The Everfree forest. A place of chaotic beauty for the residents of nearby Ponyville. Inhabited by all sorts of dangerous and mysterious creatures, it is nonetheless a place of great intrigue for most of those who live near it. And despite its dangerous status, so long as the townsfolk didn’t bother the forest, it didn’t bother them. Nothing from its depths had ever attacked the town unprovoked.

        Until now.

        Pinkamena Diane Pie was one very happy pony right now. The sun was sunny, the sky was clear, and she had just eaten a particularly large deposit of candy she had stored up in only three bites. All in all, it was a great day so far. Currently, she was hopping by her lonesome on the outskirts of the Everfree forest, delighting in her own jumping without a care in the world.

        That is, until a large explosion from inside the forest distracted her. Pinkie was most confused by this. “Huh? Explosions? Explosions don’t usually happen in forests... I think.” she told herself worriedly.

        No other sound came after the loud noise. Pinkie Pie waited a few moments for something further to cry out, somepony yelling, anything. But nothing. Rallying her bravery, Pinkie decided it was best to search for the source of the noise herself. After all, she wouldn’t be afraid of no darn noise, that’s for sure!

        Beginning to hop into the forest now, Pinkie felt her courage falter the more she hopped and hopped. The sun was blocked more and more the further she went in, and the trees became increasingly twisted and sickly. But she did not falter, oh no she did not. She would giggle at the ghosties... well maybe no giggle right now, but she would not run away!

        After a few minutes, Pinkie found a strange sight. It was a large, circular section of the forest, but it was entirely cleared of any form of life. Their was no grass in the circle, no trees, just plain dirt. The only thing there was most unusual; a large, metallic block, that stretched far above Pinkie’s field of vision. Curiosity getting the best of her, Pinkie bounced over to the block.

        Inspecting it, Pinkie found several strange things on it. There were small wires intertwined deep inside the crevices of it, carrying glowing energy inside them like a vein. Pinkie raised a hoof, and patted it against the block experimentally. A loud clang answered her. She put the hoof under her chin after this unfulfilling test. “Hmm, now just what are you Mr. Obelisk thing? Are you candy? A giant rock? A giant rock made of candy?” Pinkie asked herself, drooling a little at that last thought.

        “Candy? Hardly, insect.”

        Pinkie stopped as a growling, mechanical voice spoke up. From right above her. Pinkie Pie looked up. And up. And up. She looked up so high her neck almost bent at a ninety degree angle, but when she finally caught sight of just what was above her, all she could let out was a tiny ‘eep.’ It was a titanic, mechanical figure, colored a dark metallic gray, with menacing glowing red eyes that peered down right at her. Pinkie now realized it was not an obelisk she had found. It was a leg.

        Backing off as quickly as possible, Pinkie tried to assuage the insidious automaton. “Uh, sorry Mr. Giant Robot Guy, but I’ve really got to be going now...”

        “Oh really now?” another voice, thick and accented, called from behind her, “How sad pink pony. I thought you were the party pony? After all, the party’s just getting started...”

        Pinkie jumped. Turning around, she saw that she was surrounded. Bipedal figures were all around her, dressed in blue uniforms with big, menacing looking devices in their hands. All of their uniforms had a large picture of a red snake on the chest plate of it, arched back, ready to strike. Leading them was a black-haired biped as well, a woman by the looks of it. She wore an equally black coat that covered her shapely form, with transparent glasses, and a menacing smirk on her face. One that did not bode well for the pink pony.

“Now I wouldn’t want you to leave now. As you can see, Mr. Megatron has just arrived. And he’s been dying to meet you.” the woman said in that same thick accent.

        Pinkie Pie was shivering all over, feeling the hateful stare of this ‘Megatron’ still on her from above. The array of armed men did not help matters. “W-who are you?” she managed to stutter out.

        The woman’s smile only grew at that, revealing a set of perfectly white teeth. It somehow made her seem even more menacing. “Hmph, you may call me what most do. The Baroness.” the now-named woman answered.

        “Uh, that’s great,” Pinkie said unconvincingly, “But I reeeeeeally gotta go now, so if you could just move out of the way, maybe?”

        The Baroness and her minions all burst into evil laughter at that. “Oh, I would simply love too. But I’m afraid the Commander has other plans for you and your friends...”

        “Commander?” Pinkie asked fearfully.

        The Baroness sneered at her. “His identity is one you do not need to know of as of yet. Seeing as you’ll be dead in a few moments anyway.”

        Pinkie felt the color rapidly drain from her face. This nefarious looking woman from a species she had never met before wasn’t threatening her, she could tell. She was speaking in such a manner-of-fact manner, that it was more of a statement of fact. And the pink party pony felt her heart sink more, as the towering robot leaned over, casting a dark shadow on all there.

        “Don’t forget, human,” Megatron said contemptuously, finally speaking again, “The Decepticons deal with your organization was that we would play an equal part in this slaughter. Exterminating one of these insects without our prior agreement would renege on our deal. Which would lead to very bad things for your precious Commander.”

        The Baroness looked back up at the robot, which Pinkie could now tell was something called a ‘Decepticon,’ without a trace of fear in her iron visage. “And you would do well to remember machine, that it was Cobra’s scientists that brought you and your lackeys here. Without us, you’d have nothing. And just as we have brought you here, we can make sure you stay here.”

        Now that was a threat. One that made Megatron’s eyes slit at the defiant aristocrat. “Watch your tongue worm. You do know I can squash you like a bug at any moment, correct?” he asked with a deadly tone to its voice.

        “And do you know that I can order a mass assault on your ship with all of Cobra’s resources right now, ending you and your pathetic invasion force in an instant?” Baroness threatened right back.

“Ha, I’d like to see you try human.”

“Uh, you two?” a random Cobra soldier spoke up nervously.

Baroness ignored him, as she continued her verbal sparring match. “I do not try when facing my enemies machine. I bury them.” she stated.

“Oh, how adorable,” Megatron sneered down at her, “I’m shivering in my jet boots here.”

“Hello!” the Cobra soldier tried again.

“You’ll be shivering in the depths of Siberia when I’m done with you!” Baroness shouted at him.

“YOU TWO, ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME!?” the soldier said, finally having enough of their bickering.

