The decaying floral wallpaper of the old clinic had faded to a muddled mix of browns and piss yellow, and the assorted, canted picture frames on the walls held only yellowed sheets of paper. This hallway was proving to be less of a distraction than I’d hoped it would be, with the incessant scratching in the back of my mind refocusing onto a different train of thought. Four thousand caps. That’s how far in debt I've sunk since I accepted this job. What the fuck was I even thinking?

“Ya ok there, boss?” Caltrop’s voice ripped me from my thoughts in the way that a land mine takes your attention from a bullet wound.

“Sweet Celestia, why do you care?!” I snapped back, giving him a glare that I wished would just bore through his head. He shrunk back at that as a look of fear gripped him.

“I’m sorry! I… I wasn't meanin’ ta anger ya!” He put a hoof up against his cheek to guard it. It was then I noticed the large gash my horn gave him had scabbed up, promising to be one hell of a scar when it healed. “Was just worried ‘bout my friend is all.”

I gave a hearty chuckle and continued trotting down the hallway, turning the corner around to the old clinic waiting room. The nurse mare was on the other side of a short counter, balancing precariously on a set of stacked chairs in order to reach an old cabinet. She was grunting as she reached her hoof into it, trying to get… something from it.

“Friend?” I held my hoof out, stopping the annoying stallion from going any further. “Let’s get this straight. You are my employee, that’s it. Nothing more, nothing less.”

“I… understand.” He spoke sadly, dropping his gaze to the floor.

Half of me couldn’t believe this guy! Does he seriously think that friends made any sort of fucking difference in life? Like friendship could magically make me bulletproof, or cure radiation sickness? His friendship fucking fixed your busted flank, asshole. My conscience interfered, only adding to my already annoying headache.

“Good, glad we got that straightened out.” I gave a sigh of relief and trot up to the counter.

“Damn, honey, that’s cold.” The nurse chimed in as she hoofed a small white bottle from the back of the cabinet.

One quick tug on the bottom chair, that’s all it would take to shut her up. She healed you, and that’s how you act? What are you, four? Grow the fuck up, PC. There goes my conscience again! I put my hooves on the counter and mustered a smile through my rage as she walked over.

“So… about that bill.” I rocked against the counter as I spoke, fighting the instinct to just book it out the doors behind me. “You sure there isn't something else we could possibly do for you? Anything at all?”

She spat out the old medication bottle onto the counter, the four or five pills left inside it rattled as she hoofed it towards Caltrop. She seemed to think about my question for a moment, waiting until Caltrop went for the bottle before answering.

“You can talk to my suppliers in Fillydelphia.” She tilted her head, making her strawberry mane cover half her face. “Get them to restock the clinic and send me a cute assistant. Do that, and I’ll wipe away the debt.” Her mouth twisted into a nefarious grin.

“A cute assistant?” I straightened up quickly. “Shit, you can take this asshole off my hooves right now then!” I caught him blinking like a dumbass at me in confusion. “Looks like you can be friends with her now.”

“Wait, WHAT!?” Caltrop yelled as he spit the pill bottle to the floor.

“Whoa now, honey.” Dr. Asshole retorted quickly, completely set on making sure this day was completely ruined for me. Also, why the hell does everypony have to call me babe, or doll, or honey? Can’t these assholes just use someone’s fucking name? “He ain’t my type.”

“Ah… I see.” I looked over her with a cocked brow. “So, a mare then.” I leaned forward on the countertop, waiting for a yes or no.

“Yes, but.” She spoke slowly, the anticipation for the exception building as it felt like forever before she answered. “I need a ghoul gal.”

My forehooves slipped on the countertop, slamming me down onto it with a meaty WHUMP. I bounced off the two century old wood, smacking my head as I dropped to the floor.

“But, aren’t they all, fallin’ apart an’ such?” Caltrop asked as he sat down. To my amazement, his voice was still adding to the pounding headache that was trying to split my head in half. I turned my head to yell at him, bumping my muzzle into his flank roughly and getting a close up look at his cutie mark. I batted at it reflexively with a hoof as I rolled and stood up again, dusting myself off.

“Get your damn ass out of my face.” I barked, using my telekinesis to straighten my jacket and gun harness out. He took a step back from the counter and lowered his head. “What’s it matter if she likes walking jerky if it will pay the goddess damned bills?” Shaking my head, I looked back up at her. She looked extremely unamused at all the comments toward her ‘preferences’. “Who’s the supplier we need to talk to in Filly?”

