“Are you sure you don’t want to travel with us?” I genuinely asked the ghoul who’d just saved Caltrop and Sandy. “We aren’t going that much further, just a few more miles northwest. There’s another safe house we can lay low in for a while, you’re welcome to join us.” For once, I didn’t mind asking somepony to come along. Both Caltrop and Sandy had been good to travel with so far, but with as bad off as we were, more potential friends could always help.

It had taken a few minutes for Caltrop’s brain to start up again after the bombshell I’d dropped on him. At least it was finally out in the open. I looked back to see how those two were doing. Sandy had said she smelled something weird in the ground, and Caltrop told her to go get it. Sometimes, I wondered just what I saw in those two. Even so, having another pony along who could help us avoid places like this damned warehouse would be kind of nice.

“Nah, I always travel alone.” He wheezed out through a laugh. That was an odd response, seeing as he kept on spouting things about how friendship is magic. “If I stick around too long, bad things tend to happen.” He shrugged and got to his hooves.

As he did, a black dot caught my vision from in the air behind him. I couldn’t stop the rebar lance that sailed through the air. It curved down and easily punched it’s way through his hide. It slid in until the tip barely pushed through the center of his chest. The ghoul winced and looked down to the new protrusion that adorned him. He raised a hoof and poked at it while black ichor seeped from the wound.

“Oh, look at that.” He remarked calmly with a smile. “I’ve been impaled.”

Slowly, he tilted to his side and flopped over into the dirt. Three small unicorns approached us quickly from road. I felt naked without any of my weapons, but I gripped my magic around the rebar spear to keep them from retrieving it.

“Hah! I told you I could hit it!” The unicorn mare in the lead shouted. “You see that? I fucking saved their flanks!”

“See, this is what I was talking about.” The ghoul grunted out from the ground. He looked up to me with a pleading look. “Just, go easy on them.”

“What the hell!” Caltrop shouted as he knelt down next to our ghoul friend. “They just fuckin tried ta kill yah!” He raised his gaze up to me. “They’ll be lucky if PC just rings their little necks!”

That stopped the trio from advancing. The lead unicorn had a dusty pink coat, brown and white striped mane, and a pair of angry looking blue eyes. The small twin colts beside her, stepped behind her with those words. Their apple green eyes peered out from behind her. For a moment, everypony just glared at each other in silence. The pink unicorn’s eye twitched in irritation.

“Fucking ungrateful assholes!” She blurted out with a startling amount of force. “We do the work to kill that monstrosity, and this is how you repay us?” She snarled and reached her magic out for the rebar spear. My magic held tight onto it as she tried to pull it back to her. The tug of war made the ghoul whine. “Best fork over some caps for our work!”

“I’m not dead!” He moaned out. It was still far beyond me how he could even maintain focus with a spear through him. In the end, I’d decided that it was just something ghouls could do.

“You will be soon. I got you right in the heart!” The filly snapped, tugging harder. “Why won’t this thing budge?” Try as she might, she just couldn’t compare to my hold. Funny though, I wasn’t sure why she couldn’t feel my magic holding it there.

“I’m getting better!” The ghoul whined again.

“No you’re not, you’ll be stone dead in a moment.” She retorted before she took a step toward him. Both Caltrop and I figured that this had gone on long enough. We stepped forward as well and imposed ourselves upon them. To her credit, the pink filly didn’t budge.

“Look, kid. Yah lucky yah didn’t kill my friend there.” Both Caltrop and I glared at her. She kept her eyes pinned to just me though. Even from under the brim of my hat, I couldn’t help but think she knew who I was. Might have just been paranoia though. “Just take yah friends and leave.” He lifted his hoof and pointed to the road. “Go back home ta yah parents.” Even as those words left his mouth, I knew what would come from her muzzle in response.

“They’re fucking dead, you dick.” She snarled and pointed her hoof at me. Sad, yes, but not anywhere unheard of. “Now, unless you move your fat flank so I can retrieve my spear, I won’t be able to hunt for food.”

I tightened my grip on the spear, slowly drawing it out of our ghoul friend. He gave a long whimper as I did, but seemed to relax a bit once it slid all the way out. The pink filly in front of me looked mortified as my magic swung the spear through the air. I held it level in front of her and dropped it. It struck the ground at her hooves with a soft thump.

“If you’re going to kill somepony, you might want to learn where their heart is.” I said loudly. Another angry twitch played across the young filly’s face. “If you’re looking for supplies, there’s a half stocked survival shelter a few hours south.” I paused as I watched her angry expression change to one of confusion. “It’s well hidden and has three beds. As well as enough power to last a while.”

