Before we begin I just want you to know, that the mind you are now entering is an unstable one. I have warned you so when you start feeling like your heart has been hit by a train don't blame me. I am not the pony you think I am. I never was that pony. That pony was created by me to keep the real me from expressing how I truly feel. So now that you are ready to join me in my ramblings I must tell you that once you start... you can't finish till the end. Got it?

As you know this world knows me as Rainbow 'Danger' Dash, I live life dangerously. Because sometimes I hope I die. Whoa deep right? Not really think about it. I am the fastest and most reliable pony in the air and I constantly crash. I don't crash for sympathy sometimes I just turn off my head and let my body do the rest.

I bet you think "wow how pathetic" and honestly you are right. I am pathetic. You see I have these friends and they are all slow... they live in the slow lane and I am too fast for them. I have to constantly slow down. With that in mind I also have to turn my awesome off. Yeah that thing that people make fun of me about. See I am just a silly pony to them,

Funny thing is I am a silly pony to a group of ponies who all had their lives saved by me. I am still just "good ole RD" right Applejack? That mare I swear. I could write a book about how little bucks I give about what she can do. She wastes her whole life kicking down apple from trees. That is about as interesting as making Pinkie Pie watch paint dry. She thinks of herself in high regard and the town does too.

Check this the day she does something awesome the whole town literally bends over for her and literally just push their muzzles into her flank. I mean I never seen such brown nosing since the time of the mud storm... but that is another story. See I was going to do the best young flier's competition the only send off I got was from my long time friend Fluttershy.

Applejack does some rodeo thing and everyone is sniffing her flank like it was a bouquet of roses. Seriously? I get it the Apple Family founded this great town but does that mean we just throw her the key to the city everytime she does something that any other pony can do? I already proved I was better than her but still I am no one to this town.

I am just their weather pony and the mare who dreams of being a Wonderbolt. Oh yeah did I tell you I surpassed my heroes ages ago and they won't accept me. Why? Because I bet they would be unable to keep up with me. I broke all the records of their academy and saved their lives before.

Still Applejack... such a beautiful mare, she has a nice strong body and a cute accent. Honestly I feel bad for her. She would make the perfect mother and she is sure gentle when she needs to be. Unfortunately stallions don't like her. She is too ... much of a mare I guess. If I was a stallion I would totally ride that mare from here to Canterlot. Bare back.

Oh yeah so something some ponies know about me. I am a lesbimare and I give zero bucks about those who dislike it. See I learned long ago any time someone picks on you for something it's just because they are a bit insecure about there own selves. Which is ironic because I am supremely insecure. I bet you didn't know that did you?

The way I carry on and the way I let myself display a facade of this uber confident and ultra self centered radical pony? You believe that? It's a mask I wear to hide the pain of being a failure. I know I can fly faster than any other pony but yet no matter how fast I can fly... my dreams elude me. I have yet to reach the horizon and I constantly fly forward. I fly faster than sound and still can't keep up with the world around me. It moves and I don't.

My friend twilight in two or less years... I don't know how much time has passed and honestly I don't really care. She some how went from some cute egg head to a princess... of friendship. That title is as meaningless as being the overlord of feelings. I know I sound like a bitch. I honestly have the right to be. Because the princess of friendship sure has a funny way of showing it.

So I was being awesome, not like I was standing around and ponies were wanting to rut me awesome just I was saving lives and getting fame. It felt good. I felt one step closer to my dream of being loved by everyone since I wasn't loved when I was younger. I will get to that later right now I want you all to know how my 'friends' even my longest one betrayed me.

I was saving lives and ponies were recognizing my accomplishments and I did let it get to my head sure. I just never thought that my bragging would be something that the entire town would use against me. I know you think I am exaggerating right? Nope. I was literally turned away from as soon as a new hero came along. I was on top of the world one minute then my 'friends' had to show me up and play the role of gravity. You know the saying .. what comes up must come down?

