Friendship Is Randomness!

by CaptainBron3y

Chapters

A boring start

Twilight sat there. Heavily studying the book before her. It was a book on the history of Equestria, and was her favourite because the princess herself had written it.

It was a cold and dark afternoon. The Pegasi were scurrying around, filling orders for a massive storm. By the time they had it all together it was late at night. 10:00 to be exact.

“I always love reading this book! It’s just so amazing.” Twilight clapped her hooves in excitement. Pony’s all around town called her a book nerd, but she didn’t mind it. Books were the key to all knowledge past or present. She closed the book with her magic, and levitated it back onto the dusty shelf were it’s home was.

“Don’t you agree Spike? Spike?” Twilight looked around. The room was empty. Spike was in his little bed already in a deep slumber. Twilight just kissed him on the head as she herself crawled into bed. She was tired from reading so late. Within minutes she was in a deep slumber.

A Tradgety

“What happened here?” An orange pony was standing outside of a crime scene.

“We have no clue. Somepony just barged in and took everything.” There was another larger pony. He was dressed in a police uniform, and had a long curly mustache.

“Well, nopony what-so-ever gets by Winona without her barking.” She stomped her hoof down hard on the ground.

“We did find a dog inside. You might wanna take a look.” The officer pointed inside. Applejack slowly trotted in, only to be greeted with a horrifying scene. There sat a brown dog. Covered in blood, its skin cut clean off. All of its guts on the floor, and head severed and hung. Applejack began sobbing, not only at her now dead dog, but at all of the apples from Zapapple harvest were gone.

“We came as soon as possible. Wheres Applejack? She must be hurt so bad.” All of her friends were there.

“She’s inside, but it’s a pretty bad scene.”He pointed inside the barn doors. The first thing they all notices is that there was blood on the doors, and a pair of blood-stained hoof-prints leading off into the woods. As they walked in they saw Applejack. She was laying on her side cuddling a dead body. She didn’t notice, but Applejack has smashed the dogs stomach, and everything Winona ate was all over her side. She didn’t care though.
“Applejack you alright? We came over here to comfort you.” Rainbow was nudging the orange sobbing pony on the side, but she didn’t say anything. They helped her up, and took her inside for a bath. All day Applejack was heart broken. She’d lost her one and only pet. She had Lenona for countless years now, and their friendship was now DEAD thanks to a heartless, cruel, unimaginable monster.

“Who?” That’s all she could say all day as her friends tried to comfort her. “Come on Applejack. I know it’s hard, but you have duties to do!” A big red pony was standing next to her.

“You’re right.” She swallowed, and carried on with her daily chores. By the time she was done she was feeling much better. It was late at night again, and as all six friends crawled into bed when the WORST POSSIBLE THING happened.
Twilight arose from her deep slumber. She looked around, and slowly got up. She went to her mirror, and was astonished at the sight.

“Holy shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit my mane looks horrible. Wait a minute. Somethings wrong.” She turned around. Spike wasn’t in his bed. She stopped and listened. Nothing. She looked all around her tree. No sign of Spike, or a note.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! WHAT THE FUK IS THIS SHIT?!” A pink pony outside was screaming, and crying. She was eating a cake, but not just any cake. It was a cake made from Spike. She could see his small baby dragon scales on top. His skin was extended, and wraped around the cake. It’s top was covered in blood, guts, and bones for candles. She dropped the cake, and it splattered to the ground. Splashing open only to lose its stuffing of blood. She began to cry. Everypony was looking in horror. First Lenona, and know Spike! How could it get any worse. A few police ponys had arrived, and taped off the crime scene. They questioned Pinkie, and studied everything closely, but there were no clues as to who could have killed a poor baby dragon.

The Fight

“God damn fabric!” A small white filly slammed a piece of cloth onto the ground.

“Sweetybell! Don’t curse.” Rarity was standing at her sewing machine

“Can I go eat paste now?” Sweetybell tossed the fabric aside, and trotted over to her big sister.

“Ugh. What’s with you and paste?” Rarity paid no attention to the dumbstruck filly. This only made Sweetybell madder. She began rolling on the floor making random noises. Rarity was also getting really mad.

