You haven't gone insane.

Right now, you wish you would have. Insanity would be infinitely easier to wrap your head around. At least then you could look forward to dealing with real people.

No, you're not insane. You're just lying in a hospital bed, at the mercy of talking horses -- or ponies, rather. Brightly colored, talking ponies who apparently used magic to make you fall asleep. Because that makes so much more sense. As the crowning cherry on top of this whole situation, your legs have been tied down again. At least they didn't restrain your arms this time.

The hospital room is surprisingly quiet right now, much to your relief. No beeping machines, no loud steps of...ponies...coming and going in the hallway. Just a soft breeze flowing in from an open window, occasional gusts fluffing the thin curtains. There's a small tray on a table next to your bed, a glass of water and some sort of green, leafy-looking pile sitting on top. You decide against touching the mystery greens and take the glass, cautiously sipping at it to make sure it really is plain old water. You're still feeling a little dehydrated, but it helps. As you take a drink you notice a small sheet of paper tucked under the tray, written in plain English. Just another detail that you shake your head at in disbelief.

"Please accept our sincerest apologies for having to put you under," you read aloud to yourself, "but it was for your own good. We have vacated the area to give you a little breathing room, and hopefully help you adjust to the changes. I'm sure you have many questions, as do we, but I want you to try and relax as much as possible."

Yeah, relax. That's exactly what you've been thinking since finding yourself in bizarro world.

"Nurse Candy Care has left you a glass of water and and a portion of alfalfa salad. It's simply a guess, as we're not sure what you eat, but water is universal. I will be by in a few hours to check on you, but should you need anything before then, there is a buzzer to your right. One of the nurses will come assist you. I know this transition must be extremely jarring, but myself and my staff will do whatever it takes to help you. Sincerely, Doctor Pulse."

You set the note back down and cradle the glass of water in your hands, staring down at it thought. What the hell happened to you? You wrack your mind to pull together bits and pieces of the last twenty-four hours. It's mostly hazy, but details here and there pop into focus. Some sort of accident, and then you nearly died...and now you're here. The remainder is just flashes and glimpses. Maybe you just need to relax. It could --

"Good afternoon. How are you feeling, son?"

Doctor Pulse. The pony doctor. You laugh to yourself at the ridiculousness of it all. He's calling to you from outside the room, probably doesn't want to alarm you.

"I'm...alive. Uhmm..."

"Well, alive is good, wouldn't you say? I'd like to come in and talk to you, if that's okay. I don't want you panicking."

"Yeah, sure. Go ahead."

"Okay, I'm coming in. It's just me, I promise I'm not going to do anything to harm you."

There's loud footsteps -- hoof steps, you suppose -- as he walks in on four legs. That explains all the people you thought you heard coming and going. You notice his light brown body and dark brown hair, much more of a muted set of colors compared to the pudgy nurse. He has very blue eyes, though. Hilariously enough, he's wearing what appears to be a light green business shirt and black tie, with a white doctor's coat over it, but all of his clothing stops at his midsection.

For some reason, there's a picture of a heart monitor on his...upper leg? Side? You have no idea what it's called on a pony. Jutting out from his forehead is a horn, like you've seen on all those unicorn drawings people make. He even has a pair of small glasses perched on his nose.

"You're not trying to escape through a hole in the wall, I see. That's a good start." He offers you a light smile.

"Yeah..." The reality of your situation hits you again like a sack of bricks. You're not sure what to feel. "I'm really here, aren't I? I'm not imagining a talking pony in a lab coat. It's really happening."

"Indeed you are. You should consider yourself lucky. Had we not found you, you would have likely died of exposure, not to mention your numerous wounds."

You don't say anything in response.

"Look, son, I can't claim to know what must be going through your mind right now, but however strange I may appear to you, I want you to know that I am going to do everything I can to help. You've no need to fear me, or anypony else here. Okay?"

"Okay," you reply with a soft nod.

"Good." There's some sort of blue field of energy around his horn, and your eyes widen as he floats a clipboard over in a shimmering aura of the same color. It's accompanied by the same soft, chiming sound you've heard before. He glances up and sees the shock evident on your face. "Ah, yes, I suppose you wouldn't be used to unicorn magic, would you? Comes in quite handy."

"How...how do you do that?" you ask, genuinely curious.

"Well, it's actually quite simple. I just focus a small portion of my mind on it, and it happens. I could go into the details, but I'm sure you don't want to hea--"

"No, please, I'd like to know. I, uh, I could use a little distraction right now." You sit up in your bed and take another drink of your water. "Man, no one is ever gonna believe this..."

"Hmmm...how to explain. Well, every unicorn has inherent magical powers, though the strength and ability of said magic varies from pony to pony. Basically, there's a magical circuit that runs from the base of the spine all the way to the brain, then up to tip of the horn. Think of it as another nervous system. When a unicorn wants to use his or her magic, like so," he lifts the glass from your hand, rotating it in mid air, "the magical circuit detects the impulses sent by the brain, and focuses the magical energy inherent in the world through the conduit of the horn."

"Like the Force?"

"The what?" The doctor sets the glass back down in your hand with a puzzled look.

"Oh, sorry. Guess you wouldn't know what that is. It's from a movie."

"...Indeed. As I was saying, every unicorn has the ability of basic manipulation and simple multitasking, but advanced magic requires years of study and practice. Even then, each unicorn's most advanced spells are usually related to their cutie mark."

Their what?

"Cutie mark. It shows up on your flank when you discover your true calling in life."