The soldier instantly regretted bringing this up though, as he felt the full force of the cold gazes of Megatron and Baroness on him at once. It was like being stuck between two icebergs with how frosty their looks were. Or more accurately, being stuck between a precipice with a loaded gun to your back. While on fire. “What.” they both spat out at once.

Nearly being knocked over by the combined contempt from the two, the soldier gulped before speaking. “Uh, the pony,” he stuttered out, “Is gone.”

Pointing to where Pinkie Pie once was, everyone else there was shocked to find that he was right, there was no pink pony there any longer. Megatron let out a fierce roar at this news. “Insolence! I shall burn this forest down to find her if we must!” he roared out.

The Baroness only kept up a grimace of distaste at this news. “Despicable. You’re distracting has allowed that fool to escape, machine.”
        

Megatron’s red eyes lit up like molten magma. “MY DISTRACTIONS!?”

“Yes, yours,” Baroness said uncaringly, “But don’t fret. This just means we’ll have them all together. When the hammer strikes the anvil, they shall bend alone or together. If they are together though...”

Megatron’s rage subsided, catching on to what she meant. “We can crush them all at once.” he finished with a sinister smirk.

Rainbow Dash was having a usual day for herself, flying high above the skies of Ponyville. Doing impressive stunts, showing off for her legions of fans, that just happened to not be there at the moment, and in general, being buckin’ awesome.(1) All in all, everything was going swell for her so far. That is, until she caught site of a pink blur speeding towards town. Rainbow sighed to herself. Just what was her friend getting into now?

Flying down rapidly, Rainbow hovered next to Pinkie, keeping a steady flight pace with her as she ran. Her friend didn’t spare her a glance. The pink pony had an incredibly worried look, and she must have been very fearful to act so strange... strange for her at least. Why else would she ignore her coolest and awesomest friend? That’s the rational Dash took up at least. “Hey Pinkie, whatcha’ doin’?” Dash greeted casually.

Pinkie, darting her eyes at her rainbow friend, took a large breath before responding, not slowing down by even an inch. “RUNNING!” Pinkie screamed out.

“Oh,” Rainbow took that rather well, believing her friend was just in one of her moods again, “Running from what?”

“SNAKES. ROBOTS AND SNAKES!”

“Whaaaaaaaaaa?” Dash drawled out.

“YES. GOTTA GO DASH. HAVE TO WARN THE OTHERS. SEE YOU IN TOWN!”

And with that, Pinkie blasted off like a speeding bullet, going so fast that she left up a trail of dust behind her. A trail that caught up to Dash, causing her to choke on it. In a moment, Dash crashed to the ground from the gravelly air, eyes spinning around until they resembled a certain derp ponies’. Dash sighed once more. “Why do I always crash?” she bemoaned.

“One thousand and twelve, one thousand and thirteen...”

Twilight Sparkle was having a busy time by herself. Spike was asleep in his room leaving Twilight with peace and quiet, a rare occurrence for her. This left her plenty of tine to do one of her favorite activities; numbering her books, from oldest to youngest release. She’d have to reorder them again when she was done alphabetically, but it was such a deranged pleasure to her, that she did not mind in the least.

Yes, she was almost done. Twilight just needed to get this last book into place...

That was when Twilight heard a dreadful yell from outside. “TWILIGHT TWILIGHT TWILIGHT!”
        

Oh dear. Twilight’s ears drooped at the sound of her friend. Just when she was about to get some peace and quiet. Ah well. If she could at least get this done, she’d be alright. That was when the entire bookcase exploded outward, sending Twilight flying through the air along with her books. Hitting her backside against the far wall, Twilight slid down onto the ground, hitting her head against the floor. And that was when a pile of books fell down upon her. The books she had just spent hours sorting.

Wriggling about, Twilight managed to push her head through the hail of books she was surrounded by. Getting a look at what happened, Twilight found a new hole in the area where her bookcase once was, leading directly out into town. She assumed it was Pinkie that had caused it, only the eccentric pink mare having the audacity to pull such a feat off. Strangely, she wasn’t standing there at all. And that was when Twilight felt some hot breath on her neck. “Hi Twilight.” Pinkie breathed out.

Twilight jumped a few feet into the air at that, sending more books flying through the air at her sudden movement. When she landed, she glared at Pinkie, who was sitting innocently on the messy pile of novels. “Pinkie, what are you-”

Twilight was stopped when one of those books that were in the air landed directly on her head, causing her eyes to spin around in dizziness. Pinkie jumped up and gasped as this occurred. Bouncing around like the madmare that she was, Pinkie informed Twilight in the most calm and practiced manner possible. “TWILIGHT, OH MY GOSH, OH MY GOSH, BAD NEWS!” she screamed out.

Still spinning, Twilight was just able to speak out. “Who, what, when?”

Pinkie dashed over to her, grabbing her cheeks with her hooves and putting her face right next to Pinkie’s own. “We gotta get the rest of the girls! This is big, this is bad, this is blargh!” she exclaimed

Twilight was just clear-headed enough to get that last part. “Blargh?”

“Exactly!” Pinkie said without explaining further, “Now since you don’t seem to be thinking clearly for some reason, I’ll get the girls and be right back! Don’t fret, I’ll be sure to be as quick as a swallow in the rain”

And then Pinkie sped off, leaving both Twilight confused and a cloud of dust behind her that looked exactly like the pony, which stood in the air for a few seconds before it dissipated into tiny participles  “Okay, thanks, bye!” was all Pinkie yelled as she dashed off.

Twilight was still spinning for a few seconds before she really got a sense of where she was again. When she was, Twilight took a long, hard look at the chaos that now dotted her carefully organized and plotted living space. And screamed.

“You know, I really hate trees.”

Destro stopped his inspection of the town some distance away, turning his head to the direction of the voice. And then lowered his head downward, as the man next to him was very short indeed. The grim-faced black-haired man, wearing a black shirt which only had the word ‘JERK’ printed on it in white with blue jeans, gazed up at him impatiently, awaiting a response. Destro didn’t know much about him save his reasons for being here and his name, Dan, and he didn’t want to know. “Well? Don’t you agree?” Dan beckoned him, sounding half-whiny and half-cocky as he always did.

