“Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o-er wrought heart and bids it break.”

One night of hell.

It had been as soon as I’d gotten Gauge and I into the ruins that one hell of a storm blew in. I’d misstepped on our way into one of the ruins, and the rotting floor had given out under me. It might not have been another underground facility, but it didn’t mean I enjoyed hiding out there as long as we did.

By the time the storm had passed, the next day had already past. I’d gotten Gauge patched up as best I could in that time. She was weak, but she could carry on. When we emerged from our temporary sanctuary, there was nearly a foot of snow on the ground. Undeterred, we pressed on. Snow this thick was both a blessing, and a curse. Not many raiders wanted to wait in ambush in a foot of snow, so we could make good time. Downside was that the ones who were out today, had a trail of hoofprints to follow that lead right to us.

The cover of darkness was our greatest ally as we pressed onward to Manehatten. The times that we did have to stop to get warmed up again were short, and the times when we ran were long. It was when we saw the great monoliths of the Manehatten ruins towered in the distance that we set ourselves to a moderate pace. We kept our bearings right up to the northwestern edge of the city. That’s where Sunshine city was. Where Harmony and Skyline waited for news of me. However, the closer we got to the ruins, the more Gauge noticeably relaxed.

“Hold up, Storm.” She called out. She raised her pipleg and used her magic to input something into it. There was a short chime that came from her leg that brought a smile to her muzzle. “Okay. Grumpy is set to go retrieve some supplies for me from the ranger’s bunker.”

“Good.” I snorted. “With as many merchants are in Sunshine city, I’m sure he wouldn’t last a minute.”

“What do you mean?” She said in alarm. She bounded through the snow to get up next to me, but I didn’t slow my pace. “I thought you said friends live here?”

“Not everypony in Sunshine city is your friend. Most of them are young merchants looking to score big with a trade.” I let out a sigh as I thought about harmony. “While there are some honest ones, there are likely to be a few who will try to scrap any tech you bring in unless it’s strapped down to you.” I smiled as I remembered the first time somepony tried to do that to my rifle. On a night as cold as this, that ponies legs are liable to remember what I did to them. “Better hope your prosthetic is on tight before we go in.”

For now, that seemed to quell the conversational mood Gauge had been in. She walked beside me in silence as we continued through the snow. We lost a day due to that stupid storm, and now all I wanted to do was spend as little time as possible in Sunshine. However, with each step forward, and every moment we got closer to the city, Pallet weighed further on my mind.

Harmony was going to have to be told, and I don’t think I can do anything else before she knows. I don’t know what her reaction will be, or if I’ll finally be able to find some sort of closure. The one thing that I don’t think I’ll ever lose, is the guilt. So many have died at his hooves. I’m supposed to be some sort of beacon of hope, but those we’ve lost are the ones who will never see it again. I’d been lost in my thoughts for so long, that I nearly walked past the cluster of ruins that ringed the neighborhood that Sunshine city sat in.

Only when we approached the scrap iron entrance to the city, did I see just the extent of the refugee problem. There must have been close to a hundred ponies camped out front, and I’m sure there were going to be many more inside. As we passed by them, I stopped when I saw a small filly curled up in the snow. She looked so peaceful that she seemed out of place. I couldn’t stand to just leave her here in the snow, so I reached my hoof out to see if she’d wanted to come with us and get warm.

Her flesh was ice. The cold had already taken her some time ago. I continued toward the door. I couldn’t stop and break down now. If I did, I know I’d never drag myself up out of the snow next to her. These ponies didn’t have to die like this. This amount of suffering never had to happen.

The second that gate was open, I took off. I just wanted to run from even the thought of that little filly. The Garage was all the way at the other end of the city, but in only a few moments, I found myself staring at the door. The old building stood nearly three stories high, and was the tallest among the ruins and sheet metal shacks of this place. The old wooden door had seen it’s share of bucks, scrapes, and nicks. So why couldn’t I bring myself to knock?

Somewhere among all my messed up thoughts, I remembered Short Staff telling me something years ago. Before and after every trade run, he’d go to the old park just down the block for good luck. I pulled my hoof back from the door and looked down the street. Refugees line the sidewalk and street, but there was a section that was completely untouched. I looked back to see if Gauge was with me, but she was nowhere to be found. I decided that this wasn’t her part to play anyway, and trotted down towards the opening.