“He’s a business pony out there, shouldn’t be hard to find.” She spoke with a sigh, hoofing up a stack of old papers and putting them into an off white folder. “His name’s Big Shot.”

“Oh, fuck me.” I facehooved and dropped to the floor again.

BANG!

A bullet punched through the door behind me, whizzing over my head and past Dr. Asshole, striking the cabinet behind her. My ears were filled with the most colorful of vulgarities as Caltrop all but jumped over the counter.

“Knock knock, bitches!” The voice of a gruff stallion laughed out. “Anypony home?”

“That were a good one, Buzzsaw!” A second, dopier sounding stallion replied.

Another shot sank into the thick wood of the reception counter just above my head. Time to move! I thrust myself up and onto the desk, rolling myself down forcefully onto the floor behind it. Let’s go over what I know. At least two assholes just outside the door. They shot first with what sounded like a rifle, which is either stupidity or an attempt at intimidation. So that leaves Talon mercs, a local gang, or Raiders.

“We know you’re helping the bitch that killed my guys!” The first stallion spoke up again, his voice coming through the door itself. “Just send her out and I promise to treat ya real nice before my guys get a go at you!”

“Yeah! We gonna fuck yew good afta’ da boss’s turn!” The second voice chuckled loudly.

“Shut the fuck up, Cornhole.” The original voice commanded again. “I swear, if you don’t just watch the fucking door, I’ll find a way to geld you again.”

Fucking raiders.

My magic snapped the catch to #6 open, pulling the cut down 20 gauge out slowly. If I can float it close enough to the door, maybe…

“Psst!” Caltrop’s whisper sounded like a freight train, breaking my concentration and hold on my gun. It dropped to the floor, clacking onto the smooth, ceramic tiling with the sound of a Celestia damn megaspell. Only after it bounced twice did I manage to recover it in my hold.

“She’s inside, go get her, boys!” The leader screamed as the door pushed open.

I raised the single shot gun above the counter, aiming roughly where the door should have been, and fired. The recoil spun the gun back and out of my magic, while the delightful sound of the dumb one’s agony filled scream reached my ears.

“Ya need ta give me a gun!” Caltrop prodded me as I clicked open #4’s holster.

“Fuck off, Caltrop!” I shouted, raising the 12.7mm pistol above the counter and firing a couple of blind shots toward the door. The blind fire did little to deter them from returning the favor as the rapid fire of what sounded to be assault rifles perforated the wall behind us, most assuredly chewing away at the front of the counter.

“I can help if ya just give me a fuckin gun!” He screamed as my frustration level hit it’s peak. I fired another few rounds at our anonymous assailants.

“FINE!” I couldn't fucking take it anymore. My levitation gripped #1 and thrust it at him, smacking him square in the muzzle. He rolled over and mumbled a curse, massaging his nose softly.

A loud SNAP followed another burst from an assault rifle as one of the rounds punched through the old wood. Funny thing was that had he not rolled, that probably would have ended Caltrop right then and there. Guess that makes us even for saving each other, which is good. I don’t need any more debts. I fired another pair of shots from the 12.7, my magic squeezing the trigger for a third.

CLICK

“Fucking seven round bullshit.” I muttered as I unlatched #3, tossing the spent #5 as far as I could to my left. In the moments before the heavy pistol clattered to the ground, I swear you could have heard a pin drop. Well, if not for somepony I had forgotten...

“Boss, da desk!” The moronic asshole hadn't fucking died?

It did help though that only the boss could hear him, so when the gun noisily clattered down the hallway, a single assault rifle opened up on it. That was fine by me, all I needed to do now was get up and…

“FUCK OFF!” Caltrop yelled from around the bit of my deringer, climbing over the top of the desk. I pushed myself up as hard as I could again, jumping just high enough that I could see the boss stallion half entered through the doorway. His horn glowed as he swung his rusty ass hunting rifle around, his eyes widening as the fear of death by perforation gripped him.

Had this been a normal job, or any other ambush, shooting assholes wouldn't have been so much of a problem. But because that moron was in front of me, some part of my brain told me to wait until I knew he was clear of my fire. Because of that, I squeezed a burst off too slow. The hunting rifle’s round scored a direct hit to the base of Caltrop’s tail, cleaving it from his flank in a small spray of blood.

Caltrop ground down his teeth on my gun as he screamed through the bit, firing a shot off. Through luck or skill, that round punched through the dumb asshole’s eye, splattering the back side of his skull across the grimy waiting room floor.

