Crossover time: Portal 2

   “Hello? Is anypony home?”

   Derpy stepped inside Atrox’s house, which was empty and silent. Imagining that the Dark Conqueror would be already in the basement, the mare went to the elevator and pushed the button.

   However, the technological underground corridor was unusually dark. In fact, the visibility would have been absolutely zero, if it wasn’t for a small beacon of orange light at the end. Derpy approached, and she entered in the control room. All the computers were off, as well as the lights. The only illumination were four candles which Atrox had put on the table. The Dark Conqueror, with his arms folded, was looking at a gray metallic sphere, also on the table.

   Derpy wondered if that had been her fault. It would have been a new record, then. Objects tended to break down when she entered in the places, not before.

   “Is there something wrong?”, she asked.

   “Yes,” growled Atrox. “The core of the computers is broken.”

   The gray pegasus approached the table. The metallic sphere had also a robotic pink eye.

   “Derpy Hooves, meet the Fact Sphere, the brain of all my basement,” explained Atrox. “It started to fail this morning. I’ve been trying to fix it, but I cannot identify the problem. I guess it’s just defective.”

   “The Fact Sphere is not defective,” said the core, with a computer voice. “Its facts are wholly accurate, and very interesting. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve...”

   “It has been like this for hours,” the Dark Conqueror sighed. “I don’t know what to do. My computers cannot operate without it.”

   “Can’t you create another?”, asked Derpy.

   “No, because then our problem would be solved right now, and the chapter would end too soon. We only have 288 words so far, counting the title, we need to surpass the thousand words, at least.”

   “Wha-huh?”

   “So, we need to find a way to fix the Fact Sphere.”

   “The plural of Surgeon General is Surgeons General. The past tense of Surgeon General is Surgeonsed General.”

   “And quick. Any ideas, Derpy?”

   “Well...” the mare scratched her head. “How about if we ask Twiligth? She’s very smart, and has lots of weird scientifical stuff in her basement. Maybe she could help us.”

   “Ah, a very good idea, my friend,” Atrox raised a finger. “To the Library!”

One spinning Batman logo later...

   The purple unicorn and her dragon helper spent several minutes looking at the metallic ball which Atrox and Derpy had brought. Although she felt flattered that they had think of her, honestly she had no idea of what to do.

   “Well...” she said. “It’s a very impressive machine, that’s for sure...”

   “89 per cent of magic tricks are not magic. Technically, they are sorcery.”

   “And talkative, too,” added Spike. “It hasn’t shut up since you guys came here!”

   “And you think that’s bad?” asked Atrox. “I have been hearing it since I woke up! So, Twilight, can you help us?”

   “Mmmh...” the unicorn shrugged. “I guess I could try the Fix-Everything spell.”

   “Good. Do it.”

   Twilight pointed at the core with her horn and closed her eyes. The Fact Sphere was surrounded by a purple light for a few seconds.

   “I think it’s done,” said Twilight, once she finished. “That should have solved any problem.”

   Atrox and Derpy approached the Fact Sphere, which was now silent, slowly looking around with its pink eye. The Dark Conqueror held his breath. Certainly, it seemed that...

   “The Schrodinger’s Cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.”

   “Well, you tried,” sighed Atrox.

   “Maybe I didn’t do it correctly,” said Twilight. “Step aside, I’ll try it again.”

   The young unicorn used her magic on the core one more time.

   “There,” she said, panting. “I think now I made...”

   “The square root of rope is string.”

   Twilight fell to the ground, and groaned, exasperated.

   “I don’t know why it doesn’t work...”

   “Thanks anyway,” said Atrox, picking the Fact Sphere.

   “Pens! Pens! Pens! Pens!”  

   “What are we gonna do now?”, asked Derpy.

   “Plan B,” smiled Atrox. “When machines don’t want to work, you hit them until you fix them, or until they explode, what happens first. To Sweet Apple Acres!”

One spinning apple logo later...

   “Did you understand the plan, young boy?”

   “Eeyup,” said Big Mac.

   “Ok, but I’ll explain it again for no reason anyway: Derpy will put the Fact Sphere over that stump, and you’ll kick it as hard as you can. The Sphere will fly through the air and clash against the ground, and hopefully, that will fix it. You got it?”

   “Eeyup.”

   “Good! Derpy, put the core in the stump, please.”

   The pegasus left the Fact Sphere at the indicated point.

   “This is a bad plan. You will fail.”

   The red stallion approached the stump and turned his back on the metallic sphere. Then, he raised both of his hind legs, and bucked the Fact Sphere with all the strenght his muscles were able to pull out.

   Surprisingly, the core didn’t broke.

   However, it crossed the air at highspeed and clashed against a tree, which, just like pastries, apparently have cartoonish kinda-elastic properties in Equestria. So, the Fact Sphere bounced back and returned at even higher speed, impacting in Atrox’s stomach and launching him back a couple of meters.

   “Are you ok?” asked Derpy.

   The Dark Conqueror couldn’t answer. The metallic core was stuck in his stomach.

   “Why doesn’t your armor cover your belly?” asked Derpy. “Seriously, it’s wide open! Why does it have such big shoulders, but the stomach zone is unprotected? It doesn’t make sense!”

   “This situation is hopeless.”

One spinning rainbow logo later...

   “... and that’s why we need your help,” explained Derpy.

   Rainbow Dash looked at the spherical computer she was holding in her hooves, still not very sure.

   “Really do you want me to fly as high as I can, and then drop this thing?” she asked. “What if it breaks? Actually, it will most surely break.”

   “I don’t care,” mumbled Atrox, still embracing his belly. “Either it breaks, or the impact fixes it. We win in both cases.”

