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Buffy, The...Vampony Slayer?

by CrypticMetaphor

Chapter 1: Chapter 1: A Slayer By Any Other Name

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Chapter 1: A Slayer By Any Other Name

Cleveland Museum of Natural History, 10:00pm

The night in Cleveland was relatively silent save for the sound of the occasional car alarm.  To make matters worse it was those REALLY annoying ones that continue to beep and beep with no sign of ever stopping.  But that was the least of the worries of a group of certain individuals who were in a massive brawl within the interior of the massive museum.  These individuals were quite the sight to behold five of them looked like they still belonged in college.  One other was no older than a high school student whereas the last seemed like he belonged at a university as a professor.  The opponents they were facing were like something out of nightmares.  Several of them were creatures with skin as red as blood and hair of live flame.  The others were humans with bestial features and fangs.  The last was a man garbed in a black robe and was hurling pulses of black air at a red haired woman who was deflecting them.

“Why is it that every single nut cake that learns black magic has to go with the Darth Sideous look,” the red haired woman blasted the cloaked man off his feet into a display case, “ouch.”

The black robed man stood up, “You impudent WENCH!!”

A man with an eye patch drove a wooden stake into a fanged man’s chest reducing the creature to dust, “HEY! No one calls my friend a wench!”

“I would feel threatened if it were not for the fact that you all-,” the man in the robe was then hit with a massive roundhouse to the back of his head.

“Let me guess, you all don’t know who you are dealing with?”

The robed man looked up at a blonde haired young woman garbed in dark clothing with her arms crossed and a smirk planted on her face, “Yeah like I haven’t heard that over used quote before,” she glanced at the red head, “Hey Willow you alright?”

“Yeah thanks for the save Buffy,” Willow walked over to the two individuals as the man with the eye patch joined them, “Thanks for the verbal chivalry Xander, greatly appreciated.”

Xander bowed, “Anytime m’lady.”

Buffy then glared daggers down at the cloaked man, “Alright you Lord Voldemort reject let’s see who’s behind the hood.”

Xander whispered to Willow as the sound of more foes being eradicated rang out behind them, “My money’s on old man Jenkins.”

“I think it might be that creepy janitor from the Starbucks down the street,” Willow was smiling the whole time as she responded.

Buffy just chuckled as she reached down and threw back the guy’s hood, “You have got to be kidding me.”

“Wow Willow, good call,” the man was wearing a Starbucks uniform that had a name tag that read Herman, “Ha, his names Herman.”

Willow chuckled as she made wavy hands with a mock spooky tone, “Ooooo, beware the wrath of Herman the Warlock.”

Herman was not amused.

*

Herman was tied up in the corner as the group glanced around at the dust and demon corpse covered museum lobby.  Buffy, Willow, and Xander all stood by as the other members of their group came forth.  One had long dark hair and wearing equally dark clothes as well as a leather jacket.  Beside her was an older man wearing a black turtle neck and glasses and beside him was the teenage girl with long light brown hair and wearing lighter clothes.  The last to arrive was a guy about the same age as Xander with dirty blonde hair and wearing a Star Wars shirt and dark pants, he was also lugging a massive bag behind him that was clattering and clunking.

Buffy looked at the group in turn staring with the dark haired girl and the man, “Faith, Giles, how’s the lobby look north wise?”

Giles adjusted his glasses, “Relatively clear, although I would suggest a sweep of the surroundings hallways and any other possible hiding places.”

“Great,” the woman known as Faith grumbled, “now we have to chase shadows.”

The blonde guy spoke up, “Hey if Doctor Who has taught me anything, shadows can be deadly.”

Xander glanced at the guy, “Andrew we’re being realistic here.”

Andrew sighed, “Sorry, I’ll just be the silent pack mule.”

Faith nodded, “Finally he accepts his position.”

Buffy cleared her throat, “When the talking stick is passed to you, you can speak.  Now,” she turned to Herman, “Why exactly did you take a sudden interest in late night Museum tours?”

Herman sneered at her, “Wouldn’t you like to know blondie.”

The teenage girl inhaled sharply through her teeth, “You shouldn’t have said that.”

Buffy smiled, “Now Dawn I am not one to be enraged by such weak insults,” Buffy picked up Herman by his bonds, “But I’m going to ask again, why?”

Herman grinned and ignored the question, “What you need to ask yourself is why I brought vampires and wrath demons?”

Giles blinked, “I knew they looked familiar.”

Buffy looked at Giles, “Wrath demons equal bad right?”

The ashes of the vampires and the corpses began to tremble as Xander got on the offensive, “Very bad, Andrew weapons!”

