The Bard's Giftby Ironony
Chapters
- Part 1- A namby-pamby exposition
- Part 2- Moving Hills
- Part 3- A Pony Named Trilby
- Part 4- Inaccurately Penultimate
Part 1- A namby-pamby exposition
Part 1- A namby-pamby exposition
The sun was setting over all of Equestria and the golden skies slowly fell asleep as another day concluded. Ponies everywhere put on their nightgowns and nightcaps, brushed their manes, cleaned up their hooves, and slowly dozed off to sleep.
The Pegasus ponies on the night shift moved the darkening clouds out of the night sky. The stars danced in the celestial heavens as the gentle crescent moon watched over the majestic lands, sending the winds to sing a lullaby that quieted the entire land. In time, everypony would be fast asleep and…
“Twilight, just what kind of namby-pamby story is this?!”
Rainbow Dash’s sudden interruption brought Twilight Sparkle’s out of her dreamy state and back into reality. She looked back at her five friends: Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie, each looking at her with a strange expression on their faces.
“Rainbow Dash, I think you’ve been spending too much time with Scootaloo lately… and just what do you mean by a ‘namby-pamby’ story?” Twilight said.
“Well Twi’,” Applejack began, sitting in front of the campfire, “I think what Rainbow meant to say is, it’s just that, well…” Applejack fell silent as she searched for a word to describe Twilight’s introduction. She waved her hoof in the air, waiting for one of her friends to help her find the right word.
The sun was indeed setting over all of Equestria and the golden skies over the campgrounds. Canterlot was indeed slowly falling asleep as another day slowly ended. A warm bonfire crackled in the cool evening, casting dancing shadows on the faces of the six ponies.
The makeshift camp was a nicely fashioned circle of bedrolls, one for each pony. Applejack added some extra wood to the fire to keep it going a little longer and sat next to Pinkie Pie who was squirming with eagerness.
Rarity, lying on her sleeping bag in velvet pajamas, tried to contribute to the conversation. “I think it’s a fabulous story, Twilight,” Rarity said eloquently. “I just think, well, we just think that it could be a little bit more exciting?”
“Come on girls! I’ve only just got started!” Twilight said with a smile, defending her story.
“Oh, don’t worry Twilight! I know for sure you’re going to come up with a super-duper-awesomely good story!” Pinkie Pie said, pausing only to stuff her face more with marshmallows.
“I personally don’t mind. I kind of like this story, Twilight,” Fluttershy said gently.
“Well, this story is boring, Twilight. There, I’m sorry, but it’s true!” Rainbow Dash said.
“But we haven’t even pased the exposition! The introduction isn’t even over! I’m only on chapter 1 and you guys are already complaining?” Twilight said.
“I personally don’t mind this story…” Fluttershy said, brushing her mane and settling into her sleeping bag.
“Fine, fine; let me see… What kind of story would you guys like?” Twilight asked.
“An action packed, heart racing story?” Rainbow Dash said with a bright smile on her face.
“Perhaps a tragic romance?” Rarity wondered.
“A story filled with all kinds of cake and candies?” Pinkie Pie said.
“A good ole’ tale with a nice Western feel to it, that’s what I’d like,” Applejack suggested.
“I really don’t mind this story, Twilight,” Fluttershy said, hiding half of her face from the fire under her sleeping bag.
The fire crackled as the symphony of the pasture around them started. Crickets began to chirp in the tall grass and the wind danced in the air, bringing a cool breeze on the mild summer night.
Twilight Sparkle took into consideration the suggestion her friends had just made. Racking her brains, she around for any source of inspiration.
“Well…” Twilight Sparkle began, drawing the eyes and ears of her five friends closer. “I do know this one story…”
Twilight Sparkle’s friends learned forward and fell silent as their wordsmith cleared her throat.
The bonfire crackled again as the symphony of crickets played; the stars and wind twinkled and danced around the six friends as the tall-tale began…
Part 2- Moving Hills
Part 2- Moving Hills
The sand just keeps on going and going and going and going and going and going and…
“Hey nephew, just what kind of journal entry is that?” a voice behind him said. The pony shook his head back into reality and saw his uncle.
“Oh, this, I um…”
Looking at this journal entry for the day, he just realized what he was writing.
“Sorry uncle, it’s just that this trip has just been so boring! We’ve been in the desert crossing for such a long time!” the pony said, dropping his quill pen.
His uncle gave off a hearty laugh. He scratched his stubble and patted his nephew’s mane rather messily.
