"You're out of your mind," I said incredulously.

For once, Twilight agreed with me. Although, she was a bit more tactful with her words. "You can't be serious, Princess!"

Celestia's poker face held under our combined assault. She addressed her protege first. "Why wouldn't I be? If Bill isn't yet comfortable having intimate contact with ponies, then we can't force him into it. I've merely suggested a middle ground, one that advances our goal of extracting his magic without physically violating him."

"But why you?" Twilight persisted.

"Why not me? Don't tell me you believe all that nonsense spouted by the nobles about me and my sister being celibate goddesses."

The student's mouth opened and closed a few times, but nothing came out. I think she was struggling to come up with an answer that didn't sound like she was trying to tell her senior what she could and couldn't do.

"And what about you, Bill?" Celestia inquired, turning to face me. "What are your objections?"

Unable to raise my eyes past her neckline, I settled for staring at the snacks on the table. "I just think it's weird, both the arrangement and the fact that you'd offer yourself up for something like that so easily. I need some time to think about it."

I could almost feel her benevolent gaze bearing down on me. "Shall I tell you my take on the matter?"

Twilight kept staring at her mentor as if she'd sprouted a second head. I just nodded in agreement.

"Twilight, do you remember when Playcolt magazine hired a changeling to do a photo shoot using my appearance?"

"Yeah," Twilight replied with more than a little annoyance. "The court was ready to charge them with lese-majesty. I still can't believe you didn't do anything."

"Neither could the court," Celestia replied. "There was a time, when I was much younger, that I wouldn't have hesitated to mete out punishment, but I've been around for a very long time, and I know how my little ponies think. If I appeased the court, it would set a legal precedent that the nobility could take offense on my behalf, and the public would fear retribution for even the tiniest of perceived slights. If I publicly endorsed the magazine's actions, I would lose the respect of the court. Because I did nothing, the nobles could only voice their disapproval without any power to act, and the public kept on doing what they would have done with or without explicit approval. As soon as the next politician found themselves in a scandal of their own, the whole controversy was forgotten."

"You can say what you like about the magazine, but I also know that was the single best-selling issue of all time of any periodical anywhere in Equestria. I don't need my sister's dream-walking abilities to know the kinds of fantasies cooked up by my subjects when they learn that the differences between fillies and colts are more than superficial. In fact, if Playcolt had been around just 300 years ago, they wouldn't have needed a changeling to take my place."

Twilight's jaw hit the metaphorical floor at what she'd just heard. I tried to keep a more level head about it. If Celestia embraced her unofficial status as a sex symbol in addition to ruling the country, who was I to argue?

"So what's changed since then?" I asked, finally managing to look up.

"Ponies' attitudes changed. Thanks to our abilities and our longevity, there have always been cults trying to elevate my sister and I to divinity. They gained a great deal of influence just over two centuries ago when a well-connected noble in the court started his own sect."

Twilight took over the questioning, "Did something happen between you two?"

"Yes," Celestia answered. "He publicly declared that he would court me before asking for my hoof in marriage. Of course, he never consulted me about his intent, and I never had an interest in warming my bed with political agendas anyway. When I denied his advances, he saved face by spreading word that I was too pure to take a lover, that I was some untouchable goddess who could never defile herself with mortal pleasures."

"It wasn't a new belief by any measure. Over the centuries, groups of cultists loved to fight amongst themselves over whether I rejected lovers to maintain purity or to avoid the despair of losing them when they inevitably died. Each of them proclaimed to protect my regal image, and yet none of them ever asked me about my thoughts. Normally, I just left them to it because it never interfered with anything. However, he was the first of the Canterlot 'high society' aristocrats to espouse such beliefs. He knew I could never act directly against his or his followers' activities as long as they didn't hurt anypony. I needed to find another way, but I didn't have an answer until things had already gone too far."

I couldn't tell if Celestia paused for dramatic effect or if she just needed to catch her breath. Some clumsy doctor or nurse in the room across the hall dropped a pin.

Celestia continued. "I received a concerned letter from a Guard recruiting officer. One of his recruits had asked if he should be gelded before joining the Royal Guard. I did a little investigating and learned that one of the cult's offshoots had started rumors to that effect. That was an insult I couldn't afford to let slide. They could limit my ability to seek comfort in a lover's embrace, but they would not be allowed to coerce young stallions to permanently mutilate themselves in my name."