I peeked into the small clearing between ruins. The small park had been painstakingly cleaned of most of it’s snow, and a set of wilted flowers sat under the old tree that sat in the back. Harmony wasn’t here, but I figured that I might as well pay my respects. Harmony’s father and Skyline’s wife had been laid to rest here. I’m not sure why I thought that asking them anything would make me feel better, but I wasn’t even sure what I was going to tell Harmony.

I took a seat in front of the tree. To my left sat Harmony’s father, and to the right, sat Carlotta. I’d never met Harmony’s father, but she spoke about him just like he’d always been there. Carlotta however, was someone I admired. Brutal, efficient, but she knew that her family came first. That was something that Pallet had never really emulated well, but she took after Skyline more.

“I’m… not sure what to say.” I spoke up. The words were hard to find, but they felt good when I heard them. “I’m sorry I haven’t been better. So many ponies have died, and I don’t know what to do. How am I supposed to bring hope when I can’t seem to get a single hoof ahead of the Necromancer?”

I sat in silence for a moment. I didn’t expect an answer, but I just hoped that they could forgive me for what I’d done. I looked to Carlotta’s grave, and took a deep breath. I tried to speak, but nothing came out. My throat tightened, and I ground my hoof into the wet dirt.

“I know what she meant to you.” I clenched my eyes shut and forced myself to speak. “I failed you.” I could feel my warm tears flowing down my cheeks. “She was all you had, and I couldn’t save her.”

“No…” A soft whisper came from above me.

The second voice startled me. My eyes shot open and up just in time to see something grey fall onto my head. With a metallic clang, I was out like a light.

I awoke with a groan. Soft music played out of a radio nearby as I stirred from my induced slumber. I sat up from whatever plush and warm bench I’d been set on and strained to open my eyes. The light was blinding, but the more came into focus, the less I understood. I’d sat up into a booth at a pre-war dinner that for some reason was both in perfect condition, and still running as if the war never happened.

“Order up!” A young, golden coated colt shouted from behind the server’s bar before he hoofed a small bell.

“You decide yet?” An earth pony mare asked from my side. “Or do you still need more time?”

I looked up in hopes to ask what the hell was going on, but found an apathetic and tired looking mare staring at me. She wore a smile, but I wasn’t the least bit comforted by it. What was even weirder, was that behind her, out every window, was the pillar of light from my dreams.

“Don’t worry, Hammer. She knows what she wants.” The voice of young filly spoke from beside me. I nearly jumped at the sight of a small pink filly having appeared out of nowhere. She was the spitting image of..

“Pai?” I asked. How could she be here with me? Then something caught my eye. A cutie mark of three balloons adorned the filly’s flank. Pai didn’t have a cutie mark.

“Slice of apple pie, coming up.” The waitress shrugged and walked back up to the bar top. Only then did I notice a tan earth pony and a gryphon sitting up there conversing. The blue plumage that highlighted her wings and her eyes… there was only one gryphon I’d ever known to have those.

“Before you make a big scene…” The filly next to me spoke up again. “Yes, that’s your aunt. No, you aren’t supposed to be here.”

“Where exactly is here?” I spoke in a whisper. “How is…”

“That’s for you to know and for me to find out!” She cheerfully remarked as she cut me off. The waitress returned and set down a plate with a fresh looking slice of genuine apple pie. “Wait…” The filly spoke up again as she waved her hooves. “Strike that, reverse it.”

The song on the radio ended, and the air was then filled with the conversations of ponies I hadn’t even noticed. It were as if this place had filled with guests in just the last few seconds. It was all so confusing at first, but somehow my mind latched onto one of the voices.

“However did you come by that dreadful leather coat?” That was Aunt Rarity’s voice. “I bet that awful ‘necromancer’ fellow gave it to you, didn’t he?”