“You know we’re not Pegasus ponies, we can’t just fly across this desert. We’re not Unicorns either: we can’t just teleport everywhere. No sir, Marco, we’re rough and tough Earth ponies. We’re gonna have a great adventure!”
Marco Poni, a rather impatient filly, gave his uncle a weak smile and walked out of his makeshift tent and into the blistering heat. The golden skies lit up by the majestic sun were so bright; Marco Poni shielded his eyes with one hoof as he gazed off into the distance.
The heat made everything wavy in the distance; the dunes seemed to move every second. No clouds were in sight as the day slowly crept to an end. The massive dunes were just as his uncle had said they would be: large, ever-present, and somehow, sagacious. Marco couldn’t exactly describe. For some odd reason, the dunes seemed to simply look over everything within its domain, quietly studying everything. Studying, looking, and waiting.
~
“You know Twilight, this story isn’t exactly what I expected,” Rainbow Dash said, roasting her marshmallow over the camp fire.
“Oh for Pete’s sake, Rainbow, I’ll get to it when I get to it!” Twilight said with a groan.
“Who’s Pete?” Pinkie Pie said, swallowing a mouthful of brightly colored candies that she had brought.
Rainbow Dashed hovered gently over to Twilight’s side of the campfire.
“Hey Twilight, you mind if I try at this story telling business? No offense or anything…” Rainbow Dash said.
Trotting on over to her sleeping bag next to her other friends, Twilight gave Rainbow Dash a warm smile.
Twilight gave rainbow Dash a warm smile and trotted on over to her sleeping bag next to her other friends. “Of course not, Rainbow! I’d love to hear where you take this story,” Twilight said, settling in next to Applejack and Fluttershy.
“Alright, so Marco Poni slowly watched the sun set and all that… yadda yadda yadda…”
~
Sleeping in the center of the caravan camp, Marco Poni stirred from his sleep. The sun was just rising above the dunes. The disc created a silhouette while the great hills of sand and the skies began to light up.
Did the dunes just move?
Marco rose slowly, rubbing his eyes. The desert dunes were like waves in a sluggish sea. While the caravan moved the land appeared motionless, but in camp the hills moved.
Trotting over to the water skins, Marco yanked opened his and took a small sip. Shaking the sand out of his mane, he heard a thundering of a thousand hooves.
~
“A thousand hooves, really Dash?” Applejack said from across the bon fire, looking at Rainbow Dash.
“Alright fine, it was more like several dozen. There, happy?” Rainbow Dash replied.
~
Checking his ears, Marco Poni listened again.
No, it’s definitely several dozen…
Entering his uncle’s tent, he nudged him until he had woken up.
“Huh, wh- what’s going on Marco? We can sleep in a little bit more, you know…” his uncle said groggily.
The sounds were closer now as the rest of the caravan stirred awake. Shouts could be heard outside as Marco explained what he saw to his uncle.
“Oh no…”
He quickly grabbed his hat and jacket and looked out to see just exactly what he had expected: Sand Bogies. Sand Bogies were known to attack caravans travelling across deserts, taking whatever they can, and fleeing into the desert dunes. They weren’t exactly ponies: rather kind of like golems. Animated when the sunlight hits the sand just right, they spring out of the ground forming packs.
In the center of the makeshift camp, Marcos stood by his uncle as they watched the Sand Bogies circle the caravan. Other members of the caravan brandished shovels and pickaxes, ready to take the Sand Bogies hoof to hoof.
“Don’t let them get in! It’s going to be a lot tougher of a fight once they break in! Stand your ground everypony!” Marco’s uncle shouted.
The Sand Bogies did not make a single sound. Each of the Sand Bogies fixed their red beady eyes onto a pony in the caravan camp. The Sand Bogies continued to circle around with the ponies racked their nerves, expecting anything to happen.
And then it began.
One Sand Bogie shot up, launching itself into the air. Overshadowing one of the ponies, it landed on the pony, trying to disable him. The pony struggled to get free; he waved his shovel to and fro, trying anything to get the Sand Bogie off.
“Watch out, here they come!”
Marco’s uncle lashed out with a walking stick he had picked up. Soon, the scene was utter chaos. Marco looked around, desperately trying to find a safe place. The Sand Bogies continued, relentlessly clawing and pounding whatever they could. The dust and crumbs of broken Sand Bogies lie in pieces as the sun began to shine down on the predicament.
