The Steadfast Sky : Chapter 38
The Grey Potter
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/11495/The-Steadfast-Sky
http://cosmicponyfiction.tumblr.com/

You know, if there’s one thing I feel like I don’t do a whole lot, but I’ve been doing a lot of lately, it’s thinking hard. Stuff was really clear all the time. I knew how to make Celestia happy, I knew how to make Discord happy. I knew how to stop a fight and make everybody feel a whole lot better about everything. I was just okay with how things were. Happy a lot.

Then some stuff happened and everything became a little different.

You know, it all started with everybody making their brains all silly from fighting.

We were travelling, and the snow was still following us around. We found shelter one night, but then the next we had to sleep out in the cold. Now… sleeping outside was comfortable before. Grass, bugs… well, bugs weren’t nice, and grass was itchy. But it could be comfortable! Sleeping outside in the snow was terrifying. I couldn’t even get to sleep, it was too cold. I remember blowing on my hooves like crazy, trying to make them warm. When we got up the next morning, the snow beneath us had turned to ice, and was frozen to our tummies. Celestia wouldn’t stop mumbling about how primitive ponies used to sleep in the cold all the time, that it’s normal and it’s no big deal… but she was on edge. She was driving herself crazy, and it was driving Discord crazy, and that was driving me crazy.

Of course, Celestia’s crazies were deeper than a frustration about the snow… We were heading to Canterbury, she wanted to be certain that we were ready. At one point she grit her teeth and banged her knee against a tree, beating it until her coat was scraped up, covered in little pinpricks of blood. She lifted it up to us and demanded we test the Element’s healing abilities. With some futzing with the Resonation, and an accidental shower of snow falling from one of the broadleaved trees, we made the wound disappear. Celestia trotted on, and me and Discord spent an hour tossing back and forth silly names. Eventually, we settled on “The Bright Northern Lights that Illuminate all of Glorious Equestria, Hail Our Wisdom For Relying Random Outcomes, For We Are The Alicorn Gods.” Or “Aurora” for short.

I think that was the only laugh we had all day… The second time Celestia tried to pull a “here’s a problem, let’s find a solution…”

I don’t even know what she was thinking. We were just walking alone the road, trying to stick to the flattened tracks of carts. Celestia was staring off the road, not really talking much. Discord and me kept trying to get her into the silly naming, but she never got into it. Always kinda distracted. She stopped suddenly, pointed her hoof off the road.

“Look,” she had said, “A fox.”

And so it was! It was just a fuzzy red furball, making two tiny little tracks through the woodland snow. It looked up at Celestia’s words, ears perking. It was then that I saw another little fuzzball in its mouth, a brown rabbit…

I stuck out my tongue, “Yeck, it’s got a dead thing.”

Discord chuckled uncomfortably behind me, and I watched him step around me, continue on. But Celestia... she stepped off the road, walked towards that fox. Carefully finding each step, she never took her eyes off the fox, approaching it slow as could be. And the fox watched her too, wary. He turned a little, rabbit flopping in his mouth.

Slowly, carefully, Celestia used her aura to scoop up a ball of snow. Discord called out about then, joking about her intentions. With a sort of desperate squeak, Celestia chucked that snowball. The fox darted away, annoyed… but then she grabbed its tail.

“Celestia!” Discord cried, “What are you doing?”

“Annoying it!” she shouted back, “We need to try and Harmony Blast it!”

Celestia and Discord argued the most I’d ever heard them fight when that happened. The angriest I’d ever heard them, even angrier than when Discord was found in that chicken coop. It was a stupid risk and a danger, Discord screamed. We learned that the Harmony Blast can calm things down, Celestia screamed. I had to resort to standing between then, forcing them apart with hoof and spell.

Discord wouldn’t really talk to me after that… Couldn’t believe that I wouldn’t immediately denounce my sister. Couldn’t believe that I still wanted to go to Canterbury. He was starting to get more desperate about the issue, pressing it more when he realized Celestia wasn’t changing her mind.

Then, as the sun was setting, and we were all sick of not being able to feel our feet…

Celestia stopped again, making Discord tighten up a little, shoulder stiff. She poked at a muddy patch of snow, and her horn flared to life. She lifted a leaf down, and scooped a big, squirmy worm into the little cup. It rolled and curled around, tightening into knots. Celestia held it in front of me.

“Let’s try and turn it into stone.”

“No!”

She blinked.

