Several hours passed and my sobbing had only stopped because my tears ran dry. I was grateful that Cherry hadn't left my side at any point during the entire time. The thought had kept creeping up into my mind that she would tire of babysitting me however and it made me feel sick with worry.
Seeing your buckfriend crying the way I was must have been humiliating, but she held me the whole way through until I slowly passed out in her hooves.

Sleep for me was absolutely limited though, for as soon as I fell into a deep enough state, I hated it.
Sleep wasn't sleep for me right now, it was some kind of torture meant to remind me of how I failed to save Platinum, the children and mare who tried to lead them all.
I begged Cherry not to let me fall asleep again, not to let me dream. She just nodded and gently kissed my nose, her eyes sympathetic to my pain.
"Shhhhhh. I'm here. It's going to be okay Crimson, yeah? I'm here for you, always."
I let out a little whine but gently closed my eyes as she continued.
"Shhhhshhhhshhhh." Her voice was almost quiet, soft and gentle like velvet. "It's okay."

There was only one face I could see, and it was hers.
I couldn't see anything else but her silver lined eyes. She was laying there as she was attacked, unable to resist or move under the weight of the shadow that surrounded her.
Her eyes wept as her mouth gasped for air and silently screamed out in pain, only to find that no sound came out.
Figures of other ponies blacked her out completely as they just walked out between the two of us, though they took no effort to even look in her direction.

As I went to flap my wings I found myself restrained, an invisible weight in the form of yet more shadows held them tightly to my side and rendered them useless... I was useless.
I tried with the best of my might to run to Platinum, I had to save her! I had to help somehow! Instead, the shadows blocked my way and formed a wall that simply stopped me from moving past it. I couldn't do anything apart from watch until she stopped moving as the dark figure continued to violate her body from behind, still holding her in place.

Without any warning I was at her body as she cried and begged meekly for it to all end, a barely audible whimpering, a twisted chorus begging for mercy as a shadowy gun formed in my mouth.
I tried to spit the gun out to no avail. I also tried to shake my head and let it go, I fared no better.
Finally I had felt myself bite down on the pistol and pull the trigger against my own wishes. She fell limp in a pool of blood.

I had just killed Platinum, I had just become a true monster.

I woke up again feeling the tears run down my face as I was crying.
Cherry stroked my mane in such a way that felt almost as if she'd done nothing else for the entire night, looking me in the eyes. She looked worried and tired.
I had no doubt she'd been just as restless as myself if not more so, taking care of me each and every time I woke up from that same nightmare, no matter how the variation.
"Crimson." The sorrow upon her face carried out through her voice. "Crimson, it's okay, I'm here."

She gave me another kiss and rolled me over onto my back, gently stroking my cheek as she did so.
"Crimson. I need to use the little fillies room. It's just through that door there. I'll be right back, I promise."
I nodded and gently tugged on the quilt to cover myself more so as she got up and out of the bed, walking over to the bathroom.
It didn't make it any better, but cuddling into the quilt I could pretend it was her soft touch wrapping around me and keeping me safe from the monsters, even if they were inside my own head.
I took a deep breath and noticed that the quilt still held that wonderful berry scent Cherry always seemed to have about her.
Immediately I felt a lot calmer and appreciated just how wonderful she was to me, for me.

A few moments later the toilet flushed and she washed her hooves before coming back into the room and gently climbing onto the bed as I lay under the quilt like a little colt in the middle of a thunderstorm.
Slowly she pulled them off of me before laying down next to me and giving me a soft kiss.
I felt guilty that she'd been so supportive and loving throughout the whole time, but still kissed her back hoping it would show her how much she meant to me.

I looked at the beautiful mare that lay beside me and fidgeted with my hooves,
"Cherry?"
"Mhm?"
"Are...." I hated to ask, in case she said yes, but I needed to know. "Are you ashamed of me?"
She let out a gasp and began shaking her head
"What? Why would I?"
"Because I'm weak. Because I've given in so easily."
"No-no-no-no." She began. "Of course I'm not ashamed of you, Crimson."
"Why aren't you? Any other mare would be."
"Crimson. It isn't the problems along the way that make us or break us. It's how we learn to stand and face them that makes the difference. You don't need to be standing on all four legs all the time to be strong, you just need to learn how to get back up when you do fall."

She paused for a moment to think and continued further. "Besides, I've seen a buck being raped by a gay raider and that absolutely devastated me. The sight of that still haunts me and whenever the subject of rape comes along I feel utter disgust because of it."
She took a moment to take a deep breath, which I assumed to be a reaction to such memories. I could tell this hurt her to talk about.
"But you? You saw a filly getting raped by a ghoul. A filly, Crimson. If anything, I'm proud of you for at least doing something about it. Too many would run from that situation and never look back. I know that you'll find the strength to stand up once more though, soon. You don't have to do it right now, as long as you do it before it consumes all that you are."

"Can I ask what you did when you found that rape happening? About how you learnt to stand back up and face your problems?"
"Bullet to the head at close range from my sniper. He was a raider assaulting a previously captured member of my crew. I sure as hell wouldn't talk him out of it, given that he wouldn't have stopped right there and then otherwise.
As for how I learnt to stand back up? I partially gave in to the anger and sorrow that rape makes me feel. I also had my duty to complete and needed to get my team out alive, so I focused on that instead."

I thought about what she had just told me. I needed to ask one more question.
"Cherry..." I hesitated to ask, I knew she'd probably say yes but even still I needed to be sure now more then ever. "Do you still think you love me?"
"Crimsonnnn. You're a silly buck, you know that? Of course I don't think I love you, no."
My heart sunk even further at that moment, but without pause she continued. "Because instead of thinking I do, I know I love you. Even at your worst you've still been amazing towards me and you make me feel needed."
I looked up at her with my tear filled eyes and kissed her. "I love you. I'm sorry that I put this on you."