I spun to look at her. She sat in a booth back across the aisle from us, and she looked even younger than I’d ever seen. Across from her sat a grey earth pony with a stark black mane. Before I could look any longer, I felt a pair of tiny hooves dragged my muzzle down. I was forced to stare at the bright pink filly, who I just realized looked a lot like Aunt Pinkie. Well, if she were a filly with a frizzy mane.

“Shhh.” She said as she cracked a smile put a hoof to her muzzle. “Spoilers.”

She reached out and touched my nose. The world instantly became a mass of swirling noises and colors. The last thing I remember before it all went black, was falling into the slice of pie with the regret that I hadn’t even eaten it.

The next thing I heard was a solemn reminder that I was back in the real world.

“No…” Skyline cried softly. “My baby is gone. She can’t be…” She wailed and balled next to me. With a soft groan, I turned and opened my eyes. Harmony was holding her tightly as they both cried into each other’s necks. I winced as I tried to get up. A spark of pain shot across my skull and down my neck. I reached back and touched it with my hoof, letting out a soft whine as my head stung sharpy at the pressure.

“Ow.” I whispered softly as I pulled my hoof back. It was a bit bloody. Not bad, but still enough that I’d have to clean it out. After what I’d taken from Skyline, this was the lightest punishment I could have had.

“Storm.” Harmony gasped as she let go of Skyline. “Are… are ya’ll alright?”

I gave out a grunt and rolled back onto my hooves. The second I was up, I dove at her and cried out. I wrapped my hooves around her and held her tight. After the last week, this didn’t even seem real to me. All the pain, stress, and sorrow came to a peak and I just let it all out. Skyline came into the hug as well, and the three of us just stood there holding eachother.

I tried to explain what had happened. From the last moments of Pallet, to what the necromancer had said, to the prison and traveling with Gauge. Every time I tried, I just wailed and cried more. After I don’t know how long, my worn and weary legs collapsed under me into the snow. I didn’t want to move anymore. I wanted to just sit here and be left like that filly out front.

“Ladies.” The voice of Predious came from behind. “Maybe it would be best if you came back inside.” His voice was delicate, but he knew it would be best if we did. I mustered what strength I could and lifted my head to look at him. He wore a worried look on his face, and a forced smile that he used to try to tell me everything would be all right.

“Yeah.” Skyline sniffed and wiped the tears from her muzzle. “He’s right.”

“Come on, Storm.” Harmony spoke softly. “Let’s go get warmed up. I’ll have Short Staff brew us up some nice daisy tea.” She smiled as her tears still dripped off her muzzle. I simply stared at her, not having the will to even move my legs.

“Don’t worry, Harmony.” Shadow Dasher said from next to Predious. “She looks weary. I’ll help her inside.”

“Thank ya.” She said as she kept her sad gaze on me. She pressed into Skyline, who wrapped her wing around Harmony’s side as they started to walk.

Shadow Dasher looked miles better than he had after he’d woken up at the clinic. He approached me with a soft smile, and extended a wing out like Skyline had. I hoofed it away and struggled to pull myself to my hooves. I felt a force push up from under my, and instinctively looked up to Predious. His horn stopped glowing as I got to my hooves, and he gave me the smallest of shrugs.

“There’s still something I need to do.” I said as my warm cheeks stung in the chilled air. “I need to go to the bar.”

“This… hardly seems…” Shadow had started to say. Predious raised his hoof and shook his head. Then he squinted and studied me for a moment.

“It’s not for you, is it?” He stated flatly. I shook my head, which nearly made me lose my balance. Instinctively, I reached a hoof out and hooked it around Shadow’s neck to steady myself.

“Gotta deliver bad news.” I said.

“Don’t take too long.” Predious said with a sad sigh, his smile now fallen into a frown. “You most likely have a concussion.” He said as he pointed next to me. On the dirt beside where I’d laid, sat the snow shovel. A dark red splotch adorned on of the edges, and I could pretty much guess why that was. “Besides, you need to rest.”

“No time.” I simply said before I looked back ahead and started to hobble forward. “I’ll explain when I’m done at the bar.”

He nodded and stepped back around the corner, having vanished back inside by the time I’d made it back to the sidewalk. I lifted my free hoof and pointed it to a large sheet metal structure down the street. It too was free of refugees, but that was more so because Pendergrass hated anypony who wasn’t a paying customer.

