The world around you snaps back into being with a flash of purple magic, Twilight's teleportation spell dropping you right in the royal entrance way. It's a big, open-air square with grand columns and sweeping, grandiose covered walkways leading off from each of the four main directions. Surrounding each walkway entrance is a beautiful carpet of pink, red, and purple flowers, all of them collectively giving off a faint, magical sound. In the center of the square is a large, circular fountain -- two stylized alicorns rearing up on their hind legs, surrounded by arcing jets of water.The detail put into the area is amazing.

Detail that is completely lost on you, as you rush over to a near-by bush and vomit into it. Good thing you didn't eat this morning.

"Oh no!" Twilight yells out, rushing over to your side. At least she's worried about the after-effects of the spe-- "Those are the royal everglow bushes! They're never going to be the same now!"

...Nevermind.

"I'm fine, thanks," you mutter between dry heaves.

"Heh, sorry. I guess I've become too used to this place, huh? Are you alright?"

"I don't think you got it exactly right, Twi. The spell, I mean." No kidding.

"It could be worse! At least you're in one piece, right? That's something. I, uh, I guess it was never calibrated for human use. So I just took a guess...hold on a second, I can help." She closes her eyes and her horn flares with purple energy, popping a small cloth into existence a few seconds later. "Here, you can use this."

You take the cloth with a grumbled 'thanks' and wipe your mouth, stuffing it into your pocket.

"Chin up, now, darling!" Rarity speaks in a cheerful voice, "You're about to meet royalty! A bit of a tummy ache shan't dull the honor of such a thing." She bounces a curl of hair with a hoof. "How does my mane look? Did the teleportation cause any split ends?" Twilight simply gives an unamused look in response. "...Right, I suppose it's not a big concern. Shall we continue?"

You wearily stand back up, feeling the fading surges of nausea course through you. That was...not pleasant. At least you don't have to do it again.

Fortunately, you managed to avoid puking on yourself, so you still look presentable. You flatten your black beret out to make sure it's up to snuff, just in case. There's still a lingering taste of bile in your mouth, so you walk over to the central fountain and, making sure no one else is looking, lean in and take in several mouthfuls of water from one of the jets, swishing them around before spitting them out onto the grass. A few more seconds and the acrid taste is gone, allowing you to drink a bit of the streaming water.

Rarity and Twilight have matching looks on their faces, obviously wanting to say something in protest, but deciding it best to bite their tongues instead.

Twilight leads you and Rarity down one of the walkways, allowing you to look at the exotic plants situated around the area. Some of them are actually glowing, and one particular plant seems to reach out toward you with long, leafy vines. "No way," the little voice in you head protests, "I've read THAT book before. You stay the hell away from me."

A pair of royal guards stand in front of a set of high, ornately carved double doors: The entrance to the royal hall and throne area. They snap their wings out, faster than you'd have thought possible, revealing the shining, bladed armor that adorns the leading edges. It all serves to make them look very menacing. You certainly wouldn't want to mess with them.

"State your business," the pegasus on the right states flatly, but with an undertone of staunch authority. Twilight gives them a bemused look.

"You two must be new here. I'm Twilight Sparkle, and these are--"

"We were not told of any 'Twilight Sparkle' making an appearance," the other pegasus says. You notice that they look exactly the same: White coats, short-cropped blonde tails, and blue eyes. Just like every other pegasus guard you've seen, come to think of it. Weird.

"Look, guys, I'm the Princess' faithful student. You had to have heard of me." No response, simply glaring eyes. "You know, live in Ponyville? Send letters once in a while about the magic of friendship and such? Bearer of the element of magic?" Either the guards are fresh out of training, or they're thick. Maybe both. Twilight sighs and puts a hoof to her face. "Look, she's expecting me. Us. Expecting us. Just go ask her or something, will you?"

The guard ponies give each other aside glances, the one on the right nodding to the other.

"Very well. But you are to stay exactly where you are, is that understood?" You all nod in agreement. The guard gives you one more suspicious look and opens the large doors, slipping inside. They close again with a loud 'bang'. The remaining guard keeps his wing-blades out, standing firm in the face of three potential enemies.

Twilight plops down on the ground and rolls her eyes at him.

"Look, I appreciate that you're just trying to do your job, but really, it's nothing to concern yourself with. Like I said, I'm Twilight Sparkle, and the mare next to me is Rarity, and this--"

"What are you supposed to be?" the guard points a hoof at you.

"I'm a human," you reply, your hands joined together behind your back in an at-ease stance. "As far as I know I'm the first human in Equestria. It's, uh, a long story..."

"Uh huh. That uniform, it looks militaristic. You don't look like any military adviser I've ever seen."

"Oh, I'm not an adviser, I'm an engineer." You figure he's a military stallion, so he might respect some form of drill-and-ceremony conduct. You snap to attention, rendering a crisp, clean salute. "Second battalion, thirty-seventh armored, Charlie company. Name's Corporal--"

"I don't care what your name is, just don't cause any trouble, understand?"

Well, it was worth a try.

"...Right. Don't worry, I'm not here to cause any problems. I'm just trying to get home."

"Good."

Rarity pulls a comb from a small saddlebag on her back, floating it through the air and using it to brush her mane.

"Relax, darling. I assure you we're no ruffians. Why, as the bearer of the element of generosity, I believe--"

"I said, don't cause any problems. That means be quiet and stay there."

Rarity furrows her eyebrows in frustration and slips the comb back into the bag.

"No manners, I swear..." she mutters under her breath.

The other guard returns a moment later, opening the doors wide for you.

"My sincerest apologies, Miss Sparkle. And guests. The Princess is indeed expecting you. If you'll come with me?" The grumpy guard folds his wings back in so you can pass, nodding to the guard holding the doors open. You step by without a word, though Rarity can't help but stick her nose in the air with a turn of her head, giving an indignant 'hmmph'.

The entrance way leads to a long hallway lined with stained glass frescoes of the major events in Equestrian history. You pass by an image of a pink-maned Celestia banishing Luna-turned-Nightmare-Moon. There's one of Luna's return, shown as Nightmare Moon being wrapped in a beam of rainbow-colored energy, with a significantly smaller, more meager Luna beneath it. Situated around the top of the image are the bearers of the Elements of Harmony. The last window, still being worked on, shows a strange, dragon-like creature being turned into stone, with floating chunks of ground and buildings around him.