So my friends decided it would be 'fun' to teach me a 'lesson' I still don't know what that lesson was. I think it had something to do with being humble? Sure I can be humble so humble that I cried for a week at how my friends turned on me. I kept being friends with them because supposedly the world depended on it. That is why I keep myself alive. I am always finding some dangerous stunt to do hoping I just allow myself to slip ... something in me keeps fighting when all I want is to let go.

Imagine knowing you can't enjoy your success because your own friends would take it away. I know it sounds like I am making a huge deal of nothing but when I have nothing at all and I got something... some kind of recognition it was stripped away. Because I was enjoying it too much.

Rarity... She is the luckiest and one of the prettiest mares in all Equestria. She has the ability to find diamonds and for some reason she uses those expensive minerals to make stupid outfits for ponies who don't give a damn about her. I feel bad for her but unlike me she is slowly going places. Out of all my loser friends she has the most potential. I know she secretly is into me otherwise why does she keep putting herself in harms way just for me to rescue her? How many times was it? Three times from falling. You would think she would stay on the ground. She never has these falling episodes when I am not around. Then again I am always around aren't I?

Fluttershy now what I have to say about her might sound like a love confession. It might as well be. I have known her since I was a filly. She has been the only pony to get to know the real me. Sometimes I wonder if we complete each other. Not only in a romantic sense but in a metaphorical sense. I hear the word soul mates and me and her fit that. She is shy and caring while I am brash and reckless. Hell even our pets have some kind of symbolic meaning. She has a bunny (Hare) and I have a tortoise (Tortoise) those characters from that racing story.. funny enough that is how I got my pet Tank. Fluttershy suggested him to me. I sometimes think she knows whats better for me.

Even if I love her I can't tell her. She is so shy and demure and petite... I could go on all day but it's a waste of time. She is also a loser. Because her dreams are so short sighted. She lives happily taking care of filthy and diseased animals. I sometimes wonder if she was meant to be an Earth Pony. She isn't a good pegasus. Hell I sometimes just wonder if I would ever find myself a pony to settle down with.

See I like to go fast and by fast I mean I treat the sky as my own personal swimming hole. I can move past the barriers that try and hold me back. I can soar faster than anything but find myself trapped by limitations. Celestia is a waste of a princess. That just came to me and I have no idea why. I mean she just moves the sun and that's it. Big bucking deal. I can create Sonic Rainbooms... maybe I should be the princess of that.

See this is my mind and this is what goes on every day. I am a lesbimare who wants to be in the Wonderbolts. I have five hot friends and I am too afraid to approach any of them. I know they suspect something and honestly one day I might tell them. Did I say five friends? That means oh yeah..... Pinkie PIe...

Now Pinkie Pie isn't just a friend she is a stalker... I turn a corner and she is there. I try to sleep and she is there. I know she is into me... problem is I would be killed if I dumped her. See Pinkie Pie has this other self that was revealed to me when I went to her house to bring her to her surprise party. She had this insane look in her eyes and was deep into this crazy world where food items talked. I don't want to die by Pinkie Pie... I rather die flying. I told Twilight that.

"If I am going down, I am doing down flying" I meant that... It's the way I want to go. I want to die flying. I feel as if I was born in the sky.... and I feel I should die in the sky. Which reminds me I think I am going to go flying right now...

So fake smiles aside you now get what I am about? Did you see me hurt inside? Do you see the little mare who wants to be loved? No... because you only see me for my amazing flying style and speed. This is why I don't let anyone inside my mind. Because to the world I will always be Rainbow 'Danger' Dash. Which is why I have decided to leave this world. So I am going flying... but I have no destination in mind, I am going to keep flying until I can't fly anymore... so I think I am going to write my friends a little letter.... nah I already written enough to a Princess I am sure by now she has read enough of them to know I am planning this... If she actually reads them... but if you do see Fluttershy tell her... tell her I think she is a loser... and that I wish I could stay by her side protecting her as she was the only one of them that was able to see me.