You laugh at the ridiculous name. Cutie mark? Really? That's not very manly.

"Perhaps it's not a 'manly' word for it, but it is what it is. For example, I discovered at a young age that I wanted to help people, be a doctor. So, my cutie mark appeared. It's a cause for celebration amongst our kind."

"Oh, so that explains the magical ass tattoo." The doctor arches an eyebrow at your summary.

"Yes...I suppose one could call it that. My personal spell allows me to tap into the life force of any living creature. In a sense, I can 'feel' your vital signs and sense damage to your anatomy."

"So that's how you were able to heal me?"

"That's correct. At least, partially. Nurse Redheart is adept at mending bones and healing basic tissue damage, hence your ribs and lacerations being mostly healed, but complex injuries are another matter entirely.

That reminds me, while you were asleep, we had her come in and work on your ankle. It should be mostly healed, just be gentle about putting pressure on it for a while."

Doctor Pulse sets the clip board down and sits in a chair next to your bed.

"Ah, I see you didn't touch your alfalfa salad. Not feeling hungry?"

"Not particularly. Though, if I'm honest, I don't think I could eat something like that."

"I see. As I said in the note, it was just a guess. We'll get you a proper meal in a bit. It's good that you've been drinking the water, though, that's the most important thing. We need to keep you well-hydrated, especially since your last drink of water was several hours ago, before we had to use the anesthetic spell on you. Most unfortunate event, that."

Several hours? It didn't feel like several hours passed. Must have been sleeping pretty hard.

You're suddenly hit by an extreme urge to use the bathroom. You never did get to take care of business the last time you were awake.

"Hey, doctor, while I appreciate the chat, I, uhh....I really need to use the bathroom."

"Oh! Oh yes, I suppose you would. There is a bathroom just a few doors down, but before I let you go there -- with an escort, just in case you happen to pass out -- I need to know that you're not going to do anything drastic this time. Understood?"

You nod your head, feeling like your bladder is going to explode at any moment. "Yeah, sure thing. It's still unreal that I'm even here to begin with, but I think I'm okay."

"Alright, I'll let you out of those leg restraints. Nightstick will be outside watching the door, he's been told to escort you should you need to leave the room."

"Nightstick? What's his calling in life, clubbing people?"

Doctor Pulse laughs and shakes his head.

"No, no, I assure you he's quite agreeable despite the name. He's been running security here for years, he's a good stallion. Now, let's get you out of this bed, shall we?" His horn flares with blue magic and your leg restraints slide open "Easy now, one leg at a time. If you feel dizzy or nauseous, just take a second and relax."

Cautiously, you swing one of your legs over the side of the bed. Your bare feet touch the cold tile, surprising you a little. You bring over the other leg, and slowly attempt to stand up. The world feels like it's spinning slightly, but you're able to stand with a slight wobble.

"Easy, now. How do you feel?"

"I feel alright. Kinda dizzy, but it's nothing bad." You stretch your body and raise yourself up to your full height, relieved to finally be out of the bed. As you lift your arms up, you feel the flimsy clothing around you slide to the floor.

"Oh, shit! Uh, I think the clothes don't fit right...sorry." You smile nervously and cover yourself with your hands

"Relax, son, it's nothing I haven't seen before. Well, in different species, but still, no need for such trivial modesty. The garments were temporary. Judging by your reaction, I'm guessing you're not used to being without clothing around others."

"Not really, no. That's kind of taboo where I come from." You try to imagine if everyone back home walked around naked most of the time. Then you realize that the vast majority of people you've seen probably shouldn't be naked. Ever.

"There's no such issue here, but then, you don't have a coat, do you? Are you able to wait a moment? I can bring you something that fits better." As much as you need to piss, you decide that being out in the hallway stark-naked around people -- ponies, whatever -- you don't know isn't the best idea. You tell the doctor you'll wait.

"Very well, I'll be back in a minute."

As he leaves the room you take advantage of your new mobility to check all over your body, making note of your various injuries, bruises, bandaged wounds and scrapes. These ponies must have some damn good medical knowledge, because you could look a lot worse right now. And, most importantly of all, nothing between your legs is missing or damaged.

You take a walk around your room, looking for any sort of personal belongings of yours they may have kept, but there doesn't appear to be any. You'll have to ask about it.

"Ah, here we go!" The doctor returns carrying a larger paper garment. "We keep these on hand for gryphon patients, but they should fit you just fine." Gryphons? Really? This is a weird place. "Once you've tied it up and feel comfortable, you may proceed."

A gray pony with short-cropped gray hair and a muscular build is standing outside the door. You suppress a laugh of disbelief as you look over his security outfit, tie and all. He even has a radio.

"Right, Doc says I gotta watch ya, so just take it nice and slow. Door's just down the hall to the left. If ya feel dizzy or somethin', lemme know."

You make it down the hallway just fine.

The relief is unbelievable.

==========

Several hours pass by, full of questions from you and the doctor both, though exactly what happened to bring you here, to this place they call 'Equestria', is still a hazy memory. You wish you could remember it all, but every time you think you have it, it fades away.

Somewhere along the line they brought you a proper meal: a salad (without alfalfa), a sort of jell-o -- you can't escape hospital jell-o even in another freakin' dimension or world or whatever -- and some kind of spiced crackers with cheese spread. As hospital food goes, it wasn't bad. They even had some cranberry juice to go with it.

During your conversation, you learned quite a few interesting things about the pony world.

There are three distinct kinds of ponies: Earth Ponies, who are supposed to be good at things like farming, mining, and building. They also have superior physical strength compared to other ponies.