“Sweetybell SHUT UP!” She now stopped sewing and ran over to Sweetybell slamming a hoof into her mouth. Sweetybell backfired by sucking, and buting on Rarity’s hoof making sexual noises. Rarity tried as hard as she could to pull it away, but she couldn’t. Finally Sweetybell let go, and Rarity went flying back. Sweetybell smiled, but was greeted with a hoof to the face. She fell back. Her nose was now bleeding, and she was missing a tooth. She reached around and found a long need used for sewing. Rarity was shocked, but quickly responded by grabbing another needle. They raced towards eachother. Time slowed down. Rarity knew Sweetybell had no chance. She had karate training, and was a black belt in dress-fu! On the other hand Sweetybell was much more agile, and could easily dodge the attacks from her sister. The broke into a large fight containing blood, and a lot of sharp needles. By the time they were tired, Rarity used one special move. Sweetybell came with a kick, and she grabbed her hoof, flung her around, and out the window she went.

“YOU DAMN CHEATER!” Sweetybell shouted at her sister who was laughing.

“Years of karate practice.” She smiled, and made her way down onto the lower floor of her home. She emerged from the door, and was greeted with a very large cart to the face. Sweetybell, and Rarity were once again in a hoof to hoof fight. Until the cops came and took them both to custady. In the end there was a lot of really bad injuries. Sweetybell had suffered 3 broken ribs, a broken hoof, about 13 stitches in 13 different places. Rarity on the other hand suffered much more severe injuries. She had lost an eye, all of her ribs were broken, she cut off her entire hoof, she broke her leg, and had one cut down her entire body that was about 40 stitches long. They were both in horrible shape. Sweetybell was set free, but for her sister. She was sent to court, and was sentenced to 2 years in jail for attempted murder.

Sweetybell Randomness

Seriously? She attacked you? And you were set free. No charges?” Twilight sat there confuzzled.

“Yup! Ya got any paste I can eat?” Sweetybell was at Twilight’s. She wasn’t there when the fight broke out.

“No. What’s with you and paste? Anyways can you tell me any details?” Twilight pulled out a pencil, and a piece of paper.

“Well. Actually can I tell you all about my life?” Sweetybell was eyeing the ink cartridge weirdly.

“Um. Ok.” Twilight dropped her notebook, and listened carefully.

“So first I must tell you about my sister. She has weird pictures of everypony she knows in her room. Sometimes she plays weird games with me. She shoves alot of things up my ass, and down my throat. She also has a sick obsession with eating fabric. I dunno why, but it does taste really good. And as you know she has karate lessons, and defeated the might Black Wizard of the Rainbow Magic Fun Randomness Spell Casting Realm of Doom, Despair, Destruction, and Death. She also like humping her models alot.” Sweetybell was smiling, and reaching for Twilight’s ink bottle. Twilight just sat there. “Now for my life story. I was born on another planet called X-343546BCDLOLMFAO, and was raised by the nut-sucking fucktards of the Quintabley race. They were being invaded by the Lesbian Whore race of naked women, and lesbians. They shot giant dicks at us, but my parents were able to dodge them, and fire back with a giant OP canon that shoots 10,000,000 Rainbows per milisecond. They shot me off into space were I was able to land here on Earth. People didn’t know much about me or my race. Our diet consisted of any liquid, but the best of all was paste. For food we ate what you call here “dirt”. I was the last hope for survival of my race. My mission to repopulate by breeding with any other life from. We breed in a special way. First off the male of the two takes his hoof, and severs it. Then the female takes it and eats it along with the males organs. Finally she takes the skin of the dead male, and shoves that up her ass. Finally a small baby poops out of her armpits. Covered in green muck the female must then suck all of the poisonous chemicals out of the body. She disperses them into another life form and boom! You have a baby. But for the unfortunate life form who gets the chemical much worse happens. They begin getting insanely fat. Their eyes begin to bulge, and then explode. After that the body begins to poop out its vital organs. First the kidney. Then the stomach. Followed by the lungs, and finally the heart. At the end the body spontaneously combusts into a shower of blood, mucus, and uran!” Twilight just sat there and stared. She didn’t know what to say. Sweetybell was now eating the ink cartridge that Twilight held.