Twilight and I just looked at her expectantly.

"The problem was, I couldn't simply pass a law banning the cult. I needed to squash the rumors. To that end, I called upon the Commander of the Guard, and he agreed to do what was necessary." Her tone had become dead serious by this point in her anecdote, "I had him mount me in the palace courtyard, in full public view."

Playing along, I asked my question. "Wouldn't they try to accuse you of being an impostor? Surely they weren't about to accept that their Princess could allow herself to be 'defiled' by a mere mortal."

Celestia pretended to examine her fingers with an expression of boredom, "Oh, they tried alright. But that's why I did it during the Summer Sun Celebration. They couldn't deny that the pony being so thoroughly rutted before their eyes was the same pony who had just raised the Sun." Her expression of detached boredom changed to one of mischief.

'Wait, what?' was what I wanted to say. There were several things wrong with her story, not the least of which was that she had just claimed to control the movement of the fucking Sun.

While I took my turn being speechless, Twilight butted in. "What happened to the Commander?"

"He retired within a week. He never explained why, but I have my suspicions. The court refused to approve any of my nominations for his successor, and the post has remained vacant ever since."

Twilight still wasn't done. "But wouldn't there be some record of this? I've never read anything about it."

"Of course there are records of it if you know where to look, but most of the major libraries in Equestria, including the one here in Canterlot, are funded and run by noble families who would rather pretend it didn't happen, so they keep those archives hidden. The smaller, independent ones tend not to have room for more than the basics. If you wish, I can make my own private collection available to you."

I decided to interrupt before our little tangent took us off topic completely. "So you're really okay with this?" At this point, it was an obvious question with an obvious answer, but I just wanted them to shut up and leave me to think about it in peace.

"I wouldn't have suggested it if I wasn't," Celestia replied.

"I thought as much. I just need time to decide whether or not I'm okay with it. Mind if I sleep on it?"

She nodded in agreement, and the two Princesses left me to process everything I'd heard.

In truth, I already knew what my answer would be in the morning. I just had to convince that part of me that defaults to resistance even if going with the flow would lead to the desired outcome. I'd already established that I was stuck in a contrived harem anime scenario, and the only way out was to play my role. If it had been a bunch of human girls rather than suspiciously humanoid aliens, things would be easier. At least then the only weirdness would be the fact that my situation followed the sort of script dreamt up by adolescent boys who only just discovered that (a), their penis now has wonderful new functionality and (b), cooties aren't real.

I tried to go to bed early, but as I tried to fall asleep, my internal debate continued pressing the issue of sexual situations involving non-humans. Sure, there was that thing I did with Rainbow Dash, but we were both drunk that night, and it wasn't the first time I'd made a bad decision while drunk. I wasn't about to lump them in with animals either because any species that can get its shit together to build a civilization and make it stick is clearly a step above the so-called 'lesser beasts' of the world. Besides, if you read enough science fiction, you'll run into human-on-alien sooner or later. Right?

That just left Celestia. I briefly allowed myself to consider the implications if even some of what I'd heard about her age and abilities was true. At face value, it was absolutely insane, but in the past, people have attributed divinity for less. Hell, go back far enough, all you had to do was predict an eclipse, and you'd have it made. Although, from the sound of her story, the Princess wanted nothing to do with the title of 'Godess'. I made yet another mental note to bring it up later.

Still, would that make her the one guilty of bestiality, or would it put me on the level of a dumb dog humping his master's leg? I pushed that thought out of my mind just as quickly as it came. Nothing good comes from that line of thinking.

Eventually, I fell asleep.

I woke up the next morning to the now familiar ministrations of a certain exquisitely proportioned yellow backside with pink butterflies on it.

"Fluttershy," I grumbled, still in the process of waking up.

"Yes Bill?"

"How come you're always scratching the back of my head like that when you wake me up?"

She paused a moment before answering, "Twilight told me you get grumpy when you wake up in the morning. So I thought I'd try what I do when I wake up the bears from their winter hibernation. Sometimes they can be grumpy too, and the petting calms them down. Do you want me to stop?"