“There.” I said as my vision grew fuzzy again. “Take me there.”

Both Shadow and I hobbled down the street. Everything seemed to move at a blur, and I couldn’t get this random ringing out of my ears. Before I knew it, we were at the door. I could hear plenty of ponies talking inside, and the prospect of a bunch of drunk fools hitting on me in this condition annoyed me greatly. Shadow used his wing to hook around the sheet metal door and pull it open.

Inside, the tables, chairs, and pool tables that normally adorned the place had all disappeared. In their place, were lines and lines of makeshift cots. Each with another refugee in them. Several small fires burned in barrels, each with a dozen or so ponies trying to warm up next to them. Past all that at the bar itself, sat Pendergrass, Finn, and Huckleberry. I pressed on, and both Shadow and I hobbled up closer. Pendergrass lost his smile as he looked up from the colts and to me. I think he knew why I was there.

“Boys,” He spoke. “You have somepony here to see you.” He pointed over to me. The two colts turned and looked up at me in an odd mix of happiness and confusion. It had been a long time since they’d seen me, and I doubt they remembered me.

“Hey there.” I spoke to them softly. “I’m a friend of your dad.” I tried my best to force a smile, but mentioning their dad was a mistake. Their expressions both sank to sadness, and I scrambled to recover. “No no! He’s fine. He wanted me to tell you that he’ll be here soon.”

The two colts looked at each other in what I could only assume was relief, but Finn turned and looked back to me. In my head, I prayed for him not to ask. I could see the worry in his eyes, and I didn’t want to have to answer that question.

“Is… is mommy alright?” Finn asked softly.

“She…” I choked up. I couldn’t do this. It wasn’t my place to tell them that she was gone. They needed to hear it from Thatcher. He would be the only one who would be strong enough to comfort them.

“I’m sure she misses you both.” Shadow answered for me. He at least had the forced smile I couldn’t bring myself to wear. “Both you boys behave until your father gets here, alright?”

“Okie doki lokie!” Finn answered with a smile.

I tugged on Shadow’s side and got him to turn us around. I couldn’t stand to be surrounded by anymore death. Not today.

“Storm?” Pendergrass spoke up again. He waited to continue until I’d turned my head back to see him. “Thank you.” He gave me the most genuinely sincere look I’d ever seen the stubborn bastard give. “I’m sure it’s been hard out there. Thank you for caring.”

I simply nodded and turned back towards the door.

I left the bar not lightened in the least. As we walked down the street, I couldn’t help but wonder why a pony who’s supposed to bring hope, had none of her own. As much as we’ve fought, as hard as I’ve tried. We’re still no closer to doing anything close to helping. Infact, I’m not sure that me being here is a good thing at all. Every place I go to now is worse than the next, and I don’t want to see this town turn into a warzone.

“I know what you’re thinking.” Shadow spoke up. I looked up at him puzzled. “Whatever you did or you didn’t do, it doesn’t matter. None of what’s happened was your fault.” He simply kept his gaze ahead as we walked. Beneath the stern look, and under the scar over his eye, I could tell that he had things weighing on his mind as well.

I didn’t say anything back. I just wanted to collapse and be done with everything. As we opened the door to the Garage, we were met by a very frazzled looking Short Staff. He stopped when he saw me and immediately reached out for a hug. We just stood there together for a long minute. It was good to see him again, to see all of them again.

“I’m sorry…” I whispered.

“I know.” He replied wearily. With a pat on the back, he took a step back inside so Shadow and I could hobble in. “You look like hell right now, and I’d love to hear everything.” He sighed and looked out the door. “Unfortunately, I have to get to Tenpony. The refugee’s there are just as bad, but they have extra supplies we can use to help the ponies here.”

“Go. We can talk later.” I said as my legs begged me to sit down. “Give your mother my best.” My vision went fuzzy again for a moment, and I pressed harder into Shadow’s side.

“Get some rest, and take care of that cut.” Short Staff said with a forced smile. “I’ll see you again soon.” I nodded, letting out a whine as more pain shot through my head.