Then there's the unicorns you're already familiar with, who control things with magic and have a variety of spells at their disposal. They also seem to have the highest degree of exceptionally intelligent ponies; most scientists and arcane scholars are unicorns.

Finally, there's a race you haven't even seen yet, the pegasuses. Pegasi? They can fly and control the weather, of all things, and are immune to temperature swings. Their vision is supposedly very keen, eagle-like. Makes sense for a race that spends most of the time way above the ground. Speaking of which, most of them live in a city in the clouds. It's...a lot to wrap your head around.

Not to mention the fact that there seems to be some sort of schizophrenic relationship with technology. They have electric lights in important buildings and powered appliances in kitchens, but most light comes from candles or, supposedly, firefly lanterns. It's all very strange. They obviously have radios, since that security pony had one, but no one seems to know what a phone is.

Right now, you'd kill for a TV to watch. Unless you can invent one yourself, it's likely not going to happen.

"Now, there's something I want to ask you" the doctor says, adjusting the glasses on his nose. You lay back in your bed and put an arm behind your head. "The two mares responsible for bringing you to our attention, Miss Sparkle and Miss Rarity, would like to see you. They were present earlier when you, ah, were having difficulties adjusting to your new environment, but they had to leave when you were put under. I know it would mean the world to both of them if you could give them some time. Would you be willing to do that? I don't want to force any visits upon you."

The ponies who saved your life? Of course they can visit.

"Yeah, of course. Anything for them, I owe them my life."

"Specifically Miss Rarity, she's the one who found you in the first place."

"Absolutely, I'd love to meet them. I have to thank them for saving me. I think I've grown used to the idea of talking ponies by now...mostly."

"Very well, I'll let the nurse know. They should be in shortly."

Since you woke up, you've been curious to see who the two mares who saved you are. From the way Doctor Pulse tells it, you would have bled to death had you not appeared in front of one of them. Or died of exposure. Or been killed by a wild animal. Or...well, it's a good thing they found you. You hope your less than enthusiastic response to your new surroundings earlier this morning hasn't scared them off.

You hear the doctor talking to two female voices, but you can't pick up what they're saying. Hopefully it's not him warning them to bring tasers and pepper spray.

"Alright, son, I'm sending the ladies in." Under different circumstances, that exact line would be completely different in meaning. You kind of wish it was.

"Yeah, go ahead."

It takes a few seconds, but you hear a pair of hoof-falls on the floor approaching your bed. For a moment, you absentmindedly reach to your non-existent collar to adjust it. Old habits die hard.

The pair of ponies cautiously walk around the corner, coming into view. They're much more brightly-colored than the doctor, and both of them are clearly unicorns.

"Hi..." the purple one says with a nervous smile, "How are you feeling?" She has big, purple eyes and a dark purple head of hair -- no no, mane. That's the word. There's a pair of different-colored stripes running through it, and some sort of star-over-a-star 'cutie mark' on her upper leg. Flank. Something.

"I'm doing alright, thanks to you. I hear you two are the ones who saved me."

The other unicorn, a white one with a curled, purple mane and tail, takes a step closer. She has strikingly blue eyes that are accentuated by light blue eyeshadow. For a pony, she seems like a very pretty one. Probably high-maintenance. Her 'cutie mark' is even a trio of diamonds.

"That we are, darling. The mare beside me is Twilight Sparkle, you'll find no better unicorn in all of Equestria. Though I may give her a run for her Bits at times." The white unicorn laughs, though it's more of a giggle. The purple one rolls her eyes.

"And this is Rarity," Twilight says, raising a hoof, "She's a great pony, and very generous. She dropped everything she was doing to help you."

You nod politely to both of them.

"You'll have to excuse me if I seem a little awkward, I'm still trying to get used to...all of this." You wave your hands around for emphasis. "It hasn't been easy, as I'm sure you saw earlier. Uhhh, I want to apologize for how I acted. It was just very...unexpected."

"It's completely fine, dear. Why, if I were to wake up in some strange place, surrounded by creatures I knew nothing about, I'd be scared out of my wits! I'd say you've done an admirable job of adjusting thus far."

"Yeah, I think we're all a little surprised that you're not freaking out right now," The purple one says.

"Well, I can't say it's easy, honestly, but it's obvious that I'm never going to get back home if I'm constantly screaming my head off, huh?" You offer a smile to try and make everyone a little more comfortable. "I really want to thank both of you. Really, sincerely thank you. If it weren't for you, I'd...I'd probably be dead right now..." Despite your best efforts to avoid it, sadness creeps into your voice.

The pair of unicorns step closer to your bed, until they close enough to touch the sides.

"You're very welcome. We would have done the same for anypony -- or creature, rather. Rarity here is the one who found you initially, so if you want to thank anyone, thank her." Rarity places a foreleg on the bed's side and smiles gently at you.

"I can't take all the credit, darling. I did find you first, yes, but when I ran to get Twilight she was quick-thinking enough to teleport to Doctor Pulse's office; I can only imagine his surprise. A few of his aides ran to your location with us, and we managed to get you here to the hospital before long."

"But you found me?"

She nods her head.

"So you were the one I felt when I regained consciousness, albeit briefly. I had my hand in your hair, right? Sorry if I alarmed you."

"That's quite alright, darling." She blushes slightly at the memory.

"I want to thank you especially. I...I can't even begin to express how grateful I am. When I was lying on that stretcher, you were the first small sense of comfort I felt. You saved my life." You lay a hand by the side of the bed, palm up. The white unicorn hesitates for a moment, but eventually places her foreleg in your hand. You grasp it gently and smile as sincerely as possible.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Rarity."