Two more guards -- grey unicorns this time, swords and shields tucked against their armor -- stand near a final set of double doors. They nod as you pass, their horns lighting up with blue magic to open the large, heavy doors behind them.

"Are you sure you're ready?" Twilight asks.

"Ready as I'll ever be," you reply. "Let's just get this over and done with."

The three of you step inside a large, circular room as the doors close behind you. It's a breath-taking sight: High columns around the edges of the room support a second, railed-off level. A large, oval-shaped dais sits near the back, which you guess is some sort of throne. Red, gold, and teal curtains hang from multiple places, tied off at the ends to form sweeping patterns. Even the floor is regal, made of polished marble flecked with gold. It literally makes your mouth hang open.

"Quite the sight, isn't it?" Twilight quips with an amused tone, smiling at your expression.

"Yeah...yeah it is."

There's a sound of loud, clacking hoof falls on marble. Your mind starts to race, realizing that you're likely to meet a living, breathing deity any moment now. You make last-second adjustments to your uniform, fidgeting over the details. Twilight and Rarity drop to their forelegs and bow their heads, so you figure you should do the same, taking a knee and bowing in return. The hoof falls get louder, and you're aware of a presence in front of you.

"Please, rise," the voice says.

You stand up and look...only to be greeted by a sight that takes your breath away. Standing before you is a large, white alicorn with an ethereally flowing mane of blue, green, purple and pink. It looks like it's being blown by a soft, nonexistent breeze. It actually sparkles in the sunlight that streams in from a large window. A curved, golden crown sits on her head, just behind her large, pointed horn.

She's looking at you with soft, expressive, pink eyes, a gentle smile on her face. Your anxieties seem to disappear entirely, and you're overtaken by a calm, almost peaceful feeling.

"Wow..." you say to yourself. You weren't sure what to expect, but it certainly wasn't this. The Princess is...beautiful.

"Hello again, Princess Celestia," Twilight says with a smile.

"Hello, Twilight. It's so good to see you, as always," Celestia says in return. Her voice is soft and pleasant, civil yet confident. A voice she's no doubt had plenty of time to practice in her thousand-plus years of rule. It's very comforting and warm. "And Rarity, I'm glad you came along. How have you been?"

"Absolutely fabulous, I assure you, Princess," Rarity says with a nod of her head.

"And you must be the human I've heard so much about," Celestia bows her head toward you. "It's a pleasure to meet you, I'm Princess Celestia."

"The pleasure's all mine, your highness," you say with a bow of your own.

"How very polite. Let me get a good look at you here." She slowly walks around you, her flowing mane brushing against your shoulder. She's easily a foot taller than you are, obviously more of a horse than a pony. "Hmmm...I must say, you're the very first human I've ever seen. And I've been around for a very long time." She laughs softly as she returns to her previous position in front of you.

"I've heard the same from a lot of people, your highness. Erm, ponies. A lot of ponies."

Rarity giggles at your awkwardness. You can feel your cheeks turning red in response.

"Please, just call me Celestia. Or Princess Celestia, if you prefer something more formal."

She turns around and walks to the raised dais near the back of the room, and you follow Twilight over so that you're closer. Celestia folds her legs under her and sits down with a smile.

"Now, what can I do to help you? The letter Twilight sent me said you were in need of assistance."

You spend a few seconds trying to figure out the best way to explain things, but ultimately decide to just be as straight-out as possible.

"Your highness -- I mean, Princess Celestia --, I just want to go home. Really, that's all there is to it. Twilight has spent weeks trying to help me find a way back, but our search has been fruitless so far. To be honest, we've run out of ideas, so Spike suggested we go see you. I, uh, I must admit I was pretty nervous about meeting you."

"Nervous? Oh goodness, I hope I've eased some of those concerns. I let all of my subjects know that they've nothing to fear from me in the slightest. I am simply here to make sure order is maintained and the world continues to function just as it always has."

"Yes, ma'am," you reply, "I feel a lot better about things now that I've met you. I don't know what I was expecting, but you're a lot more genuine than I thought royalty would be."

She smiles, and you feel a sense of calm wash over you. It's like she's radiating warmth and comfort.

"I'm glad I can put your mind at ease. Although, Twilight," she turns to her student, "you really didn't have to wait so long to tell me. You know you can always come to me no matter what."

"I'm sorry, Princess," Twilight says with an embarrassed look.

"It's quite alright. Now..." she turns back to you, "Why don't you tell me what's happened so far?"

You start from the beginning, telling her about the ship you were on, and the experiment that went horribly wrong. You tell her about how Rarity found you and saved you, and the month you spent in the hospital recuperating. Finally, you tell her about the several weeks you've been living with Twilight, trying to find a way home. She listens intently through the whole story, nodding here and there. She's silent for a few moments after you finish.

"I see. So...you think whatever caused this accident, whatever energy was behind it, should be able to send you back home. Correct?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"I'm going to be honest, I've no idea what type of event could cause such a thing. It sounds like this ship you were on was so overloaded with magical energy that it tore a hole between our worlds and deposited you here. That requires an enormous amount of power. What exactly was it you were part of?"

"It was...how do I put this...a sort of visible cloaking system. Basically, it was supposed to allow ships and their wakes to be hidden from visible and electronic detection by...something or other. I didn't exactly design the thing, I just installed the support frame around it. There wasn't any magic involved, though. Where I come from, magic isn't a real thing."

The Princess taps her hoof on the floor in thought.

"Interesting. I wish I could tell you why it happened, but such technological feats are beyond us."

Your heart sinks a little, feeling any hope of getting home slowly slip away.

"So you can't help me?"

"I don't know, I'm afraid to say. But I will most certainly try."

"But you can move the sun, right? The power to do that has to dwarf the power to make a portal, doesn't it?"

"Indeed I can, and I do. But the two are not as related as you may think. They are, each of them, different areas of magic. Nothing is as simple as it sounds."

Celestia stands back up and walks toward you, lowering her head so that she's eye level with you.

"I cannot promise you that I can return you home, but I will do everything in my power. I think this is going to take help beyond even myself. Please, make yourselves comfortable, there is someone I must speak with. I will return shortly."

You nod your head with a 'thank you' and watch her walk off, slumping down on a large, blue pillow.

"Power beyond even herself? What does that mean?"

"If I had to venture a guess," Twilight answers, "I'd say she's going to bring Luna in."

"But I thought Celestia was the stronger of the two." At least, according to everything you've heard.