If Destro didn’t have a metal helmet nailed into his skull, Dan would’ve seen how far his eyebrows were raised currently. “I don’t follow.” the Scottish arms dealer turned Cobra leader replied.

Dan rolled his eyes, grunting loudly at his perceived incompetence. “Blegh, you’re boring. Can’t you at least agree with me how stupid this place is?”

Destro groaned lowly. “I can agree with that. What I don’t get is why you hate the trees specifically.” Destro pointed out, turning his head back to study the town once more.

“Because they’re stupid! Look at them, all high and mighty. It sickens me, that’s what. No one should be that pretentious, especially some hunks of wood. That’s why we should burn the forests down. Besides the fact that it’d be fun as heck!” Dan psychotically stated, rubbing his hands together while laughing evilly.

Destro, the arms dealer who made giant snake tanks and lived in a castle, thought that was a tad over the top. “You’re insane.” Destro remarked.

Dan crossed his arms at that comment. “Bah, you’re just like Chris. Worse in fact! You won’t even help me with Mr. Mumbles... Unless you will?” Dan added hopefully.

“My cat. She is adorable and fluffy.” Dan explained, sounding oddly sweet considering his usual behavior.

Destro caught that Mr. Mumbles was apparently a female, yet didn’t want to question this. Best not to make the conversation any longer. “No, I won’t house your cat.”

Dan raised his fists high into the air, screaming loudly with his practiced lungs. “USELESS! ALL OF YOU! Why I helped you get here, I’ll never know...” Dan pouted.

Frowning underneath his iron mask, Destro’s response was instantaneous. “Because you want to see these cretins suffer, for what they’ve done to you, to all of us.” Destro answered confidently.

Dan scratched his chin contemplatively. “Hmm, I suppose. Though I could easily have said no! I mean, just because a multi-national corporation that’s actually a secret terrorist organization and a horde of gigantic robots threatened to kill me unless I used that dark tome of evil magic that I found underneath my bed when that monster that was totally not Cthulhu came and went from said bed,” Dan paused to take a deep breath, “to go into a world of magical talking ponies, doesn’t mean I’m not in control here. Yep, that is it exactly.”

Destro blinked once. “Are you insane?”

Dan groaned loudly. “God, you are as bad as Chris. Worse actually. At least Chris smells nice...”

There were so many disturbing things in that sentence that Destro didn’t even want to comment on it. And again, he didn’t want to lengthen this talk more than it was needed. The short man was a nuisance to Destro ever since the corporation had found them as a necessary part of their journey here. Instead he ignored the angry leprechaun next to him, and called over some nearby Cobra troopers that were looking expectantly at him from afar. “You men, prepare for the attack soon. We shall launch operations in five minutes.” Destro told the soldiers.

“Yes Lord Destro! Hail Cobra!” the soldiers saluted.

Rolling his eyes, Destro felt the drones comments roll off him. The troops were always a little too devoted to Cobra’s cause sure, but this was ridiculous. It wasn’t as if they were some cult or something, right? Not like those crazy twins Mindbender picked up, no, they were an honest corporation. A corporation that dealt in virulent toxins, weapons of mass destruction, and with the ultimate goal of world conquest, but which corporation wasn’t?

Satisfied with himself for that brilliant and totally original piece of corporate satire, Destro waved off the soldiers blithely. “Sure, whatever. Just make sure you attack with subtlety. Do you hear me? Subtlety.” Destro commanded threateningly.

“Yes Lord Destro! We shall be as subtle as a bee in the flower!” one trooper replied.

If hate could kill a man, Destro could have destroyed the whole universe right there. “... That’s simply fantastic,” Destro sardonically said, “Now get out of my sight. Operations will commence shortly, and we don’t want to upset the Commander and our new allies, right?”

“Yes sir! We’ll be so fast, that you won’t even see us. Because we’ll be so fast, you see.” another soldier tediously explained, before they all departed.

Watching them run off while waving their arms around excitedly, Dan snorted contemptuously. “They’re going to screw up, aren’t they?” he asked rhetorically.

Destro face-palmed at how right he probably was. “Almost assuredly.” Destro sighed out.

Dan nodded to himself, taking pride in his minor assertion being right, because he’s kind of petty, to say the least. “You see, that’s why you can’t rely on meatbags for work. You need robots. Or even better, bio-robots! And for an organization with a stupid name like yours, they can be called, uh... Bio-Vipers! That’s perfect! Wow, I amaze myself with how ingenious I am. What do you think?” Dan asked excitedly.

All Dan could see of Destro’s response was the constant twitching of his hands. The metal-masked mans face gazed virulently down at him. “Do you wish to die?” Destro spat out.

Before Dan could even respond, Destro stormed off, muttering something about ‘Hating his job,’ and ‘Goddamn snakes, how do they work?’ Dan was left confused by the whole mess, before snorting, and crossing his arms together over his chest. “Drama queens, all of them.” he muttered.

        Twilight Sparkle set up yet another book with her magic. Ever since Pinkie had left, Twilight had spent her time reorganizing her books. Again. Thankfully for the young mare, her magic was able to organize the books much quicker then when she was doing it by hoof. Which made her question why she didn’t use her magic earlier. Ah well, best not to worry about it, Twilight thought, not at all brushing away that plot hole the author just now realized.

        Yes, it was all going splendidly. She was putting her books in rows on the floor, and when her wall was fixed, she’d just put them back on it. Just fantastic. Maybe this wouldn’t be such a bad day after all for the unicorn. Pinkie was being... well Pinkie, sure, but otherwise, nothing else was happening. Feeling the fur on her back straighten up at that thought, Twilight looked left and right. And then behind. Nope, nothing there. Well, that didn’t foreshadow anything thankfully...

        It was at that exact moment that Twilight’s floor exploded. Naturally shocked by this development, and feeling her heart sink as the books she had once again spent a long time organizing flew into the air, landing all over the floor, Twilight fell on her rump. When the smoke cleared, the heads of her friends were poking out from the huge hole in the middle of the floor now. All of them were wearing hardhats as well, and a pick axe was in stuck in Pinkie’s mouth. “Blrhg yotwh ghwo jout.” Pinkie said through the wood in her mouth.

        Twilight stared blankly at her friend for a few moments, before looking at her other friends. “Do I even want an explanation?” she groaned out.