She just shook her head before nuzzling into my chest.
"Don't be, because feeling needed also makes me feel truly loved. You need someone to be there for you, and I am yours after all. I want to make you happy and right now that means showing you my support through your understandably rough time. I love you, I really do."

That was the last thing she said before I felt her drift off into a sleep. I gently put one hoof around her and tried my best. Before long, I was drifting off to sleep myself.

The rest of the night had managed to pass without nightmares, thankfully. Though it still meant I'd only had a few hours sleep rather then a full night of rest.
As I slowly opened my eyes I saw Cherry caressing my cheek and softly gazing at me like a mother would her child after they'd been hurt.
I felt the blood rush to my cheeks and she smiled at me.

"Finally got some good sleep did you, Crimmy?"
"Good enough. No nightmares that time." I grumbled. I really hoped that I wouldn't spend every night this way, waking up every hour crying or screaming from my nightmares.
Cherry looked worn out from the night before and I hadn't felt much better, so we both decided to lay in bed for a little longer.
"Wanna try talk about it?" She had asked in the most sincere and caring tone she could, I could tell she was genuine as she gently rubbed her hoof on my chest in little circles to try make me smile.
"I..." I could only stutter.
"It's okay. I understand. Some time in the future maybe?"
"No." I immediately blurted out. "No. I mean... I need to talk about this. I need to know if I can."

Her eyes told me I didn't have to do it if I didn't want to, but she also made it obvious that she understood how I felt and kissed me once more in an attempt to make me feel a little more secure... it worked to an extent, I had to admit.

"I just... it all happened so fast. I didn't even know what was happening, I was just rushing around hoping that I'd be able to save them."
"You saved one."
"One? What about the other eight? If I couldn't save eight, how am I meant to save over a thousand ponies?"
"Crimson. These were eight ponies running from a threat that was too close. We were too far away to help. As sad as that is, it happens. You can't save everypony."
"We should try though."
"If you try to save everypony with no room for compromise, you end up saving nopony. Focus on the ones who you can definitely keep safe, help anypony you can reach out to. Try with everypony else, but don't expect too much of yourself."
"Are you saying I shouldn't have tried?"
"No, I'm saying you're a hero for trying and that I would have tried too if I had wings to get me there faster, but you can't blame yourself for every death in the wasteland. If you do, you quickly find yourself overcome with guilt and won't have the strength to carry on."

I didn't second guess her, she'd been out in the wasteland goddess knew how many times and taken more lives then I cared to think about, no doubt.

It looked like she was just about to say something else when someone knocking at the door interrupted her.

"Excuse me you two young ones." A sweet old voice called out. "I just came to say that breakfast is about to be served, if you would like some, I'd kindly ask that you come downstairs and meet us in the dining room."
"Okay, thank you ma'am." Cherry kindly called back.
"Oh, don't worry with the ma'am part, young'un. Just call me Gertrude. The full names Gertrude Greenhooves, but I like just Gertrude."
"Okay, Gertrude. Thank you. We'll be down in a minute."

I groaned and looked at Cherry as I rolled in the bed.
"Eugh... do I really need to go down and have breakfast? Can't I just wallow in my own sorrow for the next five years and hate myself for being incompetent? It's not like I deserve anything better then that."

I closed my eyes and opened them up a moment later when I found a pair of hooves on each side of my face, stopping my rolling around.
Cherry stared down at me with a firm expression that told me I'd be in trouble, but what did it matter now? It was true, I'd fucked up and failed to save them, why did I deserve to have a nice breakfast for what I'd done?

"You are not wallowing in your own sorrow, no. I understand how you feel and I'm here for you Crimson, I love you. But that doesn't change the fact I won't let you roll around the bed hating yourself and wishing for it to all be over or just to hide and make it all go away, because none of that will work. It never has worked and it never will work, so you're coming down to breakfast with me, got it?"

I looked into her eyes and whined quietly. I didn't deserve someone trying to take care of me, especially not Cherry. As much as I wanted it, I hated the fact that I was being cared for in such a way.
Every fibre of my moral being told me that I'd failed to save those children, and worse, I'd failed to prevent Platinum from suffering that excruciating pain.
How could I do something pleasant and rewarding like have a nice breakfast while that played with my mind?

At that very moment, Cherry pushed her head against mine and stared right into my pupils, a discouraging look in her eyes as the beautiful light lilac almost reflected her venetian coat.

"Crimson. I will fracture your skill again if you don't come with me for breakfast. I know you're feeling terrible and I'm sorry, I truly am. I wish none of us had to live in this world, but we do. So you're going to come with me for breakfast on your own accord otherwise I'll grasp your testicles with my magic and drag you to the dining room. Okay?"

I looked at her in worry, but decided to call her bluff. She had to be bluffing... she wasn't bluffing. A smirk came across her face as I felt a magic wrap around my testicles and begin to pull ever so lightly.
Immediately I nodded and got up, spreading my wings and stretching my back in an exaggerated manner to both prolong how long it took me to get down there and to show I didn't want my balls ripped off in the process.

I had learnt yet another lesson in life just now - it didn't matter that I was the Overmare's son, my marefriend would still threaten me with pain in intimate places.

Step by step I made my way down with Cherry standing behind me at the top of the stairs to make sure I didn't even think of turning tail and hiding between the sheets. Princesses help me though, hiding between the sheets sounded so inviting right now.

I crept my way through up to the edge of the doorway to the left, surprised to see that Titan and Mrs. Greenhooves sitting politely on a cushion each with some rather tasty looking daisy sandwiches set our for four.
Slowly I made my way over to a cushion and sat down, bowing my head out of the shame of being allowed something so lovely when I must've ruined the atmosphere.

Cherry gladly came downstairs and gave me a nudge to take my place as she walked over to the opposite side of the table to sit down herself.