"Oh, she is, but if Celestia and Luna can combine their power, then...who knows? It's worth a try, right?"

==========

Nearly twenty minutes pass before Celestia returns, this time with a much more solemn look. You wonder if something happened, or if you're about to receive bad news.

"My apologies for the delay, but Luna took some convincing. I'm afraid she's not very social." She turns her head and raises her voice slightly. "Luna? You can come in any time you like. I assure you there's nothing to be afraid of."

"AFRAID? WE ART NOT 'AFRAID', DEAR SISTER! 'TIS SIMPLY A MATTER OF--"

"Luna! Please, you'll scare our guest. Remember what we worked on, okay? Nice and quiet."

"--Y-Yes, my mistake. Very well, I shall enter the chambers now."

Another Alicorn, a little shorter than Celestia, rounds the corner. She's a much darker color, a midnight blue. Her mane and tail flow in the same ethereal breeze as her sister's, but instead of sparkling in the sunlight, it shines with pinpoints of light, almost like it contains thousands of stars.

"Greetings, fair...human. I am Princess Luna, keeper of the night. Thou must forgiveth our -- my -- antiquated speech, 'tis been a long time since I have been home. The years, I fear, hath not been easy to adjust to."

You bow deeply in respect, figuring she's more likely to approve of formality than her sister.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Princess Luna."

Twilight and Rarity bow along with you.

"I told Luna all about your unique situation, and she's offered to help. Perhaps if we can join our magic together, we can accomplish the goal. Isn't that right, Luna?"

"Verily. I must admit, thou art the first human I have seen. Most curious."

"Yeah, I get that a lot," you rub your neck with a nervous smile.

"Princess, if I may ask," Twilight adds, "How do you expect to do something like this? Even if the parallel worlds theory is correct, and it's a matter of tearing a hole between the two worlds...how do you know which world is his? Or dimension. Universe. Something."

"Because I'm going to do something I've not done in a long time," Celestia says firmly. She faces you and steps closer. "I'm going to tap into his mind. I need his permission to do this, however."

Twilight gasps in surprise.

"You're going to WHAT?"

"Essentially, I'm going to read his mind, Twilight. It is not something I take lightly, and I avoid it as much as possible. I have only done so a few times in the last thousand years. It requires a great deal of concentration, and the process can be...unpleasant."

"...unpleasant how?" you ask, suddenly not so sure you're okay with this whole situation.

"No permanent harm will come to you, of that I can assure you. However, probing your mind will tax your body, and I fear you may end up passing out or feeling very ill."

You don't say anything, too busy focusing on the risks.

"As I said, it is not a spell that I am fond of using. It is both an invasion of personal privacy and an invasion of the body. I will be able to see your very thoughts, tap into your subconscious. However, if you want to go home, this is the only way I can think of. Once I have your thoughts within my own mind, Luna and I can attempt to open a portal to your world. There is no guarantee, I'm afraid."

"Good thing I already threw up this morning..." you mutter to yourself. "So you're sure this is the best way you can think of? This is the best chance I have?"

"I'm afraid so. If you don't want to go through with this, I will not force you. This must be entirely your decision, because I cannot tap into your mind if you're unwilling."

The one way left to you to get back involves mind-rape. Wonderful. Still...if it works, it'll be worth it.

"Alright," you say with a deep exhale. "I'll do it. Just, uh, be gentle."

"Very well. If you'll please lie down, we can begin. I apologize in advance if anything unpleasant happens, that is something beyond my control." You give the princess a nod and lie on your back, grateful for the large pillows that dot the room. "Twilight, Rarity, there is a part in this for you, as well. I need you to hold him down."

Wait, hold you down? Ummm...

"The body's natural reaction to such an invasion is to fight back, and I imagine it's the same in humans. If so, you need to keep him in place."

Twilight floats a smaller pillow under your head as she and Rarity walk over to your sides, unsure expressions on their faces.

"I'm sorry you have to go through this," Twilight says.

"As am I, darling." Rarity places her hoof in your hand and you squeeze it gently, thankful for some small measure of comfort. "Whatever happens, we're here for you."

"Thank you," you say to both of them. "It means a lot to me." You take a deep breath and try to calm yourself, closing your eyes, focusing on something else besides your imminent situation. Your thoughts drift to that of lying in the hospital bed, sunlight streaming in through the windows, a soft breeze rustling the curtains. Standing beside you is Rarity, regaling you with a tale of how she fought through her own self-doubt to defeat the corrupted Nightmare Moon, gesturing wildly and making dramatic movements.

"Okay," you say out loud. "Let's start. You have my full permission, Princess. Both of you do."

"Very well." Celestia's voice is no longer light and reassuring, instead sounding thick with conviction and resolve. "I will begin immediately. No matter what I do, no matter what you feel or hear, you must stay conscious through this. Do you understand? If you don't, then the connection will be severed, and I will be unable to perform this spell on you again."

You mentally brace yourself against the unknown, expecting the worst but hoping for the best.

"I understand."

"Then let us begin."

You hear the princess walk over to you, her ornately decorated shoes clacking against the marble floor. She bends down at your side and presses the tip of her long, pointed horn against your forehead. There's a distinct, chiming sound of magic, a sound you're very familiar with. It doesn't stay familiar for long. It's soon joined by a rhythmic, pulsing sound, lower in frequency. Even through your closed eyes, you can see the area around you glowing much brighter, flooding in through your eyelids.

A strange tingle starts to form at the spot where her horn is touching your head, and you have to resist the urge to scratch it. The tingle slowly spreads through your mind and down your body, little pinpricks of electricity in your fingertips and toes. It feels strange, but there's nothing entirely unpleasant yet.

The pulsing sound is joined by a more high-pitched one, and the tiny pinpricks suddenly feel like jolts of electricity. You twitch involuntarily against the sensation, eliciting a gasp from Twilight and Rarity.

"I'm okay," you reassure them, focusing back on happier memories. Rarity is walking in to see you again, grasping a small figure in her mouth. It's a little white bear, wrapped up in a red ribbon. Just like the one you had as a kid, one you haven't seen for years. She sets the bear down next to your arm and smiles, going on about the stitching and how she hopes it's what you were expecting. A completely selfless act, done purely to bring you some comfort in a place that is very unfamil--

You're suddenly overtaken by an immense pressure in your temples -- it feels like your head is going to collapse in on itself. Your grit your teeth against it, aware of a cold presence in your mind, one that washes over and through your very thoughts.

