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The Steadfast Sky

by TheGreyPotter

Chapter 35: XXXV : Luna

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The Steadfast Sky : Chapter 35
The Grey Potter
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/11495/The-Steadfast-Sky
http://cosmicponyfiction.tumblr.com/

~Luna~

“How did I not notice how bad Discord was feeling? I mean in the city… Well, I guess I wasn’t able to judge him there. He seemed happy until I freaked out at him.

“Lately, I’ve just been feeling like I’m wobbling on two feet, ever since that orphanage school for unicorns. Losing my friends made me a little wobbly, losing the idea of my parents made me super wobbly. Celestia was able to cheer me up then, but… A part of me was just so scared, heart beating all crazy, telling me I shouldn’t look at Discord. But why? Why wouldn’t I want to look at my friend? I sided with him too, I feel bad for him. But why am I still all wobbly?

“And I think Discord and Celestia are getting all tipsy turvy too, but for different reasons. They started acting funny once they learned about this big god thing… But I don’t know why! This is a really good thing that’s happened! We’re important and special, and we’re going to save Equestria too! Why are my friends acting like everything’s all broken?

“Is that why I feel like everything’s all broken?

”I really don’t like it when I don’t know how I’m feeling. And that feeling,” I nodded into my hooves, “Is really awful.”
The purple Illuminator glanced up from her notes, pen gripped tightly in her teeth. With a flick of her head, she shifted the blackened stick into her back teeth.

“Um… Well…” she stammered, “I wouldn’t know, but wouldn’t that feeling be ‘sad?’”

“Nooooo! I know what ‘sad’ feels like! This feeling is like… like when I was falling off the walls. Or when I was staring up at the infinite sky above the clouds. But the more I get the feeling, the more it hurts.”

“Pardon… falling off the walls?”

“When we ran away from Canterbury, we had to go on top of its walls. Then we fell off.”

The Illuminator spat a black splatter across the parchment.

“What?” I said, “I told you that, didn’t I? This morning?”

“The details were… well… By the Elements!” she exclaimed, “However did you survive?!”

“Discord and Celestia made a rubber bubble ball,” I said with a wave of my hoof. The Illuminator scratched more notes around the spit splatter. “But before then it was… really… really terrifying. But that doesn’t sound like the right word either!” I rolled onto my back, kicking my legs into the air. “It just, like, a really, really big feeling! It makes my entire body feel like a big lump!” I flipped and rolled back around, finding a cool spot on the black cobble to pout into my forelegs. “And I feel like a huge lump right now too. A big useless lump that can’t help her friends laugh. Even though that’s supposed to be my strongest trait!”

“Well, you see…” She finished scrawling her notes, then flipped the pen back again. “Genuine reflection on one’s own Element and its meaning is not a bad thing. I’ve often debated with my fellow Illuminators what the true purpose of Laughter is. If it means to bear joy, grant joy, or remind all that positivity and optimism are important to… Um…” I flipped this way, that way, this way, but my body flipping around wasn’t helping my thoughts turn around at all. “Sorry, my Princess. I’m probably no help at all.”

“I don’t think philosophy is gonna help me here…” I mumbled.

“Philosophy has a great number of positive uses! … But yes, perhaps another time. So… Um… Would… uh… consulting with your fellow Elements help?”

“I tried, but they’re both doing worse than me!” And she was right back to scratching notes. Weird Illuminator, but at least she was paying attention. “I don’t even feel like I have anything to complain about! Discord was starving himself, and my sister is having this big huge deal about… being a god and stuff. I don’t think she can just be my sister right now. I even reached for a hug, and she just wandered past!”

“Hm…” She stopped scratching notes for a moment. “The Sky rejecting The Mind…? What could this mean?”

“No, it was my sister being too caught up to hug me. It doesn’t have to mean something!”

