Awkwardness. A dreadful feeling. I'd rather go fight a pack of wild razor bears than this- thought Shining Armor, a new, lowest ranking royal guard. Better to get captured by... whatever wants to conquer Equestria this year, tortured and left to die alone, then be right here, right now. This place gave him the creeps. No, not the place. He had nothing against Cherry Shake’s place- it was a decent and comfortable, if small and not very popular cafe near university. Her namesakes, fresh cherry flavored hayshakes, were to die for. In fact the only thing that could make them better, is if she and Donut Joe were still working together and they could be served with sugar and sprinkles donuts. He still wondered why they broke up and separated their businesses, losing lots of potential clients to other venues and...

“Why the hell am I thinking about it right now?”

He shook his head and sighed at his barely touched vanilla hayshake. He doesn't even like vanilla, why did he order this? Maybe he should’ve paid more attention when asked about his order, should’ve replied something else then “the same”.

Twilight Sparkle, his little sister, loved vanilla and her cup was almost empty now that he looked at it. In fact, she was talking to him right now.

"...but then it turned out I just confused “magicite” with “magic light”, which really didn't make sense. Good thing Moondancer noticed that before we finished the report, otherwise we could be in trouble. Professor Silver Scroll doesn't like typos, I heard he rejected one students project because they wrote “teleportation” instead of “telekinesis”. Can you believe that?"

"Yeah... " answered Shining Armor passively, his eyes around his telekinetically moving straw, making circles in his shake.

"And then Moondancer asked several stallions around to join her for an orgy," continued Twilight

"..yeah."

"And then we all met up in a bar and had wild sex with anyone we could find, including a minotaur and two goats,"

"..yeah."

"I'm pregnant, and Celestia is the father."

"Ye...w-wait, WHAT?!"

The sudden realization made him spill his shake all over the table. Panicking, he tried to grab the cup with his hooves, which slipped out from his grasp and landed on the ground, shattering to pieces. A waitress looked at the damage and sighed at Shining Armor, as she walked away to get a mop.

"Uhm, I'm sorry, I...I’ll pay for it, I’m... sorry..."

Said Shining Armor, not moving from his seat, his ears drooped as he noticed his little sister looking at him. Awkwardness, my worst enemy, leave Twiley out of it! He tried to look away, but his eyes constantly took a peek at his sister, as she looked worriedly at him.

"Shiny, is something wrong?"

"What? No, nothing’s wrong. I'm perfectly fine, my job is awesome, enjoying an afternoon break with my little sister best friends forever, sun is shining, tomorrow is a Summer Sun Celebration, the coolest day ever next to Hearth’s Warming Eve and Nightmare night, the shake is good and... and... you’re not buying it?"

"Nope."

"You’re right, I hate vanilla."- as he said that, the waitress cleaning the mess around gave him a mean look, but said nothing.

"So... problems at work?"

"Kinda... Twily, you know I love you very much?"

"Shining!"

"As a sister! No weird hidden context, just a sister. Best sister. Pride of our family. Boy, I sure am proud of my little sister, talented magician and scholar, student of princess Celestia herself. Twilight Sparkle is truly the bestest pony in the entire world!"

"Shining..."

"Yes, student of Princess Celestia. Celestia, our great ruler, alicorn of sun and moon, immortal goddess, wisest and kindest of them all..."

"SHINING!"

For a brief moment the only thing that could be heard, aside from heart beats of a very nervous stallion, was echo that repeated his name several times. What few costumers and staff there were at this moment at Cherry Shakes place all turned their attention to their table, but quickly returned to their business, leaving only awkwardness of Shining Armor. He sighed deeply and lowered his gaze.

"Twilight, there is something I must tell you..." announced highly embarassed Shining Armor

Twilight gulped and looked at her brother. The last time he used these exact words were when he broke their parents old vase, heirloom which was passed around their mother's family line for seven generations, eventually going to either Twilight or Shining, whoever marries first. That problem was no more.

"You broke another vase?"

"Ye-I mean, no, not that. I mean, I didn’t break anything... I hope. It’s a long story."

"Wanna tell me about it?" asked Twilight

"I guess I should. Promise you won’t freak out?"

