How does that expression go? Out of the frying pan, into the fire? Well, in my case, it seems more like out of fire and into the compost pile. Just when you think you’re out of the woods, you find yourself going in circles. Lyra’s ‘visit’ was a bit of a surprise to me, but I half expected it. It’d be too convenient for life to hand me a break.

As I stared into those all-familiar eyes, I threw my head back onto my pillow and took a deep breath, hoping this was just a dream or just a side-effect from my surgery. I even had the balls to peek and make sure the pony wasn’t there anymore, which scared the hell out of me since she wasn’t. Sitting up in my bed, I scanned the room before the mare bounced up from the end of my bed.

“I’m still here!” she blurted, a devilish grin plastered across her face as I withheld the urge to scream. “Didn’t think we’d leave that easily, now did you?” Looking down at my fingers, I tried the old trick to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. I had a long day, so maybe this was just a bad nightmare. Unfortunately, I had five on each hand.

“Looks like I’m not out of the game just yet,” I muttered under my breath. There was no way she was close to me, so she was probably only able to see and hear me. Turning to Lyra, I wiped my sweaty palms on my pants and extended my hand out for a shake. This was a long shot; I wasn’t even sure if it was going to work. Lyra reached out with her hoof only to have my hand go through. Sure enough, my assumption was correct.

“So close…” To this day, I still don’t know what she meant by that, nor do I care. At the moment, there was only one thing concerning me.

“What do you mean you can help me? Do you know Pinkie personally?” Lyra’s grin only grew wider.

“I know everything about everypony. It’s one of the advantages that comes with blending in with the background. For example…” Her voice dropped down to a whisper as she leaned in towards me. “...I know all about that night you had with Fernando. You know, the one where you went bottoms up with that bottle of vodka in his backyard?”

I could feel the blood rush to my face. Fernando and I were the only ones there and it was something that I would never want to happen again. Long story short, an entire bottle of Grey Goose leads to skinny dipping, broken lawn chairs, and a pretty gay “bro” moment with a long time buddy.

“Okay, so basically you’re an eavesdropper.” Lyra rolled her eyes at the title.

“I prefer ‘information gatherer’, but you can call it whatever you like.”

“And what can you do for me? Won’t Pinkie just come by eventually to see me?” A sinister smirk curled onto her lip as my question came to a finish. Shaking her head, she chuckled to herself.

“Ah, you’d think that, but you’re wrong. In case you don’t know, we’re not exactly in Ponyville any more. We’re actually pretty deep into Everfree Forest, which isn’t exactly safe for ponies.” Pinkie mentioned the Everfree Forest a few times before. Something about it having a mind of its own or something like that.

“Then why are you here?”

Just when I thought Lyra’s smile couldn’t extend further, she proved me wrong. “I have one of these,” she commented, pointing to her horn. “I can use magic to keep myself safe. Pinkie, on the other hoof, risks putting herself in danger by entering this forest. So, to prevent any possible perils, I can relay any messages and escort her.”

“What’s the catch?” I couldn’t help but feel uneasy by her proposition. It seemed to benefit my side way too much. “You must want something in return. I highly doubt you’d put yourself in harm’s way without a price.”

“Well, I’ve been watching you humans for a while now and have had so many questions that have gone unanswered. Being that you’re the only one who can see and hear me, I figure we can exchange information for information, ya know?” The trade sounded reasonable, but it still seemed rather off. Something about Lyra made me feel suspicious, but I didn’t want Pinkie to get hurt on the account of seeing me.

“Alright, you got a deal.”

“Good.” In an instant, her horn began to glow, lighting the dark room. A flash of bright amber filled the room until… nothing happened. I looked around the room for some sort of change, but not a thing was out of place. Lyra stood in the middle of the room, sitting on her rear and holding her hooves up in the air.

“What are you doing?” She looked around the room, then back to me with an expression that said she questioned my sanity.

“Setting up camp. I just casted a repellant spell to keep out any predators. It should last me until tomorrow morning. Can’t you see my campfire?” I looked around the room once more, expecting something to change. Of course, there was nothing but the hospital room I’ve been in.

“No. Can’t you see the hospital bed or room?” Lyra shook her head before shrugging and continuing to rub her hooves together. It was kind of creepy, but I’ve seen the ponies do weirder things. She turned back to me after watching her for a few minutes and grunted.