"Now we're all here, I hope everyone enjoys their food. The daisies grow surprisingly well around here. I suppose it's because there never was any bombs go off this side of Coltchester and the city took most of the radiation."
She looked at Titan and smiled as she spoke. "Though that would just be my best guess."
He nodded in agreement and spoke himself. "Seems that way. There's a damned good reason why only ghouls inhabit the south-east industrial zone."
"Why is that?" Cherry asked quizzically.
"Background radiation. Not quite strong enough to pick up on the Geiger counter but if you spent a week there without any medical treatment you'd find yourself in as much trouble as you would with two seconds in a bath filled with radioactive waste."

I tried to imagine what it must look like, a whole section filled with ghouls. Instead of being able to envision a town though, I found my blood begin to boil and my already flagging appetite dampen further.
Instead of self hatred I found myself filled with feelings of disgust and abhorrence for the foul, decaying freaks and monsters.

Titan must've caught the look in my eye because he let out a small nicker.
"Crimson? We'll talk after breakfast. Right now, I'd rather not sully the mood of good food with such a topic."
I sighed and agreed, because either way I was going to have to accept what changes the event had made to me... somehow.

We all sat down and ate our sandwiches in peace, the banter between the other three allowed me to simply think over what had happened the day before.
How I wish I had been able to help anyone, how I'd been so stupid and not rushed off sooner, or hell, how I could've focused on the ghouls a lot sooner.
My thoughts were interrupted with the beeping of my Pipbuck, the perfect distraction as a transmission came through for me.

"Excuse me one moment, I best see what I'm being called for."
The kind old lady nodded and Titan carried on with his discussion, Cherry however politely gestured and followed me outside the cottage as I went to check who it was.

"Hello, this is Crimson Wings. Who is this?"
"CRIMSON!" The voice shouted "WHAT IS YOUR... THING, DOING HERE?"
I hadn't thought about what the 'thing' could be and let out a murmur of confusion as my reply.
"THAT.... BEAST. I OUGHT TO HAVE YOU JAILED FOR PUTTING FOUR RIDGES IN DANGER."
It was then that it hit me. It was Mayor Sunburn on the transceiver and she was talking about Maisy.
"Heh, you want to jail me do you, Sunburn? Want to cause a revolt at the same time?"
"CALL YOUR THING BACK."
"Her name is Maisy, and once she's dropped off the baby to my mother and had some rest if need be, she'll be leaving as per my orders."
"You'll call her back now. I am within every right to turn every gun against her, Crimson."
"Do that and I will personally turn my gun against you when I return, Sunburn. Stand down and accept my authority."

A shocked gasp came from over the transceiver.

"Fine. Know this Crimson, you will regret opposing me. You will collect your beast personally for I will not let 'her' go free. Also, I demand to speak to Cherry Sundae."
With that, Cherry walked on over. "I'm right here, Mayor. What is it you have to say?"
"Your mission is cancelled, Sundae. Return to base immediately. You will receive a new mission."
"What do you mean my mission is cancelled, Mayor?"
"That your mission is no longer in effect. Return immediately or face the consequences of insubordination."
"Mayor, I decline. If I were to cancel my mission, I would be committing an act of low level treason by leaving our future leadership unguarded. I cannot in good mind accept your orders. Besides, it was a mission given to me directly by the Overmare herself, not you."

I was growing increasingly tired and irritated by this. Mayor Sunburn really did know how to piss me off when I needed it most, it seemed.

"Specialist Cherry Sundae, if you refuse once more, it will be classed as abandonment of Tank Mercenary Group. How do you respond?"
And now she had crossed the line. I blew a fuse.

"MAYOR." I shouted at the pipbuck broadcaster in anger "IF YOU SO MUCH AS DARE SAY ANOTHER WORD, I WILL HAVE YOU ARRESTED FOR TREASON! I HAVE GOT ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH AFTER THE DEATH OF SEVEN CHILDREN AND A MARE AMONGST EVEN WORSE THINGS. IF YOU PUSH THIS MATTER ANY FURTHER, I WILL BRING MY RAGE DOWN ONTO YOU. GOT IT?"
The line went quiet for a few seconds with nothing but the sound of her shallow breathing to be heard.
Finally, she spoke one last time. "Crimson, you will regret this."
I didn't give her a chance to go further. Instead, I hung up on the call and fell to the floor with my hooves behind my head.

How was I supposed to deal with this all at once? I could hardly hold myself together when I'd come here from the trauma of what happened before and now I had Mayor Sunburn expecting Cherry to stop guarding me under threat of losing her house and job?
I couldn't believe it. What was to be next? My mother dying?
I broke down and began to cry from the stress and Cherry grasped me in her magic and brought me to my hooves before wiping my tears away.

"It'll be okay Crimson, I'm going to stick by you through all this. I won't leave your side."
I looked at her through the fresh drops of moisture in my eyes.
"What about after we finish this journey though? Will you stick with me then or will you run off to do your missions?"
She was flustered by what I had just brought up and found herself speechless. Her stammer and rosier then usual cheeks told me this was something that she hadn't expected to hear.

Slowly we made our way to the room we rented and I slipped onto the bed so I could rest. Cherry laid beside me and looked into my eyes.
"You... you really do want me around? You're not just trying to make me feel special so I'll keep giving in to your advances?"
"Cherry." I began, touching her cheek with my muzzle. "I may be a mares-buck, I may be a charmer, but I'm not a liar. I don't deceive, only flatter. Anypony who has asked me if there is a chance for more has been let down. This time it's me asking you... is there a chance?"
"But... why me, Crimson?"
"You've been there for me in my toughest times. It's been so short yet feels so long. You've helped me the entire time and I know I'm going to need you more. I... I want you around, as more, even after all this is done. I don't think I can handle all this guilt alone."
"Crimson, for as long as you want me, I'm yours. Now get some more rest, you need it."

