy tries asking.

‘And more.’

‘Oh.’ ‘My.’ The sisters say together.
...

‘I’m sorry the scarf is so long.’ Fluttershy apologizes.

‘Nah. I think it is cool.’

‘I just started making it and got distracted thinking about who it was for...’ Fluttershy blushes.

The Wandering Physicist smiles back. ‘It is a very happy mistake. I love it. Goes with the look I am going for.’

‘He he. I am glad you like it.’

‘And I can see you like your gift, Dovahshy.’

Fluttershy blushes again and adjusts her helmet. ‘I-I am just wearing it to show how much I appreciate it.’

‘Yet’s hear it. Your best battle cry.’

Fluttershy smiles. She rears back as she takes a deep breath. She plants herself and shouts. ‘Fus ro dah~~~~.’ The Wandering Physicist’s bangs barely flutter. ‘Too loud?’

The Wandering Physicist grabs Fluttershy in a hug. ‘That was the cutest thing ever! I think I am going to die of diabetes now.’

A carrot is shoved in his face. ‘Here!’ Pinkie offers. ‘That is what saved me.’

‘Uh... Thanks?’

‘Oh! Almost forgot!’

Pinkie catches Fluttershy in a passionate kiss. Once free, Fluttershy stares at Pinkie for a moment before flying straight through the nearest window to find a faraway place to hide.

‘Huh. I would have thought the Dovahkiin to be able to handle something like that.’ Pinkie muses.
…

Rainbow Dash puts a foreleg around The Wandering Physicist and escorts him to a quiet corner. Behind them, Lucas has returned from the hardware store with a new window.

‘All right, Jimmy. Tell me about the future.’

‘Well, “it is going to be the future soon. I won’t always be this way. When the things that make me weak and strange get engineered away”.’

‘No, tell me about me in the future.’

‘Well, you will be older. That is for sure.’

‘No! Tell me about me as a Wonderbolt.’

‘Well, you are going to need to practice more, but given that you saved them a half dozen times by now...’

‘Tell me how I join.’

‘I think there is an application process... And a boot camp.’

‘No! Tell me about the photo from the future!’

‘Silly, Rainbow Dash. You can’t photograph the future. Photos are light-based, and light has a set speed limit.’

Rainbow Dash does the first shout of the day worthy of a Dovahkiin and storms away.

‘You’re going to drive her insane with that photo, aren’t you boss?’

‘What CD from the future?’
…

Twilight comes over to the new window The Wandering Physicist is sonicing to attain the properties he desires. She is levitating two drinks.

‘Here. I got you more soda,’ Twilight offers.

‘Five nights ago, Trixie tried seducing me using an illusion to look like you.’

‘WHAT!’ Twilight drops both drinks.

‘First, you’re cleaning that up. Second, I rejected her immediately since it was a petty illusion, and she was drunk. Third, I know you would have done a better job if it were real.’

Twilight blushes and averts her eyes as she magically scrubs the floor. She giggles a bit to herself. Suddenly, a glob of wax lands where she is cleaning. She looks up.

‘Oh. Uh, I thought you were buffing the floor since you finished wiping up the drinks.’

Twilight smiles. She covertly levitates Pinkie’s headgear to herself.

‘Mr Wanderer... You know what this means, right?’

‘Like I said. Much better.’

The Wandering Physicist leans in and kisses Twilight.

‘D’awwww!’

Both break the kiss and turn to see Rei flying next to them.

‘My turn!’

Rei forces herself on Twilight for the kiss. Twilight is shocked to say the least.

‘Ahem!’

Rei backs off. Twilight collapses to the ground in shock.

‘I found a letter in the TARDIS this morning. It was addressed to you, Rei.’

‘For me!’

‘I left it in your ro...’

Rei darts to her room to find the letter. She sees it on her bed. She closes and locks her door as covertly as possible before inspecting the letter. It is relatively nondescript. She carefully opens it and slides the message out. It is typed on a nondescript paper, but the texture feels like the stationary Queen Luna used back home.

‘Dear Full Moon. We hope this finds you at the appropriate time of year. Wherever you are, we hope you are happy and your holidays have been full of cheer. Love, your parents.’

Rei stares at the letter in disbelief. Suddenly, a drop of water falls on it, followed by another. Somepony is cry on on her letter! She does her best to wipe her tears away and holds the letter close. She puts the letter back in the envelope and places it on her dresser with her locket.

‘I’ll figure you out one day. I promise.’

Rei wipes the rest of her tears away, puts on a happy face and rejoins the party.

Author's Notes:

Story Event: I was originally not going to write a Christmas chapter. That is why the next ones are dated before this one. Once again, I dipped into my personal feelings to write TWP. I hate the loneliness that time of year generates, but I love giving gifts, often not expecting nothing in return... Often never getting anything in return... ever. Still, my interpretation of the spirit of the season is doing something nice for others in some fashion, whether they know you or not. I wish more felt the same way.

Also, since I didn't know how Christmas and Hearths Warming meshed at the time, the holiday was left unnamed. Who knew that Hearths Warming was really a national founding day instead of a Christmas-like holiday :P

Story timeline: First hint at Mane 6 families, most of whom will be met throughout the story. First hints that Celestia knows more than she will admit about TWP. First onscreen interactions between Stormy and Trixie

TWP timeline: His first Hearths Warming with friends and family, sorta. First time TWP hints at saying those three words. First kiss with Fluttershy. First hints AJ might like him.

Crazy Cruise Crazy

Main Characters: TWP, Twilight, Luna/Selene, Rei, Fluttershy, Pinkie, Octavia, Inkie Pie, Trixie
Cameos: Lyra, Bon Bon, Vinyl, Colton, Wheaton, Frontatrot, Rip, Lucas, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Applejack, Big Mac, TWP’s beard
Original Write Date: 11/20/2011

Twilight Sparkle is outside of The Power Block. She is pacing back and forth while rehearsing a speech. She seems oblivious to the stares she is getting.

‘ “Mr Wanderer, would you like to go...” No, too corny. “Hey! Who wants to...” Ugh. Just no. “You. Me. Cruise. Now.” ’ Twilight pauses and blushes. ‘I could never say that. “Mr Wanderer, please do me the honor of...” Are we getting married?’ She pauses again and bushes even more.

Suddenly, there is the sound of a mobile ringing. Twilight screams in shock then realizes it is hers. She levitates her mobile to her ear.

‘You know we have large windows in front of the store, right?’ comes from over the mobile.

Twilight looks and sees The Wandering Physicist waving her in. She hangs up her mobile and nervously enters the store. It is busy with post-holiday shoppers. Twilight goes up to the main counter. The Wandering Physicist lets her back and leaves the store to Lucas and Rei.

‘Wassup? You were out there for ten minutes looking nervous about something.’

‘Well...’ Twilight begins.

‘Am I dying?’ The Wandering Physicist blurts out with a gasp.

Twilight is shocked. ‘What? No.’

‘Sagan be praised. It would have been odd to hear that since I haven’t even been to a doctor.’

Twilight sighs. ‘Actually, I wanted to ask you something.’

‘Fine, but Lucas here has to be my best pony.’

Twilight blushes. ‘What?’

‘Stop joking around, boss,’ Lucas says to the couple.

‘I know. I know.’ The Wandering Physicist laughs. ‘So, what were you saying?’

Twilight is kicking at the ground a little. ‘I didn’t even... I mean... Would you really...’

‘Twilight!’

‘What! Oh! Sorry.’ Twilight collects herself. ‘Would you want to go on Cruise Crazy with me?’

‘The JoColt thing?’ An idea strikes. ‘Can I grow my beard again?’ He beams.

‘Yes and no. Remember the way Rarity was acting?’
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Groggy Beard comes to tied to a bed that is not his own. He looks around, but he is restrained so he cannot move his head very well. He hears some deep breathing and a little panting. He tries to struggle, but unicorn magic causes his limbs to go limp. ‘Don’t move. It will all be over soon.’ is heard under his beard. Something starts moving from under his beard, but he cannot even scream for help.

Suddenly, a door opens, and a magenta unicorn looks in.

‘Miss Rarity, did you want five bolts of goldenrod and three of canary or the other way around?’ Stormy asks. ‘Oh. ‘Sup, Mr Wanderer?’

Rarity’s muzzle pops up from under The Terrified Beard. She is sweating a little. ‘I thought I said I didn’t want to be disturbed!’
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

‘But won’t happen this time. It will just be the two of us.’ Twilight looks sheepish. ‘Right?’

‘Actually, Pinkie is coming too. I can only afford it if more ponies can come, and she was the first pony I asked,’ Twilight explains.

‘Oh. That is cool. I don’t mind paying for me and these bozos. More ponies, lower price, better room, right?’

‘Yes! I am going on a cruise!’ Rei shouts as she flies around the store. She stops over a scared customer. ‘Wait. What the heck is a cruise?’

‘One of us should stay and watch the shop,’ Lucas says. ‘We’re making good sales, plus I get seasick real easy. That is why I can’t go swimming.’

‘You get seasick while swimming?’ The Wandering Physicist is perplexed.

‘It is also why I only take showers.’

‘Yeah... You’re fired. Stay here and watch the shop, weirdo.’ The Wandering Physicist turns back to Twilight. ‘Okay. So just me and the kid. Who else?’

Twilight thinks. ‘Well, to get the best deal or at least good rooms, we will need at least two more. I was going to ask the rest of my friends.’

‘Coo. I’ll ask around here. See if anypony wants to come too.’

The Wandering Physicist and Twilight brohoof and head out to talk with their friends.

Rainbow Dash is napping on a tree in the park while Tank buzzes around the park randomly. Twilight approaches.

‘Hey Rainbow. Hey Tank.’ Twilight stops under the tree. ‘Rainbow, can we talk?’

Rainbow Dash springs up and looks around nervously. ‘I didn’t do it! I’ve been here all day. Just ask Tank.’

The tortoise flies past and grins.

‘See,’ Rainbow Dash says smugly.

‘I don’t know what you are talking about, and I think I don’t want to know,’ Twilight sighs.

Rainbow Dash sits back down. ‘Oh. Then whats up?’

‘I’m getting a group together to go on the JoColt Cruise Crazy. Want to join in too?’

Rainbow Dash thinks for a second. ‘Pass!’

‘What? Why?’

‘First of all, that music is all for nerds. Second, hello, pegasus. Why would I want to take a slow boat when I have these babies,’ -- shows off her wings -- ‘to jet me anywhere in seconds?’

‘Rainbow, it is not about how fast it take to get somewhere. It is about the trip.’

‘What is the fun if it is not fast? Pass!’

Twilight groans and marches away.

Rarity works in her shop. She is at her sewing machine working on an outfit. Twilight stands back watching.

‘So you say all of the entertainment is provided by those performers?’ Rarity asks.

‘Right! There will be music and comedy and stories and...’

‘Hmm. No thanks.’

Twilight moans. ‘Why not?’

‘Well, that music is quite... pedestrian and not befitting of a lady.’

‘Don’t feel bad. She said that about death metal too,’ a passing Stormy adds. ‘Now my stereo has a golf club impression in it.’

Rarity glares at Stormy. ‘Also, it is right before Hear...,’ -- Stormy gives her a glare -- ‘uh, Singles Appreciation Day. I usually have a big rush for, uh, specialty garments around then.’

‘I don’t see what the big deal is,’ Stormy complains. ‘We don’t normally wear clothes. How can some virtually invisible fabric really do anything to make a mare seem more attractive?’

‘Hmm...’ Rarity thinks. ‘Imagine a filly you like.’

Stormy closes his eyes. ‘Done.’

‘Now, imagine her in some lacy lingerie.’

Stormy’s horn glows for a second under his cast. ‘Ah. I get what you mean.’

‘Ugh. You two are disgusting.’ Twilight marches out of the shop. ‘And Stormy, shave that damn beard!’

‘Never!’ Rarity shouts back.

Applejack and her family are working in their barn. Twilight is standing aside watching them work.

‘Well shoot, Twi. Ah’d love t’ go, but we got a lot o’ work t’ do befer the next Winter Wrap Up.’

‘But that isn’t for a couple months. You can take some time off for some fun.’

‘Ah’d love t’, hon, Ah really would, but we have t’ not only make sure there are enough supplies t’ make it through the winter, but that we have enough fer plantin’ too. Not only that, but we have t’ watch the orchards too. Even with yer freaky organization skills, if there ain’t enough food there ain’t enough food.’

‘I guess you have a good point. Good luck keeping everything well stocked.’

‘Thank, Twi. Enjoy yer floating rock concert.’

‘Uh... Miss Twilight.’ Big Macintosh mutters. ‘Do y’all have room fer...’

‘Oh no ya don’!’ Applejack interrupts. ‘Y’all ain’t gettin’ out o’ work that easy.’

Twilight heads out of the barn while Applejack continues to lecture Big Macintosh.

‘Oh... a cruise.’ Fluttershy instinctively shrinks away from thought of large crowds in confined spaces and her poor flying not being able to help her escape.

‘It won’t be for too long. I promise,’ Twilight pleads.

Fluttershy starts kicking at her seat, a clear sign she is upset. Twilight sighs and gets up.

‘It is okay. You don’t have to come.’

‘Oh. It is not that. I just have...’

‘Fluttershy. You don’t have to make excuses. I know you are not good with crowds and strangers, and this would be an overload, even with your ability to fly away.’

Fluttershy looks down. ‘I am sorry. I shouldn’t be such a scaredy pony.’

‘It is fine,’ Twilight assures. ‘I just hope Mr Wanderer found others to come.’

‘Mr Wanderer is coming?’

‘Yeah. Him, Pinkie, and Rei so far.’

Fluttershy instantly grabs Twilight’s hooves. ‘I’m in!’

Back at The Power Block, Twilight is meeting with The Wandering Physicist to compare whom they have recruited. Rei is speedrunning a 100% run of Wind Waker on main display since she was told that cruises were exactly like that. In just the couple hours since she started, she has gotten the Master Sword and is on her way to fight Ganondiscord. Lucas is the only pony actually working.

‘Nopony? You got nopony?’ Twilight is shocked.

‘Not unless you want to share a boat with Droll, and I’d drop him under the prow before we left port. Everypony else was busy or had obligations. Derpy even pulled that “nor rain nor sleet” line on me,’ The Wandering Physicist complains.

‘Well, I only got Fluttershy, so I guess I didn’t do too much better.’

‘At least it is somepony.’ The Wandering Physicist checks his mobile. ‘Actually, I think we might have a recruit if you are willing to set my neck in a few minutes.’

Twilight raises an eyebrow. ‘Oh?’

At The Chaos Theater, Rip gallops back and forth making sure all of his music equipment is in working order. Off to one side, Vinyl Scratch is enjoying the show while Octavia is looking bored. Vinyl puts her mobile into her hoodie pocket.

‘Can’t we just go back to your place, Vinyl?’ Octavia moans. ‘At least there we can fight about how much your taste in music sucks.’

‘You know I have to help Rip get ready. We are going on that trip soon,’ Vinyl explains.

‘I thought that was why we were hanging out now? Because you were going to be leaving soon.’

‘We are hanging. This is hanging.’

‘Ugh. If this is your idea of hanging, I’d rather make out with the next pony to walk through the door.’

‘Octy! Vinyl! Rip! How’s it going!’ The Wandering Physicist cheers as he walks through the door with Twilight in tow.

Octavia shudders. Vinyl falls over laughing. Rip barely looks up to nod ‘hello’ before going back to his equipment.

‘I hope you brushed,’ Vinyl laughs. ‘Both of you.’

‘I hate you both so much,’ Octavia seethes.

‘What did I do this time?’ The Wandering Physicist asks.

Octavia turns to him and stares into his eyes and glances at his lips. She does not act on what she said to Vinyl, not that she would or anything. She turns away and makes an angry squeal.

‘I guess it is a bad time to ask if you wanted to join us on the cruise.’

Octavia grimaces. ‘You’re going too? I hope the boat is attacked by a kraken and sinks. Seriously. Be rid of both of you.’

‘Vinyl, you’re going too?’ Twilight asks.

‘Yep! Rip and I are guests of MC Frontatrot.’ Vinyl beams.

‘I didn’t see your name on the performer list...’

‘DJ Pon3 and MC RC.’ The Wandering Physicist explains.

‘Ah!’

‘Anyway, Octy, we were wondering if you would like to join our group. My treat, of course.’

‘Stop calling me “Octy”. Only Vinyl can get away with that.’

‘Because she is your waifu.’

‘Right! ... No!’

Vinyl gasps for air as she laughs. Octavia shrieks and turns away again.

‘Mr Wanderer, I think this is a lost cause,’ Twilight says.

‘That is right,’ Octavia snorts. ‘As if sharing a cabin with you would have been bad enough, the only entertainment would be some of the lowest, basest music imaginable. And I don’t mean bass in a musical sense. I know what good bass sounds like, and that is not it.’

Octavia peeks one eye to see if The Wandering Physicist is still there. Instead, she is getting the full force of Vinyl’s uncovered eyes glaring into her soul.

‘What was that about my music?’ Vinyl growls.

‘I just...’ Octavia shrinks away from her friend.

‘You just what?’ Vinyl glares her friend to the ground.

‘I just... was saying... that I would love to be trapped on a boat kilometers from shore where the only music was your amazing beats. Right, James?’

‘I never get between couples fighting,’ The Entertained Physicist says as he offers some popcorn he seems to have found to Twilight.

‘You’re going to pay your own way too, right Tavi? Miss court musician?’

Octavia nods in terror.

‘Good.’ Vinyl replaces her sunglasses. ‘I can’t wait to see you at all of my shows.’

Octavia whines, looks back at The Grinning Physicist and The Ashamed Twilight then back at Vinyl and sighs.

After the bon voyage celebrations, The Wandering Physicist is in his element wandering the ship in search of the group’s cabins. The rest of the group is following the lone male as he leads them down rows of cabins and around the various amenities. Fluttershy is extra nervous with nowhere to easily hide from all of the new ponies.

‘Are we anywhere close to our cabins?’ Octavia gripes.

‘Oh. We passed them twice already,’ The Wandering Physicist states. ‘I just wanted to see some of the ship.’

Everypony else moans, even Fluttershy. A cello bow narrowly misses The Wandering Physicist’s head.

‘Oh look. We’re here,’ Another cello bow misses him.

The Wandering Physicist and Twilight open the doors. Everypony looks around the rooms. They are a little cramped since there are so many, but that is offset by having two rooms. Their luggage is placed randomly based on booking.

‘So...’ The Wandering Physicist starts.

‘Who is in which room?’ Twilight finishes.

‘Well, I should stay with Rei to keep her out of trouble.’ The Wandering Physicist volunteers.

‘That makes sense, but you should stay with one other since you paid for such a large room.’

‘So, who are you picking!’ Pinkie asks with a huge smile.

The Wandering Physicist looks at the four options in front of him. Pinkie has a wide grin. Twilight smiles kindly. Fluttershy gives a weak smile and tries to look impassive to the whole affair. Octavia expertly looks impassive, but she nervously makes eye contact before looking away again. This won’t end well.

‘Ooo! Pick Octy!’ Rei cheers. ‘She’ll be fun to bug.’

‘What does that mean?’ Octavia shoots back.

‘Well, at least you won’t fool around with Wander-san like those two will,’ Rei nods to Twilight and Pinkie.

The Wandering Physicist moans. Not helping, Rei...

Twilight and Pinkie blush and look away. Fluttershy shoots both a hurt look. The Wandering Physicist groans and closes his eyes to think for a moment. He looks at Pinkie and makes a complicated series of ear twitches and blinks.

The ever observant Twilight notices. ‘What was that?’

Pinkie returns another series of ear twitches and blinks.

‘Seriously. What are you doing?’

The Wandering Physicist shrugs. Pinkie nods. Twilight growls.

‘Fluttershy, want to bunk with us?’ The Wandering Physicist asks.

‘Really?’ Fluttershy squeaks.

The Wandering Physicist nods. Fluttershy beams a big smile. She quickly gets her luggage and moves it to the new room. Octavia’s bags are unceremoniously dumped in the hall. Octavia seethes as she starts picking up her bags.

‘Let’s take to ten unpack and then start taking in what there is to take in.’ The Wandering Physicist suggests.

Before Twilight or Octavia can respond, Pinkie answers, ‘Sounds like a great plan! Let’s get unpacking, girls!’

Pinkie grabs a couple of Octavia’s bags and trots into her cabin. The Wandering Physicist gives Twilight a sheepish grin before going to his room. Twilight groans again and enters her cabin. Pinkie helps Octavia with her things.

‘Okay, Pinkie! What was that?’ Twilight demands.

‘Oh? That.’ Pinkie takes a deep breath and sighs. As she sighs, her hair goes limp, but retains its color. Twilight gets a little nervous. ‘Well, we worked out a system of signaling each other covertly and in code just in case we needed to talk while somepony was watching.’

‘Why would you ever need to do that?’ Octavia asks.

‘Wanderer James Hayate and I have a pact where if either of us are feeling down, we would do everything in our power to cheer each other up.’ Pinkie gets a small smile. ‘It is a private thing between us.’

‘Pinkie... I didn’t know...’ Twilight says. ‘You could have come to any of your friends at any time... Are you fine now? I mean, your hair.’

‘This? Yeah. I just felt like relaxing and not worrying about parties for this week.’

‘You sure?’

‘Positutely!’ Pinkie cheers.

There is a knock on the door. Twilight answers.

‘Hey,’ The Wandering Physicist greets. ‘We’re all set up in our cabin. Need some help?’

‘We’re good,’ Octavia answers. ‘Just having some girl talk.’

‘Ooo! I am good at that!’ Rei chimes in. ‘Uh... y’all catch the lasts Colts game? Ya know, football?’

The Wandering Physicist pats Rei’s head. ‘That will do Rei. ... And that is not real football.’

‘James! There you are!’ a familiar voice calls out.

Those in the hall turn. Twilight looks out to see Selene happily prancing up. Twilight scowls. Rei gets a big smile.

‘Sel-chan!’ Rei cheers as she shoots for her friend and grabs Selene in a hug.

‘Rei! Great to see you too.’ Selene returns the hug. She looks over everypony else. ‘Twilight, nice to see you.’ Twilight turns and heads into her cabin. ‘Fluttershy, it has been a while. Same to you, Pinkie. Love your mane.’

‘Oh. Nice to see y...’ Fluttershy starts.

‘Hi Selene! You should come by to party more! You are way overdue,’ Pinkie greets.

‘I have been busy lately. Only time for short visits.’

‘What are you doing here?’ The Wandering Physicist asks. ‘A week isn’t really a short visit.’