Andrew began to fumble with the duffle bag as Willow erected a barrier, “Working on it!”

“Well work faster small fry,” Faith grabbed the weapon bag from him and forced the zipper open and produced a nasty looking short sword, “Let’s rock.”

The others went to grab some weapons as the Wrath Demons stood and the vampires regenerated.  During the confusion Herman managed to wriggle free and rushed toward the broken display case.  Within it was a small totem made of dark stone carved in the likeness of a horse emerging from flames with ruby shards for eyes.  Herman grabbed it with his eyes sparkling greedily.

Andrew took notice and pointed, “Willow, baddy with maguffin, twelve o clock!!”

“I got him,” Willow then whipped around and grabbed Herman’s robe, “Not so fast Herman!”

Herman pulled against her, “Let go of me girl!”

Willow grasped the totem, “Not a chance!”

Both spell users began to pull as the barrier began to wane.  Willow’s eyes blackened as did Herman’s.  The Totem flared slightly as Willow’s magic began to unintentionally influence it.  What occurred next was the most deafening thing they had all heard.  A miniature sonic boom erupted through the entire building knocking them all back from the Totem that levitated in mid-air.  Every single being paused as they watched the entire Totem began to crack; red energy internally lit the cracks up like a lightshow.  The entire world then seemed to pause to breathe.  The entire Totem then broke apart and in its place a massive vortex opened before everyone.  The vortex then began to perform a massive vacuuming act.  No one could react as the suction increased and sucked Buffy, her group of allies, Herman, and all of his minions.  The last thing they all saw was a massive flash of rose colored light that transitioned into a rainbow.

*

Buffy was groggy beyond belief.  She hadn’t felt this bad since she had pulled that all-nighter with Will back during High school.  She blinked a few times and slowly sat up and became alert.  She was in a bedroom that had a color scheme reminiscent of a four year old girl’s fantasy world.  The walls were made out of wood or more accurately tree bark.  

“Oookay insert Twilight Zone music now,” Buffy slowly got out of the bed and smacked onto the ground hard, “OW! What the?”

She looked down and noticed her foot was bare and wasn’t even a foot…it was a hoof.  It was a much darker blonde color by the looks of it.  Buffy glanced over to a large mirror and widened her eyes in horror.  Staring back at her was a mare with a long golden blonde mane that was styled exactly like her hair whenever she didn’t have it in a ponytail.  Her eyes were the same shade of hazel they always were.  She blinked a few times and sat up.  She then smacked herself across the face and winced in pain.

“Oh Herman when I get my…,” she glanced at her front hooves, “Hooves on you I’m going to do things that will make vampires go damn.”

She shakily got to her hooves while using the wall for support.  She noticed the door to leave the room and just barely managed to find her center of balance.  As she slowly approached the door to leave it began to open.  Buffy instinctively tackled the shape that came through.  Buffy looked down at her prey and blinked in utter confusion.  The individual underneath her was a purple unicorn with wings that was staring at her in a mixture of fear and worry.

Buffy shook her head and leaned forward, “You have twenty words to explain to me who you are and where I am,” she looked at the winged pony, “um…whatever you are.”

The winged and horned pony shakily answered, “I-I’m Twilight Sparkle and I found you passed out outside my home Ponyville.  I’m sorry if I’ve startled you.”

“Ponyville?  Twilight Sparkle?  Well it’s finally happened,” Buffy stood up and wobbled over to an adjacent wall, “Buffy Summers, you’ve lost your mind.”

Twilight tilted her head, “Buffy Summers, that’s your name?”

Buffy slowly nodded.

“Well aside from that first impression, it’s nice to meet you Miss Summers,” Twilight caught herself, “or would you prefer Buffy?”

Buffy waved a lazy hoof, “Buffy’s fine.”

Twilight trotted up to her, “Are you alright Buffy?  You seem a little shaky, did you sustain a head injury?”

“I’m starting to think so,” Buffy then perked up and reeled on Twilight, “Hold on a minute did you find any other peo…ponies with me or just me?”

Twilight tapped her chin, “Well I did just get a message from one of my friends that there was somepony at her farm asking for…”

Buffy then found herself being pushed down the stairs, “Well this is one way to be shown around a house,” she glanced at Twilight, “where exactly are we going?”

Twilight was smiling, “I think my friend Applejack found one of your friends.  Her little sister came by and said there was a pony asking for somepony called Buffy.”

Buffy planted her hooves firmly surprising Twilight by her strength, “And who exactly was this pony in question?”

Twilight thought again, “I think Applebloom said…Xander?”

“Xander ends up on a farm,” Buffy chuckled, “Well that’s going to be a nice change of pace.”