She smiles back, warm and comforting. For the first time since the incident, everything, for the briefest of moments, feels right again.

==========

Two weeks have passed since the charity event took place. Two long, stressful weeks. Rarity's become increasingly anxious, even if she won't fully admit it, over the opening of Cashmere's shop down the road. It's not really something you're looking forward to, either. There's been quite a bit of talk amongst Ponyvillians lately about the new store, and a lot of it reaches Rarity's ears. More than once you've been listening in to her conversations with clients and heard them mention "That new place opening up soon". As much as you both wish it would just go away, it's not going to. Elegant Expectations is really going to be here, and you're really going to have to fight Cashmere tooth-and-nail for the business of Ponyville.

You've tried your best to comfort Rarity, but she can hear it in your voice and see it in your demeanor: you're just as nervous as she is.

Today is the culmination of all those anxieties, because Elegant Expectations is having a grand opening less than an hour from now. Rarity is worriedly pacing back and forth in the bedroom, talking to herself and fidgeting with her work glasses. You've taken a few days off from work to help her out around the store, and it's clearly been the right choice. If you hadn't been there, she might very well have a nervous breakdown. You've heard about her past episodes from Twilight, how she thought she was going to be shunned from Ponyville for making dresses that were ugly through no fault of her own, how she locked herself inside and had a very melodramatic day.

Fortunately, it hasn't been that bad. Yet. Every day she spends worrying about it, you feel her getting closer to that point. It's a small blessing that the actual business of competition is about to begin -- it will let you and Rarity refocus your efforts and bring some relief to your minds, even if it is just shifting your worries from 'what if' to 'what now'.

"Obviously she's going to have some kind of opening-day sale...if her profit margins from her other stores are high enough she could potentially undercut us by a large degree..." Rarity stares off at nothing in particular as she paces back and forth, over and over.

"Losing money in the short term to secure long-term profits from Ponyville would be an acceptable risk, if I were in her situation...but that means we'll have to run our own sale..."

"Honey?" You try to get her attention. "I know there's a lot to think about, but it's probably not helping either of us to wear a hole in the floor." She perks up and sighs deeply, finally stopping her pacing.

"Come on, we can talk it over before we head out." You pat a spot on the bed next to you for emphasis. She relents and trots over to you, climbing up on the bed and tucking her legs under her. It's just another sign that she's concerned.

"To say that I'm nervous would be a drastic understatement, darling. I know I shouldn't do such things, but all of the possible scenarios are running through my head constantly. I'm trying to go about this without letting my personal pride get in the way; I told you about how the Apple family almost lost their farm over a boast, right?"

You nod, remembering about how the Flim Flam brothers only lost their potential market dominance of Ponyville because they passed out sub-par cider. If they'd given samples from the first barrels they'd produced...well, Applejack wouldn't be around to make visits any more. Neither would the rest of the Apple family, for that matter.

"Situations like that are exactly why I'm hesitant to enter some sort of...price war...with Cashmere's soon-to-be store. I am absolutely certain of my superior abilities as a fashionista, but that quality comes at a premium. I certainly could charge more for my outfits, but...well, you get the idea, dear."

You place an arm around her and move closer, so she's able to rest her head on your shoulder.

"We don't have to go to this opening if you're really that worried about it. Trust me, I'm sure we'll hear from the delightful store owner herself soon enough." Rarity scoffs at the mere thought of hearing from her former friend turned rival.

"Much as I wish we could, darling, it's really in our best interests to see what the fuss is all about. If nothing else, it will let us get some idea of her capabilities. Then we can plan from there."

It's taken a few days of discussion, but you and Rarity agreed to be present at the opening of Elegant Expectations, betting on Cashmere not being willing to kick you out of the store in front of dozens of potential customers. For all of her business savy, she's still trying to break into a market that Rarity owns, and she knows it. Remaining outwardly civil is her only real course of action, which you intend to take full advantage of.

"You want me to make you something to drink, hon? Might help with your nerves," you offer, hoping you still have some bags of tea left.

"Thank you, darling, but I'll be alright. I just want to get this over with. Maybe we can open that bottle of nine ninety-seven pinot noir when we get back, though? Whether it's in celebration or in depression remains to be seen. Either way, a little alcohol would probably be a good idea." You'd much rather it be the former.

"I suppose there's not much point in driving myself mad, is there?"

"I can't think of a good reason, unless you particularly enjoy shouting 'I vant to be alooone!' to no one in particular." You laugh at the thought of Rarity in the fits of melodrama, hoof over her head, in her best impersonation of Greta Garbo. She buries her face in the blanket in embarrassment. Adorable, hilarious embarrassment.

"Ah, yes, I forget Rainbow Dash told you about that incident sometimes..."

You kiss her forehead and stand up, offering your hand.

"Come on, hon. Let's go see what all the fuss is about."

==========

You can already hear the music playing as you step out of the door of the Carousel Boutique, a bass-heavy, driving beat from a set of large speakers blasting tracks from a popular pony DJ. Yet another example of schizo tech at its finest. In the fading light of the evening, you can spot a multitude of colored spotlights swirling around the area.

"Goodness, if I didn't know any better, I'd swear they were opening a nightclub down the road, not a fashion outlet!" Rarity gives you a surprised look, mirroring your own. You'd expected some sort of fanfare, but this is ridiculous.