‘Oh, I had some time saved up and when I heard you were going on this trip, I pulled a few favors and got somepony to cover me so we could spend some time together.’

‘Do you have a cabin near ours?’

‘No, I was able to get a suite on one of the upper decks.’ Selene leans in close to The Wandering Physicist and not so quietly says, ‘Feel free to join me any time.’

Twilight magics the pair apart. ‘He will do no such thing!’

Selene looks into the cabin. ‘Well, he is definitely not sleeping with you. I can tell since it is a mess in here.’

Twilight glares. ‘We were in the middle of unpacking.’

‘You are supposed to put your belongings in the dressers, not the floor, darling.’

Twilight growls, and she and Selene lock in an intense stare.

‘Who is she?’ Octavia whispers Pinkie.

‘She is a friend of James Wanderer Hayate. She and Twilight don’t get along very well.’

‘Is she related to Rei? They have similar cutie marks.’

‘I thought so too, but I was there when Rei just poofed up.’

‘Just “poofed”?’

‘Yep! Just poof! Then splat!’

‘You are by far the oddest bunch of ponies I have ever met,’ Octavia comments.

‘We’re leaving to go look around,’ The Wandering Physicist says to try and break the stare. ‘Feel free to join us when you’re done.’

The Wandering Physicist trots away. Fluttershy follows. Rei looks between the combatants, sighs and heads away too.

‘Truce for the rest of the cruise?’ Twilight offers.

‘Deal, since I know I will be the one to uphold it,’ Selene laughs.

Twilight growls. Selene growls back. They slowly leave the room while keeping an eye on each other. Pinkie and Octavia are the last to leave.

‘James is right. It is fun watching other ponies fight for once,’ Octavia laughs.

The groups have split up to explore. Rei is off zooming around the ship, literally. Octavia ran into Vinyl and is getting shown around the stage and introduced to the performers. Twilight and Selene found something to compete in and are in an all-out competition. Only The Wandering Physicist, Pinkie, and Fluttershy are looking around still.

‘This ship is so big, but there are so many ponies. How can they live like this?’ Fluttershy says while trying to hide between her friends.

‘So many new ponies to meet! It is great!’ Pinkie adds.

‘Did anypony else just see The Doctor?’ The Wandering Physicist worries.

‘Why would he be here, silly?’

‘Whatever the reason, I’d be scared.’

‘Eep!’ Fluttershy ducks behind The Wandering Physicist.

Her friends look back then forward to where Fluttershy is looking. They see two familiar faces approaching, one earth pony, one unicorn.

‘Hey Bon Bon! Hey Lyra!’ Pinkie greets.

‘Fancy meeting you here,’ The Wandering Physicist says. ‘Hope you can keep your hands out of our business this time.’

Lyra grimaces at the comment.

‘Good to see you too, James.’ Bon Bon rolls her eyes. ‘Pinkie, always a pleasure. And, is that Fluttershy back there?’

Fluttershy just squeaks at Bon Bon.

‘She says “hi”,’ The Wandering Physicist interprets.

‘She knows I am not going to hurt her, right?’ Lyra asks.

Fluttershy gives a long squeak.

‘She says it would be best if you two still avoided each other,’ The Translating Physicist replies.

Lyra frowns and sighs.

‘It will still take time, dear,’ Bon Bon comforts.

‘Are you here for the party too?’ Pinkie asks.

‘She means the Cruise Crazy,’ The Interpreting Physicist corrects.

‘Oh. No. We’re just here to get away for a bit and have a romantic time together,’ Bon Bon says while rubbing against Lyra.

‘Does this Cruise Crazy invol... OW!’ Bon Bon kicks Lyra before she can finish.

‘Actually, the main performer has a number of songs about monkeys.’

‘Bon Bon! Can we...’

‘They are sold out,’ The Wandering Physicist interrupts.

‘Thank Celestia,’ Bon Bon sighs.

Lyra snorts at her wife. ‘Just for that, I am going to do what I came here to do.’

Bon Bon sighs and shakes her head. ‘Why can’t you have a normal hobby?’

‘What is she hunting this time?’ The Wandering Physicist asks.

‘I’m going to discover sea ponies!’ Lyra cheers.

Everypony in earshot gives Lyra a worried look. The Wandering Physicist facehoofs. Even Fluttershy looks out from cover to give Lyra a concerned look. Bon Bon grabs Lyra by the ear and drags her away.

‘I thought I told you not to talk about that in public!’ Bon Bon growls through clenched teeth.

The couple head away to find a private place to argue.

‘They have the oddest foreplay,’ Pinkie comments.

The Wandering Physicist winces at the comment. Everypony else who heard the comment looks at Pinkie and shakes their head.

‘I am not going to get that image out of my head. Thank you, Pinkie,’ The Wandering Physicist moans.

‘You’re welcome!’

Fluttershy sighs. ‘I think I would like to find a quiet spot to rest for a bit.’

‘Too many ponies?’ Fluttershy nods. ‘It is okay. We have a week to cause trouble and have fun.’ The Wandering Physicist starts looking for a place for the group to sit.

‘I’m am going to get us some drinks! Want anything special?’ Pinkie offers.

The others shake their head and look for a table. They find an empty one and sit down. Soon, a figure approaches.

‘Excuse me, but that is my table,’ a demanding voice states.

‘Hate to burst your bubble, but we were here first.’ The Wandering Physicist turns while Fluttershy hides.

‘You!’ The Wandering Physicist and The Great and Powerful Trixie exclaim.

‘Great. If you are here, then Twilight is here too,’ Trixie moans. ‘Here to see my show?’ She adds hopefully.

‘We’re here for JoColt,’ The Wandering Physicist answers.

‘and Wheaton...’ Fluttershy squeaks.

‘Good. Then you will see me perform. Just make sure you keep your girlfriend from ruining my act this time.’

‘Why would I do that?’ Fluttershy squeaks to herself.

‘Why would I do that?’ Pinkie demands as she walks up with a plate of drinks on her head.

‘Oh ho!’ Trixie gloats. ‘The plot thickens.’ She looks over the drinks. ‘And where is mine?’

‘I didn’t get one for you since you are not with us and if you were, I wouldn’t since you are a meany pants!’

The Wandering Physicist sighs. ‘Trixie. These are my friends. You don’t want to spend another long night searching the woods for your idiot cousin just because you need to apologize more.’

Trixie sighs. ‘Trixie apologizes.’ She says with a bow to Pinkie. ‘I did not mean to intrude. In fact....’ She looks Pinkie over. ‘You have just the look I would like to incorporate into one of my illusions. Would you mind meeting me later to discuss it?’

‘I don’t know...’

‘Go for it, Pinkie,’ The Wandering Physicist encourages. ‘Trixie may have a bit of an attitude...’

‘A bit of an attitude! The Great and Powerful Trixie is shocked.’

‘Okay, a pretty big attitude...’ ‘HMPF’ ‘but she is a generally decent pony if you give her a chance.’

Pinkie thinks hard. ‘Hmm... I will on one condition...’ She cackles.

Trixie raises an eyebrow. ‘Trixie is intrigued...’

Twilight and Selene are locked in combat over a chess table. Luna, as Selene, has never met a foe this worthy in over a thousand years. Twilight has never met another pony that knows all of the obscure, thousand-year-old strategies she learned from her books. Both stare at the board intensely. Around them, a small group of ponies watch the intense game. Twilight finds her move, picks up the piece with her magic and starts slowly moving the piece when... KABOOM!

A number of small firework explosions go off behind the chess players. ‘I am... THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE!’ is yelled right beside them. Twilight screams and her piece ends up flying off into the ocean. Selene panics and the rest of the board mysteriously ends up in lunar orbit. Both mares turn and glare at Trixie with the hatred of a million suns. Trixie laughs nervously and backs away. Beside Trixie, Pinkie is rolling on the ground laughing and hiccuping from either the laughter, the fireworks or both.

‘That was HIC! great! You should have HIC! seen your faces! HIC! You looked HIC! like you were ready HIC! to kill somepony! HIC!’

‘Miss Pinkie... They still look that way,’ Trixie warns.

‘Pinkie....’ Twilight growls in a manner that Pinkie would have recognized from Froggy Bottom Bog if she was not too busy laughing.

‘Miss Pie....’ Selene rages in a manner similar to the accidental intimidation she showed when she first met Pinkie, but this time with actual intent behind the imposing visage.

‘Yes? HIC!’

Twilight and Selene advance, ready to rage, but then stop and sigh. They shake their heads at their friend.

‘Pinkie, you shouldn’t have scared us,’ Twilight scolds.

‘It was very rude of you to interrupt our game as well,’ Selene adds.

‘Especially since I was about to win,’ both mares say at once. They instantly turn and glare at each other.

‘Lighten HIC! up!’ Pinkie hiccups. ‘We are minutes into HIC! our trip, and you HIC! are already fighting. HIC! Are you going to HIC! fight for the rest of the week? HIC!’

Both mares sigh again.

‘Truce? Again?’ Selene offers.

‘I’m mare enough to give peace a chance if you are,’ Twilight replies.

‘Enough to HIC! Pinkie Swear on it?’ Pinkie interjects.

Twilight and Selene’s eyes go wide at the prospect of one of the most binding contracts in the universe (the others being higher level Pinkie Swears). They glance at each other then turn their noses up.

‘I was just going to suggest that,’ Twilight covers.

‘I was going to do one even if you didn’t bring it up,’ Selene tries to top Twilight.

‘I was already saying it in my head,’ Twilight attempts to win.

‘No you weren’t,’ Pinkie calls Twilight out. She frowns at both of them. ‘It is not nice to lie about something like that. Now, are you going to make nice or...’

‘She is going to have to make cupcakes with you!’ Rei shouts as she flies past. Pinkie looks for the offending pegasus.

Twilight and Selene raise a hoof. ‘We promise not to fight for the rest of the trip.’ They start miming what they say. ‘Cross my heart. Hope to fly. Stick a cupcake in my eye. OW!’ Both poke their eyes too hard.

‘Good!’ Pinkie cheers. She quickly scowls. ‘I’m watching you.’

‘FOOOOOOOOOOOOOR!’ Rei disappears out of sight around the ship. The white and blue streak returns. ‘EEEEEEEEEEEEEVER!’

Rei disappears on her flight again. Pinkie growls and heads off to find the pony who keeps stealing her lines. Trixie approaches Twilight and Selene.

‘I am sorry for scaring you.’ Trixie bows. ‘Miss Pinkie said that so-called prank was the only way to get her to help with my act.’

‘You were the one who performed at the royal children’s day for the orphans a while back, are you not?’ Selene asks.

‘Why yes. The Great and Powerful Trixie was honored to be a guest of the princesses.’

‘I thought you looked familiar.’

Trixie examines Selene. ‘Strange. I am usually good with faces, yet I do not recognize you from that event.’

‘Oh. Uh. I am pretty good at not being seen,’ Selene dodges. ‘I have a bit of a, uh, night cloak to help shield me.’ She grins unconvincingly.

Trixie stares into Selene a bit more then grins. ‘Okay. I believe you.’ She turns and trots away. ‘Now, if you’ll excuse me, Mr Wanderer and Miss Fluttershy are waiting for me.’

‘Is there anypony out there that isn’t chasing after him!’ Twilight shouts.

Twilight and Selene give chase. From the back of the dispersing crowd, a gray earth pony mare with a long gray hair watches and covertly follows.

Octavia boredly listens to Vinyl and Rip talking with a bald orange unicorn wearing thick-framed black glasses. Octavia looks for something to do and notices an acoustic guitar sitting off to one side. She picks it up and looks it over. She has never played a guitar, but a string instrument is a string instrument so she gives it a pluck. An ungodly sound is produced. Obviously, there is something wrong with the guitar. All of the other ponies are staring at her.

‘Sorry.’ Octavia sets down the guitar.

‘Sorry, Tavi,’ Vinyl apologizes. ‘We have been ignoring you.’

‘Yeah. We were just telling Frontatrot here how you’re an awesome cellist,’ Rip says.

‘If you’re free, maybe we can jam,’ Frontatrot adds. ‘Also, call me Damian. Frontatrot is my stage name, but Timmy here keeps forgetting.’

‘Dude!’ Rip hisses. ‘Not in public!’

‘Timmy? Really?’ Vinyl laughs.

‘You didn’t even tell Vinyl? Geez.’ Frontatrot moans. ‘Not even his real coat and mane color too. Did you know that?’

Octavia rolls her eyes at the gossip. Vinyl giggles at her friend. A bearded earth pony enters.

‘Damian, we’re going to start setting up soon,’ Colton advises. ‘Ready to work?’

‘Let’s do this, Jon.’

Colton, Frontatrot, and some of the other performers start getting to work on the stage. Vinyl shrugs and starts getting to work.

Octavia sighs, ‘Anything I can help with?’

‘Scratch’s friend, right?’ Colton asks. Octavia nods. ‘Yeah. See if you can find Trixie and that stallion friend she wanted me to meet of hers. She said she was going to be around the main deck or the lounge or somewhere with drinks.’

‘Stallion friend?’

‘Yeah. Met him once. Friend of Rip’s.’

‘Black on brown. Video game nut?’

‘You know him?’

Octavia grimaces. ‘He’s the reason I am on this damn trip.’

‘So... You can find him?’

‘Why is he so important?’

‘We could tell you...’ Colton starts.

‘...but that would ruin the show,’ Rip finishes as he carries an amp across the stage.

Octavia raises an eyebrow and heads out to look for The Wandering Physicist. She takes a look back and gets positive signals from the rest of the ponies.

At the first show of the cruise, a special tribute is being held. The Wandering Physicist is up on stage with Colton, Wheaton, Paul and Storm and the other bearded performers. The performers are bowing their heads. A screen next to the stage is displaying a card reading: ‘The Wandering Physicist’s beard ~ Nov 27 - Dec 7’. Paul and Storm are playing an elegy on their kazoos. At her seat, Twilight is facehoofing. Off to one side, Trixie is bowing with her hat over her chest.

The next card comes up. It has a picture of The Wandering Physicist with a bit of stubble and reads ‘Day 1’. ‘Day 2’ has him with a full goatee. ‘Day 4’ has him with a full beard. ‘Day 6’ has him with his massive beard and Rarity in the background with hearts over her head. ‘Day 8’ has him with his maximum beard but with Twilight freaking out in the background. ‘Day 10’ has him running towards the camera as a wild Rapidash appears. ‘Day 11’ has him running from Twilight as she levitates all sorts of scissors and razors around her. ‘Day 12’ has him clean-shaven and looking sad as Twilight sits proudly behind him. Rarity is holding the remains of the beard and crying. The last card reads: ‘Dec 7, a date that will live in infamy.’

The kazoo music stops and Colton puts an arm around The Wandering Physicist.

‘Stay strong,’ Colton advises.

The audience claps and stomps their hooves. Twilight opts to attempt to bash her skull in on her seat back. After the applause ends, The Wandering Physicist shakes hooves with all of the performers. The crowd cheers again when Trixie gives him a small kiss on the cheek. The Wandering Physicist waves to the audience one last time and retakes his seat between Twilight and Pinkie.

‘That was fun.’ He beams.

‘Sniff! Your poor beard!’ Pinkie cries.

‘I hate you so much right now,’ Twilight growls.

The Wandering Physicist laughs and settles in to watch the rest of the show.

The next morning, The Wandering Physicist and his cabin are sleeping in a bit. There is a knock on the door.

‘Ja~mes? Are you up?’ is asked through the door.

After getting no response, the door lock glows with a magical aura and the door opens. Selene steps into the room and closes the door behind her. She looks around the room. On one bed, The Wandering Physicist is sprawled out inelegantly. Selene smiles as he itches his belly. Unlike her guardian, Rei is not sprawled out on a bed. She has apparently fallen off her shared bed with Fluttershy and sleeps upside down on the floor. Fluttershy is comfortably curled up on their bed under all of their blankets. Selene quietly laughs at Rei as she sneaks past to The Wandering Physicist’s bed and climbs in. She smiles as she snuggles up to his chest. The room returns to silence as Selene settles in. A few minutes later, there is another knock on the door.

‘Mr Wanderer?’ The door is unlocked, and Twilight looks in as she levitates a spare card key under her wing. ‘We’re heading to breakfast. Do any of you want to come?’

‘Breakfast!’ Rei shoots out of the door and over Twilight upside down.

Twilight looks around the room. Fluttershy stretches out from under the blankets and tries looking around. She panics briefly thinking she is blind, but the blankets fall and she gives an embarrassed giggle. Fluttershy notices her friend glaring at something and looks to see The Wandering Physicist and Selene in bed together. Fluttershy gasps while Twilight growls and advances.

‘Mr Wanderer!’

‘Just five more minutes,’ The Wandering Physicist moans.

A magical force grips both of the sleeping ponies. Both wake with a start before Twilight can do anything to them.

‘Remember your promise!’ Pinkie shouts from the corridor.

‘Many apologies, Twilight,’ Selene says as she sits up. ‘I let myself in and just couldn’t help myself.’

Twilight growls. ‘I should report you for breaking into somepony else’s cabin.’

‘Don’t tell me you never wanted to just cuddle up against the most wonderful stallion ever,’ Selene teases. She sees a new face at the door. ‘Octavia there knows what I am talking about.’

Octavia blushes and looks away. ‘Leave me out of your weird fantasies.’

Twilight growls and readies a spell for blasting.

‘Cruise ship!’ The Wandering Physicist yells as he tries hiding.

‘Pinkie Swear!’ Pinkie shouts as she rushes to stop Twilight.

‘Eep!’ Fluttershy squeaks as she hides under a blanket again.

Twilight disappears in a flash. They hear the door in the next cabin slam, followed by a loud scream. Everypony groans.

The Wandering Physicist turns to Selene. ‘You’ll have to do a lot to fix this, Selena.’ Fluttershy catches the changed syllable.

‘What? Why me?’ Selene protests.

The Wandering Physicist shakes his head. ‘It is like your social skills were developed on the moon or something.’

Before Selene can thrash her friend, Pinkie interrupts. ‘You are the one who broke in and then made it sound like Twilight was the one being rude.’

‘You also intruded on me and Rei. Meanie,’ Fluttershy glares from under a blanket.

‘Oh Sagan! Where’s Rei!’ The Wandering Physicist panics.

A porter knocks and looks in. ‘Do one of you own a bear that looks like a white pegasus? One just ate all of the room service leftovers that were left out in the hall for cleanup just now.’

After a delayed breakfast thanks to having to get Rei’s stomach pumped (which did nothing to abate her hunger) The Wandering Physicist, Pinkie, and Fluttershy are lounging around planning their day. Behind them, Rei darts back and forth carrying something. The Wandering Physicist seems distracted by his kid and watching the other ponies.

‘So tabletop lounge until your lunch with Twilight then bum around until the show?’ Pinkie says looking over the itinerary.

‘I think I will just go back to the cabin until the show,’ Fluttershy adds.

‘You have to at least eat with us,’ Pinkie pleads.

‘I guess...’ Fluttershy concedes. ‘If we go as a group...’

‘Of course! Auntie Pinkie Pie will do anything for her Fluttershy. You in, Mr Wanderer Hayate James?’

‘Sounds good,’ The Wandering Physicist replies as he watches a pony pass. ‘I swear that he is here.’

‘Everything is fine. My Pinkie Sense would tell me if something bad was going to happen.’

‘That wouldn’t give us a large enough window if something was really brewing.’

‘Why don’t you ask a steward or somepony to check the manifest for you?’

‘Unreliable. He wouldn’t travel conventionally. We need somepony better than that.’ The Wandering Physicist grabs a passing pony at random. ‘Is The Doctor on the ship?’

Lyra nearly drops a box she is carrying. ‘The Doctor? Let me check.’ She is released. She gets out a notebook. ‘Doctor... Doctor... Nope. You’re the only alien on the ship.’

‘Hmm. Thanks. And you and Rei are not going to catch anything.’

‘They exist, damn it!’ Lyra argues. ‘Besides, this is my only time to hunt while Bon Bon is distracted.’

‘While who is distracted?’ a voice asks from behind Lyra.

Lyra freezes. ‘If I can’t see you, you can’t punish me.’

Bon Bon growls and drags Lyra away by the tail. Rei stops her random flying and hovers after her current mentor. The Wandering Physicist sighs. He looks back at his friends.

‘Break until we meet up again?’

The others nod. Fluttershy scurries back to her cabin, avoiding all of the strangers. The Wandering Physicist and Pinkie head off to the gaming area. The grey pony from the other day makes a note in a notebook then gives chase.

Octavia has found her way to the bar and is making herself well-acquainted with the bottom of her whiskey glass before she decides if she wants to do anything else for the day. Beside her, Vinyl has yet to begin partying. She is more worried about the night’s performance.

‘Come on, Tavi. It would really help us out.’

‘Hmm.... No. I have some important work to do around here.’ Octavia sets down her glass and looks for the bartender.

‘Jon would really appreciate it.’

‘Nope.’ Octavia contemplates reaching over the bar and serving herself.

Vinyl sighs. ‘I’ll owe you one.’

‘Ooo. I like the sound of that.’ The bartender arrives. ‘Jura, please! And leave the bottle.’

Vinyl groans at her friend. The bartender returns with the drink. He set it in front Octavia. Before Octavia can have her fun, Vinyl snatches the bottle.

‘I’ll owe you only if you qualify.’

‘But I need the liquid magic to make the music better,’ Octavia pleads reaching for the bottle.

Vinyl pays for the bottle and carries it away. Octavia gives chase, doing everything she can to get her drink, even walking on her hind legs. Vinyl leads them to the stage. There Colton, Wheaton and Frontatrot are waiting.

‘I got her! The search is over,’ Vinyl declares.

‘Are you sure she is the best choice?’ Wheaton asks as he watches Octavia flailing for the bottle that Vinyl is holding over her head.

‘She can play her own instrument and sing beautifully. She just needs the right motivation.’

Octavia parkours up Vinyl’s back and snatches her prize. She takes a very uncivilized swig, straightens her hair and misaligns her bowtie. ‘Let’s do this! Where’s my cello?’

‘Cello?’ Colton asks.

‘Cello. Double bass. Koto. If it has strings, I can play it.’

‘She does know we have to hear her sing, right?’ Frontatrot asks Vinyl.

‘Just give me an instrument!’ Octavia demands.

Colton brings over a guitar and offers to take the bottle from Octavia. He gets a mean glare in return.

‘Let’s do this!’ Octavia raises her bottle above her head and looks around. ‘Where’s my sheet music...’