"Focus on those thoughts again." You can hear Celestia's voice in your head, strangely distant. "Let her be your anchor."

You hear Twilight voicing some sort of concern for your safety, but you're unable to make out any words. It feels like everything is happening to someone else, someone far removed from yourself, even though you know better.

It's been a few days since she gave you your gift, and she's spent several hours talking with you today. She even brought a lunch to share with you, so you wouldn't have to eat hospital food for once. Some kind of french roll with a mix of cheeses and greens. A soda, too. Carrot flavored, of all things. You thank her sincerely and she smiles back, the same smile you've come to know so well lat--

"Aaaaaagh!" The jolts of electricity become a continuous torrent of harsh shocks. You can feel your body convulsing in protest. Twilight and Rarity press down against your shoulders and legs to keep you still, but it's not enough. Your body is pinned down by a flaring of magic from one of them, and you hear Rarity trying to comfort you. Only bits and pieces of her speech make any sense.

"She cares about you," Celestia's distant voice in your head tells you, "She would regret seeing you go, but she wants you to be happy. Hold onto her voice. Use it."

You try and focus on her voice, gradually allowing her words to take hold. They still sound distorted and wavering, but clearer.

"--ease, darling, don't be afraid. I'm here for you. I promise you'll be okay."

You've finally left the hospital, relieved to never have to lay in that damn bed again. Relieved, but uncertain. What are you going to do now? Twilight and Rarity are at your side, floating a small bag of your meager belongings. Rarity tugs at your sleeve and offers you a smile, reassuring you that everything will be fine. You bend down and hug her, happy to feel her silky coat against your hands. She's been the one constant through this entire mess.

Your vision flashes a multitude of colors, bright bursts of light flooding your sight. It feels like your stomach is trying to twist itself into a knot and you turn your head to the side to dry heave. Nothing comes out, but your body is rejecting the process. With a final surge of magic, your skin starts to feel like it's on fire, every nerve ending burning relentlessly. You arch your back even with the spell holding you down, and let out a loud, sobbing yell.

"I've got it!" Celestia yells over your screams of agony. "Luna, focus on me!"

There's another sound of intense magic, accompanied by a sharp 'crack' of energy. You open your eyes in panic, rapidly glancing at Celestia's intense look of concentration, Twilight's scared expression, and Rarity's watery eyes. Her light blue eyeshadow is smudged and dripping, but she keeps her gaze on you.

"It's almost over, darling, you have to be strong!"

Down by your feet is a swirling vortex of magic, rapidly coalescing into a small sphere. It hums with otherworldly energy, then rapidly expands to four times its size with a roaring of thunder.

"Wider, Luna! We have to get it stabilized!"

The sphere roils and churns, but it's becoming fuzzier. You struggle to focus on it, finding yourself unable to. You glance back at Rarity and reach your gripped hand up to her cheek. She holds it there with a quivering lip. Her big, blue eyes slowly fade as the world around you grows more distant. Darker. You fight against the overwhelming darkness streaming in from the corners of your vision, but it's a losing battle. Your sight fades into a small tunnel of light before that, too vanishes into nothing.

You awaken a short time later, feeling someone holding your head between soft hooves. You blink a few times to clear the haze, momentarily biting your lip hard enough to draw blood as lingering pulses of energy course through you. You immediately sit up, looking around. There's relief on Twilight's face -- she probably thought you were dead.

"Did...did it work?" You rapidly turn your head, looking for the portal that was forming, but seeing nothing. "It was right here, where did it..."

Celestia and Luna are at your side. They look remorseful. Saddened.

Oh no.

"I'm sorry," Celestia says solemnly, "We couldn't keep it open. It was too much for your body to handle, and you became unconscious after a short time."

"You mean...you mean it didn't work? I-I'm stuck here? But it was right there...we have to try again, we have to...to..."

"I'm truly sorry," she says again, "but it's a one-time process. If I were to attempt it again, it's very likely that you would die. I cannot do such a thing."

Your lip starts to tremble as weight of the last several minutes crushes down on you, an unfathomable sadness. You'll never see them again. You'll never go back home. You're trapped in this place for the rest of your life.

"B-but...I can't be here...I can't...oh god...I'm so sorry, mom..." Tears start streaming down your face, uncontrollable and stinging against your cheeks.

Rarity embraces you and puts a foreleg around your head. You bury your face in her shoulder, and cry a deep, hopeless cry.

"I'm so sorry, darling." She runs a hoof through your hair and gently rocks you. "I'm so sorry. I'll always be here for you. Always."

==========

You never were a morning person.

The very idea of voluntarily waking up at the crack of dawn has always struck you as insane. Why wouldn't you stay asleep as long as possible? Hell, back before you were forced to wake up early every morning by that damn reveille recording that was blasted from the the post's speakers, you were a complete night owl. Most of your jobs involved working through the entire night, then sleeping during the day. And you were fine with that.

Funny how things change.

These days, you more often than not find yourself awake by eight in the morning. Ten, if you're really tired. Partly due to your construction job starting early, but mostly due to Rarity's early morning habits rubbing off on you. Or, depending on the morning, rubbing you off. Either way works, really.

So it is with today, as the morning light streams in from an open window and wakes you up out of a restful sleep. You groggily sit up and rub your eyes, stretching with a loud yawn. You notice Rarity's spot is empty, but her pillow is impeccably fluffed and her side of the sheets and blankets are already tucked in. Some things never change.

You put your hands down to push yourself out of bed, but stop with a quiet gasp of surprise as you feel the soft feathers under your palm. Somehow, you'd completely forgotten about Fluttershy lying next to you. She reacts slightly in her sleep, muttering something incoherent before fidgeting and drifting off again.

She's so adorable it hurts, you think to yourself with a laugh, wondering how you could have forgotten about her in the first place. The events of last night seem like a distant dream, and it takes a moment for reality to set in -- you really did kiss Fluttershy. And so did Rarity. And it wasn't unpleasant.

You put the consequences of it behind you, tucked away in the back of your mind. You can sit down and think about what it means later. For now, though, all you can think about is a nice, hot shower. And coffee. Shower first, though.

You take your time in the bathroom, letting the hot water fill it with steam. A quick shave gets rid of several days worth of stubble. As you step into the stream of hot water with a sigh of relief, you notice two small, purple bottles sitting against the wall. Rarity's slightly raised head is emblazoned on the front, a side view with her eyes closed. Curious, you bend down and pick up the bottles, marked 'Shampoo' and 'Conditioner'.

