The Neigh-Team
by Spongebozz Gunshot
Chapters
We are the Neigh-Team
Colonel Bellatrix "Honeyball" Treats -Unicorn Pony
-The leader of the Neigh-Team, she is a brilliant tactician and a master of disguise.
Honeyball is is distinguished by her black socks and her catch phrase, "I love it when a plan comes together." Always "on the jazz" (a phrase coined by B.A., meaning that Honeyball thrives on adventure and life-threatening situations), she seems to genuinely enjoy every situation they get into.
She is also often puts on her socks when she senses the action is about to pick up (such as a hoof fight breaking out). She works as an entertainer,playing the role of "The Great and Powerful Trixie".
Quote: "Honeyball's plans never work right. They just work."
First Lieutenant Octavia "Facemare" Clef - Earth Pony
-Suave, smooth-talking, and hugely successful with stallions and mares alike, she serves as the team's con mare and scrounger, able to get her hands on just about anything they need. Effectively second in command behind Honeyball (although Derpy outranks her), she is the one who arranges for supplies, equipment, and sensitive information using numerous scams and hustles.
Trivia: Face is the most gentle member of the Neigh-Team, generally attempting to avoid conflict. Her interests tend towards more cultural facets, such as concert halls, art purchasing, and playing the cello.
Master Sergeant Zecora "B.A" Ura - Zebra
-Her parents hail from the land zebra homeland of Zebrica.Zecora was raised in Equestria, keeping true to her heritage she is a master in alchemy and has a accent.
She is a skilled fighter and is easily roused to anger, earning her the nickname "Bad Attitude". Despite her reputed attitude, she is a nice pony at heart. She has a special fondness for children and never drinks alcohol, preferring milk instead.She suffers an intense fear of flying, especially when the chariot in question is flown by Derpy. This difficulty is often overcome by other members of the team using magic or herbs to render her unconscious.
Quote:"Zecora Ura. Known as B. A. for 'bad attitude.' The mare is a alchemical genius. She also has one of the worst conduct records in the army. She likes to slug officers."
Captain Derpy "Howling Mad" Hooves - Pegasus Pony
The best chariot pilot of the Pony-Griffin War, Derpy is either mentally unstable or exceptionally good at pretending to be so.
Although she was their pilot on the Gryphus Royal treasury raid, she was not officially part of the Neigh-Team and so not tried by the military.Though interned at a psychiatric hospital, she routinely escapes to accompany the Neigh-Team on their missions.
Quote: "What can I say? One day I had a gonzo headache and before it went away I could read and speak Griffish. And it was a bad afternoon, too, lemme tell you."
Authors note:Well here's presenting the Mane 4 *sly wink*
Map used for my inspiration(credit goes to hlissner for making it):
"Gryphus Treasury raid" - Being the capital ,its where the royal treasury is located
Read it for the plot
0:00-3:00 minute mark - The innocent civilians and evil antagonists of the series are introduced, and helpfully provide the audience with a summary of their situation to date by telling each other things that they should all already know. The villains will at this point rough up the innocents, and usually damage their boat/store/crops/etc. just to prove how truly, one-dimensionally fiendish they are.
3:00-9:00 minute mark - Honeyball dons a laughable disguise. Everyone pretends to be fooled by this gambit and act 'surprised' when she reveals her true identity, mainly to avoid hurting her feelings. Honeyball then tells the prospective clients that they have "just hired the Neigh-Team!".
10:00-12:00 minute mark (optional) - In order to get the team together and travel to the actual mission location, one of two things will now happen. In one scenario, Face will need to put on a doctor's coat and help Derpy escape from her internment in the mental hospital. Despite showing up in the same thinly veiled disguise every week, and notwithstanding the fact that Derpy has escaped from the hospital roughly 76,000 times, Face will have no problem walking out with Derpy in tow.
In the other scenario, Honeyball will have to drug B.A. in order to get her aboard a chariot. This is accomplished by slipping her a barbiturate of some kind,or just using magic. Despite being near an airport/landing strip, and despite being fully aware that her C.O. will try and drug her,not to speak of her knowledge of herbs and medicine, B.A will drink a handy glass of milk or eat a hay sandwich offered to her by Honeyball.
16:00-25:00 minute mark - The Neigh-Team shows up at the doorstep, house, or place of business of the antagonists. The lead villain and his henchmen are taken completely by surprise, and their personal property is riddled with bullets*. Honeyball warns off the lead villain, then dispenses a few inoffensive sounding personal insults and some tautly-stretched metaphors. Despite having easily overpowered and outwitted their opponents, the they will invariably leave them free to continue their evil plans at this point, for absolutely no reason, other than there being word counts left to fill.
26:00-35:00 minute mark - Being evil, the villains shockingly ignore Honeyball's warnings. They take The Neigh-Team by surprise, because just like real Green Helmets**, they don't plan for every eventuality.
45:00-48:00 minute mark - Regardless of where they have been imprisoned, there will be a mass of well maintained scrap metal, a myriad of tools and a disused chariot. At this point, The team go to work transforming these ingredients into a fully armored command vehicle with a mounted weapon of some kind. Despite the fact that the end result would clearly take several days of dedicated work to complete, They complete the entire project in fifty-words.
49:00-55:00 minute mark - Using the newly constructed vehicle, The team break out of their makeshift prison at exactly the same time the villains finally show up to kill them. A fight ensues in which the antagonist's weapons prove to be no match for the non-lethal, yet oddly dissuasive weapon Hannibal's men have produced. At some point during this sequence, a protaganist's vehicle will flip over.
Soon a flimsy excuse is made for all guns to be discarded and The Neigh-Team and their adversaries engage in hooffights. The team quickly overpower them due to the fact that the villains simply run at B.A., allowing her to hurl them overhead and the fact that Face and Derpy can climb on top of large objects to dive onto their enemies.Hannibal proves to be a remarkably adept hoof-to-hoof fighter, taking the down the lead villain herself.
56:00-59:00 minute mark - More exposition follows, with Honeyball explaining to another character exactly what happened following the big showdown, even though they would already be fully aware. The villains are usually said to be locked up awaiting trial.
(optional) - Having gone to great time and expense to thwart the villains,they have earned their reward. However, being something of an altruistic prick, Honeyball refuses even the paltry sum negotiated by Face earlier in the show.
AUTHORS NOTES:
* Dont really know if i will use firearms,it is a alternate universe and regardless of them lacking fingers i can just use the excuse "ITS MAGIC" ,but we will see,lethal weapons of any kind will like expected prove ineffective regardless what side uses them.
** Green Berets reference
Curse you idea floating in my head,and thank you to all the people leaving a comment.This extra chapter is dedicated to you for encouraging me to do this.
I wont be strictly keeping to this "script", and you can ignore the minute marks, i did them just because i imagine thats how the show would be.
I somehow lack the inspiration for naming this chapters of my story,will gladly take suggestions.