The four other ponies all facehoof. Octavia shrugs and starts playing Greensleeves on the guitar. The doors to the stage open, and an unicorn is dragged in by an earth pony.

‘Sorry to intrude,’ Bon Bon says with Lyra’s tail still in her mouth. ‘I saw your announcement this morning, and I know we are not part of your event thingy, but I really think you should give my friend a chance.’

Octavia stops playing. ‘Hey Lyra. How’s the wife?’

‘I never met her before in my life!’ Lyra pleads.

‘It is totally cool that you want to help out, but you are intruding on a private affair,’ Wheaton explains.

‘Actually, she is pretty good too,’ Vinyl muses.

‘Can’t be any worse than whiskey before noon,’ Frontatrot shrugs.

Bon Bon gets Lyra an ukelele. ‘Remember to play and sing as good as you normally do, dear.’

Bon Bon gives Lyra a kiss and goes to the audience. Lyra tunes the instrument a bit then goes to the mic next to Octavia. She shakes her head at the offer of whiskey.

Lyra starts playing. ‘THis waS a TRIumph!’

Bon Bon instantly rushes the stage and drags Lyra to the back.

‘I thought she was good,’ Octavia says after a drink.

Vinyl drags Octavia to the back as well. Both Vinyl and Bon Bon are heard yelling at their significant others. A moment later, Octavia and Lyra are shoved out on stage.

‘And play good or I’m dumping you!’ Bon Bon and Vinyl shout.

♫
And believe me I am still alive.
I'm doing science and I'm still alive.
I feel FANTASTIC and I'm still alive.
While you're dying I'll be still alive.
And when you're dead I will be still alive.

Still alive
Still alive
♫

Lyra stops playing her lyre. Octavia puts down a violin and bows. The crowd clap and stomp for the song. In the back, Vinyl and Bon Bon watch the show. Vinyl passes a bottle to Bon Bon.

‘At least we got them to stop being a pain,’ Vinyl sighs.

Bon Bon finishes the drink. ‘Don’t tell her I saw a sea pony after lunch.’

Lyra and Octavia come backstage after their last bow. They set aside their instruments.

‘Where’s my booze?’ Octavia asks.

Vinyl takes a step back and prepares to call for security.

After the evening concerts, The Wandering Physicist and Twilight are trotting along the outer decks and watching the sky. The mare still seems frazzled from the morning.

‘I know I said this earlier, but it is still great that you came out of your cabin.’

‘If Fluttershy hadn’t come back, I probably would have still been in there.’

‘Selene didn’t make any headway in apologizing?’

‘I had an easier time negotiating with a dragon than getting her to admit she was wrong.’

Makes you wonder how well she does on diplomatic missions... The Wandering Physicist thinks.

‘I guess Fluttershy used her stare or said something to get her to behave.’

The Wandering Physicist stops and looks out over the ocean. Twilight stops next to him.

‘I traveled this way to get here from Neighpon after I came to this planet.’

‘You didn’t TARDIS over?’

‘I was trying to keep a low profile. After catching up with The Doctor when I arrived in Ponyville, I realized how smart that was. Kept me out of the war.’

‘That would have been a loss if you had been called back.’

‘I would have lost something good that I have now. That is for sure.’

Twilight blushes and looks over. ‘What would that be?’

The Wandering Physicist looks back with a large smile on his face. ‘The best friends ever. ... And Rei.’

‘Hey!’ gets shouted from above them.

‘You do know that prolonged use of your “Moon Armor” makes your magical aura resonate,’ Twilight says to nowhere in particular.

‘Also, incessant giggling is a dead giveaway,’ The Wandering Physicist directs at nopony.

A snort is heard from above and nothingness flies away. The couple sighs and returns to watching the ocean. Twilight leans into The Wandering Physicist. He leans back. The grey mare in a porter disguise makes a note in her notebook.

The next morning, Pinkie and Fluttershy head to breakfast together, chatting as they go. Behind them, the grey mare is following them as covertly as possible.

‘... and then I yelled “Q!” as loudly as I could! It really threw Paul and Storm off.’ Pinkie relates a tale from the last concert.

Fluttershy giggles. ‘So that is why Wheaton was laughing so much. I couldn’t see you from that far back.’

‘Oh. We had a great time together. You should really join us up front some...’

Pinkie stops as she senses something. She presses against a wall and looks back.

‘What is it?’ Fluttershy asks.

‘Did you just see a palette-swapped version of me following us just now?’ Pinkie replies as she scans the hall behind her.

‘No...’

‘Hmm....’ Pinkie watches the crowds passing. ‘Aha!’

Pinkie quickly spins around and faces a random pony. The new pony shouts and drops his leftover breakfast. A white blur quickly devours the food before it hits floor then disappears. Pinkie glares at the pony before letting him pass.

‘Did you see somepony you knew?’ Fluttershy asks nervously, trying to get a handle on the situation.

‘I thought I saw... No. She wouldn’t be here. How would she know?’ Pinkie thinks for a moment. ‘Never mind. I’m just being random again.’

‘But it looked like...’

‘I was just being random again. Wink. Wink.’

‘Oh!’ Fluttershy gets it. ‘You said “wink wink” out loud...’

‘No, I didn’t. She’s on to me.’

Fluttershy sighs. ‘That will do, Auntie Pinkie Pie. That will do.’

The pair continue on to breakfast. The grey mare climbs out of the nearby bin she was hiding in, sighs, and resumes her observations.

Twilight happily trots to lunch. Despite Selene’s intrusion the other morning and Rei’s interruption last night, she has had plenty of alone time with The Wandering Physicist and this lunch was going to be another one of those times. Or so she thought. As she gets to the restaurant, she finds her date already sitting with another mare. The Wandering Physicist notices Twilight’s arrival, and he and Trixie wave her over.

‘It is so good to see you,’ Trixie coos as Twilight takes a seat. ‘We didn’t get a chance to catch up that first day before the show so when I saw James just now, I had to come over.’

‘Great. I was so not looking forward to a private lunch,’ Twilight moans.

‘Twilight, be nice,’ The Wandering Physicist says. ‘Trixie just wants to catch up with you. We ran into each other over the holiday as you know, You have to hear her stories.’

Twilight scowls. ‘I head the only story I needed to hear.’

Trixie grimaces. ‘Not going to forget that...’

The Wandering Physicist frowns. ‘Twilight. Trixie made a mistake and wants some forgiveness.’

Twilight sighs. ‘I am the one being rude now. Sorry Trixie.’

‘The Great and Powerful Trixie accepts your apology and hopes you will accept hers. As I understand it, you went to Canterlot for your holiday. How did you find it?’

‘Turned left at Trottingham,’ Twilight quips.

Trixie rolls her eyes. ‘How droll. Oh! I just remembered that I got you some small gifts from my travels.’

‘You did?’ Twilight is surprised.

‘Well, James said it would be a nice thing to do, and who can say no to his face?’

Twilight looks over at The Wandering Physicist. He is currently leaning on one hoof looking over his glasses at something going on at another table.

Twilight groans. ‘It gets harder every day.’

‘Anyway, I left all of my things at my cart. I’ll have the shipped when we are back in Equestria.’

A waitress comes up. She is a grey mare with her mane tied in a bun.

‘Are you ready to order?’

After the night’s show, the performers are backstage swapping stories before heading back to their cabins. Suddenly, Fluttershy stumbles backstage. The performers look at her. She squeaks and freezes in place. She slowly starts moving forward as The Wandering Physicist pushes her with his head.

‘Wil, sorry to intrude, but this was the only way I was going to get her to come and see you.’ The Pushing Physicist says as he tries navigating Fluttershy around the room. ‘She is a huge fan, but she just needs a little motivation to tell you such.’

‘Uh... Mr Wanderer, aren’t you being a little forceful?’ Wheaton asks.

‘With Fluttershy, this is the minimum we need to do to get around her shyness.’

‘Okay...’ Wheaton turns to Fluttershy. ‘Is there something you want me to sign?’

Fluttershy looks down and nervously starts kicking at the ground. Wheaton looks at The Wandering Physicist.

The Wandering Physicist nudges Fluttershy. ‘Go on.’

Fluttershy looks up. She takes a deep breath. ‘I love you so much in all of your roles! You are totally handsome and cool and have been that way since you were a young colt. I really love you as Fawkes and sometimes wish I was Codex. I was a big supporter of Team Parrish. Do you have to be so mean to Sheldon? Also, I made you this cape with The Axis of Anarchy logo on it.’ She shoves a wrapped object forward.

The Wandering Physicist puts a book on top of the package. ‘Here is her copy of Just a Geek.’

Wheaton opens the package. ‘Whoa! This is an awesome cape. Thank you! I am totally wearing it to the next show!’

Fluttershy lets out a happy squeak and faints from pure joy.

The Wandering Physicist takes a picture of the fainted Fluttershy on his mobile. ‘First time for that.’ He turns to Wheaton. ‘Tell the others I’ll meet them after I take her back to our cabin.’

Wheaton and The Wandering Physicist brohoof before The Wandering Physicist starts dragging Fluttershy back to their cabin.

The next morning, The Wandering Physicist is passed out in bed. Despite everypony’s best efforts, even Rei’s daring stunt that ended with a throat punch, The Sleeping Log defiantly guards his pillows from all outside intruders.

‘Don’t worry. I’ll watch him.’ Fluttershy offers.

‘You sure?’ Twilight asks. ‘I don’t want you to miss out on anything fun.’

‘Yeah. He was up pretty late with us last night.’ Octavia adds. ‘Got us all back to our rooms safely too.’

Rei’s mouth moves, but no sounds come out. She puts her hoof to her throat and winces.

‘I really think she should see a doctor...’ Octavia worries.

‘She’ll be fine once she gets some waffles!’ Pinkie cheers.

‘Waffles!’ Rei rasps.

‘See!’

‘We’ll be fine.’ Fluttershy smiles at her friends.

‘Okay...’ Twilight worries. ‘I’ll check in later if you don’t come see us first.’

‘Okay. Go. Have fun.’

Fluttershy waves as her friends leave.

Fluttershy sits on her bed knitting something when The Sleeping Physicist groans and stretches. He looks around the room.

‘Whatcha making?’

Fluttershy flips the knitting on to her head. It is a orange and yellow cap with an orange pom-pom.

‘For Rainbow since she gets cold working winter weather.’

‘Pony walks down the street wearing that hat, ponies know she’s not afraid of anything.’

Fluttershy giggles. ‘The hero of Cloudsdale. The pegasus named “Rainbow”.’

The Wandering Physicist smiles. ‘Whatcha doing here? I heard tale Aeofel was hitting the tables this afternoon.’

Fluttershy starts nervously playing with her knitting needles. ‘It is still early enough. Besides, I wouldn’t want to bother him twice in one trip, and he has been so nice already...’

‘It has been half a week. Are you still scared to go out of the cabin without us around?’

Fluttershy looks down and starts picking at a spot on the bed.

‘Did you tell Twilight or Pinkie?’ Fluttershy shakes her head. The Wandering Physicist sighs. ‘Do you want me to talk with them?’

Fluttershy gasps. ‘Oh no! I don’t want to worry them.’ She smiles. ‘Besides, when was the last time we got some quiet time together?’

‘You know I always have time for my friends.’

‘No. I mean quiet time. Together.’

‘Ooo.’ The Wandering Physicist makes room and pats the bed next to him.

Fluttershy relocates herself. She leans against The Wandering Physicist and gives a content sigh as she returns to her knitting. The stallion gets out his mobile and starts checking in with the rest of the world.

Pinkie and Trixe are backstage after Trixie’s performance. They are watching as MC Frontatrot sets up for his performance. They both have drinks, and Trixie is fanning herself with her hat.

‘Thank you so much, Miss Pinkie. I am certain our performance went well.’

‘It was fun!’ Pinkie cheers. ‘How did you create that illusion of me in the audience so well?’

‘Oh. A magician has her secrets,’ Trixie grins.

Suddenly, the grey mare who has been following everypony around walks backstage.

‘Great show, Trixie. It was fun.’ She walks past Pinkie to get a drink. ‘Hey Pinkie.’

‘Hey Inkie.’

Both Pinkie and Inkie freeze. They turn and look at each other.

‘You do know each other! I thought so when I saw your last name.’

‘Inkie.... What are you doing here?’ Pinkie asks.

‘Uh... Hi Pinkie! Long time! How have you been?’

‘I have been fine. In fact, I recently saw my family over the holiday. What are you doing here, Inkie?’

‘Oh nothing. Nothing at all.’ Inkie tries hard to avoid eye contact with her sister.

‘If you are here, then that means....’ Pinkie gasps. ‘You wouldn’t!’

‘Can’t you assume I am here for reasons other than what you think?’ Inkie pleads.

Pinkie gives Inkie a stare. Inkie returns the stare. The stares go on for several moments. Then they lean in and narrow their eyes at each other.

‘Okie. Doki. Loki....’ Both say and back away.

After both mares have left, Trixie lowers her mobile. ‘This is definitely worth a few thousand hits.’

Luna watches the night sky from her suite. She has her perception filters off and just enjoys her night. There is a knock on her door. She quickly lifts her glasses perception filter on and answers.

‘Yes?’

The Wandering Physicist holds a small box forward. ‘Peace offering.’

Luna lets him in and closes the door. ‘Why James. You didn’t have to get me anything.’

‘Not from me. From Twilight.’ Luna starts looking the box over. ‘I was with her all day, so I have no idea what it is. Might be caesium for all I know.’

Luna opens the box and inside is her. She levitates a small Luna figure out of the box.

‘So cute!’ Luna squeals. ‘Makes what I got her seem petty.’

Luna nods at a book. The Wandering Physicist checks it out.

‘First edition Star Swirl. Her idol.’ Luna says. ‘I was going to give it to her first, but... Whoops.’

The Wandering Physicist nods. ‘Uh huh. She told me that she exchanged several letters with Princess Luna today asking her to be an intermediary between you two.’

‘This is hoofmade... When did she have time?’ She sets the figure down. ‘Please give Twilight my thanks. I know I will when I see her again.’

‘I’ll tell her before I head off, since she is about to one-up you again.’

‘You mean....’

‘Yep.’

Luna tackles The Wandering Physicist in a hug. ‘O MOST WONDERFUL OF NIGHTS!’

‘Indoor and outdoor voices, princess,’ The Choking Physicist croaks out.

‘Many apologies.’ Luna sets The Wandering Physicist down. ‘I am just so happy to get you all to myself for a while. Now, you get to the bed, and I’ll get the rope and candles.’ The Wandering Physicist glances to the open balcony. ‘Kidding!’ Sorta!

Octavia wakes to a sharp rapping sound. She looks around, but everything is tinted purple. She sits up and Vinyl’s sunglasses fall off her face.

‘Oh no. Not again,’ She moans.

‘What happened again?’ Pinkie asks from her bed.

‘N-nothing.’ Thankfully, the ocean makes disposing of a body easy.

‘Pinkie, don’t tease her. Vinyl and Mr Wanderer do that enough,’ Twilight says as she answers the cabin door. ‘Besides... ack!’

Selene lifts Twilight into a hug as soon as the door opens. She even gives Twilight a kiss which gets a giggle from Pinkie.

‘Thank you so much for the glorious gift,’ Selene coos. ‘You are no doubt the greatest Element of Friendship since Luna first wielded the Element.’

Twilight breaks free. ‘That is great that you liked the figure. It was just something simple since I didn’t have much time.’

‘It was the thought that counts and obviously you think a lot. Oh!’ Selene gets the book from under her wing. ‘Just some of my holiday readings I thought you might like.’

Twilight takes the book and reads the title. Her eyes go wide. ‘A wha ba ga ga!’

‘You broke Twilight’s mind!’ Pinkie cheers. ‘In a good way for once, too!’ She looks around. ‘Did Mr Wanderer go back to his room without saying “good morning”?’

‘What?’ Selene asks. ‘He was not with me. He left my suite many hours ago.’

‘He wasn’t with you!?’ Pinkie exclaims. Her eyes narrow. ‘Inkie.’ She turns to Octavia. ‘We’re going to need your crazy ninja assassin skills if we are to see him again.’

‘One, what crazy ninja assassin skills? Two, is it really so bad if we never see him again?’

The second question is enough to get Twilight out of her stupor, and all three mares glare at Octavia.

‘I mean... Let’s go save him?’

The Kidnaped Physicist wakes to find himself tied to a strange bed. He looks around for a clue to where he could be or at least to find his sonic. He hears somepony approaching.

‘Luna?’

‘Your princess cannot save you now, Mr Wanderer.’

Inkie comes into view with her long hair covering most of her face.

‘Sadako!’

Inkie parts her hair. ‘What? No! I am Inkie! Inkie Pie! Nice to meet you!’

‘Pie? As in...’

‘Yeppers! Pinkie is my big sister.’ Inkie pulls on one of the ropes and they all come undone. ‘You’re free to go now.’

The Wandering Physicist sits up. ‘What is going on?’

‘Oh. Pinkie spoke so highly of you over the holiday, the family just had to check you out to see if you really were as good as she said. I think the word “love” was mentioned no more than seven point three times,’ Inkie explains.

‘What?’

‘Since Pinkie holds you in such high regard, I was asked to investigate to see if you were of good enough stock for her.’

The Wandering Physicist is perplexed. ‘One, what the hell does that mean? B, am I good enough?’

Inkie shrugs. ‘I just had them send the samples back to the mainland for testing. I’ll be in touch.’

‘What? What samples?’

Inkie sighs. ‘For a three-hundred-year old pony, you aren’t that bright. You see when a stallion and a mare love each other very much...’

‘WHAT! No! I mean... Wait, did we...’

Inkie blushes.

‘You didn’t...’

‘No... I just with a...’ Inkie blushes even more and drops her head down. Her hair covers her face again. ‘I was only asked to do this since I am the scientist of the family...’

The Ashamed Physicist buries his head in his hooves. ‘You get to be the one to explain this to Twilight Sparkle if she asks. I am going to be the one attempting to escape to another time and planet.’

Inkie looks up. ‘But I was very gentle and I cleaned up the mess afterwards!’

‘I don’t want to hear it! No more talking!’

Suddenly, the door to the room flies open. Two very angry mares stand at the entryway seething with anger. Before today, the colors pink and lavender were not associated with negative emotions.

‘INKIE PIE!’ Twilight and Pinkie shout as they rush the younger mare.

The two furious mares start shouting at Inkie. Selene and Octavia enter to watch the show. Outside, Fluttershy peeks in. The Wandering Physicist climbs off the bed and joins the group at the door. Selene gives him a small hug.

‘So glad you are safe.’

‘Yeah. I am off science for a while now.’

‘What happened?’ Octavia asks.

The Wandering Physicist motions them in and whispers his interpretation.

Fluttershy blushes. ‘Oh. My.’

Selene laughs. ‘So Octavia wasn’t the only one that got lucky last night.’

‘Hey!’ Octavia snaps. ‘I have no idea why I have these.’ She adjusts Vinyl’s shades on her face. ‘I just need some magic memory water to help me remember and get rid of this headache.’

Selene raises an eyebrow. ‘You mean vodka?’

Octavia is instantly calm. ‘That would be great. Have any?’

‘...And if you ever pull something like this again, I won’t be held responsible for my actions!’ Twilight and Pinkie shout as they finish their yell/lecture.

Inkie nods. ‘Okay.’

Twilight and Pinkie snort at the younger mare. Twilight goes back to the group as Pinkie stays to lecture her sister more. Twilight puts a hoof on The Wandering Physicist’s shoulder.

‘I know she didn’t do anything too bad or... yeah, but still...’ She shakes her head. ‘I think I am off science for a while now.’

Pinkie escorts her sister over. ‘Say it.’

Inkie looks down and kicks the ground for a bit. She looks up and parts her hair. ‘I am very sorry for kidnaping you and...’

‘Don’t say it!’ Fluttershy cries.

Inkie blushes. ‘Anyway. I am sorry for causing all of this trouble.’

The Wandering Physicist sighs. ‘Inkie... I can forgive you. It will just take time. Also, I am not going to touch anything you offer me for a while. You know why.’

Fluttershy faints from the shock. The others just grimace. There is a crash as Trixie falls over Fluttershy.

‘I heard something potentially scandalous was going to happen. Did I miss it?’

The others just moan and shake their heads as they leave the room. Twilight levitates Fluttershy with them.

‘Isn’t anypony going to offer to help me up?’

Inkie offers her hoof. Trixie starts reaching for it.

‘No don’t!’ everypony shouts.

The Wandering Physicist is relaxing in a jacuzzi, his reasoning being that the chlorine and bubbles will help him feel unclean faster. Colton, Storm and Rip are relaxing with their friend.

‘I know that is probably nothing compared to what your fans do, but it was still a very shocking experience.’

‘We’ve all been there, bro,’ Rip comforts.

‘I once had a fan show up at my hotel dressed in cake.’ Colton says. ‘I had to convince him he was a lie to get out of having to sample it.’

‘I cannot even begin to list the things thrown for Opening Band,’ Storm adds.

‘I, uh, once had, um... Damn you guys for being famous,’ Rip curses.

‘Cheer up, Timmy.’ ‘Yeah, Tim.’ ‘Hang in there, Tim.’

‘I am never going to live down my real name, am I?’

The Wandering Physicist turns to the others. ‘I wonder what his real colors are.’

‘I am guessing sky blue on periwinkle,’ Storm says.

‘Maybe that is not really his real cutie mark.’ Colton postulates.

‘Let’s see if we can turn up the heat and boil the truth free.’

‘I’m out of here.’ Rip gets up to leave.

‘Tim! Wait!’ Rip turns back. ‘Once you accept your true self you can...’

Rip yells and storms away from the laughing stallions. Frontatrot steps into the tub.

‘What is he on about?’

‘Nothing,’ Colton says. ‘Mr Wanderer here just had an epic fangirl encounter to share with you.’

‘It was awesome sauce,’ Storm adds. ‘Literally.’

‘Sounds fun,’ Frontatrot replies. ‘I’m all ears.’

Selene treats the girls to a massage to help them unwind after the morning.

‘I don’t see what the big deal is,’ Trixie states. ‘Trixie has gotten far stranger receptions from various admirers. Not all of them from stallions either.’

‘But it was kidnaping and assault,’ Twilight protests. ‘It was one step short of Misery!’

‘Please. That ended in heartache and pain. He at least got some pleasure from the ordeal,’ Trixie protests.

There is a squeal and a thump as Fluttershy faints off her table.

‘For a pony versed in animal care, she can’t stand the basics too well,’ Selene comments.

‘Actually, when father asked me...’ Inkie starts.

‘Inkie. No. Just no,’ Pinkie interrupts.