   “You could also sell it, you know? I’m sure there’s somepony out there who would like to have...”

   “Rainbow Dash is a blowhard, and a coward.”

   Silence. A terrible, uncomfortable silence surrounded the three of them. A tumbleweed came out of nowhere and rolled a bit through the scenario.

   “What did you say about me?” asked Dash, obviously not happy.

   “Rainbow Dash will never go to space.”

   “Are you teasing me, sack of bolts?”

   “Fact: Rainbow Dash does not exist.”

   “Ok, that’s it! Nopony questions my existence!”

   And she flew high, disappearing between the clouds.

   “Wow, she’s really fast,” said Atrox, looking up. Then, he smiled. “The sphere will fall from a quite terrifiyng height. Good, I think everything will be over soon.”

   The Dark Conqueror took off his helmet and passed his hand through the short black hair.

   “You shouldn’t take it off,” said Derpy.

   “Oh, come on... The sphere is not going to land right on my head!”

   Atrox looked up and, just in case, he stepped away a few centimetres. He waited, expecting a prank from Destiny, but nothing happened. Nothing fell over him.

   “See?” he said. “The sphere is not going to...”

   And the Fact Sphere fell right on his head.

   “Did it worked?” asked Rainbow Dash, landing. She looked at the Dark Conqueror, who was laying in the grass, with the metallic core as his new hat. “Oh, Atrox, what are you doing? That thing is not going to break if you catch it before it hits the ground!”

   “Mgmrnrbr...” mumbled the Dark Conqueror.

   “The likelihood of you dying violently within the next five minutes is 87.61%”

   “I’ll try again,” said Rainbow Dash, picking the Fact Sphere and taking off.

   “When all this is over, we’ll head to Sugarcube Corner. I need my ration of sugar...”

One spinning cupcake logo later...

   Derpy and Atrox were sitting in one of the tables of the Sugarcube Corner, with the Fact Sphere, still intact, defective and talking; in the middle of both. The head of Dark Conqueror was covered in bandages.

   “I can’t believe that Rainbow Dash tried thirty times, and the sphere landed in your head all of them!” said Derpy. “And why did you take off your helmet all the thirty times?”

   “Mgmrmbr...”

   “And I can’t believe that, when Rainbow Dash was about to do a Sonic Rainnuke to the Fact Sphere, you slipped on a banana peel which appeared out of nowhere, fell down the hill, pushed the sphere away from the landing spot, and received the Rainnuke instead!”

   Atrox stared at Derpy, frowning hard.

   “Thanks for telling me what just happened to me,” he growled.

   “You’re welcome, boss!” smiled the pegasus.

   “And the Fact Sphere is still defective...”

   “Fact: the author of this fanfic hasn’t played Portal 2.”

   Atrox facepalmed and sighed.  

   “I don’t think I’ll be able to take this anymore...” he mumbled.

   “Why don’t you simply drop it somewhere?” suggested Derpy. “That way, you won’t have to hear it.”

   “It is programmed to return to my house if it’s abandoned or lost.”

   “Fact: the author of this fanfic hasn’t even played the first Portal.”

   “Why don’t you hit it by yourself?” suggested Derpy. “Can’t you punch it or something? Why do we have to ask the help of other ponies to do something you can perfectly do alone?”

   “I don’t like to damage my own things.”

   “Fact: the author of this fanfic spends his nights hugging his own pillow, imagining that it’s Pinkie Pie, and crying because his life sucks and he’s just a pathetic excuse for a human being.”

   “Did somepony say my name?” asked Pinkie Pie, appearing literally out of nowhere.

   Atrox pointed at the Fact Sphere.

   “Oh, look at this thingy!” said Pinkie, approaching. “What does it do? Oh, it has a pink eye! Pink is my colour!”

   “Apples. Oranges. Pears! Plums. Kumquats!”

   Immediately, the eyes of the young pink mare sparkled.

   “Did you say ‘kumquats’? That’s one of my favourite funny words! Oh, I would love to work in a kumquat orchard just so I could say 'kumquat' all day! Do you want to know my other favourite funny words, Mr. Robotic Eye? My other favourite funny words are ‘pickle barrel’, ‘silly’, ‘biscuit’, ‘ununennium’,  ‘nimdok’,  ‘cherrychanga’, ‘chimicherry’, ‘chimicherrychanga’... Have you ever had a chimicherrychanga? It’s something I invented one day we went to search for Applejack who hadn’t returned to Ponyville after the Equestria Rodeo Competition because she hadn’t won any blue ribbons and she had thought that we would be angry at her, but how could we be angry at her? she’s one of the most beloved ponies in all Ponyville! But anyway we were helping Applejack with her new job and...”

   Then, the Fact Sphere exploded.

   “Ups...” said Pinkie Pie, with her ears down. “Sorry...”

   “It’s ok,” said Atrox. “At least it has stopped talking.”

-----------------------------The next day...----------------------------------------

   “Hello? Is anypony home?”

   “Here, Derpy.”

   Atrox came out from behind some boxes, in one corner of his living room. He looked pretty happy.

   “Our computers will work again!” he announced. “I’ve found a good replacement for the Fact Sphere! Derpy Hooves, meet the new brain for our machines, the Curiosity Sphere!”

   “Who are you? What is that? Oh, what’s that? What’s that? What is that? Oooh... that thing has numbers on it! Where are we going? Hey, look at that thing! No, that other thing! Is that a gun?”

   Derpy facehoofed.  

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To be continued... maybe.

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As soon as I saw this, I knew that I had to write a chapter about it.