“Why dun’ ya take a hot shower, hun. Even if just ta warm up?” Harmony said as she walked down the stairs from the kitchen. “Could also git that wound washed out as well. Ain’t gonna be able ta stitch it shut till it’s clean.”

Shadow didn’t even wait for me. He simply nodded and began draggin’ me over to the stairs. Slowly, step by step, we climbed up what felt like an excruciatingly long hill. In truth, it was only ten steps, but it felt like the longest climb I’d ever had to do. Waiting up top was Skyline and Predious, who sat at the round table next to the refrigerator. Predious flashed his forced smile again, but Skyline just kept her sad gaze on the table. I averted my eyes from them, instead, aiming us for the bathroom.

Shadow escorted me in, but I pulled my hoof off him once I could get my other hoof on the sink. Shakily, I kept myself standing as he took a step back. With a look back to him, and a short nod, he left me alone. The old wooden door shut with a soft click, leaving me to my thoughts. With a lot of pain, and a few muffled whines, I dumped my stuff onto the floor.

I took a look at the mare in the sink mirror. My mane was tangled, matted, and in some places, burnt down to near stubble. My bloodshot eyes had bags under them, and my nose was swollen and slightly off center from all the hit’s it had taken. On top of all that, more scars than I could count adorned my coat. The biggest of these ran across my chest and under to my belly.

I wanted to cry again, but I had no more tears left to give. What would daddy have thought? Would he have taken one look at the broken pony before him and been disappointed? I can’t help but think he’d have given me the biggest hug and told me everything would be alright. Even if I was now old enough to know better, I just wish he were still around to tell me that it would be.

I struggled over to the large tub that sat against the wall. One hoof at a time, I climbed into the tub. Once in, I sat down and plugged up the tub before I reached for the shower handle. With a good twist on the hot nob, the old pipes groaned. The warm water shot from the shower head and rained down on me. I closed my eyes as the stream of warmth washed over me. My head stung, but the rest of my body felt like it was melting away in the heat. My adventures were over, and I could finally stand to relax.

Through the pain of my bruises and cuts, and with the dedication it deserved, I cleaned myself. Every subtle twist, each shift of my weight, and somewhere else on me hurt. The more I worked at it, the more full the tub got, and the dirtier the water got. By the time I’d worked myself over, the tub was almost full, and the water was nearly black with filth.

I leaned back and softly rested my head on the lip of the tub. A month ago, everything in my life was fine. What happened in the last few weeks that made my life go to shit? Why did this all have to start now? I sat and pondered this a while. Everything started when I died that day, but didn’t stay dead. That’s when these dreams started, and that’s when ponies around me started to die.

That dream I had in the snow, the one in the diner. It had to mean something. Just like all the others, it was most likely a challenge for me, some puzzle to solve. The longer I sat and thought about it, the less sense it made to me. The hot bath eventually turned to lukewarm, and in that time, I’d gotten nowhere. I thought that maybe it was just time to pull the plug on the tub, and move on.

With the warmth of the bath soaked in, and my wounds clean, I found it easier to climb out of the tub. My hoofing was still a little unsteady, but stronger than before. I bit down on the moldy towel that hung on the wall and pulled it over me. Slowly, I dried myself off and got myself dressed again. Part of me wished that I could have also washed my shirt and jacket as well, but I didn’t care enough to do it now.

With that, I turned and opened the door. The smell of cooking food struck me like a breath of fresh air, but it was Shadow who stood between the food and me. Slowly, he lifted his wing and extended it out. Held between his feathers, was a half empty can of beans. With a smile and a blush, he nodded for me to take it.

“I… I was wondering if we could talk for a moment.” He stuttered. He looked back over his shoulder to Predious, who was deftly ignoring him to read a one hundred and fifty year old news paper. “Alone, if you don’t mind.”

“Look, kid. I just want to eat and then to sleep.” I grumbled. As I moved my hoof to push the can out of the way, my stomach made more of a fuss than it probably had to.

“Please…” Shadow Dasher said softly.

“Okay, fine.” I sighed and took the can of beans into my hoof. With a happy nod, he turned and walked up the stairs to Skyline’s landing pad. The cold nighttime air hit me hard. Within moments, I was shaking so bad that I had to bite down on the can to keep from throwing the beans everywhere. I shut the door behind me and climbed the steps up after him. He sat just past the top step, looking out into the lightening morning sky.