I went to challenge her but felt myself yawn as she tenderly looked at me, she was right.
Gently her hooves pulled my head to her chest and the sound of her heartbeat soothed me even further.
With heavy eyelids fighting to stay awake, I had no choice but to give in as Cherry nuzzled into me and scratched behind my ear while doing so.

*

My sleep was merciful, there was no nightmares nor dreams. Waking up wasn't so pleasant however as Titan stood above me with his helmet glaring in my direction.

My very first reaction to seeing it was to swing at it with a wing to try disorientate the intruder before I realised who it was.
My voice struck a tired note but as my eyes opened wider I felt a lot more refreshed. "Ti..Titan? Don't do that, it's creepy."
"Yeah, sorry Crimson, Cherry sent me up here to see if you'd woken up yet."
"Mission accomplished. Eugh. Why did you have to come wake me up?"
"Because Maisy is still at Four Ridges when she should be on her way to Coltshire Commons like you told her to. Cherry sent me because she knew unlike herself, you'd not sweet talk your way into more sleep like you had previously."
"I... I what?"
"You sweet talked her in your sleep so you could get more sleep. You know, I've never known somepony to be able to pull together a coherent sentence while asleep before, but to see you charming somepony while asleep? It was astonishing to say the least."

I blushed at the idea before laughing it off, that sounded just like me alright.

"Now, me and you are going to have to talk before you go. You've got to pass through the ruins of Old Coltchester again."
My heart dropped.
"You... you mean where Platinum?"
"Yes. Where the ghouls killed everypony."
My breathing rate shot up and my pulse raced as sweat ran down my brow even thinking about that place.
"I... I can't. If I go back.. what if there's more ghouls?"
"You avoid them."
"I don't think I could, Titan. I... every time I even think of a feral now I feel my blood boil and my lust for death I... I'm falling apart Titan. Even looking at you reminds me of them, makes me worried about what if you turn."

The memories tore into me yet again, and uncontrollably the sobbing started.
Titan sighed and shook his head.

"Crimson. Are you going to lay there all day wallowing in your own misery... or are you going to go retrieve Maisy and carry on strong?"
I looked at him, the tears still breaking my vision.
"You've got to put aside your fears for now, put aside the anger and just soldier on."
"I can't, Titan. I just can't do it."
"Yes you can, and you will. You've got to pull yourself together, too many ponies are relying on you."
"Pull myself together?! If you'd seen what I had, you'd feel the way I do. I don't know how I can continue after that."

Titan gave me a look of utter disgust.
"You think I've seen nothing? You think I've lived for two hundred years without going through more then anypony should? That I don't have the very same worries about keeping myself sane for the rest of time until I die?"
I spat back at him, how dare he act high and mighty. "You walk around like you've got no troubles at all, like nothing phases you."
"Nothing does phase me, Crimson. There's another side of me, It sleeps at the bottom of what makes me tick and I don't let it control who I am. I'm not talking about feral impulses, I'm talking about my experiences."

He advanced towards me, his anger directed towards me blatantly showing now.

"You've not seen the worst of me, Crimson. I bite my tongue before the living because it seems that no matter what, healthy and happy or poor and sick, ponies only care to go to war with one another. I've been around for these two hundred years and seen neighbouring settlements fight over resources when they had plenty of their own! I've seen the worst nature has to offer. If I could change it all, I would in a heartbeat. If I could do something, I would, and that's what I'm going to do."
"Yeah, well if you've seen so much, I would've thought you'd understand why I feel the way I do."
"I do, but it's time for you to stop being a Colt. Buck up and be a Stallion."
"How do I do that then?"
"You go to Old Coltchester, you look at the corpse of Platinum and you tell yourself it wasn't your fault. You don't let go of the memories, you don't let go of the pain. You let go of the undeserved guilt and feelings of responsibility, you turn those onto those truly responsible."

I sighed as I tried my best to end the sobbing.

"Crimson. I've heard about you giving self proclaimed mercy to the raider. That wasn't mercy, it was justice. There will be justice in murder and mercy for those whom are suffering and are seeking a swift, absolute end. Give the ferals mercy from their self torment and justice for the sins they have committed, but don't believe that anypony else deserves the fault from their actions apart from themselves."

I looked at him in awe as I understood the weight of his words.
He turned away and walked out the door, but paused as he was half way through.

"I'm going now, I hope you do the same. As for where I'm going? There's a cause that requires my help, and with any luck, there will be justice in murder come the day we succeed. Remember Crimson, justice. Once you've done your mission, I'm sure the resistance would love your help."
I looked at Titan as he walked away further.
"Titan!" I called out, he stopped once more.
"Yes?"
"Where would I find you and the resistance? What's the cause?"
"You'll learn in good time if its important to you."
"So you're going to put your life on the line for a cause, yet you say you hate all this warring?"
"Some things you live for. Some things you have to fight for. Others? You have to be willing to die for."
"But... I don't wanna die!"
"Nopony does, but peace through force or peace through death is peace all the same, and you have to risk it all to attain it in this fucked up world."

With that, he was already back down the stairs and out the door.

He was right. I had to be stronger, I had to go back to the body and ask forgiveness once more, then continue on with the mission and find a water talisman after getting Maisy back.
If I wasn't strong enough to handle the deaths of just under a dozen, no matter their age, how could I be fit enough to lead over a thousand?

I pulled myself out of the bed I lay in and sought out my armour and equipment. A fire burned in my eyes as I geared up and strapped the shotgun across my back and my pistol back into its holster.
I wasn't going to go out there unprepared for a fight, because if the ghouls were still there, I would show them the full extent of my fury.
I made my way down the stairs after a minute of preparing and nodded at both Cherry and Gertrude as they sat discussing whatever it was they had to talk about.

Cherry went to speak but caught the look in my eye as I nodded once more to her. Instead of saying goodbye, she nodded back with an understanding.
I slipped my helmet on and walked out the door. Unfolding my wings from my sides I flew up into the air and saw Titan as he made his way into Coltchester. I was tempted to follow him on his mysterious quest but knew I had much better, more important things to do instead.