Twilight opened the front door as both mares; one who Twilight supported began their trek toward a place called Sweet Apple Acres.

*

Rainbow Dash was flying above Ponyville trying to find something to do for the rest of the day.  Normally she would either be napping or weather team duties but she had been given the day off, plus for once she just wanted to get out and go do something fun.  As she flew above the Ponyville Park she slowed when she noticed a pony laying on the grass unconscious.  The pony had a bright ruby red coat and a long dark brown mane.  Rainbow flew closer and noticed her cutie mark was a silver cross which confused her.  Maybe the pony was religious or was her talent preaching?  She REALLY hoped it wasn’t the latter because all of those Luna’s witnesses were driving her crazy.  

“Hey,” Rainbow landed near the mare, “You alright?”

The mares dark brown eyes snapped open and she leapt at the cyan mare.

*

Buffy was glancing around in a mixture of wonder and even more confusion.  Twilight had explained to her during their walk toward the farm house before them that the land she was in was called Equestria and apparently it was a monarchy ruled by two princesses.  She couldn’t help but laugh inwardly at how this reminded her of a show she had watched when she was a kid.  When they knocked on the door a large red stallion answered and glanced at the pair.

“Hello Big Mac.  Is Applejack in?,” Buffy looked at the red stallion and went bug eyed.

Big Mac nodded, “Nnope.”

Twilight stepped past him as did Buffy who was now looking around the home with a sense of almost familiarity.  Its white painted walls, the homely décor and feeling, it felt like her old home back in Sunnydale.  When they entered the kitchen Buffy took one glance at her friend and broke down into laughter.  Xander had his same dark brown almost black hair still short and messy as always.  His coat was a light ash grey and the mark on his flank was a wooden stake wrapped in an eye patch.  Xander turned to look at the laughing Buffy with a slight scowl; his eye was still covered by his black eye patch.

“Oh ha ha, yeah Xander Harris is an adorable pony,” Xander stood shakily and trotted over to Buffy, “Nice butt tattoo by the way Buff.”

Buffy looked at her flank and saw a silver cross, “Well that’s new.”

Twilight cleared her throat and extended a hoof, “Hello Xander, I’m Twilight.”

“You mean like the book?”

Twilight was surprised, “There’s a book named after me?”

Xander shook his head, “Nevermind, it’s nice to meet you Twilight.”

A small yellow filly trotted over to the group, “Hi there.”

Buffy looked at the filly and felt her heart melt, “Hi.”

“Are ya Buffy?” Buffy nodded as the filly grinned, “Well it’s nice to meetcha!  Ahm Applebloom, Mister Harris has been tellin me so many stories about you!”

Buffy raised an eyebrow at a slightly embarrassed Xander, “He has?”

Xander chuckled, “I MAY have said a couple of things to keep her occupied.”

Applebloom nodded, “Why I reckon from the way he talked about ya, yer like somepony outta a fantasy book!”

Buffy chuckled, “Yeah.”

Xander whispered in Buffy’s ear, “Don’t worry about it, she thinks that they're nothing more than stories.”

Buffy’s smile was cut short when the front door opened revealing a Stetson wearing orange pony, “Twilight we’ve got a problem!”

*

Rainbow Dash was seeing stars as the red mare was glaring at her.  Dash had been taken off guard by the sudden attack and was by far surprised.  The red mare had a front hoof jab that felt like a train had hit her.  Rainbow shook away the stars in her vision and immediately got on the offensive with an angry snort as both mares began to circle each other.

“Alright what’s the big idea attacking me,” Rainbow’s anger was seething as her opponent who continued her glare, “What are you some kind of freak?”

The mare smiled sinisterly, “Oh now you’re cruising for a massive bruising you skittle mascot.”

Rainbow scraped her hoof in a challenging manner, “Bring it on!”

The mare sprung, “OH IT’S BROUGHT!”

Both mares began their tussle.

*

Twilight, Buffy, Xander, and Applejack were all rushing toward the Ponyville Park.  Xander and Buffy had finally achieved their center of balance and were now getting the hang of the whole trotting thing.  When they arrived they beheld a scene that in itself was a contest of skill.  A cyan mare that they had heard Twilight and Applejack call Rainbow Dash was currently engaged in hoof to hoof combat, the thing is, Rainbow was losing badly.  The red mare she was fighting seemed faster and her blows had a lot behind them.

Buffy and Xander then both said, “Faith.”

“You know her,” Twilight was staring at the duo, “Who is she?”

Buffy walked toward the fray, “A certain individual who is a little too quick to the trigger.”

“HEY FAITH!!”

Faith stopped the melee, “B?  Damn you look…different.”

