Spikes morning afterglow had dissipated the moment he awoke.

“Dating, dating.” He tapped his quill against the checklist. Written at the top of the parchment was ‘A really good date with Pinkie Pie.’

He had gotten as far as ‘Step One: Ask Pinkie out.’ when he had drawn blank.

Books cluttered the floor of his room; nothing in the stacks had covered what to do on a date. Evidently he had spent years trying to woo Rarity, but had formed not even a single plan for if he had succeeded.

Picking up a new sheaf of paper, he scribbled out a letter.

Twilight, I need your help! I’ve got a date with Pinkie Pie and I have no idea what to do.

He hastily took it to his window, and sent the letter flaming towards Canterlot.

‘Twilight will know what to do. She’s one of Pinkie’s best friends, and she’s smart the smartest pony I know. She’s marrying a princess, so she must know how to take a mare out on a great date. And even if she doesn’t; she has her own private wing of the Canterlot archives. She’ll figure something out, I just know it. There was no way she would let me dow–’

His thoughts were interrupted as he belched out the reply letter.

“Oh, Twilight! You’re the best,” he whooped with joy as he opened the letter. “I knew I could count on you!”

His joy subsided when he read the letter.

Spike,

I will have to skip this weeks discussion. The nobles of Canterlot have not taken to the idea of Luna and I being wed. Celestia is trying to calm the citizens; and Luna and I have closed our courts to deal with the influx of petitions against our wedding.

I am so sorry, Spike. I promise I will make it up to you. I know how much you look forward to these letters as much as I do. I'll read your letter the moment I get a chance, I promise.

Love,

Twilight

Spike turned the letter over. There was nothing on the back. It wasn’t a joke. He hadn’t read it wrong. She’d not even opened his letter. She was too busy dealing with ponies who didn’t want their wedding to go ahead.

He scrambled back around the room on all fours, searching his books. Perhaps he had missed something. His heart soared when he picked spied a book under the bed. He could make out the word ‘Dating’ on the front, but dropped it in despair when he read the title in full. He was most certain that Radiometric Dating: Increasingly Incredible Isotopes would not be helpful in this situation.

He let out a frustrated roar, which startled the sleeping Owlowiscious.

“Sorry, Owly. Didn’t mean to wake you. I am just stressed about this date with Pinkie.”

“Who?”

“Pinkie Pie,” Spike groaned.

“Who?”

“You know, Pinkie Pie, Element of Laugh–” Spike slapped a claw to his face. He hadn’t fallen for that gag in years. The owl seemed to rock with laughter, or at least the owlish equivalent of. “Oh, I see, that’s it? Joke at my expense.” Spike let out a chuckle. “I guess it is the sort of thing she would laugh at too…”

“Who?”

“Pink– Fool me once, bird!” Spike poked his forked tongue out at the owl. “Now go back to sleep, I promise I will be quiet.” He gave the bird a loving scratch, as it settled back into sleep.

Spike quietly went about restacking his books. He had made a mess, and while he didn’t need to sort the books he kept in his room to the same degree as the library main, they most certainly needed to be off the floor. It took one very rare, first edition print of The Canterberry Tails being pierced by a claw as the dragon had hastily made his way to the bathroom one night to thoroughly convince him of the need to keep his books off of the floor.

He had finished righting the last pile of books when a powerful shockwave of raspberry magic flooded the room, toppling his carefully stacked possessions. At the epicenter of the shockwave, atop his bed, stood a beaming Twilight Sparkle.

“Spike!” She squealed with happiness as she jumped over and hugged him. “Oh, congratulations! I can’t believe you two are finally going out.”

“Wh– Twilight? What are you doing here? I thought you were dealing with Canterlot nobles today.”

“Oh, we got that sorted out days ago,” she responded with pride. “It was Celestia’s idea really, quite brilliant.”

“But you just sent me a letter saying you couldn’t read my letter until later.”

“Oh, well, I guess technically I haven’t read it yet. Not exactly. But I did read it three days ago. Or is it ‘I will read it in four days’? I’m not exactly sure, I still haven’t got this whole grammar thing sorted out: I’m only up to chapter nine of Dr. Streetmentioner's Time Traveler's Handbook of 1001 Tense Formations. But don’t worry Spike, I can say with no doubt that I will have read it three days ago, four days from now.”

