The two of us walked towards Wal Mart, but before we just went in I had to lay down a few ground rules for the one who had never experienced the miracle of a place such as Wal Mart.

“Ok, Princess.” I began, “I want you to stay close to me, and tell me that you want to look at something so we can both stop.”

“I’ve been to downtown Canterlot, Aedan…” Luna said rolling her eyes, “I think I can handle myself.”

“First this ain’t Canterville…” I said forebodingly, “Second this is Wal Mart, it’s easy to get lost if you don’t know where you’re going. Third, there are people out there that aren’t as good as I am… and I want to make sure you stay safe.”

“You sound so much like a royal guard.” Luna said looking back to me, “did you ever serve in this world’s military?”

“Yes…” I answered reluctantly, “Four years in the Marines.”

“Did you enjoy it?”

“I loved every minute of it.”

“Then why did you quit?”

“I have my reasons…” I said stopping in front of the automatic door. “After you.” I said motioning to her.

Luna took another step, only to jump back into me when the door opened without her touching it. “H-how did it know I was coming?” she asked me “Is this place haunted?”

“No,” I said calmly, fighting a smile. “Remember technology.”

“Ah, yes of course…” Luna said turning red again, “Technology…”

After she had calmed down, we walked in, past a very confused greeter. Luna’s eyes doubled in size out of sheer awe at the inside of the store. But our first stop wasn’t the store itself, it was something inside. I grabbed Luna and lead her to the McDonald’s that always seemed to be inside a Wal Mart.

“This is where we’ll be eating.” I said walking up to the counter, “Just ask for what you want and they’ll make it for you.”

“Welcome to McDonald’s.” the cashier said rather cheerfully for working a minimum wage job on a Sunday morning. “May I take your order?”

“Do you have waffles?” Luna asked “I love waffles.”

“No ma’am.” The cashier said, slightly confused at the request “but we do have a grand slam breakfast, that includes, pancakes, hash browns, a bisket, bacon-“

“She’ll just have a full stack of pancakes…” I said quickly seeing horror growing on Luna’s face, “As for me…” I said looking at the menu, “I’ll take two bacon-sausage McGrid-“ I looked to Luna her face was full if disapproval and anger, “Better make that two full stacks…” I said grabbing for my wallet. “And two hash browns a piece.”

“Ten ninety-five.” The cashier said as I handed her a ten and a five. I stood there for a few seconds waiting for my change “Four O-five sir.” She said, “You’re food will be ready momentarily.”

“Thanks kid.” I said walking to a table, Luna close behind. We sat opposite of one another, waiting patiently for our meals.

“What are hash browns?” Luna asked

“You have potatoes in your world?” I asked back.

“Yes.”

“Are they sentient?”

“No… why would a vegetable have thoughts?”

“You’ve never seen veggie tales I take it…” I said chuckling, “but hash browns are chopped up potatoes that’ve been fried into deliciousness.”

“They sound good.” Luna said looking back to the counter, “I can’t wait to try them.”

“Sir.” The cahier said, “Your Order is ready.”

I got up, walked to the counter and grabbed our trays. “Thanks kid.”

“No problem sir.” The cashier said “We love to see you smile.”

“Then you’ll have to wait a long time…” I said tipping her with my change as I made my way back to our table. “Breakfast is served.” I said laying the tray down.

“It looks good.” Luna said looking over her pancakes, “What is this though?” she grabbed those small bow things that hold the syrup and showed it to me.

“Let me show you.” I said taking it from her, “you open it like this…” I peeled the label back and poured it over her pancakes, “and you have syrup.”

“Fascinating…” Luna said, “But could you please do it again… I’m still getting used to hands.”

“I got ya covered.” I said opening the other box, when I was pouring the second syrup box over her pancakes, I noticed that several people were watching me do so. Whispering amongst themselves, I was never good at reading lips, but fortunately one of the older individuals said ‘what a cute couple’ out loud to her grandkids.