Several hours ago, in Canterlot Castle living quarters, Prince Blueblood woke up with a terrible headache. Hangovers did not spare nobility. In fact, they were even more susceptible to them due to living in luxury not giving their frail, unicorn bodies a chance to build up a natural resistance to pain of everyday hardships, hard work or any sort of physical injuries other then paper cuts and sprained hoof from unfortunate accident during cricket match. Blueblood cursed his life every such morning. The pain of waking up after a party made him regret ever attending them, but won due to promise of noble mares old enough to “socialize”, but young enough to have fairly low standards and close to no personality of their own. He hated them. He also hated alcohol. And asparagus. Why is everypony so obsessed over those? At least asparagus he could get- they were healthy, good for lungs or whatever. And yet, why is it that he couldn’t say no? It’s like that every time- he tries to get back home, read a chapter of some book before sleep, but no! Some old “friend” would always catch him, invite (by which he means “force him via blackmailing and threats”) to a get together and forget he exists, using Blueblood as a chick bait. He couldn’t blame them for that though. Prince Blueblood was a popular pony in Canterlot. Young, handsome bachelor from a good family, voted by mares to be nr 1 stallion in Equestria many times (mostly due to previous champion, Fancy Pants, exceeding age limit for said contest). One day, Prince thought, one day I will tell them to buck off and leave me alone. That would be the best day.

He finally decided to leave these thoughts aside and get up, slowly while massaging his forehead. Stupid Scarlett Wine. By which he meant Scarlett Wine, daughter of Lime Wine, one of the richest businessman around, owner of the biggest vineyard in Equestria. Stupid wine, stupid Wine and stupid Wine, he thought, barely making his thoughts coherent. After a quick, cold shower and one box of good old hangover cure (some called it “carrot juice”), he was finally ready to step out of his quarters, where a maid waited with his schedule. He couldn’t for the love of himself remember her name, mostly because she was an older, married mare, the one type to not squeal at the sight of a handsome Prince (that actually happened more often than you think). According to her, his plan for today was, in that order: breakfast (sounds important), talk to his grandfather about family business (rejected, tell him I have better things to do), meet up with Jet Set (rejected, tell him I have filly pox; again?; yes!), consultations with his sewer (sewer?; that’s what you told me yesterday, sir; I meant someone to sew me a suit, a clothier), meet up with Princess Celestia (wonder what she wants from me), dinner and unexpected invitation from a FIHNIWAFOM to a party (what is that, sir?; friend I had no idea was a friend of mine; excuse me?; in other words, anypony who lives in Canterlot).
Today was yet another one of those days. Another normal day.

The day went as was planned, for the most part. He had to share dining room with his brothers and grandfather, but thankfully all their involvement in his life today was just being there, not saying a word or doing anything other than “sitting and eating quietly”. He quickly avoided his grandfather before he spoke anything about “you’re a bane to your family, your parents are rolling in their graves, give a better example to your little brothers” etc. Jet Set was not seen that day, for the best, and his sewer (CLOTHIER, DAMNIT BRAIN!) outdone himself with yet another glorious creation. One pony clearly not against him in this world, mostly because their relationship was pure and honest- you make me suit, I give you money. No subtext, no romance, just business. That said, he was a genius craftsman and his creations were part of what Prince didn’t hate about Canterlot. He was gladly trotting around the center streets, donning his new piece of white suit in plain view, gladly accepting any compliments on the way.

"S-SUSPENDED?!" shouted Twilight Sparkle, as she stood up and slammed her hooves at the table, almost spilling her own hayshake, just like her big brother did before today. He shushed Twilight and gently put her back to her chair.

"Y-yeah, I’m not on a break now." answered embarrasingly Shiny "Well, I am, only longer this time."

"B-but why? What did you do?" asked still shocked Twilight

"You remember I love you very much, right, sis?" asked Shining Armor, smiling innocently

"Shining..."

"Alright, alright. Well, it started a week ago..."

One week ago.
"Sir, Im afraid Im gonna have to write you a ticket." said Guard Shining Armor on his patrol, telekinetically writing a ticket in front of a very angry stallion.

"What? TICKET? DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" screamed back angry earth pony

"A noisy pony. Now please calm down before I charge you with assaulting a guard on duty."