“It’s just a cute little bug!” I cried, “It’s not hurting anybody!”

“First of all, it’s not a bug,” Celestia huffed, “And in any case, we have to test this on something! And there are millions of these things around! One won’t be missed!”

Quietly, under his breath, Discord spoke. “Just like there’s millions of ponies in Equestria?”

Celestia heaved a sigh. “Oh, you would say that! You’re just trying to get under my skin!”

“Just saying. I’m with Luna on this one,” Discord said, “Just leave the little bug be…”

“It’s not a… Nevermind!” She shook her head, almost dropping the worm. “Anyway, what happens when we get to the Shadow Stallion? We need to know how to turn things to stone!”

Discord rolled his eyes, and for a second, I thought he was just going to leave. I watched my sister, hoping, praying she’d just let Discord keep walking. Really not the best thing to hope for…

But then, Discord turned back to me. Waved at me. “C’mon Luna,” he said, “Your sister’s gone freaking bonkers. Let’s get her to Canterlot, maybe they can cure her of the crazies.”

“No! Luna!” Celestia finally dropped that worm. But it was only to skitter in front of me, head low and eyes wide. “We need to go to Canterbury! How could you live with yourself if you just went and hid from this?!”

“We wouldn’t be hiding! We’d be learning!” Discord moaned. “We’ll figure out how to do this stuff properly!”

“But we can figure it out right here and now!” Celestia cried.

“On an innocent creature…!”

“It is!” Celestia squealed, shoulders heaving, “A LITTLE BUG. You’re just being contrary! That’s all you ever DO!”

“No! Me an Luna are the only ones with any SENSE around here!”

“Luna and I are the only ones who know what DUTY MEANS!”

“Hey!” I shouted, somehow not the loudest of my friends. “Why are you guys tossing my name around like that?”

“Because!” Celestia heaved, “You are on MY side! We’re going to Canterbury!”

“You’re just using your sisterly bond to bully poor Luna!” Discord shouted back. He darted around Celestia, and flung his foreleg around my shoulder. “Luna knows the logical thing to do is head to Canterlot! She’s just scared of the YELLING!”

“Hey,” I snapped, “You’re yelling too, you know!”

Discord snorted, “Only so I can be heard!”

“That’s stupid,” I told him. “Now stop fighting! The Elements of Harmony do not fight!”

Celestia laughed, a crazy laugh that was so unlike her… “That’s a lie,” she spat, “Those First Gods fought like griffins over a gold coin!”

“Well the Second Gods shouldn’t fight,” I returned.

“Luna,” Discord pleased, “If you want the fighting to stop, just say Canterlot. It’s two against one!”

“Celestia will go to Canterbury alone if we leave—”

“That I will!”

“And we can’t split up,” I said with finality. That was something I definitely would not allow.

And yet… “Why not?!” Discord cried.

I stared at him, “Because Celestia will definitely get hurt?”

“Well… Well we’re all going to get hurt because of this!”

“Well not nesc—“

“Luna, please!” Discord stared me right in the eyes, desperate. “Have some sense!”

“Going to Canterbury makes some sense!”

“Ha!” Celestia laughed, “See?!”

“No it doesn’t!” Discord spat, “Not at all!”

“Look! Both makes sense! Both have reasons! BLEH!” I could feel myself whining, voice catching in the back of my throat. “Can we all just stop yelling at each other? Please?! That’s all I want right now!”

“No!” Discord shouted, “We have to decide now!”

“You gave us until the time we reached Canterbury!” Celestia pointed out.

“Well I changed my mind!” Discord shook his head. “It’s crazy! And I don’t know how long my stock of fish will last…!”

Celestia recoiled, lips squeezed tight.

Discord’s face fell. “Don’t look at me like that, Celestia!”

“I-I’m not!” Celestia stammered, “What look?!”

“You’re still—!”

“Stop!” I could feel my voice boom with a noisy blast, Element flaring along with a burst from my horn. Celestia and Discord both stumbled back, unable to keep their footing. “Stop it! You!” I jabbed a hoof at Discord “Over there! Celestia!” My hoof snapped around to my sister. She looked shocked. Hurt. “Over there!” I shouted.

Celestia stared down at me. “… Why I never! I am the older sister here…!

“It won’t make us any more harmonious to be separated…” Discord mumbled.

“It won’t solve anything to keep yelling at eachother!” I squealed, really, really whining. “Both of you just… go and freaking calm down!”