“I’m sorry Princess, forgive me!” She bowed into her notes over and over, making the pages scatter. “It’s my training to recognize these kinds of patterns! But, in any case, I think I may be able to help you!”

“What?” I stared at her, “Help me? I was just talking here.”

“Well, if I may, as your humble servant, I mean! You seem to be having a great amount of trouble with the uncertainties in your life, Princess.”

“I know! I’m usually so sure about everything!”

She shook her head “…But you will never stop being uncertain about some topics, even if you are able to grow to be hundreds upon hundreds of years old. Learning how to deal with and handle unknown factors is not only a key skill in becoming an adult, but in becoming a ruler of all ponykind.”

“But how do I deal with unknown stuff?”

“By acknowledging your limits. Admitting that there are things you don’t know.”

I sat straight up and stared right at the Illuminator’s weird, ink-splattered face.

“That doesn’t sound like a way to deal with anything,” I told her.

“You’d be surprised what the right mindset can do to a situation, my Princess.”

“Hey!” Another Illuminator nudged his nose through the door, cloak fluttering as he bounced on all four hooves, “Oh, Princess, good to see you!” He hastily bowed, then turned to my Illuminator. “Bookends, we’re about to start the procession, do you want to join?”

“The pro…Oh! Yes! Yes, I would love to!”

I eyed the new Illuminator as the old one nudged all of her notes together, trying to pile it with the tip of her nose.

“A procession?” I asked.

“Would you like to grace us with your presence, my Princess?!”

“Um… I guess. But what’s a procession?”

“I’ll tell you along the way…!” He twirled in place, brown tail nearly blowing across his nose. “Oh joy, we have the approval of our Princess! Come now, let’s hurry!”

~Θ~

It was a cramped little room on the ground floor, little slitted windows barely letting any light in at all. The floor was sunken slightly into the ground, and looked slick with a thin layer of ice. A pump rose in the middle of it, alone in the room save some toppled buckets. And of course, Discord. He sat awkwardly to one side, out of place. He was using a thin, gray rag to sop water from a wooden bucket, pinching the fading welt on his bad arm, slapping the wet cloth across it. Rinse, repeat process down the rest of his arm.

I watched quietly, still feeling like a lump.

“Um…” I finally spoke up. Discord flinched at the sound of my voice, slapping the wet rag over his shoulder. “Hey Discord…”

He began to relax as he saw me, peeling off the little gray rag. But he stopped, looking me up and down, little curly frown on his face.

“What are you wearing?”

“Um…” I clink a little as I look down at the bangles up and down my legs, tiara slipping and bumping into my horn. “Costume jewelry?”

Why?”

“Well…”

“Princess? Are you going to lead us in?”

Nine Illuminators formed a line behind me. Four awkwardly bore banners over their shoulders, General Hurricane’s storm cloud and the Shadow Stallion’s alicorn. Two banners I didn’t recognize of the sun and moon, encircled by alicorns. Every nervous movement shook another puff of dust from the material, and the ponies in back tried not to sneeze, ducking their noses into the hoods of their cloaks.

“Luna?” Discord asked, leaning a little sideways. I shook my head and mouthed I was sorry.

With a regal flick of my mane making my hair slap my face, I held my head high and stiff, marching like a Princess into the tiny chamber. My metal shoes clinked and stabbed into my forelegs, obviously too big. The gauzy white cloth across my back dragged on the damp floor, tugging the material further and further from my shoulders. At least I didn’t have that far to go. I stopped right in front of Discord, peering down at him through my regally slitted eyes.

“Prince Discord of the Element of Kindness!” I shouted. “The Illuminators of the Shrine of Loyalty come before you today to give unto you an offering! They are humble in this delivery, long live the Elements, and praise their wisdom.”

Discord stared up at me, making little noises in the back of his throat, face curled up.

“Aren’t we the Elements?” he mumbled. My shoulders slacked.

“Oh yeah… I should’ve probably said praise our wisdom…” I glanced back at the procession, lost. “Should I start over?”