I answered by rotating my head slightly to give her easier access. I wasn't about to tell her to stop. Bears or not, her hand felt really good on the back of my head, though I would never admit to it out loud. Sure, there was the whole 'waking up sleeping bears' thing, but I'd already allowed for a generous amount of absurdity in this alien world. What's one more layer? In any case, I had bigger things to take care of.

To my disappointment, Fluttershy eventually got up and left me with a face full of sunlight and an invitation to breakfast. I forced myself out of bed to start the usual morning routine of making myself presentable.

Given the occasion, I took my time in the shower. Consequently, I was late for breakfast, and Twilight and Celestia had already left. Instead, I found a note at my seat with instructions to meet Celestia in her royal apartment.

A tactless observer might say that I ate quickly out of eagerness, but in reality, I just wanted to avoid giving myself time to chicken out of my impending rendezvous with an alien ruler who may or may not qualify as a goddess depending on the veracity of certain claims and one's personal definition of 'goddess'.

Completely confident that there was absolutely no pressure whatsoever, I made my way to Celestia's bedroom to face my fate. The door was open in what I assumed was anticipation of my arrival, and I was waved in as soon as the two Princesses inside saw me coming. The door shut itself behind me, and the glow from Twilight's horn claimed responsibility for the action.

I took a moment to look around before advancing further inside. Either Celestia's room was much smaller than Luna's or she had partitioned hers off while her sister hadn't. There wasn't much furniture to speak of, only a few small end tables around the walls. In the sitting area, chairs and sofas were replaced with several overstuffed cushions on the floor arranged in a horseshoe around a fireplace. Whoever picked the decorations had foregone the ornaments and finery scattered around the rest of the palace. This wasn't a room to overwhelm visitors with the wealth and power of royalty. This was a room to relax in a close, personal setting. There might have been better words to describe it, but that would make things too awkward for me to do the needful.

Then there was Celestia herself, clad in the same see-through number she wore at the party a couple nights before. She lounged against a long cushion facing the door in the kind of pose that porn studios pay big bucks for. Though she wasn't technically naked, nothing was left to the imagination. Every tantalizing curve of her body begged to be savored by the eyes.

It took all of my mental discipline to not just stand there and gawk. I remembered my purpose and took a seat across from the alien ruler. The smile on her face remained the same as it almost always was, one of general benevolence or mild amusement, or both.

"Have you decided, Bill?" she asked.

"I'll go along with your plan," I answered, keeping my words simple. "Just one question."

"And what is that?"

"What's she doing here?" I asked, pointing at the purple one whose attendance hadn't been mentioned when Celestia outlined her plan.

Twilight opted to defend herself, "I'm here to measure the magical output of this and all future sessions to see if we can find a way to get you home even faster. Is that a problem?"

"Yeah. She's the exhibitionist," I deadpanned, pointing at the other Princess. "I, on the other hand, prefer not to have spectators when I do my thing."

"A little nervous are we, Bill?" Celestia teased. "Don't worry. I won't bite, unless you ask nicely."

I did my best to not appear affected by her prodding. Neither of the two Princesses said anything about it, so only they knew whether or not I was successful.

Little miss purple paused for all of three seconds before her face lit up. "Alright, how about this?" As she spoke, she flicked her head toward the unoccupied cushion next to me, and something shot out the end. On impact, a black bubble expanded until it was about five feet across.

"And what is that, exactly?" I asked skeptically. The thought of more magic made me uneasy.

"I call this the 'Nothing To See Here' spell," she said proudly. "Anything inside the bubble is completely hidden from an outside viewer, but anyone inside can see out just fine, and before you ask, it's safe. It doesn't affect you directly, so your sensitivity isn't a problem."

Tentatively, I reached over to the bubble and stuck my hand inside. There was no resistance or any sensation at all to indicate the boundary between the inside and outside of the bubble. Everything past my wrist just vanished into the blackness. Next, I moved from my sitting position onto my hands and knees to stick my head in. Twilight helpfully positioned a mirror, allowing me to see my lower half sticking outside. I reached out the opposite side to see my disembodied hand waving back at me.