All of a sudden, Marco was surrounded by a whirl of colors. He was caught off guard as three Sand Bogies flanked him. The constructs of sand closed in, and Marcos jumped right into action! He jumped on one of them, riding it like a wily beast. Grabbing the mane of sand, he directed the Sand Bogie to collide with the others and… and…
Part 3- A Pony Named Trilby
Part 3- A Pony Named Trilby
Her friend’s giggles brought Rainbow Dash back into the real world. Rainbow Dash caught herself wrestling with the air as her friends looked on. She quickly snapped herself back up.
“Hey, what’s so funny?” Rainbow dash demanded.
Giggling, Pinkie Pie responded.
“Oh, nothing! It’s just that with all that bouncing and kicking, it looked like you were taking on all of those meanie Sand Bogie thingies!”
“You know, Rainbow Dash, you had I quite enticed there for a moment. Poor young Marco Poni, what exactly happened to him?” Rarity asked.
A mild summer wind visited the camp as Applejack put some more sticks from the pile into the firewood.
“Um… hmm… You know Twilight; this storytelling thing is harder than I thought…” Rainbow Dash said, scratching her mane. “Maybe you ‘oughta take the seat back?”
Taking her spot around the campfire, Rainbow Dash sat back down. Twilight smiled.
“Don’t worry Rainbow, storytelling can be difficult sometimes, especially when you try to make a story on the spot.” Twilight said, reassuring her friend.
“Those poor Sand Bogies… It would be horrible to have to live out in the desert all of your life…” Fluttershy said.
Standing up, Applejack takes the soap box.
“Twilight, you wouldn’t mind if I gave a try at storytelling? I just might have a tale we’d appreciate,” Applejack said.
“I wouldn’t mind at all, Applejack! So, what kind of story is this going to be?” Twilight asked.
“Well, it’s not much of a grand one, but I’ll give it my best, girls. It’s based off a letter I received from my cousin, Annie Elizabeth Apple, and her visit from this one stallion…”
~
The day was renewed as a trickle of sunlight hit Trilby’s nose. The sudden spot of warmth gradually woke the young colt up. The carriage was still in motion and the loyal driver was still there, conducting the work force onward to Hoofington.
It was just another dream.
It was the second day of travelling. Outside the modest carriage’s windows, the morning dew could be seen reflecting the sunlight into a rainbow of colors everywhere. The early morning mist sat on top of a lake in the distance. The dirt road wandered around the different hills that seemed to sway and move as the light reflected off of them, creating a mirage of sorts.
Trilby opened his eyes halfway and shielded them further from the bright sun that loomed ahead. The glare from the sun refracted when it hit the modest carriage’s glass window. Looking outside, Trilby saw a carefully drawn painting. Red clouds met a dark hue of blue as at the horizon line where the sun slowly rose, almost as to say a quick hello to Trilby.
Rubbing his eyes, Trilby restructured his knapsack he used as a pillow as it had been disfigured overnight when he was tossing and turning.
“Had a good sleep, Mr. Ingram?” The driver was looking at Trilby and say dutifully on his work post. He was an old colt. His mane was already graying and he had a stylish handlebar moustache that seemed to reflect his age. The top hat and specs completed the image.
“Good morning, Mr. Darrow,” Trilby said to his driver. “Where exactly are we right now?”
The driver looked for a post along the side of the dirt road to get an exact bearing. Seeing one pass by, he relayed the information back to Trilby.
“Well, overnight I took a bit of a nap and let Johnny and Bucker take over for a bit. They’re getting tired though.”
Poking his head outside the carriage window, Trilby could see two Earth ponies pulling the modest carriage. The one on the left, a red pony with orange hair was Johnny; the other, the smaller one, was Bucker. He had a gray color to him with blonde hair. Both were sons to Mr. Darrow and helped him with his carriage rental business.
“Good morning, Johnny! Good morning, Bucker!” Trilby hollered to the two ponies pulling the carriage. “How are you two managing?”
A chuckle came from the loyal driver. “They’re not really perky right now. Remember, they pulled the carriage the entire night, Mr. Ingram. Don’t worry, after a good meal at a tavern and a day’s rest, they’ll be back to normal.”
The party of four stopped alongside the Applebuck Tavern. It was a wooden tavern with two stories. The roof had four chimneys on it and several windows in the similar theme of the entire place. A sign hung above the doorway depicting a pony hitting an apple tree to harvest all of the bright ripe fruits.