“But what—?!”

“I don’t know! I don’t know I don’t know stop fighting!” Then I did something very, very childish. I don’t even know why I did it, looking back. I just threw myself to the ground, kicking my legs and pounding my head into the cold snow, screaming. Horn sometimes flaring with crazy spells, blasting the words from my mouth. “STOP FIGHTING. SHUT UP! STOP IT!”

It was a long, long time until I could get myself calmed down enough to sobbing hot tears. Longer still to just lie there, pouting, and feeling ashamed of myself. I’m kind’ve a little kid but… but to throw a fit like that… I was kind’ve proud about how grown up I could be. About solving all the fights. About being a problem solver…

When I finally sat up, I saw Discord was staring at me. Stunned, unable to really say anything to me.

And my sister was just gone.

The past few days we had been sleeping really really tight knit, since the snow and cold never left. But Discord’s up his tree… And when I went to snuggle up with Celestia, she backed away, said she needed some alone time. At least she didn’t run away…

But I think… besides those two nights I stayed alone in Stringhalt, this is the only night I’ve ever slept completely alone. Even when we lived in Canterbury… I thought it was silly that my sister tried to keep me so close… dragging me down into the sitting room to sleep together. But now, I really miss her.

And it’s still really, really cold.

They’re not just mad at each other… they’re mad at me. They’ve never been mad at me! I’m the peacemaker! Aren’t I? I bury my nose into my forelegs, cold Element resting on my nose, and stare up at the sky. Even as peacemaker… It’s always either or. It’s either Discord or Celestia. My friend’s stance or my sister’s stance…

What about my opinions? Can’t I add more than ‘stop fighting’ to every conversation?

I dunno… Why are we fighting? Isn’t this a time we have to be the most harmonious? All friends fight occasionally but… it’s weird to think that saviors, heroes, and eventual gods like us can still snip at each other. Aren’t we chosen because we’re above those little arguments? I stare up at the sky, trying to see the flakes as they fall, quietly muting the dark night. But even the snow’s left me… guess the Pegasi had caught up to that storm…

And, as I stare up at the clouds, I wonder if that’s exactly what I’m seeing. There’s a big white lantern up there, above the clouds. I tense up… I remember the looks of the griffin lanterns! They looked um… Orange. And a whole lot smaller than that. I wonder if they had some sort of big, massive lantern they haul around for cleanup.

Or maybe I’m just completely wrong.

I keep quiet, just in case. If it is a giant griffin mega-lantern, shouting for my friends is probably not the best idea. If I can see it, they can see it, and they’ll know how to act.

But as the lantern got brighter and brighter… there was no response from my friends. Not even a shiffling of snow or a whisper of branches. And that was weirder than the light even being there. Discord should at least be reacting to being taken, or something. Were they both asleep? I stared at the lamp, watching it for sudden movements. But it didn’t move at all… just started to became less and less like a blob of light, and more like a big hoofprint. Getting brighter and brighter, outlining little puffy lines…

And a little black speck darted in front of the crescent-shapes spotlight.

“Guys!” I shouted. Quietly. “Celestia! Discord!”

There was a shuffling, a sleepy groan from my sister. “What, Luna…”

“It’s… it’s… the clouds!”

Layer by layer, streak by streak, dozens, maybe hundreds of itty bitty mites weaved in and out of the clouds. The clouds, the permanent, never-go-away, dreary ceiling layer that I had only seen over once in my life, but never leave. Slowly, not so slowly, it vanished, and the real sky opened up.

Right in the center was that big silver print, bright and shiny like a light over a flick of silver, almost bright enough to see the glade without my spells. I could see little dark marks all over its surface, speckling, but never dimming its calm and gentle glow. All around it, instead of an infinite sea of impossible blue, it was all black… But more than black! A giant speckled streak splattered behind the hoof print sliver, glittering and glowing with the same calm stillness. These little dots were dimmer, but each speck an individual, radiating outwards, filling the sky with an ocean of sparkles.

“The moon!” Celestia cried.

“That’s the moon…?” I asked.

“And the rest are stars,” she replied.

“Wo~ow…” I laughed out loud, “Look! The moon! It’s smiling on its side!”

But, almost as soon as it the sky was revealed to us, little specks flew this way and that, silent little bodies leaving behind them a network of cloudy strings, eventually forming back into a single spun web… Then it was all back to normal. The normal, dreary, cloudy sky was put back in its place. I could already feel it getting warmer.