"Careful, Twilight. I think you're stealing the show," Celestia chimed in. I glanced over to see her idly running a hand over her massive breasts. Her posture only served to accentuate their size. They were roughly the size of my head, given that the white Princess stood over seven and a half feet tall and was built like an amazon queen, it wasn't that much of a surprise. Perhaps if she were shrunk down to Fluttershy's height, they wouldn't have been much bigger than hers, but they looked every bit as soft and squeezable. A growing part of me wanted to stick my whole face in there and never take it out while fondling them both until I asphyxiated, but that would have to be another time.

I promptly pulled the rest of myself inside the bubble and double-checked the mirror to make sure I was completely hidden before I undid my pants. Since I'd been up for a while already, it wasn't morning wood by definition, but my privates were standing at full attention all the same.

A small cup chose that particular moment to fall into my lap. "Almost forgot," Twilight said, "don't want to leave a mess in the Princess's room."

I grabbed the cup and briefly pondered what the local street value of magic-infused alien spooge might be before I started my work.

I'd just barely started my routine before Twilight interrupted again. "Are you done yet, Richard?"

"Done!?" I vehemently protested the sudden interruption. "It hasn't even been ten seconds. How the hell would I be done already?"

"Rainbow Dash said you took less ten seconds when you did it with her," Twilight shot back. "We just thought that's as long as it takes for a human."

Of all the times for that to come back to haunt me. It finally all made sense why my 'walk of shame' didn't have the intended effect. They weren't mad at me. Because of my antics, they thought all men were one-pump wonders. Hell, if pressed, I bet they'd say they were trying to be polite and understanding in light of their friend's disappointment. The thought made me sick. I had no choice but to fess up and accept whatever followed. Also, I wanted to avoid any more interruptions.

"Twilight," I said flatly. "That was a prank."

"Richard," Twilight replied just as flatly.

"Save it," I interrupted.

Celestia then decided to butt in with her own comments. "If you'd like, I could leave you two alone to get better acquainted." She dropped her voice in a way that suggested quite a bit more than a simple polite conversation over some board games.

Whether a product of the other Princess's suggestive voice or her own dirty mind, Twilight's cheeks became a slightly more red-ish shade of purple. I was still safely within my shroud, so there were no witnesses to see my face, and whatever my expression looked like would remain a mystery forever.

"So," Celestia continued in the same sultry tone. "How much time do I get?"

"Uhh, two or three minutes if I just..." I trailed off.

The Princess clearly wasn't listening to me. She'd begun slowly peeling off the sheer fabric draped over her body. One hand pulled down the top before stopping to explore her almost but not completely exposed cleavage. At the same time, the other hand made its way through the bottom to probe her nethers. Meanwhile, she directed weapons-grade bedroom eyes directly at where mine would have been had I positioned myself just a few inches to the left.

"Will I be allowed to enjoy myself for a while?" She dropped the seductive voice in favor of sweet and innocent, probably teasing me. Bedroom eyes became puppy dog eyes.

'Make that four, no, five minutes. No. Whatever you do, don't give her a reason to stop.' My internal monologue had its own thoughts on the matter at hand.

If the female aliens in their humanoid forms could be described as 'eye candy', then Celestia could keep a confectionary running by herself. She ran her hands up and down her own body, tracing the outline of every single curve from the image of the sun on her hips all the way up to her ample bosoms. Despite the visual buffet, it was her eyes that had me transfixed. Those deep, but gentle purple eyes wordlessly promised that if I could only conquer my doubts and fears, I might be permitted more than just a front row seat at future performances. Although, given the amount of red on Twilight's face, that could have been just as much directed at her as it was me.

I turned my attention back to Celestia as she finally quit messing around and slowly removed her transparent coverings, exposing herself completely. A yellow glow from her horn directed it over my bubble before letting it fall on top of me. I shifted the discarded garment aside to keep it from interfering with my own ministrations and noted the sweet fragrance wafting off it. It was subtle, but the vaguely floral scent helped calm my nerves a bit.

With one hand the Princess caressed the two mounds on her chest, reaching underneath and pushing them together as if offering them for closer inspection. Meanwhile, her other hand tended to things down below. Two fingers were inserted into her depths tickling the inside while the thumb worked the surface. A few times, she'd extract some of the juice inside and show the moisture dripping from her outstretched fingers before licking them clean. Part of me pondered about what alien pussy might taste like. The rest of me tried to put those thoughts aside. I just wasn't ready for that sort of thing yet.