The music only gets louder as you head down the road. A crowd of ponies is gathered in front of a stage and podium, excitedly talking and enjoying cups of some sort of drink. Off to one side of the stage is a white unicorn with electric blue, two-toned hair and big, purple sunglasses, bobbing her head to the beat and magically manipulating a set of sliders and turntables. Behind the stage is a big storefront, covered by a white tarp with a giant banner reading "GRAND OPENING". Red and yellow balloons are strung up all along the banner, making it feel more like a party than a business opening.

"It looks like she really spared no expense!" you have to yell over the music. "I can't even begin to imagine how much this must have cost!"

"If she has this kind of money to throw at a simple store opening, she's either very confident, or very rich!" Rarity yells back to you, stepping out of the way of a pair of pegasi who are dancing to the music. "Either way, it's not much of a confidence booster!"

You crane your neck to look for any signs of Cashmere, but nothing is immediately apparent. Just a massive throng of ponies dancing and talking and drinking. You find yourself involuntarily nodding your head to the beat; it reminds you of something Deadmau5 would have come up with.

"Well, at least the music is good! Can't fault her for that one!"

"Yes, but music won't pay the bills! We'll just have to see what she's actually selling! Though I must say, I'm honestly surprised that Cashmere isn't front and center right now! I wonder what she's playing at!"

The music dies down as the DJ pony changes tracks, allowing you to talk at a normal volume.

"She does strike me as the egomaniacal type, yeah. I mean, she's obviously around, it's her place after all. Maybe she's just waiting to make some kind of dynamic entrance. Wouldn't surprise me. So...what do we do?"

Rarity scratches her chin with her hoof, arching an eyebrow in thought.

"I suppose there's not much to do but wait, darling. We might as well get some free drinks and enjoy the music, hmm?"

For the better part of half an hour you stick to Rarity's side, chatting with ponies here and there, but keeping Cashmere at the front of your mind. There's been no sign of her, even when you took a peek around the back of the building. Just stacked boxes and extra party supplies. Between a few of the tracks the DJ pony -- fittingly going by the stage name "DJ P0N-3" -- addresses the crowd, pumping people up and taking requests. One of the ponies near the front yells out for a song and she floats a new set of records into place, a big smile crossing her face as the crowd stomps in approval. You make a mental note to look for her album the next time you're in the music store.

"Excuse me for a moment, darling. I believe I may see somepony I know. I'll be right back."

You nod your head and take a drink from your cup, some sort of fruit-flavored beer or ale. It tastes weak, obviously more fruity than alcoholic, but you suppose that getting everyone pass-out drunk isn't conducive to good sales. Getting everyone a tiny bit buzzed, though...that would make them more pliable, and thus more likely to spend money. Kind of genius, really. You wish you'd come up with it instead of Cashmere.

Maybe the Boutique needs a new approach to things...the current way it presents itself is as a high-end, upper-class establishment, which it certainly is. But that might scare away potential customers who aren't willing to drop three hundred Bits on an outfit, even if that three hundred is significantly less expensive than a comparable design in Manehattan or Canterlot.

Then again, the Boutique got to where it is because of its quality and astoundingly good business savvy of Rarity -- and, begrudgingly, Cashmere, at least for the first few years. Maybe you'll bring it up with Rarity later.

The music kicks back up, a track with a base of distorted, cross-fading electronic beats.

"Look who I've managed to find, darling! I found her standing all by her lonesome, and I just had to talk to her!"

The dark pink earth pony with three smiling flowers on her flank waves her hoof in a greeting, smiling politely.

"Oh! Hey, Miss Cheerilee!" you give her a smile of her own. "How have you been? Haven't seen you in a while."

"Oh, you know, busy," she replies. "We've been preparing for--" a unicorn bumps into her and keeps walking, knocking her off balance, "HEY! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING! Ugh. Anyway, like I was saying, we've been preparing for mid-term tests and the kids are just a hoof-full to deal with, not to mention all of the papers I've been grading and projects I've been reviewing. It's good that they're learning, though." Cheerilee shakes her head, forcing the issues from her mind. She seems to perk up a little. "Sorry if I'm a little more stressed than I usually seem. Just had a lot on my mind recently is all."

"Yeah, a lot of that going around these days. That's why were here, actually."

Rarity floats a cup to her mouth and takes a sip, pulling it back with a disapproving smack of her lips.

"Well, it's not exactly a white zinfandel, but I suppose the drinks should fit the music and what-not." You roll your eyes at her exacting tastes, remembering full well the time she drank so much 'weak' alcohol that she couldn't get through a sentence without fits of laughter. She hates to admit it, but she's always been a lightweight. You thank Celestia that they aren't serving straight-up vodka or something similar, lest you have to carry Rarity home on your back.

It'd still be kinda funny, though.

Okay, a lot funny.

She continues, "I'm not sure if you're aware of the situation with this new business."

"Isn't it some sort of clothing store?" Cheerilee cocks her head as she asks. "I must be honest, I don't really know much about it. I just heard some friends talking about this party going on near the center of town, and I thought I'd drop by and see what was going on."

"You're mostly right, darling" Rarity adds, "It is a clothing store, of sorts. More like a custom fitting and design sort of location, like the Boutique. In fact, it's very similar. And it just so happens I know the mare who owns it. We're...not in the best of standings."

Cheerilee's expression changes to an apologetic grimace. "I see. So this isn't just a new clothing store to you, it's competition, right?"

"Indeed, much as I wish it were otherwise. Mostly we've come out here to see what we're up against."

"And what have you learned?" Cheerilee asks.