“I know it may be odd to ask, but did you happen to see the enclave on your way back to Manehatten?” He’d gone back to the stern look he’d had after the bar. “Are they searching for me?”

“Yeah, I met them.” I replied. That broke his gaze on the city in an instant. “I met your fiancee as well. You know she’s trying to kill you, right?” As I suggested that, he let out a deflated sigh. “Why? Why go through all the trouble just for you?”

“My mother.” He gave a weak smile. “She’s one of the heads of Enclave civil government, and a powerful mare to know if you can pull the right favors.” He finally just turned around to look at me completely. “Our world up there? It’s very different from here, but twice as dangerous. A single idea can make or break a prestigious family if they were to utter it in public.”

“What did you say?” I asked. Of course, he’s probably said the wrong thing, and somepony tried to get him killed. Problem was, why was it his fiancee, and why did she go to these lengths to find him?

“It wasn’t all my fault.” He shook his head in disgust. “The arranged mariage wasn’t my families idea. Silver Star had been a good friend of my mother’s back in their training days, so when my mom had me, and silver had Iron Cross…”

“They paired you up.” I finished for him. “I get that much, but what went wrong?” My stomach grumbled again, so I shoved the can of beans against my muzzle and started chowing down.

“Two months ago, my unit brought a pegasus back up from the ground. We’d spotted him while on mission, and the log book said that he’d been wanted by command for questioning.” He said with a twinge of sadness. “The whole way back, he tried telling us that the ground was safe, and that we could come down. We’d heard that sort of thing before, but he started talking about a sickness that was ravaging a town. How we had the medicine that could save their lives.”

“Well…” I muttered through a mouthful of beans. “Did you?”

“Yes, it is a common medicine up there.” He nodded softly. “When we got back to command, the base commander summarily executed him for his crimes against the enclave. When I tried to explain what he’d said to the commander, I urged that we consider sending down a small team to help.”

“And that didn’t go over too well.” I rolled my eyes.

“It got me suspended from duty.” He groaned. “When I got off duty, my father told me that what I’d said made it all the way up the chain of command. Mother was stepping down from her position, and there was talk of even branding our whole family as traitors.” He gave me a glare. “But even through all this, a contract was a contract. I was still to marry Silver’s daughter.”

“So, she’s trying to kill you so she doesn’t have to marry a traitor?” I asked before scraping the rest of the beans into my shivering muzzle.

“I wish that were the case.” He got to his hooves and walked over. “Iron Cross is trying to kill me to salvage her career as an officer. In truth, she’s never cared for our marriage. She’s always been one to enjoy the company of mares anyway.”

“So, why invite me up here and tell me?” I tossed the can down on the roof and wrapped my hooves around myself. It was cold as fuck up here, and everything wasn’t going numb fast enough.

“Because.” He outstretched his wing as he walked over to me. “You saved me from all that.” He sat down next to me and wrapped his wing around me. “I miss my family, but I’m dead to them now. With me gone, my mother might get her job back. And so long as Iron Cross never finds me, that bitch will get what’s coming to her.”

He pulled himself close to me. The warmth he gave off was just like the bath. I found myself pressing against him on my own, and as I looked up, I met his eyes. With a blush, I forced myself to look down.

“Hold on there, casanova.” I blurted. “While I’m happy that you think I saved you or whatever, I only played a part. Anypony would have pulled you out of that wreckage. No need to think it means anything more.”

“Fair enough.” He gave a soft laugh and loosened his grip on me. “Still. I owe you my life, and for that, you have me as a friend.” Without warning, he pulled me in again and pointed his hoof into the darkness. “Yessiree! Anywhere you go, I’ll be by your side! A pegasus is loyal to the bitter end.”

As fantastic as that wasn’t, the warmth really felt good. He’d shoved my muzzle into his neck, and I felt like I could just get lost in his warm embrace. With a deep sigh, my body finally felt that it was done for the day. My eyelids slid shut slowly, and for once, I was carried off to what would be the best sleep of the last few weeks.