"Elegance, by Rarity," you read aloud, staring at the sweeping, white cursive letters, the 'i' in Rarity dotted with her cutie mark's diamond. On the back is her signature, cursive 'R' with her two gleaming, blue eyes staring out from the middle.

Well, this is new. As far as you can recall, she's never had her own beauty products. You make a mental note to ask her about it when you see her.

You pop the cap open and take a whiff, a scent of lavender and vanilla wafting out. Not really your style, but it's not unpleasant. You set the bottles back down and use your old, reliable shower gel instead.

After the shower you feel much more awake and alert. With your plaid bath robe tied on, nice and comfortable, you make your way down to the first floor, inhaling deeply at the smell of freshly brewed coffee. Rarity is standing next to a frying pan set on the stove top, humming a happy tune as she flips a mixture of vegetables. She's wearing her robe as well, one she's had for several years, made of white cotton with poofy, yellow ends at the neck, legs and haunches. A purple 'R' is stitched onto the side. She's nothing if not consistent.

"Good morning, baby," you say with a smile, walking over to her and bending down slightly. She perks up at the sound of your voice and turns to greet you, standing on her hind legs to give you a big, tight hug and a kiss on the lips.

"Good morning, darling! I hadn't expected to see you awake so soon."

"Well, it's my last day off from work, I wanted to spend as much time as possible with you." That, and sunlight blasting into your eyelids isn't the easiest thing to sleep through.

"You're too sweet, dear. How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling just fine, really. Slept pretty good, even with our new addition. Still feels kinda weird having her there, but I could get used to it. I actually forgot she was even there to begin with this morning. Almost woke her up when I put a hand down on her wing. Scared the crap outta me."

Rarity laughs softly and kisses your cheek.

"It is going to take some getting used to, I admit. It's been just the two of us for so long! Though I do believe we're on the right path with her, the poor dear. How all of this is going to end up working out, I've no idea, but for now we're just easing into it. She really did sound lonely when we were talking to her at her cottage, don't you think?"

"Yeah," you nod your head, "that she did. I'm just going along with things as they develop, because I love and trust you. I just don't want any us time to be cut into by this, you know?"

Rarity gives you a reassuring smile and places a hoof on your cheek.

"Darling, if I thought our time spent alone would be a thing of the past, I wouldn't have suggested this in the first place. The time spent with you is the most wonderful part of my day, no matter what we're doing. Having Fluttershy around won't change that, I promise you. Besides, it's not like she's going to be here all the time! She still has her veterinarian responsibilities to take care of, and she can always return home at any time should she feel the need."

"But you told her she could sleep with us from now on," you remind her.

"That I did. I would be very surprised if she does so, however. For all of the comfort we try our best to provide her, it's still our home, not hers. No doubt she'll want to spend a few nights with us and a few nights at her own place. I'm certain of it." She glances away for a moment to turn the stove top off, flipping the pan once more before setting it aside on an empty burner.

"You always have been, and always will be, my first and foremost priority, sweetie. Nothing is going to change that, not even Fluttershy. We're just going to have somepony else around a few days a week, and even that won't last forever. Sooner or later she'll want to find a man -- or mare, I shan't judge either way -- of her own. We're just providing her with the confidence to do so.

If there is ever a moment where you don't want to push things further with her, I will never force you. It will be entirely of your own volition, okay?"

"Okay," you reply, hoping it's as easy as she's making it sound. "I just wanted to voice some concerns, hon. You know me."

"Indeed I do, darling. I know you very, very well." She gives you a wry smile and unties your robe, running a hoof down your chest. "Perhaps later I can show you just how well, hmm?"

"I think I'd like that," you respond with an arched eyebrow and a sly smile of your own.

She kisses you softly and bites her lip.

"See? Something to look forward to. But in all seriousness, darling, I appreciate your concern. Things will be just fine, I promise. Now," she drops back down to all fours, "I thought you might enjoy a nice meal to start the day. I know you usually make breakfast, but I figured it's been a while since I tried my hoof at it."

You stand back up and tie your robe off again, partly wishing you didn't have to wait until later to have some fun.

"I noticed. What'd you make?" you ask as you pour yourself a cup of coffee, mixing in a small packet of sugar and some creamer.

"Nothing too fancy, just a couple of fried eggs -- over medium with salt and pepper, like you like them -- and some mixed vegetables in a garlic sauce. I believe it was peas, diced carrots and potatoes, and finely chopped broccoli."

You whistle at the impressive little meal she's thrown together, surprised and delighted that she took the time to make something so early.

"Of course there's some extra in case Fluttershy is hungry. Speaking of which, I'm honestly surprised that she isn't awake by now. I'd always taken her for an early riser."

"Yeah, same here," you add, taking a sip of your coffee. "Maybe she's secretly a party girl and she stays out all night."

Rarity giggles at the thought as she floats a pair of plates over.

"Oh my, I can't imagine such a thing! Fluttershy on the dance floor of a DJ Pon-e club, good heavens! With a glowstick in her mouth and bracelets around her legs. That's about as likely as finding myself at a country dance bar!"

"Well, you did once--"

"Besides the one time Applejack took us all out to one, that is."

You laugh at the memory of Rarity getting absolutely tanked on whiskey and trying to line dance, only to end up tripping half of the ponies there. That, and continuously trying to steal AJ's hat. You remind her of them both and she blushes with embarrassment.

"...Okay, perhaps it was just a tad bit fun. But you understand what I'm saying."

She scoops a couple of eggs and a sizable portion of vegetables onto a plate, setting it down on the kitchen table alongside her own. You grab her coffee cup and top it off, adding a little more sugar and cream to it.

"Now be honest, darling. I want to know what you think of it," she tells you as you both sit down to eat. She rests her head in her hooves and watches as you take a bite of your eggs. You keep your face neutral just to tug her along a little, and she knows you're doing it, giving you a playfully annoyed look.

"Well? Come now, I know you haven't forgotten how to speak already."

The eggs are good. Really good. So are the vegetables, once you taste them. Steamed and fresh, with a tasty garlic sauce tossed in.

"...Yeah, okay," you admit as you chew another bite, "it's pretty good." She gives you a satisfied smile in response, her eyes doing that cute little upside-down 'U' expression she does so well.