"That doesn’t sound wrong." admitted Twilight

"I gave him a ticket for littering the park. Then he started to get violent, so I cuffed him and drove to nearest police station."

"So what’s the problem?"

"He was a representative from Phillydelphia. He was scheduled to meet with Princess today for a very important meeting, but missed it due to being, well, in jail. I’m lucky he didn’t sue me."

"Ouch." admitted Twilight and patted her brother on shoulder "It’s not your fault Shiny, he had it coming. Important pony or not, he should have respected the law."

"I know, that’s what I told to Captain Blitz Shield. But, that’s not why I’m suspended. That was just the beginning..."

6 days ago, Royal Guard HQ

"SHINING AAARMOOR!!" shouted some very angry pegasus in red guard uniform, a Captain of Royal Guards himself, boss of any guard such as Shining, Blitz Shield.

He was a very tall grey coated pegasus with short black hair and electric round shield as a cutie mark, altough the thing that caught your eye was the, well, lack of left eye, lost long ago and covered by a scary eyepatch. The history of this eye is something that spawned many myths and legends, among most frequent were “about ten angry fire breathing hydra’s with bat wings riding a skeleton clouds”. How is that a thing or how you lose an eye to that is anypony’s guess.
That pony was currently Shining Armors problem.

"First the representative, which I can forgive because you never met the guy, but today you actually THREATENED Silk Thread with jail, for, excuse me, what exactly?"

"Ummm, she parked her... carriage at the... no parking spot?"

The rest of the dialogue included mostly growling, so let’s skip it.

5 days ago, same place
"SHINING ARMOR! What the HAY did you think you were DOING arresting the mayor!"

4 days ago
"SHINING ARMOR!!"

3 days ago
"SHINING ARMOR!!!"

2 days ago
"SHIIIINIIIIINGG ARRRMOOOOORRRRGHHHHGHGHGHGHG!!!!"

Yesterday, you get the drill.

"Talk about bad luck..." admitted Twilight, uneasily looking around the room, thinking of a way to cheer up her brother, somehow, someway. After all, he didn’t do anything out of the ordinary here. In fact, he was just doing his job properly. Just because he happened to catch important ponies breaking petty law didn’t mean he was bad. In fact, he was actually one of the best guards there was- finished the military school with highest grades, was stronger than most of his earth pony comrades and his shield spell had no equals, save for Celestia herself. Twilight was considered a magical prodigy and even with her mentor’s help, her shield was not even half as potent as Shining’s. There’s no way in hay they could just suspend him for doing his job.

"But what really nailed the coffin, happened just few hours ago..." continued Shining Armor, his tone weaker and weaker as he kept on going.

Prince Blueblood liked his suits. A lot. As much as he hated attention from some ponies that tried to get to close to him, he secretly enjoyed being in the spotlight. Those headlines in magazines made his hair look fabulous, his sparkly white smile all the more alluring and overall enjoyed when mares fainted around him. Yes, that only happened once and she had anemia, but it happened. A little bit of narcissism might seem like a bad thing to have, but he didn’t care what ponies thought. He had the right to be handsome just like birds had right to fly and Chocolate Cream Cake had the right to be delicious. Which reminded him, it was almost time for dinner, but before that, he had meeting with aunt Celestia.

The long family line of Bluebloods was, as a matter of fact, NOT related by blood to Celestia. Several generations down the line a tragedy occurred. Some fire or flood or whatever, that wiped out almost all the family save for one pony, Ceasar Blueblood. Ceasar, being only a little colt, required a guardian and with nopony around to take that role, Princess Celestia adopted him as her own. It was shortly after dealing with Nightmare Moon, back when Celestia lost herself and abandoned ponykind for a short time. The tragedy took place mostly due to her absence, so she took the responsibility as a means to help her get in touch with those she abandoned. That said, hardly anypony remembers or even cares about those times and over generations, Bluebloods built themselves a reputation of “prime royal family” and it just kinda stuck, with all members being un-official nephews and nieces of sun goddess. And yet, she hardly interacted with any of them, aside from token attendance at the galas, important parties and ceremonies. Time passed and most Bluebloods never looked at Celestia more than “pony Im related to, so I'm important”. Even though they were not.