"That she hires expensive musicians so you won't notice the cheap alcohol!" She laughs at the joke and tosses the cup into a trash can several feet away.

"I dunno, I kinda like it," you quip, shrugging your shoulders, getting a laugh from Cheerilee and an exasperated sigh from Rarity.

"Darling, sometimes I swear you'd drink clothing dye if I threw some vodka in it! But yes, joking aside, it's going to be a rather significant event for myself and my charming beau here. My future in Ponyville depends on how we handle it! It's...not been an easy thing to anticipate. If I'm perfectly honest, Cheerilee, I'm quite nervous about the whole situation."

Cheerilee places a foreleg over Rarity's neck.

"You'll be fine, Rarity! You've been here for a good, long while now. Everypony in town knows who you are! I doubt they'll just drop what they know because they had a few drinks and listened to...whatever this music is. I'm not really a fan of it."

"Thank you, Cheerilee. I can only hope you're right. Ponies are fickle, though; a few drinks and some booming music might be all they need. I suppose we'll just see, won't we?"

The music fades out, the DJ pony's voice booming through the speakers instead.

"Fillies and gentlecolts, I want to thank you all for coming out today! Who's having a good time?!" The crowd stomps their hooves and cheers loudly. Except for Rarity.

"Alright! Because we're out here to celebrate the opening of a new addition to Ponyville's fine shops and stores! And, as it so happens, they had the foresight to hire yours truly to provide some fitting music. Say, if the mare opening this place is here, I want her to know I expect fifty percent of the profits to be sent to my house! Just make sure it's sent to me directly, or my room mate will take it all and spend it on bow ties." The crowd laughs, except for one voice that shouts "Yeah, very funny, Vinyl!"

"Hey, relax, Tavi. They're just paying me for music, the grade-A stand-up is free of charge!" She removes her large goggles with a flicker of red magic, revealing shockingly red eyes underneath. They're the first red eyes you can remember seeing in all of Ponyville. It's almost...hypnotic.

"Now, I know you guys and girls wouldn't expect yours truly to DJ for a place called 'Elegant Expectations'. Sounds stuffy and boring, right? That's more of Tavi's kind of scene."

"Stop using me for comedy!"

"Well, I have it on good information that this place is actually pretty cool. Hopefully they sell over-sized sunglasses, huh? Never have too many of those."

Those bright red eyes scan the crowd, a big, satisfied smile on the DJ pony's face. They're certainly very pretty...

"--ouldn't you agree? Darling? DARLING!" Rarity's voice brings you back to focus.

"Hmm? Oh, you were saying something, baby?"

"Indeed I was," she says with an annoyed, but slightly amused look, "though it seems you have other things on your mind at the moment. Shall I come back later after you've had the chance to let her play you like a record?"

Cheerilee giggles at your awkward smile. She obviously finds the back-and-forth between Rarity and yourself to be cute.

"Well, she does strike me as somepony who would be into a little mare-mare-male action..." Rarity's reaction is less than thrilled, and completely expected.

"You...you're in polite company here! Need I remind you? I'm sure Cheerilee isn't interested in your...fantasies."

Cheerilee covers a smile with her hoof.

"Well, she is a very pretty mare, Rarity..." the earth pony adds, a short laugh escaping.

"Sweet Celestia, I'm surrounded by degenerates!" Quietly, she adds, "...though I suppose she is rather striking. You didn't hear that."

The DJ flips her goggles back down and spins a pair of records in the air, twirling them around before neatly putting them into place. Another electronic track picks up as she adjusts her sound system.

"Now, fillies and gentlecolts, the moment you've all been waiting for! Fresh from Manehattan, here to bring you the finest in fashion, the most regal of regalia, the sickest of styles, I give to you the one, the only...Cashmere!"

There's a loud 'bang' as a cloud of smoke envelops the stage, quickly dispersing to reveal the cream-yellow unicorn standing at center stage, an emerald-green dress draped over her body. Multi-colored spotlights dance over the crowd as she gives her audience a smug grin, tinged with that sultry edge she does so well. A set of stage fireworks goes off, silhouetting her against brilliant gold and red streaks. The ponies cheer at the entrance as the music swells.

"...you have got to be shitting me," you say in what can only described as a mix of shock and amazement.

"I'll give her one thing: the girl knows how to make an entrance," Cheerilee adds. Rarity says nothing, her mouth hanging open in the same mix of emotions as your own.

Cashmere walks the stage back and forth, putting a little extra bounce into her tail and haunches. She stops at one end and raises a hoof up high, eliciting another cheer from the crowd, then repeating it at the other end of of the stage.

"Remind me again, is she a fashion designer, or a traveling showpony?" Cheerilee asks rhetorically.

"At this point, I'm not even sure any more," Rarity monotones back.

Cashmere raises up on her hind legs and lifts her forelegs in the air, dramatically throwing her head back. A giant banner unfurls behind her; a pair of red and yellow, cursive C's interlocking with each other, an emerald-green eye in either letter. It actually looks a lot like...

"That...that contemptuous harlot! She stole my design! And here I thought she'd at least have the respect to create her own style of personal logo! UGH!" Rarity stomps her hoof in frustration. "Really, could they be any more similar? A cursive letter, a pair of eyes...it's brand recognition theft! Oooooh, that woman!"

The display continues for nearly another minute, finishing with fireworks shooting into the air. It's all very impressive, no doubt about it. It's a shame Cashmere is such an uncompromising bitch, or she really would be a good business partner. At least, in terms of marketing.

