It was subtle at first. The lack of an incoming acid reflux when I looked at myself in the mirror every morning. My skin thickening so that I didn’t nearly kick someone’s teeth out if they called me a mare. A sense of comfort where there was usually revulsion. I wasn’t stupid. I knew that something was up. Those aren’t the kinds of feelings that go away when you experience them enough. Twilight was worried about side effects, but I was almost certain that things had gone exactly as Celestia had wanted.

She’d cast another spell on me.

Twilight was in a forgive and forget mood, and I understood her position. Celestia was family to her – a mentor who’d taught her everything she knew about magic. I was surprised that she even went so far as to confront her and tell me what she thought in the first place. If a family member of mine did something bad, I’d like to pretend that it didn’t happen either.

But again, I wasn’t born yesterday. Old habits die hard. And for as picturesque and peaceful as Equestria could seem, the people living in it could be every bit as petty and mean as Earth. Celestia was being stubborn. She’d either lied to the both of us or had never intended to help us in the first place. An important distinction for me, because lying about the probability of changing back was a different matter to sabotaging Twilight.

If Celestia knew that I couldn’t change back after all and kept it quiet out of some kind of shame, it’d show that there was some kind of intelligence in the black coal lump of what she calls a heart. The god has bled. Celestia clearly loved Twilight, so would she intentionally put her into a tough position like this? Would she sabotage her efforts to help a friend?

To put it bluntly, I was completely and utterly fucked.

Whatever idiotic scheme she’d cooked up had gone off without a hitch. Twilight had read from the book, followed it’s methods, and found no success aside from blasting me with a huge amount of magical energy. Twilight was obviously not lying herself when she vouched for the legitimacy of the spell outlined. So that energy had to go somewhere. Perhaps a similar spell to the one that Celestia cast originally. I wanted to know if it would have worked otherwise.

But time was not a luxury I was being afforded. For all of my troubles, I was still working on somebody else’s farm. I had quotas to meet. I couldn’t make a habit of taking day trips to Canterlot to argue with the Princess. Kicking trees and trying to eat all of the food Granny Smith prepared was my usual schedule. With the worries about my body seemingly fading into the background, I soon found that an entire week had passed since our attempt at reverting me.

I wanted to be worried, but a part of my brain relished in the idea of having some “time off” from all the stress. I accepted it. It made life easier. Kicking trees and eating apples. Kicking trees and eating apples. Mac cleared his throat behind me. I turned away from the tree, “Mac?”

“Morning.”

“You’ve been talkative recently, what’s the occasion?”

“…Applejack said I should try talkin’ more.”

“There’s nothing wrong with keeping to yourself.”

Mac nodded, “Yup. But I wanted to talk more. AJ said that the only good way is to try it.”

“She’s right about that. I’m not the best partner though, the only thing I’ve done for the last week is this. Aren’t you friends with Rarity?”

“Ah’ can never get a darn word in with that mare.”

I laughed, “True. She runs her mouth a lot.”

“How much longer do you think you’ll stay with us?”

I paused. I hadn’t given it much consideration. “To be honest, I haven’t been looking. How much does a house round here cost?”

“About forty-thousand. Ya’ll get run out of town or something? Never heard of a pony moving in without a place to stay.”

“No, I’m not in legal trouble anywhere, I hope. I had to move suddenly. It wasn’t really something that I planned.”

Mac chewed on his characteristic stalk with a frown, “That true or not?”

“It’s true. I never wanted to move here in the first place. Heck, I didn’t even know it existed. I know honesty from me is in short supply, it’s just hard to talk about.” I did feel bad about making up a tall tale about myself – “Toffee” was a character. Something I’d made up to cover my ass when I wanted to avoid talking about difficult subjects. I decided to clear things up on the spot.

“Alright Mac, I’ll tell you. But only as far as you’ll believe me.”

“Yup.”

