Pepsi Incorporated

To: Seth Green

From: The Mother Fapper

Regarding: The Pink Thing

Directive: Immediate Termination

It has come to our attention that the pink pony thing has been attempting to escape our holds in the Cell Block 14E. However, it is imperative that the spastic ferret be quickly and inhumanely disposed of, as she is not only a risk to this franchise, but the universe as a whole. None in the Syndicate understand how copious amounts of radioactive soda could create such an abomination, however there is little to no time for us to correct this. It is in our best interest to simply ignore her..it, and terminate its life force.

Compliance is expected. Should you fail to do your appointed task, we will hang you by your balls held in place with splinters while we rub your tummy with jelly. If you find that at all erotic and arousing, get away from your dusty computer screen! Nobody likes you or your franchise, okay?

That aside, how's life been for ya buddy? I've just been gifted with my second child, which means once more, I am a father now! That also means, that you should drop by and say hi. There's no need to be strangers, Seth. Anyways, I'm more than a little curious as to what will come of your life and all that shit. Oh, I digress, don't I?

Terminate the life force of that pink abomination. Terminate it, and preferably with fire. Ya know, if it's not too much to ask. I mean, you could always poison her, shoot her, cut her little pony equine limbs off with a chainsaw, have some of the vulpine members of the Cooper household do it for you. (Sly brought in a Vixen, so they are now technically Vulpines). Just take care of it.

Also, have you ever played any of the Battlefield games? They're so much better than the stupid CoD franchise, I can't believe I ever wasted my money on Black Ops 2 when I could have bought Battlefield 3 instead! The bullets actually travel, there are more guns that actually take work to unlock, and there are airplanes in it! Yes! Motherfucking airplanes!! Buy it now, m'kay?

Ugh, I'm ranting again. What were we talking about? Oh yeah, killing the pink thingy. Just kill her already, okay? I want her head on my silver platter. It tastes too good for copper, so make sure it's silver. Well, good day to ya, and I hope you drop by soon. Goodbye!

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