Having secured the carriage to a wooden post outside, the two brothers unhitched and joined their father and Trilby waiting by the door of the tavern. Walking inside, a little bell above the door rang. The sweet sound of the bell was echoed by the sweet voice of a mare who called down from above, “Just a second, I’ll be right down there! Go ahead and make yourselves comfortable at one of the tables!”
Shrugging to one another, the troupe sat at a table closest to the fireplace and next to a window. The sound of hooves galloping down the stairs could be heard. Soon, the mare came into view. She was dressed in a flowing dress of light green colors. She was a yellow cream mare with red hair. The smooth silk of her dress seemed to glide as she walked up to the table. With an eloquent and educated voice, she introduced herself.
“Hello there, my name is Annie Elizabeth Apple. I’m the manager of Applebuck Tavern. So, how can I help you fine gentlecolts?” she asked as she walked up next to the table with a piece of paper and pencil to take their order.
Trilby had ordered a daffodil sandwich, his favorite. A platter of good old hay was brought for Mr. Darrow. Johnny and Bucker both ordered a plate of dandelion salad with a nice applesauce glaze.
As they ate their breakfast, Trilby noticed something. For a tavern along a major road from Canterlot to Hoofington, there were very few ponies. Actually, Trilby noticed they were the only customers present.
Taking a glance over his shoulder, he saw Annie Elizabeth cleaning the bar counter with a rag. The silence was only broken by the sounds of chewing, the clinking of utensils, and the occasional small conversation. Annie Elizabeth met Trilby’s eyes.
“Something I can help you with, mister?” she asked in a warm voice.
Shaken, Trilby jolted up by the surprise that she saw him. “Um… I… I was just wondering why there aren’t exactly as many ponies here as I thought there would be, especially at these hours. But of course, it’s none of my business…”
Annie Elizabeth walked over to their table and sat down at a table adjacent to their table, seeing theirs was full. The young mare looked at the group and smiled.
“Business has been slow these couple of weeks. We’d usually get a lot of ponies coming up here for a good breakfast before working in the woods but now, I don’t know where every pony went. It’s as if they had just disappeared somewhere… It’s really nice to get to talk to some pony after these long times out here all by myself” Annie Elizabeth said in a matter-of-fact voice.
Trilby stopped chewing for a bit and said, “Hold on now, you’re here running this place all on your own?”
“You bet,” Annie Elizabeth replied. “I did used to live over at Sweet Apple Acres in Ponyville with my family. But times got bad, and we didn’t make too much money off apples. So I decided to volunteer myself to come out here and run a tavern to make a little extra money…”
Mr. Darrow swallowed a mouthful of hay and joined in on the exchange.
“Ponyville you say, my dear? You mention Sweet Apple Acres. You must be a relative of Applejack and her little sister Applebloom?”
“That I am, sir. Applejack and Applebloom are my cousins,” Annie Elizabeth said. She then looked at the two colts Johnny and Bucker. “How do you like your salads?”
“Oh they’re delicious!”
“It’s amazing! I’ve never had anything like it!”
“Come on now boys, you should learn to address a fine lady properly. Surely you haven’t forgotten your manners?” Mr. Darrow said to his sons kiddingly.
Annie Elizabeth Apple couldn’t help but laugh a little. “Oh no it’s fine, sir. I think it’s very flattering! You know, I wasn’t all Ms. Manners back on the farm, but when I ran the inn I had to start to act like one. Expectations, you know?”
Trilby took several bites from his sandwich.
“I am from Hoofington originally, but we’ve actually came down from Canterlot. I have some business that I need to settle down at home and after that we’re headed for Ponyville. Do you know of a Ms. Twilight Sparkle who resides at the Twigs and Branches Library maybe?” Trilby inquired.
Annie Elizabeth turned to face Trilby. Her sparkling red mane glistened when the rays of sunlight caressed her.
“I’ve heard of a Twigs and Branches library and before the letters from home stopped, Applejack did write to me about a new pony from Canterlot a couple of weeks back. Here’s a photo of Applejack and her friends…” Annie Elizabeth pulled out a photo from one of the pockets on her apron to show to Trilby.
In the picture were six ponies. They were all in a friendly embrace as they smiled out from the photo.
“See the orange mare with the cowgirl hat? That’s Applejack; my cousin. And see the purple unicorn? That’s Twilight. Applejack says she’s of great character. A bit of a bookworm, but she loves her friends and would do anything for them, she wrote.”