“You’re lying.” The filly regained her angered look and snarled.

“Why would I waste my time when I could kill you with a thought?” I snapped back at her. “Now take your spear, forget you ever saw us, and go.”

“Even if I believed you, why the hell would I trust you?” She grunted and hoisted the spear back up in her magic. Her gaze faltered from me and looked to my side. Whatever she looked at, caused her to take a single step back.

“Because she’s a friend!” Sandy shouted as she ran over. Just like she’d had since she joined us, she wore a wide smile across her muzzle. “Maybe we can be friends too!” She walked forward and held her paw out. “My name’s Sandy, what’s yours?”

The filly panicked and swung the spear around. I caught it in my magic and held it steady. She gave me a death glare to which I simply shook my head slowly. Finally, she figured out that she had no choice but to give up. With an annoyed grunt, she relented and pulled the spear toward her.

“My name is Javelin.” She averted her eyes as she begrudgingly spoke. “These are my brothers, Lance and Glaive.” Who at her words, revealed themselves from behind her. “Just… who are you all?”

“Let’s just leave it at friends.” I said. I used my magic to push the tip of her rebar spear to the dirt. “No need for such hostilities.”

“Yah just gonna trust her like dat?” Caltrop spoke up. “I mean, come on Boss. Yah told me dat we shouldn’t trust anypony and yah were right. We don’t want her ta be another Brightshine, or another one like dat zebra douche at the prison.”

That sparked a look in Javelin’s eye.

“I knew it!” She shouted and lifted the rebar again. “You’re that mare that’s all over the fliers!” She grinned. “You’re worth far too much to let go. My brothers and I could eat for a year with that many caps!” Her magic thrust the spear forward at me, but she just hadn’t learned. I torqued it from her grip and drove it back into the dirt. Javelin whined and tugged at it with her magic.

“Sandy, please cut this spear into tiny pieces.” I sighed. She’d gotten her chance, and she made her choice. If I were still the me of a month ago, I’d have killed her without a second thought. Today, at least she got to leave with her life.

“But…” Sandy looked up to me with a confused look. “How will they hunt?”

“They won’t have ta.” Caltrop spoke up again as he looked at me. He turned his gaze down to Sandy and smiled. “As long as they go ta the shelter we left, they’ll have food for a few weeks. Or even some ta trade for a better spear.”

Sandy nodded and jumped onto the rusted rebar. With a few growls and swings of her claws, the rusty bar split into a dozen or so short metal rods. Javelin’s face twisted between rage and sorrow as Sandy took a step back.

“You fucking cunt!” She screamed out and dropped to the ground in tears. “What the hell are we supposed to do now?” Her brothers moved to her side and hugged her. “I’m sorry you two… I tried.”

“Why should you feel sorry?” The wheezing voice of the ghoul said as he hoisted himself up from the dirt. “This mare has done nothing but try to help you, young miss. All you’ve needed to do is to listen.” He groaned as a line of fresh ichor dripped from the slowly closing chest and back wound. “You have all the information you need to keep your brothers safe. Why not take a chance and use it?”

“But... I tried to kill you.” She sniffled. “Why don’t you hate me? What’s wrong with all of you?”

“Because I am much too old, and know far better than anypony else what hate has cost this world.” He pushed between Caltrop and I. The way his body pulsed softly as he walked in front of us was entrancing. I found that I couldn’t look away from it again as he continued. It felt just like last night at the shack. “Why not give friendship a chance? I know the sorrow of being left alone in this world.” He paused and looked back at me with a smirk. “I also know what the kindness of another can do if you feel lost. If you want, I could help you along the way to this place they speak of.”

“I don’t even know you…” She looked up and furiously shook her head. “Just… leave us alone!” She screamed and backed away. She did so fast enough that her rump rode up into the air and almost flipped her over. It caught her by surprise, and she fought to regain her hoofing. “Wh…what?” She stuttered.

Without any warning, I felt it in my horn. The slightest twinge of some sort of magic nearby. I looked around and tried to find its source, but couldn’t. A metallic twang filled my ears, one that I had infact heard all too recently. Just as it happened before, I felt a prick in my chest. My exhaustion, combined with the dart in my chest dragged me down into the dirt. As my eyelids shut, I was at the very least glad that I could finally have a good long sleep.