With that, I began flying back to the graveyard that was Old Coltchester.
It wasn't a far distance away when flying, but walking it while excessively tired had seemed like a journey in itself.
Passing through the clouds with ease and skimming through the air was a wonderful feeling, exactly what I'd needed.
I was free right now and it did me a world of good.

After just twenty minutes of flight, I'd come across Old Coltchester once more. I could see the ruined buildings below and even some of the corpses I'd left behind.
I surveyed the area for a moment, hoping to spot any ferals before they had a chance to spot and surprise me.
That was when I saw them, travellers from out Coltshire way had made their way through the start of the ruins but I could already see the advancing ghouls creeping up on the unsuspecting merchant and their guards.

My stomach burned in both a terror and rage with the intensity of a firestorm and I dived straight for the kill.
Unstrapping my shotgun from my back I checked I had a full load of shells and felt the fury take over.

"NOT THIS TIME. NOT TODAY. NOT AGAIN. COME HERE YOU ZOMBIE FUCKS!"

Immediately everyponies heads turned to me, undead, merchant and guard alike watched as I bolted down to the ground and swiped just short of the cracked concrete below. Pulling into S.A.T.S I saw the two friendly merchant guards and one merchant surrounded by nine zombies.
Looking straight into the eyes of a zombie one second, they were gone the next as S.A.T.S closed and reality turned back to normal.
I turned around and placed another two shells into a zombie that stood on the other side of the road.

Three more zombies came running at us and the merchant froze in shock and terror as I flew straight up to the zombies in a head on collision.
A moment before we were within reaching distance I pulled into S.A.T.S and plotted another three shots, one for each of those ghoul fuckers.
I took the chance to scan the area around me at the same time and saw another five had come to join the party. Fine. Fifteen of those fuckers and three of us, should the guards get their asses into gear and do their fucking jobs.

S.A.T.S came down and my shotgun roared. One of the roadside decorations dropped and the other two were blown back but still alive.
The guards still hadn't pulled their weapons out as one of the rotting cunts jumped atop of him from one of the buildings.
His friend bucked the ghoul off but still hadn't pulled out a gun. Armature.
I flew towards them and walked up to the zombie while it scrambled to its feet.
As it rose I'd already put my shotgun away in favour of my pistol and held it to its head.

"TUAKE RIS BARFARD!"

The head exploded with one, clean shot. I simply slipped my pistol back into its holster and looked at the guards.

"WEAPONS NOW.

They both looked at me frightened to death and pulled their weapons out and passed them to me.

"NO YOU IDIOTS. PREPARE YOURSELF TO USE THEM. THIS IS ONE FIGHT I AM NOT LOSING. YOU GOT THAT?

They looked at me as if even further shock then before and I stamped on the ground to further my point.
Without hesitation they picked their weapons back up and readied themselves as four 'fresh' ghouls and the two that had lived my previous shotgun blasts charged at us once more.
I pulled out my shotgun again and loaded in six new shots.

The sound of my shotgun filled the air as their 9mm pistols followed with half the effect.
The ghoul I was aiming at fell, though the other two whom had been shot didn't even seem to notice.
I slammed into S.A.T.S and aimed a shot for each of the ferals, one by one they fell as my aim proved to be as deadly as it was precise.

The merchant mare behind us screamed as a big fucker jumped atop of her.
For a moment my mind froze as it imagined the trader mare was Platinum. I let out an unholy growl as I sped towards her and smashed the ghoul in the face with the butt of my shotgun.
The mare crawled off towards her guards as I now stood atop the ghoul and unloaded my last three rounds into its face.

Putting my hoof into my saddlebags to get a reload turned out problematic, so I looked in there only to find I'd run out of shotgun ammo.
That should've phased me, but right now it didn't. There was still eight zombies but I had plenty of ammo for the pistol.
Now, what did phase me however, was the fact that the eight had now jumped to twelve. Four more had joined the fight.
We needed somewhere we could put our backs to and fight knowing we weren't going to be attacked from behind.
Then I noticed Platinum's corpse up against the wall where she died.

My heart skipped a beat and I was knocked to my side by a large earth buck who now climbed atop of me and attempted to rip my throat out. Two more joined him and I found my hooves pinned down as they attacked the duster jacket around my armour. I was dead.
...or so I had thought.
Without warning the big earth buck fell limp atop of me and then the other two were kicked off.
Rolling the corpse off I got back to my feet and nodded with a smile.

Almost calmly I strapped my shotgun onto my back once more and walked over to the corpse of platinum and fell to the floor out of agony for the death of the young filly.
I wanted to cry. I wanted to never move again. I wanted to take her place, but instead I stood back up and noticed something... she had an ornate knife stashed within her robes.
We still had nine zombie fucks left to kill, and out of respect for her, I carefully took the knife... not even the princess would be able to stop me from getting one kill with it, at the very least.

I took my helmet off and called out to the others.
"We make our stand here, backs to the wall. IN THE NAME OF PLATINUM, I WILL DESTROY THEM."

The scream that left my lips now bore the mark of heartache and anguish, as it rippled through the buildings it tore a part of me to pieces and a the fire for revenge and justice reignited to as bright and heavy as it was before.
The sound I made could've easily been louder then simply talking while wearing the helmet, and the guards looked at me in fear.

All at once, the nine came rushing towards us and I lost my self control. I flew straight into them and applebucked one in the face so hard that my foot got lodged within its skull.
Another came at me and I used S.A.T.S to plan a swipe from its chest to under its chin and then a stab to the eye.
It dropped without a problem as another jumped onto me, only to be met by the knife into the top of its skull.

Behind me the two guards took aim and shot another two, both dropping without a trouble this time.
Five left.