Again someone thinking we were a couple, if they only knew the truth. Well in reality if SHE knew the truth she’d probably have a heart attack. Once we were done we headed deeper into the Wal Mart. Luna constantly tugging at my shirt and asking me what everything was. Then after some five minutes of nearly nonstop question asking we were finally there, the woman’s clothing section.

“We’re here…” I said letting out a disappointed sigh, “and I’m about to feel it in my bank account…”

“What is this place?” Luna asked looking around.

“It’s where the clothes you’re SUPPOSED to wear are.” I answered.

”What’s wrong with wearing your clothes?”

“Exactly.”

“What?”

“If you keep wearing my clothes… people will get…” I tried to think of a way to explain it to her without her red faced reaction. “Ideas…”

“I think I understand…” Luna said looking away from me, “So where do we begin?”

“Do I look like I know the first thing about women’s clothing?”

“This is something you don’t comprehend?”

“It’s not the only thing I don’t know a thing about…” I said looking at a pair of woman’s pants, “if only there were-“

“Ohmygod!” a voice called out from the forest of clothes hangers, “Aedan?! Is that you?!”

“Dawn?” I said looking through the aisles. “Holy… Dawn? Are you in here?”

“Who’s Dawn?” Luna asked, trying to find the origin of the voice.

“She’s an old friend of mine.” I answered, “We met in-“

“IT REALLY IS YOU!” Dawn said suddenly wrapping her arms around me. “Ohmygod it’s been forever!”

“What are you doing in Missouri?” I asked returning the embrace, “The Navy doesn’t really have any ports in the middle of the states.”

“I just got out.” She replied, finally releasing me, “and you know I’m from south Illinois, so I was seeing if I could get a job at the medical staff at one of the local hospitals.”

“Well, with everything happening around here they could use you.” I said with a smile, “God knows you’ve saved lives before.”

“I did what I could,” Dawn said, “Just like you,” it was then that Dawn finally caught a glimpse of Luna, “And who is THIS?” she asked walking to Luna, “New girlfriend?”

Luna went red and as Dawn began to laugh, “I’m only kidding, but seriously, I’m Dawn and you are?”

“Luna,” I said turning her to face me, “Her name’s Luna, she’s an old friend from back home… she’s staying with me for the time being, but the airliner lost her luggage and were here to get her new clothes.” I couldn’t believe I could come up with a story that actually made since in only a few seconds, sometimes I really impress myself.

“Well that’s nice of you.” Dawn said turning her attention back to Luna, “But I know for a fact that you don’t know a thing about woman’s wear, maybe I could take her and-“

“I think I can handle it.” I said, “I don’t want to impose you know.”

“You were just like that in Helmand…” Dawn said with a smile, “even when you-“

“I really mean it Dawn,” I said, “I got this.”

“I think we’ll be fine.” Luna finally said, “I believe that spending time with one such as myself is in order.”

“You sure Luna?” I asked, “You don’t know her.”

“But you trust her.” Luna retorted, “And if you trust her, I trust her. It’ll also be a way for you to get what you need while I acquire new clothing.”

“I guess…” I said looking to Dawn. “You sure you can take care of her?”

“Don’t be so worried.” Dawn said punching my shoulder, “But it’s good to see you haven’t changed when it comes to the people you care about.”

“And you haven’t changed either.” I said back, “I guess I could go get things for the apartment while the two of you get everything she needs.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Dawn said cheerily looking back to Luna, “Now what size are you?”

“This one.” Luna said pointing to herself.

“No.” Dawn said trying not to laugh, “Your pants size, it looks like you’re wearing some of Aedan’s old shorts.”

I promptly left before Luna could answer that statement. I’d had enough awkward moments in the past two days to last the rest of the summer. I headed to the produce section, grabbing everything from apples to potatoes, I doubted that Luna would ever touch anything that came from an animal and I didn’t know how long she’d be staying, so I got enough veggies and fruit for a while. Then I went to the deli, just because she was a vegetarian didn’t mean that I was going to give up my carnivorous habits for the time being.