"Fabulous! Rarity: Fashionista Extraordinaire and World-Class Chef! I quite like it, don't you? Rolls off the tongue."

"Sounds perfect, hon," you roll your eyes and laugh.

"I thought so." She digs in to her food -- as much as she can with dainty bites, anyway -- while you sip at your coffee.

"Hey, hon?"

"Hmmm?" she replies with a mouth full of food. Classy.

"When I was taking a shower a little while ago, I couldn't help but notice a couple new bottles. With your name and symbol on them. When did that happen?"

"Ah, yes, I was wondering when you'd see those. I wanted it to be a surprise. They're actually the first in a new line of beauty products, branded by moi, of course! Isn't it exciting?"

"As exciting as shampoo can be, I guess."

She scoffs at your remark with a dismissive hoof wave.

"I ordered an initial batch a few weeks ago, and the first bottles arrived here while you were out yesterday. I have my own beauty line!" she giggles happily.

"That's pretty neat. Congrats, baby! How did this come about?"

"Oh, thank you, darling! Well, since you asked, I suppose I could tell you. Once we learned that Cashmere was going to be operating a store relatively close to our own, I thought we could do something to raise brand awareness. So, I asked Aloe and Lotus at the spa if they knew anypony I could talk to, and they pointed me to this delightful mare named Indulgence. Quite the agreeable pony, despite the name."

"What, so this 'Indulgence' lady makes shampoo and such?"

"Precisely. She has her own brand, but once I told her of my plans she offered to set me up with a starter package at a good price. The initial batch is mostly shampoos, conditioners, lotions, that sort of thing. Given time -- and profit -- we could move into perfumes and massage oils and that sort of thing, too. Now Rarity will be a name known not only for fashion, but beauty and self-care as well. Isn't it fabulous? We can start selling them in the store immediately!"

If there was ever any doubt about her being a shrewd businessmare, those doubts have been blown away. By a cannon.

"That's...not a bad idea at all, actually. What about the name? I assume 'Elegance' is a dig at Cashmere somehow?"

"To some degree, yes. Once we drive that wretched woman out of business," she shakes a hoof, " the only elegance in this town will be the property of Rarity!"

She notices your expression and laughs with embarrassment.

"That is, my brand name --our brand name -- will be known all across Ponyville, and hopefully beyond. Heh heh..."

You shake your head and laugh at her attitude, shoving another forkful into your mouth.

"You don't mess around, babe," you say between chews.

"I do what I can, darling. And do try to not speak with your mouth full, hmm?"

"Yes, mom," you playfully answer.

"Speaking of Cashmere," Rarity adds as she floats the coffee pot over and refills your cups, "I've been thinking about how we can get back at her for her little 'sale' she forced us to go through."

This'll be fun. Scheming Rarity is your favorite kind of Rarity! Well, second favorite. Your first favorite can't be brought up in polite conversation.

"Oh? What'd you have in mind?"

"It's two-fold. First, we're going to play a little prank on her. Nothing serious, just something to get a little bit of revenge for her humiliation. An eye for an eye, and all that."

"Mmhmm. And second?"

"That, my dear, is where we hit her where it counts: in the coin pouch."

"Oooh, revenge. Revenge is fun. What's your plan?"

"It's simple," she states.

"We kill the Batman?"

"...What?"

"Nothing. Go on."

"...Right. As I was going to say, we go after her suppliers. If we can't take her head-on, we must move up the proverbial ladder. If we can get her suppliers to deliver to us instead of her, she'll be forced to look elsewhere. That costs time. And money."

You nod, understanding her thought process.

"But how do we go about doing that? I mean, she's had a business almost as long as you have, surely they have some sort of loyalty to her."

"Of course. That's why we show them that we're better. We'll give them some of my creations, free of charge. Once they see the quality put into them, they're sure to be impressed. Then, we work out a deal. Just like that, her suppliers are now my suppliers, the quality of her clothing drops, and she loses business. Simple, really." She gives a self-satisfied smile. "I amaze even myself sometimes, if I do say so."

"I see where you're going with this, but what if it's not that simple? She owns multiple stores, remember? That means she knows a lot of people. I doubt taking down some suppliers will ruin her."

"I don't want to ruin her, darling. She may be an insufferable, miserable excuse for a woman, but I don't want to put her out on the street. I simply want to get her out of Ponyville. I live here, I love the ponies here, and like a mother bear defending her cubs, so too shall I defend this town from her hostile takeover. And if, say, some rumors about her business practices happen to be spread...well, who's to say?"

"So, basically, we're going to cut her off from her business partners and slander her not-so-good name?"

"Well, I'm loathe to put it in such a way, but yes. I suppose you could say that."

You raise your coffee cup in approval and clink it against her own.

"I like the way you think, baby."

==========

The first part of Rarity's little vengeance plan has led you to the Everfree Forest, where you've been told to keep an eye out for a particular flower. One that's blue, and closely resembles a tulip. But, she warns you as you spot a small patch of them, you must not come in contact with anything but the stem. They've earned the name 'poison joke' for a reason, she says.

"What's so bad about these things, anyway? They look harmless enough."

"Poison Joke is a magical flower, and as such, it has unique properties. Basically, it takes one of your most distinct traits and turns it against you. For example, when we were all exposed to it a few years ago, Fluttershy's voice changed from soft and quiet to deep and...manly. Rainbow Dash is a wonderful flier, but after the poison joke she couldn't get her bearings in the least. Things like that. It's ultimately harmless, but quite hilarious. Mostly."

"Mostly?" you ask, curious as to the details.

"Well...when I was exposed to it, it turned my perfectly-kept mane and coat into long, poofy strands. I looked like a sheep that hadn't been shorn in years!"

You try to imagine Rarity looking less like a beauty queen and more like a sheep dog. She smiles with embarrassment as you laugh at the mental image.

"Please tell me someone took a picture. Please."

"Sweet Celestia, I hope not! Think of the potential blackmail! 'Rarity, fashionista of Ponyville, is actually an uncouth slob!' Thank goodness the girls and their 'Gabby Gums' column weren't around back then."

You bend down and very carefully place two fingers around the thin stem of a single flower.

"Couldn't you just lift one from the ground with you magic, hon?" It seems like a better idea than potentially getting a face full of embarrassment.

"I'm afraid not, darling. Since it's a magical flower, it reacts to magic. I'd rather not experience such a thing again!"