I pulled back to the two guards and looked at the knife, wiping the blood and traces of entrails onto the corpse of one of those beasts before looking at its delicate decoration.

"Forgiveness."
The merchant mare standing beside at me looking at me in confusion.
"The knifes name.. is forgiveness. Maybe it wasn't before, maybe it was without a name. What it means to me though? It means forgiveness for being unable to stop an atrocity from happening. It's forgiveness for not being able to end the pain and give mercy to the young filly behind us. It's a token of her acceptance over my guilt. I came for her forgiveness, and now she has given it to me in the form of this knife."
The mare just looked at the fillies corpse and frowned.

Turning my head back to the ongoing fight I saw that one of the guards had just been overpowered and the over one was frantically trying to reload. I walked over to the overpowered guard and stabbed the zombie in the back of the head with Forgiveness.
There was only two left now and the other guard had just managed to reload his gun.
Three shots later and there was only one left as it crept its way up to us from around some rubble.

"This ones mine."
I walked past the stunned guard and pulled out my pistol as I did. The ghoul hissed as it saw me but I didn't even blink as I brought the pistol to its head, not bothering to use S.A.T.S, and blew it apart with the one shot.
"Justice like none other, nopony is going to be crying over you. Rot in hades, meatbag."

As I stepped back I heard a snapping sound and looked underhoof to notice I'd stepped on one of the children's bones. I felt a mixture of sickness and anger rise within me.
I knew however, that the fight had ended and I would have to sheath my fury and try to not feel disturbed over the misstep.

We spent another ten minutes on our guard to be sure that no more ghouls would come running for us, but none showed up.
"Excuse me sir." The merchant mare looked at me and curtseyed. "I, we, were just wanting to thank you for saving us."
I smiled at her as the adrenaline wore off and felt a lot more calm.
"You're welcome. I couldn't let you die, doubly so after what happened yesterday."
"Yes, we heard. Not specifics, no, we heard you."
"You...what?"
"We're from Coltshire. We came to collect the radbits, we were on our third trip when we heard an echo from out of your direction, thinking someone was in trouble."

I took a minute to think about it, it didn't quite add up. Why would they be all the way out here in that case?
"If that's so, where's your cart of radbits?"
"We're only half of the group. We left both carts to the other half and went off to see what had happened, thinking it nearby."
"So you came out half a days travel trying to find the source?"
"Indeed. A stupid mistake it seems."
"Maybe, but it saved my life too. I wouldn't have made it without the extra firepower, so thank you for being so..." I paused for a moment and the mare raised her eyebrow at me. "Determined to search for the cause." I finished.
She smiled again.

"Well, thank you for saving us. I know it was foolish to come out this far but you've saved our lives. Though do you mind telling us what exactly happened yesterday?"
"You heading back to the radbits or Coltshire?"
"Coltshire, yeah. We'll take a rest for what's left of the day after this."
I nodded. "It started when we were travelling on the outskirts of Old Coltchester. I saw a group of ferals but didn't know any better."

The merchant gave me an unsure look as she walked alongside me.
"You an ex-enclave pony, with them wings and all?"
"Nah, closer to Stable pony."
"Makes sense."
"Anyway, yeah. I saw a mare being chased by them along with seven kids. I rushed to save them but failed. Ended up with one of the children getting raped and begging for mercy before dying right next to me. The children each got killed in various ways and the mare had her throat torn out. We rescued a baby and it's safe now, my pet manticore took it to my home so it can be looked after."
"Your pet manticore?"
I sighed... another story to tell.

I had to tell them about the actual events in proper detail in the end and though they were all morbidly shocked, they managed to understand perfectly fine. None of them made any inappropriate comments and all kept their respect for me shown, which was very pleasant.

"So, let me just ask again. That knife you took off the filly." One of the guards asked.
"Yeah?"
"You've named it? I can't get my head round that."
"You've never named your weapons?"
The confusion grew more obvious in his voice. "Well.. okay, yeah, I have. Not a random weapon though."
"It may seem random to you, and true, it is just off the corpse of a filly I barely even met. However, I was going to go to her corpse and ask for forgiveness once more for being too slow to help her. The knife wasn't obvious to me before, but now it was. Taking it wasn't like scavenging, it was, to me, a token of her blessing."
"Okay? How? She was dead, she couldn't tell you to take it."
"True, but look at what I used it to kill straight away? Ghouls, the very same group that killed her, even if not the same ones."
"So... why do you still have the knife?"
"To remember her by. To remember her forgiveness by. To remember to forgive myself. Besides, when I put it in my saddlebags my pipbuck called it Forgiveness so I'll take that as another blessing."

The white buck shrugged and didn't bring it up after that. We made it to Coltshire some time later.
The merchant mare looked at me.

"One last thing, what's your name? I never did ask."
"Crimson Wings... of Four Ridges "
"Four Ridges huh?"
"Eeeeyup."

She looked to each side and watched as her guards went off into the nearest bar before whispering to me.
"Well Crimson, I uh... haven't had a good bit of flank spank in quite some time. Would you like to as a reward for saving me back there?"
I smirked as I bit my lip and looked at her, she was definitely beautiful... but...

"I'm sorry. While I would've two weeks ago without any need to consider yes or no, I have a marefriend now though."
"She around here?"
"Well... no."
"It's only been two weeks you've been together?"
"About a week, but still, no. Sorry. She's special to me and I couldn't. I mean... part of me wants to, but I really couldn't betray my marefriend like that."
"Okay. Guess I'll go without. Shame, I was really hoping I'd get something a bit.. exotic. Those wings must allow you to do such wonderful things."
I looked sheepishly at her as I mouthed the word 'sorry' and got on my way.

Damned temptress. I needed less guilt, not more!

Though speaking of temptations, now I was somewhere safe... I looked into my bags and pulled out the needle of med-x.
With ease I pulled off the topper from the needle and pushed it into my abdomen, which automatically injected the sweet sweet nectar into my body.
The rush of warmth filled up through my entire system and I felt a hazy goodness as I began to flap my wings in lazy motions, noticing how it felt so soothing and wonderful.