“I’m not from Equestria. And I ended up here on accident, which is why I don’t have a house or family around.”

“Uh-huh,” he nodded.

“I do have an education in agriculture, although I think I’ve made that evident over the past few months,” I eyed the new irrigation ditch that I’d helped plan and construct. “Okay, so that’s the boring stuff. Now, stick with me here, you might have noticed that I act like an insane pony sometimes.”

Mac gave me a look that communicated his feelings on the matter – yes, he did; and also I shouldn’t talk about myself in such a way. “Let's start from what I said last time, I used to be a stallion.” Mac’s brow furrowed. I didn’t know what he’d do with that information, I was afraid that he might even have a negative reaction without AJ and Bloom around.

But the real question that I asked myself, was why did I have such an easy time coming out with it now? For months on end I’d agonized over straddling the line between male and female. I was being crushed from both sides by the way I wanted to be, and the way other people perceived me. But at that moment, stood sweating my entire body’s weight in water, I felt a compulsion to eject from my mouth like vomit.

The turmoil gave way to something else, a sensation I hadn’t experienced since I asked them to address me using masculine pronouns, relief. I was relieved that somebody else finally knew about the problem that wasn’t me.

“And how did that happen?” Mac asked.

Now that was a tough question. How much did I want to let on? “Well, it happened as soon as I arrived. Twilight figured it out, mostly. But we’ve had no luck switching me back. Because it’s even more complicated than what I just said.”

“What do you mean?”

“…I wasn’t even a pony.”

“Wha-“

“I know. Isn’t that stupid?” Mac didn’t have much else to say on the matter. I’d argue that he’d been stunned into silence. “Celestia. Sticking her snout into things.”

“The Princess?”

“Yeah. It turns out that she might be the reason it happened in the first place. I don’t know why.”

“I can’t picture the Princess doing somethin’ like that.”

“I couldn’t either. But Twilight was convinced, and she admitted to it when we saw her at the gala.”

Mac thought about it, “She did come over to me when you were gone.”

“I pressed Twilight about it, and she said nothing.”

“She asked me a lot of questions about you. How you were doing…”

“And?”

“…She asked me if ah’ liked you.”

The stars had aligned. It seemed that I’d wringed an extra little bit of truth out of Mac that I didn’t know was there. I was aware of his feelings, but I couldn’t comfortably return them. Not a chance.

“What did you say?”

Mac’s lips were sealed.

“Mac, I already know.”

“Yup.”

“Was that all she said?”

“Yup.”

“I don’t like it. Shouldn’t need to be told that.”

Mac shook his head again. “I don’t rightly know too much about it.”

“That’s probably for the best, you’re not the kinda’ guy who’s into drama.”

“Seems like a mite more than drama…”

“Did she really just ask you that? Nothing else?”

“Yup. You waltzed over right after.”

I sighed. She wasn’t going to learn, was she? She needed to keep interfering in everything. I needed to have another frank conversation with Twilight about this. “I’m surprised you took all that so well.”

“Ah’ ain’t so sure ‘bout that.”

“Anything less than you spitting at me is good enough.”

“I ain’t gonna’ be rude.”

“Good. Thanks, I mean it.”

“Ain’t a problem. I’m happy that you told me.”

“Anyway, do you really want me out of here that badly?”

“Wuh – hey!”

I laughed at Mac’s face. He’d walked right into that one. I felt a bit mean afterwards though. I’d just shot him down in an incredibly roundabout way. “Don’t go sayin’ that kinda’ thing. Jack and Bloom are right taken with you. And Granny, she likes having another set of hooves around the house.”

“I’m not going to say that I don’t deserve it, but thanks for having me for so long. I know it’s a hard ask to have somebody else working with you when you usually go it alone.”

“It’s no problem. Granny always cooked too much anyways.”

Author's Notes:

A huge thank you to:
Evo
Korenav

For supporting me on patreon.

A talk heavy chapter this time.