        They all blushed under her intense questioning. “Oh, sorry Twilight, but Pinkie, she um, insisted. Sorry.” Fluttershy mumbled.

        “Quite darling. Though I must admit, even if that whole digging experience was filthy beyond belief, it was rather... exhilarating.” Rarity moaned out, creeping her friends out intensely.

        Rainbow nodded, not saying anything because she was still ticked at Pinkie for that incident earlier, and Applejack didn’t speak as well, because she is worst pony. Twilight sighed heavily, feeling her eyes weigh down in tiredness. “Whatever. What I would like to know is what you are you doing here Pinkie, and why you needed to dig a tunnel under my home to say it?!” Twilight yelled.

        Pinkie was blank-faced, before donning a deliriously happy expression. “Oh yeah, that’s right!” Pinkie jumped high into the air, landing right next to Twilight, “Bad things are going to happen!”

        Twilight frowned at the disturbing closeness to her friend. “Bad things like what?” she demanded to know.

        Twilight’s luck would prove to truly be empty today, as exactly when she said that, a strange sound was heard.

“COBRA LALALALALALALALALALALALALA!”(2)

It was a very loud shout, that seemed to be coming from... above? Looking upwards, the ponies tried to find the source of the noise. What they got was something else altogether. Large, metal fingers pierced their way through the sides of the wall, causing the ground to shake and nearly knock the mares over. In a second, the entire roof of Twilight’s home was ripped off by the fingers, before being thrown some distance away by the unknown force

The blue sky was revealed to them, and a few strange figures hovering in the air above them. There were a few of those humans that Pinkie had seen in the forest, wearing jet-packs with a red cobra painted on them, and two incredibly large mechanical beings. The machines were, as said, very large. Their bodies weren’t even fully visible in the very wide skyview. Actually, they weren’t even flying, the mane six realized. They were just leaning over the edge of the now broken roof, gazing down at them.

        “Subtle, just as Lord Destro commanded!” one of the humans yelled out victoriously, “Now Starscream, shall we attack now?”

        One of the titanic machines, a gray-painted winged robot with some red stripes on it, smiled eerily at the other machine, ignoring the human. “What do you think Breakdown? Should we kill them now, or later? I’m feeling rather peckish today, so I could go either way.” Starscream said with a sinister smile.

        Breakdown, a blocky machine-man with mostly blue markings, glowing yellow eyes, and large angled arms, frowned at his comrade. “I would rather wait ‘til later. Megatron’s order were quite clear.” Breakdown told him.

 “True, Lord Megatron would be most displeased,” Starscream sneered as it spoke, “But that doesn’t mean we can’t have a little fun...”

        Breakdown’s frown deepened as a thought came to mind. “In fact Starscream, it just came to me, but why aren’t you here? In Prime canon, which this is based on, you’re currently-”

Starscream cut him off with a furious wave of his hands.  “I know that in canon I’m out of the Decepticons by this point, but I doubt neither they nor the fans will care! I mean really Breakdown, do you expect them to care about our precious continuity? I think not!”(3) Starscream complained.

        The other robot nodded sadly, realizing that for once Starscream was right. “If you two are done...” the same Cobra soldier groaned out, “What do we do now that you’ve decided for us?”

        Starscream raised a sharp finger to his chin, tapping it fitfully as it thought. It and the other intruders were interrupted when somepony called down from below.  “Uh, excuse me?” Twilight yelled.

        “What!?” Starscream yelled in a fit, before realizing who he was talking too, “Oh, you. Don’t worry, we’ll get to you all soon. Until then...”

        Suddenly, Starscream jumped high into the air. To the mixed wonder and horror of the ponies below, he transformed, into an angular winged vehicle of some sort. The now transformed Starscream flew off in a hurry, unleashing a flurry of missiles on the town below as it flew. Breakdown ran off along with the other Decepticon, unleashing horrible destruction wherever he went. From their position, the mane six could hear even more explosions and destruction beyond that as well. “What are you doing to our homes?!” Fluttershy cried out.

        The lead Cobra soldier smirked down at them. “Why, destroying it of course! And when we’re done here, we’ll deal with you six!” he declared.

        “Not if I have anything to say about it!” Rainbow challenged, before bursting up into the air at him.

        Just before she could attack the man though, a surge of electricity coursed through Rainbow, causing her to scream in utter agony. She was stuck paralyzed in the air as the Cobra soldier laughed at her suffering, her friends helpless to do anything for her plight.  “RAINBOW!” her friends cried out from below, doing all they could do.

        From afar, on one of the few buildings not left crushed by the sudden attack, Doctor Mindbender grinned victoriously as he looked upon Dash with his binoculars. “Hell yeah! It looks like her epic win, just turned into an epic fail!” the mad doctor shouted, pumping his fist into the air.

        Next to him, the Decepticon Knock-Out was leaning on the colorful building, causing it to crumble slightly and no doubt hurt, or more preferably to the Decepticon, kill whoever was inside of it. “Quite.” the Decepticon said with a smile.

        Mindbender grinned delightfully as he readjusted the controls to the device on his wrist. “I knew getting that remote-controlled lightning gun wasn’t a waste a resources! And they said I was mad at Harvard, well I’ll show them who’s mad! I’ll show them with death, death and lightning! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

        Knock-Out smiled at the pleasant sounds coming from the humans mouth. When the Decepticons had made this alliance, he didn’t expect to find a human that was so... fascinating. It sent his spark into a tizzy just thinking about him. “I must say Doctor, your methods are most pleasing. Perhaps when this is over, we could go on a sorting? Discuss science, medicine, torture, hydrangeas-”

        “Woahwoahwoahwoah there bud,” Mindbender stopped him with a raised hand, “This goddamn author’s already put in enough shitty B-plots as is. He does not need to add human/robot slash! No, that’s for when he’s drunk and on ‘those’ sites.”

        Knock-Out groaned loudly at that reply. “But you know what fans we’re dealing with here. By the spark, in comparison to the mind-boggling idiocy and depravity within their writings, this would be normal!”

