A/N: So, I think it's safe to say that everyone else ever has beaten me to every single alternate ending I've ever even considered writing, either because they've already submitted it or they've called dibs on it for the future. This entry confirms it.

"THE GAMES WE PLAY"

ALTERNATE ENDING #12

Guest Submission from SirDerpy

"Are you ready?" she asked.

"No," Mare Do Well answered, still breathless and panting.

A smile twitched at the corners of her mouth, and Rainbow Dash ducked her head in, so that her mouth was moving against the shape of Mare Do Well's ear.

"Too bad." she whispered. She could feel the figure shiver beneath her.

It was time. She took one final deep breath.

Mare Do Well was perfectly still, as if preparing herself for what was coming. For whatever Rainbow did next.

And Rainbow Dash opened her eyes.

Under her...before her...there lay a thing clothed in shades of midnight, a cape fanned out beneath it. Atop its head there was perched a matching wide-brimmed hat.

But now, there was no mask to protect its face. No facade to hide behind.

There was only it.

A rock. A rock, shining and polished, but a rock nonetheless. A rock, growing even as she was pinning it down. And still a rock, no matter how Rainbow Dash looked at it, no matter how hard she tried to convince herself that logically this was impossible.

-----

Rainbow Dash's jaw dropped. Her eyes were wide, her voice disappearing somewhere on its way to her mouth. Utterly lost for words.

"No," was all Rainbow could think to say; and a flicker of pain flashed in those facets, those shining, reflective facets. The exact same color as the rocks that Rainbow Dash, well, always saw everywhere. "No. No. That doesn't make sense."

And still it had nothing to say for itself, only sitting silently as Rainbow Dash shook her head, wings fluttering anxiously.

"That doesn't make sense," Rainbow Dash repeated. Her hooves had found their way to what would have been its shoulders, gripping it as tightly as she could without even meaning to. The rock did nothing, then gave Rainbow Dash no expression.

’Surprised?’ A voice in Rainbow Dash’s head whispered.

-----

She stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, she recovered from her shock.

“H-how? W-what is this?” Her voice shook as she asked the question.

Still Tom gave no response.

“This-this isn’t possible! How could this happen?” Rainbow’s eye twitched.

“You ruined my life. You isolated me from my friends. Y-you made Pinkie hate me. You injured my wings, you manipulated me, you made me fall in love with a mare that never existed. A-and now, you tell me that you ARE A BUCKING ROCK?”

It was here that Rainbow Dash lost it. Picking up anything nearby that looked hard (Insert erection-related sex joke here) enough to cause damage, she launched herself at the rock, beating it furiously.

Not a scratch was made on it. It was as solid as…well, a rock.

“AGGH! DIE!” Rainbow Dash had never been so angry, so frustrated, so hateful in her life than at that moment. At the time, a small part of her sensed that she might have been overreacting a little, but that part was quickly shouted down by the other part of her mind. The overreacting part, that is.

She continued her relentless onslaught.

Tom continued to do nothing.

-----

“Rainbow Dash! Rainbow? Are you here?” A distant voice penetrated through the red haze that had settled around her mind.

She paused for a moment in the middle of her 2898-hit combo to shout out her location. Then she turned her attention back to the rock.

Two hours later, Rainbow Dash ran out of Mana-er, energy.

Chest heaving and muscles screaming in exertion, she landed on the ground in front of her former love.

“You’re…lucky…that ‘gasp’ I’m tired right…now. I’ll be…’gasp’ back, right…after a short rest.” Rainbow Dash collapsed on the ground. The haze in her mind steadily turned black…

“Rainbow? Rainbow Dash! Applejack, I found her! She’s right over here!” Twilight ran up to Rainbow Dash. “Rainbow! What happened to you? Applejack, you better hurry up. Rainbow looks like she might need help.”

Rainbow Dash opened her eyes.

Twilight looked visibly relieved. “Thank goodness! We were worried about you. Let’s get you back to the castle now, alright?”

“…No.” The word came out as a low, guttural growl. “That rock must die.”

“Sugarcube, are ya sure yer fine? There ain’t no rock hereabouts as far as ah can tell.”

Rainbow Dash leapt to her hooves almost faster than she could fly. “What? Impossible. IMPOSSIBLE!”

But true to Applejack’s word, there wasn’t a rock. Just a pile of snow, a few pieces of litter, and an abandoned Mare Do Well costume.

“B-but this c-can’t be! It was a bucking ROCK, for cryin’ out loud! Rocks can’t move. Rocks can’t do anything!” Deep in her mind, she asked herself why she hadn’t recognized this fact earlier, and saved herself the trouble of using more Dragon Ball Z moves than she could count on Tom.

She burst into tears and collapsed on the ground, bawling about how life could go buck itself. Applejack sighed and threw Rainbow Dash over her back.

“Let’s go, Twi. I think tha’ RD needs a bed right now.” Nodding, Twilight followed Applejack back to the castle.

Strangely enough, the canon ending was not affected by this turn of events at all, and so they lived happily ever after.

And then they had sex.

End Next Chapter: Side Story: Daytime Patrol (Guest submission from grazehunter) Estimated time remaining: 2 Hours, 47 Minutes