Pointing to the others ponies in the pictures, Annie Elizabeth explained who they were.
Bucker let out a loud belch and it broke Trilby away from the photo.
“Bucker, that’s no way to act around a lady!” Mr. Darrow said.
Annie Elizabeth could not help but laugh. “Not a bad one! But it could never compete with the one my cousin Applejack pulled. I see all of you have finished your meals. Seems like you ponies have been travelling all day and night, might a bit of a nap upstairs help?”
And so, Annie Elizabeth Apple showed the tired brothers and their father to their rooms and took a small accommodation fee.
Trilby was downstairs looking out of the window. Annie Elizabeth sat down adjacent to him.
“Hope you don’t mind,” she said with a gentle voice as she folded her dress across her seat.
“No, no, not at all,” Trilby turned away from the window to face Annie Elizabeth.
Annie Elizabeth looked into Trilby’s eyes. She brought her hooves up on the table and held Trilby’s hooves.
“I’ve only met you for about an hour and a half now, Mr. Ingram. I can tell you’re in some kind of trouble. Now, don’t look at me like that, all of my friends and family say I’m a good judge of character. I don’t know what’s going on, but I know you’ll settle whatever it is. I want you to take this.”
Annie Elizabeth took out a small brass apple.
“A family heirloom meant to keep those of the Apple family out of danger. I want you to take it with you,” Annie Elizabeth said as she held it out on her hoof for Trilby.
“But I can’t, it’s a family heirloom and besides…”
“It’s just a loan, Mr. Trilby Ingram,” Annie Elizabeth interrupted. “After you finish, you have to come back here to the Applebuck Tavern and give it back to me, okay? Promise me that one little thing.”
Annie Elizabeth looked at Trilby as she put it in his hooves.
With a small smile and a huff, Trilby Ingram of Hoofington with the quarter star accepted the tiny brass apple from Annie Elizabeth Apple.
“Don’t worry. I promise.”
~
“Wow Applejack, that was quite a story!” Twilight said, admiring her friend’s words.
“Thanks Twi’. I just thought of it when it seemed we were gonna do a bit of a round robin telling stories and whatnot,” Applejack said, taking apples out to distribute to her friends.
“Wait, wait, wait hold on,” Rainbow Dash said. “Twilight, do you ever remember this Trilby guy?”
“Not really, although I do remember this one pony from out of town about two weeks ago who did come in to borrow some books…” Twilight said, looking back in time. “As a matter of fact, I don’t recall him returning them!”
“Well, whatever the case, he sounded like a very handsome gentlecolt to me,” Rarity said, taking a nibble out of her apple. “Whatever happened to this Trilby fellow?”
Applejack let out a sigh. “Thing is though, after that letter, I never heard from Annie Elizabeth again. She never wrote. Me an’ Applebloom, we stopped by the Applebuck Tavern for a little visit. The place was deserted. Kinda’ spooky, huh?”
“Wait, what?! Your relative cousin pony just disappeared? Wowie, I could never imagine that ever happening to my family,” Pinkie Pie said, hugging herself.
Fluttershy peered up. “Do you think maybe then ran off together?” she said in her usual gentle voice.
“What in the world for?” Rainbow Dash asked. “They’ve no real reason to.”
“My guess is, that Trilby was probably an outlaw or some kind of brigand,” Applejack said. “I think maybe they did run off together Fluttershy, and I hope they’re living mighty happy together…”
“Yeah, I hope so too.”
I hope so too.
Part 4- Inaccurately Penultimate
Part 4- Inaccurately Penultimate
The stars displayed their flairs and talents, twirling and sparkling over the night sky. The six friends laughed and rejoiced in their summer bonfire. A cool summer breeze swept over the lands one last time, riffling through the ponies’ manes.
The night crept on with Pinkie Pie’s ridiculous tales of wonder and fantasy, Rarity’s epic of a pony and her long lost true love, and Fluttershy’s little lullaby that told the story of the love between mother and filly.
A story, epic, saga, poem, or anything like the sort is an experience for the audience. The wonders of Marco Poni (no matter how short it was) riveted everypony there, each with a vision of what happened: Similar, but yet different in their own little ways.
But what of the bard, the shaman, the storyteller? What is it that they are telling us? Their own experiences, passed on to us, the audience. A bit of something from them to us. A part of them to live on through us to pass along to a friend or stranger. A gift. A present.
The crescent moon smiled over the six ponies down below.
A gift.
A present.