“Twilight…” Spike was worried. Normally when Twilight didn’t make sense, she was all twitchy. But she was happy and gushing over Spikes new romantic interest. Which she somehow knew about three days– “Twilight! Have you been sneaking through the Starswirl the Bearded wing again?”

Twilight laughed nervously, “Uhh… guilty as charged.” She wore the most sheepish grin he had ever seen.

“Twilight! Princess Celestia forbade you from using Time Magic again after last time. You aren’t even allowed in that wing anymore!”

“Oh, that is only because Princess Cheaty-Pants wants to keep her edge in our chess games.” Twilight huffed indignantly. “Did you know she has been feeding herself information about my moves before I even make them! Oh, she’ll get hers next time we play. Unless of course we cause a space-time paradox and tear a hole in the fabric of reality. Actually, that might be bad, I don’t think even Rarity could fix that. Maybe I should just confront her instead.”

“Wait, so Twilight, if you’re from the future, you must know where I took Pinkie for our date, how did it go? What did I do? You have to tell me.”

“Oh, it went well, you both loved it. You took her– oh, dear.” A frown formed on her face. “I’m so sorry Spike. But I guess this now explains the angry letter you sent m–”

Another flash of raspberry magic, and Twilight was gone. Spike stood there in shock, watching the now empty space before him. Then he let out a scream.

Rarity sat listening intently as Spike told her everything that had happened. By the end of the story she was in a complete paroxysm of laughter.

“So Canterlot is in an uproar about their wedding. That’s strange, I didn’t think it was that controversial an issue. I wonder what Celestia did, well, will do, to sort it out.”

“Rarity, please,” Spike moaned. “Twilight and Luna’s relationship is tangential to what we’re dealing with here. This is about me and Pinkie.”

“Of course, you’re right my dear.” Rarity smiled. “So, you’re here to find out where to take Pinkie on a date. From the sounds of it, your last one went… smashing.” Rarity let out another laugh.

“I hope Lipizzano charged you for that bottle of wine,” Spike muttered darkly. “But that’s just it, I want to take her somewhere I don’t have to worry about making a bucking foal of myself in front of her and everypony else!”

“You know Pinkie, she would have fun wherever you took her. Yes, I may have set up that little tête-à-tête last night at a restaurant, but only because we were all sick of watching you two skirt around the issue. But I can’t organise every date for you.

“Spike, you have to believe in yourself.” Rarity patted his claw with a hoof. “Pinkie adores you, and will be happy no matter what you choose. What did she enjoy last night?”

“Ummm,” Spike had to think. He’d been so distracted the previous night, first by Pinkie, then by making a foal of himself in front of her, that he wasn’t sure. “Well, she liked the dancing, even though… well, you know the story. And really enjoyed the cannolis.”

“So, sweets and dancing. I think you can come up with something with that.”

“But–”

“No buts!” Rarity ushered him to the door. “While I don’t mind helping you out, I have customers who will be arriving soon.” She pecked him on the cheek as she pushed him out the door. “Good luck, my dear.”

Spike crept through the streets early Friday morning. The ponies who were milling about at this time of day paid little attention to the dragon skulking about, dashing from alley to alley. His very association with the Elements of Harmony inured them to any strange behavior. For his part, Spike paid them no mind either. There was only one pony whose attention he did not want to earn.

“Hiya Spikey!” The pink mare popped out of a nearby crate. “Whatcha doing?”

“P–Pinkie? What are you doing here?”

“Talking to you,” she grinned. “What are you doing.”

“Uhh… talking to you?”

“Ooo, you’re good!” Pinkie scratched her chin, unsure how to win this game.

Spike lifted his nose to the air, and took a sniff. “Is that burning cupcakes I smell?”

“Oh no! I forgot about the cupcakes!” Pinkie jumped out of the box she had appeared from, and ran down the street to Sugarcube Corner.

Glad he was able to distract her, he made his way to Bon Bon’s shop. He’d hoped she’d seen the letter he sent her last night, and that she would have his order ready for pick up. Looking around to make sure he wasn’t being watched, he stepped through the door.