Ahhhhh, yeah. That's exactly what I've needed.
It felt so good and I dropped the needle back into my saddlebag and began to walk up to the clinic I'd bought it from in the first place.
A knock on the door and the white mare walked up and unlocked the top half.

"I'm sorry, we're not in full service right now. We've just had one client throw up everywhere and we're currently trying to clear the mess. Though is there any way I can help you otherwise?"
"Yes, I'd like to ask if you have any way of sterilising needles at your clinic?"
"That we do! I take it you have one?"
"Indeed I do."
I pulled the needle out and she carefully took a firm hold of it in her magic.

"This entitles you to a discount of ten caps if you buy another. Would you like to?"
"Oh! In that case, yes! I'd like two, please."
She looked at me, obviously eyeing me up and down before nodding, "Two needles of med-x for forty caps. Yeah?"
"Yes."
I smiled and passed over the caps as she pulled out two fresh needles of med-x and deposited them into my saddlebag for me.
I gave her the look of a just rewarded colt. "Thank youuuuu."
She just smiled and shook her head gently, letting out a small chuckle.
"Have a good day!" I called as I began to trot off.
"You too, wings."

Now I had refilled myself with a somewhat decent supply of my favourite drug, I had to resupply myself with the ammo I'd managed to expend between the radbits and the ghouls.
Trotting up to the ammo merchant I gave him my biggest smile.

"Well hello again! I'm here to buy more of your ammunition, please."
"You again? I thought you used up all your caps between me and Bloomheart."
"Well, I made a load of caps by doing the whole radbit thing. So, I'm going to need one hundred 12 gauges."
"We only got eighty."
"I'll have them all."
"Eighty caps please."

I looked at him and tried to work my charm, but it was a lot higher when high as a kite on med-x.
"Sixty?"
"Eighty."
"Sixty five since you hadn't the hundred I wanted?"
"F-... do you a deal. Seventy five because you got a hefty bunch off last time."
I noticed how he was about to say fine, but decided not to. I needed to play it smart and safe.
"Seventy, no higher."
"Fine."

We traded goods for caps and I made sure that I was all set... which I was now.
With that, I took off into the sky and towards Coltshire Commons. With any luck, Maisy would be waiting around for me and ready to go the moment she saw me.
Though perhaps seeing the baby would be a smart move.

Wind carried me home as I began my journey, the thoughts of what I was going to come across worried me though.
Would Sunburn be preparing for a fight? If so, would it stick to just being verbal? There was no way to tell right now, I guess I'd just have to find out first-hoof.

As I approached the wall along Four Ridges some time later, I felt secure and safe from the sheer sight of it, despite not even being inside.
Living within the confines of the wall my whole life, despite the ability to fly off at any time I chose, had made it seem impenetrable to me. We'd never had any problems with raiders actually managing to force their way in and the very few cases of them sneaking in under the guise of merchants were always swiftly dealt with using deadly force.
The security of Four Ridges and its villages was top priority alongside its capability to produce for its own.

Though I noticed something strange as I came closer - there was no guards along the wall by the front gate. Usually there was a good six guards on each side of the gate manning it for visitors of both kinds, but right now there was nopony in sight.
That's when I heard Mayor Sunburn screaming at the top of her voice about some emergency.
I swept down and flew between the towers that stood on each side of the gate and glided along the rooftops of Tank towards the sound of the commotion.

A few seconds later, I saw the cause.
Maisy had twenty guards surrounding her with high powered rifles as she sat there impatiently waiting for them to back off.
I whistled down to the crowd and stood atop one of their homes as I looked upon them.

"Yoo hoo!" I shouted out. "Mind taking your guns away from MY GOD DAMN FRIEND... and let her be?"
Mayor Sunburn looked at me and shouted angrily back.
"YOU! THIS THING IS NOT A FRIEND, IT IS A MONSTER. HOW DARE YOU SEND IT HERE?"
Oh... she had not just said that. I flew down and landed directly in front of her and stared into her eyes.
"Maisy is my pet. Maisy is not to be harmed. If you want to argue with me, I will punch you right here, right now. Deal with it."

Some of the guards started egging us on while some of the others looked away.
I could tell by the look upon Mayor Sunburns face that she'd much rather kick me then walk away, though I doubted she would.
Then again, I had doubted Cherry earlier on too...

"I accept. Take your armour off and fight me, Crimson. Prove how much a stallion you are."
I smirked. "You want my armour off? Come tear it off me. Oh, and if any of you think to intervene, Maisy will have you in two, won't you girl?"
Maisy looked to me and gave a nod, before looking around at the others.

This fight was ON!

The Mayor had begun the fight by bucking me straight to the chest, sending me back a good few meters. I was glad, because despite her size advantage, I was still feeling the effects of the med-x and on top of that I had a lot of anger and frustration to take out, and she was going to prove to be a good punching bag.
I felt myself smashed into the ground again as I drew closer to her and considered a different technique, but decided against it for the most part.
This time when I charged at her however, I slipped down onto the ground and between her feet, knocking her off balance.

Bringing myself back up to my hooves I applebucked her and she went tumbling into the side of a nearby building, to which I immediately flew at her and smashed her with all my hooves at once.
She withstood the blow a lot better then I'd expected and managed to stay up, even evading one punch and using the chance to headbutt me down to the ground.

As I fell she took her chance and pounced on me, aiming blows for the head but not quite hitting her target as she was strong, but not agile.
I used her schoolfilly mistakes to angle my rearhoof into her stomach and send her flipping over me, onto her back.

This was my chance.
I bucked her in the ribs and climbed on top, smashing in her face over and over until she managed to roll out of the way and I clutched my hoof after having hit the ground.

