“I can’t believe this still works. And you kept the battery charged! I’m seriously impressed, Princess. Okay, talons crossed, here goes nothing.

“...oh my God. Oh my God. It’s working! I’m getting a signal! How long did you say this would last, Twilight? ...okay, I know the odds are against it even working, but I’m going to try to place a call. My account’s probably closed; I’ve been gone for years, but....

“...it’s going through. Holy shit. It’s ringing! It’s actually ringing! My parents must have kept my account active hoping I’d call- hello. Hello? ...Mom? Mom? Mom! Mom, you need to let me get in a word edgewise here; I can’t talk for long!

“Yes it’s me, Mom. Look. You want proof? Okay. Let me think... right. Do you remember back when I was eight, that day when Barkley threw up all over your brand-new Persian rug and you made him stay in the doghouse for a week? Well, um... that was actually me who threw up on it. Yeah, eating a bowl of Cocoa Puffs with chocolate milk and three scoops of sugar probably wasn’t the best idea.

“I know, Mom, I know. Look... I can’t tell you where I am or why I couldn’t call until now. It’s really complicated, and you’d never believe me. I can just say that there was honestly no way I could get in contact with anyone until now. I’m just surprised as hell that this call actually got through. ...yeah, I figured you’d kept it paid just in case.

“It’s gonna be a little while longer, but... yeah, I’m hoping I can come home soon, Mom. But listen. I need you to listen, Mom; this is serious. A lot of things have changed with me, and... well, it’s gonna take some getting used to. And a lot more’s going to be changing soon. Yeah, I know I’m being cryptic, but like I said, this stuff’s impossible to explain right now. I just need you to know that things are going to start getting really weird soon- you’ll know it when you see it. There’s probably going to be a lot of confusion and panic, and I want you to know ahead of time that there’s nothing to be afraid of... there’s going to be a lot of adjustment to be made, but once things shake out, it’ll be amazing.

“Hang on just a second. ...we’ve got how long, Princess? I thought you said... huh. Okay, Mom, it turns out I’ve actually got a little bit longer to talk than I thought, and... there’s someone I want you to meet. She’s really important to me. Hold on.”

“...hello? Mrs. Collins? My name is Sveti. I’m your... I think the term for it is ‘daughter-in-law’? Yes. ...yes. We would’ve invited you if we could have; I know how important family is. Peter’s told me a lot about you and the rest of his family, and I’m looking forward to getting to meet all of you. I’m... maybe a little different than the type of, um, woman you might’ve expected your son to end up with, but honestly... he means the world to me, Mrs. Collins. I just wanted to tell you how proud you should be of him; he’s been through more than you can imagine, but he’s shown such strength and gentleness, it... I haven’t even got words to give it justice. I just needed to thank you for raising such a wonderful individual. And... do you know how adorable he is when he’s blushing? Heh heh, that’s true, that’s true.

“Okay, um... we still have a little time before we have to end this call, so there’s one other who’d like to talk to you, Mrs. Collins. Just a second. …here you go, Andy. Just like I taught you.”

“...hello? ...Nana?”