‘Sorry.’

There is a mutual silence among the group for a moment.

‘You know they say opposites attract, but it seems the nerd god attracts mostly similar types,’ Trixie comments.

‘Actually, according to studies...’ Inkie starts.

‘Inkie. What did we tell you about talking?’ Pinkie asks.

‘You said not...’

‘There you go again, Inkie.’ Pinkie sighs. ‘Kids these days.’

‘Try copying Fluttershy and practice for the next “Shh” competition,’ Twilight suggests. ‘She’s the world champ, you know. I was there.’

Inkie just moans and shuts up.

♫
Well it's gonna be the future soon
And I won't always be this way
When the things that make me weak and strange get engineered away
It's gonna be the future soon
I've never seen it quite so clear
And when my heart is breaking I can close my eyes and it's already here
♫

Colton finishes the song to much applause. In the front row, The Wandering Physicist is still in a bit of a haze of joy from hearing his favorite song. On either side of him, Twilight and Selene sigh contently as they rest their heads on The Wandering Physicist’s shoulders.

‘I hate to do this,’ Colton says, ‘but it is time for the last song of this trip.’

‘Play Freebird!’ is shouted from the audience between the moans of complaint.

‘See, you say that to be ironic,’ Colton starts, ‘but you are not being ironic. You being a bit of a dick. And by me pointing that out, I am a bit of dick too. Thus, you making me be a dick is a dick move too. It is this whole vicious cycle of... Let’s just leave that there.’ He tunes his guitar a bit. ‘Now, the last song is...’

‘ARRR!’ the audience shouts.

‘No, not that one.’ He laughs. ‘No, the last song is basically a song about how I feel right now.’
♫
I get up early when the sleeping pill wakes me
I take a wake up pill and fill with energy
...
♫

The cruise is over. The ship has returned to port. Everypony is heading back to their homes. All the travelers from Ponyville are returning together in the same train car. Pinkie has even eased up on her sister, and she is traveling with them so Pinkie can show her around town. Most of the ponies are resting and swapping tales from their individual adventures. Octavia is passed out on bench and is resting her head by Vinyl’s side.

‘Somepony turn off the sun and make the headache go away!’ Octavia moans.

‘I second turning off the sun,’ a voice cheers from where The Wandering Physicist and Twilight are sitting. It is followed by a loud ‘Ow!’

‘Shut up! You’re making the headache worse,’ Octavia yells.

‘Want him to kiss it to make it better?’ Vinyl offers.

‘Yes, please. … … Wait! No! Shut up!’

Vinyl laughs and pats her friend’s head. Lyra plucks some strings on her lyre.

‘I had fun with the band...’ Lyra says.

‘That is good,’ Bon Bon smiles.

‘...but I didn’t see a single sea pony...’

‘You didn’t see a sea pony? Not one? REALLY!’ Bon Bon shouts. She quickly realizes that she is drawing stares. ‘We’ll talk about it when we get home.’

‘Want me to cover myself in squid guts for you, dear?’ Lyra asks with a giggle.

At their seat, Pinkie is telling Inkie all about the party she will throw. Pinkie’s hair has returned to its puffy state.

‘It will be great! We’ll have a “Welcome Home Party” and a “Welcome Inkie Party”! I am sure all of my friends would love to meet you. Well, all of my friends who you haven’t met yet anyway. We’ll just pretend you didn’t do anything untoward, okay?’

Inkie is not paying attention to Pinkie and is busy chatting with somepony more her age.

‘I fought a kraken!’ Rei brags. ‘It was all “Roar!” and I was like “Nope! Not in my backyard!” So I blasted it with lightning from my super spin!’

Inkie thinks. ‘A lot of that tale is suspect. First, while it is not unheard of for an Architeuthis to be seen in these waters, I doubt one would have come out of the water as you claim. Not to mention that the size and vocalizations are inconsistent with known species. The lightning part is the only believable part of your story, as pegasi are known to create weather effects with their flying.’

‘Awww.....’ Rei looks sad. ‘Wanderer-san, she doesn’t believe me.’

The Wandering Physicist looks from Rei to Inkie then to Pinkie. ‘Trade you teenagers.’

‘Wanderer-san~~~!’ Rei cries.

The Wandering Physicist laughs and turns back to where he and Twilight are resting. She is curled up with her book and looks half asleep.

‘Yep, another scientist for the family...’

The Wandering Physicist sighs and leans back in his seat. He looks across the way to see Fluttershy at her knitting again. She looks up, flips the hat to her head and playfully sticks her tongue out at him. Both laugh and go back to resting as the train speeds home.

Author's Notes:

TWP Timeline: First time he hints/jokes about wanting something more with a certain princess. First mention of TWP's pact with Pinkie.

Story Timeline: Rei meets Inkie. First bonding experience between Rei and Fluttershy.

Warriors of the Derp

Main Characters: The Doctor (10), Derpy, Bon Bon
Cameos: Lyra, Rei, TWP
Original Write Date: 12/20/2011

Bon Bon is on cruise for a well-deserved vacation. Or she should be. After her wife Lyra revealed her ulterior motive of hunting mythical creatures, Bon Bon was forced to take matters into her own hooves. With Lyra in the care of the ship’s entertainment providers, Bon Bon is looking for one of the recreation facilities for some relaxation. Unfortunately, she is looking in what seems to be a cargo hold.

‘Great. I am lost, and I have no clue how to even get help,’ Bon Bon mumbles to herself.

Bon Bon stops beside a large covered object to look around. She hears what sounds like really horrible singing coming from it. She pulls back the cover to reveal a giant aquarium. It appears to be empty, but Bon Bon takes a closer look. A dark creature passes before her.

‘Shoo be doo, shoo shoo be doo.’

Bon Bon screams and falls backward.

<Insert Doctor Who theme here, preferably Tenth Doctor era. I picked: This />

A large blue police box, The Doctor’s TARDIS, materializes in the hold of the cruise ship. The door opens, and The Doctor backs out while talking.

‘Now Derpy, the cliffs here on Arankis Prime are very dangerous, even for you.’ The Doctor explains. ‘You have to be very careful not to fall or you are done for.’

The Doctor immediately trips over Bon Bon. Derpy flies out of the TARDIS.

‘You okay, Doctor?’ Derpy asks. ‘What happened?’

‘I fell,’ The Doctor grumbles.

Derpy helps The Doctor up. ‘I thought you said we were going to some mountain planet, not the local aquarium.’

The Doctor looks around. ‘Doesn’t look like much of an aquarium besides the one tank. I wonder what it is for.’

He starts peering into the tank to ascertain its function. Derpy drops to the ground and examines Bon Bon.

‘Hey! It is Bon Bon.’ Derpy smiles up at The Doctor. ‘It is Bon Bon, Doctor.’

‘Yes, that is all very good.’

‘That means we are on the cruise she is on.’

The Doctor turns back. ‘Did you say cruise?’

‘Yeah. She and her wife were going on the same cruise as Chief and his friends, only they weren’t going for the extra fun stuff.’ She thinks for a moment. ‘Do you think you can get us into the JoColt show?’

‘I hate cruises. Things always go wrong on a cruise. That should be the motto of every cruise: things always go wrong on a cruise.’

Bon Bon moans and sits up. ‘What happened? Who is there?’

‘Hi!’ Derpy greets. ‘Looks like you fainted for a moment.’

‘Derpy? When did you get here? What are you doing here?’

‘The Doctor and I were out traveling, and we found you! Are you okay? Why did you faint?’

‘I am fine, I guess. I saw a weird creature in that tank, and I screamed, and then...’

‘Well, there is nothing in the tank now.’ The Doctor taps on the glass. ‘It seems to be empty.’

‘What? No! There was... You’re going to laugh at me.’

Derpy turns to her friend. ‘Never! We will believe you.’

A shadow passes in the tank while all of the attention is on Bon Bon.

‘No. It is stupid. Something real foalish.’

‘Stupid and foalish are my middle name,’ The Doctor replies. ‘The “Stupid and Foalish” Do... Stop giggling before you even start.’

The shadow starts getting closer.

‘I...’ Bon Bon shakes her head. She laughs. ‘Lyra will love this. I saw a sea pony.’

Derpy takes a step back. The Doctor looks surprised. The shadow stops just shy of becoming visible.

‘Sea ponies, Doctor...’

‘I heard her.’ The Doctor starts thinking. ‘Are you sure it was a sea pony? It wasn’t just some really ugly fish?’

‘Doctor!’

‘What! I am just checking.’

A tentacle starts creeping over the side of the tank.

‘Sea ponies have feelings too. You just insulted somepony you don’t even know.’

Bon Bon stares in disbelief. ‘You two are talking like sea ponies are real.’

‘Oh right! General public.’ The Doctor gives a misleading grin to Bon Bon. ‘No worries. No such thing as sea ponies. Just really ugly fish.’

‘Doctor!’

‘You were fine when I used that cover last time.’

‘No! Doctor!’ Derpy points at the advancing tentacle.

‘That is definitely not a sea pony or a fish.’

The tentacle wraps around The Doctor and starts lifting him up. Derpy flies to the top of the tank and starts kicking at the tentacle. Bon Bon turns to run, but her path is blocked by a blue box. The Doctor struggles to break free before settling on biting the tentacle. The tentacles drops him and whips upward. It knocks Derpy into the ceiling causing her to activate the fire suppression system in the area.

‘Time to get moving!’

The Doctor pulls Bon Bon with him as he starts running. Derpy flies down to join them.

‘Why are we running?’ Bon Bon asks.

‘The fire system will set off a warning to the crew. I doubt you want to answer questions about an uncovered tank housing a sea monster.’

‘Well, no, but..’

The Doctor stops. ‘Good. Then just go back to enjoying your trip. We’ll take care of everything.’

The stallion pushes open a door leading to stairs. Bon Bon looks back and forth between The Doctor and Derpy as she tries getting her thoughts in order.

‘Trust him!’ Derpy cheers. ‘He’s The Doctor.’

The Doctor has found a good vantage point at the top deck of the ship. He is watching the passengers going about their business. He is lost in thought when Derpy returns.

‘I got the lay of the ship. Nothing seems to be out of the ordinary.’

‘You should really be more careful,’ The Doctor warns. ‘James may not seem it, but he is very observant. As are Miss Sparkle, Miss Pie, and...’

‘Hi!’ Rei chirps as she flies up.

‘Her.’

‘Hi, Rei,’ Derpy greets.

‘Whatcha doing?’ Rei asks.

‘Actually, we are trying to avoid you and your father if at all possible.’

‘Why does everypony think he is my father! I have wings!’

‘Shh!’ The Doctor hisses. ‘Keep it down. I am sorry. Would you mind keeping our presence a secret from James for us?’

Rei crosses her forelegs. ‘Hmpf! What is in it for me?’

‘Well, you know how James has all of those secrets he keeps from everypony else? This will be one we can keep from him.’

Rei eyes go wide with excitement. She lets out a giddy squeal. ‘Deal!’

‘Good. Now just be quiet about it, and we’ll be in touch if we need help.’

‘I have a secret!’ Rei squeals as she flies away and around the ship.

The Doctor sighs. ‘No matter which universe you are in, she is his daughter for sure.’

‘She is?’ Derpy asks.

‘Never mind.’ The Doctor looks over the deck again. ‘Who is that grey pony following James around? Could she be trouble?’

Derpy looks over the rail too. ‘Her? She is Inkie Pie. Pinkie’s youngest sister.’

‘Great. Another Pie. That only makes it that much more difficult to remain hidden.’

‘So what is the plan?’

‘I am going to try finding a cargo and passenger manifest. Maybe find out what is claimed to be in the tank and who to ask about it.’

‘And me?’

‘Just keep a low profile and find out what you can. We’ll meet back here in a few hours.’

‘And if one of us gets in trouble?’

‘Derpy, how likely is that to happen?’ The Doctor smiles before he disappears into the crowds.

Lyra tunes her lyre after the previous night’s performance. The show has distracted her from her true mission for this cruise, but she has some free time to begin her hunt again.

‘Excuse me! Miss Heartstrings!’

Lyra looks to see a light grey earth pony trotting up. She is dressed in a plain brown suit that covers her body so her cutie mark is unseen, but she has big sunglasses and long blonde bangs covering her eyes. She smiles a somewhat crazy smile when she gets to Lyra.

‘Uh... may I help you?’

‘I am a big follower of yours. Your work on exposing the human conspiracy to take over the government is brilliant.’

‘Right. Thank you. The trick is knowing that it may not be humans... but it is definitely humans.’

‘Indeed.’

Lyra examines the odd mare. ‘And you are?’

‘I am Dotty Nutter, a fellow expert in the unexplained and an astronaut scientist like yourself.’

Lyra thinks. ‘Huh. I thought I was the only one.’

‘There are more of us, but we have to keep it secret or else they will get us.’

Lyra growls. ‘They are always causing trouble. I hear they are the ones who killed Kenny.’

‘Those bastards!’ The pony punches one hoof into the other. ‘Listen, I have something really important to ask you. Otherwise, I would not have risked bringing two of our greatest minds together.’

‘Anything to help the spread of truth.’

‘I need you to tell me everything you know about sea ponies.’

The Doctor is in a computer room pounding at a keyboard. A nearby printer is printing out pages of information. The door to the room starts opening. The Doctor picks up the stack of documents with his mouth and shoves it into his overcoat right as a confused-looking midshipman steps in.

‘What’s going on in here?’

The Doctor comes out of his overcoat with his psychic paper at the ready. ‘Inspector John Smith of the Equestrian Fruit Inspectors Bureau. It is about time somepony showed up.’

‘Fruit inspector? What is going on here?’

‘This is a surprise, random inspection.’ The midshipman tries to react. ‘Did you know that you are required to leave port with large stocks of bananas and oranges just in case one of the princesses were on board?’

‘I did not know that.’

‘Well, it is true and definitely not a lie. See, the princesses have certain dietary preferences and by not stocking those items, you are risking massive fines or jail time if they were to find out.’

‘But the princesses are not on the ship, sir.’

The Doctor grabs the midshipman. ‘Think man! Would the princesses really travel in such a conspicuous manner if they were to go on holiday?’ The sailor tries to respond. ‘Of course they wouldn’t! You’re a bright pony. Much brighter than me.’

‘Um, why thank you, sir.’

‘Now, I want you to check your records and make sure you have plenty of bananas and oranges or else...’

The midshipman is scared. ‘Or else what?’

‘Well, I believe Princess Luna can answer that better than I.’

The midshipman’s eyes go wide. ‘I’ll get right on making sure we are fully stocked, sir!’

‘Brilliant! Good man!’ The Doctor exits out of the room and turns left. He trots back seconds later. ‘I’ll be checking on you.’ The Doctor looks around and continues his exit, heading right this time.

Bon Bon is at lunch and waiting for Lyra to arrive. The past twenty-four hours have been pretty stressful. First, Lyra embarrassed her in public again, then embarrassed her with the cruise performers and their friends Octavia and Vinyl. Then there was that whole business with Derpy and that sea pony. Not to mention dealing with Octavia’s rage when her booze ran out. And just a few minutes ago, she had a run-in with James and that annoying showmare he brought to the holiday dinner with the Cakes last month. Now, Bon Bon just needs a nice calming lunch with her wife to relax a bit. Please let Lyra be normal for once!

Lyra steps into the restaurant. She smiles brightly when she sees her wife and trots over. The couple kiss before Lyra takes her seat. Lyra (un)naturally sits in her (un)usual manner.

‘You’ll never believe the day I’ve been having,’ Bon Bon sighs.

‘Me too! I have some great news.’

‘Oh? What is it?’

Lyra leans back and puts a foreleg over the back of the chair. ‘A fellow hunter is going to help me capture a sea pony.’

Bon Bon falls forward until her head slams into the table. She lets out a loud moan, not caring about all of the stares she is getting.

‘Are you okay, Bon Bon?’

‘Yeah. It is just... nothing. Forget it.’ I hate sea ponies so much.

Lyra frowns. ‘I know that you don’t like my hobbies, but I thought you would like that news.’

‘And why is that, dear?’

‘Because it means I don’t have to sneak around behind your back and let somepony else do the work for me.’

‘Right. I didn’t see the silver lining...’

Lyra pets the back of Bon Bon’s hoof. ‘And I don’t have to worry about practice in a couple days when we are in port next...’

Bon Bon looks up. ‘Go on.’

‘Well, I was thinking we can find a private beach somewhere...’ Bon Bon smiles. ‘I was also thinking of finding a bottle of chocolate syrup and some whip cream and making a Bon Bon sundae when we got there.’ Bon Bon gives a slightly embarrassed giggle. ‘I bet I can make her squeal like on our honeymoon.’

Bon Bon blushes as she remembers all of the fun they had. ‘I know somepony who is going to get special treatment for her horn soon...’

Lyra blushes. A grey coated and maned waitress comes up to the table. A supervisor is glaring at the waitress.

‘Are you ready to order?’

‘Oh! I totally forgot.’ Lyra starts scanning the menu for something good.

‘While you are looking,’ the waitress says, ‘I was asked to give you this.’

The waitress slides a note to Bon Bon. She opens it and reads it. ‘When the time comes, remember: Plasma Breaker. ‘ Bon Bon looks at the waitress who shrugs. She looks around and spots a black tail leaving the room.

Lyra looks up from the menu. ‘Do you have any finger foods?’

The Doctor and Derpy watch the outside of a suite. The door is guarded by two very large earth ponies. The snoops are pressed around a corner as not to be seen.

‘Drat. This will be tougher than I imagined,’ The Doctor muses. ‘We need a plan to get in there and talk with the pony in that suite. He is the key to this whole mystery.’

‘Why don’t we just go up and ask if we can come in?’

The Doctor looks at the security. ‘I’d like to waste my next regeneration on something less painful.’ He sits down to think. ‘No. This needs cunning and guile.’

Derpy thinks for a second and trots away. The Doctor does not seem to notice.

‘If I had a cane, I could pretend to be an older gentlecolt and then defeat them while they think I am helpless.’

Derpy trots up to the door with a package on her head. After a few words, the security lets her in.

‘No. Too risky and violent. Maybe if I had an oddly-shaped umbrella I could distract them somehow.’ He thinks for a moment. ‘No. I’d still have to knock them cold somehow. Maybe if I had a cricket ball... Nah. If I had a satsuma...’ He thinks more. ‘What am I trying to do? Feed them. Maybe if I had a pony-shaped time machine piloted by really tiny ponies...’ He laughs. ‘That would never happen. If I go up to them and shout “go to your room!” they might... beat me to a pulp.’ He peeks around the corner again. ‘Maybe I can reverse the polarity of the neutron flow of the... That doesn’t even make sense.’

The Doctor starts thinking really hard about the problem. Derpy exits the room, salutes the guards and rejoins her friend. She is carrying a sheet of paper in her mouth. She sits next to The Doctor.

‘How’s it going?’ Derpy asks.

‘I think I have a plan, but I need a tin dog, James’ scarf and a bag of jelly foals.’

‘Good luck.’

The Doctor looks up. ‘What have you got there?’

Derpy gives The Doctor the paper. ‘A present for you.’

The Doctor scans the paper. ‘This is every bit of information I wanted to find out. How did you get it?’

‘Uh, duh. There is mail service on this cruise, and I am a professional mailmare after all.’

‘Derpy! You’re brilliant!’ The Doctor gives Derpy a friendly kiss on the cheek.

Derpy blushes. ‘Heh, heh. I know.’

‘Come along. We’ll analyze this back at the TARDIS and plan our next step from there.’

The two ponies start trotting down the hall.

‘I am sure you had a good plan too,’ Derpy says.

‘Are you kidding? It was the best!’

Bon Bon is humming a song to herself as she gets ready for her shore leave with Lyra. Despite Lyra wanting to spend mostly ‘fun’ times together, Bon Bon wants to do some sightseeing and souvenir hunting too. She picks out her best sunhat and goes to the door to meet Lyra. Unfortunately, on the other side of the door is Derpy and The Doctor.

‘Perfect timing!’ The Doctor states as he pulls Bon Bon out of the room.

‘What is going on! Help!’ Bon Bon shouts as she is forced down the hall.

‘Help is exactly what we need you for,’ The Doctor replies.

‘Sorry about this,’ Derpy adds. ‘Right, Doctor.’

‘Yes. Very sorry. The sorriest.’

The group rounds a corner and plows right into another passenger.

‘Get out of my way! There is scandal ahoof, and The Great and Powerful Trixie must be witness!’

Trixie pushes past and runs down the hall. The Doctor picks himself up and dusts himself off.

‘Hmpf! That was rude. Come along.’

Bon Bon screams again as she is forced along. The Doctor leads them down to the hold. He navigates the cargo to find his TARDIS again. The large aquarium is missing. Bon Bon tries to say something before she is unceremoniously pushed into the TARDIS. The ship takes off as Bon Bon tries getting her bearings.

‘What is going on here? Where am I?’

‘Miss Bon Bon, we need your help,’ The Doctor states from the TARDIS console.

‘With what? I am just a normal earth pony. I don’t have magic or wings. I am definitely not suited for traveling the universe or whatever.’

‘How did you know about that?’

‘Who do you think got James to get Lyra to back off of you?’

‘Right. Well, I guess you want some explanation of what is going on.’

‘You think!’

‘Bon Bon, please calm down,’ Derpy says as she goes to her friend.

‘I’m trying, Derpy, but I am supposed to be on a date with Lyra right now.’

‘You can have more dates later,’ The Doctor quips.

‘No. We were going to date,’ Bon Bon emphasizes.

‘What does that mean?’ The Doctor asks.

Bon Bon growls and turns away. Derpy whispers to The Doctor.

The Doctor finally gets it. ‘Oh... Dancing.’

Bon Bon growls again.

‘It is okay,’ Derpy comforts her friend. ‘The Doctor will make up for it.’ She turns to glare at The Doctor. ‘Right?’

‘Definitely. All of the dates. Plenty of dancing.’ The Doctor rolls his eyes. ‘Can we get on with it now?’

Bon Bon looks from her friend to The Doctor, sighs and nods her head. ‘Fine. How can I help you fight the sea ponies or whatever?’

‘We’re not fighting them. We’re saving them.’

‘What?’

‘Yes, they are being threatened by the multimillionaire shipping magnate Sea Legs Macguffin.’

‘Okay. I quit. How do I get off?’

‘What now?’

‘That cannot be a pony’s name. It is just so...’ Derpy carries some papers over to Bon Bon. ‘... Fine. Continue.’

‘Anyway,’ The Doctor continues, ‘He has been cutting corners on the shipping lanes and going into sea pony territory despite Celestia’s explicit warnings not to do so.’