I woke again with a constant low ringing in my ears. As I started to get my senses back, I felt like I was being bounced softly against the back of a pony. I opened my eyes and was met with the scratchy feeling of something tied over them. The rhythmic breathing of a pony as they trotted gave me an idea as to what had happened. I wiggled my hooves, but couldn’t move them almost at all. They’d been tied when I’d been captured.

“It is funny, not all ponies can overcome a manticore’s venom so fast.” The voice of a stallion met my ears. That was an all too familiar point, and it did nothing but unsettle me. I wanted to respond, to ask what happened to the others, but I couldn’t even open my muzzle. The same feeling of being bound met me, and I started to panic. Lucky for me, this stallion couldn’t keep me bound for long! I focused on my magic and…

Nothing. I couldn’t cast anything at all! Not even my levitation would obey me. Did… did he do something to my horn while I was out? I accidently let a whine slip from my muzzle as I thought about it.

“Ah, unsure why you cannot cast. Please, allow me explain.” He replied. Now that I listened, he had an odd accent to his voice that I’d never heard before. “I take things. You see, this is my purpose in life. Whenever someone needs to remove something that belongs to someone, they call me. It is unfortunate for you however, that today that something is you.” He gave a chuckle. “My given talent has suppressed your abilities so that you will not fight. Once you are delivered, I shall return your magic to you.”

His stride was even and unbroken, the sound of dry dirt under his hooves didn’t change at all. We were traveling across the flatlands still, but in what direction I was unsure. I should have seen that this would happen right when I let my guard down.

“If you are curious about those you were with,” He spoke up again. It switched my attentions off my thoughts and back to him. “You need not worry. I have left all of them but the ghoul untouched. When they wake, they will find you long gone and move on. The ghoul on the other hoof, might have a slight headache.” He let out a sigh. “A pesky trait that ghouls have. They are immune to most toxins and poisons. Not so much to blunt force though.”

At least they were safe. I know they wouldn’t give up on me, but they needed to at least be smart enough to continue to Storm’s safe house. If everything went as planned, Both she and mom should have made it there by now. Once they got there, Storm could just leave and rescue me like always, right?

Right?

“You know, you seem fairly alright with this whole situation.” The Stallion sounded like he turned his head towards me when he talked. “If I could trust you not to scream, I would remove your gag. However, I do not see the harm in letting you see.” His magic twisted and unbound the knot that held my blindfold on. “As they say for lookouts,” He lifted it away, letting me gaze into his eyes. “two heads are better than one.”

I blinked a few times as my eyes adjusted to the light do day again. As I looked at the stallion, a pair of strange things popped out at me. First of all, he was a zony. A fucking unicorn zony with their second rate casting abilities, had taken me hostage. Second of all, he was fucking blind. The scared and discolored pupils of his purple eyes stared back at me without focus. He smiled widely to me and gave a laugh.

“With words I could never truly speak of myself, now you see the nature of your capture.” He turned his head back towards where we were going and continued. “I must advise you. Though I am blind, it does not mean that I cannot see.”

With him just the chattiest mother fucker I’ve met since Caltrop, I took a minute to look about. First, I swung my head up and out to see if I could tell where we were going. Almost immediately, I tried to warn him, but my words only came across as whining noises. We were headed straight for the hotel I’d seen last night. Captor or not, he needed to know what waited for us in there. I could only hope that those monstrosities hadn’t already seen us.

“See, this is why I did not remove your gag.” He frowned and gave a quick glance back to me. Which was odd, seeing as it served no purpose to him. “Unless, you are discomforted by something that you see?”

He struck the nail on the head with that one. I gave him a quick nod. Then I felt stupid as I remembered you can’t hear a nod. He cocked an eyebrow and turned his head toward the Hotel. For a blind zony, he sure seemed to understand his surroundings.

“Ah, the structure. Yes, I know of what waits inside.” He replied calmly. “Do not worry, they will not harm you.” He paused. “Though, of your friends, I cannot give the same assurances.”

I had to get back to them.

With one great torque of myself, I used the bounces from his stride to throw myself from him. I landed in the dirt with a thud and a grunt. He simply stopped and turned his amused gaze to me. I didn’t care what this asshole thought, I wasn’t about to leave Caltrop and Sandy in that position. He’d have to keep me sedated the whole fucking way if he wanted to stop me.

“Go ahead.” He said with a chuckle. “I am curious. Do you plan to hop all the way back, or only as far as it takes to get your hooves free?” As he continued with his incessant talking, I did just what he said. Slowly, I hopped back towards the others. A small beep from behind caught my ear and I turned my gaze just enough to look. My captor raised a forehoof and looked at it. I recognized the small tube strapped around his leg as something Bluejay and Grandma always held over me.