After grabbing a few packs of lunchmeat and of course, more bacon, I went to the dairy isle. Taking a few gallons of milk and some cheese I started to head back to the woman’s clothing isle, but something caught my eye on the way back. My path went right past the toy section and at the end of one of one of the isles I saw something that stuck out to me given the previous days. ‘My Little Pony’ the sign read in bold letters ‘Friendship is Magic’ it said in smaller lettering. I looked up and down the aisle looking at all of the names, Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy, Rarity, the list went on and on until finally I found the one I was looking for.

“Princess Luna…” I said to myself picking up the box, “She doesn’t look a THING like this as a pony… wonder who the hell made THAT call?”

“Can I help you sir?” a worker said walking up to me, “are you getting something for your daughter?”

“Oh… uh, God no.” I said putting the doll back, “but you might be able to help me.” I pointed to the pony toys in general. “What can you tell me about this?”

“About ponies?”

“Yes… about ponies.”

“Well it’s a T.V. show on the Hub… supposed to be for little girls, but for some reason a lot of adults, especially men really like the show.”

“Really?” I said surprised, “That sounds a bit… odd.”

“It really is, but that’s the only reason the show’s so popular. You actually are in the age bracket for being a brony.”

“A what now?”

“It’s what the adult audience calls themselves, I’ve ran into a few while I’ve been here and overall they seem like a really good bunch.”

“As good as a group who watches a show for little girls could be…” I added.

“I guess your right…” The worker laughed, “Anything else you’d like to know about bronies?”

“What would happen if… let’s just say… this one.” I pointed to the Luna doll, “Somehow came to our world, how would a brony react?”

“He or she would probably lose their mind,” the worker said, “Princess Luna is one of the most popular characters in the show and one of our highest selling products in this section. But that’s impossible, she’s not real you know.”

“Yeah… not real” I said, nervously rubbing my neck. “Thanks for the help.”

“No problem sir.” The worker said, “Always happy to help a customer.”

I now knew what Luna and I would be watching when we got back home, but first I had to find her and Dawn. I went back to the woman’s section; it was now full of people looking at outfits. Girlfriends asking their unfortunate boyfriends if what they were wearing made them look fat, lucky me, I thought to myself. The only woman in my life right now was actually a pony princess from a T.V. show for little girls that men watched who was trying to find a way home.

“Luna…” I called out. “Dawn?” there was no response, so I called out louder, “Luna! Dawn!” again no response, then I was starting to get a bit worried. Not crazy worried like ‘I just lost my child’ worried, but more like ‘I told them to stay here and now they’re not here’ kinda worried.

I searched through the section, hoping to see them looking at outfits that Dawn would think make Luna look ‘cute’. That wouldn’t be too hard; I thought to myself, she was already cute no matter what she wore. I didn’t find them in the normal area, so I had to venture where no other man ever dared, the women’s dressing room.

“Luna?” I said poking my head inside, “Dawn? Are you two in-“

The moment I took another step in side someone ran into me, again knocking me flat on my ass. I looked to who it was, Luna, why was I not surprised? Dawn came running out of one of the other stall. The moment she saw the two of us on the ground she covered her mouth.

“Oh my god…” she said frozen there, “Aedan are you-“

“I’m fine Dawn…” I said, “But what happened while I was gone?”

“We gathered several outfits…” Luna explained looking up to me. “I was trying on what Dawn calls a ‘bra’… but I haven’t really gotten it…”

It was then I noticed she wasn’t wearing a shirt, only an unstrapped bra. “Here…” I said grabbing the straps, “I’ll get it for you.”

I looked over her shoulder and easily attached the bra. Luna looked up to me, and I looked right back at her, we were frozen in the position for a few seconds until finally Dawn broke the silence.

“Guys?” she asked “Are you two going to get up soon? Or am I gonna have to leave?”

“We’re fine.” I said rising while I helped Luna up. “Looks like the two of you’ve gotten the hang of things.”

“I guess…” Dawn said rather embarrassed, “Luna had no idea about any of her sizes… it was almost like she’d never worn clothes in her life.”

“You have no idea…” I said brushing some fluff of Luna’s bare shoulder. “Thanks for the help Dawn… I don’t know what I would’ve done if you weren’t here.”

