Balance. Chaos. Order. Law. War. Which do you follow?

Vote Zaros for President 6th Age!

The Empty Lord will save you from eternal flame!

BOOP. BOOP. BOOP. "WELCOME TO TERMINAL 3. CONTINUE ON THE SUBWAY TO EXIT ON SUBJUNCTION ALPHA-GAMMA."

"GAH!" Shouted the Pie Dish. "SHUT UP!" Several nervous passengers near glanced around, frantically sesarching for the source of the voice. We, however, know where it comes from, so I will divulge no more information on the subject.

Mr. Pie Dish (his name is Pie Dish) left the subway, that wasn't actually a subway, but a series of horse-drawn carts. Not to be confused with horse-drawn carts, or horse-drawn horse-drawn carts. Pie Dish hopped out into the street, only to be run over by two chickens crossing the road. Pie Dish groaned, plucking himself off the ground. Popping back from his previous comically flattened state (It wasn't much different then his normal state, being a piece of flatware), only to promptly again be run over by three young fillies. Instead of being flattened this time, he was flung into the air, only to fall back down on a purple unicorn mare chasing the three fillies chasing the two chickens crossing the road for no discernable reason other then to get to the other side. Said purple unicorn mare did not seem to notice the sticky remnant of the legacy of Soarin, Pie-eater Ph.D.

Qhorin Halfhand did not have half a hand, contrary to popular belief. He had half the average number of hands, being one. Therefore, there are patterns everywhere in nature. I mean, that's why he is called Halfhand. But it doesn't matter anyway, because he's dead. Unless he is alive, which he actually is. Grabbing the head of Enobby Dirk'NES demenCRAZYtia Crow Path(not to be confused with Joe), he ran through the arctic tundra, glancing at dead adventurers. It was a mix of hippy rangers, barraging douchebags, looters, one-itemers, and dds/d claw rushers. One live adventurer was limping around at near zero health, wearing a full set of armour he looter from an ancient chest in Morytania, stolen from past dead adventures. Said stolen armour was so enchanted that he killed full health adventures in one hit with his magic power of deathly doom.

Then the adventurer stumbled on a rock, breaking his nose. Thus, this minor damage that normally would not have done anything killed him. The body somehow disappeared, and the warriors supplies, including several sharks, some titular diamond bracelets, a box labeled FULL DHAROK'S, and vials of mysterious fluid. Haven been picked up, Qhorin slinked off into the forest. And by forest, I mean a small grove of willow trees at the center of of a village. Specifically Draynor Village. He was promptly screamed at by a dark wizard.

Aforementioned blasted Qhorin Halfhand into next week. And by next week, I mean an alternate dimension. Specificallt a forest. An actual forest this time, not just a grove of willow trees. In the forest, specifically, at the ruins of a castle. In a room. In front of some startled equines. And then was promptly beaten up and rekilled.

"Oh. My. Gorsh." shouted Jon.

"What?" inquired The Great and Powerful Trixie.

"I dunno." Chekhov moved forward, collecting his epic loot drops.

Twilight Sparkle and co. (and co. only includes Pie Dish) chased the Cutie Mark Crusaders through the forest. And by the forest, I mean Twilight stumbled on a rock and got leafs on her eyes and lost the CMC. "No. Go that way."

"Gah! Who are you?" whispered Twilight, so as to not look stupid by loudly talking to no one.

"Me. I'm on your face." Twilight brushed off the leaves on her face, but it wasn't actually leaves but a pie dish. "Hey. Put me back." Emanated the voice from Pie Dish.

Twilight Sparkle replaced the Pie Dish, Pie Dish, on her head, behind the horn to not be impaled, away from her eyes as to not have her vision further impeded. "Did you see where the chickens went?"

Pie Dish pointed towards a large forest. And by pointed, I mean he gathered a magical aura around him, then concentrated the force in a fashion that alluded to the shape of something that pointed. Twilight pranced off into that direction. And by pranced, I mean she trotted. What do you think she is, some form of schizophrenic magical girl lesbian?

PIE DISH HAS JOINED THE PARTY

DO-DA-DO!

TWILIGHT SPARKLE HAS FUSED WITH PIE DISH TO FORM...

TWI DISH!!!!