“You can go to sleep. I’m just here for observation.” That didn’t really help me, but it wasn’t like much was going to happen, so I laid my head back and stared at the ceiling panels until exhaustion finally caught up to me.

I hate alarm clocks as much as the next person, but they’re better than having something heavy hit your chest to wake you up. As the air was forcefully expelled from my lungs, my eyes jolted open to get nothing but an eyeful of pink. My breathing was completely cut off by the time I figured out what was going on.

“Pinkie… can’t… breathe…” The grip around my torso was released as Pinkie realized what she was doing. Tears leaked from her eyes as she pulled away, her face bearing a smile so wide I thought it would fall off.

“Vinny! Oh, Vinny! I was so sad, so very sad! When you told me about your bump, I ran home and locked myself in my room. I was crying for days! But when Lyra came by and told me you were fine…” She wrapped her forelegs around my torso again before I could catch my breath. “I was so happy! I just had to see you!”

Wrapping my arms around her, I held her in an even tighter hug, taking in the moment. As much as I complained about my “problem”, there was nothing that could even come close to the joy I was experiencing right now. To see Pinkie again, to feel her in my arms; it was euphoric. Once Pinkie felt she had enough—which, mind you, is a very long period of time—she let me go. I looked around the room and saw a huge difference.

Trees with thick black bark filled the room, giving off an ominous air as they loomed over us. A small campsite, tent and fire included, sat in what used to be the corner of the room. Lyra sat at the fire, just watching us with a creepy smile.

“Such a nice reunion,” she muttered before heading into her tent and returning with a notebook and quill. “Once you two are finished getting acquainted, I’ll be waiting on your end of the bargain, Vincent.” Pinkie turned to me with a furrowed brow, clearly confused by her motion. I waved it off and cracked a grin.

“It’s nothing,” I mumbled. “You have no idea how glad I am to see you, Pinkie.” Pinkie’s usual enthusiasm spread throughout her body like a wildfire as she watched a smile creep onto my face. She began to bounce around the bed, giggling like mad.

“What is all this commotion I hear? Is there something wrong, Pinkie my dear?” Pinkie’s hops came to sudden stop as a figure emerged from behind a tree. It was a strange pony wearing a cloak and saddle bags on its sides. Well, not exactly a pony, but actually a zebra. Her eyes didn’t sit still as she approached the two mares.

“Oh, hi, Zecora! I’m, um, well, uh…” Pinkie looked between me and Lyra, not knowing what to say. Sweat began to run from her forehead as she tried to keep a straight face and come up with an excuse.

“We’re camping,” Lyra interjected. Zecora turned to her, surprised to see the minty mare.

“Right! Lyra and I are just out on a camping trip!” Pinkie wrapped her foreleg around Lyra, cracking an “innocent” smirk. The zebra’s eyes narrowed in suspicion as she scanned the area for anything out of the ordinary. She held her head up in the air and turned to meet my gaze, almost as if she could see me. I sat there, not knowing what to do.

“Very well, but be wary if that is the case. Something about this part of the forest is out of place.” Zecora reached into her saddlebag and dug out some strange powder. As she headed off into the forest, she made sure to release a thick cloud of the stuff around her.

“She’s… unique,” I said, looking over at Pinkie. Lyra rolled her eyes and threw Pinkie’s foreleg off of her shoulder. Pinkie, being the tenacious mare she is, stood back up and shrugged it off before walking over to my bedside. Her eyes grew wide as I stood up and stretched, trying to kill off the remaining grogginess in my joints.

“I just realized! I didn’t even throw a party to celebrate your surgery’s success!” Remember how I told you there are weirder things I’ve seen Pinkie do than what I stated? Well, this was one of them. From out of nowhere—and I mean nowhere—Pinkie pulled out a cannon and blasted streamers, balloons, and confetti everywhere. Both Lyra and I stared in awe at the spectacle, more concerned about the appearance of the random cannon than the actual event unfolding.

Pinkie began to dance around the room, not noticing that neither Lyra nor I were joining in. It took her a moment to realize it and roll her eyes.

“Fine. Maybe another time.” Plopping her rear on floor, she put on a narked pout as a nurse entered the room.

“Mr. Panem? We have a few tests that we need to run. Would you mind following me?” The nurse from yesterday stuck her head out from inside a tree, making me jump a little. Lyra’s ears perked up at the sight of the nurse like an attentive dog. As I followed the nurse out of the room, Lyra grabbed Pinkie and dragged her along, following not too far behind. I couldn’t help at the Looney Toons-esque behavior the two shared as the nurse guided me into a large room.