“Sweetybell. Have you been taking some of Pinkie Pie’s “special” medication?” Twilight regained her sanity. And stood there and looked at the filly. She now realized that she never grew.

“NOPE! Why?” Sweetybell looked confuzzled. Everything she said WAS true. Twilight just sat there once again. Dumbstruck.

Rarity Escapes

It was a weird night for Twilight. After what she heard she denied what Sweetybell had asked. She wanted to stay here while Rarity was in jail. But two years with HER? Rarity actually had a right to be mad at Sweetybell. It all made sense. Twilight then shook her head regaining her consciousness.

“Maybe she just lied about the meds. Anywho that was weird.” Twilight said still shaking her head. Her life was now sad. Spike was dead, and a murder was on the lose. She slowly climbed into bed. And drifted off into a deep slumber.

She had an amazing dream. Everything was okay, and there was no murderer. But everything was too nice, and for two long. One day in her dream one of her friends died. It was Rarity, and she was at her door when she had a heart attack.She was drooling. All over. She slowly woke. Another night without Spike to wake her up. It was about 1P.M. She wasn’t woken naturally though. She heard a knock at the door. Twi;light got up. And walked down to the door. She used her magic to open it. There stood 3 of her friends all in tears.

“Whats wrong?” Twilight asked.

“One of our friends is no more.” Rainbowdash said through her crying. Twilight studied the 3 figures. Obviously one was missing. She looked harder. She felt like she had a massive hangover. Rainbowdash was there. Pinkie Pie. Fluttershy. She gasped.

“Oh no. Did Applejack do.... Suicide?” The thought made her shiver. Plenty of her friends were already dead, and she didn't want she couldn't take it if another one of her friends died,

“No. worse. The killer got to her. It’s a bad scene. We need you though.” Pinkie Pie’s hair was flat and she was in a massive tear fest.

They walked out to Sweet Apple Acres. Once there they went down into the brand new installed apple cellar. They were met with a horrifying sight. There lay a beheaded orange blood covered pony. Her skin was completely pulled off revealing all her big muscles. Her heart had a very large pipe through it. Her eyes were missing, her legs chopped off, every single one of her bones were broken. All her blood was put into a pale next to her. Her teeth removed, and stomach torn to shit. Not only was there a dead Applejack, but a few other ponies they hadn’t seen before. There lay Vinyl Scratch, Lyra, and Bon Bon. They as well were brutally murdered in every way.Their skin removed, and gone. Their organs all open, and a dark shade of gray. All bones broken, and beheaded. Whoever the murderer was. They were sick and ruthless.

“Holy shitfuckmotherpony. Whatthefuck happened here.” Rainbowdash was crying once again. They left the cellar, and left the police do the investigating. Twilight couldn’t get that image out of her head. By the time they were back at her house RD said she would go up to Cloudsdale, and warn everypony there. Rainbow took off fast, and strait up for Cloudsdale. Pinkie just said she’d be at her home crying. But unfortunately for Pinkie. It was time to die. Out of nowhere a giantass piece of concrete flew over and nailed Pinkie in the head. She immediately lost consciousness. Before anypony knew it a giantassmothafuckingoutofnowhere house came tumbling on top of her. She was instantly killed. When the police finally cleared the mess they found what was left of the pink mare. Her skull was crushed exposing her brain. Her entire body smashed to tiny chunks. All of her bones broken, her eyes were gone, and one of her hooves was severed. The remaining of the once 6 friends was dwindling down to Twilight, Fluttershy, Rarity, and Rainbowdash.

“Why Pinkie? WHY!!!!!!!!!” Twilight screamed in frustration. Her friends were dying all around her, and she didn’t know how to stop it. Just then she heard a loud thud at her door. She opened it to see a severely messed up Rarity. But she was dead, and Twilight could see a swarm of cops behind her.