‘Wait. Celestia knows about sea ponies?’

‘There are a lot of things Celestia knows about that most ponies do not,’ Derpy states.

‘Right. The sea ponies tried fighting back, but Sea Legs somehow acquired a magically-enhanced kraken. It literally grows as it feeds on sea ponies. That is why there was no sea pony in the tank when we arrived.’

‘That is horrible!’ Bon Bon gasps. ‘I still don’t see how I can help.’

‘Your encounter the other day couldn’t have just been an accident. There must have been a reason.’

‘I got lost while heading to my room. I did nothing special.’

The Doctor frowns. ‘There is a small sea pony settlement near where the cruise ship is docked. It is probably gone by now. We are heading to an outpost Celestia maintains for meetings with the sea ponies. Hopefully, we can muster a force to defeat the kraken.’

Bon Bon frowns and looks down. ‘I am sorry. I am so sorry.’

That evening, Bon Bon is sitting on the docks at the outpost staring out to the sea. She lets out deep moan as she thinks about being away from her wife for the night. She looks back at the outpost. Inside, The Doctor is rallying the Equestrian army troops stationed there since help from the mainland will not arrive in time. Bon Bon sighs again and kicks a small rock into the sea. A second later, the rock lands back on the dock. Bon Bon kicks it again, and it is returned once more. Bon Bon leans down to the water. A face appears below the surface and stares up at her. She screams and falls backward. More and more faces appear then emerge from the water. Bon Bon looks around in fear at the dozen or so sea ponies staring at her.

‘D-d-d-DOCTOR!’

The Doctor appears at the doorway to the outpost then rushes out after seeing the situation. Derpy and some of the guards follow. The sea ponies back away at the show of force.

The Doctor turns back. ‘Hold on. Let me handle this.’

Derpy flies over to a sea pony. ‘Hi! I am Derpy! Nice to meet you.’

Derpy extends a hoof towards the water. The sea pony disappears beneath the water. Derpy frowns and rejoins The Doctor. The Doctor is as close to the water as he dares.

‘We come in peace. We just want to talk to one of your leaders. You are in danger.’

The sea ponies back away from The Doctor.

‘Blast. We need to find a way to ask them for help.’

‘What about one of their songs, Doctor?’ Derpy asks. ‘They had a song for just about everything when we encountered them last.’

‘Yes, well, while the words were all the same, there was something about the tone and melody that conveyed the meaning... Blast! I wish I could play the recorder or something.’

‘Shoo be doo, shoo shoo be doo.’

The sea ponies present draw closer. The Doctor and Derpy look over at Bon Bon.

‘Do that again.’

‘Huh?’

‘That song. When you encountered the sea pony, it must have been trying to ask for help. It must have sung that song to ask you for help. Sing it again. Exactly the same way.’

Bon Bon looks from The Doctor to Derpy to the sea ponies. They all seem to be expecting something from her.

Bon Bon clears her throat. ‘Shoo be doo, shoo shoo be doo.’

More sea ponies appear around the docks. Bon Bon keeps singing the song and more sea ponies keep coming. Suddenly, a large sea pony wearing an ornate helmet breaches the water and then swims up to the docks.

‘We have heard your calls for help. We are honor bound to aid in anyway we can,’ The sea pony says to the landed ponies.

‘Excellent, because we are in a lot of trouble,’ The Doctor replies.

The battle against the magical kraken is going poorly. Even though it turned on its so-called master and ate Sea Legs, causing his soldiers to turn on the creature, the combined forces of the sea ponies, Equestrian armed forces, and Sea Legs’ goons are getting wiped out. In the outpost, Bon Bon is hiding behind the TARDIS. Derpy is hiding with her.

‘Can’t we just escape yet!’ Bon Bon cries.

‘Don’t worry. The Doctor will find a way to save the day. He always has a brilliant plan or two.’

The Doctor pops out of the TARDIS. ‘Okay. Fresh out of ideas unless you can find me a portal to The Void or a paradox machine in the next ten minutes.’

Bon Bon screams in frustration. ‘Is your whole race daft! You don’t have a giant alien laser or the Hand of Omega or a plasma buster.’

‘None of that makes sense,’ The Doctor replies.

‘Wait. What was the last one?’ Derpy says.

‘Uh... It was just something I heard somewhere. Why?’

‘Come with me!’

Derpy lifts Bon Bon up and starts flying. They head out of the outpost, dodge a pegasi dive bomb team, loop around a crashing Wonderbolt, and land on the roof of the outpost.

‘Say that again.’ Derpy says. ‘And point at the sky.’

Bon Bon stares at Derpy in disbelief. ‘What are you on about?’

‘Please. Just do it.’

Bon Bon meekly raises a hoof. ‘Plasma buster?’

‘Louder.’

‘Plasma buster!’

‘Louder!’

‘Plasma Buster!’

‘LOUDER!’

Bon Bon takes a deep breath, points her hoof to the sky, and shouts as loud as she can. ‘PLASMA BUSTER!’

There is a glint in the sky, followed by a crack of lightning. A white and blue streak shoots from the sky trailed by a swirling trail of white and blue plasma trails. The streak weaves through all of the kraken’s tentacles, dodging them with ease. It shoots right towards the kraken’s beak, powering through a deafening roar. The streak disappears into the maw of the great beast. Then the plasma hits. it rips the kraken to pieces, sending chucks of it flying in all directions and covering the sea with a thick ambergris. A large chunk of kraken lands on Derpy and Bon Bon. Rei picks herself up from the mess.

‘Best. Cruise. Ever!’

The Doctor pops up from a hatch. He is under a multicolored umbrella.

‘Do clean up before you come inside, will you?’

At the docks at the end of the cruise, Bon Bon sulks beside the TARDIS. Rei stands next to her. The Doctor and Derpy are still in the TARDIS. All four are watching the ship unload.

‘Remember, this was an amazing, once-in-a-lifetime experience,’ The Doctor states. ‘Don’t tell anypony.’

‘Don’t worry.’ Derpy calms. ‘You can tell other ponies. They’ll just think you’re crazy.’ She looks at Rei. ‘Well, in your case somewhat sane.’ She looks at Bon Bon. ‘And it might help your marriage too!’

‘Thanks,’ Bon Bon moans. ‘That is just what I wanted to hear.’

‘Miss Bon Bon...’ The Doctor worries. ‘You seem frazzled. May I suggest a nice holiday?’

Bon Bon turns to The Doctor with all of the fury in the world. She points a hoof into the air.

‘PLAS...’

The TARDIS powers up and starts phasing away. Bon Bon shrieks and turns back to the docks. She and Rei go watch as the passengers start filing off at the various departure points. They eventually see some ponies they know. Rei starts shouting and waving and a group forms up.

‘Where have you been!’ Twilight scolds Rei. ‘We were worried sick about you!’

‘We were?’ The Wandering Physicist asks.

Twilight growls at The Wandering Physicist. Selene steps up.

‘Really missed having you around, kid.’ She takes a big bite of an orange. ‘They had a giant orange buffet. It was the most wonderful thing I had ever seen. It was like it was all for me.’

‘Any bananas?’ Rei asks.

‘Not a one.’

‘Ah! Lucky!’

Pinkie pushes her sister through the crowds and right up to Rei. Pinkie’s hair has returned to its normal, puffy state.

‘Inkie, this is Rei. She is a fun one!’ Pinkie introduces. ‘Rei, this is my sister Inkie! She is a real smarty.’

‘Just don’t shake her hooves,’ The Wandering Physicist warns.

Inkie and Twilight groan in unison.

‘I am sure you will be great friends!’ Pinkie adds before prancing away.

‘Uh... hi.’ Inkie nervously extends a hoof in friendship.

‘Hi!’ Rei grabs Inkie in a big hug.

Inkie goes along with it, until something hits her. ‘You smell like rotten fish.’

Rei sniffs Inkie. ‘You smell like strawberry yogurt!’

Inkie moans and tries to break the hug. The Wandering Physicist goes over to where Bon Bon is moping.

‘I can smell you used the trick I taught you.’

‘How did you... Never mind. You two are masters at causing trouble.’

‘All of us from Ponyville have decided to rent out a train car for the trip back. Are you in?’

‘Sure. Whatever.’

‘Ah! Don’t be like that. There is somepony who wants to see you.’

‘What?’

‘Bon Bon!’ is cried from the ship.

A number of ponies are pushed off of the ship as an unicorn pushes her way to the dock. Lyra pushes her way across the docks and grabs Bon Bon in a tearful hug.

‘I am so sorry!’ Lyra cries. ‘What did I do to make you so mad at me? Is it because I am not covered in squid guts? Want me to cover myself in squid guts for you?’

Bon Bon sighs and hugs her crying wife back. ‘It is okay. I’ll tell you what happened later.’

‘I love you, Bon Bon.’

‘I love you too, Lyra.’

Bon Bon and Lyra comfort each other. With the rest of the Ponyville group, Trixie is saying her goodbyes.

‘The Great and Powerful Trixie bids you a fond farewell. I hope our paths cross again soon.’ Trixie bows to the group. She goes over to The Wandering Physicist. ‘I would use the line now while she is more receptive.’ She whispers. She turns back to the group. ‘Adieu!’

Fireworks cover her leaving. The Wandering Physicist takes a deep breath and goes over to Twilight.

‘Uh, Twilight, I was, uh, wondering...’

‘Hey!’ Pinkie interrupts. ‘You know what we should do when we get home? We should have a party!’

The Wandering Physicist sighs and waits for his next opportunity.

Author's Notes:

Story Timeline: Rei fights a kraken. Get used to hearing about it. First Plasma Buster.

Story Event: This was my first attempt at writing two chapters that take place at the same time. This attempt does not go as well as I hoped. I get better at it. At least I think I do since nobody has told me otherwise.

Fun fact: The Doctor references almost all of his forms in this chapter.

A Date to Remember

Main Characters: TWP, Rei, Lucas, Twilight, Spike, Pinkie
Cameos: None
Original Write Date: January 2, 2012

The Wandering Physicist stumbles into The Power Block in the middle of the afternoon. He is not coming from his living quarters above the store as would be expected but from the street. He makes his way across the store and starts heading up to his home.

Lucas closes up shop since there are few patrons left in the store, then heads up stairs after his boss. The living area is empty, but Rei eating a snack at the table. Under the table, The Wandering Physicist is curled into a ball and shaking visibly.

‘Hi!’ Rei greets cheerfully.

‘Uh... Boss?’ Lucas looks under the table. ‘Are you okay?’

‘I’m dying, Lucas. I really am. No regeneration for me.’

‘Boss! What is wrong! Maybe I can help!’

‘I did it, Lucas. I finally did it. It is over now.’

Lucas looks up at Rei. ‘Do you have any idea what he is talking about?’

Rei looks under the table. ‘BWAH!’ She jumps back and cowers on the ceiling. ‘There is something under the table!’

Lucas sighs and looks under the table again. ‘Boss, what did you do?’

The Wandering Physicist looks back meekly. Rei swoops down and looks under the table too.

‘I asked her. I finally asked her out. I asked Twilight on a date.’

‘Yatta!’ Rei cheers. Somehow, streamers and confetti shoot out from around her.

‘That is great, boss!’ Lucas congratulates. ‘What did she say?’

‘YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES’ Twilight cheers as she bounces into the library.

Spike rushes into entry hall. He finds the over-ecstatic Twilight bounding around the room like a crazed schoolfilly. When she gets too near a bookshelf, her waving tail knocks over a row of books

‘Twilight!’ Spike shouts. ‘What is it? Why all the excitement?’

‘YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES’

‘TWILIGHT!’

Twilight stops her bouncing and smiles at her friend. ‘Yes?’ She giggles.

‘Twilight, I am happy for whatever you are happy for, but what are we happy about?‘

Twilight beams her happiest smile. ‘He did it. He finally did it.’

‘Who finally did what?’

‘Mr Wanderer. He finally asked me out.’ Twilight claps her hooves excitedly.

‘Way to go!’ Spike cheers. About freaking time.

Then something sparks in Twilight’s mind. She instantly collapses into a nervous heap on the floor with her tail in her hooves. ‘He asked me out?! How could he ask me out!? Why would he do such a thing to me!’

Spike is confused. ‘Uh... I thought you wanted to go out with him?’

‘I do! But I am not ready! I don’t know anything about going on a date! I have to study!’ Twilight bolts up and starts digging through all of the books she knocked off of the shelves. ‘SPIKE!’

Spike uncovers his ears from the yell he saw coming from kilometers away. ‘Twilight. I am standing right next to you.’

Twilight grabs Spike by the shoulders. ‘Spike! I need every book we have on romance and dating. Right now!’

‘Twilight, are you sure going to a book is a good idea? Shouldn’t a date be romantic and exciting by being spontaneous?’

‘I don’t know!’ Twilight starts digging through the first book she finds. ‘Is that in a book? Because if it is not in a book, it is not true! OH! Where is a good dating book when I need one, which is right now!’

‘I think you are overreacting a little.’ Spike takes the five-year-old farmers almanac from Twilight and sets it aside. ‘Let’s just get you a nice cup of calming tea, and I’ll help you pick out something nice to wear.’

Twilight glares over Spike. ‘What to wear!? What to wear!? This is my first date. EVER! I don’t have anything to wear since I never needed it before!’

‘We could always ask Rarity if...’

‘She would make fun of me for never having been on a date before.’

‘What is the big deal? Everypony has to have a first date at some point in their life.’

‘The big deal!? He is several times my age! Do you know how many first dates he has been on?’

The Panicking Physicist has moved from under the table to freaking out on the couch. He is currently controlling his hyperventilation via paper bag.

‘Don’t tell her this is my first first date. Please. I beg you. She can never find out.’

‘Haven’t you two been out to dinner together before?’

The Hyperventilating Physicist lowers the paper bag. ‘Do you think she has the wrong idea? What if she thinks this is just a meal between two friends?’

‘I really doubt that, boss.’

‘Yeah!’ Rei joins in. ‘She is smarter than all of you put together. She is probably picking out a pretty dress right now!’

‘OH MY PIZZA! What am I going to wear!’

‘OH MY CELESTIA! What am I going to wear!’ Twilight shouts while throwing the contents of her closet all over her bedroom.

‘Why don’t you just wear that pink dress that Rarity made for your coronation?’ Spike suggests

‘Are you insane!’ Twilight snaps. ‘He hates pink! He’ll think I am insulting him!’

Spike cringes back. ‘If he doesn’t like pink, how come he is such good friends with Pinkie Pie?’

‘Yeah? Why is he such good friends with me?’ A new voice chimes in.

Twilight and Spike turn to see Pinkie Pie standing in the room under several layers of Twilight’s dresses, coats, cloaks and saddles.

Pinkie shakes all of the clothes off her body. ‘Hi!’

‘Pinkie!?’ Just what Twilight needs. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘I’m here about your date, silly.’ Pinkie answers with a grin. ‘I thought I could help out.’

‘Thank you, Pinkie, but, I don’t think you... Wait. How did you know about my date?’

‘Given your reaction, how does the whole town not know?’ Spike mumbles.

Twilight turns and growls at Spike.

‘That is how I heard.’ Pinkie beams. ‘I wouldn’t be surprised if every restaurant in town is hoping for your imminent arrival.’

Twilight moans but cuts it short with a scream. ‘Where is he going to take me?!’

‘So... Where are you going to take her?’ Rei asks.

‘Where am I going to take her!?’ The Wandering Physicist panics from under a couch cushion.

Lucas sighs. ‘You have a time machine. You two can go anywhere in the universe.’

‘I have a time machine! I can take her anywhere in the universe!’

‘I just said that...’

‘No! She knows that! She’ll be expecting something extraordinary! I am going to come up short!’

Lucas groans. ‘I remember you telling me once that you really wanted to take her to the restaurant Milliways. Why not go there?’

The Wandering Physicist lets out a high pitched whine. Rei prances back and offers The Wandering Physicist a cup of tea.

‘Here. This will calm your nerves.’

The Wandering Physicist leans forward and sips the tea. ‘Much better. Good girl.’

Twilight tentatively drinks a cup of tea while sitting on her bed. The cup and saucer shake despite using her magic to levitate the drink. Across the room, Pinkie shoos Spike out of the room.

‘Thanks for you help, Spiky! I’ll take it from here.’ Pinkie waves as she closes the door.

‘Okay... Just take good care of her,’ Spike replies. ‘Don’t worry, Twilight! I am sure your date will go well.’

‘Thanks, Spike,’ Twilight sighs.

Pinkie finally gets the little dragon out and shuts the door. She sighs and goes over to Twilight.

‘Thanks, Pinkie.’ Twilight sips her tea. ‘I am feeling calmer with you here.’

‘Anything to help a friend!’ Pinkie cheers. She looks around nervously and her hair falls flat. ‘Now, I have to be serious with you for a moment...’

Seeing Pinkie with her hair down, Twilight begins to shake. Her tea starts spilling as she starts losing control of her magic.

‘Now, I know you like Mr James Hayate Wanderer a lot. You also know that he and I have a pact to never let the other go unhappy.’ Twilight nods in acknowledgement. ‘Good. Then know this,’ -- Pinkie approaches Twilight and stares into her eyes -- ‘if you hurt him, even if it is just a little bit, I will snatch up all of the pieces before you can even think about making a move. Got it?’

Twilight just nods her head and squeaks.

Pinkie smiles and her hair poofs out to normal. ‘Okie Doki Loki!’ She prances down to the lower level. ‘Now, let’s find you something to make you pretty!’

Twilight whines and hides under her covers from the perfect storm of nerves.

The Well-Groomed and Properly-Dressed Physicist is trying to hide under his bed, but he can only fit his head and forelegs under. Lucas and Rei are trying as hard as they can to pry him out using magic and force respectively.

‘You’re going to have to come out for your date.’ Lucas groans as he tries a float spell on the bed.

‘Nooo!’ The Wandering Physicist cries as he tries to hold to the underside of the bed.

Rei tackles The Dangling Physicist to the ground. ‘Got him!’

The filly lets her prey free and flies up to sit on the floating bed. Lucas helps his boss up. The Wandering Physicist runs his hooves through his mane until it is back to its normal level of messy. He lets out a groan.

‘You’re scared, aren’t you Boss?’

‘Yeah....’ The Nervous Physicist moans. ‘Look at me. I can stand down entire Dalek armadas, but Twilight Sparkle makes my stomach do backflips.’

‘It is okay to be scared on your first date,’ Lucas assures.

‘Were you scared on your first date?’ Rei asks from her bed/airplane.

‘Me?!’ Lucas stammers. ‘I was... I mean I will... I mean.... Hey! Who wants something from the fridge? Or my fridge... At my apartment...’

Rei starts laughing. ‘Ha ha! You haven’t been on a date yet. Silly Lucas.’

Lucas blushes. ‘Shut up... You haven’t either.’

Rei leans over the edge of the flying bed-tress. ‘So? I’m the filly. You’re supposed to ask me. Not to mention I am cute, so I am set!’

Lucas moans as loud as his employer.

Twilight has come out of hiding and is joining her friend in trying to find a nice dress to wear. She is sitting in front of a mirror as Pinkie holds up various dresses before her friend.

‘Ooo! This one is pretty! So silky!’

Twilight examines herself. ‘I don’t know... It make me look a little...’

‘Sexy!’

‘No...’

‘Overly attractive!’

‘Not that...’

‘Slinky!’

Twilight looks a little ashamed. ‘A little too trashy.’

‘Oh silly, Twilight!’ Pinkie takes the dress away. ‘That isn’t as trashy as you think.’ She starts digging through the dresses again. ‘Ooo! Look at this fluffy one! Shiny.’

While Pinkie is looking through the dresses, Twilight looks back at her friend and bites her lip. After a big sigh, she breaks the silence.

‘Pinkie. I don’t know if you are the right pony to ask about this, but...’ Twilight swallows. ‘What if... what if he wants to...’

‘Wants to what?’

Twilight looks around nervously. ‘You know...’

Pinkie drops the dress she is holding and blushes. ‘What makes you think I know anything about that, silly?’

‘What? No. I... I am just worried he might want to. I mean, he is older than me...’

Pinkie laughs. ‘Don’t worry about that. You know he will be as timid as you about that.’

Twilight laughs nervously. ‘Right...’

‘Now! Let’s find you a dress!’ Pinkie goes back to finding a dress from the piles on the floor.

Twilight rubs her hooves nervously. ‘I mean... I have this book...’

‘You mean this one!’ Pinkie pulls a book from under Twilight’s bed.

Twilight’s face drops as Pinkie holds the book over her head. The title of the book reads ‘Egghead’s Guide to Ultimate Sex’. Twilight then shrieks as Pinkie bucks it out the window.

‘PINKIE!’

‘Don’t worry.’ Pinkie pulls another book from nowhere and tosses it to Twilight. ‘Here. This one has pictures!’

Twilight looks at the book. The title of the book reads ‘Egghead’s Guide to Ultimate Sex - Illustrated Edition’. Twilight levitates it up and opens it. She instantly blushes.

‘Oh. My.’

While Pinkie starts going through the dresses, Twilight keeps ‘reading’ the book. Her cheeks keep getting redder, her wings point skyward and horn keeps glowing brighter. Pinkie pulls up a nice, simple and practical dress.

‘How’s this!’

Twilight screams in surprise. ‘I’ll be right back!’ She runs out of the room with the book in tow.

Pinkie shrugs, giggles to herself and starts looking for other dresses to offer Twilight.

The Wandering Physicist, Lucas and Rei are back seated around the kitchen table again. All of the parties have calmed down, except Rei who is really enjoying the crazy emotions flying about her. She hopes that The Wandering Physicist asks more ponies out on first dates so she can watch him freak out more.

‘What if...’ The Wandering Physicist starts, ‘she wants to...’

Lucas moans and slams his head into the table. ‘BOSS! Don’t ever ask me anything like that ever again!’

‘It is a legitimate ques... OH MY SAGAN! WHERE IS REI!’

The stallions looks around the room. Rei is nowhere to be found. Before they can get up to look, they hear her coming up the stairs. She happily trots back to the table with a small box in her mouth. She sets the box in front of The Paling Physicist.

Rei beams. ‘Just remember to be safe.’

The Tortured Physicist lets out a loud groan and slams his head into the table.

‘Great. I am getting sex advice from my daughter.’

Rei freezes in her seat. ‘What,’ she squeaks.

Lucas is stunned. ‘Uh.... Boss...’

The Wandering Physicist’s eye snap wide. ‘Oh no!’ He sits up. ‘Did I reveal one of the secrets of the universe again? I tend to do that by accident when I am panicking.’