“No, no, it’s wonderful,” a flag bearer squeaked. Another flicked his hooves at me, urging me on. “Keep going!”

“Okay!” I turned back to Discord, clicking my heels. “They are making an offering to you… wait, I said that. Anyway, they hope this gift will help you in the future, and um… They offer it, humbled by your glorious presence. I think. Um, anyway!”

I watched my feet as I marched, knees almost smacking my snout as I turned in a circle. Gotta do the right walk to… Oh no, I went too far! I march back a couple steps… then look up at the Illuminator organizer. He smoothly bows. A moment passes, and he flicks his head to the left.

“Princess… I need to step forward…”

“Oh right!” I scootch over, and remember to march halfway through. Where should I be standing now anyway…? I guess it didn’t matter. The Illuminator organizer bowed, and politely stepped over the train of my dress. I tried to bite into the material, tug more of it out of the way as he started talking.

“Prince, Our Element of Kindness,” the Illuminator declared. “We have seen the struggles you have been forced to endure, and after today’s incident, we have decided to present unto you the fruits of our labor.” The Illuminator nodded another stepped forward, stumbling on my still trailing train. A silk bundle hung from his mouth, which he placed in front of Discord before scurrying back. Discord stared at the gift, then carefully reached out, peeling the top of the boxy bundle open. “We use this fish to create our ink!” The Illuminator boomed, bobbing for nods, “We catch it every day, their lives given to create the words of history! We offer you this noble fish, so when you consume it, you may gain strength for the great journey ahead of you! So that you may forge the road to your own history!”

Discord’s face twisted up even tighter, eyes finally falling on the black and silver mess inside the gift. He tugged the bundle closed, mumbling thanks.

“Well?” the Illuminator asked.

“Well what?”

“Aren’t… aren’t you going to try it? We are woefully uncertain about the preparation of this flesh… for consumption, I mean! We have done our best, and now desire to know if it is to your taste!”

For a long time, Discord stared at the bundle in front of him, silent. The Illuminators shifted on their hooves, trying to peer over each other’s shoulders, get a better look at their Prince.

“It’s a long journey to Canterlot, isn’t it?” Discord mumbled, “Shouldn’t I ration this uh, gift, the best I can?”

“Ah! Well… Yes!” The head Illuminator nodded, and everybody else hesitantly followed suit. “Such wisdom from our Prince! Yes… but please. Just a bite? It would be a terrible burden to learn you were eventually unable to consume…!”

Stop.”

Discord looked away, looked at me. I shrugged, tried to smile. He rolled his shoulders, and peeled back the cloth again. He picked out a slab of the fish, a fat silver sliver with black veiny lines running all over it. He frowned down at it, then took the smallest of bites from the center. There was a small wave of clicked hooves, the Illuminators trying to glance around everyone else’s shoulders.

“It’s really um…” Discord stared at the fish, almost confused. “Salty? Is there salt on this?”

“Yes! For preservation! It is a very long walk to Canterlot, you see!”

“Right… well… thank you.”

“Is it to your taste, our Prince?”

“Uh, yeah, I’ll eat it.”

“Huzzah!” And another clatter of hooves as everyone shuffled back into place, mumbling and muttering to themselves. “Yes, well! Bear it with you, then! Yes, thank you, Prince of Kindness. May your wisdom continue to grow ever more infinite.”

And then the procession turned and left. Some of the ponies looked at me, expecting me to follow, but I refused. I stayed right where I was, shaking off all the costume jewelry, and once all the ponies had shuffled out, a unicorn Illuminator came back to hover the items away. In the end I was just wearing my dull Element, clasp twisting up in the back of my mane.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, “that was stupid.”

Discord snorted.

“Nah… it’s funny, isn’t it?” he replied, picking up the little gray cloth again, “The attention they pile onto this mundane stuff…”

“It’s not mundane though, is it? It’s something you were trying to hide away since we met, and—“

“Can we just not talk about this please?