“Before we can put you under the MRI, I have to inject a liquid called gadolinium into your arm. Can you please put out your arm?” Man, fuck needles. I don’t care how old you are: needles are terrifying. As the nurse proceed to prep the needle, Lyra kept bugging Pinkie.

“What is she holding?”

“A needle.”

“Like a threading needle?”

“No, a syringe, silly.”

“How am I supposed to know? I can’t see it!”

“Why would anypony inject someone with a thread needle?”

“They aren’t ponies, stupid!”

“You’re stupid!”

“Nuh-uh!”

“Would you please stop?” I bellowed. The nurse turned to me with concerned look across her face. Shaking my hands, I shook my head. “I’m sorry, I’m… just afraid of needles.” The nurse scoffed as I held out my arm. In one swift motion, she stuck the needle in and pushed the liquid through. I didn’t feel the prick, but I sure as hell felt the liquid. It was possibly the weirdest feeling you could ever experience.

“See, that wasn’t so bad, now was it?” she mocked as she pulled the needle out. As she removed her hand, I noticed a Carebear bandage placed over the hole. I looked up and gave the nurse a deadpan stare, clearly not amused. The nurse stuck her tongue out at me before giving me a pair of earplugs and pointing at the MRI scanner.

“I just need you to empty your pockets of anything metallic and lie down on the bed.” After clearing my pockets and lying down on the bed, the nurse pushed me inside the machine and left the room. I noticed a significant amount of weight being applied on my legs and then my stomach as I laid inside the machine.

“Hiya!” Looking down, I stared right into a pair of blue eyes.

“Pinkie! What are you doing in here? Get out!” I growled under my breath. Pinkie tilted her head like a confused dog, wondering why I was upset.

“But Lyra asked me to see what you’re doin—” Her voice was quickly drowned out by the loud whining coming from the scanners inside the machine. Pinkie’s eyes shot open, unable to comprehend what was going on. She began to neigh as she jumped off me and bolted out of the room past a confused Lyra. Pinkie’s mad-dash, on the other hand, made me buckle in pain as her hoof did jab me in the stomach. With an exasperated sigh, Lyra stood up and galloped off to catch the spooked mare.

“Is everything alright, Mr. Panem? Are you in pain?” the MRI tech said as the machine came to halt.

“Yeah, just got a belly ache is all,” I lied, holding my stomach in pain. Fighting the pain back, I laid out straight and returned to my previous position. We resumed the test and finished after what felt like hours before returning back to my room.

The day went on as expected. I was given a pretty shitty meal as Lyra returned with my faithful pink counterpart. Lyra began asking me questions about humans that were rather… strange.

“How much would you say the average human foal weighs upon birth?”

“Are human males able to sheath their genitals?”

“What are the signs of a female human’s estrus cycle?”

Trying not to make the situation any more awkward, I answered the questions as bluntly and accurately as possible. Before I knew it, the sun was already coming down and Pinkie was yawning out of boredom.

“I have to get home, Vinny.” She stretched her forelegs out for a hug as I kneeled down and hugged her. I stayed there for a moment, not letting go. I didn’t want to: if something were to happen to either of us… I didn’t want to think about it. Lyra stood beside us, tapping her hooves impatiently.

“Alright, Vincent, that’s enough now. I need to get Pinkie back before it’s get too dark.” Slowly releasing my grip, I let the mare go and waved goodbye as she made her way towards home with Lyra.

The rest of the night was quiet as I laid in the bed. That was until the zebra returned. As I laid still in my bed, she slowly appeared through the wall near my bed. Her eyes shined slightly in dark, giving off a creepy glow, looking around aimlessly around the room. With tiny steps, she cautiously moved forward, almost as if she could sense me.

“Creature of the shadows, let the ponies be. Break them of this curse and set them free.”

Using her hoof, she scooped up some of the powder from earlier and spread it across my general area. She started muttering strange incantations as she backed away from and disappeared.

I sat there for a moment, trying to comprehend what had just happened, but eventually shrugged it off. It wasn’t long before my eyelids grew heavy and I fell asleep. Tomorrow was just another day.

At least, I hoped.

Author's Notes:

I made it in time. Fuck, I'm exhausted.