Rarity was losing it. She was in a padded cell. She needed a way out of this shit hole. An idea sprung into her mind. She began whining INSANELY loud. The prison guards came over, and began yelling at Rarity. But despite their arguing Rarity kept crying. The guards came in, and saw that nopony was there. Rarity was on the roof of her cell. She dropped behind the guards. They turned around only to get a hoof to da face. They fell to the ground unconscious. She grabbed their keys with her mouth, and very slowly untied her top hooves. She jumped out of the cell, and ran down the hallway. The alarms sounded, and a bunch of guards appeared. They surrounded Rarity, and she began fighting back. Within seconds the entire army was in a pile. She then fled the prison, with a ton of cops on her trail. She ran for what seemed like forever. When she say Ponyville her excitement hit the roof, but she realized that she was wanted, and had to live somewhere else. She began to speed up. This was tiring her alot. She reached Ponyville, and thought for a second. Twilight was a good friend. She ran to her door. But something felt wrong. Her heart was feeling insane. She began to breath heavily. Her heart now stung insanely. She knocked again. no answer. She felt woozy. She fell against the door. Dead. She had died of a heart attack.

“OMG Rarity are you alright?” Twilight pushed her. She didn’t move. By then the police were at her door. They said freeze altogether, and they hauled Rarity off. And left Twilight for questioning. She didn’t know what was going on. Her friends were dying. What was going to happen next?

Flutterdead

“Oh sweet angel.” Fluttershy was just in her cottage. She was tending to her animals. As usual. But she then heard a knock on the door. She peeked outside. Nothing was there. She opened the door. A basket sat there at her door. She looked around, then picked it up with her mouth. She put it down on the table inside. She lifted up the covers.Inside was a box. It had a wind up wand. She pulled it out. She winded it up, and a song began to play. She couldn’t recognize it, but at the end the spring sprang up, and a smaller box popped out. It was ticking. Everyone of her instincts told her to run, but she refused. The ticking became slower.She then realized what it was. A bomb. But it was to late. By the time she had began to even run it went off. It blew her cottage to hell. Everything was destroyed. At the end of the explosion a pony was at the wreckage. Twilight and Rainbowdash were intently there. They saw the pony, but it was in a familiar suit. Covering its entire body. Twilight instantly recognized it. It was the mare-do-well suit.

“WHATTHEFUCKHOLYSHITWHATTHEFUCKINGHELLMOTHERFUCKER!” Rainbowdash was swearing left and right. Twilight got one last good look as the murderer took off with her wings. Rainbow was on her tail though. She easily outpaced her. So the murderer did a signature move. It took off high into the air. Then came flying to the ground. Rainbowdash following all the way. Just before it hit the ground, whoever it was exploded, and sent RD flying into the ground.

“Rainbow! You alright?!” Twilight ran over to Rainbowdash. She got up, and spat out a tooth. Her face was smashed, and she looked pissed. She began raging hard. At the end Twilight left Rainbow to fly up to her home, and hopefully sleep this nightmare off. But that’s now what the murderer had planned.

“Another job well done!” The murderer was at their home. It lifted its hood off to reveal the gray face beneath. She was a mare. Laughed at. Taunted. Teased, but now she gets revenge. Her features on her face were severely crazed. Her blond mane was in shambles. Her gray fur covered in blood. She laughed maniacally.

“My next prey is the rainbow one they call Rainbowdash!” She was purely insane. She had lost all of her sanity. But now was the time to strike!

Rainbowblood

“Rainbowdash. I called you over here to warn you to watch out for the murderer.” Twilight and Rainbow were in the library. What they didn’t know is that right now they were both about to die.

“Can I have a drink, and can I use your toilet?” Rainbowdash was now dancing around holding the sensitive spot in between her flanks.

“Sure Rainbow.” Twilight pointed to the bathroom upstairs. Rainbow zoomed up there faster than lightning. She landed on the toilet, and began. But something was wrong. This poop hurt. Alot. But she squeezed it out anyway. She then flushed when she realized her mistake. She was now flushing all of her organs down the toilet. She was her entire digestive track leaving her body. covered in blood. She began screaming loudly. Twilight dropped the bottle of water, and raced up stairs. She saw Rainbow being eaten by a toilet. :P. Rainbow was screaming in pain. She dropped to her knees, and fell face first into the toilet. Twilight watched in horror as the toilet began sucking up the Rainbow coloured pony. Rainbowdash was now gone. She was eaten by a toilet. :P.