“Well, that is disappointing.” He sighed and shook his head. Because I’d paid attention to him, I misjudged my next hop. I stumbled, and without any way to compensate, I fell into the dirt. He walked over to me as I did my best to recover. “As much as I am curious how far you would hop, I have other business.” Even blind, he looked right at me as he said that. “I am sorry for the inconvenience, but if you would kindly watch this.” He flipped open his saddlebag with his magic and drew out a memory orb. “It is yours, so you needn't worry. I will return it and the newspaper it was in to you when I have delivered you. As interesting as these oddities are, I have no need for any memories but my own.”

He smiled and brought it up to my horn. Even with my own magic gone, I could feel it’s magic held inside. Without much of a choice, it was pressed against me. My mind grew hazy as the orb took control. This time the transition was much smoother, but I couldn’t help but worry for what I’d find inside.

As I sat in the darkness and nothingness of my own mind, I frowned. I didn’t like being kept this way. A part of my mind clawed at me and reminded me of what happened last time I had no control. Had it not been for the fact that I couldn’t actually breath or feel my heart, I’m sure they would have jumped out of my chest. It wasn’t until blobs of light, color, and movement filled my vision, that I calmed down. At the very least, if I immersed myself in the memory, I could keep my mind off those clawing feelings.

Almost immediately after my senses became clear again, I knew I wasn’t a unicorn. The alien feeling of a hornless forehead wasn’t the only thing that felt out of place. Strange muscles on my back tensed and tugged as I walked down what looked to be an old medical building’s hallway. For a moment, I thought my host’s vision was bad, but I shortly realized that I was viewing everything from behind a pair of sunglasses.

I was definitely a mare again, which was for some reason relaxing for me. My body felt good though. It was toned and athletic. All the muscles she had felt like they were full of unused energy, just waiting to be tapped. When my host approached a door, she reached out for the handle. She paused for a moment and took a deep breath. It wasn’t until then that I felt the tight fitting clothes that she wore. My curiosity hoped that she’d look down so I could see it, but the rest of me didn’t care.

After the moment of hesitation, her yellow forehoof opened it with one fluid motion. Inside was a very homey looking office. A desk sat off out of the way in a corner, while a couch and a pair of chairs filled the majority of the room. A small table sat between the furniture, and a pair of mugs sat on opposing sides. In one of the chairs was a unicorn stallion who sat up when she walked in.

“Ah, there you are.” He said as he used his magic to push his glasses up his muzzle. “I’m glad that you could find time for our session today. I know how busy you’ve been, and that you’d had your apprehensions when first you first came to me last week.” He held his hoof out toward the couch. “Please, take a seat.”

“Thank you, sir.” My host spoke with a scratchy tone. It was nowhere near as bad as Mrs. Florentine had been last memory, but it was still uncomfortable. She moved to take her seat across the room. I’m not sure if it was just something that all pegasi did, but she tensed her wings and pulled them closer as she walked. It felt so… restrictive.

“Please, you can just call me Horse.” The stallion said with a smile. “Remember, I want this to be an open environment for you, Spitfire. I want you to feel comfortable with speaking to me about things.”

“Sorry, Doc.” She said as she sat down on the couch. “Just the whole wonderbolts mindset. Can’t really just leave it at the door, you know.” She sighed and pulled her legs under her. So this is what a couch felt like before the war? Maybe we wouldn’t have fought so much if everypony had one of these!

Then again, those pre-war assholes took everything for granted.

“I completely understand.” Doctor Horse chuckled. “Now when we spoke briefly last week, you’d said that you had something on your mind. Would you like to open with that, or would you rather wait until you were more comfortable?”

This made my host tense up. For the next minute, she sat almost rock still. Her gaze just sat looking down at the table between them. She’d been willing to walk in here for help, why the fuck didn’t she speak?

“Can I be honest, doc?” She finally spoke up.

“Please,” He said as he shifted his position in his chair. “Be as candid as you feel comfortable with.”

“I... I hate flying now.” She hesitated with each word. I could feel how hard it had been to form them, and how her heart raced in her chest when she did. She looked up to him, only to find that he had simply raised an eyebrow in curiosity. “I mean, I'm still the best at it, I just…”

“Take your time. No need to rush an explanation.” He nodded slowly. Both cups lifted off the table in his levitation. He brought one to his own muzzle, while he floated the other one in front of Spitfire. She raised her hoof and pushed it away softly.