        Mindbender shrugged his shoulders, adjusting his device some more. “Whatever. The point still stands. Let’s get this back on the rails though. Later we can get into disturbingly plausible crossover pairings, like Edward Cullen and the Mother from Coraline, or the Doctor and House, or Emperor Palpatine and Cruella Deville, or-”(4)

        “You were saying we should get back on rails?” Knock-Out pointed out... pointedly.

        Back to the actually relevant plot, the blast that set Rainbow into a horrifying lightning-induced pain finally ended, sending Rainbow tumbling to the ground, still smoking from the attack. Her friends caught her in her hooves, aghast at her condition. Her fur was mostly charred and blackened, and her mane too, which had lost most of its rainbow dash. “I’m okay...” Rainbow mumbled out.

        They had little time to heal their friend though, as the doors to the house were knocked down, revealing even more Cobra troopers standing there. The leader pointed at the ponies. “Surround them! The Commander wants them saved for later, make sure they don’t escape.” he ordered.

        Raising their arms, the Cobra soldiers attempted to encircle the mane six. The ponies were stuck in a real mess. The pegasi couldn’t just fly away, that’d leave their friends behind. So, Twilight came up with a perfectly sane and well-thought out idea. “RUN!”

        The ponies ran like hell up the stairs. “Stop them!” the Cobra trooper shouted.

        The Cobra soldiers fired their guns at the ponies, lasers blasting the wood of house, scorching it repeatedly. Twilight wanted to scream as some of the lasers hit her precious books, and Rainbow actually did that when a stray laser hit a nearby Daring Do book-pile. Such was the awful aim of the average trooper though, that the ponies themselves were safe from their fire. When they found themselves on the top floor, Twilight ran over to a small basket and grabbed the tiny dragon laying inside it. “Spike, wake up!” Twilight yelled.

        “Too early, sleepy...” Spike muttered.

        “There’s time for that Spike! We gotta go!”

        “But Twilight, what ever shall we do? These horrible invaders are invading our town, they’re destroying our homes!” Rarity cried out.

        The other ponies nodded in assent, feeling incredibly worried for their homes and families. Twilight was grim-faced as she answered them. “I’m sorry girls, but we’ve got to escape. There’s only two ponies that can help us now.” Twilight told them.

        “The Princesses?” they all guessed.

        “Yep.”

        As the sound of footsteps going up the stairs grew nearer, a burst of magic came out of Twilight’s horn. It enveloped the six ponies and one dragon, and a large explosion of magical energy happened next. When the soldiers finally made their way to the top of the house, they found only scorch marks where the ponies once were.

        A loud boom occurred right outside Canterlot Castle, as the seven protagonists were dropped to the ground. “Well that was sure darn messy...” Applejack complained, because I thought I might as well give her one line before this shit is over.

        Shaking her head as she stood, Fluttershy nodded quietly. “Oh yes. Thankfully, the Princesses will be able to help-”

        Fluttershy was stopped as the area around them became instantly shadowed. Looking up, the seven found a gigantic machine in the air. It looked like a zeppelin, but bigger, more mechanical, and infinitely more deadly. And it completely blocked out the sun with its girth. A large hatch opened on the underside of it, and out of it poured dozens of machine men, all similar to one another, dropping down onto Equestria below. Fluttershy grimaced. “-us.”

        Princess Luna looked out the window, and squinted her eyes at what she saw. “Dearest sister, doth thine sky look strangely muddled today for some reason which we werens’t informed upon?” she asked her sister.

        Celestia, who was walking down a hallway with her sister before the question came up, took a moment to process her sisters ‘eccentric’ vocabulary. “No, it shouldn’t be that way. Let’s go outside and check it out.” Celestia told her.

        Luna nodded, and the two alicorns ran down the hall, in no real rush. Everything was going well today, surely it was just some minor disturbance. When they reached the main hall, the guards bowed at their presence, whom they acknowledged with pleasant smiles. Before they exited the grand doors though, the roof of the building was torn off in one fell swoop. The guards ran off in an instant in terror. Why do I pay them again? Celestia sighed internally. Gasping, the two princesses saw two strange figures in the sky. One of them was a titanic machine, with glowing red eyes, sharp fangs, and a gray, metallic sheen.

        It was the other, much smaller in comparison figure that really shook the two princesses. The bipedal figure wore a blue, military style coat that had red markings on it, with black boots and polished buttons, and his face seemed to shine even in the darkness. On his sides were two holstered weapons, one a small gun, the other a long sheath for a sword. He stood on a floating platform, which lowered itself until it touched the floor of the hall. Now that he was closer, the alicorns could tell it wasn’t his face that was shiny.

No, it was a mask that shone, a mask that the mysterious man wore, that reflected Celestia and Luna’s faces back at them as they gazed into it. It was so cold, so emotionless, and somehow so full of hate, that it terrified the two even more than the gigantic machine man. And they were very rarely terrified.

        “Oh look DeCobray, it seems we’ve found the rulers of this plot of dirt.” the machine commented, his mouth forming into a curved smile, with his fang-like pretensions standing out well.

        The other man, DeCobray as he was called, only grunted apathetically in response. “I would not be so pleased Megatron. We still need to deal with Twilight and the rest of those fools.” (5) DeCobray informed his partner of sorts.

        DeCobray’s voice was cold, mechanical, yet so full of hate. It was even more cold than the machine above him’s voice, and all the more powerful despite his smaller stature. At the mention of Celestia’s beloved student and Luna’s dear friend, the two princesses donned faces of stone. “Are you threatening our subjects, and my student?” Celestia asked with deadly intent.

        “And if thou art, you shall come to regret thine awful decision, whatever doth be named.” Luna supported.

        Somehow, even though the two couldn’t see his eyes, they could tell DeCobray was glaring at them from beneath his mask. It was a gaze of such contempt and hatred, so unlike anything the two had encountered before, that they almost balked at it. “You shall address me as Commander. Cobra Commander.” Cobra Commander declared, finally revealing his ‘true’ identity.

        The princesses stepped forward in response. “Whatever your name is, we won’t allow you to harm our people any longer. Now get out, or face us in battle!” Celestia threatened.
       
        To the shock of both alicorns, Cobra Commander and Megatron laughed in derision at her threat. “How quaint,” Megatron sneered, “Now, who do you want to take DeCobray? The blue one, or the white one?”