“I should get my shirt on…” Luna said darting back into her dressing room, leaving Dawn and I alone.

“How’d you know how to put the bra on so fast?” Dawn asked.

“I’ve undone plenty.” I replied, “Just doing it backwards.”

“Oh…” Dawn said turning slightly red, “I guess that’d explain it.”

“You think?”

“I probably should be heading out…” Dawn said, “I’m sure Andy’s starting to wonder what took me so long.”

“I won’t keep you then.” I said shaking her hand, “Be sure to tell Andy I said hi.”

“Will do.” She replied wrapping me up in her arms, “It’s really good to see you again.”

“You too…” I said returning the embrace. “Seeya ‘round.”

Dawn left the dressing room the moment Luna walked out of her stall, my clothes back on her. “Where’s Dawn going?” she asked.

“Back home.” I said, “She’s done here.”

“Oh… I see.” Luna said stepping next to me. “How do you know her?”

“What?”

“How do you know her?” Luna repeated

“She was a Corpsman when I was in the Marines…” I explained, “I actually warmed up to her pretty quick compared to everyone else I know, even thought about asking her out, but she already had a boyfriend then and judging by the ring on her finger it turned out well for her.”

“You two seem very close…”

“Well she did…” I paused my thought, remembering that I still had a promise to keep to Luna. “You still want that iPod?” I asked.

“Absolutely!” Luna exclaimed, her eyes doubling in size.

“Then let’s go to electronics.” I said looking to a massive pile of clothes. “These yours?” I asked reluctantly.

“Yes.” Luna said still smiling, “now will we be making our way to lectrons or not?”

“Yes…” I said letting out a sigh, she got the hang of shopping better than I wanted her to. “Let’s go…”

We made our way to electronics, the moment we arrived Luna froze in sheer awe. Row after row of T.V.s music of all genres blaring from dozens of radios, people playing everything from computers to Xboxes, but we weren’t there for any of that. I took Luna to the iPod section, dozens of the little things were displayed for all to see. She pressed her face against the glass, like that kid in ‘A Christmas story’ when he saw the red rider BB gun. I also noticed two teens admiring the view as well, but they weren’t looking at the iPods.

I stood between them and Luna, staring them down like only a Marine could. It worked, they backed off quicker than anyone I’d ever seen. Today’s youth was so non-confrontational it made me worry about our future as a country.

“This one.” Luna said pointing at a particular iPod, “I want this one, can I have it?”

It was a navy blue cased one, figured that much, but it also had a crescent moon on it, I looked at it closer, the iPod literally had her name on it. A Princess Luna iPod, can these ‘bronies’ make a pony out of everything? I thought. Then I saw the price, 284.95, my wallet started to hurt. But I was trying to make her as comfortable as she could be in my world, so I decided to take one for the team.

“Sir.” I called to the guy at the desk, “Are these still in stock?”

“Just that one sir.” He replied, “People have been buying those like hotcakes.”

“Then let me be the last one to buy it.”

“I don’t think I can do that…”

“Trust me, you can.”

“Alright sir,” he said walking off “just let me get its box.”

I turned back to Luna and raised my arms. “And it’s yours.” I said.

“THANK YOU AEDAN!” Luna said engulfing me in her embrace, “You’ve been so kind!”

Everyone in the electronics section stopped and stared at the two of us. I looked backed to Luna and awkwardly returned the affection. “Don’t mention it…” I said “now could you please let go of me?”

It was then that Luna noticed everyone was looking at us. “Oh… Sorry…” she said, her face turning red again, “I guess I got carried away.”

“It happens…” I said rubbing her head, the guy reappeared with the box in hand.

“Here you are sir.” He said handing me Luna’s iPod, “Will that be everything you need?”

“That’s plenty…” I said reaching for my back pocket and sighing. “That’s plenty…”

The two of us made our way to the front of the store, pulling two carts full of clothes and food. It took nearly ten minutes to get there, but when we finally arrived what I feared most became a reality. Every isle that was open was nearly ten carts full, the after church rush was in full swing.