"Fair enough." You give a firm tug and lift the flower out of the ground, setting it inside a small box Rarity packed in her saddlebags. She closes the top and seals it firmly before setting it back in its place.

"So how exactly do you plan on getting this to Cashmere in the first place? I imagine she's gonna she hesitant to take anything from you these days."

"Already considered, dear. It's quite simple, really. I'm going to wrap this box up as a gift and have the mail mare deliver it to her business, signed as being from 'an admirer'. All she has to do is open the box and take a single smell, and voila, one poison-joked Cashmere! Then all we have to do is drop by her pathetic excuse for a fashion store and observe the results!"

Rarity laughs with what you can only describe as a mixture of 'evil genius' and 'overjoyed to the point of hilarity'. You're not sure whether it's terrifying or adorable. Probably both.

"Let's get this home, darling. There isn't more than two hours before the mail is picked up, and I want to have this ready for delivery today. Ooooh, I can't wait! Oh, darling, do you think we could stop by Sugarcube Corner on the way home?"

"Yeah, sure. What for?"

"I'd like to pay Pinkie Pie a visit."

==========

Sugarcube Corner is surprisingly quiet, the usual bustle of trays and churning of mixing machines absent for the moment. All you can hear is some happy humming and soft hoof falls.

"Pinkie? Pinkie Pie, are you here, darling?" The humming stops and Pinkie yells back from the kitchen.

"Rarity? Is that you?"

"Yes, darling, I was wondering if could speak with you for a mome--"

You hear a loud gasp of joy, and a blur of pink rushes past you. Pinkie's literal attack hug sends Rarity sprawling to the ground, with Pinkie on top of her, a giant smile on her face.

"Ohmigosh, hi, Rarity! I wasn't expecting to see you today, but I didn't have much to do, so when I heard your voice I was SUPER EXCITED! And you brought your puppy-love with you! Awww, that's so cute!"

"Yes, so I can tell," Rarity says as she playfully rubs a hoof in Pinkie's bright, poofy hair. "How have you been? I would have been by sooner but things have been absolutely frantic these last couple days."

"Ohhhh, you mean Cashmere's store, right?"

"Erm, yes, actually. You know who she is?"

Pinkie hops off Rarity and happily bounces around you. Rarity brushes herself off and fixes her hair, complaining quietly about having to comb it again.

"I sure do! She came by last week to make a BIG ORDER for her opening-of-her-store party! Oh, she had cakes, and pies, and cookies, and cupcakes, and donuts and ALL KINDS OF STUFF! Mister Cake sure was happy about getting all those bits!" Pinkie notices you eying a tray of desserts and bounces over to you. "Don't they look SO GOOD? Those are lemon cream cheese tortes! And those," she points a hoof at a tray of chocolate-covered cake, "are black forest bites! We always make a lot of black forest cake, but sometimes customers don't want a whole cake or even a whole slice, so I thought we could cut them into little bites and sell them for less!" She giggles excitedly at her own creativity, happy to have someone to explain it to. They do look pretty good...

"Actually, Pinkie Pie, we stopped by to ask you something."

"Ask me something? Ooh, ooh, is it about donuts?!"

"Ah, not quite."

"Cake?! I have a strawberry kiwi cake I've been wanting to make all week, but Mrs. Cake says I should eat less cake and fudge, because soon I'd have a pudge, and then I couldn't budge."

"Not cake either, darling. It's not food related at all, actually."

Pinkie scratches her head in confusion. Maybe she's been around sweets for too long.

"Okay, I give up. What is it?"

"It's about Cashmere. She's not as nice as she seems, I'm afraid."

"I didn't think she was very nice to begin with! She was very bossy when she was in here. Not a very nice pony, if you ask me. And you didn't, so you should ask me." She puts her face right against Rarity's and bulges her eyes. It's actually a little scary. "Ask me!"

"Ah...what do you think of Cashmere?" Rarity backs away slightly from Pinkie's energetic demand.

"She's not a very nice pony!" Well, that was about as literal as you'd imagined.

"Yes, quite so...you see, at her grand opening, she basically manipulated me into selling everything in the Boutique at half off. She and I used to be very good friends, darling. Years ago. Ever since she's come back, however, she's tried to do nothing but ruin me. Lying, manipulation, slander, anything she can do. Why, I lost several thousand bits from her insufferable meddling in just one day!'

"Four thousand fifty-one bits, to be precise!"

"Wait, how did you know that, Pinkie? I don't recall giving you access to my financial records."

"I read the last chapter, duh!" Pinkie adds with a smile.

"Erm, the what now, darling?"

"Nothing. You were saying?"

"...Right. So, we were looking to get a bit of payback for her transgressions. I believe she has it coming, don't you?"

"Mayyyyybe."

"I was wondering if you'd like to help me out."

"Mayyyyyyyyybe."

"Do you think it would be possible to, say, draw some attention to her store in a few hours? I do believe I have a plan."

"Attention?" She gasps, her eyes widening, "I LOVE drawing attention!" Pinkie ecstatically answers. She zips behind the corner, coming back less than a second later, a complete one-pony-band strapped to her body. How does she do that?

"Fabulous, darling! That would be perfect. Perhaps you can sing a song, too?"

"A song! I LOVE songs! Especially songs that draw attention!" No kidding.

"Good, because there's something I want you to do."

==========

You arrive home without much time to spare. Rarity rushes up to the second floor to wrap Cashmere's 'gift' while you go to check on Fluttershy. Oddly enough, she's not even in the building. Instead, lying on the well-made bed is a note.

"I'm sorry for waking up so late, but I feel much better this morning. I wasn't sure how long you would both be gone, but I wanted to go check on the animals and help feed them so Angel doesn't get overwhelmed. I'll likely be gone most of the day, but I'll be back before it's dark, I promise.

Oh, and tell Rarity I said thank you for the breakfast, it was very good."

It's signed with a hoof print and a tiny drawing of a bunny -- sounds like something Fluttershy would do, no doubt about it. You pick up the note and call out to Rarity in the next room.

"Hey, baby?"

"Yesh, dear?" Her voice sounds funny, like she's got something in her mouth.

"I found a note from Fluttershy. You want me to bring it to you?"

"Pleashe do, I'm afraid I'm quite preoccupied at the moment."

You step into her work room to find her busily cutting away at some golden wrapping paper, a length of red ribbon dangling from her teeth.