“Ahh, Spike. There you are.” Bon Bon stood behind the counter; she did not look happy. “Next time you decide to do a mail order, please send it in a way that doesn’t risk lighting my satin sheets on fire.”

“Ignore her, Spikey-boy,” Lyra laughed as she trotted out from the kitchen. “She just gets grumpy if somepony wakes her in the middle of the night. Celestia knows how many times I’ve ended up on the couch just for–”

“Ahem. Your order is ready, Spike.” A particularly flustered Bon Bon placed a box of chocolates on the counter. “That’ll be seven bits.”

Spike pulled out the necessary bits, and thanked Bon Bon as she reentered the kitchen. As he started for the door, he caught a glimpse of something across the street.

“Lyra,” Spike whispered. “Could I ask a favor of you?”

“Mmm, what’s up?”

“Could you go across the street, and distract that bale of hay over there while I leave?”

Lyra squinted out the window, trying to see what Spike was pointing to. “You mean the one wearing the silly glasses and baseball hat?”

“That’s the one.” Spike nodded. “It’d be a real help to me if you could distract her.”

“Her, huh?” Lyra looked at Spike with a grin on her face. “Yeah, I think I can do that for ya.”

Lyra stepped out and cross the road. In her loudest voice, she addressed the bale of hay, “Hey there good looking, come here often?”

Bon Bon cast off her apron, and stormed out of the shop. “What does she think she is doing?”

Spike felt a pang of guilt, but the yelling across the street certainly gave him the distraction he wanted. He slipped out the door, and down and alley way, on to his next destination.

“Spike? It is not often we zee you in our ‘umble spa.”

“Huh? Oh… Hi… Aloe…” Spike struggled to regain his breath, leaning heavily against the door of the spa. “Sorry, I’m just, uhh–”

“‘iding from somepony?” Aloe smiled, watching the panicking dragon regain his shattered composure. “Who would ‘ave Ponyville’s most fearsome dragon cowering ‘ere?”

“I’m not hiding…” Spike replied, as he cautiously looked out the window, breathing a sigh of relief that he’d lost Pinkie.

“Non, of course not.” Aloe lifted a hoof to her mouth and chuckled daintily.

Pinkie Pie burst through the door. “Aloe, have you seen Spikey?”

Aloe looked across the room to where Spike was hiding. He had pitifully picked up a potted fern, and attempted to pose as a very awkward looking sculpture. “Non, Pinkie, I have not seen him.”

“Awww, phooey,” Pinkie pouted, staring in Spikes direction. “He’s taking me on a date tonight, but he won’t tell me where. I’m the pony who is supposed to do surprises. Not the surprising!”

“Ooo, so you are dating zee dragon? Ooh, Pinkie, congratulations.” Both Aloe and Pinkie were looking directly at Spike, but only Aloe seemed to notice him there. “If I zee him, I vill let you know,” she said, winking at Spike.

“Okie dokie lokie,” Pinkie beamed as she bounced out the door and into the streets.

“So, you are dating our Pinkie Pie?” Aloe grinned. “Non, non, non! This vill not do! Lotus!”

Lotus stepped through the doors to join them. “Yes, Aloe– Oh, ‘ello Spike. Why do you ‘ave our fern?”

“Spike ‘ere is hiding from Pinkie Pie. They are going out somewhere tonight and he is trying to keep it a surprise.” Aloe grinned. “But look at his scales.”

“Oh, non, non, non! And those claws,” Lotus replied, a look of horror on her face.

“And it looks like he has not polished his fins.”

“And his wings, look at zat leather!”

The spa twins nodded. “Zis vill not do!” they echoed each other.

Lotus opened the door to the spa main, and called out. “Rarity? Spike has a date tonight, and he desperately needs a–”

Rarity burst through the doors, eyes glistening with excitement. “… makeover!”

Spike struggled in vain as the three pulled him through the doors.

Spike left the spa an hour later. It had thrown his schedule to the wind, but he did not care. He glistened and gleamed in the sun, every scale shining, his dorsal fins sparkling. They had blunted his claws and given him such a massage that every muscle in his was body loose and limber. Perhaps he would have to invest in one of those, what did Aloe call it? An angle grinder?

He staggered his way back to the library with everything he needed. Now he just needed to pack.