Oh one last thing before I go... That kid Scootaloo... She will go far but not if she is mentored by a failure like myself. Well I think I hear my wind calling... you know me gotta ride the wind and see where it takes me. only this time I am not going to touch ground again I am going to fly into the heavens. Signing out for the very last time Rainbow Dash.

I would apologize but that would mean I actually gave a crap. I decided to let you have another chance in my mind. This time I won't rush you to explore the sadness that I will be allowing you to see. I have decided to take my time and let my pain flow through your eyes. You will see it all, so let's start over.

This isn't going to be a brighter look at the dark reality that had been set for me, instead I shall organize my thoughts so you can better appreciate the melancholic view of a world that belongs in some drug induced fantasy. Now let us begin again and re enter my mind so I can share my pain with you. This will be the last time I allow anyone in, so please take your time and don't look back.

My birth was a normal one, and since it wasn't tragic, since my mother didn't die at birth, so I won't bore you with details. My filly-hood was rough. I had a father who didn't approve of my lifestyle and my mother who was sick most of the time. He didn't enjoy the fact I always hung out with a filly instead of spending some time with colts. He was worried I would end up a filly-fooler. I did end up one because of the slight fact that I was born one. Still he felt it was his right to be disgusted with me for it.

Anyways I always used to hang with shy because well. She needed me. I needed her too but just for the attention and feeling I got when rescuing her. It was a rush. I enjoyed that feeling more than anything because I knew she would be grateful. She was grateful, very grateful indeed. See when I was younger I had only one pony who ever got intimately close or able to see how real my sadness was. She was the one who made it all go away... for a while.

Let's skip through my filly-hood and move on to when my mother died. She died just as I got my cutie mark. I bet you didn't see that coming did you? No you didn't you expected it would be when I was younger or older just because it was supposed to be my shining day. Yeah, life sucks and that is just how it rolls.

Well nothing more to say about it besides my father becoming a drunkard and abusing me. Why not right? it must have been my fault for not liking colts. So that is how my days would go. I would spend time with Shy protecting her from the onslaught of bullies and then get beaten by my dad. Stop here if you can't take it. This is just the start of a huge storm of sadness.

Turns out Shy's parents were just as bad as mine so we took care of each other. She would keep me warm and safe from the sadness while I kept her warm and safe from the tangible stuff. You see while we had one another it was the best moments in our life. Then I met Gilda...

Sure it was my fault I decided to follow her around more, and neglect shy but whatever you know? You can't judge me for that. I was in a dark place at the time. My father was getting worse each day. He was out usually by nine from drinking so much. His health had declined as a result of the abuse of alcohol. He wasn't ashamed of how he died either.

He told me the day he died "I rather die a thousand times being straight than be a filly-fooler like you. You aren't my daughter just my regret." That was fun to hear. Just as he passed on I could feel his hatred of me flow into my body. I didn't stick around long though.

Flight school got real old ,real fast, and Shy was well... kind of needy of my protection. Cloudsdale would have ate her up and spit her out before they gave a shit about one useless pegasus. She and I just left.

So there we started our life in Ponyville. That is where the real madness begins.

Well life was getting easier for Shy, she and I met friends but she was always with those disgusting animals. Who knows how sick she was getting when dealing with animals all day and night. She seemed happy but not me. I still had dreams and ideas.

We split as friends as I decided I was a solo act. I met some great ponies and we just hung out. Applejack was cool. Still what I said before still I meant. She is wasting her time on that stupid farm. She could be so much more than some hick farmer in some back water town. It was saddening to think she enjoyed her slave labor as much as she did. Which is why expressed my dislike of her. I mean how can she want to stay in this farm when she has so much she would be useful for. She can bake the finest apple treats in the world. Still she spends all day working for barely any gross. Gross means something different to adults than it does to foals.

Like I said when Twilight came into town things changed. Of course it was years after I arrived but still time skipping is better than me just telling you how bored I got being in Ponyville as a weather pony.