Lucas waves a leg in front of Rei’s face. ‘Yeah. She is gone.’

‘Oh sh....’ The Worrying Physicist panics. ‘What was it? Was it that she likes Stormy? Or was it that she likes Inkie? Or was it the Lucas one?’

‘What!’ Lucas snaps to attention.

‘Oh monkey trumpets,’ The Alarmed Physicist mumbles as he looks between his frozen allies.

Twilight has returned to her room. She is wearing a nice dress that Pinkie helped pick out. She is blushing beet red as Pinkie brushes her mane. Pinkie is humming a sweet song to herself.

‘I am so sorry I did that.’ Twilight mumbles as she stares at the ground. She can never look at Pinkie again without feeling embarrassed.

‘It is okay!’ Pinkie cheers. ‘Better to take care of that now rather than later when it would make things really awkward.’

Twilight goes from red to white as she thinks of the horror of The Wandering Physicist catching her doing such a disgraceful thing. Then again... She blushes again.

‘There!’ Pinkie sets down the brush. ‘You are all pretty now!’

‘Thanks, Pinkie...’

Pinkie notices Twilight’s face and giggles to herself as she gets a wicked plan. ‘You know... If you need help with page one-thirty-seven, you can always call me...’

Twilight’s magic goes of spontaneously, and the two mares are teleported to the main hall. Spike shouts as they almost fall on top of him.

‘Whoa... Spin-y...’ Pinkie falls over.

‘Twilight, are you okay?’ Spike worries.

Twilight shakes her head clear. ‘I am fine, Spike. My magic just got away from me for a second there.’

‘Are you sure you are okay?’

‘Don’t worry, Spike,’ Twilight assures. ‘Just working my nerves out.’

‘Wasn’t the first time this evening,’ Pinkie giggles.

‘PINKIE!’

‘Anyway, you look great, Twilight.’ Spike compliments. ‘He is sure to be impressed.’

Twilight blushes and starts fiddling with her mane. ‘Really? You’re just saying that.’

Pinkie slaps Twilight’s hooves. ‘Stop that. You don’t want to mess up you mane.’

‘Sorry. I just can’t control myself when I get nervous.’

‘At least you don’t have any secrets you could accidentally blurt out like at Fluttershy’s fashion show.’

Twilight looks around nervously. ‘Selene is really Princess Luna!’

‘Really!’ Spike is surprised.

‘Well, duh,’ Pinkie rolls her eyes.

Twilight turns from lecturing Spike not to tell anypony. ‘Wait. What?’

‘Yeah. A lot of us know that already.’ She starts counting. ‘Mr Wanderer, me, The Doctor, Rei, Celestia. I think Trixie and Inkie know too... Hmm. Who else?’ Pinkie starts pondering.

Twilight sits down calmly. ‘Oh. I didn’t know it was such a wide secret.’ She snaps to Spike, ‘That doesn’t mean you can tell anypony though.’

Spike sighs, ‘Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.’

‘Good.’ Twilight nods.

There is a knock at the door.

‘Not good.’ Twilight hides behind Pinkie.

Spike rolls his eyes and answers the door. The Wandering Physicist is standing there. He smiles from behind a bouquet of flowers. Behind him, Rei and Lucas watch from a relatively conspicuous location. All around, it seems their friends are watching from various vantage points without getting in the way of the couple. Twilight gets up from behind Pinkie and goes to the door. She levitates the flowers out of The Wandering Physicist’s grip.

‘Thank you. These are sweet.’

‘Both literally and figuratively.’

Twilight giggles.

‘No. I am serious.’ The Wandering Physicist replies.

Twilight giggles again as she sets the flowers aside. A silence falls over the couple. Their eyes meet, and they blush.

‘You look stunning,’ both say at once.

They both look away again. The Wandering Physicist is the first to look up.

‘Shall we go, Miss Sparkle?’ He offers a foreleg to hold.

Twilight takes the foreleg. ‘I would be delighted, James.’

The couple walk off together for their first real date.

Author's Notes:

TWP Timeline: His first date EVER! He chose the perfect mare to ask out. First time Twilight refers to him by his name.

Story Timeline: TWP and Twilight become an official couple. Rei accidentally learns TWP is her father (sorta). First mention of page 137.

Fun fact: 3, 7, 13, 17, 31, 37, 71, 73, 137, 173, and 317 are all prime. 137 is my favorite number for this reason. I love all of the primes! Note: 1 is not prime. Your grade school maths teacher lied to you.

RSI and the Mystery of Friendship

Main Characters: Rei, Stormy, Inkie, Lucas
Cameos: TWP, Twilight
Original Write Date: 12/25/2011

Rei paces back and forth in the main living area over The Power Block. The noise from the traffic downstairs is blocking the sound she is listening for. She starts flying since there is some very rude pony stomping around in the exact spots she is moving to, and it is very distracting. Thankfully, her flying allows her to hear somepony coming up the stairs. Rei hopes it is who she expects.

Stormy peeks around the top of the stairs. ‘Uh... Rei? You wanted to see me?’

‘Stormy!’ Rei bounces around the room. ‘It is Stormy!’

‘Yeah... You said it was an emergency?’

‘It is okay. We have time.’

There is a bit of an awkward silence between the pair. Rei smiles at Stormy. Stormy fidgets where he stands.

‘Wanna sit?’ Rei asks. She goes to the couch and plops down.

Stormy swallows and goes over to the couch. He nervously takes a seat next to the filly he likes. There is a return of the awkward silence.

‘So...’ Rei begins. ‘I thought you were going to shave your half-assed beard.’

Stormy winces at the comment. He is still trying to grow a beard at Rarity’s demand, but he is too young still to grow it out as much as she would like. He has been trying to act on sage advice and remove it, but his employer will not let him.

‘Yeah...’ Stormy moans. ‘I keep trying, but Rarity must be in tune with her house or something since she busts me as soon as I start my razor. She’s a quick one.’

‘Hmm... Come with me.’

Rei hops off the couch and heads to a room. Stormy follows out of curiosity. Rei leads him into a washroom.

‘What are you...’

Before Stormy can finish, Rei has activated The Wandering Physicist’s razor and charges. There is a brief flash of contact, and Stormy’s ‘beard’ falls harmlessly to the floor. Rei sheathes the razor like a sword.

‘Okay.’ Stormy is shocked. ‘That was a surprise.’

‘Just thought I would help a friend.’ Rei prances back out of the room. ‘And I am much quicker than she is.’ Except where it counts. She giggles.

Rei hops back to the couch and taps the seat next to her. Stormy shakes off his confusion and sits. Rei looks over and smiles. Stormy smiles back nervously. Rei’s eyes slowly drift up until she is looking at Stormy’s horn. She eyes the scar left from where he cracked it.

‘Does that still hurt?’

‘The crack? No,’ Stormy answers. ‘The worst of it was when I got that ointment or whatever from Mr Wanderer, but eventually it was all fine, if a little numb.’

‘Is it true you didn’t cry once?’

‘Not counting the treatment, yes, but that was because I was passed out most of the first night and the raging fire of pain and death was gone by the evening after it was applied.’

‘Can I touch it!’ Rei’s face is practically touching Stormy’s as she stares at him with hopeful eyes.

Stormy’s deep red blushing overpowers his magenta coat. He looks down nervously and tries not to panic or chicken out or both at once. He tries even harder to keep an involuntary horn glow from revealing what he is really thinking.

‘J-just be gentle.’

‘Duh. It is not like I am going to try eating it or something.’

Stormy bites his lip and remembers the pain of the healing salve to keep his horn in check. Rei tentatively reaches out and touches the scar. It feels a little softer than what she remembers of unicorn horn. She traces the scar with her hoof. Stormy closes his eyes and shivers a little as he tries not to think about the most beautiful filly he knows touching his horn. Rei does not notice that her wings are spreading on their own. Neither notice that a new challenger has entered the room. The new pony shrieks. Rei instantly stops and pulls her hoof away. Stormy opens his eyes and his horn gets a faint pink glow for an instant when he notices Rei’s wings. Both lock eyes briefly and blush. They turn to the entrance to see Inkie Pie hiding under a rug with her forelegs covering her face.

‘I am sorry!’ Inkie apologizes. ‘I would have knocked first but Mr James Wanderer Hayate said to just go on up.’

‘That is okay.’ Stormy tries standing, but he stumbles off of the couch. ‘I was just about to step out for a moment.’

Stormy hastily makes his way back downstairs, carefully avoiding the filly he just met. Rei takes a moment to relax, and her wings go back to her side.

Inkie comes out of hiding and gives her friend a weak smile. ‘Uh, hey Rei. You said there was an emer...’

‘Inkie!’ Rei dives across the room and tackles Inkie in a hug.

Inkie half-heartedly returns the hug. ‘Good to see you again too.’

‘You smell like a cherry sundae today!’

Inkie groans and tries breaking free. Rei eventually lets Inkie free and sits back.

‘How’s it going?’ Rei asks.

‘I am fine. And you?’

‘Great!’

Rei smiles at her friend. Inkie nervously fidgets a bit.

‘Uh... so what was the emergency you needed my help with?’

‘We have to wait for Stormy.’

‘Uh... will he be long?’

Rei ears twitch for a moment. ‘He just got outside. He stopped to talk with Wanderer-san on his way out.’

‘Okay....’

Rei tilts her head to the side as she looks at Inkie. ‘Have you ever been kissed?’

Inkie blushes and looks down, covering her face with her mane. ‘Wh-wh-why do you ask?’

‘Well, your sister had this magic plant that made everypony kiss her at our holiday party before we met you. It worked for me too. Have you ever used it?’

Inkie fidgets more. ‘Are you asking or offering?’

Before Rei can answer, there is a knock on the wall as Stormy returns.

‘I’m back. Sorry.’

‘Yay! Stormy!’ Rei cheers. She pushes Inkie into Stormy. ‘Stormy, this is Inkie. Inkie, this is Stormy. You’re both awesome fun ponies. We’ll be great friends!’

Rei poses dramatically. Inkie and Stormy smile and greet each other.

‘Hey! Who want drinks?’ Rei offers.

‘Shouldn’t we be helping with your emergency?’ Stormy counters.

‘Actually, I wouldn’t mind a break,’ Inkie replies. ‘I had a bit of a trek to get here.’

‘Great!’ Rei beams. ‘Take a seat, and we can catch up for a bit.’

Inkie and Stormy take seats at the table while Rei goes to the refrigerator. She tosses a trio of sodas to the table, and they land, opened, in front, of each pony with Rei taking a seat right before her drink lands.

‘Show off,’ Stormy tries saying dispassionately. ‘So, Inkie, where’d you meet our energetic host?’

‘I think we were on the cruise together,’ Inkie replies. ‘I am guessing she was that white streak I kept seeing around Mr Wanderer. We ran into each other after the trip.’

‘That was after I fought the kraken!’ Rei adds.

Both Inkie and Stormy roll their eyes in disbelief.

Inkie turns to Stormy. ‘Mr Stormy, how do you know Rei?’

‘We have some classes together, and we were in an after-school program together.’ Stormy explains.

‘What was the after-school program?’

Stormy blushes. ‘It was...’

‘A class on how to be a proper lady!’ Rei interrupts.

‘Oh, my!’ Inkie is surprised. ‘I thought you were a...’ She starts moving to look under the table.

‘I am!’ Stormy shouts. ‘I just have a jerk for a dad.’

‘He was top of the class,’ Rei adds.

Stormy sighs. ‘Yeah. But she was the only one to fail out.’

Rei sits up as if shocked. ‘Lies! Lies and slander!’

Inkie giggles. ‘Out of curiosity, what classes do you have together?’

Rei instantly calms. ‘Uh... Just maths and Lyra’s music class. I think.’

Stormy scowls. ‘We’re in every class together. You just don’t....‘ He looks sad for a moment. ‘Whatever.’ He turns to Inkie. ‘There are only a few advanced classes out here.’

‘Oh! I was in advanced classes too. But my cutie mark is for a scientific field so of course I was in all of the advanced classes until I graduated a couple years ago.’

Rei glares. ‘Are you trying to say you are smarter and cuter than me?’

‘I’m not cuter than you!’ ‘She’s not cuter than you!’

Inkie and Stormy instantly blush at their statements. Rei does not seem to notice since she is staring at her drink. She instantly snaps up.

‘Got ya!’

The others sigh.

‘Rei,’ Stormy sighs. ‘Can we get to the emergency you called us about?’

Now it is Rei’s turn to fidget. How dare they put her on the spot like this!

‘Well, actually...’ Rei looks away from her friends. ‘Actually, there is no emergency.’ Her friends shake their heads. ‘But I had a good reason!’

‘We’re listening,’ Inkie sighs.

‘See... I... I don’t have many friends.’ Rei frowns. ‘I just wanted to spend the day with somepony who liked me. I even had a fun adventure planned out. I am sorry for tricking you.’

Inkie and Stormy look at each other then smile at their friend.

‘I love fun things!’ Inkie beams.

‘Yeah. I’m game,’ Stormy agrees. ‘Anything to get out of a day of heavy lifting with Rarity.’ He laughs. ‘ ‘sides. I knew there was no emergency.’

‘Yeah,’ Inkie giggles. ‘Me too.’

Rei instantly perks up. ‘Great! Let’s get going!’ She goes back to the refrigerator. ‘I made everypony bento. Oh!’ She looks up. ‘We need a team name!’

‘Team name?’ Inkie asks.

Stormy moans. ‘This isn’t going to be like the Cutie Mark Crusaders, is it?’

‘No! We’ll actually have a cool name, like, uh, The Mane Six!’

‘There are three of us.’

‘Uh... Adventure Time!’

‘Stupid. Sounds like something Sweetie Belle would come up with.’

Rei growls. ‘You come up with one then.’

Stormy thinks. ‘Acquisitions Incorporated.’

‘Pfft. What are we acquiring?’

‘How about we start the quest and come up with a name on the way?’ Inkie suggests.

‘See! She is a smarty!’ Rei cheers. ‘Let’s go!’

Rei’s group treks out of town. Their packs are full of supplies that Rei said they would need. Rei is flying at their head with a map in her hooves.

‘SG-1’ Rei says.

‘That is stupid.’ Stormy replies. ‘Why not just call us Team Discovery Channel?’

‘I love Discovery Channel!’ Inkie chimes in.

Rei looks down at Stormy. ‘Pass.’

Inkie frowns and looks down. Rei drops back and pats her friend on the back. Inkie smiles up at her friend.

‘Rei, where are we going?’ Inkie asks.

‘We’re off to face the unknown.’

‘Yeah, but where are we heading?’

‘Don’t worry your pretty little head. I know where we’re headed and marked out a safe route.’

‘But where...’

‘An amazing voyage through the...’

‘Just tell her already!’ Stormy shouts.

Rei loops around and glares down at Stormy. He returns an equally powerful glare back. Rei huffs, flies up to the air and points.

‘When I got the idea to do this, I asked around for what would be a good place to see. Twilight told me of the old palace in the Everfree. I have to go there.’

‘Everfree, huh? Sounds dangerous,’ a new voice chimes in.

Rei nods. ‘It is dangerous to go alone. That is why I took these two with me.’

The other two turn to see the approaching pony. Rei remains focused on her goal. It turns out that Lucas is the newcomer to the group.

Stormy scowls. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘Charming,’ Lucas retorts. ‘I can see why you were the classiest lady.’ He looks up at Rei. ‘Yo, Rei, need any more help on this little adventure of yours?’

‘We got this.’

‘Or, to put it another way, I saw you heading this way, contacted Boss and he suggested, as in told me, that I should help you.’

‘Do you have a team bento?’

‘You made them bento?’

Stormy smirks. ‘Personalized for each of us too.’

‘Right!’ Rei adds. She turns to Lucas. ‘How about an official Ponychester United team jersey?’

‘Pfft. Arsenal is better,’ Stormy scoffs.

‘Wait. That is an actual thing?’

Stormy and Lucas facehoof.

Rei points to the forest once more. ‘Rei-Team! Roll out!’

Stormy slams his head into the ground at the reference. Rei flies off with Inkie closely in tow. Lucas trots past Stormy.

‘If you can’t handle the heat...’ Lucas chides. ‘I thought they taught that on day one.’

Stormy picks himself up. ‘If Rarity’s sketches are anything to go by, you are half the stallion I am.’

Lucas growls. Stormy laughs and gallops up to Rei and Inkie.

In the forest, Rei leads the group while Inkie trots beside her talking about all of the plants they are seeing. The two colts and their rivalry keep back as a rear guard. Luckily, the group has avoided any encounters with monsters.

‘...And those trees are full of sweet fruits that attract all sorts of insects,’ Inkie explains. ‘The insects make good food for all sorts of animals, from birds to mongooses.’

‘Ooo! Mongooses! That is a good team name! The Fighting Mongooses!’

Stormy groans. ‘Maybe in your universe. I still think The Starbucks is cool.’

‘Their coffee is crap, and you know it,’ Lucas snorts.

‘I am not talking about the coffee chain. I am referring to a TV show.’

‘Probably a stupid one.’

‘Better than the kiddie cartoons you watch about those stupid apes.’

‘I like cartoons about humans made for foals. So what? The show is really well-made and the fan base is one of the best I have seen in years.’

‘Whatever. You probably just like the fapfiction or whatever it is called.’

‘Boys!’ Rei shouts. ‘Knock it off! We’re supposed to be getting along on this trip.’

‘Sorry, Rei,’ Stormy apologizes to Rei.

‘Yeah. Sorry,’ Lucas agrees.

‘Good. We just need something to talk about that we can all agree on...’

‘There was a recent journal on the nature of the Higgs Field that was very fascinating,’ Inkie suggests.

‘We could talk about all of the awesome anime that is coming in spring,’ Lucas offers.

Stormy thinks. ‘Yeah... None of my personal interests are stuff you would like too.’

‘I know!’ Rei laughs and flies a small loop. ‘We are all not from Ponyville, so we can talk about where we are from. I’ll go first.’

‘But I’m... never mind.’ Stormy sighs.

‘I am from northern Neighpon, from the city Haydo,’ Rei begins. ‘Well, not your Neighpon since I am from another universe. And from the future too! Like twenty years.’

‘Are there flying cars?’ Stormy teases.

‘No, but there are flying ponies. They are called pegasi,’ Rei laughs.

Stormy and Lucas groan at the backfired joke.

‘Interesting,’ Inkie ponders. ‘What sort of differences are there in the two worlds?’

‘Well, the most obvious is Queen Luna and different Elements of Harmony.... except your sister! She is still one of them.’

‘Different Elements...’ Inkie thinks. ‘Because of some change in your history?’

‘... Something like that...’ Rei frowns at the sad history of the Elements. ‘Anyway! My country is very technologically advanced like this universe, but I think we are also more independent spiritually. There is a lot less Luna worship where I am from.’

‘If Luna is your head of state, then is Celestia...’

‘There is no Celestia,’ Rei interrupts. She moans a little about the sad history. ‘Anyway! Stormy, you’re up.’

Stormy groans. ‘Ponyville born and bred. And you know most of my history since it got aired nicely in Rarity’s class for me.’

‘I don’t know your history...’ Inkie meekly asides.

‘But you weren’t around for Hearth’s Warming or the other winter holidays,’ Rei says.

‘My mom and her family are from Fillydelphia so I was with them. Nothing fancy.’

‘Probably why you don’t know much magic. No magic kindergarten like the rest of us,’ Lucas jeers.

‘So I wasn’t privately tutored and didn’t go to a fancy Canterlot, Manehatten, Fillydelphia or Los Arion school. Who really cares? If you want to pretend you’re better than me since you went to a fancy school, go ahead.’

‘I wasn’t implying...’ Lucas starts. ‘Forget it. I’m sorry.’

‘Whatevs,’ Stormy turns away.

‘Tsk. For a pink pony, you are very emo.’

‘Lucas!’ Rei shouts. ‘Stop being a meany! Don’t make me tell Wanderer-san on you.’

‘Yes, Rei,’ Lucas moans. ‘I’m sorry.’

Rei growls at Lucas for a bit before turning to Inkie. ‘I bet you have lots of fun stories about growing up with your sister!’

‘Hmm... Well, most of the fun was after she got her cutie mark, but there was this one time...’
…

Further into the forest and a couple topics later, the group is listening to Stormy tell the tale of how he got his cutie mark.

‘So, I was younger than Sweetie Belle when my mom died,’ Stormy begins. ‘My dad wasn’t any help, not to mention he started getting really involved with his religious and political groups after that. I remembered how much fun I used to have baking with my mom and started doing that again as a way to feel happy. Then, bam. That is how I got the same cutie mark as hers.’

‘That is so touching,’ Inkie sobs.

‘Poor little Stormy!’ Rei cries as she grabs her friend in a hug, making him really happy.

‘Hey!’ Lucas complains. ‘You didn’t hug me. How come you didn’t hug me?’

‘Your story was just you pretending to be in a video game and chasing your sister. That is lamer than Wanderer-san’s story.’

‘Fine. Whatever,’ Lucas grumbles.

Rei kisses Stormy on the forehead, brushing his horn briefly. She takes her place back at the head of the group while he thinks today is the best day of his life. The rest of the group look towards the leader. Lucas nudges Stormy and nods towards Rei. Stormy gives Lucas a serious look back, shakes his head and pokes Inkie. Inkie looks back at the two colts, who nod toward Rei. She sighs and rolls her eyes. She catches up to Rei and gently pulls her tail with her teeth.

‘Yes, Inkie?’

‘Uh, well, it is, uh, your turn,’ Inkie fumbles.

Rei sighs. ‘Right... Well, it is not as cute as yours or as touching as Stormy’s, but it is still better than Lucas’s story.’

‘Hey!’

‘Well, it is true.’

‘We don’t know that yet.’

Rei snorts at Lucas. ‘Like Stormy, I lost my parents, but I was a foal so I didn’t even know them yet.’

But what about what boss let slip... Lucas thinks.

‘I’m sorry,’ Inkie sympathizes.

‘It is fine. Queen Luna cared for me. I was like one of the family. I got to meet all of the Elements of Harmony when they came to Neighpon, and I would play with Prince Helios and Princess Alba when they visited. They were like younger siblings.’ Rei smiles to herself as she remembers fun times back home. ‘Anyway. I was watching the prince and princess one night while Luna was in the city on business, and my cutie mark just appeared. All I really remember thinking at the time was how much like a real family this felt like and how much I wished I had parents of my own...’

Rei holds back tears and looks down as she flies on. A magical aura surrounds her and pulls her back.