“And your next!” The toilet shouted. Twilight froze, and ran out of the bathroom. She now realized that her tree was on fire. Her home was burning. She did the first thing possible. She grabbed a few books, and raced down into her hidden cellar. She knew this would fool the murderer into thinking she was dead. So that way she could strike back! While her home burned to a crisp. She sat in her basement. Planning.

“Celestia! Please!” Twilight was in tears.

“No Twilight!” Celestia didn’t agree with Twilights plan whatsofuckingever.

“PLEASE!” Twilight put on puppy eyes.

“Fine, but if Anthing goes wrong you’ll be sent to the moon BITCH!” Celestia did not want to put her sister in danger, but this was the only way to capture the murderer.

The Finale Random Battle

Twilight sat there. She had gone over the plan many times, and was ready to start. She was at the Grand Galloping Gala, and everything was all set. When a pony came in wearing a murderer costume. Twilight wondered how nopony even cared about it. But it was a costume party.

“Ready?” Celestia asked Twilight. She nodded. Luna bean walking in solitude up the stairs. Soon after the murderer followed with out anypony noticing. Twilight and Celestia followed her as well. Luna ran into her room, and locked the door. She grabbed a knife at hand just in case.

“Yoo-Hoo!” A small voice came from outside her door. It was suddenly knocked down, and Luna was sent flying back, the knife flying out of her hands and stabbing her in the eye. It rolled out on the floor. She gasped in horror. Luna accidentally pocked her eye out. She began to cry with her good eye while blood poured out the other one.

“Well well well. Poor little Luna.” The murderer was now on top of her holding a somehow hidden chainsaw.

“Stop! Guards arrest her!” Celestia was at the door with a group of guards behind her.

“Too late!” The murderer pChapter 10: Final

“Princess Celestia. I have a really good plan. I need your help. We will go to Ponyville were the murderer is. Luna will be used as bait. The murderer will attack, but we will fight back!” Twilight was looking at the princess with excitement.

“It will never work.” Celestia had a poker face.

“Why now?” Twilight’s heart sunk.

“Because. How do you know they aren't already here.

“This could save Equestria!” Twilight was on her knees begging.

“Nope.” The princess was as stuborn as Rainbowdash was.

“PLEASE!” Twilight gave the puppypony look.

“Fine.” The princess siut the saw deep into Luna’s chest. She was cut open easily. Her guts spilled the floor, and she was in shit loads of pain. Celestia and the guards just stood there in shock as her one sister was murdered before her. She regained her sanity, and charged at the fiend. Her eyes on the verge of crying.

“Too late for you as well.” She pulled the chainsaw out of Luna, and threw it at Celestia. She nearly dodged it, and lost her balance. The murderer then began throwing a shit load of chainsaws at Celestia. One hit her. It severed her two hind legs. She fell to the floor, and began sobbing. She was dying now, both princesses were dead. Twilight came rushing in. She was the last hope. She tackled the murderer, and threw her and herself out the window. The fell. Twilight pulled off the mask of the criminal. It was Derpy.
“WTFHOLYSHITHOWONGODDAMNEARTHWTF!”
“Yeeuuupp. And guess what. I’m not real!” She disappeared, and she reappeared holding a GIANTMOTHERFUCKINGLOSEYOUMINDGOFRIKINCRAZY Nucleur bomb. SHe dropped it right on Twilight face.

“LOL U LOSE! TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!” Derpy was laughing maniacal.The nuke fell to the ground, and blew Equestria to hell (and back)! Everyone was dead. But then out of nowhere. Came the savior of everypony. Sweetybell!
“HI MY NAMES SWEETYBELL! But everypony calles me dumbass. DO you like paste? I do! DO you like eating peoples faces? I do! Do you like eating candy? I do! “ Sweetybell was driving Derpy insane. She then flew up into the air, and threw the sun at Sweetybell. This didn’t work. She was still alive, and very very very very annoying. Derpy didn’t know what to do! So she then spontaneously combusted into a shower of uran.

Pinkie: “And that’s how Equestria was made!”

Scootaloo: ‘WTF BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”