Predictably, I finished far earlier than I wanted to. Fortunately, the two Princesses either didn't notice or didn't care. In any case, I wasn't about to call for an end to the show.

Celestia continued to explore and enjoy the wonders of the female form as her counterpart sat there with her eyes glued on the display before her. There were no exaggerated moans of pleasure as the subject of our peep show reclined on her cushion and rhythmically arched and relaxed her back in time with the motion of her fingers inside. Only a few barely audible squeaks escaped, and I noticed a slight glow in her horn. Whether it was a cause or an effect was unclear.

Suddenly the white Princess shifted to lay down on her side. I got the full view of her front, but she'd also moved much closer to Twilight. She gave a quick wink in my direction before bringing that hypnotic gaze to bear on her student. While the purple one got a smile and bedroom eyes at point-blank range, I got to see what was going on below the neckline. She'd added another finger to her penetration routine down below, but the arm up top had been repurposed to support her pose. I was reminded just how big her wingspan was when she extended one towards my hiding place. She moved it around a bit before finding my cheek and using the very tip to stroke my chin and jaw line. The way her two great, round breasts smooshed together, I couldn't help but think that spending some time as the small spoon might do me a world of good. She may have been an alien, but I didn't think I'd care with those things pressed into my back, or better yet, my front. I'd already had a taste of the warmth of being wrapped inside those wings as well. The mental image was not unpleasant.

For her part, Twilight got more and more flustered the longer Celestia teased her. The redder her face got, the bigger her mentor's smile became.

Finally, the teasing stopped as Celestia pushed herself over. Her horn glow intensified before dying out completely. Her wings extended to their full length, and her back muscles tightened before everything relaxed. The only sound she made was a contented sigh as she rolled onto her stomach, and her wings settled loosely at her sides.

It was a while before either of us in the audience worked up the courage to speak. Twilight won that contest. "Um, Princess," she said tentatively, "Are you alright?"

The prone Princess raised an eyebrow but spoke in a contented voice, "The only way I could be more 'alright' is if I had somepony to snuggle with."

Flustered, the purple one changed tactics. "Okay, uhh, Richard, how about you? Are you done in there?"

"Yeah," I replied in a voice that could've been interpreted as shell-shock in any other context. "I'm done." I didn't mention the war inside my head between the part that wanted to take Celestia up on her offer and the part that wanted to bolt from the room as fast as my legs would go and not stop until they fell off.

"Good," Twilight replied mechanically. Her eyes were unfocused, and she had a strange, detached grin as she stood up and made her way over. The black bubble obscuring me from view disappeared, and the little plastic cup of cum found a lid before following the Princess out of the room in a reddish-purple glow.

I turned back to Celestia and took in the sight for a few more moments. "I think you broke her."

"Give her another century or so. She'll learn to loosen up sooner or later."

"That reminds me," I said, carefully trying to reign in my other thoughts. "We need to sit down and have a talk about some of these things I've heard about you."

"About me?" she asked innocently. "I think I can make time between our afternoon session and dinner."

"That works," I agreed, not wanting to embarrass myself further with more awkwardness.

'Gives me plenty of time to find a wine cellar or a liquor cabinet in case of emergency.'

Celestia streched out her arms and legs before standing up. I did the same, if only to make a quick escape should the need have arisen. The Princess observed my movements with an impish smirk. "I should thank you for allowing me time to enjoy myself."

As politely as I could, I sputtered out my parting and made a hasty retreat. Suddenly, my quest to locate a source of emergency booze had become more urgent.

Twilight was waiting for me just as I rounded the corner in the hallway leading back to the rest of the palace. She appeared to have collected herself and frowned at my approach.

"Richard," she addressed me with obvious frustration. "Don't think you'll get away with that 'little prank' you pulled."

"Yeah, yeah," I dismissed her hostility. "You're gonna go tattle on me. I'm honestly surprised you didn't figure it out already."

"We were trying to be sensitive to your feelings and give you the benefit of the doubt." She spoke slowly to drive her point home. "Just keep in mind that whatever she does to get you back, you brought it on yourself."

"I've already made peace with that," I replied, not that I was sorry or anything.

I then returned to my self-imposed mission. I had a feeling I would desperately need it before bedtime.