        Cobra Commander bristled at the use of that name, but didn’t verbally complain. Megatron was one of the few people that had power and the respect of Cobra himself that allowed him to say such things. “I’ll take Celestia. Have fun with the Princess of the Night.” Cobra Commander hissed out.

        “I shall!”

        With that, Megatron threw down a mighty fist to there Celestia and Luna were. The two dodged in different directions, rolling to other parts of the room. Celestia barely dodged again when Cobra Commander took out a mauser-like gun from his side, and fired at her repeatedly. Luna tried to rejoin her sister, but was stopped when Megatron blocked the path with his arm. “Oh no no no little Luna. I’m afraid you’ll have to deal with me first!” Megatron gloated, already sure of his victory.

        His gloating stopped though when a blast of magical energy from Luna’s horn knocked him back. “If thou wishet to be, so beeth it!” (6) Luna countered.

        Flying off into the air, Luna circled around Megatron, while the Decepticon tried to bat her out of the sky. Down below, Cobra Commander kept firing on Celestia, as the Princess dodged with a fine grace. “For such a fearsome man, you have an awful aim!” Celestia taunted.

        The Commander stopped momentarily, chuckling under his mask. “Oh, I wasn’t trying to hit you dear Princess. I was trying to lead you somewhere else.”

        Then Cobra Commander raised his free hand high into the air. “Arise Serpentor, arise!” he shouted.

        “What?!” was all Celestia got out, before the ground beneath her collapsed.

        Using her wings, Celestia was able to not fall in the sudden hole, and flew out of the way just as a large creature slithered out of it. Floating away, Celestia saw it was a mottled-green serpent of tremendous size, slithering around the room with predatory eyes set on her. “Serpentor, attack!” Cobra ordered, before resuming his own firing.

        Finding herself now stuck between two attackers, Celestia was hard-pressed to avoid the giant snake and the Commander’s blasts. She threw a few spells at the snake, but they rolled right off of it. Noticing this, Cobra Commander did not miss the opportunity to gloat. “Doctor Mindbender was kind enough to add some modifications to Serpentor’s defenses. Mainly, anti-magic coating!”

        “What? That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever head.” Celestia responded, narrowly dodging a bite from the snake.

        Cobra Commander laughed loudly, taking a special pleasure in this battle of the fates. “Such is the power of the fandom, and the ability of Cobra to harness! Even the most idiotic of concepts is available to us in this world!”

        Celestia hovered to the right as Serpentor tried to lunge at her again, and kicked it hard in the side with her hoof, knocking it over temporarily. “I will stop you you madman!”

        “You will try,” Cobra Commander said, sounding more amused than anything, “But it is in vain. I shall take you out like the garbage you are. THIS, I COMMAND!” he declared in a fit of madness.

        “This is bad. Really, really bad.”

        The other ponies and dragon nodded at Rainbow’s words. Dash was mostly healed by now, as she had a fast metabolism, and because her being injured is detrimental to what I want to right. Numerous Decepticons were landing all around them, and now Cobra troops were flying in on gliders as well. As Dash said, things were bad.

        “Yeah!” all of her friends answered her heartily.

        “Then let’s go! CHARGE!”

        And so they charged up the steps of the Castle, and burst through the large double doors to the main hall of Canterlot Castle. Where a giant snake blocked their way. “Girls, was there always a giant snake there?” Pinkie asked confusedly.

        “I’m pretty sure there wasn’t.” Rarity answered.

        When the snake moved, the seven gasped in shock. Princess Celestia was fighting the snake, and a masked man in the middle of the room. “Princess!” Twilight cried out.

        “Twilight!” Celestia shouted back.

        “Ponies!” Cobra Commander yelled.

        “Snaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!” Pinkie shouted.

        Everyone stopped and looked weirdly at Pinkie for a moment, as the pink pony looked back. “What?”

        The awkward silence was broken when Luna crashed to the ground in front of Celestia, a sickening crunch sounding through the air. Celestia was the first to respond, helping her up to the best of her abilities. “Sister!”

A large shadow hovered over the room, as Megatron leered evilly down on them. “I must say, for a God, that one was a disappoint. Hopefully you’ll all prove to be better sport.”

The mane six were aghast at the sheer evil coming off the Decepticon. “You horrible creature! How dare you hurt the Princess like that, how dare you harm our home, and how dare you mess up my spa schedule for today!” Rarity decried.

“Uh, Rarity, priorities.” Fluttershy spoke up.

Ignoring them, Cobra Commander raised his arms high in the sky. “It’s a pleasure to see you all here. Now that the main, or should I say mane, cast are here, the party can finally get started.” Cobra Commander insidiously insinuated.

Pinkie started bouncing in delight. “Ooh, party? I love-”

“Oh shut up!” Megatron stopped her.

“Thank you,” Cobra Commander nodded towards Megatron, “As I was saying, now that we’re all here, I suppose it’s time. For the final battle!”

At that, the rest of the Castle walls exploded, as more men stormed in. Starscream, Knock-Out, Breakdown, and Soundwave surrounded the remnants of the castle, while Destro, Baroness, Mindbender and a horde of Cobra troops jumped through the rumble to surround the ponies. Oh, and Dan was there too. The ponies were completely surrounded, with no hope of escape. To the surprise of the attackers though, Fluttershy flew up and used ‘The Stare’ on all of them.

 “Why are you all doing this?” Fluttershy screamed at the top of her lungs.

The ponies collectively blinked. “Our fans?” Rainbow queried, making sure she heard right.
        

“Why yes your fans!” Baroness said, “Do you know how tame the fanbases to our shows are in comparison to yours?”

“Well I’m sure they’re fine...” Fluttershy tried to counter.

Doctor Mindbender snorted. “Oh suuuuuure, you think so. But do you see tons of people making new art for G.I Joe Renegades everyday? Cool, actually creative art”

“Do you see tons of mostly awful fan-fiction being made for Transformers Prime every single day? Do you see epics, to use the term loosely, like Fallout: Transformers, or The Son of the Trans-”

“Oh the author is not going to plug his own fic here, not if I have anything to say about it!” Rarity interrupted.

“Sorry. As I was saying, no, of course you don’t! That’s why we villains decided to team up to deal with you. The heroes weren’t nearly as reciprocating, even though this is for all of us!” Knock-Out explained.