Twilight had shown up and changed lives. We all thought " oh wow a new friend" and we were right. Except she spent most of her time reading books and doing nerdy shit. Yeah well I still stand by my words. Being the princess of friendship is pointless. How is that anything to govern? It isn't some land or nation it's a stasis of two people being emotionally connected. Oh my I sound nerdy. Right? I forgot I am the stupid jock.

Even though flying takes as much brain power, as it does muscle and a lean body. I mean I am only the best flier in all Equestria. Still that doesn't amount to jack diddly if I am not chosen to be something other than what my cutie mark tells me to be. I earned it by racing but some how it got equated to being the best weather pony. Logic and reality bucked up there.

Still the Wonderbolts. They were the coolest thing to me. Were being the key word. They lost their flair over time when I started becoming better than they ever could be. Doing Sonic Rainbooms, as I please, puts things into perspective. I mean I can master flight and speed what else do I need, to be in a group who can barely rescue a falling unicorn?

If you are confused as to what I am rambling about now think on when you first entered my mind. The incoherent jumbled thoughts are now being formed into more of a structured one. I am trying to let you see how the order of thoughts would be if I was a more stable minded pony.

I still remember the day when I was betrayed. Still can't let it go, I mean I still won't allow the thoughts to be banished from my mind no matter how they pain me. Each of my friend felt it was the right thing to do. When faced with back stabbing what do you do? I pretended it didn't hurt but seriously... how could they not feel the hurt I would have let out if I wasn't always putting that facade up?

I don't like being emotional, sappy mushy, bah those things are for foals. I need no emotions for they just serve to ruin things. For example, Pinkie Pie... when she is happy her hair is puffy and out. When she is in a deep state of depression she loses her mind and her hair deflates. She doesn't need anything but a smile to be happy.

As I stated before all my friends are losers. Yes they really are. I could tell you why but you already know.

They are all mares but act like fillies. The level of maturity in the group is vastly over shadowed by the amount of ignorance.

Twilight is supposed to be the smart one. She talks educated and yet is completely oblivious to minute details. Minute... that word spelled the same as a unit of time and yet means something so different. Words are stupid too.

Sometimes words can get ponies into trouble. Actions are more evolved than words. We can say more with our bodies than with our tongue's. Deep thoughts like these are for smarter ponies.

I am not a smarter pony but I am not a brainless one.

So in the end my brain still is the same. I try to organize my thoughts but how can I when things didn't come to me as they happened I took time to think about things when I had time to. The last thought when I left off before was I was going to fly away and never return. I am truly thinking that still.

Scootaloo was easily able to forget me when Mare Do Well had her spotlight. So why should I feel bad for abandoning her? She was able to abandon me when I needed a friend. I attacked Mare Do Well in public that is how bucked up I was. I never thought in my life Scootaloo of all ponies would have... I mean... why did she just up and leave me when every pony else did?

Was I really that useless to them all? I haven't became anything greater now so that leaves me to think if I was useless then I am useless now.

I can't do this anymore...I can't share my mind with you... I am sorry I tried. Leave now. I won't let you back in but hopefully you understand more of how I truly feel in this ridiculous world. I feel trapped... and I want to be set free.

There we are done... My mind is now closed to you forever. After taking this trip with you though I realized something. I have something I need to do. I will probably see you around if all goes well.

Here I am at her door. I came back to Ponyville just to talk to her before I go. I figure why not?

She opens the door and sees me, not just looks at me she can see me. She cries and pulls me into a hug.

I haven't said a word to her and already she can tell what's wrong. I hate myself for being this vulnerable but then she says something that makes things just a little less bleak.

I hear a "I will protect you now," and I lose it. I start with the tears and I can't stop.

I guess all I needed was someone to care about me. I have that... one actual friend.

In a world where friendship is magic, I think having a friend might just be worth sticking around for.

My life isn't going to be fixed by a hug or some words. I just think this might be the start I need to not live with an empty head. Maybe I can still make something of myself.

Now I have to close the door as we are going to talk about everything... I am going to let her know everything and hope... hope that there is a reason for me to stay.... a reason for me to live.