"Jusht a moment," she says as she folds the wrapping paper over the box, creasing it down with her hooves. She uses her magic to wrap the red ribbon around the package, tying it off in a large bow. For a final touch, she sticks a small tag on it, writing 'To Cashmere, from a secret admirer'.

"You're sure that'll work?" you ask.

"If I know Cashmere -- and I do -- then she'll be unable to resist. Her poor demeanor is matched only by her inflated ego. If there's any chance she could receive a gift that further makes Cashmere think even more highly of herself, she'll be all over it. Now, let me see that note, darling."

She levitates it from your hands and reads it aloud.

"Hmmm. I suppose that was to be expected. She could no more abandon her daily duties as I could abandon mine. Quite the work ethic in her, I must admit." Rarity sets the note down and smiles at you. "See, darling? I told you we wouldn't be sharing every moment of the day with her. She is an adult, after all, and she has her own responsibilities to take care of. And since she claims that she's going to be gone most of the day, that's more time for us to spend together. Tres magnifique! Hmmhmm."

You grab the gift-wrapped package and follow her down to the first floor, setting it on the ground next to the door.

"Now, if Miss Doo comes by at her regular time, and I imagine she will, we can present her with this package and ask her to take it to Cashmere's store. Would you be a dear and do it for me? I'm afraid there's something of the utmost importance I must work on."

"Yeah, sure thing, hon. Don't have much else to do, I suppose."

Rarity jumps up and kisses you on the cheek, setting her cute little work glasses on her nose as she lands on the floor again.

"Thank you, darling. If you need me I shall be upstairs creating ze magicks!" She giggles at the last words, obviously some in-joke you don't get.

"What, you mean, like, the outfits for Cashmere's suppliers?"

"Not quite, darling. Not quite." She swishes her tail from side to side as she walks away. Always teasing, you swear.

With not much else to do, you grab a soda out of the fridge and slump down on the couch. The bottle cap pops open with a satisfying hiss, and you down a big swig of it, thankful for it simply being cola flavored. Not that you hate the carrot one, it's just nice to have a taste of some regular soda once in a while. While you're at it, you reach into the small bag marked 'Sugarcube Corner' and pull out one of Pinkie's black forest bites, popping it in your mouth. Rarity protested when you wanted to buy a bag of them, but when something tastes so right, how can it possibly be wrong?

"Maybe I was just over reacting after all," you say to no one in particular, you mind drifting to Fluttershy and Rarity, and the ever-growing love triangle. It's certainly not a situation you'd have imagined yourself in even a week ago. No, you're pretty sure that if someone had told you that you were about to be involved in a complicated proverbial threesome with Rarity's best friend, you probably would have laughed in their face.

"Yeah, 'proverbial' for how long? That's the question."

On one hand, you really wouldn't mind a little of the unknown. After last night, Fluttershy certainly seems open to the idea, even if you're only slowly building toward it. If Rarity was going to admit her feelings for another mare, she could have certainly done a lot worse than a life-long friend, or damn near it. It would probably be pretty fun, too.

On the other hand...you've seen enough movies in your time to know where things like this lead to. Jealousy, anger, swaying emotions, all of that nonsense and drama. You really hope it doesn't come to that. What if Fluttershy doesn't want to simply move on to someone else? What if she becomes convinced that Rarity is the one for her? The last thing you want to do is have Rarity put in a situation where she has to choose. The very thought of her even considering leaving you is one you can't fathom.

"Relax, man, you're over-thinking this," you tell yourself. Never, not even once in your entire time with her, has Rarity ever shown any signs of being unhappy with you. She loves you more than life itself, and the feeling is definitely mutual.

There's a knock at the door, interrupting your train of thought. You swing it open to find the grey, blonde-haired mail mare smiling up at you with her slightly off-kilter amber eyes.

"Good morning!" she says with a big smile. "Have any mail to send out today?"

"Morning, Ditzy," you say with a smile of your own. You reach down for the gift-wrapped poison joke and hand it to her.

"Ooooh, nice box. Present for someone?" she asks as she stuffs it into her large saddlebags. One of them is bristling with letters, the other bulging with small packages.

"Sort of. You know who Cashmere is?"

She puts a hoof to her chin in thought, her eyes drifting apart slightly.

"Oh! She's the one who runs that store that just opened, right? She had a great party! Though I think I had too much of that punch. Do you like punch? You know there was this one pony I knew in Manehattan who--"

"Yeah, that's her," you have to interrupt, knowing how fond Ditzy is of going off on entertaining, but long, tangents. "Do you think you could deliver that box to her personally? Just tell her it's from an admirer."

Ditzy Doo gasps when you tell her, her eyes becoming smaller.

"But you're Rarity's very special somepony! Somehuman?"

You laugh and shake your head, reassuring her it's not from you.

"No, no, I'm not the admirer, I'm just passing the package along for them."

"Ohhhh. I see. Well in that case, sure!" She closes the flap on her saddlebag, the little latch covered by a muffin pin. "Is Rarity home? I was gonna ask her about this dress I ordered during her half-off sale. That was very nice of her to do, don't you think?"

You're not sure what to say to that, so you simply nod your head.

"I asked her to make me a dress for an upcoming event, and she was so nice about it. Did you know she can shape those gems into bubbles? I can't wait to see what it looks like!"

"I'm afraid Rarity has been pretty busy today, but I'll let her know you asked about it. Maybe she'll see you tomorrow?"

"That would be great!" Ditzy spreads her wings out and flaps them once, making sure the extra bit of weight hasn't thrown her balance off.

"Oh, hey, do you want a soda, Ditzy? We've got a few extra. Consider it a thanks for delivering the box."

"Thank you, but that's alright. You keep that soda for you and your pretty girl, okay?" She puts a hoof to her chest and recites dramatically: " 'Come rain, or snow, or sleet or shine, nothing shall keep me from my rounds.' That means I deliver them because I care about doing my job," she says with a smile. "But thanks anyway! Maybe I'll stop by some time to take you up on the offer."

With a few flaps of her wings she lifts herself into the air, hovering just above the ground. She wobbles slightly but regains her balance just before bumping into the entrance way.

"Thanks, Ditzy! I'll tell Rarity you stopped by. Feel free to come by any time, okay?"

She nods with a final, big smile and takes off, heading down the street to her next stop.

You close the door and head back to your spot on the couch, laying back with a sigh of relief while sipping your soda. Now you just have to wait a little while for Cashmere to get the innocent-looking package.

This is gonna be good.