The music finally fades out and the smoke clears. Cashmere trots over to the podium and lifts a hoof in the air.

"Thank you, Ponyville! You're too kind! I take it you enjoyed that little display?" The crowd stomps in approval. "Wonderful! I always say one should strive to make a good first impression, and if I'm honest, this is quite a good one, hmmhmm. Before we get down to business, I have to thank DJ P0N-3 for agreeing to play for the opening of my humble fashion outlet. A little applause for the striking unicorn?"

"I could have sworn we were coming here to see Cashmere, not a recolored Trixie," Rarity complains aloud as she puts a hoof to her forehead.

"Now, I realize," Cashmere continues, "that most of you have no idea who I am. You just heard about this little event going down from somepony else, am I right? Well, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Cashmere, and this building behind me...is Elegant Expectations. My one true love, my calling."

"Besides attempting to ruin her best friend's life and sleeping around, that is..."

"When I opened my first store in Manehattan, four years ago, I had a singular goal in mind!"

"Becoming an insufferable tart?" Rarity nearly shouts.

"Trying to sleep with my girlfriend?" you add.

"That goal, Ponyville...was to create something special. Something unique. You see, I've spent my life pursuing fashion and elegance. In the past, that elegance came at a premium...a premium most ponies could never dream of affording. Well, I set out to change that. It wasn't easy, let me tell you." She lowers her voice and lets her hair fall in front of an eye, working her best seductive, sultry look.

"From time to time, I had to get...dirty. And trust me, guys, when I say that I am very, very good at getting dirty."

A chorus of whistles and cat-calls (pony-calls?) answers her from the crowd. You expected her to work some sensuality into her speech, and so far you've been spot-on. Rarity simply scoffs in annoyance.

"Over those four years, Ponyville, I opened up two more stores: One in Baltimare, and one in Seasaddle. Those stores, along with my first store in Manehattan, have become gleaming beacons of fashion and style in their respective cities. I have always prided myself on offering quality at a reasonable price, and I'd say it's been working so far, wouldn't you? Now, I realize that some of you may already do business with a certain fashion store here..."

"Go on, Cashmere. Say something about the Boutique. I dare you."

"...and I greatly respect that establishment. In fact, were it not for that store, I would not be where I am today. Through hard work and a little luck, I learned the skills that I would carry with me for the rest of my life. So for that, Ponyville, I must humbly say 'thank you' to the Carousel Boutique."

"...wait, what?" you ask no one in particular, not sure if you just heard her right. "Did she just..."

"Yes, I believe she did...very clever. One would be wise to not immediately jump down an established location's proverbial throat. This way, she makes herself seem more...humble. Ha! As if such a word could ever be used to describe her."

Cashmere gives the crowd a wry smile.

"That said, times change. Whereas you may have had no choice but to head to the Boutique for your formal occasions, now you will have another option. I would be remiss if I were to downplay the skill and craftsponyship of the mare in charge of that establishment, for I consider her a true friend and confidant. In fact, I believe she's here in the audience tonight."

Oh no.

"Rarity? Would you care to come up to the stage? I'm sure the fine citizens of Ponyville would be interested in what you have to say."

Oh no.

A set of spotlights swings over to Rarity as the crowd turns to look at her. She smiles and laughs nervously, obviously not expecting to become the center of attention tonight.

"There she is! Come on, Rares, no need to be shy! Come up to the stage and join your old friend Cashmere, won't you?" Rarity shoots you a look of panic, but you don't see a way out of it. You mouth a 'good luck' to her as she starts slowly trotting to the stage.

"This isn't good, is it?" Cheerilee asks.

"Not really, no. I can't see this turning out well. Uh, you have a good night, Miss Cheerilee. I gotta go do something."

Cashmere takes Rarity's hoof as she heads up a small flight of stairs to the stage.

"A round of applause for my friend, Ponyville!" You decide to walk over to the stage yourself, ducking around a crowd of ponies and positioning yourself behind the stage, out of sight. Cashmere doesn't seem to notice you. From your concealed spot you're able to listen on on their conversation.

"What are you playing at, Cashmere?" Rarity asks as the crowd stomps and cheers.

"Playing at? I thought you might want to say a few words in honor of your dear friend running you out of business."

"You...were I a lesser mare, I would slap you where you sta--"

"Now, now, Rarity. Keep the smile up. Wouldn't want to be embarrassed in front of your entire town, would you?"

Wow. Just wow. What an incredible bitch. It makes you pissed off just hearing it, nevermind being there face to face with her. You can't see either of their faces from where you are, but you imagine Rarity must be absolutely seething with anger right now, forcing it behind the facade of a friendly smile

"When this is over, Cashmere," she says quietly as she shakes a hoof with her 'dear friend', "I want you to know that you won't be able to get a job cleaning outhouses in this town."

"Rarity, I don't give a damn what you think, because when I'm done with this podunk little hayseed, I will personally make sure that no one remembers your name. Now, be a dear and give the people what they want. And remember: wild accusations will get you nowhere."

Rarity takes a few steps to the left as the cheering finally dies down, approaching the podium and bracing herself against it as she stands on her hind legs. You wonder what's going through her mind, what she's going to say. She could throw out accusations at Cashmere, but no one else knows her like Rarity does. Coming across as angry and paranoid would do nothing but hurt her business...on the other hoof, she can't give a stellar endorsement of Elegant Expectations, or it would encourage ponies to abandon her in favor of her "friend's" establishment. It's a no-win situation, and you despise Cashmere for putting her through it.