NEW SKILL: INCREDIBLY LAME PUN

So, anyway, Twi Dish was in the forest. She was searching for the missing chickens, spying tracks in the ground. Following them (the tracks, not the chickens [they haven't been found yet]), she chanced upon a small clearing, similar to the one in front of Zecora's hut. But this wasn't Zecora's hut, obviously, as there wasn't that small grove of those blue flowers, that caused so much trouble. Also the hut was standing on chicken legs. A red and gold unicorn mare stood outside the chicken-leg-hut, stirring some noxious brew in a heavy black cauldron. The two chickens they had been tracking were suspended from a spit above the cauldron.

The unicorn turned to face Twi Dish. "Who be ye?" she stammered.

"Salutations! I am Twilight Sparkle, and this pie dish on my head is Pie Dish. He's a pie dish, named Pie Dish. What are you doing with Fluttershy's chickens?"

"Greetings, Twilight Sparkle and Pie Dish. I am known as Bechdel. I test people. Ponies. Ponies and people. I was hunting these chickens, I am unaware of any such owner of these fowl."

"Well- give them back!" accused Twilight.

"Give what back?" retorted Bechdel. "I have committed no thievery."

"The chickens! Those are Fluttershy's!"

"I doubt your 'Fluttershy' wishes for the return of these already dead chickens."

"Well, at least pay for them!"

"In what form? Currency, labor, material?"

"Bits, obviously."

"I have no bits of which you speak. Perhaps you would take Aloan Silvers? Gold Dragons? Eagles?"

DUNUNUNUNUNUN

FIGHT!

TWI DISH HAS CHALLENGED...PLANESWALKER BECHDEL

Twilight Sparkle -> Skill -> Dish Boomerang

Twilight telekinetically grabbed Pie Dish, flinging across the grass at Bechdel. On impact, it flew back around, landing soundly on Twilight's head. Bechdel now sported a yellow bruise on her head, near the horn. Uninterrupted, she continued to turn the chickens..

Bechdel -> Item -> Skewer

Bechdel grabbed an unused skewer near the spit, lunging at Twilight. Nimbly, Twi Dish turned, the skewer gliding harmlessly pass her.

Pie Dish -> Skill -> Call

Pie Dish chanted a low hymn, barely audible to the unicorns. Nothing interesting happens.

Twilight Sparkle -> Attack

Twilight galloped towards Bechdel, lowering her horn. A magical field collected around it, strengthening the force of impact. Ramming into Bechdel's side, the villainous unicorn flipped over the cauldron, slamming into a slightly roasted chicken slowly turning on a spit.

Bechdel -> Skill -> Telekinesis -> Chicken

Bechdel grabbed the slightly roasted chicken (as opposed to the other chicken, which was slightly more roasted, to the point where it could be called medium rare) and flung it at Twilight's head. Or at least she tried to. Just as she prepared the launch of the the fowl, Pie Dish finished his mystic chant. The gooey bruise next to her horn glowed for a second, then pulled towards Pie Dish, which is to say, Twilight's magic hardened horn. The goo pulled the bruise pulled the head pulled the body. The body slammed into Twilight's horn. This is usually not very healthy for your body. Instead of being impaled on the horn, Bechdel just bounced off, while a mysterious red bar appeared over her head.

Battle Win!

"Errrgh..." moaned a defeated Bechdel. "You have passed the test."

"What test?" asked Twilight. "That was test?"

"Yes. It was my test. I'm Bechdel. Just go away, I get tired after losing fights to mortals."

QUEST COMPLETE!

YOU HAVE GAINED ACCESS TO: FLUTTERSHY'S COTTAGE.

ITEM GET:

2 SLIGHTLY ROASTED CHICKENS

"Hey, that's weird. She has TokKul on her. I could have just exchanged for that." TokKul, if you do not know, is obsidian. It is used as currency by the TzHaar. It is mde of ground up dead bodies of other TzHaar. Said TzHaar are actually still conscious, not really dead, just hardened up and immobile. They remain conscious as thy are ground up and used as money.

ITEM ALSO GET:

4 TOKKUL

"Can TokKul be substituted for Bits?" asked Pie Dish. "I mean, they're both small and circular, used as money."

"I think anypony would be able to tell the difference between gold coins and crude disks of volcanic glass." told Twilight.

"Well, just for a machine. Do you think it would be able to tell the difference between bits and these TokKul?" countered Pie Dish.