As for my burst, I stitched all three shots across the boss stallion, only the rear most one failing to punch through his barding. The first shot however must have punctured an artery, as blood streamed out of his wound. His magic faltered as he stumbled back out the door, his rifle scattering across the floor.

“Boss…” Caltrop called up to me softly, holding a hoof up to me from the other side of the counter. “I’m sorry…”

“Quiet you fucking moron.” I swiveled my ears as I waited for more gunfire, only hearing a set of quick hoof beats trailing off into the distance interspersed with the sound of the slow, laborious steps of the boss stallion.

“They got me bad, boss.” Caltrop groaned and flopped his hoof back over.

“Cut the shit, you’ll be fine.” I rolled my eyes and shoved his bloody tail off the desk, dropping it onto his face. He coughed and choked in the hairs as he flailed his hooves at the silvery mass, screaming when he finally made out what it was.

“MY FUCKIN TAIL!” He rolled over and twisted himself around, inspecting the bloody nub at the end of his flank.

“Should be glad it wasn't your FUCKING HEAD.” I jumped up onto the counter, swinging my forehoof over and smacking him in the back of the head. “The next time you feel like helping, stay the FUCK out of my way.”

“H...hey…” A soft voice strained to get my attention from behind me, making me twist my neck and look down to the floor. My eyes found the blue mare laying in a sea of crimson, spreading out from no less than five wounds. Shit, when did she get hit? Had to be from the assault rifles. No matter, she’s too far gone to help.

“Is there something…you need?” I was no good at this! The mare is obviously dying, but I’m at a loss as to what to do. I heard Caltrop skitter off somewhere behind me, but I payed him no mind.

“F...find my s...sons. Balti...” Her wheezing breaths strained as she gasped for what little air her body could manage to get. “Tell them…”

And with that, she was gone.

Unlike the previous raiders I dispatched days ago, this lot had some alright gear on it. The dumb stallion who charged in had a pair of worn power hooves, which would have been a total haul if #6 hadn't utterly destroyed one of them. One power hoof is still worth the parts at least, so I snagged it and an extra power gem. One of the fighters outside had a basic service rifle battle saddle in better than junk condition, so I claimed that and his 58 spare rounds of ammo.

Mr. big bad boss stallion though, had surprisingly few items of any value on him. The 4 spare .223 rounds that were in the rifle’s mag seemed to be it.

“Fuckin dick deserved ta get shot.” Caltrop commented as he walked out to meet me. “I cleared out what little meds she had left. The biggest prize was a single Hydra injector, but we also got a few magic bandages, four regular bandages, a packet a Rad Away, two capsules of Rad Safe, and a half a syringe a Med-X.”

I leaned my head over and looked at his back. He was now wearing a saddlebag, which I assumed he had stored all this stuff in. I shrugged and pulled out my pack of cigarettes, not bothering with the lighter as I just used my fire spell to light it up. Caltrop looked horrified as I took a deep breath.

“Ya didn't even clean ya horn?” He finally spit out.

I lifted the cigarette, noting the small chunk of flesh with a silvery hair on it stuck to the side. I shrugged again and continued. I had fucking earned this, and fucking Celestia be damned, I was going to enjoy it.

“So, are you going to tell me why the hell you have silver butterfly’s on your flank or not?” I sighed before spooning some more beans into my muzzle.

“It ain’t butterflies! They’re Caltrops!” He twisted around from rubbing the bandaged nub where his tail used to be. When he had asked to use the Hydra to fix it, I used the campfire to cauterize the wound instead, not wanting to waste something that valuable on something as non life threatening as a tail. He'd been whimpering about it up until the point his stomach groaned louder than his muzzle did. “But, if ya wanna hear the story, I can tell ya!”

It wasn’t particularly cold tonight, but we had decided it was worth the risk to build a fire. It was something my grandmother had drilled into my head since the time I could levitate a pistol as a filly.

“Life on the trail is rough, and yes, you should expect the worst. But always remember that your well being is more important than the job. If it looks like it’s going to get cold, build a fire. If it looks like a beast too large to fell, hide. If it looks like an unfriendly wanderer, shoot.”

That last piece of advice was the only thing I could never follow. I would rather scare them off, or better yet, avoid them altogether. Why risk a drawn out fight when you can just ignore them altogether? Bounty Hunting is all about the target, anypony else? Well, they might as well not exist. Speaking of… Caltrop was answering me this entire time and I had completely missed it.

“An dat’s how I got it!” He beamed a proud smile over to me, the happiness waning as I didn’t react.