‘I’m so sorry to hear that, Rei,’ Lucas coos as he hugs her.

‘Help! Pervert!’ Rei cries.

Stormy uses his magic to help pull Rei as she pushes free. Lucas is left stunned.

‘But. What. When you would hug them...’

‘Yeah! It was not just yanking them from the ground!’ Rei shouts. ‘I was really scared for a moment!’

Lucas sighs and looks at the ground. ‘I am really sorry, Rei. I didn’t mean to scare you.’

Rei snorts and flies back to the lead. Inkie frowns and shakes her head at Lucas before dutifully following Rei. Stormy pushes Lucas.

‘Smooth, genius.’

‘Shut up. I thought I was being nice.’

‘Guys, please don’t...’ Inkie tries to interject.

‘You just need some better lessons in dealing with 3D girls.’

‘Yeah. Then I’ll turn into one like you.’

‘Will you give that a rest! If you payed one iota of attention, you would know the class wasn’t like that.’

‘Please stop fi...’ Inkie says before getting cut off.

‘Right. And Rarity had you pose for her “notes” for purely innocent reasons.’

A burst of magic sends Lucas into a tree.

‘Don’t insult Miss Rarity like that!’ Stormy shouts while an unstable aura surrounds his horn.

‘You really want to take me on...’ Lucas stands and charges a spell.

The unicorns growl at each other and wait for the other to make the first move. A bolt of lightning crashes between the colts. Rei lands where her bolt hit.

‘Enough!’ Rei roars. She glares at Lucas. ‘You have been nothing but trouble this whole trip!’

‘Thank you,’ Stormy jeers. ‘I have been saying...’

‘And you’re not helping!’ Stormy backs away. ‘You two have been total asshats for the past few hours, and this is the last straw!’ Rei turns away. She shakes as she holds back tears. ‘I just wanted to share something special with my friends, and you two are ruining it. You’re ruining my...’

Rei flies away from the group. Inkie tries giving chase.

‘Wait! Rei! Where are you going?’

‘I have the map. Twilight told me the safest route to get to the old palace. Wanderer-san even boosted my mobile so I can get a signal out here if I need help. Just go back the way we came to get out of here. You’re a smarty. You can lead the idiots out. I am going to finish my quest. Alone if I have to.’

Rei flaps her wings and disappears in a flash. Inkie turns back and glares at the unicorns.

‘Are you happy!’ She shouts before turning and running. ‘I am going to be a friend to somepony who actually deserves one. You can join us once you stop acting like mules!’

Inkie disappears after Rei. The unicorns watch after their friends, turn and glare at each other, before sighing and giving chase.

Trotting into The Power Block, Twilight Sparkle notices that neither store operator is at his usual post. Instead, there is a sign at the front of the store. There is an image of a very stern-looking Celestia at the center with the caption ‘Big Sister is Watching.’ Twilight laughs and makes her way behind the counter. On the counter, there is a pile of bits and a list of what games have been sold. Under the counter, The Wandering Physicist is curled into a ball sleeping. Twilight laughs again and sits down beside The Sleeping Physicist. She gets out her mobile and starts writing a message to surprise her coltfriend. Before she can hit ‘send,’ she gets a message herself.

‘Right here. Right now.’

Twilight has to contain an ‘eep’ as she is pulled to the ground so as not to alert any of the customers to the ponies under the counter. She holds back another squeak when she is kissed at the base of her horn.

‘Mr Wanderer, we might be seen.’

‘Just adds to the fun,’ is cooed into her ears.

Twilight blushes deeply. ‘We, we couldn’t do that.’ She squirms as her horn is kissed again. ‘It isn’t right just yet.’

‘Saving yourself for the right moment, eh?’ He hugs Twilight tight. ‘Maybe for the right day in Spring. Like the first of May perhaps?’

Twilight’s magic goes off spontaneously, and the couple is teleported to the upstairs living area and crash to the ground. Twilight quickly climbs out of their tangle.

‘Mr Wanderer... I could never do something like that. It would be just too embarrassing.’

He laughs. ‘I know. I just love seeing you freak out.’

Twilight growls. ‘Anyway. I came by about Rei. Is she enjoying the little quest I sent her on?’

The Wandering Physicist shrugs from where he lays. ‘I don’t know. She hasn’t checked in, but Inkie, Stormy and Lucas are with her.’

‘Them?’ Twilight is confused. ‘Why them?’

‘You saw how much Rei liked Inkie after the cruise. She is just a more subdued Pinkie but with science.’

Twilight rolls her eyes. ‘Of course you approve of the scientist.’

‘I like you, don’t I?’

Twilight blushes and growls at the same time. ‘And the others?’

‘Well, she has spent lots of time with Stormy from their classes.’

‘Right... And Lucas is always around here.’

‘Actually, he caught them on their way out of town and practically begged me to order him to follow them.’

Twilight goes over to the kitchen and throws out the drinks Rei left out. ‘I really hope they like the ruins. It is where I first felt the spark of friendship with the others.’

‘Rei has another reason for going there too.’

‘Really, what is it?’

‘Well, according to Celestia, I am not allowed to talk about it under threat of being offered a banana. Luna on the other hand is fine with me telling, but she has been censored by the banana edict. You’ll have to ask Rei when she gets back.’

‘You basically told me that it has something to do with her own universe by saying that.’

‘I also said that a certain princess is once again keeping truth from not only the public but her beloved apprentice too.’

‘I hate you so much right now.’ Twilight glares.

‘You have the cutest nose when it is scrunched in anger,’ The Slithering Physicist says as he drags himself across the floor to the stairs.

Twilight sighs and magics her coltfriend to his feet. ‘You are the laziest pony ever.’

Twilight starts heading back downstairs. The Wandering Physicist watches her pass.

‘Can’t you just teleport me down?’ he asks.

Using her natural Pie sense, Inkie trails Rei through the forest as best she can. She approaches a wood-and-rope bridge with crumbling ruins on the other side. Inkie hopes this is the old castle Rei was talking about. The bridge is sounder than Inkie would have guessed. Just inside the ruins, a familiar white pegasus is moping on the ground.

Rei wipes the tears from her eyes. ‘Hey, Inkie.’

‘Rei... Are you...’

‘I’m fine. Do you know why we came here today?’

‘I figured you were going to tell us at some point.’ Inkie approaches her friend. ‘It might just be me, but you can share if you want to.’

Rei looks back and smiles at Inkie. ‘You’re a great friend.’ She stands and looks around the ruins. ‘This is the only place that is similar to my world. It is the only place with a similar history, though the outcome was completely different.’

‘How so? What happened?’

Rei sighs. ‘On my world, Discord is both our greatest villain and greatest hero. What happened here is why he is so hated. It was here where he fought the princesses.’

‘I think I remember seeing that in a very old book once. It was before the capital was moved to Canterlot over a thousand years ago.’

‘Right. In our version of the battle, Discord killed Celestia. Instead of crumbling ruins, this place is a mausoleum for her.’

‘So... Seeing the palace in this state, it is like seeing what our planet was like before our timelines split. Fascinating.’ Inkie takes in the ruins. ‘Can I ask you a bit of a personal question?’

‘I guess so...’

‘You mentioned that my sister is in your universe. Am I there too? Is that why you invited me even though we barely know each other?’

Rei rubs against Inkie briefly. ‘I invited you because you are a fun pony!’ She stops to think a moment. ‘As to your other question, I don’t know if you are around, but Pinkie does have two kids, Apple and Rainbow.’

Inkie is shocked. ‘You mean she is a mom? Wait. Are they named like her friends from this...’

Rei springs into the air to dodge the question. ‘Hey! Let’s start exploring!’

‘Right on!’ ‘Let’s go!’ comes from behind the fillies. The fillies turn back to see their unicorn companions trotting up.

‘About damn time you show up!’ Rei scolds. ‘What took you so long?’

‘Gamers aren’t built for running IRL,’ Stormy laughs.

‘Nor are seamstresses,’ Lucas shoots back.

‘I didn’t know you sew,’ Stormy counters.

Lucas growls at Stormy. Rei growls at the fighting. She turns back to the ruins.

‘Well, we better get to cataloging and collecting samples. That report for Twilight is not going to write itself.’ Rei flies off to explore.

‘Wait. What report?’ Stormy chases after Rei.

‘I love writing reports!’ Inkie cheers.

Lucas moans. ‘Can’t we stop to eat first?’

Back at The Power Block, The Wandering Physicist is seeing off a very tired Lucas for the night. The young stallion barely has the energy to moan as he drags himself back to his apartment. The Wandering Physicist heads upstairs to his home. Rei and Inkie have their samples and artifacts out on the table. The Wandering Physicist sits down with the fillies.

‘I see you had fun today.’

‘We got to see all sorts of unique flora and fauna!’ Inkie squeals. ‘And the ruins had a level of preservation at made dating and stratifying our find very easy! Not to mention the rock samples that have to have been quarried from around Equestria!’

‘We saw where our worlds split,’ Rei adds.

‘Oh. That, too.’

The Wandering Physicist goes to get a drink. ‘We’ll have to see how that happened first hoof some time.’

Rei springs up, nearly knocking over the table. ‘Really!’

‘Pfft! No!’ The Wandering Physicist laughs. ‘Who do you think I am? The Doctor? I wouldn’t risk changing history. You might try flying off and saving Luna or something equally crazy.’

Rei mopes. ‘AWWWWWW!’

‘Uh, Mr Wanderer...’ Inkie begins.

‘Your sister will be over soon,’ The Wandering Physicist answers. ‘She offered to pick up some dinner for us on the way. Speaking of which, where is Stormy? Shouldn’t he be helping you with your homework too?’

‘He said he had to get something from the boutique before he could join us,’ Inkie explains.

‘Excuses,’ Rei snorts.

There is a clamor on the stairs as Stormy enters the living areas. He has a pack on his back.

‘Sorry I took so long. Rarity felt the need to scold me for no good reason.’

The Wandering Physicist puts a hoof on Stormy’s shoulder. ‘I am sorry for your loss.’

‘What? Huh? Oh! Blame Rei. She did it.’

‘Rei! You’re grounded!’

Rei sticks her tongue out at her guardian. Stormy rolls his eyes at the whole beard argument as he goes over to the table. He levitates his laptop out of his pack.

‘I whipped this up while Rarity was going on how my clean face was “The. Worst. Possible. Thing”.’ Stormy moans as he brings up a file. ‘Obviously she forgot we were out of orange juice this morning.’

‘Whoa.’ Inkie marvels at what she sees. ‘This is neat.’

Rei drools a little. ‘Ooooo! Shiny.’ She turns to Stormy. ‘I think Team Venture is better though.’

Stormy moans. On the screen, he as drawn up a simple flier that reads ‘RSI Adventure Team’ and has a picture of Rei, Inkie and Stormy posing at the ruins.

Author's Notes:

Story Timeline: First RSI adventure.

Letters from Home

Main Characters: King James Sparkle, Prince Helios, Derpy (RoH), TWP
Cameos: Lucas (RoH), Princess Alba
Original Write Date: 01/06/2012

King James Sparkle comes out of a meeting at Canterlot castle. He lets out a heavy sigh that carries with it all of the boredom the meeting induced and the relief he has to finally be free. He notices a number of castle staff rushing past as they set up for an upcoming event. He lets out another sigh as a series of painful memories wash over him.

The event is Ponyville Memorial Day, celebrating the memory of a city that was wiped out by an evil alien force. That day, all but one of the planet’s greatest heroes fell in the battle to repel the invaders. The day was saved when the scourge of Equestria, the god of chaos Discord, was manifest and destroyed the aliens once and for all. It was also the day that James was ‘born’ so to speak. It only cost him his identity and the life of the pony he loved. A very lovely wedding was also ruined that day.

James lowers his head as he walks to his next meeting. He always gets depressed this time of year as he misses his former fiancee. He would rip a hole in time and space to save her if only the wife would let him. She is right to stop him. He trained her well.

‘Dad! Wait up!’

James turns to see a blue-grey alicorn with a silvery mane run up. Given the time of the day, Prince Helios must have just gotten out of school. The younger alicorn catches up to his father.

‘You have a moment?’ Helios asks.

‘You know I would drop everything for my friends and children.’

‘Great. Can I have a thousand bits?’

‘Ask your mother and hell no!’

‘Fine. Can I get one of the royal chariots to take me to school next week?’

James looks at his son. ‘This isn’t for you, is it? You’re asking because your friends made you.’

Helios scowls. ‘I wouldn’t call them friends. More like leeches who think it would be cool to pretend they know the prince.’

‘I could say I know what you are going through, but I wasn’t co-ruler of the most influential nation in a global republic until a couple years before you were born. Sorry.’

Helios sighs. ‘I can understand wanting us to go to public school, but I just wish I could escape the throngs of gold diggers and social climbers.’

‘Don’t worry. You will find a group of friends who will understand you one day. Trust me. It just takes time.’

‘Thanks, dad. You know just what to say.’

‘No I don’t and you know that.’

The pair stop walking and look out over a garden. A small purple alicorn is reading near a statue of a unicorn with a six-pointed star cutie mark. The alicorn has several stacks of books surrounding her. James closes his eyes and moans.

‘You still miss her, don’t you dad?’

‘It is worse around this time of year. In a couple days, it would have been our anniversary.’

‘I wish I could have known her. You and mom speak so highly of her.’

James stares at his daughter and the statue for a moment. ‘In a way, you know her pretty well already because of my existence.’

‘Because you two merged minds or whatever?’

‘Not exactly. What I did to split from Discord.... It is hard to describe. Pretty much I transferred as much of my original essence to her. It was all up to her body and luck if either of us were to survive. But she had this spark within her. A powerful spark. Because of her, our minds merged, we regenerated, and we stand here together right now.’

A throat clears behind the royalty. They turn to see an attendant standing behind them.

‘Uh, King J...’

James glares down. ‘Can’t you see I am with my son now?’

‘But you have...’

‘Yes. I know I have a meeting, but this is more important. Just tell them I will be there as soon as I am free.’

‘Y, yes sir.’

The attendant runs off before he can get in trouble.

James snorts. ‘I hate that everypony tries cramming in their meeting before a holiday. I am going to fire Lucas if he fills my schedule like this again.’

‘You said that for Hearth’s Warming and the Celestia Sun Festival and every other holiday. For the past three years.’

James snorts. ‘You sound just like him.’

Helios laughs. ‘Hey. When is Auntie Pinkie getting here?’

‘You just can’t wait to cause trouble with Apple again.’

Helios rolls his eyes. ‘Pfft. I wish. He is always so hard-working and honest. It is hard to get him to mess around and do something crazy.’

‘Rainbow is always game for a crazy prank, and she loves doing fun things. You can always mess around with her.’

‘Yeah, if she is not off on some cloud sleeping or reading with Alba in the library.’ Helios sighs. ‘Full Moon knows how to have fun. She is a much better big sister than Rainbow. … When is she coming home?’

James closes his eyes and forces back sad thoughts. ‘She is probably never coming home. Theta was very clear about that.’

Helios sighs again. ‘I miss her. She was really fun. I just wish she could have known.’

‘With any luck, she is with the me of where she ended up and he is as thick as I am and accidentally told her already.’

‘You’re not as thick as you say you are.’

‘Right! He is thicker!’ A new voice shouts.

James shudders as his personal assistant Lucas storms up.

‘I thought I gave you the day off,’ James moans.

‘You’re right. You did. Dinky and I were at home helping her little sister get ready for her big recital tonight when my staff called and begged me to get you to go do your job.’

‘If this is about me potentially being late for Krile’s big night, I was just going to cut out of my later meetings anyway.’

‘Boss! You are going to go to your meeting now! No more time to dawdle. How many times do I have to tell you that running a country is not like running a video game shop?’

‘I could fire you, you know.’

‘Fine. Do that. I’ll be back to work tomorrow whether you like it or not.’

Lucas storms away. James growls at his friend. Helios laughs at his dad. Alba looks up from her book to watch the shouting.

‘I’m going to tell Lyra that Derpy is a human and that is why all her kids are unicorns!’ James yells after Lucas.

‘Don’t care! Do your job!’ Lucas shouts back as he exits the hall.

‘It’s okay, dad. I shouldn’t keep you longer.’

Helios hops to the garden and trots over to chat with Alba. James grumbles then flies off to his meeting.

Later that night, James passes through a busy hallway clogged with ponies running and flying all directions. None of the ponies stop for any formalities with the king nor would he want them to. He gets to the end of the hall and enters an office. Derpy is sitting at her desk going over mail routes with an assistant. When she sees James enter, she waves her assistant away.

‘Hey, Chief!’ Derpy beams. ‘How can I help ya?’

‘Postmaster general,’ James says with a mock salute.

Derpy rolls her eyes, somehow in opposite directions. ‘Ugh. You have been doing that ever since I retired from traveling with The Doctor and took this job.’

James laughs. ‘Sorry. Anyway, I was talking with Helios earlier and that got me thinking, and well... I have a letter I need you to deliver for me...’

James drops an envelope on Derpy’s desk.

It is Ponyville Founders Day! All the residents of Ponyville are out at the center of town for the holiday. The Apple Family is serving their best Zap Apple products. Twilight is giving history lessons about various events and places in Ponyville, which the visiting Inkie is absorbing as best she can. Pinkie and Stormy have whipped up a giant batch of the greatest cupcakes in Equestria. Fluttershy has arranged for all of the local animals to sing happy tunes for the event. Rarity has sewn special costumes for all of the community leaders and presenters to wear. Discord watches the event from a cloud, hiding his sorrow by playing pranks with Rainbow Dash. The Wandering Physicist is even in the spirit by actually coming outside and having fun while the sun is out. Heck, somepony has to keep an eye on Rei so she does not cause too much trouble.

Yet in a more secluded part of the town, a covert action is going down. The muffled sounds of a TARDIS materializing can be heard coming from inside The Power Block. Inside The Wandering Physicist’s TARDIS, an older Derpy walks up to the center console. She appears somewhat translucent. She gets a letter from a well-worn mail pouch and sets it in plain view. She pulls a sonic screwdriver from her bag, aims it at the letter and activates it. The letter becomes more material as it phases to existence. Her mission complete, Derpy turns to head down one of the interior corridors but there is a pony in her way.

‘Chief!’

‘Very clever, D-squared,’ The Wandering Physicist compliments. ‘Uncoupling the phase regulator and setting quantum drift to maximum then materializing within the TARDIS herself. You cannot fully interact with the world, but you can sonic inanimate objects so they can permanently exist in this reality. Quite brilliant.’

‘You’re supposed to... Good to see this side of you again, Chief.’

The Wandering Physicist picks the letter up from the console. ‘I’m just glad I figured out how you were doing this. Too bad you can’t bring Rei with you. She would be thrilled to go home.’

‘It would rip her atoms in half.’ Derpy shakes her head. ‘It is always a big stretch just coming here.’

‘Just tell me to stop writing these out himself. My mouth-writing is a dead giveaway.’

‘Will do, Chief!’

The Wandering Physicist and Derpy salute each other and head their different directions. The Wandering Physicist takes the letter to Rei’s room before heading back out to rejoin the festival.

Author's Notes:

Story Timeline: First appearance of Rei's siblings Helios and Alba in TWP canon.

Story Event: Though this is the second time visiting RoH, it was also intended to be the last RoH appearance in TWP. I wanted to keep the two worlds separate since Rei will NEVER return to her home universe. Unfortunately... Well, just skip to First Day of School, Hang in There and A Slice of Home for more RoH in TWP action.

Variable Substitution

Main Characters: TWP, CMC, Diamond Tiara,
Cameos: Rei, Stormy, Lucas, Dream Maker, Coal, Droll, Rip, Marvel, DC, Image, Kaeko, Ruby Dart, Twilight, Pinkie, Celestia/Amy, Luna, Lyra, Cheerilee, Twist, Silver Spoon, Snails, Mayor Mare, Inkie
Original Write Date: 01/09/2012

Ponyville is a virtual ghost town. Thanks to an unfortunate choice of ingredients for a party dedicated to Zecora, the entire town has come under the effect of poison joke pollen. Well, almost the entire town. Only the nerd district escaped the outbreak due to a conspicuous absence from the guest list. The shop owners are currently meeting with the mayor as she goes over the situation with them.

‘Do you understand why I called you here?’ Mayor Mare asks in a heavy Rhinelander accent.

‘You are looking for John Connor?’ Droll replies. Coal gives him a quick jab in the side.

‘This is because of Pinkie’s party the other day, am I correct?’ Marvel answers.

‘Correct.’ The mayor slams a hoof on her desk. ‘We are in trouble! We need your help!’

‘Isn’t Twilight working on a solution?’ The Wandering Physicist asks.

‘Indeed she is.’ (Mr Purple. The Wandering Physicist thinks in a Rhinelander accent.) ‘But we have run into another problem.’ The mayor gets up and goes to a window. ‘See, we have enough of the treatment to cure the town, but Princess Sparkle’s plan will take at least two weeks to be fully implemented.’

‘Plan? What plan?’ Dream Maker asks.

‘She has organized a treatment schedule wherein the more important ponies in town get treated first. This leaves a bit of a gap in the ponies needed to effectively run the town.’

‘Surely, that doesn’t mean you want our help running emergency services or operating the weather patrol,’ Kaeko worries.

‘That is not an issue. And don’t call me Shirley,’ The mayor replies. ‘Our first responders are also the first treated. As for the weather patrol, Miss Dash has put out calls to Cloudsdale for help. No, what we need you to do is more crucial to the operation of the city.’

Everypony in the room starts getting a little nervous.

‘We need you to run the schools for us.’

‘What?’ Everypony replies.

‘I call Magic Kindergarden!’ Dream raises a foreleg. The others look at him. ‘What? It has to be covered by a unicorn, and my magic prowess is the best here.’

‘That can be debated...’ Lucas groans from the back of the group.

‘Oh yeah!’ Droll jeers. ‘I challenge you to horn wrestling!’

Coal smacks his brother with a book. He turns to the mayor. ‘Are you sure that is a good idea?’

‘I don’t know,’ Diamond Crystal says. ‘It sounds sort of fun.’ She turns to Marvel. ‘We’d get to keep an eye on Image, too.’

‘It would be mostly to observe the students and keep them in line while their parents get back to normal,’ The mayor adds. ‘We should be able to supplement your numbers with other community members and the few teachers still available.’

‘Please say Cheerilee is still available,’ The Wandering Physicist says to himself.

‘Actually...’ The mayor begins.

The Wandering Physicist closes his eyes. ‘Don’t finish that sentence!’

‘You know,’ Coal thinks. ‘That is a good idea. Mr Wanderer should get Cheerilee’s class.’