“The snowstorm must have invaded the permanent cloud layer…” Celestia mumbled.

“Maybe…” Discord spoke up, the first I had heard from him since the argument.

In my mind, the image of that little moon, a little sliver of a hoof nail in the sky. It was nothing like the daytime sun, that big bright burning thing that left holes in my eyes. The night sky was nothing like the endless blue, a blue void to fall into. It was full of light, full of things to look at, almost too much to take in at once… Yet…

That sky was beautiful…

I didn’t know if I could sleep that night, for the second night in a row. It was warmer, sure, but wetter, and stifling. I spent a long time thinking about that moon… just getting a feel for the word. Wondering how all those stars got there, and how the moon was positioned so perfectly, not running into any of them. But those entrancing thoughts couldn’t hold me forever… and the later and more uncomfortable it got… the more negative my thoughts became. The fight between us all… and the fact that I was sleeping all alone.

I just feel like I’m just standing back and watching, or putting a stop to the fighting. When I enter the conversation… it stops. I guess it’s a good thing that my friends listen to me… But Discord wants to go to Canterlot. Celestia wants to go to Canterbury. I’m just thinking about their reasons to go places, weighing their words. Don’t I have somewhere I want to go?

Should I just say ‘go in a random direction!’ for a third option? I think that’s kind’ve dumb. But am I always gonna be between Celestia and Discord, deciding which ones right and which ones wrong? I feel like anything I’m gonna say that’s purely me is gonna be wrong. I don’t know anything…

And then some words popped into my brain.

Nobody really knows what’s right. What we ‘know’ is always going to be really, really incomplete. So I know that I don’t know anything.

Why am I assuming Discord and Celestia know any better?

The idea stunned me for a second, made me feel all swirly sideways. Maybe they don’t know what’s best either. Maybe they’re just as dumb as I am!

Wow.

So um…

If both options are dumb, what the heck should we do? Is there a smart option at all? Canterlot seems smarter… but does safer mean smarter? Catching an enemy off guard is smart too, even if Celestia’s being all emotional and dumb about it…

She’s too intense. Like the sun was. Warm and strong, giving light to everybody, but burning holes in your eyes if you look too hard.

There’s another, better way to look at the sky…

And there’s a better way to look at this solution.

There’s one thing that’s really clear to me now: while my friends were fighting, I couldn’t think straight! Who can think straight when they’re getting all worked up over the right answer, you know? Fighting’s not helping! We gotta approach this stuff in the calm and quiet. It’s not really about my own opinion and not getting a word in, not really. I like the thought of weighing all the options and reasons, both logical and emotional, and offering the answer with an even temper! Radiate the response not with the heat of the sun…

But with the cold light of the moon!

So… Celestia If she’s going to be Equestria’s sun… Well, then I want to be its moon!

“And as Equestria’s moon!” I whispered frantically to myself, a rushing feeling in my head, flashing lights coming from behind me, “I say the best option for my country is to see if we can save it now! We must go to Canterbury, and stop this evil once and for all!”

I remember, almost a million years ago, how important a cutie mark was. All the kids in school would panic about what they would get… And those that found their way were always so excited. I was invited to a ton of parties celebrating cutie marks. Not because I was popular or anything, but because cutie marks were a BIG DEAL, and every foal had to go to every party, just to make sure they knew that.

I think, one time I planned out what my Cuteciñera would be like. Celestia looked at it and said maybe. Then she rubbed her eyes and told me no. I wouldn’t have a party when the cutie mark appeared. A cutie mark wasn’t THAT BIG of a BIG DEAL.
So I took her word for it. I mean, she didn’t have a cutie mark either, and she was almost an adult. It must not be that important. Someday I’d get one, when I was ready for it. Knowing it really wasn’t a BIG DEAL stopped me from really getting worked up and worried, like some of my peers. Stopped me from hurting myself or wrecking my coat with paint… like some of my peers.

And my patience was rewarded.

I naturally came to a conclusion about myself, about what I feel. I feel happy. Still happy. And my cutie mark is… beautiful. Unique. Like the moon in the sky, one of a kind. A little sideways smile, a small tap of a hoof, sitting in its own blotchy nighttime shadows. A little light in the dark.

I am Luna, Equestria’s long-lost Moon. Still trying to shine, even though the clouds block my light. A cool and careful nighttime guide.

And I’m comfortable with myself.