“Sorry…” I laughed quietly. “I probably shouldn’t have given them my blessing, I barely even knew what was going on anyway.”

Discord shrugged and began washing his other arm. Up close… I don’t know, how couldn’t I have noticed how thin he had gotten? He was always pretty small, I guess. Shorter than me, but longer if you measured him snout to rump. But now, I could practically see the shape of his ribs under his fur, his mismatched arms more like mismatched sticks. And under the thin fur of his eyes, I could see vague little black shadows.

And he was doing his best to hide it… but he just looked so sad.

I thought… I don’t know, I’m Laughter right? Can I cheer up this situation, laugh it away?

“So um,” I piped up, “Discord.”

He dunked the rag into the soap bucket.

“Yeah?”

“So um…what… do you get…” Jokes? Jokes! That’s a good way to make people laugh, right? What’s a good joke? I stammer for another few seconds while I wrack my brain. “When you have half a tuba?”

Discord stared up at me, poking at the space under his claws.

“What…?” he asked.

“A oneba!”

“I don’t get it.”

“Oh.”

Discord looked up at me for a moment more, then curled his wings up, twisting around to grab the bird-looking one, patting it down with the rag.

“But I got another one!” I exclaimed. “Um… What do you get…” Nothing else is coming to me, nothing at all! “A um…” Noooo I’m a terrible Bearer of Laughter, or Element of Laughter or whatever! Come on Luna, think of something! “A fox, in a house!”

“What? I don’t know…?”

“A fox out the window!” My joy at completing the joke lasts maybe three seconds. “Um, wait, is that how it goes?” Discord kept just staring at me, flicking the water from his dripping wing, not laughing at all. “So what do you get—“

“Why are you doing this?” Discord interrupted.

“Well I’m the Bearer of Laughter, right? You don’t look so happy, so I’m going to make you laugh!”

“By making jokes?”

“Uhuh!” I nodded furiously!

“But you were Laughter before, and you never told jokes.”

“Oh yeah…”

And he turned away from me again, dunking the rag and using the water to pat down his bat wing. It sort of struck me then, looking at the light frost on his bird wing. Doesn’t the cold water hurt?

“You’re pretty fun just being you,” Discord spoke up. “You don’t have to force it.”

“But how can I cheer you up?” I asked.

“I uh…” Discord’s face fell as he fiddled with the fur on his tail.

“No, don’t make that face!” I cried, “That’s the saddest face!”

“I think I can make a sadder face,” he snorted.

“No you can’t!”

Discord smirked at his tail fluff, rubbing it with the rag.

“I could be crying.”

“No! Please don’t cry!”

“Maybe I will. What are you going to do about it?”

“I’ll tell more jokes!”

“Yep, I feel like crying now.”

“No!” I dropped my head on his upright shoulder and glared directly at him, daring him to cry. I don’t think he could now though, he had a smile on! An actual smile that wasn’t sarcastic or tired or nothing! Yes, victory one for Laughter! Or is it victory… three? Three hundred? How far back am I counting? When did I start being Laughter? Was I Laughter before I got the Element of Laughter?

But then Discord’s face became less and less smiley, tired all over again. I began wracking my brain for another really bad joke, because darnit, Discord is going to be happy! No more sad Discord hurting over all of his problems!

“Hey um, Luna…”

“Uh-huh?”

“I think Laughter fits you pretty well. You think so too?”

“Hm...” The question’s been kind’ve rolling around my head... But I don’t want to take too long answering this! “Yeah, I think so!” I nodded again, bonking my chin into his tan shoulder.

“Do you uh… think Kindness fits me?”

Automatically, I gave him an “Of course!” Yet, he frowned, tried to shrug me off his shoulder, slapping the rag around his scaled leg.

“That was quick,” he snapped, “Didn’t even stop to think about the question.”