‘Definitely.’ Lucas agrees. ‘He already has a reputation for keeping the Cutie Mark Crusaders in line.’

The Wandering Physicist turns to the others. ‘You,’ he points to Lucas, ‘you’re fired. And you,’ he points to Coal, ‘you’re a foreigner, so shut up.’

‘Bite me,’ Coal replies.

‘Come on, James. You know it will be fun,’ Marvel encourages.

‘Right, bro. How hard can it be?’ Rip adds.

The Wandering Physicist sighs. ‘Fine!’

‘It is good to see you are willing to help,’ the mayor notes. ‘Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have other business to attend to.’ The other ponies start milling about. She pounds on her desk. ‘Leave now!’

The ponies flee from the office.

‘She’s really getting into the spirit of her affliction,’ Kaeko says as they regroup outside.

‘Ugh... I’ll trade anypony classes,’ The Wandering Physicist offers.

Lucas sighs. ‘Boss, you just agreed to...’

‘I know. I just don’t wanna,’ he pouts. ‘Can’t I run the night school instead? You know, something with normal hours?’

‘Don’t worry, James,’ DC assures. ‘We’ll handle everything else. You just ask Cheerilee what you have to do for your class tomorrow.’

The Wandering Physicist sighs.

‘Oh! And can ya ask your friend why we weren’t at her party while yer at it?’ Rip adds.

The Wandering Physicist shivers. ‘There is a conversation I have been dreading.’

The top floor of Sugarcube Corner is completely dark. All of the shades are drawn. It also seems that the windows are boarded up. There are also nasty signs warning visitors to stay away. From inside, a slight whooshing sound is heard, followed by a sharp ‘GO AWAY!’

The Wandering Physicist picks himself up from inside his TARDIS. ‘Wow. For a filly with a floppy tongue, you sure can yell when you need to.’

A flat-haired, floppy-tongued, slightly-grey Pinkie cowers in a corner of her room. She is guarded by a stack of rocks, a ball of lint, a bag of flour, a bucket of turnips and Gummy dressed in a hooded white robe. The Cautious Physicist makes his way very slowly past Pinkie’s elite guard and goes over to the very depressed Pinkie Pie. He tries giving her a hug but gets violently shoved away only to be caught by Rocky.

‘Okay. That hurt.’

Pinkie looks back, forces down tears than looks away again.

‘Pinkie... We have a pact, you know. I will get you to smile.’

Pinkie spits something incoherent.

‘Well, Twilight was the first to ask. Then everypony else asked me. And Rip talked to me about you just a bit ago.’

Pinkie spits back.

‘They were all worried about you.’ Pinkie spits. ‘Okay. So Rip wasn’t, but everypony else was.’

Pinkie spits dejectedly.

‘Don’t say that! Nopony is really mad at you. At least nopony I have talked to. All of your friends still love you. Everypony I talked to understands it was an unfortunate accident. Please stop beating yourself up about it.’

Pinkie looks back and spits.

The Wandering Physicist comes over and gives Pinkie a hug. ‘Don’t worry. We all still love you.’ He gives Pinkie a kiss on the cheek.

Pinkie starts crying a bit.

The Wandering Physicist gives Pinkie another friendly kiss. ‘Can we put your friends away? I think Madame Le Flour is looking at me funny.’

Pinkie spit-laughs. She turns back and spits something at the inanimate objects and Gummy. Gummy turns around and walks off to do what Gummy does. Pinkie nods at her handiwork.

‘Thanks.’ He gives Pinkie a tight hug. ‘Now that we’re alone... Why weren’t we invited to the party?’

Pinkie lets out a loud moan. She starts spitting her response.

‘Still, it wasn’t nice to exclude an entire area of town. It is not like we have cooties or anything.’

Pinkie spits a response.

‘Oh Pinkie. It is not really about inviting us to the party. It is the fact that you inadvertently excluded the entirety of the group that is stereotypically excluded from parties.’

Pinkie moans again.

‘I forgive you since you know my feelings on parties. Most of the others are fine with it too. Rip is a little irked, but his real name is Tim and that isn’t even his natural color.’

Pinkie spits.

‘Nopony knows.’

Pinkie sighs then spits.

‘I can stay as long as you want.’

Pinkie sighs and cuddles up to the pony she loves.

The next morning, The Wandering Physicist is at the schoolhouse right on time. The inquisitive stares of all of the young colts and fillies as he stands in front of the class is quite unnerving.

‘So where do we be...’

‘Who the heck are you?’ A pink filly with a tiara asks.

‘It is The Wandering Physicist!’ Sweetie Belle cheers. ‘He is a friend of Rarity and Stormy.’

‘Mah big sister talks about ‘im all the time!’ Apple Bloom adds.

‘His daughter is the best flier after Rainbow Dash!’ Scootaloo brags.

‘His shop is the best in Ponyville!’ A small pinto colt shouts in a Trottingham accent.

‘Yes. Thank you, everypony.’ The Wandering Physicist cuts off. ‘So... Where to begin?’

‘How about you thtart with what you know betht?’ A cream colored filly with large glasses suggests.

‘Not a bad idea...’ He turns to the board and writes ‘Physics’ in big letters. ‘So, physics! Physics, eh? Physics! Phyyyyyyyyyyysics.’ He pauses for a moment. ‘I hope you are getting this all down?’

The pink filly scoffs, ‘Are you really our teacher while Cheerilee is sick?’

The Wandering Physicist draws a leather flap with a slip of paper. ‘I think you’ll find I’m universally recognized as a mature and responsible adult.’

The pink filly groans. ‘That is just a lot of wavy lines.’

The Wandering Physicist looks at the paper. ‘... Yeah, it shorted out. Finally, a lie too big.’

‘You’re not really that bright, are you?’ A light blue-grey filly with silver glasses snorts.

The Wandering Physicist growls and glares at the filly. He turns away from the class for a moment.

‘Hi. Cheerilee? ... Are we allowed to hit them? ... Why the frak not!’ He glances back to see a freaked out class. ‘Got to go. I think they heard me.’ He turns back and smiles. ‘Wassup?’

The whole class looks nervous, except for the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

‘Uh... So who wants some recess?’

At the local high school, Coal and Droll are getting ready for their next class. Coal reads at the desk while Droll stands in front of the class handing out a syllabus. After the bell rings, Coal groans and looks up from his book.

‘Listen up. I am Coal. This is Droll. I am going to be in charge of the class while your teacher is out. That has your assignments for the next couple weeks. Just behave and keep it quiet, and we’ll be fine.’

Coal picks up his book again, but a pegasus filly raises her foreleg. The unicorn sighs.

‘Yes?’

‘If you are the teacher, who is he?’

‘Droll? Technically, I am babysitting him too, but I brought him along for discipline enforcement.’

Droll steps forward. ‘I’ll take it from here.’ He levitates a paddle from nowhere. ‘Talking out of turn... That's a paddling. Looking out the window... That's a paddling. Staring at my sandals... That's a paddling. Paddling the school canoe... Ooh, you better believe that's a paddling.’

Coal groans and goes back to reading.

Back at the schoolhouse, The Wandering Physicist is setting up a projector. Then, he turns it on and puts a sheet of paper on it. Once the projector is powered up, some words and equations appear.

‘Okay! Trying this again.’ He points a laser pointer at the projection. ‘Using the Lorenz Transformations, prove the interval.’

All of the students just stare at the projection. Eventually, Scootaloo raises a foreleg.

‘Yeah... Miss Cheerilee didn’t teach up any of that.’

‘What!?’ The Wandering Physicist is shocked. ‘This is basic relativity! Might not be week one stuff but at least within the first month.’

‘Relativity?’ Silver Spoon scoffs. ‘Sounds made up.’

The Wandering Physicist growls at the young filly causing her to hide under her desk. He turns back to the class.

‘Seriously. How have you not seen this? It is just algebra.’

‘Alge-what?’ Apple Bloom asks. ‘That’s not a word.’

‘Yes it is!’ Sweetie Belle argues.

‘What are you? A dictionary?’ Scootaloo shoots back.

The Frustrated Physicist facehoofs. From the back of the class, Snails raises a foreleg.

‘Uh... I think I got it, eh?’

The Wandering Physicist sighs and goes to check the young colt’s work. After staring at the paper for a few moments, he looks up to the rest of the class.

‘He is the smartest one in the class, right?’

Twist faints from her seat.

Rei happily flies to class. Stormy and a red earth pony with a light yellow-green mane are trotting alongside her.

‘This is so great!’ Rei giggles. ‘We’ve had subs all day. I love it!’

‘Of course you like it,’ Image Crystal grumbles. ‘Your parents aren’t the ones...’

Stormy stops Image from finishing his thought.

‘I can’t wait to see who is replacing Heartstrings-sensei. She is always so crazy.’ Rei laughs.

‘Right. Maybe we’ll get one with some taste in music or at least somepony sane,’ Stormy agrees. ‘I heard MC RC is subbing here while the regular teachers are out.’

The students enter the classroom and take their seats. There is no sign of a teacher. Rei gets really giddy at this new development.

‘Don’t get too excited, Miss Tsukiyo,’ is said from nowhere.

One of the students screams as Lyra drops from the ceiling. She lands with a dramatic pose on her hind legs. She stands back on her hind legs and goes to the board.

‘You thought I would go down that easily? HA!’ Lyra laughs. ‘Thanks to my expert training, I am immune to all human poisons.’

‘In other words, you only ate the confections I made.’ Stormy jeers.

Lyra laughs. ‘Maybe. Maybe I only ate treats made by my wife too. Nopony will ever know.’

The whole class groans.

‘Anyway! On the topic on human poisons and how to defeat them, I am going to give you a special lecture on avoiding human infection.’

Lyra activates a projector and a long list of items written in tiny print appears.

‘I hope you have plenty of lead since you’re going to need a lot of notes to pass the test at the end of the week.’

The whole class moans.

The boards at the schoolhouse are covered in complex-looking, but ultimately quite simple and easy to follow, equations. The Wandering Physicist writes one last equation on the board.

‘And if we simplify and perform the variable substitution we have been using all day, we get this neatly organized equation for the observed motion of one object in one reference frame when seen from a separate moving reference frame. Thus completing our overview of the basics of special relativity.’

He turns to the class. Most of the students are staring at the board in shock. The few that actually tried following the lecture are staring at their notes in utter confusion. A small pink unicorn found a nap to be a powerful coping mechanism. The Wandering Physicist looks over all of the confusion in the class.

‘I think we’ll get to Minkowski Space in another lecture...’

The bell rings signaling the end of class.

‘Thank Celestia that is over!’ Scootaloo cries before rushing out of the schoolhouse and ‘revving up’ her scooter for some afternoon crusading.

All of the other students start packing their bags. Twist looks around and raises a foreleg.

‘Are you going to give uth our homework athsignment?’

‘NOOOOOOOO!’ The whole class yells at once.

‘Crap. I forgot about that.’ The Wandering Physicist thinks for a moment. ‘Play at least three hours of an 8-bit game and write a one-page report on it. Single spaced, twelve point font.’

The class is in shock once again. Scootaloo looks back in.

‘So our homework is to play video games and write about them?’

‘Right.’ The Wandering Physicist nods.

‘Best. Teacher. Ever!’ Scootaloo cheers.

The rest of the class has perked up and even wish The Wandering Physicist well as they exit. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon exit together as usual.

‘I still think you are weird.’ Diamond Tiara scoffs.

‘Whatever.’ The Wandering Physicist rolls his eyes ‘You’ll make somepony with a tsundere moe real happy once day.’

‘What does that mean!’ Diamond Tiara shouts as the schoolhouse door is closed in her face. ‘Hey!’

The Wandering Physicist sighs and goes about cleaning up the classroom for the next day.

Ruby Dart hums Code Monkey to herself as she works on a customer’s repair order before the start of her morning class. Slowly, the students start filing into class and turning on their computers. The majority of them are confused when a boot cycle they are unfamiliar with starts. Ruby finishes the repair before the bell rings, giving her time to check messages on her computer before class starts.

‘Okay!’ Ruby greets the class. ‘I was quite disappointed with your quiz scores on basic computer systems and programming, so I thought we would...’

Ruby stops when she notices several forelegs in the air.

‘Yes?’

A colt replies, ‘Well... I think there is something wrong with our computers.’

Ruby is surprised. ‘You better believe there was something wrong! They were all running Windows! It took Mr Wanderer, Lucas and I all night just to switch them all over to the current version of Ubuntu.’ She shrugs. ‘We figured we’d start you there before going on to something more specialized.’

The rest of the class stares back blankly.

Ruby is worried. ‘How many of you have used Linux before...?’

Nopony raises a foreleg.

‘Dear Luna, this is worse than I thought.’ Ruby is aghast. ‘Okay. Looks like we are starting you with the basics. I am going to have to have a word with your teacher about this oversight as well...’

The homework assignment was a popular one and the students enjoyed sharing their old school game experience with the class. The Wandering Physicist also got to talk more with the students who had to come into The Power Block to find a game. The last student finishes their report and sits back down.

‘That was a rather detailed report on Karnov, Snails. Moreover, I am surprised you actually could beat the game.’

‘It’s a gift,’ Snails replies.

‘Right....’ The Wandering Physicist turns to the rest of the class. ‘Continuing in this vein, we’re going to go from gaming history to some world history. Where to start...’ He thinks for a moment. ‘Who can tell me anything about the advancements that Discord helped ponies develop before he was unjustly frozen in stone?’ He snorts. ‘Thank Fluttershy he is free again.’

‘Advancements?’ Apple Bloom is confused. ‘Ah thought he jus’ caused a lot o’ trouble ‘til Applejack froze him again?’

‘Nuh uh! It was Rainbow Dash who defeated him!’ Scootaloo shouts.

‘No way!’ Sweetie Belle chimes in. ‘It was Rarity!’

‘Stop!’ The Wandering Physicist holds his head in frustration. ‘So you don’t know anything about how he spread medical and cultural development to far-flung settlements around the world? Only the propaganda Celestia disseminates?’

‘What is propaganda?’ Dinky asks.

‘Never mind.’ The Wandering Physicist sighs. ‘What about Luna?’

‘She’s the best princess ever!’ Pipsqueak cheers.

The Wandering Physicist briefly points at Pipsqueak. ‘Not Twilight, but close enough. Aside from that though? Did you go over any of how she was excluded from the daily rule by her sister which allowed for the rise of Nightmare Moon?’

The class murmurs among themselves.

‘Ugh. This is worse than I thought.’ The Wandering Physicist thinks some more. ‘Please tell me you at least went over Krastos the Destroyer?’ The class shakes their heads. ‘Really? He conquered a third of Equestria. He had so much power that Celestia had to seal him under a mountain. He vowed to return in six hundred years since Celestia could not use the Elements of Harmony to seal him permanently as she tried unjustly forcing upon Discord.’ He turns to the Cutie Mark Crusaders. ‘You better hope your sisters are cured in the next couple of weeks since that six hundred year anniversary is coming fast.’

There is a flash of light outside, and the door to the schoolhouse flies open. A very-angry looking white unicorn is standing outside.

‘Mr Wanderer!’ Amy shouts. ‘Can I have a word with you?’

The Wandering Physicist sighs. ‘Looks like Big Sister strikes again.’ He turns to the class. ‘Behave and try not to break anything. This will only take a moment.’

The Wandering Physicist trots outside to join the fuming Amy. She casts a spell on the schoolhouse to silence the argument from being heard by the young fillies and colts gathering at the windows to listen. Amy paces around for a moment before turning on her adversary.

‘Why do you challenge my rule at every turn!’ Amy shouts.

‘I am not challenging it. I am just filling in the gaps that you left out.’

‘You make me sound like some sort of tyrant! I always have the best interests of my subjects in mind!’

‘Your subjects didn’t even know you had a sister until recently.’

‘Wha... But... She wasn’t my sister at the time. She was....’

‘So the hundreds of years before she was Nightmare Moon she was.... who?’

Amy twitches under her disguise. ‘Shut up. That is not a fair example.’

‘And not knowing about Krastos...’

Amy shudders again. ‘I-I am sure Twilight Sparkle will have fixed this mess and be ready to face him when the time comes.’

‘You do know she volunteered the Elements to go last as not to seem like she is playing favorites.’

Amy’s eye starts twitching. ‘She... She really...’ She pauses and grits her teeth. ‘Damn it, Twilight Sparkle.’

‘Maybe if she and public knew of the oncoming threat....’

‘Shut up. I hate you so much right now.’

‘How much history have you covered up?’

Amy groans at the question.

‘Do they know about sea ponies?’ Amy’s eye twitches. ‘How about the true history behind Hearth’s Warming?’ Amy holds back a scream. ‘Please tell me they at least know about the first contact with humans thirty years ago.’

There is a loud crash from by the schoolhouse. The arguers look over to see Lyra picking herself up from a fallen bin.

‘Aha! I knew they existed!’

Lyra gallops off, while laughing hysterically. Amy looks like she is ready to explode under her disguise. She slowly turns back to The Wandering Physicist.

‘Great. Now we are going to have to erase her memory... again.’

The Wandering Physicist shakes his head. ‘See. This is exactly what I am talking about. You have to learn to trust your subjects.’

‘But if word got out...’

The Wandering Physicist stands his ground and glares right into Amy’s eyes. ‘No. You will not harm her or anypony ever again! If I find out that anypony gets their mind erased or anything else bad that can be traced back to you, I will reveal all of your darkest secrets to Twilight, and your most prized student will come running down that road any second now, raining destruction.’

As if on cue, Twilight is seen galloping up to the schoolhouse. The Wandering Physicist turns to Amy and shakes his head.

‘MR WANDERER!’ Twilight shouts.

Amy smugly laughs. Twilight reaches the group and gives The Wandering Physicist her most upset glare.

‘Do you think I wouldn’t find out? How long do you think you could have kept it up?’

‘One, no, you would have found out eventually. And B, all night if you were in the mood,’ Jim winks.

Both Twilight and Amy blush from the brazen statement. Twilight’s floppy horn shoots some sparks as a teleportation spell fizzles and her wings stick up.

‘You remember Amy, right?’ The Wandering Physicist asks. ‘You met at the holiday party at my place.’

‘Y-yes,’ Twilight answers. ‘An-a-and do you even know what I was, am, AM upset about?’

‘Not a clue. Is it about Krastos?’

Amy facehoofs.

Twilight is confused. ‘Who? No.’ She sighs and pouts. ‘You were supposed to be teaching at the high school. Somepony messed up my plan and now you’re here.’ She sighs again. ‘No doubt spreading rumors again.’

‘Just filling in some gaps,’ The Wandering Physicist smirks.

Amy snorts at the comment. Twilight looks over at the other unicorn.

‘Sorry for ignoring you.’ Twilight bows slightly. ‘It is good to see you again.’

Amy bows. ‘Likewise.’

Twilight turns back to The Wandering Physicist and tries to glare at the smiling face. ‘You better behave yourself. I don’t want to hear any stories about you corrupting the students while Cheerilee is out sick.’

‘No worries. All we have done is learn relativity and play video games. We were going to be having a history lesson today.’

Twilight nods. ‘Good. See that it is a good one. No crazy stories, okay?’

The Wandering Physicist raises a hoof. ‘They will get the one hundred percent truth.’

‘Excellent!’ Twilight claps her hooves. ‘Um...’

Twilight quickly gives The Wandering Physicist a kiss on the cheek before galloping off to get back to distributing the poison joke cure. The Wandering Physicist turns back to Amy with the smuggest grin he can bear.

‘So I guess you know I don’t harm Lyra or anypony else.’ Amy snorts.

‘Yep.’ The Wandering Physicist laughs. ‘Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a class to teach.’

‘Luna said you are a frustrating one.’

‘Was that the hundred percent truth? Or was it just one percent of the ponies having ninety-nine percent of the facts?’

Amy sneers. ‘Don’t push it.’

The Wandering Physicist sighs. ‘I might be hundreds of years younger than him, but he could have figured this much out while he was dating Luna. It would have saved a lot of suffering.’

The Wandering Physicist advances and wraps his forelegs around Amy.

Amy panics. ‘What is this? What are you doing?’

‘Shh. It is okay. It is hard running a country. You are doing the best you can. It is not your fault.’

Amy forces back some tears. ‘What? Stop it.’

‘It is not your fault.’

‘Shut up.’ She lets a few tears free.

‘It is not your fault.’

‘I hate you!’ She starts openly crying.

‘It is not your fault.’

‘Release me!’ She pauses. ‘I-I have to see my sister for an unrelated reason right now.’

Amy pushes away from The Wandering Physicist and runs away before she teleports back to Canterlot.

The Wandering Physicist watches her go in shock. ‘I had no idea that worked.’ He pauses. ‘Damn good movie.’ He sighs, shrugs and waves them outside for recess.

Dream Maker watches his class of aspiring unicorns. They are practicing levitation using soft foam balls. Most are barely getting auras on their horns.

‘Very good class.’ Dream encourages. ‘I know what would help.’

Dream goes to the center of the class.

‘Okay. Pretend that I am a dragon and that you have a rock in front of you. The only way to defeat me is to use your magic to throw your rock at me.’

The unicorns try focusing on lifting the foam balls. Dream laughs. He uses his magic to create an illusory dragon roar. All of the kids scream and their foam balls pelt Dream.

After school, The Wandering Physicist and Lucas are working at The Power Block for a couple hours. Lucas is extremely tired. The Wandering Physicist is happily chatting with a young colt as his parent waits outside.

‘Bye Mr Wanderer!’ The colt waves. ‘See you in class tomorrow.’

The Wandering Physicist waves to the colt and the parent.

‘I think I am starting to get the hang of this.’ The Wandering Physicist says. ‘You just talk until they fall asleep and if they give you any lip, you threaten the existence of their entire family. It is just like parenting Rei.’

‘Glad somepony likes doing this,’ Lucas moans. ‘I know I am only five years removed from that grade, but I couldn’t have been that bad.’

‘You have the magic classes, right?’

‘Yeah. I am trying all of the tricks my mentor in Hoofington taught me, but those kids just... I should write him for some advice.’ Lucas sighs and stares off wistfully. ‘I had such a great mentor.’

‘Now, you have an awesome one!’

Lucas looks at his boss, turns away, sighs and stares off wistfully. ‘I had such a great mentor.’

The Wandering Physicist growls. ‘I hope you get better at teaching. You’re going to need to find a new job soon with that attitude.’

Lucas stops to think. ‘I wonder if the professor would still want me as an assistant...’

The Wandering Physicist hugs Lucas. ‘It is not your fault.’