Prince, however, was not one of those ponies. Since the passing of his parents, his grandfather has become his legal guardian, but wasn’t doing a good job of it. Young Prince Blueblood was more attached to the giant winged unicorn he dubbed “auntie’tia”, much to everypony’s horror... and Celestia’s amusement. He became her favorite as a colt, whether it was because she felt sorry for his loss, or maybe he reminded her of Ceasar or because he showered her with more honest attention- it was a fact. She even took her time to “teach him magic”, which was more of an excuse to have some off time to go and play hide and seek. Over years, he grew up, auntie’tia became Aunt Celestia and their roads split, only occasionally ever meeting again. Not like she has any time for someone like me, thought Prince Blueblood. She has better things to do.

The sudden train of thought was interrupted with a splash. Or by it, rather. Prince Blueblood liked his suit, very much so. What he hated the most (other than alcohol sometimes and family most of the times) were stains, mud and general dirtiness. And that’s exactly why all of those things had to get on his new suit. Soaking wet, confused and angrier by the second, he really didn’t care that the little filly scout didn’t mean to ride her scooter right through the only puddle on the road. She didn’t mean to destroy his new favorite suit with mud and she really tried to apologize and was feeling sorry. All Prince ever thought was about rage.

"You... YOU LITTLE BRAT! LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MY NEW SUIT!!"

His screams were loud enough to wake up all the cats within a mile and break a glass in nearby cafe. Not with voice, but by startling a clerk, who dropped a glass full of juice on the floor. But Prince didn’t stop there, he got on and on, lashing any insult he knew about on the little bugger who DARED to destroy piece of art he covered himself with. Never mind that it was dirt cheap for him and making another would take hour or two, while a child’s psyche would be damaged forever. And it was starting to crack, as the little filly was starting to sob, barely making out the apologies from her bawling, until finally she was about to cry a literal river. But then, it happened.

"I woke up today, looked into the mirror and said to my reflection: Shining Armor, you will not screw up anything today. You will not arrest Fancy Pants for crossing the street on red light. You will NOT cuff anypony for missing trash can with tissue. Yes, YOU CAN DO IT!"

Twilight Sparkle felt like Shining Armor had problems, but waking up and talking to mirror was not one of them. And when that isn’t a problem, then what is? She was about to find out.

With new mindset, Shining Armor was determined to be as bad at his job as possible. Ignore ponies breaking law. Ignore littering, wrong turns, bad parking, speedy chariots and walking on red light. He was a new guard, the type that doesn’t lose his job and doesn’t get reprimanded by his Captain every day. He was going to be like everypony else. Blind to law. Chaotic. Lawless. Discordian. He could do it, it was within realms of possibility. For example, that colt who threw away empty pack of chips? Totally not noticing that little criminal. This pegasus stationed his chariot on a handicapped parking lot, despite being completely fine? Whatever, not like he hurts anypony. And that unicorn filly just dropped an ice-cream on the pavement. It’s ok, just a kid, can’t control her telekinesis properly, been there, done worse. Speaking of ice-cream, it was getting hotter every second. In fact, he was sweating like in a sauna. Princess sure outdone herself with the sun today and probably his uniform is too hot. Maybe he should write a petition to change their design for hot weather? After all, how can he do his job when somepony just tossed a glass on the street and didn’t bother to clean it up. It could hurt somepony not wearing a proper horseshoes, but that is ok, he won’t be fired today. We was on fire. Or rather, felt like on fire, why is it so hot around? Why are all those ponies walking around like it was a perfectly average day? Are they sick? Is this some kind of magical deodorant that controls body temperature that he didn’t heard about? Maybe I’ll ask Twily when I’m on a break, he thought. He looked at the nearest clock tower. Still three more hours of patrol and that kid just stuck a chewing gum on somepony’s carriage. Must stop him, but what if he’s some important colt? What if his parents write a complaint letter to his superiors. What if Blitz Shield gets demoted by Princess for his incompetence? No, he was gonna turn a blind eye on all and every law being broken, for the sake of his career. He promised Twiley he’ll aim to be a Captain of the Royal Guard, like he dreamed. He can’t do that if all week long ponies are complaining over every detail. Not like anything happens. Not like somepony is getting hurt. There are no crying scout fillies around, crying over some stuck up noble in soaking wet suit screaming at them at the top of their lungs and OH THAT’S ENOUGH! He rushed toward the white coated unicorn shouting at a filly. Once close enough, he took a long swing with a right hoof and, well...