Twilight pondered for a moment. "It would probably work."

QUEST COMPLETE:

ACQUIRE FOUR BITS/TOKKUL/ROUND CIRCULAR OBJECTS

Twi Dish left the Bechdel's little hut in the clearing. Returning the the road, Pie Dish sought for the Ticket Master v1.3 machine, while Twilight sat on a bench like she had seen her friend Lyra sit. "Ah! How does she stand this position? I can feel my legs cramping up already. It's like she's just glued down or has bionic limbs or something!"

Pie Dish ignored her, then made his own discovery. "Aha! There it is. But the guy is awake now. How am I supposed to get a ticket with TokKul if that guy is looking at me?" Twilight cleared her throat. "Oh yeah."

"So let's see. Tap here for Prench. Tap here for Klingon. Tap here for the Black Speech. Tap here to buy a ticket. Ok." Twilight tapped the appropiate button with her right foreleg. "Ok...Destination Cloudsdale...Insert Bits." Twilight glanced back at the ticket salesman. He was helping another customer. She quickly took out the TokKul and inserted them into the coin slot. "Processing...processing...c'mon work...Aha!" The machine dispensed a ticket, labeled CLOUDSDALE, and under it, in fine print it read that the ticket could be used at any time (OMG FORESHADOWING). Also it was 95% recycled paper. Which is odd since the ticket was made of plastic.

Back in the old Castle, which was actually an old abandoned Saradominist Temple/Fortress, which was actually an old abandoned Zarosian Armoury/Small town, C&C continued through the dark hallways. It was dark because the lights weren't on. So Chekhov turned on the lights. That way they could all see. They were in a now well lit from crystal chandelier ceiling. Said chandelier was made of Mithryl Crystils. Such Mithryl Crystils were like Mithril and Crystal, but spelled different. There were no windows, the walls made of Runite and reinforced with tritanium (runite looks nice if trimmed, but tritanium is stronger). At the end of the hallway were two guards, armed with spears and wearing armour of red and green.

Jon groaned as soon as he saw them. "Argh...Them again?"

"Hold, you sers! We are the brothers of Paradox!"

"If you want to pass, you can suck our popsicles!"

"Again, brother? It's a subverted rhyme every occasion. How can you not tell it is wrong? One would think you are smarter than a decapod crustacean."

"To pass you must answer our questions three!"

"But beware, they will not be easy!"

"Or, if you want, pay us a sacrifice. That works nice."

Everyone looked at the still-bound-and-gagged-but-actually-now-conscious-koopa. Somehow it could still talk. "Hey- I'm-uh really important and -uh- rich? So don't kill me?"

"Meh." said Jon. "What measure is a mook." They tossed the immobile koopa to the guards, who parted to reveal a large, iron door. Passing through, they noticed they weren't in Kansas no more. I mean The Castle. Fortress. Armoury. They were in a clearing, in front of a chicken-legged hut.. A cauldron over a still smoldering, fire almost burned out. The reason it was almost gone was because no one was adding fuel to it. The reason it was still burning was because a large bear was jumping on it; its fur had caught on fire.

DUNUNUNUNUNUN

BATTLE FIGHT

WARRIOR SMOKEY HAS CHALLENGED YOU TO A FIGHT

Smokey the Bear uses...Clever Slogan!

"Only YOU can stop forest fires!"

DUNUNUN

A purple unicorn sporting a nasty pastry dish on her head sprang out of the surrounding woods.

Pie Dish uses...Witty Retort!

"But who are you talking to? Are you using you as a singular or plural? 'Cause I'm pretty sure anybody can stop forest fires, even if you're not talking to them."

It's super effective!

Battle Win!

Twi Dish has joined the party.

Power Trio has taken a level in badass and is now...Five man (used loosely) band (who's who is up for you to decide [Chekhov is the leader right? But would Twi be The Chick or The Lancer? Is Zecora the Big Guy? She's a zebra, so epic martial arts...but Jon is also kind of the big pummeler...But where does Trixie go? She could be Lancer. But maybe Pie Dish could be the Lancer {Deadpan Snarker much}, and Trixie could be the Sixth Ranger. And then there's the core Kirk/Spock/McCoy in there..so if that was used Trixie couldn't be the Sixth anymore. Gah, this is so confusing. I'll just throw it all under a lampshade. I hate working with Canon.]!