“I used to fly because I loved it.” She forced herself to say. “Soaring through the air, that feeling you get inside when you pull a perfect turn?” Even as she spoke about it, her wings torqued and twisted in unison. For a moment, I knew she was thinking about a time she’d flown. I took my own moment to imagine it myself, knowing this was the closest I’d ever get to it . “Everything about it used to feel great.”

“And now, it doesn't?” He replied with a lick of his lips. He set both mugs down and floated a clipboard and quill over to him from his desk. As soon as he grasped the clipboard, he’d begun to write on it.

“Now when I fly... I can't help but be worried. That somepony is going to come diving down from above, or that a dragon is going to be just beyond the next cloud. Or that I…” She paused and I felt her chest tighten. “That I'll have to kill again.”

That was it? I realize that back then, killing might have been something uncommon. Still, killing to win was something that fucked her up this badly? No wonder so many ponied died right after the bombs! The whole world was filled with fucking pansy ass mares who once again took everything for granted. With my mental rant finished, I listened again when she found the courage to continue.

“Don't get me wrong, I love Equestria, and that will never change. I just hate what I have to do to protect it. Every night when I sleep, I re-live that rescue mission with the rest of the wonderbolts. How it all went so wrong. Then I see the faces of those in the first few days of this war. How if only something had gone differently, they might not have died because of me.” Her voice trailed off. She was almost shivering as she sat there.

That… was something I didn’t know so much about. I remembered very few of the faces to those who I’d killed. It was such a common thing, it’s not something I cared to remember in the first place. The faces that I did remember though, sometimes they would haunt me. Still, it was never that bad. It was just something everypony had happen to them in the wasteland.

“I see.” Doctor Horse sighed as he continued to scribble things on his clipboard. ”I think I know what the problem is, Spitfire. You've started to suffer from Wartime Stress Disorder.” With and sorrowful look, he finished writing and set the quill down next to his mug.

“I... think I've known for a while.” Spitfire stuttered out. Once she had said it, if felt her relax a bit all over. “Please, Doc. Don't make an official report. They'll kick me off of the wonderbolts if this got out, and they need me fighting for them. I can't abandon Equestria like this, not when the war is this bad.”

“I'm sorry Spitfire, but my hooves are tied.” He let out a sad sigh and looked over to his desk. A large rectangular red stamp floated up and over to him. “In my medical opinion, Wartime Stress Disorder means you are no longer in control of your mental faculties.”

“I know that, but I'm second only in my squad to Rainbow Dash!” Spitfire watched that stamp like a hawk. “Think of the emotional impact it will have if I quit the fight to take care of myself? I can't abandon the element of loyalty like that, you know?” She tensed up again. Her body almost vibrated with energy as it felt like she’d jump at that stamp any moment. “I promise, as soon as the war dies down a bit, I’ll resign. Just please… not like this.”

The doctor stopped as the stamp fell into his hoof. The two of them sat in silence for a moment. Spitfire’s gaze met Doctor Horse’s for only a moment before he closed his eyes. With a sigh, he set the stamp down on the table.

“Doctor, Rainbow Dash said you've patched her up back in ponyville hospital more times than she could count.” Her vision became fuzzy as I felt hot tears start to run down her cheeks. She quivered as she strained to get the words out. “Please, there's gotta be another way to fix me.”

“I'm sorry Spitfire, but Wartime Stress Disorder is not something I can just prescribe something for.” He said in an annoyed tone. “But.” With that word, Spitfire stopped breathing. She waited until he continued before she drew in another breath. “I'll get in touch with Miss Pie at the Ministry of Moral. It isn’t a guarantee, but I've heard that they have a method of treatment that may help.”

“Whatever it is, I'm up for it.” She whimpered and laughed at the same time. “So long as it means I don't let Equestria down, I’ll do anything Doc.” I felt as my host flopped back against the couch and sank into it. The plush furnishing hugged her sides, and as she closed her eyes, I could tell she felt at peace.

The feeling of her body slowly slipped away, and the sounds of her joyous weeping disappeared. I was left in the hazy fog of my own mind once more. Thoughts buzzed around me as I reflected on what I’d just been a part of. This mare didn’t want to give up who she thought she was, even when necessity said she’d be forced to. That refusal to change really screwed her up inside as well.

Am I not the same? I tried to cling to my old ways, fighting it tooth and hoof the whole way. Had I seen this orb before all of this, how much pain might I have spared myself? Would I even have given it a chance? Then again, how many more faces would then find me in my dreams? How many still might?