“I didn’t really have to, did I?”

“No…” he snorted, shoving the rag up and down his leg. “Well it’s driving me crazy. This isn’t something that can be answered with a simple yes! Do I really deserve this, after what I did today…?”

Yes!

“You’re just saying that!”

“Why are you so angry about that?”

“Because it’s not true!

“… But it is true! The Element—”

“I don’t feel like it is! Not after losing myself like that!”

With a strangled yelp, he toppled his washbucket with a smack of his hoof. For a moment, we both just watched the water spread, draining out little sun-lit cracks in the wall. He snorted, rolled his shoulders, and curled around his scaled foot. I stared at the upturned bucket, then back at Discord.

“So am I allowed to ask about what happened now?” I asked.

“No.”

“Please?” There was a small flash from my element, and for a second we both stared at it. It definitely seemed a bit more glittery than it did earlier. Discord turned back to his foot, worked the rag carefully between his toes, breathing through his nose.

“Everything seems so much simpler for ponies,” he finally said, yanking the cloth away. “You can just eat fruits and veggies, nobody’s scared of your appearance or wants to kill you. Everyone’s friendly and loves each other, and you don’t have to hurt anything to live.”

“I think uprooting a plant definitely counts as hurting it.”

“You know what I mean… Never have to hurt anything…” The corners of his mouth curled. “Sentient.”

He dropped the waterlogged rag, curling up around both legs.

“I thought I was kind, actually,” he said simply, “Trying my best, at least. Even before I knew what my element was. I’m definitely better than most Draconequus. But I’m not as good as a pony. I’m not as kind as a pony, and I know I never will be.”

And I didn’t know what to say to that. He had already snapped at me when I immediately refuted him. And I just… I couldn’t relate to the situation he was in. Discord to me was a pony, why can’t he just see himself as one too? But before I could ask…

“Do you hate me, Luna?”

“No.”

“You should.”

“That’s stupid. You’re my best friend.”

He heaved a sob, then bit it back, still, tight, and quiet on cold, icy floor.

I didn’t know what to think about Discord’s really big lie, or him not thinking of himself as a pony or very kind. I just felt what I had been feeling the entire conversation.

I stepped a little bit forward and gave him a friendly nuzzle on his prickly, sad face.

“You know it really hurts to see you hurt, Discord.”

His arms snapped up and wrapped around me. I could feel my heart jump, panicked. I guess my reaction to the meat eating thing, too late thinking he might bite me. But he just held me, and after I stopped panicking, I did the same, snout laying sideways on his shoulder, his head atop mine. I could feel the hot metal of his element under my chin, the golden band a comfortable heat on my skin.

“You’re really comfy, Discord!”

“Um...”

“Hm?”

I took a step back, our necklaces clicking together, glowing softly. I was smiling, but Discord just stared at me, eyes wide, quiet. Glanced down, back up at me...

“What?”

“Just got this really weird feeling,” he scooted back, trying to get up on his elbows, looking down over himself. “I think you broke something when you squished me. Or… life,” He slapped himself in the forehead and let out a nervous laugh, “I have got a real awful stomachache.”

“From…?”

“Yeah… Bleh. Bleh.” He shook his head, shuffling a little bit further back, flipping onto his feet. “Uh, Luna.” He turned to me. “You can go back now. I… um, I kinda need to finish washing up.”

“Well I don’t want to head back without you.”

“You peeping on me?” And then he smirked. Finally! Finally a smile! I stuck out my tongue at him. Laughter success number… five hundred! I’m sticking with that number! “But jeez… Wish I could just eat grass and be done with it, you know? This whole thing is just… dumb.

“Grass is kind’ve bland,” I admit, “You’re not missing much.”

Discord forced exactly two laughs and took a deep breath.

“Alright then.”

Next Chapter: XXXVI : Discord Estimated time remaining: 14 Hours, 47 Minutes
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