"You did not just..." said Twilight, not believing her own tone

BAM!

"Oh my!" exclaimed some random bystander

The last thing that Prince Blueblood remembered, before shortly passing out, was a hoof coming close into contact with his snout. All his life flashed before his eyes- all the parties, his parents at Hearth’s Warming Eve, parties, Celestia with a workbook, parties, mares, parties and most of all, his suit soaked by muddy water. And then, in a flash, he was lying in a puddle he once dreaded so much, looking at the sky with blank stare, as his snout was slowly becoming warmer and warmer, his eyes getting more moist every second. A while later there were two ponies crying.

"SHINY!" screamed Twilight Sparkle

"I know, I know!" answered Shining Armor, covering his face out of shame

"No, you don't know, otherwise you... you punched some stallion in the face!"

"He made a little filly cry!" quickly replied Shining Armor, mostly out of desperation then conviction "That was a good reason enough for me."

"Well, hope you're proud of yourself, Mister ex-guard." asked Twilight, as she crossed her hooves, not approving this one bit

"Well, to be completely honest with you..." his eyes went back and forth as he tried to force himself to say something else.

"Wait, there's more?" asked Twilight, and he nodded and braced himself for quite possibly the worst part of today.

Two hours ago, at Royal Guard HQ.
A guard punching somepony was rare, but happened. A guard giving some noble troubles, was uncommon but possible. But having both at the same time was... well, it never happened. At least not while Blitz Shield could remember. And he didn’t care to be honest. He wanted this to be the last time EVER and wanted to make sure everypony, all the guards available were there to witness the greatest scolding in history of ponykind. So they were all here- roughly three dozen guards, everypony he could gather on a short notice, standing in line while one of their own, a certain white coated, blue haired unicorn stood out there on display.

"Private Shining Armor. Do you have ANYTHING to say for yourself?"

"N-no sir."

"Oh really now? All week long... all week long I had to listen to complaints from, pretty much everypony. Most of that, was rubbish, not important. Stuck up nobles abusing their positions, nothing to fuss about. But this. Just... just why?"

"S-sir, I ... I just had to do... s-something..." Shining Armor tried to be coherent, but couldn’t think straight. Not with at least few dozen eyes watching him, mostly with pity. " ...he made a filly c-cry."

"Oh, he made a FILLY cry? That bastard!" said Captain sarcastically. He walked toward and knocked a few times on Shiny’s head "Do you have a brain there, soldier?"

"Y-yes, sir."

"NO YOU DON’T!"

Poor unicorn just lowered his face to the ground, fighting an urge to not cry as echoes repeated the statement. Real stallions do not cry.

"Do you ever THINK? What if it was his parent, or brother, and she cried because they didn’t buy her ice-cream? What if they were scolding her because she had bad grades, huh? Well?"

"N-no sir, it was diff-..."

"Just last week I grounded my filly daughter because she got into a fight over which doll has better mane. Are you gonna punch ME too?"

"N-no, sir."

Then there was a silence. Not the good kind of “it ended” silence. Rather a “its gonna get a lot worse” type of silence. The awkward one, the ones he hated the most. Captain Blitz Shield was a very patient stallion, kinder than he looked and a lot more forgiving then his predecessors. It takes a lot to throw him off. A feat that none of his recruits managed to pull off yet.

Shining Armor was one of a kind.

"Let me ask you this, soldier." said Blitz Shield, then paused for a moment to take a breath "If you were to ever, I don’t know, notice Princess Celestia, walking on the streets of Canterlot, casually like she does sometimes, and suddenly she, say, yelled at a filly scout for blocking her way. What would you do?"

"Sir, I..." Shining Armor was about to answer, but stopped his mouth. He was just told to start thinking, using his brain. That must be it, he thought, it was his last chance. What should he do?

"Well?"

"I... I would punch her in the face!"

Suddenly, Twilight Sparkle’s brain stopped. And did not restart for a long while.