Buffy just stared at her, “Put the skittle horse down.”

Faith glanced at the angry Rainbow Dash, “Fine.”

Rainbow Dash coughed a few times, “You hit like a foal.”

Faith glared at Rainbow only for Buffy to step in between the two with a shake of her head.

Faith huffed as she walked away from the two, “Man this is just too weird.”

Twilight helped her friend up as Applejack stormed over to Faith, “Now why in thunderation did ya attack mah friend?!”

Faith just stared at the pony and laughed, “Oh man, is this a freaking joke?”

Applejack took a step forward threateningly, “Ya wanna say that again?”

Faith did the same, “I’m good with going a few more rounds.”

Buffy whistled, “Alright I’m pulling the red card,” Buffy pointed at Faith, “YOU!  Make nice.”

Faith shook her head and walked past AJ to Rainbow and uttered a half-hearted, “Sorry.”

Xander exhaled, “Well that could have turned out worse.”

Buffy inhaled to calm her nerves, “Alright let’s back up here,” she glanced at Faith who was now beside her, “Why did you attack Rainbow?”

Faith just looked at her, “How was I supposed to know if she was an enemy or not.”

Buffy sighed, “Good point.”

Xander walked to the duo, “I don’t mean to be that guy right now,” both mares looked at him, “But where is the rest of the gang?”

Buffy nodded, “Right.  Twilight.”

Faith stifled a laugh.

“Yes Buffy,” Twilight and her two friends approached, “What is it?”

Buffy thought on her wording, “Do you think you might know where any..pony else might be?  I had four more friends with me.”

Twilight tapped her chin, “Well I suppose we could look around?  Anypony in particular that we should look for?”

Buffy nodded, “I can think of one.”

*

Rarity was humming a merry tune as she finished making two cups of tea and happily trotted into the main room, “Tea’s ready!”

A dark green earth pony wearing silver rimmed glasses with a head of short wild graying brown hair and a cutie mark depicting a massive book with a pencil atop it smiled, “Ah thank you Miss Rarity, I appreciate your hospitality.”

“Oh it’s no trouble Mister Giles,” Rarity levitated the cup over to him and placed it on the table, “You seem like such a nice stallion and I’m always a good hostess.”

Giles leaned down and sipped his tea, “And a masterful tea maker.”

Rarity blushed, “Oh stop.”

Giles nodded slowly, “Permit me, but might I ask a question?”

Rarity nodded.

“Where exactly did you find me?”

Rarity pursed her lips, “Surprisingly you were in the tree outside my house.”

Giles laughed, “I’m surprised I didn’t fall off my perch.

Rarity clicked her tongue, “Well you did.  But thankfully I caught you before you hit the ground.”

Giles smiled, “Most appreciated.”

Rarity smiled back, “Anytime.”

*

An earth pony with a dark purple coat and a very long light brown mane and a cutie mark depicting a golden key within a blood drop was seated at a table munching happily on a cupcake, “Wow you were right, these are delicious Pinkie.”

Pinkie Pie was happily eating a piece of chocolate cake, “Pinkie Pie never disappoints, Dawnie,”

Dawn smiled but was still worried about what happened to the rest of the group.

*

An earth pony with a chocolate brown coat and a dirty blonde mane that stuck up in the front with dark blue eyes and a cutie mark depicting dark purple rune with copper wire encircling it was seated in front of the Mayor.

Mayor Mare raised an eyebrow, “And you’re unsure whether or not your friends are here Mister Wells?”

Andrew nodded, “I would be really grateful if you could help me find them.”

*

Outside a cottage sat two ponies.  One was an earth pony that had a pinkish strawberry coat with a nice rose red mane.  Her cutie mark was a black five pointed star and her mane was long but was styled so it framed her face well.  Her light blue eyes shined in the sun as she stared happily at the Pegasus across form her as they both munched on some biscuits.

The earth pony smiled, “These are really good Fluttershy, what’s your secret?”

Fluttershy smiled, “Well Willow, I actually make them with a bit of fresh honey then grind up some fresh oats to sprinkle on top of them.”

Willow smiled as she took another bite, “Awesome, I may have to get the recipe from you.”

“Well I could teach you,” she then lightly added, “But whatever you want to do is fine to.”

Willow placed a hoof on her hoof, “Hey no trouble at all.  Just name the time and place Flutters.”

Fluttershy smiled.

“HEY, WILLOW IS THAT YOU?”

Willow turned her head and saw something that made her smile, “Buffy, Faith, Xander, you three look adorable!”

Next Chapter: Chapter 2: Gather All Ye Heroes Estimated time remaining: 8 Minutes

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