"Yes, well...t-thank you, Cashmere. I believe many of you already know me, but for those who don't, my name is Rarity, and I run the Carousel Boutique just down the road. For several years now it has been the pinnacle of fashion in Ponyville, and I'm...I'm quite happy with how things have turned out. Indeed, you've given me all I could ask for, and I appreciate each and every one of you. Thank you, Ponyville."

The crowd stomps in applause again.

"What Cashmere says is true, we were quite good friends at one point. Obviously the physical distance between us has been an issue, but over the years I've always...always held out hope. Hope that I would see the old Cashmere again, and things could go back to how they were all those years ago..."

You flash back to the box filled with old memories, the pictures of the two mares standing proudly outside the Boutique. It seems Rarity really was hoping for a return to better times.

"Well then, how fortunate that I'm back in town, eh, Rares?" Cashmere puts a foreleg over Rarity's back. You imagine Rarity wanting to throw it off and hit her across the face. Part of you wishes she would.

"Yes, very much so...uh, fortunate, that is. Wh-what I'm trying to say, my friends, is that even though there is a new option in town, one must not forget--"

Cashmere bumps Rarity aside, speaking over her.

"Must not forget about friendship, Ponyville! The very force that has driven Equestria to prosper over the ages, the very force that has banished monsters and defeated enemies of peace. Friendship. Through Rarity's friendship over the years, I have matured both as a pony, and as a business mare. That's why, tonight, with the opening of Elegant Expectations, I promise to show you the fruits of that relationship! Lower prices, better quality, a diverse and exciting selection of styles! These are all the things that Rarity has taught me since I've known her, and tonight, with her beside me, I promise each and every one of you this: I will make Elegant Expectations the best it can be! I will earn your business, earn your loyalty, and yes, earn your friendship!

Will you follow me in this pursuit, Ponyville?!"

This is sickening. The town is playing right into her hooves, and you can't do anything about it.

"You'll forgive me, Rarity, if all of this makes me a little...excited." Cashmere flicks her tail from side to side. "I've always been more of a giver than a taker. Maybe we can find a way to satisfy each other, hmm? I'm sure the gentlestallions here would love to see that..."

More cat-calls. You admit to yourself that you would like to see that, but not under current circumstances. Mostly.

"I'm sure, Cashmere. One shouldn't tease, however, lest they find themselves being...rejected? Oh, but I'm sure you're all too aware of that, aren't you? Silly me."

Good one, Rarity!

"Hmmhmm, indeed I am, Rarity. Indeed I am. One thing you taught me, all those years ago, was how to better yourself in the face of rejection. So, from the bottom of my heart, I have to thank you. I wouldn't be where I am without you. But I'm sure Ponyville isn't interested in our long-winded reminiscing about the old days. They're here to be serviced. So, let's get to servicing, shall we? Between the two of us, I think we could make a lot of Ponyvillians very satisfied."

"Y-yes, quite so, Cashmere. Now, I must thank you for allowing me to speak at your grand opening, but I don't want to impede on your night. So, my friends, I shall take my lea--"

"You're forgetting one thing, Rarity."

"And what's that?"

Uh oh.

"We've been so busy talking about the past that we've neglected the present. Why, we've saved the best for last! You see, friends, Rarity is such a sweet heart, and she's so excited about working alongside myself, that she has decided to offer a FIFTY PERCENT DISCOUNT on personal fittings and accessories tomorrow!"

"I did what?" Rarity asks quietly amongst loud cheers.

"That's right! Fifty percent off every design in her marvelous store! She's even offered to open the Boutique on her day off. Isn't that fabulous, Ponyville? Element of generosity right here. Truly one of a kind. In response to her unheard of offer, Elegant Expectations will be half off as well for the entire weekend! Isn't that right, Rarity?"

Oh, shit.

"...of-of course, heh heh...yes, we shall be open tomorrow, with a...a fifty percent sale. On everything. Even if it cuts into profits for a day, so long as the mares and stallions of Ponyville are happy...thank you. I shall see you all tomorrow..."

"Rarity, ladies and gentlestallions! Now, with that out of the way, what do you say we open this place up for business? Please, enjoy your drinks and some more music, and we'll unveil the store front in just a few minutes."

Rarity hops down from the podium, unsure of what to say or feel. You do know one thing for certain: she's just been played.

"Cashmere, why in Equestria would you--"

"You remember a few weeks ago, Rarity? How you said that there would be 'no fucking' involving me that night? Well, I do believe I just fucked you. Hard. "

She gives a humorless, self-satisfied laugh, leaning in and kissing Rarity's cheek.

"You have a nice night, now. You're going to need your rest for tomorrow."

Cashmere trots off as Rarity slowly makes her way down the stairs.

"Rarity!" you call out to her, running out from behind the stage. You run over and embrace her, but she doesn't say anything. "I...I heard it all. What you and Cashmere were saying to each other. I just...don't know what to say."

Rarity gently kicks a hoof at the ground.

"Hey. Look at me." She slowly lifts her head, but is unable to meet your eyes. She's obviously feeling ashamed. Used. Betrayed.

"I'm sorry, honey. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I should have jumped in or yelled out to her or--"

"No," she says weakly. "This...wasn't your fight. It was between Cashmere and myself. And I lost. Let's just go home."

You leave the booming music and talkative crowds behind, the short walk down the street never feeling so long. Neither of you say a word. When you finally make it inside, she heads straight for the bedroom with soft, echoing hoof falls.

Rarity climbs up on the bed alongside you.

She buries her face in your shoulder, and cries harder than you've ever heard.

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