“Hey, maybe we’re just a better show? You ever think of that smart guys?” Rainbow countered smugly.

All the non-ponies stared at Rainbow with complete and utter contempt. “Have you even watched, let’s just say, DAN VS.?” Dan asked not so politely.

Rainbow blushed heavily. “Uh...”

“Exactly! You fools and your fans have never given our shows a chance! You’re content to just watch one show and judge others without even watching them once. I mean, we’re talking about freakin’ G.I Joe and Transformers here. One’s a show with laser guns and ninjas, the other with giant robots fighting each other. How in the hell did My Little Pony get more popular than that? How I say?!” Destro complained.

“The internet, that’s what!” Mindbender pointed out, “It’s all the Internets fault! It’s nothing to do with actual quality, it’s just a bunch of neckbeards thinking they’re being ‘edgy’ and ‘original.’ I’m sure someone’s already typing out a whiny rant as to why these things are untrue, because they are true.”

Dan fidgeted nervously. “You know, Dan Vs. is pretty cool too. I’m the only actually original show among you lot...” Dan tried to squeeze himself in there.

“No one cares about you Dan.” Baroness shot him down.

Dan frowned harder then he usually did. “I hate you all. But I hate the ponies more, so okay.”

Princess Luna, who was mostly healed by now, raised a hoof in questioning. “But forsooth, thine foalish-”

She was stopped as she felt a gigantic laser pointed at her. “I swear to the Allspark, one more pony pun...” Megatron ended, the threat obvious.

“Uh, as we were saying,” Luna laughed nervously, “Thine foolish acts shall not gain you any fans.”

“Oh yes it will Princess,” Cobra Commander asserted, “Once we’ve killed you all, the bronies will become fans of Transformers and G.I Joe! And then Renegades might even get a second season!”

“Prime already has a second season.” Megatron added with a cruel smirk.
        

“Fuck off.” Cobra Commander replied, giving Megatron a certain finger.

“While it’s terrible that your shows aren’t doing as good,” Twilight said, trying to soothe tensions, “Can’t we resolve this peacefully?”

“NO!” everyone shouted.

“It is far too late for that Twilight Sparkle. Now, you will die!” Cobra Commander declared, unsheathing his sword for combat.

“Decepticons, attack!” Megatron commanded.

“Cobra, strike!” Cobra Commander said in turn.

The combined forces of Cobra and the Decepticons leaped into action, and the ponies readied themselves in turn. It was bound to be one of the most epic battles of the ages. Where modern versions of popular 80’s cartoons would duel to the death, where the true test of quality would be decided, where we would truly see who deserved the most fans. That would be what happened, if Batman didn’t suddenly jump out of the sky and land in front of the ponies.

“Batman!?” every single person there yelled out.

“Yes. I am Batman.” Batman grunted out, being Batman.

“What are you doing here?” Megatron demanded to know.
        

“Batman: The Animated Series is shown in reruns on The Hub. Thus, I’m eligible to be here.” Batman explained in his Bat-voice.

“That makes sense.” Twilight said confidently.

“Yes. Now, I’m here to turn you all in.” Batman told them.

“For what?!” Cobra Commander said.

“... I don’t think I need to explain for you. But for the rest of you, ponies included, I’m here to stabilize the television space time continuum. All this fighting goes against the laws imposed by the creator of rules of television worlds.”

        “And just who came up with those rules?” Baroness arrogantly said.

        “Me.” was all Batman said.

        No one dared question Batman beyond that. Not even Cobra Commander and Megatron. They knew when to not press their luck. “Now, as I was saying, I’ll be taking you all in. Come with me peacefully. Or not. Either way works honestly.” Batman informed them.

        “Mr. Batman, surely you don’t need to do this?” Celestia pleaded.

        “Yes. I do.”

        “Well maybe we’ll all attack you! And then attack the ponies!” Mindbender challenged.

        “Yeah!” all of them said, including the ponies.

        “... Wait, should we really agree to this?” Twilight fearfully asked.

        Applejack put a hoof around her friends shoulder.. “Oh c’mon sugarcube. It’s just Batman against all of us. How bad can it be?”

Three hours later
 

“Honestly, we were fighting Batman. We should have expected this actually.”

Every single human, machine, and pony nodded at Twilight Sparkle’s words. “That fight sure was epic though. It’s a great thing we all remember it too.” Rarity added.

Numerous calls of agreement came from all there, as they all finally found common ground. Everyone was sitting in a jail-cell in the middle of the Batjail, where Batman had jailed them. Starscream stared dejectedly at the floor on his incredibly huge jail. “Now that I think about it... this was all kind of stupid.” he reluctantly said.

“Oh, you think? Did it really take Batman to point this out?” Rainbow argued.

“He’s right though. We shouldn’t be fighting. We’re all on the same network. We should be allies instead. Giving entertainment to all who watch our shows!” Celestia calmly stated.

“But the fans! What about the fans!?” Cobra Commander screamed rabidly, hitting the bars of his cell in futility.

        “The fans don’t matter!” Starscream cried, “Our show is doing just fine with the fans we have!”

“As much as I hate to agree with Starscream, he is right,” Megatron said, “I mean, Transformers Prime was nominated for an Emmy for crying out loud. I don’t think we need to worry about our fans.”

“Oh yeah, I remember that,” Rainbow Dash chuckled at the thought, “Oh Celestia, our fans got in such a fit when that happened. It was hilarious!”

“Quite. Glad we can agree on that at least.” Knock-Out smirked from within his own cell.

“But... but my show is in need of help! It’s probably going to never be renewed for a second season unless divine intervention helps us.” Cobra Commander almost sadly stated.

From within her cell, Baroness smiled morosely over at the Commander. “Commander, maybe Renegades might never be renewed. But we still had a great first season. And Charles Adler brought a dazzle and evil to your performance unseen since the very first Cobra Commander. Sure he already did that in G.I Joe Resolute, but still. Can’t you be happy with that?”

Cobra Commander stopped his hitting, and instead leaned his head sadly against the bars of his cell. “I suppose so...”

“In fact, why would we even want the fans of Friendship is Magic?” Destro piped up, “They’re all incredibly creepy.”