“Sorry, I had something on my mind.” I spoke quickly before shoveling another spoon full of beans into my mouth. I bit down on the spoon, only to find there were no beans on it. I levitated the can up and looked in it, sure enough, it was completely clean. I only had two bites… there’s no way I'd finished the can by now!

“Dat’s for zonin out on me.” Caltrop remarked with pride. “Though, those beans tasted like shit. So I say we’re even.”

“Fuck you, Caltrop. I’m adding the damn can of beans to your debt.” I grunted. It sucks being hungry, but I’ve lived on less before. What I don’t feel comfortable with is the fact that he managed to take my dinner straight from my hooves without me registering it. No wonder this guy never got anypony to trust him. “Well, what the fuck are you waiting for? You going to tell me again or what?”

“Geeze boss, ya don’t have ta be a bitch about it.” He replied sharply. I flung the empty bean can at him in retaliation, pegging him right in the temple. ‘Ow! Fine. When I was just a colt…”

“Was? You still act like a colt!” I cut him off with a sing-song voice.

“Shut da hell up!” Caltrop flailed his hooves at me in anger before realizing I am a hat drop away from beating the hell out of him for his outburst. “I mean, sorry… boss.” He was wearing his nervous grin again. “Ta simplify, I got it when I realized my voice could hold ponies attention deep enough ta where I could steal their stuff! Keep em' slow ta think, ya know?” He glared at me. “Obviously, not deep enough with ya however.” He looked down and shrugged, pushing some dirt lazily around with his hooves. “Why don’t ya tell me how ya got yours?”

"I... I don't want to talk about it." I still remember every detail of that day. Mom had brought me outside of town to wait for Grandma's return, even though I didn’t want to go with her. It had been nearly three months since she left for a job in New Pegasus, and it was now the middle of winter. It had snowed heavily that day, and on the walk out, I had accidentally punched my legs through some thin ice, soaking my forehooves.

Turns out Grandma had gotten on the wrong side of a gang from Filly, and they were waiting for her to show up, seeing us more or less as 'hapless bystanders'. In the midst of everypony freezing their flanks off, fighting broke out, and it got down to Mom, me, and the gang’s 2nd in command. He was holding a knife to her throat, while I had the revolver Mom had given me for my birthday. Being that it had been on my foreleg, it had also been dunked into the puddle, so there was no way that it should have fired. I had known the powder in the corroded casings would have been too wet, but what could I have done? He had Mom.

“Come on little filly. Do it. Try to kill me and save your sexy mare of a mother.” He licked up her neck, pressing the blade in his hoof against her hard enough to draw blood. “I like the ones who think they’re heroes, they’re always so much FUN to break!”

I had tears in my eyes and I couldn't stop shivering, though, I can't remember if it was from the cold, or the fact that I had never been more afraid in my life. I pulled the trigger as asked. My innate magic had primed it, and the round inside fired when the hammer struck. That was the only time I had ever shared a moment with a target. We were both completely surprised the gun fired.

As the ganger’s brains dripped onto the snow, Mom screamed and galloped over to me in tears, holding me close. That was the moment I had earned my cutie mark. It was also the first day I decided that I was never going to let a situation like that happen again. That I was always going to work alone.

“Hey, boss. Ya alright?” Caltrop’s voice now mercifully ripped me from my memories. “ya kinda drifted off for a moment.”

I hated that day. Before that day, I never was going to be a bounty hunter. As a blank flank, I could be anything I wanted. And as much as it pains me to admit it now, what I wanted to do, was garden. It may seem a fool’s errand in the wasteland, but with a proper greenhouse and maybe some good soil from the everfree forest, I’m sure it would be possible to grow something other than the sad excuse for vegetables we have today.

Perhaps, had the war not happened, that might have been something that you could have enjoyed making a life out of. Fucking brain. Don’t go pointing out shit that doesn't matter when you could be trying to figure a way to get out of debt with Big Shot.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine.” I sighed and laid down. “Let’s just get some sleep, seeing as we’ve got another half day’s journey in front of us until we get to Filly.”

“Yea, sure.” He stuttered out, curling himself up a few feet from me. “Night boss. Sleep well.”

Sleep well? When out on the road, I never slept well.

Author's Notes:

Thanks to Kkat, Somber, Mimezinga, No_One, Stonershy, John Colt, Hetnu, Xjuan, Sawyer, Vocal, Tinker, and Bad Pun for their inspiration and support in the writing of this fic!

Shout out to Regolit, Deathpony, and Retl for their feedback! I really do love to hear what you all think!