“Great…” I grunted, “Looks like we-“ I turned around and noticed something, Luna was gone. “You have GOT to be kidding me….” I said to myself. “Of all the things that could happen… she had to run off, and of course it had to be before we were leaving…”

I had to stay with our stuff, or else these people would take everything before I could take two steps away. I was forced to trust Wal Mart with a person who would more than likely trust anyone who would smile at her and given how she looked that would be everyone in the damn store. The next twenty minutes were the longest I had in almost a year, I didn’t even know it was my turn in line until the lady behind me started to yell at me. Reluctantly I made my way to the cashier, who looked at all of my stuff in sheer awe before giving the obligatory greeting.

“Good morning sir.” She began, “Did you find everything you were looking for today?”

“I found more than enough…” I sighed, “Just run everything through the meter and get it over with.”

“Have someone staying with you for a while?” she asked.

“Yeah, and I don’t know for how long…”

“I’ll get this done as fast as I can sir.” She said ringing up the item, one of those frilly lace bras, 39.95, this was going to take a while.

Nearly five minutes and 450.00 in and she wasn’t even halfway done. I could literally hear my wallet crying, but the worst part was Luna hadn’t shown back up yet. I was starting to get worried again, I even turned my attention from the price meter to into the store to look for her. Finally after nearly fifteen minutes, she was done. I looked at the final price tag, nearly twelve hundred dollars. Luna owes me big, I thought to myself. I was about to hand my card to the cashier when I heard the relieving sound of Luna’s voice.

“Aedan!” she called out “Aedan!”

“Over here Luna!” I called back waving to her, “I’m over here!” Luna quickly ran to my side smiling all the way. “Where did you go?” I asked her, “You had me-“

“I got these for you.” She said handing me two small boxes, “The man I got them from said they’d help us both relax.”

I looked down to what was in my hands, one was a box of KY his and hers, and the other Trojan magnums. I looked back to her, she was still smiling as if she had done a good thing, then to the cashier, she was doing her best not to laugh at the situation.

“That’s very nice of you.” I said to Luna, “But I don’t think we need these.”

“You don’t want them?” she asked disappointed, “But I couldn’t wait for us to try them…”

It was then that the cashier, the lady behind me and about thirty people around me started to laugh out loud. I covered my face, but Luna looked around the crowd with great confusion. “What did I say?” Luna asked still looking around, “Why are all of them laughing?”

“No reason…” I said dragging my hand off my face and placing the KY and Trojans at the register. I looked to the price tag 1,234.98. I think I died a little inside when I saw the price, but I paid nonetheless. After finally grabbing everything we started to walk out, but the cashier stopped us.

“Sir.” She said giggling, “You forgot your KY and Trojans.”

“Thanks…” I said grabbing them from her, not bothering to look her in the face. “You’re FAR too kind…”

“That’s the Wal Mart policy.” She replied, “We always will help out when we can.”

“Thank you, young one.” Luna said bowing “I don’t know what would’ve happened if you didn’t remind him.”

“Come on Luna…” I said under the sound of the thunderous laughter of everyone around us.

“What was the matter with them?” Luna asked me following me to my car, “Do they find it humorous that we have been under a great deal of stress and we need to relax?”

“I’ll explain that to you later.” I said, it didn’t help that everything she was saying could be turned into an innuendo. We finally made it to my car, but I wasn’t sure that we could fit everything inside, again with something that could be turned into an innuendo. I needed to stop thinking about that.

I was just about done loading my car when I heard a voice I never wanted to hear again from behind us. “Aedan?” she said, “Is that you hiding behind all those bags.”

“Of all the things that could happen…” I muttered under my breath, “this is the worst… possible… thing…”

“Is she another friend of yours?” Luna asked.

“No.” I replied turning around, “That’s Amanda… my ex…”

Author's Notes:

And that's what happens when you take royalty to Wally World...

Dawn seems nice at least... but oh god... the ex is here too...

possible editing later, please tell me how I'm screwing up... I'm shooting blind over here with no editor...

Also if anyone could find a good humanized Luna pic for this please let me know, you'll have my thanks.