“Now that he brings it up, the human has a point.” Megatron agreed.

“Yeah. Who wants fans that write stuff like Cupcakes, or Sweet Apple Massacre, or Fallout: Equestria, The Conversion Bureau, all the My Little Dashie and FO:E spin-offs, or 90% off fimfiction content? I certainly don’t.” Minbender snarked.

“You know, our fans aren’t all bad.” Fluttershy timidly said.

“Of course they aren’t. It’s just in comparison to other fandoms, yours makes a bunch of creepy stuff in comparison. It’s weird really.” Cobra Commander scratched his chin in confusion.

“True, true. But still, it ain’t right to say they’re all bad. Have you seen the stuff featured on Equestria Daily sometimes? It’s amazin’ what our fans can do when they set their hearts on it.” Applejack said in defense.

“Featured Equestria Daily stuff? Do you mean the dating sim, or the numerous obscene artwork?” Destro deadpanned.

“Touche.” Applejack replied.

“The point is,” Twilight interrupted, bringing an end to this circle-jerk, “Is that all fandoms have their weird parts. That doesn’t make a fandom or the thing it’s based around bad. It just means they are bad things in it, like all things.”

“90% of everything is crap, as Sturgeon said.” Mindbender brought up.
        

Twilight nodded. “And that’s right. We just gotta focus on the good sometimes. And maybe, just when we have the chance, we should give other things a chance too. I love all our fans, yet if they just watch our cartoon without giving others a chance, they’ll never be able to watch a lot of good things. And they might hurt the studios behind those shows as well.”

“You know... you’re alright pony.” Cobra Commander reluctantly said.

“Thanks!”

Destro snickered to himself. “Someone in the comments is probably going on about how all those fan fics you listed are actually good.”

Everybody laughed at that. Except Dan, who sat angrily in his cell. “God, this is becoming so stupidly meta. I swear, if the author himself comes in here, I’m kicking his ass!” Dan shouted.

Everyone ignored Dan though, instead focusing on Batman, who just walked in, because... well, he’s Batman? Do I really need to explain? No, I don’t. In fact, I’m angry now. I don’t think I’m going to write any furt-

“Do I need to take you in too author?” Batman threatened... me?

Wait, how can you see my comments? I’m the narrator, and you’re just-

“I’m Batman. And on some days, a Hobo named Steve.” was all Batman said.

Look, Batman, I’m a huge fan of your work-

        “As you should.” the Dark Knight frowned up at the sky.

        But there’s no need to take me in! I’m just a humble author, who’s smart, charming, handsome, and is right now writing a Human in Equestria story that you will just love! It stars me, said handsome charming human, going into Equestria, and I’m suddenly a pony! Or not, it doesn’t matter really. And then I and one, or all, of the mane cast fall in love, and we have sweet clop-sex, and then I become an alicorn, and-

        “Stop right there criminal scum,” Batman stopped me, “You’ve been going on for at least three pages now on a rant, making all the characters OOC to parrot your viewpoints and mock things you don’t like. Stop it now, or I bring you in.”

What?! I’m totally in the right here! My opinions are the best, and saying otherwise is wrong. Why, you yourself probably agree with my points.

        “That I do,” Batman admitted, “But only because you wrote me that way! You’ve been going on for pages now, barely making this My Little Pony fan fiction a My Little Pony fan fiction. So stop it now, or else.”

        Or else what?

        Batman glared at me, and then I knew fear. Okay, I’ll be good now, okay? please don’t hurt me oh god please don’t.

        “That was weird.” Twilight commented, speaking everyone's thoughts aloud..

        “Indeed. But it doesn’t matter now. If you’re all good, you’ll be out by tomorrow. Alright?”

        A few muttered grumblings answered him. “Alright?” Batman asked again, with much greater threat.

        ‘Yes sir,’ ‘Yes Mr. Batman,’ ‘Okay...’ ‘Don’t kill me please!’ and more answered him. Batman smirked. “Good.”

        Batman left then, walking to his office. He sat at his Bat-desk, where his Bat-coffee awaited him, still piping hot. This pleased Batman greatly. Alfred walked in, bringing a small sandwich on a Bat-plate for the Caped Crusader’s eating pleasure. “Done already sir?” Alfred wryly greeted.

        “Yes Alfred. Thankfully this mess has been sorted out. They’ll all be back to their respective universes by tomorrow.” Batman told him.

        “Excellent. Good thing too. If this wasn’t fixed soon, who knows what consequences this could have on all worlds? Why, complete madness might ensue!”

        Batman nodded, before something caught his eye outside the window. Leaning outside to take sight of the rest of the Bat-universe where the Bat-jail resided, Batman saw something very strange in the moat of the Bat-jail. There were gigantic seahorses there. Seahorses with... pony heads? “SHOO BE DOO, SHOO SHOO BE DOO!” the seaponies crooned to Batman.

        Batman had a natural blank look on his face, as he leaned back into the room. “You don’t say Alfred. You don’t say.” he groaned out.

Author's Note: What the moral of this story actually is, is that there are other shows in the world too. And that G.I Joe Renegades is an awesome show, that doesn’t get enough love. Currently it’s in limbo, most likely dead. If you could, watch an episode or two. Show Hasbro that you care. Maybe even look online for some petitions to get it a second season? And watch other great shows on the Hub too, like the Aquabats, or Transformers, or the Aquabats because holy fuck the Aquabats is amazing.

P.S: Except Pound Puppies. Because fuck Pound Puppies.


I’m sure you’re all done of my bitching and prodding by now. Whatever. I just hope you liked the story. And even if you didn’t, thanks for reading it. Whether you laughed, cried, masturbated to, or hated this story, the time you devoted to it is still held high by me. Thank you reader, and good day to you.

---

(1) It physically pained me to type this.
(2)Words cannot express how happy I was to be able to type this out.
(3) If this sentence applies to you, FEEL SAD BECAUSE YOU SHOULD.
(4) Or Bugs Bunny and Mickey Mouse, or Ophelia from Hamlet with Hannibal Lector, or Tim Curry with Tim Curry!
(5) Charles Adler is best Cobra Commander.
(6) Words cannot express how much I love Canon Luna’s dialogue, and how fun it is to write it in turn. Even if I do it all wrong, it's just too much fun.