"You're a good fighter, Crimson." She started to say, before smashing me into a building.
"But that won't save you from me!"
She smashed me in the stomach with an applebuck and I threw up over her hindquarters before falling to the floor, but before I could even more she had picked me back up and hit me round the face again.

I realised exactly how far she was going to go now, and dropped down to the floor in a roll to get out of her way. Immediately I got back up and flew into the air, despite her calls of me cheating.

"YOU FUCKING COWARD CRIMSON!"
That was what hit me, how dare she call me a coward?
How... HOW DARE SHE!
I turned back and divebombed into her, headbutting her with all my strength and speed.
She fell to the floor dazed as I climbed back atop of her and continued to smash into her chest and face with my hooves.

"AFTER WHAT" smash "I HAVE BEEN THROUGH" smash "YOU HAVE" smash "NO RIGHT TO" smash "CALL ME A COWARD!"
I climbed off her and bucked her as hard as I could to the ribs. There was a loud cracking sound as I did so and I walked off from the Mayor who bled on the floor.
A medic pony rushed to her aide and gave her a shot of med-x and a healing potion as another one gave me a healing potion myself.

The Mayor looked like hell, seemed like she'd feel like hell for the next week or two on top of that. That didn't matter, I'd proven my authority over her in a completely legitimate way for Tank customs.

I thanked her as I walked off with Maisy towards the Stable, for willingly having been my punching bag for physical venting. She hissed at me with some lame threats through the gasps for breath as the pain showed itself evident.
I had needed that fight just as much as the med-x, and now I felt completely rejuvenated despite the pain in my stomach.

Maisy carried me off to the Stable upon her back after I'd asked her if we could go back there first for a quick visit.
When we reached the great door we found that she was unable to go further then the first area, but that was okay as security quickly calmed down now I was around with her as we walked through.

"So, she really is yours, Crimson?"
"Hey wait, how did you get that scar?"
"Is... is that bruising there?"
"Dude, are you okay?"

All the security staff bombarded me at once as I walked through the door. I simply laughed and took a deep breath.

"Yes, she is. As for the scars, I got my cheek sliced open during a raider attack on Coltshire Common. Yes, I just had a fight with Mayor Sunburn over authority, that ended up in a literal fight and I won. Yes I think I'm okay but the Mayor isn't now I think I've broken her ribs. I needed that fight."

I walked through the rest of the Stable with minimal molestation from ponies surprised to see me after the security guards decided to escort me to mothers office. I didn't need the escort but it made things a lot easier.
I punched in the keycode for our personal quarters and slumped onto the sofa within her office, expecting to have found her there.
Nevermind, she'd soon enough hear of my return and come find me.

A gentle voice called out in a soothing tone only two minutes later and my mother walked around the corner with a clean bundle of rags in her magical grip.
"Crimson?"
I replied between mouthfuls of the apple in my hooves. "Yeeees?"
"You're here. I take it to collect your pet... Maisy if I recall?"
"Mhm. Also to see babby."
"Oh? You're here to see her are you? Does she have a name?"
"Her huh? I hadn't even looked, to be honest with you. Given the circumstances we saved her from, I didn't have the time to check if she was healthy even. I just wanted her out of the area before she... ended up like the rest."
"The rest?"
"Of the children and the mare babby was found with. Feral ghouls got the rest, I wasn't going to let her die too."
"So you had no chance to find her name out then?"
"No."
"What're you going to name her?"

I thought about it for a moment... a name was something special to everypony, and she was especially special.
It had to be something that really represented what she meant to me, that would always remind me that at least I'd managed to save her.
She would be my child and know me as her daddy, Cherry as her mummy.
Then it hit me... I had got the perfect name for her! No other would do.

"Cherished Chance."

Footnote:
Level up!
Perk Unlocked! Med-x madness!
You're accustomed to the use of med-x and find it is 25% more effective when you apply it to yourself! This benefit does not apply to being treated with it nor treating others - you fiend!

First of all, for anyone who missed it, there was a picture 'hidden' in this chapter, which you can see here. It was drawn for me by a friend that goes by the name of Striderbread. He's a very talented artist and has recently started doing commissions for an insanely low price.
I'd encourage everyone to at least view his work both on his tumblr and on his deviantart
It would mean a lot to me that you consider him if you're looking for anything drawn - and if you do, drop him my name as this would also be very much appreciated just to let us both know if anyone does find him through me. (it's a returned favour for doing that picture).

I'd also like to mention; that picture was without any influence from me bar giving him colours to work with and references. The pose was all him and the section of writing to which I paired it with was all me, without any influence from the picture.
They just fit together perfectly, by sheer luck. Amazing, right?

Anyway, enough of that, I just wanted to give him a chance and return a favour, onto the rest of my praise!

Like usual, infinite thanks goes out to the guy who drew the main picture for this story and whom also drew 'mercy' (found on the tumblr) - WavemasterRyx, who can be found:http://ask-the-waves.tumblr.com/ !

He's a great guy and I really adore his artwork and the guy himself, he deserves thanks no matter how long it's been.

I want to thank you all so damn much for sticking with me on this one - Life isn't sunshine and rainbows for Crimson any more and nor will it ever be the same again. Things are going to be lighter then they were in chapter eight but he'll always know just how fucked up the wasteland can be, and he'll never stop mistrusting/hating ghouls for what he's now seen.

I expected a lot of flak and some people to stop reading once I released that last chapter, but you've all been amazing and I adore each and every last one of you. Thank you for being so amazing, you truly are what keeps me writing because without you, I wouldn't bother to pour my heart and soul into this.

On that note, I apologise for how long it takes for me to release a chapter and how low quality I am compared to some authors works, but I try. Again - thank you.

Lastly:
Thank you both Kkat and Somber for both writing amazing stories that have inspired me to write. Without you two, there would be a massive hole in my world, and I don't know how I would've filled it otherwise. Thank you.